YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE ‘TIL IT’S GONE

by Pearl

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Synopsis: The Barkley family has trouble uniting after the arrival of Heath. Everything is concurrent with the show except there is no Eugene.

Dear Family,

I want you all to know how much I really appreciate all you’ve done for me. I’m saying good-by in this letter, because I don’t think I could leave if I faced you all in person.

When I first came here six months ago, I was only thinking of myself - what I felt, needed and wanted. I never thought about how my actions were going to hurt all of you. I have torn this family apart, and I hope by my leaving, you will mend and be a family again.

Thank you for the opportunity to establish the Barkley family in the horse trade. It was a real joy to me. I have trained George enough so that he can take over for me, but if a problem comes up, I will help in any way I can.

I’m headed to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Garrett Lee has a small spread where he catches and tames wild mustangs. He offered me a job before I came to ya’ll. I’ll keep you posted on my whereabouts. I hope you will keep in touch, but if you don’t, I’ll understand.

Love, Heath

Victoria Barkley’s hand trembled as she read the note. She could hear the rest of her children gathering in the dining room for breakfast. How would they react to this news? Nick would be glad, probably even jubilant. Jarrod would be surprised. Audra would be crushed. Audra was the only one who had openly seemed happy with having a new brother.

“There you are Mother, I...” Jarrod stopped as he saw the look on his mother’s face. “What’s wrong?” He knew it had to be bad. Not a lot shook his mother up.

“I think you’d better read this.” Victoria handed the letter to Jarrod.

Jarrod’s face paled as he silently read the letter.

“What is it?” Nick demanded. He didn’t like being left in the dark one bit.

“It’s Heath. He’s gone.” Jarrod said softly as he handed the letter to Nick.

“What? Why? I don’t understand. Gone where?” Audra stammered as a feeling of dread coursed through her body.

“He’s decided to move on Audra,” Victoria said as she slowly walked towards her daughter.

“No!” Audra shouted, sliding her chair back with force as she stood. “But, why?” she asked, but stopped when her eyes rested on Nick. “Never mind, I know why” she cried as she ran from the room.

Victoria raised her hand to halt Jarrod who automatically rose to go after Audra. “Let me,” Victoria said as she left the room taking a quick glance at her two sons.

The silence in the dining room was deafening. Nick and Jarrod were deep in their own thoughts. Jarrod was stunned. He had thought everything was going so well...well, as good as could be expected. He picked up the letter on the table where Nick had dropped it. Had it really been six months. He thought back to the time when Heath entered their lives. It was mid-April and now it’s late October. So much had happened in so short of time. Heath did rock this family off its foundation with the news that he was Tom Barkley’s illegitimate son. Jarrod could see the Barkley resemblance right away, but he still had Heath investigated. Must be the lawyer in him. Never trust anything until proven. Mother must have seen it too; otherwise, why would she have welcomed him to stay? She didn’t tell him to have Heath investigated, and to his knowledge, she still did not know he had. The sound of the back door closing jarred Jarrod out of his thoughts. He looked up and realized he was in the room by himself. Jarrod slowly got up and walked out of the room. The warm food Silas had prepared stayed untouched by anyone.

‘Good riddance’ Nick thought as he let the back door slam, and went to give Jim Todd, his foreman, instructions for the day.

* * * * * * * *

Heath stopped his horse for a short rest at a small lake. He’d made good time, but he wasn‘t even off Barkley land yet. He didn’t think anyone from the family would come looking for him, but just in case they did, he didn’t want them to catch up to him. With any luck he should be in Santa Fe within a week. Maybe he shouldn’t have told them where he was going, but he wanted to. He didn’t want to cut ties with them completely. Heck, he didn’t want to cut ties with them at all. He just couldn’t stand to see them go on any longer the way they were. They hardly ever laughed or did anything together other than eat. Heath had overheard more than once Nick’s objection to him being there. The rest of them always opposed Nick, but it left the family strained. Sometimes the tension was so thick; you could cut it with a knife. Oh well, nothing profitable in thinking this way. Gotta keep moving. Heath filled his canteen, ate a cold biscuit and piece of jerky, mounted his horse, and rode again. He hoped to put in forty miles before sundown.

Victoria slowly made her way down the stairs. She had stayed with Audra most of the morning. They didn’t talk. There weren't any words to say yet. She just caressed Audra’s head while she cried herself to sleep. Victoria walked in the kitchen where

Silas was cleaning up breakfast. She didn’t know if Silas knew about Heath, but she figured he did by the way his shoulders slumped as he was working. She poured herself a cup of lukewarm coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. “Do you know?” she asked Silas. “Yes Ma’am,” he answered not turning around. Victoria sat there several minutes, too dazed to carry on a conversation. She stirred her coffee while staring intently into the cup. After several minutes, and without another word or without drinking her coffee, she left the kitchen.

Jarrod was sitting in his desk chair with his back to the desk staring out the window. “Come in Mother,“ He didn’t turn around. He knew it was her by the sound of her silk dress swishing as she walked.

“What are we going to do Jarrod?” Victoria asked. Jarrod thought his mother’s voice sounded defeated.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing!” Victoria admonished. “Jarrod Barkley, how can you say we’ll do nothing.”

“What would you have us do, Mother? Go after him, drag him back, tie him up and make him stay? He left on his own accord Mother, no one made him go.” Jarrod turned around sharply as he spoke. When he saw the stricken look on his mother’s face, he hurriedly went to her and put his arms around her. With a tight hold, he softly said, “I’m sorry Mother. I just don’t know what to do. I didn’t see this coming.”

“Maybe he’ll be back Jarrod. Maybe he just needs some time alone.”

“Maybe,” said Jarrod, “but I don’t think so.”

* * * * * * * *

Jim Todd splashed his face with water after coming in from one of the worse days he’s had since coming to work for the Barkleys. Boy, was Nick in a bad mood all day. No one could do anything to suit him, and his voice only had one volume-loud. He didn’t see Heath all day; maybe that had something to do with Nick’s mood. The last time Nick was even half this bad to work for was the days after Heath first rode into the ranch. Whatever was wrong, he hoped Nick got over it and quick.

* * * * * * * *

“All right, we have to talk. We can’t go on like this,” Victoria said one day after the family had finished dinner. Heath had been gone three weeks, and the family’s condition was worse than ever. No one talked to anyone. They ate in silence and retired to their own interests in separate rooms after dinner. “I want everyone to meet in the living room in ten minutes,” and with that she got up and walked out of the room.

Nick was standing at the fireplace, Jarrod was pouring drinks and Audra was seated on the divan when Victoria entered the room. “This is long overdue. I’ve had plenty of time to think, and I understand why Heath left. It’s a wonder he didn’t leave long before he did. He was right about this family being torn apart, but he was wrong in thinking he was the cause. I am the cause of that.” She held up her hand as Jarrod and Nick both started to interrupt. “Let me finish. I accepted Heath into our family without explaining myself or talking to any of you about how you felt. We were such a wonderful family that I thought Heath would just fit right it, and the situation would work itself out in time. I want you all to see this. It will explain my unquestionable acceptance of Heath.” Victoria said as she handed Audra a picture.

“Where did you get this picture of Heath, Mother?” Audra asked as Jarrod and Nick came to stand behind Audra leaning down to look at the picture too. They all looked up at their mother waiting for an answer to Audra’s question.

“That isn’t Heath. It’s your Uncle Jim, your father’s brother.” Heath is the splitting image of Jim. Oh, Heath has features and ways about him that are just like Tom, which is uncanny considering Heath never knew his father. Heath is his Uncle Jim made over. That’s why I accepted Heath so quickly and thoroughly.”

“Well, I’ll be,” was all Jarrod said. Nick had taken the photo from Audra and was staring intently at it. Audra was smiling, her eyes filling with tears, but she was silent.

Victoria started, “This family has been torn apart, because we’ve not talked. I have been keeping my feelings inside. The last six months, I’ve been silently dealing with the knowledge of your father being with another woman again. Oh, I knew about Leah, I didn’t know her name, but I knew about her. Your father was different when he came back from Strawberry. After several weeks, he finally confessed what he’d done. He said he’d been badly hurt in Strawberry and had lost his memory. A woman and some friends had nursed him back to health. He fell in love with her or so he thought, and they talked of marriage. Then one day, his memory came back, just like that. He was ashamed of what he had done to me and Leah. He left Strawberry immediately and returned home. He never said good-by to Leah. He said he wrote her a letter explaining what had happened, and how he felt. We, your father and I, never considered the possibility of your father leaving Leah with child. We worked on putting our marriage back together and made it stronger than ever before. I feel so guilty. We should have checked to make sure there was no child. Heath has had a very hard life. I am very much to blame for that; as much as Tom is to blame. I want him back here. I want him to have his share of everything we have to give. But most of all, I want him back because I love him. I didn’t know how I felt about him until he was gone.” Victoria’s voice broke, and she couldn’t say anything else.

“Mother, I had Heath investigated.” Victoria’s head shot up upon hearing Jarrod’s words.

“No wait, I saw some family resemblance in Heath, but still there was some doubt. Guess it’s the lawyer in me, and I had to be sure. You’re right. Heath has had a hard life, harder than any of us can imagine. Everything Heath told us checked out. I have no doubts as to Heath being who he says he is.”

Audra spoke up, “Listen to yourselves. Didn’t any of you feel it in your hearts? I did. Heath is every bit our brother. He’s got ways like all of us. He walks and laughs like Father. He’s smart, quiet and thinks before saying or doing anything like Jarrod. He’s stubborn, hard headed, works hard and loves ranch work like Nick. He has a tender heart for animals like me. And you Mother, he’s not like you, but he needs you so much. Not long ago, Heath walked in the front door and hollered out ‘Mother‘. But he only got part of it out before he caught himself. I was in here reading, and when he saw me, he lowered his head and walked up to his room. I bet none of us ever told him what we thought of him except Nick.”

Nick had been silent this whole time, and at Audra’s statement, he looked down. He’d told Heath how he felt all right, and none of it was good. He’d made no secret of his feelings and the whole ranch knew. Still holding the picture in his hands, Nick rose and stated, “I’m going to go get my little brother and bring him home.” And with that he walked up to his room, packed some clothes and left.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria, Jarrod and Audra were speechless. Nick had never claimed Heath as his brother before. Victoria was the first one to break the silence left from Nick‘s sudden departure. “Jarrod, I’d like to see the results from your investigation of Heath.”

As Jarrod left the room to get Heath’s information, Audra went and put her arms around her mother. “Audra, thank you for giving Heath your love right from the start. You’re probably why he stayed here as long as he did.”

Jarrod returned and handed his mother a folder. Victoria gave him a questioning look upon seeing how thick the folder was, but said nothing. She then kissed Audra and Jarrod on the cheek and simple said, “Goodnight.” She turned and very slowly made her way up the staircase to her room. Jarrod and Audra were quiet until they heard their mother’s door shut. “Jarrod,” Audra quietly asked, “do you think Nick will bring Heath home?”

“I don’t know Audra, but if anyone can, Nick can.”

* * * * * * * *

Heath rode into the Lee ranch right before sundown. He’d been out looking for mustangs in the high country. He washed up and went inside the house to join Garrett and Samantha, Garrett’s wife, for dinner. Garrett had hired Heath immediately and made him foreman. He and Heath had worked together before, and he knew Heath well, and about his gift with horses.

“Well Heath, did you find any?” Garrett asked as they all three sat down to eat.

“Not yet,” Heath replied, “but I’m heading out again first thing in the morning. Gonna take a few boys and check out ol’ Grizzly Head.“ Grizzly Head was a mountain peak known as such to the locals because of it‘s abundance of bears.

“Maybe you ought to wait a few days,” Garrett replied. He wasn’t too anxious for any of his hands, much less Heath, to spend much time on Grizzly Head.

Heath understood Garrett’s concern and respected him all the more for it, but he’d seen signs of mustangs at the base of the mountain, and he felt sure they’d gone higher up. “We’ll wait until the end of the week. We’ve got several that need to be broken, and we’ll get them out of the way to make room for some more, ok?” Heath asked.

“All right son, but you be sure and take the best men with you when you go. I don’t want to take any chances of anyone getting hurt,” Garrett emphasized. Heath had been with the Lees for almost four weeks, and Garrett was still amazed at the changes around the ranch. The amount of horses they were able to sell had near doubled. No, he didn’t want to see anything happen to Heath Barkley.

* * * * * * * *

Nick Barkley had been on the trail for almost a week. He’d made good time by not stopping much to eat and only sleeping four hours at night. He was in a hurry to get to the Lee ranch before Heath moved on. He just hoped Heath went where he said he was going. This long on the road had given Nick Barkley plenty of time to do some soul searching. He didn’t know when or how it happened; he just knew he wanted Heath back home. He wanted him for a brother. He had been hurt beyond measure when Heath had come and shattered his memory of their father. Like Audra, Nick felt in his heart that Heath was a Barkley, but admitting and accepting it in his head meant an insult to his father. As long as Nick didn’t acknowledge Heath, Tom Barkley had done nothing wrong. He had wanted Heath gone and gone fast-before anyone else heard about him. He thought Heath would have been long gone after the way he had treated him, but then Jarrod and Mother had to go and offer him the opportunity to get the Barkleys started in the horse trading business. ‘Boy, did I blow my top to that,’ Nick thought, ‘It didn’t do any good, but everyone, including Heath, knew where I stood‘. Nick had to admit it though; Heath had done an excellent job. The horse operation was thriving. The Barkleys were already widely known to have some of the best horses around. Heath would find the horses, bring them home, break and train them and then sell them or keep them for the ranch or breeding. In such a short time, it still was unbelievable to Nick how much Heath had accomplished. Now Nick had to figure out just how he was going to get Heath to come home. By his estimation, he should be at the Lee’s ranch in a couple of days. Surely he could come up with a plan by then.

* * * * * * * *

Garrett Lee was in his study going over some paperwork when he heard a horse come up to the house. He looked out a window and saw a tall, well-built man dressed in black getting off a fine looking bay. The man looked around as if he was looking for something or someone and then slowly made his way to the porch. Garrett Lee met him at the door.

“How do you do?” asked Nick as he extended his arm out to shake hands.

“Morning,” Garrett replied, “what can I do for you?”

“I’m looking for work” Nick answered, as he looked Garrett in the eyes.

“Well, I trust my foreman to do all the hiring. He knows his stuff and what it takes to do all that’s required around here. You’ll have to talk to him, and he’s not here right now. Oh wait, that’s him coming in now.”

Nick turned to see a herd of about twenty mustangs being brought in by three riders, the front one being Heath. Nick was expecting to see Heath, but he wasn’t expecting the kick in the stomach he felt upon seeing him for the first time in several weeks. What was this feeling? Oh well, time to think on the feeling later. Right now he had to get the foreman to hire him.

“Heath,” Mr. Lee hollered “come here son.”

Son? Nick didn’t like to hear the affectionate word used by this man to address Heath. It may be harder to get Heath to come home than he thought.

Heath started to walk towards them, but halted briefly when he recognized Nick.

“Heath, this man is looking for work. I told him he’d have to talk to you.” Turning to Nick, Lee said “I’m sorry, I forgot to get your name.”

Before anything else could be said, Heath extended his hand to Nick. “Nick,” Heath said.

Nick was recovering from the shock of finding out Heath was Garrett’s foreman. Yes, it could be a lot harder to get Heath home than he had first thought.

“Heath,” Nick replied and clasped Heath’s hand in both of his. Heath was momentarily surprised at the warmth in the handshake.

“You two know each other?” Garrett asked.

“Yeah,” Heath replied, “Nick’s my brother.”

“Mr. Lee, this is Nick Barkley. Nick, this is Garrett Lee,” Heath introduced them.

“It’s real nice to meet you,” Garrett replied shaking Nick’s hand.

“Same here,” Nick replied.

“You looking for work, Nick?” Heath questioned skeptically.

“If you two will excuse me, I’ve got some work that needs doing,” Garrett Lee made his exit. Whatever, was going on between these two, he wanted to give them privacy.

“Yeah, Heath.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to learn more about the horse operation.” Nick answered, his eyes never leaving Heath’s eyes.

“The truth Nick.”

“All right, I came wanting to get a job working alongside you. I’m surprised and impressed to find out that you are already the foreman, but I’ve got no problem working for you instead of beside you. I figure I’ve got a lot I could learn from you.”

Heath gave Nick that famous lopsided grin but didn’t say anything.

“Look Heath, I didn’t give you a fair chance at home. You and I both know it’s because of me that you left. Now, I’m just asking you to give me a chance to get to know you, and you to know me. No wait, that’s not exactly true, I came here to bring you home, but I didn’t think you’d come, so I was going to work beside you, and charm you into coming back with me. I don’t need anymore time to get to know you. I already know you, and I want you to come home, little brother.”

Heath’s mouth flew open upon hearing Nick call him little brother. He couldn’t help it; it was a shock. All of the last few minutes had been a shock. He must be dreaming.

“Will you give us another chance Heath? Will you come home?” Nick asked as he searched Heath’s face for a clue as to what he was thinking. He couldn’t read anything there.

“I gotta sit down,” Heath replied after what seemed hours but were only a few minutes.

They walked over to a couple of chairs on the porch. Heath was twisting the button on his cuff, and Nick silently waited for his reply.

“What made you change your mind, Nick?”

Nick thought a minute. “You ever heard the saying, you don’t what you have until it‘s gone?”

“Yeah,” Heath replied.

“I miss you Heath.” Nick softly said as he met Heath’s eyes.

After several minutes, Heath rose from his chair. “Yes,” he simply said.

“Yes?” Nick puzzled.

“Yes, I’ll come home.” Heath gave Nick that lopsided grin of his again before he turned and started walking away.

Nick‘s smile reached all the way across his face. “Well, all right,” Nick said as he ran and caught up with Heath and put his arm around his shoulder, ruffling Heath’s hair as he did so.

“But before I go, I’ve got a job to finish here. There’s some wild mustangs we’re gonna bring off ol‘ Grizzly Head tomorrow. When that’s done, I’ll go.”

“Do you mind if I go along?” Nick asked.

He hesitated a minute. “No, be glad to have you,” he finally replied.

“Heath?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks,” Nick said, and they both walked towards the bunkhouse side by side.

From his window, Garrett Lee watched them walk away. He didn’t know what had been said, but he had a feeling he was about to lose his foreman.

* * * * * * * *

That evening, Nick knocked on the Lee’s door. He was joining Heath, Garrett and Samantha for dinner. Heath had come over earlier to tell Garrett he’d be leaving soon. Nick still couldn’t believe how easy Heath agreed to come home, and he really didn’t know why nor did he care. He was just glad he was coming. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Heath had of just told him to hit the road.

“Come in Nick,” Garrett Lee said quietly as he opened the door. Nick knew from the look on Garrett’s face that Heath had already told him. Oh well, Nick wasn’t one bit sorry he was taking Garrett’s ‘son’ home.

Not much was said during dinner, but afterwards, Garrett was in a better mood. While Samantha poured the men some coffee, Garrett asked, “Nick, has Heath ever told you about the time we spent together at the Goodman ranch in northern California?” Upon seeing Nick shake his head, Garrett continued, “Old man Goodman had purchased a high dollar, but very high spirited stallion he couldn’t get broken. Five men, including me, had already been busted up trying to break him, and Goodman was talking about putting the horse down. Well, Heath here comes riding into the ranch one day, and tells Goodman he can break the unbreakable stallion he’d been hearing about. Mr. Goodman always liked a good challenge, so despite Heath being so young, Goodman let him have a chance.”

Garrett took a sip of his coffee as Nick stole a glance at Heath who had been fidgeting in his chair for the last few minutes. Garrett continued, “I never saw anything like it. That brother of yours sure has a way with horses. The way Heath broke that stallion made it look as easy as taking candy from a baby.”

Nick nodded then looked at Heath whose face was turning red. “So, I’ve seen,” Nick stated.

“Well, I’m turning in,” Heath said with a yawn. “Got a long day tomorrow.” Heath needed to get out of there. He didn’t want to hear any more stories about himself, and Garrett knew quite a few. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Nick hearing them either.

“I’ll be along when I finish my coffee,” Nick said.

“That’s quite a brother you got there Nick,” Garrett said upon hearing the door close behind Heath.

Nick sipped his coffee. He didn’t need Garrett to tell him that.

“Heath tells me you’re going with them tomorrow on Grizzly Head to look for those mustangs. Grizzly Head got her name because there have been an abundance of bears on her, so you boys be careful.”

Nick nodded in response. He’d liked to heard more stories of his little brother, but didn’t want to let Heath out of his sight, so he stayed just long enough to finish his coffee then left

* * * * * * * *

Nick saw Heath leaning on the corral fence looking up at the stars when he returned to the bunkhouse. He wanted to talk some more to Heath, but thought maybe they’d talked enough for the day, so he went on in the bunkhouse and turned in for the night.

Heath got a lot of peace looking at the stars at night. Boy howdy, had this been a day. Never would he have believed it had he not seen, heard and felt it. Nick showing up here. The warmth in Nick’s handshake. Nick calling him little brother. Nick asking for another chance. Nick wanted him home. Never again would Heath doubt that anything was possible.

* * * * * * * *

It was just getting light outside when Victoria Barkley finished reading the last of Heath’s history. She had no tears left. Several times she had to quit reading to let her tears flow and then compose herself. Hard didn’t come close to describing Heath’s life, and she vowed with everything she had that Heath’s future would be the best she could give. She just hoped he’d give her the opportunity to give it.

Victoria was surprised to find Jarrod already up when she came downstairs. He was sitting at his desk with papers spread out in front of him. “You’re up early,” Victoria said after kissing him on the cheek.

“I’ve got some work on a case I need to catch up on, besides I wasn’t sleeping good anyway,” Jarrod replied. Upon seeing Heath’s folder in Victoria’s hand, he said, “Mother, I’m sorry if I was out of line by having Heath investigated. I should have consulted you first.”

“No, Jarrod, you did the right thing. You were protecting your family. Stepping up as head of the family since your father’s death hasn’t been easy on you. If I haven’t told you before, I’ll tell you now, you’re doing an excellent job, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

“You have, but thank you for saying it again.” Jarrod replied giving his mother a grateful smile.

“Now, what should we do with this?” Victoria asked as she held up the folder. “Part of me, most of me, says to toss it in here,” Victoria stated as she walked toward the fireplace. “It’s Heath’s right to share his past with us when he’s ready; yet something tells me to keep it. He has shared so little of his past with us that we may need this someday.”

“Let’s just hang onto it for awhile, Mother.” Jarrod didn’t say it, but he was thinking it might be the only thing they have left of Heath; all they may ever know of him.

“All right, but I want it put where no one else will see it. And Jarrod, that includes Nick and Audra,” Victoria replied as she handed the folder to Jarrod.

Jarrod nodded as he took the folder. Just then there was a knock on the door. “That’s probably Jim Todd,” Jarrod said as he walked towards the door. Silas was already letting their foreman in when Jarrod entered the foyer. Jarrod wasn’t aware Silas was up yet. Silas probably wasn’t sleeping well either. Jarrod had noticed everyone, including Silas, had bags under their eyes. Audra had taken to sleeping until noon.

“Jarrod, you wanted to see me?” Jim Todd asked.

“Yes, Jim, come on in,” Jarrod said as he led Jim to the library.

“Mrs. Barkley,” Jim nodded as he removed his hat and held it in his hands. He was surprised to see Mrs. Barkley here. Whatever they wanted to see him about, it must be important.

“Good morning Jim,” Victoria Barkley replied with a smile that Jim noticed didn’t quite make it to her eyes.

“Sit down,” Jarrod said as he motioned Jim toward a chair as he and his mother sat down. “Jim, Nick will be gone for a few days, so it will be up to you to head up all ranching operations until he returns. You can come to Mother and I when you run into any problems; otherwise, run things the way Nick would.”

“Ok,” Jim couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. “Do you know when Nick will be back?”

“No, but I’m guessing not too long. A couple of weeks at the most; I don’t think Nick could stay away from the ranch much longer than that,” Jarrod replied trying to keep the conversation light to hide his concern. “Well that’s all I wanted to see you for. Thank you for stopping by. Oh, there will be a bonus for you upon Nick’s return.”

Jim rose, but he just stood there rotating his hat in his hands.

“Is there anything you want to say Jim?” Jarrod inquired.

“I don’t know if I should say anything,” Jim hesitated.

“Jim, if there’s something we need to know, please tell us,” Victoria tried to prod him on.

Jim finally answered, “Yes Ma’am. It’s just that lately Nick has been, well he’s been very difficult to work for. Most of the men have been talking of walking. They’re saying it’s not worth top pay to be yelled at all the time.”

“Did you speak to Nick about this?” Victoria questioned.

“Yes ma’am, just yesterday,” Jim replied.

“I see. Well Todd, I think this time away will do Nick some good. See what you can do about soothing the men’s feelings, and if Nick is not better to work for when he returns, let us know. And thank you for letting us know about this,” Victoria said.

Jarrod and Victoria returned to the library after seeing Jim Todd to the door. “Well,” Jarrod replied with a twinkle in his eye, “it appears brother Nick wasn’t as glad to see Heath go as he thought he’d be.” And for the first time, he thought there was hope that Heath would be coming home.

Victoria was sharing similar thoughts. “No, as long as Heath was here, Nick vented all his anger towards him. With Heath gone, he apparently directed it at the men. I hope now he realizes who he’s really mad at,” Victoria said as she looked up at the portrait of Tom Barkley above the fireplace.

“Well, lovely lady, shall we go partake in some of the good smells coming from the kitchen? I suddenly have an appetite,” Jarrod said as he escorted his mother to the dining room.

* * * * * * * *

It had been raining for three days, postponing the trip to Grizzly Head. Garrett Lee had called Heath over to the house for a talk. “Heath, I think you and Nick should go ahead and head home. No,” Garrett held up his hand as Heath started to protest, “this is a cold front blowing in, and anytime the rain is going to start turning to snow.”

“I wanted to get the rest of those mustangs we’d seen,” replied Heath.

“I know you did son, and I appreciate it. I’m going to miss you, Heath. I’ve no regrets about hiring you. You’ve more than exceeded my expectations, so don’t you feel bad about leaving. I’ve learned a few things from you, and this is a better ranch for you having been here; besides, I didn’t want you going up on Grizzly Head anyway. I know there’s not near the amount of bears up there now that there were when Grizzly Head got its name. May not be any bears up there now, but I didn’t want you going up there. I lost a brother ten years ago on that mountain, and I’ve never felt good about Grizzly Head since.

“I’m sorry about your brother. I didn’t know,” Heath said quietly.

“A brother’s a special person to have in your life Heath.” Garrett Lee said then cleared his throat. “Well now,” he continued while getting some papers out of his desk drawer. “I took the liberty of getting these two tickets while I was in town yesterday. These tickets will get you and Nick back to Stockton. You can board your horses on the same train you’ll be on. And Heath,” Garrett said while trying to read Heath’s face to see how he was taking this news, “the train leaves this afternoon, and you should be back in Stockton by early Monday morning.” Garrett then tried to make his voice sound stern. “You know I don’t like to waste money, so I expect these tickets to be used.”

Heath didn’t like the idea of leaving without getting those horses, but he knew Nick was getting restless. He couldn’t believe he was still here. Not much had kept Nick from the ranch since Heath had known him. Heath was getting the idea Nick was sincere in wanting him back home. “Thank you Garrett,” Heath paused, “for everything.”

* * * * * * * *

Nick didn’t mind the rain much. It gave him a chance to see Heath in action - being foreman. Heath had the respect of every man working for him though he didn’t demand it. The young and the old listened to him, and he listened to them. Not once had Nick seen any disrespect, cutting remarks, or degrading looks like Heath had received from the men back at the ranch. Nick wondered from Heath’s perspective why he would come home. He had a very good job here, Garrett treated him like family, and not an unfriendly man on the ranch. The door to the bunkhouse opened bringing Nick from his thoughts.

Heath walked in, and one of the men at the table playing poker spoke up, “Still raining Heath?”

“Yeah and it’s getting colder,” Heath replied as he motioned Nick into his office. Nick followed shutting the door behind him. Heath hung his raingear and hat up, and turned to Nick and handed him the tickets. “A gift from Garrett,” Heath said.

Nick looked at them; a smile formed on his face when he realized what they were. Then his smile disappeared, and he looked up at Heath. “We going?”

Heath slightly grinned, ”Yeah Nick, we’re going.”

Nick got real serious. “Are you sure Heath? I mean... that you want to come home. I’ve been thinking; you’ve got a good thing here, and no one’s giving you trouble.”

“I know,” Heath replied knowing full well what Nick meant. He hadn’t been well accepted at the ranch, and Nick being so vocal with his opinion hadn’t helped any.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want you to come home, Heath, but you were awfully easy to convince,” Nick hurriedly explained before Heath got the wrong idea.

Heath gave Nick that lopsided grin and said, “Well, you coming here was a large part of it Nick, but not all. These had a little to do with it,” Heath said with a twinkle in his eyes as he pulled out a stack of letters and two telegrams. “Been getting a letter from Audra every day that I’ve been here, and the telegrams are from Jarrod and Moth...Mrs. Barkley.”

Nick noticed Heath’s slip but only smiled. “So that’s where Audra rode off to everyday - to mail your letter; we had wondered, “ Nick explained.

“Nick, remember when you asked me if I knew what the saying, you don’t know what you have ’til it’s gone, means?” Heath asked.

“Yeah,” Nick replied. How could he forget? That conversation was forever imprinted in his memory.

“I miss my family,” Heath simply repeated Nick’s words back to him.

Nick squeezed Heath’s arm and said, “Let’s get packed and go home little brother.”

* * * * * * * *

When Nick and Heath got off the train in Stockton, Nick expected the family to meet them. He had sent a telegram from Santa Fe letting them know of their arrival, but no one was there. Nick went to check Jarrod’s office while Heath went to claim the horses. Jarrod wasn’t there. ‘That’s strange. He felt sure the family would have been there to welcome them,’ Nick thought.

Heath was almost finished saddling the horses when Nick got back.

“Ready?” Nick asked coming up behind Heath.

“Yep,” Heath said. Nick could see the big smile Heath made by the way his jaw moved.

“Want to stop by for a beer before we leave?” Nick asked.

“Nope,” Heath answered, and they both headed their horses toward home.

* * * * * * * *

They were about a mile out of town when Barrett, one of their ranch hands, met them on the road. “Barrett, what are you doing here?” Nick asked.

“We’re your welcoming party,” Barrett replied as two men came out of the bushes with their guns pointed at the two brothers.

Heath moved to go for his gun.

“Hold it bastard, unless you want to die here,” Barrett snarled.

“What’s going on here?” Nick demanded.

“Both of you throw down your guns and don’t try anything, or you’ll get a bullet in the back, and we’ll kill Jarrod. That’s right,” Barrett added upon seeing the fire in both the brothers’ eyes, “we have Jarrod too.”

“Now let’s get moving,” Barrett said after his men had retrieved the guns.

About an hour later, they arrived at an abandoned farm that Nick recognized as the old Conners’ place. As they dismounted, with lightening speed, Heath hit Charger in the flanks and let out a blood curdling scream to scare the horse. Charger lit out like the devil was after him. ‘Go home’ Heath silently shouted as he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head before everything went black.

Nick jumped when he heard Heath’s scream and turned around in time to see Heath get a rifle butt to the head, and Charger running away.

One of the men took out after Charger.

“Heath!” Nick yelled running towards his little brother, and catching him before he hit the ground. There was that ‘kick in the stomach’ feeling again. Nick recognized it this time. He didn’t have to wonder what it was. He cared about this man in his arms. Love? He didn’t know, but care, he did - a great deal.

“That was a stupid thing to do bastard,” Barrett said.

Nick laid Heath down and headed for Barrett with blood in his eye. “Stop calling him that,” Nick snarled.

“Barkley, you want me to put a bullet in his head?”

Nick stopped cold and turned around to see the other man standing over Heath with a rifle pointed at his head.

“That’s better,” the man said after seeing Nick stop. “Now come get this bastard and take him in the house,” the man said.

“I’ll come get my brother,” Nick said and sent the man a look to kill.

“Carl, get me a bucket of water,” Barrett said, and the man with the rifle on Heath moved to do his bidding.

“In the house,” Barrett motioned his rifle towards the door as he looked at Nick.

Nick carefully picked Heath up. He didn’t see any blood, but Heath was still out cold. He got him in the house and gently laid him down. There wasn’t any furniture in the house as far as he could tell. “Heath, wake up,” Nick said as he tapped Heath’s face.

Carl entered with the water, and handed it to Barrett. “Wake up bastard, I want you both to hear what I have to say,” Barrett said as he walked over to Heath and threw the water in his face.

Heath came to, and tried to sit up.

“Easy,” Nick said as he helped Heath to sit up.

“Where’s Jarrod?” Nick asked.

Barrett laughed out loud. “Nice and warm at his ranch I’d ’magine. I don’t have Jarrod. Told ya that to make ya behave. Worked. Now, ya’ll just rest, and come to your senses,” Barrett said as he gave a menacing look to Heath. “We’ll be back. There’s no way out ’cept the door so don’t waste your energy looking,” Barrett added as he noticed Nick looking around.

When Barrett and his men were gone, Nick got up and looked around. The windows were boarded up. Looked like Barrett was right. The door was the only way out. Nick settled down next to Heath. “What were you thinking of Heath, scaring Charger off like that? They could have killed you for it,” Nick asked.

“It was the only thing I could think to do to let the family know we were back. Charger’s fast, no one will catch him before he gets to the ranch.” Heath said and moaned as a wave of pain shot through his head.

It then occurred to Nick the family didn’t know they were coming home - that’s why no one was there. And Charger was the fastest horse in these parts. When Charger shows up at the ranch, the family would know they were back. “Good thinking, little brother, though it cost you a bump on the head,” Nick said as he checked Heath’s head and then his eyes.

“I’m ok, Nick,” Heath said gruffly as he swatted Nick’s hand away, “just got a slight headache is all.” Heath tried to sound convincing. Nick wasn’t buying it, but he didn‘t say anything, ’I’ll just keep a close eye on him,’ he thought.

It was getting dark in the cabin. Nick searched every wall looking for loose boards, but didn’t find any. Heath was on the floor with his back resting on the wall. He looked a little better. Both men could not believe they had not been tied up. They had been there for over four hours. Charger should have gotten to the ranch a long time ago; if he got there at all.

* * * * * * * *

Jim Todd was coming out of the barn when Charger came flying in the front gate. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He got the horse, and hurried to the house. He was so excited, he busted right in without knocking,

“Jarrod!” He called. “Jarrod!”

Jarrod came running down the stairs with Victoria and Audra close behind.

“You gotta see this!” Jim hollered as he headed back out the door.

“Charger!” Jarrod, Victoria and Audra exclaimed in unison.

“Heath’s home,” Audra cried.

“Charger came in alone.” Jim Todd said hating to disappoint the girl.

“What do you think this means Jarrod?” Victoria asked.

“Well, I don’t think Charger came all the way from Santa Fe by himself, and I know Heath would never let him loose unless he had to.” Jarrod noted Heath’s bedroll on the horse and emptied his saddlebags. Jarrod looked at Audra and smiled when he saw all Audra’s letters. It warmed Jarrod’s heart to know Heath had kept their telegrams and letters.

“Mother, I think Heath’s in trouble, and I think he’s close. Other than being lathered up good, Charger’s been well taken care of. He‘s not been loose for very long,” Jarrod said then turned to their foreman. “Jim, have someone saddle my horse, and get the men ready to ride.”

“Yes sir,” Jim replied hurrying away.

“What are you going to do?” Victoria asked Jarrod.

“First I’m going to town, and send a telegram to Garrett Lee to see what he can tell us about Heath and Nick. I’ll ask around to see if anyone has seen them, then with as many men as I can get, we‘ll search the entire area around Stockton,” Jarrod explained as he headed to his room to get ready.

“So you think Nick and Heath are together, Jarrod?” Audra called after him hopefully.

“Yes, baby sister, I do,” Jarrod said stopping and returning to put his arm around Audra. He knew his brother and if Nick found Heath, and Jarrod felt sure he had, then Nick would not have let Heath out of his sight until he got him home, unless, of course, he was forced to.

“And you think they are headed home or were until...?” Audra asked as tears formed in her eyes, and she was unable to finish.

“Yes,” Jarrod said and with all his heart he hoped so.

“That means Heath was coming home to us,” Audra stated through her tears.

“Yes honey, I believe so from the looks of Heath’s things being on the horse,” Jarrod said as he held her tight. “I’ve got to go,” Jarrod said as he released her.

“Be careful, Jarrod,” Audra pleaded.

Jarrod gave her a nod and a smile, then turned away.

Audra went back to Charger as Jarrod went to his room, and Victoria went to help Silas make some sandwiches for the men to take with them. It could be a long day. Audra stopped a ranch hand as he was leading Charger to the barn. “No, let me. I want to take care of him,” Audra said as she took the reins from him.

“Charger, where is he?” Audra cried as she brushed Charger down the way that she’d watched Heath do hundreds of times. It was getting late, but Audra couldn’t bring herself to leave Charger. It was as close to Heath as she could get. She would have spent the night in the barn, if her mother hadn’t persuaded her to come in.

Victoria was trying to read, and Audra was pacing the floor. The women were lost in their thoughts, but both were silently sending prayers to God for the safe return of all the men.

“They’ll find them, Audra,” Victoria said with more confidence than she felt. One of the ranch hands had returned earlier with a message from Jarrod to let the women know that Heath and Nick had returned to Stockton on the 11:00 am train with Charger and Cocoa, and that the sheriff and some men from town were joining the search for the missing brothers.

Victoria was comforted somewhat to finally know something. So Nick had found Heath, and apparently they had started to form a relationship, or why else would Heath be returning home with Nick? It had to mean he was returning to the family, didn’t it? Oh, please God, please, bring them home safely, Victoria silently cried as the knowledge that both of them were now more than likely in danger dawned on her.

* * * * * * * *

Jarrod didn’t take the time to send the telegram to Garrett Lee. As soon as he arrived in town, he found out that Nick and Heath had been seen in town that morning. Ted Miller had called out to him, “Hello Jarrod. It sure was good to see Nick and Heath this morning. I bet your mother’s sure glad they’re home.” For the first time ever, Jarrod was glad people made the Barkleys’ business their business; otherwise, Ted might not have thought it important to notice Heath and Nick’s return, or say anything to Jarrod about seeing them. After questioning Ted, Jarrod found out Ted had seen them getting off the train. Jarrod confirmed it at the train station, and found out both horses arrived by train also. Jarrod then went to the sheriff’s office and told him what had happened. After rounding up enough men to cover the area around Stockton, the men began the search.

Jarrod and the ranch hands stayed together. They were checking all the homes along the way to see if anyone had seen the missing men. At the Kilpatrick’s ranch, they hit pay dirt. One of the hands hadn’t seen Nick, but had seen his horse tied up outside the Conners’ old place. The ranch hand had an interest in buying the homestead someday, so he checked on it from time to time. When he checked on it earlier this afternoon, he’d seen Barrett and a couple of men outside the house. He recognized Nick’s horse, but didn’t think anything of it because he knew Barrett worked for the Barkleys. With that news, Jarrod and the hands headed to the Conners’ place with the assurance the Kilpatrick hands were heading that way as soon as they could.

Jarrod was filled with a since of dread. What reason could Barrett have in holding Nick and Heath against their will? There was a chance that maybe Barrett ran into Nick and Heath on their way home, and they were just checking on something related to the ranch, but Jarrod dismissed that thought quickly. Why then was Charger loose? Jim Todd said Barrett had volunteered to check the fences on the north range, and Jim had let him take Carl and Benson with him. The Conners’ place wasn’t even near the north range. Fear gripped Jarrod’s heart as he realized, if Barrett was up no good, then he didn’t intend for Nick and Heath to live through it. He wouldn’t leave witnesses. ’Please, God, let me be on time’ Jarrod prayed.

* * * * * * * *

Nick and Heath had been left alone for close to five hours when the door opened.

Barrett and his two cohorts walked in.

“Nick, I haven’t introduced you to Carl and Benson yet. I got Jim to hire them after you left. We needed some help to replace you two don’t ya see. And they kind of want to keep their jobs, so you see, we don’t want either one of you back at the ranch. At first I just wanted the bastard here gone, but it was so peaceful and the work was so much easier with the same pay after you left that now I want you gone too.”

“Did you intercept the telegram I sent telling the family we’d be home?” Nick asked.

“You’re bright enough to figure that out on your own. Why else would we be your welcoming party instead of your loving family?” Barrett threw at him.

“What are you going to do with us?” Heath asked.

“Oh, the bastard can still talk,” Barrett sneered. “I don’t know yet, but for now, we’re gonna have a little fun. Was gonna drag this out and enjoy it for quite awhile, but you went and rushed things up by letting that horse of yours go.” He turned to Nick, “The last time I saw you two, Nick, you hated him.” Barrett said pointing to Heath. Nick winced at the words, but he couldn’t deny them. “I kept waiting for a good fight, and for you to give him the boot, but I never got it. Now, I want to see you two fight,” Barrett said.

“I don’t understand. I’m not going to fight my brother,” Nick stated adamantly.

“He’s your brother now is he? Well, you will, or Benson will have a go at him. You and the bastard are gonna exchange blows and if you refuse, Benson will do it for you. Now on your feet,” Barrett demanded.

Nick got up, and helped Heath to stand. Heath closed his eyes against the dizziness as Nick steadied him.

“Why do you hate Heath so much? What’s he ever done to you?” Nick asked hoping to stall for time.

“He rode into the ranch, that’s what he did. Started bossing us around. I had my eye on being the boss someday, but now there’s too many of you. I’ve been working my way up for nothing,” Barrett said getting madder as he spoke.

“HA! You’d never made boss, Barrett, so you can quit taking your so called lost chance at being boss out on Heath. You’re lazy, I didn’t trust you, and ...,” Nick gasped as Barrett’s rifle butt slammed into his mid-section and then his face, sending Nick to the floor. “Shut up, it doesn’t matter what you think of me anymore,” Barrett bellowed.

Carl and Benson each had a hold of Heath’s arms holding him back. Barrett pointed his rifle at Nick, looked at Heath, and said, “I’ll kill him if you try anything.” Heath stopped struggling.

“I’ll kill you, Barrett.” Heath stated through clenched teeth.

“You won’t get the chance,“ Barrett laughed, “now get up,” Barrett demanded as he kicked Nick hard in the side.

Nick checked out his injuries as he slowly got up. His face was throbbing, and his side hurt like crazy; but he didn’t think any ribs were broken. His stomach had taken harder blows. He was in good enough shape to end this if the opportunity presented itself, and he would have to make sure it did.

“Ok, bastard, since Nick riled me, you get to deliver the first blow,” Barrett grinned.

When Benson and Carl released him, Heath straightened and looked around.

“Take your swing,” Barrett demanded.

“No!” Heath yelled as he moved to take a swing at Barrett.

“Heath!” Nick’s shout stopped Heath in his tracks. As Heath’s eyes met Nick’s, Nick could see the confusion in them. Nick nodded his head and said, “Do as he says,” Nick was scared they’d kill Heath. He saw the confusion turn to pain as Heath looked him in the eye and said, “I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” Nick’s eyes held Heath’s. He smiled a little and said, “Think of all the dirt I dealt you over the last six months.”

Heath gave Nick that lopsided grin. “I won’t hurt my brother,” Heath said as he looked deep in Nick’s eyes.

Nick saw the love there, and felt that ’kick in the stomach’ feeling again. Before Nick knew what was happening, Heath charged Barrett sending him flying across the room. Nick recovered from his shock, and attacked Carl and Benson as they were trying to get a shot at Heath without hitting Barrett. Nick used his body to slam into Carl as his powerful right hook caught Benson square in the jaw snapping his head back into the wall with a crack. Nick saw him slide down the wall as he turned to finish Carl who was still on the floor dazed from the blow he took from Nick’s body slam. Nick hauled him up, delivered him a right hook, and Carl’s lights went out. He then turned to help Heath, but Heath didn’t need him. He was dragging an unconscious Barrett towards Carl and Benson.

“You all right?” Nick asked.

“I’m all right,” Heath answered a little winded. “You?”

“I will be in a minute,” Nick said as he walked out the door. He returned a few minutes with a bucket of water. After throwing it on Barrett, bringing him to, he hauled him up, and as only Nick Barkley could, he said with a grin, “His name’s Heath,” and Nick punched his lights out again.

Nick walked over to Heath. “Now I‘m all right,” he said with a smile on his face. “Let’s go home,” and as he put his hand on Heath’s shoulder, he added, “little brother.”

* * * * * * * *

Jarrod and his men rode up as Nick and Heath were tying the last man over a saddle. He jumped off Jingo before the horse was stopped, and ran to his brothers hugging them both. “You two sure are a sight for sore eyes,” Jarrod exclaimed as he ran his eyes over their bodies checking for injuries.

“We’re all right Jarrod. How’d you know where to find us?” Nick asked.

“I’ll explain later. Jim, you and three hands, take these men to the sheriff. My brothers and I are going home.” Jarrod said as the clasped Heath’s arm and silently sent thanks to heaven.

* * * * * * * *

Victoria Barkley was staring into the fire in the early hours of the morning. She couldn’t sleep. She was too happy. Nick and Heath had been home for two weeks, and her family had never been in such good shape. There was plenty of laughter in the house. The bond between Nick and Heath was getting stronger everyday. The entire family had come through this crisis a stronger family.

A few days after Nick and Heath’s return, upon getting unanimous approval from Jarrod, Nick and Audra on how they felt about her asking Heath to call her Mother, Victoria told Heath if he wanted to; whenever he felt comfortable, it would make her very happy if he’d call her ‘Mother’, and tonight he did.

After thanking God for all her blessings, Victoria made her way to bed looking forward to the future.

THE END