Little Joe's First Year Without His Ma

By Tennessee

January on the Ponderosa, they all tried their best not to think about their ma. But Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe thought about here a lot. And they talked about her all the time. They knew it was bad on Pa, too. But he never talked about it. When the boys started to talk about their ms, he would leave.

One January night when the boys were in bed, Little Joe said, "I miss Ma more and more every day. The way she smiled all the time. The way she cared about all of us. She always had time for me. I know Ma will always be in our hearts. She loves all of us." Little Joe started to cry, and Adam and Hoss sat on his bed.

Adam said, "I know this is hard on you, Little Joe. This is hard on all of us."

Hoss smiled and said, "We miss her too, little brother."

Adam said, "I know she was not my read ma. But I will always think of her as my ma."

Hoss said, "She was the only ma I ever knew."

And Little Joe said, "I miss her smile and the way she made people smile. Pa will not talk about Ma. Why?"

Adam said, "It's hard on him, too, Little Joe. Give Pa time. You can always talk to me and Hoss. We love to talk about Ma. It helps all of us."

They said good night to each other, went to bed, and fell asleep. That night Little Joe had a dream about his ma. Ma said, "Son, I know you miss me. But I will always be in your heart. Your pa and brothers love you very much, and I love you, son." And then Little Joe woke up and thought about what Ma had said in the dream. He went back to sleep.

The next day he went to his ma's grave and sat there a long time. As weeks passed, Little Joe went to his ma's grave every day. At the beginning of February it was real cold outside. They had a lot of work to do on the ranch. While he was working Little Joe was always thinking about his ma. Tess came to the Ponderosa, and she could tell something was wrong with Little Joe.

Tess said, "Are you ok, Little Joe?" He turned to her with tears in his eyes and Tess asked him if he wanted to go for a ride. Little Joe agreed and they got on their horses.

As they rode off, Little Joe said, "Sorry about crying back there. I miss my ma so much."

Tess smiled and said, "Do you want to talk about her?"

He said, "Yes. I miss how Ma always had time for me. I go to her grave a lot. And just sit there."

Hoss rode up about that time. He could see Little Joe had been crying and Hoss asked Joe if he was ok. Little Joe started to cry again and Hoss said, "I know how you feel, little brother."

Hoss gave Tess a box of Valentine's candy and Little Joe said, "I always made ma a Valentine card." He went home and made a card and went to his ma's grave. When he got to her grave, he read the card: "Happy Valentine's Day. I love you, Ma. Why did you leave me? Ma, you will always be in my heart, too. I miss you, Ma. Love, Little Joe."

The weeks went by and Little Joe was sad a lot. March was warmer and the grass turned green. Ben and the boys went to the Greene ranch for dinner. Everyone talked a lot, except Little Joe. Ben asked him if he was ok and Little Joe said, "I'm ok, Pa."

Every day it got a little warmer. They had a lot of work to do on the Ponderosa. Adam had to go sell some horses. Hoss and Little Joe went with him. When they sold the horses and were on their way home Little Joe said, "Can we stop at Ma's grave?"

Adam said, "We need to get home." But when he looked at Little Joe's face he said, "Ok. We can stop at ma's grave."

Little Joe sat beside her grave and started crying. Tears rolled down his face. When Adam and Hoss saw Little Joe crying, tears came to their eyes, too. Little Joe got back on his horse and they went home.

With all the work, the weeks passed quickly. It was the first of April when Adam told Ben, "Pa, you need to talk to Little Joe. He goes to Ma's grave every day and sits by her grave. He doesn't eat or sleep much. Pa, don't you want to talk to him about Ma?"

Hoss said, "Adam's right, Pa. Little Joe needs you right now."

Ben asked, "Where is Little Joe now?"

"At Ma's grave, Pa."

Ben got on his horse and went to her grave. Little Joe was there when Ben rode up. Ben got off his horse, went up to her grave, and put some wildflowers on her grave. When Ben looked at Little Joe he had tears in his eyes. Little Joe was crying, too. Ben ran to his son and put his arms around him.

Little Joe said, "Pa, I miss Ma real bad."

Ben said, "I know you do, son. I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you. You need me. I miss your ma too, son. So do Adam and Hoss. Little Joe, you are coming to your ma's grave every day, and that's not good for you, son."

Little Joe said, "I love you, Pa."

Ben replied, "I love you too, son."

Little Joe and Ben went home. And Little Joe had a smile on his face. Ben said, "You know, next week is Easter, and I thought we would have a dinner party. What do you boys think about that?"

All the boys looked at one another. And then Adam said, "Pa, we would like just for the family to have dinner together on Easter. Maybe go to the lake after dinner. Will that be okay?"

Ben smiled at all of his sons and said, "If that is what all of you want."

"Yes, Pa," they all answered.

After Easter dinner they went to the lake. Little Joe said, "Can we go visit Ma's grave on the way home, please Pa?" On their way home they stopped by her grave. Ben asked the boys if they'd had a good time that day and they all said they had. Little Joe said, "Thank you, Pa, for letting us stop by Ma's grave." He smiled at his pa.

On the last day of April they all went for a long ride. The next day was the first of May. Ben knew May would be hard on all of them because May included Mother's Day. They worked from daylight to dark every day on the Ponderosa. As the weeks passed Ben could tell Little Joe was thinking about his ma and Mother's Day. Adam and Hoss were thinking about her, too. So was Ben. Finally, one night, he said, "Sons, I know you are thinking about your ma and Mother's Day. Come here, Little Joe." Ben put his arms around his youngest son. "Mother's Day will be hard on all of us. What would you all like to do on Mother's Day?"

Little Joe said, "Go put wildflowers on ma's grave. All of us together."

Ben, Adam, and Hoss smiled. On Mother's Day they rode together to Ma's grave and all of them put wildflowers on her grave. Little Joe started to cry and ran to his pa. For a few days after Mother's Day all of them were sad. But they eventually were happy again.

The first of June it was really hot. Ben and the boys went to the lake after all their work was done on the ranch. Little Joe said, "Pa, ma would have loved it on the Ponderosa."

Ben said, "Yes, son, Ma would have loved it on the Ponderosa." He smiled at Little Joe.

On the way home Little Joe talked a lot about his ma and how she loved to read to all of them every night when she was alive. And the way she loved them a lot. Adam remembered that she was sweet and kind to everyone. Hoss said she never got mad, or at least if she did, she didn't show it. He remembered that Ma always had a smile on her face. "When I was upset, she would always make me feel better."

Ben said, "Your ma was one of a kind."

As the weeks went by they talked about Ma more and more. Pa was even talking about her now. By the end of June, Little Joe was not going to Ma's grave as much.

The first day of July it rained all day. They did their work and stayed inside the rest of the day. The next day the sun was out and it was so pretty on the Ponderosa. After all the work was done Pa said, "Sons, I have to go to town for a meeting today. Why don't you boys have a fun day? Go for a ride. Go to the lake and have fun."

The boys looked at their Pa and Ben smiled at them. They all ran to get their horses.

Hop Sing stopped them. "Here is dinner for you."

They rode off and Hop Sing went back into the house. Ben went to town for the meeting but all he could think of was the boys. He hoped they were having a good day.

Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe went on a long ride and had a horse race. Adam and Hoss let Little Joe win. After that they went to the lake and ate dinner. Little Joe said, "I still miss Ma but it's getting better now. I still cry and get said, but as each day passes I just try to think of good things about Ma."

Adam and Hoss said they did too. Adam said, "That's the way it goes, Little Joe. Time heals the pain."

On the way home Adam said, "We had a great day out today."

Hoss and Little Joe replied, "We sure did, Adam."

When they got home they told their pa what a great day they'd had.

The days and nights got warmer. By the last day of July they had worked for weeks without a day off. So one day Pa said, "We are going to take a day off today. After we take care of the horses and cattle, we will go to the lake and have some fun." That was the last day of July.

The first day of August Little Joe went to his Ma's grave. "Sorry I have not been here in a few weeks, Ma. We have a lot of work to do on the Ponderosa."

When Little Joe got home Ben asked, "Where have you been, son?"

"I went to Ma's grave, Pa."

Ben just smiled at Little Joe. They all ate dinner. They had a hard time sleeping that night, it was so hot. Little Joe went outside and looked at the stars. Ben went outside to get some air and saw Little Joe. "What are you doing up? It's late, son."

Little Joe said, "I couldn't sleep, Pa. It's too hot." They both went back to bed.

They worked a lot the next day with the horses and the cattle. Little Joe loved to spend time with the horses. He loved all the horses. As the weeks passed Little Joe did not go to his ma's grave much at all. But he thought about his ma every day.

The last day of August Little Joe asked Pa, "I haven't been to Ma's grave in weeks. Does that mean I will forget Ma?"

Ben smiled and said, "No, son, you will never forget Ma."

The first of September was warm but not as hot as August. Little Joe thought about his ma a lot. She had always loved this time of year. It was her favorite time of the year. He went to her grave and said, "Ma, I think about you a lot. This time of year was always your favorite. I miss you, Ma, and I love you."

On the way home Little Joe thought about his ma. When he got home he went to the barn to see the horses. He started crying. "I will never forget you, Ma. Never!"

Hoss came into the barn and saw Little Joe crying and ran to the house to get Pa.

Adam and Ben were talking when Hoss came in and said, "Pa, Little Joe is crying in the barn. I think he is crying about Ma."

Ben ran to the barn. He put his arms around Little Joe. Ben said, "Son, some days are harder than others. But in time when you think about your ma, you will only think of the good things about your ma, son."

Ben took Little Joe into the house and put him to bed. As days passed Little Joe thought about his ma a lot and went to her grave sometimes. They had more and more work to do on the ranch. But they all had a good time doing it.

It was colder at the end of September. On the first day of October they wore coats outside. The grass was turning brown and leaves covered the ground. They had to get ready for winter. They needed a lot of wood to keep them warm. And they had to feed the horses and cattle because there was no more grass for them. The days were shorter so they had to get up early to get all their work done before day.

Little Joe had not been to his ma's grave in two weeks. But he thought about her a lot. The last day of October was so cold that Ben, Adam and Hoss did all the work and let Little Joe sleep. Little Joe had a dream about his ma. She was looking at him with a smile on her face. She said, "Hi, my son. I want you to be happy. When you think of me, think of the good times we had together. I will always be in your heart. Don't worry, son, you will never forget me. Get on with your life. You've got to move on, son. I love you. Goodbye, my son." And she smiled.

Little Joe woke up with a smile on his face and thought to himself, "I love you, Ma."

When they got up on the first day of November it was snowing. The Ponderosa was pretty and white. It was very cold outside.

Hoss and Little Joe took care of the horses, and Ben and Adam took care of the cattle. When all the work was done they stayed inside and sat by the fire. Sometimes they would just sit and talk. Sometimes Adam would read to all of them. It got dark real early, and when it got dark, they all went to bed.

That night it snowed all night. They next day it was so cold that Hoss told Pa he would take care of the horses alone so Little Joe wouldn't have to go out in the cold.

Little Joe said, "I can do it, Pa. It's not too cold for me."

Ben said, "Hoss is right, Little Joe. It is so cold outside, you stay in and help Hop Sing today."

Little Joe said, "Ok, Pa" and his pa and brothers went outside to do their work.

They were outside a long time. Little Joe said, "Hop Sing, it snowed in January a lot too but I went outside then." About that time Ben and Joe's brothers came in the door.

As the weeks passed it snowed about three times per week. Ben told the boys they would have a big Thanksgiving dinner. They all smiled. That week passed fast. When dinner was ready and they were at the table, Ben said, "I think we should go around the table and everyone can tell what they're thankful for. I'm thankful for my three sons."

Adam said, "I'm thankful for Pa and my brothers."

Hoss said, "I'm thankful for all that too, Adam. I'm also thankful for Hop Sing and all his good cooking."

Little Joe said, "I'm thankful for the Ponderosa and all of you."

Hop Sing said, "I'm thankful for all of you, too."

And then they all ate Thanksgiving dinner. The next day it snowed again. They did their work and then played in the snow. The last day of November it was snowy and cold. The first day of December it snowed more. It was too cold to be outside much. Ben went to town for flour and sugar. Adam and Hoss did the work outside. Little Joe had a bad cold so he went back to bed to get some rest. When Ben came home from town he said, "Thank you, Adam and Hoss, for doing all the work outside."

Adam and Hoss were by the fire talking to each other. Ben asked, "Is Little Joe still in bed?" They told him Joe was.

Ben went to see Little Joe. He was asleep so Ben sat with him. When dinner was ready Ben went to eat. After dinner they all went to bed. Ben went in to see how Little Joe was before he went to bed. Little Joe was still asleep and Ben went to bed.

Little Joe was in bed for three days and then his cold was gone. As the weeks passed everyone worked a lot on the ranch. It was almost Christmastime. They were all thinking about gifts for each other. Ben got Adam paper and a pen. He got Hoss a book, and he got Little Joe a puppy. Ben gave Hop Sing money to buy what he wanted. Adam wrote a story for everyone. Hoss made them all a horse out of wood. Little Joe made all of them a card. Hop Sing made each of them a cake. The day before Christmas they put up their Christmas tree. And everyone put their gifts under it. Little Joe woke up Adam and Hoss, saying, "Get up. It's Christmas Day!"

Ben was coming in from outside. He said, "Merry Christmas, sons."

And they all said, "Merry Christmas, Pa."

Little Joe asked, "Where have you been, Pa?"

Ben looked at this sons and told them he'd done all the outside work. Hoss said, "Pa, you should have woke us up and we would have helped with the work.

Ben said, "It is part of my Christmas gift to give you all a day off."

Hop Sing cooked Christmas dinner. They all gave their gifts out. Everyone loved their Christmas gifts. They all had a great time. Little Joe said, "Pa, I wish Ma was here. But she is always with us. I had a dream about Ma. She told me to be happy and to get on with my life. And that she would always be in my heart. And that she loved me. And she told me goodbye, Pa."

Adam and Hoss looked funny. Adam said, "Pa, I had the same dream."

Hoss said, "So did I, Pa. I did not want to upset anyone so I kept it to myself."

Adam said, "Same here, Pa."

Ben said, "I had a dream about your ma too one night. She told me to take care of our sons and that she would always love me. She said 'Goodbye, my love.' " They all talked about their dreams. All of them had their dreams on the same night.

Hop Sing said, "Your ma gave all you great gift. She gave you a gift of her love and she wants all of you to go on with your lives without her. That's why she said goodbye and she loves you. So all of you can move on and be happy."

Ben said, "Boys, Hop Sing is right. We need to move on without your ma. That was what she was saying when she said goodbye. Just because we are happy and moving on does not mean we will forget your ma. She will be with us in our hearts."

And the boys smiled and said, "You're right, Pa."

The last week of December Little Joe was happy and when he thought about his ma, the thought about the happy times they had together and he was not sad then. The last day of December it snowed. Little Joe said, "Pa, I still miss Ma. But I know she wants all of us to move on without her. So when I miss her I think of all the good times we had and I don't feel sad then."

Ben said, "Little Joe, your ma always be with all of us, son."

Little Joe said, "That's for sure, Pa."

"The first year without your ma was hard. And we will always miss her. But it's time for all of us to move on now, son."

Little Joe said, "Sure, Pa. This will be the start of a new year for all of us!!!"

The End.