Misapprehension

by Soho178

Disclaimer: For Entertainment purposes only. The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author. Original characters are the property of the author and may not be used without permission.

Chapter 1

“What the hell is going on here?” Nick spat the words out as he took in the loaded buckboard and foam flecked draft horses standing outside the Barkley mansion. The cargo of empty sacks had been destined for the levee by the peach orchards. Orchards that now stood beneath half a foot of water and rising, for want of them.

Coco was still moving as he hurtled out of the saddle and flew up the steps, slamming open the front door. His wrath immediately focused across the foyer. “You son of a bitch!” Propelled by rage he covered the distance between them and in the brief shocked silence that saw the others frozen in place, he straddled the man he’d thrown to the floor and rained down blow after blow.

“Where the hell were you?! One thing, just one thing I ask you to do. I swear I’ll kill you, I don’t care who you are!”

Heath’s arms were pinned to his side, held by the legs on either side of his body. Unable to defend himself, Nick’s punches had already bloodied his face and bruised his ribs. Cries rose at the sight of the one brother beating the other in a deadly rage. Panicked into action, Jarrod didn’t bother with words. He stepped behind his middle brother and grabbed two handfuls of dark hair, jerking backwards. It was enough to dislodge Nick and send him sprawling, enough time for Jarrod to throw himself on top and pin him down.

“Nick! For God’s sake stop! Stop it now! You don’t understand!”

“Oh I understand alright Jarrod!” His voice couldn’t hide the venom he felt. “It’s gone. We’ll be lucky to save anything. While he was here dry and warm the south orchard flooded.”

“No Nick! That’s not it! That’s not what’s going on.” He clung to the stronger man for all he was worth. “Stop. Just stop it now! You’re wrong!”

Nick struggled for any purchase he could find on the polished floor. “Jarrod, I know what I saw. There’s six inches of water in the orchard and it’s because of him!”

“Nick, listen to me.” Jarrod grabbed his face between his hands “Look at him! It’s not what you think!” He forced his brother’s head to swivel in the direction of the body on the floor. “Look at him!”

The words cut through the black rage and Nick’s eyes registered the mud-caked clothes they’d failed to take in before. Jarrod felt the struggling beneath him subside. Heath had rolled to his side, curled to protect himself from any more blows. Already his eyes were swelling shut. It hurt to breathe or move. Through the red haze of pain and shock, hands and voices sought to comfort him, assure him. Audra whispered in his ear, urging him to calm down, to slow his ragged breathing. Her hands gently probed for what damage had been wrought.

Victoria knelt in front of this newest addition to the Barkley family. He jerked involuntarily at the feel of her gentle hands touching his face. Even the whisper of contact sent a wave of pain to cloud his consciousness. “Heath, son…it’s okay, it’s over.” Victoria spoke quietly. “Can you move?”

“I think so.” It came out as a groan.

“Jarrod, please help Heath upstairs.” She turned her attention to Nick, fixing him with a stare that brooked no argument. “You wait for me in the parlor. You’ll find the reason for Heath’s presence there.” Victoria’s voice was cold, colder than Nick had ever heard it… calm cold. It was the twin of the look he read in her eyes. She seldom raised her voice to them in anger. He could count the times on one hand. He had never seen her pushed past yelling. Suddenly, fearing he’d somehow made an awful mistake, he wanted to do anything but walk into the room. The beating of his heart swelled to fill his chest, the rapid hammering blotting out the ability to think.

Jarrod heard the tone in her voice and blanched as he half carried his brother upstairs. “Mother, I’ll get him settled. Howard’s already on the way.”

“Thank you Jarrod.” She’d taken deep calming breaths and returned to a more normal demeanor. She turned to make her way through the Dining room, to the Kitchen, for ice. Heath was her first concern, Nick could wait. “I’ll be up in a minute. Please get him undressed and into bed.” Her last glance before leaving the room was aimed at Nick, silently ordering him into Parlor to wait.

“Audra, answer any questions your brother has.”

“Gladly mother.” Fury was rare for her. Passion and compassion were her natural response, but today’s events had conspired to anger her more deeply than she could remember. Outrage at what had brought them together and at the beating mixed with the anger she’d been nursing for the last two months over Nick’s treatment of Heath. After what she’d witnessed she had no desire to spare her brother any of the grim reality of what had gone on before he stormed in. She wanted him to know just how wrong he’d been, to see him shaken to his core. It was time, it was needed. She had no qualms about doing it. She took a leap of faith and followed him.

Nick entered reluctantly, expecting…he didn’t know what. From the doorway the room looked exactly as it always did. As he looked around, his sense of dread eased while impatience and anger began to build again. “I don’t see…”

“Go in Nick…now.” He’d never heard that steel in her voice before. How like mother she’s become. Obeying, he entered further, walking around the back of the settee. That’s when he spotted the ragged bundle that lay on the coffee table.

It appeared to be a mud-covered blue shirt sitting on a pile of dirty rags. The shirt had been Heath’s.

“Open it, Nick.” There was that steel again, suddenly the filthy bundle was that last thing he wanted to touch. In the back of his mind an intuition arose and a voice started to repeat No, no! Oh God, no… while his heart resumed the insistent staccato that had siezed it earlier.. The size and shape of the bundle made him uneasy, caused his mind to recoil at what might be inside. He approached the table warily, not wanting to look but unable to glance away. From this vantage he could see that some of the brown stains weren’t mud.

Looking back over his shoulder at Audra, his eyes sought reassurance…surely it couldn’t be? There was none to be had. He reached down, picking it up, knowing by the weight and stillness what he would find. Pulling back the loose flap of cloth, he looked, horrified, at the lifeless face of an infant. Dark hair, fair skin tinged blue, eyes closed, there was no movement.

Nick was a proud and fiery man who made his way through life hiding his softer feelings. Few outside his circle of family and close friends knew what a tender heart the gruff exterior hid. Audra had grown up with that softer side. As little sister and only girl, Nick had been her protector from an early age. Anger melting at his obvious distress, she moved to sit with him, as he fought an internal battle over his emotions.

Time slowed almost to a stop. It seemed a lifetime to them both before he spoke.

“Where?” The word was almost inaudible.

“Near the boundary with the Jackson’s ranch, in the hills.”

Nick looked at her confused, “What was Heath doing there?”

“He picked up the sacks in town and was heading out that way to avoid the mud he’d had trouble with on the way in. He thought he’d be at the levee faster, even though it’s a longer drive.”

The black-haired man nodded, seeing the wisdom of the route. It had been raining for two weeks and the roads were bogs. Horses had trouble, let alone a laden wagon. Staying to the higher ground until just before the river would make sense.

“Nick?” Audra couldn’t maintain her resolve seeing the emotions that played across his face. She put a hand on his shoulder and turned his face to hers with the other. “She was still alive when he found her.” She blinked back her own tears. “She died just minutes before you came in.”

This time he cried.

Chapter 2

By late afternoon Howard Merar had been and gone. Much to everyone’s surprise the beating had looked worse than it was. Heath was badly used but nothing that a few days rest wouldn’t heal. He was sore and confined to bed for the moment, awaiting a return visit from the good doctor before Victoria would allow him any freedom. The child, a healthy little girl, had been a newborn probably less than a day old. The tiny body had been taken to town, carried by the solemn doctor.

The family, absent Heath, gathered in the parlor for a meeting.

“Mother,” Nick couldn’t look at her, “I want her to have a decent burial.”

“I believe your brother already arranged that when Howard examined him.” Victoria’s calm frosty voice sounded every inch displeased Matriarch. He posture was ramrod straight and her face stern.

He looked up at her then, his hazel eyes awash with shame for what he’d done, what he’d thought earlier.

“I’m sorry mother, I don’t know what else to say.”

She had no idea what to say to him. It was her nature to forgive, but forgiveness wasn’t in her right now.

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to Nicholas, and not just for today. I am too angry to talk to you civilly right now, but we WILL have a talk in the near future. Am I clear?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

He stood to leave, when Jarrod stopped him. “Nick, I’ll take the next few days off to oversee the levee and drain the orchard, until we can get more help.”

He opened his mouth to object then shut it. Disbelief and a profound sense of loss settled on him. “Okay Jarrod. I…I know you’ll do a good job.” So this is it, the family meeting’s been called to tell me that I’ve lost their trust, their confidence. They no longer want me in charge. Can’t blame them, not really. He sighed and blinked back tears. I’ve lost the land and family in one stupid tantrum. And for what? Because I won’t, believe that father could be anything less than perfect, that he valued his family so little he would risk it for a few nights pleasure in the arms of another woman. Because I don’t want to accept Heath as my half brother and Tom Barkley as anything less than a completely honorable man.

“I’ll stay at the Cattleman’s until I make other arrangements.”

The announcement met with confused looks as they tried to get from Jarrod’s offer of help to Nick’s declaration that he was leaving. As the black-clad man turned to go, understanding suddenly dawned in Jarrod’s eyes. “Nick, no! You misunderstood! We’re not asking you to leave.” Pappy’s hand on his shoulder, his blue eyes bearing understanding, almost brought him to tears.

“Then what?”

“You’ll be busy finding the mother.”

“But Jarrod...”

“You owe it to Heath.” It was an order, made softer by the gentle squeeze, but an order none-the-less.

Nick tapped lightly on the door, receiving no response. He cracked it open as quietly as possible and stole into the room where Heath lay inhaling sharply at the sight of what he’d done. The lamp was low, the shadows making the face, with its swollen bruises and icepacks, grotesque. He turned to leave.

“You here for a reason or just to admire your work?” There was a bitterness in Heath’s voice that hadn’t been there in the past.

“Look Heath, I just came to apologize. I …well there’s nothin’ I can say to excuse…what I did.”

The blond cowboy reached up to remove the ice pack from one eye. The swelling was milder, a slit of blue visible.

“Go to Hell Nick, or come back when you know what you’re really apologizing for. Either way don’t much matter to me anymore.” He replaced the ice and waved his hand dismissively.

Nick wasn’t used to being cut off, before he’d had his say. “Look, I just wanted to explain why I got so mad.” His voice was pleading for a hearing.

“I know why you got mad Nick, an it ain’t because you thought I slacked off. You know it’s not the kinda thing I would do. Ya know that I wouldn’t have come back here unless it was important.”

“You’re right. I did know that.”

“You’re never gonna accept me.” The statement hung in the silent air between them.

“I…I’m sorry Heath. I won’t bother you again. Just rest up. The doc says you need to stay in bed for a few days. Jarrod’s gonna run things for a while here.”

“What?!” The last statement had broken through his feigned indifference.

Nick turned and left the room ahead of any more questions.

Chapter 3

Dawn was distinguishable only by a telltale lightening of the cloud cover. The rain continued lighter than before.. Jarrod had roused early to get the crew out to the levee and see what they could do to repair the damage. He’d stopped to see Heath before leaving, knowing the other man wouldn’t sleep beyond his usual time, despite his injuries.

“Good morning Heath. Any better today?” His smile was genuinely concerned and it warmed the younger man’s heart that at least most members of the family had accepted him, even seemed to like him.

“Some. Jarrod, why are you running the ranch?”

Jarrod knew that Heath wouldn’t like the answer. He also knew that he’d want the baby’s mother found, but was in no shape to do it himself. “I’ve sent Nick to find her mother.”

“No, I’ll…”

“No Heath, you’re not going anywhere, doctor’s orders. You have three cracked ribs, a good –sized lump on your head and you can barely see. I hardly think you’re going to ride around in this mess for days on end and live to tell about it. Nick needs a lesson in the value of not going off half-cocked. ” Jarrod looked at the stubborn set of his mouth, smiled and added, “Besides, do you really want to cross Mother?”

The humor, for once, fell on deaf ears. “Listen to me Jarrod. What do you think he’ll do when he finds her. You want her to end up like me?”

“He won’t!” Jarrod was truly appalled that anyone would think Nick capable of such an act.

“You hope.”

Jarrod knew Nick as well as anyone and didn’t believe that he could hurt a woman. What bothered him more than the content of Heath’s statement was the fact that Heath had made it. Damn my younger brother! How am I going to fix this? Heath isn’t going to stay after this. He’s finally had enough. Why did I let things go this far? I kept hoping Nick would come around on his own.

“Heath, I know that you’re hurting right now, but you have to know that Nick is appalled at what he’s done.” He tried to gauge what reception his words had received.

“So I’m supposed to forgive and forget Jarrod?”

Chapter 4

The rain had diminished to a slight drizzle and the clouds scudding from the West seemed to be lighter. Even the prospect of better weather did nothing to improve Nick’s mood. It would still be a dirty, messy search. Jarrod helped Nick give his gear one last check. “How are you going to do this?”

“Doc Merar already said no one living out that way was with child, to his knowledge, so I’m figuring it might have been someone traveling. I’ll start by riding out and checking the places along the road, see if anyone recalls seeing travelers passing. Figure in this mud if it was a wagon they won’t be moving too fast. I ought to be able to catch up with them pretty quick.”

That made sense. “If you come up empty?”

“I’ll start on the ranches closer to the hills, see if anyone knows anything.” Nick was in a bad mood and Jarrod’s questioning was making it worse. He didn’t want to stand here and be cross-examined by his older brother. He wanted to be working to save the orchard. Instead he was going to have to spend the next few days dirty, wet and uncomfortable and it was all his own doing. On top of that, he knew he didn’t have much of a plan, nor much chance of getting someone to admit that they had abandoned the baby.

“Then what? When do you think you’ll be back?”

Nick turned and pushed his brother against a stall door. “I DON’T KNOW JARROD! WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

The accumulated strain of the past two months finally came to a head for the usually unflappable lawyer. “Great Nick, go ahead and bully me too! I’m just concerned for your safety. Want to know where you’ll be in case we need to look for you.”

He untied the reins and handed them to his brother. “Can’t you just, for once, think before you get mad? You wouldn’t be doing this if you had in the first place! I’ve had it with indulging your temper then cleaning up the mess. It’s time you grew up and started thinking with your head, not your mouth and your fists.”

The silence that descended over the barn was absolute. It was a toss up as to which of the brothers was more shocked by Jarrod’s tirade. In the face of the accusations, Nick was left no choice but to silently mount his horse and ride out.

Duke McCall, the ranch foreman and family friend emerged from the shadows. “You okay Jarrod?”

“You hear all that Duke?”

“Couldn’t much help it, but none of the other hands are around. It’ll stay with me.”

“Thanks. Guess I shouldn’t be calling Nick childish.”

Duke McCall had been with the Barkley’s long enough to consider the boys as surrogate sons. When Heath arrived he’d been quick to include him, genuinely liking the quiet newcomer. Duke had been at the ranch almost from Jarrod’s birth. It didn’t take much to see what was going through the Counselor’s mind.

“Jarrod, look at me.” He waited while until he was looking directly in those vivid blue eyes. “We both know this has been years coming. If Nick truly wants to follow in Tom Barkley’s footsteps he needed to be told that. The question is whether he really heard what you said.”

“I don’t know Duke. What right do I have to tell Nick that he needs to change?”

“If not you, then who? You and me are the ones who deal with the aftermath of his explosions. And as much as I consider you boys family, he isn’t gonna take that kind of message too kindly coming from me.”

Jarrod let out a small chuckle. “I don’t know Duke, he might have taken it better from you than me. I’m just the bossy big brother. You’ve been like a second father to him at times.” Jarrod paused. “To me too, and I don’t believe I’ve ever thanked you.”

“No need to.” The older man was momentarily embarrassed at the turn the conversation had taken so he changed the subject. “What about Heath.”

“I’m afraid this was the last straw.” There was a sadness in Jarrod’s eyes that let Duke know this wasn’t just lawyerly dramatics.

“I was afraid of that. He’s a good man Jarrod, I hope you’re wrong, but I’m afraid you’re not. He’s put up with more’n I would have.”

“I feel like I’ve failed everyone Duke.”

“Why, because you couldn’t make that thick-skulled brother of yours open his eyes and see what an ass he was making of himself? Jarrod, people only see what they’re ready to. Sometimes they open their eyes too late. No matter what, this is Nick’s problem to fix, not yours.”

“I know Duke, it’s just…”

“You’ve been fixing things for so long you feel it’s your job?”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“You can’t fix everything Jarrod. It’s time you learned that. Time you let that brother of yours learn to clean up his own messes. Don’t get me wrong, I respect Nick. He’s a good strong man. Smart, honorable, honest, hard-working, and inside compassionate. But he needs to learn to think before he acts.”

“And I guess I haven’t made him learn that.” He eyed Duke, waiting for an answer.

“Well, yeah, I guess you have protected him a might too much.”

“So he gets to learn this lesson at the expense of Heath and the rest of the family?”

“If that’s the way it has to be. This is between them. You aren’t going to be able to fix it.”

“You think there’s a chance?”

“I wish I knew, Jarrod, I wish I knew.”

Chapter 5

Midday of the next day found a bedraggled Nick Barkley standing on a surprised Bob Jackson’s doorstep.

“C’mon in boy.”

Nick stopped just inside the door, so the mud wouldn’t track any further, making more work for Ida. “Bob. Ida” He nodded to the pleasant-faced woman across the room.

“Surprised to see you here. Thought you’d be working by the river. Saw the mess your orchard’s in. You tell me if I can help, you hear boy?”

“Yes sir, Thank you, but Jarrod’s got a crew there. He hopes to have it drained today.”

“Must be something important to pull you away.” Bob was an old friend of the Barkley’s and knew that the ranch was Nick’s life.

“Bob, don’t leave him standing there, get him settled by the fire.” She rolled her eyes at the lack of manners. “Nick, take your boots off and set them by the fire.” She called to the back of the house. “Robbie, Nick. Barkley’s here, come pay your respects.”

Robbie hobbled into the sitting room and settled himself in the armchair by the fire. Ordinarily it would have been offered to their guest, but for the last six months it had been the only comfortable chair in the house for the boy.

With his feet warming by the fire and a hot cup of coffee in hand, the three adults settled at the dining table.

“How’s the leg doing, Robbie?” Nick eyed the heavy plaster cast that went from foot to thigh.

“Better Mr. Barkley. I get this cast off next month.” The sixteen year old grinned. He’d been laid-up for far too long.

“Bob, you remember to let me know if you need any help until Robbie’s back on his feet.”

“I know Nick, but we’re doing okay. You and your family have already done enough for us. Don’t know how we’ll ever repay you for sendin’ the boy to San Francisco to have that leg rebroken and set.” Howard and Ida had suffered through almost seeing their son left crippled by a fracture that couldn’t be set correctly without surgery. As good a doctor as Howard Merar was, some things we beyond his skills and the resources of a small city. He was delighted when Jarrod had informed him of the family’s decision to help the Jacksons.

“No payment necessary, Bob. We told you that at the time. Friends do for friends.” Nick’s hazel eyes told the man that as far as he was concerned the matter was closed.

“I’m hoping you three might be able to help me with some information.” He paused knowing that what he said next would be hard for them to hear. “Heath was out this way two days ago and found the body of a newborn over by Turtle Rock. We were hoping to find out who the mother is.”

The hot coffee dropped from Ida’s hand and splattered across the table. All three jumped up as she ran from the room. Howard was torn between going to his wife and staying with their guest.

“Take care of her Bob, I’ll get this.” Nick grabbed a washrag from the basin and began to wipe up the spill. Too slow moving to be able to help, Robbie sat where he was and stared at Nick.

Returning with her husband, Ida apologized. “I’m sorry Nick, it’s just that I can’t bear …Poor Heath…” Her voice trailed off, leaving the thought unspoken. The Jacksons had one teenage son, Robert. After his birth Ida had lost four other children to miscarriages. For a couple who had planned on a house full of kids, it had been a hard disappointment to bear.

Nick placed his hand over hers and smiled. “I understand Ida, it was pretty hard on us to see.” And I didn’t make it any easier.

“So you want to know if we think anyone out this way could be the momma?”

“That’s about it, Bob.”

The Jackson place was tucked between one edge of the Barkley ranch and the foothills. Howard ran a small operation, suited to his needs. He’d come to the valley at the same time as the Barkleys, but never had the same drive that pushed Tom to build ever larger. He was content to be a small rancher surrounded and somewhat protected by the friendship and nearness of the Barkleys.

“Well, we’re almost the last folks before you get into the hills. Don’t know that I can help you much.” Nick’s face fell. He’d been expecting the answer, but had to ask.

“You don’t know anyone here about with a daughter or sister that mighta gotten in the family way? Or maybe someone passing through on their way to the coast?”

“Can’t say as I do.” Bob shook his head and continued “Can’t say as I have much respect for a person who’d do such a thing.”

“Whata you mean Pa?” Robbie’s voice had lost most of its deep timbre. His face was pained and he rubbed his hands on the cast as though to ease what bothered him.

“Why it’s murder, Robbie, plain and simple. Baby’s born alive, it should stay alive. No one’s got any call takin’ the Lord’s decision in their own hands.”

“You mean someone left it out there to die?” The boy’s face grew even whiter.

“Why of course they did, boy! What were you thinking?”

“Maybe they wanted it found?”

“Out in those rocks? Pure luck that baby was found before an animal got it.” The venom in Jackson’s voice reflected his outrage. “Probably some poor girl got herself in the family way and her Pa or brothers decided best not to have a bastard pup to muddy up the family name.”

“But…but Pa. How could someone do that? Blame a baby for what the parents did?” Robbie’s voice choked, his eyes brimmed with tears about to spill over. Bob Jackson shifted his gaze from Nick and placed an arm on the boy’s shoulders. His gaze softened at his son’s obvious distress. “Lots of folks like that in this world, son. Just don’t you grow up to be one. Okay?”

“I won’t Pa.”

Heath was well known to the Jacksons. His status as Tom Barkley’s illegitimate son was still cause for gossip and occasional outrage in Stockton. Bob and Ida had been among the first to welcome the man, but knew that Nick had been giving his half-brother as hard a time as he could, even in the face of the rest of the family’s acceptance. His comments hadn’t been planned, but he’d not stepped away from the opportunity to make a point when it presented itself. He felt Nick to be a better man than he was acting.

Any other day, Nick would have exploded, but today guilt and shame made him hold his tongue. In the last two months, he’d found himself wishing on several occasions that Heath had never been born. The sentiment was a little too close to what Bob had given voice to. Of course he’d been persecuting the man for what his parents did.

He couldn’t stop the trail his thoughts took. What if? What if someone had done that to Heath, none of this would be happening, My life would have gone on just as before. I’d have never known I had another brother. And that’s the real problem. I have a half-brother and Tom Barkley wasn’t perfect. I’m mad at Heath for toppling Father from his pedestal when it was Father who did it all himself. All Heath’s done is claim his birthright, then work like any two men to prove he deserves it.

The search had given Nick time to mull over what he’d done two nights before, and over the last two months. Every time he ran through the list of reasons justifying his behavior, his conscience would prod him with the simple thought.

It’s not his fault. Put the blame where it lies. What must it be like going through life knowing that to some folks, your kind should just be left to die, disposable, worthless, vile? It made him shudder to think about a brother of his growing up that way. Suddenly his actions were instilled with even greater shame. A sadness began to creep over him as he realized that he was far less of the man Tom Barkley would have wanted him to be.

Nick rose to leave. “Well, thank you Bob. I’ll be off now.”

The older man gave Nick a searching look, then nodded, apparently satisfied at what he saw in his friend’s eyes. “Good luck, Nick.” His hand came to rest on the taller man’s shoulder for a moment. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Outside Nick lead Coco out of the barn and mounted him in one swift movement. “You take care, and be sure to let us know if you need any help, you here me Bob?” Nick smiled at the man, letting him know that his earlier statements hadn’t resulted in any lingering bad feelings.

“Thanks Nick.” Turning to join Ida and Robbie on the porch, his caught a glimpse of two skins that had been hanging in the barn since the Fall, and his mind clicked. “Hold up Nick.”

“Robbie! Didn’t you tell me there was an old trapper living up by Saddleback pass?”

The boy’s face showed surprise and then some emotion that Nick couldn’t quite distinguish. “Uh, yeah Pa. He was runnin’ a trapline up in the hills, but that was before I busted my leg.”

“You know if he had him a daughter?”

“Didn’t ask him, Pa.”

“You might want to check that out.” Nick tipped his hat to the family and swung Coco around to head up the trail. If the fellow was running a line, he would be hard to find home this time of year. There didn’t seem to be much sense to going. He headed on down the road toward the Franklin’s neighbors.

Chapter 6

Visits to the last two homesteads along the Barkley property line didn’t yield any better results, and Nick made to return home. The wagon road he was following wound along the base of the foothills. The road up to Saddleback pass forked to the west just before he returned back past the Jackson’s spread. It was only noon and there were still plenty of hours of gray half-light left in the day, enough time to see if he could find the trapper. If he didn’t, at least he would have tried. Besides, he wasn’t relishing the idea of going back home to face the family just yet.

The trail wound through some of the prettiest forest in that part of the country but it was mostly lost on Nick, who was absorbed in thoughts of his younger brother and how to make amends for his behavior up until now. Heath had told him to come back when he knew what he was apologizing for. He sighed. Well, at least I can give him that .I’m apologizing for being a fool, for being no better than whoever left that baby out there to die.

He rode on, keeping a look out for signs of the trapper. Finally, there appeared to be a new trail leading off to the left of the main route up through the pass. It was too narrow for him ride Coco. “Looks like I’m on foot from here.” He tied the reins to a branch and took off.

The cabin was well kept for a mountain man’s home. The yard was neat, there was an outbuilding that appeared to be part barn and part tool shed, and cabin itself was in good repair. Not wanting to startle a man who wouldn’t be expecting any company, Nick stopped at the edge of the clearing and yelled his greeting.

“Hello in the cabin! Anyone home?” There was no response, but Nick thought he saw a movement of the cloth that covered the window. He knew there might be a gun trained on him and made sure his hands were visible at all times.

“Hello there! I’m Nick Barkley. I need to talk with the fella livin’ here abouts. Anyone home?” There was no sign of life, Nick figured that he must have imagined earlier movement. He slowly crossed the clearing to knock on the door. When there was no answer he opened it.

It was a small place, three rooms. Standing in the doorway he could see the main room and two rooms off it. The furnishings were sparse but little touches softened what would have otherwise been a drab and cheerless space. “Anyone home? I’m comin’ in. I need to talk to you! I’m not going to harm you.” he called again, wanting to make sure that anyone there would know he wasn’t there to rob or attack them.

Still nothing. He stepped inside and made to check out the back rooms. The first was a bedroom, empty but heavy winter outdoor clothes hung on pegs. It was warm enough not to need them anymore. Heading for the second room, he entered and was suddenly hit by something flying through the air. It resolved into a small body that pushed him roughly to the ground and then took off in a panic past him. Scrambling to his feet Nick followed and managed to snag an arm as it went rushing past.

“Stop! Hold it! I don’t want to hurt you!” he managed to grab the second arm and was rewarded with kicks to his shins and a bite to his upper arm.

“Hey!” Anger drove him to lift the smaller man and shake him.

“Jenna!” The booming voice stopped all motion in the room. “Mister, get your hands off my daughter.”

Nick froze, barely daring to breathe. He slowly and carefully released the girl, making sure to keep his hands up and in plain sight. His heart was pounding and a sweat had broken out across his forehead. “I’m gonna turn around nice and slow.” His voice was incredibly calm for a man with his heart in his throat.

He was big and burly and looked to be about ten years older than Nick. The shotgun he held was aimed chest level and there was fury in his eyes. “So you come back for her did you? We’ll you’re too late.”

“What? Wha…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nick’s confusion was evident on his face, but the trapper was too enraged to see it.

“Don’t lie to me boy!” The shotgun barrel came up and he fired.

Chapter 7

Nick dropped and rolled without thinking, pulling his gun and firing. The load that would have shredded his chest flew past his shoulder, the air it parted brushing the hairs on his neck.. His return fire was deadly accurate. The burly mountain man crumpled.

Relief began to wash over him as Nick rose and carefully approached the dead man, kicking the shotgun out of the way. Only when he was standing above the still form did he realized the man’s eyes weren’t lifeless, they were watching. Not watching him, but staring where he had so recently been standing. And they were filled with anguish even as he watched the life in them die.

Oh my God no. She’d been standing behind him. She couldn’t have seen her father about to fire.

He turned around.

Jenna had been tall for fourteen, the top of her head reaching just under Nick’s chin. He ran from the house and vomited.

Who knew how much time had passed when the voice cut through his fog. “Nick boy, you alright?”

Bob Jackson was standing there, looking at the white-faced cowboy. “Boy, you need that shoulder looked at.”

He hadn’t even noticed the blood on his shirt. The wounds where the outer edge of the load had hit him were still slowly oozing blood, but were numb. He knew once the shock wore off they’d hurt like Hell. “Nick, is there anyone else I need to see to?”

“Noo..No, they’re dead.” And with that he leaned back against the side of the house and began to cry.

Bob put a hand on Nick’s good shoulder, and the two men sat in silence until all was quiet and calm again. He turned to the door, ready to do what needed to be done, when a hand on his arm stopped him. “What are you doing here?”

The older man looked down with such sadness in his eyes that Nick thought he could see his heart breaking right before his eyes. “It was Robbie’s baby.” He turned to enter the charnel house. “He finally told us a couple hours after you left.” The words drifted back over his shoulder.

The sun was setting, they would make it back to the small ranch well after dark.

“You’ll stay over tonight. Let Ida look at that shoulder.”

“I can’t Bob. What am I gonna say to Robbie?” Nick wasn’t sure he had whatever it was going to take to tell the boy that his love was dead, killed by her father while Nick had saved his own life.

“Boy, you listen to me. You didn’t pull that trigger. Her father did. You did what anyone else would have done under the circumstances. It was pure reflex. Don’t go buying guilt when it don’t rightly belong to you.”

“I know Bob. It’s just that I…”

“You feel like you should have stood there and let him kill you? That you should have been able to get through to him that you weren’t the baby’s father? Nick, he wasn’t rational. The only way for this to have ended differently would have been for it never to have begun, and you didn’t do that.”

The younger man sighed. “Will Robbie be okay? You and Ida?”

“I don’t know Nick. I’m not sure any of us will ever be okay again.” After a few seconds of silence he asked, “Do you suppose we could bury my granddaughter at the ranch?”

“You think that’s a good idea. Won’t it be awful hard on all of you?”

“She deserves to rest with family. And her Momma too.”

Nick’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “I’ll arrange for it Bob. You’re a good man.” They rode into the yard and dismounted. Nick led the horse bearing the two bodies to the barn as he heard Bob Jackson call out “Robbie!”

Chapter 8

It had been three days since the beating and Heath had healed enough, he reckoned, to be able to leave. His saddle bags were packed and Gal was saddled by the time anyone else was stirring. Duke McCall had suspected something like this was coming and had taken to rising early, hoping to have a word with Heath.

“So you’re leaving.”

“Not much reason to stay.”

“Isn’t family reason enough?”

Heath sighed and leaned against a stall door. “Duke, this isn’t your business.”

“Well, you’re right about that. But that didn’t stop me telling Jarrod to butt out and let you and Nick work this out.”

That revelation met with a raised eyebrow. “Takes two to work things out, Duke. I’m tired of doing all the work.”

“Can’t say as I blame you for that. Me, I wouldn’t have put up with half as much as you have.”

“But you’re telling me to stay when you would have gone?”

Duke let out a good natured chuckle, “No, likely I would have slugged Nick long before now.”

Heath shot him a grin.

“Heath, boy, these people love you. Even Nick, though he’s too caught up in his own disappointment over his Pa to know it. I’ve seen him, and for all the hard times he gives you, I’ve seen him when his guard is down and he thinks a lot of you.”

Heath ran a hand over his bound ribs. “He has a funny way of showing it.”

Neither man spoke for a while. Duke waited patiently.

“Duke, I’m tired of being mad. Before I came here seems like that’s all I was, mad and lonely. With the Barkley’s I got to see that it could be different. But it’s like the ring on the carousel, always just out of reach. Every time I just about grab it, there’s Nick, yanking it out of reach. I’m tired of going in circles and getting nowhere. Everyone will be better off with me gone.”

Duke hadn’t heard Heath string this many words at once. He took it as a sign of how upset the cowboy was. “No, they’ll just be sad at knowing what they’ve lost.”

“I suppose we all would have been better off if I’d never come in the first place.”

“I don’t think you really believe that Heath. I wish you’d reconsider.”

Chapter 9

Jarrod, Victoria and Audra all stood outside the barn, at a loss for what to say. Nothing had swayed him, not the most impassioned pleas. Heath was leaving.

“It’s been real nice havin’ family for a while. Y’all have taught me a lot and I appreciate it. Good luck to you.”

“Will you write to us?” Audra’s soft voice was immeasurably sad.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sis. No use hanging onto what you can’t have.”

Mounting his beloved pony, he turned, took a deep breath to push down the tremor in his voice and the pain in his heart, and bid them farewell “I’ll never forget you or stop lovin’ you all.” He turned and rode out of the yard before anyone could say anything more.

The trip to town had taken little time. After reporting the deaths to the Sheriff, Bob and Nick had headed to their respective homes. The ride back to the ranch was a solemn one for Nick. The beating seems like a lifetime ago, God, could it be only three days? I wonder what I’ll find when I get home? How can I make this right? How can I even tell him what happened. How do you explain something like that? I just keep seeing their faces, the baby, Jenna’s, her father’s dying eyes. I wonder if he knew what he’d done? To kill your child and her infant over what? Some misplaced honor? The thought that had been tugging at his mind finally surfaced. What makes me think I’m any different? Heath could be dead and for what?

He’d been lost in these thoughts as he crested the rise two miles before the gates to the ranch. Heath appeared before him as though he’d sprung straight from Nick’s musings. A change in Coco’s gait and his brief whinny of greeting brought Nick out of his reverie.

“Heath!”

“Nick.”

The two men stared at each other, both at a loss for what to say. For his part, Heath was angry and sad. It hurt to have so much slip through your fingers. I would have been better off never knowing what I was missin’.

Nick took in the bedroll and packed saddlebags and knew that it was too late. All the accumulated sadness of the last three days descended on him. This last bit was the final straw. Suddenly he was so weary and empty, he wished that he could simply unburden himself to the quiet man.

“You’re leaving.” He received a curt nod in reply.

“Heath, I wish there was something I could say to make you stay.…” He closed his eyes and waited for the ache behind them to pass. “Look, I’m sorry, I… you never deserved…” His word ran out and he simply stared at the younger man for a moment then nudged Coco forward so he could reach out a hand to rest it on the other’s shoulder. “Good Luck, I hope you’ll be happy. I’ll miss you.” He urged Coco forward and left the blond cowboy to watch his progress toward home.

Heath watched Nick sink into himself as though something at his core had suddenly run out. He’d chosen to leave before Nick returned so that he wouldn’t have to witness yet more explosive act of resentment. The last thing he’d been expecting was an encounter on the road, and not with the Nick Barkley that he’s just heard “Goodbye” from. He urged Gal into motion and continued slowly on towards Stockton.

The image of Nick, sad, pressed down by the weight of events hung in his mind. He was no stranger to overwhelming sorrow, he knew it when he saw it. And what about the bandages he’s seen peeking out from under his shirt? What were those about? It went against his grain to walk away from it, especially in someone he cared about.

That realization stopped him.

I care about Nick. God help me, I care about him. I must be nuts. He’s done his best to make my life miserable and I’m dumb enough to care that he’s hurting.

As he rode further he reminded himself of how he’d persevered, given everything he had trying to make this work. And to what end? A beating. Even worse, his integrity questioned. He recounted every slight, every insult, real or imagined. As the list grew he became angrier and angrier. Why should I put up with that, accept it, forgive it? How could I even consider it? How can he even think about asking me too? Then it dawned on him that Nick hadn’t asked him to. For the first time since he’d ridden onto the ranch Nick hadn’t presumed to know what was best or tell him what to do. He didn’t ask me to stay, he doesn’t want me to. All that back there was just an act.

But why would Nick put on an act in the middle of nowhere, with no one to see or hear? He could have just told you to get off the property and good riddance. So who’s asking you to stay Heath Barkley, him or you? Who indeed? But if he wanted me to stay why not ask me to? That makes no sense. Unless, unless he felt he had no right to ask. Could that be it?

But that would mean that he thought he had lost the right to ask. Even if it was something he really wanted…

Heath pulled Gal up short and quietly cursed “Aw Hell!” to no one in particular.

So what are you going to do Heath? Stay or go. If you go it’s forever. What about if you stay? That’s gotta be forever too. Can you handle that? Don’t fool yourself that Nick wanting you there will fix everything. Is what you gain worth it?

Chapter 10

Heath stopped to look at valley spread out before him, the subtle shades and hues of the grass shifting the way light plays across the surface of fine silk velvet. The beauty of this land could seduce a man’s soul.

Nick had gone to the barn. He’d used Coco’s care as an excuse, reluctant to face the family quite yet. Eventually though, he knew he couldn’t stall anymore. Walking across the yard, with midday sun in his eyes, it took him a moment to make out the rider on the ridge. Curiosity got the better of him as he saw the figure in black relief come riding towards the Mansion.

Duke McCall stood in the barn, watching the rider approach and held his breath.

When he was close enough to make out Nick by the stable, Heath’s anger welled up again. He’d put up with so much from the man who was his brother. He couldn’t just let it go, it needed addressing. He rode through the gate at a canter. Riding up to Nick, he was off Gal in one swift movement and in the next he landed a one-two punch that rocked the bigger man and sent him flying across the yard.

It took Nick a minute to shake the fireworks from his head. When he did, he looked up to see Heath, hand outstretched to help him up.

“I deserve a lot more than that.” The smile that lit his face was met by the faintest of lopsided grins.

“You and me have some talking to do, big brother.”

THE END