To Find My Son

Parts 27-32

by Marci S.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 27

It was three days after they returned from Strawberry that Heath found himself venturing to town alone for the first time. He had explained to Nick that he needed to talk to the doctor and his older brother had offered to go along. Actually, at first, he had insisted he would go but Heath pleaded and finally convinced Nick that he was old enough to travel by himself. And he was confident he could find his way and as he pulled into town he stopped his horse and stared at the people walking on the main street. Heath was still leery of the town folks…though most had been cordial the few times he had been in town. Heath sighed heavily and then lightly kicked his horse to get him moving. In a matter of minutes he was in front of the doctor’s office and tying his horse up to the post. He opened the door to find the doctor behind the desk, snoring softly. As he moved closer Heath noticed a letter gripped tightly in one hand, while the other held a picture dangling precariously close to the floor. Heath reached for it, thinking it would fall…

“What?” Startled, Ben jumped up and frantically searched for his gun.

“It’s Heath,” the blonde boy said as he stepped back.

“Oh!” Ben peered at the child as his hands still reached for the phantom gun. Finally he realized what he was doing and embarrassed, rested his hands in his pockets. “I haven’t carried a gun in years” he muttered before seating himself again behind the desk. “Boy, what are you doing scaring me like that?”

“Sorry” Heath mumbled. “I was just trying to get the picture before it fell.” They both stared at the picture, now on the floor with the glass frame shattered. Ben glanced up at the boy and smiled. “Don’t worry, I can get a new frame. Heath, what are you doing here? Did your mother run out of pain medication already?”

“No!” Heath firmly shook his head. “I needed to ask you a question.” Heath fixated his eyes on the doctor’s bag that sat on the desk. Too much time passed and Ben became impatient.

“Son, I don’t have all day. What do you want to ask me?” Ben immediately regretted his tone and smiled sheepishly. “Heath, is this about your mother?” Silently the child nodded yes.

“Is she in more pain?”

Heath shrugged. “I think it’s the same.” He shuffled his feet, unable to voice the words that had been bothering him for days.

“Heath, I can keep guessing but I doubt I’ll figure it out. It would be much simpler if you just told me.” Ben studied the boy, overall pleased with his outward appearance. He had gained a few pounds and it was most noticeable in his face. He no longer looked gaunt and despite the situation with his mother, Heath’s eyes seemed brighter and the dark circles were nearly gone. Though he was clearly bothered by something, and the silence gnawed at Ben’s nerves.
“Heath?” Ben stood and approached the boy, placing a gentle hand on the child’s shoulder. Heath sighed, momentarily comforted by the doctor’s touch.

“Did I cause my mother’s sickness?” he blurted out.

“What?” Ben wasn’t sure he had heard right. “Did someone tell you it was your fault?” Heath wanted to say yes but his uncle was the last person Heath wanted to talk about. He shrugged, though not convincingly.

“I caused a lot of problems for her…is that why she’s sick?”

“No!” Ben answered firmly, a strong hand on each shoulder. He looked Heath in the eyes. “Your mother has cancer and you could have been the most perfect boy in the world and she would still have cancer. Now get that thought out of your mind, understand?”

Heath nodded, sighing with relief.

“Heath, I want to tell you a story and I want you to listen real careful, ok?”

“OK.” Heath quietly answered, his curiosity peaked. He watched the old man saunter behind the desk and slowly sit down. Ben briefly glanced over the letter before placing his elbows on the desk and staring up at Heath. “Heath, sit down.” He wanted to stand but it became apparent that the doctor wouldn’t start talking until he was seated. Heath grabbed a chair and carried it towards the desk, placing it opposite the doctor. Ben clasped his hands together and took a deep breath before beginning.

“When my wife became sick, it overwhelmed her in a matter of weeks. When it was obvious she wasn’t going to live, all she wanted was to see her daughter, her only living child. I had already wired Abby and she knew her mother was sick…I wired her again to tell her she was dying and wanted badly to see her.” Ben paused, licking his dry lips. He had never talked about this to anyone, not even Tom.

“Abby said she couldn’t travel that far while pregnant and I became enraged, and disowned my only daughter. But worse, I couldn’t comfort my wife. All she wanted was to see her daughter one last time, tell her she loved her and it tormented her up until the day she died.” Ben smiled weakly. “The last word she ever said was her daughter’s name.” Ben knew he was making the child uncomfortable but there was a point to his story and he firmly believed Heath would benefit from it.

“My brain told me that my daughter wasn’t at fault and she truly couldn’t travel in her condition but my heart watched my wife deteriorate in front of me and the only thing she begged for, I couldn’t give her. I put all the blame on Abby’s shoulders” he added glumly and then picked up the letter.

“Abby wrote this and she poured her heart out…asking me to forgive her for something that wasn’t her fault. She’ll always live with the guilt of not being able to say goodbye and though we’ve reconciled, she’ll never be able to forget the way I hurt her with my accusations.” Ben suddenly smiled, his eyes glancing at the picture. “She wants me to move there and get to know my grandchildren.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Heath asked as he shifted uncomfortably in the hard chair.

“Heath, you asked me if you’re to blame for your mother’s illness. I only know part of your background but you obvious feel that you’ve done things in the past that have caused…problems.” Ben stuttered over the right words. “I don’t want you to torment yourself like my Abby has all these years.” Ben stood and walked around the desk, leaning against the edge.

“Heath, I don’t know how long your mother has but don’t waste it. Anything you feel you should say, you tell her. Even if you feel it’s trivial, let it out. At some point it will be too late and that could haunt you the rest of your life.” The boy looked puzzled. “Heath, do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“I guess so,” Heath answered, not too convincingly. “I’m sorry about your wife,” he quietly added.

“You’re a good boy,” Ben said as he clapped Heath on the back. “And a true Barkley, through and through.” Ben smiled. “When I examined your mother all she did was talk about you. Heath, she’s very proud of the way you’ve changed since moving here.” A small smile played on Heath’s face. Suddenly they heard the school bell and the sound of children laughing as they exited the little schoolhouse. Ben noticed the boy’s interest as he stared out the window.

“Go ahead. You’ve heard enough ramblings of an old man to last a lifetime.”

“Thank you” Heath quickly spit out as he exited the doctor’s office. He waited in the shadows as he watched Eugene and Audra leave with their mother. Then he saw Anna and jumped on his horse, riding in the direction she was walking. She turned and saw him.

“Hi Heath.” Anna smiled as he jumped off of his horse and approached her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” she said to the two girls who continued on their way home.

“Heath, what are you doing here? How’s your mother?” Anna looked horrified. “Sorry. I’m not sure if I was supposed to know but I heard Nick telling Rose. I’m sorry she’s sick.”

“Anna, it’s fine. I don’t mind you knowing. Can I carry those?” Without waiting for an answer he grabbed the books from the girl’s hands.

“Is it kind of strange?” Anna asked.

“Very” Heath admitted. “I think it’s going to be weirder when my father returns home.”

“When’s that?”

“Tomorrow night…I think.” Heath didn’t know where he was and very little had been said about his father since he had suddenly left. “Anna, do you want to go riding with me? Maybe come over and meet my mother.”

“Sure” Anna said and then frowned. “But I can’t do it today. Mother has to go into town and I promised I’d watched Joey for her.”

“Who’s that?” Heath asked.

“My little brother. Wanna come with me? I’m sure there’s fresh cookies and lemonade waiting on the kitchen table.” Heath nodded and allowed Anna to lead him towards her house.

“Anna!” Heath was surprised to see such a young boy totter over to them, grinning when the girl picked him up.

“Joey, this is Heath. Say hi to him.” The little boy shyly hid his face against his sister’s shoulder.

“Anna! What took you so long?”

“Sorry mother.”

“Hi Heath.”

“Hi Ma’am.” Heath nodded slightly, waiting for the lady to make him leave the premises.

“Anna, I’ll be home soon. You and Heath can eat the cookies on the table but don’t let Joey have more than two. And don’t let him out of your sight.” She rushed past them, obviously late for something important.

“Heath, come on.” Anna waited until Heath tied his horse up and together they entered the small house.

“Cookie” Joey called out, eliciting a chuckle from Heath. “He sounds just like Eugene” Heath explained as they sat down at the table. “How old is he?”

“Just turned two,” Anna answered as she poured two glasses of lemonade. “Joey no.” She stopped him from grabbing the glass and lifted it to his lips so he could take a drink. “I don’t know how many babies my parents lost between me and Joey.” She smiled. “Papa wanted a son but mother wasn’t going through it again. Joey was a surprise to all of us.” The boy knew he was being talked about and turned his head, staring at Heath.

“Joey, tell Heath how old you are.”

“No!” The child shook his head, though he held up two fingers. Both Anna and Heath laughed at the child’s antics.

“Sometimes I wish I was that age again,” Heath suddenly said, surprising Anna with his candor.

“Why?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” Heath sighed. “I’d like to do it all over again but this time my mother tells my father about me and I grow up with my brothers and sister.”

“And your mother? Where would she live?”

“On the property somewhere so I could visit her all the time” Heath answered.

“I don’t think Mrs. Barkley would like that,” Anna surmised.

“I know.” Heath smiled weakly. “It’d be weirder than it is right now.” Heath grew silent as he watched Joey fall asleep in his sister’s arms. “Let me put him in his bed.” She walked away, returning a few minutes later.

“What do you want to do?” Heath asked.

“You can help me with my homework.” Anna reached down to where her books laid on the floor. “You need to keep up so you can come back to school.”

“I’d rather do something else” Heath remarked, gently placing his hand on top of Anna’s hand. She smiled, shaking her head no.

“Father will be home soon and if he catches us doing anything but my homework, I’ll be an old woman before you can see me again.” Heath sighed and then reached for another cookie. He tried to concentrate on the schoolwork but his mind drifted, as his eyes couldn’t stay off of her face. She glanced up and caught him staring at her. He smiled sheepishly.

“I should be going” Heath said as he stood. “Nick said he’d come find me if I wasn’t home in a couple of hours. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Maybe” Anna quietly said, her eyes searching Heath’s face. He bent over and kissed her, their lips eagerly meeting. Seemed like an eternity to Heath before he pulled away, a smile plastered on his face.

“See ya,” he said before rushing out of the house, afraid of what might happen if he stayed any longer.

* * * * * * * *

Tom became suspicious halfway through the trip home. He knew something was wrong but no matter how he phrased his questions Jarrod assured him that all his siblings and mother were just fine. Jarrod was never the most talkative of his brood but father and son had always been able to engage in conversation no matter the situation. But this time was different; Jarrod kept his eyes straight ahead and never spoke unless answering one of his father’s many questions. Tom finally gave up when they reached Barkley property and the rest of the ride was in silence. They entered the house and Jarrod took the small bag from his father’s hand.

“I’ll take this upstairs. Mother is waiting for you in the family room.” Tom’s eyes briefly followed his oldest son as he climbed the stairs. Then he noticed the closed study door…but before he could investigate he heard his wife quietly call out his name.

“Victoria.” She stood and greeted her husband with a light kiss before motioning towards the chair.

“Tom, please sit. We need to talk.” He wanted to suggest that a bath and change of clothing should be his first priority but something in his wife’s voice kept that sentiment inside. Added to Jarrod’s strange behavior on the way home and Tom knew his suspicions were correct…something had happened while he was away, something of magnitude based on his wife’s rigid posture.

“Are the children alright?”

“Yes dear” Victoria answered and Tom’s anxiety lowered a tad.

“Then what’s wrong? Jarrod was acting strange the whole ride home.” Victoria eyed the study where Leah was sleeping.

“Heath’s mother is here…”

“What?” Tom stood. “Why?” So many things were going through his mind but he would never have guessed the truth; thankfully his wife didn’t make him wait long.

“Nick and Heath discovered she was sick…dying and Heath wouldn’t leave her. Nick raced back here anguished over his decision to leave Heath in Strawberry and we both went back and retrieved him.” Victoria paused and watched a wave of emotions wash over her husband’s face. Part of her was still so angry with him for leaving that the sympathy she would have normally felt stayed deep inside, far from her conscious self. Victoria allowed him a few minutes of silence to digest the information he had just learned.

“She’s here because that’s the only way Heath would come home.” Slowly Tom sat, his eyes again staring at the closed study door.

“We set up a bed in there because she’s too weak to climb the stairs unaided.” Victoria glanced at the wall clock.

“Heath and Nick haven’t come home yet and the little ones are asleep. I’m going up to bed. Goodnight Tom.” Tom reached his hand out before quickly retracting it. A stranger or a casual acquaintance would accept Victoria’s stoic appearance but Tom could read his wife like a book and saw the anger, manifested in her eyes and the stiff way she moved. At that moment Tom was so shocked by the news that he couldn’t properly confront his wife and get to the bottom of her anger. He felt the morning would be a more appropriate time and allowed her to walk away.

“Goodnight dear” he whispered, long after she had left the room. Tom approached the study but didn’t try to open the door. He needed time before he saw Leah, time to comprehend just what she meant to him and how he would help Heath deal with the loss of his mother. Tom sullenly sat on the steps; his own needs no longer a part of his thoughts. He had no idea how long he sat there before the door opened and his sons awkwardly entered the house.

“Nick, keep it down.” It was apparent by Nick’s singing and the way he leaned on Heath, that he was quite drunk.

“You’re home” Heath exclaimed, and then glanced up at his older brother. “Nick, pipe down.” Nick mumbled something inaudible and seemed to lean farther into his brother. Tom almost laughed at the look on Heath’s face as he tried valiantly to keep them both standing.

“Is he drunk?” Tom demanded to know.

“Yes sir” Heath answered, trying to stand a bit taller. “But I didn’t have anything to drink cause one of us had to get us home. Nick, stop that awful noise before you wake my mother. Let’s go upstairs.” Tom got out of the way as he watched Heath struggle with the first step, fearing both sons would soon tumble.

“Heath, let me help you.”

“No sir” Heath forcibly said. “I got him this far, I’ll get him to bed.” Against his better judgment Tom resisted his urge to help and watched as the boys slowly climbed the stairs. He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath until they reached the top and he sighed with relief. Feeling like he’d been kicked hard in the stomach Tom poured himself a drink and sat on the stairs, contemplating the dying woman on the other side of the door.

“Welcome home Tom, I missed you so much.
Father it’s so good to see you. How was your trip?
Daddy, what’d you bring me?”

Tom said those words that he had hoped to hear upon his return. He sat there nursing his drink, stunned by the course of events that had transpired in the two weeks he’d been gone. He thought about his meetings with Sam Drake and wondered if it was all worth it. Tom heard footsteps and saw Eugene rushing towards him.

“Daddy!” The little boy jumped into his father’s arms, hugging him tightly. “We have to be quiet” he said pointing towards the study.

“Daddy, read me a story. Please!” Tom held his youngest son, hiding the tears in his eyes from the child.

“I can’t breathe,” Eugene squeaked out as Tom’s hold loosened.

“Let’s go in the living room,” Tom said, knowing there should be a book lying around somewhere. Thirty minutes later Eugene was asleep in his father’s arms. Tom continued to rub the boy’s back; needing the comfort the touch gave him. He felt alone at the moment, dreading his encounter with Leah in the morning. Seeing someone he once had feelings for dying would be hard enough but doing it in front of his wife scared the dickens out of him. And then to face Heath…Tom sighed deeply.

“Welcome home Tom” he whispered, and then looked upward for some guidance.

Part 28

Tom was the first to the breakfast table, though that wasn’t hard considering he had never gone to bed in the first place. He was on his second cup of coffee, courtesy of Silas who was up and cooking food in the kitchen. Tom wasn’t sure how long he sat there before the children filed in one by one. First Jarrod who nodded curtly at his father, then Audra who squealed in delight at seeing her father for the first time in two weeks, and then Eugene; tired and whining that he didn’t want to go to school. Victoria was with her youngest child and barely acknowledged her husband as she sat on the opposite end of the table. Tom started to ask about Heath and Nick when he heard his blonde son’s voice and gathered that the child was taking a tray of food to his mother. Tom had trouble imaging that Leah was so sick she couldn’t eat at the table. Or she may have preferred to eat without the tension that surely would have occurred if she joined the family for a meal. As Silas started serving the food Nick strolled in and plopped heavily into his chair. He didn’t say a word as he grabbed for a cup of coffee and took a long sip, yelping when the hot beverage burned his throat.

“Damn coffee” he muttered as he slammed the cup down on the table.

“No cursing at the table,” Eugene exclaimed with a little laugh. He wondered why no one was laughing with him, his big brown eyes darting around the table. “Daddy, didn’t you hear him?” Eugene asked. Tom ignored his youngest son, his eyes never leaving Nick’s face. Tom noticed the red eyes that were trying so hard to avoid his father’s gaze and the day’s worth of beard that Nick hadn’t bothered to shave. He was angry about Nick’s behavior the previous evening and could no longer keep that anger to himself; no son of his would make a fool of himself in public.

“Nick!” Tom loudly said his son’s name. Immediately Tom knew all eyes were on him and briefly he felt this was the wrong time and place to admonish his son. “Nick, what happened last night? I do not want you walking around drunk in town and you know it. And why would you take Heath with you?” Nick just stared at him, his face registering no emotions.

“Nick, answer me!” Tom glanced around the table; both Eugene and Audra kept their eyes glued to their food, though neither was eating. Jarrod and Victoria were both staring at him, rigid and unmoving, sensing the tension that suddenly gripped the dining room.

“No!” Nick stood and leaned over with his hands on the table, his eyes blazing with fire. He could no longer contain the anger that he’d been carrying around, the anger that now threatened to overwhelm him.

“Where have you been the last two weeks?” Nick demanded to know.

“Nick.” He heard his mother’s calm warning but it didn’t register through his anger.

“Where were you when I took your son to see his mother? Or when I had to leave him there cause he wouldn’t leave his dying mother?” Nick stood tall, pausing to take a deep breath. His father was angry too but he no longer cared. “Where were you when mother cried herself to sleep cause that woman you slept with is now sleeping in her house?”

“Nick, that’s enough” Victoria cried out, ashamed that her son had heard her. Tom stood motionless. At that point, even if Nick had wanted to stop, he couldn’t have. Father and son stared at each other, neither backing down.

“I am his brother” Nick bellowed. “I am not his nursemaid and I am NOT his father. “He’s your mistake…”

“Heath” Jarrod called out as all eyes turned to the doorway. How long the boy had been standing there was unknown but it was apparent by the look on his face that he had heard enough of Nick’s rant. He tore out of the room before anyone could stop him. Nick’s face quickly registered the shame he felt but then he turned and saw the anger on Tom’s face, directed towards him.

“Nicholas Barkley” Tom said as he grabbed his son’s arm, and then the collar of his shirt. Jarrod jumped up, ready to intervene if father and son came to blows. Tom was breathing hard as his free hand came up, ready to strike his son. Nick braced himself for the expected blow but it never came as Tom’s hand stopped in midair, the anger suddenly abated, as Nick’s words seemed to leave the older man reeling.

“Get out of here” he whispered, and then sat down, hiding his face in his hands. He heard the cries of his youngest children as Victoria ushered them out of the room. He heard heavy footsteps as Nick stormed out also. Tom didn’t know how long Jarrod stood there but soon the room was empty and Tom sat alone…as the consequences of his past deed sat heavily on his shoulders. Nick was right; as much as they all cared about Heath and loved the child he had been borne because of his father’s mistake and probably for the first time, Tom realized just how much he expected from his family. Especially Nick and Victoria. Tom sighed deeply, his wife and son weighing on his mind. Nick was neither a boy nor a man and he tried so hard to oblige his father’s wishes. Tom knew how he felt about Heath but meeting the boy’s mother had made everything too real; his father’s transgression could no longer be hidden away…as if it never happened. It seemed like an eternity since Tom had ordered his sons to accept Heath as their brother and to ignore how the boy came to be. How could I be so naïve Tom inwardly chastised himself? Had he ever apologized to his children? Tom tried to remember once telling them he was sorry for turning their lives upside down…but he couldn’t. They were Barkleys and he expected them to act a certain way, as their father demanded. He had apologized so many times to Victoria but had he truly listened to the pain in her voice as she tried to accept what her husband had done. Tom had brought a troubled child home and expected his family to accept him…and they had. There was no denying the love they felt for Heath but there was also no denying the anger that simmered in each of them and now threatened to overwhelm them all.

“Leah.” Tom allowed himself to say her name. The presence of the petite woman brought everything to the forefront. They could no longer ignore that Tom had cheated on his wife, that Heath was the product of an affair. Tom stood and slowly walked out of the dining room. He needed to see Leah, talk to her. He stopped at the door and heard his children’s voices before they appeared at the top of the steps. Victoria was with them as they descended towards him. He couldn’t look his wife in the eyes and thankfully she didn’t stop, didn’t question why he was standing before the study door. Neither child said a word as their mother pushed them out the door, heading for school. After they left Tom listened for more voices, wondering if Nick and Jarrod were still home. The silent house answered his question and he again turned his attention towards the door. He knocked and waited for an answer. Momentarily he hoped there’d be none, suddenly afraid to see the woman beyond the closed door. But he heard a quiet voice and had no choice but to open the door. Leah was seated at the desk with her eyes intently watching him. She stayed motionless as Tom entered the study. He was amazed at how different the room looked with the pool table gone, replaced with a bed and nightstand. After a few minutes, his eyes stopped roaming the room and finally took in Leah. Though obviously thinner in the face, he was relieved to see she hadn’t changed that much in the past few months.

“Leah.” He quietly said. Tom had rarely been at a lost for words, but this was one of those times when he didn’t know what to say.

“Tom, I’m sorry” Leah said, breaking the silence. Tom stared at her, confused by the apology. “I heard the fight,” she quickly explained. “I’m sorry I’m causing so much trouble. Please Tom, take me back to Strawberry.” She stood and Tom gasped, unable to hide his shock. Her body showed what her face hadn’t and Leah reached for her robe, hastily putting it on. It took a moment for Tom to gain his composure and find his voice.

“Did you know when I came for Heath?”

Leah shook her head. “I hadn’t been feeling well but it wasn’t until Heath was gone that Hannah took me to San Francisco to see a proper doctor.” As she spoke Leah slowly sat, the pain apparent from the look on her face. “Sorry” she mumbled and then waited for the pain to cease. “I don’t seem to be able to stand much anymore.” Tom stared at her.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally admitted, nervously running both hands through his hair. She smiled sadly. “It’s ok Tom. Nothing needs to be said.”

Tom took a deep breath, amazed at this woman’s strength. “Victoria was right in bringing you here. Leah I can’t take you back…you shouldn’t be alone and it would kill Heath to be separated from you right now.” Leah hid the immense relief she felt upon hearing this.

“Tom, the change in Heath is amazing. You’ve done a wonderful job with him.”

“It’s not me,” Tom protested. “You have Nick to thank for Heath’s recovery. No matter what you’ve heard this morning Nick has grown so close to his little brother and Heath idolizes him.”

“I know” Leah remarked. “I saw it when they came to visit me. And I heard it in Heath’s voice when he talked about Nick.” Leah paused. “I think it killed Nick when I encouraged him to leave Heath and go home. I didn’t handle that right at all.”

Neither did I Tom silently thought, promising himself he would figure out a way to fix everything.

“Leah, you should eat.” Tom noticed the uneaten food resting on the desk. Leah glanced at the tray but made no movement towards the food.

“Tom, I think I should rest now.”

“Ok.” Tom said; trying to figure out if he’d said anything he had planned to. Sighing he turned and walked out, hoping there’d be time later to say what had to be said.

* * * * * * * *

Heath waited until the children filed out of the schoolhouse. Anna was one of the last ones and he approached her as she sat down to eat her lunch.

“Anna.” She looked up, surprised to see Heath standing there. “What’s wrong?” she immediately asked. Anna knew how much Heath disliked the teacher and it must be serious for him to come on school property during the day.

“Can we talk?” Heath quietly asked.

“What are you doing here?” Heath turned, rolling his eyes at the nearing boy.

“Tad, leave him alone.” Anna removed the food from her lap and stood.

“Anna, stay out of this” Heath quietly said as he faced the other boy.

“Leave now or you’ll be sorry.” Tad spit out as other children surrounded them. Heath glanced around, eyeing his siblings who stood nearby. He was thankful that Audra held Eugene back, knowing his little brother would step in and try to protect him.

“You want me to leave, you make me.” Heath said, gazing up at the much larger boy. That was the invitation Tad needed as he charged at Heath, knocking the blonde boy to the ground. At first Heath just protected himself, easily deflecting most of Tad’s punches. He heard the shouts of the other children as he finally got the upper hand and pinned Tad to the ground.

“Give up?” Heath shouted above the grunts of the other boy.

“What is going on here?” Heath suddenly found himself being lifted off of Tad and he struggled to gain his balance.
“Who started this?” Mr. Hale demanded, his eyes on Heath. “What are you doing here?”

“Tad started it” Anna insisted. “Heath just came to talk to me and Tad won’t leave him alone.” Mr. Hale stared at the larger boy, still on the ground moaning.

“Everyone inside. Now” the teacher ordered. “Tad, get up and go inside.” The children filed in one by one, until only Heath and Anna were left.

“Anna, what are you waiting for?” Anna glanced at Heath, frowning. “Mr. Hale, please! Can I talk to Heath for a few minutes? It’s still lunchtime,” she added hopefully. Against his better judgment the teacher agreed.

“I want you inside in fifteen minutes or I’ll send one of the children for your father.” They watched the teacher go inside.

“My father’s out of town” Anna remarked, giggling softly. “Let’s go.” She took Heath’s hand and led him away from the little schoolhouse. When she felt they were far enough away she stopped and faced Heath.

“Heath, what’s wrong?” He hadn’t said a word in nearly five minutes and she started to worry. “Is your mother worse?”

“No.” Heath sighed as they both sat on the hard ground. Quietly he explained the conversation he had heard that morning.

“Are you angry with Nick?” Anna asked when Heath was finished telling his story.

“I don’t think so,” Heath answered, though hesitant. “I don’t think he meant it…”

“He didn’t” Anna insisted, so confident that Heath’s eyes widened. “Rose is always complaining that Nick says something and then apologizes two minutes later.” That didn’t seem to help Heath much.

“Anna, I think I’m going to take my mother and go somewhere. Not back to Strawberry but away from here. I don’t want to see them all angry and hurt and I don’t want Mrs. Barkley to cry cause my mother is there.”

“I’d miss you if you left.” Anna gently took Heath’s hand. “Heath, you can’t take care of her by yourself. Promise me you won’t take off.”

“Anna…”

“Promise me” Anna demanded, her voice rising slightly.

“I promise” Heath said a few minutes later, hoping it was a promise he could keep.

“I know you’ll keep your word” Anna said, squeezing Heath’s hand. “Talk to Nick and talk to your father. Heath, none of this is your fault and running off isn’t going to fix anything. Try to remember that.”

“I guess” Heath mumbled, and Anna wondered if he had heard anything she said.

“You should get back,” Heath said, knowing she’d been gone much longer than the teacher had allowed. He stood and pulled Anna to her feet.

“Heath, I’ll go back but I expect you to be waiting for me after school.” He shrugged, eliciting a sigh from Anna.

“Forget school,” she suddenly said. “I’m not leaving your sight until I’m sure you ain’t going anywhere.”

“Anna, don’t! Don’t get in trouble cause of me. I’m already causing enough problems. Please go back to school.” Anna didn’t seem convinced at all. “I’ll be right here waiting. Maybe we can go riding today.”

“It’s a date,” Anna said, placing a quick kiss on Heath’s cheek. “I’ll be here five minutes after the bell rings. Don’t be late.”

“I won’t.” Heath promised. Anna still seemed hesitant to leave but finally she turned and walked off, never looking back. Heath watched her go before mounting his horse and riding off. He’d be back cause at that moment there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

Part 29

It was late in the evening when Heath decided it was time to go home. He didn’t want to, really didn’t want to be near any of them but he knew his mother would worry and that was the last thing she needed right now. In the stable he immediately noticed that Nick’s horse was not there; Heath found it strange that his brother was not home yet. Though after this morning maybe Nick had the same idea and decided to spend the day away from the family.

“I’ll clean you up in a bit” he whispered to the horse and then walked a few feet to where Lady stood. Heath smiled at his horse as he petted her nose. The horse’s leg was still healing and Heath wasn’t sure when…or for that matter if…he’d ever be able to ride her again.

“I’ll bring you a treat” Heath said and then hurried out of the stable and to the house. He was confronted the minute he walked in.

“Where have you been?” Tom asked as soon as he saw Heath.

“With Anna” Heath quietly answered, glancing at Jarrod. “Why? What’s wrong? Where’s Nick?” Upon hearing that, Tom’s face fell.

“We were hoping he was with you” Tom muttered and then turned towards his wife. “I’m sure he’s fine, just cooling off somewhere.” Tom was admittedly worried about his son. It was so unlike Nick to shirk his responsibilities but he had not shown up anywhere on the ranch that day. Tom had looked, as had Jarrod and the few men they could free up…but they could find no sign of Nick anywhere.

Heath quietly entered the study to see that his mother was already sleeping. He walked out, closing the door behind him. He had a feeling he knew where Nick was but he didn’t want to say anything. Heath waited until they weren’t looking, grabbed a couple of pieces of fruit and sneaked out without being noticed. He grabbed his horse and rode away, hoping he could find the little shack that Nick had taken him to months ago. Heath had always had a good sense of direction but the ranch was so vast and there were areas he still wasn’t familiar with. In the dark everything looked the same and suddenly he felt lost and ready to give up. Heath stopped and briefly stared at the stars. He thought he was going in the right direction and he allowed the cool air to clear his head before starting up again. Ten minutes later he saw it, and more importantly he saw a horse tied up outside. As he got closer Heath saw that it was Nick’s horse and sighed with relief. Yet his stomach started to churn, afraid that Nick wouldn’t want him there.

“Nick, it’s Heath and I’m coming in.” Heath entered and noticed how lit it was inside, wondering where Nick had found the lantern. His brother was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, and he refused to look up. Heath passed the punching bag, shocked that it was torn and lying on the ground. He could only imagine how much anger had made it look like that.

“Nick, they’re all worried about you.” Heath sat next to his brother and took the fruit out of his pocket. “I thought you might be hungry.” He held out the apples and waited until Nick finally took one, noisily biting into it.

“Heath, I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Don’t matter. You were only speaking the truth.”

“No!” Nick reached over and roughly cupped the back of Heath’s neck. “Damn it Heath, you’re the only good thing that’s come out of this whole mess.”

“But I’m still the center of it all” Heath lamented.

“Yeah, you are.” Nick agreed. “Heath, you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s all them…or I should say it’s father who’s done everything.” Heath didn’t say anything, as he listened to Nick finish eating the apple.

“Nick, ever wish you weren’t born?”

“No” Nick answered truthfully. “You?” He glanced over to see Heath nod his head yes.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Naw.” Heath answered. “It seems so silly now. I never cared about money except my mama wouldn’t have had to work so hard if we had any. I was just never happy and I didn’t know why. Something was always missing…out of sorts. Nick you reckon I knew I had a family somewhere?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Nick shrugged and then reached for the other apple. “You happy now?”

“No” Heath admitted. “Nick, you know what I was thinking?” Heath glanced over to see Nick shrug his shoulders again. “My mama’s got to die before things get right again. Isn’t that an awful thing for me to think? Nick, I swear I don’t want her to die but I don’t want you to be angry or your mother crying…I want the weirdness to go away and it ain’t gonna while she’s here.” Heath only paused long enough to take a breath. “Nick, I promised Anna I wouldn’t but I think I should take my mother somewhere. Do you think that’d help? Nick?” Without warning Nick wrapped his arm around Heath and covered the boy’s mouth with his hand.

“I’ll release you when you stop talking nonsense, understand?” Heath mumbled something inaudible.

“You listen real careful! I’m not angry with you and I’m not angry with your mother. You leaving is not going to fix anything. In fact, it just might make me angrier cause I’d lose a good worker.” Nick smiled slightly. “I think I’d miss you hanging around me also. So you get that thought out of your mind cause it ain’t an option. Got it?” Nick stared down at Heath who seemed to be thinking that over. Slowly he took his hand away.

“But Nick…” That was as far as Heath got before his brother quickly covered his mouth again.

“You’re not listening, are you?” Nick’s voice rose with mock anger. “Now, I don’t want to hear another word about you taking off with your mother. Come on Heath…think clearly for a moment. Would you go back to Strawberry where your uncle is?”

“Only with a shotgun in my hand” Heath answered, once his mouth was free.

“Your mother needs medicine so you’ll have to get money. Did you figure that out yet?”

“Dang it Nick, I haven’t figured anything out yet. Just know something has to change cause this whole family is going to fall apart and it will be my fault.”

“Is this a private pity party or can anyone join?” Both boys turned towards the door and saw Jarrod standing there. “I thought Heath might know where you were so I followed him.” Jarrod explained as he neared them. “I waited outside cause I figured you two might need to talk.”

“And of course you listened the whole time” Nick sarcastically muttered.

“Of course” Jarrod said with a slight smile on his face. He stared at the punching bag.

“Nick, let me see your hands.” At first Nick protested but then brought them out for Jarrod to study. The left hand looked fine but the right was swollen and already bruising.

“Move your fingers!”

“Jarrod, I’m fine.” Nick tried to pull his hand away but Jarrod kept a strong hold on it.

“Move them!” Jarrod demanded. Nick muttered something under his breath but finally complied; grunting softly from the pain each finger caused.

“I don’t think anything’s broken; put ice on it when we get home.”

“Who says I’m going home?” Nick asked, glaring at Jarrod.

“I do.” Jarrod sat down in front of both brothers. “You’re as bad as he is.” Jarrod pointed at Heath. “Now Nick is right,” Jarrod said, addressing Heath. “You are not going anywhere and neither is your mother. We are Barkleys and we’re going to stick through this together.”

“Now you sound like father” Nick angrily spit out.

“Nick, I know you’re mad at him…”

“And you’re not?” Nick asked incredulously. “Jarrod, if you had heard mother crying...”

“I wish you had told me,” Jarrod countered. “Maybe I could have talked to her.”

“I didn’t want to talk about it” Nick retorted. “It was bad enough just hearing it. I’ve never heard mother cry before” he quietly added, shivering slightly. “Jarrod, I can’t get it out of my mind.”

“I know.” Jarrod reached over and laid a comforting hand on his brother’s leg. “Nick, I’m sure mother never intended for anyone to hear her pain. That’s why she waited until it was night and everyone should have been sleeping.”

“My stomach was hungry” Nick protested. “And then I couldn’t sleep the next night. I thought getting drunk would help…”

“That doesn’t help” Heath whispered. He had been so quiet his older brothers had almost forgotten he was sitting there. “I tried staying drunk for days but it never seemed to help.” His mind started to wander back to a time he had worked so hard to forget.

“Hey, don’t start bawling like a baby” Nick said as he placed his arm around his little brother’s shoulders.

“I’m ok” Heath insisted though he didn’t protest the arm that remained draped over him.

“We’re all ok” Jarrod remarked. “And we’ll stay that way as long as we stick together. We’ll protect each other and the children and we’ll let father deal with the rest.”

Nick snorted upon hearing this.

“Nick you didn’t see him…I stayed after you stormed out. I think he finally realized everything he has asked of you and Heath and mother. I’m confident he’ll figure out a way to fix things and I’m going to sit back and let him. Now I want to hear no more of running away or hiding from everyone. Do you two understand?”

“Well Anna wants me to stay” Heath said, with a smile on his face.

“Oh…and what we want doesn’t count.” Nick lightly cuffed the back of Heath’s head.

“I didn’t say that.” Suddenly Heath stood, his arms flailing with excitement. “You know Tad Martin. Big, ugly kid…well he came after me and I pinned him down real good. Nick, I used that move you showed me and he would have given up if Ole Mr. Hale hadn’t shown up and pulled me off of him.” Heath glanced from Nick to Jarrod and wondered why they weren’t as excited as he was.

Jarrod stood. “Heath, I know him and I know his family. Stay away from him, ok?” He neared the blonde boy and tousled his hair.

“I ain’t afraid of him.” Heath stared at the punching bag. “Boy howdy Nick, you sure didn’t give it much of a chance did you?” He turned to see Jarrod pulling Nick to his feet. “Nick, you’ll have to show me a new move for next time. He might be smart enough to remember the one I used today.”

“The only move you need is to gain weight and grow a few inches.” Nick patted Heath’s head, knowing that would annoy the younger boy. Heath had him down on the ground before Nick knew what hit him.

“I have grown.” Heath laughed at the shocked look on Nick’s face. “I just don’t think you’ve noticed. Give up?”

“No way” Nick spit out as the struggle began. Jarrod stood back, partly annoyed because it was late and he wanted to get home, but also enjoying the laughter that both Nick and Heath emitted between grunts. It was really no contest and even with a sore hand Nick could have easily pinned Heath. But he allowed Heath to stay in until he was getting tired and wanted to end it.

“Give up?” Nick growled, pinning Heath’s arms to the floor.

“I guess” Heath said, knowing it was the only way Nick would release him. Heath sprang to his feet, barely breathing hard. “Nick, when are you going to teach me to break horses? You said I had to get stronger and I am.” Nick stared at him. If he had gained any weight Nick sure couldn’t see it.

“Jarrod, you know that fence that blew down? Think it will put some muscle on his arms?”

“Maybe” Jarrod answered nonchalantly. “Think he’ll stay away from his girlfriend long enough to put a full day’s work in?”

“Don’t know” Nick responded. “I suppose she’ll get sick of him eventually and send him back to us.”

“That’s not funny.” Heath rolled his eyes, though secretly he enjoyed the attention of both brothers.

“I’ll show ya. Soon I’ll be breaking horses better than you ever did.” He walked out, ignoring the laughter that suddenly sprang up.

“Ready to go home?” Jarrod asked Nick as he bent down to grab the lantern.

“I guess. Hopefully they’re sleeping and I won’t have to face father tonight.”

“With three missing sons I find that highly unlikely. Let’s go.” Jarrod placed his arm around Nick’s shoulders and guided his brother out.

* * * * * * * *

Tom stood in the doorway and watched for any of his sons to come home. He was extremely pleased to see all three ride up and waited in the house for them to take care of their horses. They walked in together and stopped when they saw their father approach.

“Nick, are you alright?”

“Yes sir” Nick answered curtly. Tom smiled; there was so much that needed to be said but he didn’t have a clue how to begin. Lucky for him it was late and he would have another sleepless night to figure out how to mend fences.

“Good!” Tom lightly grasped Nick’s shoulder. “Your mother is still up. Let her know you’re fine and then get a good night’s rest. All of you!” His eyes took in all three.

“We’ll deal with things…later.” Tom almost laughed at the look of relief that crossed Nick’s face. He moved out of the way and they quickly walked past him…eager to reach the safe haven of their rooms. Tom never thought he’d see the day that any of his sons were eager to get away from him. Yeah he had a made a mistake and he had hurt his family but he would never regret what came from his mistake. Heath! That boy fit in the family as if he should have always been there. And Tom would do anything he had to in order to make things right. He quickly locked up the house and then went upstairs.

Part 30

Leah leaned back in the chair and watched the child play on the floor, happily talking to the wood animals he had lined up in a row. She wanted to think that he reminded her of Heath, but truth be told, she couldn’t recall Heath ever playing contently on the floor. Heath had a few toys as a young boy but Leah was always working and Heath would be sleeping by the time she got home. When he became school age he started working and playtime became a thing of the past.

“Wanna hold this?” Eugene’s voice brought her back to the present. “This is my horse.” He held out the figure and waited until Leah took it. “Daddy won’t let me have a horse until I’m older so I pretend he’s a real one.” Eugene bent over and picked up another animal.

“Heath has a horse” he exclaimed, “but he can’t ride her until she’s better. I named her all by myself and Heath likes the name.” Eugene grabbed the horse out of Leah’s hand and replaced it with an elephant. He started running around the room, making noises that only a child could produce.

“Eugene!” Victoria heard the child and came rushing out of the kitchen. She didn’t know Leah was there and stopped when seeing her. The two women had spoken sporadically since Leah arrived, but Heath or Tom had always been in the room with them.

“Is he bothering you?” Victoria asked, for lack of anything better to say.

“No, he’s fine.” Leah kept her eyes on Eugene, assuming that Victoria would quickly retreat from the room. She was wrong, shocked to see the petite woman near her.

“Is there anything I can get for you? Tom is out riding with Audra and the boys won’t be home for hours.”

“I’m fine. Thank you.” Victoria nodded and turned to leave. She didn’t get very far before Leah called out and asked her to wait.

“Can we talk? Please!” Victoria wanted to say no, having successfully avoided this woman for nearly a week. She knew a talk would happen, had to happen at some point, but Victoria wasn’t ready and started to voice that sentiment.

“I’m sorry” Leah said before Victoria could open her mouth. “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you and I don’t think I would be so gracious if I was in your position.” Leah paused briefly and then glanced over at Eugene. He had found a picture book and was lying on the floor, flipping through it.

“There is something I need to say when the others are not around.” Leah lowered her voice, even though Eugene was totally captivated by his book.

“Do you love Heath?” It was an abrupt question and one Victoria wasn’t expecting, but she didn’t need long to contemplate her answer.

“Yes I do.” Victoria gauged the other woman’s reaction, and noticed that Leah seemed happy with the answer.

“He’s very fond of you…of everyone in this family.” Leah smiled weakly. “Knowing Heath will have a family makes dying a little easier. I want to give you my blessing…it’s your choice but I’m fine with you adopting Heath, becoming his mother.” Victoria’s eyes widened, the only sign of the shock this statement registered.

“I don’t mean…to pressure you or even suggest… you do this.” Leah stumbled over her words. “But if you decide it’s a direction you want to go I’m fine with it. Of course I won’t mention this to Heath” she quickly added, her eyes never leaving Victoria’s face.

“I don’t know what to say” Victoria whispered when the silence became unbearable. “I never thought about this because Heath already has a mother.” She shrugged apologetically. “It will be Heath’s choice, but I’ll love him regardless of what legal papers say.”

“I know” Leah quietly remarked. “Is he alright? He tells me he is but I think he’s protecting me. He said the nightmares are gone but I don’t believe him. Are they?”

“No, not completely.” Victoria sat down in the chair next to Leah. “He rarely wakes up screaming but I do hear him pacing the hallway to calm himself.” Victoria suddenly smiled. “He has been known to go into Nick’s room and sleep on the floor after an extremely bad nightmare. The first time created quite a ruckus when Nick woke up and thought he was stepping on the floor, landing on Heath instead.” She laughed at the memory of Nick yelling, first from shock and then from the fear that he had harmed his little brother. Needless to say, the family had awakened very rudely that morning. Victoria’s smile brought a smile to Leah’s face.

“I’m glad Heath has an older brother now” Leah remarked.

“He has two” Victoria quickly corrected. “He’s closest with Nick but he’s building a relationship with each of his siblings.”

“And his father?” Leah quietly asked. “Are they getting close?”

“It’s a work in progress,” Victoria answered. “It’s hard to get to know your son when you meet him for the first time as a teenager.” That came out harsher than Victoria had intended…or maybe it was just right she silently mused, watching Leah for her reaction. It was there in her eyes, as they briefly narrowed. But just as quickly, the anger passed and Leah studied the older woman.

“Has Tom told you how we met?”

“No” Victoria answered very quietly. Tom had tried, but she had refused to listen. Said she didn’t care and it wouldn’t change what had occurred between her husband and the other woman. Yet, at that moment, her curiosity was peaked and she wanted to know. She remembered her son and turned towards him.

“Eugene, do me a favor and go read your book upstairs, ok?” The child looked questioningly at his mother and then at Leah. But he didn’t protest as he stood up and walked out of the room. Victoria silently waited until she was sure the child was upstairs.

“How did you meet my husband?” she asked chillingly. If her tone bothered Leah, the younger woman didn’t show it.

“I was working that night” she slowly began, “and I took out the garbage and he was lying there, covered in blood.” Victoria gasped slightly as Leah paused.

“I had two men carry him to my home and for a week I took care of him and he wasn’t conscious enough to even tell me his name.” Leah smiled weakly. “I called him Joe for lack of anything better.” The smile slowly faded as Victoria stone masked face stared at her. “He would call out names and later, I would learn they were his wife and children. Finally he woke and he was confused and I gently soothed him until he fell back to sleep.” Leah remotely told her story from the present, refusing to allow herself to go back to that time.

“I fell in love, quickly and hard and one night he gave in to my desires.” Leah looked away, understandably embarrassed as she related her tale. “Everything changed in the morning…he was distant and cold and anxious to get out of bed and on his way. It took another week before he was able to stand and I don’t think he said more than ten words the whole time.” Leah shrugged. “I was suspicious but I didn’t ask and he didn’t tell me. As quick as he showed up, he left…thanking me for helping him and offering to send money, but I refused. There’s not much else to tell. I was heartbroken and alone, but I needed to move on and forget him.” She glanced at Victoria, surprised that their eyes briefly met, before Leah looked away.

“Then I found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t decided what I was going to do when Hannah brought me the newspaper article. In a few minutes I learned more about Tom Barkley than I ever wanted or needed to know. All I had to do was look at the picture…at his wife and his two little sons and I made up my mind that moment that he would not know about his other child.” Silently Leah clasped her hands together and lowered her head. Whether it was the pain or past memories that caused her discomfort was unclear and Victoria waited patiently until she was able to continue.

Finally Leah looked up, her eyes full of emotion. “I’d like to say my reasons for keeping Heath a secret were truly altruistic but I can’t. I was angry and I was hurt and I was determined to raise my child on my own…with no help from anyone.” A few tears spilled down her cheeks and she took a couple of deep breaths, trying valiantly to keep her composure. Victoria reached over and handed the grateful woman a handkerchief.
“I told Tom I was thinking of you and your children when I kept quiet, and maybe deep down that was part of the reason. But Heath is the one who really suffered and I know that…maybe I always knew that and just tried to pretend that he was happy and had everything he needed in that horrid town.” Leah started to cry, hugging herself for comfort.

“I can’t recall the last time I heard Heath laugh” she said, her voice calmer. “I mean really laughing, like Eugene was this morning. Thank you for bringing me here” she sincerely said. “Thank you for giving me a chance to hear my son laugh again.” Slowly Leah stood, the pain obvious in each movement. “I think I’d better rest a bit.” Victoria watched her walk away, surprised at the sorrow she felt for this woman. She had always reckoned herself a kind and forgiving woman but the past few months she found herself changing, especially towards the woman who had slept with her husband. Though the blame was clearly with Tom, she had a dislike for this woman that went deep into her soul and threatened, at times, to overwhelm her. Suddenly, with this short conversation that was mostly one-sided, she found some peace in her soul and forgiveness for Heath’s mother…and a determination that Leah would hear her son laugh before she died.

* * * * * * * *

“Why you!” Nick jumped up when the water hit his head and took two steps toward Heath. “Get back to work” he ordered and then shook his head, splashing Jarrod with the excess water.

“Hey, don’t get me wet” Jarrod protested. “You’re the one who told Heath to fetch you some water.”

“Cause I was thirsty” Nick bellowed, “not cause I wanted to take a bath.” He eyed his younger brother who stood about ten feet away, a smirk plastered on his face.

“Just for that, you’re going to finish the fence by yourself.”

“I believe you’ve already told him that” Jarrod put forth.

“Shut up” Nick spit out, as he plopped down next to his older brother. “He wants to break horses and he needs muscles for that. He said he could do the whole fence himself and I’m just letting him prove it.” A small smile played on Nick’s face. “I suppose telling him to fetch me some water was a little overboard.”

“Just a little” Jarrod sarcastically said. “Do you think it’s right of us to just sit here and watch him?”

“Sounds right to me” Nick said, sprawling out on the ground and placing his hat on his face. “I think I’m tired from all this sitting” he spit out, missing the rolling eyes of his older brother.

“Are you sure you’re not just tired from avoiding father?” That question achieved the desired results and Nick sat up abruptly.

“I’m not avoiding him” he insisted. “I have work to do and I’m doing it.” The irony in that statement was so obvious that Jarrod let it slide.

“Nick, you’ll have to face him eventually.”

“I know.” Nick quietly agreed. Anything else that might have been said was completely forgotten when Heath emitted a painful scream. They reached him just as he was tying a bandana around his right hand.

“I’m fine,” he insisted as Jarrod reached for the injured hand.

“Let me see how fine you are.” Jarrod tore the blood soaked cloth off to reveal a large puncture wound in the middle of his palm. “I think a trip to town is in order.”

“No!” Heath pulled away. “I said I could do it and I need to finish.” Jarrod looked to Nick for help.

“Heath, I know you can do it and you don’t need to prove anything to me. This can wait until tomorrow and if you’re lucky I might help you. Now let’s take a ride into town and let the doc check your hand out.” Nick thought the throbbing pain, and not his words, got through to his little brother.

“Fine” Heath muttered. “Hey Nick, your hair’s all wet.” Heath tried to run but Nick grabbed him before he took one step.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He easily picked up the boy and tossed him over his shoulder.

“Put me down.” Heath cried out, his arms dangling helplessly.

“Sure thing” Nick remarked as they reached the horses. He tossed Heath on to his horse and waited for the boy to right himself.

“Bet I can beat you to town” Heath called out, before riding off.

“No way” Nick bellowed as he jumped on his horse and rode after the blonde boy.

“God help us all” Jarrod muttered, before climbing on his own horse and taking off after his brothers…in a more leisurely pace.

* * * * * * * *

The brothers returned home to find their father outside playing with their younger siblings.

“Is the fence finished?” he asked as they approached him.

“Almost” Jarrod replied. “We had a little accident so we stopped.” He pointed to Heath’s bandaged hand.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine” Heath spit out before Tom could open his mouth.

“Ben said he’d be fine in a couple of days” Jarrod explained.

“He only cried for a few minutes,” Nick muttered, wincing when Heath elbowed him in the side.

“Did not,” Heath countered.

“Did too” Nick insisted.

“Enough” Jarrod barked out. “You’ve been arguing the whole day. Now shut up before I give you both a real reason to cry.”

“Really?” Nick eyed him. “And how would you go about doing that?”

“Yeah, I’d like to know that too” Heath piped in. “I can use it on Nick later on” he added, as Jarrod groaned.

“I’ve had it. They’re yours tomorrow.” Jarrod pointed at his father. “This comedy team is too much for me to handle.” Jarrod started to walk away when his father asked him to stop.

“I was hoping we could all go fishing tomorrow” Tom said, his voice low enough so Eugene and Audra couldn’t hear. All three sons stared at him, their eyes questioning what their voices didn’t.

“I won’t force you to go but I’d appreciate if all three of you would.” His eyes roamed from one son to another but they remained the longest on Nick’s face.

“We’ll go.” Jarrod responded for his brothers. “I’m hungry. Let’s go find something to eat.” Jarrod placed an arm around each of his brothers and guided them away from their father.

“Jarrod, we ate in town,” Heath said, as Jarrod quickly covered his mouth. “I know” Jarrod whispered, “but I wanted to get you two away before Nick said something he shouldn’t have.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nick asked, once they were inside the house.

“I thought you might say no and I didn’t want to give you that chance. I told you father would find a way to make things right and he will.”

“By fishing?” Nick snorted.

“Not by fishing, you moron” Jarrod retorted and then ducked when Nick tried to punch him. “Let’s just go fishing and see what happens.”

“Moron?” Nick snorted again. “A few months away from school and your vocabulary is regressing.”

“Must be the company I’m keeping” Jarrod countered with a playful tap to Nick’s head.

“Must be” Heath agreed and then bolted up the stairs before Nick could grab him.

“He takes it and gives it out just as well as you do” Jarrod remarked. “Little brother, I think you’ve just met your match.” Jarrod placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“We’ll see about that,” Nick mumbled. Suddenly it dawned on him where Heath had hurried off too.

“I told him I get the tub first.” He ran up the stairs, calling out Heath’s name.

“Jarrod, what’s going on? Leah is resting in the study.” Jarrod raised one eyebrow, trying to recall if his mother had ever called Leah by her name before.

“Nick and Heath are probably upstairs fighting over who gets the bathtub first.”

“I’ll put my money on Nick” Victoria said with a smile.

“Don’t count Heath out. He’s little but he doesn’t give up.” Jarrod wrapped an arm around his mother’s waist. “Those two are…too much” Jarrod finished for lack of better words.

“Yes, they are.” Victoria agreed. “I was going through some old boxes. Can you help me put them away?”

“Sure mother.” Together they walked into the family room, wincing when they heard something crash upstairs.

“I don’t want to know” Victoria said with a sigh, as they walked farther away from the commotion. One day she would have to remember to thank Leah for bringing Heath into their family.

Part 31

It was late in the evening but Tom couldn’t sleep. He was nervous about the next day and the conversation with his sons that was long overdue. He hadn’t faired too well with his wife, though neither had tried real hard to patch things up. They were functioning for the sake of the family though Tom was pleasantly surprised to see Victoria and Leah carry out a civil conversation at dinnertime. Tom chuckled softly, remembering the look on his wife’s face when he had entered the dining room late for dinner and saw Leah sitting with the family at the table. Nick and Jarrod were also watching him and he briefly met their gazes before sitting down and pretending everything was just normal. Tom longed for that day when everything was just normal, but he feared that normal was not a part of their lives anymore. Maybe some day, he’d be holding his grandchildren on his knees and fondly remembering the past, but for now it was too difficult to even think about that. The past and future no longer mattered, it was the present and that was the message he’d hoped to past on to his children.

“Daddy!” He glanced up to see Eugene standing there, wondering how long the child had been there. Briefly he longed for his study and the privacy that the closed door brought him.

“Gene, what are you doing up? Did you have a nightmare?” The child shook his head but didn’t explain his presence.

“Gene, come here.” Tom motioned his son over and finally the child neared him. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Am I your son?” the child quietly asked, much to the disbelief of his shocked father. It took Tom a few minutes to respond, his mind trying to figure out how Eugene could even come up with a question like that.

“Of course you are.” Tom reached over and took the child in his arms. “Eugene, why would you even think something like that?” The child silently looked down, his quivering lips the only sign of how upset he truly was. Tom hugged him tight and waited until Eugene was ready to talk. The child sniffled a few times before lifting his head from his father’s shoulder.

“I thought with Heath here you didn’t need me anymore.” Dumbstruck, Tom could only stare at him.

“Need you?” Tom gently cupped the child’s face with his hands. “Of course I need you. Who else gives me those great big bear hugs every night?” The child shrugged, his gaze downward.

“Eugene, you’re my son and you’ll always be my son. No one can replace you in my heart, I promise you that.”

“But ever since Heath got here, you don’t do anything with me. Nick and Jarrod don’t either. I like Heath but I don’t like him taking my place. Why can’t I go fishing tomorrow?”

Tom sighed, wondering how Eugene knew about the trip he had tried to keep from him and Audra.

“I heard you tell Silas that you were taking your sons fishing tomorrow and asked him to put some food together.” Eugene seemed to read his father’s mind. “If I’m your son how come I’m not going with?”

“Eugene, you have school tomorrow. So does Audra.”

“I don’t need to go to school. Dumb teacher can find someone else to stand in the corner.” For the second time that night Tom could only stare at his son, wondering if he even knew this child. He should have scolded him for calling the teacher dumb, but the other part concerned him more.

“Eugene, why are you standing in the corner?”

“Someone has to” Eugene innocently answered, eliciting a small sigh from his father.

“Not my son” Tom harshly said. “Do you deserve to stand in the corner?” Eugene shrugged, his face answering the question his voice didn’t. Tom wondered if the child was acting up because of Heath’s presence. He never worried about his youngest two, how Heath’s entry in to the family would affect them. Silently he mulled his options. Could he talk to the older boys with Eugene there or should he promise the child he would take him another time?

“Eugene, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you tomorrow if you promise me you’ll start behaving in school. Audra will tell me if I ask her.”

“She’d tell you even if you didn’t ask” the child muttered. No she wouldn’t Tom thought, since he obviously didn’t know about this.

“Eugene, what do you say?”

“I promise” Eugene said, holding his hand up. He jumped off of his father’s lap. “I better go to sleep so I can get up in time.” Excited, he started to run away, but stopped and quickly returned to his father.

“You promise you won’t leave without me?”

“I promise.” Before Eugene could take off again his father grabbed his arm. “I need one of those hugs right now, ok?”

“OK!” The child smiled before hugging his father tight.

“Eugene, I love you” Tom said and then kissed the child’s cheek. “Goodnight son.” Eugene ran off, making too much noise as he scampered up the stairs. Tom lowered his head into his hands, crying silent tears.

* * * * * * * *

Thirty minutes into the trip and Tom was mulling over how lousy of a morning it had been. He and Victoria had argued over the inclusion of Eugene on the trip and his wife was against it, especially since Tom had decided to make it an overnight trip much farther than the original fishing hole. Nick was worried about the ranch falling apart if he wasn’t around and Heath didn’t want to leave his mother alone for that long. After numerous conversations and a few arguments Tom and his sons left the ranch. He glanced sideways and watched Eugene; the child had managed so far to keep up the pace that his father had set. The other three rode side by side, a few paces behind their father and younger brother. Tom was pleased with the camaraderie the three eldest had formed but at times he felt like the common enemy they bonded together against. The boys talked amongst themselves but Tom tried not to listen, assuming the conversation was not meant for his ears.

“Eugene, are you tired yet?”

“No!” Eugene didn’t glance sideways, focusing all of his energy on keeping the horse moving at a steady pace.

“Boys, are you fine back there?”

“We are” Jarrod answered for them.

“Just dandy” Nick muttered for all to hear. “That fence isn’t done and we’ll be chasing cattle for days to come.”

“Nick, stop your moaning” Jarrod whispered as the distance between them and their father increased. “We agreed to give father a chance, so what if we’re camping out over night. You used to enjoy going camping with father…”

“I was a child,” Nick bellowed.

“You still are” Jarrod remarked, and both glanced at Heath when he started to giggle.

“Quit that or you’ll be sorry,” Nick warned.

“I’m so scared” Heath spit out. “You’ll have to catch me first.” He took off and Nick chased after him. Jarrod increased his pace to ride next to his father.

“Are they fighting or fooling around?” Tom asked.

“I’m not too sure,” Jarrod admitted. “Just letting off steam…I hope,” he added. “Father, are you alright? I heard you and mother arguing this morning.”

“We’ll be fine” Tom assured his eldest son, though inwardly he wondered if they would ever be fine again. He caught Jarrod watching him and knew his son didn’t believe him. “We’ll be fine,” he repeated, more for his own benefit than his son’s. In silence, they continued on, though Tom wondered the whole trip if it would even make a difference. If a day of fishing and a father’s plea could put his family back together again.

* * * * * * * *

They sat around the fire, three sons and their father. Eugene was by the lake, aimlessly tossing stones into the water. Tom was grateful that his youngest didn’t seem to care about the conversation that was about to begin. Occasionally he would call to his father and Tom would nod as the child pointed how far his stone had gone. The others watched him; silent as they had been most of the day. Six eyes seemed to watch every move he made and Tom had to admit that he was nervous. He cleared his throat and then took a deep breath.

“I promised you an explanation” Tom quietly began, “but as much as I’ve tried to come up with something, I haven’t been able to.” Tom glanced at Nick who snorted in response to his father’s opening statement. The older man almost laughed when he saw Jarrod elbow Nick in the side. Tom realized that Nick was still angry and he couldn’t honestly blame his son.

“I can only tell you the truth” Tom finished, his eyes darting from one son to the other. Jarrod looked calm and ready to listen to what his father had to say. Heath fidgeted nervously but Tom thought he was reacting more to the behavior of Nick than what Tom was saying. Nick stared angrily and Tom wondered if anything he said would ease the anger that his son carried around.

“Over fifteen years ago I rode to a small town called Strawberry. I had interest in the mines there and had heard strike talks and I hoped to settle the unrest before it came to that. The night I arrived I was attacked from behind and left to die in an alley.” Tom paused briefly, again eyeing each son.

“Heath’s mother found me and nursed me back to health and in the process she fell in love with me.”

“Did you love her?” Nick demanded to know. Tom glanced at Heath and smiled slightly at the blonde boy. Every rational thought in his mind said to shut up; that his sons didn’t need to know any of this. Yet the one part that seemed to rule his actions called for the truth and Tom knew that was the only defense he had.

“No” he quietly answered. “She saved my life and I was grateful…in another time and another place I could have loved her but I was married and I loved my wife and she’s the only woman I have ever loved.”

“Then why’d you sleep with her?” Heath quietly asked. “Why’d you give her hope when you knew you were married?” Tom chuckled nervously, and then grabbed a stick to play with the fire. He glanced over at Eugene to make sure the child was alright before making eye contact with Heath.

“I could think about that for a hundred years and I still couldn’t answer your question. I made a mistake and in the process I hurt so many people I care about.”

“So I am a mistake,” Heath quietly lamented.

“No!” Tom quickly stood and approached his blonde son, kneeling in front of him.

“Heath, I don’t care how you came to be. You were meant to be a part of this family and I will always regret not knowing you from the day you were born.” He reached over and lightly touched the boy’s face. “Heath, I can’t change anything but if you are a mistake, you’re the best damn mistake that has ever happened to me.” Tom smiled, sighing in the process. “If I were a religious man I’d believed some divine intervention drew your mother to me. But I’m not, so I have to consider myself just lucky…lucky to have you as my son.” Tom placed both hands on Heath’s face and for a brief moment their eyes met, and Heath’s face seemed to soften under his father’s touch. Tom rose and went back to his original spot. He glanced at Nick and Jarrod but neither boy met his gaze. Heath was still staring at him and Tom smiled reassuringly.

“Heath, I’m sorry I didn’t give you a choice when I brought you here. I think it was the right thing to do and I want to think you’d agree, but everything happened so fast and I never considered how you felt. That day I met you I saw a boy who was slowly dying and I would have done anything to help you…but you were old enough to voice an opinion and I never gave you that chance.”

“It was the right thing” Heath put forth, his voice barely above a whisper. “If you’d given me a choice I would have said no and I’d be dead by now. I wanted to die; took a long time for that feeling to go away but it did…” Heath’s voice cracked and Tom wanted to go to him but he didn’t think his legs could hold him up. He wished he could reach over the fire and hug his son, but Tom settled for watching Nick wrap an arm around Heath’s shoulders; comforting his younger brother.

“Nick, that’s why I asked so much of you.” Nick stared at him, clearly confused by his father’s statement. Beside him Heath sniffled a few times and pulled away from his older brother. Nick briefly glanced at Jarrod before facing his father again.

“Nick, when you were younger I worried constantly that you wouldn’t make it to your next birthday. You were reckless and you pushed every limit I set.” Tom smiled, remembering one of the many times he scolded Nick as a child. “But you’ve grown up so much the past few years and I am so proud of the man you’re becoming.” Tom watched Nick fidget, obviously embarrassed by his father’s praise. Nick pulled up a blade of grass and ran it through his fingers, his eyes darting everywhere but at his father.

“When Jarrod went away to school, you became the big brother to Audra and Eugene and those children adore you.” At the mention of his youngest, Tom checked to make sure the child was alright. Eugene was darting around in circles, thankfully still oblivious to the conversation going on so near him.

“Nick, you allow very few to see how big your heart really is and all I could do was go by my gut feeling…and it told me you would be more than Heath’s big brother.” Tom secretly glanced over at Jarrod, hoping his oldest wasn’t offended by what he was saying. If Jarrod was, he didn’t show it; his face a neutral mask. “Nick, I know you’re angry with me and you feel I’ve placed too much on your shoulders but I don’t agree.” Nick’s eyes widened, and then narrowed, as they filled with anger. Jarrod sensed his brother’s mood change and lightly put his hand on Nick’s arm.

“Where were you when I took Heath to Strawberry?” Nick asked, his calm voice belying the anger he clearly felt.

“I’ll get to that” Tom answered, his voice equally calm. Tom sighed, wondering if Nick knew how much like his father he truly was. They were both quick to anger, words spilling out that they would later come to regret. It was the part of Tom that he wished none of his sons had inherited, but the one that Nick started to display at a very young age. Impatience was another quality that father and son shared, though at that moment it was only the son that showed this trait. Nick’s fingers were tapping the spur on his boot so loudly that all noticed and finally Jarrod clasped his brother’s hand to stop the movement.

“Let go!” Nick growled loudly, freeing his hand.

“Calm down” Jarrod whispered knowing Nick was about to explode.

“Daddy, I’m tired of playing by myself.” Eugene had wandered over and plopped into his father’s lap. “Someone has to play with me.” Tom hugged the child tightly, planting a light kiss on his cheek.

“Eugene, you’re being so good and I’m so proud of you. We’ll be done soon and when the sun sets we’ll tell ghost stories, ok?”

“Yippee!” Eugene stood and ran off, as Tom silently shook his head. He knew his son disliked being scared but he would be the center of attention as his older brothers tried to spook him and attention was something Eugene craved. Tom returned his attention to the other three.

“Nick if I had known Leah was sick, of course I would not have sent you. I didn’t think the visit would be anything more than that. But you did everything I would have expected of you and I’m proud of both you and your mother for the way you handled the situation.”

“Where were you…?” Nick began but stopped when he saw the look his father gave him. Sighing, Nick closed his mouth and decided it was best if he just waited for his answer.

“Nick, I might have manipulated you and Heath a bit.” Tom smiled weakly. “But that’s my right as a father” he added in his defense. “Long after I’m gone you’ll be here; you’ll be running the ranch and I want Heath to feel that this is home and that he’s always welcomed here. I want him to feel he can count on you…always.” Suddenly Tom looked at Jarrod.

“Please Jarrod, don’t think I’m looking past you cause I’m not.” He eyed his oldest son. “You’ve known since you were a little boy what you wanted to be. You couldn’t have been more than seven when you’d find Nick crying after being punished and come downstairs to defend him to me.”

“What’d he do?” Heath asked.

“Doesn’t matter” Nick quickly countered as both Jarrod and Tom chuckled softly.

“What didn’t he?” Tom asked incredulously, smiling at the crimson color that adorned Nick’s face. “From the time Nick could walk, he followed me around and wanted so badly to help on the ranch. But he was too little and for his own safety, I made a list of rules of what he could do and couldn’t.”

“Nick of course wanted to do everything father told him not to” Jarrod piped in. “At times it seemed Ben spent more time at our house than with his own family” Jarrod added. “One day Nick can tell you how many broken bones he’s had.”

“He don’t need to know that” Nick spit out. “Besides I don’t think I can remember them all” he said, a slight smile on his face.

“Remember the stallion?” Jarrod suddenly asked, eliciting a loud groan from Nick.

“Don’t!” Nick pleaded, which only peaked Heath’s curiosity. “What stallion?” he quickly asked.

“I had bought this beautiful stallion” Tom began, much to Nick’s dismay. “He was wild though and I put him in a special corral and told both boys not to go near him.” Tom sighed, thinking back to that time. “One night, the boys were in bed and I was locking up when I heard the horse making strange noises and I ran out of the house. I stopped, stunned to see the horse on his hind legs and Nick, clad only in a nightshirt, standing two feet away and frozen from fear.”

“I was only five years old” Nick defensively said. “I thought I could ride the horse,” Nick lamely added.

“What happened?” Heath impatiently asked. “Did Nick get kicked in the head and that’s why he’s like he is?”

“Ha ha!” Nick snorted and lightly cuffed the back of Heath’s head.

“I told Nick to stay calm, though I don’t think he could have moved if he wanted to and I ran in and scooped him up and ran out. The next day I had the horse moved to a neighbor’s ranch and…let’s just say Nick didn’t sit comfortably for a while after that.”

Nick rolled his eyes as both Jarrod and Heath started to laugh.

“Even Jarrod couldn’t think of a defense that time” Tom remarked, after the laughter died down.

“Jarrod, I know you want to be a lawyer in a big city and that will take you away from us. And I’d prefer you here, but I’m not about to stop you from living your dream. I’m sorry I delayed you for a year but I did it for my benefit more than anyone else’s. I was nervous about bringing Heath here and I needed your rational mind to stop me if I went overboard in any way. The fact that you haven’t stepped in gives me hope that I haven’t messed things up too badly yet.”

“You haven’t” Jarrod put forth, and then glared at his brothers, daring either to disagree with him. Thankfully the younger boys remained quiet.

“I’ve also noticed the way you’ve been protecting your younger siblings lately and I’m thankful I asked you to stay and that you agreed.” Jarrod nodded towards his father, the praise causing him to blush slightly.

Tom decided to finally tell his sons where he had gone. “I went to Brooklyn to see Sam Drake,” he quietly said.

“What?” Heath sat up straight. “I told you there was nothing else to learn.” Tom was a bit surprised at the blonde boy’s defensive tone, but he let that slide without a remark. Nick and Jarrod were equally surprised but curious to know what their father found out.

“Your mother didn’t want me to go and that’s a big reason why she’s still mad at me. I went for my benefit. Heath, I had to know how you spent the rest of your time in prison and you wouldn’t tell me any more. Maybe I was little obsessive,” he retorted with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

“Did you learn anything?” Nick asked, as Heath seemed to shrink a bit beside him.

“Not much” Tom admitted. “Sam told me only Jake died that day.”

“Really?” Heath’s demeanor seemed to pick up slightly. “Manny and the others lived?”

“At least…for that day they did” Tom answered, unaware if any of them were still alive at the end of the war. “Sam Drake is a good man and he took care of you for the rest of your imprisonment.”

“I know.” Heath looked downward. “Did he become a baseball player?”

“Yes he did and he seems happy. A bit lonely and more than excited to show me the park he plays at. I invited him to visit us next fall. Heath, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.” He sighed and then finally looked at his father. “It’s just…that time seems so long ago and I don’t want to go back there.”

“Neither do I” Tom forcibly said. “As far as I’m concerned the past no longer matters. We have some tough times to face in the future but I don’t want to think about that either. I just want to live for now as a family again…can you three forgive everything I’ve done? Can we get past the anger and move on?” Slowly Tom looked at each of his sons, trying to read their minds. “Can we?” he asked again, when no one responded.

“Yes sir” Jarrod exclaimed, eyeing both of his brothers.

“Yes sir” Heath and Nick answered in unison, and then broke out in laughter.

“Good!” Tom stood, shaking out his tired legs. “Let’s get Eugene and start telling some scary stories.” He turned but there was no sign of the child.

“Eugene!” Tom’s heart started to flutter as he yelled loudly for his missing son. The others scurried to their feet, their eyes searching the area for their brother.

Tom eyed the lake and ran towards it. “Eugene!” He yelled, watching the water for any signs of his son. But he was nowhere. The child was gone.

Part 32

Tom only placed one foot in the water before his sons restrained him. “Father, he’s not in there,” Jarrod barked, on his father’s right side.

“He knows better,” Nick added, on the other side. “He must of run off somewhere,” Nick said as the two sons pulled their father away from the water.

“You’re right!” Tom huffed a few times as he tried to calm his nerves, his sons loosening their grips on his arms. He turned in circles, his eyes taking in the few paths that led from the lake. This was a place he and Ben had discovered years ago and they had made it an annual trip with their sons. But it had been a long time since either had been up here, Ben refusing after the death of his sons and Tom just never finding the time for an overnight trip. Tom loved the serenity of the place; the beautiful little lake surrounded by an expanse of giant trees. He had always thought of this place as his, a secret little hideaway untouched by human progress.

“Father!” Jarrod’s serious voice brought Tom back to the present and the realization that Eugene was missing.

“Let’s spread out” Tom ordered. “Heath, you stay with Nick, I don’t want you lost too.” Heath was about to protest but thought better of it. “You two go that way.” Tom pointed east. “Jarrod, take that path and I’ll take this one.” Tom glanced upward, knowing they didn’t have much daylight left. He didn’t want to think about the animals that lived among the trees and ventured out in the safety of the darkness. The two younger boys took off while Tom and Jarrod doused the fire before taking off on their own searches.

“Nick, you think he went this way?” The branches were so plentiful and long that they had to keep ducking in order to protect their faces.

“Eugene’s small” Nick said as he quickened his pace, calling the child’s name every few minutes.

“You think he run away?” Heath loudly asked between heavy breaths, as the distance between him and Nick widened.

“No!” Nick stopped when it was apparent that Heath was having trouble. With concern, he watched the blonde boy double over and gasped for each breath. Silently he promised he was going to get that boy in shape…one way or the other.

“You ok?”

“Yeah!” Heath straightened. “Sorry! I’m ready.” He brushed past Nick and took off on the search again.

“Heath…wait.” Nick easily caught up and grabbed his brother’s arm. “I don’t think he could have gone this far.” Nick glanced around, though with the darkness engulfing them it was hard to see anything. They heard the rustling of leaves and Heath jumped, much to the amusement of his older brother.

“You’re not scared are you?”

“No!” Heath answered with as much bravado as he could muster. “What do you think that was?” he quickly asked.

“I don’t know.” Nick groaned loudly, running his hands through his sweat drenched dark hair. “All I know…is when I get my hands on that boy he’s going to wish he’d stay put.” Silently Nick debated their next move.

“Let’s go back,” he said grabbing Heath’s arm. “Hurry! Maybe they’ve found him already.” For the second time that night Heath found himself trying to keep up with the long legs of his older brother; and for the second time he failed miserably. He tried to pick up his speed and didn’t notice the low-lying branch that sent him sprawling. Heath went down with a thud, knocking the wind out of himself. He lay there, breathing hard until Nick finally noticed and quickly returned to find his brother.

“Heath! Are you hurt?” Nick knelt down and tried to help Heath sit up.

“Let go” Heath spit out, still trying to catch his breath. “Give me a second” he pleaded, his hands reaching for the nearest bush. As he started to pick himself up he thought he saw something lying on the other side of the bush. A small figure…a child.

“Nick!” The terror in Heath’s voice hit Nick like a bullet and he dropped to his hands and knees to see where Heath was pointing.

“Eugene!” It was a small space amid numerous thorny bushes and Nick had to push his way through ignoring the pain as the pointy thorns dug into his hands. The child’s moans were like music to Nick’s ears as he carefully lifted Eugene and bulled his way out of the thicket of shrubs, taking the blunt of the needles as he shielded the child.

“Take him.” Nick was able to hand Eugene to Heath as he maneuvered the last bush, his rubbery legs lowering himself to the ground. Heath carefully lowered himself, and then handed the child back to Nick.

“Eugene!” Nick shook him gently until the child’s eyes started to open. “What happened? Are you hurt?” The child’s tear-streaked face was dirty and he had numerous scratches on his hands and arms.

“N..i..ck…I’m cold.” Eugene’s teeth chattered as he curled against his older brother. Heath quickly took his light jacket off and wrapped it around the child’s shoulders.

“Eugene, what happened?”

“I was chasing a rabbit and then I tripped.” He pointed to the same branch that Heath had encountered. “I ended up over there and I couldn’t stand cause my ankle hurt…and then I fell asleep.” Eugene’s lips quivered as he started to cry. “I want…to...go…home” he choked out between sobs.

“I know!” Nick held him tightly against his chest, trying to warm Eugene up. “Heath, check his ankle.”

Heath barely touched him before the child cried out in pain, and Heath jerked his hands back.

“Heath it’s ok. We’ll get him back and then check the ankle. I’m sure father and Jarrod are worried sick by now.” Nick carefully stood with Eugene clinging to him.

“Heath, can you make it back ok?”

“You’re bleeding” Heath countered, ignoring his brother’s question.

“I know…we’re a sorted mess right now. Stay close, I don’t need a bear grabbing you away.”

“Very funny.” Heath snorted though as they headed back Nick noticed how near him his brother stayed. Though the distance wasn’t far Eugene was asleep by the time they approached the lake.

“Heath let’s get the fire started again and then I’ll go look for father and Jarrod.” Nick placed Eugene on a blanket and quickly the two older boys gathered twigs and started the fire.

“Nick, are you sure? If he wakes, he’s not going to want me.”

“Sit!” Nick ordered and then placed Eugene in his arms. “If he awakens, he’ll want a brother and that’s what you are. Hopefully I won’t be gone long.” He took off before Heath could argue, leaving the blonde boy alone with the slumbering child. Heath wasn’t completely comfortable playing the big brother role and he hesitated before slowly running his fingers through the child’s hair. Eugene moaned and Heath held him a little tighter, hoping he slept until someone else returned. It wasn’t long before Heath heard footsteps and Jarrod emerged from beyond the trees. His eyes widened when he saw the two figures sitting beside the fire and he quickly approached him.

“How? What?” Clearly relieved Jarrod couldn’t find the right words as he knelt down and gently touched Eugene’s face. “Heath, what happened?” Jarrod quietly asked, his hand resting on Eugene’s shoulder.

“He tripped and hurt his ankle and then fell asleep.”

“What happened to you?” Jarrod noticed the scratches and dirt on Heath’s hands.

“I tripped over the same branch,” he sheepishly answered, sighing in the process. “I guess it was a good thing cause that’s when I spotted him. Nick went looking for you and father,” Heath added before Jarrod could ask. “Jarrod, check his ankle…it’s the right one. I tried but he was in too much pain.” Jarrod nodded and carefully pulled up the leg of the child’s pants and then worked his boot off without Eugene waking. Jarrod then pulled the sock off and was relieved to see just a little swelling around the ankle and some bruising on the top of the foot. He ran his fingers carefully up and down the ankle but didn’t feel any broken bones.

“I don’t think anything’s broken,” Jarrod said as Nick and their father ran towards them.

“He’s fine” Jarrod said upon seeing the stricken look on Tom’s face. But Tom didn’t seem to hear him as he dropped to his knees and took the child from Heath, tears of relief spilling down his cheeks. Heath stood, taken back by seeing his father cry. He nearly backed into Nick who protectively placed an arm around his brother. Tom’s tears flowed faster as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

“He told me last night he didn’t think he was my son” Tom whispered between sniffles.

“If he had died with that thought…” Those were the last words he got out before the sobs over took him and he buried his face against Eugene’s head, his shoulders heaving with each sob.

“Nick…” Heath turned and leaned against Nick, unable to handle the scene playing out before him.

“It’s ok” Nick whispered, one arm around Heath’s back and the other gently rubbing the boy’s neck. Nick wasn’t handling it much better and he sought out Jarrod’s eyes and the older boys exchanged worried glances.

“Take him away” Jarrod quietly ordered and then pointed towards the lake. He watched Nick guide Heath away and then turned his attention back to his father. The older man was still crying but not as loud as before and slowly Jarrod knelt down next to him.

“Father, let me take him and put him to bed.” Tom didn’t respond but his grip tightened around Eugene and Jarrod knew his father was not letting go of his son. Giving up, Jarrod sat down and placed his arm around his father’s shoulders. He wasn’t any more comfortable than his brothers had been but he was the eldest and he wasn’t about to leave his father alone.

* * * * * * * *

Thirty minutes later, Tom and Eugene were both sleeping as Jarrod took the little bag out of his father’s saddlebag, grabbed a couple of blankets and went towards the lake to join his brothers. He wasn’t surprised to see Nick and Heath sitting side by side with Nick’s arm still draped around Heath’s shoulders. As Jarrod sat Heath tried to hide his tear-streaked face against Nick’s shoulder.

“He’s pretty spooked,” Nick explained, though his quivering voice showed him to be in no better condition.

“I know…I’m not much better right now.” Jarrod pulled a piece of cloth from the bag and poured some water on it. “Heath, let me see your hands.”

“Nick’s bleeding” Heath quietly put forth.

“I know and he’s next. Show me your hands.” With a little push from Nick, Heath held his hands out and allowed Jarrod to clean them up. He flinched when he saw Jarrod reach for the little bottle of medicine but gamely allowed his older brother to run the liniment over the cuts, his sharp intake of breath the only sign of pain the clear liquid caused. When Jarrod was satisfied that Heath was fine he turned his attention to Nick, frowning at the numerous puncture wounds that lined the dark haired boy’s arms and hands.

“Mother’s going to be quite upset when she sees the three of you” Jarrod commented as he attended to Nick’s cuts.

“How’s father?” Nick quietly asked.

“Asleep with Eugene still in his arms.”

“I thought hearing mother cry was hard.” Nick shook his head. “But that…” He paused, as he glanced towards the fire.

“Why was he crying?” Heath asked. “Eugene is ok but that seemed to make him sadder.”

“I think it’s everything,” Jarrod answered as he placed a blanket around each brother.

“Today was harder on him than you could ever imagine; trying to explain why he’s done things and knowing how angry we’ve been with his actions. He was so happy to get that over with and then Eugene went missing…I think a lot of those tears were pure relief that he’s going home tomorrow with four sons and the hope that everything is going to be ok.” Jarrod paused as he settled in next to Heath who surprised him by taking part of his blanket and placing it over Jarrod’s shoulders. Jarrod smiled down at the blonde boy and then glanced out at the soothing water.

“I was thinking about something on the way up, but I’m going to need your help to make it work.”

“What?” Nick curiously asked.

“I heard mother and father fighting this morning” Jarrod explained, “and I really think they need some time away from us…some time alone to work out their problems.”

“Great idea” Nick exclaimed, “but there’s no way they’re going to leave the ranch and us alone. Not with everything going on.”

“They will if we can convince them we can handle everything. The ranch, the children and Heath’s mother.”

“I can take care of my own mother” Heath forcibly spit out.

“We will take care of your mother” Jarrod countered, his arm finding Heath’s shoulder. “We! Get that through your head. We have to present a united front if we have any chance of succeeding.”

“It might work” Nick conceded. “Where will they go?”

“I thought San Francisco might be nice. Tomorrow I’ll go into town and buy the train tickets and wire the best hotel to reserve a room. Think I’ll talk to Ben too. If he agrees to spend a few nights with us, I think we’ll have an easier time persuading them.”

“Silas won’t like that” Nick said, a slight smile on his face. “He’ll have to hide the food or Ben will eat it all.” Nick chuckled softly, pleased when he heard his brothers laugh also.

“Either of you tired?” Jarrod asked.

“No!” His brothers answered in unison.

“Me neither” Jarrod admitted, as they all grew silent.

“We could tell ghost stories” Heath put forth.

“Yeah right.” Nick snorted loudly. “You got scared when you heard the leaves rustling…”

“Did not”

“Did too. And then when I said a bear could grab you…”

Heath had heard enough as he rose to his knees and then knocked Nick to the ground. “I’m not scared of anything,” he said, desperately trying to pin Nick down.

“Jarrod, when is he going to learn?” Nick patiently waited while Heath used up all of his energy. “Heath, you’re too scrawny to pin me,” Nick muttered as he found it tougher this time to get Heath off of him.

“I don’t know Nick.” Jarrod stood and leaned over his brothers. “Seems you’re having a hard time getting him off.” Nick groaned in response and then mustered all of his strength to get the upper hand and pin Heath to the ground.

“Next time little brother. Next time you might have me.” Nick stood and then helped Heath to his feet.

“Let’s go see if we can get some sleep. I’m sure father will want to get an early start back.” Jarrod placed an arm around each brother and guided them back to the fire. They rolled out their blankets near the fire and settled down, though none of them felt real tired.

“What will mother say?” Nick asked.

“Maybe she’ll just be grateful we’re all returning in one piece,” Jarrod answered.

“Yeah right.” Nick snorted. “One look at Gene’s ankle and all hell will break loose. Heath, you and me will go for the doctor…”

“Chicken” Jarrod spit out. Heath started making chicken sounds until Nick reached over and covered his mouth.

“Boy, you better rethink that. Don’t forget the fence needs to be finished and I can find a whole lot to keep you real busy.” Slowly he removed his hand.

“Can’t!” Heath lifted his hands. “I’m injured and I don’t think I can work anymore. You’ll have to do it alone.”

“Dream on little brother, dream on.”

“Can you both be quiet and go to sleep?” Jarrod quietly scolded. In the distance they heard a coyote howl.

“Heath, are you scared?”

“Shut up” Heath hissed, though Nick heard the uneasiness in his voice.

“Don’t worry, he’s far enough away.”

“You sure?” Heath whispered.

“I’m sure.” Nick draped his arm across Heath’s chest. “Go to sleep before Jarrod gets real mad. He’s more scary than any animal…”

“Nick!” Jarrod sat up and stared down his two brothers. “One more word out of either of you.” He stopped talking as his brothers burst out laughing.

“I give up.” Jarrod settled back down on the hard ground and covered his ears with his hands. Soon all three were asleep, exhausted from the day’s events.

To be continued…