Forget Me Not

By Gail G.

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cartwright Characters.

Special Thanks: To Sheryl M. for correcting my many errors.

My day started like any other. I threw my tired legs over the side of my bed and stretched. I glanced out the window and noticed the bright rays of sunlight just peeking inside. I closed my eyes and sniffed the pine scented air. That’s when I remembered what today was. I took a deep breath and sighed.

How would I ever survive today? I made the decision not to mention anything to the boys.

There was no reason to spoil their day. I pushed myself to my feet and dressed, so that I could head out to eat some breakfast. Not that I was hungry--the moment I realized what day it was I lost my appetite.

As I opened the bedroom door, the smell of fresh cooked bacon wafted through my room. My stomach grumbled and I decided that perhaps I was hungrier than I thought. I stepped into the main room to find my sons already at the table.

"Mornin’, Pa!" Joe said, in his most chipper voice.

Adam and Hoss followed with ‘good mornings’ after Joe.

"Good morning, boys." I replied, as I took my seat.

I scooped some eggs from the platter in front of me. "Boys, once chores are done today, you may each do what you would like as long as you’re home for chores tonight. I’ll take care of the afternoon duties." I was desperately needing some time to myself.

Joe and Hoss stared at me in disbelief. The way they had their mouths hanging open, you would think I’d never given them a day off in their lives. I took a chance to glance at Adam, he wasn’t quite as shocked, but the way his eyes widened, I knew he was worried.

"Pa? Are you feeling alright?" Adam asked, as he stood from his chair to feel my forehead.

I swatted his hand away. "I’m fine." How many times had I received the same response when I asked my boys that same question?

"The three of you act as if I’ve never given you a day off. If you prefer, I could find some extra chores for you to do."

"NO!" Hoss yelled.

"We were just a little surprised, Pa." Adam said.

"Yeah, Pa. We really don’t mind doin’ what we want." Joe’s eyes sparkled.

"Well, I don’t want anyone in trouble today. Remember that, Joseph."

Joe gave me an angelic look, as if he had never found trouble a day in his life.

I have never seen three boys finish breakfast and chores as fast as those three did today. I’ll need to point out to them how fast they can be the next time they start to move like snails.

After the boys had left the ranch and Hop Sing headed for town. I spent the morning trying to get some small chores finished. I found myself in the barn straightening out the tack and cleaning some shelves in the corner. That’s when I ran across Marie’s keepsake book. Memories flooded my heart and I found myself spiraling downward onto the small bench that sat near the wall.

At first, I wept for a moment. How could I try to pretend that today wasn’t the day? I tried to forget the images of my beloved wife dying in my arms, one year ago today. I felt my head spinning out of control at all the feelings I was having.

I closed my eyes so that I could see Marie more clearly. Why, why did it have to happen? Why my wife, the mother of my children, my lover, my soul? Why did such a tragic thing have to take place at all? I thought I had let go of all the questions months ago, but I suppose I was still wondering why bad things happen to some people. She was my main reason for living and now she has been gone for a year.

I sat in the barn for the longest time, listening to the buzzing of the flies in the horse’s stalls and taking in the smell of the sweet hay. "Oh, Marie, you would have loved it here."

When I spoke, Buck whinnied softly and I looked up and smiled. I again closed my eyes so that I could wallow in my self pity for a bit longer. I was in deep thought when the barn door flew open, completely startling me.

I jumped to my feet to find my three sons standing in the doorway. By the saddened looks on their faces, I was for sure someone was in trouble. I felt my hands flying to my hips and my face became stern.

"Alright, who did what?" I asked, my voice filled with impatience.

Adam stepped farther into the barn so that the light from one of the windows was now hitting his face. Hoss and Joe stepped up behind him.

That’s when I noticed it. I had to look closer to make sure I was seeing things correctly, but it was there. A single tear was sliding down Adam’s cheek. The sobbing behind Adam made me direct my attention to Joseph, who was now trying to catch his breath. Hoss stood sniffling, his eyes downcast on the toe of his boots.

I hurried over to Joe and took him by the shoulders, quickly spinning him around to see if he was hurt.

"What’s wrong? Are you hurt?" I asked, but Joe shook his head. "Then why are you crying? Did one of you do something to your brother?" My eyes shifted to Adam and Hoss.

"Pa. No one did nothin’ to me. I ain’t hurt. . .well not on the outside. But, my heart sure is sad." Joe said, as he pulled closer to me.

"I don’t understand." I replied.

Adam licked his lower lip as he blinked. "We know what day it is, Pa. We remembered when we were on our way to the lake. Ma. . .ma. . .she died a year ago on this very day."

"I know. That’s why I thought I would give you three the day off." I hugged Joe.

"Pa, we all talked ‘bout it and decided that we wanted to spend the day with you." Hoss said, as he made circles in the dirt with the tip of his boot.

"We want to ‘member her together, Pa. Is that alright?" Joe asked, as I lifted him into my arms.

I smiled brightly. It was the first time today that I didn’t feel completely alone. "Of course it’s alright. How about we go inside and fix some lunch and then we’ll all take a ride together? Hop Sing went into town, so I’m afraid we will have to fend for ourselves."

"Can we ride to Ma’s grave?" Hoss spoke in a whisper.

"Yeah, Pa. I don’t want Ma to be by herself today. Can we, huh?" Joe begged.

"I think that’s a fine idea. Come on boys, let’s get some lunch." I said, as I put Joe back on his feet.

Joe scurried ahead of us to the house, as we followed behind. As we stepped inside, we were shocked to see Hop Sing standing in the room.

"What are ya doing here, Hop Sing? We thought ya went ta town." Joe asked, as he bounded through the door.

"I was on my way to town, when I remember what day this is. So, I come back to house and I see no one. I knew you would all be back, so I make picnic lunch. I thought we could go to lake and have lunch with Mrs. Cartwright." Hop Sing held up a basket fill to the rim with goodies.

"That was so kind of you, Hop Sing. Adam, Hoss, go hitch up the wagon. Joseph, go get the blanket that we use for picnics and we will all head for the lake for the day." The trio hurried to do what I had asked, and it wasn’t long before we were sitting by the lake with Marie.

The boys and Hop Sing decided to take a walk along the shore, and I decided to visit my wife. I walked to her tombstone and kneeled. I felt like crying, but thought better of it. Marie would not like to see me so unhappy.

"Marie my love, how I miss you. There is not a day that goes by, that I don’t think about your touch or hear your laughter. When you first left us, I didn’t know if I could live without you, or how I would survive or what reason I had to live at all. The sorrow was so powerful, I thought that it would eat my soul away. I tried to protect our sons from the unhappy memory of your death today, but they remembered on their own. Oh, Marie, how I wish you could see them. You would be so proud. I realized again today why I had the courage to go on. It was for our sons, Marie. I knew you wouldn’t want it any other way. Thank you my love, for always being in my heart. I’ll love you always and forever."

The sound of laughter brought me back to the present. I prayed silently for a moment and rose from the ground. I stood back and watched as Adam and Joe tackled Hoss, causing him to fall onto the ground in a great heap.

I put my hat on my head and headed down to the shore to join my reasons for living. My life, my family, my legacy. My sons.

The End