To Find My Son

Parts 11-18

by Marci S.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 11

Tom stared at the wall, having already counted every tile on the ceiling. He had been in bed for over two hours but sleep wouldn’t come. His mind as usual was on Heath and his ears remained open and alert, ready to jump out of bed at the first cry. After finding Heath and Eugene sleeping together, they had decided to move another bed into Heath’s room and have Eugene sleep with his older brother. Eugene was happy with the arrangement, but Heath was not. The older boy was even more afraid to go to sleep, fearing that his screams would scare his younger brother. Heath had been right. For two straight nights Eugene ran into his parent’s room and they rushed to the screaming boy.

Victoria had suggested in private that one of them stay with the boys and gently wake Heath up the minute it appeared he was dreaming. Tom had taken the first night and was pleased with the results; Eugene had slept through the night and Heath managed to sleep more than in all his previous nights at the Barkley home. Victoria had success the previous night and now it was Nick’s turn. That was the reason Tom was still up. As much as he trusted Nick and knew his son cared about his brother, Nick was so young and Tom wasn’t sure he could handle it alone. Tom glanced over his shoulder and watched his wife sleep. In the past few days she had grown so close to Heath and it warmed Tom’s heart to see his wife become motherly towards the boy whose mere presence spoke of his deceit. Carefully Tom swung his legs over the bed and sat there for a few minutes. He knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep until he checked on the boys and knew they were ok. Tom grabbed his robe and quietly walked out. He reached Heath’s room, peeked in and immediately drew Nick’s attention. Tom walked in shaking his head.

“I wasn’t staying in that chair all night” Nick whispered, explaining his current position; sitting up in Heath’s bed. “I told him to move over,” Nick added, pointing to the sleeping blonde next to him. Heath was curled up in a ball, as close to the edge as possible without falling out. What surprised Tom the most was Eugene; his youngest son was lying on top of Nick with his face buried against his brother’s chest. Nick was gently running his hand through the child’s straight, brown hair.

“Nick, he should be in his own bed.”

“I know.” But it was obvious by the way Nick held his little brother that he wasn’t letting the child go. Tom knew Nick still blamed himself for Eugene’s sleeping problems and Tom couldn’t say anything that would change his mind. He had tried in the past to convince Nick otherwise, but at some point gave up and allowed Nick to baby the child to ease his guilt.

“How’s he doing?” Tom eyed his blonde son.

“I’m not surprised he doesn’t sleep” Nick quietly remarked. “The nightmares are constant and I keep nudging him every time he starts talking. Who do you think Jake is?” Tom shrugged. It was a name Heath kept repeating, but never said anything else to suggest who this person was.

“Has he said anything more?” Tom asked.

“Not much. He keeps telling Jake he’s sorry but that’s all I can make out. Father, why are you up? Didn’t think I could handle this, did you?” Nick smiled slightly, knowing his father all too well. Tom neither confirmed nor denied his son’s question.

“Goodnight Nick!” Satisfied that his sons were just fine, Tom turned and walked out, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before daybreak.

* * * * * * * *

It was amazing how a few nights of sleep effected Heath. It made him talkative and he actually spoke in complete sentences. Right now he was having a conversation with Eugene and Audra about his horse but Tom wasn’t concentrating on what they were saying. He listened to Heath’s voice and the animation that he had never heard before. Nick, on the other hand, sat with his face almost in his breakfast plate, tired from staying up most of the night with Heath. Jarrod was also quiet and Tom wondered why. His oldest had been staying in town late each night and he didn’t want to help out with Heath. He wouldn’t tell his father why but Tom was determined to get to the bottom of Jarrod’s problem.

“It can’t be Buster” Audra yelled out, loud enough to get her father’s attention.

“Why not?” Eugene questioned his sister.

“Because Buster is a boy’s name and the horse is a girl. Eugene I’ve told you that already. Pick another name.”

“I like Buster.”

“Heath, tell him.” Audra pleaded. “It can’t be Buster, can it?” Heath tried to contain his smile as he glanced from Eugene to Audra. It was such a trivial matter but it felt good to discuss something that wasn’t important.

“Eugene, she’s right. Think of a name for a girl.”

“I told you I wasn’t good at this.” Eugene dropped his fork, placed his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands. He glared at Audra, almost daring her to make a remark about his elbows on the table.

“Eugene, think of all the girls in school” Heath suggested.

“I don’t like them” Eugene spit out. “I’m not naming the horse after someone I don’t like.”

“How about the ladies Mama goes out with?” Audra piped in.

“I don’t know their names. Just call her lady” Eugene said as he picked up his fork.

“That’s stupid. You can’t call her Lady!” Audra eyed her little brother. At first Heath thought it was stupid too but as he thought longer, the name grew on him.

“I like it” Heath declared, drawing stares from the whole family. “Lady!” he said. “It’s different and she is different; special! Eugene you did it.” The little boy beamed at the praise his new brother gave him. The others still had strange looks on their faces but Heath didn’t care. Eugene was still smiling as he ate his breakfast and Heath felt good about that; it wasn’t often that he made someone else happy.

“Heath, can we go riding after school?” Audra asked.

“Me too” Eugene called out.

“I guess! Nick, can I finish early and go riding with them?” Nick didn’t seem to hear him. “Nick!” Heath yelled louder.

“What?” Nick lifted his head and stared across the table at Heath.

“Can I finish early and go riding with them?” Heath asked again.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Tom answered for his son. “Nick, take an early day today and catch up on whatever you need to.” He knew it was sleep but didn’t want to say that and make Heath feel bad. Tom glanced over at Heath but the blonde boy didn’t notice; he was eagerly finishing his breakfast. Tom looked at Victoria and noticed she was watching the boy too. They exchanged smiles before returning their own attention back to their food.

* * * * * * * *

They had been working quietly together, fixing a fence post that had broken loose. Nick stood and wiped his dirty hands on his pants. Heath was squatting, holding the post in place as Nick quickly wrapped the wiring around it.

“That should do it” Nick said as Heath stood and stretched his legs.

“Heath, who is Jake?” That had been bothering Nick all morning and he finally got up the nerve to ask his little brother. At first Heath’s face was blank but slowly his eyes started to narrow as the name came to him.

“No one.” Heath walked away, willing the memories to go away.

“Wait a minute.” Nick grabbed his arm. “You kept mumbling that you were sorry to Jake. Tell me who he is!” Lack of sleep caused Nick to sound harsher than he meant too.

“No!” Heath pushed him away. “Leave me alone.” Heath started untying his horse but Nick wouldn’t let him.

“Heath! I’m trying to help you. Is Jake someone from the prison?”

“No!” Heath yelled as he turned on Nick and pushed him to the ground. Nick quickly shot up and braced himself for the punches he knew were coming. Rage took over and Heath started pummeling Nick with everything he had. Nick deflected most of them though a couple connected with enough force to cause great pain. Finally Nick had enough and he grabbed Heath in a headlock and pulled him to the ground.

“That’s enough! Calm down.” Nick held him tight until the rage started to ebb and then finally leave the boy. Nick released his hold but still kept an arm around Heath and waited for him to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry” Heath mumbled between raspy breaths.

“I know.” Nick understood the anger though he couldn’t even fathom what Heath had been through to throw him into such fits.

“Heath, you need to talk to someone or this rage will never leave you.” As he said that Nick gently rubbed the top of Heath’s head. He couldn’t see Heath’s face and the boy didn’t seem to react to his words.

“Anytime you need to talk, I’ll listen.” Nick could feel the dampness of the ground from the early morning showers. “Heath, are you ready to get up? Let’s call it a day and go home, ok?” Nick waited but Heath remained silent. The older boy stood and pulled Heath up.

“Hey, it’s ok. You didn’t hurt me.” That wasn’t quite true as Nick noticed pain when he took a deep breath, but it wasn’t anything that Heath needed to know. “Heath, look at me.” Heath’s head was lowered and he didn’t comply with his brother’s wishes.

Nick sighed deeply; he so badly wanted to help Heath but he didn’t know how.

“Heath, let’s go home and grab some lunch.” Nick watched as Heath mounted his horse and rode away. Nick followed at a slower pace. He knew the ground was wet and that made it harder for the horses.

“Heath, slow down!” Nick yelled as loud as he could but Heath didn’t seem to hear him. Nick was sure he was letting off steam but he was going to fast for the weather. Suddenly, in the distance, he saw the horse go down.

“Heath!” Nick sped up and neared Heath just as the boy was getting to his feet.

“Lady!” Heath knelt down next to his horse. So did Nick and quickly he checked the horse’s legs.

“Damn! Heath, run and get Father.” Heath hesitated as he saw the leg that Nick was feeling.

“Is it broken?”

“Go!”

Heath ran and it didn’t take long for him to return with Tom. The older man kneeled next to Nick and ran his hands over the horse’s leg.

“Nick, go get my rifle!”

“No!” Heath shouted. “You can’t shoot her.”

“Nick!” Nick couldn’t look at Heath as he ran towards the house, arm folded across his aching chest.

“Heath, I’m sorry!” Tom neared his son but the child backed away. “She’s mine. You can’t kill her.”

“Heath, you don’t want her to suffer.” They both noticed Nick returning, rifle in hand.

“She’s mine.” Heath’s eyes pleaded with his father. “She’s mine,” he repeated as Nick approached and handed the gun to his father.

“Nick, take Heath back to the house.”

“No!” Heath moved away from his brother.

“Heath, let’s go.” Nick tried to grab him but Heath started running. Nick started after him but he was in too much pain to run. Tom noticed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Nick answered as he watched Heath get farther away.

“Let him go. He’ll be home later.” Tom said as he turned his attention back to the horse.

“Father, can we wait a day? It might not be so bad after the swelling goes down.”

“Nick, go back to the house.”

“Father…”

“Nick! Don’t argue with me.”

“Yes sir.” Nick glanced towards the direction that Heath ran but he could no longer see his younger brother. He stared down at the horse, lying pitifully on the ground and then at his father, holding the rifle in his hands. Nick grabbed the reins of his horse and slowly started walking away, hoping to be far enough away before the gun went off.

Part 12

Tom stood on the porch, his eyes searching through the rain for any signs of his missing son. It had been two days since Heath ran off and they had searched everywhere but no sign of the boy. The weather had not cooperated; hard rains accompanied by dangerous lightning had scared away much of the search party. Tom knew Heath was a survivor and believed the boy was smart enough to take cover from the wrath of Mother Nature.

“Father.” Tom looked over his shoulder to see Nick standing there.

“Nick, you should be in bed.”

“I’m fine” Nick said as he rested his hands on the porch rail.

“Two cracked ribs is not fine. You’re supposed to be resting.”

“They’re only bruised” Nick retorted. “I don’t care what the doctor said.” The pain at times was nearly unbearable but Nick kept that to himself. “Heath didn’t mean it” Nick quietly added. “Father, where is he?” Above they heard a clap of thunder.

“I don’t know.” Tom took a deep breath as he watched the lightning in the distance. “When the rain stops I’ll start searching again.” He knew searching was futile but doing nothing was driving him crazy.

“I’ll go with you” Nick suggested, not surprised when his father shook his head no.

“Father, I have to do something. It’s my fault he ran off. Why did I have to mention Jake to him?”

“Nick you were trying to help him.”

“And look what he got as a thank you. Two busted ribs.” They turned to see Jarrod standing in the doorway.

“It’s not Heath’s fault.” Nick stood poised to fight his older brother.

“Jarrod, if you have something to say, say it.” Tom eyed his oldest.

“I have nothing to say.” Jarrod met his father’s stare. “Heath is just proving to be the trouble I was afraid he would be. After reading that essay I thought something like this would happen. At least he took his anger out on someone who was bigger. Can you imagine if it was Eugene?”

“Heath wouldn’t hurt Eugene” Nick stated firmly. “Jarrod, how many times do I have to say the same thing? I was prying into something I shouldn’t have and he got angry because of that.”

Jarrod shrugged. “I’m sorry. Father, I know he’s your son but he scares me and I don’t want to see anybody in my family hurt.”

“Jarrod, he’s your brother and he’s part of your family. If I have my way he’ll be living here permanently and I expect you to treat him as you would your other siblings. Do I make myself clear?”

“Perfectly” Jarrod spit out, turned and walked back into the house.

“What’s his problem? Heath didn’t do anything to him.”

“He’s not angry with Heath. Nick, your brother is ambitious and he had his whole future planned: finish school, become a lawyer and eventually open his own firm. I never should have asked him to stay in Stockton.”

“So what!” Nick bellowed. “So he has to put his life on hold for a few months. How does that compare with what Heath has been through? Father, this isn’t like Jarrod. There has to be more.”

“There is.” Tom sighed. “Nick, he doesn’t want anyone to know but that job he coveted so badly was filled and he also got a letter from school. If he doesn’t show up next week he won’t be allowed back in until the fall. Nick, I’m not sure you can understand what he’s going through right now. He knows I want him here but to wait a year to continue school seems like an eternity right now. Don’t!” Tom held up a warning finger to keep Nick quiet.

“Nick, you’ve always wanted to be a rancher and you are. Jarrod has other dreams but he’s always been a dutiful son and right now his loyalties to me are putting his dreams on hold. Don’t hold that against him.”

“I just don’t want him taking this out on Heath.”

“He won’t” Tom insisted. “Nick, give him time and he’ll care about Heath like you do. Right now he’s angry but that will pass soon. Trust me on that.” The rain picked up, along with the wind and the porch was no longer a safe haven.

“Let’s go inside.” Tom put his arm around Nick’s shoulder and guided him in to the house.

“Eugene, I said it’s bedtime.” They entered the house just in time to hear Victoria yelling at her youngest.

“No!” Eugene ran behind the sofa. “I’m not sleeping in your room. I want to sleep in Heath’s room.” Victoria looked to her husband for help. They had kept Eugene in their room the past two nights to keep him from wandering to Nick’s room and accidentally kicking his older brother in the ribs.

“Eugene!” Tom neared the sofa. “Come here!” Tom ordered, in a tone Eugene knew he couldn’t ignore. “You heard your mother. It’s time for bed. Now march upstairs and get ready.” Eugene stood before his father, staring up with eyes wide.

“When’s Heath coming home?” he quietly asked. “Everybody’s yelling cause he’s not here.” Tom couldn’t answer that question, nor could he explain to his son how concerned they were about Heath and how concern sometimes turns to anger when one feels helpless. Tom couldn’t explain something he didn’t understand himself.

“Eugene!” Tom knelt down, eye level to the child. “We’re all worried about Heath but you can help us by behaving and listening to your mother.”

“Me behaving isn’t going to bring Heath back” Eugene solemnly declared. Tom heard laughter from behind and turned, glaring at Nick.

“No, but behaving is going to save that little butt of yours from hurting” Jarrod said as he entered the room and scooped up Eugene in his arms. “Come on, you can sleep in my room tonight.” Eugene didn’t protest as Jarrod turned and silently walked away with the child in his arms.

“It’s about time he stepped up” Nick quietly remarked.

“Nick!” Tom faced him, hands on hip. “I will not tell you again…lay off of your brother. Now go upstairs and get back in bed where you’re supposed to be. Now!” Tom bellowed when it was obvious Nick wasn’t listening. Gritting his teeth, Nick turned and walked out. He took the steps two at a time until the pain became unbearable and he stopped to catch his breath. Upstairs he found Audra in the hallway, just leaning against the wall.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her, though he knew the answer. She missed Heath, like they all did.

“Audra, you wanna play checkers?”

“Daddy told you to get in bed.” Nick chuckled softly, not surprised that Audra had been listening to the conversation.

“OK, you get the game and we’ll play in my room.” Audra nodded and hurried back to her room. Nick passed by Jarrod’s room and peeked in to see Jarrod reading Eugene a bedtime story. Jarrod looked up and briefly the two brother’s eyes met. Nick lowered his head and walked away; tomorrow he would talk to Jarrod.

* * * * * * * *

“Tom, come to bed.” Victoria had awakened in the middle of the night and wasn’t surprised that her husband was not in their bed. She found him in the living room staring out the window. No doubt watching for Heath. Victoria neared Tom and wrapped her arm around his waist.

“He’s out there” Tom whispered.

“Tom, are you going to wire his mother?”

“And tell her what?” Tom pulled away. “That the son she entrusted me with is missing. I can’t do that. Not yet.” Tom turned back to the window and stared out at the darkness. The rain was starting to lessen and Tom would start searching at sun up.

“Is it possible that Heath went back to Strawberry?”

“Anything’s possible” Tom muttered. “Victoria, I need him to come back on his own.” He briefly eyed his wife. “Every day I’ve told him this is his home…I hope he was listening.”

“Tom, let’s go sit down.” Victoria took his hand and led him to the sofa. She poured a single drink and handed it to her husband before sitting down next to him.

“Heath has changed so much in the short time he’s been here. He’s got a long way to go but we’ve made progress with him and we’ll continue to do so.” Victoria knew her husband had doubts that Heath would be back but she didn’t want to think about that.

“He’s upset about his horse and just needs a little time alone to think. Heath will survive a few days out there, he’s survived much worse.”

“He shouldn’t have to be alone,” Tom said.

“He’s not,” his wife countered. “Even if he doesn’t realize it, we’re all with him. I believe he’s starting to learn what a family is.”

Tom tried to stifle a yawn but didn’t succeed.

“Tom, let’s go to bed. Come on.” Victoria stood and urged her husband to do the same. Together they climbed the stairs and headed to bed.

* * * * * * * *

Nick was the first one up the next morning and immediately he checked the house, hoping Heath had returned during the night. A quick glance outside showed no signs of his little brother. Nick took a deep breath, trying to squelch the disappointment that was threatening to overwhelm him. He stayed outside for a few minutes and then entered the house, almost running into his brother.

“Sorry Jarrod!”

“Did he return?” Jarrod asked. Nick stared, trying to read his brother’s face.

“I do care” Jarrod said, knowing what was on Nick’s mind.

“No” Nick muttered, his voice filled with disappointment. “Jarrod, I don’t think he’s coming back.”

“He’ll be back.” Jarrod placed a comforting hand on Nick’s shoulder. “He’s got everything he ever wanted here.”

“Jarrod, I don’t think money matters to Heath.”

“I’m not talking about money.” Jarrod faced Nick, placing both hands on his little brother’s shoulders. “You’ve grown up while I’ve been away at college. Nick, you’re a great big brother to them and I’m very proud of you.” Jarrod smiled broadly, but slowly the smile left his face.

“I’ve missed a lot while I was away. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been displaced here.”

“That’s nonsense,” Nick barked.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way” Jarrod continued, ignoring Nick’s outburst. “Nick, eventually I’ll be going back to school and I can leave knowing that you’ll look after our younger siblings.”

Nick thought about what his father had told him the night before. “Jarrod, I won’t be upset if you go back to school next week.” Jarrod’s eyes narrowed yet he wasn’t too surprised that Nick knew.

“Father told you?” Nick nodded.

“I can’t” Jarrod quietly said. “I can’t go back, especially with Heath missing.”

“But it’s a whole year” Nick protested. “Jarrod, I know what becoming a lawyer means to you and how hard the waiting will be.”

Jarrod shrugged. It was much harder than he wanted to admit. “Father needs me” Jarrod said. “I’m still the oldest and I can’t expect you to do everything.” Jarrod smiled weakly. “Besides, I’ve missed over half of Eugene’s life. It will give me a chance to get close to him again as well as Heath.” He saw the concern in Nick’s face. “Nick, I’ll be fine. I’m disappointed but I’ll get over it. And Heath will be back. Trust your big brother.” Jarrod lightly tapped Nick’s back, careful of his broken ribs.

“Are you up for an early morning ride?” Jarrod asked. “We’ll take the buggy out and see if we find any signs of our missing brother. OK?”

Nick nodded. “Jarrod, he has to be somewhere.”

“He is and we’ll find him.” They grabbed their jackets and walked outside…two brothers leaving, hoping to return as three.

Part 13

Nick sat on the steps, bored out of his mind. The children were at school and Jarrod and his father were both in the house, talking about something Nick didn’t care to listen to. He wanted to work but his father wouldn’t let him. It had been a week since Heath had run off and Nick missed his little brother. They had searched for him every day since the rains had finally stopped but found nothing.

“Nick!” He looked up at his mother.

“What?”

“Are you hungry? You didn’t eat any breakfast.”

Nick shook his head. “Mother, I have to do something before I go crazy. Talk to Father and convince him I can work.”

“Nick, you know what the doctor said. Come inside and you can help me finish that dress for your sister.”

Nick’s eyes widened. “You want me to help you sew?” His mother’s confirming nod horrified Nick.

“No way. I don’t think I’m that bored” he spit out. Victoria smiled, not surprised at the response from her son. “I’ll be in the living room if you change your mind.”

“Not in this lifetime” Nick muttered, well after Victoria had entered the house. Nick reached down and grabbed a handful of dirt, grimacing in the process. He picked out a few stones and threw them as far as he could.

“Ouch.” Nick had broken many bones in his life but he couldn’t recall any that hurt as much as his ribs. They were getting better but not fast enough as far as Nick was concerned.

“Heath, you’re gonna owe me for this” Nick whispered. Of course Nick hoped that his brother would return so he could collect on the debt. Nick lowered his head, resting it on his hand. He hadn’t slept well this past week; none of the family had. He didn’t hear the approaching footsteps or look up until a small voice said his name.

“Heath!” Nick couldn’t believe his eyes; his little brother stood before him. He quickly closed and opened his eyes to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating; relieved to see that Heath was still there.

“Heath.” Nick carefully stood and walked the few steps between them. His brother was covered from head to toe in dirt and grime and blood was visible on his face and arms. The blue eyes were unmistakable and they stared at Nick, half closed and bloodshot. Nick was afraid to touch him; unsure of the injuries the boy had suffered.

“Heath, can you make it inside?” The child didn’t answer but he seemed to sway a bit.

“Father!” Nick ran up the stairs. “Father” he called again as he opened the front door. Finally Tom appeared with Jarrod right behind him.

“What…? Tom paused as he stared at his son.

“Heath!” Tom jumped the stairs to reach him.

“Father.” Heath whispered before collapsing into Tom’s arms.

“Jarrod, go to town and get the doctor.” Tom ordered as he carried Heath into the house.

“Victoria!” He yelled as he headed towards the stairs. She quickly assessed the situation.

“Take him to the bathroom first.” She didn’t want to put Heath in bed until he was clean. Victoria rushed to get the tub ready as Tom undressed his son. Nick stood nearby his eyes focused on Heath’s face. His eyes were open and he moaned softly as they placed him in the tub.

“Heath, you’re going to be fine.” Tom tried to soothe his son as his wife gently cleaned the dirt off. She knew about the scars on his back but seeing them shocked her and she glanced briefly at her husband.

“He’s burning up,” Tom whispered as he held Heath’s head.

“Nick, get some towels” his mother ordered. “He has cuts up and down his arms” Victoria said as she examined him. “Nick, start on one arm while I do the other.” Slowly Nick knelt down and did as his mother requested. Heath’s moans grew louder as his discomfort increased.

“We’re almost done.” Victoria gently caressed his cheek before starting on his face. Heath’s eyes were still open but unfocused as he stared at the wall. Quickly she ran some soap through his hair and rinsed it, satisfied that most of the dirt was off the child.

“We’re finished.” Tom lifted Heath as Victoria draped a towel around him. They dried him off and Tom carried him to his room. Nick grabbed some clothes and then looked away as his parents dressed Heath.

“Where’s the doctor?” Tom questioned though he knew Jarrod hadn’t been gone that long. “Heath, can you hear me?” Heath’s eyes were searching the room but he didn’t react to his father’s voice. Victoria brought over a damp cloth and placed it on the child’s forehead.

“Father, where do you think he’s been?” Nick eyed the cuts on his arms. “He must have taken shelter in some bushes,” Nick mumbled as he gently took his brother’s hand. To Nick’s surprise Heath lightly squeezed his hand.

“He knows we’re here” Nick said, though Heath’s face said otherwise. His head turned from side to side as the moaning continued.

“Where’s the doctor?” Tom stood and marched to the window. Victoria followed. “Tom, he’ll be here soon.” She glanced back at Heath. “I’m going to ask Silas to make some broth. We need to get some food into him. I’ll be right back.” She squeezed her husband’s hand before hurrying off to the kitchen. Tom walked back to the bed and stared down at his son.

“He’s back at Carterson, isn’t he?” Nick looked at his father for confirmation.

“I think so,” Tom answered. “Maybe he’s never left that place.” Tom started pacing, his feet stepping in tune with Heath’s moans. He stopped when Heath emitted a piercing scream and rushed to the bed.

“Heath!” Tom gently sat down and placed his hands on each side of his son’s face.

“Come on son, find your way home.” For a brief moment lucid eyes stared up at Tom.

“Jake!” Heath’s only word dashed his father’s hope.

“Heath, you’re not in prison.”

Heath started thrashing, his fists clenched, aiming at targets unknown. “No!” He screamed as Tom and Nick both tried to hold him still.

“Tom?” Having heard the screams downstairs, Victoria came rushing in followed by Jarrod and the doctor. Jarrod ran to the bed and helped his father and brother hold Heath down. Finally the child relaxed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

“Thomas!” Doctor Ben Sullivan, nearing sixty and longing for the day he retired, was the only man who ever called the elder Barkley by his given name. They were acquaintances on the east coast who had come to California together and became close friends in their new home. Tom found a kinship with the man who was like a second father to him.

“Who is he?” The doctor pointed towards the bed.

“Not now!” Tom spit out but the doctor persisted. “Tom, it’s not like you to keep things from me. I’ve heard the gossip. Is he your son?” Tom sighed loudly, annoyed with his friend’s question while Heath lay sick in bed.

“Ben, please!” Tom knew pleading was hopeless. “Yes, he’s my son. Now do your job and get him well.” Tom saw the look in the old man’s eyes and knew a lecture was coming, but later, after he helped Heath. They stepped aside to give the doctor the room he needed.

“Tom, where has this child been?” Ben gasped when he turned Heath to the side and saw the scars. “Has someone been starving him?” After a full examination he stood up and neared his friend.

“Tom?”

“How is he?” Tom asked.

“Running a high fever and in need of some good cooking. Who did this to him?” Ben waited impatiently for his answer.

“He was at Carterson” Tom finally answered after a few silent minutes. Ben’s eyes widened as he glanced over his shoulder at the still figure in the bed.

“That explains his condition” Ben muttered very quietly. “I recommend he stays in bed until that fever is gone. I’ll leave you some medicine and I suggest you feed him at every opportunity you get. He’s going to need all the nourishment he can get to beat this.” Ben placed the medicine on the table, then took his friend’s arm and guided him into the hallway.

“Tom, is Victoria alright?”

“Ben, we’re fine. Don’t worry about us. Just help Heath, ok?”

“Heath!” Ben said the child’s name. “Tom, after that child is well I expect you at my office, understand?” Ben smiled slightly. “I have a bottle of your favorite brandy waiting and an open ear, ok?” Tom nodded gratefully.

“Thanks Ben!” He walked the older man downstairs and watched from the doorway as the doctor mounted his horse. Even at his age, Ben was an expert rider. He was also one of the best doctors from out east and Tom knew Heath was in good hands. Tom hurried back upstairs to his son’s room. Heath was moaning again as the consistent nightmare engulfed Heath once again. The family watched helplessly as Heath struggled with the fever and his memories.

“Jake!” He called out.

“Who is Jake?” Nick said out loud; the same question that was on the minds of his family. Unfortunately the one person who could answer that was in no condition to dole out information. Heath’s arms flailed and his father rushed over to hold him down.

“Heath, it’s ok.” Tom tried to soothe the unconscious child. “I’m sorry Jake.” Heath’s eyes momentarily opened as he searched for the man in his dreams.

“Heath, come back to me.” Tom felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, into the eyes of his wife.

“Tom, he’ll be fine once the fever breaks.” Victoria gently massaged her husband’s shoulders. They both jumped when Heath let out another heart wrenching scream.

“I want to kill those bastards who tortured my son.” Tom gritted his teeth as he ran a gentle hand over his son’s chest.

“Heath, you’re safe…with your family.” Tom continued to quietly talk to his son who was too far away to hear.

* * * * * * * *

Heath was shoved from behind and almost fell to the ground…instead falling into the man in front of him. These damn shackles…he couldn’t walk fast and they kept pushing him. He was sweating from the long journey and in desperate need of water. Heath knew asking for a drink was futile and concentrated all his strength on each step he took.

“Welcome to Carterson” a voice called out. “The last place you’ll ever see before you die.” Heath was scared but tried not to show it as they were led through an opened gate. The gate slammed shut as Heath looked ahead…one large building surrounded by smaller ones.

“Welcome to hell” the guard said with a chuckle. “Don’t worry you’ll get used to the stench…if you live that long. Start moving!” He slammed his stick into the first man, eliciting a cry of pain. Heath stayed close to the man in front of him, hoping the guard wouldn’t notice him.

“What’s this?” It was too late as the guard grabbed his arm and pulled Heath from the line of prisoners. “A child?” He smiled down at the boy. “A child in a man’s world. By the time I get done with you, you’ll be wishing you were sitting at your mama’s heels where you belong.” Heath was pushed back into line and fell hard to the ground.

“Get up.” He was roughly pulled to his feet before someone could trample him. Heath kept up with the men as they neared the building, the smell worsening with each step.

“Inside!” When his turn came Heath entered the building…his eyes widening at a sight he could never have imagined.

Part 14

Bodies. They were everywhere: some lying against the wall, some in the middle of the hallway…all in various stages of dress. The new prisoners had to walk carefully, head down, in order to step over those in their way. Heath tried not to stare but he couldn’t help it…these men were alive and they stared up at Heath, some mouthing words that no one could hear. Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed his leg; Heath screamed….

* * * * * * * *

Nick’s eyes opened but he didn’t move from the chair he was sitting in. Heath’s screams were so frequent they didn’t have the same effect, though Nick would never get used to seeing his brother suffer like this. His father was sitting on the bed talking quietly to Heath, as he had the whole night. The others had gone to bed, deciding that taking shifts was the best way to deal with Heath. Out of the corner of his eyes Nick saw movement and turned to see Eugene standing in the doorway. Nick motioned for the little boy to enter.

“Nick!” Eugene leaned heavily against the chair, though his eyes were focused on the bed. Nick knew what he wanted and he carefully lifted the child up, gritting his teeth against the pain. Eugene settled in, unaware of the discomfort it was causing his brother.

“Nick, why’s he screaming so much?”

“He’s scared” Nick answered, thankful that the child didn’t ask for more. They hadn’t told the little boy about Heath’s past and their parents made it clear that Eugene was not to know until he was older and able to handle the news.

“Why doesn’t daddy just hold him? It works when I’m scared.” Tom overheard and turned, surprised to see the little boy in Nick’s lap. He was concentrating so hard with Heath he didn’t realize the child had entered the room.

“Eugene, I thought you were keeping your mama company tonight?”

“I was. But she’s sleeping and doesn’t need me in there. I thought Heath might be lonely.” Eugene jumped off of Nick’s lap and neared the bed. Heath’s eyes were open and they stared in the direction of the little boy.

“Heath.” Eugene leaned closer. “Daddy, can he hear me?” Suddenly Heath reached out and grabbed the stuffed dog out of Eugene’s hand. It surprised the child and he cried out as Nick rushed to the bed.

“It’s ok Gene.” Nick moved the child back from the bed. “It’s the fever that’s causing him to do things.” They watched as Heath brought the animal to his chest and hugged it tightly. “Father, I’m going to take him down for a snack. You might try what he suggested…it could work.” Nick took Eugene’s hand and led him out of the room.

* * * * * * * *

Heath found an open corner and sat down, hugging his knees close to his chest. There was no room the guard had said. And they would stay here with the dying until others were brought here and room opened up in the bunkhouses. It had all happened so fast; one minute they were hiding and then they were surrounded. Three days of marching had brought Heath to this prison. He tried not to look around or breathe in the odors that threatened to make him sick. The moans were constant as were the guards, who routinely carried the dead out. Movement beside him told Heath that the man was still alive and he glanced downward. Black eyes above hollowed cheeks looked up at him but Heath’s attention turned to the mans chest and the protruding ribs beneath the torn t-shirt.

“Water” he whispered as bony fingers reached upward. Heath leaned into the wall, trying desperately to get away from the hand that threatened to touch him.

“Leave him alone.” A guard’s stick quickly shot the arm down. Heath looked and saw it was the same guard who had earlier pulled him out of line.

“Kid, what was so bad that you joined this war?” Heath shrugged.

“Come on.” The guard roughly grabbed Heath and pulled him to his feet. Heath found himself being dragged out of the main building and towards one of the smaller ones. Inside men were sitting around and talking softly.

“Jake!” The guard addressed a man sitting on a bunk bed. “Make room for him here. He doesn’t belong with the dying.” Jake stood and the first thing Heath noticed was how tall he was; the second was that he was missing an arm.

“Stan, a kid? You bring me a kid?” Jake looked down at Heath, sighing loudly. “Fine! He’ll have to sleep on the floor until you take Hank away.” Heath didn’t bother looking to where Jake was pointing; he didn’t want to see another dying man.

“Manny, bring him some bread and water.” The guard left and Manny returned with the food and water. “Sit there and be quiet. I’ll figure out what to do with you later.” Unsure of the new situation he found himself in; Heath quietly obeyed and eagerly started eating.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria woke up and wasn’t surprised that Eugene was no longer in her bed. She was surprised that the sun was already out and chastised herself for sleeping so long. Quickly she washed and got dressed and hurried to Heath’s room, quietly opening the door. Tom was now in the chair that Nick had vacated earlier and she was quite shocked to see that he had Heath in his arms. The boy was almost swallowed up by the blanket Tom had wrapped around him and she had to near the chair to see Heath’s face.

“How is he?”

“Our youngest is a genius,” Tom whispered, smiling at the quizzical look on Victoria’s face. “He suggested I hold Heath and it has calmed him down.” Heath opened his eyes and stared up at Victoria.

“Heath, how do you feel?” She reached down and was dismayed to find he was as warm as the night before. “Are you hungry?”

“He hasn’t said a word” Tom explained, “but he’s here.” As opposed to Carterson Tom thought but didn’t say. “Silas is downstairs fixing the boy some eggs. Hopefully he’ll eat a little bit.” Victoria nodded.

“I need to get some things at the store so I’ll take the children to school. Do you know where Eugene is?”

Tom nodded. “He and Nick are sleeping on the sofa. According to Silas there are cookie crumbs surrounding those two.” Tom chuckled as he imagined the look on Silas’s face when he saw the mess. “Ask Nick to come upstairs after he gets dressed, ok?” Victoria nodded, lightly kissed the top of Heath’s head and walked out to fetch her youngest son.

About ten minutes later Nick showed up with a tray of food. If his father holding his brother surprised him Nick didn’t show it as he approached them.

“Father, how do you want to do this?” Nick asked as he set the tray on the table.

“Heath, are you hungry?” Tom asked his son.

“He doesn’t want to talk this morning” Tom said when it was apparent Heath wasn’t going to answer.

“Nick, just pull up a chair and feed him before it gets cold.” Nick frowned but did as his father requested. Heath was coherent and watched Nick as he moved closer with the fork. Nick braced himself for the protest he was sure was forthcoming but Heath shocked them both by allowing Nick to feed him. Nick glanced at Tom and saw the worried look in his father’s eyes. Nick stopped thinking about what he was doing and focused on the reason behind it; getting food into Heath’s stomach. Nick was able to shovel half the plate into Heath before the boy’s eyes started to close and Tom was afraid he would choke.

“Nick, that’s enough.” Nick grabbed the piece of bread off the tray and started eating it.        

“What was that about?” Nick asked.

“I don’t know.” Tom answered. “Maybe he’s just doesn’t feel well enough to feed himself. Nick watch him while I go wash up, ok?” Tom stood with Heath in his arms and placed his son back in the chair. He didn’t want Heath in bed until he had digested the food he had just eaten.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He was barely out the door when Heath opened his eyes and tried to get his arms free.

“Heath, stop fighting.” Nick quickly tried to unravel the blanket but that seemed to make it worse. “Don’t move” Nick ordered and finally, with Heath still, he was able to untangle the blanket and free his brother’s arms.

“Heath, go back to sleep.”

“No.” Heath tried to get out of the chair but Nick wouldn’t let him.

“Heath, calm down.”

“Nick, help me.” Again, Heath struggled to stand. “I can’t go back there.”

“Heath, you’re not going anywhere.” Nick said before he realized what Heath was talking about.

“Heath, you need to rest. Otherwise you won’t get better.” Nick knelt in front of the chair.

“No!” Heath flung himself forward and grabbed on to Nick’s collar. “I can’t” Heath spit out, gasping. “Nick, I killed him. I can’t kill him again.”

“Who did you kill?” Nick’s collar was getting tighter.

“Jake.” Heath wrapped his arms around Nick, the confession too much for the boy to handle. He slid off the chair and leaned heavily against Nick, his arms clasped tightly around his brother’s back. Nick ignored the pain he was in and held the shaking child. They were in this position when Tom reentered the room and rushed to his sons.

“What happened?” Heath’s face was hidden against Nick’s shoulder and the older boy just shook his head.

“Heath, let’s get back in bed.” Tom tried to pull him away but Heath wouldn’t let go. Nick moaned as his pain intensified.

“Father, stop.” Nick managed to spit out. Tom let go and stepped back, unsure of what to do next.

“He’s afraid to go to sleep” Nick whispered, “but if we leave him alone it’s going to happen.”

“Nick, how are you?” Nick clenched his teeth, obviously in pain. “I’ll live” he answered. Tom started pacing as they waited for Heath to fall asleep. The grip Heath had on Nick finally lessened and the even breathing confirmed that he was sleeping.

“Father, he’s asleep.” Tom nodded and slowly lifted Heath and carried him to the bed. Nick groaned as he stood and stretched his legs, arms folded against his throbbing chest.

“We have to find out who Jake is,” Nick said once the pain ebbed to a slow ache.

“Why?” Tom walked away from the bed.

“Because Heath killed him,” Nick answered bluntly.

“It was a war Nick. I’m sure Heath killed plenty of men.” They all had though none of them talked about it.

“This is different” Nick insisted. “It’s eating him up and I’m guessing it’s behind most of his nightmares.” Heath started to thrash in bed and both men rushed over.

“Father, we have to do something,” Nick yelled over Heath’s screams.

“I know.” Tom jumped into the bed and pulled the child close. “I know,” he repeated as he slowly rocked Heath.

* * * * * * * *

“Heath, do you know what to do?”

“Sure Jake.” Heath nodded slightly. “Sneak in, get the food and come back. Right?”

“You got it boy.” Jake patted his back. “Just don’t get caught or they’ll kill you” Jake warned.

“I won’t.” Heath smiled confidently. They locked the storage area at night but there was a loose board and only Heath was small enough to fit through. Jake opened the door and peeked out, as he had all the previous nights.

“It’s clear…go on.” Slowly Heath exited the bunkhouse and started to run, enjoying the freedom only the nights could bring. It seemed so easy as he reached the shack, squeezed in between the broken boards and grabbed whatever he could carry. Ten minutes later Heath was back in the safety of the bunkhouse.

“Good job.” Jake took the food and placed it under the floor; a small space the men had dug out and covered with a piece of furniture.

“Jake, I’m hungry.”

“Go to sleep.”

“But…”

“Heath, you’ll eat in the morning. Now go to sleep.” Heath lowered his head and slowly walked to his bunk. He was always hungry and the rations were never enough but Jake wouldn’t let him have anything extra. Always said the men needed it more. Heath curled up in a ball as he tried to ignore the rumblings of his stomach.

“Mama” he whispered. “I want to go home.” Heath started to cry, silent tears…afraid to let the men know how scared he was.

Part 15

“We have to do something.” Nick glanced at his parents and then at Jarrod. They all looked tired and Nick figured he looked the same. It had been a week since Heath returned and he was still fighting his demons while the family helplessly watched.

“He’s not eating and he’s not sleeping well and that fever won’t leave. Am I the only who’s noticed that we’re practically carrying Heath when we take him to the bathroom?”

“No Nick. We’ve all noticed.” Tom answered calmly.

“We have to do something,” Nick repeated, his voice rising with his anger. “Why are you so calm?” Nick glared at his father.

“I’m too tired to yell.” Except for a few minutes here and there Tom had refused to leave Heath’s room and the lack of sleep was starting to take its toll. Heath seemed worse than when he first showed up and it was killing his father. “Nick, what do you suggest?”

“Get him to talk.” Nick loudly stated.

“We’ve tried” Jarrod reminded him. “Nick, every one of us has tried. Over and over if I’m not mistaken. We can’t force it out of him.” They were standing in the hallway right outside Heath’s room while the blonde boy slept…fretfully as usual. Each time he awakened it would take longer for him to become aware of where he was and respond to his family. Those times that he didn’t respond scared them the most. Nick peeked in to the room…Heath was still sleeping though he knew it wouldn’t last for long.

“He says he killed Jake” Nick said as he turned and faced his family. “His nightmares have to be about that…”

“I think it’s more than just this killing.” Tom interrupted.

“Maybe.” Nick shrugged. “But he keeps mentioning Jake and that’s the key…”

“Nick!” Tom interrupted again. “We know what needs to be done. If you have any new ideas, please tell us.” Tom’s voice showed the irritation lack of sleep was causing. Briefly, Nick looked hurt but that quickly passed as an idea suddenly came to him.

“I do,” he quietly said. “I’m going to use guilt to make him talk to me.” Jarrod was the first to understand what Nick meant.

“Nick, are you sure that’s a good idea? If it doesn’t work, he’ll feel guilt on top of everything else.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Nick asked, quite perturbed.

“I’m not following” Tom piped in. “Care to explain this to your mother and I?”

Nick took a deep breath. “Heath busted my ribs and he owes me. I’m going to tell him and then make him pay up by talking to me.” Nick shrugged…there wasn’t really anything else to say. Nick waited for them to shoot his idea down like Jarrod had but neither parent said anything.

“Well?” Nick asked when the silence lasted too long. Tom wanted to say it was a bad idea; in fact he didn’t believe for a second it would work. But it was better than doing nothing and something had to be done now. Tom feared that if they didn’t get through to Heath soon, he’d be lost forever. And he wasn’t about to lose a son that he only recently found.

“Nick, stay with him. When he’s awake and responding try it.” Tom looked at his wife but she remained silent, willing to defer this decision to her husband. Nick nodded and slowly entered the room. Heath was asleep but thrashing around. Nick knew it wouldn’t be long until he started screaming.

* * * * * * * *

Nick had been wrong. The minutes turned into hours, and the day into night and Heath was still asleep. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep as Heath continued to moan and flail his arms. Nick figured he was protecting his face from a beating he was reliving in his dreams. He stood and stretched his legs. Nick thought about getting a few minutes of sleep but he was so tired he knew that would just make it worse. Heath moaned again and Nick turned, surprised to see his brother’s eyes open.

“Heath?” Nick gently sat on the edge of the bed and lightly touched his brother’s shoulder. “Heath, can you hear me?” Sometimes, to Nick, this felt like a sick game. Heath would either respond immediately or just stare upward, seemingly not hearing or seeing the person talking to him. The doctor had no idea what could be wrong and he figured that Heath was sleeping with his eyes open.

“Heath!” Nick started to panic and called his brother’s name a bit louder the second time. The rest of the family was sleeping so Nick kept his voice to a low roar.

“Nick” Heath whispered, unaware of how relieved his brother was to hear him say one word. “I feel funny,” he added as Nick’s panic increased once again.

“You’re probably hungry or thirsty,” Nick said, trying to remember the last time they got anything nourishing into the boy. “Sit up and you’ll eat something.” Nick helped Heath into a seated position and then grabbed a banana from the table. They kept a platter of non-perishable food items in Heath’s room and tried to feed him whenever he was awake enough to chew. Nick ripped off a small piece of the fruit and handed it to Heath.

“Go on. Eat it” Nick urged when Heath didn’t move. “Heath, eat or I’ll feed you.” Nick was glad that Heath look disgusted at that threat. Slowly he ate that piece and didn’t protest when Nick immediately handed him another. This continued until the banana was gone and Nick grabbed a piece of bread.

“Nick…No.” Heath protested but that didn’t stop Nick from handing him the bread. “Eat it” Nick demanded as he poured a glass of water. “Finish the bread and water and I’ll let you rest before eating more.” Heath seemed more agreeable than he had in days and Nick hoped that meant the talk would go well. He reached over and touched the boy’s forehead; it didn’t feel too warm to Nick and he thought maybe the fever would finally leave. They sat in silence for nearly ten minutes and Nick was pleased that Heath was still awake though he quietly stared at the wall.

“Heath, we need to talk.”

“Where is everyone?”

“It’s the middle of the night and they’re asleep.”

“Oh!” Heath glanced towards the window. With the drapes drawn it was hard for him to tell if it was day or night.

“Why are you here?”

“To keep you company” Nick answered.

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I’m not a babysitter. I’m your brother.”

Heath turned and stared at Nick. “You can stay but I don’t want to talk.”

“You owe me” Nick spit out figuring that would get Heath’s attention. Slowly he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the bandage that he wore around his chest. “You busted two of my ribs when you attacked me” Nick explained harshly. Immediately there was regret in the blonde boy’s eyes and Nick felt bad about his tone but he needed to lay the guilt on thick. “You owe me and you’re gonna pay up now.” Nick quickly buttoned his shirt to get Heath’s attention off of the bandage.

“Nick, I’m sorry.”

“I know! But you still owe me.”

Heath seemed perplexed and finally he voiced the question in his head.

“How do I pay you?” he quietly asked.

“I want to know who Jake was and how you killed him.” If any of this surprised Heath it didn’t show on his face.

“Nick, I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I won’t…I promise. Heath I only want to help you and you need to talk about this. Otherwise, you’ll never get well.”

“I can’t.” Heath squirmed and moved away from Nick.

“Yes you can.” Nick stood. “I’m going to carry you to the chair and then you’re going to talk.” Gritting his teeth Nick lifted his brother, trying hard to ignore the pain it caused him. He placed Heath in the chair and then grabbed a blanket and covered his brother with it. Nick pulled another chair close and sat down…waiting for Heath to begin.

* * * * * * * *

Heath sat on his bunk, knees pulled close to his chest. His piece of bread sat beside him but Heath was saving it for later, when his stomach really hurt. He quickly glanced around the small room…at the faces of the men who had become his friends. The faces changed…dying never stopped…but they were all in it together with one goal…to live another day. Heath couldn’t recall how long he had been there; the days seemed to all run together. He remembered Jake congratulating him on one month but Heath wasn’t sure how long ago that was. It didn’t matter. Heath ceased being a child long ago and he was now accepted as one of the men. He was needed and that felt good.

“Heath!” He looked up to see Manny nearing him. “You better eat that before the roaches get it.” Heath glanced at the piece of bread and quickly grabbed it before the bug could.

“Damn bugs.” Heath flicked it off the bed. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the rats or the roaches. At least the rats had some use he wearily thought.

“Where’s Jake?” Heath asked as he stood up and stretched, then stuffed the bread into his pants pocket.

“Don’t know. Probably making a deal somewhere.”

“He’s always making a deal,” Heath complained. “How come I never get anything? I’m the one who gets the food.”

“Quit complaining” Manny spit out. “If it wasn’t for Jake you wouldn’t be alive.” Manny walked away before Heath could open his mouth. He knew it was true; Jake protected him. But he didn’t think a little extra food was asking for too much. The door opened and Heath turned to see Jake stroll in. He quickly handed something to each man, ignoring Heath as usual.

“Smokes” Jake told him, seeing the look on the boy’s face. “You’re too young to smoke.” Jake chuckled softly. The door opened again and two guards walked in. Instinctively, Heath backed against the wall. It was never good when two came in together.

“Jake!” The larger one neared Jake. “I have it on good authority that you’re stealing our food. Fess up!” He glared at the one-arm man.

Jake smiled. “I can’t fess to something I ain’t done.” The two men were nearly the same height and neither backed down.

“I’ll go easy on you if you tell me the truth.” Heath held his breath as he waited to see what Jake would do.

“I done tell you the truth. I didn’t steal nothing.” Jake started whistling and that made the guard angrier.

“Shut up.” He grabbed Jake by his collar. “You walk around like you run this place…just cause you get things for Stan. Well, I’m not Stan and you’re a dead man.” The guard let go of Jake and aimed his gun. He walked closer to Jake and placed the gun against his head.

“If you didn’t do it, tell me who did. One wrong word and the gun goes off.” Jake calmly smiled; fear no longer a part of his mind.

“Use your brain” Jake quietly said. “Who’s small enough to get through the broken boards?” Heath gasped and several of the men looked at him; including the two guards. The second guard grabbed Heath and pulled him towards Jake.

“Jake, is he stealing?” Slowly Jake nodded yes. “Sorry kid” he said, “but the men depend on me to survive.”

The taller guard bent over and looked Heath in the eyes. Heath wrinkled his nose at the man’s breath.

“So you’re the thief?” Heath was too scared to say anything, his gaze still on the man who betrayed him. “Jimmy, what do you think? Should we kill him here or outside?” The shorter guard shrugged.

“Don’t much matter to me. Steve, it’s your call.” Steve nodded and placed the gun hard against Heath’s head.

“Stupid kid! Didn’t anyone ever teach you that stealing was wrong?” Heath closed his eyes and started counting to ten. He figured it be over before he got to ten. He pictured his mama in his head and wished he could tell her how much he loved her. And how sorry he was for running off and making her worry.

“Naw!” Steve stood tall and turned his attention back to Jake. “You’re a weasel and it’s about time you get what’s coming to ya.” Steve smiled broadly. “How ironic…the boy is going to kill you.”

“No!” Heath finally found his voice. “I won’t do it.” He tried to run but Jimmy grabbed a hold of him. Some of the prisoners were getting restless and Steve turned his gun on them. “Any of you move and you’ll get a bullet between the eyes. Jimmy, take the kid with you and get some more help. We’re having a public execution for all to enjoy.” Heath struggled as the guard dragged him out of the building.

“Well Jake, start saying your prayers…you’re meeting your maker real soon.” Steve started laughing…eager to get rid of the troublemaker.

Part 16

Nick leaned against the wall, arms stiffly at his side. So many thoughts were running through his mind, all centered on his brother. At the moment Heath was silently curled up in the chair, same position he had been in for the past hour. Nick figured he knew how the story ended, but he wanted to hear his brother tell it; hoping to get something besides the monotone voice Heath had used since he started telling his tale. Nick was amazed at how calm his brother was and tried to keep his own mounting anger from rearing its ugly head. Nick heard noise from the hallway and knew the family was stirring. It was only a few minutes later that the door opened and his father walked in. He glanced at Heath and then at Nick, waiting for an explanation. Nick took his father’s arm and led him into the hallway. Quickly he explained how much Heath told him and his plan to get the rest out of him.

“Nick, let it go for now.” Tom didn’t seem surprised by what Heath had gone through in that prison. Actually it sounded tamer than what many had experienced. Though Heath’s age made it much rougher for the child and he should never have experienced it so young.

“No, I can’t.” Nick moved aside as his mother chased after Eugene.

“Nick, I don’t want to go to school.” Eugene hid behind his older brother.

“Gene, stop it.” Tom grabbed the child and lifted him up. “What’s wrong and why don’t you want to go to school?” He watched as his wife entered Heath’s room and came out quickly with a quizzical look on her face.

“I’ll explain later” Tom whispered.

“I don’t want to go either.” None had heard Audra approach. “Daddy, the kids are being mean to us.” The adults were surprised to hear this; all assuming it had to do with Heath.

“Is this about Heath?” Victoria asked.

“No!” Audra immediately answered.

“Yes” Eugene quietly piped in.

“Eugene!” Audra glared at her brother.

“Can we take this downstairs?” Nick pointed towards the room. “He’s awake and he doesn’t need to hear this. Father, please let me continue.”

“Nick, don’t push him.” Tom left with Eugene in his arms and his wife and daughter following. Nick took a deep breath and reentered the room, not surprised to see Heath still in the same position. He approached the chair and slowly knelt down. Heath’s eyes were open but he didn’t look at his older brother.

“How ya doing?” Nick hesitated before lightly running his hand through Heath’s hair.

“Heath, I want you to sit up and finish telling me what happened to Jake.” Heath grimaced at the mention of that name.

“He’s dead. I killed him. The rest doesn’t matter.” Heath tried to turn in the chair but Nick wouldn’t let him.

“It does matter” Nick insisted. “Heath, are you hungry? Thirsty?” Nick reached for the pitcher and poured another glass of water. “Drink this. I’m sure someone will bring up breakfast soon.” Heath eyed the tray on the table.

“Anything good to eat there?”

“Just fruit and bread” Nick answered. “Also a half eaten cookie that Eugene left.”

“I’ll take that.” Heath pointed to the cookie. Shrugging, Nick grabbed the cookie and handed it to his brother.

“Hannah made the best cookies,” Heath mumbled as he shoved the sweet into his mouth, and then downed the whole glass of water. Heath glanced again at the tray but didn’t see anything else that he wanted.

“I’ll go downstairs and bring you some breakfast.” Nick stood up whistling, pleased at how hungry Heath seemed.

* * * * * * * *

“Sorry it took so long.” Nick eyed his brother on the floor. “Heath!” He rushed over and placed the tray on the floor. “Heath, what’s wrong?” Heath had his hands over his eyes and he wouldn’t answer his brother.

“Heath!” Nick easily pried the boy’s hands away from his face. He bent over and looked into Heath’s eyes.

“What happened?” Nick asked in a soothing tone.

“I had to go to the bathroom” Heath finally whispered, ashamed that he couldn’t make it there himself.

“Heath, it’s ok. I’ll help you.”

“Too late” Heath mumbled and then turned his head away.

“Too late” Nick repeated, the meaning all too apparent. Nick’s first reaction was to laugh and show Heath that it wasn’t a big deal, but he wasn’t sure humor was what his brother needed at the moment. Nick stood, unsure of how to handle the situation. He quietly retreated from the room and returned a few minutes later with his parents. They were apprised of the situation and Nick stepped back, allowing them to handle this. Tom lowered himself to the floor and lightly rubbed Heath’s back.

“Son, it’s been a while since you’ve had a bath so I’m going to lift you and bring you to the tub. When we’re done I’ll take you downstairs and I’m sure Silas can fix up some more eggs. Sound ok?” Tom wasn’t expecting an answer and he wasn’t disappointed when Heath didn’t respond. He carefully lifted the child and walked out of the room. Victoria quickly took some clean clothes out of the dresser and followed her husband. Nick lingered for a few minutes, wondering if this was somehow his fault.

* * * * * * * *

A few hours later Tom and Victoria watched Heath sleep on the sofa.

“He seems more alert than he has in days and he sure got his appetite back. Tom I think he’s improved remarkably from when he returned.” Victoria knew what was on her husband’s mind and hoped her opinion relieved his concerns just a little bit.

“He barely said two words to me all morning.”

“Tom, he’s embarrassed. No teenager wants his father giving him a bath. Not to mention his little accident.” Victoria smiled weakly, trying to imagine the pain Heath must have felt as he tried to hide his face from them. “Tom, we have to get him back on his feet. He’s so independent and being carried around must be killing him. Go talk to Ben and see if he can suggest anything that might help. OK?” She glanced over in time to see Tom slightly nod his head. Gently Victoria took her husband’s hand. This past week had been as tough on him as it had been on Heath. Any regression in the child’s condition would shatter her husband.

“Tom, stop worrying and check on Nick for me. He seemed a little too quiet this morning.” After he left Victoria pulled a chair close to the sofa and sat down. She reached out and touched Heath’s forehead and that caused the child to moan and open his eyes.

“Sorry Heath. Go back to sleep.”

“Mama?” Victoria stiffened when Heath reached out with his hand. Her hesitation confused the child and his arm dropped back to the sofa. “I’m sorry I ran away. Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad.” She took his hand, hoping she was doing the right thing. “Heath, I’m right here and I’m not mad at you.”

“You’re not real.” Heath said that with such conviction that Victoria was sure the child had awakened. “I’m alone” he continued. “I’m being punished for killing Jake. Mama, find me…I want to go home.” Suddenly, tears rolled down Heath’s face as his cries for his mother grew louder.

“Heath, I’m here.” Victoria sat on the edge of the sofa and lifted the crying child. “Heath, you’re safe.” Victoria kept whispering as she embraced the child tighter, his body shaking with each sob. She heard footsteps and knew the cries were loud enough to bring Tom and Nick running. With eyes wide, Nick stared at the sobbing boy in his mother’s arms. Victoria kept her attention on Heath, rocking him until the sobs let up and he grew quiet, resting his head on her shoulder. She finally glanced up at the stricken faces of her husband and son. Nick looked ready to cry as he nervously moved his feet.

“I did this,” he whispered to the shock of both parents. “I shouldn’t have pushed him about the prison.”

“Nick, don’t.” Tom gently grabbed him by the shoulders…his blue eyes staring deep into hazel ones. “Don’t!” Nick tried to look away but his father wouldn’t let him. Nick closed his eyes to hold in the tears that threatened to escape. More composed, he opened them and stared down at his brother.

“I know it’s hard to see him like that but Heath needs this. Nick look at me” Tom ordered in a low voice and waited for Nick to obey. “I’m so proud of you. He trusts you Nick and you got him to open up and let some of the pain out.” Nick bit down on his lower lip, frantically trying not to break down in front of his father.

“It’s ok to cry for your brother” Tom whispered, as Nick’s quivering lip preceded a stream of tears. He was desperately fighting for control and couldn’t protest when Tom pulled him close…holding him tight as his shoulder muffled Nick’s cries. Tom patted his back a few times, not surprised that Nick pulled away and turned his back on his father. Nick was so much like him, neither liked to show weakness in front of others. Nick sniffled loudly a few times, as his raspy breaths evened out.

“I’m ok” he spit out, turning slowly. He sat in a nearby chair and kept his gaze on Heath.

“Is he sleeping?” Nick asked.

“I think so,” his mother answered. “Tom?” Her husband peeked around until he could see his son’s face.

“He’s asleep. Should I take him upstairs?”

“No! Help me lower him to the pillow.” Together, they carefully lowered Heath down, until his head was resting comfortably on the pillow.

“Let him sleep here for now” Victoria said. “Later, we’ll take him upstairs. Victoria slowly stood, shaking the foot that had fallen asleep.

“Nick, you look tired. Go upstairs and rest.” Nick hesitated, unable to take his eyes off of Heath.

“He’ll be fine. Go on” Victoria urged. The hesitation turned to relief as Nick rushed out of the room and they could here his boots meeting the stairs as he stomped upstairs and to the safe haven of his room.

“Tom, you can leave too. Talk to Ben and then bring the children home from school. I’ll stay with Heath.”

“Victoria, are you sure?” She nodded yes. Tom walked over and lightly touched his son’s head. He looked peaceful. Serene. Tom hoped he was finally getting the rest he so desperately needed.

“I love you” Tom whispered, directing those words at both his wife and son. “I’ll be home later.” He walked out of the room and a few minutes later Victoria heard the front door close.

* * * * * * * *

Ben watched Tom pace; concerned for the man he considered his dearest and oldest friend. In the thirty plus years he had known Tom Barkley, Ben had never seen him this upset. He had spent nearly an hour letting out his frustrations and the past thirty minutes trying to forget his problems by drinking too much brandy. Ben had enough; he quietly stood and grabbed the glass from Tom’s hand.

“Tom, I have never known you to use alcohol to deal with things. And now is not the time to start.” Tom didn’t fight the doctor’s decision.

“The gossip is getting bad” Ben stated firmly.

“I know.” Tom stood. “Now my children are being taunted at school.”

“Tom, sit down and listen to me.” Ben waited impatiently until the younger man did so.

“I am an old man and I’m not going to mince words. You’ve stood beside me while I’ve buried a wife and two children. You and Victoria gave me a second family when I had none. Now I am not going to stand by and watch the town make a mockery of you, especially when you’re making it worse.”

“What?” Tom’s eyes narrowed as he wondered if he had heard right.

“You heard me. Tom, I want an honest answer. Is your marriage really OK?”

“Yes!” Tom yelled louder than he had planned too. “I swear Ben, we’re fine. Victoria has even taken to the child. If you had seen the way she held him today, as if he were her own son. It doesn’t matter how Heath came to be. He’s here now and he’s part of our family and Victoria is fine with that.”

“Then stop hiding” Ben retorted. “Show the town that your marriage is strong and that you’re proud of your son. Hear me out” Ben warned when Tom started to open his mouth.

“You’ve been bringing your family to town for dinner once a week for the past twenty years. Don’t stop now. I know you’re trying to protect the boy but all it’s doing is spreading the gossip. They don’t see you so they make up imaginary problems.”

“The child is sick” Tom quickly interjected.

“I know. I’m his doctor” Ben countered. “Now that he’s getting better, is there any reason you and Victoria can’t go out for dinner? Or bring the little ones with you?”

“I don’t care what the town biddies think,” Tom bellowed.

“Yes you do.” Ben’s voice was low. “Your children care also. The kids at school are only repeating what their parents say. Tom, you’re a proud man and hiding is beneath you. If Heath is feeling better I expect all of you in town next Sunday for dinner. I’ll even treat.”

Upon hearing that, Tom started to laugh. “You! Treat! Ben, we’ve been having dinner together for years and I can’t recall once that you’ve paid.” The laughter stopped just as quickly.

“Tom, I’m not saying this to hurt you. You know how I feel about your family and I hate hearing the things being said. I’m too old to fight this damn town on your behalf.” Ben smiled weakly. “Besides, I miss the dinners and the little one falling asleep in my lap. I’d also like to get to know Heath and I don’t want him to just think of me as the cranky old man who makes him take awful tasting medicine.”

Tom sighed. “Ben, I’ll talk it over with Victoria, ok?”

“For now” Ben answered. “Should we move on to your next problem?”

“Whatever.” Tom rolled his eyes.

“Tom, does it really matter who Heath talks to as long as he talks?”

“No.” Tom shrugged his shoulders, unable to look the doctor in the eyes.

“He knows you’re his father. But Nick is close to his age. Tom, you had brothers, so did I. It was always easier to talk to them than to our parents. Even I’m not too old to remember that. Heath will confide in you when the time is right.”

Tom eyed the bottle of brandy but knew he had enough already. School would be out in an hour and he didn’t want his children to see him drunk.

“Ben, how can we get Heath back on his feet?” That was the one problem that didn’t deal directly with his feelings and the only one Tom wanted to think about.

“Ah…the easy problem.” Ben smiled at the look Tom gave him. “I’ll come by today and tomorrow. As long as the fever’s gone you can start him on some light exercises. Tom he’s young. All he needs is some good food and sleep and he’ll be back on his feet in no time. You said he likes to ride right?” Tom nodded yes.

“Take him riding…it’s the best exercise he can give his legs.” Ben pulled out his pocket watch. “I have a few appointments I need to make and you’re coming with me.”

“I am?” Tom asked incredulously.

“Yes you are.” Ben grabbed the younger man’s arm. “Between appointments we’re going to talk about your new son and how he came to be.”

“Ben…” Tom stopped himself from saying what he really wanted to. “I’ll tell you what I want to tell you and you won’t ask for any more details. Got it?”

“Sure. Let’s go…I have sick people to see.” Against his better judgment Tom willingly went with the doctor. He wasn’t sure if it was the brandy or the ramblings of the old man, but for the moment Tom was able to forget his problems and enjoy the company of his friend.

Part 17

Heath opened his eyes. Once, twice and then a third time before they stayed open and blue eyes peered out at the little boy.

“Are you awake?” a quiet voice asked. Heath blinked several times until he was able to focus on the small child in front of him.

“Eugene.” Heath’s voice sounded hoarse and his throat hurt.

“You are awake” Eugene exclaimed as he leaned over the bed, until the two noses were almost touching. Heath tried to sit up but every muscle groaned with each move.

“What happened to me?”

“Exhaust…” Eugene paused as he tried to remember the word the doctor had used. “I forget what Uncle Ben said…something about you needing lots of sleep.”

“How long have I been sleeping?” Heath felt so tired he couldn’t imagine that it had been too long.

“Almost four days” Eugene answered, much to Heath’s shock. “Well, not all the time” Eugene quickly added. “Mama sometimes fed you and daddy would take you to the bathroom and I helped exercise your legs. Heath, don’t you remember any of this?”

“No!” Heath sighed, feeling grateful that he couldn’t remember. “Eugene, what are you doing?”

“Watching you for Mama. I’m supposed to tell her if you wake up.”

“Oh.” Heath ran a hand through his hair as he tried to recall anything from the last few days.

“Nick was funny.” Eugene said and then started giggling. “He said taking care of you was like taking care of a baby. All you did was eat, sleep and…”

“Eugene!” The child turned and stared up at his mother. “Did you forget something?” she quietly asked as she entered the bedroom.

“Heath is awake,” Eugene answered.

“I see.” The child moved away from the bed and allowed his mother the room to sit down. “How do you feel?” Victoria placed a gentle hand on Heath’s shoulder.

“I’m not sure. Did I really sleep that long?”

Victoria nodded. “Heath, it was a good sleep and you needed it. Your fever hasn’t returned and the doctor wants you out of bed and moving around as soon as possible. Are you hungry?”

It took a few minutes for Heath to comprehend everything he had just heard. “I feel slow” he mumbled.

“That’s ok.” Victoria’s hand rested on the boy’s cheek. “It’s going to take a little time for you to wake up completely.”

“Mama, what’s wrong with Heath?” She had forgotten the child was still there until he leaned against her.

“Gene, he’s fine. Go outside and get Nick and then help Audra in the garden, ok?”

“No!” The child angrily stomped his foot. “I want to stay with Heath.”

“Eugene, don’t argue with me.”

“But…”

“Eugene, now!” The child looked to Heath for help but he was still trying to clear his head and only heard part of the conversation.

“Fine!” Eugene angrily turned and marched out of the room.

“Heath, when you feel up to it maybe you can read him a story, ok?” Heath slightly nodded his head.

“Nick, will be glad to see you” Victoria said. “The doctor won’t clear him to work and he’s moping around.”

“I’m not moping” Nick yelled from the doorway, out of breath from rushing to the room.

“It’s about time you woke up.” Nick neared the bed, the smile on his face belying the harsh tone he used. “How do you feel?”

“Tired!” Heath sighed. “I have to get out of this bed.”

“Mother, can I take him?”

Victoria shook her head. “He just woke up…”

“Eugene will tell if we wait too long.”

“Nick, you can’t carry him.”

“Yes, I can!”

“Stop!” Heath was getting dizzy listening to the conversation. “I’m not deaf. What is Eugene going to tell me if you wait too long?”

“Mother, please!” Victoria sighed as both boys watched her; Heath’s eyes filled with curiosity and Nick just anxious to give Heath the good news.

“I want him dressed warmly and you don’t stay out there too long.” Nick grabbed a shirt and a pair of pants and threw them at Heath.

“Get dressed!” he ordered. Cautiously Heath looked under the blanket, dismayed to see he had only underwear on. Then he glanced at Victoria.

“I know.” She smiled as she stood. “I’ll be in the backyard with the children. Nick, don’t tire him out.”

“Yes Mother” Nick dutifully said, rolling his eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Get dressed.” Slowly Heath swung his legs over the edge of the bed, swaying in the process.

“Hey!” Nick reached down to steady his brother. “Maybe you’re not ready.”

“Nick!” Heath sat up straight. “Just help me get dressed and show me whatever you want to show me.”

“OK.” Nick kept his hand on Heath’s shoulder as the boy slowly put his pants on. A few minutes later Heath was ready and Nick carefully lifted him into his arms.

“You’re heavy,” he automatically said, though it was far from the truth. Nick could feel Heath’s bones through his clothes and it reminded him of the skeletons his brother had described so vividly in his essay.

“What are you waiting for?” Heath’s question brought Nick back.

“You sleep for days and now you’re impatient,” Nick mumbled as he exited the room. Neither boy spoke but Heath did wonder why they were heading towards the stables. Suddenly it dawned on him.

“I don’t want…a new horse,” he stammered.

“Good, cause you’re not getting one. I don’t think Lady would be too happy to know you’ve moved on so quickly.”

“Lady” Heath whispered as they entered the building. Immediately his eyes focused on her stall.

“How?” Eyes wide, Heath reached out and patted her nose. He looked down and saw her leg and the bandage that was on it. “Nick?”

“Father got her up and he felt the break wasn’t as bad as he first thought. Heath, it will be awhile before she can bear weight and she’ll need someone to exercise her.”

“I’ll do it” Heath stated firmly.

“Heath, you’re not walking.”

“I will soon.”

“Good…cause you’re old enough to take care of your own horse.” Nick tried to keep his smile from showing.

“Nick, do you have a treat for her?”

“Sure Heath, I carry them in my pocket.” Nick sarcastically answered. “If you work on those legs, I’ll bring you back later.” He allowed Heath to pat the horse a few more times before carrying him back to the house.

“I don’t want to go in. Please Nick, can we sit on the steps?” Nick put the boy down, hoping his face didn’t show the pain he was starting to feel. “I’ll be right back.” He hurried inside and returned a few minutes later and draped a blanket over Heath’s shoulders.

“Mother’s orders.” Nick smiled as he sat down beside the blonde boy. “Trust me. If she sees you without it, inside you go.” Heath didn’t seem to mind as he rested his elbows on his knees and stared off in the distance.

“Heath, what are thinking about?” Nick didn’t like the look that crossed his younger brother’s face.

“I try not to think” he quietly answered, his gaze straight ahead.

“Heath! Seriously, what’s on your mind?” Nick rested his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Where is he?”

“Who?” Nick asked, though the answer came almost immediately. “Heath, is it that hard to call him father?”

“Yes” Heath honestly answered. Nick wasn’t sure how to counter the boy’s honesty so he went back to the original question.

“There was some crisis in the north pasture so Father went to fix it. He took Jarrod with him” Nick added with a touch of disappointment. Heath figured it was because of Nick’s ribs and the guilt started to return.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled, unable to look at Nick.

“Don’t worry about it.” Nick lightly patted his back.

“I still owe you the story, don’t I?” Heath glanced sideways at Nick who met his gaze.

“No!” Nick firmly shook his head. As much as he wanted to know the rest he was scared of how Heath would react. Another round of sleep would mean less food and Heath couldn’t afford to lose any more weight; his face was gaunt, his alert blue eyes in contrast to the dark circles that surrounded them. His hair was getting long and Nick figured another trip to Sally’s would soon be in order. Nick’s immediately reaction confused Heath and he searched his brother’s face for answers.

“Why not?” Heath needed it to come out; wanted so badly for Nick to hear the truth and tell him he did the right thing. Someone had to hear it before it drove him crazy; though Heath sometimes thought he was already at that point. Heath’s eyes narrowed, his confusion turning to anger.

“I thought you wanted to help me” Heath accusingly spit out.

“I do.” Nick didn’t understand the change that came over Heath. “You want to talk about this?”

“No! I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. I wish everyday that it never happened but it’s all in my head and it won’t go away.” Heath brought his hand out from beneath the blanket and pointed to his head. “Nick, somebody else had to know cause I can’t handle it alone anymore. Please Nick!” Tears welled up in Heath’s eyes and he didn’t care when they spilled over and slowly ran down his cheeks. Heath sniffled a couple of times and then wiped his face with his sleeve.

“OK, calm down.” Nick gently rubbed the back of Heath’s head as he waited for the younger boy to compose himself. He couldn’t even imagine the kind of guilt Heath was carrying around and he worried that he wouldn’t be able to help his little brother.

“Heath, when you’re ready go ahead.” Nick took his free hand and gently encased it over his brother’s hand. “You’re not alone. No matter how you feel Heath, you’ll never be alone again.” Heath stared down at the clasped hands and then shyly up at his brother. He took his other hand and laid it lightly over Nick’s hand, taking a couple of deep breathes in the process.

“I’m not alone” he whispered, hoping the spoken words would quell that feeling that never seemed to go away.

“Nick, promise me you won’t hate me.” Heath pulled his hands away and tightened the blanket around him.

“I don’t hate you now and I promise, I won’t hate you later.” Nick tried to force a smile, his curiosity increasing with time. He wondered what the boy felt was so bad that others would hate him. It was a prison, one of the worse, and he was a prisoner. Whatever Heath did he had been forced to and he shouldn’t feel guilt over that. The boy seemed a bit calmer, his gaze again straight ahead. Nick’s hand was resting on top of Heath’s head and he lowered it, gripping his brother’s shoulder.

“Heath, what happened to Jake?” Nick felt a little encouragement was needed. “They took you out of the bunkhouse. What happened next?”

It took a few minutes before the boy found his voice and slowly he started to speak; so low that Nick had to strain to hear the words.

Part 18

Heath stumbled and fell hard to the ground.

“Get up!” He felt himself being pulled up and pushed from behind. With his arms tied behind his back and a blindfold on, Heath was having trouble going the pace the guards thought was necessary.

“Where are we going?”

“Shut up!” Heath felt a hard poke in the back and he cried out in pain. He wasn’t sure who was guarding him; he couldn’t recognize voices or smells. He knew there was more than one because they were talking to each other and laughing.

“Stop!” Someone grabbed Heath’s collar to stop him.

“Take it off!” Heath recognized the voice and winced, as the blindfold was ripped from his face. He squinted in the bright sun until he could focus on Steve’s face. The guard stood before him, hands on hips and a broad smile on his face.

“Are you ready for some fun?”

“Go to hell” Heath retorted and braced himself for whatever was coming. But Steve just stood there chuckling.

“You’re already in hell and you’re about to find out how hot it can get. Look around.” Heath did so. Jake was no more then ten feet away, tied to a post by a rope around his waist. To his right Heath saw the rest of his bunkmates lined up, arms tied behind their backs, legs shackled together. Manny. Joe. Even Tony, who had been too weak to stand for the past month. He was wedged up between two men and a guard stood behind him to keep him upright. Heath just shook his head as he glanced back at Steve.

“Tony’s sick. He’s going to die. Why is he here?”

“He’ll die sooner if you don’t do as I say.” Steve pointed towards Jake. “That man ratted you out and he needs to pay and you’re going to give him what he deserves.”

“He’s my friend” Heath whispered.

“There are no friends in this place.” Steve grabbed a hold of Heath as he said that. “He used you and you’re too young to realize it. Now, you’ll get your revenge and I’ll get rid of a troublemaker. Untie him.” He addressed Jimmy.

“Heath, you do as I say or they’ll die also.” Heath didn’t have to look to know who the guard was referring to.

“I hear you’re quite a little shooter. Jimmy, give him the gun.”

“No!” Heath tried to back away but was stopped by a guard he didn’t know. “Take it!” Steve ordered. When Heath refused again he was hit hard across the face with the gun. He crumpled to the ground, hiding his cries of pain against his arm. Steve knelt down next to him.

“Boy, where do you think you are? This isn’t a schoolyard and you don’t get to choose here what you want to do. You chose to join a war and now you’re in my backyard and you will do as I say. You will take this gun and you will not aim it anywhere but at Jake. You do anything funny and they will die. Heath, think about it. Either one man will die or many. That is the one choice you do have. Now stop crying and get up.” Heath took too long and was soon hauled to his feet. The gun was offered to him and after a long minute he took it and studied the weapon in his hand.

“Jake is going to die but I want him to suffer before he does. Shoot him in the kneecap first.” Heath’s eyes widened as he glanced up at the guard. He didn’t care what the guard said, Jake was his friend and he couldn’t do that.

“Don’t make me do this,” he quietly begged so only Steve could hear him. Steve started laughing and that angered the boy. Slowly he raised the gun and aimed it at the guard.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Steve walked a few inches closer, unafraid of the gun or the one holding it.

“Boy you have guts and I admire that but he isn’t worth it. If the roles were switched he shoot you in a second.” Heath finally lowered his head along with the gun. He heard someone shot out from the line and knew they were getting tired from standing and waiting for something to happen. Heath wiped the blood from his mouth and ignored the tears that threatened to overwhelm him. He took the gun and without thinking shot at Jake, hitting the correct spot. The man cried out from the pain as the bullet shattered his knee.

“Good shot.” Steve clapped Heath on the back. “Now do the other knee.” Heath looked up in disbelief and then at the wounded man. Jake was still moaning, leaning to one side, as the stricken leg could no longer bear any weight.

“Isn’t he suffering enough?”

“Not by a long shot. Do the other leg!” Heath turned to the men and was grateful he couldn’t clearly see their faces. He could only imagine how angry they were for shooting the man that had kept them alive for so long.

“I’m losing patience.”

Heath raised his hand and aimed but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pull the trigger. He stood there, still as a statue paralyzed with fear.

* * * * * * * *

“Heath! Say something to me.” Nick’s panicked voice tried to penetrate the trance his brother seemed to be in. He had stopped talking nearly ten minutes before, his finger pointed at an unseen target.

“Heath!” Nick shook him roughly and finally the child let out a loud groan. He started rocking, his breaths raspy and fast.

“Heath, look at me.” Nick positioned himself in front of Heath, and placed his hands on the child’s face.

“Nick?” The uncertainty in his voice scared Nick.

“Yes, it’s me. Heath, focus on me.”

“I killed them. I killed them all.” Nick shook his head in confusion. He tried not to think of the horrors that Heath went through, only that he was following orders and had no choice.

“Heath, I don’t understand. You followed orders and only Jake died.”

“No! I tried. I tried so hard but I was afraid and I couldn’t. I didn’t have the courage and they all died because of me.”

“Heath, you’re not making any sense.” Nick sat down, closer to Heath, and placed his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “Heath, try to calm down and tell me what happened.”

Nick wasn’t sure he wanted to know but Heath needed to get it out and he didn’t want to start over another time. This was so rough on his brother and he couldn’t go through this again. Heath was shaking, and even though it wasn’t because of the weather, Nick pulled the blanker tighter around him.

“I can’t” Heath said, a steady flow of tears erupting from his eyes. He stared pitifully at Nick.

“Yes, you can.” Nick again cupped the child’s face, his own misery starting to match Heath’s. “You aimed the gun at Jake and the guard told you to shoot the other knee. Heath, what happened after that?” Nick’s voice cracked and he took a deep breath, one of them needed to keep their composure.

“I shot him again,” Heath whispered as his mind wandered back in time.

* * * * * * * *

Heath tried to block everything out; Jake’s moans, the tapping of the stick in Steve’s hand, the catcalls from the men in line. He tried to think of his mama and Hannah and the town he hated so much he ended up in a prison. All he had to do was shoot the other leg and maybe that would be the end. But Heath knew better. Steve would make him keep shooting until Jake had lost enough blood and finally passed out. Then the fun would be over and Jake would die. Heath couldn’t do it; he couldn’t make this man suffer like this. They could kill him; he didn’t care anymore. If he had the guts, he’d kill himself but he couldn’t find the courage to aim the gun at his own head. Someone would kill him; all he had to do was kill Jake first. With as little movement as possible, Heath aimed the gun higher and pulled the trigger, hitting Jake right between the eyes. Jake died instantly, with no more suffering.

“Damn you fool.” Steve brought the stick down hard on Heath’s head. “Think you’re so smart, don’t you?” Steve hit Heath a few more times until the boy collapsed to the ground. “Say goodbye to your friends cause they’re all going to die now. Take him away.” Heath was roughly pulled to his feet but he couldn’t stand, so they dragged him away, right pass the men who were about to die. Heath heard the shouts and felt the wetness on his face as one of them spit on him. He prayed that death would come fast and finally the comforting darkness engulfed him.

* * * * * * * *

“I killed them all” Heath quietly said with his finger pointing again. “I didn’t have the courage to do it so they all died.”

“Heath, what didn’t you have the courage to do?” Heath took his finger and pointed it at his head. “I couldn’t kill myself,” he said much too calmly.        

“No!” Nick took his hands and closed them around Heath’s finger and moved it away from the boy’s head. “Heath, that was not an option. Do you hear me?”

“Nick…” Heath’s lips quivered, his eyes full of the pain that his brother now shared.

“I know.” Nick felt the wetness on his own cheeks. “I know,” he repeated, pulling Heath into a tight embrace.

“I’m so proud of you” Nick whispered although he doubted that Heath could hear anything but his own sobs. “Let it out boy. Let it all out.” Nick heard a noise and glanced up to see his mother standing there. He shook his head once and then rested his face against Heath’s head and waited for the boy to stop crying.

* * * * * * * *

At some point Heath had slid downward until his head now rested on Nick’s leg. He had stopped crying long ago but seemed in no hurry to talk or go inside. Victoria had continually checked on the boys but felt there was nothing she could do to better the situation and allowed Nick to handle it. She was extremely proud of how her middle son, the toughest of her brood, had comforted Heath. She took the blanket in her hands and draped it over Nick, as the afternoon air turned cooler She hoped Tom would be home soon to help take Heath back inside.

“Nick, I’ll be inside. Call if you need me.” He nodded and then glanced down at his hand, which gently massaged Heath’s head.

“Heath, what happened after they took you away?” The child looked upward, his blue eyes now red and swollen.

“They beat me,” he answered. “Most of the scars came from that day. Afterward I was tossed into a room…isolation is what they called it. I just remember being very alone and scared and then I got sick. They took me to the prison hospital and I guess I was pretty sick and I almost died. I should have,” he added, much to Nick’s chagrin. For the moment Nick let that comment slide.

“What happened after you got out of the hospital? Did you ever see any of those men?”

“No! I told you they’re dead.” Heath sighed deeply. “They put me in a new bunkhouse and I never saw the guards either. If anyone knew what had happened, they never told me and I didn’t talk about it. Sam was nice to me.”

“Who’s Sam?”

“He was the leader of the new bunkhouse,” Heath answered. “Sam Drake. He was going east to join the Brooklyn Atlantics when he joined the army.”

“Brooklyn what?”

“It’s a baseball team and Sam was real good and he wanted to try out. He taught me how to pitch and made me promise to watch a game if they ever made it out west.”

“Baseball?” Nick knew he had heard that term before but he couldn’t recall where.

“It’s a game,” Heath answered, almost smiling at the confused look on his brother’s face.

“Maybe some day I’ll teach you. Nick, I’m tired and I don’t want to talk anymore.”

“OK Heath! You did real good today and…” Nick wanted to say he loved him but wasn’t sure how Heath would react to those words. “Heath, I’m glad you’re my brother…don’t you ever forget that.”

“I won’t” Heath mumbled as his eyes slowly closed.

* * * * * * * *

Tom and Jarrod rode up to the house, shocked at the scene that greeted them. Heath was sleeping with his head resting on Nick’s lap.

“Nick, what happened?” Tom handed his reins to Jarrod who quickly tied both horses to the rail. Nick looked up and they saw how red his eyes were.

“Nick, were you crying?” Jarrod asked.

“So!” Nick glared at his brother, waiting for the brotherly tease that he figured would come next

“So, are you ok?” Jarrod’s eyes showed the concern he felt for both brothers.

“I’ve been better. Heath told me the rest and I don’t know how he lives with it.” Nick looked down at his sleeping brother. “I’ll tell you when my voice is better and my legs aren’t asleep. Father, can you take him so I can move?” Tom nodded and carefully lifted up the child.

“Nick, later we’ll talk.” Tom wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what had caused his son to cry so much. He left and Nick gazed upward at Jarrod.

“Jarrod, he’s been through too much and I don’t know how to help him.” Nick tried to stand but his legs were numb and Jarrod reached to help him. Nick stomped his feet until he had feeling in them and then moved away from his older brother.

“Nick, let’s take a walk.” Jarrod placed an arm around Nick’s shoulder. “You look like you need a big brother and I’m just the man for the job.” Normally that would elicit a sarcastic remark but Nick was too tired and Jarrod was right; at that moment he needed his big brother.

“Jarrod, can I tell you what Heath told me? Together, maybe we can figure out how to help him.”

“Come on.” Jarrod guided him away from the house. “Heath is lucky. He has us and we’ll get him through this. Right now though, I’m worried about you. Tell me what Heath said.” As they walked farther from the house, Nick started to repeat the horror story that Heath had told him.

* * * * * * * *

It was late in the evening and Tom quietly peeked in to Heath’s room. In the moonlight he could see that Heath was up and entered the room.

“Heath, do you want company?” The boy shrugged his shoulders. Eugene turned in his bed and Tom glanced that way to make sure his youngest son was still sleeping.

“Nick told me everything.” It had been a hard conversation for both Tom and his son.

“Heath, I’m proud of you. You showed Jake mercy that most men twice your age wouldn’t have.” Tom sat on the bed and inched a little closer to his son.

“Do you think you can sleep alone tonight?”

“No!” Heath answered very quietly.

“I’ll stay with you.” Tom stretched his legs out and leaned back against the wall. He was shocked when Heath leaned against him and rested his head on his father’s chest.

“I’m sorry for being a baby.”

“You’re not a baby.” Tom wrapped an arm around his son. “You grew up way too soon and now you just need the things you missed as a child. Don’t ever apologize for needing a father’s love.”

“Father” Heath whispered and a small smile appeared on his face. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Soon he was asleep, safe in his father’s arms and far away from Carterson prison.

* * * * * * * *

(Just a couple of historical notes: The spread of baseball to the West was influenced by the Civil War. It was played to pass time in many prisons. The Brooklyn Atlantics were a real team though in 1865 they were only a club. They became a professional team in 1872. Sam Drake is a fictional character. )

To be continued…