Loving Each Other

by ShiningStar

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

This story takes place at the Barkley Ranch where Victoria and Royce Wardell have returned six months after adopting the baby found in a line shack on a neighboring ranch.

Leaving six-month-old Kate with Audra—who refused to let Elspeth, the nanny, do more than look in on the infant—Royce and Victoria mounted the horses that Ciego had saddled for them and rode out of the yard. The early morning was cool for June, and the smell of last night’s gentle rain hung tantalizingly in the air.

After an hour of unhurried meandering, they stopped on the ridge that overlooked the San Joaquin River. Royce turned the horses loose to graze in the lush meadow and joined Victoria. “We stood here like this the morning before I asked you to marry me,” he murmured, slipping his arms around her and resting his chin on her head.

“I remember. You were so close that I could feel your breath, but you never touched me.”

“I wanted to.”

“But you didn’t. You remained the perfect gentleman.”

He dropped a kiss on her soft hair. “My thoughts weren’t exactly gentlemanly. I thought of spreading the blanket we’d brought for our picnic and inviting you to join me there.”

“I’d have accepted the invitation.”

“I think that’s what I was afraid of.” He chuckled. “I was nervous enough on our wedding night—when it was conventionally proper for us to make love.”

“I don’t suppose you brought a blanket along today.”

“Unfortunately, I didn’t.” He held her closer. “It’s as you said in December—there is so much love between us. Enough to share and more. And it has multiplied since we’ve had Kate.”

“Of course. I loved you then as my husband, and I love you more as her father. When I watch the two of you together, I have such a feeling of satisfaction in seeing your joy.”

She turned and laid her face against his shirt. “And I feel, for the first time, that I’m complete as a mother.”

“I’m not sure I understand that, my darling.”

“With the others, I gave birth to them, nourished them at my breast, cared for their bodily needs—but after awhile, as they grew old enough to become aware of who I was in relation to their father—they soon became aware that there was little difference between us.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed. “I was just another child. I had my place, as they did, but it wasn’t the place I should have had as a wife and mother. At least, I didn’t think so.”

“Ah.” He stroked her hair.

“But with Kate—she’s ours, Royce. She’s not just an extension of you—someone to carry on what you’ve carved from life, to perpetuate your name. She’s ours to love and cherish together. I have the second chance I never considered—not only at marriage but at motherhood, too.”

His arms tightened around her. “Ah, Victoria, those are wonderful words! I’ve worried sometimes that you did this for me—that you were content with your empty nest after so many years.”

“I may have wanted her before you did.”

He lifted her face and sought her lips hungrily.

* * * * * * * *

They came hand in hand through the kitchen door. Glancing up from the biscuit dough he was rolling, Silas smiled. “Nice day for a ride,” he observed.

“Very nice, Silas,” Victoria replied. “Is there coffee?”

“Yes’m, I’ll...”

“No, no, I’ll fix it! You go on with what you’re doing.”

“I’ll just go upstairs and let Audra know we’re back,” Royce said. “It’s still cool—perhaps we could have our coffee on the front veranda.”

“You lookin’ mighty happy these days,” Silas said softly as Royce disappeared up the back stairs. “Mighty happy.”

Victoria spread a napkin on the tray and placed cups and saucers on it. “I don’t have the words to tell you how happy, Silas.”

He nodded. “Mr. Royce a good man. Mighty good man.”

“A good husband—and a good father.”

“And he jes’ a littl’ crazy ‘bout that baby.”

“She’s added a whole new dimension to our lives.” Victoria cut two slices of pound cake and added those to the tray. “I loved the others with all my heart—and still do—but I enjoy Kate.”

“Yes’m, I ‘spect you do.”

“I know people thought I was a foolish old woman when I married again—when I married a man I’d known for such a short time. And I’m sure the gossip mills worked overtime when we adopted Kate.”

“Don’t matter.”

“You’re right, Silas. Nothing matters except the happiness we have together.”

Royce appeared, a small frown between his eyes. “Is everything all right up there, darling?” Victoria asked.

“I suppose so.”

“You suppose so?”

“It seems that Audra locked Elspeth out of her room and gave Kate her bath on her own. Elspeth is frantic that she didn’t use the right soap or dry her properly. Audra is insulted because Elspeth questions her ability.”

Victoria threw back her head and laughed.

“And when I reached to lift Kate out of her cradle, Audra asked me if I’d washed my hands after I came in from riding!” The frown deepened.

“I actually felt guilty because I hadn’t thought of it! Then I was tempted to tell her that I was Kate’s father!” He looked embarrassed. “But, of course, she knows that.”

“Oh, of course. Shall we go out and have our coffee?”

“Yes, certainly. I got the distinct feeling that I wasn’t necessary upstairs!” He picked up the tray that Victoria indicated and followed her through the dining room.

Silas waited until they were gone before he gave way to a fit of laughter. “Still playin’ dolls, Miss Audra is!” He brought the cutter down neatly onto the biscuit dough and paused, a far-away look in his eyes. It wouldn’t be too long until Kate would be old enough for dolls and tea parties under the trees out back. He wasn’t so old yet but what he’d be around to make milk-tea and cut scraps of pound cake for her to serve. The thought filled him with contentment.

* * * * * * * *

Just before everyone assembled for lunch at one o’clock, Victoria firmly ushered Audra out of the room and turned Kate over to Elspeth. “But Mother, I...”

“You’ve had possession of that baby since early this morning.”

“But I love taking care of her!” Audra half turned to re-enter the room.

“I understand, but it’s time for Elspeth to take over and for you to join the rest of us for luncheon.”

Audra tossed her head and looked rebellious.

“Don’t sulk, Audra. It’s not attractive.”

The girl flushed. “I’ll just go brush my hair first.”

“Come right down—do not offend Elspeth further, Audra.”

“I did no such thing!”

“And kindly remember that Royce does not have to be ritually cleansed before he holds his own daughter.”

The color in Audra’s face deepened. Then she laughed. “All right, Mother, I’ll try!”

* * * * * * * *

In the evening after dinner, despite Audra’s extreme pique, Nick monopolized baby Kate until Elspeth came in with a bedtime bottle. When both Nick and Audra grabbed for it at the same time, Royce cleared his throat. “Actually, it’s my custom to feed Kate before she goes to bed.”

“Uh—oh, sure.” Nick dropped his hand.

Elspeth handed Royce the bottle and left the room. In the sudden silence, the ticking of the clock in the foyer could be plainly heard. Kate wiggled contentedly on the quilt Audra had spread and reached for her sister’s golden hair.

Royce cleared his throat again. “Kate, of course, is necessary to this procedure.”

Nick startled. “Uh—yeah—Kate.”

Victoria lifted her eyes to the ceiling. “The baby, Nicholas. Give Royce the baby.”

“Uh—yeah—sure thing, Royce!” He lifted Kate carefully and delivered her to her father. “Sorry about that.”

Kate laughed aloud as she found herself in familiar arms. “Is Papa’s princess hungry tonight?” Royce murmured softly, forgetting Nick and Audra.

Kate laughed again and reached for the bottle.

“Gently, Kate precious, gently.” He shifted her expertly in his arms and guided the bottle to her mouth.

Audra’s eyes filled with tears. “I remember the first time you ever fed her—or tried to! Now it’s as if you’ve been doing it all your life!”

Never taking his eyes off of Kate, Royce nodded. “She has survived my bumbling amazingly well.”

Audra jumped up and ran out of the room.

“What’s got into her?” Nick asked, going to the credenza for a drink. “Sherry, Mother?”

“A small glass, please, Nick.”

“What’s wrong with Audra? I think she was gonna cry.”

“Perhaps she’s suddenly become aware of one of life’s beautiful mysteries,” Victoria said.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Victoria nodded in the direction of the chair where Royce sat with the baby. Following her gaze, Nick paused before handing his mother the sherry. Then he sat down across from her and, forgetting the glass in his own hand, drank instead of the serenity of the moment.

* * * * * * * *

Undisguised stares and clearly-audible whispers followed the Barkley entourage into church on Sunday. Royce and Victoria sat at the end of the pew in case they had to take Kate outside. Jarrod and Sarah sat at the other end with Nick, Heath, and Audra in the middle. Kate flashed her charming little smile over Royce’s shoulder during the singing. Later, during the sermon, she fell asleep.

“She was a perfect little lady,” Sarah said as they left the church.

“Papa’s perfect little princess,” Jarrod murmured, winking at Royce.

Royce had passed the sleeping baby to Heath as he retrieved Victoria’s reticule, which had fallen to the floor beneath the pew. “Two of a kind,” someone said, not even trying to be quiet.

Nick’s face reddened as he whirled to find the source of the words.

“Nicholas,” Victoria murmured, the pleasant expression on her face not changing.

Heath’s crooked smile played around his lips. “Yeah,” he said to no one in particular, “two lucky folks, that’s us, KatieBee. Don’t know anybody else with family like ours.”

Royce handed Victoria her bag. “Shall we go?”

Outside several people stopped to speak to Victoria. Some spoke to Royce and admired Kate. Others ignored them completely. Jarrod grasped Nick’s arm. “Not a word, Nick,” he warned sotto voce.

Kate woke up. “Now admit it,” Heath said, shifting her upright. “We’re the two best-lookin’ of the whole bloomin’ bunch—excluding Mother, of course.” He grinned.

The tension dissolved. “Now wait just a gol-darned minute!” Nick blurted.

Victoria sighed. “Nicholas, your voice.” She turned to smile at several worshippers standing nearby.

Nick narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go home.”

* * * * * * * *

Later that afternoon, Heath found Nick in the barn. “It’s okay,” Heath said. “Really.”

Nick shrugged. “First time anybody said anything like that to you, it made me mad—but not for you. It was the family honor I was worried about!”

“I know.”

“And when it happened again, it made me mad again for the same reason. I don’t remember when it started makin’ me mad because they were hurtin’ you—hurtin’ my brother.”

“Don’t hurt that much anymore, Nick.”

Nick slumped down on a bale of hay. “But what about her, Heath? What’s it gonna do to her someday?”

“Reckon Mother and Royce will explain things to her.”

“Sure they will, but how’s that gonna help when people say things? The way they did today.”

“She’s just gonna haveta be strong, Nick.”

“Might be different if she was a man.”

“No. Not really.”

Nick shot him a quick look. “Reckon not.”

“But I meant what I said this mornin’,” Heath said, smiling a little. “She got lucky, and so did I.”

“Maybe we all did,” Nick said after awhile.

* * * * * * * *

Gene came home the following weekend and promptly nudged his siblings aside with Kate. “It’s my turn,” he said blithely when Audra protested that he was treading on thin ice.

“You don’t know anything about babies!”

“I’ve delivered at least seven since I got my M.D.,” he said hotly. “Or have you forgotten that I’m fully qualified as of the first of this month?”

“You’re an intern.”

“So? I have a license to practice, and I’m telling you I’ve brought quite a few babies into this world!”

“But you haven’t taken care of them.”

“So, I’ll learn on Kate.” He held the baby above his head, and she shrieked gleefully.

“Don’t, Gene! It’s not good for her! And you might drop her!”

“Get lost, Audra,” he said irritably, reverting to their childhood days. “Go bother Silas.”

Silas, who had been a silent, amused witness to the exchange, came into the room with a stack of freshly laundered diapers. “These need puttin’ away,” he said mildly.

Gene’s eyebrows went up. “How long did it take her to go through all those?”

Before Audra could answer, Silas said, “Not near’s many as you, Mr. Gene.”

Audra hooted.

Silas closed the diaper drawer and turned around slowly. “’Course, thought I’d be washin’ diapers th’ rest o’my life when you came along,” he said to Audra, passing by her quickly.

It was Gene’s turn to laugh. “Guess he told you, huh?”

Audra turned on her heel and flounced out.

“Sure is pretty when she gets mad,” Gene said matter-of-factly to Kate. “And I bet you will be, too.” He cuddled her and put his lips against her soft hair. “We needed you, little one. We needed your papa and you both.”

* * * * * * * *

Jarrod and Sarah made their official announcement of impending parenthood the night before Royce, Victoria, and Kate returned to New Orleans. The attention shifted from Kate to Sarah like the wind changing direction.

Royce took advantage of the moment to slip away upstairs with his daughter. “The fickle finger of fate,” he murmured as he rocked her in the silence of the bedroom “When the new baby comes, you’ll no longer be a novelty. You’ll be relegated to second place.” He smiled. “You know, precious, your Papa was actually jealous of the way they monopolized your time. I think maybe your mother was, too.”

“Yes, she was.” Victoria stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. “Is there room for me?”

Royce’s face lit up. “Of course, my love. Always.” He patted his knee.

“Now this is nice,” Victoria said as she settled herself in one arm opposite Kate.

“Have you had a pleasant stay, Victoria?”

“Very pleasant. But now it’s time for us to go home.”

“I rather agree. We need our routine again.”

Victoria laughed. “We need Kate to ourselves again!” Kate put out a hand, and Victoria kissed the tiny fingers. “Sweet baby,” she murmured.

“Just a short year ago, I could never have imagined all this.”

“Nor could I.”

“Remember the day we sat here together and discussed whether or not we should actually take her?”

“I think we both knew.”

“I was almost afraid to think of it.”

“It’s as Audra said—you relate to your daughter as if you’d been doing it all your life.”

“My daughter. Our daughter. Those are sweet words, my darling.”

Kate yawned prodigiously.

“Are we boring you with our sentimental chatter, precious?” He frowned. “Oh, my, I believe she’s wet.”

Victoria rose and headed automatically for the diaper drawer. “Do you want to change her or go downstairs for her bottle?”

“I’ll change her.”

Victoria nodded and handed him the clean diaper. “I’ll be back.”

She’d gotten as far as the door when his voice stopped her. “Perhaps a last walk when she’s asleep?”

“I’d like that.”

“We might go as far as the creek.”

“We might.”

“I might bring a blanket.”

She turned slowly to look at him. “Yes.”

* * * * * * * *

From the diary of Dr. Katherine Barkley Wardell:

Mother encouraged me to keep a journal when I was twelve, and I’ve been doing so ever since. Even now, seventy years later, the memories I read again are still fresh.

I can’t remember when I didn’t know that I was loved and cherished in a way that many of my friends were not. When I was older and knew how I’d come to Mother and Papa, I understood. Yet, I wasn’t the center of their lives. The three of us formed such a tightly-knit circle that there was no real center. There was just us.

As I grew older, I began to see that Papa loved and cherished Mother in a different way than he did me. I also saw that to Mother nothing was more important than Papa’s happiness and comfort. What was between them was almost magical, certainly indefinable, and achingly beautiful. Each of them had lived a lifetime before they had begun another life together. I would always be grateful that their new life included me.

My brothers and sister all had long, happy marriages and close-knit families. Gene and Lucy had no children, but they were so united in their work that their lives never seemed diminished. My own marriage was too short, but the memories were all good.

Once I asked Heath why he thought our family was so successful in the matter of family. He thought for a moment, then said, “I’m not sure, honey. Jarrod, Nick, Gene, and Audra had memories I didn’t have. I don’t know how much they based their own marriages and families on what they saw growing up, but I can tell you what I based mine on.”

“What, Heath?”

“Mother and Royce. It was the first time in my life I’d ever experienced two people together like that, and there was something about them...”

“I felt it, too.”

“They had somethin’ real special.”

“They were special in themselves.”

“I think it was more that they had the courage to be themselves. I mean, Mother faced a lot of gossip when I came and later when she married Royce. It was worse when they took you, but they didn’t care. They knew they were supposed to be together and to have you.”

“Sometimes my life seems like a story.”

Heath grinned. “Maybe you should write it down.”

“Oh, I don’t think anyone would be interested in my ramblings.”

“You never can tell. Vicky and John should know anyway.”

“I wish they’d known Mother and Papa.”

“Me, too.”

“Heath—do you ever think about how life usually works out the way it’s supposed to—I mean, if we have the courage to live it?”

He nodded. “I came so close to walkin’ outta here years ago. Mother convinced me not to go.”

“So it took courage to stay?”

“It took somethin’ anyway.”

* * * * * * * *

Heath often said we were lucky. Maybe we were. But we were also blessed. Truly blessed.

THE END