Through the Eyes … The Fire

by Marci S.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Timeline: About five months before "What Lies Ahead". 

Part 1

“Heath, one more hand. That’s all I needed…one more hand.”

They were headed home after a night of poker.

“Nick, one more hand and you would have lost the clothes on your back. Besides I have to get home. Laura’s gonna have my hide for staying out this late.”

They still had about a mile to the Barkley ranch and they sauntered along, feeling the effects of the alcohol they had consumed.

“Heath you’re an old man at the age of thirty-three. Look at me; free, able to go where I want, when I want, do what I want and not have to worry about getting home at a certain time.” Nick pounded his chest as he spoke.

“Yeah, and you also go home to an empty bed,” Heath retorted. “Laura is the best thing to happen to me and we both know it.” Heath smiled when he thought about his wife. “Did I tell you that James took his first steps? Not even one and he’s walking.”

“Yes, you told me; at least three times already.” Nick acted annoyed but he wasn’t. He loved Heath’s kids and was just as proud as Heath was.

“Hey Nick, did you see that pretty brunette watching you?”

“No.” Nick shook his head. “I was too busy watching my cards. Besides I’ve given up on women and you know it.”

Heath laughed. “You better tell Sam that. I think she’s trying to set you up with the new seamstress in town. Personally I don’t think she’s your type but Sam is bound and determined to get you married.”

“I am married,” Nick stated firmly, “to the ranch and that’s the way it’s staying.”

“Nick, you can’t give up. Just cause you’ve had some bad luck…”

“Bad luck?” Nick bellowed. “I’ve had more than bad luck when it comes to women and you know Mary Sue did me in. I was all ready to ask her to marry me and bam.” Nick clapped his hands together.

Heath was about to say something but they were near the Barkley house and he just wanted to head home.

“Nick, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bright and early.” He turned and saw the flames. “Nick.”

His brother turned and saw what Heath saw and they both took off in that direction. Neither brother spoke but they were thinking the same as they raced towards Heath’s house.

* * * * * * * *

Heath felt his heart stop when he saw his house, engulfed in flames. “Laura!” Heath reached the house first and jumped off his horse.

He heard Nick swearing behind him as they entered the house. Smoke was everywhere and immediately their eyes started to burn.

“Laura! Leah!” Heath screamed, unable to see anything in the dark and haze of the smoke. He heard choking and dropped to his feet, crawling until he felt the body of his wife.

“Heath!” Laura choked out his name. “The children. I can’t get the children.” She started coughing and Heath knew she needed fresh air. He lifted his wife up and carried her outside. She was barely conscious as he gently laid her on the ground and ran back into the house.

“Nick! Nick where are you?” Heath pulled out his handkerchief and placed it over his mouth. He thought he heard Nick’s voice and tried to follow it.

“Heath, I got Leah and she’s fine. Heath the stairs are gone.” Nick ran past him and Heath tried to understand what he meant. The stairs…

“God no.” Heath screamed. “James.” The baby would be asleep in his room and it was on the second floor. “James!” Heath called out his son’s name as he tried to find the staircase. He saw one railing still there and he grabbed a hold of it, burning his hand in the process. He cried out in despair when he released the rail and it crashed to the ground.

“Heath!” Nick found him and grabbed his arm. “Heath this place is coming down. We have to get out of here.”

“Not without my son.” Heath’s eyes were tearing and he could barely see.

“Heath, look up.” He did but all he could see were flames.

“Heath, the second floor is gone. It’s going to come down on us.”

As he said that one of the wall collapsed and Nick had to pull his brother away from it.

“No.” Heath fought as Nick tried to drag him out of the house. “I can’t leave James.”

Nick tried not to think about the child as he focused on getting out of the house. The smoke was thicker and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Heath wasn’t helping as he got free and Nick had to go back after him.

“Heath, let’s go.” Using all his strength he had left, Nick picked up his brother and swung him over his shoulder. Ignoring Heath’s pleas, he ran out of the house just as it started to fall.

“Daddy.” Leah ran to them as Nick lowered Heath to the ground.

Somehow Heath managed to take his daughter into his arms, though his eyes were set on the burning house. Nick checked on Laura and found her to be unconscious.

“Nick.”

Nick thought Jarrod’s voice was the best thing he ever heard. He turned to see Jarrod and Sam running towards them and he rushed to meet them.

“Sam woke up and saw the flames,” Jarrod explained. “Are they all out?”

“No.” Nick shook his head. “We couldn’t get the baby out and Laura is unconscious…” Nick’s voice cracked as the reality started to set in.

“It’s ok.” Jarrod reached up and placed his hands on Nick’s face. “I know you did everything you could.” Jarrod turned to his sister. “Sam, go into town and bring the doctor back to our house.”

“No, I want to stay here.”

She started towards Heath but Jarrod stopped her. “Sam, don’t argue with me. Go on.”

Sam nodded and ran back to her horse. Nick and Jarrod headed towards Heath. Laura was starting to awaken and she moaned as she tried to sit up.

“Laura, take it easy.” Jarrod helped her sit up.

“Heath.” Nick knelt down next to his brother and took Leah into his arms. “Heath, Sam went to get a doctor and we need to get you back to the house.”

Heath wouldn’t even look at his brother.

“Heath, it’s too cold out here and Laura needs to see a doctor.” Jarrod tried to reason with him.

“No.” Heath shook his head. “I’m not leaving without my son.”

As he said that the last of the house collapsed and men from the Barkley ranch started to arrive.

“Nick, get the buggy and put Laura and Leah in it.” Nick handed Jarrod the child and ran to the barn. Thankfully that structure was far enough away and with the still wind the fire would not spread.

“Nick, take them back to the house.” Jarrod ordered after Laura and Leah were in the buggy. Heath wouldn’t move and Jarrod was more concerned about Laura seeing a doctor.

“Jarrod, I want to stay with Heath.”

“I don’t want you near me.” They both stared down at Heath who glared at Nick. “It’s your fault my son is dead. I could have saved him but you wouldn’t let me.”

Nick was about to say something but Jarrod pulled him away. “Nick, don’t listen to him. He’s in shock and he doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Jarrod placed his hands on Nick’s shoulders. “Wait until the doctor is done with Laura and then bring him out here. I don’t like the way his hand looks and I want it checked.”

Nick didn’t want to leave Heath and it showed on his face. “Jarrod…” Nick covered his face and then took a deep breath. “I’m ok.” He glanced at Heath again. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He jumped in the buggy and sped away.

Jarrod walked over to his brother. “Heath.” He sat down and placed his hand on Heath’s leg.

“Don’t touch me.” Heath pushed him away.

He was shivering so Jarrod took his jacket off and placed it around Heath’s shoulders. They watched the men form water lines and slowly the fire seemed to come under control. By the time Nick returned the fire was completely out. Jarrod met his brother as he jumped off his horse. Sam had returned with him and the doctor.

“How are they?” Jarrod asked.

“Leah is fine and Laura will be too,” the doctor answered. “I gave Laura something to make her sleep.”

“Leah is sleeping in Abigail’s room,” Sam told him as she walked past Jarrod and towards Heath.

“Sam!” Jarrod gently took her arm. “He’s not doing real good so don’t take anything he says to heart, ok?”

She nodded and then approached her brother. “Heath, I’m sorry.” Sam didn’t know what else to say as she sat down next to her brother.

He didn’t seem to hear her and he didn’t seem to notice the doctor who examined his hand. When the doctor was done he walked back to Jarrod and Nick. “It’s burned pretty badly. I put some medication on it and wrapped it up. I’ll check it in the morning when I come back to see Laura.” He glanced back at Heath. “He needs to get out of the cold as soon as possible. I’ll find my way back.”

After the doctor left Nick and Jarrod approached Heath. Sam stood up and her eyes were red from crying. “He won’t say anything to me.”

“Sam go home and watch the children for me. We’ll bring Heath home when he’s ready.” Jarrod gave his sister a quick hug. “Go on,” Jarrod said but Sam still hesitated.

“Nick are you ok?” she asked.

He shook his head no. Sam saw the tears running down his face and she glanced at Jarrod.

“Sam, please! Go home.” Jarrod guided her towards the horses. “Matthew is going to be scared when he wakes up and sees I’m not there. I need you to take care of the children; I’ll take care of Heath and Nick.”

Jarrod smiled weakly and finally Sam mounted her horse and rode off.

“Nick, what happened tonight?”

Nick wiped his face, took a deep breath and then quietly told Jarrod the night’s events.

“You didn’t do anything wrong” Jarrod said when he was finished. “You saved Heath’s life and he’ll realize that when he’s able too.”

They both slowly approached Heath.

“Heath, it’s time to go home.” Jarrod lightly placed his hand on Heath’s shoulder.

“My home is there.” He pointed towards what was left of the smoldering house. “I’m not leaving without my son.” He stood up, staggered and would have fallen if Nick hadn’t caught him. Heath angrily pushed Nick away and then headed towards the debris.

“Now what?” Nick looked to his older brother.

Jarrod caught up to Heath. “Heath, what are you doing?”

Heath stared at him, his face a blank mask. “I’m looking for my son,” he said in a calm voice.

“Heath, James is dead.” Jarrod reached out with his hand but Heath backed away.

“I know he’s dead.” Heath looked at the remains of his house. “The least I can do is find him and…” Heath started breathing faster but he would not let himself grieve and quickly found his composure. He briefly met Jarrod’s gaze but he couldn’t take the pity and he walked away.

“Jarrod, we can’t let him do this.” Nick heard the whole conversation. “The fire hasn’t been out long enough and it’s too dangerous.”

Heath was already moving bits and pieces and throwing them to the side.

“Nick, how do we stop him? And if we were in his place we’d do the same. Let’s go help him.”

In a matter of minutes the three brothers were digging through the remnants of the house.

* * * * * * * *

Nick disgustedly kicked something away. They had been at this for hours and still no body or anything that might resemble a body. Heath hadn’t spoken a word the whole time and would only nod if Jarrod asked him if they should continue. Heath hadn’t even looked his way and Nick knew he was still being blamed for James’s death. Nick bent down and lifted a charred piece of clothe and then he saw him; at least what was left of the baby. Nick felt bile rushing up his throat and he turned and threw up. When he was done he saw that Jarrod was watching him and he approached his brother.

“Nick, are you ok?”

“No.” Nick knew his voice sounded weird. “I found the baby.” Nick grabbed a hold of Jarrod’s shirt. “He can’t see this. Jarrod, we can’t let him see the body.”

Nick was pale as a ghost and Jarrod knew it must have been bad. He wrapped his arms around Nick and tried to comfort his brother. “OK Nick. Calm down.”

He could feel Nick shaking under his grasp. The two men stood there until Nick seemed to get control over his body.

“Nick, get a blanket out of the barn and bring it back.”

After he left, Jarrod watched Heath. He seemed oblivious to what was going on as he carefully picked through things Jarrod couldn’t recognize. Nick returned and showed him where the body was. Jarrod knelt down and it took all his might not to get sick like Nick had. He wrapped the baby in the blanket and then neared his youngest brother.

“Heath,” Jarrod whispered his name. “Heath, we found James.”

Heath stood up and his eyes immediately went to the bundle in Jarrod’s arms. “I want to see him.” Heath reached out but Nick stopped him.

Jarrod knew that was a mistake and Heath shoved Nick hard enough that he fell to the ground, wincing slightly when he hit. Jarrod walked away and Heath followed.

“Heath, you have to trust me on this.” Jarrod reached out with one hand and lightly touched Heath’s face. “You have your memories of what James looked like…Heath you know what a fire can do especially to a body. Don’t do this to yourself. Remember James as he was. Please Heath. Please trust your big brother.”

Jarrod saw one tear roll down Heath’s cheek and he hoped he was getting through to him.

“Let me hold him.” Heath reached out with both arms. “Let me hold my son for the last time.” Heath tried in vain to keep the tears from flowing as he took the bundle from Jarrod. He fell to his knees and cradled his son, singing a lullaby he knew James adored. The tears quickly overwhelmed him and the lullaby turned to sobs … heartbreaking sobs that Heath tried to contain by burying his face against the blanket.

Nick couldn’t just stand there any longer and he neared his brother.

“Nick, no.” They both knew that it wasn’t the right time for Nick to comfort Heath. Jarrod smiled weakly at him and then knelt down next to Heath, touching his shoulder.

Heath looked up. Wide-eyed, he stared at Jarrod, his pain, unfathomable. Jarrod opened and closed his mouth several times, searching for words. Tears welled up in Jarrod’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry…” Jarrod gathered his brother into his arms and Heath yielded to his touch. Together they wept over Heath’s son.

Nick forlornly stood to the side.

* * * * * * * *

It was mid-morning when the brothers returned home. They had buried James next to his stillborn sister; a proper ceremony would happen when Laura was able to attend. Sam met them at the door. She wasn’t sure who looked worse, Heath or Nick. Neither would even look at her. Jarrod gently kissed her forehead.

“How is Laura?”

“The doctor just left,” Sam answered. “She’s still sleeping and he said to let her. Her lungs are fine. The children have eaten and they’re playing in Abby’s room. Leah seems ok but she misses her daddy.”

Sam eyed Heath when she said that but he didn’t even flinch. He seemed to be swaying and Sam noticed how much Heath was leaning on Jarrod. Quietly Nick walked away into the study and closed the door behind him.

“Sam, I’m going to let Heath rest in my room.” He glanced at the closed study door. “Give Nick a few minutes and then see if needs anything.”

Sam watched them ascend the stairs and then she walked into the study. Nick sat behind the desk, his eyes closed.

“Nick, are you ok?”

He didn’t respond. Sam poured a drink and then approached Nick with it.

“Nick, drink this.” She placed it in his hand and he was shaking too much to hold it. “It will calm you down” she insisted as she helped Nick take a sip. After he finished the drink she placed the glass on the desk. “Nick, do you need anything?”

“No.” He briefly opened his eyes and then settled back in the chair.

Sam left and returned with a blanket. She placed it over Nick and then took his boots off. Sam sat there with her brother until he fell asleep.

Upstairs Jarrod had Heath undressed and cleaned up. His bandaged hand made doing the simple things impossible and reluctantly he allowed Jarrod to help. Finally he was in bed and staring at the ceiling.

“Heath, get some sleep.”

When he had fallen asleep Jarrod staggered to the guest room and plopped into bed. He wanted to see his children but he knew Sam and Silas would take care of them and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * * * * * * *

Heath woke up, confused and agitated. It took him only a minute to remember what happened and his heart filled with emotions. He realized he was in Jarrod’s room and he went searching for his wife. He found Laura in their mother’s old room and he sat on the bed and touched her hair. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully and he recalled what Sam had said and didn’t wake her up. Heath stood up and almost fell over. His hand hurt and he knew he was feverish from the burns. Checking the other rooms he found Leah sleeping with Samantha and Jarrod in his son’s room. Heath watched Matthew sleep and his heart ached for his own son. James! The named screamed in Heath’s mind and it killed him to think of his son buried and alone out in the darkness. He went back to Jarrod’s room and changed from the pajamas to his own clothes. Painstakingly he managed to button and zip everything and get his boots on. He passed by Nick’s room but he was the last person Heath needed or wanted to see. Heath grabbed a lantern, walked out of the house and mounted his horse. It only took him a few minutes to get to his son’s grave. As he approached it, Heath saw a figure sitting there. He held the lantern higher.

“Nick! Nick, get away from my son.”

Nick turned, and through his own tears, he saw the anger on Heath’s face. Nick didn’t try to explain why he was there; Heath wouldn’t listen or care. Silently he stood up and tried to pass Heath, and get to his horse.

“What are you doing here?” Heath grabbed his arm. “I don’t want you anywhere near my son, understand?”

Nick remained silent, knowing Heath’s grief was marred in outrage. Nick’s silence only made Heath angrier and he hauled off and punched his brother.

“Did you understand me?”

Slowly Nick stood up and found his voice. “Come on. Hit me again. If that’s what makes you feel better go ahead.”

The baiting netted results and Heath swung and connected. Nick tried not to cry out but his brother was strong and he couldn’t ignore the pain.

“Again.” Nick spit out along with some blood.

Heath kept swinging wildly, some connecting, some not. Nick kept baiting until he was knocked unconscious. Seeing Nick lying there seemed to awaken something in Heath’s mind.

“Nick!” Heath tried to rouse him but couldn’t. “Nick, what have I done?” A memory raced through his mind; was it just yesterday that James was walking between them, one hand secure in his daddy’s hand, the other in Nick’s. “Nick.” Heath kept shaking him but Nick didn’t stir. Heath staggered to his feet knowing he had to get help for his brother. But something kept him from going home. The fever and the pain clouded his mind and he rode off; away from his brother and away from his son; away from the one place he knew as home.

Part 2

Nick slowly opened his eyes.

“It’s about time you woke up.” He knew it was Jarrod’s voice, even though he still couldn’t focus.

“Stop screaming,” Nick mumbled.

“I’m not.” Jarrod’s voice sounded even louder. “Nick, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I’m not thinking at all.” Nick reached for the back of his head, the area where the pain was. He realized he was in bed and sat up suddenly, moaning from the effort.

“You have a nice lump on your head,” Jarrod told him. “Nick, what were you doing?” When Nick could finally see straight, he saw his brother pacing in front of the bed. “I took Laura to visit her son’s grave and we find you sprawled out, unconscious and bleeding. And where the heck is Heath?”

Nick wanted to tell Jarrod to shut up but he didn’t have the energy. At the mention of his little brother, the memories came rushing forth. “Heath,” Nick whispered. He had allowed his brother to beat him up without putting up a fight.

“Nick, what were doing out there?”

Nick was getting very irritated with Jarrod’s tone. “I don’t need this from you,” Nick stated as he swung his legs over the bed and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Jarrod reached out to keep Nick from falling. “Nick, tell me what happened?”

“What happened?” Nick’s voice rose. “You know what happened. Heath’s son died and just maybe he’s right. Just maybe it was my fault.” Upon hearing this, Jarrod’s face softened towards his brother.

“Nick it wasn’t your fault and you know it. Heath’s knows it too.”

Nick tried to laugh but it hurt too much. “He didn’t feel that way when he did this.” Nick touched his fat lip, wincing from the pain. “You want to know what I was doing up there? I was apologizing to my nephew. Think James will forgive me? Think Heath will forgive me?” As he was talking Nick slowly got dressed. “If I were in Heath’s place I sure wouldn’t forgive me.”

Jarrod had heard enough and grabbed Nick’s shoulders, staring his brother in the face. “Nick there was one staircase; we built that house ourselves. How were you going to get upstairs? Answer that.”

Nick briefly met his brother’s eyes, before lowering his head. “You don’t get it. It’s my fault.” He pulled free and walked out, almost bumping into Sam in the hallway.

“Nick, you’re awake.” Sam barely got that out before Nick pushed past her and headed downstairs.

“Nick, come back here.” Jarrod raced after him but stopped after Nick slammed the front door.

“Jarrod go after him.” Sam pleaded but Jarrod shook his head. “Then I will.”

Sam tried to get out the door but Jarrod wouldn’t let her. “Sam, leave him alone. He’s an adult and so is Heath. They have to deal with this their own way.”

“I’m an adult too and I’m going after him.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Jarrod kept one hand firmly on Samantha’s arm. “Sam, you are not going out of this house. Do you understand me?”

Sam bristled at his tone but stopped fighting to get away. “Fine. Let me go.”

Jarrod did so.

“Mama would have handled this better” Sam spit out before racing upstairs.

“She still knows how to leave a room.” Jarrod turned to see Laura standing there. “I remember being on the receiving end of a few of those when I started dating Heath.” Laura managed a weak smile.

“How are you holding up?” Jarrod neared his sister-in-law.

“I’d be better if Heath were here,” she admitted. “Jarrod, wherever he is, he’s blaming himself and there’s nothing he could have done.”

“I know.” Jarrod placed a hand on Laura’s shoulder. “Nick is doing the same thing. Laura, the look in his eyes scared me and that’s I why I wouldn’t let Sam go after him. She idolizes Nick and I don’t want to see her hurt by his behavior.”

“So instead, you let her be mad at you.”

Jarrod nodded at that statement. “She’ll get over it. In the meantime, is there anything I can do for you?”

“No.” Laura shook her head. “I’m going to go into town and talk to Helen and make sure all the lessons are planned for the upcoming week.”

“Laura, you don’t need to do that. School will go on without you.”

“I need to keep busy,” Laura stated firmly. “Can you watch Leah for me?”

Jarrod nodded and watched her leave the house.

“Heath, where the hell are you?” Jarrod looked upward for an answer, but none came.

He heard screaming coming from Abby’s bedroom and went upstairs to check on the children.

* * * * * * * *

“Hey son, how are you feeling?”

Heath squinted in the sunlight. “Who are you?” he asked as he sat up.

“Names John O’Rourke and that’s my boy Jimmy.” Heath glanced at the child who looked to be about ten years old. “We found you unconscious on your horse and thought some rest might do you good. I also fixed up your hand.”

Heath tried to place the accent. “Where are you from?”

“All over the place.” John smiled. “Originally from Ireland but when the lad’s mother died I decided to start a new in America. Started in New York and we figured we tried the other side. Son what are you running from?”

“I’m not your son and it’s none of your business.” Heath stood up abruptly. “Just give me my horse and I’ll be on my way.” He eyed the quiet child.

“Sometimes it helps to talk,” John said. “Especially to someone you don’t know.”

“I have nothing to say.” Heath looked around. “Where’s my horse?”

The man shrugged. “Don’t know. I suppose it will return when you’re ready to go home.”

“I’m ready now.” Heath became agitated as he glanced around. “Where am I?” Nothing seemed familiar to him.

“Son, you’re where you need to be.”

Heath spun around and grabbed the man. “Stop calling me son.”

“Ok, Ok.” John backed away. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to be friendly.”

Heath took a deep breath. “Sorry. My son just died and…” Heath shrugged. “I need to get home to my wife and daughter and Nick.” Heath paused when he mentioned his brother’s name.

“Who’s Nick?” John asked as Heath glanced again at the child. He was wearing an oversized cap that seemed very familiar.

“Nick’s my brother.” Heath smiled. “He’s more than my brother. He’s my best friend though I would never tell him that.”

“Why not?”

This man’s questions were annoying Heath. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.”

Heath walked away and then stopped. There were no horses anywhere, just a buggy and this strange man and his son.

“I blamed my brother for my son’s death and then I beat him up. He won’t forgive me for that. It wasn’t his fault. If it was anyone’s fault it was mine.”

“How was it your fault?” John asked.

“He was my son,” Heath angrily spit out. “A father is supposed to protect his children and I didn’t do that.”

“You can’t always protect them,” John stated, a sad smile on his face. “But you are letting your wife and daughter down by running away. And I think your brother just might need you right now.”

“How do you know?” Heath approached the man. “Who are you?” he asked.

“No one.” John smiled. “Just a passing stranger. Son, go home and be with your family. They need you.” He walked away and placed an arm around his own son. Silently the two of them faded from Heath’s sight.

“Who are you?” Heath screamed and then woke up. He jumped to his feet and then promptly fell back to the ground. Heath shivered and he wasn’t sure if it was from the fever or his dream. His eyes settled on his horse and Heath sighed, relieved to see the animal. With the dream still vivid in his mind, Heath mounted his horse and headed home.

* * * * * * * *

Samantha and Tommy strolled through the town hand in hand. They had eaten at Tommy’s house and were taking a walk before Tommy would take Sam home.

“I’m not sure I want to go home,” Sam lamented. “Tommy do you ever feel like you’re just in the way?”

“Not really.” Tommy sheepishly smiled. “Sam, you’re just angry because Jarrod yelled at you. He’s got a lot going on right now and you know that.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am.” They stopped walking and Tommy leaned over and kissed Sam. “But I’m also the oldest like Jarrod and I understand what that means.”

Sam started to say something when a noise coming from the saloon caught her attention. “Let’s go check it out.”

“Sam…” Tommy could only say her name before Sam was off and running; he quickly followed. “Sam, you know how Jarrod feels about you being in there.”

“Coward,” Sam called out before entering the saloon.

She stopped and watched the melee, her eyes widening when she saw Nick in the middle. Not only was he in the middle but it seemed to be him against the rest.

“We have to help him.” Sam tried to push forward but Tommy wouldn’t let her and pulled Sam out of the way of a flying chair. “Tommy, they’re going to kill him,” Sam cried out as he pulled her out of the saloon.

“Go home and get Jarrod and I’ll get the sheriff” Tommy ordered

“No.” Sam shook her head. “If I go home Jarrod won’t let me come back. You get my brother and I’ll get the sheriff.”

Tommy nodded in agreement and ran off to get his horse. Sam peeked in again and when the fight didn’t seem to lessen she ran to the sheriff’s office.

* * * * * * * *

For the second time that day Jarrod found himself pacing in front of his brother.

“Nick, let’s go. Your bail is paid.”

Nick sat on the bench unresponsive, his eyes boring a hole in the floor.

“Nick, come on.” Jarrod reached for Nick and was promptly pushed away.

“Touch me again and you’ll regret it.”

Jarrod sighed loudly. “Nick, self-destructing is not going to bring James back. All you’re doing is hurting the people who care about you.”

“Jarrod, go away and take Sam with you. I didn’t ask you to come and I don’t want to be bailed out.”

“So that’s the game.” Jarrod shook his head. “So this is your punishment for what you perceive is your crime. How many days in jail for a child’s life?”

Nick met his brother’s gaze briefly before looking away.

“Let’s take it one step farther,” Jarrod continued. “Why’d you pull a gun on that man in the saloon? Were you hoping he’d shoot you? Does death fit the crime?”

Jarrod hoped something he said would bring a reaction from his brother, but nothing did. Nick stoically sat on the bench, never flinching a muscle.

“Fine Nick.” Jarrod gave up. “I’ll let you stew in here overnight but I’ll be back in the morning to get you.”

He walked out of the sheriff’s office and was immediately confronted by Sam.

“Don’t start with me.” Jarrod held up a warning finger. “He doesn’t want to leave and nothing I do or say is going to change his mind.”

Sam started to say something but quickly closed her mouth.

“Jarrod, can I see him?” she finally asked.

Jarrod placed his hands on her shoulders. “Sam if I thought it would help I’d say yes but it’s not going to do any good. He’s blaming himself for the baby’s death and nothing we say will change that.”

“Heath can,” Sam said quietly. “Jarrod, Heath can get him to leave.”

“I know.” Jarrod smiled half-heartedly. “Unfortunately Heath isn’t here.” The smile left his face as he addressed Tommy. “I expect you to keep Sam away from the jail and have her home before midnight. Got it?”

Tommy nodded.

“Sam, I’ll try again in the morning but that’s all I can do.” He briefly touched her face before walking away.

“Let’s go.” Tommy tugged on her hand and after a few minutes, finally pulled her away from the jail.

* * * * * * * *

The morning found Nick just as uncooperative and again Jarrod had no choice but to leave him at the jail. He was trying to get some work done when he heard the front door open and Jarrod went to see who was there.

“Heath.” Jarrod’s eyes eagerly took in his youngest brother. “How are you doing?”

Heath didn’t need to answer; his face was a mask of pain. Jarrod neared Heath and embraced him tightly. Heath neither fought nor returned the hug, pulling away rather quickly. “Where’s Laura?” His voice was devoid of emotion.

“She and Sam are going through the debris to see if anything is salvageable.”

Heath nodded and started for the door.

“Heath, wait.”

He turned and faced his older brother.

“Clean up and change your clothes. You’re a mess and Laura doesn’t need to see you like this.”

As he passed him Jarrod gently grabbed his arm. Wordlessly he reached up and touched Heath’s forehead, frowning in the process.

“After you see Laura, I want you to go to town and see the doctor. Get something for your fever.”

“I can’t.” Heath brushed Jarrod’s hand away. “I have to find Nick and apologize for what I did.”

Jarrod wasn’t going to bring Nick’s name up but he took Heath’s lead. “Nick is in jail,” Jarrod informed him. “I tried to bail him out but he won’t let me. Heath he’s self-destructing like he did before.”

“Mary Sue,” Heath whispered and Jarrod confirmed with a nod.

“Heath, I can’t ask you to do this but you were the only one who could get through to him the last time and…” Jarrod paused and smiled weakly. “Heath he needs you right now.”

Heath flinched when Jarrod said that; those were the same words John used in his dream.

“I’ll go after I see Laura.” Slowly he walked up the stairs leaving a relieved Jarrod behind.

* * * * * * * *

Heath felt himself shaking as he neared the ruins of his house. He saw his wife in the distance and his heart ached to hold her. She saw him and ran towards him.

“Heath.”

He jumped off his horse and pulled his wife close. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Laura, I’m so sorry for leaving.”

Eagerly he kissed her and then hugged her again. When they pulled apart Heath wiped the tears on Laura’s face. Then he noticed Sam standing there.

“Hey Sam.” She hesitated before nearing her brother. She didn’t know what to say and remained quiet. Heath approached his sister and kissed her cheek.

“Heath, where have you been?”

“I’ll tell you later. Right now I want to spend time with my wife.”

“Wait a minute.” Sam grabbed her retreating brother. “Heath, you have to get Nick out of jail.”

“I will,” Heath assured her. “Later, I’ll go get him and bring him home.”

“Heath, go now.”

He turned abruptly and faced his wife. “Are you sure?” he asked Laura.

She nodded. “Tonight we’ll talk and spend some quality time with Leah.”

“I love you,” he said before mounting his horse and riding away.

* * * * * * * *

Nick heard Heath’s voice before he saw his brother. He was surprised at the anger welling up inside.

“Hey Nick.” Nick stared up at his brother, and then looked away. “You don’t look so good” Heath said, “Did I do all that?”

“No,” Nick said curtly his eyes downcast. “Heath, I don’t want you here.”

Heath shrugged as he neared his brother. “Nick, we need to talk and I’d prefer to do it somewhere else. What do you say?”

“I’m fine where I am,” Nick responded.

Heath wasn’t feeling too strong so he plopped down on the bench next to his brother. “Nick, I’m sorry for blaming you. I just wasn’t thinking straight but there was no way we could have gotten upstairs. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Nick spit out. “I’m to blame and we both know it.”

“I don’t know it.” Heath stood up abruptly and then reached out for the wall to keep his balance. “Nick you put up a wall between us and it might not come down.”

“It’s already there,” Nick whispered, surprised at himself for saying that.

“Nick, don’t say that.” Heath moved away from the wall and stood in front of his brother. “I need you more than you can even imagine.”

“You didn’t need me the other night.” Nick shot up and brushed past his brother. “You blamed me for James’s death and you were right. Just go home and be with your family.”

“You’re my family too.” Heath sank onto the bench. “Nick, I lost part of my heart when James died and I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t lose my brother too.” Heath played with the dirty bandage on his hand as he waited for Nick to say something. Finally he approached his brother. “Nick.” Heath placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“Don’t.” Nick pushed it away.

At a standstill, the brothers stared at each other. After a few minutes Heath reached for the cell door. “Nick, you’ve been my brother for nearly ten years and I consider you my best friend, but if I leave here now nothing will ever be the same.” Heath closed his eyes tightly, holding the tears back. “Nick, please tell me not to go.”

Nick stared at his brother and it hurt him to see Heath cry. But he was also hurt and angry and Nick knew this wasn’t the time or place to lay his feelings on Heath. He saw Heath’s hand tighten on the door and Nick wasn’t willing to take the chance.

“Heath, don’t.”

Heath visibly relaxed and then slowly sank to the floor. “Nick, I don’t know how to get through this. The baby was bad enough but we knew something was wrong and we prepared ourselves but James…” Heath swallowed a couple of times as the tears flowed harder.

Nick sat down next to him and placed a comforting hand on Heath’s arm.

“Nick, I keep seeing him holding out his arms to me like he always did when he wanted to be picked up.” Heath demonstrated with his own arms. “I want him back.”

“I know.” Nick put an arm around his brother’s shoulder and waited until Heath stopped crying. There was still an awkwardness surrounding them and both brothers felt it.

“Nick, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I can’t.” Nick stood up and walked to the other side of the cell. “It’s not important.”

“It is.” Heath jumped up and rushed over to his brother. “Nick, tell me or it’s going to eat away at you.”

Nick took a deep breath. “I’m angry and I’m hurt and I feel it’s my fault for James’s death and none of it compares to what you’re going through. Let it go for now, we’ll deal with it later.”

“No.” Heath shook his head. “It’s just you and me here and you need to tell me now.”

Heath sat back down on the bench and waited for Nick to begin. Nick paced back and forth, not knowing the best way to start. Suddenly he started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

It took a few minutes before Nick was able to answer. “This!” He motioned around. “The two of us here, in a two by four cell, me trying to explain things that are only going to make you hate me more…”

“I don’t hate you” Heath quickly said.

Nick chuckled softly. “That’s ok, I hate myself enough for the both of us.”

“Why?” Heath shot up from the bench and grabbed Nick’s collar. “What have you done that’s so bad?”

“It’s not just what I’ve done.” Nick easily pulled away. “It’s what I’m feeling and I hate myself for feeling this way.” Nick was never one who liked to talk about himself and this was harder than he ever thought possible. “This is too hard” he complained.

“Nick, it’s not going to get any easier. Just tell me what you’re feeling?” Nick lowered himself to the bench, sighing deeply.

“Heath, you know how I feel about your children. How could you think I wouldn’t do everything I could to save James? If I thought for a second that we could have gotten him, I would have risked my life to save your son.” Nick stopped but not long enough for Heath to respond. “Then you pushed me away and accuse me of killing him. How the heck do you think I would feel?” Nick stood and shuffled past his brother, avoiding eye contact with Heath.

“But then I realized that it was my fault that James was dead.” Nick grabbed the bars and squeezed tightly. Silence engulfed the small cell. Finally Nick turned and faced his brother. “How many times did you ask me to leave the saloon?” Again he didn’t give Heath the chance to answer. “How many times did I tell you one more hand? Heath if I had just left that damn place when you wanted to you would have been there and could have saved your family. But no, I had to keep playing because I have no one to worry about. I’m a free man and…damn it Heath, if we had just left earlier your son would be alive.” Nick turned and stared out towards the sheriff’s desk. He was thankful the sheriff had left the two brothers alone.

Nick heard Heath approach him and felt a hand on his shoulder. He flinched inwardly, not wanting the comfort from his brother.

“Nick, I have two feet and I know my way home. I could have left any time that night if I had wanted too. You didn’t keep me there and you’re not responsible for what I do.” Heath could feel Nick shaking beneath his hand and he tightened his grasp. “Besides, if I was there, it was possible I could have been sleeping and we would have all died in that fire.”

Heath waited and watched Nick’s reaction; Nick lowered his head and hid his face against his arm. Heath knew he was fighting to maintain the control he so desperately needed. Heath inched a little closer and wrapped his arm around Nick’s shoulder. Finally Nick looked at him and allowed Heath to see the anguish in his eyes. Heath smiled weakly and then reached up, placing his hand on the back of Nick’s head.

“Nick, I was so angry that I couldn’t save my son and I’m sorry I took it out on you, but deep down I knew that you were the one person that I could lash out at and you’d still be there for me. Nick, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this but I need you to help me. Please tell me I can still count on you.”

Nick didn’t trust his voice but he managed a small nod.

“Good.” Heath leaned over and lightly kissed Nick’s forehead, and then pulled his brother close. Nick never made a sound but his shaking body and ragged breathing and the way he clung to Heath belied his calm appearance. Heath allowed his own tears to fall, grateful that the wall seemed to have disappeared.

* * * * * * * *

Sam saw Heath sitting near the stream and quietly approached him.

“Heath.”

He turned and nodded at his sister.

“Nick told me you were up here fixing the tree house.” She sat down next to her brother and fingered the cap in her hands. “Heath, I’ve been thinking about something these past two weeks and I need to tell you. Remember that dream you told me about, the one with the strange man and his son?”

Heath nodded as his eyes stared at the cap.

“Heath, look at the name in this.” She handed him the cap and pointed towards the tab on the back.

It was faded but Heath could still read the name. “Jimmy O’Rourke” he quietly said. “Sam, this is the cap you had when we first found you right?”

She nodded.

“Was his father named John?”

Again Sam nodded.

“Sam, it’s just a coincidence. They’re both common names.”

“Maybe” Sam said as she took the cap back from Heath. “They were both street musicians and I found them the first day in New York, when I was wandering the streets alone.” She knew Heath’s question before he asked. “I don’t know where my father would go but he left me alone every day and told me not to get into any trouble.” She sighed before continuing. “I was fascinated by the way they played the violins and when they were done Jimmy’s father would teach me how to play.” Sam shrugged. “Soon, I went everywhere with them and they were my family.”

She smiled sadly at the memories and then glanced over at Heath. His eyes were still fixated on the cap.

“Jimmy’s father was from Ireland and he would tell us these stories about leprechauns and wishes and lots of things that would fascinate a five year old. He said this cap had magic powers,” she added quietly and then checked Heath’s reaction.

“Sam, that’s nonsense and you know it.”

“Maybe.” She said again and then shrugged. “Jimmy went out one night and was run over and killed by some spooked horses. The next day his father told me and gave me this cap.”

Sam thought back to that day and it was still so clear in her mind.

“He told me he wouldn’t need it where he was going and that I should hold onto it and one day I would get the family I so desperately wanted. Heath this was before my father died and before I was in the orphanage but he knew, he seemed to know what was going to happen to me.”

“Sam, this is ridiculous.” Heath stood up and stretched, that damn dream playing in his head. “This man knew you were a lonely child with a father who left you alone and he wanted to make you feel better.”

“Heath, I can’t make you believe. But as a child, alone in that orphanage, I believed and I held on to this and his words and then one day you and Jarrod showed up.” Sam shrugged. “Believing was the only thing that kept me alive and I have John O’Rourke to thank for that.”

Heath sat back down. “What happened to Jimmy’s father?”

“Never saw him again,” Sam answered. “The last thing he said to me was he was going to be with his family. Heath, Jimmy told me he and his father had no other family.” She grew silent, the meaning of those words all too clear to both of them.

“Why didn’t you ever talk about him?” Heath asked. “I sort of assumed you had forgotten about your life before coming here.”

“No.” Sam shook her head firmly. “I haven’t forgotten and I never will.” She chuckled softly. “It’s all there, all part of who I am but I won’t let it interfere with my life now.”

“Sam, when did you get so old on me?”

Sam laughed. “You haven’t talked to Jarrod lately, have you? He keeps threatening to take me over his knee if I don’t grow up.”

“Sam, maybe you should give him a break,” Heath suggested.

“Nah.” Sam smiled. “I’m just preparing him for when Abby gets older. If he thinks I’m a handful, just wait. Yesterday Abby wanted to stay up later than her normal bedtime and she asked me to help prepare a list of reasons and then she marched into Jarrod’s office and demanded to state her case.” Sam bit down on her lower lip to keep from laughing. “I’ve never heard Jarrod stutter before as he tried to reason with her.”

“What happened next?” Heath asked

“Don’t know” Sam answered. “I started laughing and he kicked me out of his office and shut the door.”

Sam glanced over to see Heath smiling.

“It’s good to see a smile on your face. Here, take this.” She handed him the cap. “Heath it brought me everything I ever needed or wanted and now I want you to keep it.”

Heath started to protest.

“Heath, just keep it,” Sam insisted. “I don’t expect you to believe, and I honestly don’t know what I believe now, but I think you could use a little luck and you never know.”

Sam stood up, and Heath followed.

“I have to go meet Tommy.” She leaned up and kissed Heath’s cheek. “I’ll be back by dinner.” She started to walk away, stopped and faced her brother. “Heath, it doesn’t hurt to believe that there are others watching over us.” Sam shrugged and then quickly mounted her horse and rode off.

Heath stared at the cap and held it tightly in his hands. The same thought screamed in his head, that it was all a coincidence and not to believe it. Yet the dream was still so vivid, the strange man, the silent son and the place with no horses. Heath looked around and made sure he was alone.

“John O’Rourke, if you’re out there please watch over my son.”

Feeling foolish, Heath stuffed the cap in his back pocket and slowly climbed the stairs to the tree house.

THE END