The Hangin' of the Greens

By Texas2002

Rating: G

It wasn't my fault, Pa.

Adam, he'd been readin' one of them books of his about things folks do for Christmas. And he was tellin' Joe and me about how folks back east hang that stuff all over the house. I mean they don't hang it over the house. Not like on top of it. They hang that stuff inside. Like we did in New Orleans, ya know? On the mantelpiece and makin' wreaths out of it and -

What?

Sure I was talkin' about green'ry. What'd ya think I was talkin' about?

Why weren't ya sure?

Yeah, well see, we started talkin' about how we could hang that stuff over the house. That green'ry. But not over the house you know just -

Oh, sure Pa. Sorry.

So, Adam said that we could ride on out after we did our chores. We figured we'd ride over there in that stand by the east ridge on account of there's all that smaller stuff. You know what, Pa? You know them pinyons? That's the ones Adam and Joe and me cut the green'ry from. Well, I remember Carlos tellin' us how they would gather nuts from those trees. He said they were real good in cookies and they even made candy out of 'em. But I didn't see any nuts there -

Whaddaya mean there were three nuts there?

Aw, Pa. You're teasin', ain't ya, Pa?

Yeah, I figured you were.

The what?

Oh, yeah, the green'ry. Well, we rode on over to the ridge . . . after we'd done our chores . . . and you know how it is there. Kinda rocky and that dirt there wouldn't grow anything so it's lucky that them pines and things like it there. I still can't figure what it was that made Paint pull up lame like that. It was the strangest thing you ever saw, Pa.

Well, yeah, I guess you have seen a buncha strange things bein' old as you are and . . . Maybe I oughta get back to how Paint pulled up lame. Well, when she started limpin' Adam and me knew what was comin'. Joe was gonna want to ride with one of us. We had this long talk about it. Yes, sir, just like we did that time when Paint got away from Joe and he had to ride back with Adam. But see that time wasn't Adam's fault, Pa. If Joe'd just done like we said . . . well if Joe'd just done like we said that time we wouldn't've been standin' there half the day fussin' and we would've been home plenty early to finish that lower corral.

Yeah, I guess we did settle all that back then, didn't we?

All right. Paint pulled up lame and Adam said Joe'd ride with him. But you know how Joe is, he was all worried about Paint even walkin'. So we tied Paint up and . . . I mean we didn't tie Paint up like you tie a prisoner or somethin' we hitched the reins to this stout little tree. And then we rode on up some more and then we were there in that stand where we wanted to be. There's a lot of pinyons up there, Pa. We were lookin' em over and then we were figurin' on how much we might need to put all over the house. You know I mean on the mantels and -

Yes, sir, I figured you did.

Right about then, when we were figurin' how much of that green'ry we needed Adam got that look he gets. That kinda sick one. And I knew right off somethin' big was wrong because Adam don't get that sick look when things are goin' right. I asked him what was wrong. And he looked at me, you know how he'll do that kinda look from the tops of his eyes and he's lookin' like he's wantin' somethin' real bad?

Hopeful? That's what it's called. Hopeful. Hum. So, Adam looked at me hopeful and he asked if I'd thought to bring anything to put that green'ry in. Well, dang it, Pa. The whole thing was Adam's idea. Why was I supposed to be the one that thought to bring somethin' to put that green'ry in? I told Adam that.

Yeah, you're right. He didn't take that very well. And Joe was standin' there rollin' his eyes and givin' off those deep breaths and crossin' his arms. And when Adam and me was leanin' into each other and just about to go at it -

Oh, no, Pa, we wouldn't've had a fight or anything. We were just arguin'.

Yeah, I know how that can happen. But it wasn't gonna happen this time. Adam and me know better than to get into a fight up there where it's rocky and . . . what I mean is, Adam and me know better than to get in a fight.

Joe? He was standin' there all put out with Adam and me. And then he waved his arms up in the air and asked us if we planned to holler all day or if we wanted to hear his plan. Well, Adam and me don't either one trust Joe's ideas. But we didn't have any of our own so we turned and looked at him. Joe just puffed right up and he said we could do what the Indians do. Adam said that he'd never known Indians to go hangin' green stuff inside their tents and what did Joe mean we could do what the Indians do? And Joe said of course Indians didn't hang green stuff because Indians don't have Christmas. And then I said there's some Indians that have Christmas. Like those Indians that've joined churches and things. And Adam and Joe, they both just rolled their eyes at me. They looked at me a bit and then they picked up where they'd left off. So Joe said what the Indians do is they have this thing they rig to their horses. It has a pole on each side and then in-between there's like some fabric or hide or fishing net or something like that. And they tie one end of those poles up near the saddle and then the rest of the thing just kinda trails on to the ground and that way the horse can pull it.

You have? Where'd you hear about 'em?

Well, if that don't beat all! Adam said they're called a trahvoy. Joe said the Indians don't call them that but he couldn't remember what they call 'em. I asked Adam what this trahvoy was and he said it was like a litter. I didn't understand anything about why Adam would be talkin' about kittens and puppies all of a sudden and I told him that. And he said a litter was another word for a trahvoy and I asked him if he meant the Indian word for a bunch of kittens or puppies and he said no that trahvoy wasn't Indian it was French. And then Joe said that Ma'd never said that word and Ma knew all the French words and -

Oh, yeah, Pa, we made us one of 'em. 'Course it took most of the time we'd set aside for cuttin' that green'ry.

No, sir, we didn't have much green'ry when you saw us ridin' up this evenin'. That's because we lost a whole passel of it and dern near lost Adam when he went rollin' off the rocks.

Yeah, that's how come he looked like he'd tangled with a bear. He's real upset about tearin' the back out of his coat, Pa. Real upset. I wouldn't say nothin' to him about it if I was you.

The story? Well, we pulled out our knives and the saws we'd brought along. And we started cuttin' to make that trahvoy. I cut down these two saplings. Adam and Joe worked on gettin' some stuff that we could lay across and between them saplings. So we laid them saplings a coupla feet apart side-by-side, just a bit wider than Chubb. And then we used every dern bit of rope that we had and we got them limbs lashed to them saplings and that trahvoy looked kind of like a squashed cradle, ya know? By then we were needin' a rest so we stretched out there on a coupla flat rocks. You know, even with that snow bein' as deep as it is around there when you get out of the wind and the shade and you lay there on a rock in that bright sun it's real nice, Pa.

How'd you know that?

We didn't fall asleep for long, I promise. But when we woke up we put our backs into cuttin' that green'ry so we could hang it -

Yes, sir. In the house, not on the house. We had the finest bunch of green'ry you ever saw, Pa. We heaped that trahvoy just full of it. And that was when Adam got this puzzled look. You know how he kinda frowns and then he shakes his head and then he puts his hands over his eyes? Well, he did that. I was afraid to ask what was wrong this time so Joe asked. And Adam said how were we going to pull the trahvoy? And I said we weren't, that one of the horses was. And Adam said how were we gonna do that? And I said wasn't he listenin'? We weren't gonna do it, one of the horses would. Then Adam said that what he meant was -

Yes, Pa, that's what Adam said, too. How were we gonna hitch that trahvoy's poles one on each side of the saddle so the horse could pull the thing? Joe said it was simple as molly. We'd just rig a rope from one pole to the other and let the middle of the rope over the saddle seat. I was thinkin' how it wouldn't be real comfortable sittin' on a saddle with a rope strung under you but I didn't get to say anything because that's when Adam asked just what rope Joe thought we were gonna use. I thought for sure that Adam had Joe then. But you know Joe. His face lit right up and he said there was the rope on Paint's saddle. And I asked Joe if he'd forgotten that Paint was tied up back down there not far from the clearin'? And Joe said that was no problem that he'd just take Beauty on down there and get the rope and be right back. Adam wasn't havin' any of that, I can tell ya for sure. Adam said he'd ride Beauty down there and get the rope and for Joe and me to stay right where we were until he got back. And Joe and me were gonna do that. We were gonna stay right where we were until Adam got back. But Adam was takin' a long time, Pa. I'm tellin' you it was a long time. So Joe and me got worried that maybe Adam'd had some kind of trouble or -

Yes, sir, he was wearin' that pistol.

Well, sure he had his rifle, Pa.

Yes, Pa, I know how you can hear a gunshot clear to heaven up there and how that can be a sign that somethin's wrong. But what if Adam'd fallen off Beauty or somethin' and -

Yeah, I guess it has been a while since any horse threw Adam.

Yes, Pa, we figured Adam might have been in some kind of trouble so we each picked up an end of one of those poles on that trahvoy and we meant to pull it on down and meet Adam on his way back up. We walked right along where Beauty had walked in the snow. Joe got worn out pretty fast. You know he's so little he was havin' to lift his legs real high up to walk in that snow. So I stepped there between the poles and I grabbed on to one with each hand and I started pullin'.

Naw, it wasn't hard at all. That trahvoy was slidin' on that snow. Well, it was slidin' in that snow and it was leavin' a pretty good trough behind us.

Oh, yes, sir, Pa. Chubb was there with us. And I told Joe to go on and get on Chubb because there wasn't any sense in him walkin' when he could ride. And that was when Joe got his idea.

Well, sure I listened to him, Pa. It was a real good idea.

Pa, is your head hurtin' or somethin'? Why're you rubbin' at your neck like that?

Joe's idea? He figured I could ride Chubb. And Joe'd ride there behind the saddle and he'd ride facin' Chubb's tail. And he could hold onto those poles of that trahvoy and we'd be down that slope meetin' Adam in no time.

Yes, Pa, Joe's arms did get tired. Real fast. So we swapped. He sat in the saddle and held Chubb's reins and I sat backwards there behind the saddle and held the poles.

Yeah, Pa, it is a real good way to fall off a horse. A real good way. That's why I look all skinned up like I do.

No, I didn't fall in the snow. Well, I feel in the snow but it was when we were under the trees and it wasn't real deep on top of them rocks and that's where I fell. Not on a tree. On them rocks.

No, sir, it didn't do that trahvoy much good, either.

Hey, Pa? I need to get me somethin' to drink.

Well, sure, I'd be glad to get ya somethin' too. What would ya like?

Aw, Pa. You're kiddin', right? Ya ain't?

Oh, yeah, sure Pa. But Pa? How do I make coffee extra strong?

*

Hey, Pa!

Hop Sing gave me some of that rice powder and I put it on me and that itchin' is all stopped. Most of it anyways. Hop Sing says he thinks that green stuff that we cut made me itch.

That green stuff that we started hanging and then, well, then that fire happened. But it wasn't my fault, Pa.

Do I hafta?

Why can't Hoss tell ya?

Oh. . . How much did he tell ya?

Oh. . . Did you know Hoss fell off of Chubb's bu- backside. Hoss sounded really funny when he hit the snow and rocks. He sort of went "pufffttt."

Sort of 'pufffttt.'

Are you all right, Pa? Do you need something to drink? Hoss is? Sure hope he doesn't make a mess of that coffee like he did that travowse. Did he tell ya how we built that and -

Oh. . . Well, when Hoss got up and dusted the snow off of him, after he fell off Chubb, we laid the travowse down flat and we worked on it a while and then it was all right. And Hoss said he'd pull it and for me to ride Chubb. But we still couldn't see Adam and we couldn't hear Adam and we couldn't smell Adam.

'Course we could smell him! The whole world could smell Adam after he fell where the horses had been standing.

I can't help it, Pa. It was really funny when Adam went plop down in that stuff and he got up and he threw that stuff off of his pants and some of it was still steaming 'cause the air was cold. It was funny but Hoss and me didn't say anything until after Adam rode off. Then we said a bunch.

Nah. Adam wasn't hurt. But the whole would could sm-

Yes, Pa. We put those pinyo limbs back on that travowse. What?

Pinyo. You know, those shrub trees. There's a whole bunch of them on the east ridge and that's why we went there. Do you know Paint went lame?

No, Pa, it's not a song. I was asking you if you know Paint went lame?

Pa, that isn't funny.

I don't know. She was doing fine and then just like that she started limping.

No.

No.

Nope, not that either. Hoss couldn't find anything wrong so we left her in the clearing.

He did?

Yeah, well, we were going down to meet Adam because he had to go down to Paint well he took Beauty and he rode down to Paint because we needed the rope to tie that travowse so the horse could pull it instead of us pulling it. That's why we needed the rope. And the rope was on Paint and -

You do? Oh.

Almost all the way back. I mean back to the clearing, not back here. We saw where Beauty's tracks went off the wrong way before we got to the clearing where Paint was and that was because Adam lost his way.

He lost his way.

Honest. Hoss and me were wondering if we oughta go on down to Paint and wait for Adam there or if we ought to trail after Adam and tell him he was headed the wrong way.

Yeah, that's what we figured. We didn't either one wanna be the one to tell Adam he was headed the wrong way. We figured we'd go on down to Paint. We knew Adam'd find his way back to Paint. 'Ventu'lly."

'Ventu'lly. It means sort of like finally.

Adam. He taught it to me when I asked him if we would ever be finished building corrals. He said he thought we would 'ventu'lly.

Yeah, we found Paint right where we left her. She couldn't go anywhere because we -

Yeah, we tied her up. So Hoss and me figured there wasn't no reason -

Wasn't any reason why we couldn't take that rope I had on Paint's saddle and tie those two poles together up at their tops. You know you don't want to tie them close together. You need to leave room so you can fit the horse in-between the poles and drop the rope over the saddle and then there'll be a pole on one side of the horse and then a pole on the other side of the horse. And you have to make that rope short enough so the poles will be kind of high up by the horse but drag on the ground and you have to tie the knots real good so one of those poles won't come loose and spook the horse.

Yep. I remembered 'em from that knot book. You 'member that book?

Yeah, I thought you did. We got that travowse all tied up and ready for Chubb to pull it and then I untied Paint and Hoss said he figured maybe we should go ahead and start on down because that travowse was making this trail in the snow and even a blind man could follow it so we were pretty sure that when Adam saw it he'd know which way to go because all he'd have to do was follow our trail.

He did, Pa. But he was taking forever and anyhow . . . we wanted to get home to do chores.

Pa? Did you drop something?

Well, it's just that you sure looked down fast.

To the creek. There wasn't any snow on the other side of the creek so we figured we'd stay there until Adam caught up 'cause there wouldn't be any snow for him to follow our trail on the other side of the creek on our way home.

Yeah, I know Adam's a good tracker but Pa he's good with directions too and he wasn't doing very good with directions today so we weren't sure he'd do good with tracking, ya know?

By the creek.

Um hum. He found us. 'Ventu'lly.

I don't know. It was a long time, Pa. Prob'ly three hours.

Well, then, maybe two.

It was longer than that, Pa.

I guess. Maybe. But it felt real long 'cause we were real worried about Adam and we wanted to get home and do -

Yeah . . . chores.

You know what, Pa? You know what I don't understand? All we did was go down and get Paint and then fix the travowse and then we got the travowse down to the creek and then we just sat there waiting on Adam. So why was he so mad when he finally showed up?

But Pa, if we'd waited up there like he said we'd still be up there. And we would have missed doing our -

Yeah . . . chores.

Yes, Pa. He washed off at the creek.

I know. But Adam said he didn't care how cold the water was he wanted to get the smell of that horse stuff off of his pants. Golly, Pa, that water must have been really cold, don't you think? There was ice on the sides of the creek and I bet that water was eighty degrees. Not a real bet just a -

Well, what is cold?

Golly. I didn't know degrees got that little.

You did? Way back when you were a boy? Did you go cut stuff to hang around in the house?

Did you ever fall where the horses were and then wash off in a creek?

Oh.

What?

We left. Um hum. Adam looked real cold but he had his chin sticking out and that place on his forehead was thumping.

That place. Like yours. See? It's right here. And when you get . . . well . . . when you're not happy that place thumps. Um hum. Adam has the same thing. But his place on his forehead starts thumping way before yours.

We crossed the creek.

Yes, Pa, it was. It was real cold. And then we crossed the high meadow. And then we started down that last ridge, the low one. Adam and Hoss call it the low one but I don't think there's any low to it. It's high enough for me. If it's gonna be low then it shouldn't be a ridge or even a hill. If it's gonna be low it ought to just be low. Like a valley. Isn't that what you think, Pa?

The rest of the story? There's nothing to tell, Pa. We went down that ridge, you know the one that Adam and Hoss call the low ridge, and then we were there by the west pasture and we were almost home.

What?

Oh. I forgot about that. But that was his own dumb fault, Pa. Hoss told him there wasn't a shortcut there. And I told him there wasn't a shortcut there. But Adam said there was. And I told him there wasn't. And he said there was. And I told him -

Adam. Adam always wins. It's not fair.

No, Pa, we didn't take the shortcut because there wasn't any shortcut.

Oh. Yeah, we went where Adam said we were gonna go.

Where did he fall? On his back.

Oh. Uh . . . you know all those rocks by the north pasture?

I did. We did come off the ridge at the west pasture. But then we had to do what Adam said 'cause he's the oldest and he'll always be my older brother. You know, Pa, Adam's older but he isn't always smarter.

Pa? Are you choking on that coffee?

You sure?

All right. Adam 'ventu'lly figured out there wasn't no . . . any shortcut. We told him there wasn't but Adam wouldn't listen 'cause he never listens he wouldn't even listen the time that I told him . . . what?

Oh, it was nothing Pa. He hardly got hurt.

Yeah but it was an old coat, Pa. That's why it ripped all to molly when he fell.

He was looking.

Looking for that shortcut that Hoss and me told him wasn't there.

Oh! No, he was walking and Beauty was staying back with us. Beauty had more sense than -

I'm not sure, Pa. You know what those rocks by the north pasture are like. Adam started climbing on them to see how to get down to the north pasture. And then he got all mad and yelled that it was the north pasture down there and Hoss said we knew it was the north pasture and Adam yelled that it couldn't be the north pasture because the shortcut doesn't go to the north pasture and Hoss and me yelled at him that there wasn't any shortcut and -

It was his own dumb fault, Pa. He was looking at us and walking backwards on the rocks and waving his arms in the air and he took one step and there wasn't any rock to step on and he went down backwards and his behind went over his head and Hoss and me were laughing like -

We knew he wasn't hurt because he was yelling, Pa. Loud, too.

Aw, that was easy. Hoss and me just turned around and rode the horses on down to the south of the rocks and met up with Adam in the north pasture.

Um hum. Paint was just fine. When we got back to her where we'd left her tied up . . . well when we got back there and I untied her and we started out for the creek she was walking just fine and she didn't limp a bit. You don't think she's smart enough to pretend, do you?

Oh, well, see . . . well . . . I'm not sure, Pa. I think when he started falling his boot toes hooked under that travowse and that's what flipped it sideways because that'd spook Chubb the way he got spooked and then Chubb kinda kicked and bucked the way Paint used to you remember when Paint threw Hoss that time and bit him on the -

Yeah, well that's the way Chubb was and so a bunch of that green stuff went every which way and it went all over the place and so we got what we could but a bunch of it just fell apart.

Naw. We picked it up before we went for Adam. We knew he was okay because he was -

Yeah, yelling.

Um hum. We took Beauty down to Adam and then we rode in from the north pasture and that's why we were late and we couldn't do our -

Yeah . . . chores.

Pa, that fire wasn't my fault. Adam doesn't know anything because he didn't see it.

He did?

Oh.

*

Hi, Pa.

Thanks, Hoss.

Glory! Who made this coffee?

They'll be okay for work. They just have a few holes near the cuffs.

No, I don't think I'll tuck them into my boots, Joe. I think I'll have to buy a new pair of pants when I buy a new coat.

You know how those two are, Pa. I turned my back for one minute, maybe two.

I told them, Pa.

No you did not, Joe. If you had listened then the fire never would have happened.

Yes, if they'll let me.

What did they tell you?

They did?

They did.

It's a long story, Pa.

All right. Hoss and Joe and I decided to decorate the house. We wanted to surprise you.

Yes, Pa, I know we did. We didn't intend for it to be that kind of surprise. We brought the greenery in the back door. We planned to hang it on the mantels and then make a wreath for the dining room window. We lost some of the greenery on the way home -

They did?

They did.

Did they happen to tell you that they didn't stay where I asked them to when I had to ride down to get the rope off Paint's saddle?

I did not get lost, Joe. I saw cougar tracks leading toward the creek.

The south creek, Hoss.

If you had stayed where I asked you to -

Yes, Pa, we brought the greenery into the house and we were trying to be quiet so you wouldn't hear anything while you were out front.

Hop Sing? He was in the kitchen. We brought the greenery in through the back door. And we put it on the table. We had the twine and the scissors. I tied the sections of greenery together so we would have a garland for each mantel. Hoss and Joe were working on a wreath.

On the floor.

No, that wasn't when the fire started. I tied together enough greenery for both garlands. I carried one garland in here.

No, Pa, that wasn't when the fire started, either. Hoss and Joe said that they wanted to put the other garland on the other mantel.

I am, Pa. I had my back to them. I was draping the garland on this mantel. I told them to wait because I needed to show them how to hang the garland -

So it wouldn't start a fire. I had my back to them for a minute, maybe two. And then Joe shouted. I looked over my shoulder.

Yes, Pa, that was when the fire started.

It started when the garland caught fire.

No, that was the fire in the dining room, Pa.

After the fire in the dining room.

When the garland caught fire.

Well, first it was the garland in the dining room. And then it was the garland in here.

The one in there or the one in here?

The first one was the one in there.

Hoss was putting the garland on the mantel and Joe was holding the other end. But I made the garland long enough to start on one side and then go up about two feet on the wall, centered on the fireplace, and then drape down on the other side of the mantel. Hoss thought we were just going to lay the greenery on top of the mantel.

I know that's how most people do it, Pa. But there was an illustration in the Alta California and -

That was the problem, he didn't know it was too long. And if they had waited like I asked them to -

They have never waited like I ask them to, Pa. Even today I asked them to wait on the high ridge where we had cut the pinon but they didn't. They went down the ridge, all the way to the west creek.

I was not gone forever, Joe. It couldn't have been fifteen minutes.

All right. It was thirty. But no more than that. Do you have any idea what I thought when I tracked that cougar back to where Paint had been and Paint was gone?

I know there wasn't any blood. That's not the point, Joe. Paint was gone. And then I rode back to the high ridge and you weren't there -

Do you happen to remember how strongly the wind was blowing by then? Do you happen to remember how snow blows in the wind? Do you happen to understand how blowing snow can cover tracks?

Of course it can cover them that fast! The wind up on that ridge was strong enough to bend the saplings, Hoss!

Of course you didn't know the wind was that bad up there. That's because you weren't up there!

I am not shouting!

Pa, absolutely none of this would have ever happened if those two would for once in their lives listen.

Which fire? The one in the dining room or the one in here?

That was Hoss and Joe's fault.

Joe let the end that he was holding get too close to the logs and it caught fire. Joe yelled and I turned. Hoss looked down and when he saw the end of the greenery on fire he yelled at Joe to let go of it. And Joe did. He dropped it on the top of Hop Sing's worktable. On top of a small bottle of oil.

Yes, Pa, that was the first thing that sounded like an explosion. The oil heated in the bottle and there was no room to expand and -

Oh, no, it was the other end that started that fire. You mean the one in the dining room, don't you?

There were three. Two fires in the dining room and one in here.

You thought there were more? I can understand that. There was a lot of smoke when you opened the door.

Yes, Pa. When the bottle broke the oil dripped off the table and of course the oil was burning. I yelled at Joe to get something to put out the fire. He grabbed the coffee pot off the warmer.

He does now, Pa. I tore one of the cowhides off the wall and beat the fire and put it out.

That was the first one, Pa.

Well, that's part of the reason why it smelled like burning cowhide when you opened the door. I had that fire out but the other end was burning -

The other end of the garland, Pa. The cowhide wasn't on fire. Yet.

I handed the cowhide to Joe and told him to beat out the rest of the fire on that end. Of the garland. Hoss was having trouble with the other end. Of the garland.

He dropped it when he first saw that Joe's end was on fire.

No, Pa, Joe's end of the garland. When the end of the garland that Joe was holding caught fire, Hoss told Joe to drop it. And Joe dropped it on the worktable. And that's where the oil was. And the oil caught fire. And I beat out the oil fire with the cowhide. I gave the cowhide to Joe and told him to beat out his end with the cowhide because it was still burning.

His end of the garland was still burning. The cowhide wasn't burning. Yet. When Hoss told Joe to drop his end of the garland, Hoss dropped his, too.

Yes, Pa, it did. But it was on the hearth so there wasn't any danger of the floor catching on fire. The danger was the chimney.

Because the garland was burning and the flames were so high.

That's what I told him to do. Hoss jabbed the garland into the fire and I was afraid the flames would go out the top of the chimney. I yelled at Hoss that we needed to put the fire out. I grabbed the cowhide from Joe and I started beating at the fire.

I do now, yes. That fire was so hot that the hide curled. The smell was bad, too.

The stew? That ended up in the fireplace because when Hoss saw the edges of the hide curling he grabbed the stew pot and threw the stew onto the fire.

Yes, Pa, that's another reason the house smelled so badly.

The window? That happened when Hop Sing came out of the kitchen. He shouted that there was fire and Hoss whirled around to look at Hop Sing. I guess he forgot how much lighter that stew pot would be when it was empty because it flew out of his hand and hit the window.

Broke the window.

No, Hop Sing was talking about the other fire. The fire in here.

It was all right. We had it out by then, between the cowhide and the stew.

Well, that part was an accident.

I don't mean that Hoss and Joe meant to start that fire, Pa. I just mean that the fire over here was a complete accident.

I only had half the garland hung when Joe yelled at Hoss. When I saw what was happening -

Yes, I dropped the other end of the garland.

Yes, it fell in front of the fireplace. But it fell on the hearth so there really wasn't any danger of -

Yes, it caught fire. And I realized the garland was burning like a fuse from the bottom toward the top. And the burning part was about half a foot below the small kindling box on the mantel. I didn't think the kindling could possibly catch that quickly but I didn't want to find out.

Well, that was an accident, too, Pa. I pulled down the garland that was on the wall. When I did that the other end fell and it hit the end that was already on fire.

Of course I dropped it. But when I did that my hands hit the kindling box and knocked it off the mantel. The kindling fell everywhere and I found out that it lights very quickly when it tangles in a burning garland.

I kicked at it.

I was trying to get it into the fireplace.

Yes, that his how I burned all the holes in my pant legs.

Those flames were unbelievable, Pa. They were even taller than the ones from Hoss and Joe's fire. I pulled the blanket off the settee and -

Yes, that's another reason the house smelled so badly. If I'd had time to soak the blanket it probably wouldn't have caught fire that way.

Hop Sing.

Yes, Pa. He told Hoss to get the flour bin out of the kitchen. He said if we threw the flour on the fire then it would smother the flames. Hoss ran in here and threw all the flour at once.

Yes, that was the large explosion. I think what happened was that the flour dust -

Yes, Pa, that's why Hoss and Joe and I had flour all over us.

We did. We apologized about the stew and the flour and we apologized for causing havoc in the house.

Yes, Pa.

Yes.

Good night, Pa.

See? What did I tell you? I knew if we talked long enough then eventually Pa would give up and go to bed.

Joe, be quiet.

Now here's what we'll do. We'll use that extra greenery and we'll make the garland and the wreath out in the barn. We won't bring them in here until we've finished them. We'll hang the garlands over the fireplaces and we'll hang the wreath over the wood that we nailed over the broken window.

See this illustration in the newspaper? We can put candles along the length of the mantelpiece -

Of course it's safe, Hoss. They wouldn't print an idea that wasn't safe.

All right.

Ready?

Be quiet now.

*** The end ***