Whither Thou Goest

By Marion

Rating: PG-13 (I guess. There's some vague allusion to marital relations)

The Ponderosa and the Cartwrights are not mine. Thank you to Mr. Dortort for allowing me to play on the Ponderosa for a little while. This story is purely for entertainment and is not intended to infringe on the rights of anyone else involved with Bonanza and Ponderosa.

I'd like to thank Nancy and Kierin, my occasionally dueling beta readers. Once again they did a great job catching all the missed commas, all the extra commas, the slips in point of view…They're the best!

I'd also like to thank Vicki. Her Bonanza stories made me realize what an interesting genre fanfic could be. And, her stories of the pre-Ponderosa years in Eagle Station inspired me to write what I hope is the first in a series of five stories…

Eagle Station, March, 1847…

My beloved:

I hope and pray this letter finds you well. I have but a scant few minutes to write this.

I am in good health, although concerned that I have left you and our sons for so long. Believe me, my love, had I known I would not be able to return to you before the first snow, I would have never left your side.

I have found employment as, of all things, a schoolmaster. I have seven pupils under my tutelage; the pay is not substantial, but it is enough to keep me. I have also found odd jobs to fill my days so that I do not have time to miss you too much. Sutter assures me that Daniel Larsen, the man who carries this letter, is trustworthy, so I have enclosed my meager savings. I wish only that it were more.

I had hoped to join Mr. Larsen on his journey, but he refused; he prefers to travel alone. Perhaps that is for the best, and I pray nightly to be returned safely to you.

I must close now. Tell our sons that they are in my thoughts and that I know I can be proud of them. I wish I could be with you when your time comes, but I will only count the days until I hold you, and our baby, in my arms. Until then, I shall remember you in my prayers. I remain,

Your loving husband,

Ben

"You'll wear out that paper if you keep folding it and unfolding it."

Marie Cartwright jumped at the soft voice behind her. "Mon dieu, Adam, you have frightened me."

Adam's look of mischief gave way to one of contrition and he knelt at his mother's feet. "I'm sorry, Ma." He frowned slightly. "Shouldn't you be in bed? You need your rest. Pa wouldn't want you staying up and worrying about him."

She smiled slightly. "And you, too, should be in your bed, mon fils. Go. I shall stay up only a few more minutes."

He stood and kissed her cheek, and she watched him return to the curtained sleeping area that he shared with his brothers. Satisfied that he had gone to bed, she looked back at her husband's letter. She folded it carefully, tucked it in the pages of her missal and looked around the small rooms she shared with her family.

Rooms! How glorious that sounded. The living quarters they rented in the boarding house were really nothing more than a large rectangle. Her bedroom was a small room at one end; the boys slept in a curtained off area at the other end. The fireplace served as both heat source and cooking area for the family, and the beds, a table with chairs and a rocking chair were the only pieces of furniture in the sparse rooms. Marie sighed. It was not the place of her dreams, but it was shelter. Ben, Adam and Erik had helped build the boardinghouse in return for six months' free rent. The Widow Hansen was grateful to the Cartwrights for their assistance; she had been on the trail with them and lost her husband to cholera; the boardinghouse would be her livelihood.

Ben had left the family after the boardinghouse was complete, satisfied that they would have a roof over their heads for the winter. He had gone to California, to scout the land on which they would settle. Marie's pregnancy had left her too ill to finish their journey that year.

October to March. Marie could not believe it had been five months since Ben had left. Some days it seemed like an eternity. When she had lost the child, she had struggled with depression. Only her three sons kept her from despair. Her sons, and the knowledge that her husband would return to her soon.

The winter had been hard. Adam had occasionally gone hunting with Daniel Larsen, the man who had delivered Ben's letter, but now Mr. Larsen was gone, and Marie did not wish Adam to go hunting alone. She supposed she was not being reasonable, and she knew the risks here were no greater than the ones he would have faced when hunting on the trail, but she could not bear the thought of Adam in danger. Monsieur Devereaux, who owned the livery, had sold them food, and, Marie suspected, sold it at little profit. That had surprised her, for he did not seem to be the type of man who would do things out of kindness, but perhaps he felt sorry for her misfortune. If it put food in her children's mouths, then she would accept his pity. She had even earned money by doing the laundry of the men who rented the rooms below, although she knew Ben would stop that as soon as he returned.

Marie shuddered, and drew her shawl close around her. A small thought began to form. What if Ben did not come back? Non! She would not allow that it could be a possibility. She took some bricks from the fireplace, wrapped them in flannel and hurried to her small room. She tucked the bricks under the blankets and picked up the ivory rosary on the table next to the bed. She knelt and fingered the first bead. Crossing herself, she began the prayers that would bring her comfort. Credo in Deum Patrem omnipotentem, Creatorem caeli et terrae….

Marie awoke the next morning to the sounds of angry words.

"Goldangit, Joe! You didn't fill up the wood box yesterday when it was your turn, and now I gotta do twice the work!"

"Yeah, well maybe we used up all the wood that I brung up yesterday, Erik!"

Marie started to drag herself from her bed, but she heard the sound of footsteps hurrying across the room.

"You two be quiet, or I'll take a switch to the both of you!" The voice caught Marie by surprise and she thought for a moment that Ben had returned. She smiled slightly when she realized it was Adam speaking. Her smile grew when she heard Joe answer.

"You wouldn't dare, Adam. Ma'll…" She could just picture her youngest, arms akimbo, eyes blazing.

Adam's voice urgently hushed his brother. "Joe, you're gonna wake Ma. We were going to let her sleep, because it's her birthday, remember?"

Marie was glad she had not gotten up from her bed. She would not wish to ruin the boys' surprise.

"Sorry, Adam."

Marie wondered if Joe's posture was as deflated as his voice. "I'll help Erik with the wood." Marie heard footsteps crossing the room, then they stopped and she heard Joseph again. "Uh, Adam, who's gonna cook breakfast?" She smirked. Her sons had taken after their father, and none could even make oatmeal. Then she grimaced as she realized she would have to eat what they made.

Adam laughed softly. "I traded some of our extra eggs to Miz Hansen. She's made a dish with eggs and ham. I only have to cook it for Ma."

Marie relaxed, confident her breakfast would be edible.

The food was more than edible, it was delicious. Marie couldn't decide if the Widow Hansen was such a good cook, or if it were merely that she was eating food that she did not have to prepare. Marie almost clapped with delight when Erik placed a small plate in front of her.

"Erik, wherever did you get oranges?"

He smiled, as proud as if he had just presented her with a plate of diamonds. "Mr. Devereaux had them. I traded some chores at the livery for them."

She offered each of the boys a slice of the precious fruit, but they all declined. She made a great show of enjoying the orange, touched that Erik would give his precious free time to do chores in trade for her gift. She couldn't remember the last time she had had fresh fruit, and she savored every drop of the juicy orange. Erik watched her closely as she licked the last of the juice from her fingers.

"Erik, I have enjoyed this treat!"

His grin threatened to split his face.

"Ma!" Joseph sounded shocked. "You're not supposed to lick your fingers at the table." He ducked quickly as Adam made to cuff him on the head. "Well, that's what Ma says!"

She smiled at him. "You are right, mon petit, but it is my birthday. Perhaps I may be excused?"

He grinned before sighing deeply. "I didn't have nothing to trade, Ma." He glanced around the room frantically. "I'll clean the dishes for your present."

She smiled and pulled him toward her. She looked at Erik and Adam, sitting at their places. "To have my sons with me, that is present enough." Her smile faltered slightly when she thought of her husband, but she took a deep breath and hugged Joseph to her.

"Ma?" Marie looked up at Adam's query. "Ma, I thought we could take a ride today. There's something I'd like to show you outside of town, something Mr. Larsen showed me once when were hunting."

"What is it you would like to show me, Adam?"

He grinned. "No, ma'am, it's a surprise. Just as soon as Joe finishes the dishes and Erik and I finish the chores outside, we'll go."

She tried to wheedle a hint from her eldest son, but he remained adamant that it would be a surprise. She smiled to herself as she watched him genially slap Erik on the back before they headed down the stairs. Adam might be able to keep a secret, but she knew someone who could not. She turned to Joseph, who was busy bringing the breakfast dishes to the washtub.

"Mon petit…"

Joe just waved his hand at her. "He wouldn't tell me, Ma. Said he couldn't trust me with a secret." Joe looked so disgusted that Marie had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing aloud.

The boys hurried through their chores while Marie read. Finally, when all was ready for the excursion, Adam held her coat for her and apologized for not having prepared a picnic lunch. "I expect it's still too cold to eat outside. Erik, don't forget the blankets in case Ma needs them."

Adam helped her onto the wagon and settled next to her, gathering the reins as he sat. Erik and Joe scrambled into the back, and with a glance to make sure his brothers were seated, Adam urged the horses on.

They took a route that Marie had never followed before, although she had to admit she had not ventured far from the few buildings that made up Eagle Station. They headed west, toward the mountains, and for a brief moment, Marie had the wild idea that Ben was hiding outside of town. She quickly dismissed that as a foolish fancy and leaned back to enjoy the ride. She was determined to enjoy her special day with her sons.

As they went, Erik and Adam took turns pointing out different sights. Apparently this was not the first time Adam had brought his brother with him on this trip. Marie recalled giving the two boys permission to leave town, but she did not recall giving them permission to go so far. She resolved to speak to Adam about it privately, not to scold, but just to ask that he not venture so far from home. Finally he drew the wagon to a stop. Marie looked around in puzzlement. Although beautiful, the trees and hills were not what Marie expected. She turned to Adam questioningly.

He held up a strip of cloth and grinned. "Milady must be blindfolded as we take her to our secret place."

Marie frowned, not sure if she liked the idea of being unable to see. Finally she decided to go along with the old game they had played when he had been younger and she shrugged. "As you wish it, Sir Pirate." Adam gently tied the cloth around her eyes, and she could see only blackness.

They rode on, and Marie was mesmerized by the sounds around her. The wagon creaked, of course, and the soft clop of the horses' feet made a gentle rhythm. She could hear Adam's soft breathing, and Joe fidgeting on the bench behind her as Erik repeatedly hushed him. What amazed her were the sounds of nature - the call of the birds, the clacking of bare tree limbs as they swayed in the wind, even the sound of some larger animal crashing through the pines. Finally, she heard something that sounded vaguely of water splashing gently against a sandy shore. She shook her head to clear her ears, but the sound lingered. The wagon shifted slightly, as though going down an incline, and Joe gasped as Erik urgently shushed him. Adam called quietly to the team, and the wagon came to a halt. Marie waited, unsure of what to do. She felt a tug, and the cloth fell from her eyes.

She blinked several times as she became accustomed to the light. Then she gasped, just as Joe had minutes before.

"Mon dieu, c'est incroyable."

Adam grinned at her and leaped lightly to the ground. He held out his hand and helped her from the wagon.

"Happy Birthday, Ma." He put his arm over her shoulders and hugged her close.

The lake stretched before them, sparkling in the morning sun as far as the eye could see. Way in the distance, she could see the snow-capped mountains, and her heart swelled at the thought that soon Ben would be able to cross them safely and return to her. She looked up as an eagle cried overhead, and then she followed his fast descent to the lake, clapping her hands in delight as he rose from the water with a fish in his talons. Water lapped at the edge of the shore, and she laughed as Erik grabbed Joseph just before he ran into the shallows.

"Careful, mon petit, the water will be cold still."

Joe turned to her and waved as he ran off in a different direction.

Adam took her hand and led her closer to the water. "I think this lake is going to be cold all year round."

Marie looked at the nearby stream running to the lake. "Yes, I think perhaps you are right, mon fils." She smiled at him. "Thank you for my gift, Adam."

He blushed. "Well, I can't give you the lake, but I can give you a few hours here."

They walked along the edge of the water, watching Joe and Erik run ahead. Marie could not recall being in such a beautiful place. She said a quick prayer for her husband's safe return and thanked God for keeping her sons healthy. Her thoughts turned to the child who would never run beside her brothers, and for the first time since she had lost her daughter, Marie was not overwhelmed by sadness.

She must have sighed aloud, because Adam stopped and looked at her. "Ma, are you all right? You aren't tired, are you?"

"No, Adam. I am…" She stopped, not sure how to explain her feelings. "No, I am…at peace."

He smiled shyly and looked down. "I know what you mean. I've been here several times since Mr. Larsen showed me. There's something about this place that feels like…like…"

"Like home."

He looked at her, startled. "Yeah, like home. Like I don't ever want to leave here." He looked down at his feet and back at her. "Sometimes, Ma, I wonder what California could have that this place doesn't have. Could it be as beautiful?"

She squeezed his hand tightly, pleased that he felt the same way. "Peut-etre we should speak to your father when he returns?"

Adam turned to look out at the lake. After a minute, he nodded. "I think peut-etre we should."

They walked until they caught up to Joe and Erik, who were skipping stones. Adam spread a blanket for Marie, and after seeing to her comfort, he joined his brothers. Marie watched the boys fish for a while, enjoying their brotherly banter. How wonderful just to relax. The long winter had been stressful, four people living in their small rooms, Marie ill, Adam trying to be the man of the house, Erik and Joe doing their best but missing their father. Marie sighed. As the gentle breeze blew across her face, she couldn't help but feel hopeful that life could only get better. Ben would be home soon, she could feel it in her heart.

The morning ended too soon, and Marie vowed on the trip home that she would journey as often as possible to the lake. As they returned the wagon to the livery, Maurice Devereaux approached Marie.

"Bon anniversaire, Madame Cartwright." He sketched a half bow in her direction.

"Merci, Monsieur Devereaux." Marie glanced at Erik, who was holding the day's catch of fish. "Monsieur, my sons have had a successful day fishing. Perhaps you would like to join us for supper this evening?"

M. Devereaux smiled broadly. "I would be delighted, Madame. I have just the thing for this most special occasion and I shall be pleased to bring it with me." He bowed again as Marie took Adam's arm and they returned to the boarding house.

Later that afternoon, as Marie prepared the supper, and the boys attended to chores, Marie thought about Maurice Devereaux. Meeting a fellow Frenchman here in the wilds of Utah had been an unexpected pleasure, and she enjoyed his company. She was careful, of course, to maintain proper boundaries. Her heart belonged only to her beloved husband, and M. Devereaux was an honorable man. However, people would always talk – she knew that from her days in New Orleans. She was never alone with M. Devereaux, never overly friendly. Although she longed to converse in her native language, she and M. Devereaux never spoke more than a few words of French, for that would create an inappropriate intimacy. Still, M. Devereaux had been kind to the family during the winter, employing Erik and Adam at odd jobs whenever possible, entertaining Joseph with stories, selling food at prices she could afford, and generally watching out for the family.

She suspected the man was from a French noble family. His manners were impeccable and his conversation suggested he had been well educated. His comments on her cooking and their discussions of food convinced her that he was not peasant born. She knew he'd come to America as a young man, but more than that he would not say, and she would not ask. Here in the west, no one had a past.

M. Devereaux arrived promptly at five o'clock. In New Orleans, Marie would never have served a meal before seven or eight, but in Eagle Station they learned to make the most of daylight; almost everyone was in bed soon after the sun went down – everyone except those men who went to the saloon. Marie suspected that many of them did not go to bed until just before the sun rose.

Erik opened the door to let M. Devereaux in. As her guest reached the top of the stairs, he extended his arm to Marie, proffering a bottle of wine. "Again, Madame, allow me to wish you a happy birthday. I hope you receive your birthday wish and that your husband will soon be at your side."

Marie accepted his gift graciously. "Merci, Monsieur Devereaux. I, too, hope to see my husband home soon." She smiled as the man bowed slightly. He turned to her sons.

"And for my young friends I also bring a gift." He held out a small package to Adam, who took it eagerly.

"Chocolate! Thank you, Mr. Devereaux!" Adam showed his brothers the treat, and Marie smiled to see their happiness.

"M. Devereaux, you spoil us with your kindness."

"Non, Madame, it is you who spoil me with your friendship." M. Devereaux's tone was wistful, and he turned away from Marie.

The meal was simple – a soup of fish and root vegetables, a loaf of bread and some cheese. Marie had used the last of her New Orleans spices to make the soup, and resolved that she would write to her sister, Jeanette, and ask for more. She watched as M. Devereaux dabbed his lips gently and placed his napkin on the table.

"Madame, that was a most enjoyable meal. You cook as only the French can."

Erik nodded eagerly. "Yes, sir. Ma is the best cook in these parts!"

Marie smiled as she looked from Erik to M. Devereaux. "I think perhaps, Erik, that that is not a difficult feat in Eagle Station. And, merci, Monsieur. It is a pleasure to cook again for someone who will enjoy his meal." She glanced significantly at Joe, who was pushing his stew around with his spoon.

M. Devereaux laughed. "Erik, you are quite right about your mother's cooking. You are most fortunate. My own mother was a terrible cook." He shrugged, tilting his head toward his shoulder as he raised his hands slightly. "But she employed the best cooks in Paris, so I did not suffer too much."

Erik belched loudly. Marie blanched and glared at him. Then she glared at Joe, who began to giggle at Erik's impoliteness.

"Good one, Erik," Joe said. "How about…"

Marie slapped the table, her eyes flashing. "Enough! M. Devereaux, you must please excuse my sons. I am afraid the lack of civilization in Eagle Station has influenced them badly."

M. Devereaux hid his smile behind his hand as he nodded slightly. "Here in the West, we all suffer from the lack of civilization. But ladies such as yourself will bring culture and grace even to Eagle Station." He picked up the bottle of wine. "More wine, Madame?"

"A little, please." M. Devereaux filled her glass, and then she gestured to her sons. "Adam may have some more. I think Erik and Joseph have had enough. This is an excellent wine, Monsieur. Ben and I brought a few bottles from New Orleans, but alas only one survived the trip."

Both Erik and Adam squirmed slightly under her gaze.

M. Devereaux suddenly started. "Oh, I am a fool." He turned to Adam. "Several wagons came to town today, from Salt Lake City. Most of the people are merely waiting for the passes to clear so they might go to California, but there is a Jewish couple that intends to stay in Eagle Station. They plan to open a trading post here. They asked if I knew any hard workers that they might employ to help build the trading post, and perhaps to work there when it is complete. I, of course, thought of you, Adam, and of you, Erik. Mr. Orowitz asked that you stop to see him tomorrow. They are camped on the edge of town."

Both Adam and Erik grinned excitedly as they turned to Marie. "Ma?"

Marie smiled as a wave of relief swept over her. Although they had been frugal over the winter, they had used almost all their meager savings and she had been worried about next month, when they would have to start paying rent. "Merci, Monsieur Devereaux, for recommending my sons."

Joe sat up, an insistent expression on his face. "How 'bout me? Did ya recommend me, too?"

"Joseph!" Marie's reprimand silenced the boy, and he slouched in his chair.

"I only wanna help, like Adam and Erik."

Adam grinned. "You can help, Joe. You can do our chores while we're working." Joe crossed his arms and glared at his oldest brother. His sour expression quickly changed as Adam opened the chocolate bar M. Devereaux had brought. Adam offered Marie a piece, but she declined, much to Erik's relief. The boys nibbled on their chocolate as they cleaned the dishes.

"You spoil my sons, Monsieur."

M. Devereaux shrugged, as though to concede her point. "It has been my pleasure, Madame. They are good boys, and with their father away…" He didn't finish his sentence, but instead gestured, offering more wine to Marie.

"Non, Monsieur. No more wine for me." Marie knew she would already sleep soundly tonight.

M. Devereaux took her hint, and he rose. "Thank you, again, Madame, for a most excellent meal. Bonsoir." She started to stand, but he held up his hand. "I shall see myself out." He stopped on the landing. "Bonsoir, Adam, Erik, Joseph."

"Good night, Mr. Devereaux."

After the boys went to bed, Marie sat for a few minutes in her rocking chair. Joseph and Erik's manners were becoming reprehensible. Adam was old enough to appreciate etiquette, but the younger two boys needed strong guidance. She sighed. It was hard to be both father and mother to the boys. Fortunately they had been well behaved in the ways that truly mattered. She supposed if belching at the table was their most egregious offense, she should consider herself fortunate. After all, they had been obedient and respectful all winter, even without their father's influence. She rose gracefully and peeked through the curtains at her sleeping sons. She bent over to kiss Joseph, and then reached up to pull the blanket over Erik. She smiled as she took the book from Adam's hands. They were good boys.

The next morning, Marie and her sons walked to the Orowitzes' wagons. Marie was delighted at the thought of another woman in town; Mrs. Hansen tended to be morose at times, and repeatedly spoke of Ben in the same maudlin tone as she spoke of her late husband. The only other women in town occupied a few squalid cribs on the outskirts. While Marie would not presume to judge any woman, she could not bring herself to socialize with these women, and she did not want her sons exposed to that sordid side of life.

They found Mr. and Mrs. Orowitz just finishing their breakfast. Marie tried to apologize for disturbing their repast, but Mr. Orowitz brushed her apologies aside.

"Nonsense, Mrs. Cartwright. We are pleased to meet you and your sons." He smiled as he patted Joe's head. Marie frowned slightly to warn Joe to behave.

"Such fine sons they are," Mr. Orowitz continued.

Marie beamed. "Yes, their father and I are most proud of them." She turned to Mrs. Orowitz. "Do you have children?"

Mrs. Orowitz sighed. "We had two children. They were a little older than your Joseph, perhaps; we lost them to fever on the trail before we reached Salt Lake City." Mrs. Orowitz's gentle eyes filled with tears.

Marie's hand flew to her lips. "Mon dieu. I am sorry, Madame." Marie knew what it was to lose a baby, but to lose Joseph…

Mrs. Orowitz reached out to grasp her husband's hand. "It is God's will."

Mr. Orowitz nodded his head, as though in agreement, and then he smiled. "Mr. Devereaux tells me your sons are hard workers. Perhaps they will walk with me and we can discuss what needs to be done, and what the wages shall be." He put his arm around Joe and nodded to Adam and Erik, and the four walked a short distance away.

Mrs. Orowitz began to wash the dishes. Marie automatically picked up the rag to dry, and the two women worked quietly for a few minutes.

"Mr. Devereaux said your husband wintered in California."

Marie nodded. "Yes. I was too ill last fall to continue our journey. He went ahead to buy more provisions, but he was unable to return when the snows came early. He will return shortly." Marie spoke this last sentence as a fervent prayer.

"You have recovered enough to continue then?"

Marie paused. She didn't know this woman, but Mrs. Orowitz's gentle nature seemed to envelop Marie. "I was with child."

Mrs. Orowitz nodded sadly, and she reached out to take Marie's hand. "I know what it is to lose a child."

Marie squeezed the woman's hand softly. How good it felt to speak to an understanding woman.

They finished the dishes in a comfortable silence, and Mrs. Orowitz had just finished putting away the last dish when her husband returned with Marie's sons.

"Mrs. Cartwright, we have discussed the details, and we need only your approval."

Marie smiled as she turned toward Adam. "These details, you agree to them, mon fils?"

He nodded. "Yes, Ma. I think they're fair."

She nodded and turned back to Mr. Orowitz. "Very well, sir, you have my approval. When will my sons begin their work?"

Mr. Orowitz looked a little surprised, but after a glance at Adam, he smiled. "Tomorrow. I have to make final the arrangements to buy the land from Mr. Devereaux."

Marie nodded. "Thank you, monsieur. I look forward to doing business with you when the trading post opens. Mrs. Orowitz, it was a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure was mine."

The two women smiled, and Marie knew she had finally found a friend in Eagle Station.

Marie and her sons headed back to the boarding house. Erik and Joe stayed downstairs to gather wood and bring up water while Adam and Marie went inside.

"So, Adam, will you please tell to me the arrangements you made with Mr. Orowitz?" Marie hung her coat on the hook by the stairs and hurried to the fire to put on water for tea. Adam followed her and sat at the table.

"Mr. Orowitz will pay Erik and me two dollars a week each to help build the store. He expects it'll take a couple of weeks to build and to get ready to open. Then he'll pay us to work there, and he'll give us a discount on the goods that we buy there." Adam grinned. "Oh, yeah, he's gonna pay Joe a nickel a week and all the candy Joe can eat to run errands for him."

Marie smiled at that. "I hope mon petit Joseph does not eat all of Mr. Orowitz's profits!"

Adam looked at his mother and smiled shyly. "Thank you, Ma."

"Pourquoi?"

"For letting me make the arrangements with Mr. Orowitz."

Marie sat on the chair beside Adam and covered his hand with hers. "When your father left, he told you that you would be the man of the house, non? That he counted on you to watch things until he returned. Since that time, you have acted as a man acts, and it is right that I should treat you so. When he returns, he will be so very proud of you, mon fils."

Adam stared at her hands for a minute. "Ma, do you ever worry that Pa won't come back?" His voice was hesitant, as though he struggled with himself before asking the question.

Marie sighed. She could not lie to Adam. "Sometimes at night, when all is quiet, I worry, I will not deny this." She reached out and turned his face toward her. "But I know your father will be home soon. It is my greatest prayer."

Adam nodded.

Eli was able to buy a building from Mr. Devereaux, and so he, Adam and Erik needed only to renovate the inside to hold the trade goods that he had brought from Salt Lake City. For two weeks, Adam and Erik rose early and worked hard in the trading post. Ruth made their lunches so they would not have to stop work for long, and they returned home just before supper every night. Joe proved to be a hard worker as well, doing many of his brothers' chores and running errands, but he ate so much candy in the first few days that Marie finally had to ask Eli to limit the boy's pay. Marie spent much of her time with Ruth, helping to make the small living quarters behind the trading post into a home.

Erik and Joe came home from work the day before the trading post was set to open. Marie looked behind them as they trudged up the stairs.

"Adam'll be along in a few minutes, Ma. He's just finishing something for Mr. Orowtiz. Joe and me started the chores." Erik crossed the room with an armful of wood, while Joe almost spilled a bucket of water on the floor. Marie hurried to take it from her youngest son. She could hear the door below open and close.

Marie turned at the sound of Adam reaching the top step. "Mon dieu, Adam! What has happened to you?" Marie stared at her eldest son. He had a black eye, a bruised cheek and a split lip, and he stood awkwardly, as though in pain.

Adam looked at his feet, and Marie was reminded of the boy he had been. "I was in a fight."

She stomped her foot impatiently. "This I can see. But why? You know you must not fight."

Adam shook his head as he looked back at his feet. "I don't want to talk about it." He tried to step past her, but she held out her arm.

"I did not ask did you wish to discuss this. I asked what caused this fight." Her hands were on her hips then, and she frowned at him. She followed his glance to Erik and Joseph, waiting eagerly to hear their brother's answer. Marie turned to them. "Erik, please take Joseph outside to play. Stay by the house."

Erik's shoulders drooped, and Joe's hands flew in the air. "But, Ma…" her youngest began.

"Enough of this argument!" She clapped her hands as she took a step toward the boys. "Maintenant!"

The order had the desired effect. Both boys jumped and scrambled to the stairs. "Yes, ma'am."

Marie waited until she heard the door close behind them before she turned back to Adam. "What is it you would not say before your brothers, mon fils?"

Adam blushed furiously. "A man said something, and I hit him."

Marie's frown deepened. "You started this fight? Adam, I count on you to stand in your father's place. This disappoints me."

Adam's head shot up. "Pa woulda done the same thing!"

Marie's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Adam knew his father well, and if he believed that Ben would also begin the fight, she knew something was seriously amiss. She walked to the small table by the fireplace and poured some water into a bowl. Picking up a clean rag, she walked back to the table. "You will sit."

Adam sat, and Marie drew in a deep breath.

"When we first married, your father and I, he, too, came home looking like you, with the cuts and bruises. This was also when your Uncle Edward was visiting us, and he too showed signs of the fight. They also refused to tell me why, but your father finally did." Marie smiled to herself. He had told only after an hour of badgering on her part. "A man insulted my honor, and this Ben would not allow."

Adam's eyes flicked to hers, and she could see that she had guessed correctly.

"Adam, what this man said to you, I have heard it before. To tell me will not hurt me."

Adam studied his hands, looking up only when she took them in her own. "He said that…" He stopped, and she reached out to lightly touch the bruise on his cheek. He looked over her shoulder to the wall behind her. "He said you were Mr. Devereaux's kept woman."

Marie sighed deeply. She had known that people would misinterpret M. Devereaux's kindnesses toward her and the family. She turned Adam's face so that he had to look in her eyes. "You know this is not true?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Adam replied hotly.

She smiled. "I know this is not true, and M. Devereux knows this is not true, and your father will know this is not true. That is enough. There is no need to fight." But even as she spoke the words, her heart sank. What if Ben heard these words before she could speak to him? She knew he would not believe it of her, but still the words would cause pain. And she knew that like his son, Ben would not allow another to speak of Marie that way.

A few days after Adam's fight, Marie was home alone. Adam and Erik were at work, and she had just sent Joseph to fetch them for lunch when she heard the sounds of someone walking up the stairs.

"Adam, is that you so soon? Are your brothers finishing their chores?"

Surprised that her son did not answer her, she turned to the stairs. What she saw took her breath away.

Ben Cartwright stood at the top of the stairs, hat in hand, his eyes riveted on his wife. Six months had not changed him much – he was still the handsome man Marie adored. She noticed a few more gray hairs, and his face looked drawn and in need of a shave, but that was not important.

"Mon dieu," she whispered. She quickly crossed herself and murmured "merci" and then she ran into her husband's arms.

"Marie, Marie…" Ben's arms tightened around his wife and threatened to crush her, but she didn't mind. She showered his face with kisses as he twirled her around the room.

He finally set her down and held her at arm's length. His grin split his face as he looked around the room.

Marie realized immediately what he was seeking. "Ben," she said quietly. She ducked her head; she had been dreading this moment since she had miscarried. "Ben, the baby…I lost the baby two months ago."

He staggered back as though she had struck him. His smile quickly disappeared, and he reached out for the chair behind him. Sitting down, he buried his face in his hands. She knelt at his feet and he looked down at her.

"Are you all right?" His voice was ragged and strained.

"I am well, now. I am sorry to tell you this."

His eyes narrowed. "You've done nothing to be sorry for, Marie. I shouldn't have…"

Their conversation was cut short by the sounds of a door slamming and of boots pounding up the stairs. Marie could hear Joseph shouting.

"Ma, Ma, Mr. Devereaux said he saw Pa!"

All three boys stopped at the top of the stairs for a minute, as though they couldn't believe their eyes.

"Pa, Pa!" Joseph ran to his father and threw his arms around him. Erik was right behind Joe. Adam, of course, wished to seem mature, and he walked more slowly to his father.

Ben stood and hugged Joseph and Erik, and he shook Adam's hand before he drew his eldest son into a hug as well. He smiled, but Marie noticed it was not the happy smile she had seen moments before. She sighed; he had just learned grievous news. It would take him some time to return to himself.

Joseph and Erik did not stop chattering until it was time for them to go to bed. They told their father everything they had done and everything they had seen while he had been gone. Ben didn't have much of a chance to say anything, only to nod at the appropriate times. Adam sat back and watched his brothers, a slight smile on his lips. Marie eagerly drank in the sight of her family together again.

Adam sat for a few minutes after Joseph and Erik had gone to bed, looking expectantly at his father. Ben only stared into the fire's flames, as though lost in his thoughts. Marie watched Adam shrug slightly and then stand.

"Well, I think I'm off to bed as well. Good night, Ma." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and then turned to his father. "Good night, Pa. I'm glad you're home."

Adam's light touch on his father's shoulder caused the man to flinch. "What? Oh, good night, son."

Adam hesitated before crossing the room to his bed. Marie could hear his bunk creak as he drew the curtain closed. Ben stood.

"I'm off to bed as well, Marie." He leaned to give her a kiss. "Good night."

Marie watched him incredulously. Almost five months absence and all she received was a kiss on the cheek? She immediately chided herself for her thoughtlessness. He had had a terrible shock today, when he had learned about the baby. She must give him the time to grieve that she had had. She sat quietly for a few minutes, and then followed her husband to bed. He was already asleep by the time she finished undressing and saying her prayers, but she was content to feel his body lying next to hers, and to hear his steady breathing again. For the first time in many months, she felt relaxed in her bed. She was certain that the bad times were over.

The next morning, Marie insisted on taking Ben to meet the Orowitzes. With Joe tagging behind them, they crossed the muddy street and headed up the steps to the trading post. Ben paused a moment to look at the goods piled on the porch, and then he followed Marie inside.

Adam and Erik were busy moving sacks of dry goods from the back room, and did not stop when they saw their parents, except to nod briefly to acknowledge Ben and Marie's presence. Marie knew they wished to impress their father with their hard work, but he did not seem to notice. Eli was standing behind the counter, hunched over his books, while Ruth was busy smoothing out bolts of yard goods. Both stopped their work when they saw Marie enter with her husband. Eli smiled as he approached them.

"Eli, I wish to introduce my husband, Benjamin Cartwright. Ben, this is Eli Orowitz and his wife, Ruth."

Ben shook Eli's outstretched hand and tipped his hat to Ruth, who had hurried to Eli's side. "Mr. Orowitz, thank you for hiring my sons."

"Eli, please. And it is I who should thank you. I did not think I would find such good workers here. You may be proud of them." He gestured toward the young men as though to make his point.

Ben frowned slightly. "Well, Eli, they've been raised to give an honest day's work. I would expect nothing less from them."

Eli's smile faded slightly, as did Marie's. She saw Adam and Erik pause in the doorway, and she sighed quietly. Could he not have agreed that he was proud of them?

"Marie, do you need my help here?" Marie looked up at Ben in surprise and shook her head. "Good. I've got to go see Devereaux now." He tipped his hat to Eli and Ruth. "Pleasure to meet you." Then he was gone.

Marie smiled weakly at Ruth and Eli, at a loss to explain her husband's rudeness. Eli nodded to her and returned to his books. Ruth patted her hand and Marie bade her friend good-bye. Surely, she thought, Ben's mood would improve with time.

To her dismay, Ben's mood did not improve; in fact, it grew worse over the next several days. He snapped at Erik over the least problem with the chores, he was short-tempered with Adam as the young man tried to adjust to being a son and no longer the head of the household, and he avoided Marie whenever possible. The only one he was not irritable with was Joseph.

Joseph had been exceedingly well behaved when Ben had been in California. He had rarely needed to be reminded to do chores, he had been polite and respectful, and he had never gotten into the mischief for which he was so well known. As soon as his father returned, however, the boy's behavior quickly changed, and Marie found herself continuously reminding him to do his chores.

One late morning, a week after Ben's return, Marie went to build the fire up to make lunch. She was disgusted to find that Joseph had not refilled the kindling box for the second morning in a row. She slammed down the pot she had been holding and stormed down the stairs, looking for her errant son.

She found him in the backyard with Erik. Erik no longer worked in the store; Ben now worked there instead. Marie wasn't sure how Erik felt about that – one minute he was sulking and the next minute he was happy to be at home playing with Joseph. This morning was one of those days when he was happy to be home, playing some game of his and Joe's own invention.

Marie observed the scene and scowled. "Joseph!" The two boys turned and looked at her.

"What?"

What? This boy knew better than to address her so. If his father were not at work…Marie started toward the boy, ready to reprimand him, when she was stopped by a voice behind her.

"What's the problem?"

Marie whirled around. What was Ben doing home from work? Her question must have shown on her face, for he continued, "I forgot to tell Erik some of the chores I wanted him to do." Marie could see Erik out of the corner of her eye. He would do well to hide that scowl from his father. "But what's the problem with Joe?"

"He did not do his chores this morning. I have no kindling with which to make the fire. He will do it now." She didn't mention the boy's disrespectful tone.

"Marie, he's just a boy. He shouldn't spend the day doing chores; he should play. Erik will get the kindling."

Marie had to stop herself from staring at Ben. Erik and Joe didn't even try – they both gaped at their father. The boys had had chores since they had been old enough to walk. Joe's expression turned to a grin, while Erik's turned to one of disbelief.

"Pa, you can't be serious!" Erik shut his mouth quickly when he saw his father's expression turn to fury.

"Do you want to continue this conversation behind the shed, Erik?"

"No, sir."

Ben pointed to the kindling pile. "Then I suggest you fill that box right now." Ben crossed his arms and watched the boy shove kindling into the carrying basket. Erik hurried up the stairs, his father behind him. Marie heard a smack followed by Erik's plaintive yelp of pain and then heard no more as the door closed.

Marie glared at her youngest son. "You will assist your brother."

"But Pa said…"

Marie's temper surged, and she had to stop herself from swatting the boy. "You will assist your brother, Joseph." Not looking to see if he obeyed, Marie turned and went into the house. She met her husband going down the stairs, but he merely said he'd be home for lunch and then stormed out the door. She reached the top of the stairs as Erik finished placing the kindling in the box. Her heart broke at his slumped shoulders and shuffling step.

"Erik?"

The boy glanced up at her and then at his feet. "I got a lot of chores, Ma, and Pa said if they aren't done before he gets home, I won't sit for a week."

Marie closed her eyes at the pain in her son's voice. "Erik, did your father spank you just now?"

Erik slumped even more, and Marie could see his face turning pink. "No, ma'am, just the one smack. 'Scuse me, please? I have to do the chores."

She touched his shoulder as he walked past her. He tried to smile, but Marie could see he was on the verge of tears. She fumed as she stoked the fire to cook lunch. How could Ben treat Erik this way?

Lunch was a gloomy meal. Erik wouldn't look up from his plate, Adam was scowling about something, and Joe sat with one elbow on the table and his face almost in his plate. When Marie tried to chide the boy into sitting up straight, Ben looked up.

"Marie, leave the boy alone. He's eating." Ben glowered at Erik. "And that's more than I can say for Erik. You'd best hurry up and finish your plate, boy. There are people who would be grateful to have that stew."

Erik flushed, whispered "yes, sir," and started shoveling the food into his mouth. Marie didn't have the heart to correct his table manners.

"Ma? May I be excused? Mr. Orowitz asked me to look at his inventory books, to make sure his math is right." Adam stood as Marie nodded her consent. He bent to kiss her and headed down the stairs.

"That boy's getting a little big for his britches."

Marie was shocked by Ben's statement, and she did not stop to consider her words. "That young man has been taking care of this family for the past five months, Benjamin."

Ben shoved back his chair. "Just say what you mean, Marie. He's been doing my job, that's what you really want to say." Before Marie could answer, Ben stormed down the stairs and slammed the door behind him.

The table was silent as Erik and Joe stared at her.

Finally Erik broke the silence. "Ma, since Pa didn't give me any more chores, can Joe and I go exploring?"

"May Joe and I go exploring." Marie's correction was automatic.

"May Joe and I go exploring?" Erik dutifully repeated.

Marie waved her hand in acquiescence. She washed the dishes while fighting back tears. Had it only been a week ago that she had prayed for Ben's safe return so that her family could be whole again? And now that he was home, her family was being driven apart.

Erik and Joe returned from their exploration just before Ben and Adam returned home from work. Marie, anxious to protect Erik from Ben's unexplained wrath, had begun Erik's chores for him. He apologized and thanked her, and hurried to complete his tasks. Joe ignored his mother's request to set the table, and flopped onto his bed, his hands behind his head.

Enough! She stormed to the bed, grabbed the boy by the arm and dragged him to his feet.

"You will get up. You will do as you are told, or I will take a switch to you. I am understood?"

Joe nodded quickly and hurried to obey. Marie sighed. The boy had been so good when his father had been gone.

Supper was even more silent than lunch. Marie didn't bother to correct Joe's manners, and Erik ate before his father could comment. Adam's glare was unmistakably aimed at his father, and Marie prayed that Ben wouldn't notice. She needn't have worried, however, because Ben never looked up from his plate.

"Mon petit Joseph?"

"Yeah?"

Marie gritted her teeth at the boy's disrespectful tone. "Please wash the dishes tonight."

Ben's head jerked up. "Marie, stop picking on the boy. Erik, you do the dishes."

Marie saw Erik's eyes fill with tears. Adam jumped from his seat. "C'mon, Erik, I'll help you and then maybe Ma'll read to us."

Bless Adam! "Perhaps a little later, Adam," Marie said. "First I would like to speak with your father outside."

Ben pushed back his chair. "It'll have to wait. I told Devereaux I'd meet him to discuss some ideas he had for the town."

Marie knew just where her husband intended to meet M. Devereaux, too. When they had first come to Eagle Station, she had been worried that Adam, or perhaps even Erik, would find the saloon an irresistible allure. She did not expect her husband to find it so. And yet he had gone there just about every night. He didn't drink enough to be drunk, but he did stay out until after she had gone to bed.

She watched him leave and then turned to Adam. "Perhaps I should read while you do the dishes." She picked up the book they had been reading, Robin Hood and Little John. Adam's grandfather, Captain Stoddard, had purchased it from an English sailing captain; when he had sent it to Adam, he had written that Adam's mother had loved the stories of Robin Hood. Marie opened the slim volume and began where she had left off the night before.

Erik and Joe went to bed soon after the dishes were cleaned, and Marie and Adam were left alone.

"Ma? What's wrong with Pa?" Adam's voice was soft, as though he didn't want his brothers to overhear.

"I do not know, Adam. At first, I thought this was because of the baby, but now…" Marie shrugged.

"It's almost like before…" Adam hesitated and then looked her in the eye. "It's almost like before he met you, when Ma, er, Inger died. That was a bad time."

Marie wondered not for the first time what Adam had gone through in those years between his first stepmother's death, and Marie's marriage to Ben. She reached out and touched his hand, hoping he might smile.

Instead she watched his eyes filled with tears. "Ma, I don't know if I can face that again." His voice was so soft that she had to strain to hear him. Her heart lurched. Was he telling her that he would leave if things did not improve? And yet, could she blame him if he did?

She grasped both his hands and knelt in front of him. "Adam, please give him some time. Please? For me, for your brothers and for the love I know you have for your father."

He nodded as he stood and helped her to her feet. "All right, Ma. For you and my brothers." He bent to kiss her, bade her good night and Marie was alone, again.

She woke when Ben climbed into bed. She could smell the alcohol and cigar smoke, but she said nothing. Once again he turned his back to her. He had not taken her in his arms one time since his return, and his rejection of her affections felt like a physical blow.

She awoke again when Ben started thrashing about and muttering in his sleep. Again with the nightmares. They had come every night since his return. She did not know what they were about, and she could not discern what he was saying. She wondered briefly if they had anything to do with his odd behavior. He finally settled down, and she was able to sleep until dawn.

The days fell into a pattern. The family would eat meals in silence, Ben would go out every night, and Marie and the boys would read. Joseph became more disrespectful and lazy, and every effort on Marie's part to correct Joseph's behavior would be met by Ben admonishing her to remember, "He's just a boy."

Marie's hopes were raised one night when Joseph wheedled a story from his father. Ben told a tale of pirate treasure on Cape Cod, where his great-uncle John had lived. After the story was over and the boys had gone to bed, Ben had taken her by the hand and led her to their room. When they finally fell asleep, he was not awakened by nightmares. He was even able to laugh the next day when Erik and Joseph thought they had captured pirates, but had actually succeeded in capturing outlaws.

Ben's good mood disappeared as quickly as it had come. The night after the boys had captured the outlaws, Ben's thrashing about in his sleep and his vague mutterings again awakened Marie. She sat up and pulled her knees under her chin. She didn't move until dawn, but she stared at her husband. What was wrong?

The next day started as it had so many times in recent weeks. Joe skipped his chores and disappeared after breakfast, not returning until lunch. She made good her threat to take a switch to the boy, but that only made him more sullen, and it upset her to punish him. Adam stayed at the store for lunch; when Ben returned home to eat, he lectured Erik about the chores that needed doing. Marie wondered how much wood they could possibly use in the next few months, but Ben was like a man obsessed. Unfortunately, Erik decided to argue back, which surprised Marie. Normally Adam or Joe would be the one to argue and Erik would just do as he was told. Father and son shouted at each other until Marie was afraid that Ben would strike Erik. She stood between them, eyes blazing, hands on her hips. "This must stop!"

Ben glowered down at her for a minute and then pushed past her to head down the stairs. She watched him leave and then turned to Erik.

"I'm sorry, Ma." The boy's voice was barely above a whisper, and she could tell that he was struggling to fight back his tears. He turned and fled down the stairs.

Joe looked at his mother, wide-eyed.

"Go, mon petit. Go play with your friends. Be home to help Erik with chores." Marie sank into the rocking chair, not even bothering to watch Joseph run down the stairs. She only roused herself when she heard the clock chime twice. She hoped Joseph would return to home to help; otherwise, with Erik gone, she would have to do all the chores herself. Saying a quick prayer that Erik would return for supper, she picked up the water bucket and trudged downstairs.

The Widow Hansen was waiting for Marie at the bottom of the stairs, and Marie bit back a sigh. She really didn't want to speak with anyone, let alone the town gossip. But the woman dragged Marie into the tiny rooms she shared with her son.

"Marie, honey, I couldn't help but overhear what went on upstairs."

Any other time, Marie would have laughed. She was sure that the woman had had her ear to the door.

"Marie, I think something's wrong. Now, I shouldn't say this, but we bein' so close and all, almost like sisters, I feel like it's my duty. Do you reckon Ben's got hisself another woman?"

Marie shook her head violently. Of this she was most sure. "Ben has not been unfaithful to me. He is only feeling the grief of our separation during the winter and the loss of our child." Marie reached down and snatched up the bucket. "Pardonez-moi. I have the chores to do." She ran from the room and didn't stop running until she reached the well. She tied her bucket to the rope, lowered it into the cool water and sagged against the stone wall.

Marie was tired. No, exhausted. She brushed the loose hair from her eyes and dragged the bucket from the well. As she untied the rope from the handle and turned toward the boardinghouse, the water sloshed on her dress. She was tired of doing her chores and her sons' chores. How she missed her pump in the kitchen in New Orleans! A bitter laugh escaped her lips. She missed a good many things from New Orleans. But she was in Eagle Station now, and missing the luxuries would not put lunch on her family's table.

"Ma?" A soft voice behind her brought her from her misery. Adam walked to her side and took the bucket. "Why are you fetching water? Where are Erik and Joe?"

She shook her head. "Erik and your father have fought and Erik has gone off. I needed the water." She shrugged. She did not wish him to worry. He was the eldest, and he had shouldered a great many burdens this past winter.

"Let me guess. Pa told Erik to do all the chores and said that Joe was just a boy." Adam held out his free hand automatically to help Marie up the steps. She smiled wanly at his courtesy.

"Adam, do not speak to your father of Erik's running off. I shall attend to it." She saw Adam frown, but she knew that Adam was as anxious as she to protect Erik from Ben's wrath. She placed her hand lightly on his arm. "Adam, please? For me?"

Adam nodded curtly. "If that's what you want. But Pa'll find out sooner or later, and then they'll catch it. Or Erik will. Pa'll just say Joe's a little boy. He sure didn't say that when I was Joe's age."

Marie winced when she heard the bitterness in Adam's tone, but she could not deny the truth in his words. Marie sighed loudly as she looked toward the boys' sleeping area. Adam scowled. Neither Joe nor Erik had made their beds, and Joe's bed had dirty clothes strewn about it. Adam put the water down on the table, strode to the sleeping area and drew the curtains. He glanced at the fireplace and shook his head. "They didn't bring you any wood, either. I'll get some."

Marie almost smiled at the disgust in her son's voice. He had taken on the role of father during Ben's absence and was having trouble stepping away from that role now that his father had returned. That had caused much conflict between father and son, conflict now averted because the two avoided each other.

Marie looked out the window shortly before supper and was surprised to see Adam and Joseph in a heated discussion. Adam was obviously making his points by jabbing a finger into Joseph's shoulder, and Joseph was answering with wildly gesticulating arms.

Erik did come home for supper, and he apologized to Marie for not doing his chores. She merely gave him a hug and reassured him that she loved him. Joseph and Adam came upstairs shortly after Erik, and Marie was surprised when Joseph also apologized to her. Perhaps Adam's discussion had helped.

Ben did not come home for supper, nor did he come home before Marie retired for the evening. Marie pretended to sleep when her husband slipped into bed next to her. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, and she knew that he had gone to the saloon once again. He did not drink enough to be drunk, but Marie was confused. Why did he leave every night and return only when she would be asleep?

Marie awoke to the sounds of frantic mutterings. She could feel Ben tossing in bed, and for the first time, she could vaguely make out the words he was saying.

"Should never have left…Marie, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that…oh, Zach, Zach…"

Marie could make no sense of her husband's words, only that he mentioned Zach over and over again. What shouldn't he have done? Who was Zach? Those questions kept Marie up for much of the night.

Breakfast was eaten in silence, and Marie felt herself slipping into despair. What had happened to her family? For the first time since they had arrived in Eagle Station, Marie wished they had never left New Orleans. She wanted her happy family back; she wanted the playful teasing of her sons, and she missed her husband's gentle, loving attention.

Marie needed to speak to another woman. She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and hurried across the street to the trading post. Ben must have been in the back room, for she didn't see him as she crossed the room to Ruth and Eli. Adam was filling a box for a customer, and he smiled slightly at his mother.

"Good morning, Marie." Eli nodded in her direction.

Marie didn't miss the look of concern that passed between Eli and Ruth.

Ruth looked at her husband. "Eli, can you manage without me? I would like to have some tea with Marie."

"We are not busy. I will call you if I need you. You go and enjoy your tea." Eli nodded as the two women left.

Marie followed Ruth back to the parlor and sat on the sofa. She waited patiently while Ruth brewed the tea and poured it into the delicate cups.

"These cups are lovely, Ruth."

Ruth smiled. "They have come with me from Poland. They were my mother's."

Marie studied the dainty floral pattern on the saucer. "It has been some time since I drank from such a cup. I did not bring any like these with me from New Orleans."

Her friend sighed. "Yes, Eli told me once that he thought it was foolish to bring the cups. But these and my Sabbath candlesticks are all that I have of my mother. I had hoped…" Ruth faltered slightly. "I had hoped to pass these to my Hannah. But now…"

Marie covered Ruth's hand with her own, and Ruth smiled again.

"You did not visit to hear my sadness." She clasped Marie's hand between both her hands. "I think you have come to speak of your sadness."

Marie sat back and nodded. She wasn't sure where to begin. She felt almost disloyal to Ben to speak of him to another woman, but she didn't know what else to do.

Ruth picked up her teacup. "I think this man who has returned is not the same as the man who left."

Marie shook her head. "No. He is not at all." She considered her words carefully. "You know that I am not Ben's first wife."

Ruth nodded.

"When his second wife, Erik's mother, was killed, he fell into a despair and his heart was full of anger. Who would not be so after burying two wives in less than six years? When I met him, the despair was gone, but I could see the anger still in him. Even so, I knew he was a good man because of the way he treated his sons; even now they adore him. He has always been to me a gentle, loving husband and he has been to his sons a father beyond compare."

"And now he is in this despair again?"

"Yes. And I am lost to bring him from it." Marie bit back a sob. "I thought at first it was caused by the baby's death, but now I think there is something more. He has nightmares and does not sleep well."

"I think, perhaps, that you do not sleep as well." Ruth's voice was comforting.

Marie shook her head. "Ruth, this is destroying my family."

Ruth's eyes narrowed. "You must do something."

"But what may I do? He will not speak with me."

"You must make him listen. Marie, when Hannah and David died, Eli was thrown into grief. His children were the most important in all the world to him. All that he did was for them. For weeks I could not reach him. He would not speak to me."

Marie was shocked. Eli did not seem the type of man who would withdraw so. Then again, neither did Ben. "What did you do?"

Ruth smiled. "I never stopped. I kept speaking to him, until finally he spoke back. It was the only way I could reach him."

Marie nodded. Ruth was right. She would not let Ben continue down this dark path; she would fight with all her might to bring him back to her. She finished her tea, thanked her friend and returned home with a renewed sense of hope.

Marie sat up after the boys went to bed that night. Ben arrived home shortly before midnight. His surprise at seeing Marie awake was obvious.

"I thought you would be in bed by now."

"I decided to wait for you."

Ben looked nervous. "Marie, I…"

Marie snapped. She felt a rush of anger pour from her. Months of hurt and loneliness had welled up inside her, and she could not stop the words that came from her mouth. "I am sorry if my bed no longer entices you, Benjamin. Perhaps in California you found one which appeals to you more. Perhaps you wish you could return there."

Ben recoiled from his wife. "Is that what you think, Marie?" His voice was barely louder than a whisper. "Is that what you think? If you knew what I've been through…."

Marie's eyes filled with tears. "I no longer know what I think. How am I to know what you have been through, as you say? You will not speak to me!"

Ben stared at her for a moment then turned on his heel and stormed down the stairs. He slammed the door and was gone.

Marie sat back down hard, looking up only when she heard a noise coming from the boys' beds. She hadn't realized that the curtain was open, and all three of her sons were watching her, eyes wide.

She waved at them. "Go to sleep, mes fils." She had no energy left to comfort them. She had no energy left to comfort herself.

Marie wasn't sure how long she sat, but she rose when she heard the door below open. She hurried to the steps and was surprised to see M. Devereaux and Mr. McCaffrey, the saloon owner, carrying a drunken Ben up the stairs. Marie didn't know if she was disgusted or heartbroken as she gestured for the two men to put Ben in bed. She thanked them both, not meeting M. Devereaux's eye as she escorted them to the top of the stairs. After peeking at the boys, grateful to see that none of them had awakened to see their father in this state, she returned to the bedroom and removed Ben's shoes and loosened his belt. Almost blinded by tears she found her rosary and stumbled into the main room. She knelt by the rocking chair and began to pray.

Marie awoke the next morning feeling not at all refreshed. She stood and stretched and began to get ready for the day. When Adam arose, she asked him to keep his brothers away from the house. She didn't tell him that his father was drunk, but the angry and hurt look that the young man shot toward the closed door made her think he had only been pretending to be asleep the night before.

The boys returned for lunch, but their father was still asleep. Ben finally rose just as the boys were beginning the evening chores. He ate dinner without speaking to anyone, and no one else spoke until Joe and Erik bade Marie a good night.

Adam pulled his chair close to the table, the California Star spread in front of him. He looked up at his mother. "Listen to this story. 'Distressing News by Capt. J.A. Sutter’s launch which arrived here a few days since from Fort Sacramento— we received a letter from a friend at that place, containing a most distressing account of the situation of the emigrants in the mountains, who were prevented from crossing them by the snow,— and of a party of eleven who attempted to come into the valley on foot…' "

Ben slammed his fist down. "Enough, Adam. Can't we have a little peace tonight?"

Marie looked from her husband to his son, her eyes wide. Her heart broke at Adam's hurt expression, and his curt nod.

"Sorry, Pa. I'm going to bed." He rose and kissed Marie on the cheek. She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. He just looked at her mournfully.

Marie watched Adam go to his bed and draw the curtain around him and then she turned to her husband. This anger of Ben's, they all suffered from it, and she must stop it.

"Ben, we must…"

Ben stood abruptly. "I'm tired, Marie. Good night." He strode toward their room and closed the door softly, leaving his confused wife behind.

Marie sat in her rocker and stared into the fire long after everyone was asleep. She was desperate to know what to say to Ben. She didn't really believe that he had found another woman to love, and she regretted her accusation of the previous night. She wanted to apologize, but he would not stay with her long enough for her to speak. It was as though he wished to avoid her.

The flames danced in front of Marie's eyes, and she saw her life being consumed by the fire. Joseph was disobedient and disrespectful, Erik was avoiding home, and Adam was withdrawing into himself. There was no baby in her arms to love, and most distressing of all, her husband - her rock - was slipping beyond her reach.

Marie shook herself. This she would not allow. She must find a way to save her family. Drawing her shawl around her, she slipped from her chair and knelt, resting her laced fingers on the rocker. She bowed her head and prayed to the one who could help her. Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum.

She woke early the next morning, her bones stiff, but her soul refreshed. She stood and stretched, and set the water to boil for tea. She sat at the table, her hands wrapped around the mug, enjoying the warmth as it seeped into her fingers. Today she would speak with Ben. As she looked down at her cup, her eyes settled on the newspaper that Adam had cast aside the night before. Picking it up, she read the article that her son had started to read about the rescued emigrants. Suddenly, everything began to fall into place. Men from Sutter's Fort had formed a rescue party. Ben was a man of action, not given to sitting back when others were in need. A wave of revulsion swept over Marie. Had her husband been one of the rescuers? Mon dieu. If the reports were true, what had Ben seen? What had that done to him? And she had accused him of infidelity…

"Ma?" Adam's soft voice caused Marie to start and to spill her tea. She frantically began dabbing at it with her apron.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Non, non." She gestured for him to sit. "Adam, I must ask of you a favor."

"Anything, Ma, you know that."

"You must watch your brothers. Erik can work in his father's stead today, Mr. Orowitz will understand. Joseph can help also. And you must saddle the horses for your father and for me." She looked quickly over her shoulder to make sure they were alone. "Adam, we cannot continue as we have been. This you know. I must speak with your father."

Was that a look of relief or of sympathy on Adam's face? "Yes, Ma. I'll do that for you."

Marie grabbed his arm as he rose. "You are a good son, Adam." He smiled. "Your father knows this, also." Adam's smile faded. "He does, Adam. He has been lost to us, and I must help him find his way home."

He bent to kiss her softly. "I hope you can, Ma." He stood straight. "I'll saddle the horses first thing after breakfast."

Marie began breakfast and then bustled into the bedroom. She drew back the curtains and flipped the quilt off Ben. He moaned and stirred.

"You must arise, mon mari." She grabbed the quilt again before he could pull it back over his head. "Non. You must wake and you must shave. Breakfast is ready tout de suite."

Sure that he would rise, she left the room and woke her other two sons. She packed a lunch and then put the morning meal on the table.

The family ate breakfast in silence, the boys alternating their glances between their father and mother. Marie watched Ben pick at his oatmeal and then she turned to Joe and Erik.

"Your father and I are going out today. Adam will watch you. Please see that you behave." Ben's head snapped up, and she said a silent prayer that he would not object. The boys looked at their father and then they nodded.

"Where are we going?" His voice was dull and disinterested, but she thought she saw a glimmer in his eye.

"For a ride. Adam will saddle the horses for us."

They rode in silence. Marie was lost in her thoughts, searching for a way to speak to her husband about all that had happened. If she was right, and Ben had been part of the rescue, she did not doubt that he had been greatly hurt by what he had seen, and she had no desire to add to his pain, but for the sake of their children, and their marriage, they had to work through these trials.

When they reached the crest of the hill, Marie heard Ben gasp.

"The lake is beautiful, is it not?" she said. "Adam brought me here a few weeks ago, just before you came home." She didn't mention it had been her birthday present. There was no reason to point out that he had missed yet another special occasion.

Ben only nodded. He seemed mesmerized by the view. He followed her down the hill and dismounted next to her. They tied their horses on a large fallen branch, and Marie pulled the blanket from behind her saddle. She grabbed Ben's hand and led him to the beach. She shook out the blanket and sat, gesturing that her husband should sit beside her. He complied, still not looking at her.

"I find this view most peaceful, Ben." She reached out to touch him, but he pulled away.

"I don't know what peace is anymore, Marie. I don't know if I ever will."

She turned to face him, her eyes tracing the lines on his face. "This story about the emigrants, it is true, is it not? And you know this because you were part of the rescue, were you not?"

He stared at her, incredulous, and then his entire expression collapsed in anguish. He nodded.

"Yes, those stories are true and yes, I was part of one rescue party. I was one of the men who carried the survivors away from that…that God-forsaken place." He shrugged off her arm and leaned forward, not looking at her. "You can't imagine the horror…" Ben's voice caught, and he paused, taking in a deep breath before he continued. Then, the story he'd been holding deep inside poured out of him. "Marie, if you had seen...Thank God you did not…It was…it was worse than the worst account in the newspapers." Ben looked around briefly, but Marie was certain he did not see what she saw. "When I was a cabin boy, the older hands used to like to frighten us by telling stories of shipwrecked sailors, but I had no idea…I carried a boy out on my back; he wasn't much older than Joseph. Poor Zachary, both his parents died. I can only imagine what he had had to do to survive." Ben rubbed his face with his hands. "Marie, that could have been us. That group was just a week or so behind our train. That could have been Joseph that some stranger carried on his back.

"I have spent my whole life determined to not look back, to not second guess what I had done, but when I got back to Sutter's Fort, all I could think of was you and the boys, left alone during the winter. How could I have abandoned my family in this wilderness?

"I thought to head home before the passes cleared, but Sutter threatened to throw me in jail to prevent me from leaving. It's a good thing he did, or I would have met the same fate as those emigrants. I spent more than two months hating myself for having left you, terrified of what I might come back to. I still have nightmares. I don't know if they'll ever stop. I picture the emigrants, and when I see one of the dead, she has your face."

Ben sagged, and Marie wrapped her arm over his right shoulder, trying to lend her husband strength. He sighed. "Then, when I came home, I found that you…that you had lost the baby, and you had suffered that horrible pain alone because I, who had promised to stand by you, I had abandoned you." He turned to face her.

"What kind of husband am I? How could I take you from New Orleans? How could I have brought you to this God-forsaken wilderness?"

He tried to pull away from her, but she pulled him closer instead. He buried his face in her lap, and he sobbed, his shoulders convulsing in his misery. She stroked his head, murmuring the same comforting sounds she made to Joseph when the boy woke from a nightmare, but she said nothing. She let him cry.

When Ben's sobs lessened, Marie whispered to him, "Mon cher, you are the best of husbands. I was not alone; I am never alone." She helped him sit up, and she took his hands in hers. "All my life I have trusted that God watches over me. In my darkest time, he sent me my greatest hope. He sent you, and He sent Adam and Erik, and then He sent mon petit Joseph. When you were in California, I knew you held us in your thoughts and in your prayers, and that even if you were not by my side in person, you were by my side in spirit. And I had Adam, and Erik, and Joseph. Adam, especially, took care of me."

She touched his cheek lightly. "I think, perhaps, that we must trust in God's plan for each of us. He sent you to those people because He knew you had the strength to help them, and He has returned you to me so that we might help each other. Perhaps he wished for our child to be with the angels and saints now, but He did not wish Zachary to be there yet. Even if you had been with me, our daughter would not have lived; you could not have saved her. But you could save Zachary, and that is a good thing, non?"

Marie could tell by his deep frown that Ben was not convinced. "Ben, you did not force me to leave New Orleans. I wished to come west. My place is with you, with our sons. What is it in the Bible? 'Entreat me not to leave thee, or to keep from following after thee, for whither thou goest, I will go.'" She grabbed his hand. "Ben, what was there for us in New Orleans? For you, there was the work. For our sons, all the temptations we do not wish. And always the slavery and the trouble that will come of that evil." She stood abruptly, tugging his arm until he stood. "Look around you. Look at the magnificence of the mountains, of this lake." She gestured all around. "Around us I see only life, for you, for me, for our sons. If God wills, we shall have more children, and if He does not, I shall live my life content here, with you and our sons by my side."

"Here." Ben's voice was so soft that she almost didn't hear him.

"Pardon?"

He turned and looked down at her. "You said 'here.' Do you mean you want to stay in Eagle Station? To not continue to California?"

She looked at her hands and then looked into his eyes. She was happy to see that some of the pain was gone. "Adam and I both find peace at this lake, yes. We wonder if California can offer anything so beautiful."

Ben wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her close. "No. No, I don't think any place I have ever seen compares with this lake." He sighed deeply. "All these years I've been telling Adam that a burden shared is a burden made lighter. I haven't been listening to myself, have I?"

"Is your burden lighter, then, my love?"

"A little. I will never forget what I saw on that mountain. But you're right. Marie, I am so sorry for the pain I have caused this family."

"I know, mon cher, and so will our sons."

Ben shook his head. "I have a lot to make up there, I think."

"Yes, you do. But they are fine boys, Ben. They will forgive you." Marie prayed that what she said was true. She knew Erik and Joseph would, but Adam had been deeply hurt. Ben's next words echoed her thoughts.

"I think I've hurt Adam badly. I was so proud of him, stepping into a man's place, but instead of telling him that, I've only tried to force him to be a boy again." He sat down abruptly, and Marie looked down at him.

"If one of the boys behaved as you have since your return, what would you do?"

Ben smiled slightly. "You mean after I tanned the hide off him?" He reached up and pulled Marie to sit by his side.

She laughed. "Perhaps you should allow the boys to punish you, n'est pas?"

Ben laughed loudly at that. "I don't think I'd like that. Although I'm certain my father would do that very thing if he were here right now, no matter my age." He sobered. "I would expect the boy to apologize." He paused. "I think that might be a good idea." He knelt in front of her. "And I know just where to begin. Marie, can you ever forgive me?"

"Do you promise to no longer keep the hurt inside you and to let me help?"

He nodded.

"Do you promise to stay at home at night, and to not visit the saloon?"

He nodded again.

"Do you promise to control your temper?"

When he nodded a third time, she smiled. "Then, my love, I forgive you with all my heart."

He leaned forward to kiss her. As the kiss grew more passionate, she found herself being lowered onto the blanket until he was lying almost atop her. When his hand reached for the buttons of her dress, she stopped him.

"Ben, we are in the open."

He looked down at her with longing in his eyes. "There's no one for miles."

"But someone might come along." Her passion was as strong as his, but her modesty demanded privacy.

He stood, looked around and then reached down to grab her hand and the blanket. He led her to a copse of trees and spread the blanket. "Now no one will see us."

Marie awoke before her husband, and she looked down at his face, finally peaceful in sleep. She dressed quietly and set about laying out their lunch. Finally, when all was ready, she leaned over and woke Ben with a kiss, pleased that he did not start at her touch.

As they ate, Marie talked about the boys, and about how they had spent the winter. She paused for a minute and she touched his hand.

"Ben, there is something I must tell you. This winter, M. Devereaux was most kind to us. He sold us the food at lower cost, and he employed Adam and Erik whenever possible. He shared many meals with us; I felt it was the least I could do to repay his kindness."

Ben nodded, and Marie took a deep breath.

"Ben, you must know that some people have misunderstood his kindness and have assumed that I…that he and I…" Marie blushed as she looked down. She could not continue.

Ben reached out and lifted her chin. "I know. Devereaux told me. I know those are lies." He frowned. "Lies that had best not be repeated in front of me."

Marie looked at him coyly. "Did M. Devereaux also tell you that Adam fought because someone did repeat those lies in front of him?"

To Marie's surprise, Ben laughed. "Good for Adam! Sometimes a man has to fight."

She batted at him playfully. "You men! You will please not tell Adam that you are proud of him for fighting."

Ben's smile disappeared. "I have a good many things to tell that young man, starting with how very proud I am at the way he behaved while I was gone." Ben rose and started to pick up their things. "C'mon. I'm anxious to see those sons of ours."

Ben and Marie laughed and raced their horses on the way back to town. As they drew closer, however, Marie could see Ben grow pensive. She thought he looked worried about facing his sons, and she couldn't help but think of the times those boys had faced their father with the same look of concern. She prayed her sons were as forgiving as their father had always been.

As they reached the top of the stairs, Marie could see Adam leaning over a pot in the fireplace. He turned as they came into the room. Erik and Joseph were setting the table.

Adam looked at Marie and then he glanced at his father. "Supper's almost ready. It's just some stew."

Marie smiled. Stew was the only edible thing that Adam could cook. She clasped Ben's hand tightly, then let go, giving him a chance to walk ahead of her.

She watched as he took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. He gestured toward the table.

"Boys, could you sit down, please? I'd like to…I have something to say to you."

Joseph and Erik sat promptly. Adam hesitated, and then nodded slightly before he sat next to Erik. Marie stood next to her husband, hand on his shoulder, hoping to give him strength.

"Adam, Erik, Joseph, I owe you an apology. I haven't been…well, I haven't been myself since I came home. I have been short-tempered and I have been unfair. I can't explain it, and I don't expect you to understand why, but I want you to know that I am sorry." He exhaled loudly, and Marie waited. Ben rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I hope you boys can find it in your hearts to forgive me."

Marie watched her sons' faces, to gauge their reactions. Joseph's face lit up, and he jumped from his chair to throw himself into Ben's arms. Ben returned the boy's hug gratefully as he looked hopefully at his two older sons.

Erik rose slowly. Marie held her breath; Erik had borne the brunt of Ben's anger, at least when Marie had been around. The boy stood in front of his father, and Marie was startled to realize he was not much shorter than Ben. Erik bit his lip, as though considering his words carefully.

"Pa, all those times we got into trouble and you could forgive us, I expect we should do the same for you."

The tension left Ben's shoulders, and he reached out to pull Erik into his embrace as well.

Marie looked at Adam, who was watching his father. The young man was wary, as though he wasn't ready to accept the man's apology. She turned and made a great show of looking at the stew in the fireplace

"Ben?"

When he looked over at her, she glanced toward Adam. Ben nodded slightly.

"Marie, do you think there's some time before supper?"

She nodded.

Ben detached himself from his two youngest sons with a smile and quick tousle of their hair and he reached out to Adam.

"Son? Go for a walk with me?"

Adam looked at Marie. She was praying her son would agree to go, for she knew Ben had much to say to him in private. Finally he nodded as he leaned and grabbed his hat.

They did not return in time for supper. Marie ate with Erik and Joseph, both of whom seemed concerned about their father and brother.

"Do not worry, mes fils. They have much to discuss. Now eat your stew."

Marie kept the stew warm in the fireplace and settled into her rocking chair, a cup of tea to keep her company after Erik and Joseph went to bed. As she gazed into the flames, she thought about the day. She knew that today was only a first step, that Ben would not have banished all the demons that haunted him, but she hoped he realized that he was not alone in his fight.

The sound of the door closing brought Marie from her reverie. She stood, dished two bowls of stew, and turned to the stairs. She smiled when she saw father and son together, looking more relaxed.

Ben smiled at her, and she knew they had had a good talk.

"I'm sorry we're so late, my love," he said softly as he leaned over to kiss her.

My love! Marie's heart skipped to hear him call her that again. "Are you hungry?"

Adam nodded as he accepted the bowl of stew she handed to him. "Thanks, Ma." His smile told her he wasn't just grateful for the stew.

An hour or so later, after Adam had gone to sleep, Marie lay in bed, her head resting on Ben's chest.

"Your talk, it went well?" Marie did not wish to know what was said between father and son, but she did want to know that all was well, or rather, that all was on the way to being well.

Ben stroked her hair lightly, and she could feel him nod. "He had a lot to say, and so did I. I think he understands more than ever before that his father can make some terrible mistakes."

Marie sighed. "That is not an easy thing for a son."

"I never had the chance to learn that about my father." Marie turned at the wistful tone in her husband's voice. He smiled slightly before pulling her back down.

"Did you tell Adam of the rescue?"

Marie felt him draw in a deep breath. "No. I…I couldn't bring myself to. Marie, he's too young to know of such things."

She shook her head. "He is not as young as you think. Perhaps you should have told him; it would help him understand."

Ben sighed. "No. Not now. Maybe some day. Right now I just want to forget."

Marie doubted he would ever forget, but she did not wish to pursue the subject. "Did you speak of possibly staying in Eagle Station?"

"You're right; he agrees with you. I think I'll tell Erik and Joe in the morning. We'll have to make some plans."

Later that night Marie was awakened again by Ben's muttering, but this time she spoke to him softly, and she rubbed his back. He settled down quickly, and she lay with her back to him, content to be by his side.

Breakfast was a more pleasant meal than it had been in a month. Ben told her to let Adam sleep late while he helped Erik get wood and kindling and water. He told Joe to stay inside and set the table.

Marie almost clapped when she heard Ben and Erik barreling up the stairs. It was obvious that Erik had teased his father and that Ben was trying to retaliate. She watched Ben smile and hoped that soon his smile would reach his eyes, the way it used to.

After breakfast, Marie sat back and watched her sons as Ben announced that they would be staying in Eagle Station. Adam nodded as though he already knew, which, of course, he did. Erik and Joe both cheered heartily, although Marie didn't think it mattered to them where they settled. No matter; her family was happy.

Adam leaned forward. "You know, Pa, I was thinking. If we're going to stay here, I think we should make some changes."

For a minute Ben's expression clouded. He leaned back in his chair, looking at Adam as Marie said a silent prayer that Ben's temper would pass Adam's test. Finally, Ben leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "Such as?"

Adam nodded, and Marie almost sighed in relief. "Well, most of our things are in trunks still. I was thinking, I could build a hutch for the dishes and linens, and maybe a bookcase, too."

Ben thought carefully. "Just one thing, Adam. I think we should build it together. And Erik and Joseph could help."

Adam grinned and nodded.

Ben leaned back again. "I'll have to talk to Eli today about working in the trading post. I hope he'll let Adam and me continue."

"Ben, it is Sunday. You cannot discuss business on Sunday," Marie protested.

Ben looked sheepish. "I don't think business is the only thing I have to discuss with Eli, Marie."

She nodded in understanding.

Ben grinned suddenly. "Tell you what, after I talk to Eli, we'll ride out of town for a picnic." He tousled Joe's hair. "Maybe we can find a new place to do some fishing."

After breakfast, Ben headed to the trading post to speak with Eli. Joe cleaned the dishes while Adam and Erik got the wagon and the horses ready, and Marie packed their lunch. Everything was set when Ben returned home.

Ben nodded at Marie. "We're all set. Eli has agreed to keep Adam and me on. Tomorrow I'll talk to the Widow Hansen about building a small barn behind the house. When I sold the oxen to Devereaux last fall, I only got enough to pay for the horses' keep through March. We'll never save anything if I have to keep them at the livery." He glanced over to the boys. "C'mon, boys, grab your hats and let's go."

Erik lunged past Joe and snatched the younger boy's hat from the peg.

"Hey Joe, here's your hat!" Erik laughed as he dangled the hat over his little brother's head, just out of reach. Marie smiled, happy to see Erik relaxed enough to tease his little brother.

"Hell, Erik, you give me back the damned hat!" Joe grabbed the hat when Erik lowered his arm in surprise. Everyone else had gone silent, and Ben had taken a step toward Joseph before he turned to his wife.

"Marie, why don't you, Adam and Erik wait outside? Joseph and I will be out shortly."

Marie nodded solemnly, and with a disappointed look at her youngest son, she headed down the stairs, Erik and Adam following behind. Marie turned as she heard Erik's chuckle.

"I reckon Pa ain't gonna tell Joe he's just a little boy, huh Adam?"

Adam's grin surprised her. "Nope, I don't think that's what he's saying at all." Adam placed the basket in the back of the wagon and turned to Marie to help her onto the wagon seat. Erik snickered softly, and Adam and Marie turned to the boarding house. Joe was coming out the door, wiping his nose on his sleeve. He looked so forlorn that Marie had to hide her grin.

Ben was right behind Joe, his hand on the boy's shoulder. He directed Joe to stand by Marie's side of the wagon.

"Ma, I'm sorry I used words like that in front of you." She bit back a smile as Ben gave the boy a little shake. "I mean, I'm sorry I said a bad word at all."

"You will do it no more, mon petit?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, ma'am, I won't." Ben placed both hands on the boy's shoulders and turned him toward Erik. Joe twisted to look up at his father but Ben merely raised an eyebrow. Joe scuffed his shoe in the dirt a bit before he looked at his brother.

"I'm sorry, Erik. I won't do it again."

Marie hid her smile behind her hand. It was a half-hearted apology, but she was so glad to see her husband take charge that she did not care.

Adam swung onto Beauty's back. He caught his father's eye and glanced at Joe. Ben nodded slightly as he gave Joseph a quick hug before he climbed onto the wagon seat next to Marie.

"Hey, Joe, want to ride with me?" Adam grinned at his little brother. "Or maybe you'd rather stand in the back of the wagon."

Joe's response was lost to Marie, but she smiled as the boy allowed himself to be hauled into the saddle behind Adam. She leaned toward Ben.

"I am glad to see that he is able to ride." Her voice was low, so only her husband could hear her.

Ben smiled down at her. "He won't be if I catch him using words like that again. But this time a quick swat and some stern words reminded him of his manners."

Marie nodded contentedly as she watched her sons ride ahead, the sounds of their laughter drifting back to her. She looked at her husband, smiling at their sons' antics, and she sighed. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, and she knew he would be haunted for some time by what he had seen, but he was home and surrounded by his family.