To Find My Son

Parts 19-26

by Marci S.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 19

Tom had always enjoyed the family meetings, the give and take of opinions until finally a decision was made, though not always to the satisfaction of all. But this time it felt different. As Tom paced the kitchen floor, it seemed the room was getting smaller and the walls were closing in on him. A glance at the table and Tom knew the others felt the same. Nick leaned on the table, eyes half-closed from lack of sleep… his anger and despair apparent in his tightly clenched fists. Jarrod was more relaxed, though Tom knew those blue eyes were full of concern and worry. Victoria was best at hiding her feelings but Tom knew his wife well enough to know how she really felt. Tom took out his pocket watch, not surprised that they’d been at this nearly two hours. The topic at hand was Heath and the feelings they all had were understandable.

Tom stopped pacing and quickly took a sip of his water. It had been two days since Heath had divulged his tale and they were foolish to think he would be better just like that. That night, as Tom held his sleeping son, he envisioned a future for Heath…one of happiness and laughter far from his nightmare at Carterson. How quickly that vision changed. The morning sun brought a change in Heath, but not for the better. He was sullen and quiet and had trouble looking anyone in the eyes, ashamed of his past and unwilling to accept the understanding and care from his family. Victoria called it the Barkley stubbornness, apparently an innate trait unaffected by environment. Tom glanced across the table and saw that Nick’s eyes were closed.

“Nick, call it a night and go to bed.”

“I’m fine.” Nick sat up straight. “What are we going to do about Heath? We can’t leave him upstairs by himself for too much longer.” The blonde boy was asleep and they all knew the nightmares would return at some point. “I thought this would end…” Nick’s voice trailed off. They all thought it would. “It’s her fault. I blame his mother.” Nick answered his father’s question before he could ask it.

“Nick, that’s not fair.” Tom eyed his wife as he defended Leah. She wouldn’t look at him and Tom knew this was still a sore topic.

“Nick, you’re entitled to your opinion but I will not have Heath hear you say that. Can you imagine how he would feel knowing you blame his mother?”

“I’m not saying it to Heath” Nick spit out as he stood up, hands braced against the table.

“If she was any kind of mother he wouldn’t have run off.”

“Nick, you don’t know that. Heath hasn’t said anything about his life in Strawberry.”

Tom also leaned against the table and eyed his son.

“Why are you defending her? Do you still have feelings for that woman?” The minute he said those words, Nick knew he’d stepped over the line. He heard his mother gasp and Jarrod sprang up, ready to intervene between his father and brother. Tom seemed momentarily stunned, shocked that his son would even think that, let alone voice it out loud.

“Father…” Nick paused, licking his dry lips. He opened and closed his mouth but nothing came out. He briefly met his father’s angry eyes before lowering his head, his eyes focused on a groove in the table. Nick had never noticed the blemish before and he studied it, as silence engulfed the room.

“Tom, he didn’t mean anything by that.” Victoria stood next to her husband and lightly held his arm. “We’re tired, and we’re worried about Heath. Anger isn’t going to help the situation.” Tom straightened as he digested his wife’s words. He was angry and he was surprised to realize some of it was directed at Leah. If only! What if Leah had come to him when Heath was a baby? What if he had known the love and security of his father’s family? Even if they had shared the boy he would have known his siblings…and his father. Damn you Leah he silently yelled.

“I need some fresh air” he whispered and then fled the room.

“Nick, don’t!” Jarrod held his little brother back as they both watched their mother rush out of the kitchen. Nick pulled free with a loud growl.

“Why’d I say that? Jarrod, I didn’t mean it. Why’d I say it?”

“Cause you’re angry and worried about Heath.” Jarrod smiled wearily, placing a comforting hand on Nick’s shoulder, surprised at the tension his younger brother was carrying around.

“Listen to me.” Jarrod cupped his hands behind Nick’s neck. “Heath idolizes you and he’s watching you very carefully. Nick you are the most reckless person I know. You live for the moment and you know how to have fun. You got to get above this anger and go back to being that guy again.”

“I can’t.”

“You have too.” Jarrod looked deeply into Nick’s eyes. He wasn’t used to seeing his brother in so much pain and it hurt…more than Jarrod wanted to admit. “Nick, it’s time we leave the parenting to Father and become Heath’s brothers. Remember the fun we had exploring our land?”

“We were children” Nick spit out, trying to pull loose, but unable to escape from Jarrod’s hold.

“We’re not that old” Jarrod retorted. “We can take him to those rocks you used to torture me with.” He hoped that might elicit a smile from Nick as they both remembered those days when Nick would taunt Jarrod until he climbed to the top.

“Jarrod, he can’t walk five feet without tiring. I extremely doubt he can climb rocks.”

“I know that smart-ass.” Jarrod sighed as he finally loosened his hold on Nick. “We can work up to that. Why don’t we take him fishing tomorrow?”

“It’s too far.” Nick shook his head. “He won’t make it on a horse.”

“We’ll double up if necessary.”

“He won’t want to go.” Nick folded his arms across his chest.

“We won’t give him a choice.” Jarrod smiled suddenly. “Heath will have fun once we get there. Nick it will be worth it if we can get one smile out of him. Don’t you think?”

“I guess.” Nick wasn’t willing to commit to anything. “Damn it!” Suddenly he turned and slammed his fist into the wall.

“Nick!”

He was bent over, cradling his throbbing hand. “I’m fine,” he mumbled so low, Jarrod had to strain to hear him. “Jarrod, if I ever meet his mother I’m going to tell her exactly how I feel.” He stood straight, grimacing from the pain. “She is to blame for Heath being at Carterson and I don’t care what anyone tells me. Got it!”

“Sure Nick.” Jarrod knew better than to argue when Nick was this angry. He wasn’t going to get through to him, and worse, he would just end up angry with his brother.

“Nick, go upstairs and get some sleep. We’ll start out early in the morning.”

“Someone has to stay with Heath.”

“I will” Jarrod promised. “I’ll stay with him until Father comes back, ok?”

“No” Nick mumbled and then strolled out of the kitchen. He glanced towards the front door, itching to go outside and find his father. But he knew Jarrod was right behind him and would stop him before he got to the door. He did stop walking and glanced over his shoulder.

“Things sure were easier before Heath got here. Don’t ya think?” Jarrod wasn’t sure how to answer that…what his brother was looking for.

“Nick, are you sorry Father brought him here?”

“No!” Nick didn’t need any time to think that over. “I just said it was easier.” He took the stairs quickly, two at a time, seemingly eager to get away from his brother.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria stood on the porch, arms folded against the cool night air, watching her husband in the distance. She felt enough time had passed for Tom to calm down and she slowly neared him. He heard footsteps and turned.

“Tom, do you want company?” He shrugged and went back to staring at the empty corral. Victoria leaned against the rail and glanced sideways at her husband. She wasn’t used to seeing him like this. Nick and his father were so much a like that it sometimes scared her. They were both cautious men, loud and demanding at times, but fiercely loyal to those they loved. But when they hurt it was all consuming and affected every bone in their body. They felt they could fix any problem they encountered and each failure tore at their hearts. She cared about Heath but knew it didn’t compare to how Tom felt. Or Nick for that matter. To Victoria it wasn’t conceivable that Heath’s problems couldn’t be fixed. Nor could she imagine how her husband or son would react if they didn’t get to the bottom of Heath’s nightmares. Victoria reached over and lightly placed a hand on Tom’s arm.

“Tom, are you angry with Nick?”

“No” he quietly answered. “Some of what he said is the truth.” Tom wasn’t looking at his wife and he didn’t see the look that crossed her face. If he had, he would have immediately clarified his answer.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Victoria asked after a long, silent minute.

“Of course not” Tom spit out vehemently. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?” It was a rhetorical question that Victoria thankfully let slide.

“I’m angry with her and I blame her for Heath’s problems.” Tom turned and faced his wife. “Why didn’t she tell me about Heath? That boy’s life would be so different now if she had. How can I face him and watch him suffer the way he is? I’m his father and I should be able to fix this but I don’t know how. How do I help him?” Tom took a deep breath, the despair in his eyes all too evident. “How do I help my son?”

Victoria wished she had an answer. Or even words that could comfort her husband. Silently she took his hand and gently squeezed it.

“Sam Drake” he suddenly said.

“Who?” Victoria asked.

“Heath mentioned him. Said he was nice to him. I have to find this Sam Drake and talk to him.”

“Tom, why? What can he possibly tell you?”
“I’m not sure.” Tom pulled away and started pacing back and forth. He stopped and briefly faced his wife. “As near as I can tell, I have about two months of Heath’s imprisonment accounted for. I need to know what happened the other six months. I need to know everything if I’m going to help him.” He again started pacing.

“Tom, stop.” Victoria grabbed his arm. “How are you going to find him?”

Tom thought that over. “He was going to Brooklyn. Heath said he wanted to join some baseball team. I’ll start there. I’ll send a wire and hopefully someone knows where he is.” He placed a hand on top of his wife’s hand, smiling weakly. He started to say something when they heard Audra shrieking for them. As they neared the house they heard the unmistakable screams and raced upstairs to Heath’s room. They found the boy sitting up in bed, hands over his ears, screaming inaudibly. Eugene was standing wide-eyed in his bed, while both Jarrod and Nick were trying to comfort their little brother.

“Heath!” Tom ran to the bed and slid in next to his son. “Heath, what is it?” He pried the boy’s hands away from his ears.

“Make them stop! Make them stop!” Heath pleaded as he started rocking back and forth. Tom wrapped his arms around his son and held him tightly, whispering quietly into the boy’s ear. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Victoria carry Eugene out of the room and his two older sons standing near the doorway, their eyes glued to Heath. He pointed towards the door and hoped they understood. Jarrod did and grabbed Nick’s arm and pulled his reluctant brother out of the room.

“Let him be the parent” Jarrod insisted when Nick tried to reenter the bedroom. “Nick, focus on tomorrow and making that boy laugh. Let Father handle him tonight, ok?”

“Let go.” Roughly, Nick pulled away but stopped short of entering the room. “Nick, go back to bed. Now!”

“Damn that woman” Nick muttered as he passed Jarrod and entered his own room, slamming the door behind him. Jarrod saw his mother peek out from her room before quietly closing the door. He knew the little ones were with their mother and that they would be fine for the night. Feeling there was nothing else he could do Jarrod walked the short hall to his own bedroom.

* * * * * * * *

It took two hours before Heath fell asleep and Tom lowered the child back, until his head rested on the soft pillow. Gently Tom pushed a few strands of hair away from the boy’s eyes.

“I’ll find a way to make them stop. Heath I promise you, the nightmares will stop.” He stood and fixed the blankets around the child, then quietly pulled a chair near the bed. As he sat Tom started composing a letter in his head, the first of many he hoped to have with Sam Drake. The man Tom hoped had the answers to Heath’s problems.

Part 20

Nick and Jarrod stood outside Heath’s room, though the younger boy wasn’t aware of their presence. He was up and dressed and seated in the chair near the window. They assumed their father had helped Heath before leaving the house. Jarrod lightly touched Nick’s arm and motioned for him to walk away from the doorway.

“Are you ready?” Jarrod quietly asked. Nick shrugged and Jarrod knew what was on his younger brother’s mind.

“You’ll talk to father later. Nick, he’s not mad at you so stop worrying. Nick shrugged again, eliciting a loud sigh from Jarrod. He knew the previous evening’s confrontation weighed heavily on Nick’s mind, though his brother refused to admit it. Jarrod grabbed Nick’s shoulders and shook him slightly.

“You’ll deal with that later, understand? Father isn’t home right now and fretting about it ain’t going to help Heath one bit. Remember our plan is to make Heath laugh.”

“He won’t want to go” Nick spit out as he tore loose from his brother’s grasp.

“Especially if you’re in such a sour mood” Jarrod countered, laying his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“Nick, let’s go have some fun. We both like fishing and Heath needs to get outside again.”

“OK.” Nick relented with an exaggerated sigh.

“Smile” Jarrod ordered and then laughed at the look Nick gave him. “Don’t smile then. Just be loud and convincing. Let’s go.” Jarrod grabbed Nick’s arm and led him back to Heath’s room.

“Heath!” Jarrod called out the blond boy’s name, though Heath pretended not to hear.

“Hey! Stop ignoring us.” Nick playfully tousled the boy’s hair before kneeling down next to the chair. “Heath, look at me!” Briefly two blues met his, before forlornly looking away. “Heath, we’re going fishing and you’re going with us.”

“Don’t want to” came a low whisper.

“I don’t care” Nick responded much louder. “It’s a nice day out and we’re all going fishing. You can either go kicking and screaming or quietly…it’s your choice.” As he spoke, Nick slowly stood. “Heath, the horses are saddled and the supplies are ready. Do you want to walk or be carried?”

“I can’t walk to the door.” Heath pointed. “I can’t even make it that far.”

“Heath, a few days ago you couldn’t take two steps alone. You’ve made a lot of progress in a short time.” Jarrod leaned over and forced his younger brother to look at him. “It’s about an hour ride to the fishing hole and that will be real good for your legs. Heath you walk to the door on your own and then we’ll help you the rest of the way. Let’s see if you can make it without being carried, ok?” Heath shrugged.

“Nick, get his boots.”

“Heath, put them on.” Reluctantly he took them from Nick and placed them on his feet.

“Ready?” Jarrod asked. With a deep breath Heath stood and took a couple of steps. If you didn’t see his face you would imagine an old man walking instead of a young boy. But the fever and inactiveness, on top of an already weakened body, had taken its toll on the boy’s muscles. Heath groaned with each step until finally he reached the door, leaning heavily against the doorway.

“Good job.” Nick lightly slapped his back, a genuine smile on his face. “Ready to continue?” Despite his raspy breaths, Heath nodded yes. He didn’t protest when his brothers flanked him and he wrapped an arm around each brother, concentrating on his legs and every move.

“Heath, you’re at the stairs” Nick encouraged.

“I’m too tired. Sorry.” Heath lowered his head as he leaned against the rail. Nick and Jarrod exchanged worried glances.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Jarrod carefully picked Heath up. “You’ll need your strength for the ride.” Jarrod started downstairs with his brother in his arms, Nick following closely.

* * * * * * * *

Tom entered the doctor’s office just in time to see Ben shoved something into his desk. Pretending he hadn’t noticed Tom neared the brandy and quickly poured himself a drink.

“Good morning Tom. You do realize it’s morning, right?” Tom ignored him and quickly downed the alcohol, momentarily enjoying the sensation the alcohol brought forth. He didn’t hear the doctor approach and jumped when the older man touched his shoulder.

“Tom, what is it?”

“Read this!” Tom handed him a letter he had written. Ben took out his glasses and slowly read the contents of the letter.

“Who’s Sam Drake?” Ben scrutinized his friend. “Tom, you look awful.” He was unshaven with dark circles under his eyes. But Ben saw past the outward appearance and into the soul of his oldest friend; the deep worry that Tom carried in his eyes. “Tom, don’t do this.” He figured this man was someone Heath knew in the prison. “Don’t send him this letter.”

“I can’t until I locate the man. I have to. I have to find out everything that Heath went through in that hellhole.”

“Why?” Slowly Ben handed the piece of paper back to the younger man. “How will that change things?”

“It won’t.” Tom stuffed the letter into his pocket. “I can’t help Heath until I know everything.”

“You can’t help Heath until you move on and forget about the past.” Ben sauntered back to his desk and sat down, watching to see what Tom would do next.

“Tom that guilt will eat away at you.”

“What?” Tom stopped pacing and eyed the doctor. “Why should I feel guilty? I didn’t do anything. IF she had told me about my son he would never have been at that prison. I didn’t do anything,” he repeated forcibly.

“Exactly” Ben said as he slowly stood. “Let’s see how my memory works. Fifteen years ago you had the perfect life…a beautiful wife, two adorable little boys, a prospering ranch. And then you made a huge mistake.”

“Ben, where are you going with this?” Tom eye’s narrowed as he glared at the old man.

“Tom, did you go back a few months later to see if she was pregnant? Or after a year to see if she had a baby in her arms? You knew what sleeping with that woman could bring about. Why didn’t you go back?”

“I don’t know.” Tom helplessly held his hands out. “I don’t know.”

“Sure you do” Ben put forth. “Tom, others idolize you. They put you on a pedestal and you’re afraid to admit you’re less than perfect. You couldn’t go back because than you’d have to admit you made a mistake. It was easier to move on and forget it ever happened, wasn’t it?”

Slowly Tom nodded and then turned his back on his friend.

“Tom, it’s not your fault.” Ben was immediately beside him. “But it’s not her fault either. Stop looking to lay blame and move on and help your son.”

“I can’t.” Tom quietly said. “I have to talk to this man.” He turned. “My son thinks all those men died because of him. Maybe I can find out something that will help him.”

“Maybe you’ll hear things you don’t want to. Tom how is Heath today?”

“The same.” Tom shrugged. “The boys are taking him fishing, hoping that will cheer him up.”

“You should be with them. Tom, go join your sons.”

“No! I have to go wire this baseball team and see if I can find Sam Drake. Ben, please try to understand. I need to do this for Heath…and for myself.” Tom walked over to the desk and quickly opened the drawer. He pulled out a picture frame before Ben could reach for it.

“Old man you have three beautiful grandchildren that you’ve never met. Instead of worrying about my family reconcile with your daughter and get to know them. From what I hear little Ben is just like his grandpa.” Tom handed the picture back and quickly walked out of the office.

* * * * * * * *

“This was such a great idea.” Nick threw his arms up in disgust as he walked towards the water. “We haven’t caught one fish, he’s barely said ten words all day and now he’s sleeping.” They stared at Heath, who was curled up on the ground, covered with a blanket that their mother asked them to bring.

“Lower your voice and cool down, or I’ll find a way to cool you down myself.” Jarrod briefly eyed the water and Nick’s eyes widened from his brother’s threat.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I wouldn’t?” Jarrod quickly grabbed Nick’s arm and dragged him towards the water.

“Jarrod!” Nick was surprised at his brother’s strength as they both neared the water. Nick tripped and fell towards the water, pulling his brother with him. They both plunged in with Nick emerging first.

“Are you out of your mind?” He hauled Jarrod to a standing position with the water waist high. “You look like a drowned rat” Nick said and then started laughing.

“You don’t look any better.” Jarrod coughed a few times to clear his lungs.

“We’re being watched” Nick whispered and then suddenly dunked Jarrod under the water.

“We’re having fun,” Nick bellowed as he quickly pulled Jarrod up, laughing at the look on his brother’s face. Jarrod didn’t find it amusing and quickly retaliated as the brothers started wrestling in the water. A few minutes later they were both out of breath and heading towards dry land. To their surprise Heath was not only watching but he was laughing as they approached him.

“Let’s get him” Nick called out and they grabbed Heath by the arms and carried the protesting boy to the water, unceremoniously tossing him in. They followed to make sure Heath was all right. He came up coughing and laughing and immediately went after Nick. But as hard as he tried Heath didn’t have the strength to dunk his bigger brother and settled for splashing water at him. Nick reciprocated as Jarrod quickly got out of the water.

“I’ll start a fire” he called out but his brothers were laughing too hard to hear.

* * * * * * * *

The brothers sat around the fire, their clothes nearly dried and their stomachs full from the food Silas had packed. Nick and Jarrod had kept a running conversation going and occasionally Heath would join in.

“Why didn’t you look for me?” Heath suddenly asked.

“Heath, what do you mean?” Nick asked, as his younger brother looked away.

“When I ran off,” he said a few minutes later. “I couldn’t find my way back so I stayed where I was and I thought you would look for me. Finally I started wandering and found the ranch.”

“You don’t think we looked for you?” Nick quietly asked, stunned that Heath nodded yes.

“Heath, we did” Jarrod said as he placed an arm around his brother. “Everyday we looked, we just didn’t find you. We’re always going to look out for you cause you’re our brother, got it?”

“I’m sorry” Heath muttered.

“Don’t apologize” Jarrod admonished. “I just want you to get that thought out of your head. If you’re in trouble we’re going to be there for you.” Heath lowered his head, emotionally wrought from the caring words of his brother.

“Heath, it’s ok.” Jarrod said in a soothing voice as he gently rubbed the boy’s back. He glanced over at Nick, not surprised that he was near tears. Jarrod smiled, trying to reassure him too.

“Heath, tomorrow Nick and I will take you around until you know every foot of this ranch. That way you won’t get lost again.”

“Don’t you have to work?” Nick asked.

“No.” Jarrod’s smile left. “I got fired for not showing up.”

“You’re kidding, aren’t you?” Nick couldn’t keep the shock off of his face as Jarrod shook his head.

“It’s because of me” Heath quietly said, his voice a bit stronger.

“No, it’s not because of you” Jarrod assured him. “I don’t mind. I talked to father and I’m going to work on the ranch until I go back to school.”

“You!” Nick erupted with laughter. “Oh Heath, you got to get stronger and start working again. It will be your only chance to see Jarrod sweat and get his hands dirty.” Heath smiled, a small chuckle escaping.

“You’re a riot” Jarrod spit out. “It’s getting late. Let’s kill the fire and start heading home.”

“Wait.” Heath grabbed Jarrod’s arm before he could stand. “I want to go visit my mama. Will he let me?”

“Of course father will let you” Nick answered first.

“But how do I tell her I want to come back here? I don’t want to hurt her.” Nick squatted next to his little brother, laying his hand on the boy’s arm. He was so happy to hear Heath wanted to stay but he didn’t know the right words to express those thoughts.

“Heath, you want to stay here? Permanently?” Slowly the blonde boy nodded, his eyes lowered, unable to look at Nick.

“Hey! Look at me.” Nick gently cupped the boy’s face, forcing Heath to look up.

“First thing you need to learn if you’re going to be my brother is you have nothing to be ashamed of and you hold your head up…proud. Understand?” Heath didn’t trust his voice so he nodded slightly.

“Now you tell your mama the truth. She’ll understand and I bet she’ll be happy for you.”

“She’ll be sad” Heath whispered, his voice shaky. “I’m all she has but I can’t live in that town again.” He clenched his eyes tightly but a few tears escaped despite his effort.

“What are you crying for boy?” Nick rested his hand on Heath’s head. “Everything will work out, you’ll see.” Nick stood and helped Jarrod clean up the site. A few minutes later they were ready to leave.

“Heath, keep this blanket around you. If you get sick again Mother will kill us.” Jarrod lifted Heath and placed him on his horse. “You get tired, let us know and you’ll ride with one of us.”

“I’m fine,” he said, adjusting the blanket to get comfortable. Jarrod and Nick both mounted and the three brothers headed for home.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria was exiting from Audra’s room when she saw Jarrod carrying Heath.

“It’s late” she commented. “Did you have fun?” Jarrod nodded. “The fool almost fell off his horse because he was too stubborn to tell us he was falling asleep.” Jarrod gently laid the boy in his bed.

“Mother, when Nick was that age he must have been fifty pounds heavier and at least six inches taller.”

“He’ll grow” Victoria said as she started undressing Heath. “Why are his clothes damp?”

Jarrod quietly chuckled but didn’t answer as the two of them quickly dressed the slumbering child.

“Where’s Nick?”

“Father stopped him and took him into the study.”

Victoria adjusted the blanket around Heath and for a few minutes watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling with each peaceful breath. He was starting to become her son but she wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone.

“Heath will be fine,” she said as the two of them left the room.

* * * * * * * *

Nick slowly drank the alcohol his father had given him, savoring the taste but uncomfortable in the silent study. His father watched him and that unnerved Nick even more. Once he glanced at him but he couldn’t read his father’s face and wasn’t sure how mad he really was.

“Nick, we both have to stop blaming Leah for what happened to Heath. It’s as much my fault as hers. Do you understand me?” Nick shrugged.
“Answer me” Tom ordered, immediately regretting the tone he used with his son. “Nick, I’m not mad at you. We have enough to deal with and we don’t need anger and accusations getting in the way.”

“Heath wants to visit his mother” Nick quietly said. “And he wants to stay here permanently.”        

“He does?” Tom couldn’t keep the smile off of his face.

“He’s worried about hurting his mother” Nick continued. “That kid doesn’t need anything else to worry about.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Tom said. “Nick, when the time comes I want you to take him to Strawberry.”

“Why me?” Nick roughly placed the glass down.

“Because I’m asking you to.” Tom sighed as he poured another round. “Nick, try to understand. I’m not ready to face her yet. Too many things I have to figure out first before I can talk to Leah.”

Nick took his newly filled drink and sat down heavily behind the desk. He watched his father pace back and forth, unused to seeing the nervousness his father was now displaying. Tom stopped and faced his son.

“Nick, how do you see me right now?”

“What’d you mean?” Nick sat up straight, placing the drink on the desk. He stared at his father but wasn’t sure how to answer that.

“Every father wants his son to look up to him and be proud of him. Nick, learn from my mistakes; every action has a consequence. I walked away fifteen years ago from a situation I created and I never looked back. Heath and his mother have suffered immensely because I didn’t have the courage to face up to what I had done.” Tom shuffled over to the desk, leaned on it and stared at his son.

“Nick, see me as I am…a flawed human being; a father who’s trying to do the best for his family. Don’t put me up on that pedestal like the others cause I don’t want you to get hurt when I make a mistake.” Nick heard the words but Tom didn’t think his son understood what he was trying to say.

“Nick, out of all my children, you are the most like me. We think alike, we act alike and we take everything personally. Sometimes you act impulsively and I see myself in your actions.” Nick impassively stared at him and Tom stood straight, thinking Nick was too young to grasp his words.

“Father, are you trying to tell me not to sleep with a woman and walk away?”

Tom started to laugh, uncontrollably. After a few minutes he wiped away the tears that fell with his laughter.

“Son that would be a wise thing to learn. The rest will come later.” Nick stood, confused by his father’s words and actions.

“I’ll take Heath and I promise to be civil to his mother. When do we leave?”

Tom smiled. “Thanks Nick. Not until Heath is back on his feet and a little fatter. I don’t want Leah to think I’m a horrible father.”

“You’re not. Heath wouldn’t stay if you were.” With those words Nick walked by his father and quickly exited the study. He missed the smile that crossed Tom’s face and the sigh of relief that his father emitted.

Tom picked up the family picture that adorned the desktop. He stared at his wife and the smiling faces of his two youngest. Nick and Jarrod had stern looks like their father, but the pride showed through on all of their faces.

“We’ll have to update this picture,” Tom whispered, looking forward to the day Heath proudly wore the family name.

Part 21

Heath was bored…and angry. Most of the anger was directed at Nick and the longer he sat on the porch stairs, the angrier he got. It had taken a couple of weeks but Heath finally felt strong enough to go back to work. He was supposed to start working today but had awakened to an almost empty house and he had no idea where to even look for his older brother.

“Heath! Watch this!” Heath directed his attention towards Eugene but he had no idea what the boy was trying to do. They were the only two home besides Silas and the butler had asked Heath to keep an eye on the child.

“Heath, did you see?” Eugene ran up with a broad smile on his face.

“Sure” Heath answered, hoping his little brother would leave him alone.

“Heath, play with me.” With more energy than Heath thought possible, Eugene started running up and down the stairs, almost tripping a few times.

“Eugene, sit down” Heath yelled, louder than he had planned to. The child stopped and stared, his eyes wide with hurt. Finally he sat down next to Heath. They sat in silence, though that didn’t improve Heath’s mood one bit. His thoughts were jumbled, sometimes on his mama, sometimes on this new family that he had come to rely heavily on. He had never doubted his mother’s love and missed her more than he was willing to admit but he couldn’t imagine leaving this place or the family that had embraced him so readily.

“Nick!” Eugene perked up when he saw Nick in the distance. He ran to his older brother as he was dismounting.

“Hey buddy!” Nick picked him up and headed towards the house.

“It’s about time you woke up” Nick said as he greeted Heath with a smile. When Heath didn’t return the greeting, the smile slowly left Nick’s face.

“What’s your problem?”

“Nothing” Heath spit out.

“Where’s mother and Audra?” Nick addressed Eugene.

“They went to see Mrs. Appleby.”

“Why didn’t you go with?” Nick asked.

“I didn’t want to” Eugene solemnly answered, “so I started crying until Mama said I could stay at home.” Eugene smiled. “I thought Heath would play with me but he’s in a bad mood.”

“No I’m not,” Heath said, his tone belying his words.

“Yes you are” Eugene countered.

“That’s enough” Nick put forth, before a war of words could start. “I have to go to town to get supplies. Do you two want to come with me?”

“Yes!” Eugene shouted to no one’s surprise. Heath was less forthcoming with an answer, his gaze away from his older brother.

“Gene, go inside and tell Silas.” Nick waited for the little boy to leave.

“Heath, what did I do?” Nick asked as he sat down next to the blonde boy. Nick’s ire rose when his brother refused to answer. Lightly he placed his hand on Heath’s shoulder. “I expect pouting from Gene, not from you. If you’re angry with me I want to know. That’s the relationship I have with Jarrod and I expect no less with you. Talk to me.”

“I was supposed to work with you today” Heath quietly said, much to the shock of his older brother. Nick wasn’t expecting something so trivial but he did well to hide his surprise.

“Heath, father said you had a rough night and I should let you sleep in. I’m sorry that made you so mad.”

“I’m bored” Heath exclaimed as he stood and jumped the two stairs to the bottom. “I’m sick of sitting around and doing nothing. It makes me think too much. Nick, I want to do something useful around here.”

“OK.” Nick stood also. “Tomorrow I’ll wait until you wake up. Where’s Gene?” As he said that the little boy came bounding outside.

“Silas said I can only have one piece of candy.” He jumped to the bottom, briefly falling to his knees.

“Who said I was going to buy you candy?” Nick asked as they walked to the wagon and quickly hitched up the horses.

“You always do” Eugene answered as Nick lifted him into the wagon.

“Sit down!” Nick ordered. “If I see you standing once, I’ll drop you off at the Appleby’s.” Nick glanced over at Heath in time to see him smile slightly at the threat made to their younger brother.

“Ready?”

Heath looked at Nick and shrugged slightly. It had been so long since he’d been to town and he was nervous but tried to hide it.

“It will be fine.” Nick smiled reassuring. “Come on, let’s get going.” Silently both boys climbed up and Nick started the horses on their way.

* * * * * * * *

Nick tossed the last box into the wagon, groaning from the effort. The trip so far had been uneventful and Nick hoped it stayed that way. There had been a few stares directed at Heath but most of the town folks had smiled when they saw the Barkleys and a few had even introduced themselves to the newest member. Nick glanced to his right where Eugene sat, eagerly eating the licorice stick Nick had purchased. The child held a second candy with the intention of giving it to Audra but Nick doubted the licorice would make it home untouched.

“Nick!” He heard someone in the distance call his name and turned in that direction. It didn’t take him long to recognize the figures approaching.

“Rose.”

Nick smiled at the woman he was sweet on. His eyes searched her face, settling on the big green eyes that stared up at him. Long auburn hair framed the beautiful eyes and high cheekbones. Nick heard footsteps and knew that Heath was beside him.

“Rose, that’s the boy I was telling you about.” The young girl with Rose whispered loudly.

“Anna” Rose reprimanded her sister.

“What?” Anna asked with confusion. “All I said was he was cute.” Anna quickly brought her hand to her mouth, horrified by the words she had spoken. She glanced shyly at Heath who was intently watching her. Embarrassed, Anna turned and ran off.

“Don’t mind her” Rose said, a smile on her face. “It’s about time my tomboy little sister started to notice boys. Nick, are you going to introduce me to your brother?”

“Sorry!” Nick mumbled. “Heath, this is Rose. We’ve been…”

“Dating” Rose finished for him, as she offered Heath her hand. “Actually, dating isn’t the right word since I haven’t seen or heard from your brother in weeks.”

“Rose, I’ve been busy.” He motioned towards Heath.

“I know.” Rose smiled. “And I forgive you…Heath how do you like Stockton so far?”

Heath’s gaze was still in the direction that Anna had gone and he didn’t appear to hear the question.

“Heath!” Nick lightly slapped his back. “The lady asked you a question.”

“I like it fine” Heath answered. “Why’d she run off?” Heath recognized Anna from the short time he had gone to school but he couldn’t recall her ever paying attention to him.

“She’s embarrassed,” Rose said. “Are you two going to the dance next weekend?” Heath shrugged as he glanced up at Nick.

“Anna and I will be there.”

“Heath, are you interested?” Nick asked.

“I might be” Heath quietly answered.

“We’ll be there,” Nick said.

“Good” Rose smiled at Nick. “I should go find my sister before she starts hitting her head against a tree.” Nick watched her walk off.

“I can’t dance” Heath said suddenly. “Nick, I can’t go to a dance.” He stared up at his brother who couldn’t keep the grin off of his face.

“What’s so funny?” Heath demanded to know.

“You.” Nick placed his arm around Heath’s shoulders. “Dancing is easy and you’ll be a pro by next week. Eugene, are you ready to go?”

“There’s daddy.” They stared in the direction the child pointed. Tom noticed his children and walked towards them.

“Father, what are you doing here?”

“Getting the mail” Tom answered. He noticed the wagon and didn’t need to ask his children the same question. “Heath, what’s wrong?” Tom saw the strange look on his blonde son’s face.

“Girls” Nick spit out, easily avoiding the punch Heath threw his way. “Seems Rose’s little sister thinks he’s cute.”

“Nick, that’ enough.” Tom fought hard to keep a smile off of his face. “Are you boys hungry? We can grab lunch together.” They all nodded and Tom led his brood to the nearby restaurant. They had just ordered when Ben entered the building and neared the table. Without a word he grabbed a chair and sat down between Nick and Eugene.

“I’ll have what he ordered.” Ben pointed at Tom. “Put it on his bill too.” Nick glanced at his father and then burst out laughing, the look on his father’s face was priceless. A mixture of disbelief and amusement crossed Tom’s face as he stared at the old man.

“You won’t talk to me yet you expect me to pay for your lunch?” Tom asked and then shot Nick a wicked glare.

“I’m sorry” Nick said as his laughter finally subsided. Neither Heath nor Eugene spoke but their eyes darted from the older men to their brother.

“Nick, how long have your parents been talking to Abby?” Nick looked to his father for help.

“Nick, answer the man!” Tom said.

“They never stopped” Nick quietly said.

“Who’s Abby?” Heath asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Abigail Sullivan” Nick sang out. “The most beautiful woman I ever saw. I was crushed when she left town,” he added wistfully.

“Nick, you were eight years old” Tom calmly interjected.

“Yeah, and I was heartbroken that she didn’t wait until I got older.”

“Enough” Ben barked out, not wanting to think about the past. “Heath, Abby is my daughter and I disowned her nearly four years ago when she didn’t return for her own mother’s funeral and your father went behind my back and continued to communicate with her when I asked him not to.”

“Oh” Heath muttered, unsure of what else to say.

“But lately I’ve been thinking I overacted a little bit.” Tom stared, amazed that the old man had finally admitted that. But he couldn’t let it go without a remark.

“A little bit?” Tom chuckled softly. “Ben, she was nine months pregnant. The trip from Connecticut is hard enough without adding that little burden.”

“She shouldn’t have left Stockton in the first place” Ben stated firmly. “But I don’t want to talk about that. I want your help with writing a letter to my daughter.” He pointed at Tom.

“Let Heath do it” Nick suddenly said. “If it’s anything like his essay…ouch.” Nick yelled and then looked under the table, at his now throbbing foot. “Why’d you do that?” He glanced sideways at Heath.

“Cause you talk too much” Heath answered, a smile playing on his face.

“Really?” Nick’s smile matched his brother. “Hey doc, you know Rose’s little sister right?” Ben thought that over as a small groan escaped from Heath.

“Anna’s her name right? Sweet girl and well mannered” the doctor said. “I think her father brags that she can ride like the wind. Why you ask?”

“She thinks Heath is cute,” Nick answered before Heath could stop him.

“Ugh!” Heath moaned as he lowered his head, hiding his face against the table and trying to ignore the new conversation that surrounded him. Heath was never so grateful when the food arrived and the others were too busy eating to talk too much. As Heath ate he couldn’t keep his mind off of Anna. She liked to ride and he liked to ride. Maybe they could go together he silently mused and then turned his head…hiding the smile that dared to overtake his face.

* * * * * * * *

“Tom, let it go. Enough is enough!” Victoria faced her husband, hands on her hips, fire in her eyes. He stood there, again reading the letter that Sam Drake had sent.

“Why won’t he tell me anything? Why does he insist we meet before he’ll tell me anything?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. Tom, you are not going all the way to Brooklyn to meet this man.”

“I have to” Tom whispered. “I have to find out everything he knows about Heath.”

“Why?” Victoria’s raised voice shocked them both. “Heath was a prisoner of war. He suffered like any other man in that prison did.”

“He was a boy,” Tom forcibly said.

“I know.” Victoria sighed loudly. “Tom, you are becoming obsessive with this. Heath can’t move on if you don’t.” Victoria neared her husband. “Tom, at dinner I saw a boy nervous and excited about his first dance taking the good natured ribbing from his older brothers. He was laughing and he was talking and I doubt the war was ever on his mind.”

“But the nights…”

“They’ll get better too,” Victoria quickly said. “Tom, it will take longer for the nightmares to disappear but they will eventually. Please Tom, let this end now.” She lightly took her husband’s hand. He sighed deeply.

“Victoria, please understand,” he quietly begged as his wife moved farther away. “I promise it will end after I speak to this man.”

“And if you don’t get the answers you’re looking for?” she asked.

“I’ll let it go. I promise.” Tom approached his wife but she took another step back, not willing to let her husband get too close. “I’ll make the arrangements tomorrow. With travel time I should be gone nearly two weeks. Victoria, I promise I’ll make it up to the whole family when I get back.” He knew nothing he said would help. Victoria was too angry and maybe rightfully so.

“I’m going to get some fresh air before checking on Heath.” He waited for her to say something…anything. Finally Tom turned and exited their bedroom.

* * * * * * * *

“Nick! Nick, wake up.” Slowly he opened his eyes and then squinted, hoping it was just a dream. “Nick!”

“What?” Nick lifted himself up on an elbow and stared at Heath. “It’s the middle of the night, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep.” Heath waited for Nick to move over and then sat on the edge of the bed.

“Nick, I’ve never kissed a girl before. I don’t know how.” Nick didn’t know if he should laugh or tell his brother to go back to sleep. Yet Heath looked so sincere and Nick felt bad for him.

“Heath, when the time is right, you’ll know how. It will just happen.” That didn’t seem to help his little brother. Heath was making worrying an art form. Nick sat up and grabbed his robe, quickly covering his naked torso.

“Hey! Heath it’s just a dance. Go and have fun and don’t worry about kissing anybody.” Nick suddenly smiled. “I probably should tell you that the whole town goes, so her parents will be there. You don’t want to try anything with her father there. Trust me on that.” Nick thought back to his own escapades with Rose and the reaction of her father when he caught them in the barn.

“Nick, what do I say to her?”

“Heath, stop it.” That came out a little louder than Nick had anticipated and Heath stood, clearly hurt by his brother’s anger. He jumped out of bed before Heath could leave his room.

“Heath, sit!” Nick pushed his little brother towards the chair. Leaning over Nick placed his hands on the blonde boy’s shoulders.

“Talk to her like you would a friend.”

“Never had any” Heath whispered, much to Nick’s shock.

“Not even in Strawberry?” Sadly Heath shook his head.

“OK.” Nick straightened. “Heath, we’ll work on that before the dance. Just stop worrying about everything and think about having fun. I know you know how even if you don’t realize it.” As he finished talking the door to his room opened and much to Nick’s chagrin Eugene walked in.

“Doesn’t anybody in this house sleep…” Nick stopped talking when he realized the little boy was crying.

“Gene, what’s wrong?” Nick scooped him up.

“What’s a prisoner of war? I heard mama say Heath was a prisoner of war?” Behind him Nick heard Heath’s loud gasp. Nick didn’t know what to say and he turned to Heath, who was staring up, horrified. Finally Heath stood, clearing his throat.

“It was nothing,” he told the little boy. “I was caught and had to stay in this place until the war ended and then I was freed. It wasn’t bad at all.” Nick was surprised at how convincing Heath sounded and he mouthed a silent thank you. Heath noticed and slightly nodded his head.

“War stinks” Eugene said between hiccupping sobs.

“Yeah it does” Heath quietly agreed as he watched Nick soothe the child. Soon the boy was asleep with his head on Nick’s shoulder.

“I wish it was so easy for me.” Heath wanted to be that age, where a hug and an older brother’s words could make the fear go away. Nick didn’t know what to say so he kept his attention on Eugene as he placed the child in his bed.

“Heath, you can bring in some bedding and sleep on the floor.”

“Thanks Nick, but I’ll be fine.” He walked out; shoulder slumped as his memories weighed heavily on the slight body.

“Damn” Nick whispered. All the laughter of that day suddenly seemed like a distant memory.

Part 22

“Heath, stop fidgeting.” Victoria looked up in time to see the boy roll his eyes. Pretending she hadn’t noticed Victoria continued to hem the pants that Heath was wearing. There hadn’t been enough time to order a proper suit for Heath so Victoria had taken an old one of Nick’s and started altering it. Victoria didn’t think she’d finish it in time but with one day to spare the suit almost fit the slight boy perfectly.

“Ouch.” Heath moved his leg away from his younger sister.

“Audra, be careful with those pins.” Victoria firmly told her daughter.

“Sorry!” With a small smile she looked up at Heath. He heard snickers and stared in the direction that his two older brothers were standing.

“Nick, don’t you and Jarrod have something better to do?” Victoria stood and glared at her oldest sons.

“No!” Nick said between bites of an apple he was eating. “We’re waiting to see if Audra draws blood.”

“Nick!” Victoria approached them. “He’s antsy enough. I don’t think staring at him is going to help. GO find something else to do.” She stood there, hands on her hips, until her sons finally walked out of the room. Then Victoria turned her attention back to Heath.

“Ignore them.”

“No girl is worth this” Heath muttered with a huge sigh.

“Yes they are” Victoria assured him. “You’ll have so much fun tomorrow night you’ll forget the torture of the last few days.

“No I won’t.” Heath said as Victoria went back to work. Standing still had been easy the first day but as the night of the dance approached Heath found himself more nervous than he could ever remember. All for a girl he didn’t know. If only his mother could see him Heath silently mused. He could only imagine what she would say to see Heath in a suit and he smiled slightly. In a few days he would visit her and Heath couldn’t wait. He knew how worried she must be about him and Heath wanted to reassure her that he was fine. And he was. As hard as that was to admit to anyone, let alone believe himself, he was starting to feel like his life had meaning and he was happy to be alive. After the war Heath never thought he would feel right again.

“All done.” He looked down as Victoria stood. “Thank you Audra. Go find Eugene and play with him, ok?” Her daughter nodded and ran out of the room. Heath jumped off of the chair and sat down glumly.

“Heath, what’s wrong? Are you that worried about the dance?” He shook his head no.

“Then what is it? Heath you can tell me anything.” She pulled another chair close and sat down.

“Do you hate my mother?” Victoria was shocked by that question and momentarily it showed on her face.

“Sorry” Heath muttered as he started to rise.

“Stay seated.” Victoria grabbed a hold of his arm. “I wasn’t expecting that” she quietly added, quickly trying to gather her thoughts. Since the night she learned the truth she rarely thought about Heath’s mother…as though she was completely out of the picture.

“Heath, I’d like to think I don’t hate anyone. So, no I don’t hate your mother.”

“You should” Heath forcibly said. “She slept with your husband, didn’t she?” Victoria was none too comfortable with this conversation and hoped to end it quickly.

“Heath, in all fairness your mother didn’t know your father was married. Is there a reason you’re thinking about this?” She studied the boy as he tried to muster the courage to let his feelings out. His blonde hair was newly cut and his blue eyes shone bright. Since starting work again he’d been sleeping better and the dark circles under his eyes were starting to fade. He needed some meat on his body and she hoped his appetite would increase with the increased exercise.

“Heath?” Victoria rested her hand on his arm. Briefly their eyes met before Heath turned away. He took a deep breath and then faced Victoria.

“If you don’t hate my mother will you help me figure out how to tell her?”

“Tell her what Heath?” He stood and slowly walked over to the fireplace. For a few minutes he stared at the ashes left from the previous fire. Victoria wanted to go to him but she had learned in a short time to give Heath the space he needed and he would talk when he was ready. He did return but decided against sitting down again.

“You’re a mother,” he quietly began, “and so I thought you could figure out a way that I could tell my mother without hurting her.” He paused briefly. “I want to stay here but I don’t want to make her cry.”

“I see,” she said neutrally. She already knew about the boy’s desire to stay in Stockton but Tom had promised to talk to him about his fears. But she wasn’t surprised at all that he hadn’t.

“Heath, sit down.” She waited until he complied. “Children grow up and move out all the time and parents will always miss their children. I know it’s not the same but no matter what age you are your mother’s going to miss you and she might even cry a little bit.” Victoria smiled. “But all she has to do is look at you and listen to you and she’ll see how happy you are here. That’s what she wants for you.” Briefly she took his hand. “Promise her you’ll visit her all the time, ok?”

“Can I?” Heath’s eyes brightened.

“Of course. Heath, she’s your mother and I’d be disappointed if you didn’t see her often. Now go upstairs and take that suit off and I’ll finish sewing it. Scoot!” She watched him leave the room and then looked towards the study where she had seen Tom standing a few minutes before. Quickly she approached that room.

“Did you hear that conversation?” Tom nodded.

“You should be going with him.”

“Nick’s going.”

“Nick is not his father” Victoria spit out. “Tom, forget about this Sam Drake and accompany your son to see his mother. Please Tom!”

“Victoria, we’ve been over this already. I delayed the trip until after the dance and after I get a picture of Heath with our family.”

“How I could forget?” Victoria sarcastically asked. “He needs proof that Heath is really your son.”

“I don’t want to have the same argument again.” Tom walked out before his wife could stop him.

* * * * * * * *

Heath had heard a lot about the annual event but his eyes widened with amazement as the family arrived in town. Lanterns were everywhere, lighting up the main street as the crowds gathered; the music was loud and the food smelled delicious. Children ran past the adults without a care in the world. Heath had never seen anything like this and he tried to take everything in.

“Heath, let’s go.” Suddenly he found himself being pulled along by Nick.

“Where are we going?” Heath dodged others as he tried to keep up with the longer legs of his older brother.

“To find Rose and Anna.”

Heath stopped walking and it took Nick a few minutes to realize his brother wasn’t following him and he turned back to find him.

“Heath what’s wrong?” Nick intently watched him. “You’re not scared of Anna, are you?”

“I ain’t scared of anything.” Heath tried to voice the bravado he clearly didn’t feel.

“Then, what are you waiting for?” The blonde boy shrugged.

“Heath, we’ve been over this many times. Start by telling her how nice she looks and go from there.” Nick impatiently ran his hand through his hair, and then tugged on his tie. He disliked getting dressed up but their father had insisted they look their best for a new family portrait.

“Heath?” Nick groaned, his annoyance with his silent brother growing. “I’m going to find Rose. You do what you want.” Nick walked off, heading in the direction he and Rose had promised to meet. He saw her and smiled broadly, refusing to look back and see if Heath was following.

“Hi!” Rose greeted him with a smile and a quick kiss.

“Heath.” Anna’s face brightened when the younger boy approached them.

“Hi” Heath shyly said as he glanced at Anna. She was wearing a lavender dress that flowed to her feet, tied at the waist by a small pink belt. A matching pink purse hung loosely in her right hand and Heath watched as it swung back and forth. The silence was too much for Nick and he lightly slapped Heath’s back.

“Heath, say something.” Heath shot Nick an annoyed look and then went back to staring at Anna. She did look pretty but he wasn’t able to voice his opinion.

“Let’s go.” Nick took Rose by the arm. “We’ll see you two later.” They strolled away arm in arm, oblivious to the stares of their younger siblings.

“Where are they going?” Heath finally asked.

“Probably to find a barn.” Anna realized by the quizzical look on Heath’s face that Nick had never told him about being caught in the barn with Rose. Quickly she explained the story…as much as she knew from overhearing her parents talk the night it happened. Heath’s expression changed from shock to amusement to pity as he tried to imagine how angry their father must have been and the punishment he assumed Nick had received.

“Should we follow them?” Anna asked. Momentarily Heath wanted to answer yes, but imagining Nick’s wrath if they were caught quickly changed his mind.

“No!” He quietly answered and then went back to staring at Anna.

“Do I look funny?”

“No.” Heath firmly shook his head. “You look…real…nice.” Inwardly he cursed at his hesitation. “Anna, do you want to dance?”

“I guess… I’m not real good” she added, eyes downward. She missed the smile that briefly crossed Heath’s face.

“Me neither” he admitted. “Let’s go see how bad we really are.” With a little more confidence Heath took her hand and led Anna towards the dance area.

* * * * * * * *

“That was fun” Anna exclaimed as they strolled away from music. Silently Heath nodded his head, tired from all the dancing they had done.

“We weren’t that bad.”

“No worse than the others” Heath agreed. He smiled; unaware that Anna was watching him.

“You should do that more often.”

“Do what?” Heath asked as they stopped walking.

“Smile. You never smiled at school.” Heath shrugged as they continued to walk.

“I didn’t know I was being watched.”

“You were.” Gently Anna took his hand. “Heath, why’d you stop coming to school?”

“I was kicked out,” Heath quietly answered, studying the girl’s face for a reaction. Surprisingly Anna’s face remained neutral, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

“Are you coming back?”

“Maybe. I’m sure my mother would want me to finish.” They reached the porch stairs of the general store and sat down.

“We must have danced for an hour.” Heath rubbed his aching legs.

“More…I think. Heath do you miss her? Your mother I mean.”

“Yeah.” He nodded his head. “We were supposed to leave for Strawberry tomorrow but something came up and Nick can’t go for a week.”

“I’m sorry” Anna quietly said.

“A week doesn’t matter” Heath insisted, sighing deeply. “It’s like a different life there and I’m a little scared to go back.” Heath surprised himself with his admission to someone he barely knew.

“Hey Anna!” They looked towards the approaching figure.

“Oh no” Anna groaned when she recognized him. “Tad Martin, what do you want?” Heath wasn’t sure but he thought the boy was one of the kids who sat in the back of the schoolroom and threw things at him.

“Why are you hanging around with this creep?” Heath sat up straight, ready to fight if needed.

“He’s NOT the creep” Anna spit out. “Now leave us alone.”

“We were going out together before he showed up.” Tad pointed at Heath.

“No we weren’t.”

“You kissed me” Tad spit out. “You’re nothing but a slut, just like your sister.” Heath stood; ready to go after the other boy.

“Heath, no.” Anna stood also. “You kissed me and then I slapped you. I don’t like you and we’re not going out. Now leave me alone!” Tad took two steps back, smirking. “You’ll both be sorry,” he said before running off.

“You might get that a lot if you hang around with me.”

“I don’t care…he’s a jerk.” They continued to stand as an uneasy silence engulfed them.

“You kissed him,” Heath quietly said.

“No! He kissed me and it was yucky…his breath smelled and his lips are funny and I didn’t like it at all.” Anna voice’s rose with anger.

“Oh!” Heath muttered and then suddenly brushed his lips against Anna’s lips. It shocked both of them and Heath pulled away. “Sorry!” He stared at Anna. “Was that better?”

“I don’t know” the girl admitted. “I think so but it wasn’t long enough.”

“Oh” Heath muttered again. “Should we try again?” The young girl nodded her head. Heath took a deep breath before leaning towards Anna, their lips meeting again, eagerly seeking out each other.

“Heath!” Nick pulled his brother away from Anna. “Are you out of your mind? What if her father catches you two?”
“Anna, you know better.” Rose placed an arm around her younger sister. Heath and Anna found themselves being led back to the party by their older siblings.

“Anna, next time maybe we should find a barn.” Heath’s voice was loud enough for both Nick and Rose to hear. Playfully Nick cuffed his brother on the back of the head.

“Then we can start making noises that sound like a sick animal.”

“Heath, that’s enough” Nick warned.

“Then your father can come find us with our clothes…”

“Heath!” Nick reached for his younger brother but Heath easily avoided him.

“You better run” Nick said as Heath started to back away. Heath took off with Nick following closely on his heels…their laughter lingering in the air.

“Rose, he won’t hurt Heath will he?”

“Of course not. Nick’s crazy about that new brother of his. You, on the other hand, know better. Come on, we need to talk.” Anna’s gaze lingered in the direction that Heath took off before reluctantly following her sister.

Part 23

“I should never have gotten out of bed.” Nick sighed deeply as he watched Heath ride off in the distance. The day had started bad, with an argument at breakfast, and it had gone downhill since then. Nick had envisioned a leisurely ride to Strawberry but Heath had other ideas. He was anxious to get there but Nick wasn’t going to let him lame a horse in the process. Silently cursing his father for leaving town days before, Nick kicked his horse and sped after his brother.

“Heath!” Nick neared him and called out to his brother. “Stop right now or we’re going back.” Something in his voice must have penetrated Heath’s mind because the blonde boy pulled his horse to a dead stop and waited for Nick to catch up.

“What is wrong with you?” Nick jumped off and roughly pulled Heath from his horse. “Are you trying to lame another horse?” Nick immediately realized what he had said.

“Heath, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that. Lady wasn’t your fault.” Heath shrugged and turned, and then walked a few feet from Nick.

“Heath, we’ll get there soon enough. There’s no reason to ride all out. Are you hungry?” Nick rummaged through his saddlebag for the sandwiches Silas had made. He took out two and approached Heath.

“Heath, let’s rest for fifteen minutes, ok?”

“I’m not hungry and I don’t need to rest.” Heath pushed away Nick’s hand with the offered sandwich. Suddenly he checked his pocket to make sure the money was still there.

“Heath, it’s still there. How many times are you going to check your pocket?” Heath had asked for an advance in his pay so he could give his mother some money and Nick had readily agreed, but now he wondered if it was a good idea. It just gave the boy something else to worry about. Lately Heath had been a contrast in emotions. Some days he was calm and carefree and others were like today; he was a bundle of nerves and driving Nick crazy.

“Heath, we’re going to sit down and eat and give the horses a chance to rest. Otherwise we go back; it’s your choice.” Nick had the advantage and he would use it; Heath only had a vague idea of how to get to Strawberry from the ranch and he needed Nick to get there. Reluctantly Heath grabbed the sandwich out of Nick’s hand and sat down heavily.

“Good choice.” Nick joined his brother on the ground.

“Heath, tell me about Strawberry.”

“Nothing to tell.”

Sighing Nick took a bite and chewed slowly. “Heath, did you get any sleep last night?”

“No!” Heath bit off a small piece and then placed the sandwich on the ground. He tapped his foot, waiting impatiently for Nick to finish.

“Heath, keep tapping and I’ll eat slower.” Patience was never one of Nick’s strong points and it took all his will not to slug his little brother at that moment. He knew the lack of sleep had something to do with Heath’s disposition but it didn’t explain all the anxiety he was showing at the moment.

“Nick, where did father go?” After ten minutes of silence Heath spoke and Nick wasn’t sure what surprised him more; Heath speaking in a calm manner or the term father that he rarely used.

“I’m not sure. He said he had business to take care of and would be back in a couple of weeks.” Nick thought his mother knew but she wouldn’t say anything and Nick didn’t press her for details.

“Did he have business when he went to Strawberry all those years ago?” Nick silently counted to ten before opening his mouth; he knew Heath was trying to bait him and he wasn’t going to fall for it.

“Heath, I don’t know. I was only three at the time.” Nick paused. “I know he owned part of the mines there so I’m guessing it was business.”

“I hated those mines” Heath spit out, “but when they closed up, the town died. Folks moved away and those that stayed had no where to go and no way to make money.”

“Heath, did your mother stay because she had no where else to go?” Slowly the blonde boy nodded.

“I’m sorry” Nick quietly said. “I can’t imagine how hard that was for both of you.” Heath shrugged and picked up his sandwich; in silence they finished their food.

* * * * * * * *

Tom stepped off the train and into the middle of a snowstorm. He pulled his light jacket tighter, regretting his decision not to purchase a new jacket for the trip. After nearly five days and three different trains, he was anxious for a bath and some good food. Tom took out the letter and read it again; it gave the name and address of the restaurant that Sam Drake worked at.

“Excuse me.” Tom saw the train conductor and stopped him. “Do you know where Haskins Grill is?” The conductor thought that over and then pointed to his right. “It’s two blocks that way. Excellent choice, you’ll enjoy the food there.”

“Thank you.” Tom nodded at the man, lowered his head to the blowing snow and started walking. As a boy he had enjoyed the winters and the fun playing in the snow but at that moment he wished for Stockton and not just because of the weather. He missed his wife and he missed his children and not for the first time, he wondered if Victoria was right. But he was compelled to talk to this man, even if he learned nothing new. Tom looked up and squinted when snow fell into his eyes. He wished he could bottle the snow and bring it home for his children, especially the youngest two. He reached his destination and eagerly entered the haven away from the snow and cold.

“Sam Drake?” Tom asked the first employee he encountered.

“Bartender” the young man answered and then pointed. “Bar’s in the other room, around the corner.” Tom nodded his thanks and then walked over to the bar. There was only one man tending bar and Tom had to assume that was the man he was looking for. But Sam Drake wasn’t what he expected. He was tall and thin and young, much younger than Tom would have thought. Tom neared the bar and studied the young man. His hair was red and he had a day’s growth of beard on his face. He looked up and smiled at Tom.

“Can I help you?”

“Are you Sam Drake?” The smile left the young man’s face. “Yes sir. Do I know you?”

“Tom Barkley. Can we talk?” The boy’s eyes betrayed his thoughts. Tom knew instantly that Sam Drake had underestimated him and never expected him to trek cross-country to discuss Heath. It took a minute for Sam to find his voice.

“Sir my shift ends in an hour. If you want to eat something I can meet you when I’m done working.” Sam shrugged. “Sorry, I need my job to pay room and board.” A customer got the young man’s attention and he started pouring a drink. Tom stood there for a few minutes and caught Sam looking at him several times. He finally decided to give the boy a break and went back to the main restaurant to order food. He had just finished eating and was nursing a whiskey when Sam strolled over to his table. He stood there, hands clasped behind his back, hesitant to take a seat.

“Please! Sit down.” Tom motioned to the chair across from him.

“Thank you sir.” Sam sat and clasped his hands on the table, eyeing the drink in Tom’s hand.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No thank you sir. I don’t drink.” Tom raised an eyebrow. “Please stop calling me sir.”

“Yes sir.” Sam chuckled, realizing too late that the word had escaped from his lips. “Hazard of the job” he added apologetically.

“I thought you’re a baseball player” Tom casually remarked.

“I am” Sam said. “I’m the best pitcher on the team.”

“And you tend bar on the side?”

“No sir. I tend bar to make a living.” Sam shrugged slightly. “We don’t get paid to play though Mr. Haskins thinks it will happen soon. He says baseball will be played across the country and we’ll make lots of money. I’d be fine with just enough to pay my board.”

“Who’s Mr. Haskins?” Tom asked.

“He owns the restaurant” Sam answered, “and he invests in our team so we can play other teams. He also gave me this job.” Tom nodded as he tried to figure out the boy’s accent.

“Where are you from boy?”

“Chicago sir. Born and raised until my daddy decided he wanted to be a cowboy. Up and moved the whole family west, settling in Colorado. I didn’t want to go so I set out on my own when I was fifteen. Maybe that’s why I understood Heath so well. How is he? Are you really his father?” Sam leaned forward and studied Tom’s face.

“He looks like you. In the eyes.” Sam leaned back in his chair. “Funny thing for me to notice but I took care of that boy for months and there were days when he was too weak to even open his eyes. Why do you want to know about the prison? It’s the past, let it be.”

“I can’t.” Tom took out the recent portrait and handed it to Sam. He watched as the young man studied the picture. “Sam, how old are you?”

“Twenty sir. Just had my birthday last month. Is this your family?”

Tom nodded. “That’s my wife and our children. Jarrod and Nick are flanking Heath. And the youngest two are Audra and Eugene.”

“Nice looking family.” Sam placed the picture on the table. “Heath told me he didn’t have a father.”

“I only learned of Heath’s existence a few months ago when his mother contacted me. He was having a lot of trouble and I brought him to my home to try to help him. He’s part of our family now, as if he’s always been there.” Tom took the picture and stared at it and then glanced back at Sam. “Please! I need to know everything he went through in that prison. Will you help me?” Sam glanced around the room, eyeing everything but the man in front of him.

“Sam, please!” Tom wasn’t above begging if he thought that would help Heath.

“Sir, I don’t know why you need to know but you came all this way and I suppose you deserve something. It’s late and I’m tired. Meet me here tomorrow morning at nine and we’ll talk. Maybe I’ll show you the field, though it covered with snow right now.” Sam stood.

“You will be here tomorrow right?” Tom also stood.

“Yes sir Mr. Barkley, I’ll be here. There’s an inn two doors down that has cheap rooms…if you need a place to stay.” Quickly he walked away. Sighing Tom sat back down and ordered another drink.

* * * * * * * *

Nick was never so grateful when they finally arrived in Strawberry. Heath had slowed down for the sake of the horses but he hadn’t talked the rest of the way and the silence was gnawing on Nick’s nerves. Now he was at the mercy of his brother and he followed Heath as they headed towards his mother’s house. Heath had called it a dead town and he wasn’t kidding. Nick thought they were on the main street but so far he hadn’t seen a soul walking around. He heard a few voices when they neared the bar and Heath lingered there for a moment. Without a word he turned sharply right and Nick noticed the paths were less manageable. They went straight for nearly five minutes and then Heath stopped.

“There is it.” He pointed towards a small house in the middle of nowhere. “That’s where I grew up.” Nick didn’t know what to say so he remained silent. The house was smaller than the Barkley barn and the land around it was unkempt with weeds growing everywhere. Heath didn’t seem to notice as he jumped off and tied his horse to a tree.

“Mama!” He yelled as he ran into the house. Nick quickly followed. At first the house seemed empty but then a woman emerged from the other room.

“Heath!”

Nick watched as Heath ran to his mother and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Nick took that moment to study the woman. She was slight, too thin in Nick’s opinion. She looked up briefly at Nick before returning her attention to Heath.

“What are you doing here?” Leah pulled away from her son and stared at his face. It was still thin but he had life in his eyes again. She tried to hold back the tears as mother and son stared at each other.

“Mama, I missed you so much.” He threw his arms around her again and this time Leah kept her gaze on Nick.

“Heath, who is this?”

“My brother” Heath answered immediately. “Nick, this is my mother.”

“Hello ma’am.” Nick walked over and took the offered hand.

“Nick.”

“Mama, I have so much to tell you. Oh and I forgot.” Heath dug into his pocket. “This is for you so you don’t have to work so hard.” He handed her the money. “Mama, you’ve lost weight. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine sweetheart.” Leah smiled down at him. “And I can’t wait to hear everything you want to tell me. But first go see Hannah and say hi to her. She’s missed you so much.”

“OK. Nick, wanna come with?”

“Nick can stay here.” Leah said before Nick had a chance to open his mouth. “It will give us a chance to get to know each other.” Heath stared at both of them but he silently shrugged his shoulders and walked out.

“Here.” Leah handed the money to Nick. “I don’t need this. Give it back to Heath when the time is right.” Nick stared at her, clearly confused.

“What do you mean when the time is right?”

Leah smiled weakly. “You’ll know.” Slowly she walked over to the chair and sat down, grimacing in the process. “You’ll know,” she repeated. Leah hadn’t expected Heath to show up and now she had the difficult task of telling her son the truth. She turned and faced Nick.

“Is Heath happy where he is? Does he get along with everyone?”

“Yes ma’am” Nick answered. “He’s a good kid and I’m glad he’s my brother.”

“Good.” Leah smiled up at him. “It will make it easier now that he has a family.” She turned back to the window, feeling a little better. Heath would always have a family…no matter what happened to her.

Part 24

Nick tried to sleep but the hard floor and his jumbled thoughts made it next to impossible. It didn’t help that Heath was talking non-stop to his mother in the next room. Nick couldn’t help but smile as he thought about his response the next time someone asked him about his quiet brother. Heath could talk if he wanted to and Nick felt bad eavesdropping but he didn’t have much of a choice…he couldn’t sleep and Heath didn’t stop talking. The day’s events replayed in Nick’s mind and he couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling that Heath’s mother was sick. In everything she did he noticed slowness in her movements, painful grimaces when she thought Heath wasn’t looking and the dinner plate she left uneaten. But Nick couldn’t understand why Heath hadn’t notice; at least he acted like nothing was wrong. Nick returned to the present as he heard his name being mentioned and he smiled; his ego nourished by the praise Heath heaped upon him. Of course Heath didn’t know Nick was up, having checked several times to make sure his big brother was sleeping. Nick felt bad about that also but not too bad as the smile lingered on his face.

“I need to fall asleep,” Nick whispered as he twisted on the floor. Not for the first time he was regretting his decision not to accept the offered bed. They would leave right after lunch in order to get home by dark and one of them needed to be awake. And it was obvious at this point that Heath was too wound up and probably wouldn’t sleep at all. Nick turned to his side and wrapped the pillow around his head. It muffled Heath’s voice and eventually Nick fell into an uneasy sleep.

----       

        Tom paced outside the restaurant. It was half past nine and Sam hadn’t shown up and Tom was beginning to believe he’d been had. The snow had finally stopped but the cold wind whipped at his face and his fingers were starting to feel numb. Tom thought about going inside but he was too antsy and didn’t want to draw the attention of the patrons eating breakfast. He took out his pocket watch and silently cursed…wondering if he had been that wrong about the young man he encountered the previous evening. Tom was about to give up when he heard his name and turned to see Sam rushing towards him.

“Sorry.” Sam smiled weakly. “I overslept…have you waited outside the whole time?” Tom nodded as his body shivered slightly.

“Let’s go inside.” Sam said as he held the door open. A few minutes later the two men were seated and Tom nursed a hot cup of coffee, as slowly the feeling came back to the exposed areas of his skin. They ordered breakfast and kept their attention on their coffees, as an uneasy silence engulfed the two men.

“How much do you know?” Sam asked, when the silence was too much for him. Tom thought back to that night Nick had retold the horrors that Heath had finally voiced and his body shook briefly, though he was no longer cold. He looked up to see that Sam was intently watching him.

“I know he shot Jake and the other men died because Heath didn’t follow the guard’s orders. He was beaten up and almost died in the hospital. That’s all I know.”        

“The other men didn’t die” Sam quickly correctly. Tom’s face registered shock, but he didn’t say anything, hoping that Sam would continue on his own. “Stan found out what was going on and tried to stop it.”

“Who’s Stan?” Tom quickly asked.

“One of the guards. He had seniority over the two guards who orchestrated Jake’s killing. He was too late to save Jake but he stopped the other executions just in time. That was the last time those two guards were seen alive…though I don’t know for sure what happened to them.”

“What about Heath? Why did he almost die?” The waitress brought the food at that moment and they stopped talking for a few minutes. Tom eagerly dug into his eggs and steak, surprised at how hungry he was. He looked up to see Sam watching him, seemingly uninterested in his own food.

“Sorry” Tom muttered between bites. “Please continue when you’re ready.” Sam took a quick sip of his coffee before continuing.

“Heath was tortured badly and then thrown into an isolation room. By the time anyone felt compelled to check on him, he was dehydrated and his wounds were infected. They took him to the hospital to die.”

“Sam, did you know Heath when this was going on?”

“No sir!” Sam quickly shook his head. “I heard all of this after he was brought to our house for protection.”

“Protection? Sam, I’m not following. Who were you protecting Heath from?” Suddenly Tom wasn’t so hungry and he pushed his plate away. He studied the young man and noticed how nervous he had become and seemed reluctant to continue the story.

“Sam, please. I need to hear the rest.” Sam cleared his throat, sighing in the process.

“Sir, a lot of this was rumors but I suppose it’s important for you to know. Stan and Jake were real close…”

“What do you mean?” Tom interrupted.

“Close sir. Just close.” Sam shrugged. “Jake was a survivor and he did anything to survive and because of his…closeness to Stan he got away with a lot of things. The other guards knew what he did but they couldn’t do anything and became angry. Jake was a marked man and Heath just got caught in the middle of it. If it wasn’t him doing the shooting it would have been another prisoner. But Stan blamed Heath and he wanted the boy dead.” Sam paused briefly to take another sip of his coffee.

“Stan hovered at the hospital and the doctors were afraid of what he’d do to the boy so they lied about his condition, claiming he was getting worse. Finally they told Stan that he died…”

“What?” Tom bellowed, not caring that others were staring at him. “Did they make this official?”

“No sir. Not that I know of. It was just to get Stan away from Heath so they could sneak him out and into one of the bunkhouses.” Sam always thought he’d put the prison behind him, but because of Tom Barkley’s visit, it suddenly seemed like yesterday as the memories threatened to overwhelm him. He stared at his coffee for a few minutes and then quietly told Tom about the night he first met Heath.


-----------

Sam woke to find a hand over his mouth. His immediate thought was this was his night, the night he would finally die.

“Sam, it’s Charlie. Wake up.” Sam’s heart started beating again as he focused his eyes on the guard kneeling over him. “Quietly get up and follow me.” Sam nodded and slowly stood. He followed Charlie to the back of the house, towards the bed that had been empty. Sam was surprised to see someone lying in it, shocked when it turned out to be a young boy. Who? Sam silently mouthed as they both knelt down.

“This is the boy who shot Jake.” The news of Jake’s death had traveled quickly through the prison along with the fact that the shooter was a mere child.

“Why is he here?” Sam asked as he scrutinized the blonde boy. He was sweating and Sam gently touched his forehead.

“He still has a fever,” Charlie said, answering Sam’s unasked question. “I was at the hospital a couple of days ago and I saw Stan there, at the boy’s bedside and he kept waving his gun. One of the doctors told me he’d been there everyday and he kept asking when the boy could be released. Said he had big plans for him…” Charlie paused.

“Early this morning they hid him and told Stan the boy died and I took him when I felt it was safe. Now we need to protect him.”

“And if Stan finds out?”

“We’re all dead” Charlie promptly answered. “Sam, I trust you and I need your help in taking care of him. I’ll find a way to get extra food.” Sam glanced down when the boy moaned and he was surprised to see that the child’s eyes were open.

“What’s his name?”

“Heath” Charlie answered.

“Heath” Sam said as he smiled down at the boy. He appeared to be the same age as one of his brothers and Sam couldn’t imagine any of his siblings in a war prison. “You’re going to be ok. All you need to do is rest and let us take care of you.” Sam wasn’t sure if the boy understood until he felt a touch to his arm as the child’s hand tried to grab a hold. He was too weak and his arm limply fell back to the bed.

“Just rest” Sam said as he gently grasped Heath’s hand. Only a few minutes passed before the boy was again sleeping.

“He can’t be any older than my brother Jimmy” Sam whispered.

Charlie nodded. “I have a son around his age. Sam, can I count on you to help me?” Sam nodded yes. “What about the other men?”

“I’ll bribe them to be quiet if I have to. Sam, we have to be real careful here…and I think it’s best if the boy doesn’t know that Stan is after him.”

“Charlie, why do you care? You’re supposed to be the enemy.”

Charlie smiled sadly. “I’m not and I don’t want to be here any more than you do. I want to be home with my wife and children…but as long as I’m here I’m not letting him take this child’s life.” Charlie stood. “We’ll tell the men in the morning and go from there.” Charlie walked out and Sam heard the familiar sound of the door locking.

“OK Heath” Sam said as he looked down at the sleeping boy, “guess you’re my responsibility now.” Sam frowned as the boy coughed and twisted in his sleep. He seemed to labor for each breath and Sam feared the boy might die.

“You better keep breathing” Sam whispered and then settled himself on the floor. If he sat up straight he could see the boy’s chest rise and fall and know that he was still alive.


-----------


“Sam? Are you ok?” Tom leaned over and tapped the young man’s arm. Tom felt an eternity pass before Sam blinked twice and stared at Tom. “Are you ok?” Tom asked again. “You stopped talking nearly five minutes ago. Did you watch Heath sleep that whole night?”

Sam nodded. “That night and many more after it.” Sam smiled weakly. “Not many would have survived in that condition but he did. Charlie came through with the food and I gave it to Heath when the others weren’t looking. It took almost two months for him to get back on his feet…and there really isn’t much more to tell. We survived but Charlie took a bullet two days before the prison was freed.” Sam sighed. “He wasn’t a bad sort and he’s the real reason your son is alive.”

“I’m sorry” Tom quietly said. And he was. “I wish I could have thanked him personally.” Sam shrugged and turned his attention to the plate in front of him.

“Mr. Barkley, why are you here?” Sam asked suddenly but didn’t give Tom the chance to answer. “You said in your letter you wanted to help Heath but this isn’t going to help him. I spent nearly two years at Carterson and I saw things I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy. And when I put Heath on that train going west I so badly wanted to go with him and go home but I couldn’t. I knew I wanted to be a baseball player and I had to focus on that, otherwise that place would have gotten me…just like it had so many others.” He paused, very briefly.

“Heath ain’t gonna forget that place; no man who survived will ever forget the things that happened there. If he’s lucky, the memories will fade and only surface when he thinks about it. But if you make him dwell on it, they’ll always be right there and he’ll never move on. Heath’s a good kid and I don’t want to see that happen to him.” Sam was surprised when his eyes watered up and he closed them tight, hoping to keep the tears in.

“Sorry sir” he muttered between sniffles. Tom was taken back by the young man’s emotions and felt guilty for making him relive something that he had worked so hard on putting behind him. Tom reached over and laid a comforting hand on Sam’s arm and waited in silence for Sam to compose himself.

“I should be the one apologizing.” Tom smiled at the young man. “I’m sorry for making you talk about this but I don’t regret coming here. At least I have a chance to personally thank the man who gave me my son.” Sam started to open his mouth in protest but Tom wouldn’t let him speak.

“Sam, don’t contradict what I said. I may never know everything but I do know Heath would not have survived if you didn’t take care of him. And if he had died in that place I would never have known about him.” Tom paused and almost smiled, watching how antsy Sam suddenly became. “Sam, if he had to be there I’m glad he had a friend like you. Do you still have my address?”

Sam nodded, knowing he couldn’t trust his voice.

“You pick the time and I’ll wire you the money. I want you to come out and see us and I’m sure Heath would like to personally thank you himself.”

“I can’t sir.” Sam firmly shook his head. “I can’t take your money…”

“Yes you can” Tom said forcibly. “You can and you will.” Tom finally removed his hand. “Have you been home since the war ended?”

“No sir” Sam quietly answered.

“Would you like to go home and visit your family?”

“Yes sir.” Sam smiled weakly. “I don’t have the money to go that far,” he honestly added. “Baseball ends with summer and then I need to work the rest of the year.”

“Next year, after your baseball ends, I expect to hear from you. I’ll send the money and you’ll come visit us and then you’ll go home and see your family. Sam, mark my word. If I don’t hear from you I’ll come out here and drag you back myself.” A smile played on Tom’s face. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes sir.” Sam managed a smile himself. “It will give me something to look forward to. Mr. Barkley, do you have anything to do right now?”

“No! Why do you ask?”

“Wanna come see me pitch?” Sam eagerly asked. “I just need to clean some of the snow away and I’ll show you the best pitcher anywhere.”

“Sure Sam.” Tom took out his wallet and placed some money on the table. He stood and followed the young man out. “It’s the least I can do,” he added, too quiet for Sam to hear.

----       

        Nick was anxious to get going but Heath had gone off somewhere and hadn’t returned yet. He had been quiet the whole morning but said he was fine every time Nick asked him what was wrong.

“He’ll return soon.” Leah said, though she too was worried.

“Yes ma’am.” Nick didn’t know what to make of her. She wasn’t the monster he had imagined but he still couldn’t forget how hurt his mother must have felt when she learned the truth about his father and this woman. He knew it wasn’t her fault but that didn’t make it any easier seeing her and talking to her and pretending like this was a normal situation. Nick wanted to ask if she was sick but he couldn’t find the nerve to approach such a topic. He also knew it was none of his business but that didn’t stop the questions that kept going through his mind. They heard the door open and both turned to see Heath enter the house.

“It’s about time you got back. Heath we need to get going.” The blonde boy approached his older brother and looked him squarely in the eyes. “Nick, I’m staying here.”

“No you’re not.” Leah stated before Nick could get anything out.

“Mama, you’re sick and you need someone to take care of you. Nick!” Heath looked to his brother for understanding. “You’d do the same thing if it was your mother. Tell me you would.” Nick started to protest but he couldn’t. If he were in Heath’s shoes he would stay also…but he didn’t want to leave his little brother here. Nick knew what this town did to him and he was afraid his brother would take steps backward.

“Heath, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Nick finally said.

“Nick, I’m staying and don’t try to make me go. The doctor comes once a month, right Ma?” Leah wished she had the strength to convince him to go back but she didn’t and meekly agreed with Heath.

“He does. Heath, please go home with your brother. Do it for me.”

“No!” Heath angrily placed his hands on his hips. “I said I was staying and no one is going to change my mind.” He looked at Nick as he said that. “Nick, go! I’ll be back when my mama is feeling better, not a day before.” Nick sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair. His first thought was to grab Heath and take him kicking and screaming but the distance was too far and they would never make it that way. His second thought was to stay here, with Heath, but he had a ranch to run and he couldn’t be away for more than a day. He was taking too long for Heath’s liking.

“Get out of here. Now!” His tone spoke volumes; Nick knew he didn’t want to stay but had to, out of loyalty to his mother. He heard the fear in Heath’s voice; the fear of a ghost town and all the memories that lingered in the air. Nick looked at Leah and knew she was thinking the same thing.

Nick figured he try one more time. “Heath, we’ll go home and get the doctor to come back with us. How does that sound?”

“No!” Heath’s body shook with rage. It was an anger Nick knew all too well and hoped to never see in his little brother again. “I said leave and I meant it.” He took one step closer to Nick and then turned, and bolted out of the house. Nick started after him.

“Don’t.” Leah grabbed for his arm. “He’s angry and it’s best to leave him alone. Go home.”

“I can’t leave him here.” Nick started pacing. “My father trusts me with Heath and I have to take him home.”

“Nick, you won’t find him if he doesn’t want to be found. I’ll talk to Heath and convince him I’ll be fine.”

“Will you?” Nick asked. “Will you get better?” Nick only had to look at the woman’s eyes to know the answer.

“No” Leah sadly said. “I’m dying and somehow I have to tell Heath the truth.” She didn’t want to but knew her son deserved that and a chance to say goodbye. Nick didn’t know what to say and wished his father were here to handle the situation. “I’ll stay when you tell him. Please, I need to be here.” Nick was trying so hard to be the man he felt he should be but Leah saw the boy beneath the bravado and it warmed her heart to know that Heath had a brother that cared so much for him.

“Nick, go home and get your father. I think Heath will need him once he knows the truth.”

“I can’t.” Nick anxiously spit out. “He’s out of town and won’t be back for another week. I don’t know what to do.” Leah neared him and placed a soft hand on his arm.

“Heath will be fine. Go home and if he’s not back by the time your father gets home, tell him what’s going on and he’ll come get Heath.” Nick didn’t seem convinced that leaving was the best thing to do. But staying wasn’t going to do any good either; Nick knew Heath would hide until he left.

“I’m sorry you’re dying” Nick blurted before rushing out of the house. Leah watched him leave and then slowly sat down, dreading what would happen when her son returned home.

Part 25

“Mother!” Nick slammed the door shut, totally oblivious to the late hour or the children sleeping in the house. “Mother, wake up!” He started for the stairs, but stopped when a figure emerged from the study.

“You’re up!” Nick addressed Victoria.

“I’ve been waiting for you and Heath. What happened to you two?” She glanced around Nick, looking for Heath. “Where’s Heath?”

“Nick, what are you yelling about?” Jarrod descended quickly, the book in his hand a sign that he too was up and waiting for his brothers to return.

“Nick, where is Heath?” The urgency in Victoria’s voice showed her concern. She heard more footsteps and sighed, seeing her youngest two clamoring down the stairs.

“Nick, you’re home.” Eugene raced over to him, arms raised, hoping to be lifted up by his beloved older brother. Nick barely noticed him as he walked past both children and into the study.

“Mama, what’s wrong?” Audra asked.

“Children, go back to bed.” Victoria ordered as her attention turned to the room that her middle son had just entered. Neither listened as they followed their mother and brother into the study. Nick was leaning over the pool table rolling one of the balls under his hand. He rode his horse hard to get home, his guilt increasing with each mile. Leaving his brother in a place he hated was one of the hardest things Nick could ever remember doing.

“Nick!” He felt a hand on his shoulder and knew his mother was standing next to him. “What happened in Strawberry and why isn’t Heath with you?” Sighing Nick turned and saw Eugene and Audra standing there and knew what he had to say wasn’t for their ears.

“Mother, send them to bed” he whispered for all to hear.

“Why?” Audra demanded. “I want to know what happened to Heath too.”

“Heath is still in Strawberry” Nick quietly explained. “He wanted to spend a little more time with his mother and he’ll be back soon.” Nick felt he was telling the truth, just leaving out a few details that the children didn’t need to know. “Go back to sleep now, please!” Nick pleaded, hoping his youngest siblings would comply with his wishes.

“I can’t wait until I’m older and you stop keeping secrets from me.” Audra stomped her foot, her eyes taking in the three adults standing before her. “Come on Eugene. I have some secrets we can keep from them.” She roughly grabbed her little brother’s hand and dragged him out of the room. Jarrod watched until they were at the top of the staircase and then reentered the study, closing the door behind him.
“Ok Nick,” Jarrod began, “tell us what happened and why Heath didn’t come back.”

“She’s sick,” he quietly said. “I saw it yesterday but Heath didn’t seem to notice. He was happy and talking so much.” Nick chuckled softly as he thought about the previous night and listening to his brother ramble on. “This morning Heath said he was staying until his mother got well. She’s dying,” he blurted out, to the surprise of both Jarrod and Victoria. “Heath doesn’t know it…maybe he does by now. I shouldn’t have left him but he wouldn’t come back and I didn’t know what else to do.” His shoulders sagged, weighted down by guilt and a feeling of helplessness for a brother he’d only known for a few months.

“Mother, I’m sorry. I didn’t handle this right.”

“Nick, stop that right now.” Victoria reached up and placed a comforting hand on her son’s face. “Now sit and calm down. Are you hungry or thirsty?” Nick shook his head but didn’t turn down the glass of brandy Jarrod offered him. He drank it quickly, and silently waited until the alcohol calmed his nerves.

“Nick, start from the beginning.” Victoria sat down next to her son and lightly touched his arm. “Did Heath’s mother tell you she was dying?” Nick nodded.

“I tried to talk Heath into returning with me and he got angry and took off. That’s when she told me she was dying and said she would tell Heath the truth.” Nick stood and walked towards the bookcase, keeping his back to his mother and brother. He turned and stared at them, eyes watery with tears that he tried to hold back. “I hid” he continued, his voice shaky. “I waited for Heath to return but he never did. Finally I headed home…Mother he doesn’t want to be there, I heard it in his voice. Said he’d come home when his mother got better, but she ain’t gonna get better and he shouldn’t be watching her die.” Nick sniffled and wiped away the few tears that dared to roll down his cheeks.

“Mother, he…shouldn’t be… there,” Nick stammered.

“I know.” Victoria agreed as she neared her son and gently wrapped her arms around him. As she comforted Nick, her mind worked furiously to come up with a solution. She wished Tom were here and her anger towards her husband increased, as did her worry about Heath. She pulled away and stared up at her son.

“Nick, tomorrow you and I will go back to Strawberry and bring Heath home. Jarrod, I need you to stay here with the children.”

“But Mother, he won’t leave her alone.” Nick protested.

“I know.” A frown crossed her face. “Get some sleep so we can leave early in the morning.” She walked out, leaving both her sons befuddled. Suddenly it dawned on Jarrod and his eyes widened with disbelief.

“Jarrod, what is it?” Nick asked.

“Heath won’t leave his mother and our mother plans to bring Heath home. That can only mean one thing.” It took Nick a minute to finally understand.

“She won’t do that.” Nick firmly shook his head. But even though his brain said no, he could think of no other way to get Heath back to the ranch. Slowly he sat down, a weary frown on his face. “She’s going to bring her back here, isn’t she?” Nick looked to his older brother for the affirmative nod.

“Jarrod, what is father going to say?”

“Before or after mother skins him alive?” Jarrod smiled slightly, pleased that he elicited a smile out of his brother.

“Jarrod, I’m so angry with him right now.”

“You should be. He put you in an awkward situation.”

“No!” Nick reached for a pool stick and started waving it around. “It’s not me. It’s mother. Can you imagine how she’s going to feel meeting that woman? And then inviting her to our home?” Nick slammed the stick against the table, wincing when it broke into two pieces. “I know she’s dying and I’m sorry…” Nick helplessly stood there with part of the stick in each hand.

“Nick, do you want me to go with mother?” Nick wanted to say yes but he couldn’t. He was closer to Heath and felt that his little brother would need him.

“Thanks Jarrod, but I’ll go.” Head down Nick silently walked out of the study. Jarrod picked up the family picture that sat on the desk and stared at it.

“Father, you better have a damn good reason for not being here when your family needs you the most.” Jarrod slammed the picture down and headed upstairs.

----       

        Leah stared out the window as the morning sun started to rise. She had gone to bed worried about Heath, who had not returned to the house, and the morning had brought no better news. She had been so pleased to see her son, and how happy and talkative he was, but part of her wish Heath had never come back. Leah reached into her dress pocket and took out the letter, though she knew every word without looking at it. They had planned it together, she and Hannah. Her dearest friend would mail it to her son with news of a sudden death. Leah thought that was best, that Heath didn’t know she was suffering for months and didn’t let him know. But Heath’s visit, as wonderful as Leah thought it to be, had ruined the best-laid plan. She knew how she looked; the hanging skin and roomy clothes were testaments to the weight she had lost. She tried to be cheery but Heath knew, as did his brother. And now Heath refused to leave until she got better and Leah knew that wouldn’t happen. Heath needed to be with his new family and not watching his mother die. The door opened and her son walked in.

“Heath, where have you been?” Leah frowned. Less than a day and her son’s old habits were returning. Hands in pocket, head down, refusing to answer a simple question. Leah knew what this town did to Heath and she was determined that he wouldn’t stay any longer than necessary.

“Heath, answer me.” He eyed her briefly and she instantly knew. He’d found his old friends and was drinking with them. “Heath, where were you?”

“Out” he simply said and tried to pass her. Leah grabbed a hold of his arm, though she had no strength to keep him still. “Heath, we need to talk.”

“I’m not going home and that’s final.” Heath easily pulled free and went to fetch a glass of water. He chugged it down and poured another, drinking the second a little slower. He slammed the glass on the table, and then wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

“Heath, do you think of Stockton as your home now?” He eyed her suspiciously.

“Why?” Inwardly Leah screamed, wondering what had happened to that boy who had returned just a day ago.

“Ma, when were you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what Heath?” He walked around her and Leah tried to shrink under his scrutiny. “Nick knew. He kept watching you and I didn’t know why. I didn’t see it until the morning. Ma, you’re not getting better are you?” He stopped pacing and watched as his mother neared the tattered old sofa and sat down. Heath followed but remained standing.

“Are you dying?” Heath asked rather loudly, when his mother’s silence lingered too long. “Tell me the truth,” he added, his loud words belying the fear Leah heard in his voice. She stared at him and momentarily their eyes connected, and slowly the anger left Heath’s face, replaced with a sadness that the silent truth brought forth.

“Tell me” he quietly pleaded, letting the scared boy momentarily come out. Leah prayed for the strength to get up and run, to do anything but tell her little boy that she was dying. The love she felt for Heath was immeasurable, her little boy; the child she had borne and raised, the child that would always be a part of her. Yet she had lost Heath long ago, and had given him up to make him whole again. And he was. Though at that moment Heath tried very hard to be that sullen child, he wasn’t. She knew him too well and he was happy again and secure in his father’s family. That one thought was what kept Leah going, knowing that Heath had a family to grow up in.

“Yes Heath, I am dying.” Such a simple sentence, yet the hardest thing Leah ever had to say. Heath froze, his body unable to handle the spoken truth. He stood there for an eternity, his voice silent but his eyes saying more than words could ever.

“Heath!” Slowly Leah stood, wishing she could hide the pain that Heath surely saw. She only took one step before the boy bolted out the door, as he had done so many times before.

“Heath” Leah whispered, slowly sinking back to the sofa. Her tears flowed freely, though she didn’t have the strength to utter a sound.

----       

        “Mother, are you sure about this?” Victoria sighed loudly, wishing Nick would stop asking her the same question.

“Nick, we’ve been through this how many times? Heath will not leave his mother and I will not leave Heath here. So the only solution is to bring them both back to the ranch. Unless you can come up with something better.” Victoria let that last sentence linger, knowing all too well Nick had tried but failed to find a different way.

“But what about you mother? How are you going to feel with that woman in your house?”

“My feelings are of no concern right now” Victoria firmly answered.

“They are to me,” Nick stated just as firmly, stopping the buggy. They were close to the house and Nick wasn’t sure he wanted to continue. As much as he wanted to bring Heath home, he didn’t want to put his mother through this. Victoria reached up and gently cupped her son’s face, savoring the love and concern that shone through his eyes.

“Nick, when you’re older and a parent, you’ll understand the sacrifices you make for your child.”

“But Heath isn’t yours” Nick quietly said.

“Yes he is.” Victoria smiled weakly. “Maybe not by birth but I love him as a son and I will do whatever it takes to get him through this. Are you ready to continue?”

“Yes ma’am.” Nick settled back and started the horses. They rode the last few minutes in silence. At the house Nick jumped out and then helped his mother out of the buggy. She hesitated briefly before heading for the door, lightly knocking twice. At first there was no answer and Nick thought no one was home. But then the door opened and Leah peered out. She saw Nick first and opened the door wider, her eyes widening at the sight of Victoria.

Silently the two women stared at each other.

Part 26

Nick suddenly felt ten years old, his head going back and forth as he watched his father and uncle Ben engage in one of their marathon chess games. Nick loved to watch their faces, trying to figure out who had the best move before it was made. Usually the answer came with a heavy sigh or a muttered curse just loud enough for the boy to hear. Nick wanted to be ten again and far from the situation he found himself in. Leah had opened the door fully and motioned for the visitors to walk in. And now the two women stared at each other, with the best poker faces Nick had ever seen. And his mother hated the game of poker. Nick found that funny and let a small chuckle escape, horrified when the two women turned their attention towards him.

“Sorry.” Nick shuffled his feet.

“Leah Thomson, this is my mother, Victoria Barkley.” Nick felt foolish introducing them but someone had to say something. Suddenly his mother reached out with her right hand; Leah hesitated before briefly meeting the offered hand with her own.

“Where’s Heath?” Victoria asked, as Nick sighed with relief that one of them had finally spoken.

“I don’t know.” Leah’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“Does he know the truth?” Nick asked. Leah nodded her head. “I told him and then he took off.” She sighed and then walked to the sofa, stiffly sitting down.

“Hannah should be by soon and I’ll ask her to look for Heath.”

“Do you have any idea where he could have gone?” Nick asked, eager to find his little brother and get on the road back home.

“Possibly the saloon but they shouldn’t be open this early.” Victoria frowned, hoping that Heath hadn’t gone back to his old ways.

“Or his uncle’s inn trying to steal some alcohol.” Leah stood, as she thought about what her brother might do to him, what he had done in the past. She swayed and both Nick and his mother reached to steady her. “Could you…please try to find him?” Though it pained her to ask for help, she knew they cared about Heath and would do anything for him. She was still in shock from seeing Victoria Barkley at her doorstep…though it only proved the love this woman had for a child that wasn’t hers.

“Certainly!” Victoria responded almost immediately. “Nick, do you know the way to town?” Her son nodded and waited for his mother to exit the house. But she stood still, her eyes again taking in the sick woman before her.

“Are you able to pack some of your clothes? Tom can get the rest when he returns home.”

Leah stared, clearly confused by this request.

“Why?” she finally asked.

“Heath won’t leave you and we’re not leaving him here.” Victoria simply answered, her words devoid of any emotion. “So, you’re both going back to the ranch with us.”

“I can’t.” Leah’s legs felt weak and she quickly sat. “I don’t belong there. Take Heath and leave me here…I’ll be fine.” Victoria figured this would be the reaction and she silently counted to ten before sitting down next to Leah. In her mind this was no longer the woman who slept with her husband. If she allowed that thought to mar her thinking, she’d never have come to Strawberry in the first place. This woman was Heath’s mother and he needed her, needed to be with her until she died, and Victoria would do anything for Heath. She hesitated before placing her hand on Leah’s arm, inwardly cringing.

“Heath needs you and he won’t leave your side in your condition. As hard…as it will be on both of us, we need to do this for Heath. He can’t stay in this town and you know it.” Victoria paused briefly. “And he won’t leave without you.” Victoria wasn’t sure if Heath would readily agree to this solution but she’d figured he put up less of a fight if Leah went with them. “Leah, there are no other choices here.” Victoria stood. “If you can’t pack, we’ll help you after finding Heath. Nick, let’s go.” She briskly walked out. Nick stared at Leah, almost laughing out loud at the look on her face. He figured she never met someone quite like his mother and didn’t know how to react to a Victoria Barkley order. Leah looked up, her eyes wide with disbelief. Nick could only shrug, a sympathetic smile crossing his face.

“We’ll be back soon,” he said before following his mother out of the house.

---       

        Heath hid at the side of the building, as he had for the past two hours. His aunt had left but his uncle was still in there and he was the last person Heath wanted to see. All he wanted was something to drink, something to numb the thoughts that wouldn’t leave his mind. His mother was dying; he’d known the minute he saw her that something was wrong. He didn’t want to believe, tried not to think it, hoping that it was just his eyes playing a trick on him. But he couldn’t deny it now; after her confirmation and now he was stuck in a town he hated; a dead town that would slowly start to kill him.

“Oh well.” Heath stood with a heavy sigh. “Might as well help it along.” He took the three stairs at once and walked into the building, his eyes darting from side to side. No one was there and Heath finally allowed himself to breathe, and then headed straight for the bar.

“You little thief.” Heath hadn’t gone two steps when he was grabbed from behind and pushed roughly to the floor. He scampered to his feet but a punch to his jaw sent him sprawling again. Heath stayed on the floor, whimpering, as he waited for the pain to lessen and his mind to clear.

“Get up and face me like a man.” Heath tried to ignore his uncle’s taunts. He wanted Heath to cry, a sign of victory in his uncle’s mind.

“Get up now!” Heath was pulled to his feet and defiantly he stared up at his uncle.

“Go to hell!” Heath spit out and his words were met with a slap to the face. Heath didn’t flinch, wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing the pain the hit had caused. That only angered Matt Simmons and he grabbed Heath by the collar.

“It’s your fault that my sister is dying.” He pushed Heath away, the force causing the boy to fall once again. Matt stood over him, ready to pounce.

“You’ve been nothing but trouble from the day you were born…a bastard child that caused her nothing but pain. And now she’s dying and you’re to blame.” He kicked Heath in the stomach, causing the child to cry out in pain.

“I should just kill you now, save your mama some pain before she dies.” Slowly Matt reached for his gun and then squatted next to the boy, placing the gun to his head. “You wanna die boy? Say the word and I’ll help you out.”

“Get away from him or I’ll kill you.” Matt spun around and stared at the gun that was aimed at him. His eyes gazed upward to the man holding the gun, surprised that it was merely a boy.

“Son, stay out of this…its family business.”

“And, I’m his brother. Now get away from him,” Nick loudly ordered.

“His brother” Matt muttered as he neared Nick. “Why would you admit that to anyone? He’s nothing but trouble.” In a flash Nick lowered his gun and slammed the man against the wall.

“Nicholas Barkley, let him go.” Victoria had checked the saloon and was just leaving when she heard her son’s voice. “Heath!” She noticed the fallen boy, still on the floor.

“Are you alright?” She kneeled next to him.

“Howdy ma’am.” Released from Nick’s grip, Matt approached Victoria, tipping his hat towards the lady. “Are you this fine boy’s mother?” He pointed towards Nick.

“I am Victoria Barkley.” She stood. “And if I ever see you touch this child again, I’ll quickly forget that I’m a lady. Nick, help him up.” Nick leaned over but Heath pushed him away and then stood, grimacing from the pain in his stomach. “Nick, take him outside but don’t let him out of your sight.” Victoria was afraid that the silent child would run off again. She watched as Nick took a hold of his brother’s arm and led him outside. Victoria waited until they were out of hearing range.

“I’m taking Heath and his mother back to Stockton.”

“You’re taking Leah?” Matt asked in disbelief. “The woman who slept with your husband” he added in a mocking tone.

“Yes, I am. And if I see you anywhere near either of them again, I won’t stop my son…or my husband.” She turned and took a step before stopping. Victoria reached into her purse and pulled out a few bills.

“Here’s something to help with the trouble Heath has caused you.” She tossed the money and watched it fall to the floor before marching out. “Heath, let me see your face.” She pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at the corner of Heath’s mouth, wiping away the blood. “Are you alright?” She leaned over with a hand on each shoulder. “Heath, don’t make me ask again.”

“My mama’s dying” Heath whispered, unable to look Victoria in the eyes.

“I know sweetheart.” Victoria cupped the child’s chin, forcing him to look up. “We’re going to take you back to the ranch.”

“No!” Heath shouted as he pulled away. “I have to stay here.” Nick had calmly moved behind his brother and grabbed a hold of the boy’s shirt, fearing as his mother did, that Heath would bolt.

“Heath, your mother will go with us,” Victoria explained. “We’re not going to leave her alone now.” Heath looked over his shoulder, eyeing his older brother.

“It’s mother’s decision” Nick quietly said as Heath turned his attention back to her. Clearly confused by this turn of events, he didn’t know what to say.

“Let’s get your mother.” Victoria said as they led the boy back to the buggy. In silence, they returned to Leah’s home and found her sitting on the sofa, a small bag at her side.

“Heath, are you ok?” Leah stood and neared her son.

“He’s fine” Victoria answered, when it was clear that Heath wasn’t going to. He walked over to the window and stared out, his back to all of them.

“Are you ready to go?” Victoria eyed the bag on the floor.

“Hannah stopped by and helped me. Heath go say goodbye to her.” The child ignored his mother.

“Heath, please!” Leah pleaded, eliciting a sigh from Heath, though he did as told.

“Nick, go with him.” Victoria ordered. Nick followed Heath out, leaving the two women alone.

“Hannah would like to know when the time comes.” Leah wanted to say when she was near death, but couldn’t voice those words…couldn’t think about that yet. Thankfully Victoria understood and nodded.

“Is this right?” Leah quietly asked, as she settled back on the sofa.

“It’s what has to be” Victoria answered. Silence engulfed the room as the two ladies waited for their sons to return.

----       
        Nick could never remember feeling so grateful as when he pulled onto Barkley property and headed towards the house. He could count on one hand the amount of words that had been spoken during the trip. Heath hadn’t said one as he glumly sat next to Nick, his gaze always straight ahead. Nick stopped the buggy in front of the house, knowing that Leah couldn’t walk from the stables.

“You’re home.” Jarrod must have been watching from the window, immediately walking out to greet his family. Suddenly Heath jumped out and started running away from the house.

“I’ll get him. Jarrod take care of the buggy” Nick yelled before taking off after his brother. He was surprised at the boy’s speed as the distance between them widened. Up ahead he saw Heath stop and fall to the ground. Breathing hard Nick reached him and flopped to the ground next to Heath.

“What is your problem?” Nick asked when he finally caught his breath. “Grow up and stop running from everything.” For some reason Heath found that amusing and softly chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Nick asked.

“You all tell me I grew up too fast and now you’re telling me to grow up. Which is it?” Nick rolled his eyes, refusing to answer.

“Heath, I know this isn’t easy…”

“You have no idea” Heath interrupted. “Your mother isn’t dying, mine is. And bringing her here is just too strange.” Heath stood and started walking, Nick followed closely.

“Let’s start walking towards the house.” Nick grabbed Heath to stop him.

“I can’t go back there.” Heath said.

“Heath, where are you going to go? Back to Strawberry where your uncle is.”

“Shut up” Heath muttered

“Heath, this is hard on everyone especially our mothers. But they’re doing this for you…”

“I didn’t ask them to” Heath shouted.

“You didn’t have to” Nick countered. “Heath, they both love you and want what’s best for you. That’s a good thing and it shouldn’t make you so angry. Let’s go home.”

“Nick…” Heath’s voice cracked and he took a deep breath. “Don’t know if I can do this.”

“Yes, you can.” Nick placed his arm around Heath’s shoulders, pushing slightly to get the boy walking.

“Heath, we’ll get through this together.” He heard Heath sniffle and tightened his grip.

“Don’t ever think you have to go through this alone, understand?” Heath didn’t answer and that was fine with Nick. He was getting better at reading his brother’s body language and Heath didn’t try to pull away, obviously feeling secure by his brother’s closeness. As they walked to the house Nick thought about their father and was secretly looking forward to his reaction when he returned home. They entered the house to find Victoria waiting for them.

“Your mother is upstairs resting” Victoria said, not mentioning that Jarrod had to help her up the stairs. They would have to put a bed downstairs for her but Victoria didn’t think Heath needed to know at that moment. She studied the boy and saw tears in his eyes.

“Heath, what is it?”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled before throwing himself at Victoria, gripping her tightly. Momentarily surprised Victoria held the crying child, her soothing voice trying to calm his fears. Heath stopped crying and tried to pull away but Victoria wouldn’t let him go far, keep a strong hand on his arm.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, do you understand?” Heath nodded, fearing his voice would let him down.

“Let’s go in the kitchen and see what we can find to eat.” Keeping her hand on Heath’s arm, she took Nick’s arm and led both boys towards the kitchen. From the moment she made the decision Victoria knew it was right and hadn’t regretted it since. It remained to be seen how Tom would handle it, though at the moment Victoria wasn’t too concerned. She watched as the boys settled at the table and dug into some sandwiches that Silas had left for them. As time passed and the conversation took several turns, Heath’s voice grew stronger and his mood brightened. Victoria listened to the random chatter and started to hear the Heath she’d grown to love, teasing his older brother. She knew there were trying times ahead but was sure they would get through this as a family. Suddenly Heath jumped up and ran, Nick right behind him. Victoria went after them and stopped in the doorway watching as Nick wrestled his little brother to the floor. Victoria had missed what was said but was happy to watch the aftermath. She stood there with a broad smile on her face knowing for sure that her decision was right. Heath’s laughter spoke volumes…he was happy to be home and would face the future with his family by his side.

To be continued…