Being a Barkley

by Marci S.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 1

Nick stood at the doors of the saloon and stared in. He was there to bring his little brother home. Little brother. Those words played in Nick’s mind over and over. Last week he had an older brother and a little sister. Now there was another one: blonde, blue eyes and claiming to be a Barkley. Nick wasn’t sure what to believe but he was trying to keep an open mind. The rest of the family accepted him, but Nick wasn’t ready or able to open his arms or heart to this stranger who had disrupted their family. Nick had to admit he was a hard worker and everything Nick had thrown at him, Heath had delivered above and beyond what Nick had expected. Today had been a bad day. Even though Heath hadn’t said anything Nick had heard from the foreman that some of the men were giving Heath a hard time. At dinner Heath was quieter than usual and even Audra couldn’t get him to talk. Afterwards he said he was going into town to get a drink. That had been over four hours ago and their mother was getting worried and asked Nick to go fetch his brother. Actually it wasn’t a question. Victoria had demanded and Nick knew he couldn’t come home without Heath. Sighing Nick entered the bar and headed towards the table he saw Heath sitting at. From afar Nick could tell that a serious poker game was taking place. Heath looked like he had a fair amount of chips in front of him. Nick eyed the other players. Two he recognized as the Dobler brothers; lousy hooligans that Nick had to fire from the ranch over a month ago. The other two were strangers that Nick didn’t know. Heath glanced up and he was none to happy to see Nick standing there. Having been seen Nick decided it was best just to stroll over to the table.

“Heath! Are you staying here all night?”

“Nick Barkley what are you doing here?” Nick didn’t bother to look at Mark Dobler.

“So the high and mighty Nick Barkley can’t even talk to my brother.” Hugh Dobler chimed in his two cents.

“Nick, go home. I’ll be along later.” Heath kept his eyes on the Dobler brothers, hoping Nick would just leave.

“Hey boy, you never did tell us your name. Are you a friend of the Barkleys?” Mark Dobler waited for an answer but none came.

“I know who he is.” Hugh stood up. “There’s been talk of a bastard son showing up at the Barkley doorstep. Is that you boy?” Nick grabbed Hugh by the collar. “If I hear that word one more time you won’t know what hit you.” Heath and Mark both jumped up and separated the men.

“Nick, go home. I was doing just fine before you got here.” Heath pulled Nick aside. “I don’t need you watching over me.”

“Fine!” Nick pulled free. “I came all this way and I’m having a drink before I leave.”

“Whatever.” Heath sat back down and stared at the brothers. “Let’s continue the game.” Heath was winning their money and he knew they would not leave without trying to get some of it back.

“Hey boy, let me give you some advice.” Mark leaned over and whispered. “Those Barkleys are high and mighty and they look down on us poor people. You don’t want to be a part of that family.” Heath leaned over and grinned slightly. “I am who I am and if you don’t like it tough.”

Heath’s smile left his face. “Are we going to continue? I do believe you have a little money left for me to win.” He sat back and picked up his cards, enjoying the angry look on Mark’s face. An angry player was an easy target and Heath planned on cleaning up that night. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Nick sitting there, hunched over the bar, back to the table. Heath returned his attention to the game and continued to win each hand. Finally the other players left and Heath sat there counting his money. He turned to see if Nick was still there but his brother was gone. Heath stood up and stretched. He’d been sitting for hours and every muscle in his body ached. Heath walked out of the saloon and was immediately confronted by the Dobler brothers.

“Hey boy, where are you going with our money?” Heath reached for his gun and was flattened to the ground by a right hook.

“I don’t think you understand me.” Mark leaned over him. “No lousy Barkley is going to take my money. Especially a bastard son.” He spit on Heath who bounced up and punched Mark. It was two against one and Heath was easily overpowered.

“Lay another hand on him and you’re dead men.” Nick neared them, gun out and pointing at the Doblers. They stepped away from Heath, who was sprawled on the ground. “Get out of here. Now!” The brothers ran as fast as they could.

“Are you ok?” Nick helped his brother up. Heath wiped his face and noticed blood on his sleeve.

“Where’d you come from?” Nick pointed across the road.

“You’ve been there the whole time?”

“Yeah!” Nick nodded.

“And you let them pound me to the ground?” Nick nodded again.

“Who needs you then.” Heath picked up his hat and hurried towards his horse. He started to mount when Nick pulled him down and held him by the collar.

“Listen here little brother.” Nick emphasized those last two words. “Being a Barkley comes with a price and you’ll figure that out real soon. Being my brother also comes with a price and that you’re gonna understand right now.” He tightened his grip on Heath’s collar, causing some pain in the process.

“Don’t dismiss me and then expect my help when you’re in trouble. Yeah I stayed around because those Doblers are nothing but trouble and I knew they wouldn’t let you leave without a fight.” Nick released Heath and he went falling to the ground. He stayed there and stared up at Nick. Finally Nick reached down with a helping hand and pulled his brother to his feet.

“You want to be a member of this family then you better get used to having me and Jarrod watching after you and Mother worrying about you. Got it?” Nick pointed his finger in Heath’s face.

“I am not a part time brother when you decide you need me.” This time the finger tapped Heath’s chest. “Am I making myself clear?” Heath managed a small nod.

“Good. Let’s go home.” Nick turned to leave but Heath grabbed his arm.

“Nick, when will I stop being the bastard son of Tom Barkley?” Nick was surprised by that question and it must have shown on his face because Heath lowered his head and turned away muttering a barely audible forget it.

“No, I won’t forget it.” Nick spun Heath around and grabbed a hold of his shoulders. “I will not accept others calling you that and I especially do not want to hear you call yourself that. I told you being a Barkley comes with a price. We’re a powerful family but also fair and honest and there are many who will try to knock us down any way they can.” Nick shook him slightly. “Heath, you need to hold your head up proud and ignore them. Don’t let the men get to you; be fair and honest with them and they will learn to respect you as they do me and Jarrod.”

“I don’t know about this.” Heath wriggled free and sat down on the steps of the saloon. Nick sat down next to him.

“Heath, what don’t you know about?”

“Being a Barkley,” he quietly answered.

“It beats being alone, doesn’t it?” Nick knew he hit a nerve when Heath looked away. “Heath, I’ve watched you closely this past week and noticed a few things. Wanna hear?” Heath shrugged.

“You enjoy being fussed over by Mother and Audra and look forward to those brotherly lectures that Jarrod is so fond of giving.” Nick got a slight smile out of Heath. “You’ve met every challenge I’ve given you and I’ve seen the proud look on your face when I’ve complimented your work. I don’t think you’ll have any problem being a Barkley.” Nick lightly slapped his brother’s back, hoping his little pep talk did some good.
“Nick, I came looking for a name and a heritage. I didn’t expect a family to be part of the deal. I never thought for a second your mother would ask me to move into the house and would treat me like she has. I keep thinking this is all a dream and I’ll wake up and be back in Strawberry at my mother’s grave.”

“Heath, you’re not dreaming. I’m guessing those bruises on your face are real enough. Ready to go home?” Nick stood and again helped Heath up.

“Heath, we have to figure out something to explain your bruises.” Together they mounted their horses. “Mother will have my hide for allowing you to get beat up.”

“I’ll say I walked into a door” Heath suggested and then rode off. Nick stayed behind as he tried to figure out what had just happened. He rode in to town to fetch a stranger and he was riding home with his brother. Not a bad exchange Nick silently mused and then hurried to catch up to Heath.

Part 2

Nick stared up at the picture as he finished his drink. It was the same every night since Heath arrived; Nick could not fall asleep and he would come down to the study and stare at the picture of his father. Tonight he seemed a little less angry and more accepting of the situation his family found themselves in. He found himself feeling sorry for Heath and angry with those who had labeled his little brother. Little brother. Briefly Nick smiled as he realized it was getting easier to think of Heath that way.

“Nick, has he answered any questions for you?” Nick spun around, clearly annoyed to see Jarrod standing there.

“What are you doing up?”

“Think you’re the only one having trouble sleeping?” Jarrod entered and poured himself a drink. He poured a refill for Nick and handed it to his brother. “Want to tell me what really happened tonight? I don’t think anyone believed Heath’s story about walking into a door.”

“I was teaching him a lesson and maybe I learned something in the process.” Nick stated and then turned back to the picture. “Do you think father knew about Heath?”

“I don’t know Nick.” Jarrod stood next to his brother. “What’d you learn tonight?” Nick walked away, unsure of how to explain this to Jarrod.

“Heath was so brass when he showed up, so sure of himself and so sure he would get everything that he thought he was entitled too.” Nick paused, frowning slightly. “Maybe that’s what angered me the most.” Nick put his glass down and then briefly met Jarrod’s gaze. Silence engulfed the room and finally Jarrod cleared his throat.

“Nick, what happened tonight?”

“For the first time since he’s shown up Heath seemed uncertain of all of this.” Nick motioned around the room. “He wondered if he made a mistake by coming here.”

“Nick, I’m sure he’s been feeling that the whole time” Jarrod remarked.

“Maybe.” Nick pointed at his brother. “But he’s been hiding it until tonight and then…” Nick shook his head as he gathered his thoughts. “Jarrod, I felt bad for him tonight. I wanted to protect him just like I would any other member of this family. For the first time I felt like he was my brother.” Finally it was out and Nick took a deep breath. “Am I making any sense?”

“Perfect sense.” Jarrod clapped his brother on the back. “I’m glad to see you coming around.”

“I also stood by and watched the Dobler brothers beat him up.” Nick smiled sheepishly.

“Was that the lesson part?”

Nick nodded as the smile faded. “I’m thinking of firing the next man who calls him a bastard.”

“Nick you can’t.” They both turned to see Heath standing in the doorway.

“How long have you been there?” Nick quickly asked.

“Long enough.” It was apparent from the look Heath gave Nick that he had heard Nick’s confession. Nick turned away, slightly embarrassed.

“Nick, you can’t talk to the men.”

“Heath, why not?” Jarrod asked. Nick still had his back turned to them, his gaze once more on his father’s picture.

“I need to handle this on my own” he pleaded. “If you take care of this the men will never respect me.” He purposely used a word from the earlier conversation he had with Nick.

“Sounds logical” Jarrod remarked. “Right Nick?” Nick muttered something inaudible.

“Heath, if you need any help please ask us. Ok?” Heath nodded at Jarrod. “And stay away from the Dobler brothers” Jarrod added much quieter. “Heath, I’m not kidding.” Jarrod noticed Heath rolling his eyes. “They’re nothing but trouble and they’ve had it in for us ever since Nick had to fire them.”

“I’ll watch my back” Heath said. “Nick, are you ok? You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden.” Heath couldn’t help but smile as he and Jarrod exchanged amused glances. Heath felt good knowing that Nick was starting to think of him as a brother. But it was obvious that Nick wasn’t ready to admit it to his face and Heath was ok with that. He glanced upward at the picture of Tom Barkley. He wasn’t at all ready to think of that man as his father.

“Heath, he wasn’t a bad man.” Jarrod could see the anger on the young man’s face as he stared at the picture. Nick turned and studied Heath’s face, waiting to hear what the blonde man would say.

“I know” Heath whispered, more for their benefit, than his. “He raised two good sons,” Heath quietly stated before walking out of the study. Jarrod approached Nick.

“Are you ok?”

Nick shrugged. “If you had asked me that two weeks ago I would have said yes. Now I just don’t know.” Nick walked to the door and peeked out, making sure Heath wasn’t hanging around. Quietly he closed the door.

“What if father knew about Heath? What if he left him in that two-bit town while we grew up here in Stockton? Jarrod, how do we make that up to Heath?”

“We don’t” Jarrod simply answered. “How could we? Heath doesn’t expect that of us.” Jarrod placed a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder, squeezing slightly.

“Nick, you wondered how I could be so accepting of Heath. I saw something you couldn’t see through your anger. I saw a lonely young man looking for a family, nothing more, nothing less.” Jarrod smiled. “Mother saw the same thing. She can’t blame Heath for something he’s not responsible for.” Jarrod glanced upward. “Our father was a good man but he wasn’t perfect. And he still deserves the same respect that we had for him before we found out about Heath.”

“But what if he knew?” Nick asked again.

“What if he didn’t?” Jarrod countered. “He can’t answer for himself and I refuse to believe the worse. Nick, you were the closest to father and you worked side by side with him for years on the ranch. Did he strike you as someone who would knowingly leave his son to grow up the way Heath did?” Nick walked away and thought about that.

“No” he finally answered. “Some day maybe Heath will believe that too.” Nick yawned. “I think I’d better get a few hours of sleep. Thanks Jarrod.” Nick lightly slapped his brother’s back before exiting the study. He walked upstairs and noticed the light was still on in Heath’s room. Nick knocked quietly on the door but Heath didn’t answer. He opened the door to see Heath fully clothed and sprawled out on the bed, sound to sleep. Nick neared him and his eyes spotted a book lying on Heath’s chest. Carefully Nick lifted the book without waking the slumbering man. Little Dorrit. Nick did not recognize the title but the author was well known in the states. He flipped through the worn book, keeping his finger on the page that was opened. Nick glanced around, looking for something to bookmark the page. He noticed how void the room was of personal belongings. Heath had shown up with nothing but a few changes of clothing. His boots had holes in the bottom and Mother had wanted to replace them but Heath insisted they would be fine until he received his first paycheck. Heath moaned in his sleep and Nick stood still, not even breathing. The last thing he wanted was for Heath to catch him in there. Heath settled down and Nick finally took a breath. He dug into his shirt pocket and came up with a crumpled dollar bill. Folding it carefully he tucked it in the book and then placed it on the dresser.

“I bet the tooth fairy never made it to Strawberry” Nick whispered, wondering what his brother would think when he saw the bill in the morning. Nick pulled the covers up over Heath and turned the light off.

“Goodnight little brother.” As he said that Nick realized how weird it sounded. Sighing, Nick exited the bedroom of his newfound brother and entered his own room. He drifted off to sleep as the sun started to rise.

Part 3

Heath stood his ground as the men circled him. He had been quietly eating lunch by himself when a few of the men had gotten bored and approached him.

“What kind of book is this?” One of them dangled it in front of Heath’s face. He didn’t know the man’s name and didn’t care to learn it. “Maybe you should be working in the office with Jarrod and not out here with the rest of us.” Heath flinched as he began tearing pages out of the book and letting them fall to the ground. “Sure you’re a Barkley, boy? How many married men did your mama sleep with?” Heath clenched his fists, trying the best he could to tune him out. He kept trying to figure out how a Barkley should act. How Nick or Jarrod would act in this situation.

“Tom Barkley would be ashamed to have you as a son.” Heath turned to see who that came from. “Come on boy, hit me.” The man punched Heath in the face and he fell to the ground. Heath wiped his nose and noticed blood on his sleeve. He sprang up but still refused to fight even as more punches came his way.


----       

“Heath! Heath are you home?” Nick slammed the door behind him.

“Nick, what are you yelling about?” Jarrod exited the study. “As far as I know, I’m the only one here. Why are you looking for Heath?”

“Look at this.” Nick held out one hand with Heath’s book and the other had a bunch of torn out pages. Jarrod grabbed the book and studied the cover. “Whose book is this?”

“Heath’s” Nick answered. Jarrod’s eyes widened briefly. “I wonder where Heath became a fan of Charles Dickens,” he quietly said.

“That doesn’t matter” Nick bellowed. “That’s the only thing Heath brought with him and look what they did to it.”

“Who did?” Jarrod asked.

“I don’t know.” Nick flailed his arms. “Nobody will tell me what happened or where Heath is. Charlie was there and the only thing I got out of him was that Heath refused to fight even when they started punching him. Jarrod why wouldn’t he defend himself?” They both knew that the taunts had continued but Heath refused to name names and Nick wasn’t in the position to fire everyone. “Jarrod, if he doesn’t tell me who’s doing this I can’t help him. I can’t fire everyone because of a few.”

“I know.” Jarrod nodded as his eyes took in the condition of the book. “We’ll get him a new book.” He handed it back to Nick. “As soon as he comes home we’ll talk to him, ok?”

“Will he come home?” Nick questioned, fearing that Heath had taken off. “Jarrod, it’s not getting any easier for him and you know it. He’s getting quieter if that’s possible and I’m starting to think he’s just going to leave and forget he ever came here.” Nick paused, not wanting to admit how much he would really miss Heath if he did leave.

“Nick, he’ll be back.” Jarrod gripped his brother’s shoulders. “As bad as it might be for him right now, Nick he’s got no where else to go.” Jarrod smiled sadly. “And when he does return we’ll be waiting.” Jarrod let go of Nick. “I need to get some work done.” Jarrod walked away, leaving Nick alone holding the torn up book. He sat down and started putting the ripped out pages in the right spots.

----       

It was shortly after midnight when they heard the front door open. Since mother and Audra had gone to bed Jarrod assumed it had to be Heath.

“Heath!” Jarrod called out. There was no answer but they saw a figure stop near the staircase. “Heath, please come here.” Slowly he walked towards them and into the light. It was obvious by the look of his face that Heath hadn’t been near any water. There was caked up blood around his nose and mouth and his left eye was black and blue. Jarrod heard Nick mutter something behind him.

“Nick, go get a bucket of soap and water. And whatever ointment Mother uses on cuts.” As Nick walked away Jarrod gently took Heath’s arm and led him to a chair. “Heath, who did this to you?” Jarrod wasn’t shocked when Heath wouldn’t answer or meet his gaze. Jarrod said no more as they both waited for Nick to return.

“Heath, this may sting a bit.” Jarrod started by the mouth and by Heath’s reaction it stung more than a bit. Jarrod worked slowly and Heath started to fidget.

“Heath, take it easy, I’m almost done.” The cut under his eye was rather deep and Heath pulled away when Jarrod tried to clean it.

“Heath, hold still.” Nick came up behind him and placed his hands on the young man’s shoulders. He could feel Heath shaking beneath his hands.

“That should do it.” Jarrod put the ointment down. “Now, can we talk?” Heath shook his head as he stood up. “I have nothing to say,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“But I do.” Jarrod grabbed his arm before Heath could retreat further. “I want to know why you didn’t defend yourself today?” Heath’s face showed a mixture of surprise and shame. That was the last thing he wanted his brothers to know or question him on.

“Heath, Charlie gave me this.” Nick handed him the book. “I tried to fix it the best I could” Nick explained, “but it’s still missing pages. I’m sorry.” Heath took the book and shoved it into his shirt pocket.
“I can’t do this anymore” he sadly lamented. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to act or what is expected of me.” Heath took a deep breath as he fought hard to keep his composure. “Everywhere I go they’re staring at me and pointing and whispering behind my back. I didn’t do anything wrong.” Breathing hard, his eyes darted from Jarrod to Nick. “I didn’t do anything,” he repeated before hurrying out of the room. Nick started after him but Jarrod grabbed his arm.

“Jarrod we have to…”

“We will.” Jarrod knew what Nick was going to say. “Nick, we’ll both go upstairs but let me do the talking.” Jarrod paused briefly. “I’m afraid our brother is having second thoughts about being a Barkley.” He quickly climbed the stairs with Nick following closely. Lightly Jarrod tapped on Heath’s door but he didn’t answer.

“Do we go in?” Nick quietly asked. Jarrod thought that over and then nodded yes. They entered Heath’s room uninvited and Nick closed the door behind them. Heath was sitting on the floor with his head resting on his knees. He did not look up when the brothers entered. They both sat on the floor near Heath. Nick looked to Jarrod, waiting for his big brother’s lead.

“Heath.” Jarrod placed a hand on Heath’s shoulder causing him to flinch and raise his head. It surprised no one that Heath wouldn’t look at them, instead turning his head to the side. Jarrod could tell by his breathing that he was doing everything possible not to break down in front of his brothers.

“Heath I want you to listen to me very carefully.” Jarrod took a deep breath before continuing.

“None of us know why you really came here. Maybe it was the name or the heritage or you just got plain sick of going from job to job and wanted some stability or a place to call home. But you’re here and you’re a part of our family and I’m guessing that’s the hardest part right now. You didn’t expect us to take you in so easily and now you’re afraid of letting us down. And you’re driving yourself crazy trying to figure out how a Barkley should act. Am I right?” Jarrod didn’t expect to get an answer. He knew Heath would lose his composure if he talked. “Heath, just nod if I’m on the right track.” Slowly the blonde man nodded his head.

“Good.” Jarrod took another deep breath and then glanced over at Nick. He wondered if Nick was feeling as numb as he was at that moment. Nick shook his head, thankful that Jarrod wanted to do the talking. Jarrod took a few minutes to gather his thoughts and then returned his attention to Heath. He had his head resting against the wall, his eyes staring upward. Jarrod inched a little closer but noticed that Heath immediately leaned away. Jarrod nodded to himself and then backed off. They were subtle movements and Jarrod doubted that Nick even realized what had happened.

“Heath, first of all, if I ever hear that you didn’t defend yourself against anyone than you’ll have to deal with Nick and I. And trust me. That will hurt much more than the beating you took today. Nick and I have been in so many fights we’ve lost count long ago. And yeah, Father used to join in a few of them. Don’t think for a second that your name somehow precludes you from defending yourself.”

“Heath, I’m the hothead around here,” Nick piped in. “There isn’t anything you can do that I haven’t already done. Trust me on that.” Nick leaned over and lightly tapped Heath on the leg. “I told you last week that you’ll make a fine Barkley and I meant it. Heath, don’t be so hard on yourself. And who gives a damn what others think? Just be yourself and if they don’t like it tough.” Only Nick could mix sensitivity and bravado at the same time Jarrod silently mused. But he had to admit his brother was right.

“Nick is right,” he said out loud. “Heath, others do look at us differently because of everything Father has done for this town. And they probably expect more from us but Nick and I have had years of acting the part. We also had a mother and father to guide us through the tough parts. Heath, you’ve had two weeks and you’re right, you didn’t do anything wrong. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. Do you understand me?” Heath sighed as a small sob escaped. He lowered his head against his knees, and took a couple of deep breaths.

“Heath, in this house, there are no pretenses. If you’re angry you can shout and if you need to cry, no one will look down on you.” Jarrod paused and waited to see how Heath would respond. When he continued to hide his face, Jarrod changed the subject.

“Nick, how’s the work load on the ranch?”

“What do you mean?” Nick asked, keeping his eyes on Heath.

“Can the ranch survive tomorrow without you and Heath?” Nick thought that over and then nodded yes.

“OK then. Heath, there’s a great little fishing hole about an hour north of here and this time of year they’re biting. Tomorrow the three of us will spend the day up there and just put all of this behind us.”

“Sounds good” Nick said a little too cheerfully. Frowning he glanced at Jarrod, wondering what was next.

“We better all get some sleep since we’ll be leaving before dawn. Heath, think about what we said. And get some sleep.” Jarrod stood up and motioned for Nick to follow.

“Goodnight Heath.” Nick leaned a little closer. “And don’t you dare think of skipping town cause I’ll find you.” He also stood and followed his brother out. As soon as Nick closed the door, they could both hear Heath start crying. Nick turned to go back in but Jarrod pulled him away from the room.

“Nick, don’t.”

“But…” Nick protested as he pointed towards Heath’s room.

“Nick, you saw how hard he struggled not to break down in front of us. He’s not ready to show us how vulnerable he is. And he doesn’t want our comfort right now. Let him be and let him deal with this in his own way.” Finally Nick nodded so Jarrod released his arm. He watched Nick walk over to the door and place his hands on it, lowering his head. Jarrod knew that Nick had started to develop a bond with Heath, but he hadn’t realized how strong it was until he saw Nick standing there, clearly heartbroken for his little brother. He refused to move until Heath was no longer crying and he heard the bed creak as Heath laid down in it. Then he approached Jarrod.

“If I see one more bruise on his face” Nick spit out, his strong voice belying the tears in his eyes, “I will start firing them one at a time until someone squeals.” Nick pointed at Jarrod. “And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” Jarrod reached up and cupped his hands behind Nick’s neck.

“I’ll be standing right beside you while you do it. Go on. Get some sleep.” Nick nodded and slowly walked in to his own room. Jarrod stood there for a few minutes not even realizing he had tears falling down his cheeks.

----       

Heath leaned against the tree, his eyes squinting from the sun. Jarrod had lied about one thing the previous night. They had been there for hours and not one fish had been caught. But Heath didn’t mind. The hours they had spent fishing seemed to make the harshness of the past two weeks disappear. Heath had gone fishing many times before but never with his brothers. Brothers! They were both trying so hard to make sure he was having a good time. Nick and Jarrod had talked non-stop since they left before sunrise probably trying to make up for how quiet Heath was. But Heath didn’t feel the need to talk. He never was one that had too and he was kind of glad his brothers were so talkative. Suddenly Nick started yelling.

“I got one.” Nick stood up as he struggled with his pole. “It’s a big one” he spit out, still struggling. Finally he reeled in the fish and did a double take.

“Sure is big” Jarrod muttered. “Heath, don’t you think so?” Heath glanced at the tiny fish and then at Nick.

“Sure is” Heath agreed, a broad grin on his face. “Nick, I can’t believe you were able to reel him in” he added, laughing at the disbelief on Nick’s face.

“The tiny ones are always the toughest.” Nick spit out and then unhooked the fish and threw him back in. “I give up and I’m starving. Let’s just eat the sandwiches we packed.” He headed towards the horses and grabbed a sandwich.

“We don’t have to leave do we?” Heath wasn’t yet ready to face reality.

“No” Nick said as he approached Heath with a sandwich. “After I get some food in me I might even try again.” He slapped Heath on the back as he past him and settled down near the lake. Heath and Jarrod both joined him and in silence they ate their lunch.

“Do you come here often?” Heath asked after swallowing the last of his sandwich.

“Used too” Jarrod answered. “When we were younger Father would bring us up here all the time. Lately there doesn’t seem to be enough time to get away.”

Heath looked away briefly and then faced his brothers. “Thank you for last night” he quietly said and then hurried to go get his fishing pole.

“Did we get through to him?” Nick asked when Heath was out of hearing distance.

“Time will tell” Jarrod responded, standing up slowly. “Let’s just enjoy today and deal with that tomorrow.” They too grabbed their fishing poles and sat near Heath, hoping the afternoon would fare better than the morning had.

Part 4

Nick could hear the commotion before he could see what was going on. When he saw the circle of men he immediately knew that Heath was involved. He jumped off his horse and started pushing his way through the crowd.

“Get back to work” Nick yelled. “I don’t pay you to stand around.” In the midst of the men was a fistfight and Heath was one of the combatants. “Break it up.” Nick reached in and was able to grab a flailing Heath. “Heath, calm down. What the hell is going on?” Nick eyed the other guy.

“Kenny Watkins! I should have known you’d be involved.” Heath had finally stopped struggling so Nick let him go. “You’re fired.” Nick pointed at Kenny. “Get your last paycheck and get out of here.”

“Nick, no.” Heath grabbed his shoulder. “Don’t fire him because of me.” Nick pushed Heath away. “All of you get back to work.” Slowly they started to walk away except for the two men that had been fighting.

“You’re going to be sorry,” Kenny yelled out, his anger aimed at both men. “You’re going to be sorry that whore ever had you.” Heath lunged at Kenny and knocked him to the ground. Before Nick could open his mouth the rest of the men gathered around, yelling and whooping it up. Nick walked to the side shaking his head. He let it go on for a few more minutes before deciding that was enough. Nick took his gun out, aimed it upward and shot it off. That silenced the men.

“Get out of here before I fire you all. And you are still fired. Go!” Kenny spat towards them. “How does it feel knowing your father slept with a whore?” Nick immediately grabbed a hold of Heath.

“One more word and I won’t be responsible for my actions.” Nick waved his gun at him. When Kenny didn’t move Nick aimed the gun at his head. That did the trick and Kenny ran off. Nick let his brother go.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Heath picked up his hat and dusted it off.

“Heath, this has got to stop.” Nick approached him. “They work for the Barkleys and they’re going to respect all Barkleys or they’re not going to work here. It’s that simple.”

“No it’s not” Heath spit out. “Nothing is simple anymore.” He started to walk away.

“Heath, where are you going?” When he didn’t answer, Nick grabbed him. “I asked you a question. Answer me!”

“I’m going back to work before you fire me,” he sarcastically mumbled.

“Heath, wait.” Nick got in his way. “Heath, you shouldn’t have to deal with this. None of us should. We don’t need those kind working for us.”
“What kind Nick? Men who speak the truth? Might as well fire them all because they all feel the same.”

“It’s not the truth.” Nick placed his hands on Heath’s shoulders.

“Really?” Heath pulled free, chuckling softly. “Either my mother slept with a married man or your father didn’t tell her he was married.”

“He’s your father too,” Nick said.

“No he’s not.” Heath looked downward. “I don’t have a father. Never did.” He walked off and this time Nick let him go.

----       

Nick walked into Jarrod’s office and plopped down in a chair. By the look on his face Jarrod knew something was wrong and he quickly closed the book he was reading.

“What happened?” he asked. Instead of answering Nick walked over and poured himself a drink. After he gulped that down, he poured another before returning to the chair.

“That bad?” Jarrod asked. Nick nodded and then proceeded to tell Jarrod what happened earlier with Heath.

“I’m not surprised” Jarrod said when he was done. “He got surly with me this morning also.”

“Should I ask?” Nick wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“I suggested he get a new pair of boots before he cut his feet and he told me in no uncertain terms to mind my own business.” Jarrod frowned. “This doesn’t seem to be getting any easier,” he quietly added. Nick sprung up and started pacing.

“Jarrod for every step forward we take two steps back.” He momentarily stopped. “If this keeps up we’re not going to get anywhere. What are we doing wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Jarrod shook his head and then leaned on the desk, resting his head in his hands. He watched Nick pace for a few minutes. “Nick, sit down. You’re making me dizzy.” Nick obliged.

“We’re not doing anything wrong” Jarrod remarked a few minutes later. “Nick, there’s nothing else we can do. We took Heath into our home and our family and he’ll always have a place there, but it’s up to him. This may be too hard for him and we just have to accept it.”

“I don’t accept it.” Nick slammed his hand on the desk. “He’s our brother and I’m not giving up on him.”

“I didn’t say I was giving up,” Jarrod tersely said as he stood up. “All I’m saying is it’s up to Heath. He’s the one that has to endure the taunts and the stares, not us. He’s the one that has to decide if it’s all worth it. We can’t make the decision for him.” Jarrod settled back in his chair and watched his brother.

“Jarrod, it’s only been a couple of days since our fishing trip. He seemed so much better that day.”

“He also didn’t want to come home” Jarrod put forth before Nick could say more. “But this is our home and…” Jarrod was interrupted when the door opened.

“Jarrod.” Deputy Thomas walked in. “You better come to the sheriff’s office. There’s been a problem and Heath was arrested.”

“Now what?” Nick muttered as he followed Jarrod out. “Maybe we should have told him fighting was against our religion,” he added not caring that no one was listening.

“What happened?” Jarrod asked as he entered the office. They could see Heath in jail, standing there with his back to the door.

“Seems Heath took on the Dobler brothers and Kenny Watkins all by himself and practically destroyed the saloon.”

“How much?” Jarrod asked as he dug into his pocket.

“Heath doesn’t want to be bailed out,” the sheriff said.

“For god’s sake” Nick shouted and then walked over to the jail. “Heath, what the heck is wrong with you? We’re going to bail you out and take you home.” Heath refused to turn around or acknowledge his brother.

“Nick, come here.” Jarrod pulled him away. “I think we should just let him stay in here.”

“Jarrod…”

“Listen to me.” Jarrod guided Nick outside. “Nick, he doesn’t want our help and maybe a little solitude will be a good thing for him. Besides it will keep him out of trouble.” Nick didn’t seem convinced.

“Nick, please go down to the saloon and pay them whatever they think the damage cost. I’ll pay Heath’s bail so if he decides he wants to leave he can.”

“Jarrod, I don’t know about this.” Nick ran his hand through his hair, squinting from the bright sunshine. “Then again, not much has made sense the past few weeks” Nick mumbled as he turned and walked off. Jarrod reentered the sheriff’s office.

----       

Victoria entered the building and quietly watched the young man behind bars. He was staring at the wall and didn’t notice when she walked in. In the short time that he had been there Victoria had grown fond of Heath, regardless of how he came to be.

“Heath!” He turned and jumped to his feet.

“What are you doing here?” Heath lowered his gaze as he said that, unable to look Victoria in the eyes.

“I thought you might be hungry.” She held up the basket in her hands. “May I go in?” Victoria addressed the guard sitting there.

“Sure. His bail’s been paid and he’s free to go any time he wants.”

“What?” Heath asked, surprised to hear that.

“Jarrod sprung ya before he left. I just wasn’t supposed to tell you until you wanted to leave.” The guard shrugged. “I don’t get it but I just do my job and don’t ask questions.” He went back to twiddling the stick in his hand.

“I asked him not to do it. Why didn’t he listen to me?” Heath exclaimed loudly as he sat down heavily on the bench. “I don’t get any of this.” Heath briefly hid his face in his hands. “I don’t get any of you.” He stared up at Victoria. “Why’d you take me in and treat me like family? All I am is a reminder of what your husband and their father did?”

“May I sit down?” Victoria asked. Heath moved over to make room. “Heath, you’re a Barkley and that alone gives you a place to live. As for how we feel…is it so hard to believe that we care about you?” She reached over and gently placed her hand on Heath’s arm, causing him to flinch and move away.

“Yeah it is.” Heath leaned over and folded his hands together. “Except for my mother and maybe Hannah, nobody ever cared about me. Now I have two brothers who want to protect me, a sister who keeps fussing over me and I don’t even know how to address you.” He glanced over at Victoria. “And this town hates me because of what I represent.” Heath stood up and grabbed a hold of the bars, causing the door to swing open slightly. He slammed it shut and faced Victoria.

“It would have been so much easier if you tossed some money at me and told me to leave town. That I would have understood. But you didn’t.” Heath frowned. “I want to be a part of this family but I can’t. Not yet” he quickly added. “I need to go away and figure stuff out.”

“Heath, where will you go?” He shrugged.

“Are you coming back?”

“Yeah.” Heath nodded. “I’ll come back, if only to say goodbye.” Victoria stood up and neared Heath. “Is there anything I can say to change your mind?” she asked.

“No! Please just let me go.” Heath walked to the other side of the cell. “I don’t want Nick or Jarrod to look for me. Please understand that I need to be alone and figure things out.”

“Heath, do you have any money on you?” He dug into his pocket and came up with one dollar. It was the one he had found in his book and Heath had kept it with him, refusing to spend it. “Not much” he answered. Victoria opened her purse and offered some bills to Heath.

“No, I can’t take that.” He shook his head.

“Heath, take it. You can pay me back when you return.” She hoped he would be back. Heath took it and stuffed the bills in his pocket. “Thank you” he whispered. “I guess since I’m free I’m going to take off.” He opened the door and hesitated, glancing back at Victoria.

“Thank you Ma’am for everything.”

“Heath wait.” Victoria grabbed a hold of his arm. “What do I tell the others?” Heath shrugged.

“Tell them goodbye for me” he answered a few minutes later, and then walked out of the building. Heath’s horse was tied up outside and he quickly mounted it and rode off.

Part 5

Nick jumped off his horse and headed towards the trough. He dunked his head in and then shook the excess water off. Nick had started the day early, not able to sleep and not wanting to see his family. He kept telling himself that it didn’t matter that Heath left and he was starting to believe it. He knew he would miss him but Nick wasn’t about to admit that to anyone. It had been a strange few weeks and it was time to get back to normal.

“Nick!” The unmistakable voice of his brother called out. Nick braced himself for the brotherly lecture he knew was forthcoming. Nick combed his hair down with his hands and slowly turned to face Jarrod.

“Nick, we missed you at breakfast. What was so urgent that you had to leave before dawn?”

“Had work to do” Nick mumbled as he walked away from Jarrod. He picked up the reins of his horse and led him to the stables.

“Nick! Wait up.” Jarrod caught up to him and grabbed Nick’s arm. “Nick, you didn’t say much last night. Talk to me now.” Jarrod pointed towards the house. “Let’s go inside and have a drink. Maybe play some pool.”

“Jarrod, it’s not even noon. Little early to be drinking don’t you think?” Nick handed his horse over to the stable boy and headed towards the house. “I’m getting something to eat and then I’m going back to work.”

“Keeping busy won’t make you forget about Heath.” Nick stopped and turned so abruptly that Jarrod almost bumped into him.

“Heath is forgotten. The last three weeks are forgotten. Time to move on and that’s what I’m doing.” Nick turned and entered the house, throwing his hat on the sofa.

“Nick, it’s ok to miss him.”

“Miss who?” Nick plopped down on the sofa and stared up at his brother.

“Nick, stop it.” Jarrod sat down also. “Heath told Mother he would be back and he will be.”

“Oh joy” Nick sarcastically mumbled. “We’ll throw a party for him.” Nick walked over and poured himself a drink.

“I thought you said it was too early to drink.” Jarrod walked up behind him.

“Changed my mind. Wanna join me?” Nick poured another and handed it to Jarrod.

“Here’s to phantom brothers” Nick toasted, raising his glass. Jarrod silently shook his head, and then took a sip of his drink. He knew Nick was too quiet last night when their mother told them the news.

“Nick, he just needs some time to think things over.”

“Think what over Jarrod? To quote our disappearing brother, I don’t get what he doesn’t get.” Nick sighed as he poured another drink. “Jarrod, he’s got everything now that he never had growing up. What does he have to think about?” Nick slammed the glass on the bar. “Jarrod, at this moment I’m done caring.” He grabbed his hat and walked out of the house.

----

Heath stood before his mother’s grave. He eyed the cross on top of it and felt ashamed that he couldn’t afford a proper gravestone. There were fresh flowers planted and Heath was happy that someone was taking care of the grave. Heath squatted down and grabbed a fistful of dirt, letting it escape through his fingers.

“Mama, why didn’t you tell me?” Heath lowered himself to one knee. “Why’d you wait until you were dying? I have so many questions and no one to answer them.” Heath sank to the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees. He had always felt so alone but never as much as this moment as he sat next to his mother’s grave.

“I don’t know how to be a brother,” he quietly said. “I know I wasn’t a very good son,” Heath added, frowning from the memories. “Mama, I had to leave. There were so many things I couldn’t tell you. Maybe if I had you would have told me earlier about my father.”

“Heath, is that you?” He stood up slowly, inwardly cringing from the recognized voice. Heath turned.

“Aunt Martha!” His tension lessened slightly when he saw the flowers in her hands.

“Heath, what are you doing here? Did things not work out with your father’s family?” She bent down and started planting the flowers.

“Heath, you should know your uncle’s returned.” She had her back to Heath and didn’t notice the look on the young man’s face. Martha patted the dirt a few more times and stood up, shaking her hands off.

“He wasn’t home when I left so why don’t you come back with me? We can talk and catch up.” Heath wasn’t very fond of her but at least she was someone familiar.

“I’ll stay as long as he’s not around” Heath muttered and then followed his aunt home. He sat down at the table while his aunt scurried around, getting coffee ready. She placed a cup before Heath along with a plate of cookies. Heath sighed loudly, wishing he were still the little boy who could be placated with sweets.

“Heath, what’s wrong? Why are you back here?” Martha stared at her nephew. “I know how much you hate this town,” she quietly added.

“First, I need to know something.” Absently Heath picked up a cookie and took a bite, chewing it fast.

“Why didn’t my mother tell me? Why did I grow up not knowing who my father was?” They were questions Heath wished he could ask his mother.

“Heath, does it really matter now?”

“Yes!” Heath shouted. “I grew up being teased and picked on by the other children because I didn’t have a father. Now I want to know why. Why couldn’t she even tell me who he was? At least I would have had a name.”

“You had a name.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Heath stood up abruptly, hitting the table and spilling the coffee in the process.

“Sorry” he mumbled as he went about cleaning the table. “Aunt Martha, please! I need to understand why she didn’t tell me.” Martha slowly sat down and waited for Heath to sit also.

“Heath, your mother was very young when Tom Barkley arrived in town and she nursed him back to health. She also fell in love with him.” Martha frowned. “I warned her not to get involved but she was young and impetuous and he was the first man she had ever been with.” She paused, letting that sink in. “After that night, he told her it was a mistake and that he had a wife and children he loved very much.”

“So I was a mistake” Heath quietly interjected.

“No!” Martha shook her head firmly. “The mistake was that he allowed your mother to fall in love without telling her the truth. Heath, he was long gone when your mother realized she was pregnant with Tom Barkley’s child.”

“Why couldn’t she tell me this?”

“Heath, she was hurt and angry and felt like a fool. It wasn’t easy for her either. She was a young, unmarried pregnant woman carrying the child of a married man. She did the best she could.” Martha stood up and refilled the cups with coffee. Heath grabbed another cookie and silently ate it.

“Aunt Martha, did he know about me?” She briefly lowered her eyes and then slowly shrugged. “I think he was suspicious,” she finally answered.

“What?” Heath was shocked to hear this. Martha sat back down, wondering if she should tell her nephew the truth.

“It was the summer after you turned five and there was a knock on the door.”


“Leah, please get that. I’m busy.” Martha continued to cut the potatoes. Leah opened the door and gasped when she saw the tall man standing on the other side.

“What are you doing here?” She found herself breathing hard as she stared up at the man she still dreamed about.

“Mama, who is it?” Heath ran up and stood beside her. She saw Tom glance at the child and then back at her. He knelt down so he was eye to eye with the small boy.

“What’s your name?”

“Heath” the child shyly answered. “Who are you?”

“Tom Barkley.” He held out his hand and the child hesitated before shaking the man’s hand.

“Heath, please go outside and play.” The boy nodded and ran out of the house.

“Who’s his father?” Tom asked immediately. Leah turned and walked away. “Leah, please. Is that my child?” The child was blond, unlike his two dark haired sons.

“He’s not yours.” Leah faced him, hands on her hips. “His father was killed shortly after Heath’s birth. Why are you here?” Tom walked away, his mind still on the child. “I was passing through town and I wanted to see how you were. Leah, I never forgot you and I just want you to be happy.” He glanced out the window and watched as Heath played with another child.

“Leah, how old is he?”

“Four” she answered immediately and then glanced at Martha, shaking her head slightly.

“He’s awfully big for four” Tom remarked, his gaze still out the window. “Leah, can I do anything to help you two? Money?”

Leah shook her head. “We’re managing just fine.” He stared at her for a few minutes. “I’m glad to hear that. Leah, you have a mighty fine son.” He quickly exited the house and watched the child for a few more minutes. Heath didn’t seem to notice and never glanced up. Tom stood there and shook his head. Finally he walked away.


“After his visit money started arriving by mail. At first it was every month and then as time went by it came less and less, until finally it stopped. Leah never told me who sent it but I assumed it was Tom Barkley.” Heath silently stared at the wall as he tried to think back. He was too young and he didn’t have any memories of meeting his father.

“He knew about me and he still left me in this god forsaken town.” Heath stood up abruptly.

“Heath, I’m no champion of Tom Barkley but what did you expect him to do? Your mother lied to him and there was no way he could prove you were his son. Not to mention he had a wife and children at home.” Before Heath could say anything the door opened and his uncle entered the house. Immediately he eyed Heath, a sadistic smile on his face.

“Did they throw you out already?” Heath clenched his fists as he stared at the man who had made his childhood hell.

“Don’t start with me old man” Heath spit out between clenched teeth. “I’m not the child you can beat up anytime you feel like it.”

“I was teaching you to be a man,” Matt stated as he poured himself a drink.

“How? By seeing how many times you could hit me before I started crying? The only thing that did was make me distrustful of others.”

“I toughened you up.” Matt neared Heath and glared up at him. “You had all those women coddling you and you needed someone to toughen you up. Boy, you should be thanking me.” Heath backed away, so afraid he was going to strangle this man he hated.

“Matt, that’s enough. Leave him alone.” Heath stared at them, suddenly feeling like the teenage that had bolted out of the house and never looked back. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here.”

“You’re right boy.” Matt walked closer. “Go back to your rich family. We don’t want you here.” He started laughing as Heath backed away and neared the door. As he had years before, Heath rode out of Strawberry, never looking back.

Part 6

Nick was ready to give up. For over two hours he had searched for a lost calf and couldn’t find it anywhere. He was near the northern edge of Barkley property and if the calf went over the line it was possible anyone could have grabbed it and taken off. Nick cursed himself for not having the time to brand all the new calves but with Heath gone and some of the men leaving in protest of Kenny Watkins’s firing, it just didn’t get done. Nick rode for a few more minutes and then stopped, patting his horse on the head.

“Let’s go back.” He was turning the horse around when he heard a noise and decided to investigate. In the distance he eyed a horse and it looked familiar. “Heath” he whispered and then took off in that direction.

“Heath!” Nick jumped off when he saw his brother slumped over near a tree. “Heath, are you ok?” Heath mumbled something as he lifted his head and stared up at Nick.

“I’m fine.” He struggled to sit up and leaned back against the tree.

“You look like hell” Nick remarked. “Where have you been the past few days?”

“Here I think” Heath said as he reached for the bottle of gin lying near him. It was empty and he threw it away in disgust. Heath tried to stand up and stumbled into Nick.

“Let go.” Heath tried to push Nick away. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Nick kept a steadying hand on Heath’s arm. “When’s the last time you’ve slept?” Heath seemed to think that over.

“Same time I ate” he answered and then shrugged. “Maybe two days ago” Heath said with an uncertain voice.

“Two days ago” Nick said sighing. By the way Heath smelled that was probably the last time he had a bath too.

“Heath, you’re coming back to the house with me.”

“No!” Heath used all his strength to push Nick away. “I can’t face anyone right now.” He took a few steps and promptly fell to the ground.

“Heath!” Nick knelt down next to him. “Listen to me. Audra and Mother are at some charity function in town and Jarrod is at his office. No one is home. You can take a bath, eat and then leave if you want and no one will know but me.”

“You’d do that for me?” Heath glanced sideways at his brother.

“Sure bro.” Nick smiled. “Ready to go?”

“Nick, I don’t think I can make it on my horse.”
“I’ll help you.” Nick said. It was a struggle but Nick got Heath on his horse and the two of them headed home.

---       

Nick stood in the hall, arms folded against his chest and listened to his brother sing in the bathtub. He had managed to get some food into Heath and then practically threw his brother into the tub. The singing stopped and after a few minutes Nick started to worry.

“Heath, are you ok?” Nick knocked on the door but there was no answer. “Heath, answer me or I’m coming in.” Still no answer so Nick opened the door and entered. Heath had his head on the side of the tub, quietly snoring.

“Heath!” Nick lightly tapped his shoulder. “Come on Heath, wake up.” Heath lifted his head.

“Huh?” He seemed totally out of it. Nick grabbed the towel and handed it to his brother.

“Heath, I put some clean clothes on the sink for you. Get dressed and then you can take a nap in your bed.”

“No!” Heath snapped out of his stupor. “I have to leave before they get home.”

“Heath, you have plenty of time and I’ll wake you up.” Nick hoped he sounded convincing. “I’ll wait for you in the hall.” Nick walked out and closed the door behind him. A few minutes later Heath came staggering out and headed towards his bedroom. At least he remembered the way Nick silently mused as he followed his brother. Heath sat down on the bed and glanced around the room. He was surprised to see his book still on the dresser where he had left it.

“Why didn’t you throw that thing away?”

Nick saw where Heath was looking. “Because it belongs to you,” Nick answered simply. Heath wasn’t expecting that. “It’s still ruined” he stated and then stood up abruptly and grabbed the book. He flipped through it and then tossed it in the garbage. Nick kept quiet as he watched Heath shuffle back to the bed.

“I went to Strawberry,” he said as he sat back down. “Nick, do you ever feel like you don’t belong anywhere?”

“No.” Nick shook his head. “I know I always have a home here.”

“You’re lucky then.” Heath chuckled softly. “Because it sure hurts to feel like that. Strawberry was never my home and this…” With a glance he took in the whole room. “This can’t be my home either.”
“Heath, it can be if you let it.” Nick smiled weakly. “Get some sleep.” Nick hurried out of the room, and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the hallway wall and took a deep breath. He hoped Jarrod got home before Heath awakened because he sure didn’t know how to keep Heath from leaving again.

---       

Nick was pacing near the front door when it opened.

“Nick, we missed you at dinner. I thought you were going to meet us.” Victoria greeted her son with a kiss.

“Nick, what is it?” Jarrod asked.

“Heath is upstairs sleeping but he doesn’t plan on staying.” Their faces showed their surprise in hearing this.

“Jarrod, think of something to keep him here” Nick demanded.

“Wait a minute.” Jarrod placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder and guided him towards the living room. Victoria and Audra followed. “Nick, start from the beginning. Where has Heath been and why is he leaving?” Nick quickly explained where he found Heath and some of the conversation they had.

“Pappy.” Nick pointed his finger into Jarrod’s chest. “He’s going to be mad at me for not waking him up; you need to figure out a way to keep him here.”

“Why Nick” Jarrod said with a broad smile, “I didn’t think you cared anymore.”

Nick let out an exasperated sigh. “Jarrod, you wouldn’t be joking if you saw him today. He’s not doing too good and I don’t think he knows what he wants to do or where he wants to be. But if he leaves this place again, he won’t be back. That I’m sure of.” Nick turned abruptly and headed upstairs, leaving the others speechless.

----       

Heath moaned as he tossed and turned in bed. He opened his eyes to bright sunshine and quickly closed them. Suddenly he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Heath realized he was back at the Barkley ranch but he couldn’t recall how he got there. Nick! Nick had found him and brought him back to get cleaned up. Heath swung his legs over the side of the bed and slowly stood up. He felt tired and his muscles ached. Heath stretched and then quickly put on his boots. He needed to leave before the others returned home. Heath stopped in the hallway as he heard voices. He easily picked out each voice and realized that they were all home and probably waiting for him. Heath knew he had two choices, face them or climb out the window. They deserved some kind of explanation so Heath started to descend the stairs; slowly and with his heart beating faster as he neared the bottom. As expected they stopped talking and all stared at Heath.

“How long have I been sleeping?” Heath directed his question to Nick.

“Nearly a day” Nick answered looking Heath in the eyes. He wasn’t sorry for what he had done and Heath didn’t seem too angry with him. Heath nodded as he glanced at each member of the family. He was grateful that they didn’t approach him and gave him the space he so desperately needed. They deserved something but Heath didn’t know how to explain a lifetime.

“I’m sorry I took off” he began quietly. But that was all Heath was able to say. He stared at their faces. Strangers, all of them; related by blood but nonetheless, strangers. “I can’t do this.” Heath turned and headed toward the front door. He heard footsteps and felt a hand grab his arm.

“Heath!” Heath kept his back to Jarrod. “Heath, you can’t keep running. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to face your demons. Heath don’t let this eat away at you until you’re a bitter old man.” Heath continued to stare at the front door but he didn’t try to pull away from Jarrod.

“Nick mentioned you went to Strawberry. Heath did you find any answers there?”

“No” Heath whispered. “Just made me remember why I hated that place.” Jarrod was happy to get a complete sentence from Heath and figured he would continue with the questions.

“Heath, you never talk about your childhood. What was it like growing up there?” A small sigh escaped from Heath. He turned and briefly made eye contact with Jarrod, then lowered his head and stared at his feet.

“It was a dying town filled with despair and sadness. My mother worked two jobs to support me and I rarely saw her and she was old long before her time.” Heath sadly shook his head, the memories still so real and so painful. “I worked everyday after school but there never seemed to be enough money.” Heath glanced around the room, every piece of furniture looked so expensive. “I was the boy without a father and the other kids never let me forget it.” He smiled suddenly. “I don’t think a day went by that I didn’t have a bruise or a cut somewhere on my body. And when I wasn’t fighting, my uncle was punching me, thinking that would toughen me up and make me a man.” Heath heard a gasp but wasn’t sure where it came from. “When I finally had enough I left town and joined the war.”

“The war?” Nick exclaimed. “But you were too young…”

“I lied about my age.” Heath interrupted with a slight shrug. “It was a place to be at a time when I had no where else to go. I was imprisoned shortly after I joined and after the war I wandered from job to job.” Heath continued to bore a hole in the floor. “I’ve never really fit in anywhere and I don’t expect to here either.” Heath glanced at the front door and Jarrod was afraid he was going to make his escape.
“Heath, do you want to be a part of our family?” As he asked that question Jarrod placed his hands gently behind Heath’s neck, forcing the young man to look at him. Heath, for his part, tried to look anywhere but at Jarrod. In his mind the answer was easy, but voicing it was the hard part.

“Yeah!” Heath barely recognized the voice that answered. “I don’t know how,” he added, closing his eyes tight to keep in any tears that dared to escape. “Let me go” he pleaded so quietly that Jarrod was the only one to hear him. Jarrod did so; hoping Heath just wanted a little distance to regain his composure. Heath turned and leaned his face against the wall, his breathing ragged as he desperately tried to keep from crying. Jarrod heard some movement behind him and knew how uncomfortable the rest of the family was. If this were Audra or Nick, Jarrod wouldn’t hesitate in comforting his sibling. But with Heath it was different. In the short time he had been there, Heath seemed to avoid contact, only tolerating the kisses and hugs from their mother and sister. Jarrod heard footsteps and knew Nick was beside him without having to look that way. Nick approached Heath and placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“I’m ok.” Heath’s voice sounded stronger as he moved away from Nick’s touch. Jarrod motioned for Nick to step back but he refused and stood his ground.

“Heath, you’re already a member of this family. There’s nothing you have to do.” Nick tried to reason with him.

“I don’t know how to be a brother.”

“We’ll teach you.” Nick smiled reassuringly. Heath shivered slightly as he crossed his arms tightly across his chest. His eyes glistened as he smiled weakly. “This might sound strange but I’ve never been more afraid than I am right now.”

“Heath, what are you afraid of?” Victoria neared him and gently touched his arm.

“I’m not sure.” Heath walked away from them. “I never had a family…I mean not a real one. I had my mother and she did the best she could…but.” Heath paused and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to mess this all up.” He was getting antsy from all the attention. “I need some fresh air,” he whispered, eying the door. He knew he had to go through them to reach the front door.

“Heath, where will you go?” Jarrod asked.

“I don’t know.” Heath’s voice rose with anger and he quickly had to remind himself that they were just concerned about him. “I’m just going for a ride. That’s it.” He added more even keel.

“Can I go with you?” Nick asked, nearing his younger brother. “There are parts of the ranch you haven’t seen yet.”

“You can’t watch me twenty-four hours a day,” Heath muttered as he brushed past them and out the door. Shrugging, Nick followed him out.

----       

They had ridden for over an hour when Heath finally stopped and jumped off of his horse. Nick was about ten yards behind him as he had been the whole time. Heath had made it clear that he didn’t want the company so Nick had allowed him his space. Nick stopped his horse and watched his brother. Heath led his horse to a water hole and then sat down, resting his head on his knees. Nick slowly approached and sat down next to him.

“Nick, what is wrong with me?” Heath glanced sideways.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m numb. I don’t feel anything for you or them. You all claim to care about me. Shouldn’t I feel the same? Nick, I wouldn’t even know if I did.”

“So, how do you know you don’t?” Nick countered.

Heath chuckled softly. “I guess I wouldn’t know that either.” He lowered his head again, hiding his face against his arms.

“Heath, there’s nothing wrong with you.” Nick firmly placed his arm around Heath’s shoulders. “You’ve been alone so long it’s just going to take time.” Nick hoped he was saying the right things. At least Heath wasn’t trying to pull away and Nick thought that was progress. They sat in silence for nearly an hour.

“Heath, let’s go home.” Nick was aching from sitting so long and he stood and stretched.

“Home” Heath whispered letting that word hang in the air. Nick reached down with his hand and Heath grabbed it, allowing his brother to help him up. As they headed towards the house, Heath wondered how long it would take for this place to feel like home and this family to feel like his. He only knew that he wanted it badly and for the first time in weeks, Heath had some hope.

Part 7

Victoria checked her purse one last time to make sure she had everything.

“Mother, let’s get going or you’re going to miss the train.” Jarrod had just put the last suitcase in the buggy.

“Where’s Audra?”

“Waiting for you in the buggy” Nick answered as he entered the house. “Are you sure you’re only going for a month?” He thought they were taking enough clothes to last for a year.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go.” Victoria remarked. “With Heath here it might not be a good time for us to leave.”

“Heath will be fine” Jarrod retorted. “Besides, you and Audra have been planning this trip for months.”

Victoria still seemed hesitant. Heath had only been back for a week and he didn’t seem too happy to learn that two members of his new family would be gone for a whole month. Heath had said his goodbyes early that morning and left to finish some work on the north pasture.

“Mother, let’s go. That train isn’t going to wait for you.” Victoria nodded and followed her oldest son out of the house. She kissed Nick and then climbed in to the buggy.

“Don’t forget about those boots” she called out as Jarrod drove away. Nick headed towards the stables to get his horse. He needed to go into town for supplies and figured he would take Heath with him. Nick found his brother where he said he would be but he wasn’t working. Heath was lying on the ground, head resting against a large stone, staring up at the sky. Nick dismounted and walked the few yards to where his brother was lying.

“Heath, what are you doing?” Startled, Heath jumped up.

“Sorry Heath didn’t mean to scare you. What are you doing here?” Nick didn’t recall any work needing to be done in this area and he was skeptical when Heath said where he was going after breakfast. Heath shrugged and sat back on the ground.

“Heath, I need to get supplies in town. Wanna go with me?” Nick sat down next to his brother. Heath’s boots were off to the side, the holes on the top all too apparent. “Heath, I promised Mother I’d get you to buy a new pair of boots. Come on, let’s go into town.” After no response from his brother, Nick gave up and they sat in silence for nearly ten minutes. Nick still didn’t know how to read this new brother and he didn’t have a clue what was wrong with him. Audra was the one Heath could communicate with the easiest and the one Nick and Jarrod turned to when they couldn’t get through to him. Maybe he was upset because Audra would be gone for a month.
“Heath, they’ll be back in a month.”

“I know” Heath said.

“Heath, what is bothering you? You know you can tell me anything.”

Heath pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them. Nick placed his hand on Heath’s shoulder and cringed inwardly when he could feel Heath tense up. Quickly Nick pulled his hand away and waited to see what his brother would say.

“Nick, there’s something I have to tell you and I don’t want you to get angry.” Nick immediately tensed as he tried to figure out what Heath had done. He knew the men were still giving him problems but Heath had done his best to ignore them and hadn’t been in a fight since he returned.

“My aunt told me something in Strawberry and it’s really bothering me.”

Heath had contemplated telling them about meeting his father but it never seemed to be the right place or time. He had planned to tell Audra knowing she would tell the rest of them but now she was gone and he couldn’t wait a whole month for her to get back. He was afraid of how Nick would react and he started having second thoughts about telling him. Or anyone for that matter.

Heath abruptly stood up, put his boots on and walked away. It had only been a week since he returned but Heath was still feeling so alone, especially at night. Last night had been the worse as he found himself wide awake, staring up at the ceiling with silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Heath had gone as far as to stand outside of Jarrod’s room, but he wouldn’t allow himself to knock on the door. He couldn’t imagine how his brother would react to finding him standing in the hall crying. It was supposed to be getting easier. That’s what they kept telling him. At times Heath felt like he was fitting in, but those times were so few and far between.

Heath glanced over his shoulder to see Nick sitting in the same spot. Slowly Heath made his way back to his brother. Nick glanced up when he approached but kept quiet.

“Nick, do you feel like taking a walk?” Heath didn’t wait around to hear Nick’s answer. He took the reins of his horse and started walking away. Nick, with his long legs, was able to easily catch up.

“I wasn’t anticipating seeing anyone in Strawberry.” Heath began talking when Nick caught up. “I was at my mother’s grave when my Aunt Martha saw me and invited me back to her house. Nick we talked for a little while and then she told me…” Heath stopped walking and took a deep breath. “Nick, I met my father when I was five years old.” He watched and waited for some reaction from Nick, but his face was a blank mask. “Nick, did you hear what I said?” Nick nodded.

“Then, why aren’t you angry?”

“Heath who do want me to be angry with? My father’s dead. Your mother’s dead. It’s certainly not your fault. Tell me who I should be angry with.” This wasn’t the reaction Heath was expecting and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He started to mount his horse but Nick wouldn’t let him.

“Heath, now you tell me who you’re angry with.” Heath shook his head as he shoved Nick away.

“Did our father know who you were?”

“No.” Heath shook his head again. “My Mother lied to him about me. Why didn’t she tell him the truth?” Heath picked up a stone and threw it as far as he could. “They all kept her secret and he left town and I was stuck there. Stuck to grow up in a place I hated. Why’d she lie to him?” Heath jumped on his horse and rode away. Nick followed, knowing Heath just needed to let off some steam. When Heath was ready, he would stop and after fifteen minutes he did so, dismounting as Nick approached.

“Heath, your mother lied to protect you” Nick insisted as he jumped to the ground.

“Protect me from what? I could have had a real family. How is that protecting me?” Heath glared at Nick, his fists clenched.

“Heath, you’re having trouble handling this as an adult. How do you think you would have handled this as a small child? Do you think the town gossip would have been any different?”

Heath thought that over. “At least I would have had siblings to grow up with” he said.

“Would you?” Nick asked quietly. “Do you think my parents’ marriage would have survived this if your mother was alive?” Nick shrugged. “Maybe it would have, maybe not. But there would have been problems and I think it is possible that Jarrod and I would have resented you.”

“Nick, do you resent me?” Heath looked his brother in the eyes.

“No!” Nick shook his head fiercely. “And that’s my point. As children it would have been much more difficult to get through this.” Nick grabbed a hold of Heath’s shoulders. “Heath, we can’t go back and we don’t know what would have happened. Your parents are dead and all the answers died with them. All we can do is move forward.” Nick paused. “Heath, the only thing keeping you from being a member of this family is you.” Those words lingered in the following silence.

“You’re starting to sound like Jarrod” Heath remarked, breaking the silence. Nick wasn’t expecting that comment and it showed on his face.
“Is that a bad thing?” he asked.

“No” Heath answered and then walked away, stopping suddenly. He turned and faced his brother. “Answer something for me. Nick, how can you care about me when you’ve only known me for a month?”

Nick was surprised by the brashness of Heath’s question and he pondered it for a few minutes. Then he neared his brother.

“Heath, you’re my brother and that entitles you to everything I would give Jarrod or Audra. It’s called unconditional love and I know you understand what that means.” Nick lightly tapped Heath’s chest with his finger. “It’s in there even if you can’t feel it right now.” With an exaggerated sigh Nick ran his hands through his hair.

“Before we both start crying, let’s go into town and have some fun. We’ll get the supplies, a new pair of boots for you and we’ll make Jarrod treat us to lunch. Ok?”

“OK Nick.” Heath had a bemused look on his face as they both mounted their horses and headed home.

----       

The supplies were brought and the brothers quickly loaded the wagon. As he dropped the last bundle of wheat Nick heard laughter behind him.

“Damn” he muttered. Mark and Hugh Dobler were approaching, along with Kenny Watkins. They were the last ones that Nick had wanted to see in town. Heath came out of the store and handed the change to Nick.

“All paid for.” He glanced to where Nick was staring and his stomach started churning.

“Heath, just ignore them” Nick whispered as the men neared them.

“Look who’s back in town” Mark spit out as Hugh started whistling.

“The whore’s son has returned to get his birthright” Kenny sang out sarcastically. Heath started towards him but Nick stopped him with his arm.

“Hey boy, big brother gonna protect you?” Heath pushed Nick away and lunged for Kenny. He only got one punch in before Nick hauled him away.

“That’s enough.” He gave Heath a warning look. “Now you three get out of here… now!”

“This isn’t Barkley territory” Kenny remarked, “and you’re not my boss anymore.”

“Yeah Nick, you can’t take on all of us.”

“Really?” Nick smiled menacingly as he walked towards the Doblers. “Wanna try me?”

“Such a tough guy” Kenny spit out. “Nick, I told you you’d be sorry for firing me and you will be.” Nick turned as Kenny reached for his gun and pointed it at Heath.

“Heath!” Nick lunged for his brother as the gun went off.

Part 8

Heath couldn’t breath. He couldn’t move. His head hurt and it took him almost a minute before he realized someone was on top of him.

“Nick!” Suddenly, Heath remembered what happened. He scrambled out from beneath his brother as Nick moaned. Heath noticed the blood on his hands and saw where it was coming from. A crowd was gathering around but Heath didn’t notice. His eyes were only on his brother.

“Nick, you’re going to be ok.” The wound was on the right side of Nick’s chest and Heath grabbed his bandana and tried to stop the bleeding. “Get some help,” he cried out, refusing to leave his brother. Nick’s eyes were closed and his face pale. Heath heard footsteps and someone shoved him out of the way. Then he saw Jarrod.

“Heath, what happened?” Jarrod quickly dropped to Nick’s side. “Let’s get him to the doctor’s.” Nick was lifted and carried off leaving a bewildered Heath standing alone, his mind trying to understand what had just happened. Nick had taken a bullet that was meant for him.

“No!” Heath shook his head. This wasn’t supposed to happen. His brother could die and it was his fault. Heath tried to clear his mind of those thoughts as he raced after those carrying his brother.

----       

Hours later Heath sat on the staircase, holding ice to his head. They had declared Nick well enough to travel and brought him home, accompanied by the doctor. Heath heard voices and glanced upward.

“Nick is going to be fine.” Jarrod sat down next to Heath. “How’s your head?” Heath looked away. Jarrod reached over and gently touched the back of Heath’s head, causing him to grimace.

“Sorry.” Jarrod glanced at the doctor.

“Just keep ice on it,” the doctor said. “I’ll be by in the morning to check them both.” The doctor waited at the front door for Jarrod.

“Heath.” Jarrod turned his attention back to his brother. “I need to go into town. Stay with Nick until I get back, ok?” Heath continued to look away. Jarrod knew he was blaming himself for what had happened to Nick and he was afraid that Heath might take off again.

“Heath, please look at me.” Jarrod sighed when Heath didn’t budge. “Ok Heath. Listen then. It’s just you and me until Nick is back on his feet. You know the ranch better than I do so you’re going to have to run it.”

“No.” Heath shook his head, causing the pain to worsen. “I can’t do it.” He faced his older brother. “Jarrod I can’t.” Jarrod saw the fear in his eyes and he smiled reassuringly.

“Heath, if I didn’t think you could do it, I wouldn’t suggest it. But we can discuss this later.” Heath shrugged and turned his head away from his brother. Jarrod’s biggest fear at that moment was that Heath would leave Nick alone.

“Heath, promise me you’ll stay until I get back.”

“I have nowhere else to go” Heath muttered. Jarrod unexpectedly found himself angry at his brother’s attitude.

“I don’t want to hear that.” Jarrod roughly placed his hand on Heath’s leg. “Don’t tell me you have nowhere else to go. This is your home and we’re your family and you’re here because you want to be.” Heath seemed to be surprised at Jarrod’s anger and he instinctively inched away from his brother.

“Heath, I’m sorry.” Jarrod knew his concern over Nick was causing his anger and he paused to take a deep breath and calm himself. He wasn’t angry with Heath. It was the situation and the reason that Nick took a bullet; that some in the town that Jarrod grew up in were determined to make his brother’s life hell. Jarrod glanced towards the door and noticed the doctor had disappeared, probably to the living room to give the brothers some privacy.

“Heath, I know you’re blaming yourself…”

“That bullet was meant for me” Heath exclaimed. “I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me.”

“Nick was just trying to protect you.” Jarrod calmly continued with a weary smile. “That’s his way. He would give his life for anyone he loves and like it or not Heath, that includes you.” Heath didn’t seem ready to hear that and he stood up abruptly, wincing in pain from the sudden movement.

“I’ll be here when you get back” he spit out before turning his back on Jarrod and heading upstairs. Jarrod sat there, silently shaking his head until Heath was out of sight. Later, he would figure out a way to get through to his brother.

---       

Nick moaned and slowly opened his eyes.

“It’s about time you woke up.” Nick squinted as he stared up at Jarrod. He felt pain but wasn’t sure where it was coming from. Nick tried to move his right arm but couldn’t.

“Nick, don’t.” Jarrod lightly touched his shoulder. “The doctor doesn’t want you to move that arm until the wound starts to heal.”

“What happened?” Nick’s memory was sketchy. “Watkins!” He suddenly cried out. “He was going to shoot Heath. Is he ok?”

“Nick, he’s fine, now calm down.” Jarrod leaned over, placing both hands on Nick’s shoulders. “You took the bullet and you’re going to be fine, but you need to stay still and rest.” Jarrod knew how hard that would be for his brother.

“The ranch” Nick muttered. “I can’t afford to stay in bed.” He reached up and felt the bandage wrapped around his chest. It hurt much more than Nick was willing to admit.

“Heath will handle the ranch,” Jarrod stated.

“Really?” Nick wasn’t sure he heard right. “Heath will do my job?” Jarrod nodded.

“Jarrod, are you crazy?” Nick surprised them both with the strength of his voice. “How could you do that to him? They’re going to eat him alive.” Nick tried to sit up, groaning loudly from the pain.

“Nick, what did you want me to do? Heath knows the ranch better than I do.” Jarrod stood up and walked away from the bed.

“Jarrod, water. Please!” Nick pointed to the pitcher on the nightstand. Jarrod nodded and poured a small amount into a glass. Carefully he helped his brother take a drink. The little effort Nick put forth seemed to tire him out and he closed his eyes for a few minutes. When he opened them he saw the concern on Jarrod’s faced and smiled weakly.

“I’m fine,” he quietly said. “Heath can run the ranch but you have be there with him, to make sure the men listen to him.”

“I’m sure that’s just what Heath wants…a babysitter.” Jarrod shook his head. “Nick, it’s not going to work.”

“It will” Nick insisted. “That’s what I’ve been doing this past week.”

“And Heath’s ok with it?” Jarrod asked.

“He knows what I’m doing. Jarrod you have to do it right. Let him make the decisions and let him handle the problems. Just be around in case any of the men start to cause trouble.” Nick paused to catch his breath. “I’ve seen Heath’s confidence grow this week and some of the men have been going to him first. Jarrod you should see his face when that happens.” Nick closed his eyes, feeling very tired.

“Nick, get some rest. Heath will be fine, you’ll see.” Nick was already asleep so Jarrod quietly shut the door and went downstairs to do some work.

----       

Jarrod was in the kitchen when he heard the front door slam shut. It was late and he knew it had to be Heath. He entered the living room in time to see Heath throw his boot at the wall and knew Nick had been right.

“Heath, what’s wrong?” Heath looked up and shook his head. “Nothing.” Heath struggled with the other boot until he finally got that off. With all the holes in it Jarrod was surprised it even stayed on Heath’s foot. Jarrod was about to suggest new boots but rightfully realized it wasn’t the best time.

“Nick is awake and I’m sure he’d like to see you.” Heath glanced towards the second floor and then back at Jarrod.

“Not tonight.” Heath shook his head. “It’s been a long day and I’m tired.”

“Just say goodnight then, ok?” Heath nodded and headed upstairs. He stopped at the doorway and stared at his brother.

“Are you just going to stand there or come in?” Nick asked. Heath seemed to debate that question before slowly entering the room. He didn’t like seeing Nick in bed and he glanced everywhere but at his brother.

“Heath, how did the day go?” He didn’t answer.

“Heath, come closer.” He was in the middle of the room and he didn’t seem to want to approach the bed. Heath took a few more steps before stopping and finally looking at Nick.

“Heath, you don’t look so good. What’s wrong?” Again, Heath didn’t answer. Nick caught him staring at the bandage.

“Hey, I’m going to be fine. Come on Heath, talk to me.”

“Nick, I’m sorry.” Heath’s voice quivered and he bit down on his lower lip. “Why’d you do it?”

“Do what? I didn’t plan to get shot. Guess I’m not as fast as I used to be.” Nick smiled, hoping Heath would do the same. But he didn’t. Nick had seen this before. Heath was doing his best not to break down in front of his brother.

“Heath, come here.” Nick held his hand out to his brother. Heath walked to the edge of the bed but he didn’t take Nick’s hand. Slowly he sank to his knees, briefly making eye contact with Nick.

“I’m sorry for causing all this.” A few tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Heath, don’t. It’s not your fault.” Nick reached over with his hand and was surprised when Heath grabbed his hand and held it between his own. “It’s all my fault” he forced out with a new stream of tears. Nick could feel Heath shaking but there was nothing he could do to comfort him. Heath hid his face against their hands as a wave of sobs racked his body.

“Heath!” Nick’s hand was hurting from being squeezed so tightly. “Heath it’s ok.” Nick felt helpless watching his brother cry. “Jarrod!” He called out loudly. “Jarrod!” He tried again and Jarrod rushed in, stopping suddenly.

“I don’t know” Nick whispered before Jarrod could ask. He grimaced in pain as Heath’s grip tightened.

“Heath!” Jarrod knelt down next to him and tried to pry his hands away from Nick’s hand. “Heath, let go of Nick before you hurt him.” That seemed to get through to Heath and he looked at Jarrod.

“I can’t do this anymore” he said between more sobs, releasing Nick’s hand at the same time.

Through the tears Jarrod could see the anguish in Heath’s eyes. He reached up and placed his hands on Heath’s face.

“I promise you, it will get better.” Jarrod knew his words sounded hollow and wasn’t what Heath needed at that moment. He inched forward and gathered his brother into his arms. Jarrod was a little surprised that Heath didn’t fight him. He felt his shirt collar tighten as Heath grabbed a hold of his shirt, his crying intensifying. Jarrod held his brother a little tighter; gently rubbing his back as years of anguish flowed from Heath along with his tears.

----       

Nick had never felt so helpless in his life. All he could do was watch as Jarrod held Heath, his heart breaking for his little brother. He wasn’t sure how long they sat on the floor or at what point Heath had stopped crying. Jarrod continued to hold him, rocking him at times and whispering in his ear.

“Jarrod.” Nick said quietly and waited for Jarrod to acknowledge him. Jarrod glanced his way but just shook his head and turned his attention back to Heath. He again whispered something to Heath and this time Nick heard Heath answer no. More whispering and a few minutes later Jarrod helped Heath up and into a nearby chair. Heath curled up in the chair and didn’t protest when Jarrod placed a blanket over him. Jarrod stood over him until he was sure Heath was sleeping and then settled himself gently on the edge of Nick’s bed.

“What the hell just happened?” Nick asked, keeping his voice low.

“I’m not sure,” Jarrod admitted, lightly placing his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“What did he mean when he said he can’t do this anymore?” Again, Jarrod didn’t know the answer and shrugged slightly.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to be a Barkley” Nick suggested when Jarrod didn’t say anything.

“I’d prefer to think he can’t be alone any longer,” Jarrod countered. “Nick, he didn’t fight me at all when I held him. And when he stopped crying he was just content to sit there, leaning against me.” Jarrod sighed. “I wonder when was the last time he allowed anyone to comfort him.”

“What were you whispering about?”

“Nothing much” Jarrod answered. “I just kept telling him he was a good brother and I was proud of him. I might have told him I loved him” Jarrod added much quieter. “When he started yawning I tried to convince him to go to bed but he didn’t want to. Finally he agreed to sleep in the chair. Nick I hope you don’t mind sharing your room tonight.”

“It’s the least I can do” Nick muttered. “I felt so helpless watching you two, wishing I could do more.”

“Nick, you did much more than you can imagine.” Nick looked up at Jarrod, clearly confused.

“You took a bullet meant for Heath” Jarrod explained. “That, more than any words could, showed him how much you cared and I really think led to this.” Jarrod could feel his own eyes tearing and closed them tightly.

“Jarrod, what happens next?”

“Don’t know.” Jarrod stood up and checked on Heath. He was still sleeping soundly. “I suggest we call it a night and see what the morning brings. Nick I’m going to get some blankets and sleep on the floor.” He smiled slightly. “I think Heath will sleep through the night but just in case I’ll feel better being here.” He walked out and returned a few minutes later, tossing some blankets and a pillow on the floor.

“Nick, he’ll be fine. Get some sleep yourself.” Jarrod turned the light off and then settled himself on the floor. He closed his eyes but deep down he knew that Heath would be the only one sleeping that night.

Part 9

Jarrod opened his eyes and immediately glanced over at the chair. It was empty and he jumped up as his eyes searched the room. Nick was still sleeping with his arm hanging over the edge and the blanket on the floor. Heath was gone. Jarrod quickly picked up the blanket and covered Nick, then hurried downstairs.

“Heath!” Jarrod called out as he started searching the first floor.

“What are you hollering for?” Heath asked as he walked out of the kitchen eating an apple. He could tell by Jarrod’s face what his older brother was thinking. “You thought I took off, didn’t you?” Jarrod nodded, extremely relieved to see Heath standing there.

“After last night…” Jarrod paused, not knowing how to finish his statement.

“After last night you didn’t think I could face anyone.” Heath finished for him.

“That’s not what I was going to say” Jarrod insisted, though the thought had crossed his mind. “Are you alright?” he asked. Heath didn’t answer right away; he took another bite of the apple and chewed slowly.

“I’m not sure I know how I am” Heath quietly said, “but I’m thinking more clearly than I have since I got here.” Jarrod waited for Heath to continue but he didn’t, instead took his time finishing his apple. When he was done Heath tossed the core into the garbage and wiped his face with his sleeve.

Jarrod became impatient. “Heath, what did you mean when you said you couldn’t do it anymore?” Heath blushed as a small smile formed on his face.

“As much as I want to be a part of this family, I’ve done everything possible to keep my distance.” Heath shrugged. “I wouldn’t let myself get close to anybody because I’ve been so afraid of getting hurt.” Heath briefly eyed his brother. “I can’t do that anymore. I want to be a Barkley so badly, I guess in a way I’ve given up protecting myself.” Heath didn’t think that sounded right. “Jarrod I don’t know if I’m making any sense.”

“You are” Jarrod assured him and waited for him to continue.

“Jarrod for the first time since I got here, I can think of you and Nick as my brothers and Audra as my sister.” He chuckled softly. “Your mother has been so great towards me and I still don’t understand why. Guess I’ll figure that out later.” Heath paused and watched Jarrod, trying to read his brother’s face. The silence loomed too long and Heath started to feel antsy.

“I better get to work” he said and headed towards the front door.

“Heath, wait.” Jarrod caught up and grabbed his arm. “I’m going with you today.”

“Jarrod, you don’t have to. I can handle this.”
Jarrod smiled. “I know you can handle it, but I’m going to make it easier on you. This will be your only chance to boss me around. Take advantage of it.”

“OK Jarrod, but we need to get going.”

“Give me ten minutes” Jarrod said as he headed towards the stairs. “And tell Silas we’re leaving and he needs to watch Nick.” Jarrod raced upstairs to get ready.

---       

Nick heard Silas’s footsteps before he spoke. Nick turned abruptly.

“Silas don’t tell me again to get back in bed.” Nick walked away from the man who had been the family butler for as long as Nick could remember.

“It’s getting late, where are they?” Heath and Jarrod should have been home hours ago and Nick was starting to worry.

“Mister Nick, the doctor said to stay in bed.” Silas threw his arms up in disgust.

“Silas, say that one more time and I’m out the door. Jarrod didn’t say anything to you?”

“No. He and Heath went to work and said to watch you. I’m going to make dinner. Don’t blame me if you get worse.” He walked off shaking his head, leaving Nick to stare out the window. It was already dark and he couldn’t imagine where his brothers were. Nick was worried about Heath, although Silas had said he seemed fine in the morning when he was eating breakfast. He stood there for another twenty minutes before the front door opened and his brothers walked in.

“Nick, what are you doing out of bed?”

“Where have you been?” Nick asked ignoring Jarrod’s question.

“It’s my fault.” Heath held up a bag in his hands. “Jarrod insisted we couldn’t leave town until I bought a pair of boots.” Heath glanced down at his feet. “I still think these could have last a little longer. I’m going to put them up in my room.” He took the stairs two at a time.

“He seems ok, is he?” Nick approached Jarrod slowly, pain etched on his face.

“Nick, sit down before you fall down.” Jarrod took his arm and guided his brother to the sofa.

“Heath is doing fine, but I’m never going shopping with him again.”

“What?” Nick looked up confused. Jarrod smiled. “It took him forever to decide between two pairs of boots and me forever to convince him that it was ok to buy both.” Jarrod shrugged. “It will take him a while to get used to having money.” As he was saying that Heath came downstairs.

“I’m starved,” he exclaimed. “Nick, why are you out of bed?” Nick rolled his eyes as he struggled to get up. “I’m going upstairs.” He staggered and Jarrod quickly grabbed a hold of him. “I’ll help you.” Jarrod had another reason to get Nick alone.

“Watkins has disappeared” Jarrod said when they were far enough from Heath.

“Good riddance” Nick muttered. “I don’t care where he is as long as he out of Stockton.” They entered Nick’s room and he slowly sat down on the bed.

“Is Heath really ok?”

“I think so.” Jarrod nodded. “He’s talking more and he seems more relaxed. Nick, I think he turned a corner last night; at least I hope he did. Lay down and I’ll bring you up some dinner.”

Nick moaned as he stretched out in bed. “I hate this bed,” he muttered in the empty room.

----       

Heath stared at the ceiling. He had hoped sleep would come easier now but that didn’t seem to be the case. Heath swung his legs over the side and stood up, deciding that a drink of water might help. Nick’s door was partially ajar and he noticed the light was on.

“Nick, are you awake?” Heath whispered as he lightly tapped on the door.

“Yes” Nick answered so Heath opened the door and walked in.

“Heath, is something wrong?” Nick put the book he was reading down

“No. Just couldn’t sleep.”

“You’ve come to the right place then.” Nick smiled. He watched Heath pace around the room.

“Heath, is something on your mind?” Heath stopped and nodded his head. “What was he like?” Heath quietly asked.

“Who?”

“Your…our father.” Heath pulled the chair up to the bed and sat down. “Don’t tell me he was a good man, I’ve heard that before. Nick, what was he like as a father?” Nick silently thought about that, wondering how he should answer. Suddenly Nick sighed as he recalled a childhood memory.

“He was tough” Nick said. “Expected us to act a certain way and if we didn’t…” Nick paused, smiling slightly. “Heath, I’m not sure what you want to hear. Truth is we had a good childhood, probably everything you didn’t have.” Nick worried he said the wrong thing. “Heath, what are you looking for?”

“I don’t know.” Heath stood up and stretched. “Maybe I’m not ready to hear this yet.” Heath walked over to the dresser and picked up a family picture.

“That picture was taken in San Francisco, shortly after Jarrod had moved there.” Heath turned, the picture in his hands.

“I’ve never been to San Francisco” Heath said, staring at the picture.

“Heath, some day I’ll take you there. Think you’d like it.” Nick didn’t like the way he kept staring at that picture.

“Heath, you can’t change the past.” Heath glanced at his brother.

“I know,” he quietly said. “But part of me will never stop longing for what I didn’t have.” Heath smiled weakly as he put the picture back in the right place.

“Nick, I’d like to go to San Francisco. I better try to get some sleep. Goodnight.” Heath headed towards the door.

“Heath! Wait.” Heath stopped and turned.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

Heath nodded. “I’m sure. Nick, when I’m ready, will you tell me about our father?”

“I will.” Nick nodded. “Goodnight Heath.” After Heath left, Nick closed his eyes and thought back to his childhood, wondering how different it might have been if Heath was part of the family.

“Nick, stop it” he mumbled, and then opened his eyes. It was no use thinking about something that wouldn’t change.

----       

Jarrod put the paper down and checked the time. All the work on the ranch had increased his appetite and it was still an hour until dinner. Nick and Heath were nearby playing a game of chess. It was obvious by Nick’s comments that Heath was winning. The front door opened and they all turned to see Victoria and Audra walk in.
“Mother! What are you doing home?” Jarrod was the first to near them. Victoria dropped the bags in her hands and greeted her son with a quick kiss.

“After we got your telegram, it didn’t feel right to stay in Denver.” She walked over to Nick. “How are you doing?” He looked too pale to her.

“Mother, I’m fine. You didn’t have to shorten your trip for me.” Nick kissed his mother and then walked over to greet his sister.

“Heath, how are you?” Victoria hesitated before reaching up and kissing his cheek. He seemed to take it ok and she was pleased to see that.

“I’m fine too.” She studied his eyes and decided he was telling the truth.

“I’m glad to hear that. Oh, I got something for you.” Victoria rummaged through her bags until she found what she wanted.

“I saw this in a store and had to buy it.” She handed the book to Heath. “I thought you would want to finish what you started.”

“Little Dorrit.” Heath read the title and then turned the book around. It was new; perfect binding, and all pages intact. Heath couldn’t recall if he had ever held a new book before.

“It seems to perfect to read,” he whispered.

“You better read it” Victoria insisted. “That’s what it’s for.”

‘Thank you…Ma’am.” Victoria inwardly cringed when she heard that word. It would take time but eventually she would get Heath to call her mother.

“You’re welcome.” Victoria smiled as she watched Heath eagerly look for the page he had been on when his own book had been ruined.

“I’m starving” Jarrod announced. “Let’s go into town and have dinner together. Nick are you up for it?”

“I’m for anything that gets me out of his house” Nick answered.

“Heath?” Jarrod addressed his youngest brother. This would be the first time they ate together as a family out in public. They had tried before but Heath always had an excuse for not going.

“Sounds good to me” he stated and then placed the book down on the table. As they headed towards the front door Victoria took Heath’s arm.

“Heath, your father met Charles Dickens.”
“Really?” Heath seemed interested.

“It was about thirty years ago in Boston. He was so excited he was like a little child waiting for Christmas.” Victoria was still telling the story as they each walked out; Jarrod was the last and he shut the door behind him. He stopped and watched his family walk ahead of him. Mother and Audra flanked Heath and Nick was right behind them.

“Welcome home Heath” he whispered and then hurried to catch up.

THE END