Mischief and More

By Texas2002

This story was written in response to a challenge from Marion (Snuffybear)

All references to other "Tales of the Ponderosa" folks are purely intentional.

I figured by the time I was all grown up like I am now, being eleven and all, that I’d be spending less time in trouble with Pa. I mean, I don’t spend a lotta time in trouble with Pa. That just plain wouldn’t be smart cause a fella has to be able to sit a saddle and do his chores or then he gets into even more trouble with Pa. And ya see? That’s how it is. I get in a little bit of trouble and then that makes me get into more trouble and, well, sometimes I just don’t see no end to it.

I told Adam that, how sometimes I don’t see no end to it. He just gave me one of those grins of his and raised his eyebrow and said, "Oh, there’s an end to it all right – your end."

He seemed to think that was funny – ‘course it ain’t his end so I guess he can laugh all he wants.

Best I can recall the whole mess of trouble started right after church. That woulda been Sunday.

When we stepped outta the church, Pa started talking with Mr. Devlin. He handed Joe over to Adam. My big brother’s just a whole lot better with keepin’ up with Joe in town than I am. So Pa was busy and Adam was busy and Joe was busy – Joe’s always busy – and I didn’t have nothin’ to do but stand there by the buggy and kick dirt clods.

Only I’m not supposed to do that, kick dirt clods, when I got on my Sunday-go-to-meetin’ clothes. I figured I’d best stop doing that before Pa frowned at me or something so I decided I’d do something else so I would stay outta trouble. Then I thought of something that’d be just a whole lot of fun and not any trouble because I wouldn’t let anybody see what I was doing and when it happened, well, anybody could’ve done it while we were in church. There wouldn’t be no reason to think I’d done it.

I moseyed on over by Sport. I still don’t think it’s fair that Adam gets to ride horseback to town on Sunday and I have to sit there in the buggy on one side of Joe while Pa sits on the other side of Joe and drives the wagon. Pa said that when I’m seventeen like Adam is then I can ride my horse into town on Sunday. Yeah, but by then Adam’ll be getting to do something else even better and I got a sneaky feeling that Adam’s always gonna be getting to do stuff I ain’t. Well, anyhow, I just walked real normal-like over to Sport. Sport’s a real nice horse. He’s young but he’s got promise. I patted Sport and talked to him and I watched outta the sides of my eyes and there wasn’t anyone paying Sport and me any attention at all.

Ya know how Adam’s always taking such good care of Sport? Well, he’s real careful with him – Adam’s careful with Sport, I mean. He’d let loose the saddle some. Adam had. Sport ain’t figured out how to do that yet. So, the saddle was kinda loose to begin with and, well, I just kinda helped it get a little more loose. I figured it’d be just a whole lot of fun to see Adam swing up to that saddle and get himself a surprise while Sally was standing there over on the sidewalk and she’d see the whole thing. So, that’s what I did. I just helped Adam’s saddle get a little more loose.

I was back by the buggy when I figured out that Adam was too smart for that kind of thing, his saddle being loose and all. He would check that first thing, him being as good on horses as he is. Well, I climbed up on the buggy seat, feeling all kinds of disappointment. I didn’t pay much attention when Pa walked over to where Adam was trying to keep Joe from swimming in the horse trough. I didn’t hear anything they said. Not a thing. Not that I could’ve done anything about anything anyhow.

Next thing I knew Adam was putting Joe up on the buggy seat and he was climbing up to drive the team. I looked over at Adam like he wasn’t thinking straight and asked him what he was doing. ‘Course he looked at me like I wasn’t thinking straight and said it was pretty obvious what he was doing, he was driving.

"But what about Pa?" I asked.

Adam waved his left hand toward the hitching post, toward Sport. "He’s riding over to the school house to –"

Oh, lordy. I put my hands up to my eyes and leaned my elbows on my knees and then I thought to slide my hands over my ears. I heard Pa all the same.

"Uh oh," Adam said about then. "I wonder why Pa didn’t think to check – Hoss?" he asked with his voice all brimming over with suspicion.

Adam slid his eyes toward Sport. I slid my eyes toward Sport.

Pa was a pure-dee mess. He had dust and dirt all over his Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes. His hat had a big old dent in it. And he was mad, oh my, he was mad. He slapped his hat against his leg and then he glanced around to see who’d been watching him when that saddle had spun around and tossed him flat on his back. If anyone was watching they made real quick work outta looking like they hadn’t been. Pa looked over at Adam and me when Joe pointed one of his short little fingers and started laughing so hard he was holding his stomach with his other hand.

I don’t know how he does it. I just don’t. But Pa looked from Joe to Adam to me and then his eyes stayed on me. Dang.

Even though Pa was looking at me, Adam started explaining, "I always loosen the –"

"I should have checked." Pa stopped on my side of the buggy. "But that saddle seemed a lot more loose than it had to be," he said to me. "You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?"

Oh, yeah, I knew something about it and Pa knew I knew something about it. "I was just pulling a joke on Adam, is all."

Pa nodded slowly. "A joke on Adam. You do realize that he could have fallen from that saddle and been hurt?"

Adam? Shoot, Adam never gets hurt. Besides, the way I got the whole idea was that Adam did it to me a couple of months back when we were out camping.

Oh – that was it. Adam did it when Pa wasn’t anywhere around.

"Hoss," Pa lowered his voice and kind of pulled me back to where we were there on the street in town.

"Yessir?" I answered.

"You understand that your brother could have been hurt?"

"Yessir." Knowing how Pa is, I asked, "You want me to straighten up that saddle for ya, Pa?"

He lowered his head and waved his bent-up hat back toward Sport.

I hopped out of that buggy and skedaddled over to Sport and I saddled him better than I ever saddled a horse in my whole life since I learned how. I unhitched the reins and I held them out toward Pa and you know what? I could swear he kinda smiled at me. "Why don’t you boys have dinner at the hotel? Do you think Adam and you can handle Joe?"

I would have promised anything for a chance to eat some of Miss Sadie’s apple cobbler. I told him I was sure Adam and me could keep an eye on Joe. He looked at me a long minute and then he tipped his hat, all bent up like it was, and said he would meet us at home.

Believe it or not, Adam and me done pretty well keeping Joe. Mainly because we let him eat all the mashed potatoes and pudding he could stuff in his stomach and cheeks. By the time we got back to the buggy he was falling asleep on Adam’s shoulder. I figured we’d get in the buggy and Adam would hand him on over to me to hold. But Adam didn’t do that at all. He kept Joe and he said that if I’d promise to be real careful then I could drive home.

I was as careful as anybody ever was. And Adam was real proud of me. I pulled that buggy up to the house pretty as you please. Adam got out and said he was putting Joe on the sofa for a nap. I think we both knew that wasn’t gonna happen. Soon as you put Joe down he’s up.

We’d taken our own sweet time driving home from town. We’d even swung by the pond to see if it looked like it might need some fishing later in the day. I’ve been driving a buggy since way back when I was about nine. And I’d done real good driving it home just now. And the buggy shed is just far enough past the barn that if you know what you’re doing you can race Chester and Dexter right up to the buggy shed. Well, I’ve known what I’m doing with a buggy for a long time. So I got Chester and Dexter moving at a pretty fast clip. Maybe a little too fast. The buggy started leaning from one wheel to the other and we went careening around the barn right about then Pa had to come riding up. There was nothing for it. He went one way and Sport went the other and I was wishing I could just fall right off the world and never come back.

Pa’s Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes looked even worse than they had the first time he’d taken a fall off of Sport. And of course Sport run off a ways but then he finally settled down and stood around snorting about how Chester and Dexter had scared the liver out of him. And Pa, ooooh Pa was not happy. Not at all.

I pulled the buggy, well Chester and Dexter, to a stop by the buggy shed and I stepped down and waited on Pa to come over and yell at me. He walked over, hitting his hat on his leg, and when he got to me he frowned down at me like Pa can do and he asked me what the Sam Hill I thought I was doing.

Now the thing about Pa is that when he asks that kinda question he ain’t really asking what the Sam Hill you think you was doing. The last thing you wanna do when Pa is frowning and yelling is to make excuses. I mean that is the flat-out last thing you wanna do.

"Do you realize what could have happened?" Pa yelled. He says he don’t yell but Adam and me are here to tell you that Pa yells. Joe doesn’t seem much bothered by it yet. Give ‘im time.

I wasn’t so much worried about what could have happened as what might happen next. I said, "Yessir."

Pa leaned down so he was close to my face and he said, "The next time you drive a buggy that recklessly you and I will make a trip to the barn. And it will not be to tend the team."

"Yessir." I licked my lips and suggested, "You want me to take care of Chester and Dexter, Pa?"

He gave me one quick head nod and then he turned to walk away. Just when I thought it was over with, Pa decided he hadn’t quite gotten his point across. "Hoss."

I paused in unhitching Chester. "Yessir?"

"I want a stack of kindling before dinner tonight."

He didn’t have to tell me how big a stack. I knew. I’ve known for a long, long time.

"And Hoss?"

I looked up at him.

"You might change from your best clothes before you tend the team."

"Yessir." I was gonna wait until he’d gotten a coupla steps ahead of me but Pa waited until I’d taken a couple steps and was even with him.

He put his right arm around my shoulders and, since he was getting over his mad, he said, "You could have been hurt, young man."

"Yessir. You could’ve, too."

"That is why you’re chopping kindling."

"Yessir, Pa."

He reached down and gave me one of those swats on the tail that’s just hard enough to let me know there’s some harder ones in store if I don’t straighten up.

Before we even got to the house, while we were walking across the front, Joe come flying out the open front door and all he had on was a grin. A big old grin. Adam come tearing out after Joe and Joe was laughing like all get-out and then Joe took him a flying jump and he landed in the horse trough. He splashed that water all over Pa and me but he didn’t act like he cared much. Joe was too busy laughing and splashing and baiting Adam with all kinds of teasing.

Pa stepped over by the horse trough real slow like. Joe’d been floating so’s his bottom side was up but when he heard Pa walking toward him he flipped over real quick, but he was still grinning. Pa asked if he needed to help Joe outta there and my little brother said no, thanks, he figured he’d be okay seeing as how he knew how to swim.

Adam threw up his arms and stormed back into the house. But seeing Joe splashing around like that and thinking about how he’d been baiting Adam – well that got me to thinking about the pond and fishing. So, I changed into my regular clothes like Pa had said I might. And I went down and took care of Chester and Dexter like I knew I should. And then I saddled up my new horse, Chubb, and we went fishing.

The pond is a real pretty place in a meadow that’s got some fine trees all around it. Pa and Adam and me agreed way back that them trees would always stay there with the creek running through the meadow like it was. The beavers didn’t know about Pa’s and Adam’s and my agreement so they cut down some of them smaller trees and they built them the nicest dam you ever saw. It’s so strong that Adam and me can even walk on it. Anyhow, when them beavers built that dam Adam and me was pretty upset about it but Pa told us to just wait and watch what happened and the next thing ya know we has us a nice big pond and there was fish in that pond. I never did figure out where them fish come from. And the pond is big enough that there’s room for the beavers and us fishing so Pa was right – them beavers done us a real big favor.

Every year them beavers has baby beavers. And them baby beavers is just about more fun to watch than anything you ever saw. This year there’s two baby beavers. Joe and me named ‘em Snuffy and Bear on account of one of ‘em is always snuffling around and the other, well, he looks just like a bear when he kinda sits up. So I was having me a real good time. I’d had my dinner at the hotel, including a big old helping of peach cobbler. I’d done real good driving home. I’d had that upset with Pa but even that come out pretty good ‘cause I was still able to sit. And now there I was stretched out on the grass with my saddle for a pillow, my fishing pole stuck in the ground alongside me, and Snuffy and Bear playing around across the pond from me while their ma and pa worked. It was just about as good as a day gets. I fell asleep faster than you can say it.

When I woke up by the fishing pond it was way into the afternoon and I needed to hightail it back home ‘cause that kindling wasn’t gonna cut itself for sure. And if I didn’t get that kindling cut then Pa’d just give me a bigger stack I’d have to cut for tomorrow. I know about that real good.

I got back home and took care of Chub and then turned him into the corral. Well, I didn’t turn Chub into the corral, I opened the gate and put him in there. Everybody knows you can’t turn a horse into a corral but I seen a lady who done magic once when there was this circus that come to Virginia City and her name was Annie O. and she could turn a red piece of cloth into a white bird. But she was doing that with a small critter. I figure even she’d have a hard time of it turning a horse into a corral, don’t you?

Quick as I could I got myself over there at the end of the porch by the wood that was waiting for me. I stood that first piece of wood up there on the chopping block and I went to start shaving off that kindling and that’s when I noticed that I had hold of that ax with the broken handle. That ax that I was supposed to get taken care of on account of I was the one that broke it when I tried to use it to pound on the wagon wheel with it. I told Pa that I’d hit me a big old hole in the road and that was what knocked that wheel off and that was true sure enough. What I didn’t tell Pa was that I’d been kinda driving that wagon a little fast when it hit that hole.

Well, I put down that ax and figured I’d hide it in the hayloft and then soon as I could I’d ask Mr. Lundy to help me take care of it. So, I picked me up the second ax that was leaning there against the porch post. I want you to know it didn’t take but one swing ‘til I remembered about that ax, too. Pa’d told me to sharpen it but I’d decided I’d sharpen it later and here it was later and I still hadn’t done it. So, I put it next to that ax that had the broken handle and I picked me up the third ax that was leaning there against the porch post.

I sorta remembered about that ax just a little too late. I needed to make short work of this chopping kindling so I swung that thing back. Just about then, I remembered that that there was the ax with the loose blade on it. The other ax that I needed to take to Mr. Lundy so he could help me fix it. But I didn’t knock that ax blade loose. No sir-ee. Adam done knocked that ax blade loose and he was real tight-lipped on just how he done it.

Well, I swung that ax back and that loose blade it come loose. I mean real loose. So loose that it went flying off behind me. I turned around and I seen that blade go flying through that window over Pa’s desk and then I heard the awfulest sound you ever did hear. I figured that blade had gone thwonk right into one of them statues on that bookcase by Pa’s desk. I was just praying like a fallen sinner that that ax blade didn’t go anywheres near Pa.

It didn’t. Ya know how I knew? On account of he thundered, "Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat!" And them little bits of glass that was kind of hanging on there in the window, them little bits that didn’t go flying all over everywhere inside, well Pa yelled so loud that them little bits just kind of fell to the porch floor all sick-like. Kind of like the way I felt.

The other way I knew that that ax blade didn’t go anywheres near Pa was because he was out that front door and looking around with his arms spread wide. Adam and Joe come running up behind him and then Pa swung around and saw me. I mean what was I gonna do? I was standing there with that ax handle in my hand and I figure my mouth was so wide open you coulda put a team of oxes in it.

Adam leaned to one side of Pa and he slammed his eyes shut when he seen me. Joe’s eyes got way big and he took the slowest step backwards you ever seen. Pa. Well, Pa had his head sort of down and he was giving me that real mad look and he stormed on over to me and I knew I was in for it in a bad way. A real bad way.

"What the Sam Hill do you think you were doing??!"

Pa didn’t yell. He bellowed like a mad bull. A real mad bull.

I held up the ax handle and for some dumb reason I said, "I was chopping kindling like you said, Pa."

Pa’s eyes rolled on down to beside the chopping block. There wasn’t so much as a chip of bark laying there on the ground. "Oh you were, were you?!" he yelled. "And how long have you been chopping this kindling?"

Now Pa don’t care if we go off and explore or fish or anything. I been doing that since I was way little. But Pa cares if we go off and explore or fish or something and we ain’t done what we was supposed to do first. He cares a whole lot.

I sort of told Pa that I was just fixing to start on the kindling.

He balled up his fists and he jammed them against the sides of his waist and that just ain’t ever a good thing. "Just fixing to start," Pa said so’s I’d be sure to hear what I’d said. "And why were you just fixing to start now?"

"Uh," I thought around for something I could say that wouldn’t be a lie. I for sure did not want to tell him a lie. "I was doing something else."

"Something else," he said and his voice was real low. Now you would think that’s better than him yelling. But it ain’t. Believe it or not, it’s worse. My backside prickled something awful. "What were you doing when you should have been chopping kindling?"

Over there by the front door I saw Joe back up until he went smack into Adam. That made Adam open his eyes and he put his hands on Joe’s shoulders and sort of guided him back inside the house.

I took a real big gulp and told Pa that I’d been fishing.

"Fishing."

"Yessir."

He pointed to the woodpile. "And how did you expect this to get cut into kindling while you were fishing?"

"I figured I’d do it when I got back, Pa."

"With an ax that had a loose blade?" Pa demanded. Then dang it if he didn’t see them other two axes leaning against the porch post. "See if you can’t put one of those to good use."

I must of done something I didn’t know I’d done because Pa turned his head slightly and took to pointing at the two axes instead of the wood pile. "Would you like to tell me what is wrong with these?"

No, I wouldn’t like to. Not at all. But it didn’t much matter what I’d like to I was going to. "I ain’t got ‘em fixed yet, Pa."

He yelled, "You ain’t got them fixed yet!" so loud that the broken pieces of glass on the porch floor jittered all over the place. I knew how they felt. "Erik!"

Oh, lordy how I hate to hear him call me that. I looked at him through my scrunched up eyes.

"You will get all three of those axes repaired first thing tomorrow. And you will have a pile of kindling chopped before noon. Do I need to tell you how much kindling?"

"No, sir." I knew. It would be twice the size of the one I should’ve chopped instead of going fishing.

Pa pointed straight at me and he waved that finger a minute and he started to say something but I guess he figured it was something he shouldn’t ought to say because he just shook his head and then he stormed back toward the front door.

I put them axes in the barn so I could take ‘em and fix ‘em first thing come morning and then I figured I’d be needing that blade, too. I really didn’t want to go in the house but that was the only way I was gonna get that blade. It was as bad a mess as I figured it’d be. That window was all busted to smithereens all over Pa’s desk and on the floor. And that blade’d done just what I thought. It’d gone thwonk right into one of them statues on that bookcase and that poor statue was leaning there, split in half like a pine tree that done took a lightning hit.

Pa was standing with his arms crossed and his feet spread and he was frowning at that mess just about the way he’d been frowning at me. He turned his head slow as a hoot owl and settled them burning dark eyes on me.

"I suppose I oughta clean this up, Pa?" I asked real careful.

"I suppose you should," he said.

So I did. And then I put that ax blade with them other axes in the barn. And then I went on up to my room ‘cause I couldn’t’ve eaten nothing to save my life. The only thing is that when I go on up to my room and then I get hungry I can’t sleep a lick. Not a lick.

I was thinking about going back down there now that everyone else was asleep and seeing what was left over in the kitchen when I heard a "psst" at my bedroom window. I walked on over and Thad was smiling at me from the windowsill.

"You didn’t forget, did ya?" he asked and climbed on into my room.

Well, with all the trouble I’d been having I kind of had. Leastways until Thad showed up. Then I remembered that we had us some big plans along with Zach and Billy. I put on my clothes quick as I could. There was just this one short time when I figured I didn’t need to get into no more trouble with Pa. But I’d be back before he knew it and why would anyone think that I had anything to do with it anyhow?

I slapped Thad on the shoulder and said, "Let’s go."

So we did.

All we were planning to do was to slip on into town. There was this Virginia City Gal named Miss Hope Sunshine and she'd written this song called "Nevada Girl" and she had this real pretty voice and so all we wanted to do was stay there by the windows of the opry house and listen to her sing. Well, if she happened to walk by where we could see her while she was wearing that fancy dress of hers we wasn't gonna fuss about it. When we got there by the opry house she was singing that pretty song called "Valleydale." It's about this girl named Shannon who lives in some place called Eye-ra-land. Anyhow, we moved some barrels on over by the windows and we stood on them and we was peeking in and Miss Hope Sunshine was as pretty as Zach had said she was. And that dress was as - pretty - as Billy'd said it was.

We didn't want to push our luck too much so we cleared out of there before Sheriff Coffee could come along doing his rounds. But we were kind of having fun being in town that time of night without our families and so we decided we'd just walk around a while. We had a close call once when we was over by Deana's house but we ducked in the alleyway and Sheriff Coffee walked right on past and didn't even know we were there. And while we was there by Deana's house that's when Zach got himself an idea.

I just should've said no and I should've gone on home right then and there. But I didn't. Like a dern fool I tagged on with Zach and Thad and Billy and we got on over to Zach's house and he found that whitewash his pa'd been having him do their front fence with and then we got on over to Cyndie's and Sheryl's house. What we did was just for fun. We didn't write nothing hateful or nothing bad. We just made these big white hearts on the front of that pretty blue fence and then Billy spelled out, "I love you." We figured it would be pretty funny to see which girl thought whoever was in love with her and we couldn't wait to hear about it.

Well, one thing led to the other and the next thing I knew we were over at Valerie's and Mary's house and we wrote in big old white letters on the side of their house. We wrote, "You're the prettiest girl ever" 'cause they're as pretty as Cyndie and Sheryl - and we laughed all the way to the bank about what we were getting away with.

Pa's always saying that pride comes before a fall. I think now I know what he means. 'Cause we was leaning there against the side of the bank, the bank that Laura's and Joy's pa owns and then I got the idea. Wouldn't it be funny if we wrote on the front of the bank that they was giving away free money? I mean banks ain't exactly known for giving away money as far as I get it. The other fellas thought that was the best idea yet so we stepped up there on the porch in front of the bank and right about the time that Zach was telling Billy that you spell it "monee" and not "money" well right about then we heard a man clear his throat. I turned real slow and looked over my shoulder and there he was. Sheriff Coffee. He knew who we were and we knew who he was and he knew who our folks were and we knew we were in a whole bunch of trouble.

Pa kept his voice normal the whole time that Sheriff Coffee told him about all that I'd done when we got home. Sheriff Coffee's a smart man and he knew that if we was the ones he caught writing with that whitewash on the front of the bank well then we was the ones he'd been trailing after we wrote on that fence and that side of that house. Pa told Sheriff Coffee thank you and that he was sorry that the sheriff had had to ride out to our place so late - well, early - but Pa wasn't near as sorry as I knew I was about to be.

Pa was in his pants and boots and he sorta had about half his shirt buttoned so he was decent to go to the barn. He took me by the scruff of the neck and marched me in there and what he done just about burned my tail offa me. When we was done - well, when he was done - he took me by the scruff of the neck and marched me all the way to the foot of the stairs. Then he pointed. Not that he needed to. I'd planned to go to bed anyways. So I did. There was one good thing that happened that night 'cause it rained and that meant probably that whitewash was off the fence and all and I wouldn't have to ride into town and make it right. I for sure didn't want to be riding much of anywhere for a bit.

Come morning I was outta the house before anyone, even Adam. I did my early chores and then I took myself on over to Mr. Lundy's so he could help me fix them axes. I was glad it wasn't a long ride and I wound up walking a good bit of it anyhow. My tail wasn't burning like it had but it sure knew something awful had happened to it. I was out there at the shed with Mr. Lundy and he was helping me to fix them axes when Mrs. Lundy come out to say hey. She'd just fixed up these real nice chocolate things called bonpons or something like that. Well, I hadn't had no supper and then I hadn't had no breakfast and I was plum starving. They was just about the best candy I ever had, I want you to know.

So them axes got fixed and I rode some of the way back home but I was walking the last part when I walked up into the yard. About then I come to realize that I'd done missed lunch. Dang but I was getting shaky at the knees. And I still had that kindling to chop and all my regular chores to do. Oh, yeah. And Pa was gonna teach me how to put in a new window. The buckboard was gone so I knew he'd headed to town to get the glass. I can't begin to tell you how I felt better knowing I wouldn't have to say nothing to Pa until later on. Maybe by then I'd be able to look him in the eye.

I took Chubb in the barn and was rubbing him down when Little Joe come running for the barn like he was running for his life. He always does that, runs like he's running for his life, it ain't nothing to get in a lather about. Well, just as he got to the barn door he stopped so hard that he sent up a cloud of dust. And then dang if the little guy didn't tiptoe into the barn with his arms out at his sides like one of those folks that walks on that itty bitty wire way up high at the circus. He wasn't being silly or nothing. He just never knows when Pa or Adam are gonna be around and slap fire into his leg for running inside the barn and spooking the animals.

Joe tiptoed on up to me and said, "Hey, Hoss? How come you aren't eating with us?"

I told him I'd been kinda busy.

"Well -" he reached out and patted Chubb. Joe's real fond of horses. "I - well - see, I figured maybe you and me could have a picnic maybe?"

I looked down into them twinkling eyes. "A picnic?"

He nodded his head and that long hair of his flopped around. "Uh huh. I packed us some food and some water and every thing."

I didn't want to disappoint the little fella but I had me a whole bunch of things I needed to do. I told him that and Joe held up his hands the way Pa does when he's signaling us to slow down.

"I mean a close-by picnic," Joe explained.

"How close by?"

He pointed up to the hayloft. I told him that sounded mighty fine to me. His little eyes just lighted right up and he started to run to the barn door but then he caught hisself and he tiptoed. But I mean to tell you that the second his little boots stepped out that door he ran to the house like - well, like his life depended on it. I was so dern hungry I felt like mine did.

Me and Joe had us a real fine picnic up there in the hayloft. We ate kinda fast like and then we talked a bit. Joe'd kinda guessed Pa'd gotten on to me on account of the way I kept shifting around on my backside and he was real sorry for me. Joe's getting this habit of being over Pa's knees about two times a week. He don't care for it much when it's going on but he's got this way of getting over it a lot faster than I do. And I mean to tell you I get over it in the snap of fingers compared to Adam. Adam used to not say a thing for days after Pa'd gotten on to him. But now that he's seventeen and all well Adam don't seem to cross Pa much no more. They still argue and fuss, lordy do they, but Adam don't not say a thing for days like he used to. Sometimes when him and Pa particularly don't agree on something and Adam goes on and on and on well times like that I think maybe Pa misses them good old times when Adam used to not say a thing for days.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I was up there in that hayloft and I'd had me a good meal and Joe and me was talking and then we wrestled and then with that nice breeze blowing in on us well we fell asleep. Well, we didn't. There ain't no falling asleep when Joe's around. So once we'd spent some time up there, Joe tiptoed back through the barn and then lit out for the house to take our picnic basket back to the kitchen. And I walked myself over to that woodpile.

Sure wish I could say I made short work outta cutting that kindling. But it takes long enough to cut one stack like Pa wants. Working on two stacks should take about two times as long but somehow it takes longer. Joe come over after he finished his chores and he sat down there on the steps and he got him some sticks and started playing some sort of game about horses and cowboys and such and in-between all his goings-on he talked to me and so the time went faster than it would've. And then he run inside the house when Hop Sing called that there was lemonade and doughnuts and he brought me some of both. He can be a wart-and-a-half at times but he's got a heart as big as them out-of-doors he loves so much.

With him being five and all, Joe ain't learned how to chop kindling yet. He kinda doesn't always pay attention so Pa's real careful about what he lets Joe do. No, I didn't let him chop no kindling. My tail was way too achy to even think about such a fool thing. But he was asking me how I do it and so I told him and I showed him. He paid real close notice to what I was telling him. Joe'll do that if he's interested in something. If he ain't interested well you'd just as soon save your breath.

It was getting on in the afternoon, and I had most of the second pile of kindling done, when Joe come back outside and started playing with his sticks again. 'Cept this time his cowboys was chopping wood with Adam's razor. I guess I whacked off a couple more sticks of kindling before I come to think about what Joe was doing. I looked over and started to say something but Pa beat me to it. Where he come from, and how he drove that wagon into the yard so quiet-like, I still can't figure. He didn't yell. If he'd done that Joe would've cut hisself for sure. He just walked on over and stood between Joe and the daylight and when that little fella looked up from that shadow and saw Pa he didn't say a thing. He just held Adam's razor out to Pa real meek. Pa motioned toward the front door. Joe scampered to his feet and he ran to the house like his life depended on it. I think his life was safe with Pa but I don't know about his tail.

Pa looked over at me and I told him that Joe'd just now showed up with that razor of Adam's and I was just fixing to get it from him.

"When you've finished with that kindling," Pa said, "find me and I'll show you how to replace those windows."

"Yessir."

"Hoss?"

I didn't look up. I kept right on working. I sure didn't want Pa saying I wasn't working. "Yessir?"

"Thank you for keeping an eye on Joseph."

I was so surprised that he wasn't fussing at me that I looked up but I'd swung that ax down and I dang near hit my leg with it instead of what I should've been chopping. Pa's eyes got so huge I thought I had hit my leg there at first. He got down on one knee and pulled open the part of my pants leg that had a tear in it and he felt all up and down my leg with those strong hands of his. And then he looked up at me and his whole face got back its color.

"I think we have enough kindling," he said once he was back standing up.

Nope. I know better than to leave a job before it's finished. I told Pa that and he told me that the job was finished. I told him that I didn't have two stacks like I was supposed to. He put his arm around my shoulder and took the ax from me and said again that I'd finished the job.

I kinda squinted up at him and asked him if he was sure 'cause I didn't want to get in any more trouble not ever, never. He said that he was sure and besides I needed time to finish my other chores after we fixed that window.

"I thought it was just me gonna fix that window," I said.

Pa nodded his head and said I was gonna fix that window but that there wasn't a job around the ranch that didn't need a foreman at some time or other.

"I figure you're gonna be the foreman?" I asked.

Pa patted me on the back and said I figured right. Then he looked down at Adam's razor in his hand and asked me if I'd give Joe and him a couple of minutes in the house before I come in to fix the window. I figured it would take me at least that long to put the kindling in the shed.

Well, I fixed that window. It took me a while and I was real scared about that glass but Pa told me to take my time and I did and when I was finished that window looked real good. Pa said he figured it would stay there forever.

"Or at least," he said with a teasing sound to him, "until a son decides to use it for target practice again."

I never thought I'd do it but I laughed with Pa then about breaking that window. And then I looked over there at that statue that'd been sliced down the middle and it looked fine.

"How'd that happen?" I asked and I went over and run my hand across it and it was smooth as glass.

"Adam," Pa answered. He leaned his head back. "I seem to recall he said something to the effect that you owed him one."

"I'll just add it to the sum," I answered and Pa laughed.

I got my chores finished and then Adam got back from his chores and then Joe come downstairs. He'd been sleeping. You can always tell when Joe's been sleeping 'cause he wakes up kinda slow like and his eyes are kinda sleepy and he's quiet. So he come down the stairs and then he walked over to where Pa was working at his desk. And he stood there, barefoot, and he held up his arms and Pa lifted him up and sat him across his lap and Joe wiggled around until his little bottom was comfortable and then he picked up a pencil and started drawing on that extra piece of paper Pa always has handy for Joe. And Hop Sing said dinner was ready. And I scooted on to my chair and Adam raised his eyebrow at me. And then Joe kinda scooted on to his chair and Adam noticed that, too. And then we ate and it was a good meal. We played some checkers and Adam read to us from this adventure book. And then I almost fell asleep there in the living room so I said goodnight and went to bed. And everything was fine.

And then today happened.

Zach and me been talking for a while now about that stretch of road between our places and town. Pa and his pa don’t seem to think it needs fixing but me and Zach, well us and Adam and Zach’s big brother Tom we’re the ones that drive the wagons back and forth and we think that stretch of road needs fixing in a bad way. A real bad way.

So Zach and me been puzzling on how we could fix that stretch so’s we don’t get our backsides all beat up riding on them wagon seats over that bad stretch of road.

We been looking in books and reading papers and trying to figure out something that’ll help.

And today Zach come riding up when I was finishing my morning chores and he gave me that, "Quick, come on" look so I did. Adam and Joe’d gone to check that fence that the storm blew down the other night. And Pa’d gone to town. I mean there wasn’t no way anybody’d know I wasn’t home. Why would they?

So, I rode on side of Zach and kept asking him what he was up to and he was just smiling and shaking his head and saying it was a surprise. Now some of Zach’s surprises is just fine but there’s some I’d just as soon never know. But this surprise well it was dang near perfect.

Seems Zach had been talking to a couple of them vaqueros and they was telling him about this stuff they make down south of here and it’s called uh-dough-bee. Seems they make it out of dirt and water and hay. Did you ever hear of such? Well, we got dirt there on that stretch of road. Zach even checked with them vaqueros and they said it’s the right kind of dirt. Me, I didn’t know there was different kinds of dirt.

So we got the dirt just fine. And we got the hay. Lordy we got the hay. I know ‘cause I help cut it. And we got water. So the way Zach and me figure it we got us a way to fix that old bad stretch of road. We’re gonna mix that dirt and hay and water and we’re gonna smooth it out and then when it dries it’ll be as hard as that brick they build them buildings in Virginia City with and Zach and me won’t nearly break our tailbones when we has to ride the wagons to town and back.

I went back home and I got a bunch of hay loaded on a wagon. Zach, he went home and filled up a couple of water barrels and brought them back on a wagon. We had us some rakes and shovels and such. And we had us a big plan. We even figured if this here worked then we could start us a business in town making them roads where they’d be passable even in spring when they normally ain’t.

We poured us some water on some of that bumpy stretch of road and we made us a big old mud hole. I want you to know it was real hard not giving in to having us a mud fight but we was set to do this job. When we had that mud just as gooey as it can get well we pitched in some hay. And then we stirred and raked it up good. Then we moseyed on down to the next stretch of road and we done the same thing. When we stepped on back and looked at that stretch of road and how smooth it was we was real proud. And we was real hungry.

So, we took the wagons on over to Zach’s place and his mama had fixed up a for-sure good lunch. We decided to let our lunch settle and we sat under that shade tree behind Zach’s house and we laughed about all that white washing we done in town. Generally you can laugh about something after your bottom ain’t aching no more. And after a couple of hours of settling our lunch and tossing skimmers on the pond we figured that uh-dough-bee ought to be just about dry and hard. So we drove the wagons back over to that bad stretch of road.

Only, we didn’t quite get there.

We was driving on up the hill and we got our wagons right there on the top and we seen Pa riding back from town. He was really pushing old Buck. Pa’s all the time telling us we shouldn’t oughta race our horses but we come by that horse racing kind of natural like if you know what I mean.

Long about then, I sort of noticed that that there uh-dough-bee wasn’t near as dry and hard as we was hoping it would be. And there I sat wondering what to do. Buck would be just a pure-dee mess if he went tromping through that stuff and he’d kick it all over the place and then Pa would be a pure-dee mess and the minute Pa found out I was behind it all well my behind would be a pure-dee mess.

I thought I was doing the right thing. That’s what I get for thinking, I guess. I stood up in the wagon and I put my hands around my mouth and I hollered, "Pa!" for all I was worth. Well, Pa was really pushing Buck and if I’d just thought I would have thought that Pa probably would have seen that slick spot where the bad stretch used to be and he probably could’ve gotten Buck on around it. But I didn’t think about that. Not until later.

I hollered out, "Pa!" and his head turned my way and he pulled Buck up hard and he wasn’t looking where he was. Well, it was a mess. Buck got pulled up hard and he started to skidding on his hind legs a bit and well it just didn’t take a whole bunch of skidding on that loose dirt before Buck went smack on into that uh-dough-bee stuff. Oh lordy. Buck just carved him a big old piece out of that stuff and it went straight up and back and it was just all over Pa. Just all over him.

Well, the thing is that Buck skittered one way on his backside with his front legs braced out and Pa must’ve been riding pretty loose on account of he went flying over Buck’s head and Pa landed on his back in that uh-dough-bee and I could hear him yelling all the way up the hill. Pa, I mean. Buck had got over his upset and you know how horses and mud are. It didn’t stop him none that he had on that saddle. He rolled on his stomach and then to his left side sort of and then to his right side. Good thing he didn’t try to rub on his back cause he would’ve made a mess of that saddle and a mess of his back, too. He done a pretty good job of making a mess as it was.

I sat there like some norther’d just froze me solid in place and I watched Pa slip and slide and finally get to his feet. When he bellowed, "Hoss!" I kinda melted into a big old puddle. I drove that wagon on down that hill real slow like. Real slow. I looked back for Zach and he wasn’t nowhere in sight. Fine friend he is.

"What do you know about this?" Pa hollered. He waved his arms hard trying to get some of the stuff off of him. But he was just about covered all the way to his neck and I knew that meant I was up to my neck in a problem. And I know what Pa tends to think solves most of my problems.

"We was fixing the road," I tried to explain.

"Fixing the road!!" Pa roared. "You call this –" he pointed down to what was kinda looking like a pig sty "- you call this fixing the road?!"

"Well, no," I explained. "It ain’t dried yet."

"Dried."

"Yessir. See when it dries well it’s supposed to get hard as that brick they use in town. And when it does that then we won’t have no more bad stretch of road to be riding and driving over."

Pa come out of that mud pit lifting his legs real high. I could hear this sucking sound every time one of his boots came out of that mud. Meanwhile Buck had had him a fine old time and he stood up. Pa stomped on over to the wagon and he looked up at me and did you know that them dark eyes of his can just about turn red when he’s upset? Well, they can. I seen it.

He was so mad that he couldn’t talk. He shook his head and he took Buck’s reins and he hitched Buck to the back of the wagon and then he climbed up on the wagon seat. Pa did, not Buck.

I want you to know Pa was a sight. He had that mud all over him and these pieces of straw sticking off him like porcupine quills and the only part of him that was normal was his face and part of his hat. And his face wasn’t really normal either. It was just about turning purple. I figured he probably wanted to get on home.

Dang if Adam and Joe weren’t back home, standing there in the yard when I drove up with Pa on the seat beside me and Buck strolling along behind the wagon. Their eyes went from Pa to me to Buck to Pa and then their eyes settled on me and their eyes was huge. I mean huge.

Leastways they both had the sense not to ask Pa, "What happened?" It was pretty plain what had happened.

Pa got down off the wagon and motioned to Buck and I knew what that meant. He walked to the house, holding his arms way up high from his sides, and Adam and Joe parted like that old Red Sea and let Pa pass between them.

"Hoss," Adam said with a sad shake of his head, "I don’t know how you do it."

Me, neither. I tended the team and then I brushed down Buck until you could tell he was a buckskin again. I’d be falling short of telling the truth if I didn’t tell ya that I was stalling around ‘cause I just could not get myself to go in the house. I figured the barn wouldn’t be such an awful place to live. Leastways not until winter and maybe by then Pa’d forget about today. Just maybe.

I was putting feed out for Buck when I knew there was someone that had walked inside the barn. Not that I heard him, I just sort of felt him. Must’ve been something about them hairs on the back of my neck standing up.

"Where in thunder did you come up with the idea to make a mud hole out of that road?" Pa asked to my back.

I turned around and faced him and I took me a big old gulp. "We was making uh-dough-bee."

"Adobe."

"Yessir."

"You were paving the road with adobe."

"No, sir. Not the whole road. Just that bad stretch."

"And you never thought about what would happen if someone came across that – adobe – before it was dry."

"Well we figured most folks would see the mud hole and go around –" I stopped before I put anymore of my foot in my big old mouth. "I thought ahead on it, Pa, I did." Pa’s real big on thinking ahead on things.

"And that’s why you yelled to me from the top of the hill?"

"Yessir. I could see that you was racing Buck and –" Dang if I wasn’t trying real hard to fit all of my foot in my mouth. There wasn’t nothing for it but to just stand there until Pa told me to bend over.

"I will make a deal with you," Pa offered.

Pa don’t ever make deals with us. Not ever. I guess I looked downright stupid or something ‘cause I was so surprised.

"If you will promise me, swear to me, that you will leave any further experiments to Adam then I will forget this entire – adobe – episode happened."

I blinked. And I blinked again.

"Do I have your word?" Pa asked.

"Yessir," I said just hardly believing my good luck.

He nodded and said, "Supper is ready."

I said that I’d be in directly in a minute, I just had to finish feeding Buck. Pa went on back to the house and I just stood there kind of struck dumb that Pa hadn’t set fire to the seat of my britches.

And while I was standing there I looked up at that hayloft and I was thinking how glad I was that I could live in the house again and not have to take up sleeping in the barn. And I was looking at that hayloft and then I started thinking on what a chore it is to use that block and tackle and get that hay on up into that loft. So I walked out of the barn and I looked up at that window in the hayloft and I remembered something. I remembered this thing that Adam done read to Joe and me about how these folks over there in the Bible land that built them these big old tall buildings that are big at the bottom and get smaller at the top ‘til they almost have a point to them. And they built those big old things out of some real big rocks. And so I was asking Adam how he figured they got them big rocks up that high and he told me he figured they used ramps.

And you know what? If them people could push them big old rocks up them ramps well I figure a hay bale probably weighs less than a big old rock, right? And if you put some kinda step things on that ramp you could keep that hay from falling back on you when it got higher and closer to that window in the hay loft. Now the real trick to this thing would be that you wouldn’t want to pull that hay up that ramp and you for sure wouldn’t want to push it. But if you could hitch you some horses somehow and drive them and they could pull that hay up that ramp to that window in the hayloft well just think how much easier that’d be.

I figure I’ll start work on that ramp first thing tomorrow.