* * * * * * * * * *



Fourth Position: Nine of Spears

"Preparing for upheaval and conflict. Foresight. Reversed: Unheeded warnings. Confusion.
Difficulty adapting to changing circumstances." 




* * * * * * * * * *



Tara sat on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest, studied the card in her hand and
laughed at herself. Temperance. How fitting. The ornately framed picture depicted nine women
surrounding a cauldron. She didn't remember the specifics of the legend described, but knew
the randomly pulled card was indeed intended for her on this day.




She had done what she could. She had come clean to Willow and Xander about the spell. She
would continue to work with Mr. Giles in trying to find a reversal. A part of her kept whispering
she couldn't do it; it couldn't be done. She looked at the card again.




"Patience," she murmured to herself. It would come in time. Hopefully.



Sighing, she put the card down on the top of the deck and rested her cheek on her knees. Willow
had left earlier this morning to study in the library. She had asked Tara to accompany her,
but although Tara shared Willow's love of learning, she didn't share her over-zealous methods.
She had hoped to spend the time studying her Tarot cards, but apparently Miss Kitty had other
ideas.




Tara laughed and batted the tiny paws away from the over-hanging lock of hair the kitten was
attacking. She reached behind her under the bed and pulled out the yarn ball toy. She trailed
it along the floor, enticing Miss Kitty away from her bare toes. Tara continued to wave the
toy around, watching the swirling figure eight the ball traced on the sunny patch of the floor.
Soon, she wasn't even noticing whether or not the kitten was chasing it, lost in the patterns
her hand was creating on the floor. 




Patterns. 



Everything followed some design. Of this she was certain. Too many coalescing events. Too
many prophecies come true. The question was, what great design needed Xander and Spike to
need each other? The answer could be as arbitrary as Miss Kitty's decision to attack the toy
or her fingers. Or it could have been some predestined plan, laid out before written history.




Tara let go of the ball and sat up straight. Answers would not be appearing before her on
her dorm room floor. Perhaps she should head over to Mr. Giles' and get a head start on some
reading. She reached back under the bed and pulled out her sandals. 




After dressing and leaving a note for Willow, Tara raised her chin and headed for the door.
She had never been to Mr. Giles' without Willow before, but knew this was something that needed
to be done. Looking at the phone, she decided to call from the Espresso Pump. That way if
he said not to come by, she could get some tea and go by the Magic Box instead of calling the
outing a complete waste.




She opened the door and froze when she saw the figure pacing in the hall, hands crammed in
pants pockets. "Xander?" 




Xander stopped and faced her. She tried not to gasp as she saw his eyes, bloodshot and red-rimmed,
bearing a haunted expression. Tara poked her head out the door and glanced up and down the
hall. No one else was around. This being Saturday, most of the students were either out in
the sun, or still asleep. Xander watched her without word.




She smiled at him to ease his seeming trepidation. "Are you waiting for someone?"



He gave a nervous laugh. "No. Well, you...or Willow?"



Tara stepped away from the door and waved Xander inside. "Willow's not here. Do you want
me to...?" She gestured again, indicating she would go get her girlfriend if he wished.




Xander stepped through the doorway and shook his head. "No, you'll do." He paused, apparently
thinking. "I mean, not do, as in I have a level of expectation and you fall just within it.
I meant..." trailing off, he pulled his hands out of his pockets to shrug grandly, hands akimbo.




Her stomach plummeted when she saw his hands. Swollen and red, there were small cuts along
the knuckles and blisters on his palms. She reached out and gently clasped one of the damaged
hands, turning it over in her palm. Xander didn't resist, but inhaled sharply as she traced
her fingertip over one of the cuts. His hand was warm from his pocket, and slight calluses
were forming along the ridge of his palm from hours of construction work. Suddenly, Tara wished
she had studied palmistry instead of the Tarot, though she was almost afraid of what she might
see. She has learned that lives had a tendency to be short and dangerous on the Hellmouth.




She turned her attention away from the history of lines and wounds and looked into Xander's
face. "What happened?" she asked, keeping her voice gentle. Xander pulled his hand from hers
and Tara let go, feeling the rough slide of the damaged hand grate against her skin.




"I beat somebody up last night," he answered, resuming his pacing.



Tara nodded, more in encouragement than understanding. Xander stopped and looked around the
room before meeting her eyes.




"I hit him with a pipe first, or I would have been the Xander pancake special, then I pummeled
him into the ground." Xander raised his hands and studied them for long minutes. "He was
human. I had human blood on my hands." He continued staring at the backs of his hands, shoulders
slumped.




Tara pulled Xander to the bed and sat him down. Talking was always easier when sitting. She
sat across from him, leaving enough room for him to fidget as needed. Miss Kitty immediately
jumped on the bed and curled up in her lap, purring.




Xander chuckled at the sight and said, "It's funny how animals can let themselves feel so safe
around these giant beasts. That's how we must look to them. Like these grotesque, naked jailors
that stomp around all the time." He fell silent, staring at his hands again.




"Spike?" she asked, hoping to prompt him into telling her what had happened after leaving Mr.
Giles' the previous night.




Xander answered, voice distant, "Oh, I usually feel safe when I'm with Spike, just not when
I'm around him."




Tara bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "I meant, is Spike hurt?"



He shook his head. "No." Then his eyebrows lifted. "Unless he didn't listen to me and went
back out last night. Would I know if he's...if he's...hurt?" He made a move to jump up, eyes
wide and darting around, but Tara placed her hand on his arm in gentle restraint.




"There's no mind-link associated with the spell, but we can both go look for him, if you...need
to." This was curious. A low level of concern was expected with this kind of binding spell,
but she hadn't read of a case where such agitation was present just on the possibility the
other might be hurt.




Xander threw himself backwards on the bed, causing it to jiggle and the cat to raise her head
and glare at the disturbance. Xander stared at the ceiling above him. His voice was monotone
when he next spoke. "He kissed me."




Now Tara was confused. "So you punched him?"



Scowling at the ceiling, Xander made a snorting noise. "Not the goon, Spike. Spike...kissed
me," he answered, his voice fading.




Tara took a few moments to pet Miss Kitty, using the time to think through what she wanted
to ask. She didn't want Xander angry or defensive, but she knew a truthful answer was important.
What exactly had happened last night? There was a start. "What exactly happened when you
left Mr. Giles'?"




In a halting voice, Xander detailed the previous night's events to her. She listened carefully,
filing away certain facts for later perusal: how Xander had been unafraid to walk into Willy's
for blood; how frightened he had been when exiting to find Spike missing; and how helplessness
had turned to fury when he had found Spike, pinned to the wall of an alley, being taunted and
beaten by a strange man; then what had happened after his split-second decision to attack the
hired human.




"I sat up all night trying to tell myself that it wasn't me. That I was under some influence,
or in a haze. But it was. Every punch, every time I touched him is written on my brain in
one of those big stinky permanent markers." Xander sighed and sat up again. "The funny ha-ha
thing is, I would do it again. I was freaked afterward, but that guy had it coming. He knew
Spike couldn't defend himself," he finished, anger roughening his voice.




A silence fell over the room, and Tara processed all she had heard. She thought about how
to proceed in her questioning, but Xander surprised her by volunteering further information
on his own.




"When it was over. When everything was all bloody, I was almost proud of myself. Me, Xander
Harris, normal guy, managed to beat up some toughie twice my size. I'm the guy who couldn't
even hurt a garden gnome in high school." Sudden self-deprecating laugh, and he quieted again.
"Then I realized the blood was on my hands too. Like whatever I had done, I couldn't leave
it there. I had to take it home with me." He looked at Tara for the first time since beginning
the story. "That's when I freaked."




"And that's when Spike kissed you," Tara guessed.



Xander nodded, swallowing. He curled his hands into fists and opened them again, spreading
his fingers wide. "I sure hope this clears up by Monday," he murmured. "I can't afford to
miss another day's work."




Tara waited.



"I mean, I could probably work with my elbow now, but I don't think I could hold a circular
saw for eight hours with this, even with gloves on. Too much vibration," he explained, holding
out his cut-up and swollen right hand.




Tara continued to wait, absently stroking Miss Kitty's flank as she studied the handsome, scared
face in front of her. She hoped her expression conveyed the support and growing affection
she was feeling.




Xander returned her steady gaze for thirty silent seconds, then dropped his eyes. "Do you
think my feelings for Spike were created by the spell?" he asked with sudden urgency.




Tara let out the breath she had been holding. She already knew the answer to that, but Xander
needed to realize it for himself, so she redirected the question with one of her own. "Xander,"
she called, hoping to recapture his gaze, "are you...do you have feelings for Spike?"




Meeting her eyes again, Xander answered, "You mean, aside from the suicidally protective ones
that occur whenever I think he's in danger?" He placed his head in his hands, wincing slightly.
" I don't know...I think so...Yeah." He looked back at her, his hair messy from the path
his fingers had taken, but his eyes seemed less troubled.




Relief. Tara knew that feeling well. The relief that comes from someone else knowing what
you've been hiding from yourself; from the knowledge that admitting a scary thing might not
change you into something...wrong. Tara knew too much about those sorts of burdens, and the
weight they carried.




Xander looked lost. "I don't want to have warm fuzzies for him, Tara."



She nodded, sympathetic. "I know. It's scary, isn't it, feeling something like that for someone
you don't think you should? But I don't think this is something you can control."




Xander yawned, and then grinned, looking a little sheepish. "I shy away from comparing myself
to the path you and Wills traveled. This is a different map altogether."




Tara inhaled. "You mean because we're both human," she clarified, keeping her face neutral.



Xander peered at her with a curious expression on his face. "Because you're both good."



"That didn't make it any less confusing for either of us," Tara answered, voice steadier. 
"I doubt this is reassuring, but the only feelings the spell causes are the dangerously protective
ones." Tara played with Miss Kitty's whiskers to distract herself, laughing softly every time
the kitten's head would twitch in response. She noticed Xander fidgeting with his shoelaces
and taking furtive glances at the clock. She smiled to herself. "Do you want to go check on him?"




"Why couldn't I be...bound to a vampire with normal human accessories, like a telephone?" 
Xander stood up and began wandering around the room, picking up candles and books, giving them
a cursory once-over before replacing them. He picked up Tara's Anthropology text and opened
it, flipping pages without looking at them. "M'afraid," he finally mumbled.




Tara shook her head, confused. "H-he can't hurt you, Xander. And," she added, "He probably
doesn't want to, based on what you've told me."




Xander stood as if rooted, the text almost slipping out of his grasp. "But that was...I was...He
doesn't..." His face was confusion at war with desire at war with fear.




Tara went over to him and removed her book from his hands and put it down. She then leaned
forward and wrapped her arms around his chest in a gentle embrace. Hugging his tall, broad
frame was strange and nice. The only person she has held for months was so petite; there was
a familiar comfort to this she had not felt in years. She rested her head on his chest and
listened to his heart, beating far too swiftly. "Shh. It's all right...he does," she promised,
mentally crossing her fingers.




"You can tell?" he whispered back, surprised.



She nodded, face rubbing against the soft material of his shirt, hoping she was right. "He
does, and you do too." She pulled back so she could meet his eyes. "And I think you need
to realize that none of this makes you a bad person."




Xander's eyes widened. "Am I...Does this make me gay now?" he asked, his voice shaking.



Tara pulled away and clasped his hands. "Not necessarily, though I don't think that would
be the worst thing to happen." She smiled. "This has been building for a while?" At his
reluctant nod, she continued, "I'm not really an expert on this sort of thing, but I think
the smart thing to do right now, is take everything in steps." She tugged him by the arm toward
the door. "And the first step will be to ease your mind by checking on him. I'll go with you."




They were met at the door by Willow. Tara felt her heart expand, if that were possible, at
the sight. Every time she looked at Willow, she knew that she had finally done something right.
Was still doing something right. She squeezed Xander's hand before letting go of it to grab
Willow's. *My girlfriend.*




She smiled at Willow's quizzical look before announcing, "We're going to visit the housebound."
Which only made Willow look more confused, but caused Xander to start laughing. She reached
out and took Willow's book bag from her shoulder and placed it inside the door, pulling Willow
into the hallway with her. Xander followed.




"Okay. Not understanding what's going on, but open to explanations." Willow smiled from Tara
to Xander as they all started down the hall.




"Don't worry," Tara assured, "Xander will explain everything on the way there." At the squeak
she heard behind her, Tara turned and smiled at the terrified look on her new friend's face.
"This is Willow, Xander." She softened her voice. "You can tell her anything."




Xander's eyes shifted to the concerned expression on Willow's face. He took a deep breath
as if to steady himself, and started at what Tara presumed to be the actual beginning. She
was pleased to see a hint of his returning humor as he talked. "It was one of those weird
days in Sunnydale, and really, I think we need more of those, don't you girls?" 




They walked through the outer door and headed toward the edge of campus. Xander had stepped
up until he was abreast of the two of them. Tara grabbed his hand in support. Xander gave
her hand a small squeeze and continued, "Unbeknownst to the intrepid Scooby gang, a new kind
of evil had moved into town and brought with them a big, pipe-cracking earthquake..."




* * * * * * * * * *



Tara and Willow walked without haste toward Spike's crypt. They had left Xander three rows
behind, pacing. Tara looked down at the two blood bags clutched in her hand. Xander had insisted
on stopping at his house first to grab them, explaining about the lack of refrigeration in
Spike's life. When Willow had teased that possibly Spike had hoped to be invited inside, Xander
had stammered and started dropping things.




"I am so not ready for that phase of...whatever this is," he had said.



And now he wouldn't go to see Spike, volunteering instead to wait for them amongst what he
called 'normal dead people.' The blood, warmed from the day's heat and Xander's pocket, slugged
inside the bag. It was a startling color of red, darker than jewels, but brighter than she
would have supposed. "Do you think pig's blood looks different from human?" she asked her
girlfriend.




"Shh. We don't know that it isn't human. Xander said all he did was put eighty dollars on
the bar and tell Willy to make his blood to go. He didn't specify," Willow answered, her voice
nervous.




Still lost in the swirling of life in her hands, Tara barely heard Willow at first. "I would
think human blood is more expensive." She glimpsed Willow's pinched face. "W-what's wrong?"




Willow began whispering as they neared their destination, though Tara didn't know if it was
to keep Spike from hearing, or Xander. "Oh, Tara. I mean, Spike...And Xander? Isn't there
something inherently wrong with that? I sense definite wrongness, don't you?"




Tara stood still and closed her eyes. She wrapped her mind around the different feelings and
images from the last three days and before, hunting her memories for clues. Her mind drifted
in a sea of remembered thoughts, impressions, and unexamined feelings, senses touching each
item briefly before she opened her eyes. She looked at Willow's hopeful expression and remembered
the day the Gentlemen had come, and how she had done the same thing before deciding to find
Willow. She shook her head in apology. "I know you want me to find something bad in this,
but I can't." She shrugged. "Weird? Definitely, but..." She contemplated how best to make
Willow understand. "The only badness in this is their fear."




Willow looked chastened. "I don't want Xander to be afraid. I want him to be happy. I just
never thought I'd be saying, I want Xander to be happy with Spike."




They both stared at the door in front of them. "Should we knock?" Tara asked, whispering again.



Willow stepped forward, determined look on her face and knocked on the door. There was no
answer. Willow turned worried eyes toward Tara and knocked again, more loudly. Still no answer.




*Please don't be dead. Please don't make me tell Xander you're dead.* Tara leaned forward
and opened the door. Sudden darkness after the bright morning rendered the interior too black
to see. Tara squinted and took a step forward. Sunlight streamed in behind her through the
open doorway, allowing her a two-foot patch of safety before having to enter the crypt. She
took another step, Willow on her heels. "S-spike?"




"Why so timid? Just barge in, everyone else does," came a voice from the interior.



Behind her, Willow jumped slightly and grabbed her hand. Tara cleared her throat and leaned
her head into the darkness. There, sitting sideways in a beaten up leather lounge chair, sat
Spike, half-full bottle of liquor in one hand and burning cigarette in the other. Tara stepped
fully into the darkness and smiled. "I think that's rude, personally. I m-mean, you have
to ask," she finished, bravado failing her at the end when Spike turned his glare to her.




The vampire snorted and stood, walking forward. Tara willed herself to stay in place. Spike
stopped just short of her personal space and, placing his cigarette in his mouth, nodded toward
the bags in her hand.




"That a pressie for me, then?"



Tara held out the bags. Spike brought them up to his nose and sniffed along the outside of
them. He quirked up an eyebrow and sniffed some more before pulling out the cigarette and
throwing it on the ground. He looked back at the two of them, eyes settling on their clasped
hands. He held up the bags of blood.




"This all you came for?" he asked, his tone sly.



Tara began hesitantly, "Xander wanted-"



"To make sure you were coming to Giles' later," Willow interrupted, squeezing Tara's hand.



Spike waved the bags in front of him. "Whyn't he come himself?" he asked, eyes narrowed.



Tara looked at Spike, at the bottle of what she could now see was bourbon still clutched in
his hand, and wanted to tell him it was all right. That Xander was worried about him, and
wanted to come in, but was afraid of being ridiculed...or possibly kissed again, he wasn't
sure which. She thought maybe Spike wanted that reassurance, just as Xander had. But she
knew it wouldn't be as welcome here. She wanted to tell him she didn't care what he did, as
long as he didn't break her friend's heart, if that wouldn't guarantee Spike would do that
very thing, just to spite them all. *I could be your friend, too, if you would let me.*




"He had stuff to do. Scooby stuff. You know, Xander-type Scooby stuff," Willow answered,
all the while tugging on Tara's hand, indicating her readiness to leave.




Spike lifted the bags and rubbed them under his nose. He took a swallow of bourbon and studied
Tara, blue eyes hooded. Tara felt a tingle of fear on her scalp, giving her goose bumps. 
She could sense Willow wanting to leave, but felt stuck there, wanting to explain everything,
knowing nothing she said would be taken lightly by the vampire. Then she remembered Xander,
who was probably still pacing the cemetery, wondering what was taking so long.




"So are you?" she asked in what she hoped was an uninterested tone.



"Am I what, Ducks?" Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.



"Coming to Mr. Giles' tonight," she replied, getting to the point. *Please say yes. Please
say yes. Please say yes.*




"You going to have more of this?" Spike shook the blood in her direction. A stray shaft of
light illuminated the ruby liquid in the bag. The vampire pulled his hand back before sun
could touch skin.




Tara nodded. "I'll make sure Xander brings some." She gripped Willow's hand, palms sweaty,
fear tingle evaporating.




Spike's mouth smirked, but his eyes retained a hint of shadow. "Is he going to come into Rupert's
himself to bring it to me? Or is he going to send you two ahead while he waits outside?"




Tara almost smiled from relief. Spike was worried, as Xander had been.



Willow made sounds of protest. "That is so not what is happening. Xander just stopped to...tie
his shoe, and, and then his lace broke so he decided to go to the store to buy a replacement
and...and Scooby stuff!"




But Tara could only smile at Spike. What Willow couldn't see wouldn't hurt her. It all made
sense now: Spike's obvious resentment when she and Willow had shown up at the basement door,
and his refusal to leave until Xander had come out of the shower. Added to that was the presence
of a refrigerator she now spied in the corner. And if Willow couldn't sense Spike's anxiety,
that was good too. Right now, Spike's feelings were his business alone. But Tara wasn't so
afraid anymore. "So I'll tell Xander to expect you?" she asked when Willow had run out of excuses.




Spike gave her an unfathomable look, then turned his back and headed into the gloom of his
home. "Sundown. Right," he answered from the gray depths.




Tara allowed Willow to pull her into the sunlight, blinding after her eyes had adjusted to
the crypt's interior. "Good," she called back. "I'll tell him then." 




As they walked back to Xander, Tara caught Willow taking peeks at her, expression incredulous.
The peeking turned into all out staring with happy grins. Tara didn't know whether to be
nervous or pleased until Willow spoke. "I can't believe you."




"What?"



"You were so brave and all assertive, like 'I'll tell him to expect you?' and not babbling
at all." Willow stopped her before they reached Xander. She leaned in and gave Tara a soft
kiss. 




"Well you and Xander have the free license on babbling. I tend to lean more toward nervous
silences," Tara said shrugging, but happy. Pleasing Willow was quickly becoming addictive.
She spied Xander waiting for them, eyebrows raised. "Spike's fine, Xander," she called, wondering
if her voice would carry into the crypt. No harm in laying out small clues for the clueless.



Part Two

Tara frowned, concentration taxed by the muttering vampire in the kitchen. She was cross-referencing
the indices between two books, looking for some mention of the Highland spell. Mr. Giles was
leaning over her shoulder, pointing out useful pages to look up and increasing her nervousness.
All in all, this wasn't going very well. Not only did there not seem to be a reversal spell,
but also Xander hadn't shown up yet, causing Spike to become restless. Things had reached
a pitch when Buffy had had to intervene after Spike had barked at Willow to call his house again.




The remainder of that morning and part of the afternoon had passed in a pleasant daze, each
person doing his or her part to keep any conversation away from spells and vampires in general.
Xander's mood had continued to lift until his energy had flagged. She and Willow had headed
over to Mr. Giles' then, while Xander had decided to go home and try catching up on lost sleep.




Spike had shown up mere minutes after sundown, glancing around the room with nonchalance before
settling in front of the television. Any attempt to involve him in research had been met with
insults and growls, which had increased the later it had gotten. Spike hadn't seemed to be
aware that he'd started prowling around the living room, stopping by the window on occasion. 




"Stupid git's gonna make me go after him," the vampire had muttered. Then whipping around
to Tara, he had yelled. "Is this some test? Is that what you're doing? And why haven't you
called him again, like you promised, Red?"




But Xander's mother had continued insisting to Willow that Xander wasn't home, hadn't been
answering her calls to the phone and could she please stop calling as it disturbed Mr. Harris.
Since then, Spike had wandered through the rooms, uneasy.




A sound at the door caused instant reprieve from the tension. Xander walked in without greeting
anyone and sat on the couch where Willow was studying. Willow leaned her head in toward Xander,
whispering noises discernible, then glanced over at Tara and made 'come over here' motions
with her head.




Tara excused herself from Mr. Giles and sat at the other side of Xander, wondering what could
have gone wrong in three hours. 






Xander was sitting between her and Willow, hands fisted, jaws clenched. Willow was running
her hand up and down the length of his forearm asking, "Xander? What's wrong? Did something
happen?"




Spike interrupted, calling across the room, "Where's my blood, whelp?"



In the silence that followed, Tara could hear Xander's knuckles crack as he fisted his hands
in his shorts. When he answered, it was with dead calm. 




"Don't you mean my blood, Spike?" Xander stood and faced the vampire.



Spike raised an eyebrow. "Picked up new eating habits, have you?"



"My house. My refrigerator. My butt on the line to buy it," Xander answered, ticking off
on his fingers. "And, this being the most significant point, my money used to buy it!"





Xander now had the attention of everyone in the room. He radiated anger, chest heaving, spots
of color on his cheeks. Tara slid closer to Willow and exchanged glances with her. This was
not how she had anticipated the evening starting.




"Well you're the one didn't want to know where the money came from. I was feeling very honest
last night and might've told you, but no, whelp's getting the 'heebie-jeebies'," Spike yelled back.




"Hey, at least I'm not Mr. look feel sorry for me, everybody wants me dead, I can't even buy
me own blood," Xander answered in parody of a petulant British accent. "I can't even let demons
with a healthy grudge lay a finger on you."




"That's right, blame me for the spell. The only reason we're hooked up is because I'm the
only one can stand your yammering. Your girlfriend apparently can't even be in the same room
with you anymore." Intent expression, advancing toward Xander, Spike looked every bit the
danger he used to be. 




Xander remained in place, brows furrowed. Tara had never seen him look so menacing. No, not
at all what she had thought would happen tonight.




"Stop. Don't talk about her. Stop sneaking into my house. And another thing," he stepped
into Spike's face, tension a live wire snapping between the two, then shook his head, "no,
you're still not worth the trouble."




Tara could stand it no more. The room had become heavy in the acrimony and hurled insults.
The strong emotion Spike and Xander were exerting fogged around them in a grayish mist, hard
for her to see through. *This is not working. Stop!* Whirling free emotion, ranging from
love to hate twisted around Xander and fed into Spike. She couldn't breathe for all the darkness.
*This is not happening!* "This is not happening!" 




It wasn't until she saw all the faces in the room gaping at her that she realized she had spoken
aloud. Embarrassment flamed her cheeks and she raised her fingertips to her eyes, pressing
and feeling them squish comfortingly underneath. "Please stop," she said, her voice muffled
by the palms of her hands. She removed her hands and stared at her feet, breathing labored
in the tension of the room, then turned and fled into the bathroom.




She went straight to the sink, splashing cold water on her face, refusing to look at herself
in the mirror. She hadn't realized she'd left the door open until a soft touch to her shoulder
startled her. She turned, blinking water out of her eyes and sputtering, to see Xander's contrite
face.




"Tare? You okay?" he asked.



Even as her heart warmed to the nickname, she could feel her face reddening again. She nodded
and used toilet paper to wipe water out of her eyes. "Don't know what came over me," she tried
laughing, but it came out choked.




"Yeah, that was pretty messed up, huh?" Xander leaned against the counter, head hanging. 
"Not that I should be surprised, right? Evil vampire guy and all."




At a loss as to what to say, Tara comforted herself as much as Xander by leaning against him.
She couldn't let this rest, though. "I don't...I think you should give him another chance,
Xander."




Xander shook his head, "He stole money from me, Tara. He might not have a conscience, but
he knew I was saving that for an apartment. Even he understood how important it was," he finished
in a soft voice.




An irreverent thought occurred to her. "Well," she suggested, smiling, "who else is he going
to steal it from, but someone who can't kill him because of it?"




"Yeah, it's not like he could get a job at McDonald's," he snorted, then continued, imitating,
"Past experience Mr....uh...the Bloody? Well, you see, I ate a Burger King fry cook once,
gave me a pimple." Xander smiled at Tara's giggles.




"Well, I'm glad to see everyone's in a better place now," they both heard from the door. 



Tara turned to share her smile with Willow, but faltered when she saw who was standing beside
her. She glanced at Xander's scowling face and asked, "Um...hey, Willow, you all right?"




Willow smiled, her eyes sparkling with secretive glee. "Oh, I'm fine, but Spike here has something
he wants to tell you, Xander. Don't you, Spike?" she asked, nudging the vampire in the arm.





Spike's gaze made a full circuit of the bathroom. "Um, right, so, sorry, and all that." He
glared at Willow. "Good enough?"




"That depends on Xander," she told him, then turned to her friend. "Xander?"



"Huh," was all Xander would respond.



"Look, it's not like I can pay you back, you ungenerous-"



"You could've at least offered," Xander cut him off.



Tara glanced between the two, concerned, but the gray fog wasn't there. She noticed Willow
motioning her out of the room and went to her.




"I told Spike if he apologized, I would go get his blood at Xander's," she whispered in Tara's
ear, stirring up hairs and tickling her neck. Willow eased Tara more into the hallway and
quietly closed the door.




"What are you doing," Tara asked, eyeing the smug expression on her girlfriend's face. Behind
the door, they could hear Spike and Xander going at it again, but with less vehemence.




"Don't want to intrude on a lover's quarrel," Willow whispered back.



"How...why did you do this?" Tara asked, remembering this time to lower her voice.



Willow waved her hand. "Pish. I may not have your witchy eyes, but even I could see that
was all a bunch of 'I want kissies, but I should hate you instead' hooey."




"Hooey?" Tara raised her eyebrows, her lips twitching with the need to laugh.



Willow smiled back, wicked. "Denial's so sad, isn't it?" She stepped closer to the door,
eavesdropping. When Tara started to ask what she was doing, Willow shushed her, pointing to
the door with emphasis; 'Listen,' she mouthed.




Against her better judgment, but not her curiosity, Tara pressed her ear to the door.



"So you're saying if I had asked first, just come clean, you might've given me the money?"
Spike was asking, disbelief in his voice.




"It's not like I haven't done it before," Xander answered, still snappish.



They heard Spike let out an exasperated-sounding breath. "Well I'll just go mug someone tonight
and pay you back, all right?"




"No. No. Not all right. Besides, I only spent eighty dollars at Willy's. There's one fifty
missing. Give it back." 




There was a sigh.



"Don't have it," Spike was muttering.



"Where? Oh, I don't wanna know."



"See? There you go again, not wanting to know, when you really do." Spike sounded like he
was probably throwing his arms in the air.




They heard pacing behind the door. Willow turned to Tara mouthing, 'Xander.' Tara smiled
to herself, loving the shrewd girl at her side.




"Maybe I don't want to know, means I don't want to know. There's a lot of happiness that could
be gained in life by not knowing things." Xander's voice traveled around the bathroom.




Spike tried to answer, but couldn't be heard as Xander continued talking, "I mean, if my money's
missing, I want to know why, but that doesn't mean I have to know where it's gone. If some
buffoon is beating you up, I need to know. But if you kiss me-"




Silence.




"What about if I kissed you, pet?" Tara and Willow strained to hear the quiet voice. "You
don't want to know why?"




"The only thing I can figure is if you wanted to distract me so badly, you could've just stomped
on my foot, or something. Less confusing and we can share in the pain." Xander's voice was
stationary again, making him easier to hear.




Willow was now holding Tara's hand in a tight grip, her eyes excited. Tara realized she had
stopped breathing, waiting.




"Well I'll keep that in mind next time you're weaving around like a pisser," Spike answered,
voice raising, echoing in the enclosed bathroom. "At least it worked, even if it was so repellent-"




"I didn't say that. I said confusing," Xander interrupted, hesitant.



"Not repellent?" Now Spike's voice was almost too soft, but Tara swore she could hear an edge
of craftiness.




Sudden steps behind them. "What are you doing? Hello, Willow and Tara, what's going on?"



Tara turned, heart thudding, to see Buffy standing behind them, hands on hips.



"Giles sent me back here to make sure there weren't any bodies to bury." Buffy looked at the
closed bathroom door, forehead creased. "What's going on?" she repeated.




Tara heard a slight moan from behind the door and gripped Willow's hand in panic. "N-nothing,
Buffy. L-leaving, actually. Promised Spike blood and we deliver." She and Willow tried to
shuffle Buffy out of the hall. Another moan, louder this time resonated from the bathroom.




Buffy narrowed her eyes, but turned to leave. A sudden move and she had skirted around Willow's
slight build to open the bathroom door. Willow tried grabbing her friend's arm, but missed.
All three peered inside as the door swung open.




Xander was still leaning against the sink, Spike pressed full body against him. They were
joined at the mouth. Spike's hands were lost in Xander's dark hair while Xander's hands gripped
Spike's waist, holding him close. There was a subtle grinding motion to their hips, heads
tilted as their mouths moved. The occasional harsh breath from Xander or moan from one of
the two punctuated the silence.




Tara met Willow's pleased eyes, smiling. This was supposed to happen. No grayness here.



"Uh..." was all Buffy seemed capable of saying. But it was enough to break apart the kissing men.



"B-Buffy!" Xander exclaimed, silly-scared smile on his face. Spike cast a lazy glance in their
direction. His expression was wanton, eyes half open, lips moist.




Tara used all her mental strength to keep her gaze above their waists and hid the grin that
wanted to spread across her face until it split open.




"Does someone want to tell me what was happening here?" Buffy asked, voice uncertain.



"A bloody good snogging is what was happening, Slayer. Captain Corn-fed doesn't give you that?"
Spike, apparently recovered from his post-kiss arousal, called over Xander's shoulder. Tara
noticed that Xander had placed his body between Spike and Buffy's.




"Look, you-" Buffy started, but was interrupted by Willow.



"A quite consensual snogging, it looked to me, Buffy." Firm tone, but Willow's hand was gentle
on her friend's arm.




During the momentary silence that followed, Tara looked at Xander and saw on his face the same
expression that had most likely been on her own earlier when realizing everyone was looking
at her. She noted the way his eyes darted around, but that his hand resting on the sink was
steady. His other hand was behind his back, possibly holding Spike's. It pleased her to see that.




"Look," Xander began, uneasiness now evident on his face, "obviously there's much to discuss,
but not here. Not now." Xander broke away from Spike and urged everyone out of the bathroom.




Buffy was looking from Xander to Spike, her face frozen in disbelief. "But I still-"



"Have much to say on the subject, I'm sure, but later and away from here," Xander interrupted,
putting his arm around Buffy's shoulders. With his free hand, Xander dug in his shorts pocket
and pulled out a set of keys. He turned and handed them to Spike, who seemed to take them
without thought. "Here, you can go to my house and get yourself some blood. Buffy and I are
going for a walk."




"Now wait a minute. You know I can't let you go wandering about." There seemed an edge of
fear in Spike's voice Tara had never heard before.




The look Xander gave Spike was determined as something unspoken passed between them. "I'll
be with uber-chick, so I'll be safe. You," he reached a hand out, just shy of touching the
vampire's chest, then dropped it, "are going straight to my house and waiting for me, or waiting
for me here."




Spike looked ready to protest, but clamped his mouth shut, glowering. "I'll wait here for
your little chat to end," he grouched after a moment. "At least Rupert's got decent cable."




Xander squeezed Buffy's shoulder and smiled down at her. He appeared the picture of one in
charge of his surroundings, but Tara could see that wasn't true. Could see the fear tingles
traveling up and down his arms and the sparkle of mania in his eyes. She wanted to reach out
to him and pat his arm, or something less patronizing. She wanted to take Spike's hand in
Xander's absence, knowing losing that contact would make his hand feel even emptier.




She watched Xander lead Buffy through the hall and out the door, calling excuses to Mr. Giles,
who looked perplexed at the picture they made. She wanted to pat his arm too. She and Willow
and Spike wandered into the living room, but none of them seemed in the mood for researching
now. Willow scanned the bookshelves in an aimless manner. Spike went to the window as he
had earlier that night, watching now for another reason. Tara started counting in her head.
Before she had reached thirty, Spike was slipping out the door and alone into the night.




END