Years

Chapters 12-25

by NAHF

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Chapter 12

Their first evening in San Francisco was spent relaxing. Jarrod had invited Melissa to join them for dinner, and Ella found she liked her immediately. The three women enjoyed one another’s company, even making plans to do some shopping the next day. Ella had sent a message from Stockton to the specialist, Dr. Milton, asking for an appointment. When they arrived at Jarrod’s townhouse, there had been a message waiting for her, letting her know when he was free. Since it wouldn’t be for a few days, Ella decided to enjoy her time with Audra and Melissa, doing some much needed shopping for the party that weekend at the Barkley Ranch.

Jarrod escorted Melissa home, leaving his two house guests alone. Ella could tell Audra seemed preoccupied, and asked her friend if there was anything she wanted to talk about.

"I was just thinking about the party this weekend. Mother invited an old beau of mine," Audra said quietly.

"Oh? Was he one of the ones your brothers ran off?" Ella asked, giving her friend a slight wink. Audra laughed.

"Strangely enough, no. At the dance a few months back, I asked Nick if he had ever liked any of the men I’d dated. He said there was one."

"And who is this gentleman?"

"His name is Carl Wheeler. He and Nick were childhood friends. We saw each other for several months and I really thought he was going to be the one..."Audra’s voice trailed off as she stared into the flames in the fireplace.

"What happened?" Ella asked softly.

Audra sighed.

"Carl and Nick had a difference of opinion concerning some sheep Nick had bought."

Ella’s eyes widened. Sheep in cattle country? She knew most cattlemen didn’t want those animals anywhere near their stock. Noticing Ella’s surprised look, Audra went on to explain.

"Nick had been....oh, swindled is too strong of a word...tricked, maybe? Nick had been tricked into buying some sheep. He hated it. He was eager to get rid of them, but the man who’d sold them to him, Josiah Freeman, asked for Nick’s help in getting the sheep to market. Carl challenged Nick, told him not to help. Well, my big brother does not like to be told what he can and cannot do. So he helped Josiah. Carl tried to get me to talk to Nick, to convince him not to go through with the plan. I broke it off right then. I wasn’t about to let Carl use me that way."

Audra’s face flushed a bit in anger. Ella couldn’t help but chuckle, and Audra noticed.

"What’s so funny?" she asked, smiling.

"Oh, just that Nick isn’t the only one who doesn’t like to be told what he can and cannot do."

Audra laughed and nodded her head in agreement.

"My mother says I have a flair for rebellion," the young blond admitted.

"That’s not always a bad thing," Ella replied. They were silent for a few minutes, then Ella started up the conversation again.

"So are you glad Carl is invited? Or upset?"

Audra leaned back against her chair, raising a delicate hand to her forehead.

"I think I’ve loved Carl Wheeler since we were children," Audra confessed, her voice just above a whisper. "The incident with Nick hurt things between us, certainly. I think I’m ready to forgive him and move on. I just wonder if it’s too late?"

Ella considered Audra’s words.

"Maybe you’ll be able to find out at the party? Or are you going with someone else?"

Audra shook her head.

"A few have asked, but I haven’t said yes to anyone."

Jarrod came home then and the three bid each other goodnight. Audra and Ella would meet Melissa for lunch the next day, then spend the afternoon shopping.

* * * * * * * *

Jonathon bid Heath goodbye and instructed Sam to stable the new stallion. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Ella’s face. Sam whistled when he saw the horse, giving his boss a huge grin.

Jonathon walked into the house and into his study. He noticed there was mail on his desk; apparently someone had been into town. He leafed through it, not seeing anything that needed his immediate attention. There was a telegram from Ella, and he eagerly ripped open the envelope. He turned around and was startled by the presence of his housekeeper.

"Wilma! I didn’t realize you were standing there," he said, re-stacking the letters.

"I heard you ride in. Thought you might like something to eat?" she asked.

"Oh, no...thanks. We ate on the trail a few hours ago. Dinner tonight at the usual time will be good enough. I think I’ll go wash this trail dust off and then go check on the stock. Any news while I was away?"

"No, sir."

"Good. Then I’ll see you later," he said as he brushed past her. Wilma waited until she heard the door to his room close, then she walked over to the desk. The telegram from Ella lay on top of the letters.

Doctor cannot see me until Thursday. Will be home Friday. Much love, Ella.

Wilma smiled. This was Wednesday. She’d have to put her plan into action tonight. Maybe, by the time that little twit returned from her trip, Wilma would have everything in place.

* * * * * * * *

Lunch had been a lively affair. Melissa and Ella became fast friends and enjoyed each other’s company immensely. Audra watched them and felt a twinge of sorrow. She knew Ella was happy with her husband, yet she couldn’t help but wish that she’d been available for Heath. She would have loved having Ella as a sister in law.

During lunch, Ella mentioned she needed to find someone who knew something about herbs. Melissa suggested she talk to her parent’s gardener, Wong. His mother had taught him about herbs when they lived in China, and Melissa was sure he’d be able to tell Ella where she could find the herbs she needed.

The Ambers lived on a large estate in San Francisco with manicured lawns and beautiful flower gardens. Melissa told Ella and Audra that Wong had lived with them for as long as she could remember, taking care of the Ambers’ landscape. He was like a member of the family. Mr. Ambers had a large green house built so Wong could grow his plants year round. Ella and Audra were amazed as they walked into the glass structure. Large ferns as well as flowering plants were everywhere. Those that were in bloom were fragrant and colorful, while those that had not bloomed yet were green and healthy looking.

They found the old man in the back with his hand in a clay pot, smoothing soil over seeds he’d just planted. Wong looked up when he saw Melissa and smiled.

"Ah, Missy Merissa," he said in his thick Chinese accent as he bowed to her. Melissa smiled and introduced Ella and Audra. He, in turn, bowed to each of them as well.

"Wong. Would you be able to talk to Ella about herbs? She needs to buy some, and maybe you could tell her where she needs to go?"

The small man turned to Ella, his brown eyes twinkling. Melissa and Audra walked away, giving Wong and Ella some privacy. Wong pulled up another stool, and Ella sat down.

"Missy need herbs? Missy sick?"

"My husband and I are trying to have a baby and our housekeeper is knowledgeable with herbs. She’s been giving me Queen Anne’s Lace, but I forgot the herbs when I came on the trip. I thought I’d buy some here so I could continue taking it. She said it’s very important that I take them every day."

Ella watched Wong’s brows draw together in question. She felt somewhat embarrassed to be talking to him about such a delicate subject, but she was worried that if she missed even just a few days of taking the herbs, she might not be able to conceive.

"You want baby?" he asked.

"Yes," Ella said, nodding her head.

"To get baby, you not take Wired Carrot."

"No, not Wild Carrot. Queen Anne’s Lace."

"They are same prant. They not help you have baby, they kill baby."

Ella’s mind began to whirl. She had seen Wilma use the herbs from the bottle marked "Queen Anne’s Lace". She was sure of it. Perhaps Wong was wrong? But no, Ella knew he wasn’t. Deep down, she’d always been suspicious of Wilma. She was always insistent that Ella drink the herbs, and not miss a day. Ella had let her desire for a child override her instincts. She began to shake and couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Wong called to Melissa who came running.

"Ella, what is it? What’s wrong?"

"I have to get home," Ella whispered.

"Come on, let’s get back to Jarrod’s," Audra said, helping her friend to her feet.

"No, I have to get back home...to Stockton. I have to see Jonathon," Ella cried.

Melissa and Audra helped Ella into the hired hack, and they went back to Jarrod’s. Ella wasted no time in beginning to pack her things. Melissa was just about to go to Jarrod’s office when he came home. She told him Ella was packing and asked him to speak with her.

Jarrod knocked on Ella’s door and went inside when she bid him to enter. She was throwing clothes into her bags haphazardly.

"Ella? Melissa tells me you want to go back to Stockton. Is everything alright?" he asked, standing in the open doorway.

"No, everything is not alright," she said turning to him. Jarrod could tell she’d been crying.

"What can I do?" Jarrod asked.

"I need to go home, Jarrod. Now. I have to be home tonight!" Ella cried out. If she hadn’t been so upset, Jarrod would have insisted she stay the night, then leave in the morning. He could tell she was leaving with or without his help, and he knew Jonathon would want him to help her.

"Alright, I’ll help you. Please calm down, Ella. I’ll get you on a train to Stockton tonight, but I want you to calm down."

Ella nodded and sat down on the bed. She put her head in her hands and began to cry softly. Jarrod left her to go and make the arrangements. Audra and Melissa were sitting in the parlor, waiting for him to return.

"She’s going to go home tonight. I think that’s the best thing for her," Jarrod said. "Can either of you tell me what happened?"

"It’s my fault," Melissa said, her eyes welling with tears. "She said she needed some herbs and I knew Wong would know about them. She was talking with him when she became upset."

"Did she say what Wong had said to make her upset?"

"No, just that she needed to go home."

Jarrod nodded.

"Audra, why don’t you go up and help her. I’m going to take Melissa home. Then I’ll be back to pick Ella up and take her to the train station. Don’t let her leave without me."

Audra nodded and went upstairs. She found Ella taking things out of her valise and folding her clothes neatly. Audra began to help, not saying a word. Somehow she felt it was best for her to just be there for her friend.

Chapter 13

Heath was riding back from town, having just eaten dinner with Ellen. He smiled as he thought of her. She was a beautiful, intelligent woman. She asked questions that let Heath know she was interested in him as a person, making him feel special. Her deep blue eyes were easy to get lost in, and Heath found he couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers. He wanted so badly to kiss her goodnight, but didn’t feel he should. Not yet. He had asked her to the engagement party and she’d gladly accepted.

Rain was just starting to fall and Heath sighed. He was hoping to get home before the skies opened up, but it didn’t look like he’d be that fortunate. Heath turned his thoughts back to Ellen. She’d said something that had him curious about her past. She’d been a school teacher in Nevada for a few years, but decided she wanted to see more of the country. Although teaching was her first love, she enjoyed her work at the post office.

Something caught Heath’s eye, and he slowed Charger down. Someone was walking in the middle of the road. It was a woman, soaked to the skin. Lightening flashed, and Heath recognized who it was immediately.

“Ella?” he called out.

Ella turned around and dissolved into tears. Heath quickly dismounted and ran to her.

“Are you hurt?” he asked.

“No,” she said, between sobs.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were in San Francisco?”

“I came back early.”

Heath knew now wasn’t the time for questions. He put his arm around her shoulders and guided her to Charger.

“Let’s get you home,” he said.

“No!” Ella responded and pulled away from him.

“Ella, Jonathon’s probably worried about you.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to go home. Could you just take me into town? Please, Heath?”

Heath shook his head. There was no way he was going to take her to town.

“I’ve got a better idea. Let me take you back to our ranch. Mother will get you into dry clothes and you can rest. You look exhausted.”

Ella nodded, knowing she wouldn’t be able to make it much farther on her own. She was desperately tired and her heart was aching. Her life had just fallen apart. Unwittingly, her thoughts went back to a few hours earlier.....

* * * * * * * *

Jarrod returned a short while later and was happy to see Ella had calmed down considerably. She was waiting in the parlor with Audra, their bags by the door.

“Ready to go?” Jarrod asked. After he’d dropped Melissa off at home, he’d gone to check the train schedule. Since it was still early in the evening, they had plenty of time before the last train left for Stockton.

“Yes, thank you,” Ella said, rising from her seat. Jarrod gathered the valises and followed the women out the door.

“Audra, you don’t have to go back with me. You were looking forward to shopping with Melissa tomorrow.”

“I know, Ella. But I’d rather make sure you get home alright. I can come back any time to shop.”

Ella nodded, feeling a headache coming on. She didn’t speak until they reached the train station and Jarrod helped her from the hack.

“Thank you, Jarrod. For everything. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Not at all, Ella. I just wish I could help in some way.”

Ella smiled, her emotions too close to the surface to say anything more. Jarrod led the ladies to a bench then went to purchase their tickets. Audra watched Ella’s profile, hating to see her so miserable. She hoped Jonathon was back from his trip with Heath.

* * * * * * * *

Later that evening.....

Jonathon sat in the chair at his desk, dozing. He missed Ella terribly and dreaded the thought of going to bed without her. They’d slept apart before, when Jonathon had been on cattle drives or needed to be out on the range. This was the first time Ella had been the one away from home though. Jonathon sighed, hoping she’d get some answers from the doctor. He was slipping into a deep slumber when he felt hands massaging his shoulders.

“Mmmmm,” he said. He loved it when Ella touched him. He smiled, glad she was home. He opened his eyes and turned slightly, then jumped up out of his chair as though he were on fire.

“Wilma! What are you doing?” he asked shocked.

“It’s okay, Jonathon. We don’t have to pretend. It’s just the two of us. You’re so tense. Let me help you relax,” she said, walking toward him. Jonathon backed away.

“Wilma, what has gotten into you. Have you forgotten I’m married? Have you forgotten Ella?”

Wilma’s smile disappeared for a moment.

“Of course, I’ve not forgotten her. The question is, has she forgotten you? I’ve seen the way she’s looked at that cowboy. She’s wishing she could be with him. You should have seen the two of them when he was here, supposedly ‘working’. The way they would carry on and laugh. You don’t deserve that, Jonathon! You don’t deserve a child who can’t keep her focus on you, but lets it slide to whoever else is there. I would be faithful to you. I have been faithful to you, Jonathon. Ever since that night.”

Jonathon’s eyes widened at Wilma’s speech. He refused to believe a word she’d said about Ella and Heath. He knew his wife would never be unfaithful to him.

“Wilma, I told you, that night was a mistake. I’m sorry that it happened and that you think there is anything between us. There has never been anything between us, not when it happened fifteen years ago and not now. I love my wife. I love Ella. Not you.”

“You don’t mean that. I remember every moment of that night, Jonathon. You wanted me. You reached for me. You weren’t thinking of any other woman but me,” Wilma said, as she took a step closer.

“Wilma, listen to me,” Jonathon said firmly. “You need to leave.”

“You don’t mean that,” Wilma replied, her voice taking on a sultry tone.

“Yes, he does. You need to leave, now.”

Jonathon looked above Wilma’s head to see his wife, standing in the doorway. Wilma’s face reddened with anger as she turned around.

“You can’t possibly think you can satisfy a man. You’re just a mere girl. A child!,” she spat.

Ella walked toward Wilma and slapped her hard across the face.

“Get out of my house, and don’t you ever return. I know the truth about the herbs and that they won’t help us conceive!”

Wilma laughed haughtily.

“So the little twit finally caught on. I can see I didn’t give you enough credit.”

Wilma turned to Jonathon.

“Such a pity. We could have been so good together.”

Wilma walked from the room, leaving Jonathon and Ella facing one another.

“Ella, the herbs?” Jonathon asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Not now,” Ella’s eyes filled with tears. Her anger was dissipating and she was about to fall apart. She needed to get away, to think.

“How could you not tell me, Jonathon?”

“It happened a long time ago, Ella-“

“I don’t care when it happened!” she screamed. Then softly said, “You never told me about it. And you kept her on even after....”

Jonathon moved forward and Ella backed away.

“Don’t touch me,” she said angrily. Jonathon stopped where he was, never having seen Ella so upset.

Ella ran up the stairs and slammed the door to their bedroom. Jonathon heard the lock click. He sat down heavily on the sofa and put his head in his hands. His anger began to boil over, and he went out to the bunk house to get one of the men to take Wilma into town. He wanted her off his property and out of their lives for good. Once Wilma was gone, Jonathon went to the bedroom. He’d heard thunder in the distance, but didn’t pay much attention to it since his main concern was speaking with his wife. The door was closed so Jonathon knocked.

“Ella? Ella, please let me in. I need to talk to you. Try to explain.”

There was no answer. Jonathon tested the lock and was surprised when the door opened. The room was empty. Maybe she was downstairs? Jonathon ran down the stairs, calling his wife’s name as he went. He searched the entire house, but there was no sign of Ella. He went back to the bedroom, panicking that he couldn’t find her. The rain was coming down heavily now.

“Oh, Ella. Where are you?” he asked.

Chapter 14

Victoria and Audra were sitting in the parlor when Heath came through the front door with Ella. She was leaning heavily against him and was clearly distraught. Both were soaked to the skin.

"Heath! What happened?" Audra cried out. The last she had seen of Ella was when she’d dropped her off at her home. They had been able to rent a horse and buggy from the livery once they had arrived in Stockton.

"Audra, go draw a warm bath for Ella," Victoria commanded. Audra hesitated for only a second before running up the stairs. Heath brought Ella into the parlor and gently placed her on the sofa. Victoria sat next to the younger woman and pushed Ella’s dark hair, which was matted from being in the wind and rain, out of her face. She could see the tears in Ella’s eyes and looked up at Heath. He shrugged, then excused himself to put on dry clothes, knowing Ella was in good hands.

"What’s wrong, Ella?" Victoria asked softly. The tears began to flow, and Ella cried in earnest.

"Oh Mrs. Barkley," she sobbed. "I don’t even know if I can say the words out loud."

Victoria looked up to see Audra had just returned to the parlor.

"Come on, Ella. Let’s get you out of these wet things and into a nice hot bath," Victoria said in a soothing voice.

"I’m sorry I’m disturbing you. I asked Heath to take me into town, but he brought me here instead," Ella sniffled.

"I’m glad he brought you here. I would have been upset with him if he hadn’t. Don’t you worry. We have plenty of room," Victoria said as she led the distraught woman up the stairs. She saw Heath coming from his room, a look of concern on his face.

"But the party-" Ella started.

"Isn’t for a few days. In the mean time, I want you to soak in the tub and then go to bed," Victoria said in a firm, yet motherly voice. She was just about to close the bathroom door to give Ella some privacy when a thought occurred to her.

"Ella, does Jonathon know where you are?"

Ella hesitated for a moment before shaking her head no.

"Do you mind if we send someone over to tell him? I’m sure he’s worried."

Ella began to cry again. "I don’t want to go home right now, Mrs. Barkley. I don’t mind if he knows where I am, but I need some time to think."

Victoria smiled and closed the door gently. Heath and Audra were standing with her in the hallway, and she motioned for them to follow her down the stairs. She knew they had both heard Ella’s words. Once they were in the parlor, she began to ask questions.

"Audra, what happened in San Francisco to make Ella so upset?"

Audra sat down heavily on the sofa and told the story. Everything from Ella forgetting the herbs she needed up until Jarrod put them on the train. Audra had asked Ella if she wanted help taking her things inside once they were at the Sommers’ ranch, but Ella was eager to see her husband. She sent the other woman on her way, telling her she’d see her later.

"You don’t think Jonathon knew about the herbs, do you?" Victoria asked out loud. Heath stiffened at the thought. He knew without a doubt Jonathon loved Ella, but what if he felt he was too old for children and had conspired with Wilma?

"Ella has never said Jonathon hasn’t wanted children," Audra replied.

"I’ll go over and let him know Ella is safe. He’s probably worried about her," Heath said, excusing himself.

Victoria was going to suggest sending one of the hands, but thought better of it. Heath seemed determined to go. She accepted his kiss goodbye, then sent her daughter to bed. Ella was just coming from the bathroom when Victoria reached the top of the stairs.

"Let’s get you into bed," Victoria said, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her to one of the bedrooms. After making sure Ella had everything she needed, she left and went to her own room.

The rain had eased up, only falling in a slight drizzle as Heath dismounted Charger. Heath noticed as he knocked on the door, there was a lamp lit in every room of the Sommers’ home. No one answered, which Heath found odd, thinking that Wilma should at least be there. He heard noises coming from the barn and went to investigate. As he got closer, Heath heard Jonathon’s voice.

"Whoever finds her, shoot once to let us know and get back here with her as soon as you can. If she refuses to come, don’t let her go, but send your partner for me."

"Jonathon," Heath called out. Jonathon turned around at the sound of his name.

"Oh, Heath. Thank God. I can’t find Ella. Will you help?"

Heath led Jonathon away from his men and then said softly, "I found her about an hour and a half ago. She’s at our house."

Jonathon sighed in relief.

"I’ll get my horse."

"Jonathon, she doesn’t want to see you. She said she didn’t mind if you knew she was there, but she needed time to think."

Jonathon stared at Heath as though he were trying to comprehend the words he’d heard. He went back to his men and dismissed them, thanking them for their time. He walked back to Heath and motioned for him to follow to the house. They walked into the study and Jonathon poured Heath a drink. Heath noticed Jonathon’s hands were shaking as he handed the glass to him.

"Did she...did she tell you..?" Jonathon began.

"She didn’t say much. Just what I told you about needing some time to think," was all Heath said. He wanted to ask Jonathon about the herbs but refrained.

"Thank you for coming by to tell me, Heath. I was worried about her," Jonathon said, standing. Heath stood with him, setting his glass down.

"I’ll stop by tomorrow," Jonathon said, holding his hand out to Heath. The men shook hands, and Heath thought Jonathon looked years older.

"I’ll let her know."

* * * * * * * *

Ella woke up early the next morning, feeling disoriented. She couldn’t remember where she was at first, then the memory of the night before came rushing back. She began to weep, muffling her sobs with her pillow. She couldn’t have known that Heath heard every one. He had been walking past, and it took all of his energy not to go in and comfort her. He hurriedly walked down the back stairs and out to the barn. He couldn’t stand hearing her distress.

Ella fell back asleep and when she awoke, the sun was high in the sky. She was embarrassed to have slept so late, but knew she wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed any earlier. There was a faint knock at the door, and she called for whoever it was to come in. Victoria’s head peeked around the corner and smiled.

"Good morning," the older woman said.

"Good morning, Mrs. Barkley. I’m sorry I slept so late," she said as she sat up in bed.

"Don’t apologize, dear. You were exhausted. Your husband was here earlier to see you."

Ella looked up quickly.

"I don’t want to see him just yet, Mrs. Barkley. Please. If someone could take me into town, I’ll be out of your way in just a few hours."

Victoria looked at her guest with an upraised eyebrow. She quietly closed the door and went to sit in the chair beside Ella’s bed.

"You don’t plan to go back home?"

The tears formed again, and Ella couldn’t hold them back. She shook her head slightly, unable to meet Victoria’s eyes.

"Ella, I know we don’t know one another well, but I’d like to help you. Audra told me about the herbs. You’ve only been married a short while. Why were you taking them? Had you been told you couldn’t have children?"

Ella sighed.

"We had been married for a year and I hadn’t conceived. Wilma knew a lot about herbs and said she might be able to help. I never thought...I never imagined she was giving me an herb to keep me from having a baby. Wong said..." Ella fought for control. "Wong said the herb I was taking wouldn’t help me have a baby, but that it killed the baby. All this time, I thought she was helping me..."

" Did Jonathon know what Wilma was doing?"

"No!" Ella replied, surprised at the question. "He seemed shocked when I mentioned it."

"Then, why don’t you want to go home?"

"Remember I told you how uncomfortable it made me because Wilma was so nice to him?" At Victoria’s silent nod, Ella continued, "Now I know why! When I arrived home last night, I overheard a conversation between Jonathon and Wilma." Ella’s voice choked up, and she couldn’t go on for a few minutes. Victoria handed her a lacy handkerchief. Once Ella wiped her eyes and blew her nose, she continued.

"I was so angry with Wilma that the only thing I could think of was getting her out of my home. Before I could walk into the room, I heard Jonathon say that the night he and Wilma had spent together fifteen years ago meant nothing to him. I never knew they’d had anything more than just an employer/employee relationship! But now it all makes sense."

"Why were they talking about it?" Victoria asked. Ella’s shoulders slumped.

"I don’t know. I don’t know anything," Ella cried. Victoria patted her on the back as she sobbed and waited for her to calm down before saying anything.

"Do you think your husband and Wilma have been having an affair?" Victoria asked.

"I don’t know...I don’t see how they could. I’ve never been away from home overnight without Jonathon until my trip to San Francisco. And whenever Jonathon has been away, Wilma has stayed home with me...I guess I don’t believe they are. But hearing about them, even just one night. Even if it happened all those years ago...Why didn’t he tell me? And why did he keep her on as an employee?"

Victoria debated about what to say next. She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Ella, I’d like to tell you something. It isn’t something I talk about often."

Ella watched Victoria as she thought about the words she was going to say.

"A long time ago, my husband had an affair and a child was conceived."

Ella’s eyes widened at the confession.

"Nick was three and a half and Jarrod was almost eight. Tom and I had gone through a rough time in our marriage. I won’t go into detail, but we both made mistakes. I’m not trying to excuse what Tom did. He made his choice. But I will accept the blame for my part in it. As far as I know, it only happened the one time, and it took a long while before Tom and I were able to forgive each other and ourselves. We worked through it and eventually were able to make our marriage work again. Jonathon made a mistake years ago. I don’t know him that well, but from what I’ve heard from Audra, you both love each other very much. You need to listen to him. Hear his side of the story. Understand his view. Don’t make any hasty decisions."

Ella nodded, the tears forming again.

"I don’t want to hear any more talk of you going into town. You are our guest."

"But the party..."

"We have plenty of room, my dear. Don’t you worry."

Victoria left her to think about what they’d talked about. Just as she reached the door, Ella called out to her.

"Mrs. Barkley? You said a child was conceived. Did you ever meet that child?"

Victoria smiled slightly.

"He lives with us now."

"He does?" Ella asked.

"Yes. His name is Heath."

Chapter 15

Ella sat in the spacious garden of the Barkley mansion, thinking about her conversation with Victoria Barkley. Ella was amazed that she had shared such a personal story with her. It hurt to think that Jonathon had slept with Wilma, but it would have been much worse had it happened once she and Jonathon had been married. Ella was sure there was nothing between her husband and former housekeeper now. She had written a letter to him, and Victoria had seen that it was delivered. She agreed that she needed to listen to Jonathon’s side, but for now, Ella needed time away from him to get her thoughts under control.

She couldn’t stop the flow of tears when she thought about the years wasted by taking the herbs. They could have a baby right now if Ella hadn’t been so insistent in having her own way. Jonathon had tried to discourage her from asking Wilma for help, but Ella had refused to listen. Once he realized she was determined, he supported her, but Ella knew he preferred to let things happen naturally. If only she’d listened to him.

Ella sighed as she wiped away her tears. She looked up and found Heath watching her. It startled her, and she jumped slightly.

"Heath! I didn’t realize you were there," she said.

Heath walked over to her and took a seat on a nearby bench. He removed his hat and placed it next to him. He’d seen Ella when he passed by earlier and found, to his delight, that she was still in the same spot when he had returned. He couldn’t resist finding out how she was doing. She looked sad, and he’d seen her brushing away tears.

"Sorry to startle you. Are you feeling better?" he asked.

Ella sighed.

"Being able to talk to Mrs. Barkley was a big help. I’m just sorting through things in my mind now. Thank you for bringing me here."

Heath smiled and nodded his head. Ella was wearing one of Audra’s dresses and although the color was lovely on Ella, the dress was too long. Heath longed to sit next to her on the bench and put his arm around her. He could imagine them being married. At the end of the day he would come home and sit next to her. She would lean her head on his shoulder and tell him all about her day. Her expressive brown eyes would turn to him, the love she had for him clearly showing. He would lean in and gently kiss her pink lips.

"How is Ellen?" Ella asked, breaking Heath’s train of thought.

Heath cleared his throat, trying to think of a response. In truth, he hadn’t thought of Ellen since he’d brought Ella home the night before.

"Uh...she’s fine. We..ah..we went to dinner together last night."

Ella smiled.

"I’m so glad. Is she coming to the party?"

Heath shifted.

"Yeah. I asked her, and she said yes. Are you still planning on going?"

Ella looked away, the _expression on her face becoming sad.

"I don’t think so. I’m not sure what Jonathon is planning on doing, and I don’t want to go by myself. You know how people like to talk. Perhaps I’ll just stay in my room that night."

Heath felt sad that Ella wouldn’t be going. Selfishly, he’d hoped for another chance to dance with her. His thoughts turned to Ellen and he knew he wasn’t being fair to her.

"So, how was your day?" Ella asked, hoping to get her mind off of her situation. Heath sensed she wanted the subject changed so he talked to her about what he’d done that day. A half hour later, he was delighted to hear Ella laughing at his stories.

* * * * * * * *

Nick had come home wondering where Heath had run off to. He figured he was going into town to see Ellen that night and wanted to be the first to get into the bathroom. Nick was already preparing his response in case all of the hot water was gone. He heard laughter in the garden and thought perhaps he’d find Abby there since it was one of her favorite places. Nick watched as Heath spoke with Ella and it took every ounce of his self control not to go out and drag his younger brother inside. Victoria had told them that morning that Ella would be staying with them a few days but didn’t go into any details. Nick took marriage vows very seriously. It had taken him a long time to forgive his father for forsaking those vows. Although at first Nick had blamed Heath, he knew that blame was misplaced. Heath shouldn’t be punished for choices his parents had made. And yet, here he was, sitting with a married woman who was separated from her husband. No, maybe he hadn’t done anything "wrong", but Nick felt he was headed that way if he didn’t change something.

Nick stalked off, knowing he needed to cool down before he spoke with anyone. He went upstairs and took a bath, letting the hot, steamy water relax him. Whenever his thoughts turned to Heath, he felt himself tensing and getting angry. Finally, he dried off and dressed. If Heath was still sitting with Mrs. Sommers, he’d ...politely...get his brother away and try to talk some sense into him.

Abby was just coming from their room when Nick exited the bathroom. He gave his wife a huge kiss, whispered in her ear and then asked her if she’d seen Heath.

"He was downstairs in the garden the last I saw," Abby answered. She was watching Nick closely and saw that was not the answer he was hoping for. His jaw clinched, the muscles moving underneath his freshly shaven skin.

"I think I’ll go down and have a word with him," Nick replied.

"Nick," Abby said, putting her hand on his arm to stop him. There was no way Abby could physically keep Nick from going to Heath, but her feather light touch was enough to hold him back.

"I know it isn’t appropriate for Heath to spend time with Ella, but we can’t interfere. We have to trust Heath and Ella to be mature enough not to do anything that would jeopardize Ella’s marriage to her husband. It’s not like they’re hiding. Besides, I know for a fact, that Ella sent a letter to her husband today."

Nick knew his wife was right, but it galled him that Heath was behaving this way. He nodded silently and leaned down to give his wife another kiss.

"I love you, Mrs. Barkley," Nick whispered.

"I love you, Mr. Barkley," Abby responded and allowed her husband to escort her down to the parlor. Jarrod and Melissa had arrived while Nick had been upstairs. He greeted his brother with a huge bear hug and slap on the back. For Melissa, he gave her a peck on the cheek and a brotherly hug. Melissa and Abby began to discuss wedding plans and it wasn’t long before Audra was getting in on the conversation. Victoria had not yet made an appearance. Meanwhile, Jarrod asked where Heath was. Nick cleared his throat, glad the others weren’t paying attention to the conversation between he and Jarrod.

"He’s sitting out in the garden with Mrs. Sommers."

Jarrod raised an eyebrow.

"Audra said Ella was staying here," Jarrod said, but didn’t go any further since Victoria had arrived. Heath made an appearance finally, and Abby watched her husband, knowing he wanted to say something. She breathed a sigh of relief when he refrained, giving her a wink to let her know he would keep quiet...at least for now.

Chapter 16

Since the engagement party was that night, Heath came in early so to clean up and go pick up Ellen. He had been hoping to see Ella that day, but she had not come down for breakfast before he’d left for the day. He and Nick had grabbed lunch from the chuck wagon, so he hadn’t seen her at lunch either.

Heath dressed carefully, hating having to wear his tuxedo, but knowing it was required of him. Thankfully, he had managed to find another shirt besides the one with the ruffles. He had detested that one. So had Jarrod, from what he’d heard after Audra’s nineteenth birthday party. What a night that had been. It was Heath's first formal gathering after finding his new family. The night had started well, but ended with Heath punching Evan Miles for taking inappropriate advances with Audra.

Heath slowly drove the buggy into town. He liked Ellen. A lot. She was a sweet girl and wasn’t demanding. She never seemed to expect more than what Heath could give. She didn’t chatter a lot, which he found refreshing, and she didn’t play the games that so many women her age played. In many respects, she was perfect for him. So, if she was perfect, why was he not more excited about seeing her tonight? Heath knew the answer as soon as his mind asked it. It was because he didn’t love her, not like he loved Ella.

"Stop it, you fool," he muttered. "You can’t love a married woman. You can’t! If you do, you’re no better than..." Heath shifted uncomfortably. He was about to say he was no better than his mother. That thought hurt. He loved his mother and hated that her life had been so hard, but she made her choices. She chose to sleep with a man she wasn’t married to. It didn’t matter whether she knew Tom Barkley was married to someone else or not. Was this how his mother felt when she and Tom had spent time together? It disgusted Heath to think of breaking marriage vows. He’d judged his father on many occasions for doing that. And yet, in his mind, in his fantasies, that’s what he was asking Ella to do. He was asking her to forsake her vows to be with him. He knew she loved her husband. Yet, Tom had loved Victoria, hadn’t he? Was it just a moment of weakness? Or was it more than that? For the first time in his life, Heath felt he knew what his mother had gone through.

"Listen," he said to himself. "Don’t mess things up with Ellen. She’s a good woman. You can learn to care for her. Enjoy bein’ with her. Let things come naturally."

Heath didn’t feel much better, but he was now at the boarding house where Ellen lived. He knocked on the door and she opened it right away. Heath was taken aback by her appearance. He’d always thought she was pretty, but tonight she was beautiful. Where she usually wore it down with the sides pulled back, tonight her dark hair was swept up in a becoming style. Her burgundy dress fit her in all the right places and accentuated each and every curve. Her blue eyes sparkled, and Heath felt himself lost in their depths.

It would be so easy to love her, he thought. He smiled, told her she looked beautiful, offered his arm and the two walked to the buggy.

* * * * * * * *

Abby was humming to herself as she sat at the vanity, dressed only in her dressing gown and brushing her long, dark hair. The engagement party was going to begin in just over three hours, and she promised her mother in law she would help with any last minute details. All she had to do was put her hair up and get dressed. Nick had come in from the range early and had just finished with his bath. He came into the room and grinned as he watched his wife. He loved it when his wife sang. She had a beautiful voice. He also knew that when she was humming, she was happy. He sighed with contentment as he walked over and planted a kiss on the side of her neck.

"Mmm," Abby responded, closing her eyes. Nick continued to plant tiny kisses along her neck, and Abby was finding it difficult to breathe.

"Nick," she said, her voice sounding like a moan.

"Hmmm?" he asked.

"I promised...." Abby began. Nick was good at making her lose her train of thought.

"You promised?" Nick asked, not stopping his feather-light kisses. He gently turned his wife around and knelt before her.

"I promised....something..." Abby whispered. Nick pushed his wife’s dressing gown from her shoulders and continued his ministrations.

"Nick?" Abby whispered again.

"What?" Nick answered, his deep voice sounding husky. Abby opened her green eyes and saw how Nick’s hazel eyes were darkened with passion.

"I’m glad we still have a few hours before the party starts," Abby said, smiling. Nick smiled too then led his wife to their bed.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria looked around the room crowded with her friends and family. All were there to celebrate the joyous announcement of Jarrod and Melissa’s engagement. Melissa was fairly glowing as she was introduced by her fiancé to his friends and neighbors.

The appearance of Nick and Abby caught her attention, and Victoria hid a smile. Abby had promised to be on hand to help with any last minute things that needed doing, but she had shown up about a half hour before the first guests arrived. She apologized, mentioning that the time had gotten away from her. The flush on her cheeks and the self satisfied smile her son wore told Victoria Nick had had something to do with it. It didn’t bother Victoria in the least though. She remembered well the first year of marriage, and how she and Tom couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. Somewhere along the line, they’d let that passion fade away. Eventually, it was rediscovered and remained until the day of his death.

Audra was talking with some of her friends as they watched the others dance. It surprised Victoria that her daughter had not accepted one of the many invitations she’d received for an escort to the party.

She looked over to see Heath and Ellen standing near the door to the parlor. Ellen was talking with another young woman, but would look to Heath every few seconds. Heath didn’t seem to be paying a lot of attention to his date, and was glancing up the stairs every so often, as though he were looking for someone.

There was a knock at the door, and Silas went to answer it. It was Jonathon, dressed in a tuxedo. Victoria had known he was still planning on coming, but he wasn’t going to be staying for the party. Victoria walked over to him and told him where he could find Ella. He smiled his thanks. The orchestra had just started another song, so no one noticed as he walked up the stairs.

Heath was curious. He excused himself from Ellen and began to meander toward the stairs. He wanted to be close, just in case Ella needed him. He gradually advanced on the stairs.

"Don’t think that would be wise, little brother," Nick said, leading Heath back toward Ellen.

"Let me go, Nick. I just wanna be there in case she needs me."

"Why would she need you? That's her husband going up those stairs, or have you forgotten that?"

Heath’s jaw clenched. Nick hoped he hadn’t pushed him too far. Both brothers glanced about to see if anyone noticed their tension. Neither wanted to ruin Jarrod and Melissa's night. Now was not the time for a scene. A second later, Heath turned on his heel, returned to Ellen and took her by the hand, swinging her out on to the dance floor.

* * * * * * * *

Ella sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the music as it wafted up the stairs. She could just imagine the happy couples as they danced with one another. Tears filled her eyes, and she wiped them away. In the letter she’d written to him, she asked him to come by on Sunday so they could talk. Ella was wishing she’d asked him to come by Saturday instead. She stood and walked to the small vanity in the room and sat down to brush her hair. There was a knock at the door, and she thought perhaps Audra had come to check on her.

"Come in," she called. Her eyes widened as she saw Jonathon in the reflection of the mirror. She turned around as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

"Jonathon," she said in surprise.

"Ella," he replied, wanting to take her into his arms. He wasn’t sure if she’d let him, so he stayed where he was. It didn’t escape Ella’s notice how handsome her husband looked.

"I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow," Ella said.

"I know. I couldn’t wait. I want to explain what happened with Wilma," Jonathon began, but stopped when Ella shook her head no.

"I’m not ready to hear it, Jonathon. I just need to go home."

Jonathon’s shoulders sagged. He had known it was a possibility that Ella would leave him, but he never thought she’d actually do it. He was determined to fight for her; to do whatever he had to win her trust again. If that meant her going back to live with her parents for a while, that was fine. He’d go with her. He’d follow her anywhere and do anything to please her.

"I’m assuming you want to stay here until I can make the arrangements?" he asked softly, each word dearly costing him.

"What arrangements?" Ella asked, thoroughly confused.

"There’s only one train that leaves from here to Oregon. Unless you want to go back to San Francisco and leave from there-"

"Jonathon," Ella interrupted. "Why would I want to go to Oregon? I want to go home, to our home."

"But you said...you didn’t want to talk about..."

"No. Not tonight. I want you to take me to our home. I want you to help me forget what’s happened...just for tonight. Then tomorrow, we’ll face it and deal with it. I love you, Jonathon. I have since the moment I saw you. I’m still angry that you didn’t tell me about Wilma and even angrier that you kept her on as an employee."

Jonathon opened his mouth but Ella held up her hand to stop him. She walked up to her husband and wrapped her arms around his waist. He gladly held her in return.

"Take me home, Jonathon. We’ll talk tomorrow," she murmured against his chest. Jonathon sighed with relief. What had he ever done to deserve her?

Chapter 17

Audra had been watching the door, waiting for Carl to arrive. She was at a loss as to what to do, but she knew, somehow, she had to convey to him that she still cared. If he didn’t return her feelings, she would be crushed, but would accept it.

She had been dancing with Jarrod when Carl made his appearance. Audra was thankful she had been dancing with her brother. She noticed that he hadn’t come with a date and sighed with relief.

"Audra, are you alright?" Jarrod asked. "You’re shaking."

Audra smiled at Jarrod.

"I’m fine. I just...I think I need some punch," she replied.

"I’ll get you some."

"No. You go find Melissa. I can get it."

"You’re sure?"

"Yes," Audra assured him then walked toward the refreshment table. Taking a dainty sip of the sweet liquid, Audra surreptitiously glanced around. She noticed that Carl stood with some of the other bachelors in the room. It would be forward to ask Carl to dance, but Audra wasn’t sure how else she would get a chance to talk with him. She bit her lip in uncertainty. He hadn’t made any efforts to talk with her since their last date. She’d made it clear she never wanted to see him again.

From across the room, Nick watched Audra with amusement. No one else seemed to noticed how she kept looking in the direction of Carl Wheeler. Carl, for his part, was talking with the men, and seemed to be oblivious.

Wonder if they’d appreciate some help? Nick asked himself. He whispered to Abby, kissed her cheek, then asked his sister for a dance. She agreed with a smile and was swept up in Nick’s arms. It took some maneuvering, but Nick was able to bring them closer to Carl. Audra, who was chatting away nervously, never noticed what Nick was up to.

The music had just stopped, and Audra was about to walk away when Nick said, "Well, look who’s here. Carl Wheeler! How have you been?"

Nick grabbed hold of Audra’s arm as she began to move away. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she knew Abby would be a widow by the end of the night.

"Just fine, Nick," Carl replied, though his eyes were on Audra. He noticed she had tried to move away, and she looked angry. Inside, Carl sighed in frustration. He had been wanting to talk to Audra for quite some time, but wasn’t sure if he’d be welcomed. By the look on Audra’s face, he knew he had been wise to stay away.

"I’ve been just fine. Audra and I enjoyed our dance, and I’m going to find my beautiful wife. Carl, would you mind taking the next dance with Audra?"

Audra’s eyes widened, and it was only the fact she knew her mother would reprimand her that Audra didn’t kick Nick in the shin.

"It would be my pleasure," Carl replied. Audra sent Nick a withering look, and he in turn, smiled at her.

Their first touch was magical. They didn’t talk for most of the song, each enjoying holding the other close. Carl wanted to get Audra alone so that they could talk, but with so many people at the party, that didn’t seem possible. Seeing they had moved toward the veranda doors, Carl took a chance. He opened the door and gently pushed Audra through.

"Carl! What are you doing?" Audra asked, shocked.

"I’m sorry, Audra. I just needed to talk to you for a few minutes, and this seemed to be the best way. You can leave after you hear what I’m going to say."

"I love you, Carl."

Carl opened his mouth to talk, but Audra’s words stopped him.

"You do?" he asked, incredulously.

"I have for as long as I can remember. You made me angry when you betrayed Nick. But I know he’s forgiven you," Audra replied, looking away.

Carl put his finger under her chin to bring her eyes back to his face.

"Have you forgiven me?" he asked.

Audra nodded, unable to speak. Carl firmly held her jaw in one hand and leaned in to place a kiss on her lips. Audra’s eyes closed in pleasure and she wrapped her arms around his waist.

* * * * * * * *

Nick watched as Carl ushered Audra outside. He’d give them ten minutes, then he’d go after them. He hoped they would work things out. Abby saw her husband’s grin and slipped her hand in his.

"And just what has you looking like the cat that swallowed the canary?" she asked.

"Just the fact that I’m married to the most beautiful woman," Nick replied gallantly.

"Oh, Nick," Abby said, smiling. "That’s such a romantic thing to say."

"Well, you know me...Mr. Romantic!"

Abby laughed then said, "Now, will you tell me what has really made you so happy?"

Nick feigned being struck in the heart, but Abby wanted answers. She raised an eyebrow, and Nick knew he had to tell her.

"I have a prediction to make," Nick said.

"Oh?"

"That this time next year, my sister will be a married woman."

"To who?" Abby asked, looking around. It was then that she noticed Audra and Carl Wheeler coming from the veranda.

"Nick, what did you do?"

Nick smiled. "I just helped, is all." He went on to explain how he’d asked Carl to dance with Audra. Abby rolled her eyes.

"You should be glad it didn’t back fire on you. What if they hadn’t wanted to talk? What if Audra resents you interfering?"

Nick watched the other couple and brought his wife closer to himself.

"Just look at them," Nick whispered. "Does Audra look like she resents me?"

In truth, Audra and Carl both looked happy. Abby smiled and gave her husband a peck on the cheek.

"You’re sweet to care so much, but I think you should stop playing Cupid."

Nick laughed and whisked his wife out onto the dance floor.

* * * * * * * *

Heath and Ellen danced together until Ellen begged to sit down. Heath seemed determined to keep her all to himself, not allowing anyone to cut in. Ordinarily, she would have found it flattering, but the fierce look on Heath’s face scared her a little. She’d noticed how he’d walked away from her before, and how Nick had spoken to him. When he’d returned to her side, she could tell he was upset. Ellen was intuitive enough to know she should keep quiet. She watched Heath’s face and when he finally started to relax, she’d spoken to him. He listened to her words and smiled slightly. Ellen excused herself to take care of her personal needs, leaving Heath sitting in a corner. Although he watched the dancers, he didn’t really see them.

"Where’s Ellen?"

Heath looked up to see Victoria. He stood in deference to her and sat down when she did.

"She excused herself for a few minutes."

"Are you having a good time?" Victoria asked, noting that Heath seemed more quiet than usual.

"Yes. It’s nice to see Jarrod so happy."

Victoria nodded. She’d just returned from seeing Ella and Jonathon off. They’d sneaked out the back to avoid seeing anyone.

"I wish Jonathon and Ella could have stayed," Victoria said. "Perhaps it was best that they go on home though."

Victoria, who was normally very observant, didn’t notice how Heath tensed up. He found himself longing for something stronger to drink than punch.

"Mother, if you’ll excuse me? I’ll be back in a few minutes."

"Of course, dear. I’ll let Ellen know you’ll be back."

Heath nodded his thanks and made his way to the study. He was relieved to find there was no one else in the room. As he poured himself two fingers of whiskey, he fought with himself.

You fool! You should be happy they are going to work things out. Instead, you’re as mad as a wet hen. What is it with you? Why can’t you give her up? You know things will never work out between you and yet you hang on to this...this fantasy! You’re obsessed. You’re no better than an animal stalking his prey. Ella belongs to Jonathon. It’s that plain and simple. Get her outta your head.

Heath took two more drinks before he felt calm enough to go back out to the party. Ellen was sitting beside Victoria, and the two were laughing about something. Heath took a deep breath, then approached his date, asking her for another dance. Ellen smiled up at him and agreed, excusing herself from Victoria.

When things began to wind down, Heath left to take Ellen home. The moon was full, and the sky was full of stars. Ellen smiled as she spotted the big dipper, craning her neck to find Orion’s belt.

"What are you doing?" Heath asked as he watched her. He let the horses have their head, and they were keeping up a steady pace.

"Just looking at the stars. I love it when the night is clear like this," Ellen answered.

"It’s nice."

They rode in silence for the rest of the ride to the boarding house. When they arrived, Heath held onto Ellen’s waist as he helped her down from the buggy. She smiled up at him and was going to tell him "thank you," but his head was lowering and he gently brushed her lips with his own. She’d never experienced anything like that before. It was amazing! Ellen was hoping Heath wouldn’t stop and was delighted when she felt his hand touch her jaw. He pulled on it slightly, and Ellen felt Heath’s tongue push against her lips. She was totally inexperienced, but enjoyed the sensations Heath was bringing forth. Her tongue tentatively met his, and Heath drew her closer in a crushing embrace. When they broke apart, both were breathing heavily.

"I love you," Heath whispered. His eyes popped open when he heard the admission. He’d been thinking about Ella and the words just came out.

"Heath," Ellen said, clearly surprised.

"I’m sorry, Ellen. I...I..."

"No, don’t apologize. It’s just...I didn’t expect to hear that."

Heath was calling himself every kind of fool. He didn’t want to hurt Ellen. She deserved better. He wasn’t sure what to do to make things right when Ellen spoke.

"Would you like to come in for a few minutes?"

"I should get back," Heath said. Ellen looked disappointed, but she smiled and bid him goodnight. Feeling guilty about what he’d done, Heath decided to try and make things up to her.

"How about if we go out for a ride tomorrow?"

Ellen smiled. "I’d like that."

"I’ll see you then."

Ellen went to sleep that night with a smile on her face, not realizing Heath would barely sleep at all.

Chapter 18

Nick wanted to talk to Heath about the night before. He wasn’t going to apologize, but he did want to make sure there were no hard feelings. He knew Heath was an early riser, but he checked his room anyway before making his way downstairs. Silas told Nick Heath had left the house early and hadn’t been seen since. Walking to the barn and found Heath brushing Charger. He knew it was something his younger brother liked to do when he was troubled about something. Nick took a deep breath, then decided to make his presence known.

"You’re up early."

Nick sighed. "I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Know I’m here before I want you to know I’m here. Just once I’d like to sneak up on you."

Nick knew some relief when he heard Heath chuckle.

"Listen, Heath. About last night-"

"You were right, Nick. I didn’t need to interfere. Thanks for stoppin’ me."

Nick should have been pleased at Heath’s response, but something in Heath’s voice bothered him.

"Just wanted to make sure we’re ok."

Heath turned around and faced Nick. As tough as his dark haired brother was, Nick had a heart as big as the state of California. He hadn’t come to apologize. Heath knew that. He did want to make sure their relationship was on steady ground.

"We’re fine, Nick."

Nick nodded, hating the sad look in Heath’s eyes. He hadn’t realized until the past few days how much Heath had cared for Ella.

"You really love her...don't you?" Nick asked, his voice holding no censure.

Heath didn't want to answer, but felt he should be honest.

"Yeah."

Nick sighed. Sometimes your heart didn't let you choose who you loved. As far as Nick was concerned, Heath was living proof of that. Nick hadn’t intended to accept Heath, to love him as his brother, but he did.

"We should head in for breakfast," Heath suggested, putting the brush back on the shelf. "By the way, I’m taking Ellen out for a ride today. Probably be gone most of the day."

"Alright," was all Nick said. Although it should have made him happy that Heath was at least trying to move on, he was bothered. Ellen was a nice girl and Nick didn’t want her to get hurt. Heath was one of the most honorable men he’d ever met, but he was on the rebound. Nick wisely kept quiet and kicked around for change in subject. He smiled when he thought of something.

"You know, I love it when you tell me that."

"What?" Heath asked, genuinely confused.

"That I’m right. Don’t often hear that from you."

"I never told you you were right," Heath argued, knowing what Nick was doing.

"Don’t try to back out now! I heard you with my own two ears!"

"Then you best get into town and see Doc Merar cuz your hearing is going!"

Nick laughed and clapped Heath on the back as they walked in the house.

* * * * * * * *

Heath rode Charger toward town, leading a gentle mare named Sassy behind him. This had been the horse that Ellen had been using for her riding lessons. He thought about hitching the buggy up for their ride, but decided against it. He hoped Ellen didn’t mind. She was watering some flowers on the front porch when he arrived. He was relieved when he saw she was wearing riding clothes. He dismounted and tied the horses to the hitching rail in front of the house.

"Hi," she said, putting her water pot down. Heath forced a smile as he walked toward her. Did she expect him to kiss her? He wasn’t sure. He’d felt guilty for what he’d done the night before. He knew in his mind, he'd been kissing Ella, not Ellen. Ellen watched Heath hesitate, wondering if he felt uncomfortable because of their shared kiss or because of his admission of love. She decided to keep things as friendly as possible and not to expect anything.

"I just need to get my hat and we can go. I’m so glad you brought Sassy. It’s been a while since I’ve ridden, and I could use the practice."

Heath inwardly sighed with relief. She smiled up at him then turned around to go inside. She was back out in just a second, and Heath helped her mount. They rode slowly out of town, Heath taking them in the opposite direction of the Barkley Ranch. Each was content with their own thoughts. When they reached an open field, Heath instructed Charger to pick up the pace. Sassy followed the other horse’s lead. Ellen took a deep breath, refusing to let herself be afraid. She was still uncomfortable with going too fast. She talked herself into enjoying the ride and eventually relaxed.

Heath's mind was again on Ella. She was an expert horsewoman and would have enjoyed the challenging ride. Heath wasn’t paying attention, or he wouldn’t have pushed the horses so hard. He kept thinking about his admission to Nick that morning. He did love Ella. It amazed him how quickly it happened. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact time it started. Was it the first time he’d seen her? He remembered Jonathon’s admission that he’d fallen in love with Ella the first time he laid eyes on her. Heath had been intrigued by her that first day, but he wasn’t in love with her. It was the day they raced their horses. Heath smiled slightly. That was it. Listening to her laugh and the look he saw in her eyes when she challenged him to a race. He’d fallen hard and never recovered. When he found out she was married, he should have just pushed his feelings aside, but he couldn't. He dreamt about Ella. Heath closed his eyes. It was wrong! He was desperate to get Ella from his mind. He needed to keep her from invading his thoughts. She was in no way to blame for his feelings for her. She’d never done anything to encourage him. Heath was in love alone, and it was painful.

All of a sudden, Heath remembered Ellen. He chastised himself for pushing the horses. She was an inexperienced rider and could have been killed! He turned to see her riding behind him, her face smiling, her eyes taking in the scenery. She wasn’t the least bit bothered by the pace. Heath slowed the horses down then dismounted. He helped Ellen down and held her close.

"I’m sorry," he whispered.

"For what?" Ellen asked, leaning back to look at him. Heath was the most handsome man she’d ever met. She knew she loved him, but wasn’t sure if he felt the same way until the night before when he’d said the words.

"I wasn’t thinking, and I made you ride harder than I should have. I’m sorry." Heath buried his face in her hair. He had to get control of his emotions.

"It’s alright! I’m fine! I’ll admit I was a little frightened at first but I knew you would take care of me. You wouldn’t let anything happen. See?" Ellen said, pulling away from him and twirling around. She laughed, and Heath couldn’t help but smile.

"I’m fine. No broken bones...not even a scratch!" Ellen said. Heath watched her dance around and felt an overwhelming need to be close to her. He grabbed her by the waist and drew her closer to himself. He was trying to force himself to feel the same kind of love for her as he had for Ella. He looked into her smiling blue eyes, leaned his head in and kissed her. Ellen responded to him by wrapping her arms around his neck. They stayed in their embrace, unaware of the way Sassy decided to run off on her own. Charger was trained well enough to stay where Heath stopped him, but Sassy had a mind of her own.

When they realized what had happened it was almost lunch time. Heath and Ellen rode double, looking for Sassy and didn’t find her until they reached the next town. It would be dinner time before they returned to the Barkley ranch.

* * * * * * * *

Nick took Abby riding, something they had not done in quite a while. They couldn’t be gone long, but Nick was eager to talk to Abby about something that had been on his mind. They were about a mile from the main house when Nick stopped their horses and dismounted. He and Abby stood together, taking in the view for several minutes before Nick spoke.

"Do you like this spot?" Nick asked. Abby looked around. It was very picturesque. There was a grove a trees to the south and the mountain range was to the far north. The main house was to the east, but it could barely be seen. To the west was open field.

"It’s beautiful!" Abby replied, putting her arm in Nick’s.

"I want to build our house here."

Abby looked at her husband, clearly surprised by his comment.

"You don’t want to live at the main house?"

"When my father brought my mother here, they had nothing. One goal he had was to build a grand house, just for my mother. I want to do the same for you. I want our children to be born in our house. I want us to grow old together in the house that I built with my own two hands. I want us to have something that is ours. I guess I’m not making any sense."

Abby smiled and placed her hand on Nick’s cheek.

"I understand. I love living in the main house, but it would be nice to be on our own. I think this is the perfect spot. When can we start?"

Nick smiled. He’d already been thinking of designs, and he described in detail the plans. Abby offered suggestions and Nick felt they complimented his work. If things went well, the house could be finished within a year.

* * * * * * * *

Carl had been invited over for dinner, and Audra was ecstatic. They’d talked for a long time after the party, working things out between them. She was eager to see him again and as soon as it would be appropriate, she hoped they could go for a walk.

The family was gathered in the parlor, waiting for dinner. Nick absently poked the fire, thinking about the house plans. Abby watched him from her chair nearby, thinking about his wanting his children born in a house he built with his own two hands. Jarrod clasped Melissa's hand as they sat on the sofa, twisting her engagement ring around and around on her finger. Pouring a glass of cider, Audra took it to Carl as he leaned against the piano.

"I wonder where Heath is?" Victoria asked as she walked into the room.

"He told me he was going to take Ellen riding today," Nick replied. He had an uneasy feeling that he couldn’t get to go away.

"Well, we’ll wait a few more minutes for him," Victoria said, sitting in a chair. About ten minutes later, Victoria decided they couldn’t wait any longer. The front door opened and in walked Heath and Ellen, hand in hand.

"Heath! I’m glad you made it. Ellen, I hope you can stay for dinner," Victoria said.

"Actually, she’s going to be staying longer than that," Heath replied before Ellen could answer Victoria. The bad feeling Nick had was coming full force now.

"Oh?" Victoria asked.

"Yeah, ya see. Um...well there’s no other way to say this than to just say it," Heath replied. He looked to Ellen who was smiling at him. He took a deep breath and said, "We were married this afternoon."

Chapter 19

Audra’s eyes widened in surprise, as did Victoria’s. Abby stood up in front of Nick, who looked ready to charge at his younger brother. She pressed her back against him and pushed. Nick knew she was trying to keep him from saying anything that would permanently damage his relationship with Heath. He placed his hand on his wife’s shoulder to let her know he had gotten the message, but the look he was sending Heath spoke volumes. Thankfully, no one but Heath noticed.

Jarrod was the first to go forward and welcome his new sister-in-law into the family. He gave her a peck on the cheek, then shook hands with Heath. The rest of the family followed his lead, Nick bringing up the rear. He smiled at Ellen, but when his eyes met Heath’s, they were cold.

Dinner was full of conversation, though Nick was strangely quiet. He speared his meat with his fork, not really paying much attention to the story of how Heath proposed. He was busy thinking of what he was going to say to Heath the next time he got him alone. Abby hated the tension radiating from her husband. She placed her hand on his thigh and was pleased when he took her hand in his own and squeezed.

Eventually, the family adjourned to the parlor. Carl and Audra excused themselves to take a walk and watch the sunset. The rest stayed inside and got to know Heath’s new wife better. They learned that Ellen’s parents had both died when she was quite young, and she was raised by her mother’s elderly cousin. When he passed away, Ellen went to Teacher’s college, taught for a few years in Nevada then moved to Stockton. Heath listened as Ellen told her life’s story, realizing he knew very little about his wife.

His wife! What had he done? Heath’s mouth seemed to keep saying things of their own volition. He’d told Ellen he loved her, then asked her to marry him. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. Heath looked over at Jarrod and contemplated asking to speak with him about annulling the marriage. He and Ellen hadn’t consummated it yet. But no, that would be unfair to Ellen. Yet, he was married to her now, and he knew he wasn’t in love with her. What that fair? Heath was trapped. It was a trap he’d walked into with his eyes wide open. The weight of what he’d done was crushing him, and he needed to excuse himself.

"I’m going to go out to the barn and check on the mare that’s getting ready to foal," Heath announced. He looked at Ellen who smiled and nodded, telling him she’d see him when he came back inside.

A few minutes after Heath left, Nick excused himself. Abby said a brief prayer that Nick wouldn’t say or do something he’d regret later.

* * * * * * * *

Heath checked on the mare and noted absentmindedly she’d probably foal within the next week or so. The last foal she’d delivered was a beautiful chestnut colored horse Audra had named Emperor. He was living up to his name and seemed to be a regal animal.

He looked up to see Nick coming toward him. He cursed, wishing to avoid the confrontation he knew was coming, but Nick had that determined look in his eyes. He grabbed Heath by the shirt and pushed him up against the stall.

"The only reason I'm not pounding you to a pulp is because I know it won't do any good. But you remember this, Ellen deserves better than you using her as a shield against your feelings for MRS. Sommers."

Heath pushed against Nick, causing the other man to drop his hands.

"Get your spurs outta me, Nick! This ain’t your business!"

"I’m making it my business. How could you do that to her! You stood here this morning and admitted to me you loved Ella, then you go off and marry Ellen? What kind of man are you?"

Heath’s nerves were already frayed and the confrontation wasn’t doing much to help. He reared back to strike, but Nick was anticipating and grabbed Heath’s arm, twisting it behind him.

"Don’t! Don’t start something you can’t finish. Whether it be a fight with your brother or a marriage to a good woman you don’t love."

Nick let go of Heath and stalked off. Heath sat down heavily on a bale of hay and put his head in his hands. He’d messed up royally, but he didn’t know how to get out of it without hurting Ellen one way or another. He cared for Ellen and knew he could eventually love her. He debated in his mind what would be the lesser of the two evils. Having the marriage annulled and humiliating Ellen or staying married to her and learning to love her. He took a deep breath, then went inside to do what he thought was the right thing.

* * * * * * * *

When Nick returned from the barn, Abby was relieved to not see any bruises on his face. That meant one of three things: either Nick didn’t find Heath; or he did find Heath and beat him to a pulp without Heath getting in a punch; or Nick found Heath and they had talked. Abby was hoping the last option was the correct one. Victoria had taken Ellen upstairs to show her where her room was. Jarrod and Melissa decided to go to the study to play a game of chess while Audra and Carl were saying goodbye to one another at the front door.

Nick took Abby’s hand and led her up to their room. Once they were inside, she asked him if he’d talked to Heath.

"Yeah, I talked to him."

"I take it it didn’t come to blows?"

Nick looked at his wife and put his hands on his hips.

"Why do you say that?"

Abby smiled slightly, despite the seriousness of their conversation.

"You don’t have any bruises. I would think Heath could get in one good punch."

Nick smiled, but it faded quickly.

"I’ve never been this angry with him, Abby. Never! How could he do such a stupid thing?"

Nick began pacing and Abby watched him, knowing he needed to move around.

"Nick, we need to give them a chance. You told me Jarrod and his first wife only knew each other a few days before they married."

"This is different!"

"How?" Abby asked.

"Jarrod loved Beth. He told me he knew from the moment he saw her that she was the one for him."

"And you're sure it isn’t that way with Heath?"

"No!" Nick almost shouted. "He admitted to me this morning who he loved. And it wasn’t Ellen. He’s using her as a shield against his feelings for-"

"Nick! Lower your voice!" Abby begged, noticing that the door to their room had not closed all the way. She poked her head out and was relieved to see no one in the hallway. They continued their conversation in quieter tones, but the damage had already been done. Ellen quickly closed the door to Heath’s room. She had been in the bathroom and was on her way back to the bedroom she and Heath would now share when she overheard Nick and Abby’s conversation. A conversation she was never meant to hear.

Heath came in from the barn and was informed by Victoria that Ellen was waiting for him in their room. He smiled his thanks, then went up to speak with his bride. He found her sitting on the edge of the bed. Ellen had taken her hair down, and she was running her fingers through it, causing the curls to fan out. Heath couldn’t help but notice how pretty she was. Her blue eyes met his, and she smiled. He sat down next to her and took her hand in his. Ellen stared at their hands, noting the contrast in them. His hands were bigger and much darker from the exposure to the sun. There were calluses on his palms too. Ellen’s hands were dainty, with long fingers and rounded nails. He put his finger under her chin and brought her face up to look into her eyes. He licked his lips and leaned in to kiss her. Ellen closed her eyes and relished this moment. Heath took things slow, making sure she enjoyed every moment of their time together.

"I love you, Heath," she whispered, when she was able to breathe again. Heath held her close. They eventually fell asleep, each thinking of the decision they’d made to make this marriage work.

Chapter 20

Heath lounged in a chair next to the bed, watching his wife sleep. He'd donned pants and his shirt hung open, leaving his chest bare in the dawn light. He shifted, crossing his bare feet, lacing his fingers across his midriff. The sun was just beginning to rise. Heath normally watched from the back of the house, a fresh cup of coffee in his hand, but he felt he should stay in today. He didn’t want Ellen to wake up alone. He watched as she began to stir, and smiled slightly as she stretched lazily, one long leg sticking out from beneath the covers.

She opened her eyes and looked around. Heath could tell she was feeling disoriented for a moment. When she saw him, she pulled the covers up a bit higher.

"Morning," Heath greeted.

"Morning."

"Sleep well?" he asked, watching her closely. The sun was up enough for him to see her face.

"Yes. I was tired," Ellen replied, her cheeks flushing just a bit. In truth, she was exhausted. She hadn’t known she’d feel so tired the next morning, and she was a bit sore.

"Breakfast won’t be for another hour or so. You’ve got time to get a bath if you want."

Ellen smiled her thanks, but didn’t move from the bed. She was feeling shy, though for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why. Heath had seen, and touched, every part of her the night before. Heath sensed her unease and wanted to help her feel more comfortable. He thought about leaving the room so she could dress, but realized they couldn’t live like strangers. They were married...husband and wife.

"We haven’t talked about it, but I was wondering what you wanted to do about your job at the post office?" Heath asked, unable to keep from glancing at Ellen’s exposed leg. Ellen noticed but did nothing to cover it up. She found she was enjoying the affect she was having on Heath.

"If you don’t want me to work there any longer, I would be fine with that. I feel I should give Mr. Parsons some notice though." Ellen wiggled her toes, delighted that Heath had focused on them.

"Heath?" Ellen asked, when he didn’t respond.

"Hmm?"

"Is it alright if I continue to work at the post office?"

Heath dragged his eyes to Ellen’s, only to have them go right back to her leg. It was too much for him and he sat on the bed next to her.

"If you want to, that’s fine. I’ll take you into town," he replied, pushing some of her hair behind her ear.

"You don’t have to. I can just take a buggy," she said, staring at Heath’s lips. She looked into his eyes and saw his desire for her.

"No...I want to," he whispered.

"You want to what?" she asked softly.

Heath cleared his throat. "I want to take you. What time do you have to be there?"

"Not until nine. Mr. Parsons sorts through the mail himself. He just needs me there to wait on the customers."

"Alright," Heath said, leaning in for a kiss. Ellen gladly accepted it, placing her hands on his bare chest.

"Are you hungry?" Heath asked, as he began to nuzzle her neck. Ellen closed her eyes.

"Not for food," she said.

"Good. Me either," he whispered and covered her body with his own. He had made the decision the night before to be the best husband to Ellen he could be. This was a perfect place to start.

* * * * * * * *

"You’re telling me that she did nothing wrong?!"

Jarrod watched the heated exchange between Jonathon Sommers and Stockton’s District Attorney, Mark Bromley. He was glad the ladies weren’t present. Melissa and Ella were doing some shopping, allowing the men to discuss what charges, if any, could be brought against Wilma for what she’d done.

"Morally? Yes, Wilma Patterson was wrong. But legally? I’m sorry Mr. Sommers, she’s committed no crime. Your wife admitted she willingly took herbs from your housekeeper. In fact, she asked for the herbs."

"But she didn’t ask to take herbs that would prevent her from having a child! Wilma knew Ella wanted to have a baby!"

Mark looked to Jarrod, silently asking for help. Jarrod nodded, then addressed Jonathon.

"Jonathon, I know this is frustrating. Mark is right. Legally, you don’t have a case. Wilma’s long gone. Be thankful you found out before something more serious happened."

Jonathon was seething. He had expected a warrant to be issued for Wilma, not to be told the woman was free to live however she chose. He and Ella had spent the rest of the weekend talking about what had happened. He explained how his grief over Christine had driven him almost to the point of madness. His drunkenness led to his affair with Wilma. He regretted not dismissing her and didn’t try to offer excuses as to why he hadn’t. He begged Ella’s forgiveness for his mistake. He loved her and only her. He was deeply ashamed of his actions.

Knowing their marriage was on more sure footing, Jonathon asked Ella about pressing charges against Wilma. She agreed to pursue it, but was eager to put everything behind them and start over. Dr. Merar had checked Ella over, but could find no ill effects of the herbs Wilma had used. He suspected once the herbs were out of Ella’s system, she would be able to conceive.

"I’m sorry," Jonathon apologized to Jarrod and Mark. "This entire situation has been upsetting. I’ve let my temper get the best of me."

"You’ve nothing to apologize for," Mark said. "I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. Jarrod is right. You should try to put it behind you. Be thankful the woman is gone."

Jonathon nodded. He thanked the men and went to find his wife, eager to get home. He wanted their life to get back to normal as soon as possible.

* * * * * * * *

Three weeks after his marriage to Ellen found Heath on a small cattle drive with Nick and Jonathon. The Army was setting up a small fort near La Grange and had arranged to buy cattle to be used for meat from both the Barkley and Sommers Ranches. Things went well for the first several days out, but it didn’t escape anyone’s notice that things were strained between Nick and Heath. The Barkley hands generally gave their bosses a wide berth, doing their jobs on their own as much as they could and only asking a question if absolutely necessary. Jonathon figured it wasn’t his business.

It was late on their third night on the trail. The day had been grueling as a summer storm had caused the cattle to be restless. Once it passed, they herd settled down, but there was still some worry that the would be spooked again. By the time they made camp that night, no one had gotten any rest. Nerves were frayed and the situation between Nick and Heath didn’t help anyone at all.

Those that weren’t on night duty were washing up at the small lake nearby before turning in. Heath and Jonathon had gone down with the hands, while Nick finished making camp.

"Water’s nice and cold," Heath commented as he poured himself a cup of coffee, feeling refreshed after returning from the lake.

"Uh huh," was all Nick said.

"I can finish up here if you wanna go on down," Heath said.

"I’m almost done," Nick replied. Heath decided it was time to put the matter to bed, once and for all.

"Nick," he said, waiting until Nick looked at him before going on. "I want to make things right between us. The strain isn’t good for men or the family."

"How do you propose to put things right?" Nick asked, not even looking at his brother.

"What do you want me to do, Nick?" Heath asked, feeling frustrated. "Go to Ellen and tell her I don’t love her? Tell her I’m in love with another man’s wife and since I can’t have Ella, I used Ellen to take her place? Do you really want me to do that? How will that help anything? It will just hurt Ellen, and I won’t do that to her. I may not be in love with my wife, but I do care for her!" Heath stalked off, angry with himself and with Nick.

Nick’s shoulders sagged. He knew he’d pushed too far. Heath was reaching out, and he was pushing him away. Nick headed off in the direction he’d seen Heath go, unaware that Jonathon had heard every word spoken by the brothers.

Chapter 21

The family noticed a difference between Heath and Nick from the moment they returned home. Whatever had been bothering them before leaving on the cattle drive had obviously been worked out. Ellen was relieved, hating the fact it was her marriage to Heath that had caused the strain. Since Heath had been gone, Ellen had taken the time to really examine her feelings for her husband. She’d been hurt and angry after overhearing Nick and Abby’s conversation. After returning to her room, she intended to tell Heath she knew the truth and demand he have the marriage annulled. Once she’d had time to calm down, she changed her mind. She was certain they could make a go of it. Hopefully, Heath would come to love her. She willingly gave herself to him and did not regret it. Ellen was at peace with herself. She was glad to have Heath home. She’d missed him. She envied the loving looks Nick and Abby sent to one another, and hoped one day, she and Heath would have that kind of marriage.

But, as time went on it became apparent to Ellen that her marriage was not working as she had hoped. To the outsider, they seemed to be fine, but something was missing. Heath was always very attentive to Ellen, but she wanted more. She longed for him to look at her the way she saw Nick look at Abby. When Nick would reach out and touch Abby’s cheek or put his arm around her, it was almost more than Ellen could take at times. She wanted her husband to do the same, but she felt that Heath was holding her at arm’s length. . She wanted to hear him say he loved her. They met each other’s physical needs, but Ellen was feeling emotionally starved. Not even after her parent’s deaths, had Ellen felt so alone.

* * * * * * * *

Jarrod and Melissa’s wedding day finally arrived. It would take place in San Francisco at the home of the Ambers. The garden was decorated to perfection, Wong having outdone himself. Jarrod stood with his brothers down by the gazebo. He watched as Melissa walked down the aisle on her father’s arm.  She was a vision of loveliness, and Jarrod couldn’t take his eyes from her. The ceremony was short, but beautiful. Afterwards, there was dancing and a grand celebration enjoyed by all who attended. Ellen thought Heath looked especially handsome in his tuxedo. They danced the night away, enjoying each other’s company.

Finally, it was time for the newlyweds to leave. Jarrod and Melissa were whisked away in an open carriage and taken to the best hotel in San Francisco. They would board a train the next afternoon and take a month long trip across most of the country.

* * * * * * * *

Christmas was a lively time in the Valley. Stockton residents took the holiday seriously and decorated the entire town. Work was being done on Jarrod and Melissa’s house. Jarrod figured their home would be ready by their first anniversary.

Nick prediction of Audra being married sometime within the next year came true. Carl asked her to marry him on Christmas Eve and she gladly accepted. The wedding was sure to be one of the biggest events in Stockton’s history. Carl knew Audra wanted a large wedding, but he didn’t want a long engagement. He asked her to pick a date that wouldn’t be too far off into the future, but would allow her as much time as she needed to plan. Audra loved the Spring and picked a Saturday in April to become Mrs. Carl Wheeler.

Jonathon and Ella joined the Barkley’s for New Year’s Eve. Ella’s face was glowing as she pulled Audra aside to hear all the details of Carl’s proposal. She even shared a secret with Audra. She and Jonathon were going to be parents in June. They had gone to visit Dr. Milton in San Francisco, and he concurred with Dr. Merar’s assessment that as soon as the herbs left Ella’s system, she would probably conceive. She had some morning sickness, but nothing too severe. In fact, as she pressed her gown closer to her body, she was beginning to show. Audra was happy for her friend, thankful that her wish was finally coming true.

On the way home from the Barkleys, Jonathon decided to ask Ella a question that had been on his mind.

"What would you think about moving back to Oregon?"

Ella, who had been leaning against her husband’s shoulder, sat up in surprise.

"I thought you loved it here," she said.

"I do. But one of the reasons we moved here was so we could be closer to Dr. Milton. It doesn’t look like we’ll be needing his services now."

Ella smiled. Since she’d discovered she was finally going to have a baby, she felt content. Frankly, she didn’t care where she lived, as long as it was with her husband and their child.

"If that’s what you want, Jonathon. I’ll be happy anywhere, as long as I’m with you."

Jonathon sighed. In truth, it was the conversation he’d overheard between Nick and Heath on the cattle drive the previous summer that had started Jonathon’s thoughts of moving back. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Heath, but it was unnerving to learn that someone else was in love with his wife.

"It’s just a thought. I haven’t decided anything yet. I wouldn’t want to do anything until after the baby is born anyway," Jonathon said. Ella agreed, and the rest of the ride home was made in silence.

Chapter 22

It was soon obvious to all that Ella was expecting. She was glowing with the joy of impending motherhood. Jonathon too, looked happy. For reasons Heath didn’t want to explain, especially to his wife, it bothered him. Ellen felt Heath distancing himself from her. She wasn’t sure what to do or say, so she allowed Heath his space.

He decided to make a short trip to Modesto to take a look at some horses he’d heard were for sale. Ellen hated to see him go, but couldn’t think of a valid reason to ask him to stay. On the day Heath returned, Victoria informed him Ellen had gone out for a ride after breakfast, but hadn’t returned. It was going on four o’clock. Heath could tell Victoria was worried, and he admitted he was as well. For her to be gone so long wasn’t like her. He quickly saddled another horse and went looking for her. Almost an hour later, he found Ellen sitting under a large tree on the north ridge, overlooking a beautiful portion of the Valley. Ellen looked up and saw Heath approaching but didn’t stand or greet him.

"We’ve been worried about you. Mother said you left after breakfast," Heath said, sitting down next to her.

"I just needed to get away."

"Is everything ok?" he asked, watching her profile. He noticed Ellen’s eyes were welling up with tears.

"Ellen? What’s wrong?" He started to put his arm around her, but Ellen stood up.

"How can you ask me that? You know what’s wrong!" she said accusingly.

Heath shook his head, not sure of what she was talking about.

"I know, Heath. I’ve known since our wedding night. I overheard Nick and Abby talking."

"What do you know?" he asked, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Ellen couldn’t stop the flow of tears, but she made no move to wipe them away.

"You don’t love me. Not the way a husband should love his wife. You didn’t mean to ask me to marry you. I should have been paying more attention, but I was so flattered that you were even taking an interest in me," Ellen was openly sobbing now.

Heath’s face paled. She knew. She’d known all this time and hadn’t said anything. He walked toward her, but she took a step back, holding out her hand to stop him.

"I thought I could handle it all," she whispered. Then more loudly said, "I thought my love for you would be enough...that you would one day love me in return. Maybe you will....I’m just so tired, Heath. I’m tired of being in love alone."

"Ellen, let me hold you," Heath whispered. Ellen shook her head.

"No. Not until I say what needs to be said."

Heath nodded for her to continue.

"I can’t live this way," she whispered. "I’m so alone, Heath. I have no one. There’s no one I can talk to about this. I know marriage isn’t supposed to be this way. I look at Nick and Abby, and I wonder what it would be like to have my husband want me. Not just use me to fulfill his needs. I’m your wife, Heath. I’m sorry if you felt it was a mistake that we married. We can’t change that now. I want to be your wife, Heath. Not just in name...not just physically. I want to be your wife in every sense of the word. What I want to know is, will you let me?"

Heath closed his eyes in pain. He thought if he fulfilled Ellen’s physical needs, it would be enough. He was calling himself every kind of fool for how he was treating her. She deserved better. Heath opened his eyes and took a step toward her. He was relieved when Ellen didn’t move away from him.

"I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through. We’ll work on things."

Ellen was too weary to fight anymore. She wanted nothing more than to have her husband’s arms around her. She leaned against him and cried. Heath stroked her hair and held her close. A piece of the wall he’d built around his heart broke off. It was to be a new beginning.

* * * * * * * *

By April, all of Audra’s wedding plans had been put into place and her wedding was the most talked about event in Stockton. Audra was a beautiful bride who had eyes only for her husband. Jarrod gave her away, and Nick was Carl’s best man. Heath sat with Ellen, Abby and Victoria.

As they rode back to the mansion, Heath’s mind was on the wedding. What kind of wedding had Ellen wanted? Did she always dream of having a large wedding with lots of attendants? Did she want it to be in a church or outside? Heath turned to his wife, who was gazing out at the landscape. He would ask her when they were alone what she would have wanted. It was too late to have a wedding ceremony now, but perhaps he could do something to make it up to her. As they were lying in bed together that night, Heath brought up what had been on his mind.

"You asleep yet?" he asked softly.

"No," Ellen answered.

"I was thinking about the wedding today. I’m sorry ours wasn’t more fancy."

Ellen rolled over onto her side and propped her head up on one elbow. Her eyes surveyed her husband’s face.

"I loved our wedding," she said, smiling slightly. "No, it didn’t have all those fancy flowers or the orchestra. I wasn’t dressed in a gorgeous wedding gown or you in a tuxedo, but I was with you. That’s all I wanted."

Heath leaned in and kissed his wife. He couldn’t say he was in love with her, not yet. But his heart was headed in that direction.

Chapter 23

A month later, Heath had been into town for supplies, and the ride back allowed him time to think. Ever since he and Ellen had talked that afternoon up on the north ridge, he’d felt closer to her. It was almost a relief that she knew he hadn’t been in love when they married. Now he didn’t have to keep up a front with her. There were times he needed his space, and she gave it to him. He would go out riding, the time spent thinking about the choices he’d made. Ellen never asked questions or where he had gone, but always welcomed him back with open arms.

Ellen was a special woman. Heath had known that even before he’d married her, but it was even more obvious now. He’d heard once that love was a decision. You chose to love someone, but the catch was, they didn’t always choose to love you back. That’s what had happened with Ella. It still hurt, sometimes worse than others, to see her so happy with Jonathon. She would be having her baby in a few months, and the last time Heath saw her, she was glowing. Heath decided to shift his thoughts away from Ella, thinking instead about his wife.

"My wife," he said to himself with a small smile. "Boy howdy, do I love her."

The admission stunned him, and he halted the horse abruptly. He loved his wife. He loved his wife! Heath grinned. When it had happened, he didn’t know, but he knew now that he loved Ellen. Now he had to find ways to show her. How could he make up the past few months to her? They could go on a trip. It was busy around the ranch, but he was sure they could get away for a few days. Maybe go to San Francisco or Sacramento? No...Heath wanted to go someplace where they could be alone, where they wouldn’t see anyone else. Heath wanted to show Ellen how much he loved her. Heath’s mind bounced around ideas. The lodge would need to be opened soon. Victoria always went up and gave it a good cleaning in the Spring. Perhaps, he and Ellen could go this year and do it for her? Heath’s grin widened, and he thought that was perfect. He’d speak with Victoria and Nick, settle the plans, then talk with Ellen. She’d be surprised, and he couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when he told her they would be going on a little trip.

* * * * * * * *

It took some juggling, but eventually Heath and Ellen were able to get away and go to the lodge. The weather was perfect with blue skies and the temperature was neither too cool or too warm. Ellen sat next to Heath on the wagon and took in the sights. She loved the outdoors and had heard many good things about the lodge from the family. She was looking forward to seeing it.

Ellen looked over at Heath who was grinning like for all the world like he had a secret. Heath noticed her watching him and winked at her. Ellen smiled, and settled in for the long ride.

By the time they arrived and got one of the bedrooms ready for them to use, it was quite late. Heath wished they’d made it in earlier, but it couldn’t be helped. He had everything planned out in his mind and he couldn’t wait for the next day. They climbed into bed, letting sleep claim them.

They spent the next day giving the kitchen a thorough cleaning. Heath knew they would be there for several days, and didn’t see the need in tackling everything at once. After finishing the kitchen, they went for a walk, Heath carrying a small basket filled with a late lunch in one hand. He held Ellen’s hand with the other as he guided her over the slightly rough terrain. He was taking her to his favorite spot: a small cliff that overlooked the lake. When they arrived, Ellen looked around with appreciation.

"Oh, Heath. This is beautiful!" she said, taking in the sight.

"It is that, I reckon," Heath replied.

"What do you mean, ‘You reckon?’" Ellen asked, looking at him incredulously. She looked back out over the water and said, "I’ve never seen a sight more beautiful!"

"I can think of a sight that might be even more beautiful."

Ellen turned a questioning gaze back to her husband. With the crook of his finger, he motioned for her to come stand in front of him. She did, but couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to. Heath sat down and pulled Ellen in his lap.

"All this," Heath said, looking around him, "pales in comparison to the sight I hope to see soon."

"And what sight is that?" Ellen asked, curious as to what he would say, her face just inches from his.

"It’s the sight of my beautiful wife, when I tell her that I have fallen in love with her. I know I don't have any right to expect love in return, but I wanted you to know how I felt."

Ellen’s eyes widened. Then she burst into tears. Heath had not expected this and wondered what he’d done wrong. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to himself.

"Ellen? Oh please don’t cry, honey. Please? Tell me what’s wrong."

Ellen continued to cry against him. Heath’s heart knew a moment of fear. What if she didn’t love him anymore? What if she’d changed her mind?

"Oh, Heath," she sniffed. He pulled out his handkerchief, and she wiped her eyes. Finally, she looked into his eyes. "I thought I’d have to wait years to hear you say that. I even feared you’d never love me. Heath, I love you so much."

She began to cry again, and Heath held her close, feeling relieved.

"We should head back," Heath said, starting to move.

"Why? We just got here," Ellen replied, slightly upset that Heath was ready to go back so soon.

"Because I want to make mad, passionate love to my wife, and I’m afraid we’ll fall off this cliff if we try to do it here. I need you, Ellen. I love you, and I need you."

Ellen smiled and stood up. The trip back seemed to take forever, but when they finally made it back to the lodge, the wait was worth it.

* * * * * * * *

Much later that night, Heath held Ellen in his arms, loving the feel of her next to him. She sighed contentedly, one arm draped across his chest. Ellen was just drifting off when Heath got up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I forgot something. Be right back," he called over his shoulder. Ellen sat up and pulled the covers up higher. Heath came back in and climbed in next to her, a small box in his hands.

"This is for you," he said. Ellen raised an eyebrow at him, but took the box, slowly untying the ribbon. Taking off the lid, she gasped at what lay inside.

"Heath," she whispered.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"Yes! but Heath. You didn’t have to! This is too much!"

Heath took the small ring from the box and placed it on the ring finger of her left hand. It was silver with eight rubies and eight diamonds. Ellen stared in awe at the ring, then looked at her husband.

"You’ve shown me how much you love me. Now let me show you," she said, kissing him passionately. Heath gladly complied.

Chapter 24

"No, Heath Barkley, and don’t you dare touch me!"

Heath stood in the great room of the lodge and watched his wife, her eyes shooting daggers toward him. He couldn’t help but become frustrated with her.

"Ellen, why not? We don’t have to leave until tomorrow after lunch. We still have plenty of time."

Ellen sighed in frustration. Heath was being stubborn, and she was ready to scream at the top of her lungs.

"Heath, you see it as we will be leaving after lunch tomorrow. I see it as, we only have until lunch tomorrow! We’ve finished the kitchen, two of the bedrooms and now all we have left is the great room and the last bedroom. Let’s just get those done. Then we can spend the rest of the time enjoying ourselves. We told your family we were coming up here to make sure everything is ready for everyone to use this house. I wouldn’t be able to ever look anyone in the eye again if we didn’t finish! We’ve been here almost a week! They’ll wonder what we’ve been doing!"

"Ellen, they would understand. We’re married. They know we are doing more than cleaning," he said, his eyes twinkling. Ellen refused to smile, although she almost bit a hole on the inside of her cheek to keep from doing so.

"Please just help me finish the great room," Ellen asked. Heath knew he was being obstinate, but he was tired of cleaning. He wanted to play. He nodded, and Ellen hid a smile at his sulking _expression.

"You know", she said as she was finishing scrubbing the floor, "we only have that last bedroom left once we finish in here."

Heath was half listening as he was putting the furniture back into place after the floor had dried.

"Yeah," he responded.

"Once we finish this room, Heath," she said his name in a way that caused him to pause and look at her. "We’ll get to clean the bedroom."

Heath smiled. He remembered how much fun it was to clean the last bedroom. Now that he had some motivation, Heath quickly finished his tasks. He took the bucket of dirty water from Ellen dumping it outside, then he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

* * * * * * * *

They made it back to the ranch just before dinner the next day. Jarrod and Melissa had arrived in town, and Victoria had invited Carl and Audra to share the meal with them that evening. As Victoria looked around the crowded dinner table, she couldn’t keep the smile from her face. All of her children were married and seemed happy. She admitted she’d been worried about Heath and Ellen in the beginning since they had married so quickly. It looked as though the time they’d spent at the lodge had been good for the young couple.

Later that night, after everyone had turned in, Nick sat up in bed, thinking about Heath and Ellen. Abby climbed into bed and snuggled up next to him.

"What has you so happy?" she asked.

"Oh, just thinking about Heath and Ellen. They seem really happy now."

Abby smiled, remembering the slight blush of Ellen’s cheeks when she’d been asked how the cleaning had gone.

"Heath’s got that sparkle in his eyes," Abby commented.

"Sparkle?" Nick asked.

"Mmm hmm...The same sparkle I see in Jarrod and in you. My mother used to call it, ‘The look of love’."

Nick wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her closer. He fell asleep thinking about their new house and how he hoped to fill it with their children soon.

* * * * * * * *

Six weeks later, Nick and Abby were settled in their new home. The entire family plus the ranch hands pitched in to help with the move. The house was a beautiful two story home, not quite as large as the mansion, but almost as grand.

The mansion seemed somewhat empty now that Nick and Abby were gone, and Heath couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. Dinner that evening seemed subdued. Heath and Ellen turned in early, both feeling tired. They lay in bed together, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Ellen spoke.

"Heath?"

"Yeah?"

"It’s not here yet."

Heath rolled over and looked at his wife. Was she talking in her sleep? But no, she was wide awake.

"What are you expecting?" he asked, clearly confused. He thought perhaps she had ordered something and it hadn’t arrived. Ellen bit her lower lip in uncertainty.

"It’s always on time, but it’s two weeks late. My monthly has never been late before, Heath."

Heath continued to stare at Ellen, then it dawned on him what she was saying. He sat up quickly and pulled her up with him.

"Are you saying...?"

Ellen nodded, her eyes searching Heath’s. She couldn’t tell if he was happy or not. She would be crushed if he wasn’t.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Tired. Scared."

Ellen drew in a shuddering breath. In truth, she was deliriously happy. She’d always wanted to be a mother. She was worried though about Heath. They’d been on a sort of honeymoon of late. Would this bring them crashing down to earth?

"What about you?" Ellen asked, knowing she had to know how Heath felt, even if he wasn’t happy.

"I think I’m in shock," he said seriously. Then she watched as his mouth stretched into an easy grin. Ellen smiled too and Heath leaned in to kiss her.

When they broke apart, Heath said, "Ellen Barkley, you’ve just made me the happiest man on earth. I was feeling sorry for myself because this house seemed so empty. Now, we’re gonna fill it up!"

Ellen laughed with relief. Heath said he was going to take her into town to see Dr. Merar the next day. Ellen felt a profound sense of relief. She’d literally made herself ill that day thinking about how Heath would react. She curled up next to him and fell asleep, a contented smile on her face.

* * * * * * * *

The appointment with Dr. Merar went well. He asked Ellen all the pertinent questions, then offered some advice. As of yet, she’d not experienced any morning sickness. He admonished her to get plenty of rest and not to overdo. Heath assured the doctor his wife would follow his orders.

The next week, all the family, except Jarrod and Melissa, gathered at the Barkley Mansion for dinner. Heath and Ellen announced their news. Everyone was happy and hugged the couple. The talk that night was of the future. Nick talked about the next generation of Barkleys, and how he couldn’t wait to see his and Heath’s sons working the ranch. Heath listened to Nick’s plans and smiled. He admitted he hoped this baby was a boy. He’d love to teach his son how to ride a horse, rope a bronco, brand a steer, go fishing and hunting. His thoughts turned to the fact it could be a girl. He didn’t see any reason why his daughter couldn’t learn some of those things as well.

"Boy, you listenin’ to me?"

Heath looked up and smiled.

"Sorry, Nick. I was thinkin’."

Nick smiled widely. "Yeah, I just bet you were. How about a game of pool?"

"Sure, Nick. Guess since I’m so distracted, you figure you can beat me this time?"

"Ha! Boy, I could beat you anytime, anywhere!"

* * * * * * * *

Heath locked up downstairs then went in search of his wife. He knew she was really tired, and he wanted to make sure she was taking it easy. He found her sitting at the small vanity in their room, brushing her hair.

"Hi, Love," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

She smiled distractedly.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"My shoulder is bothering me. I’m trying to remember what I’ve done to make it hurt so."

"Which one?"

"The left one."

Heath began to massage her shoulder. After a while, he noticed Ellen was dozing. He lifted her up into his arms and carried her to their bed. He thought she was asleep, but she surprised him with her request.

"Heath? Make love to me."

"Ellen, maybe we shouldn’t...."

Ellen opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I want you to hold me close. Dr. Merar said it was perfectly fine for us to do what we normally do."

"Aren’t you too tired?" Heath asked. He wasn’t trying to talk her out of it. He wanted her badly. He was just concerned she wasn’t up to it. He didn’t want to hurt her or the baby.

"I’m never too tired for you," she murmured. Heath took her in his arms and with a gentle passion, took her to heights of pleasure.

Chapter 25

Heath and Nick were gone most of the day on the farthest part of the ranch. Heath still hadn’t felt his feet had touched the ground since he and Ellen had returned from the lodge. Nick was happy to see Heath acting this way. He’d been extremely worried about Heath’s marriage to Ellen, but with the announcement of the coming baby and the smile that Heath constantly wore on his face, he knew things were going to be alright.

The sun was on it’s way West when they called it quits for the day, agreeing to meet up in the same spot the next day. Heath whistled all the way home, eager to see his wife. He handed Charger’s reins to Ciego and went inside. Victoria told him Ellen was lying down since she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t had much morning sickness as of yet, and he figured it must be kicking in now.

He took the stairs by two and washed up before going in to see her. Ellen was lying on the bed still in her nightgown, a hand over her eyes.

"Hi, Love," he said softly.

"Hi," Ellen replied.

"Mother says you aren’t feeling well. Junior giving you fits?" he asked, a small grin on his face.

"I guess."

"Feel like eating some supper? Mother and Silas almost have things ready."

"Yeah. Will you help me get my dress on?"

"I’m not much good at getting it on. I’m much better at getting it off," he responded as he brought the gown to her. He was pleased to hear Ellen laugh.

"Don’t I know it. Somehow though, I don’t think that’s a talent we should share with everyone."

Heath buttoned up the back of her dress then waited while she brushed her hair. Ellen didn’t bother with pulling it up, but just clipped it at the base of her neck. She looked pale to Heath’s thinking, but he figured that was all part of the morning sickness.

Ellen didn’t do much but pick at her food. She also didn’t add much to the conversation. Her side had begun hurting during the meal and her shoulder was still giving her some trouble. All of a sudden, she felt nauseous. She excused herself, hoping to make it to the bathroom before she lost what little she’d eaten of her supper. She’d only taken a few steps when she collapsed. Heath was by her side immediately.

"Ellen! Ellen!" he cried out. Victoria was at his side and Silas ran into the room when he heard Heath shout Ellen’s name.

"Silas, go ask one of the hands to get Dr. Merar. Heath, let’s get her upstairs," Victoria ordered. Heath nodded and lifted his wife into his arms, carrying her up the stairs.

Ellen awakened about an hour later. She felt disoriented, but otherwise fine. Heath was at her side, a concerned look on his face.

"What happened?" she asked groggily.

"You fainted."

"Oh...I’m feeling much better now," she said as she began to sit up. Heath gently pushed her back down.

"No, Love. I want you to stay in bed until the doc sees ya."

"Oh, Heath. You didn’t call him out here did you? I’m fine!" Ellen insisted. She started to get up again, but a sharp pain in her stomach caused her to cry out.

"Ellen!"

"Heath, it hurts," she said, tears gathering in her eyes.

"Where?"

"My stomach."

Just then, there was a knock at the door and Dr. Merar entered. He nodded to Heath then turned his attention to Ellen.

"What seems to be the problem young lady?" he asked, his kind eyes taking in her pale features.

Ellen told him of the pain in her stomach and that she’d fainted. He decided to do a full examination and asked Heath to leave the room.

"I wanna stay," he said.

"No, Heath. Go on downstairs," the doctor told him.

"I wanna stay," he insisted again.

"At least wait in the hallway. Please?" Ellen asked. Heath agreed reluctantly. He paced the outside of the room, Victoria waiting with him. It seemed like an eternity before Dr. Merar opened the door. Heath knew from the look in the other man’s eyes that the news wasn’t good.

"Is she losing the baby?" Heath asked.

The elderly doctor sighed. He looked to Victoria then back at Heath.

"Sometimes, for reasons we can’t explain, a pregnancy doesn’t go well. I’ve seen this before in other women. Ellen has complained of her shoulder hurting, her stomach...she has also fainted. She’s been spotting some. Heath...whenever I’ve seen a woman in this condition...."

Heath saw the sorrow in the doctor’s eyes.

"Just say it plain, Doc."

"I’m sorry, Heath. Unless there’s a miracle, I don’t think Ellen will survive the night."

The words hit Heath like a blow to his stomach. This wasn’t happening. Ellen wasn’t going to die. She couldn’t!

"No," Heath said, backing away. "You’re wrong. She isn’t going to die."

Heath didn’t say anything else to the doctor but went straight into the room to see Ellen. He could tell she was in a tremendous amount of pain. Dr. Merar gave her some laudanum that helped her rest easier, but Heath knew the doc did not hold out any hope. Heath never left her side that night, not even for a moment. It was just before sunrise that Ellen took her last breath. Heath was holding her, whispering in her ear how much he loved her. She opened her eyes briefly to look at him, then closed them in death.

Continued...