White Hair Before I'm 50

By Marion

June 18, 18-

I have heard that the strain of raising children will turn a parent's hair white. If this is true, my hair will be completely white before I am fifty. Indeed, if this is true, I will be completely white by the end of next week.

I love my children; no one could doubt that. Indeed, were it not for them, I know I would not have survived the trials of my life. How else could I bear the deaths of my three wives and of my younger brother, were it not for seeing them in Adam, Hoss, Joseph and Anna? And yet, the four of them, sometimes singly, sometimes together, present me with such trials that I think Job himself would not have survived. This week has been especially beset by such trials.

This is the first opportunity I have had to write in my journal since last Sunday afternoon. On that day, the four had asked for permission to go riding for the afternoon. As they had completed their chores, had apparently been paying attention in church and had made it through the week without any trouble, I gave permission readily. Hop Sing and I enjoyed the afternoon of solitude. As suppertime drew nearer, I decided to go for a ride.

There is, some distance from the house, a series of caverns which Hoss, Joseph and Anna are forbidden to explore. Adam is of age and I cannot forbid him to do certain things, although I can strongly suggest he not do those things. The caves are unstable and have been known for their cave-ins. At any rate, my ride brought me within a few hundred yards of the farthest cave when I noticed the four horses belonging to my children tied up outside one of the caves, which appeared to have suffered a very recent cave-in. I raced to the entrance, threw myself off my horse and rushed to the cave entrance. All I could think was that the dearest people in the world, the entire reason for my living were trapped in the cave, possibly hurt. I could not bring myself to think that any of them had been killed. Just as I reached the entrance, one of the larger boulders blocking the way was pushed aside and Joseph climbed out. He took one look at me and his face fell.

I heard Annie yelling at Joe because he was blocking the entrance. He stepped aside and she came out next. Her expression was so like Joe's that I might have laughed, if I were not so angry. Hoss came out next, took one look at me and he stared at his feet. Adam was next, demanding to know why everyone was so quiet. "Hey, Pa" was all he said before he started running his fingers through his hair, a sign that he is nervous about something.

The four were lined up in front of me, like men going to a firing squad. I stared at them, all of them looking at anything but me. A few words from me brought all eyes to me. I hooked my thumbs near my belt buckle, a gesture guaranteed to make even Adam more nervous. Three sets of eyes slid to Adam, electing him the spokesman by virtue of his age.

"You see, Pa..."

He got no further. I raised my hands to stop his excuses. "I don't want to hear it. There is no excuse for this. None whatsoever." By now I was furious. I just pointed to the horses and said "Home. Now." The four of them ran to obey, all of them careful to remain out of my reach.

I gave myself some time to cool down before I followed them home. I have a terrible temper, or so my wives have told me, and I have learned not to punish my children whilst I am angry. Unfortunately for Adam, he is the one I learned on. Once I had calmed down considerably I rode towards home. I was pleased to note that all the barn chores were done. I stabled Buck and I headed into the house. All four children were seated by the fire, and all four leapt to their feet as I walked in. Hop Sing took one look at me and excused himself.

I said because I could not punish Adam, I could not in good conscience punish any of them. Their looks of relief were short-lived, however as I proceeded to light their ears on fire, as Adam once said. Hoss and Adam were silent. I could see that Joseph was close to tears and Annie had started crying. I told them both to stop it or I would change my mind about punishment.

Supper that evening was very quiet. After supper, I took Adam outside and told him how disappointed I was that he had helped his brothers and his cousin to disobey me. I allowed as he was too old to be told what to do by me, but that they were not. I expected him to be my ally and not to work against me. He was quiet as we walked, but when we were done I could see that my point had been understood. Adam, more than any of the others except possibly Hoss, hates to think that he has disappointed me. I thought he would take that lecture to heart and that we would have no further problems for a while.

Events soon proved me wrong. Monday passed without incident, as I knew it would. I wish I could say the same for Tuesday. Adam and Hoss were clearing some dead wood from a clearing near the house and Annie and Joe were helping them. I had given them very specific instructions about stacking the wood so we could use it for the winter.

Imagine my surprise when I saw a wisp of smoke coming from the clearing. I rode out to see what was happening and I was shocked to find that they were burning the wood that I meant them to save. I asked them what they were doing. Hoss responded that they were doing what I had told them to do. I told him they were most certainly not doing what I had told them to do.

Hoss threw down the branch he was holding. "Well, goldangit, Pa, it's not our fault if you gave us bad orders!" Three jaws dropped in the stunned silence. The only thing that saved Hoss was that he had not actually sworn at me, although the intent was obviously there.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." I stared at Hoss, not quite willing to believe I had heard him address me so. Annie, Joe and Adam slowly backed away from the two of us.

You would think, having made it through Adam's teen years that I would not be surprised by Hoss's outburst. But I was. Hoss was the most mild-mannered lad I had ever met and he almost never spoke to me with disrespect. He did a few times when he was younger, but I thought I had cured him of it.

"Eric," I said. "Walk with me. You three keep working."

Hoss and I walked for about a half an hour during which I explained to him in no uncertain terms that he was not to ever address me in such a fashion again. After about ten minutes of my explanation, Hoss was apologizing repeatedly and promising that it would never happen again, no sir, Pa, never again. I also told him I thought he could plan on spending the rest of the week and the entire weekend, except for church, on the ranch and that I would be sure to find him plenty of work to do. Once again, I heard "yes, sir, Pa, yes sir."

Wednesday found Annie and Joe bickering over some petty thing or another. I decided that if they had sufficient work to do away from each other that the bickering would stop. I was right.

By Thursday all four had found themselves sufficiently chastised that I thought that finally my week was improving. Friday morning went well. I sent Adam into town yesterday afternoon to do some errands. I thought it best to keep the other three at home, so that they would stay out of trouble.

Suppertime came, and Adam had not come home. I wasn't worried that anything had happened to him, but I was starting to get a little angry. He knows that if he is going to miss supper that he is to let Hop Sing know. Adam doesn't need to ask permission, but he does owe Hop Sing the courtesy of telling him.

We heard a horse shortly after we finished supper. Hoss looked out the window, then hurried out the door. I glanced after him and saw him run up to Adam's horse. Thinking Adam was hurt, I jumped from the chair and ran outside just in time to see Hoss help Adam down.

Worried, I ran up to the boys. "Are you hurt, Adam?" One whiff of his breath and I knew exactly what was wrong. I sent him into town and he rewards my confidence in him by drinking during the day, when he was supposed to be working. I grabbed his arm and threw him easily over my shoulder. "Take care of his horse, please, Hoss." I stalked into the house and threw Adam onto his bunk. I pulled off his boots and threw a blanket over him. He hadn't uttered a word since I saw him. Either he was more drunk than I thought or he was less drunk and he realized how angry I was. I decided not to deal with him until the morning.

Adam and I had a long discussion this morning on what I expected of him during working hours. I told him I would dock his pay, and I warned him that had he been working on another ranch, he would have been fired. I don't know if it was good sense or a bad hangover that kept him quiet, but I wasn't going to complain.

After chores were done, Joe and Annie asked for permission to visit Mitch. I felt they had been sufficiently punished for their earlier deeds, so I granted permission. Truth be told, I did not care to deal with the two of them moping about the yard when I had work to do, and I knew I would probably tan the both of them if they even stepped out of line a little. Better we should have some distance from each other.

Hoss, Adam and I were working in the yard with some of the new horses when Annie and Joe came riding in, hours before we expected them. I did not expect them to return until Charlie Devlin came over to discuss the possibility of the borrowing Jove in return for our use of his bull. The two rode up to the corral and dismounted near me. I realized as soon as I saw how nervous they were that they were in trouble. Annie spoke first.

"Uncle Ben? We...um, that is, um, Joe and I..."

I was in no mood for her stalling so I interrupted. "What is it, Annie?"

She took a deep breath and looked at me. "Joe and I need to talk to you."

I leaned against the fence. "So talk."

She looked at Hoss and Adam, then back at me. "Privately."

I hit the fence in disgust. "What have you two done now?" Not waiting for an answer, I turned to Hoss. "Take their horses, please." I strode towards the house, not looking back to see if they were following. I stopped on the porch and turned to them.

"Is this private enough?"

"Yes, sir." Annie took a deep breath. "Uncle Ben, we didn't go to Mitch's. We went to town."

"To town?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did I give you permission to go to town?" Joe closed his eyes and shook his head. Something told me this was going to be worse than just going to town.

Annie answered. "No, sir, you didn't."

"So you lied to me."

Annie started rocking slightly; I have learned that's her way of showing nervousness. She swallowed loudly and whispered "Yes, sir."

"And what happened in town that you feel the need to confess to me now."

Annie glanced at Joe. He took up the story. "Mr. Devlin caught us, Pa, and he told us to tell you or he would."

I almost sighed. "What did Mr. Devlin catch you doing? And Annie, stop that crying or I'll get angry."

She tried to stop the crying, but she wasn't entirely successful. I decided to ignore it.

Joe continued. "We were somewhere we shouldn't be."

Now I was getting very angry. I hate having to drag stories out of my children and these two were going to drag it out detail by detail. "I want to know the whole story and I want to know it now. Anna!"

Annie jumped. "Mr. Devlin caught us trying to sneak into Mr. Wolfe's hotel." My expression must have changed dramatically because her eyes went wide as saucers. "We wanted to know why it was such a bad place and we knew you would never take us there, so we decided to try to sneak in. Mitch told his father he was coming here, and we told you we were going there. We met halfway and rode into town. We almost made it into the back of the hotel when Mr. Devlin caught us. He told us that we had to tell you, or he would when he saw you this afternoon. We knew it would be worse if you heard it from Mr. Devlin instead of us."

There isn't much to add except that I expressed, rather forcefully, my displeasure at their deception and disobedience. The two of them spent the rest of the afternoon in their rooms, although I doubted very much they wanted to be anywhere else. I did get the rest of the story from Charlie later. He had seen them sneaking towards the hotel when he came out of the store. He followed them and, he said, they just about jumped out of their skins when he grabbed Mitch and Joe. We both had a laugh at that. Indeed, Charlie and I spent an hour trading stories about our children. His week was no better than mine. In fact, Pete Devlin was apparently Adam's drinking companion yesterday and Mitch and his youngest daughter were fighting the whole week about chores. Maybe it's the weather.

I can only hope that this week will inspire all four of my children to behave themselves for a long while. If not, I won't have to worry about going white. I shall be bald after they make me pull out all my hair.

The End.