The Power of Goodbye

By Jess Cartwright

One hundred ten, but it felt hotter than that as Margaret Greene sat outside her house. She fanned herself trying to keep the temperature from bringing her blood to a boil. She stared out towards the horizon at the bright blue sky, to where it met with the land. The bone dry land. There was a mounted horse in the distance that was approaching, but Margaret didn't move. She didn't have the energy to.

As the horse approached, she could see Ben Cartwright atop. "Morning, Margaret," he said to her.

She was still fanning herself as he dismounted and walked up on her porch. "You must be crazy, Ben," she said. "Riding that poor horse all the way out here."

"I didn't see you down by the lake with Tess . She's down there with the boys."

"It's too hot to even think about moving from this spot."

"Come on, Maggie. You're not gonna sit here alone all day. Come on."

"Ben, I..."

"Come on, get your horse." She looked at him motionless. "It's cooler down by the lake, get your horse."

Margaret slowly rose, still fanning. "I don't know how you do it, Ben." she said as they began to walk towards the stable. "I just don't know how you do it."

They guided the horse out to the front of the house and mounted, beginning to ride, silently at first until Ben spoke. "I can't remember it ever being this hot." he said.

"You could say that again." The lake came into view and they could see the four bodies splashing around in the water. As Margaret and Ben approached the water and dismounted their horses, Adam was heard.

"You see, Tess," he said. "I told you that Pa would get her down here."

"And you said he couldn't do it," said Hoss. Tess splashed the water up into Hoss' face. He returned her attack with a powerful force of water, putting all of his weight into it.

Margaret and Ben took a seat on the grass under a nearby tree.

"Hop Sing fixed us extra sandwiches." Ben said pushing the basket towards her.

"Oh, I couldn't eat a thing," she said leaning back. She laughed as Tess ran out of the water, Hoss chasing her.

"Don't you come any closer to me, Hoss," she said turning as she came to a stop beside her mother. Hoss still came towards her. "Hoss," she said taking off again. He followed her to an area out of everyone's sight.

Hoss sped up to grab hold of Tess. He turned her around and smiled. "Ya think ya can get away with that water business, do ya?"

"Yeah," she smiled back.

"Oh, yeah?" He turned her back towards him and drew her close, his large arms around her waist. She turned her head and smiled again as his head gently went down and met with her's.

Back by the water, Ben and Margaret still watched, this time Little Joe jumping onto Adam. They laughed as Adam carried Little Joe out of the water on his back.

"How come you never carry me around like this at home?" Little Joe asked as Adam let him down.

"Because, Joe," Adam explained. "Right now, it's just too hot to argue with you." Adam rubbed him playfully on the head.

"Hey, Pa?" Little Joe said. "You think it's gonna be this hot tonight too?"

"Sure was last night," Adam said.

"And it will be again tonight, boys," Ben said. "I'm worried about the fields and the grazing land. We're going to need some rain soon."

"That would at least cool things off a little. If not for us, for the animals."

"I sure did pick a good time to give my ranch hands some time off." Margaret said fanning herself again.

"You ladies are in that house all alone?" Ben asked.

"Not another soul around."

"That must be nice, just you and Tess."

Margaret perked up. "Where is Tess, anyway?"

"And Hoss?" Ben began to stand when Hoss and Tess appeared.

Adam nudged Little Joe.

"Something the matter, Pa?" Hoss asked. Margaret and Ben smiled weakly. "What?"

"Nothing," Ben said as he rose and helped Margaret up. She brushed off her dress. "It's starting to get late, we should start heading back."

"I agree," Margaret said. "We should go feed and water the

animals."

"Boys, saddle up your horses. We'll ride you home, Maggie."

"That's nice of you, Ben." Margaret said. "But we can ride home.

"There's no need for you to tire your horses riding out of your way."

Are you sure?" She nodded. "Alright."

Hoss stood with Tess by her horse. "I could come by tomorrow if you want." he said.

"I'd like that," Tess said smiling. Hoss leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. He then took her hand and helped her onto the horse. "I don't know what I `m gonna do with you Hoss." she said. " I'll see you tomorrow."

Hoss watched Tess ride off back towards the ranch with her mother. Adam walked over to him, giving him a gentle push. They then all mounted their horses and rode back to the Ponderosa.

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There was a soft rap on Margaret's bedroom door. "Ma?" Tess said as she slowly entered. "I can't sleep it's so hot."

"I know it is, but just think, it won't be so hot once you fall asleep." Tess sat down on the edge of her mother's bed. "Plus, I understand that Hoss might come callin' in the morning." Tess' face brightened. "Go on, get to bed." Tess stood and kissed her mother.

"Goodnight, Ma." Tess walked back to her room and closed the door. She walked over to the small window and looked outside. A think haze kept the stars from shining in the sky. Tess walked back over to her bed, and it wasn't long before she fell asleep.

Outside, the crickets chirped loudly and everything was peaceful and serene, until the unthinkable happened. A dry patch of grass at the corner of the house caught fire. The Greenes slept as the fire grew and began to engulf the bottom floor. Margaret tossed in her bed. She coughed, sitting up, only to see smoke starting to fill her room from under the door. "Oh, my God." she said jumping out of bed and running to the door. She flung it inward and was bombarded by a thick cloud of smoke, and a bright orange fire that glowed down the hall, near Tess' room. She ran down the hall and turned the doorknob to Tess' room. It wouldn't budge. Margaret banged wildly on the door. "Tess, wake up! Fire!" she cried. "Tess! Tess!" She pushed on the door harder. Tess heard her mother's cries and ran to open the door, but it wouldn't open for her either.

"The door's stuck!" Tess screamed. "Get me outa here, Ma.

Please, get me out." Margaret felt the fire getting closer, it was getting harder to breathe. She kept pushing at the door. "Please, Ma. Please help me! Get me out!"

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It was dark out, but Adam couldn't sleep. It was still way to hot for him to even lay in bed. He sat out on the porch and stared into nothingness.

"Adam?" Ben said as he walked out onto the porch.

"I couldn't sleep." Adam said. "I thought I'd just sit out

here for a while." Ben nodded.

"It is hot in there." Ben said. "Isn't it."

"Hoss' snoring doesn't help much either." Adam laughed. Ben leaned up against the side of the house and looked out at the horizon. In the distance he saw a faint orange glow. Adam noticed it also. "Wild fires?" he turned to his father.

"I don't think so." Ben walked away from the house a bit and almost leaned into the view.

"That's awful close to the Greene ranch."

"Oh, God." Ben said. "That's right on top of their ranch."

Adam jumped up. "I'll get the horses, Adam. Wake your brothers. Go, now!"

Adam ran into the house and to the bedroom.

"Hoss! Little Joe!" he said. "Get up." The boys turned in bed.

"Fire at the Greene ranch, Get up!"

"What was that?" Hoss asked half asleep.

"There's a fire at the Greene ranch, Get up. Both of you." He smacked Little Joe in the back of the head. "Hurry up." Adam ran back outside. Ben had gotten the horses to the front of the house. Shortly after, Hoss and Little Joe stumbled out. The fire had begun to glow brighter in the distance. Ben turned to his sons. "Joseph, I want you to ride into town and wake the people. tell them we need help, fire at the Greene's. Go, Joe." Little Joe jumped on his horse and raced towards town. Adam and Hoss got on their horses and the three of them rode to the Greene's. As they got closer, the house's outline became clearer. "Oh, God." Ben said. He quickly looked around. "They must still be in there."

Hoss jumped down off of his horse and raced towards the house, pushing through the door. The fire shot through the air, but Hoss continued forward. He covered his mouth and nose with his shirt.

"Hoss!" Ben called to him from outside. No answer. "I'm going in there."

"No, Pa." Adam grabbed for his father as he walked swiftly towards the house. Ben had not yet reached the house when Hoss appeared in the doorway carrying somebody. Ben stopped as Hoss approached him. Margaret was lying completely limp in his arms. He went to hand her over to his father.

"Tess' still in there," Hoss said. "I have to go back in."

"Let me go," Adam said.

"The door is stuck, you'll never get in there," Hoss said as he ran back towards the house.

The flames seemed to be hotter than before as Hoss found his way towards Tess' room He pushed at the door. "Tess!" he called out as he tried to get the door open. "Tess!" Hoss gave the door one last push with his shoulder and it flew open.

Hoss stumbled in, peering through the thick black smoke, but he couldn't find her. He bent close to the floor and began to feel around with his hands. He felt nothing at first, but then he came upon her, sprawled, motionless on the floor. Hoss picked her up and headed out of the house.

Outside, Ben and Adam watched in horror as pieces of the house began to collapse. Ben jumped up, but Adam grabbed hold of him. They could see Hoss in the doorway once again, this time with Tess in his arms. He brought her over to his father and brother. He placed her down and stepped back, pushing the hair back on his head. He stumbled a bit and rubbed his eyes.

Hoss sat down on the ground, coughing from the smoke. Adam went over to him and placed his hand on his back. They could hear the fast approaching gallop of the horses and soon saw the townspeople coming to help. Ben stayed with Tess and Margaret as Shelby dismounted her horse. Hoss and Adam watched as she bent down, putting her fingers on both necks.

"Get the wagon over here!" she called as she moved from Margaret to Tess. Big Dan approached with the wagon and he and the others put Margaret in the back. He then looked over at Shelby with Tess. Shelby looked over to Ben who in turn glanced back at his sons.

No words were exchanged amongst them, but they all seemed to know. Hoss looked back at his father and shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face and a tear in his eye.

Chapter Two

Ben sat outside a room above the Post. He had sent Adam home with Hoss and Little Joe while he waited for word from the doctor. The door swung open and Ben jumped to his feet. "How is she, doctor?" he asked.

"She's awake, but shaken," the doctor said. "Keeps asking about her daughter."

"Can I see her?"

"I don't see why not. Not too long though. She's been through a lot, it still needs to register."

Ben nodded and slowly entered the room. Margaret was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Maggie?" he said as he walked closer to the bed. Margaret continued to look up at the ceiling.

"She's dead, isn't she?" Margaret said without turning her head.

Ben stood in silence as Margaret looked over at him. "My baby's dead, Ben, isn't she?"

"I'm so sorry, Margaret." She turned her head and went back to staring at the ceiling. "There was..."

"I couldn't open the door, Ben." Margaret started crying. Ben sat down beside her and took her hand in his. "I heard her crying. She begged me to get her out and all I could do was...pray that by some strange miracle that door would open. But it wouldn't and I felt the fire getting closer. I couldn't just leave her in there. Ben, she was my baby. I couldn't just leave her. I couldn't..."

Ben held her hand tighter, "It's alright, Maggie," he said trying to comfort her. "Everything's gonna be alright, you see."

"How can you say that? How can you say that everything'll get better when it can't? Tess was my world and now she's gone. Nothing matters anymore." Ben was silent as he listened to Margaret's words.

"Please go, Ben." She pulled her hand away from him.

"Maggie."

"Please go."

Ben stood slowly and turned, exiting the room. Margaret went back to her silent stare. Ben walked downstairs into the Post. A group made up of Eli, Ruth, Shelby and Big Dan were all standing, waiting for news.

"Well?" Shelby said as Ben hit the bottom step.

"She doesn't want anybody up there." Ben said.

"Then she's awake. Did she say anything?"

"Margaret seems to think that nothing matters anymore now that Tess is..." There was a long silent pause. They all looked around at eachother. "I'm worried about her."

"Is there anything that we can do to help?" Ruth asked him.

"We're doing all we can." Ben leaned up against the counter.

"There isn't much more we can do."

"Then what?" Shelby asked.

Ben rubbed his eyes with one hand. "I don't know. She needs some time. Give her time, but we have to try to keep her from isolating herself." Ben turned to Eli. "When are the services?"

"Tomorrow afternoon." he said pulling out a pocketwatch. "...This afternoon."

"It's late, I should get home."

"You ain't plannin on ridin' all the way back to the ranch jest to turn around and come back in a few hours." Shelby asked.

"I have to see my boys. I have to se how they're handling this. We'll all be back in the afternoon."

"Careful ridin' home, Ben." Big Dan said.

"I will be." Ben started to exit the post. "Goodnight." He walked outside and mounted his horse. He turned to leave town. riding at a steady speed. He could no longer see the glow in the distance. The other townsfolk must have gotten the fire extinguished. All that was left, were a few clouds of smoke that could be seen over the trees.

Ben continued riding, staying clear of what had been the Greene ranch. He tried to keep the picture of what he had seen that night from entering his mind as the Ponderosa came into view. As he dismounted his horse, he saw Adam sitting on the porch.

"How is she?" Adam asked, standing as his father approached.

"As well as can be expected. What about you and your brothers?"

"I told Little Joe. He's... dealing with it. He's lost so much in this past year. First Ma, then Carlos, and now Tess. I think he's stronger than any of us." Adam sat back down. "Hoss... still doesn't want to accept it. He didn't say a word on the way back, shrugged it off when I brought it up. I don't know, Pa."

"He loved her, Adam." Ben said walking over to his son. "This is hard for all of us, but especially for Hoss and Margaret." Ben put his hand on Adam's shoulder. "Come inside, Adam. We've got an early start tomorrow." Adam stood and walked with Ben inside.

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"Let's go, boys!" Ben called. Little Joe ran out of his room, an untied necktie hanging from his collar. He approached Ben.

"Can you do this, Pa?" Ben bent down and tied it in a bow.

"Where's your jacket?" Little Joe turned and ran back to hisroom as Adam walked out. "Where's your brother?"

"Little Joe? He's getting his jacket." Adam said.

"No, where's Hoss?" Adam looked at him as Little Joe ran back out.

"I thought he left early. He said you knew."

"How long ago did he leave?"

"About an hour, maybe an hour and a half."

Ben grabbed his hat. "Adam," he said. "I want you to bring your brother into town while I go get Hoss."

"You know where he is?"

"I have a good idea. I'll be there as soon as I can." Ben and the boys left the house and Ben rode off in the opposite direction as them.

He rode for a while and then stopped, dismounting his horse. He walked forward and caught a glance of where the Greene's home stood. The smoke had lifted and all that remained was ash and burnt wooden boards. Ben looked around and then saw his son, sitting on a log, staring at the rubble. He walked over beside him.

"I thought I'd find you here." Ben said. Hoss was silent. "We're all going to the services."

"I can't go." Hoss said without turning to his father.

"Hiding from this isn't gonna make it better, son."

Hoss turned to him. "I couldn't hide if I wanted to, Pa." he said. "Everywhere I turn, every time I close my eyes, she's there. I see her face and ask myself why. Why did this happen?"

"I can't answer that, Hoss. All I know is that it was beyond our control. We tried to help her. You were the one who ran into that burning house. You saved Margaret's life."

"But I couldn't save Tess."

Ben sat down next to him. "You were very young when your mother died." Ben said. "I know you don't remember her, but she was..."

He began to trail off. "When she was shot, I tried harder than anything to save her, but nothing I did worked. For a long time it hurt, and I didn't think I would ever be able to go on. Truth is, son, it always hurts. You always miss them and you never forget. You never forget what they meant to you or how special they were. Just looking at certain things or being certain places reminds you of them. Just looking at you son, reminds me of your mother. When I look at all of you boys I see your mothers. That's because they're a part of you...After some time, you learn that they wouldn't have wanted you to mourn forever. Eric, grieve, but don't let your feelings control your life."

Hoss looked over at Ben, his eyes completely glazed. Ben leaned over and put his arms around his son, allowing Hoss to cry on his shoulder.

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Ben and Hoss rode into town and up to the town hall. Everyone was standing outside as they dismounted and hitched their horses.

"What's going on?" Ben asked.

"It's Margaret," Big Dan said. "She ain't comin' down. Shelby's with her now." They then saw Shelby approaching from the Post.

"She ain't movin'," Shelby said. "It's like talkin' to a wall in there."

They all looked at eachother in deep thought. Hoss turned to his father.

"Let me try."

"Hoss," Ben said. "I'm not sure that'll do much good.

"Please, Pa. Let me do this. I need to do this." Ben looked at his son for a moment without answering him. "Please."

"Go," Ben finally said. "Give it a try." Hoss walked towards the Post and walked inside up to Margaret's room. He softly knocked on the door and then entered.

"Ma'am?" he said. She was lying in bed facing the ceiling and made no effort to look at him. Hoss walked closer and sat down next to her bed. "Mrs. Greene, I'm right sorry about what happened. I know you're sad and you don't wanna go down there. You see, I didn't plan on comin' today either. I was just gonna sit and think about how I wish I could've changed things and how much I wish this wouldn't have happened." Hoss paused looked over at Margaret who still stared at the ceiling. "When Pa came and found me, he told me about my Ma, and how even though I never knew her, she's still a part of me. He made me change my mind about comin' today. I really think you should come down." Margaret still went unmoved. Hoss continued. "You can't just quit livin'," he said. "Now I don't mean no disrespect, ma'am, but you ain't no different than anybody else. My Pa lost three wives and he still manages to raise us and keep a roof over our heads. Not to mention manage the Ponderosa. Isabella's brother was shot and killed. But she still found the courage to go back to Mexico and leave everything that she ever knew behind to help a sick friend." He was still receiving no response. "And what about the Orowitz's? They lost both their children to influenza comin' West. They didn't turn around and go back. They didn't quit. Nobody quit. Why should you?"

Margaret turned to him. "Don't you understand, Hoss?" she finally spoke. "Tess was my whole life. I can't just say goodbye." Hoss leaned over, his arms resting on his legs. "Then don't."

The tears started to well up in Margaret's eyes. "The way I see it, Mrs. Greene, goodbye is a mighty powerful word. Usin' goodbye is like sayin' you ain't never gonna see the person again. But they're always with you, and like my Pa says, they're part of you. We're all gonna see eachother again someday. So I guess it's more of a so long than a goodbye." Hoss stood and began to exit the room when Margaret called to him.

"Hoss," she said. He turned back. "I need ten minutes to change. Then I'll walk with you if you wait."

Hoss smiled. "I'd be happy to," he said as he turned and walked out of the room.

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Margaret stood outside the Trading Post. Nearly a week had passed since the accident. Ben and his boys noticed her standing there and approached.

"Glad to see you're feeling better, Maggie." Ben said.

"You've got Hoss to thank for that. I don't think I would have ever been able to get out of that bed if it weren't for him." She paused. "Actually, Ben, I was hoping to see you."

"You just let us know when you're ready to rebuild the house and..."

"Ben," she interrupted him. "I'm not going to rebuild."

"But..."

"I'm moving back East. This whole situation has made me look at things in a new light. My father's living alone back there. I was figuring on staying with him." Ben was silent as Margaret reached into a small purse, pulled out a folded piece of paper, and handed it to him. He unfolded it. "That's the deed to my land. I kept it in the bank. It's the only thing I didn't lose in the fire. I want you to have it, Ben."

"I can't accept this, Maggie."

"I won't take no for an answer. Besides," she smiled, "I never really liked ranching anyway."

"I don't know what to say." Ben said as the stage pulled up and he helped Margaret inside. "Will we ever see you again?"

"I'm sure you will. But until then, you take care of yourself, and those boys of yours." Ben nodded. "So long, Ben." Margaret motioned for the driver to move and they began to ride. Ben took his boys and stood back, clutching the deed in his hand. They watched as the stage rode to the end of town, and were silent as it disappeared over the horizon.