by Mars
Disclaimer: The characters and
situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic
Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are
copyrighted to the author.
Victoria Barkley sat quietly in the large family room,
enjoying a rare moment of peace. Audra, her daughter, was playing.... er, was
working on a scale model of the new orphanage.
"Mother?" the young woman asked.
"Yes Audra?" Victoria refrained to sigh. *How
come I can tell trouble's incoming?"
Audra pointed at the model, "Do you think that after
we are done with the music room, we could add a dance floor to the
orphanage?"
Victoria rolled her eyes. *What then? Why not a saloon, or
a pool, or an hotel...*. She sighed again.
"Mother? Are you all right?"
"Yes, Audra. I am all right. And to answer your
question... Yes, a dance floor would be great. But why not a large ballroom
instead?"
Audra, of course, didn't catch the ironic tone in her
mother's voice, "Oh Mother! That's even better! I'm sure the children will
love to have a ballroom!"
Victoria sent a dirty look at her late husband's portrait
over the fireplace. *You! I should have sent the Pinkerton to check your family
tree for insanity before marrying you!*
While Victoria was still setting her personal account with
her husband, the front door slammed open. Victoria slowly stood, ready for yet
another day of trouble.
Nick was the first to enter the room, Jarrod on his
heels... er, spurs for that matter. Heath came in a few seconds later, a
worried look on his face.
Nick was mad. *As usual*, thought Victoria. "What
happened, Heath?" she finally asked them.
Nick grumbled, pointing at Heath. "How come you can
tell he's the one in trouble, Mother?"
Victoria grinned, glancing over at her blond son. She
refrained hard to tell them all the last blond joke she heard in town. They
wouldn't appreciate the humor...
"Nick, dear," she started, "It's so easy to
tell. Just look at his sad puppy eyes."
"There's nothing new there, Mother," Jarrod so
rightly pointed out.
"You are right, Jarrod. The puppy eyes only wouldn't
tell much, if there wasn't a trail of cuff buttons behind your brother. My, I'm
even surprised he didn't start with his pants buttons yet..."
At that point, a flushed Heath jammed his hands in his
back pocket, determined to never remove them from there.
"Tell me, Jarrod. What happened?" Victoria sat
down, ready for the next adventure. *It better be good, or I'll take Mr.
Cartwright's offer and head for the Ponderosa!*
Jarrod didn't answer right away. Which only angered Nick.
"Well, Jarrod? Mother asked you a question!"
Jarrod raised his hand, to stop Nick from starting another
vain argument. He slowly tilted his head, as if to listen to something.
The room soon filled with the overwhelming sound of...
violins.
"That's my cue," Jarrod whispered. Straitening,
he then started to explain his case... er, Heath's case."Rape," was
the only word he said.
Victoria looked up at Heath, "How many time did I
tell you, Heath? These pants are really too tight. Why, I'm not surprised a
girl jumped you.... Actually, I'm even more surprised it didn't happen
sooner."
"Lucky girl..." Audra grumbled.
Nick cut in. "Mother. He's
accused of rape," he explained.
"That's perfectly ridiculous," Victoria pointed
out.
"How come?" asked Jarrod.
"Yeah, how come, mother? Since he's here," Nick
finally had a chance to voice his mind, "He's been accused of murder a
bunch of times." Nick paced the room, making every one feel dizzy by
watching him.
"I reckon, Nick, you got your share..." Heath
tentatively cut in.
"OH! But now we're talkin' about your case! Mine
comes next week, dontcha remember?" That clarified, Nick resumed his part.
"What do we do now? Jarrod, you work on his case, I'll go and bust a few
teeth in town, Mother, you go and pay the newspaper guy and you, Audra..."
"I'll go to the hotel and try to seduce the victim in
exchange for Heath's life!" Everyone grinned. That Audra, she really got
it.
"The allege victim," Jarrod corrected. "And
it's a woman, sister."
Audra laughed. "So what? Have you ever heard of a
sister not being a woman?" Audra turned to stare at Heath, "With all
the girls in town... you really had to try a sister?"
"AUDRA!" Nick yelled, "Stop playing word
games!"
"Nick, will you lower your voice?" Victoria
ordered Nick. "I can't hear the violins anymore."
"That's because, old lady, there is no problem
anymore," Jarrod explained.
Heath eyed Jarrod's cuff buttons with envy, but finally
said, "I'm still accused, am I not?"
"Yeah, Jarrod. And you better work hard on his
case... I really need him to cover my back all the time. Sheesh, I'm gettin'
use here having someone agreein' with everythin' I say or do... He won't even
talk back!" Nick paused, then turned to face his father's portrait.
"Y'know, old man, I wouldn't have minded another few of them quiet ones
'round here...a full crew of 'em!"
"Mother," Audra whispered to Victoria, "How
do you seduce a sister? Maybe it's easier then with men?"
"Audra, dear. I have no clue how to seduce a woman.
But know that." Victoria sighed, waiting for the violins to resume.
"When I look at you...." Victoria's voice almost broke. *Darn
violins. The always make me cry!*.
"Yes, Mother?" Audra urged on, so hurry was she
to go see that woman at the hotel. *Stop stammering!* she thought.
"When I look at you..." Victoria continued.
"I sure wish the Lord the day you were conceived, I had seduced a woman
instead of your father."
Audra did her puppy eyes, "Oh, Mother. That's
beautiful!" she exclaimed, clueless about the meaning of her mother's
words.
"Enough sappiness already!" Nick boomed.
"Jarrod? What did you say about the case?"
Jarrod smiled, he who knew everything better.
"Because, brother Nick, there won't be any case."
"Glad to hear that," grumbled Heath.
"Explain?" Nick pushed on.
"That's simple. Why, even you could know
better." Jarrod didn't let Nick retort. "Not a single person in his
or her right mind would believe, would it be for a minute, that this hunk of a
brother we got here," he pointed at Heath, "would ever have to force
a woman."
"Not even a woman sister would push him away!"
Audra exclaimed with a tad too much envy in her voice.
"Well, that settles it then," Victoria
announced. "I suggest we go eat dinner now. I'm sick of these darn
violins!"