To Find My Son

Parts 1-10

by Marci S.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 1

Walking into the house felt like going back in time. It had been over fifteen years since Tom Barkley had stepped foot in this house and it brought back so many memories and so much pain. It was the one time that Tom had betrayed his wife and it was a past that Tom thought he had left behind forever…until the letter arrived. Even after all those years he recognized the handwriting and with dread he opened the envelope and read the contents. Leah begged him to come to Strawberry but she wouldn’t tell him why. For weeks Tom agonized over his decision and in the end he decided it wouldn’t hurt to find out what Leah so desperately needed to tell him. Despite the guilt, he once again lied to his wife and his children and he set off alone to a town that he swore he would never visit again.

Tom glanced around the small, tidy home. It was exactly as he remembered it; everything in it’s place. Finally his eyes settled on Leah as she stood near the window, her back to him. Seeing her appearance had shocked him, though he hoped his face didn’t show it. She looked so much older than he remembered and it saddened him to see how hard the years had been on her. It wasn’t easy for a young woman in a town like Strawberry and Tom had hoped that she found true love and moved out of this awful town long ago. The curiosity got the better of him and Tom neared her.

“Leah!” Tom sighed as he said her name, a name he had tried for years to forget but never could. “Leah, what is so urgent that I had to come out here?” She turned and Tom had to look away, away from the deep blue eyes that seemed to penetrate right through him. He never thought he would care about a woman besides his wife, but if Tom were honest with himself he would admit at one weak moment he had fallen in love with this woman. Maybe a part of him still loved her.

“We need to talk” Leah quietly said and waited until Tom turned his attention back to her. She smiled wearily as the right words seemed to escape her. Over and over she had played the scene in her head, the right way to tell Tom, but she couldn’t remember any of it. Just tell him the truth she silently encouraged and then took a deep breath.

“Tom, we had a son together.” Leah spit it out so fast she wasn’t sure he understood. Slowly his eyes widened as the words seemed to sink in. Tom opened his mouth and shut it fast, unsure of what to say. It couldn’t be; that night couldn’t have produced a child. Tom knew it was possible but he wasn’t able to think that way. The past was the past and Tom needed it to stay that way.

“No!” Tom shook his head. “Leah, it can’t be. Why would you tell me this now? It’s been so long and suddenly I have a son? Why?” Tom’s voice rose with a mixture of fear and anger. His thoughts jumping from a child he didn’t know about to a family that he would soon have to face.

“Leah! Why?” She stepped back and waited until he calmed down. She remembered this part about Tom from the magical weeks they spent together. He had a temper and would let it out, but he was so gentle with those he cared about and the anger never amounted to much.
“Tom you left so suddenly and then I found out I was pregnant.” Absently Leah touched her stomach. “I was trying to figure out how to get in touch with you when Hannah showed me the newspaper article. Tom, you forgot to mention you were married and had two young sons.”

“I have four children now” Tom quietly interjected.

“No, you have five” Leah calmly stated. “Tom, you have another son who is so lost right now that I have no choice but to beg you for help.”

“This can’t be.” Tom turned and glanced around the house. There was nothing lying around that would indicate a child lived here. Yet Tom knew he wasn’t a child anymore; he’d be a teenager and a total stranger to his own father. He faced Leah.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You had a wife and children and I was protecting everyone; you, me and our son. I did what I thought was best and I still believe it was. Heath…”

“Heath.” Tom interrupted as he said his son’s name for the first time.

“Yes, Heath is his name. And we did alright.” Leah shrugged. “I worked wherever I could and Heath helped when he was old enough and we survived. Then one day last year he disappeared.”

“Disappeared?” Leah nodded as her mind wandered back to that painful time.

“Leah!” Tom barked, wanting to know the rest. “Where did he go?”

“He joined the army!” Leah replied matter-of-factly.

“The army? But he was only…”

“Thirteen” Leah said. “I never knew how much he hated this town until I got his letter telling me he had to get out and he thought joining a war was the only way.” She saw the horror clearly etched on Tom’s face and she stopped to let him deal with what he had just learned.

“Tom, are you ok?” His face was red and that contrasted with the dark hair that was so neatly combed back, off of his forehead. He had lost some hair since she had last seen him but he was still so handsome and the only man she ever fell in love with.

“Tom, it gets worse.” He shook his head slightly but seemed to brace himself for whatever else he was to learn.

“Heath was captured soon after joining the army and he ended up in Carterson for nearly eight months.” Leah was surprised by how calm she sounded relaying the news that had invaded her sleep since Heath had returned. Tom’s face registered nothing but she figured he was dealing with so much at the moment he had to be in shock. First a son he never knew about, a war his son was much too young to be in and now a prison that was famous for the inhumane ways it treated its captives. It was well known that those that died at Carterson were better off than the men who walked away. Let alone a child Heath’s age.

“Tom!” Gently she touched his arm. “Tom, I’m sorry!” He pulled away

“How could you?” he spit out with venom. “If you had told me about him, he would never have gone to war or spent time in prison. How could you?” She understood he needed to lash out and Leah was the only one he could take his anger out on. He didn’t know that she also blamed herself but there was nothing they could do to change the past. She had to focus on Heath and not on her own feelings.

“Tom, your son needs you. If you don’t help him, Heath won’t live to see his next birthday.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with him?” Tom reached out with his hand and then quickly withdrew it. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so finally he stuck them in his pockets, his fists clenched tightly.

“Heath has always been a strong willed child but he has a good heart and always tried to do the right thing. But the war’s changed him and I don’t recognize my son any longer.” Leah searched through her purse and brought out an old, tattered picture. “He’s twelve here.” Tom took the picture and studied his son. He saw nothing in the picture that showed Heath to be a Barkley but he knew instantly that this child was his son. Something in his eyes cried out to Tom and he knew he had to help him.

“Tom, I can’t control him. He won’t go back to school and he stays out all night long, drinking at the saloon with men much older than him. Please! For his sake, take our son back to Stockton and try to get through to him.” Tom wasn’t expecting to hear that request and it showed on his face.

“I can’t. I have a wife and children…I don’t think they would accept another woman’s child.”

“Tom, he’s your child.” Leah grabbed a hold of his arm and looked him in the eyes. “He’s a Barkley and he needs a father to get him through this. Please help your son.”

“Leah, I’m so angry right now.” He forcibly pulled his arm away. “How do you expect me to get through to a child that doesn’t know me? My god Leah, he’s nearly grown…he’s not going to accept me now.” Tom walked away, slamming his hands against the counter. His shoulders slumped as he took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

“Tom, how old are your children?” Leah neared him, stopping short of placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He turned, glanced down at Leah and then walked past her and towards the window. He watched some children play outside but knew they were all too young. He wondered if he had passed his son while riding through town. He thought about his children at home, safe and secure with two parents that loved them dearly. He had no idea how he was going to explain this other child and still keep his family intact.

“Tom, tell me about your children.” This time when he faced her a small smile played on his face.

“Jarrod is the oldest. He’s twenty-two and plans to be a lawyer. He’s so smart and I couldn’t be prouder. Nick is eighteen and so much like me it’s scary.” Tom paused, the smile getting broader. “He loves the ranch like I do and one day he’ll run it. Audra is my only daughter and she’s nine. She’s a beautiful little girl with a big heart but she’s tough and won’t let her brothers push her around. Eugene is the baby and he’s nearly eight. He gets away with a lot but being the youngest they all dolt on him.” Tom stopped talking, knowing he could go on forever talking about his children. He shrugged slightly. “I love my children and I would do anything for them. But I’m afraid bringing Heath home would destroy my family.”

“Heath always talked about having a brother” Leah said. “Sometimes he wanted an older brother and sometimes a younger one that he could boss around. Tom, you can give him both…please do this for our son. If your children are as wonderful as you make them sound, they’ll accept Heath and they’ll help him heal.”

“What about Victoria?” It was the first time Tom had mentioned his wife out loud and he saw Leah flinch. “Will my wife accept what happened between us? If she doesn’t and walks away, it will destroy my children’s lives. I don’t know if I can take that chance.”

“Tom, I don’t have any answers. All I know is you’re Heath’s last chance. If you don’t take him into your heart and your family he doesn’t have a prayer. He’s only fourteen years old and he deserves so much more than what I’ve given him. Tom, I swore I would never contact you but I have no other choice. I’m begging you…Heath needs you, he needs a family that I can’t provide him with.” Leah closed her eyes tightly, refusing to cry in front of Tom. She opened them to see Tom standing in front of her, his own eyes wet with tears. He reached down and wiped away the one tear that dared to fall down her left cheek.

“I’ll go home and somehow I’ll explain this to my family. Then I’ll come back for Heath.”

“Thank you.” Impulsively Leah wrapped her arms around Tom, finding comfort in the arms that once held her so tightly. He allowed the embrace to linger for a moment before pulling away.

“Leah, I love my wife and I will do everything possible to help Heath, but beyond picking Heath up, I can’t have anything to do with you.”

“I know.” Leah wasn’t insulted by his words. “Victoria must be a fine woman for you to love her the way you do.” Leah still loved him but she didn’t want anything but help for their son. Awkwardly, they stared at each other.

“I should go.” Tom walked away and grabbed his hat. “Don’t tell Heath anything about me.”

“I won’t. How long until you come back?” He shrugged. “A couple of days…a week at the most.” Tom thought it might take that long for him to get up the nerve to tell his wife. Slowly he walked to the door and opened it.

“I promise I’ll be back.” She watched through the window as he mounted his horse and rode away. She dreaded the day he took her son away but she would let him go, knowing it was the best thing for him.

Part 2

Tom Barkley had decided long ago that any decision affecting the whole family would be discussed as a family before a decision was made. In regards to Heath, the decision was already made but he would allow his children to air their feelings before the boy showed up. The kitchen table was the official meeting place, the usual snacks already on the table. Tom watched Victoria as she settled the two youngest at the table. They had talked all night and he knew how hurt she was. Angry at the initial betrayal and hurt that he never trusted her love enough to tell her the truth. Tom tried to explain that it had nothing to do with trust but his wife wouldn’t listen. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her and in the end it’s exactly what happened. She still loved him and would stand by him in his decision but Victoria made it quite clear that it would take a long time for this hurt to heal. Victoria caught Tom watching her and he smiled slightly.

“Eugene, wait until Jarrod and Nick get here.” Tom watched the little boy slowly put the cookie back on the plate. The child frowned as he rested his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands.

“No elbows on the table” Audra promptly told him. Miss manners as she was affectionately called thought it was her calling to teach her little brother how to behave. Eugene, on the other hand, disagreed and responded with sticking his tongue out at her.

“Keep doing that buddy and it may stay out forever.” Jarrod tousled the child’s hair as he sat down next to Eugene.

“Where’s Nick?” Tom asked.

“Don’t know.” Jarrod grabbed a cookie and started eating it.

“Hey.” Eugene perked up as he glanced at his father.

“Go ahead.” Eugene needed no further urging as he reached for a cookie. Tom watched them munching away. His oldest and youngest sons were very much alike, though Tom thought he was the only one who noticed. Yet Gene idolized Nick and tried so hard to be like him. He was the happiest working with Nick on some project though he usually hindered the work more than he helped. As loud as Nick could be sometimes he was very gentle and patient with his younger siblings. Tom hoped that Nick would find it in his heart to accept Heath and treat him as he did Gene and Audra.

“It’s about time you showed up” Jarrod remarked as Nick entered the kitchen.

“That’s my cookie.” Nick retorted as he grabbed the cookie out of Gene’s hand, eliciting the usual and expected response from the child.

“Nick!” Victoria warned with a stern look prompting Nick to give the cookie back.

“I don’t want anything that has Gene’s germs on it.” Nick said, as he smelled the liquid in the glass before him.

“I don’t have germs,” Eugene protested.

“Anything stronger?”

“No!” Tom shook his head as he watched Nick push the glass away. All were present and Tom knew he couldn’t delay this any longer. Slowly he and his wife both sat down, as his children intently watched him. They sensed something and by the way their parents were acting they knew it was big. Tom momentarily eyed each of his children, his stare lingering on Nick and Jarrod. They were the oldest and would understand what the others couldn’t. He respected them as the good men they had grown into and he knew they felt the same about their father. Tom cleared his throat, hoping that respect would still be there when he was finished.

“A few days ago I found out I have another son and I plan to bring him here to live with us.” Tom was always a straightforward man when dealing with his children. The reactions were slow coming as they stared at their father: the two oldest trying to digest the information and the younger ones simply too young to comprehend the situation.

“How old?” Nick found his voice first.

“Fourteen” his father answered as Nick and Jarrod both glanced briefly at their mother. Jarrod’s deep blue eyes narrowed as he turned his attention back to his father. Tom met his gaze and neither man backed down. Finally Jarrod looked away out of deference to his father.

“Do you two understand what I said?” He addressed Audra and Gene knowing they felt the tension that suddenly engulfed the usually cheery room. Audra was playing with her long, blonde hair; Tom knew that was a sign that his daughter was troubled.

“Audra?” She looked up, another set of blue eyes staring at him. These were softer, holding no anger for her father.

“Where has he been all this time?” she asked.

“Living with his mother in a town called Strawberry” Tom answered.

“Strawberry!” Eugene exclaimed. “That’s a funny name for a town. I don’t think I want another older brother. Nick and Jarrod already pick on me enough.” Eugene glanced at his brothers waiting for the usual comment or light slap but none came. He stared up at them and wondered what was wrong. They both continued to stare at their father and they looked angry to the little boy.

“What’s wrong?” Gene glanced around the table, his eyes finally settling on Audra. She seemed to be as confused as he was and silently took his hand. Victoria sensed the children’s fear and decided the little ones had heard enough.

“Have you two finished your homework?” They shook their head no.

“Go upstairs and finish it. I’ll be up in a little while.” She would talk to them later and try to make sense of a situation she didn’t totally understand. The children obeyed and Tom walked out after them, to ensure that they were upstairs and out of hearing range. He returned to the same silent room he walked out of.

“Let me make one thing clear” Tom quietly said as he sat back down. “It’s obvious by the boy’s age what has transpired. That, your mother and I will deal with in private. Understand?” Neither son answered and normally Tom would demand a reply but let it slide this time.

“I will take your silence as a yes.” Tom took a deep breath. “There’s more you need to know and maybe you’ll understand how difficult this is going to be. The boy’s name is Heath and he ran off last year and joined the army when he was only thirteen. He was taken captive and spent almost eight months at Carterson prison.”

Upon hearing this Nick whistled softly. “Jarrod, you remember the Colby’s son?” Jarrod nodded.

“He was at that prison” Nick continued, “and he’s just plum crazy now. I heard they locked him up because they were afraid he was going to kill his parents.”

“That’s enough” Victoria warned. “I don’t want to hear that kind of talk, especially around Eugene and Audra.”

“Father, why are you just finding out about…Heath now?” Tom looked at his oldest son and was pleased to see the anger had lessened.

“His mother believes we’re the last chance Heath has.”

“Last chance for what?” Nick asked. “Last chance before he goes crazy! And we’re bringing this kid into our home. Why?”

“Why?” Tom bellowed, as he stood up and leaned towards Nick. “Because he’s my son, just as you are and none of us can imagine what he’s been through. Because his mother can’t control him and is afraid he will self-destruct. Because I hope my sons can look past how Heath came to be and remember that he is your brother and help him heal from the war and become a full member of this family. Nick, did I answer your question?”

“Yes sir.” Nick lowered his eyes.

“Good!” Tom sat back down. “I know this isn’t easy and you’re both angry with me but please don’t take it out on Heath.”

“Why would we?” Jarrod calmly asked with his hands clasped tightly in front of him. “Heath, can’t be blamed for something he had no control over, can he?”

Tom sighed. He would welcome the anger as long as they treated the boy right.

“You’re right Jarrod.” Nick remarked. “Heath can’t be blamed for something he didn’t do.”

“OK, I get the message, loud and clear.” Tom stood. “I leave in the morning and we should be back before sunset.” He walked out and both boys glanced at their mother. It was obvious where their sympathy lied but she didn’t want them angry with their father.

“Mother, how are you?” She tried to smile but found it difficult. “If we stick together, we’ll get through this. I agree with your father about Heath. It’s going to be a very difficult transition and you both will need to help him. But I also want you to watch out for the little ones…” Victoria paused as she thought about the right words to say. “We don’t know anything about Heath and his mother didn’t say that much. If he lashes out, try to protect Audra and Gene, ok?”

“Don’t worry, we will” Nick immediately answered before leaving the kitchen. Jarrod bent over and lightly kissed his mother’s cheek.

“When is father going to ask me to delay my trip to San Francisco?” This time Victoria did smile as she realized how well her oldest knew his father.

“Tonight” she said. “Jarrod, I know how much this job means to you but we need you here right now. At least until things get settled.”

“I know!” Jarrod wanted this job and knew it would give his career a boost but he also knew he was needed at home. “I’ll wire them in the morning and let them know.” Jarrod walked out and neared the study knowing he would find him there. He stood in the doorway and studied his father. As angry as he was right now Jarrod also felt bad for him. He had lost fourteen years with his son and now he would have to deal with a teenager…angry and sullen and probably suffering from the time he spent in that hellhole.

“Father!” Tom turned.

“I’ll let them know I can’t start the job for a few months, ok?”

Tom smiled. “Thank you!” Neither spoke as Tom walked over and poured two drinks, handing one to his son. Tom quickly downed the drink and placed the empty glass on the bar.

“I’m scared to death,” Tom admitted, hoping his son was old enough to handle his father’s confession. “Tomorrow I bring a stranger into this house and hope one day he’ll become my son.” Jarrod didn’t know what to say. His father was a big man, an inch or two taller than Nick and probably about fifty pounds heavier. He was loud and boisterous and the one who usually intimidated others. Silently Jarrod hoped that this kid was worth all the problems he would surely bring to this family.

“Father, what happens if we can’t help him? What are you going to do?”

“I’m not going to think that far ahead,” Tom said as he gently clasped Jarrod’s shoulder.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight son.” Tom walked out and headed upstairs. He stopped at Audra’s room and peeked in. Victoria was lying in bed with a youngster on each side, quietly reading them a bedtime story. He recalled a similar scene some fifteen years before when he had returned from that fateful trip to Strawberry. He never told his wife the whole story, how he had almost died and Leah nursed him back to health. He had come home to find his wife reading a bedtime story to Jarrod and Nick and knew how big of a mistake he had made and swore then that he would never sway again. He hadn’t and in time Leah and Strawberry were a forgotten memory. Tomorrow he would meet the son that he and Leah had together. Heath! It still hadn’t sunk in but soon it would be a reality and they would all have to deal with him.

“Daddy!” Audra saw him standing there and called out.

“I’m going to bed early and just wanted to say goodnight.” He walked in and kissed each child and then glanced at his wife.

“We’ll be ready when you get home” she told him, a bit of the twinkle back in her eyes.

I love you he silently mouthed before leaving.

“Mama, where’s this boy going to sleep?”

“Gene, I don’t know. We’ll worry about that tomorrow.” The children snuggled a little bit closer as Victoria turned her attention back to the book she was reading. But her mind was only on tomorrow and this child who would soon enter their lives.

Part 3

Welcome to Strawberry. Fifteen years before the town had been booming and full of life. The sign had been hung with honor, welcoming all with open arms. Now, one post was broken and the letters were barely legible. Tom stood before the sign, knowing he was stalling for time. He knew Leah’s house was only five minutes away and the dread was starting to build inside of him. He kept telling himself that Heath was only a teenager and he had already raised two of them just fine. Nick was technically still a teen but Tom always thought of him as being older. Tom chuckled softly. There were times when they wondered if Nick would grow up; he was reckless and fearless and that was a dangerous combination. They had been through more broken bones with Nick than all the other children combined.

“Go on” Tom quietly urged himself; it was time to meet his new son. He jumped in the buggy and a few minutes later he was there. Taking a deep breath Tom neared the door and hesitated briefly before knocking on it. It seemed like an eternity before Leah opened the door. At first she seemed shocked to see him and then relieved, as if she didn’t expect him to return. She also looked very tired and Tom assumed it was from worrying about Heath so much.

“Tom.” Leah sighed. “I’m so glad to see you. Come in.” She opened the door wider and he followed her into the house. “I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t return.” She pointed towards a pot of coffee but Tom declined with a shake of his head.

“I do have some alcohol here,” Leah suggested, knowing how difficult this would be for him.

“I better not.” Tom smiled weakly. “Where is Heath?” Leah looked away as he asked that question.

“I don’t know.” Leah walked to the window and stared out. She didn’t want to admit she hadn’t seen her son in over a day, though she thought she knew where he was. Hannah had seen him near the saloon and he was so drunk he didn’t recognize her. Leah figured he was sleeping it off somewhere in town.

“Leah, what do you mean?” Tom walked up behind her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. She flinched under his touch and moved away.

“Hannah saw him drunk yesterday and he hasn’t come home since.” Leah felt like a failure as she admitted this to her son’s father. “Tom, I swear he wasn’t like this until he returned home from that prison. It changed him and I don’t know if my son is still inside.”

“Does he ever talk about it?” Tom knew some who had spent time in prison during the war and the stories were hard to hear. He had seen grown men break down, barely able to talk about their experience.

“No. I’ve tried to get him to talk but he hasn’t said one word about that place. Tom he rarely sleeps at home and the few times he has he moans and wakes up screaming.” Leah shivered and folded her arms across her chest. “I miss my son so much” she whispered, her eyes beginning to water. “If only you could have seen him before…” Leah paused when she realized what she had said. Tom’s eyes narrowed and Leah saw the anger he so rightfully felt. He would never know that Heath because she had held the truth from him.

“Tom, we can’t go back. Please help me with our son.”

“Do you have any idea where he could be right now?”

“I might.” She knew there was an abandoned shack in town that some of the homeless slept in.

“Go and bring him back. Lie if you have to, just get Heath here.” Leah nodded and Tom watched out the window as she walked away. He sat down and the only sound in the house was the nervous tapping of his fingers as he waited for them to return.

* * * * * * * *

Jarrod stood on the porch and watched Nick as he chopped firewood. He hadn’t said much all morning but it was obvious how angry he was by the way he was attacking the wood. They were all on edge and it would be hours before their father returned with their new brother. Jarrod yawned; he hadn’t slept much last night and he doubted the rest of the family had either.

“Hey Nick.” Jarrod called out and then neared his brother. “Take a break so we can talk.”

“I don’t need to talk.” Nick stopped momentarily to spit that out before going after another log.

“I do.” Jarrod waited for his opportunity and then grabbed Nick’s arm. “Nick, we have enough wood to last the year. Take a break.” Nick dropped the axe to the ground.

“Jarrod, why do you look so calm? Do you realize that everything changes today?” There was a canteen on the ground and Nick took a sip and poured the rest on top of his head. Aimlessly he tossed the canteen away.

“Nick, stop being so melodramatic. Our lives are not going to change that much.”

“Really?” Nick shook the excess water off of his hair. “New son, younger than us but older than Gene and Audra. Jarrod, do the math! Everyone in town will be.” Nick picked up some of the wood and shoved it into Jarrod’s arms. “Make yourself useful.” Nick grabbed the rest and headed towards the house, with Jarrod closely on his heels.

“Nick, is that what you’re worried about?” They dropped the wood near the fireplace and headed into the study. Jarrod closed the door even though he knew the house was empty. Nick headed straight for the bar.

“Nick!” Jarrod warned. “It’s too early to be drinking.” Nick shook his head but put down the glass he was holding.

“Jarrod, do you know how hard this is going to be on Mother? The stares and the whispers; they’re going to follow her everywhere.”

“Mother is strong. She can handle this.”

“And what about this boy?”

“Nick, his name is Heath.”

“Fine! HEATH! Do you think Heath can handle this? My god Jarrod, he spent eight months in a confederate prison. He’s going to explode one day and I don’t want to be near him when he does.” Nick plopped down in the big chair behind the desk and put his feet on the desk.

“Nick, maybe he won’t be that bad.” Jarrod hoped he sounded more confident than he felt.

“Maybe Santa Claus is real” Nick remarked, his voice full of sarcasm.

“Nick, he’s father’s son and our brother.”

“Half-brother” Nick countered and then abruptly stood. “Jarrod, I don’t want to dislike him before I meet him, but that’s how I’m feeling right now.” Jarrod watched him pace a straight line; back and forth so many times that Jarrod lost count. Finally he stopped and stared at Jarrod, his face a mask of confusion.

“Nick, what is it?”

“I don’t know.” Nick ran his hands through his hair. “I was up most of the night and I kept thinking about him. Can you imagine how he’s going to feel when his mother forces him to go with a father he doesn’t know? Jarrod, I’d be shocked if he doesn’t run off before they get to Stockton.”

“I know.” Jarrod had thought about the same thing. “Nick, we need to remember something. As hard as this is going to be on us, it’s going to be harder on Heath.” Suddenly Jarrod smiled. “Remember that the first time you feel like pounding him to the ground, ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll try. Wanna go riding?” Nick needed to keep busy and he was guessing Jarrod felt the same. Jarrod nodded; together they walked out and headed towards the stables.

* * * * * * * *

Tom heard the door open and stood up fast, mentally bracing himself for what was to come. Leah walked in first and for a minute he thought she didn’t have the boy with her. But then he walked in with his head down and didn’t notice Tom standing there. It gave Tom a few minutes to scrutinize his son. He was smaller than Tom had anticipated and he wondered how anyone could let this child fight in a war. He had blonde hair down to his shoulders and needed a hair cut very badly. The boy finally looked up and noticed Tom standing there. He moved the hair out of his face and Tom saw blue eyes staring at him. But what stood out the most on his face were the deep, dark circles under the child’s eyes. Tom quickly gazed downward at the ill-fitting clothes and the piece of rope that kept the pants on the thin body. He noticed that Heath wasn’t wearing shoes and then glanced at Leah who saw the same thing.

“Heath, where are your shoes?”

“Who’s he?” Heath continued to gaze upward at the stranger in their house. “Ma, who is he?” Heath looked over his shoulder and then back at the man staring at him. He looked at his feet but couldn’t remember where his shoes were.

“We need to talk to you.” Something in her voice scared him and he backed away, a little closer to the door. To Tom he looked like a deer, trying to escape from a pack of wolves.

“Heath, I’m not here to hurt you.”

“How do you know me?” He glanced again at his mother. Leah hesitated, unsure how to proceed. She wasn’t sure Heath could handle the truth blurted out but she couldn’t think of another way.

“Heath, this man is your father.” She surprised Tom with her bluntness and he cautiously watched the child.

“No he’s not.” Heath backed himself up against the wall.

“Heath, I am.”

“No! I don’t have a father. Never did, right Ma?” Heath waited for the confirmation that never came. “If you’re my father, where have you been?” Tom started to say something but stopped, not wanting to put the blame on Leah. He didn’t have to as she did it herself.

“Heath, I never told him about you until a couple of weeks ago. I want you to go live with him and his family.” Heath shook his head, unwilling or unable to comprehend what was going on.

“No.” He bolted out of there before anyone could stop him. Tom started after him but Leah got in his way.

“I know where he’s going. Let’s give him a few minutes.”

Heath ran to a nearby house and swung open the door.

“Hannah.” The lady who was a second mother to him immediately looked up from the food she was cooking.

“Child, what’s wrong?”

“There’s a man in the house who claims to be my father and Ma wants me to go live with him and I don’t know what’s going on. You have to help my mother before he hurts her.” A rush of words erupted from Heath as he tried to catch his breath. Hannah silently reached down and stroked his cheek.

“Heath, it’s for the best.” That’s not what he wanted to hear. “Heath, he is your father and he’ll take care of you.

“Heath.” He turned to see them standing in the doorway, his mother who didn’t want him and the man who claimed to be his father. He had no father; a father wouldn’t let his son grow up in this crummy town. But he also had no fight left, and his shoulders slumped in a sign of resignation. Tom watched the change in the boy with deep concern. Heath lowered his eyes and slowly walked towards them.

“I don’t care,” he mumbled as he walked past them and towards his house. They were about to follow when Hannah grabbed a hold of Tom Barkley’s arm.

“You take good care of that boy or you’ll have to deal with me.” Tom couldn’t help but smile; he had always been fond of this woman and her way with words.

“Hannah, I promise.” He briefly placed his hand over hers. “I’ll take care of my son.” They quickly went after the boy and found him in the house, silently sitting on the floor. Tom knelt down next to him, not surprised that his son wouldn’t look at him.

“Heath, I think you’ll like where I live. It’s a ranch with a lot of animals. Do you like horses?” Heath didn’t answer so Tom tried something else. “Heath, you have three brothers, two older and one younger and a younger sister. Just give it a chance, ok?” After a few more minutes of silence from the boy Tom gave up and stood.

“Leah, can you pack whatever he’s going to take?” She nodded and scurried around to find a bag and threw Heath’s clothes into it. Other than that, she didn’t know what else to give him.

“Heath, is there anything you want to take with you?”

“No.” His voice was barely above a whisper, devoid of all emotion. Leah suddenly wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing and she glanced over at Tom. But she saw the concern on Tom’s face as he watched Heath and Leah knew he would take care of his son. Heath might hate her at the moment but he would get over it and someday maybe he would love her again. She quickly found a picture of the two of them taken right before Heath left home and put that in the bag along with a stuffed bear that Heath received when he was a baby. Leah could only imagine the look on Heath’s face when he saw that and it made her smile…briefly.

“Tom, I’m sorry but he only has the one pair of shoes.”

Tom nodded. “He’ll be fine until I can get him a new pair. Heath, we should get going. I have sandwiches for the ride back.” With no hesitation Heath stood up and walked out of the house, never even looking at his mother. Maybe it was for the best as tears started flowing down her cheeks.

“Leah…” Tom reached down and gently wiped away a few tears. “I’ll let you know how he’s doing.” It didn’t seem enough but Tom didn’t know what else to say. “Leah, I know how much you love Heath and you’re doing the right thing. I’ll find that little boy you miss so much…I promise.” Tom picked up the bag containing Heath’s belongings and quickly left the house, hoping the ride back to Stockton would be a smooth one.

Part 4

It was a perfect fall day and Tom was grateful that the weather had cooperated. He wished he could say the same about the ride or the passenger beside him but he figured that was too much to ask for. He tried; Tom had talked so much that his throat hurt and his voice was hoarse. He had only elicited a few words from Heath and never more than one at a time. A glanced sideways showed the boy sitting straight up, arms stiffly at his side. The uneaten sandwich was still in his hand. They were near Stockton and Tom was more than ready to finally get home.

“Heath, we’ll be home soon.” He had already begun to think of the ranch as Heath’s home and Tom hoped the family would take to the boy. Tom had but he wasn’t sure why. Something in Heath’s demeanor cried out for help and Tom was determined to help his son. Suddenly, without warning, Heath bolted from the buggy crying out in pain as he landed hard on the ground.

“Heath!” Tom stopped the horses and rushed to his son. “Are you hurt?” The boy shook his head as he backed away from his father. Tom saw the pain on Heath’s face and knew something was hurting him.

“Heath, what were you thinking? Where did you plan on going?”

“Anywhere but with you.” Tom’s relief in hearing a complete sentence was marred by the meaning of it. He knew how hard this was on Heath but Tom didn’t think he would risk his life to get away. Heath was rubbing his ankle and Tom figured he must have twisted it funny when he landed.

“Can I check?” Heath shrugged so Tom hiked his pants up and carefully examined the child’s ankle. It was a little swollen but didn’t look too bad.

“You’ll live” Tom said with a slight smile. “Heath! Please, just give it a try.” The boy lowered his head, resting it on his hand. With his free hand he nervously picked at the grass.

“I didn’t even say goodbye,” he mumbled. “Not that she’d care anyways.”

“Of course she cares. Heath, your mother loves you.”

“No she doesn’t.” Heath stood up and started walking away, limping slightly. Tom easily caught up but didn’t stop the boy. After a few minutes Heath stopped and glanced around. He had nowhere to go and he knew it. “Why’d she make me go away?” For the first time since they left Strawberry Heath made eye contact with his father. Tom leaned over, placing his hands firmly on Heath’s shoulders.

“She loves you so much she let you go. Heath, that was the hardest thing she’s ever done.”

“But why?” Heath reached up and shoved the wayward strands of hair out of his eyes.
“Heath, she can’t give you the help you need and she’s hoping I can.”

“I don’t need any help.” Heath tried to pull away but Tom wouldn’t let him.

“Heath, you’re old enough to know that you’re in trouble and you have been since you were released from Carterson.” Heath’s eyes widened and he struggled harder to get away.

“She shouldn’t have told you.” Heath continued to struggle but Tom held him firmly by the shoulders. The child had strength but he was no match for someone his father’s size. Finally he gave up and silently stood there, his eyes downward.

“Heath, look at me.” When he didn’t move Tom gently forced his chin upward. Again his eyes were covered and Tom pushed the hair away. “Heath, you’re my son and I owe you so much. Give me a chance to be your father.” Tom stared into the blue eyes that mirrored his own. The pain that stared up at him was almost too much for Tom to handle. “Son, let’s go home.”

“It’s not my home” Heath spit out but allowed the hand on his shoulder to guide him back to the buggy. It will be in time Tom silently hoped as he started the horses. About ten minutes later they were on Barkley property and Tom began pointing out the parts of the ranch they rode by. They neared the corrals and Heath turned his attention to the horses.

“Heath, do you like to ride?” He didn’t answer; just stared at the horses as Tom stopped the buggy.

“We’re here.”

Heath jumped out and looked up at the house before him. It was bigger than anything he had ever seen and he couldn’t believe this man’s family lived in it.

“Heath, are you ready?” The door opened and Heath saw a small boy peek out.

“They’re here” the child yelled and then ran out of sight.

“That’s Eugene” Tom explained. “Let’s go meet everyone.” Tom had to forcibly push Heath before he found his feet and slowly they walked into the house. The whole family was there to greet them and Tom knew it would be overwhelming for Heath. He backed up a few steps but at least he stayed in the house. As first impressions go Tom knew Heath didn’t have a chance. He glanced at his children, impeccably clean and well groomed and then at the child at his side.

“Heath, welcome to our family.” Tom smiled as his wife stepped forward and offered her hand out to Heath. He was pleasantly surprised when Heath took it briefly before dropping his arm back to his side.

“Heath, this is Jarrod, Nick, Audra and Eugene.” Tom pointed to each as he said their names. The two oldest managed to say hello while the younger ones just stared at him.

“Where are your shoes?” Eugene pointed towards Heath’s feet. Heath didn’t know what to say so he kept quiet. He felt like he was on display and quite uncomfortable. He glanced up at Tom, hoping he would do something to get him out of there.

“Heath, for right now you’ll sleep in Eugene’s room.”

“Where am I going to sleep?” Eugene stamped his foot angrily. “I just got my own room, I don’t want to share.”

“Gene, stop being a baby” Nick said. “We all know you don’t like sleeping alone.” Eugene was the night prowler; walking the halls until someone would take pity on him and allow him to sleep on their floor, or better yet the bed.

“I’m not a baby.” Gene took a couple of swings at Nick. “Whoa there.” Nick picked him up and turned him upside down, eliciting cries of help from the child.

“Nick, put him down.” Victoria frowned at the behavior of her children.

“Mother he likes this and you know it.”

“Yes he does.” Victoria agreed. “But he just ate a large dinner and I won’t be the one scrubbing the rug.” Nick rolled his eyes but turned Eugene around and finally planted the child on his shoulders. Nick glanced at his father who smiled at him; Tom knew that his son was trying to draw the attention away from Heath.

“There’s an hour of daylight left and I promised this one I’d finished that cage for his rabbit.” Nick pointed at Eugene as he said that.

“I’m helping” Eugene exclaimed, resting his arms on Nick’s head.

“Of course” Nick muttered as they passed Heath and their father.

“Wanna help?” Eugene asked Heath.

“Gene, he’s had a long day and needs to eat dinner” Tom answered for him. “But thanks for asking.” Tom kissed his youngest son and gave Nick another grateful look before they walked out of the house.

“Eugene will sleep in Audra’s room” Victoria said. “Otherwise, you won’t get any sleep.” Heath almost spit out that he rarely slept, but decided against it. Audra, for her part, took that news calmly as her attention was still on Heath.

“Daddy gives great haircuts,” she informed him. “And you need one real badly” she added, smiling up at Heath.

“Are you two hungry? Dinner is still warm.”

“I’m starved” Tom answered. “Heath?” He was, but didn’t want to admit it.

“Let’s go to the kitchen” Tom said and guided Heath in that direction. Audra followed while Jarrod stayed behind, watching them as they walked away. It was so plain to see that his father was already taken with his new son and Jarrod hoped he wouldn’t be too disappointed if Heath couldn’t accept him as a father.

* * * * * * * *

It was near ten and for the first time that day Tom had a few minutes to relax. He poured a drink and sat down, closing his eyes momentarily. Dinner had been quiet but at least Heath had eaten some food and seemed ok when Tom showed him to his room. He opened his eyes and saw his wife standing there.

“Kids are asleep” she said and then sat down in a chair opposite her husband.

“He doesn’t say much” Victoria commented, referring to the newest member of their family. Tom simply nodded in agreement.

“Tom, can we handle this?”

“We have too. Victoria you saw him. He doesn’t seem to care about anything, let alone proper nutrition and grooming. Leah hinted that he drinks too much and I’m assuming he does so to forget the prison.” Tom sighed as he stood up. “I have to be strict with him. Set rules and make sure he follows them. Otherwise we’ll lose him too and then he has nowhere to go.” They heard footsteps.

“Nick, is that you?” They heard an affirmative grunt and then Nick appeared, holding an apple.

“Snack before bed” he spit out as he chewed his first bite.

“Can you check on Heath before you go to bed?” Tom asked.

“Why me?” Nick bit a big chunk out of the apple.

“Because your room is right next door and I’m asking you too. Thanks Nick” Tom called out as his son left the room.

“What are you up to?” Victoria asked, suspicious of her husband’s motives. Tom smiled slightly. “We both know that Nick will eventually run this ranch so he’ll always be here. I want Heath to feel this is his home and he’ll need to get along with Nick. Besides, I just have a gut feeling that Nick will be good for him.” Victoria wasn’t sure she agreed but kept her opinion to herself. For a few minutes she watched her husband pace and then picked up the book she was reading and turned her attention to that.

* * * * * * * *

Nick lightly tapped on the door but there was no answer. He tried again and heard nothing so he quietly pushed open the door assuming he would find Heath asleep. He was surprised and a little embarrassed to see Heath awake and standing by the window.

“Sorry. Just checking to see if you’re asleep.”

“I’m not.” Heath turned back to staring out the window.

“You can’t escape that way” Nick remarked as he walked in and closed the door behind him. “Heath, it’s getting late and we all get up real early around here. Maybe you should go to bed.”

“I don’t need you to tell me what to do and I didn’t ask you to come in here either.” Heath moved away from the window and plopped himself on the floor, pulling his knees close to his chin. Nick sighed and turned to leave, stopping before he opened the door.

“What is your problem?” Nick asked as he neared the boy. “You’re a kid…”

“I’m not,” Heath yelled. “I fought in a war…”

“Quiet.” Nick knelt close to Heath. “Don’t wake the others up. Yeah, I know you fought in a war but you’re just a child…a foolish child who should be outside playing and not walking around like everyone hates you.”

“You should hate me” Heath whispered and then stood up. “I’m just a reminder of what your father did.”

“He’s your father too” Nick retorted and stood up also. “Heath we all fought in that war, though none of us were imprisoned like you were.” Heath no longer acted surprised that others knew about Carterson.

“You fought?” Nick nodded his head. “Jarrod enlisted first and then he got injured and I was angry so I joined to get those who hurt my brother.” Nick chuckled softly. “Father was not amused when he found out what I did.” Nick sat on the bed and picked up the stuffed bear and glanced at Heath. Heath just shrugged his shoulders, unwilling to explain how or why that bear came with him.

“It was also the start of Gene’s sleeping problem” Nick continued. “He’s so young and he doesn’t understand about war. All he knew was I was going to a place that hurt his brother and he hasn’t slept through the night since the day I left.” Nick shrugged. “The doctor said he’d grow out of it and he’s getting better. In the beginning he wouldn’t even go to sleep alone. Heath, do not talk about the war in front of him ok?” Heath nodded, a little surprised to hear that a child Gene’s age was suffering from the same thing he was. The door flung open and Gene entered.

“Nick, I thought I heard you.”

“Eugene, you knock before you enter. Understand?”

“But it’s my room.” Eugene protested.

“It’s Heath’s room now and you knock before you come in. Got it?”

“Sorry.” Eugene mumbled, addressing Heath. In his long nightshirt and holding a stuffed dog, he looked younger than his age.

“Heath, I have to get him to sleep or he’ll never stay awake in school.” Nick lifted his brother into his arms. “Eugene, you can sleep in my bed if you promise not to kick me.”

“I promise” Eugene mumbled, already half-asleep, his head drooping towards Nick’s shoulder.

“Heath, if you’re up to it, I’ll take you around the ranch tomorrow. Goodnight!” Nick walked out, closing the door behind him. Heath again neared the window and stared at the nothingness outside. They seemed to be good people but it wasn’t his family and Heath wanted nothing to do with them. Tomorrow he would figure out a way to escape.

Part 5

Tom was the last to the breakfast table and he glanced around as he sat down. The children were unusually quiet and he knew it had to do with Heath’s presence at the table. The newest child sat hunched over his plate, his long, blonde hair hiding his face. The other children were eating but also watching Heath with great interest. Tom looked up to see Victoria staring at him and he shrugged. Tom also watched Heath and he noticed that he wasn’t eating at all.

“Heath, don’t you like eggs? I can have Silas make something else for you.” Heath didn’t answer and Tom spoke a little louder. “Heath!” Finally the boy stirred and glanced in Tom’s direction.

“What?” Heath picked up his fork and took a small bite.

“Heath, did you get any sleep last night?” I don’t sleep Heath wanted to yell for them all to hear but he settled for shaking his head no.

“You might want to because I will not have my children falling asleep at the breakfast table.” Heath heard giggles coming from the little ones seated next to him. He sneaked a peek across the table but neither Nick or Jarrod looked his way.

“Audra! Eugene! Finish your breakfast or you’ll be late for school.”

“Is Heath going to school with us?” Audra asked.

“Not today, but he will be very soon” Tom answered. That seemed to awaken Heath and he glared at Tom.

“I’m not going to school,” he said very calmly.

“Yes, you are” Tom stated, just as calmly.

“No!” Heath yelled as he stood up abruptly, knocking his sister’s milk glass over. Audra screamed and jumped up before the milk could land on her dress.

“Heath, sit down.” Tom also stood as Victoria rushed to clean up the mess on the table.

“No!” Father and son stared at each other, neither backing down. “I ain’t doing anything you say.” Tom took one step towards Heath causing his son to flee the room.

“Let him be” Victoria quietly said as she watched her husband take a few steps towards the dining room exit. Tom hesitated, taking a couple of deep breaths. He knew his children were watching and finally, after a few minutes, he sat back down and turned his attention back to breakfast.

“Our first meal as a family” Nick sang out sarcastically. “Can it get more fun than this?”

“Nick!” Tom glared at his son. “Don’t start cause I will finish.” It was a warning that Nick took seriously; he quietly picked up his fork and continued eating.

“Children, hurry up and finish your breakfast. I’ll take you to school today.” They nodded at their mother.

“Mother, can I go with?” Jarrod asked. “I want to talk to Doug Simmons about a job at his office.”

“God forbid you work on the ranch” Nick spit out. “Don’t want to get those lily white hands dirty, do you?”

“Nick, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?” Jarrod asked, glaring at his brother.

“I didn’t sleep” Nick retorted. “Someone kept kicking me in the face all night.” Eugene giggled as Nick stared at him.

“Sorry!” The little boy whispered. “I can’t control my legs when I sleep” he added and then gulped down the rest of his milk. “I have to go to the bathroom” he announced and then ran out of the room.

“Audra, go wash up so we can leave.” The little girl nodded and followed her brother out of the dining room.

“Tom, what are you going to do about Heath? We can’t have disruptions at every meal.”

Tom avoided his wife’s eyes. “I’ll talk to him” Tom remarked.

“Excuse me.” Nick stood up and walked out. A few minutes later his mother and brother followed, leaving Tom alone to finish his breakfast.

* * * * * * * *

Heath watched from the window as the buggy rode away from the house. He assumed Nick and his father also left and he slowly walked out and descended the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Heath was almost out the door when he heard Nick’s voice. Ignoring him, Heath left the house.

“I asked you a question.” Nick rushed out and grabbed Heath’s arm.

“I’m escaping” Heath spit out. “Getting away from here and all of you.” Nick chuckled sarcastically as he let go of Heath.

“Fine! You think it’s so bad here…go. I’m certainly not going to stop you.” Heath lowered his head and turned to leave. He only took a few steps when Nick again grabbed his arm.

“Heath, wait! Give it a chance.” Nick thought about calling for his father but decided he could handle it.

“I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere.” Self-pity was not Nick’s style and it angered him when others used it.

“Heath, you can’t decide that in one day. You said you were escaping. For god’s sake, this isn’t a prison. You’re not a prisoner here.”

“Shut up!” Heath yelled. “I’ll always be a prisoner.” He started running just as Tom exited the house.

“What happened?” Briefly they watched the boy get farther in the distance.

“Get him” Tom ordered and they both took off after Heath. The boy was fast but Nick was faster and he easily overcame the distance. Nick lunged and knocked Heath to the ground. They were trying to catch their breath as Tom finally caught up. Heath stood first and went after Nick as the older boy was just getting to his feet.

“Heath, stop.” Tom’s eyes widened as he watched Heath pummel Nick with punches. At first Nick didn’t fight back, as he easily deflected everything Heath gave him. But that just frustrated the boy and he threw his whole body at Nick, knocking them both to the ground. Tom tried to grab Heath but wasn’t able to pull him away. He stepped back, hoping Nick could gain the upper hand before either of his sons were hurt. Nick grunted loudly as he threw Heath off of him and grabbed the blonde boy in a headlock.

“Had enough?” It went unanswered as Heath found some reserved strength and tried to wriggle free.

“Heath, calm down.” Tom grabbed his legs and together they held the boy still; the only sound was the heavy breathing off all three. Trapped, Heath did the only thing he could; he stopped fighting and limply leaned against Nick.

“Nick, let him go.” He did so and Heath rolled over, hiding his face against the ground. In doing so his shirt twisted and exposed his back, giving the men a view of the scars that ran up and down the child’s back. Nick whistled softly as Tom knelt down near his son’s head.

“Heath, sit up.” It took a little prodding from Tom before Heath pulled himself to a seated position. “Where are you running too?” Tom gently combed Heath’s hair away from his eyes, hoping to see something in the boy’s eyes. But in the brief moment that Heath looked at him, Tom saw nothing; empty eyes of a child who seemed to feel nothing. Nick kneeled next to them and fixed Heath’s shirt, covering up the scars that should never have been there.

“Heath, let’s go home.” They pulled the silent child to his feet and flanked him, as they walked back, neither willing to trust that Heath wouldn’t try to flee again.

* * * * * * * *

“Nick, what happened?” They were back home and after depositing Heath in the study, Tom confronted Nick.

“I don’t know.” Nick shrugged his shoulders. “He said he was escaping and I said this wasn’t a prison and he said he’d always be a prisoner. Then he took off.” Nick glanced over his shoulder to the closed study door. They left him there because there were no windows and no chance for Heath to sneak out without them knowing. “Father, those scars. Can you imagine how hard he must have been whipped to leave marks like those?”

“I know.” Tom sighed. “OK, lets take him into town…” Nick was about to protest but Tom shook his head. “I need you with me in case he takes off. We’ll get him shoes and some clothes that fit properly. Nick, just forget about this incident…ok?”

“I guess.” Nick followed his father into the study, just in time to see Heath down a glass of alcohol.

“No you don’t.” Tom grabbed the glass out of his hand, hoping it was only the first drink.

“We don’t hide our problems by drinking around here. Heath, we’re going into town and getting you new shoes.” He didn’t give the boy time to argue, not that he thought Heath would. He placed his arm around Heath’s shoulders and guided him out, with Nick trailing behind them.

* * * * * * * *

The trip into town had been pleasantly uneventful Tom mused as he stood in line to pay for the shoes and clothing. Nothing fit the boy just right but much better than the clothes he currently had. Both sons were waiting outside with Nick keeping a close eye on his younger brother. He turned to see them walking away and Tom couldn’t help but wonder where Nick was taking him. But he trusted Nick and knew Heath would be all right.

“Where are we going?” Heath asked but Nick wouldn’t tell him.

“Trust me” is all Nick would say as he lightly placed his arm around Heath’s shoulder.

“In there.” Nick opened a door and waited for Heath to enter.

“Sally! Are you here?”

“Nick Barkley, I’d know that voice anywhere.” A pleasantly plump woman in her mid thirties entered the room.

“Who’s this?” She eyed Heath.

“My long lost brother” Nick answered lightly slapping Heath on the back.

“He looks too young to be long lost” Sally commented. “Nick are you sure you’re not telling me a story?”

“Sally” Nick said, his voice turning serious. “Gossip will run rampant soon enough. I’d prefer you keep this to yourself, ok?”

“Nick, I’d do anything for you.” Sally purred softly eliciting a smile from Heath. “What can I do for you two?” she asked.

“No brother of mine is going to walk around looking like a girl. Sally, you know what to do.” She nodded and disappeared into another room.

“I’m not getting my hair cut” Heath said.

“Yes you are” Nick countered. “Listen! Father is going to take the clippers to you real soon, and trust me, you don’t want that.” Nick smiled. “Jarrod and I both go to Sally and she’s good.”

“Fine.” Heath sighed. He wouldn’t admit to Nick that he was sick of looking between strands of hair in order to see. Sally returned and pointed to a seat, and waited for Heath to sit down.

“What’s your name?”

“Heath!” he answered quietly.

“Nice to meet you Heath.” Sally liked to talk as she cut hair. “Let me tell you about this brother of yours. Every girl wants to date him and if I was ten years younger I’d stand in line with them.” She sighed and studied Heath’s face as the hair fell to the ground.

“Nick, you better watch it. In a couple of years you’re going to have competition. Good looks sure run in the family.” Heath blushed and lowered his eyes, but couldn’t hide the smile completely. Nick stood behind Sally with a broad grin on his face, pleased that someone had been able to break that mask that Heath normally wore.

“How’s that?” Sally stepped back and studied her work. Nick stood beside her. The haircut made the dark circles more noticeable but at least Heath looked like a boy now.

“Have a look.” Sally handed Heath a mirror and he looked at himself. He couldn’t remember the last time his hair was that short and it was styled. His ma would be angry if she knew he paid to have his hair cut.

“I don’t have any money” he suddenly spit out.

“It’s on me,” Nick told him. “You can pay me back later. Let’s go before Father worries about us.” He paid Sally.

“Thank you.” Nick smiled gratefully, wondering if Sally knew she did more than give Heath a haircut.

“Don’t be strangers. Heath.” She stopped the boy before he walked out and stared into his trouble eyes. “You come by anytime you need a trim or an ear to listen to you. Hear me?” He nodded and followed his brother out. Sally watched them leave. She knew Nick was right; the gossip would start soon but it wouldn’t come from her.

“Where have you been?” Tom waited impatiently by the wagon, having already gotten all the supplies by himself. He noticed the haircut right away, but didn’t want to make a big deal about it.

“We need to get home. It’s a working ranch and it won’t work itself.” Heath jumped into the back of the wagon while Nick sat beside his father. Tom smiled at him and mouthed a silent thank you. He had never been more proud of his middle son and as he drove away, Tom started to feel his gut instinct was right. Together, he and Nick would get through to Heath.

Part 6

“Mama! Mama, get up.” Gene leaned against the bed and shook his mother awake. Victoria turned over, her eyes half-closed. “Go back to sleep” she mumbled.

“Heath.” Gene said as he kept shaking her. “He’s screaming Mama.” Victoria sat up, suddenly wide-awake.

“Tom, wake up.” Their room was at the far end of the hall and too far to hear Heath’s screams. “Tom, Heath needs you.”

“OK.” Tom rolled out of bed and grabbed his robe. In the hall he could clearly hear his son and ran to his room, passing his children as they each staggered out of their own rooms. Tom rushed to the bed and tried to still the thrashing child.

“Heath! Come on son, wake up.” Tom pleaded but the screams grew louder. He tried to make out the words but only a few came out clear; but those were enough for Tom to know that his son was back in Carterson and suffering from some form of beating.

“Hold him still.” Tom ordered his two older sons, who stood wide-eyed at the scene before them. “Now! Please.” Tom was afraid Heath would hurt himself or one of them with his flailing arms. Jarrod and Nick jumped on the bed and tried to grab all of Heath’s limbs while Tom leaned over close to his face.

“Heath! Wake up, you’re safe.” Tom talked softly and gently caressed the child’s face. It seemed like an eternity before Heath snapped out of it and opened his eyes. His labored breathing was the only sound heard in the room. Heath turned on his stomach and leaned his face sideways against the pillow. His eyes seemed lucent as he stared at his father’s face.

“Heath, it was just a nightmare.” As Tom spoke he ran his hand gently up and down Heath’s back. Tom noticed his wife and youngest children standing in the doorway.

“Victoria, please take them back to bed.” His wife nodded and escorted Audra and Eugene out of the room.

“Nick, get him a glass of water.” Tom turned his attention back to Heath. “Are you feeling better?” He ran his fingers through Heath’s newly cut hair. Heath remained silent but Tom felt it was progress that he wasn’t protesting the touches of his father’s hand. Nick returned with the water and handed the glass to Tom.

“Heath, are you thirsty? Sit up and take a drink.” Heath sat up in bed and took the water that Tom offered. His hands were shaking so Tom kept his own hand on the glass to keep it from spilling. Heath took only a small sip and then glanced upward at his brothers.

“Are you ok?” Nick asked with a weak smile plastered on his face. Heath managed a small nod to his brother’s question.

“Heath, can you go back to sleep?” Tom asked as he placed the water on the nightstand.

“No” he whispered and then folded his arms across his chest. “Don’t sleep.” Heath leaned back against the wall, and took a couple of deep breaths.

“Heath, can we do anything for you?” Jarrod gently sat on the bed. Heath shook his head no.

“Nick. Jarrod, go back to bed. I’ll stay here with Heath.” His sons nodded and slowly walked out of the room.

“Heath, tell me how I can help you.”

“You can’t.” Those two words broke Tom’s heart. He’d only known his son for two days but time doesn’t always reflect how you feel. He was drawn to this child and would do anything to help him but didn’t know how. Tom wanted to wrap his arms around his son and tell him everything would be ok but he doubted Heath would allow that.

“Heath, I’ll find some way to help you and that’s a promise.” Tom reached over and lightly tapped Heath’s chest. “When I make a promise I keep it.” He smiled at the boy who finally turned his head away, his eyes boring a hole in the wall. Heath wasn’t sure what to make of this man. Not only did he claim to be his father, but he actually seemed happy about it and Heath had spent his life being rejected by others, even members of his own family. But it had only been two days and Heath knew he would mess things up, he always did.

“Heath, what are you thinking about?” Tom lightly slapped Heath’s leg to get his attention.

“I’m not” Heath answered, and then suddenly swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “I want to go downstairs and get something to eat.” Tom didn’t buy that and figured the boy needed something to calm his nerves.

“I’ll go with you.”

“No!” Heath reached for his robe and angrily put it on. “I need to be alone right now.” Tom nodded. He didn’t want to push the boy plus he had locked up most of the alcohol after catching Heath drinking the first time.

“Heath, I’ll be my room if you need me.” He walked out before Heath and quietly entered his own room. Tom wasn’t surprised to find both Eugene and Audra in their bed and he had to move his son over to make some room for himself. He settled down and closed his eyes, doubting he would get any more sleep that night.

* * * * * * * *

Heath walked into the study and immediately noticed that the alcohol was gone. So much for being trusted he silently mused as he walked around the study. There was so many books, more books than he had even seen in his life. And they were lined up so neatly in the giant bookcases. Heath couldn’t imagine having so much money as to spend it on such a frivolous thing as books. One about the American Revolution caught his eye and he reached for it, knocking it loudly to the floor.

“Who’s there?” Heath cringed when he recognized Nick’s voice and sure enough, in a matter of minutes Nick was standing in the doorway. Behind him was Jarrod and both of them were staring at him.

“Heath, what are you doing?” Nick asked as they entered the study.

“Nothing.” Heath stood up and started to put the book back in its correct spot.

“Heath, you can read that if you want.” Jarrod took the book out of his hands and stared at the title. “Are you sure you want to be reading about a war?” Heath shrugged as he neared the pool table and ran his fingers lightly over the green cloth that lined the top of the table. Heath picked up one of the balls and ran it through his fingers.

“Heath, do you know how to play?” He glanced over at Nick and then shook his head no. Heath didn’t want to admit that he had never seen a table like this and didn’t even know what the game was called.

“I’ll teach you.” Nick walked over and took down a stick.

“Nick, it’s the middle of the night.” Jarrod protested, thinking his brother had lost his mind.

“So! It’s not like we’re going to get any more sleep. Come on. Heath and me against you.”

Jarrod sighed but finally nodded yes. He wasn’t one to turn down a challenge, even at the ungodly hour of two in the morning.

“Heath, put the ball back. We’ll break first.” Heath dropped the ball where he got it and neared Nick.

“Here, hold it like this.” Nick demonstrated and then handed the cue to Heath. “Go on” Nick urged when Heath hesitated. “Now hit the white ball into the other ones and try to get some balls into the pockets. But you don’t want the white ball to go in. Got all that?” Heath didn’t but he nodded his head anyways. He leaned over and aimed, just like Nick had shown a few minutes before. Taking a deep breath, Heath hit the ball and watched as the white ball barely hit the others. Disgustedly Heath threw the cue stick on the table and tried to walk away, but Nick wouldn’t let him.

“Don’t give up so easily. Do it again and I’ll help you.” Nick held out the stick to Heath. “Take it!” Heath grabbed it out of Nick’s hand and bent over the table.

“Put your hand here…wait that’s not right.” Nick positioned Heath’s fingers into proper position and leaned the stick on Heath’s hand. Nick leaned over Heath and placed his hand near Heath’s in order to add some power.        

“Aim and put some muscle into it.” With Nick’s help the white ball slammed into the others, scattering them over the table.

“Good job.” Nick slapped Heath on the back. “What’d we get?” he asked Jarrod.

“One! You’re stripes and I’m solids.” Nick nodded. “Heath, we want to get the stripes into the pockets but we don’t want the eight ball to go in.” Nick pointed that ball out to Heath. “We also don’t want the solids to go in. Walk around the table and look for the best angle to do that.” After a once-around, Heath found his spot. “Here!” He looked at Nick for approval. Nick smiled and nodded slightly. “Hold the cue like I told you and don’t hit it too hard, otherwise the white ball will go in also.” Heath nodded and concentrated on the ball he was aiming for. Nick neared him but didn’t help this time.

“You got it” Nick exclaimed as the ball went straight into the hole. Heath looked at him with a broad smile on his face. “Go on, find the next one.” As Heath turned his attention back to the game Nick sought out Jarrod’s eyes and smiled when they connected. He held up his right thumb, pleased that they found something that Heath seemed to enjoy.

“Nick, did you see that?” Heath pointed to the hole that the ball had just entered.

“Good job Heath. Keep going.”

“I think I’ve been had” Jarrod mumbled, feigning the disdain he did not feel.

“Nick, do you want a turn?” The blonde boy glanced up at his older brother.

“No, you’re doing just fine.” Nick crossed his arms and watched in amazement as Heath hit four more balls in before finally missing. He saw the disappointed look cross Heath’s face.

“Heath, it’s ok. It’s only fair that we give Jarrod a chance.” Nick ignored the look Jarrod gave him and pulled Heath back from the table to give his older brother some room. Nick kept his hand on Heath’s shoulder, curious to see how this new brother would react. Heath didn’t seem to mind and when Jarrod missed he looked up at Nick.

“Wanna try?”

“Sure!” Nick took a turn and started hitting balls in, like Heath had before him.

“Just great!” Jarrod plopped into a chair. “Now I have two brothers who are going to beat me every time.” He shook his head as Nick easily finished the game.

“Game!” Nick yelled and slapped Heath on the back. Suddenly he pulled Heath to the side, out of Jarrod’s hearing range.

“Next time, we’ll get some money out of him, ok?”

“OK!” Heath nodded, matching Nick’s grin.

“Are you two going to talk all night or give me a chance to get even?” Jarrod lightly tapped the stick to the ground.

“Another game” Heath answered for them. “Nick, what do you call the beginning?” he asked as he helped Jarrod put the balls into the rack.

“It’s called breaking” Nick told him.

“Boy howdy, I sure need to practice my breaking” Heath exclaimed as he leaned over and aimed the stick at the cue ball. He didn’t do much better than the first time but the smile never left his face. “I’ll get it,” he said as he stood back and allowed Jarrod to take his turn.

Out in the hallway Tom Barkley stood and listened to his sons, a smile on his face and tears in his eyes. “Advantage Barkley” he whispered at the small step that his sons had taken.

Part 7

Heath hunched over the desk, his gaze out the window. He had reluctantly agreed to give school a chance, but one hour into the day he wished he had stayed home instead. The boys his age were sitting in the back of the room and Heath could only imagine what they were saying about him. A couple of times he felt something hit his neck but Heath didn’t give them the satisfaction of turning around or telling the teacher on them. He glanced at Audra who was sitting next to him. She had insisted that he stay by her because she promised her father she would take care of him. Heath almost smiled as he recalled her saying that, so sincere in her conviction that she could protect her new brother. Eugene was behind her and occasionally he would whisper something but Heath couldn’t hear what he was saying. The teacher caught him once and made the little boy stand in the corner for five minutes. Heath felt bad for Eugene as the other children laughed and made fun of him. But it didn’t seem to bother Eugene who made faces whenever the teacher wasn’t looking. Heath wasn’t impressed at all with the teacher. With his monotone voice and habit of repeating himself he was surprised that anyone learned anything from him. Heath felt himself drifting away as the teacher’s voice got softer.

“Heath Barkley, you will not fall asleep in my class.” Heath jumped when the ruler hit the desk, much to the delight of his fellow classmates. He was about to say he wasn’t sleeping but that was an obvious lie and a waste of time. Instead he quibbled about his name.

“My name is not Heath Barkley. It’s Heath Thomson.”

“That is not how your father registered you” Mr. Hale said, in the same monotone voice he used for teaching.

“I don’t care” Heath spit out. “That’s not my name and I won’t respond to it.”

“OK Mr. Barkley. You will stand in the corner for ten minutes. Five for falling asleep and five for arguing with me.”

“I will not.” Heath refused to stand.

“Heath, do it.” Audra urged. From behind him Heath heard snickers and they were making him angry.

“Now it is fifteen minutes” Mr. Hale remarked. “Keep arguing and the time will go up.”

“I don’t need this.” Heath stood and headed for the door.

“Heath, wait.” Audra ran after him. “Heath, come back inside.” She tugged at his arm. “He’s not bad once you get used to his voice. Please!” In the doorway he saw the teacher standing there, arms folded across his chest, ruler swinging back and forth.

“No! Audra go back before you get in trouble too.” Heath took off towards the town with his little sister still following him. Audra saw where Heath was heading and took off in the opposite direction, towards the office Jarrod worked in.

“Jarrod!” Audra ran in, out of breath. He immediately jumped up from the desk he was at.

“Audra, what’s wrong?”

“Heath” she spit out, not exactly surprising Jarrod.

“What did he do?” He waited impatiently for Audra to catch her breath. “He fell asleep and Mr. Hale told him to stand in the corner and he wouldn’t and then he ran out of the school.” She took a breath. “Jarrod, I saw him run towards the saloon.”

“OK.” Jarrod lightly patted his sister’s head. “Go back to school and I’ll take care of Heath.”

“But Jarrod…”

“No buts. Go back. Now!” Audra knew this was one argument she wouldn’t win and slowly headed towards the door. “Audra, you and Eugene meet me here after school ok?” She nodded yes before leaving the small office. Jarrod followed and immediately walked towards the saloon. It wouldn’t be open for hours and Jarrod could only imagine what kind of trouble his brother was getting in. He didn’t have to imagine for long as he saw Heath come tumbling out of the saloon, courtesy of one of the janitors.

“Stay out” the man yelled as Heath leaped to his feet. He didn’t listen and ran back in. Jarrod followed closely and saw Heath punching away at the man who at the moment was showing much restraint.

“Heath! Stop it.” Jarrod grabbed Heath and pulled him away. “Heath, calm down.” Jarrod struggled with his brother until finally Heath stop fighting and stood silently by Jarrod’s side, breathing hard.

“John, did he cause any damage?” The young man shook his head no. “You owe me for the drink he had before I caught him.” Jarrod nodded and dug into his pockets and quickly paid for the alcohol.

“Let’s go.” Jarrod took Heath by the arm and dragged him out of the bar.

“I’m not going back to school.”

“I’m not taking you” Jarrod countered. “I’ll let Father deal with the school issue. I’m taking you home and Nick can deal with you right now.” Jarrod escorted Heath back to the office and quickly explained the situation to his boss. Keeping a firm hand on Heath’s arm he led the boy to the buggy.

“Get in.” They rode most of the way home in silence. Jarrod wasn’t as comfortable as Nick was in playing big brother to Heath and he wasn’t sure what to say. He knew where Nick said he would be that morning and headed that way. Nick saw them coming.

“What happened?” Nick asked as Heath looked away.

“He fell asleep in school and then ran out when he got in trouble. I found him in the bar trying to beat up John. Nick I have meetings all day so he’s yours until Father gets home tonight. Ok?” Nick nodded.

“Heath, come on.” After Heath jumped off Jarrod rode away. Heath stood to the side, refusing to look at Nick.

“Heath, we have to do something about your anger.” Suddenly Nick smiled, an idea popping in his head. “Let’s go.” He grabbed Heath by the arm and pulled him towards his horse. “We’ll have to ride together.” Nick helped Heath up and then mounted behind his brother.

“Have enough room?” Nick asked as he kicked the horse to get it going.

“I’m fine.” Heath mumbled and those were the only words he said the whole ride. Nick tried to keep up a conversation but stopped when getting Heath to talk proved impossible. Nick stopped in front of an old abandoned barn that sat on the edge of Barkley property and waited for Heath to dismount.

“What’s here?” Heath asked.

“You’ll see.” Nick led him into the barn. It was dusty and Heath moved some cobwebs out of the way as he entered. Nick climbed to the loft and Heath couldn’t see what he was doing.

“It’s still here.” Nick called out and then threw a rope over one of the beams. He climbed down and then hung something to the other end of the rope.

“It’s a punching bag,” Nick explained as he pulled the rope until the bag was in the right position; perfect height for Heath.

“Father taught me how to spar here and I’m going to teach you.”

“Why so far from the house?” Heath asked.

Nick smiled. “Mother didn’t approve but I had a lot of energy and Father thought it would do me some good to let it out.”
“This is stupid.” Heath turned to leave but Nick wouldn’t allow him to.

“Heath, you can’t go around punching everyone who angers you. You’re gonna end up in jail before you’re fifteen. Give it a try.” Nick demonstrated a few punches. Heath rolled his eyes but punched the bag a couple of times. As Nick predicted, Heath’s adrenaline took over as did his rage and he let the bag have everything he could give it. Finally, exhausted, he dropped to the floor.

“Feel any better?” Nick lowered himself next to Heath.

“My arms hurt” Heath complained, between labored breaths.

“Good. They should.” Nick lightly touched Heath’s arm. “Heath, I’ll bring you here as often as you need to come. It’s better than going around and attacking people.”

“Nick, I don’t feel anything.” He glanced briefly at his older brother.

“You sure seem to feel anger” Nick remarked, immediately regretting his words as Heath forlornly looked away.

“Heath, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I should say.” Nick normally had a lot to say but he was so afraid of saying the wrong thing. Heath seemed so fragile and so near the edge and Nick didn’t want to push him over.

“That’s ok. Nothing you say will help anyways.” Heath stood and walked around the old barn. Nick also stood.

“Heath, is there anything I can do that will help you?” Heath stopped and turned. He stared at Nick and was surprised to see that his new brother was sincere; he truly seemed to want to help.

“Nick, you talk real decent to me.” Heath smiled weakly. “Not many have my whole life. I guess that helps.” Heath shrugged and then turned away. He didn’t see the mixture of emotions that crossed Nick’s face. He was starting to think of Heath as his brother and wanted to protect him like he did the others, but he was also afraid to get too close to him. Nick knew he was protecting himself and hoped, in time, that fear would go away.

“Heath, you think of anything let me know. OK?” Heath still had his back to Nick and didn’t respond. Nick slowly neared his little brother.

“Heath, you ok?”

“Yeah.” Heath walked outside and stared up at the blue sky. In the eight months he was confined he rarely saw a blue sky and didn’t realize how much he missed it until he was released and started his long journey home.

“Heath, ready to go home? It’s almost lunch and I’m starved.” Nick headed towards the horse, and turned to see Heath following him.

“Nick, what is he going to say when he gets home?” Nick knew who Heath was referring to.

“He’ll be mad” Nick answered as he waited for Heath to mount. “He’ll also make you go back tomorrow,” Nick added as he settled himself on the horse. Heath had no intention of going back to school but he kept that decision to himself.

“Nick, shouldn’t you be working?” Heath turned slightly and glanced back at his brother.

“Yeah, I should.” Nick agreed. “But I don’t think Father will mind the way I’m spending my day. After lunch, we’ll go riding. I still need to show you the ranch.”

“Ok Nick.” Heath grew quiet as his thoughts turned to that evening and the scolding he knew was coming.

* * * * * * * *

Heath pushed the ball with his hand and watched as it hit the far side of the pool table. He glanced at the desk and saw that the dreaded piece of paper was still sitting there. It was blank, as it had been for the past hour. Audra had brought home an assignment for Heath; write an essay explaining why it was bad to fall asleep in school. Heath had argued that it was stupid and he wasn’t doing it. Of course his father insisted that Heath was going back and that the essay would be completed as assigned. His father wasn’t mad as Nick predicted. He was disappointed and for some reason that bothered Heath a lot more than anger would have. Heath walked to the desk and stared at the piece of paper but nothing came to him. He got up and circled the pool table. Heath grabbed a pool stick and started practicing; hitting most of the balls into the pockets. He was concentrating so much on the game that he didn’t hear Tom enter the study. Heath spun around when Tom cleared his throat.

“Heath, stop playing and start writing your essay.” Heath put the stick on the table and walked back to the desk.

“I have nothing to write,” he said.

“You’ll think of something” Tom insisted, and then smiled slightly. “Heath, I know it’s a stupid assignment but it’s the only way Mr. Hale will let you back tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to go back.” Heath leaned against the desk.

“I know, but you are and I’ll hear no more arguments. If you finish soon I’m sure your brothers would be up for a game.” Tom walked out and closed the door behind him. Heath stood there for the longest time, and slowly the essay came to him. He slid behind the desk and grabbed the pencil and paper. Furiously Heath started writing…looking forward to Mr. Hale’s reaction when he read it tomorrow.

Part 8

Victoria stepped out of the building, bid goodbye to some of her friends and leisurely strolled to the buggy. It was a cool night and she pulled the sweater she was wearing a little tighter. It was the one night of the week that she went out while Tom watched the children. It had been two weeks since Heath had arrived and the first time she had been away from the ranch since that day.

“Mrs. Barkley!” She turned and saw a man approaching. In the dark of the night she didn’t recognize him at first.

“Mr. Hale!” She nodded at the schoolteacher. Victoria always considered him an odd man. Someone who seemed to settle for a job he didn’t enjoy. Yet, after ten years, he was still the only schoolteacher in Stockton and all the children learned from him.

“Mrs. Barkley, can we talk?” He pointed towards a little café. She nodded and followed the teacher, already dreading what he was going to say. They sat down and ordered two cups of coffee.

“Is this about Heath?” He nodded. Heath had been in school for a week now and they hadn’t heard anything bad, so her husband had hoped it meant he was staying awake in class and not causing any trouble. Victoria braced herself for what she assumed was going to be bad news.

Mr. Hale cleared his throat.

“I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to handle this and I had planned on stopping by tomorrow night to talk to you and your husband. But since I saw you…” He paused and took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “Please read this.” Victoria took the paper and started reading, knowing immediately it was the essay that Heath had written. She read it twice before placing the paper on the table, sighing as she did so.

“I asked for an essay about sleeping in a school class and I got a dissertation about the dangers of sleeping. Don’t get me wrong Mrs. Barkley. The grammar and punctuation are perfect but the content is very disturbing and I think you’ll agree. I’m wondering how a fourteen year old came up with that.” He pointed at the letter.

“Heath spent eight months in a war prison and I believe everything he’s describing comes from his experiences.” Victoria glanced down at the paper and shuddered as she imagined the torture he went through. Mr. Hale seemed to take that news rather calmly. He took a sip of his coffee and took his time commenting on what Victoria had just told him.

“Mrs. Barkley I am more sure of my decision now that I’ve talked to you. Heath does not belong in school…it’s obvious he has a lot to deal with and I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to mingle with other children until he has dealt with his problems.”

The words didn’t surprise Victoria and she even agreed with the teacher, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that. Heath was Tom’s son and she would protect him as she would one of her own children. Victoria stood.

“Mr. Hale! Heath has a right to be at the school, just as any other child in this town does. I will discuss this with my husband but it will be our decision whether or not he returns.”

Mr. Hale also stood. “I will take it up with the board if I have to. Good day.” He swiftly left, leaving an angry woman standing at the table. Victoria calmed herself before leaving the little restaurant and heading home.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria watched her husband. Tom had read the essay once and then a second time before he even glanced at his wife. He didn’t say anything but his face said more than words could ever. It was the first glimpse of what Heath had gone through and Tom was having a hard time accepting the information.

“He has no right to make that decision about my son.” Tom stood and started pacing. “If he kicks Heath out of school he’ll have to deal with me.” It didn’t surprise Victoria that Tom was ignoring the bigger problem; she didn’t blame her husband. It was hard to imagine your own son, any child for that matter, going through what Heath had at that prison.

“Tom, I agree with him.” Tom spun around and stared at his wife.

“Going to school isn’t going to help Heath right now. Learning math and history isn’t going to make him deal any better with his past. We have to stop pretending that Heath is a normal child who needs discipline and structure. All we’re doing is forcing him into a situation that will make him more angry and cause others to taunt him.” Tom angrily glared at his wife, too angry to say anything coherent. He walked over and poured himself a drink, and stood there as the alcohol calmed his nerves.

“What do you want me to do?” Tom slammed the glass down and faced his wife. “Send him back to his mother so he can drink every day?”

“No.” Victoria calmly answered.

“I don’t want my son to hide from the world” Tom spit out. “That’s what he’ll be doing if we don’t make him go to school.”

“He won’t be hiding” Victoria insisted. “We’ll be shielding him and giving Heath a chance to heal without others staring at him.” She remained calm while her husband furiously paced.

“What is he going to do?” Tom asked.

“Work on the ranch” his wife answered. “Tom, he follows Nick around from the moment he gets home from school. Let him work with Nick and those men that you trust enough to leave Heath alone. Give him a chance to do something that will build his self-worth and I think slowly he’ll be able to put the past behind him.” Tom didn’t believe that and he roughly grabbed the paper off of the table.

“Falling asleep means you might wake up with a skeleton, that took his last breath during the night, lying on top of you. Falling asleep gives them the advantage to come and grab you without a fight, to wake up being whipped or hanging by your ankles. Falling asleep you lose the opportunity to catch the rats that only come out at night; the only food you might have had in days. Falling asleep brings it all back again, as if it happened yesterday.”

Tom stopped reading and stared at his wife, a few tears falling down his cheeks. “I can’t read any more. How is he ever going to get over this?”

“What’s going on?” Victoria turned to see Nick standing there, his eyes only on his father. It must have been a shock for him to see his father crying and it showed on his face.

“I need some fresh air.” Tom dropped the essay and passed his son, lightly touching Nick’s shoulder before he walked out.

“Mother? Is this about Heath?” Victoria slightly nodded, wondering how much of the truth her son could handle. “Please Mother, I’d like to know. Maybe I can help him.” It was those words that convinced Victoria to tell him the truth. All the children were starting to care about Heath but especially Nick, and he seemed to enjoy the time he spent with his younger brother. She handed him the essay and watched his face closely as he started to read it.

“Damn!” Nick sat down heavily. “I’m amazed that he functions as well as he does. How could they treat human beings like this?” Victoria had no answer, other than to state the obvious.

“He was a prisoner of war.”

“He was a child” Nick spit out. “He still is and he has to deal with this.” Nick shook his head. “How do we help him?”

“Nick, he’s going to work with you on the ranch.” Nick glanced at the doorway, where Tom calmly stood.

“We’re not going to force him to go to school and just give him the time he needs to heal.”

“What if that doesn’t work?” Nick asked.

“I don’t know.” Tom shrugged. “If you can think of something let me know.” Tom walked out, head hanging with despair.

“I blame his mother” Nick said suddenly. “If she had told Father the truth, Heath would never had grown up in Strawberry or been anywhere near that war.” Nick stood. “I’ll find some way to help my little brother,” he muttered before walking out. Despite the situation Victoria had a slight smile on her face; hearing her son for the first time refer to Heath as his brother. She also left the study and headed upstairs to check on her sleeping children.

* * * * * * * *

Tom stood in the hallway and faced Heath’s closed door. It was the middle of the night and Heath had not awakened screaming so Tom assumed he had to be up. He hesitated before slowly pushing the door open. Heath was standing near the window, as he had most nights, trying to stay awake. He turned as his father entered the room.

“Heath, we need to talk.” Tom entered and sat on the edge of the bed. “Heath, please come here and sit down.” Slowly Heath moved away from the window and neared his father. He sat down next to Tom but kept his eyes focused on the wall in front of him. Tom placed his arm around Heath’s shoulders, needing to touch his son. Much to Tom’s relief, Heath didn’t try to pull away.

“Heath, I read your essay.” Heath stiffened beneath his father’s touch. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” Tom knew they were only words and wished there was something more he could do for his son. Tom pulled Heath towards him, wrapping his other arm around Heath and resting his son’s head against his chest. He must have shocked Heath with the embrace because it took a minute before Heath started to fight to free himself.

“Heath, relax.” Tom whispered as he refused to let his son go. Heath gave up after a few minutes and limply leaned against his father, neither fighting nor accepting his father’s affection. Tom wanted to tell him everything would be all right but he couldn’t bring himself to say words he didn’t completely believe.

“I love you” Tom said before lightly kissing the top of Heath’s head. After a few minutes Tom released his son and watched as he walked away and sat on the floor, his gaze anywhere but at his father.

“Heath, we’ll talk tomorrow.” Heath stared at the closed door long after his father had left. He wasn’t sure it was going to work when he wrote the essay, but he was glad Mr. Hale had shown them the paper. He needed them to know what he had gone through but he couldn’t talk about it. They would never understand how he felt but they knew; finally someone knew the hell that he had been through. Heath took a deep breath as he brought his knees close to his chin. He was worried about facing them but the morning would come soon enough and he would worry about it then. Heath closed his eyes…knowing that sleep would bring forth the nightmares, but too tired to stay awake.

Part 9

“I’m not going to school either” Eugene exclaimed as he glanced around the table. By the look on Heath’s face Tom knew he had made a mistake by telling his son at the breakfast table with the whole family present. Heath remained silent, his eyes staring down at the food that remained uneaten.

“Father, are you sure that’s wise?” Jarrod frowned, disappointed with his father’s decision.

“Jarrod let it go.” Nick was seated beside Jarrod and he lightly hit his brother’s leg. Jarrod turned and stared at Nick, his eyes full of questions.

“Is there something I don’t know?” Jarrod had come home late and was not there when their parents had explained to Nick that Heath wasn’t being allowed back in school. They had planned to keep that information from Heath, fearing it would anger him and send him into another rage.

“Jarrod, drop it now.” Tom eyed his oldest briefly before turning his attention back to his breakfast.

“Heath, eat your breakfast. We have a lot of work a head of us today.” Nick was a little nervous about having Heath work with him. He wasn’t sure he could control his brother and watch the men at the same time. He had stayed up most of the night worrying but figured that put him even with Heath, who never slept.

“It’s not fair.” Eugene wasn’t giving up that easily. “Why do I have to go to school and Heath doesn’t?”

“I’m not hungry.” Heath stood and quickly ran out of the dining room.

“Eugene, finish your breakfast.” Victoria said as she touched her youngest son’s arm. She glanced at her husband who stared at the doorway that Heath had just run through. Jarrod and Nick were both watching their father too, each wondering if he was going after Heath. Tom silently picked up his fork and continued with his breakfast. Soon the others followed his lead and breakfast was quickly consumed.

“I’ll take the kids today.” Victoria stood and ushered the youngest two out of the dining room.

“Father?” Jarrod waited impatiently for the explanation he felt he was deserved. Slowly Tom removed the piece of paper from his shirt pocket and handed it to Jarrod. Tom kept it near his heart so he wouldn’t forget what Heath had gone through. Not that he would have but the paper was a constant reminder of the torture. Jarrod started reading, his face a mask but his widening eyes betrayed his calm demeanor.

“Sleep is when friends betray you and steal the clothing off of your body. Shoes, even those full of holes, are carefully guarded as if they were gold.” Jarrod looked up from the paper.

“Is this for real?” he asked. Tom nodded yes as Jarrod went back to reading.

“Wow! The writing is good but…”

“Only you would comment on the writing” Nick hissed as he grabbed the paper from his brother. “Did you see this part?” Nick scanned the paper.

“Night is for thinking and planning your revenge against those that had betrayed you. But you know others feel the same and they might get you first.” Nick continued searching the page. “Falling asleep you can dream about your mama coming to rescue you, but when you wake up you know that won’t happen.”

“Nick, that’s enough. Give it to me.” Tom grabbed the paper and stuffed it back into his pocket.

“Jarrod, the teacher will not allow Heath back in school and if we argue he will go to the school board and Heath’s past will become public knowledge. We really don’t have much of a choice.”

“I see” Jarrod said. “You know that assignment might have been a good thing.”

“Really! How?” Nick asked.

“Heath knew that paper would shock the teacher and he would share it with Father and Mother. Heath wants us to know and he probably wasn’t able to tell us on his own. He probably figured this was the next best way to let us know what he went through.” Jarrod paused. “It’s his way of letting down his guard and allowing us in. Now we just can’t blow it.”

“You think you’re so smart…” Nick began.

“I think he’s right.” Tom interrupted his son. “I want you two to spend as much time as you can with Heath. Go riding, fishing, anything. Tease him as you would each other. Treat him as a brother and don’t let the words on that paper deter you in any way. We need to show him he’s a part of this family regardless of what has happened in the past. Can you do it?”

“Father, I’m not sure I can watch Heath and do my job.” Nick didn’t often admit he was overwhelmed by a task and Tom carefully thought that over.

“Nick, for the next few days your job is Heath. Take him around and see what he’s comfortable doing. But work him hard” Tom added forcibly. “I’m hoping he’ll be so tired at night he’ll be able to sleep without the nightmares.”

“Father, what about school? Will he ever go back?” Jarrod was a champion of higher education and he was still disappointed that Nick never followed him to college.

“I’d like him to” Tom said hesitantly. “Maybe in a few months…” He shrugged. “I just can’t answer that right now.” Tom stood. “I saw a brown mare at the livery in town that I thought might be perfect for Heath. Jarrod, we can ride together. Nick, are you ok?”

“We’ll be fine” Nick said as he too stood. “I’d better go find Heath.” He walked out.

“Do you think there’s more that isn’t in that essay?” Jarrod asked.

“I’d bet my life on that.” Tom sighed. “One day I hope Heath is comfortable enough to talk about it. Let’s get going.” Together father and son exited the dining room.

* * * * * * * *

Nick found Heath at the corral watching the horses.

“Don’t tell me you’re upset about not going to school.” Nick leaned on the fence next to his brother.

“I’m not. I figured that paper would get me kicked out.” Heath assumed Nick knew about the essay and was grateful when Nick didn’t try to deny it.

“I’m guessing old man Hale’s eyes popped out when he read it.”

“Don’t know. He didn’t read it in front of me.” Heath continued to watch as a ranch hand tried to ride the wild horse. “I could do that,” he muttered.

“Put some muscle on your body and I’ll teach you.”

“Really?” Heath glanced over at Nick with some hope in his eyes. Nick nodded. “But first you have to gain some weight. Otherwise that horse will throw you the second you get on. We should get going. Heath, you’re mine now and you’ll be working hard.” Nick said that with a smile.

“OK Nick.” Heath followed his older brother to the barn and waited while Nick saddled his own horse and one for Heath. They were about to leave when Nick heard Silas call his name.

“Nick, take this.” The family butler handed Nick a small bag. “Since Heath didn’t eat breakfast I figured he might need some food once you work him too hard.” Nick shook his head, wondering how Silas knew. Then again, nothing surprised him about Silas.

“Thanks Silas.” Nick stuffed it into his saddlebag and both mounted their horses. “We’ll start by the north pasture.” Nick said and then took off with Heath following.

* * * * * * * *

It was mid morning and Nick had done what his father had asked; he had worked Heath hard and they were taking a break. Heath was sweating and he wiped his forehead on his sleeve. Nick grabbed the bag that Silas had given him and opened it up.

“Here!” He tossed Heath a sandwich and took one for himself. “Eat it” Nick ordered when Heath started to place it on the ground. “We still have a couple of hours before lunch and I will not have you faint on me.” Heath shrugged but started to eat. He ate it so fast it was obvious he was starving and Heath didn’t protest when Nick tossed him another one.

“Thank god for Silas” Nick said as he finished off his sandwich.

“Heath, can I ask you something?” Heath shrugged, seemingly too busy stuffing his face to actually answer.

“Jarrod thinks you wrote that paper on purpose because you wanted us to know about Carterson. Is that true?” Nick hoped his question wouldn’t anger Heath too much. Heath nodded his head slightly.

“Heath, if you ever need to talk…”

“No!” Heath stood up and started walking away. Nick easily caught him. “Hey, I’m sorry. I just thought…”

“No!” Heath interrupted Nick again.

“Just listen to me.” Nick pleaded. “We’re brothers and I thought you might be able to talk to me easier than to Father. That’s all.” Nick watched as the anger slowly left Heath’s face.

“I can’t talk about it.” Heath thought something over. “Think about the worse place you can imagine and Carterson doesn’t even come close. Nick, I started praying that someone would just kill me but nobody did.” Heath smiled weakly. “Then I was free but I still feel like a prisoner cause everything is still up here.” Heath pointed to his head. “It will never go away.” Nick was speechless and a little shocked that Heath had said anything about the prison. The silence loomed until Heath started walking towards the horses. Nick found his feet and rushed after him.

“Heath, tell me something.” Nick grabbed his shoulders and stared into his eyes. “Do you still feel you’re a prisoner here?” Heath took a few minutes to think that over.

“Nick, I don’t think that feeling ever goes away. But I like it here. More so than any place I can remember.” Heath pulled free.

“Shouldn’t we be working?” He quickly mounted his horse and rode off, assuming Nick would follow. Nick sat there for a few minutes and watched his brother in the distance. He was pleased that Heath was able to talk a bit…even if he hadn’t said much. It was progress in Nick’s mind and he was determined to get Heath to trust him and confide in him. In the distance Heath stopped so Nick kicked his horse to get him started and quickly caught up to his brother.

“What were you doing back there?”

“Thinking” Nick answered.

“I thought that was Jarrod’s job.” Heath smiled.

“Why you!” Nick lightly tapped his arm. “I’ll race you back to the house.” They took off together; each determined to win. And for a few minutes they both lived in the moment, nothing mattered but being the first one to reach the destination.

Part 10

Heath stared at the horse, his eyes eagerly taking in every part of the beautiful animal. She was his. Heath had ridden a lot of horses in Strawberry but never one that belonged to him. Heath ran his hand over the brown mane and then touched the new saddle that sat on the horse.

“She’s really mine?” Heath glanced at his father and Nick who stood side by side, intently watching Heath and his new horse.

“Yes, she is.” Tom smiled broadly, pleased with the reaction of his son.

“Thank you!” Heath didn’t know what else to say. He briefly smiled at his father before returning his attention to the horse.

“What are you going to name her?” Nick asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that.”

“Take her for a ride” Tom suggested. “See how she feels and maybe a name will come to you.”

“OK.” Heath had a goofy smile on his face as he mounted his horse. He leaned over and gently patted her head.

“Nick, come with me.”

“Sure Heath.” Nick walked over to get his horse. They started to leave when Heath stopped and faced his father.

“Do you want to come with?” Tom shook his head no. “You two go and have fun.” Heath nodded but before the two brothers could leave Victoria arrived from town with Audra and Gene. The little boy jumped out and ran to his brothers.

“Is that a new horse?” he asked as his father picked him up. “Yes. It’s Heath’s horse.” Eugene looked at his father. “But, you won’t get me one.” Eugene had been pestering for his own horse since the day he could talk.

“I will when you’re older.”

“I want one now.” Eugene struggled until he was free from Tom’s arms.

“Nick, can I go with you?” Eugene stared up at his older brother.

“Not today buddy” Nick answered.

“Why not? You never spend time with me. Ever since he showed up.” Eugene glanced at Heath and then kicked the ground with his foot.
“That’s enough out of you.” Victoria grabbed the child’s arm and started pulling him towards the house. Eugene broke loose and ran ahead of his mother.

“Nick, you don’t.” Audra stated firmly and then followed her mother to the house.

“Don’t pay them no mind,” Nick said. “I’ll talk to Eugene and he’ll be fine.” Heath was disturbed by that little confrontation and it showed on his face.

“Heath, he’s a little boy and there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand. Go on!” Tom urged and watched as his two sons took off. He headed towards the house to deal with Eugene. He entered to find Victoria waiting for him.

“Where’s Eugene?”

“Upstairs crying” Victoria answered. “Audra is trying to console him.”

“I’ll go talk to him.”

“Tom wait.” Victoria quickly took his arm. “We need to talk.” She didn’t use that tone of voice often but Tom knew it to mean she was troubled about something. He nodded and followed his wife into the study. Victoria glanced out before shutting the door.

“Why did you buy Heath a horse?”

Tom thought this was still about Eugene. “Eugene is too young; he’ll get a horse when he’s old enough to take care of it properly.”

“This isn’t about Eugene” Victoria stated quickly. “It’s about Heath and his future. Have you thought about his future?” Tom shook his head. With Heath he was still taking it one day at a time; the future was so far ahead that Tom didn’t want to think about it.

“Tom, it’s time to start thinking about it. Buying Heath a horse tells me you want him here permanently.”

“I do” Tom quietly interjected. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No!” Victoria calmly answered. “But he has a mother and I think she’d have a problem with that.”

“She gave him up,” Tom forcibly said.

“She gave him to you out of desperation” Victoria counted. “Tom, she expects Heath to come home. It’s going to be very hard for that child especially if you start buying him material things. He’s going to want to stay here.”

“It’s his choice.” Tom said frowning. “Heath can choose where he wants to live.”

Victoria shook her head, her eyes searching for the husband she knew. “Tom, that’s not a child’s decision and you know it. No matter what Heath has been through he’s still a child, suddenly surrounded by so many things he never dreamed of. Tom, that includes our children. You asked them to treat Heath as a brother…how are they going to feel when he leaves and goes home?”

Tom turned his back on his wife and neared the bookcase. It was too soon to think about this yet he knew his wife was right. “I have no answers.” Tom turned, arms up in the air. “I bought him a horse because he’s working on the ranch. It wasn’t a bribe to keep him here.” Tom smiled weakly. “I understand your concerns but…” Tom shrugged. “No matter how this resolves it will be hard on everyone…us, the children, Heath and his mother.” Tom neared the exit. “Victoria, I’m sorry. I can’t say what the future holds.” Victoria watched him leave and then settled into the chair behind the desk. She knew Tom had no choice and bringing Heath to Stockton was the right thing, but she was worried about the children, Heath included.

* * * * * * * *

Heath heard a noise and peeked outside his room just in time to see Eugene heading towards the staircase. He waited a few minutes and then followed the little boy, finding him at the kitchen table with a few cookies in his hands. Eugene looked up with his mouth open and cookie crumbs falling to the table.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.” Eugene had a penchant for cookies and was only allowed one as a treat after dinner. Upon hearing that, the child relaxed and went about finishing his snack.

“Eugene, shouldn’t you be sleeping?” The child shrugged.

“Are you still mad at me?” Heath neared the table.

“No!” Eugene said after swallowing the last morsel and taking a drink of water.

“Eugene, I need your help” Heath said as he sat in the chair opposite the little boy. Eugene’s interest peaked and he stared up expectedly at Heath.

“I can’t think of a name for my horse. Will you help me pick one out?”

“I guess” Eugene answered, frowning. “Audra’s better at that but I’ll think about it.” Eugene stood. “Heath, come with me.” He grabbed Heath’s hand and led him to the study. There, Eugene picked up a book from the desk and pulled Heath towards the family room.

“Read to me.” He demanded as he plopped on the sofa. Heath glanced at the book and then lit the little lamp on the table next to the sofa.

“Eugene, just for a few minutes and then it’s up to bed.” Heath sat down next to the child and opened the book.

“Chapter three” Eugene said when it was clear Heath wasn’t sure where to start. It was a child’s book full of fairy tales and rhymes. Eugene was leaning against Heath before the older boy could finish the first page. He was asleep by the time the chapter was over and Heath rested the book on the table, wondering if he should carry the boy back to his bed. He heard footsteps and looked up.

“I was wondering where he wandered off too.” Victoria smiled down at her youngest, peacefully sleeping with his head in Heath’s lap. “I’ll take him upstairs.” Victoria leaned over and was surprised when Heath stopped her.

“Leave him. Please!” He looked away, embarrassed.

“Heath, what is it?” Victoria sat on the arm of the sofa.

“I just feel…” Heath paused and glanced shyly at Victoria. “I don’t feel alone right now.” Victoria could imagine how hard that was for Heath to admit and she smiled warmly at this child who she was starting to warm towards. Sitting there he looked younger than his age and in ways he acted younger too. But she knew he had experienced things that would have driven men twice his age crazy. Impulsively she reached over and caressed the child’s cheek. Normally he would have recoiled from the touch, but this time Heath sat still; his eyes never wavering from Victoria’s face.

“Is it hard having me here?” Heath asked suddenly. Victoria was surprised by the question but her face didn’t show it.

“Heath, you’re my husband’s son and this will always be your home.” Eugene moaned softly and they both turned silent, waiting for the child to settle down.

“He’s having a nightmare,” Heath stated matter-of-factly as he ran his hand through the child’s hair. “He’s too young to be so scared,” Heath added quietly.

“So are you” Victoria whispered.

“I know.” Heath smiled weakly. “Every day I wish I hadn’t run off and joined the army. But I can’t change what happened, can I?”

“No.” Victoria sadly shook her head. “But you can learn to deal with it and move on with your life.”

“How?” Heath leaned his head back against the sofa. “I don’t know how,” he mumbled, his eyelids drooping.

“Heath, go to sleep.”

“I can’t.” Heath’s eyes widened.

“Yes you can.” Victoria gently took the boy’s hand. “I’m here and Eugene’s here. You’re safe and we’ll both stay with you.” She gently squeezed his hand. Heath started to blink, fighting the sleep that his body so badly needed. Finally he gave in and Victoria held his hand until she was sure he was asleep. She quietly left the room and returned with two blankets; one she covered Eugene with and the other she draped across Heath’s chest. Victoria settled into a nearby chair. She would stay up and watch them sleep; ready to spring into action if either had a nightmare. Recalling the conversation she had with her husband earlier, Victoria sighed deeply. She wanted this child to stay but as a mother she knew it wasn’t possible. Heath had a mother and sooner or later, Heath would have to go home.

“Later” Victoria whispered with a smile on her face. The child’s mother would have to be reckoned with but that would come later, when the time was right. Victoria reached for the book that Heath had been reading and started flipping through it. She settled on a story of a little boy who was lost and the angle that brought him home.

“What’s going on?” She looked up, surprised to see Tom standing there. He glanced at his sleeping sons and then back to his wife.

“They’re helping each other sleep,” Victoria answered as Tom turned his attention back to his sons.

“He belongs here,” Tom stated firmly.

“I know.”

Tom’s eyes widened as he stared down at his wife. That was the last thing he expected to hear from her.

“Tom, when the time is right, you’ll go to Strawberry and talk to his mother. But for now we can’t say anything to the children, ok?” Tom nodded.

“Tom, go back to bed. I’ll stay with the boys.”

Tom bent down and kissed his wife. “I love you” he whispered and walked out, a noticeable spring in his steps. For a few minutes Victoria thought about Heath’s mother and how hard it must be on her without her son. She couldn’t imagine any of her children so far away at that age.

“Heath, maybe an angel brought you here.” Feeling foolish even thinking that, let alone speaking it aloud, Victoria put the book down and spent the rest of the night watching the children sleep.

Continued…