Years

Chapters 26-37, Epilogue

by NAHF

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Chapter 26

Heath closed the door to his bedroom, thankful to finally be alone. The day had been horrific and it couldn’t end fast enough for him. His wife’s funeral hadn’t lasted long, at least not in minutes, but for Heath, he felt as though it had been an eternity. Then he had to come back and listen to the regrets being given by family and friends. It was just too much for his fragile soul to handle right now.

He changed from his suit into everyday clothes, all the while staring at the bed. He didn’t know if he could ever lie down there again. His mind brought forth the image of Ellen taking her final breath...of how she looked at him. Heath closed his eyes, willing the image to go away.

"Oh, Ellen," he whispered. Heath walked over to the small dresser that held some of Ellen’s things. He knew he should probably clear them out, give them to someone who could use them, but he couldn’t make himself. Not yet. His eye caught sight of his wife’s robe, lying across the vanity chair. He picked it up and pressed it to his face, inhaling deeply. It still smelled like her. Closing his eyes, Heath held the garment, wanting to forget about the past few days.

Heath could hear voices out in the hallway. He sincerely hoped no one would come and knock on his door to see how he was doing. He loved his family, but he wished they would leave him alone. He hated the mournful looks his mother and Audra cast his way. Jarrod had taken him aside the night before, offering to talk with him. Jarrod knew the pain of losing a wife, and Heath knew he would have an abundance of wisdom to share. He thanked his oldest brother, but refused. Maybe later, he had told Jarrod. Nick, he was the worst of all. He shadowed Heath, hardly letting anyone get near him that wasn’t family. He had allowed Jonathon and Ella to give their condolences, yet his fierce glare kept most from approaching the new widower.

Heath replaced the robe and sat in the chair beside the bed. He smiled slightly as he thought of sitting in that particular chair the morning after he and Ellen had married. Even then, he enjoyed watching her sleep. And he well remembered what else happened that morning and the teasing he had received from Nick for missing breakfast.

He awoke sometime in the middle of the night, his neck stiff from the awkward position in which he’d been sleeping. He stood and stretched, rolling his neck from side to side. His body craved sleep, but Heath wouldn’t allow himself that luxury. All at once, the desire to leave overwhelmed him. He knew his family wouldn’t stand for it though. He’d have to convince them to leave him alone, just for a little while. He needed to think, to sort out things in his mind....in his heart.

Finally, it was time for breakfast. The family gathered, Nick and Abby having stayed over the night before, wanting to be close in this time of sorrow. Jarrod and Melissa would be going back to San Francisco later in the week. Carl and Audra promised to be over later that day.

Heath entered the dining room, dressed in his tan pants, blue shirt and brown vest. Everyone greeted him. Victoria coming to give him a kiss on the cheek. There wasn’t much conversation, no one knowing what to say. Heath appreciated their sensitivity, and knew what he was about to say would shock them.

"I’m going to take Emperor up to one of the line shacks near the edge our property and the Miller’s. There’s one with a paddock that will work nicely for his training."

No one said anything at Heath’s announcement, each letting the news of his departure sink in. Victoria was the first to speak.

"That’s quite a ways to go."

Heath sighed. "I need to be away," he said softly. He looked up from his uneaten plate of eggs at his family.

"I appreciate the fact that you’ve been there for me the past few days. You can’t know how much it means, but I need some time alone. I’ve got some thinking to do. If you’ll all please just let me have some time by myself..."

Victoria, Abby and Melissa all looked at Heath with moist eyes. Jarrod nodded silently, knowing he’d felt much the same way after Beth’s death. Nick was trying to control his frustration. He felt Heath was running away, and he wasn’t about to let him go without a fight.

"Why do you have to go so far away?" Nick asked, trying not to let his voice give away the anger he felt.

"Because if I don’t, you’ll all come and check up on me, and I don’t want that. I want to be left alone," Heath looked at Nick directly. "I need to be alone."

Nick’s hazel eyes held the blue eyes of his younger brother steadily. He saw the hurt and anguish Heath was feeling and knew he had to let him go. Nick nodded silently, but he wasn’t going to let Heath stay gone for long. He’d give him a week, and if he wasn’t back, Nick knew he would go after him.

* * * * * * * *

Nick wasn’t sure what it was that had awakened him. He lay still for a moment, listening for any noise. Abby lay curled on her side, her back to him. Not hearing anything, he decided it was probably just the wind or an animal and decided to go back to sleep. He was drifting off when he heard the noise again. It was sniffling, and it was coming from Abby.

"Abby?" he asked, reaching over to touch her. Abby didn’t move, but cried softly into her pillow. Nick’s mind ran through the night before, trying to remember if he’d done something wrong. Things seemed fine when they went to bed. Abby had been a little quiet, but because of the past few days, he couldn’t blame her.

"Abby?" he asked again, curling his body around hers, trying to offer her support. "What’s wrong?"

Abby immediately rolled over and wrapped her arms around her husband. She couldn’t speak for several minutes. She got herself under control, then pushed away from Nick and sat up in bed. Nick sat up as well, reaching over to light the lamp next to their bed.

"The day Ellen....passed...I went into town." Abby paused, her voice thick with emotion. Nick nodded, remembering she said she had some shopping to do. He also remembered when she returned, she didn’t have any packages, but Nick had assumed she either didn’t find what she had wanted or it would be delivered to the house later.

"I went to see Dr. Merar," she said softly. Nick’s eyes widened.

"Are you feeling sick? Why didn’t you tell me?" Nick asked, his voice rising in volume.

"I’m not sick," she replied. "At least not much."

"What’s that supposed to mean? And you still haven’t told me why you didn’t tell me you were going to see the doc. Woman, you know I would want to be there!"

"Don’t call me ‘woman’! You know I don’t like it! Makes me sound like I’m your property or something," Abby said, her eyes meeting her husband’s. Nick wanted to smile at the spark he saw in them. He usually only called her ‘woman’ when he wanted to get a rise out of her.

Abby took a deep breath.

"You know how my...womanly time isn’t always regular?"

Nick nodded.

"I haven’t been feeling well, and I went to see Dr. Merar. I didn’t tell you because I felt I was just being silly, and I didn’t want you to have to take time away when I knew I could ride into town myself."

Nick opened his mouth to say Abby would never be a bother to him, but Abby held up her hand to stop the protest she knew was coming.

"I talked with Dr. Merar and he said..."Abby’s voice broke, and she began to cry. Nick’s heart slammed in his chest. He reached out to bring Abby closer to himself.

"What, Abby? What? Whatever it is, we’ll get through it," he said fiercely.

"I’m going to have a baby, Nick," Abby sobbed. Nick pushed her back. He smiled widely and then hugged her again.

"That’s wonderful!" he said.

"No, it isn’t!" she wailed.

Nick again pushed her back, wondering at her reaction.

"Why isn’t it? We’ve been talking about having a baby for a while now."

"Heath!" was all she said, before she started crying again.

"What does he have to do with it?"

"Dr. Merar...and I....we...were trying....to figure....out....how....far...along....I am," she sobbed.

"How far along are you?"

Abby cried harder. Nick was getting frustrated. He hated it when Abby cried, and he wanted nothing more than to shake her but knew he’d better not do that. Instead, he rubbed her back, waiting for her to tell him what he wanted to know.

"We think I’m as far along as Ellen was," she said in a rush. "I’m so happy about our baby, Nick. But I’m sad for Heath! We’ll be having our baby about the same time Ellen would have been due. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him!"

Nick drew his wife into his arms and held her. He understood now. He let her cry a bit longer than he spoke, his voice sounding like a caress.

"Heath would be the first to tell you not to be so upset. Yes, it will hurt him, but he would be even more hurt if something happened to the baby because you are worried about him. You need to relax. It’s all going to be fine. Just think, Abby. A baby! We’re going to have a baby."

He was interrupted by the soft snores coming from his wife. She’d fallen asleep in the middle of his speech. He reached over and turned down the lamp, then held his wife closer.

"It’ll be fine," he whispered. "You’ll see. It’ll be fine."

Chapter 27

Heath sat beside the stove in the small line shack, listening to the rain pouring outside, keeping him from working with Emperor. The horse’s training had gone much better than expected, and Heath knew he should be heading back to the ranch. It had been three weeks since he’d left his family, asking them to leave him alone. He had taken his time traveling to the small building on the edge of the Barkley property. The trip should have taken only a few hours, but he’d managed to stretch it out to overnight. He’d gotten a late start because Audra and Carl had shown up just as he was leaving. Audra couldn’t hide her tears as she hugged her brother goodbye. Heath shed no tears, in fact, he had not cried at all since just after Ellen’s death.

Heath heard hoof beats through the downpour, not bothering to rise to see who it was. He knew it would be Nick. He sighed, knowing he should be thankful for the solitude he’d had. Somehow though, it just didn’t seem long enough yet. He wasn’t ready to face anyone.

The more he thought on his and Ellen’s short marriage, the angrier he became. The rage was slowly building and as he watched Nick dismount, rain drops pouring off of his slicker, he knew he wasn’t in the mood for company. Heath tipped his chair back and waited for Nick’s entrance. He knew the other man wouldn’t bother to knock, but would just come in, blustering about the weather.

If Heath hadn’t been in such a foul mood, he would have laughed as his own prediction came true.

"If this keeps up, I’m gonna have to build me an ark!" Nick said, taking off his soaked hat and equally wet slicker.

"Got any coffee?" Nick asked, hanging his things on the small peg by the door,shaking his head and wiping his wet face with a gloved hand.

"On the stove," was Heath’s reply. Nick shuddered inside, but it wasn’t from the rain. He couldn’t ever remember seeing Heath’s eyes so cold, nor his voice so void of emotion. Nick poured himself a cup, wondering how he should start the conversation he knew Heath was expecting.

"Surprised you didn’t make the trip sooner," Heath said. He leaned his chair back, taking a sip of his now cold coffee.

"Wanted to. But Mother and Abby managed to convince me to wait," Nick admitted, smiling a little. If he’d hoped Heath would return that smile, he was disappointed. Nick took a sip of the bitter coffee, grimacing. He set the cup down on the stove, not wanting any more of the dark liquid.

"So why come now?"

Nick took a deep breath before he answered. "You missed Audra’s birthday. Mother wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt."

Heath closed his eyes. He’d forgotten all about Audra’s birthday.

"I’m sorry."

Nick nodded, then took a seat in the only other chair in the small shack. He looked around, noticing the bed in the corner. The blankets were folded neatly as though the bed had not been slept in. He swung his eyes to Heath, who stared out the window. He looked exhausted.

"How’s Emperor’s training going?" Nick asked, hoping the talk about the horse would bring some spark to his brother’s eyes.

"Good," came the flat reply.

"Heath, about Ellen," Nick began.

Heath jumped up with lightening speed. He put his finger in Nick’s face and said angrily, "Don’t! I don’t want to talk about it!"

Nick was taken aback by Heath’s response, but he didn’t let it stop him from rising out of his chair.

"Well, you need to talk about it. If not to me, then to Mother or Jarrod. They know the sorrow of losing a spouse -"

"No! They don’t have any idea what I’m feeling! None of you do! I killed Ellen, Nick. Just as sure as if I’d I pulled a gun on her and shot her. I killed her, and I will forever blame myself!"

Nick stared in shock at his younger brother. He took a deep breath, hoping the words he was about to say would make some sense.

"You didn’t kill her, Heath. It was...it was something that no one had any control over."

"It’s punishment from God for not doing the right thing! It’s punishment for lusting after a married woman and then marrying another so I could replace her, at least in my mind!"

"Heath...no, you’re wrong."

"She knew. She knew I didn’t love her when we first got married. She found out on our wedding night, but didn’t tell me. Not until months later. And yet, even though she knew the truth, she still gave herself to me and loved me."

Nick closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again to look Heath, who was pacing around like a caged animal. He wanted to ask how Ellen had found out, but decided that wasn’t important at this time. Heath was finally opening up, and Nick needed to help him.

"Heath, listen. I know you didn’t marry Ellen for the right reasons. But you made it work! It took a few months, but you two ended up being happy together. We could all tell how much you loved her. And what’s more important, is the fact that Ellen knew you loved her."

Heath continued pacing back and forth, his fists balled tight and his jaw set. Nick watched him, searching his mind for the right words to say.

"I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I won’t even say I understand. But I have to believe that Ellen would be sad if she knew you were blaming yourself. She loved you, and you loved her. And ya know what else? She knew you loved her. She had no doubts. We could all see that in the way she looked at you, the way you looked at her. Whatever mistakes you made in the past, she didn’t care! She forgave you. Now, you need to forgive yourself."

Nick walked over to retrieve his slicker and hat, then walked out of the line shack without saying another word. Upon hearing his brother ride away, Heath sank to his knees and began to weep uncontrollably. Nick’s words tore away the scar tissue that had formed on his heart, causing Heath to feel the pain of losing his wife. For the first time since Ellen’s death, Heath felt something other than anger. He felt intense sorrow for the wife he’d lost and the child he’d never know. He finally allowed himself to begin to heal.

He left for home the next morning, still sorrowful for all he had lost, but willing to rejoin his family, confident of their loving reception.

Chapter 28

Word came the next week that Ella had given birth to a healthy baby boy, Jonathon Andrew Sommers. "Drew" was a good natured baby and much adored by his mother and father.

Jarrod and Melissa were in town for the weekend. Nick and Abby decided now was a good time to announce their own news to the family. Earlier that day, Nick took Heath aside to let him know in private. He explained to his younger brother how he and Abby were concerned that the news of their baby would cause further pain for Heath. He smiled sadly but assured Nick he was happy for them. After the announcement, Heath hugged Abby close and instructed her to take good care of herself and the newest Barkley. The family had just sat down to dinner when one of the hands, Randy, came rushing in, covered in soot and dirt.

"There’s a fire up near the Sommer’s ranch. It’s spread over to our side and we’re trying to get it put out. Duke thought I should let ya’ll know," Randy said.

"Let’s go," Nick said, kissing his wife briefly. Heath followed behind, a half eaten roll in his hand knowing the night was probably going to be a long one.

* * * * * * * *

There had been no rain in a week, so things were getting dry. Every hand from both the Sommers and Barkley Ranches worked hard to stop the fire that threatened their homes and livestock. Thankfully, with so many men working on it, the fire was quickly put out.

Heath was looking around, trying to find the cause of the fire. It wasn’t a lightening strike, that was for sure. Perhaps some drifter had started a fire to cook a meal, and it had gotten out of control? That was always a possibility. He almost missed it, but Heath as he scanned the area, he saw a small glass bottle that was blackened by the fire. He picked it up with a gloved hand, noting the label had been burned off. He smelled the inside, an eyebrow raised at the scent.

"Kerosene," he mumbled.

"What did you find?" Jonathon asked, coming to stand beside Heath.

"This bottle had kerosene in it. I bet if we look around, we’ll find more."

Heath looked up and saw how pale Jonathon’s face had become.

"What is it?" Heath asked.

"Let me see that," Jonathon asked, reaching for the bottle. He held it in his hand, his eyes widening.

"Wilma," was all he said.

"What?"

"This bottle looks like the ones Wilma used to keep her herbs in."

Heath looked skeptical.

"Surely she isn’t the only one who used these bottles?"

"She had these special ordered. Hundreds of them. She said they were the only ones that could keep the herbs fresh. You can only get them from one manufacturer. I’ve got to get to Ella."

Heath watched as Jonathon shouted orders to his men, then mounted his horse and rode off. Nick came to stand beside his brother.

"What’s wrong? Why did Jonathon leave?"

"Send one of the men into town for the sheriff. Tell him to go to Jonathon’s," Heath answered, going toward Charger.

"What’s going on?" Nick shouted.

"Trouble!" was all Heath answered.

* * * * * * * *

Earlier that evening.....

Ella made her way down the stairs carrying Drew. She had just finished feeding her son who had an enormous appetite for one so small. Dr. Merar had been out that day to check on mother and baby, proclaiming that both were healthy and doing well. Ella walked into her husband’s office just as Drew gave a loud burp.

"Oh, what a good little boy!" Ella exclaimed.

"Now that’s what I don’t understand about motherhood," Jonathon said, taking Drew from his mother’s arms.

"What?"

"You’re so excited to hear him burp, and I’ll wager in ten years you’ll be scolding him for that behavior."

Ella smiled at her husband’s comment.

"Right now, I don’t think I could ever scold him for anything. He’s perfect!"

Jonathon smiled and put an arm around his wife, leading her to the couch in his office. Drew was wide awake, staring contentedly at his father.

"Isn’t he amazing?" Jonathon asked, his voice held a sense of awe.

"Yes, he is. I can’t believe we finally have our baby. And he’s so beautiful!"

"Boys, my dear, are not beautiful," Jonathon gently scolded his wife.

"I think this one is," Ella answered, giving her husband a small kiss. "I can’t wait until we have another one."

"Whoa! Let’s get this one at least out of diapers before we think about that!"

"Oh Jonathon, I don’t want to wait-"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Jonathon handed Drew to Ella then went to answer the door. It was the Sommers’ foreman, Marv.

"Sorry to bother you, sir. There’s a fire over to the west. Looks like a bad one. I’ve already got men headed that way."

Ella walked toward the men, her face showing concern.

"I need to go," Jonathon said, reaching for his hat.

"Be careful," Ella said, accepting her husband’s kiss. The men left without another word. Ella sent up a small prayer that the fire would quickly be contained, and her husband and his men would be kept safe.

"Well, Little Man," Ella crooned to her newborn. "Let’s see if you need a diaper change. I bet you do."

After changing Drew, Ella started down the stairs again. She was halfway down when she heard the front door open again.

"Is the fire out already?" she asked, wondering why Jonathon was back so soon.

"I seriously doubt it," came the reply. Ella froze. She knew that voice.

"Wilma!"

The other woman had come to stand at the bottom of the stairs. Ella grew frightened at the wild look in Wilma’s eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Ella asked, trying to sound angry. In truth, she was afraid.

"I told you. I’m here for my baby," came the reply. Wilma moved up the stairs as Ella backed away.

"He’s not your baby! You need to leave!" Ella said, her voice sounding authoritative.

"I’ll leave. Don’t worry," she said with a small smile. Ella cringed at the madness she saw. Deciding to make a mad dash for the bedroom to buy herself and Drew some time, Ella ran up the stairs. She had made it into the bedroom and managed to get the door locked just as Wilma reached the top of the stairs.

"You can’t stay in there forever. I’ll get in!" Wilma shouted. She began beating the door, screaming wildly over and over again, "Give me my baby!"

Drew began to cry. Ella placed him in the middle of the bed, then went over to the dresser that was against the wall. It was heavy, but she had to push it in front of the door. The lock was weak and the way Wilma was beating the door, it wouldn’t last much longer. She managed to get it halfway in front of the door when the lock snapped. The door opened just a crack, and Ella could see the rage on Wilma’s face. The woman was deranged.

"Go away!" Ella screamed, running back to her baby to try and calm him. His cries had become frantic.

Wilma continued to push against the door and the dresser, slowly moving them out of the way. Ella searched around for something to protect herself and Drew. All of the guns were downstairs. She looked toward the window, but knew she or Drew could be hurt if she tried to jump.

The dresser crashed to the floor and Wilma pushed her way inside. She smiled triumphantly.

"Now," she said. "Give me my baby."

"Oh God!" Ella shouted. "Help me!"

* * * * * * * *

Jonathon pushed his horse as much as he dared in the darkness. The moon would come out from behind the clouds just long enough for him to see he was almost home before moving behind the thick clouds again.

He jumped off of his horse as soon as he reached the yard, running to the house. The front door was open and he heard Ella scream, "Oh God! Help me!"

Jonathon took the stairs by two’s and with his gun drawn, he rushed into the room. Wilma was walking slowly toward Ella and Drew. She turned around upon hearing Jonathon enter.

"What are you doing here?" she screamed. The demented look in her eyes caused Jonathon to pause for a moment, but it was all Wilma needed. She rushed Jonathon with surprising speed, grabbing his gun. He was amazed at her strength. The fight only lasted a few seconds, a loud gun shot sounding off. Wilma and Jonathon stared at one another, eyes wide. Jonathon then let his eyes move to his wife before collapsing to the floor.

"Jonathon! NO!" Ella screamed.

Wilma turned around, her blood soaked hand still holding the gun. She pointed it at Ella.

"Put the baby down," Wilma demanded.

"No," Ella cried, holding her son closer to her bosom.

"I said put him down or I’ll shoot you while you’re holding him!"

Ella knew Wilma would do as she threatened. She moved slowly toward the bed, trying to think of some way to save her son. Whatever happened to her, it didn’t matter, but Drew had to be protected at all costs. Ella couldn’t look at where Jonathon lay or she would break down. She stared into the face of her son, drawing strength from him. She placed him on the bed, then stood up to face Wilma.

"Now," the crazed woman said, a small triumphant smile in her face. "I’ll take care of you, then my son and I will be on our way."

Another gunshot rang out.

Chapter 29

Ella stared in shock at the prone body of her former housekeeper. She then raised her eyes to the man standing in the doorway, before looking at her husband's still form. The only sound in the room was Drew's crying. Heath noticed that Ella seemed to stand indecision about what to do next. Her eyes kept going back and forth between Drew and Jonathon.

"Pick up your son and come over here," Heath said firmly. He knew Ella was going into shock and softly spoken words would not be of much help. Ella nodded and reached for her son, holding him close as she whispered words of love to him. She stepped over Wilma's body, then went to her husband. Heath knelt beside Wilma, making sure the woman was truly dead. He then looked back at Ella, who was softly calling out to Jonathon. "Oh Jonathon, please wake up. Please don't be dead," she whispered. Heath examined Jonathon, the man was alive, but just barely.

Horses were heard in the yard and then the voice of Sheriff Madden came from downstairs. Heath called to the lawman, waiting in the hallway to explain what had happened. The sheriff sent Billy, his deputy, back into town for the doc.

"Ma'am," Fred said to Ella. He waited until she looked up at him to continue. "Let's get your husband on the bed so he can be more comfortable. Then Heath and I will take care of the other body."

Ella nodded, moving out of the men’s way. They gently deposited her husband on the bed, Heath covering him with a quilt.

Heath helped the sheriff to get Wilma's body out of the room. They would store it in the barn until Billy got back with Doc Merar. Then he would have the young man take it back into town to the undertaker. More horses arrived in the yard. Heath sighed with relief when he heard Nick's voice talking to some of the men that had ridden with him. Heath explained to Nick what had happened, then asked his brother to bring Victoria to Ella. Nick agreed to hurry. Heath went back upstairs and found Ella sitting in a chair next to Jonathon. Drew's cries were becoming more frantic and Ella felt her milk let down. She knew it was time to feed her son, but she didn't want to leave Jonathon.

"Sounds like this one may be hungry," Heath said softly, referring to the wailing infant.

"I don't want to leave Jonathon," Ella whispered, looking at Heath with tortured eyes.

"The doc will be here soon. There's nothing we can do until he gets here. Why don't you go into Drew's room and feed him. I promise to stay with Jonathon. If there's any change, I'll come and get you. I promise."

Ella knew she could trust Heath, but she didn't want to leave her husband. She feared each breath would be his last.

Instead of pressuring Ella to do as he suggested, he said, "Stay here and feed the baby. I'll make sure no one comes in until you're finished. If you need me, I'll be right outside the door."

Ella nodded gratefully and waited only until Heath closed the damaged door to unbutton her blouse and draw her son to her breast. He suckled greedily and still cried out every few minutes as if to let his mother know he was unhappy with having to wait so long for his meal. Ella kept her eyes on her husband, sending up prayers of thankfulness that he was still with her, but also prayers of healing for his body.

* * * * * * * *

Heath held the bedroom door closed with his hand since it wouldn't have stayed closed otherwise. Again horses were heard. Heath strained to hear if it was Nick returning with their mother or if the doc had arrived. It was Victoria who made her appearance, her eyes questioning Heath’s placement at the door. Nick was right behind her.

"Ella’s feeding the baby. She didn’t want to leave Jonathon," Heath explained.

Victoria nodded. The three waited in the hallway until Ella opened the bedroom door.

"Is the doctor here yet?" the young mother said. Her cheeks were tear stained and she looked pale. Drew rested on her shoulder, Ella patting his back.

"Not yet. But he’ll be here soon," Heath promised. He stepped past Ella and went to examine Jonathon again.

"Ella, let’s go downstairs and I’ll fix us some tea. Have you eaten recently? You need to keep up your strength so that you can take care of Drew," Victoria said soothingly.

"I don’t want to be that far away from him, Mrs. Barkley," Ella said, her voice catching.

"I understand dear. Think if Drew though. You’re the only one who can feed him. If you become ill, who will care for him?"

Ella looked at her young son. She nodded slightly, knowing Victoria was correct. Just before they descended the stairs, Doctor Merar arrived, his black medical bag in his hand.

"He’s in here, Doc," Nick said, thankful that he could finally be of some use. He hated just standing around in the hallway.

"Go get something to eat," the doctor told Ella, having heard some of the conversation between the women as he climbed the stairs. "I’ll come and get you when I’ve finished examining him."

Victoria led Ella down the stairs and to the kitchen. It was almost as hour later before Heath came down to tell Ella the doctor was ready to see her. Ella handed Drew to Victoria then ran up the stairs to the bedroom where her husband lay, Heath following her. Jonathon was awake, though sweat beaded his forehead.

Ella ran to him and buried her face in his chest.

"Oh Jonathon," she sobbed.

"Shhh," he comforted her. Ella calmed down, then turned to face the doctor. Heath and Nick had left quietly to give them some privacy.

"How is he?" Ella asked.

"He’s in no immediate danger, but I’m worried about where the bullet is. It’s lodged deep inside and I’m afraid it could be close to the spine."

"And if it is? What does that mean?" Ella asked, her brow furrowed with worry.

"Ella," Jonathon called to her. She turned to look at him.

"What is it, Jonathon?" She could see something was wrong.

"I can’t feel my legs."

Chapter 30

Heath wiped the sweat from his brow with his kerchief. It was going to be another hot one. Thankfully, they weren’t experiencing drought conditions. The rivers and streams were full, as were the many small lakes, allowing the cattle to get the water they needed. This made the unbearable temperatures much easier to handle.

He was headed to Audra and Carl’s after visiting the Sommers’ Ranch. Well, technically, it still belonged to Jonathon Sommers, but he rented out the buildings and lands to another family, the Steadman’s, about ten years before. Jonathon and Ella remained in the Valley for another six months after the shooting that left Jonathon paralyzed from the waist down. They consulted several doctors in San Francisco, as well as in Sacramento, but the results were still the same. He’d never have the use of his legs again. The bullet had been removed by a top surgeon, and Ella hoped that would give Jonathon the use of his legs. It didn’t seem to make any difference. They moved back to Oregon but kept the property near Stockton, hoping to one day return.

Audra waved to Heath as he rode into the yard. Carl came from the barn and stood next to his wife.

"What are you doing out in this hot sun, Audra?" Heath asked, concern in his voice. Audra was due with her third child any time and the doctor had already warned her not to over exert herself in the heat.

"Oh, Heath. I’m just picking a few flowers for the table. I’m not over-doing. Am I dear?" she asked her husband. Carl raised an eyebrow at his wife, then invited his brother-in-law inside.

Quinto, Audra and Carl’s butler, brought some ice cold lemonade to the living room. Heath accepted his glass with a grateful nod and took a long drink.

"Mmm. Hits the spot on a day like today," Heath said.

"Are Jarrod and Melissa back from San Francisco yet?" Audra asked.

"Yeah," Heath answered. "Last night. Melissa looks as uncomfortable as you."

Jarrod and Melissa had four children: Jeremy, Cynthia, Peter and Richard. Melissa was expecting their fifth and was due the same time as Audra. Audra and Carl had two boys, Carl Jr. and Matthew. Although she would be happy with another boy, Heath knew Audra wanted a girl. Nick and Abby had three children: Mark, Jennifer and Mary. Nine year old Mark was Nick’s spitting image, from looks to personality. He was already working on the ranch almost a full day on Saturdays, much to Abby’s consternation. She thought it was too much for her son, but Nick was delighted Mark wanted to take such an active role.

"Only a few more weeks, I think," Audra announced. She smiled at Carl who kissed her hand. Heath watched the tender moment, wishing not for the first time, that Ellen was still alive. He seemed to miss her now more than ever before. Their child would have been the same age as Mark. Heath often watched Mark and Nick, wondering if his son would have wanted to work the land like his cousin, uncle and father. Heath shook his head mentally to focus on the conversation with Carl and Audra. He was invited to stay for dinner, but opted to go home. He and Victoria were the only ones living in the big house now, and he didn’t want her to eat by herself.

When he arrived home, Victoria greeted him. She told him a letter had come for him, and she’d put it on his bed. Heath washed up then went to his room. He found the letter and opened the envelope. He scanned it’s contents, then folded the letter and placed it in the drawer of the desk in his room.

He went to dinner with Victoria, each telling the other about their day. Victoria was eager for her two newest grandchildren to make an appearance. Heath smiled as he listened to her talk about the impending births.

"You seem quiet, Heath. Is everything alright?"

Heath sighed.

"I got a letter from Jonathon Sommers today. He’s asked me to come up for a visit. Said he’s got some prime stock to sell. He’s offering us first choice."

"Will you go?" Victoria asked.

"Don’t see why not. Things are slow around here for the next little while. You’ll be leaving soon to stay with Audra and then Melissa. Might be good to get away for a bit."

Victoria watched this son of her heart. He never spoke about Ellen, but she knew he had to be missing his wife. He’d watched his brothers and sister live in marital bliss and have families of their own. Heath had never shown any interest in anyone since Ellen’s death. He’d been encouraged by Jarrod and Audra to find someone else, but Nick never said anything. At least, not that Victoria ever heard. It was almost as if Nick knew something about Heath that the others didn’t.

"I think you should go," Victoria said with a firm nod of her head. "I wonder how Jonathon and Ella are doing? I know Audra hears from Ella every once in a while."

So it was a week later that Nick rode into town with Heath to see his brother off. Nick didn’t admit it to Heath, but he was nervous about the trip. He wasn’t afraid to say something, for Nick Barkley was not afraid of confrontation. It was just something he couldn’t explain. He wished Heath a fast and profitable trip, then headed back to the ranch.

* * * * * * * *

Heath stepped down from the train in Eugene, Oregon. It was late afternoon when he arrived and Heath was ready to sleep on a bed that didn’t move. He’d had enough of the cramped, smoke filled rail car. He’d played a few hands of poker and even entertained a young boy so his mother could get a few hours of rest, but the days and nights on the train were long.

Breathing in the fresh air, Heath decided his first course of action would be to find out where Jonathon’s ranch was. Then he’d secure a horse and hope to make it by nightfall. He’d sent a wire from Stockton before he left, letting Jonathon know he was on his way, but he wasn’t sure of when he would arrive.

Heath thought he heard someone call his name and looked around. His eyes widened at the sight of Ella standing on top of a wagon seat, waving her hands in the air. He smiled and waved back, walking toward her.

"Howdy," he said.

"Hi yourself! I was beginning to think you weren’t coming," Ella said sitting down, an easy smile lighting her face. She looked older and thinner than she had when he’d last seen her, but she was still a beautiful woman. Heath noticed a young boy peeking around his mother’s shoulder.

"Howdy," he said to the boy.

"Heath, you remember Drew?"

"Last time I saw him he was just a baby. Nice to see you again, Drew."

Drew smiled shyly but put out his hand. Heath shook it then looked up at Ella.

"Throw your things in the back. We’ve been coming to the station everyday the last few days to see if you’d arrived," Ella explained.

"Sorry to put you to so much trouble," he replied, hating to inconvenience anyone.

"Oh, it’s no trouble. Jonathon’s been so exited since we got the wire saying you were coming. He’s been looking forward to seeing you again."

Heath climbed up into the wagon, and Ella handed him the reins. She told him which direction they would be headed and as they drove, gave a brief history of her home. On the way to the ranch, she pointed out the homes of her brothers and sisters. They all lived nearby, much the same as Heath’s own family.

"That’s Papa and Mama’s old house. Charles lives there now. Papa died about five years ago, and mama passed a year later."

Heath didn’t reply, chancing a glance in Ella’s direction. She looked sad as they drove by the house that had been her childhood home. He kicked around for something to say to cheer her up, but Drew took care of that for him.

"Mama, when we get home, do you think Mr. Barkley would want to see my new horse?"

Ella smiled. "Why don’t you ask him?"

Drew again peeked around his mother and asked his question.

"I reckon I’d like that."

Heath smiled as did Drew. Ella’s face brightened as she put her arm around her young son.

"There’s home," Ella said. Heath had been watching Ella but turned to see where she was pointing.

"Home" was a two story house that was slightly larger than the ranch house they owned in Stockton. It was well kept as were the buildings that surrounded it.

Heath pulled the wagon up in front of the house and helped Ella down. Drew hopped down on his own and ran inside. A ranch hand was there to take the reins from Heath. He took his one bag and followed Ella inside. They met Drew at the door.

"Papa said for me to go riding with Uncle Jeff for a bit. He wants to talk to Mr. Heath," Drew explained. Ella smiled and nodded to her young son. Drew ran out the door calling to his uncle that he could finally go riding.

"Jonathon’s in here," Ella said. "I’ll take your things to your room. It’s upstairs, the last room on the right."

Heath thanked Ella and knocked softly on the bedroom door. Jonathon called for him to enter. Heath pushed open the door and saw Jonathon sitting up in bed. The years being bedridden had taken their toll on the older man, but his smile was bright as he motioned for Heath to come in and close the door.

"I’m so glad you could come, Heath," Jonathon said holding out his hand. Heath shook it and took a seat next to the bed.

"I’m looking forward to seeing what stock you are selling."

"Oh, we can talk about the stock later. I’ve got something else I want to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I want you to marry my wife."

Chapter 31

Surely his mind was playing tricks on him. He was tired from the trip. Yes, that had to be it. There was no way he'd heard what he thought he'd heard. "I know what I've said is a shock," Jonathon said. What an understatement, Heath thought. "I have my reasons for asking you, but I can't tell you now. Tomorrow, Drew and Ella will go riding, and we'll have time to talk then." Heath nodded, but was sure he still wore the shocked _expression on his face. Ella chose that moment to come into the bedroom, saving Heath from replying.

"So, how have you been, Heath? How's the family?" Ella asked, sitting next to Jonathon on the bed. "Um...ah...good. They're all doing good. Audra and Jarrod's wife, Melissa, are both due with babies soon. Wouldn't surprise me if they both hadn't already delivered by now."

"Oh, that's wonderful. I’m sorry you’re missing seeing the newest Barkley’s. I’m sure Jonathon won’t keep you too long. You’ve got to be eager to get back." Before Heath could reply, Ella asked, "I haven't written to Audra in a while. Would you be willing to take back a small gift to her for the baby?"

"Of course." Heath excused himself, saying he wanted to wash up from his long trip. Ella again informed him of where his room was, telling him she'd see him at dinner. They all ate together in the bedroom where Jonathon was. A small table had been placed in the corner, but Heath hadn't noticed it earlier. The food was probably very good, but he didn't taste a thing. His mind was still reeling from Jonathon's announcement that afternoon. He watched Ella, wondering if she knew what her husband was going to ask him. Ella was the same person Heath knew back in Stockton: friendly, outgoing, attentive. He noticed that when her eyes landed on her son, they brightened considerably, and when she looked at her husband, there was an undeniable love.

Once dinner was finished, several servants came in to clear the table. Ella sat next to Jonathon in a chair, while Drew climbed up next to his father on the bed. Heath watched as Drew shared with his father all about his day. That Drew thought the world of Jonathon was clear. The boy left out no details and when he was finished, even Heath felt as though he'd been by Drew's side all day long.

Ella sent Drew off to bed. He said his goodnights to his parents and to Heath. Heath excused himself, feeling weary. The long trip, coupled with the news Jonathon had shared with him, made Heath feel as though he'd run a thousand miles.

Despite his shock over Jonathon's announcement, Heath slept well that night. He arose and again had his meal in Jonathon's room. After breakfast, Ella and Drew went for a ride, leaving Heath and Jonathon alone. Heath sat in a chair close to the bed and waited for Jonathon's explanation.

"I'm sorry to just spring this on you, Heath," Jonathon started.

"Does Ella know what you asked me?" Heath asked, feeling upset with Jonathon. The other man smiled, glad to know that Heath was thinking of Ella's feelings. He knew he'd chosen well.

"No. And if she did, she'd be very angry."

Of that, Heath had no doubt.

"What are you thinking, Jonathon? She's your wife! She's not available for marriage, even if I was looking for a new wife, which I'm not!"

"I'm dying Heath. It won't be much longer."

Heath's eyes widened slightly. Jonathon indeed did not look well, but the man had been bedridden for ten years. How else would he look?

"How do you know?" Heath asked quietly.

"My heart is giving out on me. Doc says it won't be too much longer. I've had a series of mild heart attacks, but he thinks they are just leading up to one big one and then..."

Jonathon paused, looking out the window. Heath didn't know what to say, so he remained silent, waiting for Jonathon to continue.

"I fear for what will happen to Ella and Drew once I'm gone. Her parents died about five years back and since, her brother Charles has been in charge of the family. At least he likes to think so. I don't know how two wonderful people could ever have raised such a selfish and mean spirited son, but Ella's parents managed it. He's made it clear to me that once I'm gone, he wants this land and the property in Stockton for himself. He knows I won't sell it to him and that Ella will refuse as well. He's planning on forcing her into a marriage with his business partner. I know it seems totally outrageous, but Ella's other brothers have all come to me with the same concerns."

"Why would he do this?" Heath asked.

"Charles feels as though I've taken his place in the eyes of his siblings. They come to me and ask for advice instead of going to him. It's almost like he wants revenge. I don't know his reasonings. His business partner is Hal Markam. He's a cruel man, Heath. He can't even treat his dog right. Philip, one of Ella's brothers, came to me and told me he saw a contract signed by Hal and Charles that Hal will sign over the deed to this land once he is married to Ella."

"But doesn't Ella have a say in this? She could just tell him no."

"Ella knows her brother isn't a good man, but she will want to keep family harmony. You don't know Charles. He will make this family miserable until he gets his own way. He hates it that Jeffery, Ella's nephew, bought part of our land. He's made it miserable for everyone. Jeffery is good at holding his own, but I think Ella would wear down and eventually give in for peace and harmony."

Jonathon stopped, his voice catching. Heath knew this had to be difficult for him. Jonathon took several deep breaths then continued.

"She's a special woman. She's only 30 years old and about to become a widow. She's made me feel like the luckiest man on earth, made me believe I can do anything, even though I'm stuck in this bed. She deserves to be happy, Heath."

Heath nodded, agreeing that Ella deserved happiness.

"But why me?"

Jonathon smiled.

"Several reasons. One, she already knows you. Two, you live in Stockton(,) and I want Ella to be as far away from Charles as possible. And three, you're an honorable man who will do right by my wife and son. You'll make them your own. And that's what I want. I don't want this to be a marriage of convenience. I know it probably will be at first because, well, things will be awkward. She isn't marrying for love. You'll have a head start on her in that department."

Heath's eyebrows raised at that last statement.

"I overheard a conversation between you and Nick, shortly after you married Ellen. I know you, at least at one time, loved my wife. Or believed you did. I'll admit it made me feel threatened for a time. But you made a go of your marriage with Ellen and I know you never tried to steal Ella from me. You're a man of integrity"

Heath stood and walked toward the window. He had no idea Jonathon had known of his feelings for Ella. If he were honest with himself, he wasn't sure if he still had those feelings. Yet he knew, it wouldn't take much for him to go in that direction. In fact, the only thing keeping him from that was the fact Ella was married. He'd never ask her to betray those sacred vows.

"Heath, I hate to rush you, but I need your answer. If it's no, I'll have to find another way to protect Ella and Drew."

Heath nodded his head, but didn't turn around. He saw Ella and Drew just returning from their morning ride. How would she respond to Jonathon's plan? Would she feel as though he were doing the same thing to her as what her brother wanted to do? Didn't she have the right to choose who she wanted to marry, or even if she wanted to marry again? Heath sighed and turned around.

"I'll do whatever I can to protect Ella and Drew. You have my word," Heath said. He walked from the room without a backward glance. Jonathon sagged against the pillows, relief flooding him.

Chapter 32

"So how do we do this, Jonathon? Do I wait until you’ve been buried a few days? Or maybe just as you take your last breath, the pastor could be here for Heath and I to recite our marriage vows?" Ella’s voice was laced with bitterness and sarcasm. Jonathon knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he had to make her understand. They were alone, Jonathon having asked Heath to take Drew riding and not to return for several hours.

"I don’t know, Ella," he said, feeling frustrated. Ella had been standing at the window with her back to him, much as Heath had done the day before. She turned around, her face a mask of hurt and anger.

"What do you mean you don’t know? You obviously had enough forethought of asking Heath to come here. Haven’t you got this all planned out?" Ella turned back around, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. She was livid with her husband for what he was asking her to do. The tears fell down her cheeks unbidden and she couldn’t get them to stop.

"Ella, please."

Jonathon’s tender voice got through to her. Ella’s shoulders sagged, but she still didn’t move. Not until he asked her to come sit next to him on the bed. Slowly, Ella walked over and sat down. She leaned into him, grateful that Jonathon put his arms around her.

"I don’t want anyone but you," she choked out.

"I know. And if I weren’t so afraid for you and Drew, I’d never ask you to do this."

Ella sat up and looked at her husband.

"Then why are you?"

She deserved the truth and even though it would hurt her, he wouldn’t hold anything back. He would be willing to hurt her now, in order for her to have a happy life later. Jonathon knew she could eventually be happy with Heath.

"Charles has drawn up a contract that stipulates he will receive the ranch here and the one in Stockton once I die. He has a plan to get you to marry Hal."

Jonathon expected Ella to have some reaction to the news, but instead she just stared at him.

"Ella, did you hear me? Your own brother is going to force you to marry his business partner so that he can gain land!"

"How did you find out?" Ella whispered.

"Philip told me. He accidentally saw the contract while he was in Charles’ office. Charles doesn’t know that Philip saw it. He doesn’t know I know."

Ella stood up and again walked toward the window, her hand on her mouth. She was pale and Jonathon wondered if she was going to faint. It was then he realized what she’d asked.

"You already knew, didn’t you?" Jonathon asked. Ella didn’t answer except for a small nod.

"When did you find out and why didn’t you say anything?" Jonathon asked angrily.

"I found out about a month ago," Ella answered quietly, looking out the window. "Drew and I had gone into town and Charles asked me to come by his office. He wanted me to convince you to sell the ranch. I told him I wouldn’t. Charles said he was going to get it one way or another. I don’t think he meant for me to find out, but he was so angry. He said he would find a way to force me to marry someone he could control. That he was counting down the days until you died..."

Ella’s voice faded and Jonathon knew she was fighting for control.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" he asked again, this time in a softer tone.

Ella turned around and faced him, tears streaming down her face.

"I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want to think about you leaving me. Jonathon, I don’t want to face it," she sobbed, burying her face in her hands.

"Come here, Ella," Jonathon ordered. Ella went to him without hesitation.

"I’m sorry you have to face this," he whispered, holding her close. "I’d give anything to be healthy. To be even ten years younger so that you wouldn’t have to go through this alone. I’m so sorry I was selfish, Ella."

"You’re not selfish! You never have been," Ella said sitting up. "You’ve always put my needs and Drew’s above your own. Isn’t there another way, Jonathon? I have nothing against Heath, but I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love you. I can’t imagine being anyone else’s wife."

Jonathon reached out and wiped Ella’s tears away. He swallowed several times to get his emotions under control.

"Charles is a devious man, Ella. I trust him about as far as I can throw him. Legally, if Heath is your husband, Charles cannot bother you or Drew. If there is someone else you’d rather have...."

"Only you", was the whispered reply. There was no one else in the world she wanted to be with. It didn’t matter that they couldn’t share physical love as they had before. She had grown to love Jonathon in a new way the past ten years. Being his wife was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Silently, Ella cursed her brother. She wanted to rail against him, to make him see how he was hurting her, but Ella knew it would do no good. Charles was a man eaten up by jealousy and greed.

Ella sat up and squared her shoulders. She looked her husband in the eye and said, "I’ll do what you think is best. I just feel sorry for Heath."

Jonathon smiled slightly, the ache in his throat causing his voice to sound choked.

"I don’t. He’s going to be married to the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met."

Ella threw her arms around Jonathon and cried. He held on tight, secure in the knowledge his wife and son would be safe.

* * * * * * * *

When Heath and Drew returned, Ella was no where to be seen. Jonathon asked Drew to go to his room for a while, that his mother would come for him later. Drew obeyed without question, though Heath could tell the young boy was curious about what was going on.

"I talked to Ella," Jonathon said. Heath thought Jonathon looked older then when he and Drew had left that morning. He sagged against the pillows and his skin had taken on a gray pallor.

"How is she?" Heath asked. Jonathon thought it was interesting that Heath didn’t ask what Ella’s answer had been, but how she was doing.

"She’s very upset. Turns out she already knew about Charles’s plans. She was afraid to tell me because she didn’t want me to worry."

Heath shook his head.

"Guess your guess was right. She was going to sacrifice herself to keep family harmony."

Jonathon nodded silently. He was exhausted. The last few months were taking their toll on his already weak body. He didn’t want to say anything to Ella, but he’d been having chest pains for most of the day.

"Jonathon, I know you’re tired, but I have to ask. What does your will say?" Heath asked. He was no legal expert, but he’d lived with a lawyer long enough to know many wills were contested once they were read.

"I’m leaving the ranch here to Jeffery. The ranch in Stockton will go to Ella and Drew. By law, her husband will own the land."

Heath nodded.

"I don’t know a lot about the law, but I know someone who does. Would you mind if I asked Jarrod to come up? I think we need to make sure this thing is settled. I’d hate to put Ella and Drew through all of this just to have it all be for naught."

Jonathon considered Heath’s words. He thought his will was sound enough, but Charles was an unscrupulous fellow and, Jonathon knew he’d find a way to contest the will.

"Ask him to hurry, Heath. It won’t be much longer."

Chapter 33

Ella closed the door to her bedroom and leaned against it. She was so very tired. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, tired in every way for a human being to be tired. She, Drew, Heath and Jarrod had just arrived in Stockton.

Jonathon had been gone a week. Jarrod had made it to Oregon with only days to spare. Once the will was finalized, Jonathon seemed to fade quickly. Ella had known his death was inevitable, but it still came as a complete shock to her.

In what she deemed in her heart as an immoral amount of time, she was saying the familiar phrase, "I do" to another man. Heath stood to her right, but thankfully did not take her hand. When Ella heard the words, "By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife," she tensed. She expected to hear, "You may now kiss the bride." She knew she’d burst into tears and was doing everything possible to keep herself under control. Thankfully, those words never came. What she didn’t know was that Heath had instructed the judge that Jarrod had procured for the ceremony to leave that part off. He knew this marriage was only to protect Ella and Drew from her brother. She in no way wanted to be married to Heath, and he didn’t want to make things any more difficult for her than they needed to be.

The funeral was difficult, but the reading of the will would forever be burned into her mind. Charles’s face had turned so many shades of purple, that Ella would have laughed if the situation hadn’t been what it was. She couldn’t help but gain some satisfaction that her selfish brother would get nothing from Jonathon’s estate. Because Ella and Heath were already married, all of the property that Ella had inherited now belonged to him. A clause was put in at Jarrod’s insistence that if anyone tried to contest the will in any way, that person would receive nothing.

Jarrod had traveled up in the Barkley private rail car, and that is what they would had used when they returned to Stockton. Ella, unsure of what to pack, had taken Heath's suggestion to bring only what they needed. Her nephew, Jeffery, could send the rest later.

Drew had been withdrawn since his father’s death. He seemed to shadow Ella at every turn, but she didn’t mind.

The train ride to Stockton seemed long, but in reality, they made good time. Ella was thankful for the privacy they had, not having to worry about mingling with other passengers. One of the porters had called her "Mrs. Barkley", and that was enough to start the tears that were already close to the surface. So Ella stayed in the private car, Heath bringing her meals to her. She knew it was unfair to Drew to keep him cooped up, and Heath must have thought the same thing. He and Jarrod would often take Drew to the dining car for his meals or for a snack. The small trips did wonders for the boy’s attitude.

Once, the day before they arrived in Stockton, Heath asked Jarrod to take Drew so he could have a few minutes with Ella alone.

"I thought we should talk about what happens when we get to Stockton," Heath began.

Ella didn’t answer but waited patiently for Heath to continue.

"I think you and Drew should go to your ranch."

"Why?" she couldn’t help but ask.

"You both need a chance to grieve. I know Mother would love to have you both at our place, and believe me when I say you are welcome there. I just think you two need some time alone."

"What about the family who is living there now? I don’t want to put them out."

"Jarrod said they moved back east. You know Jonathon had left Jarrod in charge of finding tenants, and he hadn’t had a chance to look yet. So the place is all yours again."

Heath paused, seeming unsure of whether he should go on or not. He finally decided to say what had been on his heart.

"Even though you and I are married, in your heart, you are still married to Jonathon. I just wanted you to know I don’t expect anything from you. We’ll just see how things go."

Heath had left her alone then. Ella knew he and the others wouldn’t be gone long, so she did nothing to stop the tears that flowed. She had been trying to be brave in front of Drew, but since she was alone she could let her guard down, just for a little while. She had been a little worried about what would happen when they returned to Stockton. Legally, she was Heath’s wife. He could have expected her to become his wife in every way, but he had just assured her he didn’t have that intent.

Now Ella stood in the bedroom that she had once shared with Jonathon. She looked around the familiar room, images of the time they’d spent together coming forth in her mind’s eye. She’d loved living here with Jonathon. It was where Drew had been conceived, where he had been born. Unbidden, the memory of Wilma’s attack showed itself. Ella closed her eyes, willing the horrible images away.

Although Ella’s things had been taken to this bedroom, she knew she couldn’t stay there. She took what she would need for the night, then went to check on Drew. He was fast asleep, a fact for which she was thankful. She then went to the third bedroom and changed into her nightgown. The bed wasn’t as comfortable, but it would have to do. Ella’s last thought before sleep overtook her, was how she wished Jonathon were there to hold her.

"I cannot believe it."

"Now Nick’"

"Don’t ‘now Nick’ me! I knew something was going to happen! I could feel it in my gut. But I never expected this!"

Nick and Abby were readying for bed. A telegram had been sent earlier in the week asking Nick to have the surrey, a couple of wagons and some of the hands available for Heath's return. It was puzzling to him why Heath would need wagons, but Nick just shrugged and did as he was asked. Nick greeted Jarrod, accepting his brother's thanks for bringing Jingo into town. Jarrod wasted no time mounting and heading home to Melissa and the new baby. Nick’s eyes widened when he saw Ella Sommers step down from the Barkley private railcar. They widened even further when he was told about Jonathon’s death. He gave his condolences to Ella, who nodded her thanks. Drew accepted Nick’s greeting, but didn't say anything other than "hello".

Heath asked Nick if Nick would be available to talk later that evening?

"You know you’re welcome anytime," was all Nick said. He helped to load up the wagons with Ella and Drew’s things then proceeded to the Sommer’s ranch. It didn’t take long to have everything unloaded. Nick watched with a raised eyebrow as Heath told Ella he’d be by the next day.

Several hours later, Heath and Nick were in the barn. Heath told Nick everything that had happened, from the real reason Jonathon had asked for Heath’s visit, to the informal wedding ceremony the morning of the funeral.

Now, hours later, as Nick relayed the events to his wife, he was still in shock.

"Isn’t it strange how things work out?" Abby asked.

"What do you mean?" Nick replied.

"Heath was in love with Ella at one time, but because she was married, she was off limits. Now, they are married to each other!"

"Well, it isn’t much of a marriage. She’s living at her ranch, and Heath’s living at his."

"For now."

"Her husband just died, Abby! I’d hope that, if and when I die, you’ll at least wait till I'm cold before you up and marry someone else!" Nick said, feeling a bit put out. Abby smiled at him as she climbed into the bed.

"No need to worry about that, Nick. I would wait at least a week before I married someone else."

"A week!" Nick said, feeling outraged.

"Shh! You’ll wake the children!" Abby admonished him.

"Hmph," was Nick’s reply. Abby leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then whispered in his ear. Nick pretended not to hear what she said, but Abby knew she had his attention.

A while later as they fell asleep, Nick said, "Apology accepted."

Chapter 34

Ella pushed back the lace curtain and watched as Heath walked toward the barn. He had been coming by the ranch at least once a day since their return to Stockton three weeks before. Sometimes he came up to the house to ask if she needed anything, but mostly he spoke with the foreman he'd hired to take care of things. Chuck was a few years younger than Heath but had come with excellent references from his former employer. Heath told Ella he had every confidence in the new foreman, but if she had any problems with him to let him know. So far, she'd only spoken with Chuck a few times when she and Drew had gone out riding. Chuck was polite and helpful, making Ella feel comfortable around him. She even allowed Drew to accompany him to the barn on occasion.

As Ella watched Heath walk away, she thought about the question he'd asked her that morning:

"Nick is taking his oldest son, Mark, on a fishing trip next weekend. It's just overnight. I thought it might be nice if I could take Drew. He and Mark are close in age, and I think they'd get along well."

"Oh," was all Ella replied. She knew Heath would protect her son, but if anything happened to Drew, she would be devastated. Of course, the boy was ten years old. It wasn't as though he was a baby. Not to mention school would be starting up in a few weeks. It would be an advantage to him to have already made a friend.

"If you don't want him to-"

"That should be fine. I know he'll enjoy it. He loves fishing," Ella answered quickly. "I guess I'm just a little nervous about him being gone."

Heath nodded his head in understanding. He had debated about whether he should ask or not, but he really did think it was a good idea.

"I promise I'll take good care of him," Heath said, his blue gaze holding Ella's brown one evenly. She knew he took the responsibility of Drew's welfare very seriously, as he did her own.

"I know you will. Just ignore me," Ella said, chuckling slightly.

Heath turned away, and Ella thought she heard him say, "I can't," but she wasn't sure. She watched as Heath said goodbye to Chuck then rode away. She wasn't sure how long she stood there before she heard the sound of a buggy approaching. She smiled with pleasure as she watched Chuck greet Audra. He helped her down, and Audra reached inside the buggy for the Moses basket that held her newest child. Ella opened the door before Audra had a chance to reach the steps.

"Oh, Audra! It's so wonderful to see you!" The two women embraced. Ella then led her friend inside and settled her and the baby in the parlor.

"I just made some lemonade. Would you like some?" Ella asked.

"That would be wonderful, thank you," Audra said as she gently picked up her newest son. Ella was back in a few minutes with two glasses of the cold liquid.

"And who is this?" Ella asked, eyeing the tiny baby with the wide blue eyes.

"This is Samuel. He was supposed to be Samantha, but oh well!"

"He's beautiful," Ella said. Audra held out the baby for Ella to take into her arms.

"Are you sure you should be out so soon, Audra?" Ella asked, concerned.

"You sound like Carl. Yes, I'm fine! Dr. Carter said we are both healthy and there was no reason I couldn't make short trips out."

"Is Dr. Merar no longer in Stockton?" Ella asked, remembering how much she liked the older doctor.

"Yes, he is. He brought in Dr. Carter several years ago to help with the practice. Dr. Merar insists he's going to retire one of these days, but I don't know if he ever will. Dr. Carter has been like the son he and Mrs. Merar never had."

Samuel decided he wanted to stretch which delighted his mother and Ella.

"He looks perfect," Ella commented.

"We think so. He sure was impatient to arrive. Dr. Carter almost didn't make it, and Carl was afraid he'd have to deliver him!"

"The birth went fast?"

"Too fast. The pains started hard and didn't let up until he was born. Carl was wonderful though. He held my hand and talked me through each one. We were both relieved with the doctor showed up though."

"You let Carl stay in the room with you?" Ella asked, surprised.

"Oh yes. He was there for all three of the boys' births."

"You're a braver woman than I, Audra. I asked...no, I demanded that Jonathon leave the room. He wanted to stay but left once I started throwing things at him."

"You threw things?" Audra asked, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Yes," Ella replied, her cheeks coloring. "I'm not proud of what I did, but I couldn't stand the thought of Jonathon seeing me in so much pain. He would have blamed himself and fretted...."Ella's voice trailed off. Audra could see she was fighting for control.

"I'm sorry, Ella. I didn't mean to upset you."

Ella sniffed and shook her head.

"You didn't. It's just so hard being in this house without him. I miss him so much."

Audra didn't know what to say. She tried to imagine what it would be like to not have Carl with her and she couldn't.

"And now I'm married to someone else," Ella said softly, her eyes on the infant in her arms.

"I'll admit, I was surprised to learn that you and Heath married."

Ella sighed. "It's so strange. Jonathon hadn't even been gone forty-eight hours, and I was already standing before a judge saying 'I do'. It was...unreal. Heath's been nothing but a perfect gentleman and I have to admit, I don't know what I would have done without him these last few weeks. I just feel sorry for him."

"Why?"

"He's married to a woman he doesn't love...a woman who doesn't love him."

Audra wanted to tell Ella that she was sure Heath still cared for her, but knew that wasn't her place. She was sure Ella had no idea of the feelings Heath had once had for her. Feelings she was sure Heath still had, at least on some level.

"Heath will be fine, Ella. He's strong. It's not like he didn't know you beforehand. You two were friends before, maybe that's where you should start now. Just be friends. Maybe one day, you two can learn to love each other."

Ella thought about Audra's words. At this moment she couldn't imagine loving anyone but Jonathon. He'd captured her whole heart, leaving no room for anyone else.

"I just hope I didn't ruin anything for him. I can't believe he hasn't married someone else before now."

"Ellen's death was very hard on him. There are still times I see shadows in his eyes."

Audra realized she was making Ella feel worse. She decided to change the subject to the family dinner they were planning to have the next weekend at the Barkley mansion. Ella appreciated her friend's thoughtfulness and the two finished their visit with much laughter.

* * * * * * * *

Heath sat in the parlor, a small glass of whiskey in his hand. He stared at nothing, his mind going back to the afternoon. He'd hated seeing the look in Ella's eyes when he asked her about taking Drew on the fishing trip. He knew she was thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to her only son. Heath kicked himself mentally over and over for not being more considerate.

The rustle of skirts drew his attention and Heath stood. Victoria was headed up to bed, but the sight of Heath looking so dejected at dinner caused her to check on him before turning in.

"I couldn't help but notice you seem upset, Heath. Is everything alright?"

Heath waited for Victoria to take her seat before he reclaimed his own. He sighed before answering.

"I asked Ella today if I could take Drew fishing with Nick and Mark next week."

"She wasn't in favor of it?" Victoria asked.

"Not at first. She had this look in her eyes...it was like she was scared something would happen to him too. I wish I'd waited...not asked her."

"No doubt Ella is feeling very vulnerable right now, Heath. I'm sure losing Drew has crossed her mind more once. Not just today. I know after your father died, I was afraid one of my children would also be killed by the railroad. I couldn't imagine having to face that."

Heath nodded but didn't say anything. Victoria watched him silently, waiting to see if he wanted to talk some more.

"When I went up to see Jonathon, I had no idea I'd be coming back to Stockton married to his wife."

"You know, I've often wished after Ellen that you would open your heart to someone else. I would watch Audra and Jarrod trying to encourage you in that area, and you'd politely refuse their suggestions. Maybe, the reason why was so you could help Ella and Drew now. Jonathon died knowing you'd be there to care for them."

When Heath didn't say anything else, Victoria said goodnight. Heath stood and bent to give her a kiss on the cheek. He sat in the parlor for several more minutes before heading up to bed where he fell into a restless sleep.

Chapter 35

Drew sat on the bank of the small stream, a fishing pole in his hand. Heath watched him from afar, glad to have the chance to get to know the boy better. Nick and Mark were off gathering firewood while Heath set up the camp. He decided there wasn’t much Drew could do, so he let the boy get a head start on catching their supper. Heath heard a loud cry and looked up to see Drew holding a rather large fish. That would go a long way in feeding them all later. Heath waved to Drew and shouted, "Good job!" He turned away for a second, but something caused him to look back. His eyes widened in horror as he saw Wilma, the Sommers’ former housekeeper, holding Drew by the hair, a knife poised at his throat. Before Heath could draw his gun, Wilma ran the knife across the child’s throat.....

Ella awakened with a start. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to get her breathing under control. She looked out the window and noticed the sun was just coming up over the hills, its bright rays shining through the window.

"It was just a dream," she whispered to herself. "Wilma’s dead. There’s no doubt about that. Heath killed her. Drew is safe."

Ella kept whispering this to herself, over and over, until she was finally able to calm down. She knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so she threw back the covers and went to draw a bath. She lingered for a while. Ella imagined that the steam rising in the air was her nightmare and watched as it disappeared.

Heath and Drew would be back later that afternoon. Ella was eager to see her only son again, to hold him in her arms, making sure no harm had come to him. She dressed and then fixed herself a small breakfast, not really paying attention to what she was eating. After cleaning up the dishes, Ella decided she would go for a ride.

Going riding always did wonders for Ella’s spirits, and she felt better when she returned. While she was away, Victoria had stopped by and left a note. Ella was sorry to miss the Barkley matriarch and looked forward to seeing her the next day at the family dinner.

Somehow, Ella managed to while away the hours. Her mind went back to the letter she’d received from her brother, Charles, the day before. He was extremely bitter, and the hateful words were burned into her mind. Ella shook her head, wishing she could reconcile with her oldest brother, but knew that would probably never happen.

The sound of horses riding into the yard caused Ella to rush toward the front door. She smiled and waved as Heath and Drew rode up to the house.

"Hello!" she called out to them. "How was the fishing trip?"

"Good," Drew answered as he dismounted. Chuck had heard them ride into the yard as well, and he was there to take the reins of Drew’s horse. Drew thanked Heath for taking him fishing, gave his mother a quick hug, then ran inside. Ella shouted after him to wash up, since dinner would be ready soon. She then turned back to Heath.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Heath almost said yes, but something held him back. He knew Ella was sincere in her request, but he also knew she was eager to spend time with Drew.

"Maybe next time. I should get home and make sure the ranch is still standing," Heath joked. Ella smiled, slightly relieved Heath had declined. They said their goodbyes, and Ella went inside. She put the finishing touches on dinner then called Drew to the table. Several minutes later, Ella was ready to call him again when Drew came into the kitchen. He had changed his clothes, and his face and hands were scrubbed clean. They sat down, and Ella asked Drew to say grace.

The meal was eaten mostly in silence. Ella asked Drew about the fishing trip, but most of his answers were short. Obviously, the child did not want to talk about his time with Heath. This bothered Ella quite a bit. Had Drew done something and gotten into trouble? Was Heath mean to her son? Ella couldn’t quite figure out what was going on, but determined to talk with Heath about it the next day. Drew finished all that was on his plate, then asked to be excused, leaving Ella alone in the kitchen.

* * * * * * * *

The next day at the Barkley mansion, the entire family was gathered. The table was crowded, but no one seemed to mind. There was plenty of laughter, and Ella couldn’t help but feel right at home. She enjoyed her time with her new sisters-in-law, however, she was eager to speak with Heath alone. As she watched Drew, he seemed to be back to his old self. Heath’s prediction of Drew and Mark getting along well had proven to be true. The boys had been inseparable since they had arrived a few hours before.

Finally, a few hours after the shared meal, Ella watched as Heath walked out to the barn. Everyone had scattered to do their own thing so Ella followed Heath out, calling out to him.

"I wanted to talk with you, if I may?" Ella asked.

"Of course."

"Were you upset with Drew yesterday? Did he do something wrong?"

Heath thought back on his time spent with Drew. Nothing came to mind, and Heath shook his head.

"He was very well behaved. He and Mark had a great time. Why do you ask?"

"He seemed so sullen during dinner last night. I could barely get a word out of him. He seems fine today. Maybe he was just tired?" Ella asked, but Heath knew she wasn’t expecting an answer from him.

"I could talk to him if you want me to."

"No," Ella said, shaking her head. "I’m sorry I bothered you with it."

"No bother," Heath assured her.

"I’ll let you get back to whatever you were going to do," Ella said, turning away from him.

"Ella, I was going to go for a ride. Would you like to come?" Heath asked. He wasn’t sure who was more surprised that he had asked: himself or Ella.

"I’m not really dressed for riding," Ella answered, wondering at the fact she felt some disappointment in having to say no.

"Oh," Heath hadn’t considered that. They stared at one another for a few seconds and Ella wondered why she had never noticed how blue Heath's eyes were. They were an unusual shade and she would wager that his eyes became darker if he were angry or if he were to desire... Ella dragged her eyes away from his.

"I’m going to go back inside now," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She turned and walked quickly toward the house. Heath let out the breath he’d been holding, relieved to have her gone. He’d been working hard to keep his distance from Ella, and in just a few moments alone with her, he found his resolve weakening. Heath felt the need to hold Ella at arm’s length, though he couldn’t reason that fact out in his mind. The only thing he knew was that was what made him the most comfortable.

Neither one had seen Drew and Mark near the entrance of the barn. Mark turned to his new friend and asked, "Why don’t your ma and pa live together like mine?"

"Heath ain’t my pa," Drew answered, but it wasn't said angrily.

"They’re married, ain’t they?" Mark asked, confused.

"Yeah. But my pa died a few weeks ago, then Heath and my mama got married. Something to do with my Uncle Charles. Mama said she’d tell me about it when I’m older."

Mark rolled his eyes. His parents were always telling him the same thing. He decided to ask one more question.

"Wonder why her face was so red?"

Drew shrugged. His mother and Heath’s marriage wasn’t like the one his mother and father had. Ella had promised to explain everything one day, but asked for the time being to just let things be. The two boys decided to go watch the horses in the paddock, and Drew was glad for the distraction.

* * * * * * * *

Ella walked into the kitchen, relieved to find it empty. She placed her hands on her face, knowing without looking in a mirror that she was blushing. What was her problem? She was acting like a school girl, not a grown woman! Being in the barn with Heath, the way his eyes held hers...Ella groaned.

"Get a hold of yourself!" she whispered.

"Are you alright?"

Ella jumped and looked up to see Abby standing in the doorway.

"Yes," Ella replied, smiling slightly. "I'm fine. It's just really warm out today. I think I'm going to go sit in the parlor for a while."

Abby moved aside so Ella could pass, but remained in the kitchen. She knew that Ella had followed Heath outside and she wondered what had happened. Nick found her still standing in the same spot a few minutes later.

"I thought you were getting some more lemonade?" he asked.

"Oh, I am. I got distracted, I guess," Abby said, going to the ice box.

"What distracted you?"

"Just thoughts of love, my dear," Abby answered as she began to pour the lemonade.

Nick smiled and walked over to his wife, taking the pitcher of tart liquid from her delicate hands and setting it down on the counter. He drew her to himself and pressed his lips to hers.

"Nick, someone might walk in," Abby half-heartedly complained when they broke apart.

"And what they'll see is a couple who is in love."

Abby smiled and allowed Nick to deepen the kiss. She sighed with contentment when they parted. Her thoughts returned to Ella. She hoped that one day, Heath and Ella would find it in their hearts to make room for each other.

Chapter 36

A month later, Ella found herself sitting at home alone. Drew was in school, leaving her with plenty of time on her hands. She thought about going to visit Audra or maybe even going to the orphanage and talking with Father Mendez about working with the children again. Yet, her heart just wasn't into doing either of those things. Ella was feeling down. Jonathon had been gone four months, and Ella was missing him terribly. She had received another scathing letter from Charles, and she knew she needed to stop reading them altogether. Ella held out hope that Charles would stop being the way he was and apologize.

After walking around her extremely clean and tidy house several times, Ella decided she'd go for a ride. She packed a small lunch, determined to be gone until it was time for Drew's return. She informed Chuck of her plans, and he saddled her horse for her.

Ella had ridden for several hours before she stopped at the top of a hill. She surveyed the scene below, taking in the majestic sight. Her eye caught a glimpse of Heath as he rode. He was alone, and Ella wondered if he would mind her joining him. Since the family dinner the month before they hadn't been alone at all. Ella was ready for some adult company.

She followed Heath for several minutes before she saw him dismount and kneel next to a well tended grave. Ella recognized the small Barkley cemetery, her mind bringing back the memory of the last time she was here. It was at Ellen's funeral. Obviously, Heath was visiting his wife's grave. Ella decided she would leave Heath alone, but before she could follow through on her plan, he spotted her. He stood and motioned for her to come to him. Ella reluctantly obeyed his command.

"I'm sorry, Heath. I didn't realize you were...I'll leave you alone," Ella stammered.

"It’s alright. I was checking out the fence line, and I always come and visit if I’m near. What are you doing out this way?" he asked, inviting her to sit down.

"Just out riding. Drew’s in school, and I’m finding I have a lot of time on my hands. I think I’ll start visiting the orphanage again," Ella replied avoiding looking at Heath. The thoughts she’d had the month before about the blond cowboy sitting next to her had unnerved her. She’d even dreamed of him one night, and how it would feel to be in his arms, to feel him touching her, saying her name...

"Ella?"

Ella jumped.

"I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention," Ella said.

"I noticed. Guess I’m a little boring."

"No, I just...I let my mind wander," to someplace it should not be, she finished in her mind.

"Care to share?" Heath asked, hoping she wasn’t upset about something.

"No!" Ella almost shouted. "I mean, it’s nothing really. I should get home now."

Heath stood quickly and held out his hand to help Ella up. She placed her hand in his and noticed the calluses on his palms. Heath’s hands were strong and manly, leaving no doubt that he was used to hard work. His hands had created the beautiful cabinetry in her kitchen, and his hands handled a horse expertly. Ella was sure his hands could also be gentle and tender.

Reluctantly, she pulled her hand from his and mounted her horse. She said a soft goodbye then rode home at a fast pace. This was getting ridiculous. Jonathon had only been gone four months and already she was lusting after another man. Granted, that man was her husband, but still. How could she be so in love with Jonathon, yet thinking of what it would be like to have Heath touch her in the way she longed to be touched? The way she hadn’t been touched in years. Ever since the incident with Wilma, she and Jonathon had not been able to have the physical love they had both enjoyed. They found other ways to express their love, though none had compared to the amazing heights both had gone to over their first five years of marriage. Ella sincerely hoped that whatever her problem was, she’d get it under control and soon!

Heath watched Ella ride away, puzzled at her reaction to him. He’d been surprised to see her, but it was nice to spend some time with her. He’d been avoiding seeing Ella, and Nick had called him out on it the week before.

"I see you and Drew together a lot. He’s a good kid," Nick commented.

"Yep," was all Heath answered.

"You been over to see Ella lately?"

"Nope."

"How come? I mean, you two are married, and unless you’re going to have this marriage annulled, don’t you think you should maybe...I don’t know, talk to her?"

"Nick," Heath said in exasperation, "she’s still in love with Jonathon. I’m not going to push in where I’m not wanted."

"Jonathon’s dead, Heath. It’s a sad fact, but a fact none the less. Ella needs time to grieve, sure. But you both gotta realize that life goes on. Mourning for what you can’t have when you can have something great doesn’t make sense. Why are you keeping your distance from her anyway?"

Heath never answered Nick, at least not out loud. In his mind however, he knew the reason. He’d been thinking about it non stop. He felt guilty. The reason he’d married Ellen was because he was afraid of doing something that would undermine Ella and Jonathon’s marriage, bringing shame to all in involved. His actions were inexcusable and to top it all off, Ellen had known from their wedding night. Yet, she showed him in many ways she’d forgiven him, and they were able to find love with each other. When she died, he felt it was punishment. Nick had tried to help him see that it wasn’t, and he appreciated his tender hearted brother’s attempts, but deep down he would always blame himself. If he hadn’t been so selfish, Ellen would no doubt still be alive.

Now, he was married to Ella. Married! It was almost as though fate were playing a cruel joke on him. Should he tell Ella? Did she have the right to know? Would the truth push her to him or away from him? Heath ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He mounted his horse and finished checking over the fence line before heading home. The next morning, he decided he’d go see Ella.

* * * * * * * *

Drew had been gone for an hour, and Ella was busy stripping the beds. She was thankful for the hard work that awaited her, hoping it would keep her thoughts from wandering. Heath had been in her dreams again the night before. The dreams were not unpleasant, and that was what bothered her.

A knock at the front door cause Ella to pause. She wasn’t dressed for company, nor was she in the mood to entertain. Hopefully, whoever it was wouldn’t stay long at all.

Ella almost groaned when she opened the door. Heath stood there in his blue shirt, tan pants and his hat in his hands, looking much too handsome for his own good.

"Heath, I wasn’t expecting company," Ella greeted.

"Sorry. I thought maybe, if you had a few minutes, we could talk? Maybe go for a walk? It won’t take too long."

Something in Heath’s voice told Ella this was important. She opened the door wider and stepped aside, inviting him in.

"Just let me change my dress. I’ll be right back."

Heath stood in the parlor and, true to her word, Ella was back down the stairs in a few minutes. Her hair was brushed and pulled back.

"You look nice," Heath couldn’t help but comment. Ella smiled slightly and led the way to the door. The two walked quite a ways before Heath began to speak.

"I wanted to see how you’re doing...how you and Drew are doing? Do you need anything?"

"No, Chuck has been good about making sure I have the supplies I need. I’m assuming if he needs anything for the ranch he speaks with you?"

"Yes, I’m sorry I’ve not included you in any of those conversations."

"Why would you? It’s your ranch, Heath."

Ella had come to terms with the fact that Heath now owned the property. In truth, it didn’t bother her because she felt safe with him and knew he’d make good decisions.

"If you have a question about anything...or you want to change anything...let me know?"

"I will."

They continued walking and finally Heath stopped and turned to Ella. He took a deep breath then began to say what he’d come to say.

"When Ellen and I married, it wasn’t for good reasons. At least, not for the right reasons. I was in love with someone else, and I was afraid I’d do something to shame her. She was...not available. Ellen was, I guess you could say she was my substitute."

Ella stared at Heath in shock.

"But you two seemed like you were so much in love."

"We were. I mean, we eventually were. It took a while, but I did end up falling in love with my wife. She found out about why I married her and it hurt her, but she forgave me. I’m still amazed at that," Heath said, his voice trailing off.

"Why are you telling me this, Heath?" Ella asked softly.

"Ella, I’ve been so ashamed of my actions with Ellen. When she died, I thought God was punishing me for not being honest with her."

"Oh Heath, no. God isn’t like that!"

"I know. But I felt I deserved some kind of punishment. I never thought Ellen would die. I loved her, Ella. I loved her with all my heart. I still miss her."

Ella placed her hand on his arm, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt.

"The other woman was," Heath began but Ella interrupted him.

"Did Ella know who the other woman was?"

"No. I don’t think she did. We never discussed it."

"Then I don’t want to know who it was either. It’s all in the past. Just leave it there."

"But Ella-"

"No. Please Heath. I really don’t want to know who it was. Thank you for being honest with me about you and Ellen, I know it took a lot for you to share this with me. But Heath, you were honorable in your marriage to Ellen, and I know you’ll be honorable with me. Our marriage is...different. Maybe one day we’ll figure things out. Let’s just look to the future."

Heath saw that Ella was sincere in her request to him. He decided to abide by her wishes and the two strolled back to her house. Heath felt a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He smiled slightly as he rode back to the ranch. The future...it had been so long since he’d looked forward to what it could bring.

* * * * * * * *

As the months passed, Heath became a frequent visitor at Ella and Drew’s home. Almost every Saturday found Heath and Drew with Nick and Mark on the range somewhere. Ella could tell Drew looked forward to spending time with Heath, but he was always sullen when he returned. Ella talked with Heath about it a few times, but he assured her the boy had not been in any trouble. She decided to give it some more time as Drew was still getting used to living in a new town and being without his much beloved father. After all, Drew and Jonathon had had a close relationship.

Thanksgiving was spent at the Barkley Ranch. All of the family gathered, and in truth Ella was kept too busy to miss Jonathon much that day. Once she had turned in for the night however, she cried herself to sleep. Ella agonized over the upcoming Christmas season. It had always been a tradition that the day after Thanksgiving a tree would be brought to the house and placed in the bedroom where Jonathon had spent so many years confined to a bed. He would supervise the decorating while Ella and Drew placed the homemade and store bought ornaments on the tree. Ella knew she could ask Heath to help them find a tree, but she didn’t want to bother him. Plus, she wasn’t sure if she wanted a tree anyway. She decided to speak with Drew and find out what he wanted to do. He thought for a few moments then asked if it would be alright if they skipped the celebration that year. Ella suggested they buy gifts for the children at the orphanage instead, and Drew happily agreed.

The second week of December, Heath came over with an invitation to spend Christmas Eve and Day at the ranch. Tearfully, Ella asked if she and Drew could have that time alone, just the two of them. Heath understood and agreed, promising to inform Victoria that they would not attend the family function. Ella was worried that perhaps Victoria would be offended, but Heath assured her his mother would understand. So Christmas passed quietly for Ella and Drew.

The New Year was ushered in with a celebration at Carl and Audra’s. There were games, singing, laughter, food and fun. By the time Heath brought Ella and Drew home, the young boy was exhausted. Heath offered to carry him up to his room, a fact for which Ella was glad. Her son was now much too heavy for her to lift by herself. Ella turned down the covers and removed Drew’s shoes before Heath placed him on the bed. Drew never even awakened. The two adults quietly left the room and went downstairs.

"Would you like some coffee? Maybe warm up a bit before you head back?" Ella asked.

"I’d like that," Heath replied. He followed Ella into the kitchen and watched as she stoked the fire and put on the coffee to boil. She set out some homemade bread and jelly, just in case Heath wanted a snack as well. Heath couldn’t help but notice how graceful Ella moved and how beautiful she looked in that burgundy dress. It fit her figure perfectly, accentuating each and every curve. He knew he needed to rein in his thoughts, but found it difficult. Finally, the coffee was ready, and Heath breathed a sigh of relief to be able to do something other than stare at his wife. His wife, who he longed to touch and be touched by. Yet he knew Ella wasn’t ready for that step.

Ella toyed with her cup as she watched Heath drink his coffee and take a bite of the bread. Her eyes were drawn to his mouth as it closed around the jam covered morsel. Some of the jam stayed in the corner of his mouth and without thinking, Ella reached over and wiped it away. Her eyes met Heath’s, but neither said anything. It was a relief for both when Heath took his leave. He knew if he stayed any longer he’d be tempted to do something that would ruin everything between them.

As Ella prepared for bed, she felt confused over her growing feelings toward Heath. She wanted him. It was almost physically painful to be so close to him and yet not be able to touch him, to not be able to be touched by him. He had told her he didn’t expect anything from her, and she had appreciated that more than anything after her husband’s death. But her attraction to him now was almost overpowering. She couldn’t help but feel some guilt as well because she knew in her heart she still loved Jonathon. Eventually, Ella fell asleep, her last thoughts of Heath.

The weather finally warmed up, and spring was brought in with rainstorms and blooming flowers. School was finally out, and both Ella and Drew were glad. Heath was around more and more, spending time with both Drew and Ella. Ella loved watching Heath with her son. He was a natural when it came to children. For Drew’s birthday, Heath took them on an all day picnic near a small lake.

Drew and Heath spent several hours in the water, swinging off of a rope Heath had tied to a tree. Ella sat on the bank, laughing at their antics. She declined their invitation to join in, deciding instead to read the book she’d brought along. However, she hadn’t planned on Heath removing his shirt, distracting her to no end.

Heath’s broad, tanned shoulders were in perfect form. Ella had known he had physical strength, but seeing his muscles in all their glory caused her to catch her breath. The crisp hair on his chest caught her eye and she wondered what it would be like to run her fingers through it. His slim hips were underwater most of the time, obscuring her view, but Ella’s imagination was working overtime, and she couldn’t help but sit up a bit straighter when Heath would jump up above the water line. Ella had the good sense to blush at the lustful thoughts she was having, and held up the book she was "reading" just a bit higher. It wasn’t long though, before she lowered it again and gave up all pretense. Heath was pure pleasure to watch. He was graceful in his movements, and Ella allowed herself to wonder what it would be like to be held in his arms.

Knowing they would be getting out of the water soon, Ella excused herself and walked toward the wagon that waited nearby. She told the two she was going to get the towels she’d brought along, but in reality she needed to get herself under control. After a few minutes of solitude, Ella felt she could conduct herself with the demeanor that was expected of her. At least she prayed she could.

Chapter 37

It was becoming a familiar pattern for Drew to be in a foul mood when he returned from spending time with Heath. Ella couldn’t understand why he acted so oddly and decided she’d confront Drew. His behavior was becoming unacceptable. She knew him well enough to know something was wrong. Heath had been gone for an hour, and Drew was up in his room. Ella thought that now was as good a time as any.

"Drew? May I come in?"

Drew was sitting on the edge of his bed, the slingshot that Heath had made him in his hands. He’d had so much fun that afternoon. Heath had taken him to one of the pastures that wasn’t being used for cattle at the moment and had set up a series of targets. He'd shown Drew the correct way to hold his slingshot and how to aim. It took several tries before the young boy even came close to hitting the homemade targets. He knew with a little practice, he’d be able to hit the target square on.

"Yes ma’am," Drew replied.

"Did you have fun with Heath?" Ella asked, watching her son’s expression carefully. When she had seen Heath drop Drew off, her son had seemed happy. Now, his face told her he was anything but.

"Yeah, it was fun," Drew answered, sighing.

Ella sat next to him on the bed, her gaze falling on the slingshot in Drew’s lap.

"Did Heath make that for you?"

Drew nodded then answered, "He even showed me how to aim it. I’m not real good at it yet, not like he is, but he said with practice I will be."

"So you’ll be practicing quite a bit, won’t you?"

Drew nodded again, this time opting to stay quiet. Ella watched him, praying for wisdom in what to say.

"Does spending time with Heath bother you? Would you rather not see him anymore?"

Drew turned toward his mother, his face showing surprise.

"Oh, no, ma’am! I love spending time with Heath."

"Then why are you so churlish when you get back? You seem so happy until he leaves."

"It’s just..." Drew hesitated, not sure if he should tell his mother what he was thinking, feeling.

"What Drew? It’s just what?"

Drew took a deep breath, then stood in front of his mother so that he was able to look her straight in the eye. One thing his father had always told him was to maintain eye contact with those you spoke with. It showed respect.

"I have such a great time with Heath, and then when I get home I think about Papa. And how he is probably watching me, and I don’t want to make him sad."

"Why would your Papa be sad?"

"If he can see me from Heaven, then he has to know how much fun I have. Heath is able to do things with me Papa never could. I love my Papa. I miss him, but I love being with Heath too. I just don’t want Papa to think I’m letting Heath take his place."

Ella blinked back tears and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She had no idea Drew carried this burden. She held out her arms and was thankful he went right to her. He was growing up so quickly, and she knew it wouldn’t be much longer before he felt he was too old to be held by his mother.

"Drew, I don’t know if Papa can see you from Heaven. But I do know this: If he can see you, then he would be happy that you and Heath get along so well. He wants you to be happy and to enjoy your life. He would hate it if you were sad because of him."

Drew listened to his mother’s words, hoping with all of his heart she was right. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt his father.

"You’re sure?" Drew asked, sitting up a little so he could see his mother’s face.

She smiled and said, "I’m positive."

Drew sighed with relief. He felt as though a burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. He stayed in his mother’s arms for a few more minutes, loving how protected he felt. He knew if his friends ever found out he still sat in his mother’s lap sometimes, he’d never live down the embarrassment. But those friends weren’t here to witness it, and Drew relished every moment. He sat up and kissed his mother on the cheek.

"Thank you, Mama."

"You’re welcome, baby."

Drew made a face at the nickname, and Ella laughed.

"How about some dinner? I made your favorite," Ella said.

"Chicken pot pie?" Drew asked. His eyes widened and he licked his lips in anticipation. He followed his mother down the stairs and into the kitchen. The two ate mostly in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. They were almost finished when Drew asked his mother a question that would thoroughly shock her.

"Mama, does Heath make you happy?"

Ella had a fork full of food almost to her mouth, but immediately set the fork back on her plate.

"Why do you ask?"

"It’s just, well, you said that Papa wants us to be happy. And if Heath makes you happy, then shouldn’t you two live together? Like other married people do?"

Ella took a deep breath before answering.

"Drew, if Heath and I lived together we wouldn’t be able to live here anymore. Heath and I would...we’d share a room, like Papa and I did."

"Would that make you happy?" Drew asked again, his expression serious.

"I...think it would. How would you feel about it if Heath and I lived together?" she asked, her eyes watching Drew carefully for any sign of hurt or anger. Instead she watched him shrug.

"I’d like to live at the Barkley place. Mrs. Barkley is really nice. And the rooms are really big. And I’d be close to Heath," Drew stated, matter-of-factly taking another bite of his food.

Ella didn’t reply, but chewed on her lower lip as she thought about the conversation she was having with her eleven year old son. It had been almost a year since Jonathon had died. Tradition stated Ella should stay in mourning for at least a year. Yet, Ella and Heath were already married, so did she still need to follow tradition? And what of Heath? Would he be ready to make that change in their relationship? As of now, he was free to come and go as he pleased. Ella was his wife, but in name only.

"May I be excused?"

Drew’s question interrupted Ella’s thoughts. She smiled at him.

"Of course. Why don’t you go ahead and get your bath so that it’s all done. We have church tomorrow."

Drew made a face but didn’t comment. He hated baths, but he wasn’t allowed to skip them. He knew better than to argue. The only bright spot was he’d get to see Heath the next day. They always had dinner together on Sundays.

* * * * * * * *

Ella thought about her conversation with Drew for the next several weeks. She examined her heart carefully, trying to figure out what it was she felt toward her husband. Love? No, she didn’t feel love toward him. Not the same kind of love she’d had for Jonathon. But she did care for Heath, that was a fact. And, she admitted, she was attracted to him. She would catch herself watching him from her window whenever he would visit them, loving how he walked with purpose. He held her hand on occasion, usually when he was helping her down from the buggy or when they were eating together and the blessing was being said. Heath’s hands were calloused and rough. Ella, for a fleeting moment, wondered what it would be like to feel those hands on her body.

"Mama?"

Drew’s voice caused Ella to snap out of her daydream.

"Yes?" she asked, knowing her voice sounded breathless. She hoped he didn’t notice.

"Heath’s here. He said he’s ready when you are."

Ella called that she’d be down in a few minutes. She took several deep breaths to calm herself, then descended the stairs. Heath and Drew were standing at the bottom of the stairs. Ella smiled at her son, but couldn’t make herself look Heath in the eye. She was afraid he’d be able to read her thoughts. Heath didn’t seem to notice if Ella was behaving oddly. He made a comment about how nice she looked, then the three walked out the door. Heath had ridden Charger over, then stabled him in the barn until he returned that evening. He would drive the surrey to Nick and Abby’s for their daughter, Jennifer’s birthday. It was supposed to be a pitch-in dinner, with games for the children and of course cake for the birthday girl.

Ella spent most of her time with her sisters-in-law and Victoria. They all laughed at the men as they played tag or blind man’s bluff with the children. Ella found she watched Heath most of the time. Soon, it was time to go home. Drew ran up to his mother as she and Heath walked toward the wagon.

"Mama!" he called out breathlessly. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"What?" Ella asked.

"Mark asked me to stay. Aunt Abby said it was fine."

Ella looked up to see Abby coming toward them, a smile on her face.

"Abby, it’ll be too much. You must be tired from the party."

"Oh, it’s fine! The children will be going to bed in a few hours anyway. Drew and Mark get along so well. We really don’t mind if he stays overnight."

Ella was still hesitant. She didn’t mind Drew staying, she just hated inconveniencing anyone.

"He doesn’t have a change of clothes," Ella pointed out.

"Mark and Drew are about the same height. I’m sure we can find something."

"Please, Mama?" Drew asked. Ella chanced a look at Heath who watched the conversation silently.

"Alright. But I expect to hear you were on your best behavior," Ella said.

"I will be! Hey, Mark! I can stay!" Drew called, not even bothering to give his mother a good-bye kiss. Ella almost called him back, but decided against it. She smiled at Abby and thanked her.

"No, thank you for letting him stay. Mark has been wanting him to come over for a while. We’ll see you both at church!" Abby said, walking away.

Ella looked again at Heath who was watching Drew as he played with Mark.

"Guess I’d better get you home," Heath said helping Ella into the surrey. All the way home Ella thought about their marriage. It was an unusual one to be sure. She knew now would be the perfect time to take the next step in their relationship. With Drew at Nick and Abby’s for the night, they’d have plenty of time -

Ella’s thoughts were interrupted by Heath’s "Whoa" to the horses. She knew her face had to be turning every shade of red. She brought her hands up to her face and took a deep breath.

"Ella, are you ok?" Heath asked as he helped her down from the surrey.

"Yes, I’m fine. Heath, would you mind coming inside when you finish stabling the horses? I wanted to talk about...Drew." Ella knew that wasn’t the truth...well, not the entire truth.

Heath nodded, and Ella went inside. She went straight to the kitchen to wash her hands, the cool water coming from the pump helping her to calm down. Heath was inside in record time and found Ella in the kitchen.

"Is Drew in trouble?" Heath asked.

"What?" Ella then shook her head. "No, he’s not in trouble. We talked about why he was so angry after you and he spent time together. He said he was afraid Jonathon could see him from heaven and that his feelings would be hurt because you two were doing all the things he and his father couldn’t do."

"Understandable," Heath replied. He thought Ella was acting odd, but he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly was wrong. She seemed nervous around him. He decided to wait and see if she’d explain what she was thinking.

"He asked me an interesting question."

"Oh?"

"You see, I told him that his father wanted us to be happy. Then Drew asked me if you made me happy. I told him you did."

Heath smiled slightly. Ella had been standing several feet away from him, but she slowly walked toward him now.

"Drew asked if you made me happy, then why didn’t we live together like other married people."

Heath raised his eyebrows at this, but still said nothing. Ella moved closer.

"Heath, I know that when we married, it was to protect Drew and me from Charles. I can’t thank you enough for doing that. I think," Ella’s voice faltered and she closed her eyes.

"What, Ella?" Heath asked closing the gap between them. She looked as though she were going to faint.

Ella opened her eyes as soon as she felt Heath’s hands on her arms. She looked up at him, wishing he could read her mind so that she wouldn’t have to say the words.

"I think I’m ready to let you make me happy. I think I’m ready to take the next step," she said softly. Heath stared at her, not certain if he’d heard her correctly. He swallowed then dropped his hands.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Ella nodded.

"Ella, if we do this...take this next step, there’s no turning back. I won’t have you living in one house while I live in another. I’ll want all of us together. If we do this now, then tomorrow night when I go to bed, I want you by my side."

Ella bit her lip, her pulse quickening.

"I want that too," she replied breathlessly.

Heath still stood in indecision.

"I’m not him, Ella," Heath whispered. "I’m not Jonathon."

Ella smiled a slow seductive smile. She took a step forward and put her hands on Heath’s chest.

"I know who I’m asking to make love to me. And I know who I want to touch me."

Heath still hesitated so Ella leaned up and kissed him. A second later she felt Heath’s arms come around her, holding her close. When she could come up for air, Ella took Heath’s hand and led him up the stairs.

* * * * * * * *

The next morning, Ella watched as the sunlight fell across Heath’s face. She smiled as she remembered their night. It was strange, in a way, that she didn’t even think of Jonathon during their time together. She had been completely consumed with Heath. She couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

Ella quietly got up from the bed and put on her robe. It was still early. They wouldn’t need to be at church for a few more hours. She walked toward the window and smiled slightly as she watched the sun’s golden rays light up the Valley. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there but sighed with contentment when she felt strong arms come around her waist.

"Mornin’," Heath said. He’d been worried when he awakened and she wasn’t next to him. He had watched her for a minute or two as she looked out the window. He wondered if she regretted their night together. He hadn’t. Not in the least. It was everything he had imagined and more.

"Good morning," Ella replied, leaning into him. Heath knew by her reaction she wasn’t regretting anything, and he knew no end of relief.

"What are doing up?" he asked, placing tiny kisses on her neck. Ella was finding it difficult to concentrate.

"Thinking about how I am going to hate selling this place."

"Why do we have to sell it?"

"We can’t live here. I...wouldn’t want to live here actually. And it doesn’t make any sense to keep both ranches."

Heath thought about Ella’s words.

"This ranch is Drew’s, Ella. Oh, legally it’s mine, I guess. But I think Jonathon wanted Drew to have this place. We can move your things over to the big house and rent this place out, much like it was done before. When Drew is old enough, he’ll have full run of this ranch."

Ella smiled, loving the idea. She decided to not worry about the details and instead concentrate on the newfound activity she and Heath now shared.

* * * * * * * *

One year later....

"GET OUT NOW!"

Heath ducked to dodge the hairbrush Ella threw at him. He had been exasperated with her before, now he was becoming angry.

"Ella, don’t throw things!" he ordered.

"I wouldn’t have to throw things if you would just LEAVE!"

"I don’t want to leave! Why can’t I stay in here with you?"

"Because I don’t want you here-"

Ella’s words were cut off by another contraction. She grabbed a hold of the bedpost and grimaced with the pain. They contractions were getting closer together and much harder as well.

"Heath, maybe you should leave," Victoria suggested.

"But, Mother, I think I should be here."

"Fine," Ella said, straightening up. "Then I’ll leave."

"No, you won’t, young lady!"

Dr. Merar’s voice was firm and commanding. He well remembered Ella acting the same way when she was giving birth to Drew.

"Heath, go downstairs and sit with Drew. Victoria, help me get Ella into bed."

"But, doc," Heath began then stopped. He’d never seen Dr. Merar look so stern before. Heath reluctantly went down to the parlor and poured himself a drink. Drew sat in one of the chairs, looking worried. Neither one talked for several minutes. Heath had finished off his drink and was pouring another when Drew spoke.

"It hurts to have a baby, doesn’t it?"

Heath nodded and took a sip of the whiskey he’d poured.

What Drew said next almost caused him to spit it out.

"Does it hurt to make them?"

Heath coughed and sputtered.

"Um...not usually."

He was saved from any further explanation by the cry of a baby. Setting his glass down, Heath and Drew ran up the stairs and waited outside the bedroom door for word. It seemed to take forever, but Victoria finally stepped out, a small bundle in her hands.

"Heath and Drew...meet your son and brother."

Heath stared in awe at the squalling infant. He was so tiny looking and fragile. Victoria placed the baby in his arms, and Heath felt as though he’d been handed the entire world.

"How’s Ella?" he asked.

"She’s fine. Dr. Merar is finishing up with her, but Ella wanted you to see this little one."

Heath smiled and looked over at Drew. The twelve year old was staring at his little brother, a smile on his face.

"Want to hold him?" Heath asked.

"Yeah," Drew said. Heath passed the baby off to his big brother just as Dr. Merar opened the door to the bedroom.

"You can come in, Heath. Ella wants to see you."

Heath walked into the bedroom and saw Ella sitting up in bed. He sat next to her and kissed her softly.

"He’s perfect, Ella."

"He is, isn’t he? I’m glad he was a boy since we couldn’t decide on a girl’s name," she chuckled.

Heath laughed with her.

"I’m sorry I threw the hairbrush at you."

"It’s ok. I should have listened to you and left when you asked."

Heath had just planted another kiss on her lips when the door opened, Victoria bringing the baby in to his mother. Drew came in as well and gave his mother a hug.

"What do you think of your brother, Drew?" she asked.

"He’s great! What’s his name?"

"Edward Jonathon. We’re going to call him Ned for short," Heath replied, taking the baby from his mother.

"Ned Barkley. I like it," Drew replied.

Ned decided he was tired of the attention and wanted to eat. Victoria ushered Drew out of the room with the promise of something to eat. Then she said he could ride over and tell the rest of the family the good news.

Heath watched as Ella fed their son. He may be tiny, but he had a good appetite.

"You’ve made me so happy, Ella," Heath said softly.

"I’m happy too, Heath," Ella replied, staring up into his blue eyes. She took a deep breath then said, "I love you."

Heath smiled. He’d been wanting to hear those words from her for a long time. He leaned in and kissed her gently.

"I love you, too."

Epilogue

Two years later, Heath and Ella welcomed another child into their family: Nathaniel Thomson. They grew closer as husband and wife, living out their years on the Barkley Ranch together.

Once Drew finished at the local school, he worked with Heath and Nick on the ranch along side Nick’s son, Mark. He eventually went off to college for a few years, focusing on business classes. He then returned to Stockton, where he took over the ranch that had once been owned by his father. Joined with the Barkley spread, their ranches became one of the largest in the beef industry, supplying almost all of the beef in the state of California.

THE END