Talking with Mama

by Peg

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Hello, Mama. Well, it’s been a year since you’ve been gone. There’s so much happened to me in that year. The best thing of all is that I have a family now. Papa’s family. I am now Heath Barkley, Mama. I want ta tell you about my family, Mama, but first I want to tell you that I love you, that you will always be my Mama, and that I really miss ya.

Mama, I have to tell you something sad first. When my brother Nick and I first got here, we went to see Hannah. Mama, I found Hannah. She was dead. She was in bed, and there was no one here ta bury her, so Nick and I did it. I'm glad Nick was with me, Mama. I don't know if I could’ve done it on my own. Everyone I loved here is gone now. You, Aunt Rachel, now Hannah. I want ta thank all three of you for taking care of me. I know I broke all your hearts when I ran away, and again when I joined the army, but, Mama you know I couldn't stay here. This place was killing me from the inside, so I left. It was a long hard road, Mama, many trials and tribulations, but the hard road ended the day I became Heath Barkley. I would like ta tell you about the Barkleys, Mama, ok?

Let me tell you about Tom Barkley first. I never met him of course, and you know how I felt about him. When I was young, I thought he was the greatest man around, from the way ya talked about him. I thought when the time was right, he would come and get us out of Strawberry. Then, when I got older, I understood the situation of how I came to be born. I came ta ya about it, but you wouldn't talk ta me, and you stopped talking about him. I grew ta hate him. I couldn't hate ya, so I transferred all my hatred to him. When I went to the Barkleys, I wanted ta hurt them like he hurt me, but when I got there, I couldn't do it. Instead I asked for a job. I don't know what would have happened if Nick hadn’t forced my hand. I'm so glad he did, Mama. In the year I've been there, I got ta know my father through his wife, sons and daughter. He was a great man who made a mistake with ya. I know he wouldn't have hurt his wife for anything, so you must have been someone special for him to have taken ya and risked losing his family. I know now that it’s possible to love more than one person, and he would have taken care of us, if he had known about me. I'm not mad at ya, Mama. Just knowing he would have taken care of us melted away all my anger at him. I love ya, Mama, and through the family I now call my own, I grew ta love him too.

Now let me tell ya about Victoria Barkley. First, let me tell you that I now call Mrs. Barkley, Mother. I knew you would approve. She makes me happy, and ya approve of anything or anyone that makes me happy. I told her I would do anything for her, Mama, and I would. All she has to do is ask me. When I was ready ta walk away that day that I came to them, it was just me and her at the house. She knew I was leaving, and she could have let me go. That would have been the end of it. But she didn't let me go, Mama. She told me to fight for my birthright. She knew who I was, Mama, and she knew Tom Barkley was my father. I knew I had ta fight that day. I wanted to make her proud of me. I wanted her to see that she didn't have ta be ashamed of me, if she could accept me as his son. I didn't expect to stay there, just the rights to his name and maybe some money to start a ranch of my own somewhere away from Stockton if they didn't want me around. But, Mama, she wanted me ta stay. She told her friends who I was. Some turned their backs on her because of me. I wanted ta leave so I didn't cost them any more pain. Boy howdy, Mama! When I suggested leaving, Mrs. Barkley reminded me of Hannah when she threatened to use her wooden spoon on me. Hannah used to shake that wooden spoon at me, and say she would use it on me if I didn't get out of her hair. Mrs. Barkley didn't shake her spoon at me, she used her finger instead.

She said, “You are a Barkley now, and this is your home, If people don't like it, and if they want to turn their back on me, then they can go to hell. The people who are really my friends will remain so. If you walk out that door, I will have Jarrod and Nick drag you back here and you and I will go up to your room and have a little talk with my wooden spoon. Do I make myself perfectly clear, young man?”

All of us, my brothers, sister and I just stared at her. We couldn't believe what she just said.

“I usually like an answer to my questions.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

I knew I made a mistake when she crossed her arms and stood there staring at me.

“I mean, yes, Mother.”

“Good!” she said and she started to walk away. I knew I’d hurt her, and I wanted to make it right. So I took her by the arm, giving her my best smile. You know the one, Mama. I used it on you, Aunt Rachel and Hannah enough times, and it always worked. I stopped you all from being mad at me, or upset over something else. I wanted to see if my magic would work on Mrs. Barkley. It did. My smile, a hug, and a kiss melted away her anger. She gave me a kiss and told me to get ready for lunch. I knew Nick, Jarrod and even Audra were trying their best not ta laugh, but that’s ok because it was I who had a big smile on my face. What my siblings didn't realize was that was the day I truly became her son. Any guilt I had went away that day. I really was Heath Barkley. She really is a great lady, Mama. I know that if she had known about my birth, she would have been hurt and angry. But she would have made sure her husband took care of us. She is that kind of lady.

Now let me tell you about Audra, my sister. Mama, you should have seen her when we first met at Father's grave. I came across his grave and went to... Well, I don't know why I stopped, maybe ta tell him his bastard son is here on his land going ta meet his family for the first time. Before I got a chance to say anything I was being hit with a riding crop! I turned around ta see who it was. I was surprised to see a young lady on her horse hitting me. Blonde hair, blue eyes. I knew she had to be his daughter, my sister. After Nick forced me to tell who I was, I was told to leave by my brothers. I went to town and got a room. I was standing at the window of my room, watching the street, when I saw a group of men going after a young lady on a horse. When I went to help her, I saw that it was my sister, Audra. I got her and took her to my room where she started to offer herself ta me. I knew what she was doing. She was testing me. Boy howdy, did she get mad when I didn't play her game! I sometime wonder how far she would have gone if I wasn't who I say I was. I worry about her sometimes. She sure can be a wildcat at times! Now, Mama we are very close. She shares my passion for horses. I can talk to her about my feelings and never have to worry about her telling everyone about it. We share secrets with each other. She can tell me anything; I can tell her anything, and it will remain between us two. I couldn't ask for a better sister.

There are three brothers, Mama. Let me tell you about my youngest brother, Eugene, first. He goes to college, so I don't get to see him much. The few times he has been home, we’ve gotten along great. Sometimes he’s been mad at me, like the time I didn't wear Father’s boots, but mostly we got along. Gene is studying to be a doctor. He wants to learn all about the latest medicine. A professor of his was going to Europe, and asked if Gene would like to go with him. They can find out about new medicine being developed there. Its gonna be so exciting for him. I am very proud of him, Mama. We won't see a lot of him, and I'm sorry for that. But he's gonna do this family proud. He will make a good doctor. That’s my brother Gene. Doctor Eugene Barkley.

I've got two older brothers, Mama. Let me tell ya about the eldest. His name is Jarrod. Jarrod Barkley, Attorney at Law. He's a lawyer, Mama. One of the best. I needed his services a time or two. Thank God he's my brother! I wouldn't have been able to afford him if he wasn't. He's a great man, Mama. He'll help you for nothing if he thinks you were being wrongfully accused. He and I was on the wrong side of each other one time. It was with Korby Kyles. Jarrod had me on the stand making me doubt what I had seen, when I knew what I had seen to be the truth, but he made me doubt it anyway. When the truth came out, and I was proved right... Well, it wasn't hard to forgive Jarrod. After all, Jarrod was just being Jarrod. If he believes in someone, he goes out of his way to help them. I can read people. Jarrod can be suckered sometimes. That just makes him human. He always owns up whenever he is wrong. Just as he would help get someone out of jail, he would just as strongly help put someone in jail, if that someone deserved to be there.

Nick always says that Jarrod has lily white hands. Maybe he does. Where Nick and I would be lost without our hands, Jarrod relies on his mind. He’s always thinking, whether it’s to help someone or helping the family. Nick and I do all the work on the ranch, but Jarrod makes sure the money goes to all the right places, and makes sure any investment is a sound one. If we ever need his help, he doesn't hesitate to jump right in and get his lily white hands dirty. Neither Nick nor I can jump into Jarrod’s job! I knew he was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, when he offered me a cigar for the first time, when he became convinced that I was who I say I was ....Well, he went out of his way to be a big brother ta me. He’s always there to lend a helping hand or sympathetic ear whenever I need him. He’s a great brother, a terrific lawyer, and a even greater friend. He's all that to me plus some!

There's one more older brother, Mama. His name is Nick, Nicholas Barkley. He runs one of the biggest ranches in the San Joaquin Valley. Nick is a very dominating person. You either like him or you don't. I knew from the first time I met Nick, even before I knew who he was, that he is someone I would like to get to know. It was on a bridge. He was sitting so high on his horse. Like the world was his and don't you dare cross his path, or you’d better have a damn good reason for doing so. But I found out just by talking with him that there was so much more to him. We both got dumped in the water after the bridge broke, and when we both got back on solid ground, I turned around to find him smiling at me, as if ta let me know that this wasn't over. I smiled back ta let him know I understood. Someday, somewhere, we would meet again. Boy howdy, imagine my surprise when I went to the ranch ta ask for a job and the person who owns, runs and does the hiring was none other than the man on the bridge. I knew that he knew I was there for more than a job. I suspected he would come to me wanting to know who I really was. I didn't expect it to be that same night, nor did I expect him ta beat it out of me. We got off to a rocky start, but now we are brothers, partners, and best friends. Like I knew when I first met him, there was more to him, and I was right.

Nick will fight anyone for what is his. Where Jarrod will fight with words, Nick will use his fists. That is why he fought me at the beginning. He was protecting his family, and now that he accepts me as his family he will, and he did, fight for me. Mama, you know that no one ever fought for me before that I fight my way through everything on my own. I have ta tell you, having a big brother who will take on anyone who looks cross- eyed at me...I know I'm not suppose ta be proud, but my heart swells with pride for my big brother. When Nick takes over a fight for me I just want to say, “Yep, that’s my big brother!”. But I don't. I just tell Nick I can handle it myself, and he says, “I know, but I was bored, and I had nothing better to do!” I would tell him; “Next time, stay out of it!” and he would say; “Ok, I will.” But we both know that he won't. I like that I have someone who cares enough about me ta fight my battles for me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Nick or anyone of my family.

There's a side to Nick that he rarely ever shows. One day I was shot, and I started running a fever. The doctor didn't think I was gonna make it. Nick was right there holding my hand, talking to me, encouraging me to fight. His love pulled me through, Mama. I didn't want to disappoint him. I knew I have ta fight or face Nick in another fight. I chose ta get better. When he knew I was gonna be ok, and before he knew I was awake, I saw the tears in his eyes for me. When he realized I was awake, and after he got himself together, the first thing he said ta me: “Boy what are you doing laying around? Don't you know that this is a working ranch?” I would try ta get up, only ta have him push me back down and say; “The ranch can wait. You just get yourself better.” I would say; “Anything ya say Nick.” That is the Nick no one ever sees. There is no in between for Nick. Either you are someone he cares deeply about, or you’re not.

The family have given me more than I deserve, Mama. They’ve given me more than money, more than a place ta live. They’ve given me themselves, their love. All the money in the world couldn't give me that. I have lost one family, Mama. You, Aunt Rachel and Hannah. The three of you will always be in my heart, but because of the Barkleys and all that they have given me, I will never be alone again. I have a whole new family, one that I will treasure until the day I die. I love ya, Mama, and I want ta thank ya for telling me who my father was before you passed on. That was your last gift for me, and one that I will always treasure. Your baby boy is happy. Thanks, Mama!

“Nick, I'm ready to leave now.”

“Ok, Heath, why don't you get the horses ready? I'll be right there.”

“What ya gonna do, Nick?”

“Just gonna pay my respects to the three ladies who raised you, Little Brother.”

“Ok.”

“Miss Leah, Miss Rachel and Miss Hannah, I just want you to know that you don't have to worry about Heath. No matter how he fights me, I will always be there to protect him. He will never have to do anything alone again. He has a whole family who will see to it that he is never alone, and I will always be leading the way. You got Nick Barkley’s word on that. Thank you, Miss Leah, for telling Heath about Father. We, my family and I, would have missed out on the best thing that ever happened to us. Heath is the best thing that ever happened to us. Thanks to the three of you for taking care of Heath until my family and I could take that job over.”

“Nick, are ya ready?

“Yeah, Heath. I'm coming. Heath and I will come again to visit you. Until then, know that Heath is being cared for. Bye.”

THE END