"I wish Darla had never existed!"
"Done."
Angel's head shot up to stare into the mirror in front of him. The jaded
brown eyes of the lost Scooby stared back at him. Xander winked, and then
a great flash of light filled the room.
When Angel looked up again, the mirror still didn't help him, except to
tell him that Xander was no longer in the room. Slowly, he ran his fingers
over his red silk shirt all the way to the waistband of his black leather
pants. Soul? What soul? He smiled. Oh, yeah, this was gonna be fun.
"Daddy?"
Smirking, Angelus turned around and held out his arms to his beautiful, mad
childe. "Yes, my sweetling?"
"I'm hungry."
"Shall we go get a bite to eat then?"
Squealing with joy, Druscilla spread kisses all over his face. "Mmmm, Miss
Edith says that hunting will be best by the big tub tonight, splish,
splish."
"Well, then, my dear." He took her arm and led her out of the room ... and
got the shock of his life when he turned the corner. Penn, his beautiful,
lost, puritan childe had some younger vampire shoved up against the wall,
licking at the young man's neck. Angelus shook his head, trying to clear
his eyes. Dru giggled.
"Daddy sees funny things," she announced, dancing around. "Daddy doesn't
know! Nasty ol' soul! Gone now! Gone now! Love you, Daddy!" She
wrapped herself around him again. "Get ourselves a tasty one tonight, we
will."
"What do you know about all this, Dru?" Angelus asked.
"Don't know the tiger childe."
His beautiful Penn and the other one turned to face him, over hearing Dru's
ecstatic ramblings. He could feel the connection. This one he didn't know
was his childe too. How much had changed?
"What's going on, Dru?" Penn asked softly.
"Daddy is all changed. New skin, new wish, new hope, evil, evil, evil!"
She twirled around.
The strange childe stopped her tenderly. "Changed? How?"
Angelus finally decided to weigh in on the matter. What could it hurt if
they knew? "I made a wish and now everything is different." He looked
around at their uncomprehending eyes. "I wished someone out of existence.
Apparently this person affected my life so much that now everything is
altered greatly."
"You mean you haven't always ruled the Hellmouth with an iron fist?" his
strange childe asked, half joking.
"No, I haven't. Or, I have, but..." He looked to Dru. "It's very hard to
explain. Is anyone else hungry?" He could explain over the screams of
some nubile thing. Some things never changed.
Down the hall...
Xander opened his eyes after the bright white light and looked straight
into crystal blue. Spike's velvet lips descended on his own and kissed him
passionately. Surprised, he opened his mouth and that wonderful tongue
swept in and possessed him. So wonderful. It had been so long, so very -
"Hey!"
Or he would have said, "Hey!" if his mouth hadn't been full of
Spike-tongue. He shoved his vampire lover backwards into the opposite
wall.
"I said, hey!" he yelled, and wiped his lips on his sleeve.
"Love? What's wrong love?" Those wide blue eyes were genuinely confused.
How could they be when Xander knew Spike's crimes? Hey...
"Love?" Spike asked again. "What's wrong? You need something to eat?" He
stepped forward and traced the ridges on Xander's face. "You look a bit
peaked."
Ridges?
"I'm a vampire."
Spike grinned at him. "Give the boy a hundred points. I think he's
figured it out."
"Spike?"
"Who?"
Stunned, Xander sank back against the wall. How had Spike's face become so
open, his gaze so loving? If everything he remembered had happened...or
had it...
*
"Mmm, that was nice." Xander turned and snuggled into his somewhat cool,
but ultimately cuddly vampire. After a little nap he was seriously ready
for more.
Spike pulled away and started pulling on his jeans. "Well then, ta."
"What? Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay the night?" Xander
waggled his eyebrows. "Have a little more of your nummy treat in the
morning?"
"I was right, you're quite the whore, aren't you, pet? I knew you'd be an
easy little slut."
Xander reared back as though slapped. "What?"
"It's been fun and all, but I think once was quite enough, don't you?"
Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag. "Wouldn't
want to drag this out unnecessarily, would we?"
"But..."
"For someone so easy I would have thought you'd be better in bed. To quote
one of you lot, bored now."
"But..." He sat, the sheet pooling around his waist, his mouth moving
without him, pinned by Spike's careless gaze.
"Yes?" the vampire finally asked.
"You said you loved me," Xander finally whimpered rather pitifully.
"No, I never said anything of the kind."
"But, but, you said you wanted me, that I'm such a nummy treat and - "
"I did. I've had you. I'm done now." Picking up his duster, Spike headed
for the door. "Feel free to tell the Slayer. I'm sure she'd love to
listen to your tale of woe. Oh, wait, I'll tell her for you. Wonder what
she'll say when I let slip that you're fucking the undead. You think
she'll ever speak to you again? Oh, fuck me, Spike, please fuck me," he
mimicked with a sneer. Smirking so hard his face must of hurt, the fiend
left.
Xander flopped back on the bed, thinking about just why he couldn't tell
the Slayer his 'tale of woe.' When Buffy and the others found about this
.. "Oh, stupidity, thy name is Xander," he whispered to himself.
*
Xander blinked hard. Shoving Spike away, he ran down the hall, out the
door and into the night. He had to get away now. It was just wrong, all
wrong.
He finally stopped in an abandoned alley, panting for breath he didn't
need. How could things have gone so horribly wrong?
*
"You're beneath me," were the words that had started it all, Xander would
learn much later. "You're beneath me," uttered by some society chit in
London, by Angelus as he turned his favored childe away in favor of his
Sire Darla, and now by the blonde bimbette Slutty the Vampire Slayer.
Three times the charm. Three strikes you're out. The world beware, the
big bad was out and about for a delirious, delicious spot of revenge.
But first he was going to get roaring drunk, so sodding drunk he couldn't
sit without falling over.
Right in the middle of his third bottle of JD, someone knocked on the crypt
door.
"Who the soddin' hell is it?"
Dawn meekly pushed the door open. "Spike? Spike? You here?"
"No, the dust motes are throwing my voice. Who the effin' Hell else would
it be?"
"Hi." She waved nervously. He raised a brow at her. "I heard what Buffy
did and I want you to know how wrong I think it was."
"Splendid. Cheers me right up, it does." He took another long drink
straight from the bottle. "Now get out."
"I uh..." She trailed off, wringing her hands nervously. Maybe if he
hadn't been so drunk he could have figured out where she was going with
this, but as far along as he was, it was hopeless. Helpless to do
otherwise, he waited her out. "Take me!"
"What?"
"Have me instead." The stupid chit started pulling off her shirt.
"Wait! Whoa! Ummm..." He stumbled to his feet and pulled her shirt back
down. "Now see here, aren't you a bit young for this?"
"I'm not a kid!"
"Yes, well - "
"Dawn!"
Who should come charging through the door, but the Slayer. "Buffy," Spike
whispered, turning toward her, only just then realizing that his fingers
were still on the hem of Dawn's shirt. "Umm, it's not - "
"Oh, you are so dead!"
"I didn't - "
"Did he hurt you, Dawn?"
"No!" Dawn put her hands on her hips and tossed her hair. "We were about
to have sex when you so rudely interrupted."
"We were not!" Spike protested.
Buffy pulled out a stake and made straight for the vampire. Wisely, Spike
stumbled out of the way, running out the door, into the night. He ran
blindly, the Slayer right behind him. He finally lost her somewhere around
the old mansion, where he found a closet to sleep in during the daylight.
Or so was the tale that stumbled out of the mouths of Buffy and Dawn later.
Standing in the Magic Box, they argued over one another, tried to convince
the other Scoobies of the truth of their point of view. But one thing was
very clear, Dawn was in love with Spike and Spike's next home was a dust
buster.
How exactly Spike ended up living with Willow and Tara then, Xander was
never quite clear on. True, he wasn't the most up to date with everything
going on with the gang, between work and Anya his time was shot, but it was
still really, really strange.
He knew it had something to do with Dawn.
So, how and why Tara was found jumping Spike's bones, well that was another
thing Xander was never clear on. Whoever's fault it was though (Buffy
insisted it was Spike's but Willow wailed it was Tara's) it evicted the
blonde from his nice home. On the other hand, everyone was too busy taking
care of Willow to pay any attention to whether or not Spike lived or died.
*
Running as hard as he could, Xander ducked into an alley. It was raining
and the hard droplets sluiced down the back of his neck. How quickly
things could go from bad to worse, he thought.
*
The day Anya died had to be one of the worst of Xander's life. He'd just
come home from work when he heard. Willow was there waiting for him. At
first he thought nothing of it. Ever since she and Tara had broken up,
Willow had been spending all of her spare time with her best friend, crying
on his shoulder. Anya had taken it pretty well, being there as much for
the redhead as she could, as well. So, he wasn't really surprised to see
Willow sitting on his doorstep.
"Hey, Wil."
"Xander." She waited until he unlocked his door and then followed him into
his apartment. "Xan?"
"Yeah?"
"There's something I have to tell you."
He looked up expectantly.
"I...that is, we...I mean...."
"Yes?"
"Anya was in a car accident."
"What? Is she all right? Where is she?"
Tears were running down Willows cheeks down. She stumbled forward into her
best friends chest, wrapping her arms around him. "He just ran her down.
Just. Down. Vroom. Down. Gods. Xan..."
"Where is she? Is she all right?" Desperate, he shook her, trying to pull
some sense out of the babbling redhead.
"She's dead." Willow's head fell to the side at an almost unnatural angle.
"Dead?" He let go and sat down hard on the wood floor. Willow collapsed
beside him. "Dead? My Anya? Mine? My Anya? Dead?"
"Dead?" He let go and sat down hard on the wood floor. Willow collapsed
beside him. "Dead? My Anya? Mine? My Anya? Dead?"
"I'm so - " She was sobbing too hard now to finish her sentence, rocking
back and forth and muttering insensibly.
Xander dragged her into his lap. "It's okay, Wil. Everything is going to
be okay." But it wasn't. Xander spent hours consoling his distraught
friend, finally putting her to bed on the couch. By the time he collapsed
on his own bed he was too exhausted to even think about his own loss.
The next day Buffy came around and it made things a little better, but what
he wanted most was silence.
"Uh, guys, maybe we could get together another time," he would start to
suggest, only to be cut off by one or the other of them talking about how
sorry they were, how painful it was. And here he was, wanna-be hero boy,
ready to soothe them. All it amounted to was pathetic, was his last
thought as he fell into bed the second day.
Anya's funeral was held on a warm, spring afternoon, in the shining sun.
It seemed a mockery of his life. Buffy attended to hold up Willow. Xander
stood alone, swaying under his own weight. Long after everyone else left,
he stood, looking at the deep, dark ground. He hadn't even noticed the
disappearance of the sun when a cold hand landed on his shoulder. He tried
to shrug it off, really he did, but he couldn't help leaning into it.
"Go away," he finally whispered.
"Sucky world, pet."
Exhausted, he collapsed into the vampire behind him. "I hate you."
"I know." Turning the boy, Spike pulled Xander into his chest. "Come on.
Time for bed."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Always liked your demon bi - I mean Anya." Wrapping an arm around the
whelp, he led Xander away. "She was blood thirsty and crass in a sweet
way. Liked imported beer."
"She was, wasn't she?" Xander leaned closer, nuzzling into the scent of
leather and Morley's. "You know, she never blamed you for the Buffy thing,
the Dawn thing, the Tara thing, any of that stuff."
"She always was a stand-up girl, your Anya."
Xander laid his head back and let himself be taken home. Spike walked him
all the way to his door. They stopped on the threshold. "Have to invite
me in, pet."
"Oh, uh..." Xander pulled away. "I got it from here. Thanks, Spike." He
stepped through the doorway on his own, leaving the vampire behind. "Umm,
g'night."
"Night then."
Slowly, Xander shut the door on Spike's smiling face.
He didn't see the vampire again for several days. He tried to hang out
with Buffy and Willow and act all normal, but it wasn't working. Somewhere
inside he was broken, really broken and no amount of banal conversation
about how best to spice up Ramen noodles was going to fix him.
Suddenly, one night, he just couldn't take it anymore. Screaming, he ran
across the cemetery they were patrolling, straight for the vampire's crypt.
Spike must have heard him because the vampire met him at the door.
"Something wrong, pet?"
"She's gone."
"I know."
"I want her back."
He nodded. "Why don't you come inside and have a beer? We'll toast her
memory. She'd have liked that."
Almost shyly, Xander stepped inside. "Got anything stronger than beer?"
"Might."
"That'd be of the good." He sat down on the couch in front of the old TV
and stared blankly ahead. Spike disappeared briefly. When he came back he
had a six-pack of beer and a bottle of JD.
"This should do the trick then, eh, pet?"
"She was really good to me."
"That she was."
"I loved her."
"'S obvious you did." The vampire flashed him a bit of fang. "'S obvious
why too. She was quite a fox." Popping open a beer, he handed it to the
boy.
"I've never been drunk before."
"Never?"
"Nope."
"It's a singular experience."
The boy glanced at him from under lowered lashes. "Are you *trying* to
sound like Giles."
"Sod off."
"That's better." Determinedly, Xander took a long pull from the bottle.
"It's not bad."
"Gets better the more you drink." Spike relaxed against the back of the
couch, cradling his own bottle. "They ever find the bloke what did this?"
"No." Even more deflated, Xander slid down farther, balancing his beer
bottle on his knees.
"Hasn't the Slayer looked?"
"We've been so busy taking care of Wils..." He shook his head, suddenly
angry. "This sucks! This all sucks!"
"I bet we could find that bloke. We could drag it out of Willy, no
problem."
"You think?"
Spike very carefully curled one hand around a big, smooth bi-cep. "Oh, I
definitely think you could beat the piss out of that soddin' little weasel,
and I'll be there to keep the demons off your back, luv."
Xander leapt to his feet. Anything was better than sitting around. "All
right then. Let's go!"
Beating up Willy made him happy for the first time in days. The sniveling,
cringing, little wretch sang like a canary. Their culprit, he said, was a
big bruiser of a demon living on Fifth Street and Elm, beneath the creaky
old porch. He had horns and lots of big teeth, but he could certainly be
killed with an axe, Xander's preferred weapon of choice.
"Axe has good heft, pet," Spike commented, "but it can't beat a sword for
dexterity." So saying, the vampire pulled a somewhat short blade out of
the weapons bag, one obviously made for Buffy.
"I'm not dexteritous. Heft is good. We be good here." Xander smiled and
settled the blade over his shoulder for easy carrying, his muscles bulging
with his movements.
Spike stared. Swallowing hard he slapped a smile on his face. "Well then,
what are we waiting for?"
It was a short, scrappy, little fight. Spike and Xander surprised the
beast out in the open and cornered it before it could escape to its lair.
It kept gibbering at them, but before it had any hope of being remotely
coherent, Spike cut its head off.
"Bloody bastard." The vampire smiled and wiped his sword off on the
cooling corps' shirt. "Well, that was a nice spot of the ol' violence,
eh?"
"Mmmm..." Xander nudged the carcass with his foot.
"Can't kill it twice, pet."
"Why not?"
"It's in the soddin' rule book. Hey, what say we go back and finish that
drink now, just you and me."
Xander shook his head. "I should go home."
"Why?"
"None of your business." And so saying, he stalked off, leaving one
slightly perplexed vampire behind. The truth was, Xander was enjoying
himself too much, liking the company too much. He'd made it a point all
his life to never forget that vampires were the enemy, but Spike was slowly
becoming his friend and it was scaring him.
Besides, he hated drinking.
If you've ever tried to not do something then you know that the harder you
try, the more you think about it, and the more you think about it, the more
you want to do it. It's like showing food to a starving man. Can't stop
thinking about it. Which is probably how Xander found himself standing
outside Spike's crypt the next night, hand raised to knock.
"Bad Xander," he admonished himself, and turned to walk away. The door
opened behind him.
"Whelp?"
He turned, a sardonic grin on his face. "Hey. Nice night."
"That it is, pet. Want to come in?"
He shouldn't be here, shouldn't be thinking about walking through that
door, but Spike was the only one who seemed to show him any comfort, the
only one who seemed to care. "Umm..."
"Come inside, pet. There's a Python marathon on."
Xander nodded and walked through the door. Spike had recently done great
things with the inside, appropriating himself a couch and making up a soft
looking bed. Off in the corner was a half-fridge with a microwave on it.
Even the worst of the cobwebs had been cleared away. "Nice pad."
"Come. Sit." He ushered Xander over to the couch. "Missing the bird,
whelp?" He sat the young man down and went to grab two beers.
"I don't drink," Xander told him before he could even straighten up.
"It's all I got," Spike half apologized.
"Okay, then."
Spike brought it over, opened it and set it down on the table in front of
the couch, but Xander didn't touch it. "So?"
"Yeah..."
The vampire sat, his knee touching Xander's thigh. "Why aren't you with
your friends? Surely they can help you better than me," he asked in a kind
tone.
"They don't pay attention." Xander picked up the bottle and started
peeling off the lable, for lack of anything better to do with his hands.
"They've never paid attention. I'm not saying they don't care or anything,
but... They don't... You know?"
"Slayer's a bit self-involved."
"A perfect way of putting it."
"She was beautiful, your Anya." Spike took a long pull from his beer. "I
liked her a lot. She had a real sense of viciousness, you know? Admired
that about her."
"You would." Xander actually smiled.
"I am a vampire, pet."
Xander swallowed hard and nodded.
Spike pulled Xander's chin back around until the boy faced him. "Hey, Xan,
I say something wrong?"
Xander blinked for a few moments, then finally replied. "You're not
supposed to be the one who cares. You're evil."
"Yeah, well, some things can't be helped. Red's just a bit unstable if you
ask me, and the Slayer..." He shook his head and took another drink.
Xander sat back and crossed his arms. "I hate the Hellmouth."
Xander sat back and crossed his arms. "I hate the Hellmouth."
"We make the best of what we have, pet." Spike smiled. "Hey, look,
ministry of silly walks."
Mechanically, Xander lifted his head. He tried not to smile, really he
did, and he tried not to laugh, but John Cleese is a force to be reckoned
with and Xander couldn't help himself. He and Spike laughed and laughed,
laughed until tears ran down their cheeks and they collapsed in giggling
heaps on the coushins of the couch.
Suddenly, Xander found himself nose to nose with the bleached wonder.
Those crisp, blue eyes peered steadily back at him.
"Pet?" Spike asked softly.
"I just..."
"What do you want, pet?"
"I just want someone to touch me. I don't want to be alone."
Spike held open his arms and Xander crawled into them like a child.
Tenderly, he cradled the young man, ruffling his long white fingers through
Xander's wavy, black hair. For the first time, Xander let loose, sobbing
into Spike's shirt.
"That's right, pet," the vampire crooned. "Let it all out. You don't have
to be the strong one now. Take care of you, I will. Just let it all out,
pet."
Finally, when Xander couldn't cry any more, he fell into an exhausted sleep
on the vampire's chest. Spike squirmed around until he could get
comfortable.
"That's it, pet," he whispered to the boy. "Give it all up. When I'm done
you'll want to die. Will you do that for me, take your own life? That
would be sweet." He chuckled to himself. "And won't your precious Slayer
feel like shit when you do, stupid bint." But contrary to his words, he
cuddled Xander tenderly, close to his chest.
The next day Xander woke alone, his cheek resting on a ratty cushion. Had
he really done that? Cried all over Spike? He clutched at whatever was
covering him, suddenly very cold inside. Spike's duster. He lifted his
head so he could look at it properly. It smelled of leather, cigarettes
and blood, worn down and soft with age. He clutched it tighter and let his
head fall back on the cushion.
*
Xander curled in farther on himself, the rain pouring down over his face.
If it had just ended there everything would have been all right, but it
didn't end there. Nothing did.
Slowly, he stood. The sounds of searching were getting closer and he
needed a better hiding place where he could sort himself out.
The other end of the alley let out onto a street brightly lit with the neon
signs of late night bodegas and pawnshops. As casually as he could, he
strolled away. He tried to concentrate on where he was going, but tendrils
of the past kept distracting him.
Where was he? Well, Sunnydale, obviously. Even he could get a clue once
in a while. But, it wasn't anything like the Sunnydale he remembered. It
was darker, more sinister, if that was possible. He could smell evil in
the air. Some part of him registered that as being delicious. Shuddering
at his own nature, he let memory distract him again.
*
Spike walked him home, casually, as if it were the most common thing in the
world for a vampire to walk a mortal home - in Sunnydale - and not be
planning on snacking later.
"You feeling any better, pet?"
"Yeah, some. Routine, you know? All that."
Spike nodded. He had no idea what the boy was talking about. He'd never
worked a day in his life, but he nodded anyway, because it looked good if
he did. "'S good."
They didn't say anymore until they got to Xander's apartment, until Xander
was standing on one side of the threshold and Spike on the other, until the
invisible barrier was all that separated them.
"You can come in, Spike." Xander wasn't sure who was more shocked when
those words passed his lips, himself or the walking undead standing before
him. Far be it of Spike to refuse, however. Spike would not refuse. It
wasn't in the plan.
Spike stepped forward, straight into Xander's chest. "You almost make a
bloke feel welcome, pet."
Xander stood there, breathing across petal-soft lips that would never
breathe again. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
The blonde vampire knocked him out of the way as he strode over to the
couch. His pack of cigarettes fell into his hands, seeming to appear
magically from one of the many pockets inside him coat. "Can't be nice?"
"You can't smoke in my apartment."
"Seems to me there's a lot of things I can't do tonight."
"Just answer the question, Spike. Why are you being nice to me? Why
care?" Xander stepped forward earnestly, his heart in his eyes.
The blond looked away. "Liked that demon bint of yours. Respected her.
Told you that."
"That's not a reason for you to be here now."
The vampire stood up, squared his shoulders and turned around. "While I
was liking her, I kind of got to liking you, pet." He stepped closer now,
determinedly. "I don't like how alone you've been feeling, luv. I want
.. " He trailed his fingertips down the side of Xander's face. "Well,
you know."
"I ... " Xander stepped back until his back hit the wall. To say that he
hadn't thought about this would be a lie. Way back in high school Larry
had started him thinking about men, made him almost hyper-aware of his
bi-sexuality. A couple of fumbling encounters were his only experiences,
however. But Spike, Spike was beautiful. He wasn't blind. He could see
that. And Spike was walking undead. "Back off, Fangless."
"I can smell how aroused you are around me, Xander. I know that you want
me." And he didn't back off at all. No, he moved closer, stepping into
Xander's personal space until only a whisper of air separated them. "I'm
going to kiss you now."
Xander did nothing to stop him. His hands clenched at his sides, he swore
to himself he wasn't going to react, but oh, those lips were so soft. He'd
sat up thinking about them so many nights and now ...
Tentatively he wrapped his arms around Spike's waist and tilted his head so
Spike would have better access to his mouth. The vampire took full
advantage.
"Want you, XanPet." Pressing himself up against Xander, he thrust his
denim-covered erection against the man's answering hardness. Nibbling his
way down that smooth neck, he pulled Xander away from the wall and pushed
him toward the bedroom.
"Spike?"
"Want us to be comfortable, luv."
"But..." Xander swayed dangerously under his own weight. The vampire
stopped and waited for him to say something, but no words came out.
Finally Spike covered those luscious lips with his cold ones and kissed
Xander so hard, he backed the boy up into the wall again.
"Want this," the blond whispered.
"Yes."
Taking Xander's large, callused hand in his own, he pulled the young man
down the hall after him.
The bedroom was a disarray of dirty clothes and unmade bed. Spike stepped
into the midst of it nimbly, pulling Xander along behind him. Tugging
gently, he pushed the boy back until Xander's knees hit the bed and he fell
on it, his legs splayed wide. Spike smiled.
"That's how I like my pets."
"Spike?"
Very slowly, the vampire pulled off his shirt. Swaying to music only he
could hear, Spike stripped out of his clothing, piece by piece. Xander
watched, his eyes wide and round as more and more of that beautiful,
porcelain skin appeared. Finally, Spike stood shirtless, shoeless, his
jeans open and unzipped, only the shadows keeping any of his assets a
mystery.
"Now you, pet."
"I ... "
"Let me see you." Bending over, Spike helped him remove his shirt and then
his pants. His legs got tangled for a moment before he was able to toe off
his shoes, but finally he was lying there in just his boxers. "All of it,
pet."
"You first."
Spike smirked and shoved off his jeans. To say the vampire's package was
impressive was probably putting it mildly. Spike was hung. Xander just
watched him with those same huge eyes, his face an open book as he
considered exactly what he and this vampire were going to be doing in a few
minutes. Spike climbed onto the bed, between Xander's legs.
"Time to take he these off," he told the boy, tugging at Xander's boxers.
Xander whimpered, but he let Spike pull off his last covering. "You're
very beautiful, Xander."
"Men aren't beautiful."
"Sure they are." Then Spike leaned over and kissed the young man, hot,
wet, and with lots of tongue. The boy was all smooth, dark skin and wide,
innocent eyes. "I'm going to fuck you, XanPet."
"Fuck me?"
Spike smiled, and not nicely at all. "You know you want me to."
Spike smiled, and not nicely at all. "You know you want me to."
"Want you to? Can't we talk about this?"
"Through talking. Through with you teasing me, you little slut." He
licked along the shell of one perfect ear. "Going to have you now."
Xander moaned. Spike thrust against him and kept whispering as his hands
wandered over that muscular body. "You've been teasing me for too long
now, my little nummy treat. So, you're moist and delicious, are you?
We'll just find out." He dipped down, nipping his way across the
brunette's collarbone. His hands experimentally pumped Xander's cock,
tugged on his balls, dipped even lower. Xander froze for a moment and then
he was moaning, shaking, and clutching at Spike's shoulders, his nails
raking down the blonde's arms. Suddenly, those long, white fingers were in
his hair, holding his head still while Spike kissed him thoroughly.
"Oh, yeah, a very nummy treat." Spike fumbled for the lube he'd left in
his pocket. Xander moaned when he slid his fingers inside. Slowly, he
stretched his little treat. Sinful black lashes fluttered shut over
chocolate eyes. "Moan for me, XanPet. Moan some more. Tell me you want
me." His fingers raked over Xander's prostate, making the young man writhe
against the sheets.
"Fuck me, Spike, oh, please, please, fuck me," Xander rasped out, his voice
thick with passion.
Spike thrust himself inside.
Xander screamed.
For that impossible moment, Spike held himself still while Xander moaned
and whimpered, tried to relax around that unyielding cock. Hot, tight,
beautiful pain, just that sweet knife-edge, not enough to set off the chip.
Finally, he couldn't take it any longer and he began to rock in and out.
Xander still whimpered and moaned, but they began to take on a different
flavor.
Xander screamed.
"Hit the right spot, did I?" He thrust harder.
"Yes, yes, oh, please, yes! Right there! Oh, Spike!"
"Come on, you slut, louder!"
"Harder! Fuck me harder!" Xander's nails left deep red gouges in Spike's
back. Spike growled and slammed his hips forward. "Yes!"
"Play with yourself, pet. Let me see you ... "
Xander shook his head, gasping for breath. He was obviously beyond hearing
now. Spike slammed into him over and over. Suddenly, Xander arched up and
shot come all over his own stomach without even being touched. It was so
beautiful watching him gasp and writhe, impaled. Spike slammed into him
one last time and came with a howl.
"Spike?"
Gasping for breath he didn't need, Spike balanced himself on shaky arms
over Xander. "Shut up. Tired now." And then he collapsed to the bed.
"Shouldn't we, uh, clean up?"
A pale arm snaked out and pinned Xander to the bed. "Like the way you
smell right now. Don't move."
Xander smiled. "Night, Spike."
*
Everything went to Hell in a hand basket after that, Xander thought, as he
pushed and shoved his way along the busy sidewalk. People turned to glare
at them and he growled back.
Turning a sharp corner, he foraged back into the darkness.
Nothing's as terrible as the dawn, he thought to himself, or something like
that.
*
"Mmm, that was nice." Xander turned and snuggled into his somewhat cool,
but ultimately cuddly vampire. After a little nap he was seriously ready
for more.
Spike pulled away and started putting on his jeans. "Well then, ta."
"What? Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay the night?" Xander
waggled his eyebrows. "Have a little more of your nummy treat in the
morning?"
"I was right, you're quite the whore, aren't you, pet? I knew you'd be an
easy little slut."
Xander reared back as though slapped. "What?"
"It's been fun and all, but I think once was quite enough, don't you?"
Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag. "Wouldn't
want to drag this out unnecessarily, would we?"
"But..."
"For someone so easy I would have thought you'd be better in bed. To quote
one of you lot, bored now."
"But..." He sat, the sheet pooling around his waist, his mouth moving
without him, pinned by Spike's careless gaze.
"Yes?" the vampire finally asked.
"You said you loved me," Xander finally whimpered rather pitifully.
"No, I never said anything of the kind."
"But, but, you said you wanted me, that I'm such a nummy treat and - "
"I did. I've had you. I'm done now." Picking up his duster, Spike headed
for the door. "Feel free to tell the Slayer. I'm sure she'd love to
listen to your tale of woe. Oh, wait, I'll tell her for you. Wonder what
she'll say when I let slip that you're fucking the undead. You think
she'll ever speak to you again? Oh, fuck me, Spike, please fuck me," he
mimicked with a sneer. Smirking so hard his face must of hurt, the fiend
left.
Xander flopped back on the bed, thinking about just why he couldn't tell
the Slayer his 'tale of woe.' When Buffy and the others found about this
.. "Oh, stupidity, thy name is Xander," he whispered to himself.
He had to admit Spike's campaign had been completely brilliant. He could
see it all now. He'd probably played Tara for a fool too and Dawn.
Fucker. It didn't help though, he still felt like an idiot.
For hours he lay there, brooding about the encounter. What had he been
thinking, letting Spike fuck him? Spike was right, he was loose, immoral,
a slut. And Spike had manipulated him perfectly. Shit, he felt so dirty.
Someone should really do something about that vampire, preferably before
the bleached wonder spouted out his grand news to all of Xander's friends.
Something.
Something.
Xander smiled. Not a nice smile.
The answer was sitting under the loose floorboards beneath the bed, still
leftover from their fight with the mayor, protected safely in fireproof
boxes. He was going to blow one snarky, manipulative master vampire right
back to Hell, where he belonged. And Buffy, Willow, Giles, they would
never have to know why.
*
Xander hurried down the alleyway. He could hear sounds of pursuit again.
He stepped around a pile of crates only to find a vampire he didn't know
waiting for him. Or he did know, but he didn't.
"Xander?"
"Stay away from me."
"We're all looking for you." Totally ignoring his order, the vampire
stepped closer.
"I know you. Your name is Christian."
"Angelus says that something has happened, that you've got your memories
all scrambled." Green eyes pinned him to the alleyway wall.
"Sort of." Xander wet his lips. "Spike ... "
"Who is Spike?"
"Blonde vampire, blue eyes, kind of cute?" Xander frowned at his own
statement. "Not cute, not. Manipulative and mean. Don't like Spike.
Hate Spike. Grrrr."
"You could be talking about anyone. I don't know any Spike." Christian
sat down on a crate and gestured for Xander to sit on the other. "Don't
make me force you." Long years of strength laced that voice and Xander
suddenly knew that Christian was stronger, even if they were both vampires.
Xander sat. "Good. Now, tell me what's wrong."
"William the Bloody."
"Your William?"
"My William?"
"Shit, your brain is scrambled." Christian played absently with a lock of
his long auburn hair. Xander knew that was a bad habit of the vampire's,
but he didn't know how he knew. "Tell me what's wrong with William."
"Angel made a wish."
"Who's Angel?"
"Angelus, our sire. He made a wish." His brain was leaking like a sieve,
all these different memories dripping back inside. "He wished that someone
had never been. I granted that wish."
"You killed someone?"
"No, I ... you're going to think I'm crazy."
"Xander, this is me, the only one who will watch Sailor Moon with you, the
guy who agrees with you that cinnamon Life tastes best in blood, your
brother and your friend. I'll believe anything you tell me."
"You're Penn's mate ... I think I remember."
"Yes, Penn's mate. Angelus turned me to be a mate for his first angelic,
blonde haired childe. Now, tell me what's wrong with William."
"Spike and William are ... were the same person. Imagine if William hadn't
spent fifty years as Angelus' adored childe, if he had been abandoned and
ignored. That was Spike." Xander took a deep breath. "Buffy - "
"That Slayer?"
"Yes. She came to Sunnydale and she wasn't killed. She lived and Angelus
never turned Willow or I. Spike got ... chipped ... like these government
yahoos put a chip in his skull so if he hurt any living thing, he'd feel
excruciating pain." Xander watched Christian purse his lips, but the other
vampire said nothing. "Angelus had abandoned him. Druscilla had abandoned
him. He was all alone in Sunnydale and he had nowhere to turn, but to the
Slayer for help."
"What about me? Penn?"
"I don't know where either of you were." Xander sighed. "It's hard to
explain. It was just so different. Spike seduced me." His head fell back
against the wall behind him as he remembered. "He made me his whore, then
he left me."
"Rude."
Xander nodded, still not looking at his friend. "I had this dynamite, I
can't really explain where it came from. That's a much longer story. So,
I had this dynamite and I went out to his crypt." The sky above him was
hazy with the reflected streetlights.
*
Holding the dynamite in his hands, Xander stood in front of Spike's crypt,
trying to decide he was going to do this. Snarky, mean, rude, sexy ...
Shit. Fuckin' vampire. Of course, that was the problem, Xander reminded
himself. Spike was a vampire, evil, member of the undead. Someone he had
trusted. Someone who had betrayed him.
Holding the dynamite in his hands, Xander stood in front of Spike's crypt,
trying to decide he was going to do this. Snarky, mean, rude, sexy ...
Shit. Fuckin' vampire. Of course, that was the problem, Xander reminded
himself. Spike was a vampire, evil, member of the undead. Someone he had
trusted. Someone who had betrayed him.
The door to the crypt opened and Xander quickly hid the dynamite behind
himself. "Hi, Spike."
"Whelp. What? Come back for more? Couldn't resist this body?" Spike's
grin turned very nasty. "Or did I forget to pay you?"
Xander swallowed yard.
"Cat got your tongue, pet?"
"Don't call me that."
"Slut? Whore? Oh, where, oh where is the Slayer? She should enjoy this
story. Always knew you were easy."
"You won't tell her."
"I won't?"
"She'd kill you."
"Before or after she knew your deep dark secrets?" Spike lit a cigarette
and blew the smoke in Xander's face. "Go away, Xander, and don't come
back. I've had my fun. I'm not interested anymore." And Spike strolled
back into his crypt, calm as you please.
*
"You didn't."
"Oh, yes I did," Xander growled. Panting breaths he didn't need, he tried
to bring his voice under control. "I blew that loud-mouthed,
good-for-nothing, vampire to Hell."
Christian struggled not to smile. "On some level I really appreciate that.
You know, the part of me that had to evict several rats from my bed last
week. Do you remember that, Wil putting those things in the bed?"
"Yeah, sort of, it's hazy," Xander frowned, staring at his fingers. "He
thought it was really funny."
"He usually does." Christian sighed, settling in. "So you blew up your
lover. Sounds fun."
"Uh-huh. I stood outside his crypt while it burned."
"I can't imagine our Wil living in a crypt. He's so fond of his creature
comforts. You'd think he was born in a Jacuzzi." The redhead smiled.
"And you and I will have to play with some pyrotechnics in the future.
This could be a new-found hobby for us."
"Doesn't it limit our chances of feeding, you know, if the bodies are in
too many parts?"
"One should never mix work and pleasure. We can always try it out on the
minions."
"Uh, yeah." Xander felt decidedly queasy. He knew this guy, but he
didn't. He had one very clear memory of hunting with Christian, but the
rest lay in a thick fog. And that just made him queasier, thinking of
himself as a vampire.
"So, after you blew up this Spike character, then what?"
"D'Hoffryn."
*
Xander sat for a long time, watching the crypt crackle and burn. Spike had
screamed at the beginning, but now everything was quiet. He'd wanted to
rush in and save the vampire, but he forced himself to stay still, just
watch, just listen. He was safe now. No more Spike, no Spike telling his
friends how easy Xander was, no Spike proving what a whore Xander was, no
nothing. He didn't feel anything at all, except the heat on his face from
the fire. He didn't even take his eyes off the flames when someone sat
down beside him.
"Xander Harris?"
He turned to face some kind of ugly demon-guy in a robe. Kay, ugly
demon-guy. It was like he was in this calm zone of nothing. He'd just
killed his ... lover. Was Spike his lover? Was -
"Xander."
"Yeah?"
"You know me." It smiled. "I am D'Hoffryn."
"D'Hoffryn? You made Anya a vengeance demon after she turned her boyfriend
into a troll."
"Yes." It smiled. "Anya was a beautiful creature, so full of rage and
violence. You too are wrathful, so beautifully wrathful. I've been
looking for someone to take her place."
"Me?"
"Will you be my new demon of vengeance, Xander? I have so much to offer,
immortality, unlimited power and a really good dental plan."
"What? No 401K?"
"We're working on that." It licked its lips almost hungrily. "Come be my
new vengeance demon, Xander. Commit your rage and wrath to my cause.
Destroy the unfaithful. It's really fun. I promise."
"Become a soulless demon ... "
"Leave all your guilt behind."
*
"So I accepted." Xander smiled mirthlessly. "All of that 'no guilt' stuff
was just so tempting right after killing my lover. I mean, I didn't have a
choice. I had to stop Spike, I had to punish him, but ... Anyway, it
sounded like a job I might actually be good at."
"Killing is very you."
"So I've learned. Went to work as a vengeance demon and one of the first
people who called on me was Angelus, only he was called Angel in that
reality. He asked to me to get rid of someone. Her name was Darla. I
abolished her existence and suddenly I'm here."
"Well, good."
"Good?"
"You know what awesome friends we are, Xander. I can't imagine a reality
in which we're not, but you just described one. So, great. This sounds
better, the best. I'm with Penn. You're with William. We're loved. We
kill with impunity. The world is ours for the taking. What could be
better?" Christian suddenly sat up straighter. "I hear the others."
"Others?" Xander jumped to his feet and turned ... straight into Angel's
chest.
"Angel?"
"No."
Xander backed slowly away. "Angelus."
"This is your fault, Xander. You granted my wish."
"Go away."
"There is no Darla. There was no gypsy girl. I am a direct childe of the
Master and I rule the Hellmouth with an iron fist. You, you are my childe,
you and Willow both. How does it feel?"
"Buffy ... you killed her."
Wil caught his shoulders, pressing himself up against his Xander's back.
"You remember, don't you, Xander? Christian and I cornered her. We
finished her off."
"No!" Xander spun around to face Spike. "I blew you to Hell. I set all
that dynamite around your crypt and then I exploded everything. I'm a
vengeance demon now, a vengeance demon. I work for D'Hoffryn."
"I think he's a bit addled," the vampire he didn't know commented. Penn,
some strange part of his brain supplied. Christian quieted his mate with a
simple pet of his hand.
"That was the other reality, Xander, the other timeline. By granting my
wish and eliminating Darla, you altered your own reality as well as mine."
Angelus molded himself to his childe's back.
"But Spike - "
"Isn't even called Spike here. Never became Spike, has always been sweet
William. Don't you see?"
"Pet?" Almost shyly, William curled his fingers around his Xander's face.
"Try to remember, pet. Forget that other time. Come back to me."
In a massive head rush Xander could suddenly remember this reality too, all
of it, where he was William's mate, hunted with his brothers, Penn and
Christian, brought home beautiful presents for Willow and Druscilla. They
existed side by side in his mind, separate and equal. "I like this reality
better," he finally whispered.
"It is better." Angelus stroked the side of his neck. "So much better, my
childe. Give into it. Accept it. Come back to us."
William brushed the sweetest of kisses across his lips. "Precious pet, how
could I not love you?" He could feel his other family crowding closer,
reaching out to rub their hands over him. William growled, but the rest
only laughed and did it anyway. Xander buried his face in William's neck
and purred.
"Come on." Christian grabbed both of their hands. "Let's go home."
Xander remembered everything now. Pretty, green-eyed Christian was 'the
practical one.' "The sun will be up in an hour. Let's get inside."
Xander found himself walking next to Angelus as they headed back, his
sire's arm around his shoulders, holding him close. On his other side,
William held his hand.
"It's better this way, Xander," Angelus was whispering in his ear. "Don't
you realize? You've made all my dreams come true."
"D'Hoffryn said to me, when I became a vengeance demon, that I would have a
chance to put right what had been wrong, to heal." He pulled his William
closer. "I know what he meant now."
"Precious pet, I'll love you forever." The blonde vampire nuzzled his
Xander's neck.
"I love you too, William. I hate Spike, but I love you."
Epilogue
"I think, yes, I know, I mean - "
"Pet, spit it out." William straddled Xander's hips and settled himself on
the other vampire's chest, resting his chin on his folded hands.
"You're cute when you do that."
"I'm cute all the time. It's part of my charm. What were you saying?"
Xander frowned. "I was just thinking that this is all better, you know,
that, I think, I mean, I'm pretty sure that I'm happy."
"You think?" William raised an elegant brow. "You just 'think'? I
*think* I'm insulted."
"No, I mean, I know I'm happy. I know."
"Hmmm." William sat up and crossed his arms. He definitely had the 'no
sex for you tonight' glint in his eyes.
"Will ..." Xander sighed.
"Don't do that. You'll sound like you're from New Orleans."
Xander wiggled.
William frowned.
"I love you?"
"Don't sound so sure."
Xander sat up and blew chill breath over Will's neck. "I absolutely,"
kiss, "most definitely," kiss, "love you." Claiming his beautiful Will's
lips in a long, passionate kiss, he pushed his tongue inside. Xander could
taste the blood and cigarettes from William's last meal. "Make love with
me. Let me prove to you how much I need you, want you, love you."
Will moaned and let Xander roll them over. "You're bloody good at getting
into a bloke's knickers, you know that?"
"It's part of my charm." He smiled, the light glinting off his sharp
fangs. "I belong to you, William the Bloody. Want me to prove it?"
"Prove it! Yes, bloody prove it! Right, the Hell, now!" He squirmed,
rubbing himself up against his mate.
"Ah, ah, ah." Xander pulled just far enough back to tease. "Vampires who
come all over themselves don't get fucked so hard their teeth rattle."
"Why the Hell not?"
"Cause Xanny said so." Smiling, he pulled the vampire's clothes off,
pausing to lick every inch of that smooth, white skin. By the time he'd
peeled away William's jeans, the blonde was a moaning, writhing mess. "So
beautiful. So very, very beautiful. Prepare yourself for me." He sat
back on his heels to watch while he stripped out of his own clothes.
Shyly, William retrieved the lube from the bedside table drawer and began
the ritual. The vampire never seemed to get used to his mate's voyeurism.
Xander loved to lick William's smooth, white thighs while the blonde fucked
himself on his own fingers. Xander tugged William's fingers away as he
rose up over him. "You want me?"
"So much. You promised to make my teeth rattle."
Xander moaned as he sank into the deliciously tight body beneath him. Will
pulled him closer, dragging him down for a kiss. At first, Xander wanted
to drag it out, thrusting slowly, teasing, feeling the hard silk of Will's
erection rubbing against his stomach, but then Will bit his neck and he
couldn't hold back any longer. He had promised to make the blonde's teeth
rattle, after all. Will jerked his own cock to orgasm, moaning and
groaning and thrashing the whole while. Xander came inside his love. It
felt good. Very good. Especially the love part.
Un-life was good.
*
When Angelus looked in on them later, he couldn't help but smile, a
genuine, real, rather poofy smile. The room reeked of sex. Tangled
together in the red satin sheets were two very dirty, very happy vampires.
"Daddy?"
He turned to his two girls who were waiting for him in the hall. Willow
had only just gotten back from LA and she was anxious to play. "Yes,
kittens?"
"Take us hunting, Daddy," Willow whined, pulling him down the hall after
her. "Those lazybones will be at it all night and all day tomorrow. Let's
go kill something."
Angelus nodded his agreement and leered at his girls. "We'll bring them
back some take-out.
