by Marci S
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Part 38
Nick
wiped his brow as one eye peered up at the sun. It was a hot and humid day,
especially for the time of year and they had spent all morning planting trees
in a small area ten minutes north of the house. Nick glanced to his right where
Heath kneeled on the ground, gently patting the dirt around a newly planted
tree. Heath’s back was to his older brother and Nick stared at the maze of
scars that nearly covered the exposed skin. Nick had taken his shirt off first,
a bit surprised when Heath had followed a few minutes later. On one hand, it
pleased Nick that Heath wasn’t ashamed to bare the signs of his tortured past,
but seeing the marks just angered Nick beyond his control. Fists clenched, he
didn’t notice that Heath was watching him until the boy spoke.
“I’ll put the shirt on if you want.”
“No!” Nick quickly approached and grabbed the shirt from the boy’s hand.
“Nick, why ya staring?”
“I’m not. I didn’t mean to. Heath, it just makes me so angry that I couldn’t
protect you from that.”
“How could you protect me when you didn’t know I existed?” Nick sighed loudly,
exasperated by his brother’s reasonable question.
“That’s not the point,” Nick yelled, as he reached down and picked up the
canteen. He took a long gulp and then poured the rest on his head.
“Let’s take a break.” Nick sprawled on the ground, soon joined by his brother.
“Heath, it don’t matter if I didn’t know about you. It doesn’t change the fact
that you’re my brother, does it?”
“I guess not,” Heath mumbled a few minutes later, not sure if he understood
what his brother was trying to say. “Nick, even if you did know, you still
couldn’t stop them.”
“Wanna bet?” Nick cocked his head sideways. “You think you’d be anywhere near
that war if we knew about you?” Nick’s tone challenged his brother to disagree
and wisely, Heath chose to remain quiet.
“Nick, why are we doing this today?” Heath raised himself with his elbow. “I
heard…uh father tell Jarrod that there was a lot of work today. This ain’t so important
it had to be done today.” Nick snickered slightly, and then stared upward,
squinting from the bright sunshine.
“I was overheard yelling several times yesterday and father thinks the men need
a break from me. You’re being punished with me cause he figures neither of us
has slept much lately.”
“You’d sleep if you stopped pacing in front of my door.” Nick sat up abruptly,
surprised and a bit embarrassed that Heath knew what he’d been doing.
“How?”
“I’d recognize your footsteps anywhere.” Heath stood. “You stomp even when
you’re trying to be quiet.” He demonstrated, much to Nick’s annoyance, and then
turned serious. “Nick, you don’t need to stay up cause of me. I’m fine.”
“You weren’t last week. What changed?”
Heath shook his head. “Don’t want to talk about it. Maybe some day.” Heath
grabbed his shirt from the ground and quickly threw it on. He looked around the
area, studying it intensely.
“I like it” he said aloud.
“Like what? Heath, what are you talking about?” Nick lazily stood and stretched
out his aching muscles. He reached for the canteen but it was empty and he
disgustedly threw it to the ground. Heath had wandered off and Nick hurried to
catch up.
“It has shade over here but the sun comes through and when those trees start
growing it will be kind of private and…”
“HEATH!” Nick bellowed, interrupting his brother’s spoken thoughts. “What are
you rambling about?” Heath turned, gesturing with his arms.
“My mother will like it. Think they’ll let me bury her here?” Whatever Nick was
expecting, it wasn’t that, and he stared dumbfounded at his little brother.
“It’s a stupid idea” Heath muttered, and turned, headed back towards the
unplanted trees.
“No it’s not.” Nick quickly caught up, stopping his brother with an
outstretched arm. “Heath I just wasn’t expecting you to say that. I don’t think
this is something you have to worry about. Let mother and father decide that.”
“No!” Heath pulled free. “She’s my mother and I know her better and I know what
she’d like. IT’S MY DECISION!” Heath grabbed the shovel and frantically started
digging a hole, as Nick stood by feeling helpless.
“Heath, it’s big enough.” Heath didn’t seem to hear, as the hole grew larger.
“HEATH!” Nick grabbed for the shovel, wrestling it out of his brother’s hands.
“Heath, stop!” Heath dropped to his knees, gasping for breath with Nick
immediately at his side.
“Heath, calm down.” Nick gently patted the boy’s back. “What are you doing?”
Nick quietly asked, though it was obvious from the size of the hole in front of
them.
“Nick…” Heath lowered his head as he brought his knees up and hid his face
against them. His whole body shook though he omitted no sounds. Nick inched
closer and placed his arm around his little brother’s shoulders…silently they
sat until Heath lifted his head and shyly glanced sideways.
“The better spot is over there,” he said, pointing behind him, a small grin on
his face.
“Heath, you’re right.” Nick agreed for lack of better words. “I think this
place would be perfect for your mother.” Both boys again turned silent as
Heath’s attention returned to what he had just done.
“Nick, I’m sorry I made more work for us.” He stood abruptly and started
returning some of the dirt. Nick also stood and grabbed the other shovel and
helped his brother refill the hole. They worked without talking and were nearly
finished when they heard a horse approach and turned to see their father
dismount.
“Is she?” Heath immediately sensed something was wrong.
“No” Tom quickly answered, as both sons sighed with relief. He scanned the
area, pleased that most of the trees were planted. “Heath, Ben needs to ask a
favor of you. Go home and get cleaned and then go into town to see him.” Heath
glanced wearily at Nick, who simply shrugged his shoulders.
“Can Nick come with?” Heath asked with much uncertainty, glancing again at Nick
to see his reaction.
“I don’t see why not but finish up here first.” Tom started to leave when Nick
called out.
“Father, wait! Heath has something to ask you.”
“Nick, no.” Heath’s eyes widened as he glared at his brother. Tom turned; his
eyes darting from one son to the other with his curiosity peaked. Heath shook
his head, his eyes never leaving Nick’s face.
“Heath, ask him or I’ll ask for you.”
“No! It was a dumb idea.” Before either could stop him, Heath jumped on his
horse and rode away.
“Damn” Nick swore as his eyes followed his little brother. When he could no
longer see him he turned and faced his father.
“Care to tell me what just happened?” Tom asked as he approached Nick.
“As soon as I figure it out,” Nick countered, sighing. “Father, he wants to
bury his mother here.” Nick motioned behind him. “He thinks she’d like it” Nick
added, shrugging. “Don’t know why he couldn’t ask himself.”
“Nick, it’s ok.” Tom placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “As long as he’s
comfortable talking to someone, that’s all that matters.”
“Yeah, but I just ruined that.” Nick snorted.
“No you didn’t. Son, just stick by him like you have.” Tom glanced at the
remaining trees. “Go home, I’ll finish here.”
“Go on” Tom insisted when Nick hesitated. Silently Nick put his shirt back on,
glanced once at his father before taking off. Glancing around Tom nodded his
head. Heath was right; Leah would like it here and Tom would make sure he
abided by his son’s wishes.
* * * * * * * *
Nick
followed two steps behind the doctor and Heath. He knew immediately where they
were going having walked the same path many times, but he couldn’t imagine why
Ben would be bringing his brother there. Heath kept checking back to make sure
Nick was still there, though his brother had barely said two words to him the
whole ride into town. Ben kept up the idle talk and occasionally Heath would
say a word or two, but Nick wasn’t really listening to the conversation. His
mind wandered back to that awful time, though his memories were not his own.
They were bits and pieces that were given to him by his family, hoping they
would quench Nick’s curiosity. And at times, Nick had forgotten, until he found
himself on the same trail ending up at the same destination. Then the questions
would come back, but he never bothered looking for the answers.
“Nick!” So lost in his thoughts Nick hadn’t realized the others had stopped
walking and he bumped into his brother.
“Heath, this is the rest of my family.” Ben pointed to the three graves, side
by side. Heath again stared behind him, at Nick, who couldn’t meet his gaze. He
turned and stared at the markers, his eyes widening as he read the dates for
the sons.
Mark Sullivan
September 18, 1843 – June 20, 1855
Andrew Sullivan
April 15, 1840 – June 20, 1855
Both boys had died on the same day, nearly eleven years ago and Heath couldn’t
help but wonder how.
“Heath, I know what you’re thinking but the how and whys are not important right
now.” Ben placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. Behind him he heard Nick
shuffling his feet and knew how uncomfortable Nick was, wishing he had asked
the older boy to stay back at his office.
“You know I’m leaving town” Ben continued, “and I need someone I can trust to
look after the graves. Nothing fancy, just keep the weeds away and occasionally
plant a flower. Livvie loved flowers,” Ben added as an afterthought.
“Jarrod’s going back to school and I know Nick is too busy with the ranch so I
thought you could do it for me. And when Audra and Gene are older, you can pass
the task down to them. What do you say?”
“I’ll pay you” Ben said, assuming the boy’s silence was a no.
“No sir” Heath said. “I mean you don’t have to pay me. I don’t mind doing this.”
“Thank you.” Ben briefly tousled the boy’s hair, though that brought back
memories that were still so painful for him.
“I need to leave. Mrs. Murphy is about to give birth and it’s the part of my
job I like best. Nothing like bringing a new life into the world. Heath, I’ll
be by in the morning to check on your mother. Bye Nick!” Ben slapped the older
boy’s back before walking away from the gravesite.
Silently Heath stared up at Nick, who continued to avoid his brother’s eyes.
“Nick, what happened to them? How come they died on the same day?” Heath
glanced back at the graves as he mentally calculated their ages.
“Andrew wasn’t much older than me and Mark…he was just eleven. Nick what
happened to them?”
“Ask Jarrod” Nick abruptly spit out before walking away. Heath rushed after
him. “Nick, do you know?” Nick turned; freeing his arm from Heath’s grasped.
“I only know what they told me. Heath they drowned in a river about an hour
west of our house. I know I was there but I don’t remember anything from that
day or for weeks after.”
“You were only seven” Heath commented.
“Yeah, I was and I think somehow I caused the accident though father said
nothing was my fault. No one talks about it anymore and Jarrod has never said a
word to me about it.” Nick continued walking and soon the boys were back at the
doctor’s office, where they had left their horses.
“Nick, what do you think happened?” Heath refused to leave the topic alone.
“Does it matter?” Nick angrily asked as he mounted his horse.
“It does if you think it’s your fault. Does Jarrod know you feel that way?”
Nick didn’t answer as he abruptly took off, allowing the wind to clear his
mind. He slowed down and in a matter of minutes Heath was at his side.
“Nick, if you don’t want me to ask Jarrod I won’t.”
“Heath, the past is better left there. You can ask Jarrod but I doubt he’ll say
anything.” Suddenly Nick smiled. “But if you do find anything out, tell me,
ok?”
“Sure Nick.” Soon they were home, and after taking care of their horses, the two
boys entered the house.
Immediately Victoria met them at the door.
“Heath, your mother wants to see you.” He looked up at Nick before slowly
entering the study. Inside he found Hannah sitting next to the bed, as she had
since the day she was brought to Stockton.
“Mama?” Heath hesitated before moving into the frail woman’s view. “Mama, you
wanted to see me?”
“Sit…” Leah whispered, grimacing when the movement of the bed caused her pain.
“Always remember how much I love you.” Each word was an effort and Leah started
coughing, thankful when Hannah wiped her dry lips with a damp cloth.
“I know mama.” Heath glanced over at Hannah, who weakly smiled at him.
“Go out and play son. I’ll make dinner later.” Leah’s eyes closed and Hannah
ushered him out of the room. “Let her sleep, she needs the rest.” Heath sat on
the steps as Hannah closed the study door. Soon Nick joined him on the steps.
“What happened?” Nick asked.
“She told me she loved me. Nick I didn’t tell her I loved her.”
“Heath, she knows. Tell her later.”
“I don’t think I’ll get the chance.” Heath glumly said, resting his chin on the
palm of his hand. His mother had just said goodbye. He knew it and Hannah knew
it and that’s why she hurried him out of the room. “Nick, I think she just said
her last words.” Heath stood at the study door but he didn’t open it. Instead
he walked to the front door and left the house.
“Heath, where are you going?”
“For a walk. Wanna come with?” Nick nodded and together the boys headed north,
destination unknown. The conversation was sparse but no words were needed. Nick
wasn’t sure if Heath’s premonition was right, if Leah had indeed spoken her
last words, but Heath believed it and that’s what mattered most to Nick. Heath
mattered and Nick was determined to stick by his side. Suddenly an old memory
came to him, something Andy Sullivan had always said. Brothers to the end! He
tried to picture the tall, gangly teenager in his mind, but time had faded the
memory of the boy’s face and Nick couldn’t recall what he looked like. But
those words stuck, so Andy must have repeated it numerous times. Probably when
he was picking on us, Nick silently mused, a smile playing on his face.
“Heath, we’re brothers to the end,” Nick said, placing his hand on the blond
boy’s head.
“End of what?” Heath asked, eliciting a sigh from his older brother.
“End of everything” an exasperated Nick spit out. “Forever. Always. Nothing can
change that, got it?”
“Got it” Heath said, stopping suddenly. “I reckon I couldn’t ask for a better
brother than you and Jarrod, could I?”
“No Heath, you lucked out in the brother department. We’re charming, smart,
handsome…”
“And full of yourself” Heath put forth, taking a few steps back. “Race you
home” Heath exclaimed as he took off.
“Yeah Heath, it is home” Nick whispered before running after his brother. As
they neared the house Nick slowed down, allowing his brother to win. In the
scheme of things it wasn’t that important, but it was a small victory for Heath
and he’d need all he could get in the coming days.
“Beat ya” Heath exclaimed, out of breath, as Nick neared the house.
“You got lucky” Nick spit out, feigning anger. “I’m starving. Let’s go find us
a snack, ok?”
“Sure Nick.” They entered the house together and Nick quickly guided Heath past
the closed study door and towards the kitchen. For a few precious minutes, the
outside world was forgotten as the two boys raided the kitchen for any food
they could find.
Part 39
Nick
opened his eyes, and he jumped out of bed stubbing his toe in the process.
Muttering a string of curses, he hobbled around searching for his pocket watch.
He hadn’t meant to go to sleep, just close his eyes for a few minutes. He
opened the drapes and saw it was pitch black outside; maybe he hadn’t slept that
long after all. He ran out of the room, stopping when he saw his father sitting
on the steps. Surprisingly Eugene was in his arms, resting his head on his
father’s shoulder. Nick took the steps quietly in case his little brother was
asleep, but as he neared them the boy lifted his head and groggily stared
upward.
“Heath’s mama is going to die” Eugene mumbled before his drooping head landed
once again against his father’s shoulder.
“Is she?” Nick asked as he took the last two steps of the staircase.
“Not yet” Tom answered, a trace of disappointment in his words. Nick knew it
wasn’t malice that dictated his father’s feelings, it was watching his son
suffer the way Heath had the past two days. Nick glanced around.
“Where’s Heath?”
“In the kitchen” Tom answered, as he shifted his youngest son to get more
comfortable.
“Alone?” Nick asked incredulously.
“At the moment.” Anger briefly permeated Tom’s voice. “Your mother was with him
but she’s in the study keeping Hannah company so Ben can get some sleep. Gene
doesn’t want to go to bed and he was annoying Heath with too many questions so
I brought him out here.”
“Oh!” Nick mumbled, unsure of what else to say.
“Jarrod went upstairs a few minutes ago and thankfully Audra has slept through
the night.” Tom paused. “Heath might like some company” Tom strongly suggested.
Nick nodded, a little eager to get away from his father. He passed through the
living room and watched the doctor sleep. He was sprawled awkwardly in the
chair and Nick knew it was only from pure exhaustion that the old man was able
to sleep like that. He continued to the kitchen, peering in without making a
sound. Heath had his head on the table and didn’t move when Nick approached.
More surprising was the cat, which lay on the table and now stared at Nick,
menacingly. Heath’s hand was methodically petting the animal, which managed to
purr while glaring at Nick. He tried, but couldn’t recall the cat’s name and
wondered if his mother knew the mangy animal was in the house. Heath still didn’t
look up, but it was obvious by his hand movement that he was not asleep.
Heath had been right; his mother had spoken her last words but she lingered on.
It had been two days now and the family stayed near the terminal woman, waiting
for the end to come. A deathwatch Nick had called it, in the hearing range of
only his older brother. It was hard watching Heath suffer and quietly withdraw
as he had the past two days. He hated going into the study but he did it
because he thought it was required of him and others felt he should. Only in
private did he confide in Nick how he truly felt. The last time Nick had
accompanied his little brother and the change in Heath was noticeable the
minute they stepped in to the room. He stood rigid in front of the bed, his eyes
never leaving his mother’s prone body. He turned twice to stare at Nick and
then at the door, hoping someone would give him permission to leave. Finally
their father had said it was long enough and Heath escaped, as if the study
room was a prison jail. That was yesterday, and thankfully no one had suggested
that Heath see his mother since then.
“Heath, are you awake?”
“No.”
Nick smiled despite the situation. “Heath, let’s go into the living room. You
can bring the cat,” he added as an afterthought. Heath looked up with dull,
blue eyes blinking twice. Silently he picked up the cat and walked past Nick,
who followed closely. As they neared the doctor, the cat’s ears perked up and
he jumped out of Heath’s arms and on to the chair.
“Uncle Ben’s Shadow” Nick muttered, much to Heath’s confusion. The blond boy
stared at his brother.
“I couldn’t remember the cat’s name” Nick explained “until he went to the
doctor”. At that point the cat was kneading his paws against Ben’s chest.
“Uncle Ben’s Shadow” Heath repeated, shaking his head slightly.
“Eugene named him that cause he followed the doctor around, a few times hiding
in his buggy. You should have seen his face when he’d return and dump the cat
on our front porch. Old doc doesn’t like cats.”
“Should we remove him?” Heath asked.
“Naw!” Nick smiled slightly. “They look too comfortable together.” Momentarily
the boys watched as Shadow turned twice and then settled on Ben’s chest. He
kept his eyes on Nick and Heath, daring either to move him from his precious
spot.
“Sit” Nick ordered, as he guided Heath to the sofa.
“Nick, I made Eugene cry but I didn’t mean to.”
“He knows that.”
“No he doesn’t” Heath insisted. “He’s just a little boy and he thought talking
would get my mind off of my mom and I told him to shut up. Nick, I didn’t mean
it.” Nick reached over and gently cupped Heath’s neck. “You can make it up to
him. Spend some time with Eugene and ask him about his animals. You’d be amazed
at the imagination that kid has and the names he comes up with. But don’t beat
yourself up over something like this, ok? He’s your brother and telling him to
shut up is not the worse thing that’s going to happen between you two. Heath,
close your eyes and try to rest.”
“I can’t.” Heath pulled away from Nick’s touch.
“Heath, they’ll wake you up.”
“No!” Heath inched away from Nick’s outstretched arm and curled up into a fetal
position with his head resting on the arm of the sofa. Nick let him be, hoping
the tired body would overwhelm his mind and allow him a few minutes of restful
peace. He returned his attention back to the cat, who was now purring loudly,
his head resting on the doc’s shoulder. He was still watching Nick and seemed
to be smiling.
“You won’t be smiling when mother sees you” Nick whispered after a glance over
at Heath showed the boy’s eyes to be closed. Nick reached for the throw blanket
and tossed it over Heath before curling up at the other end of the sofa.
* * * * * * * *
If
times were different Tom would have cherished the scene before him, his sons at
opposite ends of the sofa, both sleeping peacefully. But the time wasn’t right;
Leah’s breathing had changed and after waking Ben to check her, it was decided
that Heath should be awakened to say goodbye to his mother. Tom eyed the cat
entwined between Nick’s legs. It had one eye opened, watching to see what Tom
would do.
“Heath.” On his knees Tom gently shook his son.
“No.” Heath whimpered as he pulled away from his father’s touch, curling into a
tighter ball.
“Heath!” A little louder Tom tried to rouse his son. This woke Nick who jumped
up, sending the cat scampering out of the room.
“What? Is it?” Nick tried to clear his mind as he staggered to his feet, his
muscles aching from the position he was sleeping in. Tom continued to shake
Heath and finally the boy started to stir. He stared from his father to Nick,
and then rubbed the sleep away from his eyes.
“Heath, it’s time” Tom said, the meaning of his words all too clear.
“No!” Heath sat back on the sofa, bringing his knees up to his chest. Tom
stood, glancing sideways at Nick.
“Father, he doesn’t like going in there” Nick put forth.
“I know.” Tom said as they both returned their attention to Heath. Tom didn’t
want to force his son but he also didn’t want Heath to regret his decision
later on. Tom sat on the sofa, resting his hand on Heath’s leg.
“Son, we’ll go in there together just for a minute. Just enough time to say
goodbye.” Heath lowered his head until his face was hidden against his knees.
He took a couple of deep breaths before scooting off of the sofa, heading
towards the study. He entered, his eyes darting from Hannah to Victoria. Ben
was seated on the bed and he stood when the boy entered the study.
“Heath, do you want to sit next to your mother?” Ben asked. Instead of walking
closer, Heath took two steps back, leaning against his father. “It’s ok” Tom
whispered into his son’s ear. “You can leave if you want.” Heath didn’t leave;
somehow he mustered the courage to look at his mother. He glanced back once at
Nick before nearing the bed. Any signs of his mother were long gone, replaced
by a figure he barely recognized.
“Mama, I love you,” he whispered as his eyes filled with tears. He felt arms
around him, knowing it was his father without looking up.
“I can’t say goodbye,” Heath mumbled.
“You don’t have to” Tom countered. “Heath, do you want to leave?”
“Yeah.” Heath nodded his head.
“Nick, take him out of here” Tom ordered, watching as Nick guided his brother
out of the study.
“Not long” Ben said, leaning over the bed. He moved out of the way so Hannah
could sit on the bed, taking Leah’s hand in her own. Tom looked at Victoria and
instantly she knew what he wanted. She smiled weakly and nodded her head,
giving Tom her permission. He sat on the other side of Leah, gently taking her
free hand. The outcome had always been inevitable and nothing would make up for
the years of suffering that Leah endured, but Tom felt a tad better knowing
she’d die surrounded by those that cared about her.
* * * * * * * *
The
sun was coming out when Tom emerged from the study and saw all his children
sitting on the stairs. Heath was leaning against the wall with Nick next to him
and Jarrod was above, sitting between Eugene and Audra. They all watched their
father and Tom’s face told them the news. He leaned over and gently touched
Heath’s cheek, as the boy gallantly tried to keep his tears at bay.
“She’s not suffering anymore,” Tom whispered, as his hand pushed a lone strand
of hair from Heath’s face. The boy managed a small nod and then lowered his
head; oblivious to the looks his siblings gave him. Tom knew the attention was
the last thing Heath wanted at that moment.
“Audra, Eugene go upstairs and get dressed.” The children silently obeyed,
though Eugene stopped after one step.
“Daddy, church clothes?” he quietly asked.
“Yes” Tom answered, managing a small smile for his youngest son.
“Jarrod, are you ready?” His oldest was already dressed, knowing he would help
his father with the body. Jarrod stood, tousled Heath’s hair briefly before
going outside to get the wagon prepared.
“Nick, bring the children in about an hour ok?” Nick nodded as Ben walked out
of the study.
“Hannah and Victoria are getting the…” Ben paused when he saw the boys sitting
there.
“Sorry son.” He addressed Heath, who calmly continued to stare downward.
“I’ll go get the preacher,” Ben said as he staggered past them. The sleepless
nights had taken its toll on the old man and he moved slowly out the front
door.
“Heath, say something” Nick spit out, frustrated at the stoic nature of his
brother.
“Nick, don’t” Tom warned. “Go upstairs and check on the children and get
yourself ready.” Nick hesitated and his father admired the loyalty that he
showed his brother; he could see it in Nick’s eyes how much he wanted to stick
by Heath but Tom felt it was better to give Heath a few minutes to grieve on
his own. “Nick, please!” Sighing loudly, Nick climbed the stairs two at a time,
disappearing around the corner in a matter of seconds. Tom sat next to Heath
and placed an around the boy’s shoulders.
“Heath, it’s ok to cry, scream, whatever you want to do.”
“I’m ok” Heath said, his voice surprisingly strong. “I have to get ready.”
Heath jumped up before Tom had a chance to stop him. Shaking his head slightly
Tom walked in to the study to see if they needed his help. Heath rounded the
corner, almost bumping into Nick, who was pacing the hall.
“Nick, I’m fine” Heath stated firmly, much to Nick’s confusion.
“You can’t be fine, your mother just died” Nick blurted out.
“She’s been dead for weeks” Heath said as he walked past Nick and entered his
bedroom. Inside they found Eugene wrestling with the buttons of his shirt and
Nick bent over to help him. While Nick got Eugene dressed, Heath changed into
the suit he had worn to the party so long ago. Without Nick seeing he grabbed
the picture and birth certificate from underneath his pillow and placed them in
his pants pocket.
“I’ll take Eugene downstairs” Heath said as he grabbed his little brother’s
hand and pulled him out of the room. Nick could only shrug his shoulders. He
had anticipated so many different reactions from Heath when Leah died but calm
and accepting wasn’t one of them.
“I hope it last,” Nick muttered as he entered his own room and got dressed.
* * * * * * * *
“Heath,
are you ready to go?” The service had ended nearly an hour ago and all that
remained were Tom and his son. Heath had been stoic the whole time and Tom
wasn’t sure what to make of his son’s behavior.
“Heath, we can come back later and plant some flowers, I think your mother
would like that.” Tom stood directly behind Heath with his hands on his son’s
shoulders. Heath continued to stare downward, at the mound of dirt that now
covered his mother.
“She doesn’t like the dark. Did you know that about my mother?”
“No Heath I didn’t.” Tom answered honestly.
“You didn’t know her very well did you?” Tom sighed, wondering what answer
Heath wanted to hear.
“No, I didn’t.” Tom decided the truth was best.
“Why do you care? She’s just a stranger to you. To all of you.” Heath pulled
away and faced his father, his blue eyes full of fire. For the first time in
days there was life in that child’s eyes and Tom didn’t care if it was only
anger that fueled the fire.
“Heath, she’s your mother and for that reason only I would care.”
“I’m not going to forget her.”
“Heath, of course you won’t. She’ll always be your mother and nobody wants you
to forget her.” Heath’s anger dissipated and his face softened as he glanced
back at the grave.
“I think she’ll like flowers,” he quietly said, staring upward at his father.
“What happens next?”
“What do you mean?” Tom asked, confused.
“Do we have to work today?”
Tom shook his head. “I think we can take the day off.”
“Let’s go riding then. Just you and me, ok?” It took all of Tom’s might not to
react to his son’s statement, though inside he was jumping for joy. Heath had
never asked to spend time alone with his father, always needing Nick or Jarrod
along as a buffer.
“That’s ok, isn’t it?” Heath had misinterpreted Tom’s silence.
“Of course it’s ok.” Tom bent over and kissed the top of Heath’s head. Without
warning the blond boy reached over and wrapped his arms around Tom’s
midsection, burying his face against his father’s chest, shaking fiercely as
the pent up emotion was finally released. Tom comforted his son, his heart
breaking yet at the same time elated by this new turn of events.
“I’m ok now,” Heath whispered as he pulled away from his father.
“Yes you are” Tom said, putting his arm around the boy. “Let’s go home.”
Together they started towards the buggy.
Part 40
“Nick,
admit it. You’re upset cause you think Heath doesn’t need you.”
“You’re out of your mind Jarrod. Now get out of my way.” Nick tried to push
past Jarrod and reach the front door but his older brother was persistent and
kept a rather tight hold on Nick’s arm.
“Nick, why do you feel the need to go out there?”
“Cause he’s out there and I want to make sure he’s ok.”
“Nick, he’s fine…”
“How do you know?” Nick countered so quickly Jarrod didn’t have the chance to
finish his statement.
“Give me a chance to talk and maybe I’ll convince you.” Jarrod let go of his
brother but stood ready in case Nick bolted out the door. Jarrod yawned; it was
well before sunrise and he should have been in bed, like the rest of the
family, but after his conversation with Nick the previous evening Jarrod woke
up early to try to reason with his head-strong younger brother.
“Nick, we know where he is, where he has been every morning since his mother
died. But he comes home before breakfast, his mood is upbeat, he’s eating, he’s
talking; Nick he’s doing everything we’ve hoped he’d be doing after his mother
died.”
“But why does he keep going out there?” Nick asked.
“Did you ask him?”
“Of course” Nick bellowed, much to Jarrod’s annoyance. He yanked his younger
brother away from the staircase and into the study, closing the door behind
them. The room had been returned to its former appearance but none of the boys
were too comfortable in it yet. Heath, for the most part, refused to enter the
study though he had been persuaded once for a game of pool.
“And what did he say?” Jarrod asked, when it was apparent that Nick wasn’t
continuing on his own.
“He said it was none of my business” Nick spit out, though Jarrod had doubts
that Heath would use those words with Nick. That must have shown on his face
because Nick elaborated without any prompting. “He didn’t say that…exactly.”
Nick frowned. “He said he just needed to be there but he won’t tell me why.”
“And that’s killing you, isn’t it?” The look on Nick’s face confirmed Jarrod’s
suspicions. At times Jarrod wondered who was attached to who more. It’d been
obvious from the beginning how much Heath relied on Nick’s approval and
guidance but now it seemed that Nick needed that connection as much as Heath
did and for the first time Nick felt his brother was pulling away a bit and it
was obviously bothering him.
“Nick, he still needs you…us, all of us. Right now we have to let him handle
this as he sees fit…”
“Handle this?” Nick snorted his contempt. “Do you think he’s handling this?”
“Yes I do” Jarrod stated firmly, before Nick could say another word.
“By sitting in front of his mother’s grave each morning?” Nick asked, shaking
his head. “How is that handling this?” Nick exited the study knowing his
brother was at his heels.
“Jarrod, I just want to go out there and make sure he’s ok. Is there anything
wrong with that?” Jarrod sighed, knowing the conversation was right back where
it had started. He couldn’t fault Nick for caring for their brother but part of
him felt that Heath wanted the time to be alone and might not want to be
checked on.
“We’ll go together,” Jarrod suggested as a compromise. It would ease Nick’s
mind to see Heath and Jarrod could intervene if Heath wasn’t happy to see them.
“Let me get dressed first” Jarrod added, motioning at his half-dressed frame.
“Don’t you dare go without me” he warned before hurrying up the stairs. For a
split second Nick thought about taking off, but decided waiting a few minutes
wouldn’t hurt and sat down on the steps to wait for his brother.
* * * * * * * *
Heath
felt strange, but it had nothing to do with sitting near his mother’s grave.
Legs crossed, he leaned over and plucked a blade of glass out of the ground. He
missed his mother more than anything but the sadness that had engulfed him the
first few days seemed to have dissipated greatly in the last few. Heath
struggled with something new, and it was the feeling that he was going to be
fine…and that was the strangeness he felt. The weeks leading up to his mother’s
death had been filled with dread of the future, of what would happened after
her death, but it came and passed, and…Heath sighed deeply. He missed his
mother, he always would, but the loneliness he feared never materialized. They
shadowed him, like a newborn colt to his mother, and he inwardly enjoyed the
attention and fussing of his family. Heath reached into his pocket and pulled
out the picture, already showing signs of too much handling. He glanced up at
the makeshift marker, in place until a proper one was designed.
“Mama.” Heath’s voice was barely above a whisper. He glanced around, at peace
with the silence that surrounded him. Every day he rode to the grave, hoping he
could finally voice the words he so badly wanted his mother to hear. He wished
he had told her when she was alive, knowing how badly she wanted to hear those
words, but until the past week Heath wasn’t sure how he would feel. He looked
upward, wondering if his mother could hear or see him at that moment. He never
really thought about what happened after death, but right now he desperately
wanted to believe that she could hear his words.
“Mama.” Heath called out, a little louder this time. “Mama, I’m going to be
ok.” Another glance around showed him to still be alone, as he wanted, fearing
that others might find him foolish talking to the dead.
“I miss you” he quietly continued, “but Mama they love me and…I love them.”
Those last few words were hard for Heath to speak, but he knew it was true the
moment he said them.
“Father goes riding with me and we talk and…Mama, he likes being with me and I
guess it’s what I always imagined having a father would be like. Mrs. Barkley
don’t want me to call her that, said someday I might want to call her mother…”
Heath paused, emitting a small sigh. “She won’t take your place but some day I
might want to do that.” He smiled, picturing the petite woman fussing at him to
eat properly.
“I always wanted a brother and now I have three and a sister too.” Heath
chuckled softly. “I never liked Strawberry, never felt I belonged but it’s
different here. Mama, I know you wanted me to be happy and I think I am.” He
couldn’t recall ever truly being happy and he wasn’t sure how it felt.
“Thank you for calling my father and making me go with him. Thank you for
giving me a family.” Heath heard footsteps and turned sharply, shocked to see
his brothers standing there. He stood, angry that he hadn’t heard the horses
approaching; wondering how long Jarrod and Nick had been there.
“Heath, we’re sorry.” Jarrod smiled weakly. “We just wanted to make sure you
were ok.”
“I am” Heath said curtly. “How much did you hear?”
“Not much” Nick lied, though his face told the truth. Awkwardly the brothers
stared at each other.
“I just wanted her to know” Heath explained, breaking the silence.
“Heath, you don’t have to” Jarrod quickly countered.
“I just wanted her to know I’m doing ok.” Heath tried again, eyes darting
between brothers.
“Are you ok?” Nick quietly asked; his normally booming voice filled with
uncertainty, eyes widening as his little brother nodded yes.
“I was shocked too,” Heath retorted, a small smile playing on his face. “But I
really am” he insisted, shoving his hands into his pant’s pockets. Heath
glanced towards the sun, as it threatened to make its appearance that spring
morning. “The ridge isn’t far. Let’s go watch the sun rise” Heath suggested.
“Good idea” Jarrod exclaimed, his voice overly cheerful. “Let’s go!” Jarrod
pushed Nick towards their horses and waited until Heath joined them.
* * * * * * * *
Jarrod
shifted his body, sore from the hard ground beneath him. He squinted upward, at
the mighty sun that shone brightly above them. They should have gone home an
hour ago, but Jarrod was allowing his newest brother to call the shots and
right now Heath seemed in no hurry to go anyway. Jarrod glanced sideways to
where Heath was stretched out on his back, hands supporting his neck, eyes
closed to protect them from the sun.
“Nick.” Jarrod nudged him in the side with this elbow, eliciting a slight groan
from his younger brother. “Nick, we need to get going.” Nick opened one eye and
then stared briefly at the prone boy near them.
“I’m not the one keeping us here” he muttered, stretching his legs with another
groan. “Hey Heath.” Nick’s outstretched leg lightly tapped his little brother’s
side. “Heath, we’re gonna get an earful if we don’t get home soon.” Heath
turned his head slightly, two blue eyes peeking out from beneath their
protective coverings.
“Can we stay a little longer?” he asked, propping himself up on one elbow. He’d
been thinking about something for the past hour, trying to find the courage to
broach the subject with Jarrod, wondering how Nick would react to his next
question.
“Jarrod, what happened to the doctor’s sons? How’d they drown and how come Nick
thinks it’s his fault?”
“What?”
“Heath!!”
Heath wasn’t sure which brother to look at first but finally his eyes settled
on Nick, the anger all too apparent in his older brother’s eyes.
“What?” Jarrod asked again, shaking his head in confusion. He stared at Nick
briefly. “What is he talking about? Why do you think you’re to blame?”
Under the scrutiny of both brothers, Nick’s bravado lessened and he suddenly
hugged himself, feeling an impossible chill under the strong rays of the
morning sun.
“Jarrod, he can’t remember what happened and thinks it’s his fault cause nobody
ever told him anything. He said you’ve never talked to him about it.”
“Heath!” Nick almost begged his brother to stop talking.
“Jarrod, did Nick cause them to drown?”
“No!” Jarrod ran his hands through his jet-black hair. “Nick, why didn’t you
talk to me?”
“Why didn’t you?” Nick retorted, anger again creeping into his voice.
“Jarrod, can you just tell us what happened?” Heath asked as he sat up,
crossing his legs in front of him. He hadn’t meant to cause the tension that
suddenly surrounded them.
“Nick, I was just tying to protect you…”
“From what?” Nick demanded.
“From thinking you’d caused the accident” Jarrod answered, the irony in that
statement causing him to laugh nervously.
“Nick, it wasn’t your fault and you shouldn’t have been with us in the first
place. If you hadn’t started whining and threatening to tell on us we would
have left you at home like Andy wanted.”
“I’ve never whined” Nick remarked, glaring at Heath who tried to imagine his
older brother acting like Eugene.
“If you say so,” Jarrod stated, the tension easing a bit among them.
“I want to know what happened.” Heath stood and stretched his legs, settling
down a bit closer to his brothers. “Jarrod, will you tell us?” Jarrod sighed,
lowering his head, not anxious to relive the worst weeks of his life. But a
quick glance at Nick convinced him that his brother’s need was greater and Nick
needed to let go of the guilt he had obviously carried around for nearly eleven
years. Jarrod took a deep breath before beginning.
“Heath, our families were always close especially back then. Father was already
a prominent man in town and others wanted so much from him…he cherished his
family and close friends that he knew he could trust. And Ben was the one he
counted on when he needed to talk, needed someone he could trust to keep his
confidence.” Jarrod paused. “Heath that’s not really important to the story, I
just want you to understand how tight us kids were. All of us were born here
except Abby, she was a baby when they came west.” Jarrod smiled suddenly.
“Mark was my best friend. We were so much alike and we’d always planned to
become lawyers together and work in the same office.” Jarrod noticed Nick shift
uneasily next to him and placed a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“Andy was…” Jarrod shrugged. “I’m not sure of the best way to describe Andy. He
was charming and witty and was the source of many sleepless nights for both Ben
and Father. Andy could talk his way out of any situation much to Ben’s anger.
We all worked on the ranch after school and Andy hated it, hated any work that
didn’t involve scheming and trying to outsmart other kids.”
“He wasn’t like that at all” Nick insisted, shrugging away from Jarrod’s hand.
“Nick, you idolized him and that had Father and Mother very worried.” Jarrod
glanced at Heath briefly. “Andy wasn’t a bad guy and he’d do anything for his
family and for us. Ben always called him aimless and he hoped working on the
ranch would give him some direction…” Jarrod smiled. “It didn’t. All it did was
give Nick a chance to follow him around…”
“I didn’t” Nick interrupted, shaking his head though his memories of Andy had
faded with time.
“Andy enjoyed the attention and would tease Nick mercilessly, though he was
never mean with Nick. He treated him like a typical little brother and I have
to admit sometimes I was jealous of the way Nick looked up to him.”
“Really?” Nick was shocked by that revelation.
“Yeah” Jarrod answered, a sheepish smile on his face.
“What happened at the river?” Heath demanded, his curiosity getting the best of
him.
“The river” Jarrod muttered, again focusing his attention on the story. “We
were told to stay away from the river, that the under currents were too strong
for us to swim. Well, Andy and Mark secretly built a raft and planned to go
down the river and that day they decided to include me if I wanted to go.”
Jarrod chuckled softly. “I knew better and it took me a long time to get over
that feeling that I should have told Father, I should have done anything but go
with them. But it sounded like fun and I went willingly, looking forward to an
adventure that day.” He shrugged.
“Andy insisted that Nick was too young and he didn’t want him to come but we
didn’t know that Nick was hiding in the tree, listening to our conversation.”
“I was not,” Nick bellowed, though none of these memories were his to share.
Jarrod only shrugged again.
“Nick insisted we take him with or he’d tell on us. We kept telling him no but
he wouldn’t listen and finally I relented and allowed him to go along. Andy
wasn’t happy with that but agreed when it became apparent that Nick wouldn’t
leave us alone. So Andy did what he did best, he teased Nick the whole time to
the river. Kept telling him if we drowned it’d be his fault…” Nick gasped, eyes
widening.
“He didn’t mean it, did he?” Nick quietly asked.
“No, he didn’t and you took it in stride, like you always did when he was
teasing you. But…” Jarrod shook his head, pausing.
“But you didn’t want me to remember that part because they did drown” Nick
finished for him.
“Yeah.” Jarrod nodded.
“Jarrod, what happened on the river?” Now it was Nick eager to hear the whole
story. “How’d they drown and why can’t I remember it?” Jarrod stood and for a
moment his brothers thought he wouldn’t continue but he only needed to stretch
and a few minutes later he was back sitting between Heath and Nick, both of
them ready for him to continue.
“We were in trouble almost immediately and Andy knew it. He desperately tried
to get us back to land but the waves just kept coming and I remember him
screaming hold on as the raft just took off and we were helpless to do anything
else.”
“It’s probably better I don’t remember” Nick whispered, his mind wandering back
to a time he simply couldn’t recall.
“Probably” Jarrod agreed. Again he grew silent and Heath started to regret
bringing up the subject. He glanced from Nick to Jarrod but neither brother
looked at him. Jarrod stared off in the distance and Heath knew where his mind
was at that moment; reliving something he’d probably tried forgetting many
times before. Nick busied himself with a stone that he flipped between his
hands, his foot tapping nervously as he waited for his older brother to
continue.
“Jarrod.” Heath quietly called his name but Jarrod didn’t look at him.
“Jarrod!” Heath leaned over and shook his arm. “Jarrod, don’t continue.
Please!”
Jarrod looked over, his sharp blue eyes filled with pain. He blinked twice
before glancing Nick’s way, their eyes meeting briefly before Nick looked away.
Finally, he smiled weakly at Heath before continuing.
“The raft broke apart and we all went under. I came up first and then Andy, but
Mark and Nick didn’t surface.” Beside him Nick stiffened. “Did I almost drown?”
he quietly asked.
“I don’t know.” Jarrod gently placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “It seemed
like forever but I don’t think it was more than a minute before we saw you
struggling about ten feet from us. Andy told me to get you and get you out of
there and he’d look for Mark.” Jarrod paused briefly and the three boys were still,
except for Jarrod’s hand that gently massaged his brother’s shoulder.
“I didn’t think we were going to make it” Jarrod admitted, breaking the
silence. “You were scared and struggling and I wasn’t the best swimmer and all
I could see was Mother and Father’s faces as they learned we had drowned…”
Jarrod’s voice cracked and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. For a
moment he was oblivious to the two sets of hands that held on to him, offering
comfort.
“I’m ok!” Jarrod shook loose and quickly composed himself. “We made it and I
left Nick lying there and I ran up and down looking for Andy and Mark but I
didn’t see either of them again.”
“Andy drowned trying to find Mark” Heath quietly stated.
“Yeah.” Jarrod nodded his head. “I had to get Nick back and then it was just
chaos; I remember Father yelling for the men to follow him to the river but not
much else of that day. I woke up the next day to hear Ben tell Father they had
found Mark’s body.”
“What about Andy?” Heath quickly asked. Jarrod shrugged slightly. “Never found
his body. Ben went out there long after the other men had given up but finally
he too gave up and put a marker with his name next to Mark’s grave.”
“How come I don’t remember any of this?” Nick quietly lamented. Jarrod stared
at him, frowning.
“Cause you swallowed a lot of water and got real sick. For two weeks, they all
worked to keep you alive, pounding on your back to get you to cough.” Jarrod
shuddered. “I hated that sound. Abby and I would sit in the hallway and listen
to them hitting you; I’d start crying and she’d hold me. She’d just lost her
two brothers and she was comforting me….” Jarrod paused, his mind wandering
again to that time.
“What happened to me?” Nick asked, breaking the silence.
“Obviously you lived” Jarrod barked, the smile on his face belying the tone in
his voice.
“Obviously” Heath repeated, as Nick good naturedly punched Jarrod’s arm.
“It was another two weeks before you were well enough to get out of bed and
soon questioning what had happened to you. It wasn’t a conscious effort, but I
think we all wanted to protect you from the accident and gave you only bits and
pieces and you seemed satisfied with our answers.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Jarrod countered, as silence again engulfed them. He stood
suddenly, stretching his legs.
“It wasn’t easy on any of us. Mother and Father felt guilty that we had
survived and Mark and Andy hadn’t, then Abby left town abruptly and it pretty
much tore our families apart.”
“I know” Nick whispered. “I remember that part. But it got better later on…”
“How?” Heath interrupted, his brothers almost forgetting he had been sitting
there.
“Audra. And then Eugene.” Jarrod answered as he once again sat down between his
brothers. “Those two were spoiled by the Sullivans from the moment they arrived
and it’s what they needed, two children to love any time they wanted.” Nick
nodded his head in agreement.
“Father is going to miss Ben but he’s happy that the doctor will be with his
family for the rest of his life.”
“Rose is going with him,” Nick said suddenly.
“What?” His brothers asked in unison.
“Yeah, she told me the other day. She has an aunt and uncle out east and she’s
been begging to go there but her parents wouldn’t let her travel alone…and now
she doesn’t have to. Ben will take her there before continuing to Abby’s town.”
Nick shrugged, hiding his hurt behind a wall of apathy.
“I’m sorry Nick” Jarrod said, eliciting another shrug from his brother.
“Get that look off of your face” Nick said forcibly, his gaze on Heath. “Anna
isn’t going anywhere so stop your worrying.” As a look of relief crossed
Heath’s face, his brothers started to laugh.
“Heath, she’s going to make a fine rancher’s wife some day” Nick teased, as
Heath’s face turned crimson.
“Speaking of ranches” Jarrod said as he stood, pulling his brothers up with
him. “If we don’t get home, we’re going to be spending extra time working on
our ranch, so let’s go.” He started to walk away but Nick stopped him.
“Hey Jarrod, thanks for saving my life.”
“What are brothers for?” Jarrod smiled, his blue eyes alive once more. He
headed for the horses, leaving Nick and Heath behind.
“And you!” Nick roughly grabbed Heath’s collar, momentarily scaring his younger
brother with mock anger.
“I owe you big time. Thank you!” A huge smile crossed Nick’s face as he briefly
tousled the blonde boy’s hair. “I’ve never had the courage to ask Jarrod and
I’ll always be grateful for getting the truth.”
Heath stood silent, unsure of how to respond to his brother’s heartfelt
statement. Then a small smile played on his face, turning into a huge grin.
“What are brothers for?” he asked, mimicking his oldest brother. Abruptly he
turned and took off after Jarrod. Nick stood there, chuckling softly.
“You’re learning Heath” Nick whispered, before running to catch up.
Part 41
Heath
stood to the side, away from the others, watching as they said goodbye to a man
they considered part of the family. Ben had spent the night at the ranch and the
morning had been filled with tears and laughter and memories that Heath
couldn’t share with the rest of the family. After breakfast they took the
doctor to town, giving him time at the graves of his family before the train
would take him away.
Heath turned, smiling as Anna saw him and waved. He had wanted to go to her but
didn’t, thinking she would want to spend the time with her departing sister.
“Heath!” He turned back to see Jarrod approaching. “What are you doing over
here by yourself?” Heath shrugged as his eyes followed Nick walking towards
Rose.
“He’s going to need some cheering up tonight” Jarrod commented. “Maybe we could
play some pool after dinner.”
“Maybe” Heath quietly remarked.
“Heath, are you ok? You seemed awfully quiet this morning.” Jarrod lightly
rested his hand on his younger brother’s shoulder.
“I’m fine.” Heath frowned as he shrugged off Jarrod’s hand. “Just listening to
all those stories…I kinda wish…”
“You kind of wish you had been a part of them.” Neither boy had heard the
doctor approach.
“Sorry Heath.” Ben lightly tapped the blonde boy’s back. “Sometimes at my age,
all you have are the memories.” The old man smiled wistfully. “But you have a
lifetime ahead of you and you’ll have plenty of stories by the time you reach
my age.” Ben placed his arm around Heath’s shoulder and guided the boy away
from his brother.
“Heath, before I leave I want to tell you something.” Ben leaned over slightly
and strongly clasped Heath’s shoulders.
“I’ve known your brothers and sister since the day they were born and you are
every bit as much a Barkley as they are. Understand?”
“I guess” Heath muttered, looking away from the doctor’s scrutiny.
“No guesses allowed.” Ben huffed, shaking Heath ever so slightly. “Heath, you
are a Barkley and no one can take that name away from you. It’s a proud name
and you hold your head up high.” Ben turned his head, as a signal from the
train indicated it was time to go.
“Heath, I’ll be keeping in touch and I expect to hear nothing but good things
about you. And don’t let that young lady get away.” He pointed towards Anna and
Heath blushed when she saw.
“Are you too old to give me a hug goodbye?” Heath shook his head and allowed
the doctor to pull him into a bear hug.
“Don’t forget what I said,” Ben whispered before walking away. Heath watched
his father hug the doctor one last time before the old man boarded the train.
Suddenly he felt a tug on his arm.
“Joey, what are you doing?”
“Rose went bye-bye,” he said, gesturing for Heath to pick him up. The older boy
obliged as Anna approached them.
“Joey, you know better,” she quietly scolded.
“Anna, sorry about Rose….”
“She’ll be back,” Anna quickly countered. “I’d say less than six months and
she’ll be back home.”
“Why?”
“Because she loves Nick” Anna answered, a small smile playing on her face.
“Then, why’d she leave?”
“Because she loves Nick.” Anna laughed at the confused look on Heath’s face.
“Heath, don’t try to understand. Just remember I told you so when she shows
up.” Heath was about to say something when he looked up to see his father near
them.
“Anna, I invited your folks over for dinner but I’m sure Heath wouldn’t mind if
you spent the afternoon with us.”
“Thank you Mr. Barkley.”
“Me too” Joey piped in.
“Yes, you too Joey.” Tom tousled the toddler’s hair. “I’m sure Eugene would
love a captive audience,” he muttered before rejoining the other adults.
“Heath, walk me over to get my horse.”
“Sure!” Heath was about to put Joey down but the little boy clung to him, wanting
to go with.
“OK Joey.” Heath lifted the child to his shoulders. “Hold on tight,” he
commanded, wincing when Joey strongly grabbed his hair. At least it left his
hands open and slowly he took Anna’s hand, as they walked away from the train
station.
“Are you sure Rose will be back?”
“Yes!” Anna nodded strongly.
“Can I tell Nick? I know he’s upset about her leaving and this might help him.”
“Sure…I think it’s alright.” Anna stopped walking. “Just don’t tell him about
the love thing. Rose wouldn’t be too happy if she found out Nick knew.” Anna
took a step but stopped when Heath didn’t move. “What is it?” she asked.
“Think I’ll tell Nick tomorrow” Heath mused out loud, continuing when Anna
looked confused. “We’re going to play pool tonight to cheer him up and…I just
might be able to beat him if he’s thinking about Rose.”
“Heath! That’s cruel.” She started walking, pulling Heath with her.
“I’ll tell him tomorrow, I promise.” He glanced sideways at Anna and she rolled
her eyes, and then started to laugh.
“I’ll play the winner” she retorted. “Bet I beat both of you.”
“You play pool?” Heath asked incredulously.
“I’m good at it too,” she boasted. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me
Heath…so I guess you’ll have to stick around and learn.” She pulled her hand
away and walked ahead.
“Guess I will” Heath whispered as he grabbed a hold of Joey’s legs and ran to
catch up. Silently they walked towards Anna’s house, as Heath started to dream
about a future with the Barkleys, and with Anna.
6 months later…
Tom smiled, chuckling softly as he watched his children through the opened
window. Sam Drake had left that morning, after a two-week visit with the
family, and Tom was pleased and admittedly relieved that it had gone so well.
Heath had worried too, spending days silent and brooding, wondering if the
young man’s visit would bring back memories he had finally put behind him. But
Sam broke the ice the minute he stepped off the train; grabbing Heath in a bear
hug like a younger brother that Heath had become. Then he just stared at the
drastic changes in Heath, barely recognizing the scared boy that he knew in the
prison.
Heath had changed. Six months of hard work on the ranch, good food, and more
importantly happiness…had nurtured his body and his soul. Tom focused on his
blonde son as he threw another pitch towards Nick. Sam had taught Heath some
new pitches and he was eager to try them out on his brothers, delighted that
Nick couldn’t hit the ball.
“Why is Nick hitting the ground with that stick?” Quietly Victoria had joined
her husband at the window.
“It’s a bat dear,” Tom corrected. Victoria sighed. “OK, why is Nick hitting the
ground with the bat?”
“It’s the only thing he can hit” Tom mused, as they watched another ball sail
past Nick’s swinging bat.
“It probably doesn’t help that Jarrod is laughing so hard.”
“Probably not” Tom agreed. Their oldest was situated about ten feet behind
Heath, on the ground, laughing as hard as he could. Occasionally Nick would
stare out at him and then angrily swing and miss again.
Together they stood at the window as Tom placed his arm around his wife’s
shoulders.
“Tom, maybe you should go out there and try.”
Tom chortled. “Men playing a boy’s game. By the time I learn the rules, baseball
will be a distant memory…obsolete.”
“Sam speaks highly of it.”
“And Sam is a good man” Tom put forth. “And he has a job here waiting for him
when he needs it.” Sam was part of the family Tom silently added; it was rare
to find someone so young with so much integrity and he hoped Heath would remain
friends with him for years to come. Lost in his thoughts Tom barely felt his
wife nudge him in the side.
“It’s getting late” she reminded him. “And I need to get Gene and Audra ready
for bed or they’ll be hard to deal with tomorrow.”
Tomorrow! Tomorrow the whole family would leave for San Francisco, taking
Jarrod back to school. Tom enjoyed having Jarrod home for the past year and he
wasn’t looking forward to his eldest being so far away again. But he knew
Jarrod’s dreams and he wasn’t about to stop his son from pursuing those dreams
he so strongly desired. The others, especially Nick and Heath, were looking
forward to spending time in the city…and probably getting in trouble. And when
they returned, Heath would start school with the youngest two. He wasn’t
looking forward to it but he knew that’s what his mother wanted and Tom figured
the deciding factor was being able to see Anna on a daily basis.
Tom felt Victoria take his arm and lead him outside, closer to the children. As
they approached, Heath stopped pitching and glanced their way, barely able to
contain the laughter that threatened to overtake him. His blue eyes sparkled
and he smiled briefly until Nick demanded that he pitch again. Tom nodded his
approval, unconcerned that he and his wife could be in the path of a baseball.
Victoria was less sure and pulled Tom towards first base where Audra stood,
ready to catch a ball that came her way.
“Audra, it’s time to get ready for bed.”
“But mama,” the little girl protested “I have to catch the ball after Nick hits
it.” Neither parent pointed out that it would probably be dark before that
happened and Victoria took her daughter’s hand. Tom heard Audra still
protesting as Victoria pulled her towards the house, first collecting Eugene
from his catcher’s position…his wails of protest louder than his sister’s. Tom
knew he should go after them, help his wife tend to the children, but he
lingered near the makeshift first base and watched his sons. Jarrod was no
longer laughing, though he hadn’t bothered to get up either, seemingly not
worried that a ball would come his way.
Nick was muttering to himself, occasionally hitting the ground with the bat,
insisting that Heath keep pitching until he found one he could hit. Tom had no
doubt that Nick would get it, his son was too good of an athlete not to, though
the oncoming darkness might hinder his success for that evening.
Finally he stared at Heath; had it really been a year since Tom had learned of
his son and brought him home? He remembered that day clearly, the uncertainty
he felt, the fear of the unknown future but also his love for that scared
little boy; his son but a stranger nevertheless.
They had weathered the ups and downs and Tom would never wish a mother’s death
on any child, but in the process Tom succeeded in his quest; he had brought
home a stranger but eventually, he found his son. A few minutes later Tom
turned and headed towards the house, happy and satisfied, a rich man though his
richness had nothing to do with money. He cringed slightly when he entered the
house, heard the cries from upstairs and figured Victoria was having a hard
time getting the youngest settled for the night. Taking the stairs two at a
time, he rushed upstairs to help her.
4 and a half years later…
Heath opened his bedroom door, neither shocked nor unhappy to see Nick standing
there. No words were spoken; none were needed as Heath walked past his brother
and down the stairs. Silently, in the darkness of the early morning, they
saddled their horses and rode away…towards Leah’s grave on the fifth
anniversary of her death. Nick had accompanied Heath each year on this painful
day and his brother’s lack of protests made it clear that Heath didn’t want to be
alone. They stopped about ten feet from the grave and Heath dismounted alone.
Nick gave him a few minutes before he too dismounted and joined his brother by
the grave.
“Heath, you ok?”
“Yeah.” Heath turned and smiled weakly at his older brother. “It just doesn’t
seem like it’s been five years,” he added quietly.
“I know” Nick mumbled, for lack of better words.
“Here, take this.” Heath reached into his pant’s pocket and took out two
crumbled pieces of paper.
“What is it?” Nick asked as he unfolded them. “Wow, this picture is old. Is
that the first one we took as a family?” Heath wordlessly nodded his head. “You
sure did look scared,” Nick muttered.
“I was” Heath admitted, as Nick looked at him. There was nothing of that boy’s
appearance left in Heath; he was nearly as big as Nick and strong as an ox.
Though for a second he saw that hurt look in his eyes that Heath had arrived
with.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Heath nodded again, a more genuine smile on his face.
“Father gave those to me right before my mother died. Nick, you’ve always
wondered how I could sleep alone so suddenly, well that’s why.” Nick stared at
him, confused.
“As long as I had that picture and that birth certificate, I wasn’t alone. No
one could take my family or my name away from me. I’ve slept with them ever
since.”
“Does Anna know?” Nick asked suddenly, eyes wide.
“Nick!”
“Sorry” Nick said as he again studied the picture. “Eugene sure looks young and
so does Audra. Wish they could stay that way.”
“You mean before Gene developed that smart mouth of his?” Heath asked. “And you
had to start chasing all of Audra’s boyfriends away.”
“Well I kind of enjoy that” Nick remarked, smiling. “Heath, what do you want me
to do with these?”
“Keep them, somewhere safe for me.”
“Heath, I don’t understand.” Heath turned his attention back to the grave,
pulling a few offending weeds out of the ground.
“Nick, I don’t think I need them anymore, but I’m not sure.” He chuckled, a bit
embarrassed. “I know if I need them back you’ll give them to me, no questions
asked, right?”
“Of course” Nick barked, carefully placing the picture and certificate in his
jacket pocket. They turned quiet, Heath’s thoughts turning to his mother.
“I think she’d be happy with how I turned out” Heath quietly said. “The only
thing she ever wanted was for me to be happy.”
“Are you? Heath, are you happy?” Heath eyed him momentarily. “Nick, you know
that’s a silly question, of course I am.”
“Just wanted to be sure,” Nick remarked. “We better get going or neither of us
will be happy when father gets done yelling. Heath, are you ready?”
“I am.” Heath stood, stretching his legs.
“Wanna race home?” Nick asked.
“No. Not today” Heath added quietly, staring at Nick. His older brother nodded
in understanding as they mounted their horses.
Heath was right where he needed to be; side by side with Nick as they headed
home to their family.