Responsibilities

By Ella

Adam sat on the edge of his bunk, still fully clothed. His brother Hoss’ reverberating snores seemed but a whisper – his mind too caught up in a whirlpool of memories to notice. Pushing his fingers through his hair, he blew out a heavy sigh, staring blearily into the darkness – the evening's chain of events continuing to pick at him ....

When I steered the team into the yard this evening, it didn’t matter that the sun was sinking below the horizon. I could have read Pa’s posture in pitch blackness, I expect. I was just as happy not to have full view of the expression on his face. I think I would have turned the buckboard around and headed back into town. But a man doesn't run from the consequences of his mistakes.

Hoss rolled over onto his side and his snoring stopped abruptly. Adam rolled his eyes. While I might normally be glad for the peace and quiet, this silence only makes the echo of Pa's roaring voice seem louder in my head. Letting out another mighty sigh, Adam carefully rose to tip-toe toward the outside door. Grabbing his coat, he slipped out into the night. The full moon bathed the yard, lighting his way to the corral.

At least our discussion took place in the barn, where only the horses could hear it. I'm glad Hoss and Joe were asleep by the time I came to bed, so I didn't have to endure their prying, in the form of loud whispers. As it is, tomorrow will come soon enough and I'll have to face not only my brothers, but all the rest of it.

He leaned heavily on the corral fence and stared at the large stallion Carlos had captured two days ago. It was a beautiful animal – an albino – full of life and independent spirit. His white coat seemed to glow in the moonlight, making him appear almost dreamlike.

A dream ... Wouldn't it be nice if I could wake up tomorrow and find this whole day was a dream?

"Humph. A dream. Nightmare is more apt." He raised his eyes heavenward. "Boy, can Pa yell."

The albino lifted its head, as if to pay attention to the young man’s soliloquy. Adam nodded in his direction, in appreciation of the camaraderie.

"It’s been sometime now since he’s used that tone of voice on me. On Joe … sure. On Hoss … well … occasionally. But me? I thought I was past bringing that kind of anger out of him. But he sure did put me in my place tonight. It’ll be some time before I forget that look on his face. And I don’t think I’ll EVER forget our conversation, as long as I live."

Shaking his head, Adam lamented, "Of course I only made things worse, jumping down Carlos’ throat when I drove into the yard, I suppose. But I felt like we’d made a bargain earlier in the day and he’d gone back on it. Pa didn’t see it that way though."

Events of earlier that evening filled his mind ….

~~~~~~~~

The rattle of the buckboard, rumbling over rutted earth, faded into the background – the stillness of everything else around him suddenly seemed exaggerated by the pounding of his heart in his chest. Adam drew the team to a halt, wondering fleetingly if his legs would hold him up when he got to the ground.

Pa is well beyond livid. I wonder what the word for that is? Seething?

Adam's gaze shifted briefly to Carlos, who was standing slightly behind Ben, and his own temper surged, temporarily blinding him to his father’s obvious mood. Leaping out of his seat, he shook an accusing finger.

‘What’s the matter, Carlos, couldn’t you wait to tell Pa? I thought we agreed I would explain to him what happened this afternoon.’

Standing like sentry, Carlos folded his arms over his chest, nodding slowly as he answered.

‘That we did, Adam. But unfortunately, it took you so long to get home, I could no longer bear to watch your father’s increasing anxiety. I took it upon myself to explain the unpleasant news. I would think this would give you some relief. In your position, I would not want to – ’

Stiffening, Adam felt the heat of his anger flooding his eyes.

‘My position, as you put it, was only aggravated, because of you! You could have at least had someone bring me a horse so – ’

Ben’s booming voice cut the air.

‘ENOUGH!’ He lowered his voice to a growl. ‘That will be enough … out of both of you.’ He turned away from his son to face Carlos.

‘Carlos, I would appreciate it if you would get Hoss and Joe to help you unload the supplies in this wagon. I would like to speak to Adam privately in the barn. And I mean privately. I understand your feelings on what happened today and I appreciate you putting my worries to rest earlier. But Adam is my son and I will deal with this situation from here. Do I make myself clear?’

Nodding, Carlos looked from father to son, then back to Ben. ‘Yes, Ben, your meaning is quite clear.’ He waved a hand at the back of the buckboard. ‘Your other "boys" and I will take care of this chore. But I cannot promise not to say more about this event in the future. That will depend on Adam … and how well he listens to what you have to say.’

Adam narrowed his eyes, lifting his chin slightly in the process, but when Ben shot him a searing glare, the young man pressed his lips together and remained still.

Ben addressed Carlos once more. ‘I expect you to let me handle my sons the way I see fit, Carlos. I realize you are dealing with your own family obligations here, but from what you’ve told me, you’ve done your part in order to address Adam’s … indiscretion. Respect my wishes and do not interfere further.’

‘I do respect you, Ben. And I will respect your wishes … but only under the circumstances I have already mentioned.’

Drawing in a deep breath, Ben simply answered with a nod, then turned his full attention on Adam. He saw the trepidation in his eldest son’s eyes and nodded slowly in understanding.

You have every reason to be worrying right now. Pointing toward the barn, he spoke in a tone all his sons obeyed, if they had their wits about them.

‘We will have that talk now.’

With a single, quick nod, Adam answered, ‘Yes, Pa.’ Without looking again at Carlos, he started for the barn, too aware of his father walking beside him. The sound of his Pa’s footsteps seemed to drown out his own.

When they got inside the barn, Ben closed the doors behind him, then quietly lit several lanterns. Adam waited, watching Pa’s movements – all the while, he pressed the palms of his hands against his trouser legs, trying to blot away the sweat. As soon as his father turned to face him, Adam removed his hat. He fingered the brim nervously, aware that it took every ounce of his willpower and concentration to hold Pa’s eyes with his own. He swallowed hard, feeling his heart slamming relentlessly against his chest.

So different from the beat of my heart earlier today, when I couldn’t keep my eyes off Isabella. Oh, Pa. Didn’t you ever feel the way I did today? Can’t you find it in yourself to remember what being young and in love was like?

His thoughts were cut short by the sound of his father’s voice, his tone clipped as he asked his first question.

‘What do you think would have happened this afternoon, if Carlos hadn’t come upon you two when he did?’

Adam stared back at his father, wondering for an instant if he’d heard him correctly. ‘Sir?’

Ben began to pace, hands clasped behind his back. ‘If Carlos hadn’t found you and Isabella when he did, what do you think might have happened?’

Still unable to believe what his father was asking, Adam remained silent. Ben stopped pacing abruptly and stared at his son.

‘I’m waiting for an answer, Adam, and I assure you, my patience is VERY thin right now.’

Adam nodded, to assure his father he was all too aware of the level of his patience at this moment. ‘Yes, sir. I am very much aware of it.’ He opened his mouth and then closed it. He stretched out a hand. ‘Surely, you aren’t suggesting …’

Drawing in a deep breath, Ben lifted his chin slightly as he asked with obvious pained patience, ‘Do you know what having a baby means, Adam? Do you know what kind of responsibility comes with being a parent?’

Jaw dropping, Adam stared back at his father. Again, his mouth worked, as he grappled with where this conversation was heading. He finally blurted out, ‘Pa, Isabella and I were … we had no intentions …’ He straightened his shoulders and declared with finality, ‘We most certainly were NOT getting ready to make a baby.’

Even as his cheeks reddened with his embarrassment over these words, the color intensified as anger surged through him. Voice rising, he demanded, ‘What did Carlos say to you? Because he blew things WAY out of proportion, if he told you THAT!’

Ben's jaw tightened, his own anger flashing in his eyes as stared back at his son. Adam remained rigid, fists clenched. The purple mark on his cheek stood out, despite the dim lamplight, reminding Ben that there are at least two sides to any story – three, in this case. He told himself that he’d plan to listen to what his son had to say, but the reins on his own temper were as fragile as a spider’s web at the moment. When he spoke, his suppressed rage dripped out with each word.

‘You would do well to remember to whom you are speaking – ’ Adam opened his mouth. ‘AND not interrupt me or raise your voice to me again during this discussion. Do you understand me, Adam?’

‘I wasn’t yelling AT you, Pa. I – ’

Ben took a step closer. There was no missing the flame flickering in his eyes now. ‘Answer my question.’

Adam’s anger at Carlos was instantly replaced by the strong instinct of self preservation.

‘Yes, sir. I understand.’

Nodding slowly, Ben remained silent for a long moment, then began to pace as he formulated how to make the point he’d started on earlier.

Adam waited, his own thoughts screaming to get out. If you’d only give me a chance to speak, Pa, I’d tell you -

Still pacing, Ben began quietly, ‘You know, Adam, the first time I held you in my arms … despite … despite all that had just happened … I felt an indescribable sense of wonder … of pride … of joy … knowing that in your dark curls, your fingers, your toes … in every intricate detail of you, there was a piece of me.’

Adam held his breath, dreading where his father was going with this new approach.

If you tell me you’re ashamed of the fact that you bore a son into this world who would do such a thing as I did today, I don’t know what I’ll do -

Taking no notice of the expression on his son’s face, Ben continued, ‘And as quickly as that pride and joy swelled in me, it was replaced by this sudden attack of panic, of fear, of the unbelievable weight of responsibility to do everything right – yet knowing, just as well as I knew my own name, that I would make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of being human. But that doesn’t stop us from trying to be perfect, only to feel let down when we stumble, when we "mess up," as Joe likes to say.’

He stopped walking and faced his son. ‘I did make mistakes, Adam, all parents do, but mostly, I tried to live my life in a way that I hoped you would respect and try to mimic, out of your love and respect for me.’

Adam bit his lip, to hold on to the emotions that were vying inside him. He would not interrupt, but couldn’t keep from answering his father inside his own head.

I do respect you, Pa. There’s not another person in this world I respect or love more than you. And I have mimicked you, all my life. But I’m certainly not perfect. And I most certainly make mistakes. And I want to say I’d take this one back if I could … but … I’m not sure that would be the truth. And I won’t lie to you … when and if you let me have my say.

Again, Ben’s words cut into his son’s thoughts. ‘Do you remember the boy Andrew Weaver, back in New Orleans? He was a schoolmate of Erik’s . They often played marbles together during recess and after school on occasion.’

‘Yes, sir, I remember him.’

Ben nodded. ‘Erik came home from school one day, way too silent and unwilling to tell his mother what was troubling him. Later, when I spoke with him, he told me that he’d found out that day that his friend had no father. With more prying, I got him to tell me that Andrew’s father hadn’t died. He "just didn’t have one."’ Rubbing his neck as the uncomfortable memory played in his head, Ben finally continued, ‘I could tell Erik was still holding something back and that it was troubling him. It occurred to me that he didn’t wish to discuss it with Marie there and she made herself scarce, making up some excuse to go outside.’

Brow furrowing, Ben shook his head. ‘He was a little younger than I would have liked, to have the conversation I had with all you boys about … about where babies really come from and how they are created. But we had it. Erik cried afterwards. He said he would never grow a baby and then run away like Andrew’s father had. Then he told me how Andrew’s mother got angry sometimes, for what seemed like no reason, and beat the boy. She always tried to make it up to him later, by buying him some sweet treat or other, but the child was clearly disturbed by his home life.'

Eyes meeting his son’s, Ben concluded quietly, 'There are too many like Andrew in this world I’m afraid.’

Adam’s anger filled his eyes, but he bit his lip to keep in his words. Then, with a sharp flick of his wrist, he spun his hat across the barn in protest. Ben watched it fly, then slid his eyes back to his son’s. His voice was deliberately calm as he asked, ‘You have something you’d like to say?’

Taking in a deep breath, Adam let it out before answering. ‘I do, sir, yes. But I’m afraid keeping my voice down at this point will be impossible.’

‘I expect you could do it, if you put your mind to it.’ Ben waited.

Pulling in another deep breath, Adam nodded. ‘I hope you will allow me to say what I feel, Pa.’

Raising an eyebrow, Ben answered, ‘I don’t recall a time when I didn’t allow you to express your true feelings, Adam. If anything, it was like pulling teeth at times, to get you to do so.’

Eyebrows dipping, Adam thought he caught smile starting on his father’s lips, but it evaporated instantly.

‘I asked you to speak what was on your mind.’

Adam sighed. ‘A few moments ago, you said you raised me hoping I would mimic you. And yet, you … you stand there and suggest I would do something so irresponsible as … as what Andrew’s father did.’ Adam shook his head. His voice trembled as he went on, ‘I am your son, Pa, and I do understand the responsibility of raising a child.’ He blinked at the moisture in his eyes until they were dry again. ‘I helped you raise Erik … from the time he was just a baby. Granted, he was probably as good a baby as God ever put on this earth, but he was still a handful … especially for little hands.’

Turning his back on his father, Adam felt hot tears spill to his cheeks. He brushed them away impatiently. Ben waited, his own eyes tearing. He didn’t dare go to the boy. Not yet. Not until they’d finished with this other business. It was too important, and his duty as a father was screaming at him, from too many directions in his mind. He waited for his son to face him once more. When Adam did so, his eyes and cheeks were dry.

‘Even if I hadn’t experienced that early responsibility in my life, Pa, I would still have had you as my father. You raised me to be respectful, not only of you and my mothers, but of all people – young and old, male and female. You taught me to respect all life, for that matter. Not just people, but plants and animals as well. You taught me to respect the law and an endless list of other things that are important in the kind of world you raised me to want to contribute to, to appreciate and to explore.’

Eyes scouring his father’s face, Adam accused, ‘I don’t understand how in your heart you could believe I would ever be the kind of man Andrew Weaver’s father was.’

The hurt in Adam’s eyes pierced Ben’s heart, but still he held back the urge to give in to the gentler side of himself. He answered quietly, ‘I never said I thought you would leave Isabella if you two had created a child, Adam.’

‘But – ’

‘If you stop interrupting me, you will eventually hear where I was going with that conversation.’

Eventually. Yes. But I fear it will be dawn before this lecture is over. I’m beginning to wish I was Joe’s age. I’d be sorry when it came time to sit for breakfast, but at least this would all be over with by now.

Adam suddenly realized how hard his father was studying him, and swallowed several times, to moisten his dry throat.

Ben’s tone dripped with sarcasm as he commented, ‘I expect at the moment you have no desire to tell me what you’re thinking. But I’d be careful if I were you, young man. Very, very careful. My anger is far from cooling.’

Holding his father’s eyes with his own, Adam encouraged, respectfully, ‘Please continue with what you were saying earlier, Pa.’

Folding his arms over his chest, Ben nodded. ‘Yes, I’ll do just that.’ He dropped his hands behind him and began to pace slowly once more.

‘You and Isabella are in love, Adam. I expect that’s as clear to a passing stranger as it is to your friends and family. And whether you believe it or not, I remember what it’s like to be both young and in love – and what it was like to be young, in love and not yet married.’ He made eye contact with his son, to be certain his son understood that he understood just exactly what Adam and Isabella had been feeling when Carlos came upon them earlier that day. Adam blushed deeply, to Ben’s satisfaction.

‘Whether you believe it of yourself or not, things can happen and be over, before your head has chance to tell you to stop. And in the passage of that time, someone like little Andrew Weaver is suddenly a reality, and the path of your life and Isabella’s would be changed – forever.’ He held up his hand and the expression on his face closed Adam’s open mouth.

‘I’m not saying you would desert her. I have no doubt you’d do the right thing by her, son. In fact, the idea that you wouldn’t do right by her was about the furthest thing from my mind. But, even if you two got married, it would still mean that you had a baby that you may or may not be ready for. And the time to make a baby, is after you’ve decided for sure that you even want to get married and are married. Both you AND Isabella need to agree that that’s what you want.’

Ben paused, then asked, ‘Is it what you and she want, Adam? But whether it is or it isn’t, you need to exercise better judgment, starting with the very next time you cross paths with that young woman.’

Adam’s eyes shifted, drawn by the movement of his father’s hands which now rested deliberately on his belt buckle. Ben saw the flash of worry register on Adam’s face, despite his son’s valiant attempt to cover it with his most stalwart expression.

Shifting his gaze briefly to his waist as he ran his fingers over the leather strip, Ben looked back up at his eldest.

‘Do you remember the last time I used this on you?’

A trickle of sweat crept down Adam’s back as he nodded. Her name left his lips before he realized it was even on them.

‘Yvette.’

Ben nodded, knowing the memory of that gal would be hard to eject from his son’s mind, for many reasons. He could only imagine some of the thoughts running through Adam’s head. Marie’s face flashed into his own mind, as he relived the day she came to him, to tell him what she caught Adam doing. How hard that must have been for her, knowing what my reaction would be. It’s lucky there was a long walk between me and my eldest son that day.

While Adam’s eyes were on his father’s fingers, his memory shot back to New Orleans, despite his attempts to stop it.

Yvette. Before I met her, my knowledge of what girls could do to a boy wouldn’t have filled half an acorn shell. And after I met her, I couldn’t learn enough fast enough.

Her chestnut hair, her dark eyes – they were nearly the same shade as Ma’s. But that was where any similarity between them ended. The lessons I learned at Yvette’s fingertips … The fire she could send rushing through me with the barest touch, in just the right places. And she encouraged me to touch her back. I knew it was wrong. After all, Pa HAD had the discussion about babies with me by then, as well as how to act properly in the presence of a young woman.

But Yvette made me forget EVERYTHING Pa or Ma had ever told me.

And I will NEVER forget the look on Ma’s face when she came through the door of their bedroom to find me sitting with Yvette on the edge of their bed. Well, I was sitting on it and Yvette was sitting on my lap, her fingers playing with the hair on my chest she’d exposed after slowly undoing all my buttons.

The family had gone to Tante Jeanette’s, for one of her famous parties. I had other plans and played sick, only to find myself inviting Yvette into the house an hour after the family left. I had no intentions of staying there with her. But one thing led to another ...

Something made Ma come back. I never knew what. All I know is the look on her face sent Yvette out of the house as if lightning had just struck that bed. That same look told me I’d better not to move an inch, until Pa returned. When he did, the expression on his face made me wish I’d been struck by the lightning. I tried to tell myself I’d be dead soon and my worries would be over. But Pa refrained from completely killing me – he just left me in enough pain to remind me that I’d committed the biggest mistake of my life and remembering his feelings about it for some time afterwards.

The next time I saw Yvette, she was toying with another fellow, teaching me the most painful lesson of all. It was only then that I realized that all the rumors I’d refused to believe about her were true. My friends had tried to warn me, but I was too blind to see anything but what I wanted. And when one kid compared Yvette to a "cat in heat," I closed his lips with my fist. I apologized to him when I realized just how true the crude statement was. Somehow, our friendship was never the same after that. And for a period of time, I didn’t think anything in my life would be the same again. My relationship with Pa especially.

Luckily, Pa somehow understood this … but then, so did Ma ….

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ben came through the front door and as always, Marie met him. Unfortunately, he instantly read in her eyes that the cloud that had hung in the air since the Yvette incident had still not dissipated.

With a sigh, he drew his wife close. ‘Where is he?’

‘He stays in his room, except when he comes out to do his chores. His brothers stay as far away from him as they can. His dark mood worries them. Oh, Ben, do something. Talk to him. Get him to talk to you. This cannot go on. It is not good for him to be so angry with himself.’ She took in a shaky breath, then lamented, ‘I knew what that girl was about, but I don’t suppose he’d have believed me, anymore than he believed his friends.’

Pulling her away from him, holding her shoulders, Ben looked into his wife’s dark eyes. ‘The lesson Adam had to learn because of that young woman, is a hard one, Marie. And Adam … he just doesn’t bounce back from things the way his brothers seems to, especially that youngest one.’

Her eyes told him that was not the answer she wanted, or was about to accept.’

Ben nodded, then placed a kiss on her forehead. ‘I’ll talk to him.’ He considered how to approach it. ‘I think I’ll take him for a walk.’ He hesitated, then added, ‘But don’t wait dinner for us. I can’t rush him. If I’ve learned nothing else about my son in all these years, I’ve learned that.’

Marie’s eyes embraced him. ‘I love you, Ben Cartwright.’ She stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the lips, then released him.

With a knock to the bedroom door, Ben entered and Adam got to his feet to face him.

‘It’s been a long, hard day and I’d like to unwind with a walk. Will you join me, Adam?’

Feeling there was only one answer, Adam nodded. ‘Yes, sir.’

They walked in silence until they reached the market.

‘Perhaps you’d share some dinner with me? We could eat in the Square?’

His eyes filled with questions, but Adam nodded, answering solemnly, ‘Yes, sir.’

They found a bench and ate quietly for several moments, washing their food down with strong, hot coffee. The harbor was busy and they watched the men come and go from the ships docked there. Out of the corner of his eye, Ben became aware of a young woman observing them. Without raising his head, he noticed Adam look up, then drop his head instantly. The girl moved along and only then did Ben make a point of identifying her, confirming what he suspected.

Yvette sauntered down to the wharves and moments later one of the sailors moved towards her. They soon disappeared into the crowd of people there.

Adam stood abruptly. ‘I’m ready to go home, Pa.’ His discarded his half-eaten meal on the bench.

Ben shook his head, his voice growing firm. ‘Sit down.’

‘Please, Pa.’

‘Sit down.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Adam sat, dropping his eyes.

‘Adam?’ The young man flinched, but kept his head bowed. ‘Look at me, please.’

When Adam raised his head, his eyes were filled with tears. He tried to blink them away.

Reaching out, Ben squeezed his knee. ‘The world is a complicated place, Adam. I wish I could explain all of it to you, so that things like – ’ he jerked his chin toward the spot they’d last seen the flirtatious young woman, ‘ – your experience with Yvette never had the chance to happen.’ He rubbed his son’s leg. ‘But I can’t. However, I can tell you this. The pain inside you will go away and the scar it leaves behind will be a reminder to be cautious in the future. A reminder to think before you act. To listen very carefully to what’s deep inside you – like the things you know are right and wrong – before acting on some impulse.’

Adam brushed the tears from his cheeks and whispered, ‘Yes, Pa.’ He dropped his head again, his fingers crumpling the paper that still held his mostly untouched meal.

Reaching out, Ben raised the boy’s chin. ‘I know you are ashamed of what happened and that you’re blaming yourself for being fooled, as well as for being foolish.’ He dropped his hand to his son’s shoulder. ‘Adam, you’re not the first young man in the world to have fallen into the clutches of that sort of woman.’

His eyes were kind, his anger over his son’s actions long since gone. ‘And … I’m going to ask you to do me a favor now.’

Eyes widening, Adam asked in surprise, ‘A favor, sir?’

Ben nodded. ‘Yes.’

Adam shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t understand, Pa.’

Reaching out, Ben briefly touched his son’s cheek. ‘I want you to forgive yourself.’

‘Pa, how is that a favor to you?’

‘Because if you forgive yourself, you can begin to heal. Your mother, your brothers and I would like to have you back again, Adam. The boy who sits alone in his room, brooding, kicking himself for something he can’t change, is not much fun to be with. I love you, son, no matter what your mood. But I’d be so much happier, to be able to come home at night, to the son of mine who wants to learn about "everything," the son who so often has his nose so deep in a book, he doesn’t even know I’m home. Or, he is busy teaching one of his brothers something he’s so fascinated about, he has to share it with anyone who will listen. Or he is learning to cook a new dish at the elbow of his mother.

You’ve learned a hard lesson, Adam. Don’t let it stop you from learning all the other lessons there are out there waiting for you. The good lessons. The ones your mind is aching to devour. Please, Adam, come home with me and bring my son back with you.’

More tears came then – tears Adam couldn’t stop. Ben moved closer to draw his son to him, allowing him to muffle his sobs and finish his tears against a strong shoulder.

‘It’s all right, son. It’s all right.’

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ben was pacing again, drawing Adam back to the present. Once more, the younger Cartwright’s anger flared. His words stopped his father in his tracks.

‘Isabella is NOT Yvette. She is a beautiful woman – inside as well as out. Her affection for me is genuine – as is mine for her.’ Reaching out an open hand, Adam added, in a voice so quiet, Ben barely heard him, ‘I’m not a sixteen-year-old boy anymore, Pa, caught up in new, unexplored feelings.’ His voice dropped even further. ‘Please don’t treat me like one.’

~~~~~~~~

The albino jerked his head up, snorting in warning, bringing Adam out of his thoughts. He was instantly aware of the familiar footsteps moving toward him. He turned, eyes finding his father’s.

Letting out a sigh, he shrugged, admitting casually, "I couldn’t sleep."

Ben’s eyes trailed up and down his son’s weary face. He allowed himself a half smile. "Neither could I." His gaze shifted to the white stallion.

"He’s a real beauty, isn’t he?"

Turning back to lean on the fence, Adam nodded, agreeing quietly, "Yes. I … I think Carlos doesn’t really want to see us sell him. And I don’t blame him. The horse is somewhat like him, I guess. He has a certain determination that is hard to argue with."

"Adam?"

Adam spun back toward his father, anxiety running rampant in his eyes as he pushed his fingers though his hair.

"Pa, I’m sorry … for throwing everyone into turmoil today. I’ll apologize to Carlos when I see him. He’s a good man, raised as I was, by responsible, loving parents who taught him well. He does have obligations and I was wrong to go against what I know is a certain code in his mind. AND I know it was improper for Isabella and I to go off alone together, based on my own upbringing. It was only that … she wanted so much to get away for a bit and I wanted to be with her. We … we … let our hearts lead us. It was our hearts, Pa. Please believe that."

Reaching out, Ben squeezed his son’s shoulder. "I do believe you, Adam. And I do understand." He reminded him, "If I didn’t understand, I would have done what you were a bit worried I’d be doing, earlier this evening."

The heat in his cheeks forced the younger man to drop his gaze to his boots. "Yes, sir. Yes, I was. And … I suppose the most inner part of me wouldn’t have blamed you." He raised his eyes to meet the loving ones waiting for him. "But I’m glad you didn’t, just the same. The last time … the last time … left an impression I won’t likely ever forget. And I’d just as soon let it remain the last time."

Reaching out, Ben drew his son close, to give him the hug he’d so wanted to give him earlier that night.

"Yes, so would I."

He released his son and again their eyes met. "What do you say we both get some much-needed rest?"

Adam nodded, then stifled a mighty yawn. "I think I can sleep now."

Ben echoed his son’s yawn, then added with an unmistakable bite in his words, "If I knew how much wood chopping I had ahead of me, I’d want to get plenty of sleep too."

Adam rolled is eyes and sighed. At least I warned Isabella that it might be a while before I’d see her again. Ax handles were among the supplies I brought home with me. I guess Pa had a premonition that we’d be needing them.

THE END.

(May 2006)