1. Welcome to the Hellmouth / 2. The Harvest
*Buffy’s mother is dropping her off for her first day of school*
Buffy’s Mother: Have a good time. I know you are going to make friends right away, just think positive. And Honey..? Try not to get kicked out.
Xander: Willow! You’re so very much the person I wanted to see.
Willow: Oh, really?!
Xander: Yeah, you know, I kind of have problem with the math.
Willow: Oh, which part?
Xander: The math. Can you help me out tonight? Please? Be my study-buddy?
Willow: Well, what’s in it for me?
Xander: A shiny nickel.
Willow: OK. Do you have “Theories in trig”? You should check it out.
Xander: Check it out?
Willow: From the library. Where the books live.
*Buffy is talking to principal, Mr. Flutie, about why she got kicked out of her old school*
Buffy: It wasn’t that bad.
Mr. Flutie: You burned down the gym!
Buffy: I did, I really did. But you’re not seeing the big picture here. I mean, that gym was full of vampi…asbestos.
*Cordelia is telling Buffy about The Bronze*
Cordelia: It’s in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where is that?
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don’t have a whole lot of town here.
Buffy: OK, what’s the stitch?
Giles: Sorry?
Buffy: You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?
Giles: Yes.
Buffy: Cause it’s the weirdest thing. He’s got two little little holes in his neck, and all his blood’s been drained. Isn’t that bizarre? Aren’t you just going “ooh”?
Giles: I was afraid of this.
Buffy: Well, I wasn’t. It's my first day. I was afraid I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn’t make any friends, that I would have last months hair. I didn’t think there would be vampires on campus. And I don’t care!
Giles: Then why are you here?
Buffy: To…tell you I don’t care. Which…I don’t, and have now told you.
Giles: Because you are the slayer. To each generation a slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a chosen one, one born with the strength...
Buffy: ...strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it ok?
Buffy: OK, first of all I’m a vampire slayer, and secondly I’m retired. Hey, I know! Why don’t you kill them?
Giles: I’m a watcher…I haven’t the skill…
Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It’s like falling of a log.
Giles: A slayer slays, a watcher...
Buffy: Watches??
Buffy’s Mother: Are you going out tonight?
Buffy: Yeah, I’m going to a club.
Buffy’s Mother: Oh, will there be boys there?
Buffy: No, Mom, it’s a nuns’ club.
Angel: Is there a problem, Ma’am?
Buffy: Yes, there's a problem. Why are you following me?
Angel: I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry, I don’t bite. The truth is, I thought you’d be taller, or bigger, muscles and all that…you’re pretty spry though…
Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: Same thing you do.
Buffy: OK, what do I want?
Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that’s incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a years supply of turtle wax. What I want is to be left alone!
Angel: You really think that’s an option anymore? You’re standing at the mouth of hell, and it’s about to open. Don’t turn your back on this, you’ve got to be ready.
Buffy: What for?
Angel: For the Harvest.
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let’s just say…I’m a friend!
Buffy: Yeah, well maybe I don’t want a friend.
Angel: I didn’t say I was yours…
Giles: …and I have to make you understand!
Buffy: That the Harvest is coming. I know. Your friend told me.
Giles: What did you say?
Buffy: The Harvest. That mean something to you? Cause I’m drawing a blank.
Giles: I’m not sure…who told you this?
Buffy: This guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds.
Giles: No…the Harvest? Did he say anything else?
Buffy: Something about the mouth of hell. I really didn’t like him.
Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or…well, actually there is just the hard way.
*Buffy has just hit Luke*
Luke: You're strong. (*Luke hits Buffy*) I'm stronger.
The Master: A slayer? Have you any proof?
Luke: Only that she fought me and yet lives.
The Master: Very nearly proof enough. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
Luke: 1843, Madrid…
Buffy: I don’t suppose you’ve got a key on you?
Angel: They really don’t like me dropping in.
Buffy: Why not?
Angel: They really don’t like me.
Buffy: How could that possibly be?
Angel: I knew you’d figure out this entryway sooner or later. Actually I thought it was going to be a little sooner…
Angel: They'll be expecting you.
Buffy: I’ve got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it’s like to have a friend? That wasn’t supposed to be a stumper…
Xander: OK, so...crosses? Garlic? Stake through the heart?
Buffy: That’ll get it done.
Xander: Cool. Of course I don’t actually have any of those things.
Buffy: Good thinking.
Xander: Well, the part of my brain that would tell me to bring that stuff is still busy telling me not to come down here.
Buffy: So Giles, got anything that could make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: I knew I can count on you.
Luke: You forget, metal can’t hurt me.
Buffy: There’s something you forgot about too - sunrise. (*Buffy Tricks Luke and stakes him*) It’s in about nine hours, moron.
*The whole gang has gathered the day after their fight with the vampires, and Giles is telling them about the different monsters they will have to face in the future in Sunnydale*
Buffy: Well, I’ve got to look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah. That’s a plan. Cause lots of schools aren’t on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up? They’re really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach. You know, like excessive not-studying.
Giles: The earth is doomed.
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