A Little Piece of Eternity
By Little Pinky
Prologue  Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  Part Six  Part Seven  Part Eight  Epilogue 

Prologue

~San Diego, 2007~

Whistling to himself, Xander Harris locked the door behind the last guest
before he started to sweep the floor of The Silver Spikes Bar. The 27-year
old only paused his cleaning to look up and wave a half-hearted goodbye when
his boss walked past him, announcing that he was going home. That was fine
by Xander. He was used to it.

It had been three years since he'd left Sunnydale, not really knowing where
life would take him. Life, apparently, felt that Xander should stay close to
home, and so he had ended up in San Diego, where he started working as a
waiter at one of the finer restaurants around.

When he was fired a little over two months back, he had thought that was it;
that he was going crawling back to Sunnydale to beg money from friends and
family - but that was before he met Nick.

Nick was blond, blue-eyed, handsome, rich, nice, owner of one of the biggest
bars on his side of town - and gay. And he had offered Xander a job as a
bartender after about ten minutes.

Broke and in desperate need of a job, what else could Xander do but say yes?
He didn't mind the job. In fact, he liked it a lot. It had been over five
years since he'd realized he was gay, and he was more than comfortable with
his sexuality, especially since being the bartender - and a babe - made most
men's eyes bulge when they first saw him.

No, Xander definitely didn't lack attention. And Nick was satisfied as well,
because the word had spread around the gay community about the "new, cute
guy" at The Silver Spikes Bar, giving the bar more publicity, and thus more
customers.

The bar itself looked more like a combination of a diner and a night club,
consisting of one large room with dark walls and a large, dark window. In
one corner was the bar located, and behind the counter was a door that led
into two offices where Nick retreated if he needed some peace and quiet.
Across the room was the dance floor, where the small lights shone through
the cigarette smoke that always was present during the bar's opening hours,
and between the dance floor and the bar was several tables and chairs for
the guests.

Every evening was exactly the same; Xander would arrive around six in the
evening to start preparing the bar for the night's guests, making sure
everything was where it should be, and picking out music for the evening.
Then, at nine, he would open the doors and mingle with the guests until ten
thirty, when the bar itself opened. After that, Xander would stand behind
the counter until three thirty in the morning, when it was time to scoot the
guests out and close up.

Xander's job also included sweeping the floors, cleaning the bar counter and
putting tables and chairs back in proper order, before he'd turn off the
lights and leave, locking all doors securely.

Some days, Nick would stay behind and deal with everything related to money,
and sometimes, Xander did that too. But it was always the dark-haired man
who locked the place up, before he walked back to his apartment and slept
his way through the day. At four thirty in the afternoon, he would get out
of bed and start the cycle all over again.

It was a nice way of living, actually.

Xander rarely left with someone on his arm, something Nick found odd, but
when he did his date would always come again the following evening - not
because anybody imagined it had been more than a simple one-night stand, but
because they couldn't *not* come when they knew it was Xander who was
standing behind the bar.

It was how things worked at The Silver Spikes Bar. You picked up some guy,
you went
somewhere, got laid - and that was it.

This wasn't the place for whispered 'I love you's or chocolate and flowers.
It was a place for pure lust - and a lot of fun. The atmosphere was kept
light and friendly despite the dim lights and the blaring music, and Nick
didn't hesitate to throw out people who were on the verge of starting
trouble after one drink too much.

At the thought of Nick's two bouncers, Xander had to stop his whistling in
order to grin slightly. Marc and Matt were twins, extremely well built,
handsome, gay, very nice - and both of them had been hitting on Xander
repeatedly for the past two years.

Despite Xander's many 'No thank's, the duo never seemed to learn. Xander
suspected it wasn't because they desired him anymore, but rather because it
had become a habit.

It was almost a shame, because Xander had liked Marc a great deal in the
past...

Shaking his head, the ex-Scooby reminded himself why a relationship with
Marc was impossible, and why he liked the way things worked at the bar so
much. Some of his dates had wondered why he didn't talk about himself a
whole lot, and why he didn't tell them anything about his past or where he
came from.

He had his reasons, he'd told them, and that was the truth.

Finishing sweeping the floor, Xander quickly put the chairs up on the tables
and cleaned the bar counter, before he locked himself out, making sure he
turned off the lights and switched on the alarm. Then he walked through the
deserted streets, headed for his apartment.

Part One

"Snake bite."

Xander arched a brow at the dark blonde man in front of him, but still
poured him a shot glass of tequila, finding a small pack of salt and a slice
of lemon.

"That's the fourth one, Tony, and you've only been here for an hour. Don't
overdo it."

Tony winked at Xander and grinned, as he took the pack of salt laying on the
counter before him. "Hey you know me," he told the bartender, before he
ripped open the pack of salt and emptied it onto the back of his hand.

"Yes, and that's exactly why I'm warning you," Xander replied with a grin of
his own, his voice barely audible over the music coming from the multiple
speakers all over the bar.

It was a usual night. People came and went, some regulars and some new ones.
The dance floor was packed and the smell of tobacco was stronger than usual.
Watching as Tony licked the salt from his hand and threw back the tequila,
Xander smiled to himself at the grimace that followed as he poured a glass
of beer to another customer.

Out of the corner of his eye, Xander saw someone sit down by the bar and
mere seconds later, he saw a small flame as a cigarette obviously was lit.

"What can I get you?" he asked, without looking up.

"Beer," was the short reply, and Xander quickly picked up another glass,
filling it with beer with expertise. But as he turned to stare at his new
customer, he promptly dropped the glass, and it shattered on the floor with
a crunch and a splash.

Pale fingers with black nail polish moved just the tiniest bit to brush some
ash off the black leather duster. A faded black t-shirt and a dark purple
button-down shirt led up to sharp cheekbones and piercing blue eyes. The
bad-boy image was perfected by platinum blond locks of hair with dark roots.

"How are you doin', mate?" Spike asked offhandedly, taking a pull of his
cigarette.

"Spike?" Xander asked incredulously.

Leaning forward and looking over the counter, the blond vampire frowned.
"Might want to change shoes and jeans."

Snapping out of his stupor, Xander looked down and found his shoes and
ankles sprayed in beer. Broken glass was spread around his feet, and the
dark-haired man gulped, then spun around, quickly getting a broom to sweep
up the broken glass with. Once the floor was cleared of the little, sharp
pieces, Xander turned back to Spike.

"How about that beer?" Spike asked calmly before Xander could even open his
mouth. A small spark of amusement showed briefly in the blue orbs of Spike's
eyes, and Xander mentally yelled at himself. He had to keep his cool around
Spike, he told himself.

Getting Spike another glass of beer, Xander watched as the peroxide-blond
took a sip, then tapped the cherry of his cigarette.

"I'm fine," Xander said in reply to Spike's first question. "What are you
doing here, Spike?"

Spike shrugged and quirked an eyebrow. "Lookin' for a date - what do you
think I'm bloody doing 'ere?" Then he smirked. "Besides, with such an
attractive name, how could I *not* go into this bar?"

Sighing to himself, Xander ran a hand over his face. "So, where have you
been the past years?" he asked.

"Around," Spike said, sipping his beer. "Drove around North Carolina for a
bit. Went down to Texas and messed around with the cowboys. You?"

"Here," Xander replied shortly.

He remembered the day the Scooby Gang had discovered Spike had left town. At
that time, they had been slightly worried about how the vampire would manage
with the chip in his head, but that only lasted for about five minutes.
After that, they'd been too busy celebrating Spike's departure to be
worried.

"For how long?" Spike asked.

"Three years," was Xander's reply, and it caused a slightly amused grin to
spread on Spike's face.

"So you finally got the balls to leave Sunnyhell?" the vampire said. "What
could have pushed you over the edge? Don't tell me Bitchy the Vampire Slayer
is dead and buried, now is she? Or perhaps someone else of your little
friends?"

"Nah," Xander replied, grinning slightly as the disappointed look that
spread on Spike's face. "They're all alive and kicking. Buffy's still the
Slayer and she still does her job."

"And when was that?" Spike asked. When Xander just stared at him, he
shrugged and gulped down the last of his beer. "Hey, if it's a long time
ago, there's still hope," he said. "She could have been killed in the
meantime. And if she has, I say break out the bloody champagne. The death of
someone of your little Scooby Gang is always reason good enough for a
celebration."

Xander's expression changed suddenly, and for several moments he just stared
at the
peroxide-blond, an unreadable expression on his face. Then he abruptly
turned his back on Spike and busied himself with cleaning glasses.

"Xander?" Spike asked, frowning. When he got no response, he tried again, a
little louder to make sure he was heard over 'Hot Stuff,' blaring from the
speakers. "Xander?"

"Yes," Xander replied in an annoyed tone, turning to the vampire. "Do you
wish to order
something, *sir*?" he asked, spitting out the last word through clenched
teeth.

"No, I wish to know what the fuck crawled up your ass and got stuck halfway
in?" Spike replied, the frown still on his face. "Did someone die, or didn't
they?"

"Nobody died," Xander replied, still through clenched teeth, before he took
a deep breath, seemingly calming down.

Spike was about to say something else when someone took the seat next to him
and breathed a "Hi" in his ear. Turning his head, the blonde's eyes first
landed on the light brown hair, before they traveled down to two intense,
golden-brown eyes. Lips that looked to be incredibly soft was framed by a
small goatee and the tiniest piece of mustache.

All in all, the man sitting next to Spike was gorgeous.

"Hi," Spike replied, a lopsided grin appearing on his face. All thoughts of
Xander disappeared as he struck up a conversation with the man he soon
learned was called Rob.

To the rest of the guests in the bar, it appeared that Xander wasn't
noticing the conversation between the two men at all, but if anybody were to
look closely, they'd see that once in a while, brown eyes would dart quickly
over to where Spike and Rob were flirting shamelessly, before they returned
to the task at hand, all in a split second.

But, of course, nobody looked that close.

It wasn't until the blonde had consumed one more beer and the music had
rolled through four decades with both 'Hot Stuff,' 'I Still Believe,' 'I See
You Baby' and the very new 'Lose It,' that Rob announced that he had to take
a bathroom break. Spike watched him leave with a smile, before he lit up a
new cigarette and turned to Xander again.

"So, does the gang back home know you're gay?" Spike asked.

"Yep," Xander replied shortly as he continued to serve customers.

"So what'd they say?" Spike asked. "Come on, details."

"If you're so curious about good ol' Sunnyhell, you could have stayed and
watched for yourself," Xander told him, still without looking up.

"Yeah, I know, but still..." Spike said with a shrug. "Come on, tell me.
When did they find out? How did they found out? What did they say?"

"Right after you left, I told them, nothing much," Xander said, picking up
another glass and starting to clean it.

Blowing out a cloud of gray smoke, Spike frowned at the other man's short
reply, but decided to let the subject drop. Which was when Rob came back
from the bathroom, suggesting with a small grin that they'd go someplace
more quiet.

Accepting the offer, Spike stood, threw some crumpled bills on the counter
for the beer, then glanced curiously at Xander one final time, before he
left with his dark-haired date.

Part Two

Moaning, Spike pressed his head back into the soft pillow, his hips
thrusting up into the warm mouth around him. Rob's apartment had been only a
few blocks away from the bar, but the two men had taken their time getting
there, in order to stop every now and then, sneak into the shadows and make
out like two desperate teenagers.

Once they had been inside the small apartment, Rob wasted no time, but got
directly to business, and about one minute later, Spike was naked on the
bed, squirming in pleasure, as Rob sucked his cock with great enthusiasm.

But despite the fact that his brain practically was mush from the pleasure,
Spike's thoughts couldn't help but stray to Xander. He was very different
from the Xander Spike had known back in Sunnydale. For one thing, the Xander
Harris he had known, hadn't been gay. The human had also been hyperactive,
chatty and was always throwing out bad jokes and puns.

This Xander didn't say one single word more than he absolutely had to, and
was way too quiet and gloomy. Especially when Spike mentioned his friends
back in Sunnydale.

Briefly, Spike wondered if the Scooby Gang had turned their backs on him
when they discovered he was gay, but then pushed the thought away. They knew
Willow was bisexual, so why shouldn't they accept the fact that Xander was
gay? No, that couldn't be it.

So what could it be, then?

The human's face had betrayed no emotion, except for those hard eyes and his
lips, as they pressed hard together. Spike closed his eyes and moaned again
as his thoughts started to take a different course. Xander's soft, full
lips, wrapped around his cock, sucking hard... Dark brown eyes watching him,
a slightly sad glimmer showing for just a split second...

Snapping his eyes open again, Spike bolted upright in bed, startling the
hell out of Rob. He. Did. Not. Just. Fantasize. About. Xander! It wasn't
possible!

"What?" Rob asked, worry etched across his handsome features. "Did I do
something wrong?"

Cursing under his breath, Spike got up from bed, ignoring Rob's worried
look. "I... I'm sorry," he stammered, starting to get dressed. "I just...
I... I just remembered something important," was the best reply Spike could
come up with.

"Hey, no hard feelings," Rob assured him, the human watching the
peroxide-blonde as he dressed. "Just let me know if we can continue this
some other time, right?"

The vampire just nodded, his thoughts still a mess in his head. Once he was
fully dressed, he left the apartment with a mumbled 'Good bye.' Out on the
street again, Spike fumbled in the pockets of his duster until he found his
cigarettes. Lighting up one, he took a deep drag and allowed the nicotine to
soothe him.

Why on *earth* was he fantasizing about *Xander* when he was in the middle
of getting a blowjob from a gorgeous man who both wanted him and was *damn*
good at what he was doing?

Shaking his head as he tried to sort his muddled thoughts, Spike turned and
started to walk down the street, not really sure where he was going.

*****

Stepping out from the bar, Xander locked the door and turned on the alarm as
usual, before he placed the keys in his pocket. Stifling a yawn, he turned
and was about to start walking home, when a deep voice stopped him. A deep
voice with a very familiar British accent.

"You up for company, pet?"

Turning back, Xander let his eyes roam over the seemingly deserted street.
Then, finally, his gaze settled on a small spot of shadows by an alley. "I
see you," he said confidently.

Detaching himself from the shadows, Spike walked towards Xander, a lopsided
grin on his face.

It had taken him a few hours of thinking, but eventually he had figured that
he needed to clear his head by doing something he would enjoy, something
non-sex related. And so here he was, outside The Silver Spikes Bar, about to
follow Xander home. If Xander would let him, that was...

"Well?" he asked, his scarred eyebrow moving slightly up towards his
hairline.

Xander watched the vampire for several moments, his face obviously
retreating into stoic-mode again. Then he finally nodded and started to walk
calmly down the street, not bothering to wait for Spike. Easily catching up
with the human and falling into step next to him, Spike was silent for a
long while. After about ten minutes of walking in silence, he finally turned
towards Xander.

"So, have you been serving at The Silver Spikes for a long while?"

"A while," Xander replied. "Couple of years."

"But you left Sunnydale three years ago, right?" the peroxide-blonde asked.
"What did you do before you started working at The Silver Spikes?"

"Waitered tables at John D's," Xander replied, before he frowned. "Didn't
you leave with that other guy?"

"That I did," Spike replied.

"So did you 'shag' him?" the human asked, using one of the vampire's
favorite expressions.

"That I didn't," Spike replied in the same tone as his last answer. At
Xander's somewhat puzzled look, he gave a slight shrug. "We didn't really
click," he said.

New moments of silence followed, and out of the corner of his eye, the
peroxide-blonde vampire watched Xander kick absently at the ground as they
walked, small pebbles rolling over the pavement after the human's boot had
hit them.

"So why did you leave Sunnydale?" Spike finally asked, trying to make it
sound as casual as possible.

"I had my reasons," Xander replied shortly, before he suddenly turned to
Spike and his mood seemed to brighten suspiciously fast. "Hey, my boss just
decided to give me a raise!"

"He did?" Spike said, amazed to actually find himself happy for the younger
man. "That's great! And well deserved, if you ask me."

"Well..." Xander started to protest, but Spike cut him off.

"No, seriously. I came to San Diego after doing the on-night stand thing in
'Frisco for a while, and then decided it was something I liked. Some guy
recommended a couple of places to me. I have to admit, I picked The Silver
Spikes Bar mostly because of the name, but the guy also told me about this
incredibly cute bartender there. Of course, at the time, I didn't connect
the dots between the incredibly cute bartender and you."

"No wonder," Xander replied with a small chuckle. "I mean, 'Xander Harris:
High school dork and Sunnydale's all-around loser' isn't exactly synonymous
with 'Gay, incredibly cute bartender in San Diego,' does it?"

"Well, no, but I wouldn't say you ever was a dork or loser," Spike said,
frowning.

"Oh, I was," Xander said. "Both. And more. In fact, all negative expressions
for '18-year old male in high school' probably suited me at the time."

"You think?" the older man asked. "I didn't think so." **Well, I never
thought you were a loser - I just hated your guts,** Spike thought to
himself.

"Yeah, right, you never thought I was a loser - you just hated my guts,"
Xander scoffed, in an echo of Spike's thoughts.

The blonde chuckled a little, then shook his head. "No, really. Remember
when I kidnapped Red, trying to get her to perform that love spell? The
moment you saw me, you ran for me, trying to protect her. Of course, I
kicked your ass," Spike said, and had the decency to look embarrassed over
it, "but that wasn't something a dork or a loser would do."

"Yes, it was foolish," Xander said, looking down a little.

"No, it wasn't!" Spike insisted, wondering how the young man could have
survived three years on his own, with a great job and so many men drooling
over him - without getting any better self-esteem. "It was brave," the
blonde said. "Not many normal humans would dare stand up to a Master vampire
like that."

Xander was about to protest again when a look from Spike silenced him, and
instead the younger man sent him a thankful smile.

The two men continued their walk in silence until Xander stopped in front of
a building,
announcing that this was where he got off.

"So... I guess I'll see you around?" the human asked, with a slight shrug.

"Yeah," Spike replied, giving him a smile. "I'll stop by the bar tomorrow.
Maybe I can follow you home then, too? That is, if it's okay with you," he
added hurriedly.

A smile spreading across Xander's own face, he started searching his pockets
for his keys. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were hitting on me," he
told Spike. The words came out teasingly, but there was a slightly sad
undertone to them, and Spike made a mental note to figure out why.

"What if I was?" the vampire teased right back. "Would you invite me in for
a while?"

At that, Xander froze for a moment, his smile faltering a little. Then it
faded completely, and his lips did that pressing together thing again Spike
didn't like, because he knew it meant something was bothering the younger
man. "I don't think so," Xander said hesitantly, before he added, "It's not
you, Spike, I know you've probably changed, and as far as I know you're
still got the chip, and-"

"Hey, it's okay," Spike said with a lopsided smile, interrupting the human.
"No big. Just don't expect me to give up that easy," he told Xander with a
wink of his eye, before he turned around and started walking down the
street, with a 'See ya, pet' thrown over his shoulder.

Xander watched the vampire go for a few moments, before he locked himself
into the building and walked up to his apartment on the second floor.

His apartment was small but very nice. Dark blue walls with small, painted
dolphines on greeted Xander in the hallway, and as he made his way into the
livingroom, the blue turned a light yellow and the dolphins turned into
posters and pictures. A corner of the livingroom was separated from the rest
with a counter, and the space behind the counter was the kitchen.

In the other end of the livingroom was a couch and a leather chair by the
wall, with a TV and video standing by the opposite wall, and closest to the
kitchen by the window, a small table and two chairs. A tall stool from the
bar was standing by the counter, and its long legs was covered in greetings
and signatures written in black permanent marker, from Xander's friends from
the bar.

The stool had been a present from Nick. When Xander finally had made enough
money to buy the small apartment, Nick had gathered his friends and made
everybody 'donate' some money so the dark-haired man could afford some
furniture. Nick himself had given him the largest donation, as well as the
signed stool.

Next to the door leading into the hallway was another door, a large poster
of Creed hanging on the outside of it.

Walking through the door and into his bedroom, Xander stripped down to his
boxers, then flopped down on the bed and stared at the walls, painted in the
same, light yellow color as the living room. Whereas the walls in the
livingroom was covered in posters, pictures and other stuff, the walls of
Xander's bedroom was almost completely bare.

Some framed pictures of the Sunnydale gang were placed on the desk standing
in a corner, and a single U2 picture signed by Bono was fastened to the wall
there, but that was it.

Xander thought it was okay. Not so much to distract him when he needed to
think, like now.

Spike had been hitting on him.

Why???

While the blonde vampire had been known to be both manipulative and evil,
Xander knew he was very straightforward and honest when it came to love.

Grimacing, Xander shook his head. Love? Where did that thought come from?
There was no way Spike was thinking about him like that. Lust. That was more
like it. The vampire had said himself his date hadn't worked out, and Xander
was pretty sure Spike would go through hell and back to get laid.

Tiredly turning over and pulling the covers up around him, Xander decided
that the blonde had just tried to get laid, and then closed his eyes,
falling asleep almost immediately.

*****

Out on the street, Spike lit a cigarette, then sat down on the stairs of the
building he was currently sitting in front of.

Like he hoped, his head had cleared after talking to Xander, and he now knew
why the
dark-haired human had been the star of his fantasy while Rob was giving him
a blowjob.

He had *no* idea why, but the moment Spike had seen Xander Harris behind the
counter in a gay bar and the human had dropped a glass of beer, the over 200
years old vampire had fallen heads over heels in love.

Part Three

Spike showed up at the bar the next night. And the night after that. And the
night after that. And it continued like that, the chats with the
peroxide-blonde vampire becoming a part of Xander's routine.

Every night, Spike would show up around ten, then he would mingle with
others and chat with Xander until ten thirty when Xander had to open the
bar. Spike would then order a beer and sit by a table by himself for about
half-an-hour, just watching people, before he'd come over to the bar and
stay there until some time between two and two thirty, chatting with Xander
when he had the chance.

Spike would then leave the bar, sometimes with someone and sometimes alone.
But he was always waiting for Xander when Xander locked the place up, around
four. When the blonde had left with a date, he made some flimsy excuse,
saying either that they didn't click or that his date had to run off to
somewhere or that he just wasn't in the mood.

Right!

Xander didn't think it was possible for anybody to *not* click with the
vampire, he doubted Spike's dates would need to run off to somewhere at
three in the morning, and the peroxide-blonde was *always* in the mood for
sex.

Either way, Spike would walk Xander home and they'd chat about anything and
everything, until they reached Xander's apartment. Then, Spike would ask if
he could come in, and then it would be Xander's turn to make up lame
excuses.

The blonde's feelings weren't *that* hurt when Xander turned him down, he
just didn't understand why. And he still didn't know why the dark-haired man
had left Sunnydale to begin with. Whenever he asked, he would get the 'tight
lips, stoic face, dark eyes' routine from the younger man, and then the
bartender would give a cryptic reply and change the subject.

While Spike didn't understand Xander's somewhat quiet behavior, the human
didn't understand Spike's interest in him. Every night after he'd said his
good byes with Spike, he'd stay awake for at least half an hour, tossing and
turning as he tried to figure out why the peroxide-blonde insisted on
walking him home every night.

How was he to know Spike was in love with him?

*****

"Hey, Spike," Xander said without looking up, as he locked the door to The
Silver Spikes Bar, knowing that the vampire was lurking in the shadows.

"You're getting too used to this," Spike said, amusement in his voice, as he
stepped out from the shadows.

Xander just gave him a grin, and then the two men started walking. "So,"
Xander asked, "what did you think of tonight's music?"

As he was reminded that Billy Idol had been blaring out over The Silver
Spikes non-stop the entire evening, Spike chuckled and slapped Xander on the
arm, not hard enough to make the implant go off, but hard enough to make
Xander gape at him. After seven years living with the thing in his head, he
bloody well knew how to get around it most of the time!

"Hey!" Xander protested, his voice tinged with laughter. "I thought it was a
nice tribute to bleached blonde wonders..."

"Don't even try it, Xander, I know you're the one who picks out the effin'
music!" Spike said, trying to look annoyed, but the younger man could see
the amused glimmer in the vampire's eyes.

Not replying, Xander just smiled before he moved his eyes to ground and held
them there as they kept walking in comfortable silence.

When they reached Xander's apartment, Spike opened his mouth to say
something, but Xander cut him off. "Oh, wait," he said, "I know this one -
you're gonna ask me if you can come up for a little while, and when I say
no, you're gonna start walking and say goodbye over your shoulder - and
that's it. Am I right?

Spike grinned. "Actually, I was starting to lose hope, so the plan for the
evening was to simply say goodnight and leave."

"M-hm," Xander said, nodding, not really believing the blonde vampire.

They remained standing in silence for a few more moments, before Spike
shrugged and smiled. "Well, it's been nice as always. I'll see you tomorrow,
right?"

"Yeah..." Xander mumbled, and Spike started to leave. Two seconds later, the
Englishman heard Xander's voice again.

"So you don't want to come up for a while?"

Freezing momentarily, Spike turned back slowly and looked seriously at
Xander. "Is that an offer, pet?" he asked, trying to sound calm as he told
his heart to stop doing flip-flops in his chest.

"Wouldn't have said it if it wasn't?" Xander replied quietly - almost shyly,
Spike noted - and then turned towards the door, opening it. "You coming?"

Spike could only smile happily as he followed the human in the door and up
to his apartment on the second floor.

*****

"You thirsty?" Xander asked. "I think I have some beers hidden around here
somewhere..."

"I'm fine," Spike replied, following Xander into the livingroom and looking
around with interest. He noticed the pictures on the walls of Xander's
friends, both from Sunnydale and San Diego, and he had to smile when he saw
the Creed poster on the bedroom door.

"Something funny?" Xander asked, a smile playing on his own lips.

"Nah, just admiring your music taste," Spike replied, nodding towards the
poster. Xander followed the vampire's gaze and chuckled a little, before he
turned back to the older man.

Their eyes met and held, and then something changed. Something happened in
the air around them, and the silence suddenly seemed incredibly loud.
Crossing the livingroom in one step, Spike crushed his lips to Xander's,
pale fingers coming up to cup the human's face and caress his neck.

Xander wrapped his arms around the older man, and managed to breathe out
'Bed,' between the frantic kisses the two shared. A lot of stumbling and
fumbling brought the two kissing men into the bedroom, and once they were
there, they immediately started tearing at each other's clothes, their
shirts ending up on top of Spike's duster.

Quickly unbuttoning Xander's pants, Spike freed the warm erection and pumped
the velvet steel a few times, earning him a moan from Xander. His lips
continuing to nibble at Xander's, Spike maneuvered them to the bed and broke
away from the human just long enough so they both could lay down. Capturing
the younger man's lips again, the vampire reached for his own jeans, quickly
unbuttoning them and pushing them down his body.

Once the jeans were on the floor with the rest of the clothes, Spike rolled
them around until he was on top, and then thrust his pelvis down against
Xander's, rough pubic hair meeting straining flesh. They moaned into each
other's mouths, and was quickly building up a rhythm, when Xander suddenly
broke off the kiss and pushed Spike away.

"Wait," he said, before he reached into a small box standing on the night
stand. Pulling out a condom, he ripped open the foil and started moving down
Spike's body, pausing every now and then to kill pale flesh.

"Um, luv?" Spike asked, his voice cracking a bit. Clearing his throat, he
placed a hand on Xander's shoulder, making the human look up and meet his
eyes. "I'm a vampire, mate. I'm dead. I can't carry anything, so I can
neither get or give anything at all. We don't really need the rubber."

Xander paused for a moment, then wrapped warm, living fingers around Spike's
shaft, making the vampire inhale sharply as the sensations. "Habit," he
mumbled.

Then he rolled the condom onto Spike's cock.

Spike was about to reach down and remove it, when Xander's mouth suddenly
was on him, sucking and sucking with incredible force, and the
peroxide-blonde couldn't do anything but moan and trash and thrust up into
that hot mouth.

Releasing Spike's cock, Xander crawled up the bed to kiss the vampire again,
and the blonde tasted lubricant and the taste that was pure *Xander.*
Moaning into the kiss, Spike turned them so that he was on top again, then
practically slid down the human's body until Xander's crotch was right in
front of his face. Strong arms wrapped under Xander's thighs, and then his
legs were lifted up in the air with vampiric strength.

Then a cool tongue touched his entrance, and Xander groaned loudly, his eyes
falling shut. To the former Slayerette, the world currently revolved only
around the blonde vampire and the cool tongue lubricating his channel.
Arching off the bed, Xander's hands went up to cover the vampire's on his
thighs, and he continued to moan every now and then, letting Spike know
exactly how much he was appreciating it.

Just as Spike's mouth started to nibble its way up towards Xander's
erection, the younger man quickly let go of the vampire's hands and grabbed
his shoulders, hauling him up to kiss him again. "I need you in me," he told
the Englishman against his mouth. "Now."

Not replying, Spike just rolled Xander's hips up again, and the positioned
himself, the head of his condom-clad cock pressing lightly against the
human's opening. Xander nodded once, and then Spike pushed his way into his
body, both of them groaning in unison.

Once he was all the way inside Xander, Spike wasted no time and immediately
pulled almost all the way out again, before starting a rhythm that had
Xander trashing underneath him. The bed was making a barely visible squeak
with every thrust, and groaning filled the air in the bedroom as Spike's
thrusts sped up.

Hips rising up to meet Spike's thrusts, Xander's eyes were closed and his
face showing complete and utter bliss. Feeling his orgasm approach, Spike
reached around to stroke Xander's cock in time with his thrusts, and the
younger man's eyes flew open as the sensations overwhelmed him.

Gasping out "Spike," Xander flew over the edge, spilling himself all over
his stomach. The sight of Xander's semen spraying across his stomach was too
much for Spike, and with a low growl, he thrust into Xander two more times,
before he ground out his lover's name as he filled the condom with his dead
seed.

Collapsing down next to Xander, Spike panted harshly, then rolled onto his
side to look at the dark-haired human.

Skin flushed, hair ruffled, semen across his stomach, legs slightly spread
and lips parted as he panted, Xander had never looked more beautiful.
Leaning down to lick the semen off Xander's stomach, Spike was slightly
surprised when Xander stood before the blonde could reach the white fluid,
and walked towards the living room.

"I have to take a piss," the dark-haired man explained shortly over his
shoulder, and then he disappeared out in the hallways where the entrance to
the bathroom was.

A small frown settled on Spike's face for a few seconds, but then the
happiness got the better of him, and his lips curled up in a ridiculously
happy smile. Taking off the used condom and throwing it into the trash in
the corner of the room, Spike settled down on the bed again, pulling the
covers up around himself.

He'd just made love to Xander...

Scolding himself for being such a goddamn nancyboy, Spike tried to wipe the
doofy grin off his face, but didn't succeed.

When Xander returned to the bedroom, he had combed out his tussled hair a
little and cleaned the semen off his stomach. He gave the blonde a smile,
before he crawled into bed behind the blonde and placed his arms around him.
Pulling Spike against him so his chest met the older man's back, Xander
buried his face in Spike's neck, and then closed his eyes, sleep pulling at
him.

Spike tried to keep himself from squealing with joy. His heart was filled
with a warmth he hadn't felt since Drusilla and he first got together,
almost two centuries back, and for the first time in years, the blonde
vampire felt completely content and utterly happy.

"Spike?" came Xander's sleepy voice from behind the vampire.

"Yes, luv?" Spike replied.

"Can you promise me something?" the human asked. "Can you promise me that I
won't wake up to you sucking my cock?"

Chuckling a little, Spike had to frown. "Sure, pet. I'm just wondering why?"

"Because contrary to popular plots in trashy romance novels and cheesy
internet fanfiction, it is *not* a pleasant way to wake up," was the reply.

"You don't think so?" Spike asked. "I do. And that was not a hint, despite
how it might have sounded."

"Just promise," Xander replied, his sentence punctuated by a yawn.

"I promise," the blonde vampire replied quietly, and then they both settled
down, quickly falling asleep in each other's arms.

Part Four

When Spike woke up, it was past eight and Xander was gone. Frowning, the
vampire looked down on the floor and noticed the clothes were picked up and
placed in a neat pile on a dresser next to the trash bin. Getting up, Spike
wandered naked out in the livingroom, wondering where Xander could be. On
the kitchen counter the vampire found a note.

'Had to go to job. The keys are in my black jacket. Feel free to take a
shower. ~X'

Shrugging to himself, Spike walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower,
adjusting the temperature slightly, before he got in. As he leaned against
the wall under the warm spray, the silly grin from the night before appeared
on Spike's face again as the previous night's events really hit him.

He had made love to Xander.

The Xander Harris he was in love with.

Spike's smile turned warm and his eyes stared off into space as he
remembered the expression on Xander's face as he entered him, the little
moans and groans the younger man had made, and how his hips had moved to
meet the thrusts against his ass. Spike had made love to the man he loved.
And for the first time, Spike saw a small possibility that the man he loved
felt the same way about him.

At the moment, things couldn't get any better.

*****

Spike walked down the streets, headed for the bar, whistling under his
breath the entire way. He had stayed in Xander's apartment for a little
while, looking at the various pictures and taken a moment to envy the human
the signed U2 picture, before he'd left - locking the door securely - and
walked down the streets of San Diego, stopping only by the butcher to get
some blood, before he'd headed for the bar and the bartender he loved.

Gingerly flipping Xander's keys between his fingers in his pocket, Spike
pushed open the doors of The Silver Spikes Bar and headed straight for the
bar where Xander was already standing, serving drinks and chatting with the
guests. When he saw the vampire, Xander gave him a smile and leaned over the
counter just as Spike reached it.

"Hey," he greeted. "Got my keys?"

Flipping the keys up from his pocket, Spike handed them to the dark-haired
man and sat down on one of the stools. "So," he started, scolding himself
for stuttering slightly. He wasn't a nervous 16-year old about to ask the
school's most popular girl out for dinner and a movie, damnit, he was an
over two centuries old Master vampire who was about to ask the man he loved
out on a date! A real date!

"Do you feel like... I mean, maybe if Nick will let you get an evening off,
we could... like, do something together or something like that," the
peroxide-blonde suggested, then mentally groaned at how bubble-head-girly it
sounded. "I mean, we could go out together. You and me. On a date. A real
date."

Xander glanced up at Spike and then did his 'lips and stoic face' thing. "I
don't know," he said slowly. "I don't think so. I'm needed here every day."

"Come on, I'll talk to Nick," Spike tried again, not willing to let Xander
go that easily. "I'm sure he'll give you *one* night off."

Xander hesitated.

"Come on, Xander," Spike said again.

Sighing deeply, Xander excused himself to the other guests at the bar, then
dragged Spike around the counter and into one of the offices. "Look," he
told the blonde vampire. "I think we need to talk."

A small frown settling on Spike's face, the peroxide-blonde vampire told
himself there was no way the human was going to say what the older man
thought he was going to say.

"I think there's been a small... misunderstanding here," Xander said, his
eyes refusing to meet Spike's. "It was great, it really was, but... There
can't be anything more than that."

His face betraying no emotions, the blonde shrugged a little. "Why not?" was
the best he could think of.

"Because that's... the way things work at The Silver Spikes Bar," Xander
explained slowly, his voice quiet, his eyes still avoiding the vampire's.
"You don't find relationships and real dates here. You want that, you should
try the 'Purple Vision' bar across town. Not here."

"Oh," Spike replied in a smaller voice than he meant to. He was about to say
it was okay - that it was no big - but he couldn't. Because it wasn't okay,
and it was big. He loved Xander, and the human didn't respond to that love
for some reason.

"Why?" he finally asked, the signs of his broken heart finally showing in
his eyes.

Xander was quiet for a long while. "Because that's how things work here," he
finally replied, before he turned and left the office, leaving Spike alone
again.

*****

Spike stayed at The Silver Spikes Bar for several more hours, but he didn't
chat with Xander. The only times he addressed the dark-haired human was when
he ordered more to drink, slowly becoming more and more intoxicated as the
hours ticked by. Around three he finally left, staggering out the door on
wobbly legs, an angry scowl on his face.

And Xander sadly had to admit that he was happy Spike still had his chip,
orelse someone would definitely end up dead tonight.

Not allowing Spike to interfere and affect his work, Xander continued to
serve drinks and flirt with the guests until he had to close. He cleaned the
place up, then shut off the lights and locked the door as usual.

"Why?"

Jumping slightly, Xander's eyes immediately went to the spot where the
shadows seemed to meet, and the spot Spike usually was, waiting for him.

To be honest, Xander hadn't expected Spike to be there.

Not tonight.

"Was it me?" came the British voice again, seemingly from everywhere as the
vampire stayed in the dark. His words were slurred and the dark-haired man
could hear a weak clirr in a bottle from somewhere. "Did I do something?
Wasn't good enough?"

"No," Xander said quickly. "It's the way things work at The Silver Spikes
Bar."

"Oh, bollocks to all that shit!" The voice rose in anger. "There was
*something* there! I felt it, and I *know* you did too!"

"Spike, I-"

"No!" the vampire cut Xander off. "Don't give me any lame excuse, Xander,
not now! What the fuck are you playing at? First you make me love you, then
you sleep with me, and then you want nothing to do with me! What the *fuck*
are you playing at?!"

The human's eyes widened momentarily at Spike's drunken confession, which
most likely just had tumbled out. The peroxide-blonde probably didn't even
realize he'd just confessed he loved Xander.

"I - I'm not playing at anything," Xander finally managed to squeak out.
"Look, Spike, I like you, but nothing more than that. I'm really sorry."

"The fuck you are!" Spike scoffed from the shadow, and then Xander heard the
unmistakable sound of someone drinking from a bottle. "Something's gone
seriously wrong somewhere with you, Xander, you know that? I have no idea
what your bloody issues are, and I don't care who's minds you're fucking
around with, as long as you don't fuck with *my* head! Now, what the hell is
going on? Why did you leave Sunnydale? Why haven't you talked to your
friends for so long? And why the *fuck* are you trying to make me believe
there was nothing between us at all, except casual sex?!"

Xander was silent for a long while, his face not showing any emotion at all,
before he shrugged. "I'm... really sorry, Spike, but I didn't feel anything
between us." He paused to look down for a moment. "Look, I never meant to
hurt you, but I honestly thought you knew it was supposed to be just a fling
and nothing more."

A sound that could sound an awful lot like a sniffle came from the shadows,
and then everything was quiet.

"Spike?" Xander asked carefully. When he received no reply, he tried again,
a little louder. "Spike?"

When the street remained silent and deserted, the brunette sighed deeply,
then turned and started to walk home.

The blonde vampire watched him go from the shadows, the tears in his eyes
blurring his already wobbly vision from all the alcohol he'd consumed. There
was something there, between them! There was! He had *not* imagined the
whole thing just because he'd made love to Xander! There really had been
something special between them!

The tears continuing to stream silently down his face, Spike slid down the
wall he was leaning against until he was sitting on the ground, the almost
empty bottle in his hand making a soft clirr as it connected with the
pavement.

How was he going to get Xander to realize what they had? How was he going to
get Xander to love him?

Wiping his eyes with his sleeve, Spike leaned his head back against the wall
and tried to stop the tears, but it didn't work. His heart felt as if it was
being torn from his chest, over and over, and then someone would stomp on
it, brutally and ruthless, gleefully watching as he crumbled to dust in the
wind.

He was fairly convinced that Xander's behavior had something to do with the
reason he left Sunnydale, but he didn't know how to figure out what it was.
Neither did he know what to do about it, if he'd known what it was.

Then a thought struck him.

Slowly crawling to his feet, Spike made sure nobody was around, took another
sip of the bottle, and then moved out from the shadows, staggering down the
empty street.

Part Five

"Just a minute," Rupert Giles announced when the knock came on his door.
Setting down his cup of tea and the newspaper he was reading, he made his
way to the door, opened it - and promptly shut it again.

"Oh, bloody hell, Watcher, you gonna leave me out here to be fried like
this?"

Sighing deeply, Giles closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Spike disturbing his breakfast was not something he wanted, but at the
moment it didn't look like he had any choice. Making a mental note to get
his head examined asap, Giles opened the door and let the peroxide-blonde,
tarp-covered, smoking vampire in.

Once he was safely inside, Spike pulled off the tarp and took a deep breath,
grinning. His head was still a little woozy from the liquor, but he was
starting to get sober again. Not quite, though. Once he reached Sunnydale
and Giles' apartment complex, he almost didn't remember to cover himself up
before he left the car.

"Spike," Giles said, placing his hands in his pocket as he looked curiously
at the vampire. "It's been a while."

"Bloody right it have," Spike said, flopping down on the couch and closing
his eyes, smiling when the room started to spin around him. "Years and years
and years..."

"So I assume there's a reason why you're here?" Giles asked, walking over to
the counter and picking up his cup of tea again. "Is there something I can
help you with?"

Spike, who was about to launch into a hysterical fit of giggles, stopped and
frowned for a moment, then mumbled something inaudible into his duster and
closed his eyes, apparently falling asleep.

"Spike?" Giles asked, annoyed. "Spike?"

When he only got a soft snore back, the former Watcher picked up the tarp,
threw it halfway over the vampire and dragged him to his feet.

"Wha-?" Spike started to ask, confused.

"Out," Giles simply said, ushering Spike towards the door. "If you have
something to tell me, tell me now, and you can stay, but if you're here only
to sleep off God knows how much alcohol, then get out of my home."

Just as Giles was about to open the door and throw the vampire out on his
rear, Spike turned to him, piercing blue eyes catching his gaze. "Xander
says hi."

That made Giles stop, and he stared wide-eyed at the vampire.

"Xander...?" he finally stammered out, his voice sounding so hopeful Spike
giggled drunkenly.

"Yeah," Spike said, sniffing and pulling the tarp from his body, to throw it
into a pile on the floor. "'e's going just fine and dandy."

Giles blinked owlishly at Spike and was completely silent for a couple of
minutes. Then, he grabbed the vampire and practically hauled him to the
couch, pushing him down, and then sitting down next to him. "Did you see
him? How is he? What is he doing? Does he need help? Where does he live?
Have you got his phone number?"

Spike frowned, his alcohol-affected mind not able to keep up with all the
questions the other Englishman was throwing out.

"Whoa, hold your bloody horses," he mumbled. "I can tell you he's fine, he's
working and that he's got a good apartment. Other than that, I can't really
tell you anything else."

"Where does he live?" Giles asked, worry in his voice. "Please, is there
anything else you can tell me at all?"

Spike considered for a moment, then shook his head. "Nah, if 'e didn't tell
you, it's prolly because 'e didn't want you to know, innit? So I'm not gonna
tell you."

His eyes darkening, Giles straightened on the couch. "Then why are you
here?" he asked. "If you're here only because you wish to taunt us about
Xander, then I request that you leave now," Giles told the vampire firmly.
"Without the tarp, preferably, so you burn to death in the bright morning
sun."

"No," Spike said, hiccuping once before he slid down on the couch, getting
comfortable. "I wanna know why he left Sunnydale in the first place."

Giles fell silent was stared at the peroxide-blonde for a long while. "Why?"

"Because inquiring minds wanna know," was Spike's reply.

Sighing deeply, Giles considered for a long while, before he shrugged. "I
don't know," he finally said. "Nobody does. He just left. One day he was
here, and the next he stopped by, announcing that he was leaving. That his
car was packed, and that he would leave Sunnydale for good. He didn't know
where he was going, what he was going to do or anything - he just left."

"And you have no idea why?" Spike asked, his head slowly clearing as he
sobered, bit by bit. "Just like that?"

"Yes," Giles said with a nod. "We... uh, we haven't heard from him since
then."

"Tell me about that day," Spike said.

Sighing, Giles' eyes narrowed, as if he struggled to remember, before he
took off his glasses and stared hard at the low coffee table in front of
them. "We were all here, doing research on... something. I can't quite
remember what it was. We were waiting for Xander. When he showed up, he told
us he wasn't going to stay long - he just wanted to say good bye. We wanted
to know what he meant, and he told us he was leaving Sunnydale the very same
night. He had a car packed and standing right outside. He told us he didn't
know where he would end up, or what he was going to do with his life, but
that he needed to leave."

Giles paused and sighed deeply, one hand coming up to rub his eyes tiredly.
It was obviously hard for him to talk about it, and reluctantly, the blonde
vampire had to admit he felt sorry for the older man. Not that he was going
to tell him that, though...

Putting on his glasses again, Giles continued. "Willow tried to stop him
from leaving - we all did - but he couldn't be stopped. So he left, and we
haven't heard anything from him since then. There was a period we thought he
was dead, but we continued to hope." He paused and shook his head. "And now
you're here, and you're telling me he's alive and doing fine."

"It's the truth," Spike told the other man. "But I'm just wondering... At
the time he left, you all knew he..." Spike trailed off and looked
expectantly at the former Watcher, who nodded.

"Of course. He'd told us a long time before that, and we didn't have
anything against it. Everybody accepted the fact that he was gay, and
Willow - being a bisexual - thought it was gre-" Suddenly the former Watcher
stopped, frowning. "May I ask how you know this?"

"No," Spike replied shortly, before frowning himself. "If nobody had a
problem with it, then why did he leave?" he asked, more to himself than the
former Watcher.

"I don't know," Giles said quietly. "But if you see him again, tell him that
whatever his reasons for leaving were, we don't care. We just want him back,
or at least some knowledge about where he's living now and what he's doing.
We just want to know he's fine. We worry about him."

Standing and picking up the tarp, Spike nodded. "I'll tell him," he said,
then looked towards the door. "I better go. Things to do, sunlight to avoid,
places to drive to..."

Trailing off, the blonde vampire offered the other man a weak attempt at a
smile, before he pulled the tarp up over his head and disappeared out the
door. Giles remained motionless on the couch, his eyes staring straight
ahead as he processed the information.

Xander was alive.

And then he bowed his head, tears coming to his eyes over an old friend he
didn't know if he would ever see again.

*****

Spike's stereo was unusually quiet as the vampire drove out onto the
freeway, headed for San Diego again. He needed the silence to be able to
think. His impromptu trip to Sunnydale hadn't really given him any answers,
just more questions, and he hated it with all his might.

And the heartache he felt, was only worse now, as he was sobering up. His
Xander hadn't only lied to him, but he had let his friends down as well.
What could possibly have made the young man change so much, in only three
years?

Three years might seem a long time for Xander, and his friends back in
Sunnydale who all this time hadn't know whether their friend was living or
dead - but to Spike, it was nothing.

Three years were a drop in the ocean. Just a tiny piece of the eternity that
was his life, and his existence. An eternity and a life where he never grew
old, never got sick and never died.

But even an eternity like that was worth nothing if he didn't have Xander.

The peroxide-blonde vampire knew he couldn't have Xander an eternity, even
if the dark-haired man did respond to his love, but oh, what Spike would
give just to spend a little piece of eternity in Xander's arms!

If he'd known what would happen afterwards, the vampire wouldn't have slept
that night, after they'd made love. Instead, he'd spent every single minute
wide awake, savoring the feel of Xander's warm, human body against his,
listening to the soft 'thump thump's of his heartbeat and feeling the soft
breath against his neck.

Those hours, spent sleeping happily in Xander's arms hadn't been enough. It
wasn't nearly enough!

Blinking, the vampire realized he was crying again, and he growled softly at
himself. Scolding himself once again for being a cry-baby, Spike stepped
hard on the gas pedal and continued his drive towards San Diego and Xander,
determination spreading across his features.

Tonight, he'd visit The Silver Spikes Bar again, without getting drunk, this
time.

Tonight, Xander would give him the answers he'd been seeking, but not found
so far.

Part Six

"Hey, Xander, you're early."

"I know," Xander replied to Nick with a slight smile as he closed the door
behind him. "I... couldn't sleep. Thought I might as well get a headstart
today."

Nick looked up from his papers again, and stood, walking over to Xander and
pointing to a speaker hanging by the bar. "See that one? Is that bugging
you? I've had a couple of complaints about how my guests aren't able to talk
by the bar because they're not heard over the music, but I'm not willing to
turn down the volume, either. Do you want me to remove that one?"

Xander shrugged. "I don't know. If the guests want it gone, then I guess
so..." he offered weakly.

Nick glanced at him once, before he sighed and walked over to the table he'd
been sitting by and pulling out the chair next to his. "Sit," he ordered,
and Xander did as he was told.

"Not only do you not look your usual 'stoic, cryptic, gloomy guy' self, you
look sick," Nick told his employee. "So what's up?"

"Nothing, I'm just not feeling so good," Xander replied, and it was half the
truth. His head hurt, he was nauseous, he got dizzy if he moved too fast,
and all his limbs ached.

"And it has nothing to do with the perpetually gorgeous British guy you
seemed to have some issues with last night?" the blonde asked.

"No," Xander lied, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath as a wave of
nausea rolled through him.

Frowning, Nick looked at Xander. "You sure you should work today?" he asked
and Xander nodded.

"I'm fine, just give me a minute."

Nick studied the younger man for a long time, before he shook his head.
"This is no good. Go home, Xander. I'll get Matt or Marc to stand behind the
bar tonight. You look like shit, which I personally didn't think was
possible."

"I'm fine," Xander insisted, getting to his feet and ignoring the dizziness
he felt. "See me doing fine? See me walking and talking? See me starting to
get the place ready for tonight?" he continued, as he started taking chairs
off the tables and setting them down.

Shaking his head at Xander's stubborn behavior, Nick turned back to the
papers on the table he was sitting by. "Alright, you'll work tonight. But
the minute I see you lookin' green behind the counter, you're going home,
got it?"

Xander's reply was a half-hearted wave over his shoulders as he continued to
put down chairs.

Work was good. It meant he'd make money, at the same time as it would keep
his mind off the peroxide-blonde vampire he'd rejected less than twenty-four
hours earlier.

The dark-haired man had spent the entire day tossing and turning in his bed,
something that he kept insisting wasn't guilt, gnawing at his mind. He just
couldn't get Spike's voice out of his head? Not the usual, deep voice,
tinged with the oh, so sexy British accent, but the voice that had come
seemingly out of nowhere the previous night.

He thought he'd heard Spike heartbroken before - he remembered some of the
blonde's drunken squeaks when he was moping over Drusilla - but even that
hadn't been anywhere close to the completely heartbroken voice last night.

And Spike had told him he loved him.

He doubted the peroxide-blonde was aware that he'd said it, but what did
that mean? Did it mean it was true?

No, Xander told himself, that was far from likely. How could Spike love him?
Spike was an evil, soulless vampire. Okay, an evil, soulless vampire with a
chip in his brain that kept him from actually hurting any living creature,
but he was still a vampire. And vampires didn't fall in love with humans.

Unless they had their soul and went by charming nicknames such as 'poof' or
'Deadboy,' that is.

As his thoughts started to wander through an ocean of memories of Angel and
the old Scooby Gang in Sunnydale, Xander shook his head and decided it was
enough brooding for one evening, and that he needed to concentrate on work.

*****

"Um, excuse me, I... said red wine."

Closing his eyes momentarily, Xander mentally yelled at himself to get his
act together. It was at least the tenth time that night he'd served the
wrong drink to a guest, and it was starting to get both annoying and
embarrassing. Taking the glass with white wine, Xander set it down and
quickly poured a glass with red wine, handing it to the man who'd ordered
it.

"Here you go, I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay," the man replied with a smile, obviously taking in Xander's
ragged appearance.

The dark-haired man knew he didn't look well - he was sweating, having
chills, he was feeling both dizzy and nauseous and there was no doubt he was
at least as pale as Spike. Maybe even paler.

There you go, Xander told himself, pulling a glass of beer. Almost managed
to go five minutes without thinking about the British vampire.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder where Spike was. The blonde hadn't shown
his platinum head at the bar at all that evening, and it was past eleven
now. Xander refused to even think about the possibility that he actually
missed Spike's presence, and instead told himself the blonde was there every
night so it had become a habit to see him by the bar.

Just as Xander managed to get his mind focused back on work again, a certain
peroxide-blonde walked through the door and strolled casually up to the bar.
Quickly glancing across the room, Xander could see Nick watching them, the
blonde human having spotted Spike the second he entered the bar. His
employer was wearing an unreadable expression on his face, and Xander didn't
quite know what to make of it.

Focusing on Spike again, Xander tried to sound as carefree as Spike
looked... Or had looked until he spotted the former Slayerette. Now the pale
face was scrunched up in a worried expression, the vampire obviously
noticing how Xander looked.

"What can I get you?" Xander asked, getting out a glass. "The usual?"

"Why the fuck are you here?" was Spike's reply. All the sharp questions he'd
planned to ask Xander had vanished from his mind the second he'd seen the
young man, pale skin and insunken eyes both shocking him and worrying him.

"Huh?" was Xander's less than intelligent reply to Spike's question, his
brain caught in another wave of dizziness. "Um... what?"

"Why are you here and not at home?" Spike asked. "Did Nick tell you to come
to work today? Because if he did I'm gonna kick his effin' ass, chip or no
chip! You're sick, Xander, you should be home in bed!"

"Look, I'm gonna be fine," Xander told the vampire quickly, glancing at the
other guests by the bar. Some of them were eyeing the exchange curiously.
"Can we *not* take this now?"

"No!" Spike insisted. "Where's Nick?"

"Spike, I-"

"Where is he? Is he in there?" the vampire asked, gesturing to the office.

"No, please, Spike, can you just-"

"Then where is he?"

Turning and scanning the crowd, Spike easily spotted Nick at the other end
of the room. "There's the fucker..." Waving Nick towards the bar, Spike
turned back to Xander. "I'm gonna have a chat with him, and then *you* are
going back home and you're gonna get well!"

"No, Spike," Xander said, clutching his head with one hand as he squeezed
his eyes shut. The fuzz was making his head pound, and the nausea was
getting worse. He couldn't vomit now, not in front of the guests! Not when
Nick was on his way over!

"Xander, are you okay?" he heard Nick's voice ask, but it seemed so far
away.

Then something happened - the sound seemed to disappear for a minute from
his ears - and the next thing he heard was Spike's voice, filled with
concern. "Xander? Xander, pet, open your eyes!"

Then that weird thing with the sound happened again, and suddenly Xander was
laying on the floor and his head was throbbing and he had to vomit and the
world was spinning and Spike's voice was panicked and everything was too
loud and somebody with a British accent called out that someone should call
911 and Nick's voice was there but he couldn't make out the words and
someone screamed and there was still too much noise and the sound kept on
coming and going from his ears and he couldn't open his eyes no matter how
hard he tried - and then everything was black.

*****

"Is he on any medication? Does he do drugs? Does he have a medical record?
Has he got insurance? Has he been drinking? Has he been out in the sun
today?"

"I-I don't know," was all Spike could stammer out as the questions continued
to come. "He hasn't been drinking or doing drugs. I know he hasn't been
outside in the sun."

Jogging next to the stretcher that carried Xander down the hospital
corridors, Spike couldn't take his eyes of the dark-haired man. Traces of
vomit was still clinging to the human's chin and shirt, but at least they
had gotten him breathing again.

If it wasn't for Nick, the former Slayerette probably would have choked on
his own vomit.

Cursing his disability to give mouth-to-mouth, Spike also sent a blessing up
to whatever higher powers there were in the world, that his Xander had
survived. When the doctors wheeled Xander through a set of doors and firmly
told Spike he couldn't come any longer, the blonde vampire had first
insisted that he'd follow Xander, but then he'd given up - reluctantly - and
retreated to the waiting room.

And for the first time in Spike's long existence, he wished that time
wouldn't go by so slowly.

The seconds continued to tick slowly forwards, turning into minutes, which
rapidly turned into over one hour.

Thoughts continued to run through Spike's head until he almost got an
headache from thinking so hard. Xander was sick - anybody could see that -
but why had the mortal stayed at the bar? Why on earth had he insisted on
going to work? He'd talked with Nick while they waited for the paramedics to
arrive, and the blonde human had told him about Xander's insistance that
he'd stay at work that night.

"Stupid fuck," Spike whispered, not really knowing who he was talking to.

Suddenly, a doctor appeared in the doorway. "Mr. James Williamson?" he
asked, and Spike jumped to his feet as he heard the name he'd given the
doctors. "You're with Alexander Harris?"

"Yeah, yeah," Spike said, impatiently. "How is he? Is he awake? Can I see
him? What's wrong?"

The doctor sighed and glanced briefly at the black clipboard he was holding
in his hand. "If I've understood it correctly, you're Mr. Harris' boyfriend,
right?" Nodding, hoping Xander didn't mind he'd told the doctors that, Spike
tripped nervously, just wanting to see Xander and hold him in his arms. "If
you could please come with me, we need to talk," the doctor told Spike,
before he turned and started walking down the corridor.

Following the doctor to an office, Spike sat down in a chair in front of a
desk, and the doctor walked around to sit at the opposite side. "Mr.
Williamson, I'm Doctor Steenberg - I've been treating Mr. Harris the past
three years, and I just wanted to have a little talk with you."

Holding back his frown at the doctor's words, Spike nodded, playing along.

"How long have you been together?" Dr. Steenberg asked, once again glancing
at his clipboard.

"Not long," Spike replied. "Couple of months. Look, I just want to know if
he's okay, and if it's alright, I'd like to see him."

"Mr. Williamson," Dr. Steenberg said, a little firmer. "Has Mr. Harris been
taking his
medication?"

"I don't know," Spike replied, once again holding back his frown. "May I ask
what the bloody hell's going on?"

Sighing deeply, the doctor scribbled something on the clipboard, then folded
his hands and met Spike's eyes. "I assume you know about Mr. Harris
condition?"

"Yes," the vampire replied, not really considering his words before he
spoke.

"Then... might I suggest that you go see a counselor together?" Dr.
Steenberg said, his voice softening. "To help you both deal with the
situation? I really hate saying this, but something like this might happen
again, and it's not only Mr. Harris it's affecting. While it's both a
physical and a mental trial for him, his loved ones and people holding him
dear will probably find it difficult as well. HIV is not to be taken
lightly."

Spike felt as thought he might faint.

"HIV...?" he mumbled, more to himself than the doctor. Swallowing hard, the
vampire continued to play his part, deciding he could panic and break down
and cry later. "But is he okay? What's going on?"

The doctor was silent for a long while before he looked intensely at Spike,
compassion in his eyes. "As you probably know, it's not the HIV virus that's
lethal to its host, but the sickness it produces; AIDS."

He paused and watched as the blonde vampire swallowed hard again. Sighing,
Dr. Steenberg looked down for a split second.

"Mr. Harris is developing AIDS."

Part Seven


Walking slowly down the hospital corridor, the peroxide-blonde vampire tried
to think of something to say to Xander, but nothing came to mind. Bowing his
head, Spike tried to hold back his tears, but it didn't work. All the pieces
in the puzzle was falling into place, and suddenly everything was making
perfect sense to him. Xander's abrupt departure, his insistence that they
use condom, his dislike of oral sex, his odd behavior...

Spike had a long talk with Dr. Steenberg, and after quite a bit of nagging
and a small bit of very pathetic begging, Spike had been allowed to see
Xander for a short while.

The young man was awake and would be fine if he continued to take his
medications. He would also have to come in for a check and treatment once a
week, as opposed to once a month, earlier.

Dr. Steenberg hadn't promised anything, but he seemed fairly convinced they
could prolong Xander's life with at least a couple of years. The problem was
that the HIV virus had stayed undisturbed in Xander's body for at least a
couple of years before a doctor at the hospital in Sunnydale had discovered
it.

And now it was developing into AIDS.

It was destroying Xander from within. The young man who had faced numerous
demons and vampire, incan mummies, giant snakes, evil cyborg-demons and bug
people, was being killed by something so small, no human eye could see it.

A Gorschad demon might see it, but...

Pressing the back of his hands against his eyes, Spike wiped away his tears
as he reached the door leading into room 418 - Xander's room. Taking a deep
breath, the blonde vampire braced himself, before he knocked once, opened
the door and ventured in.

Xander was laying in a bed by the window, his head turned away from Spike,
his heavy-lidded eyes locked on something outside. An IV was running into
his arm, his hair was ruffled and he looked even paler than he had at the
bar, his eyes red and insunken, framed by black rings.

All attempts at holding back his tears was of no use to Spike, and a
half-choked sob escaped him before he could help it.

Xander didn't react at all.

Walking to the bed, Spike sat down in a chair standing next to it, and let
his tears roll silently down his face as he looked at Xander, letting the
human take his time.

Finally, Xander spoke.

"I don't know who gave it to me," he said, his voice hoarse and just barely
above a whisper. "It was right after I'd realized I was gay, and I was
reckless at the time. Didn't think about condoms. Figured there was no point
since neither of us could get pregnant."

Turning his head away from the window, Xander stared straight ahead. It was
as if he didn't even know the blonde vampire was in the room.

"Naturally, I freaked. I was twenty-two when I found out, and I didn't know
what to do. I went to treatment in secret for a while, but then my doctor
started talking about how I should talk with my friends about it. The same
night I decided to leave, and I got my doctor in Sunnydale to transfer my
record and everything to this hospital. Then I told my friends I was
leaving. I told them I didn't know where I was going. I lied."

Falling silent for a while, Xander slowly shook his head. "I missed them so
badly. I still do. But how the hell can I just give them a call after all
these years? They'd have to know, and I still don't want that." Another
pause. "I don't want anybody to know."

Spike was silent for a long while, before he nodded, tears continuing to
roll down his face. "I know," he whispered sadly. "I went to see Giles
today. he told me about how you'd left. He told me to tell you..."

Trailing off and sniffing once, Spike tentatively reached out and took
Xander's hand. When the dark-haired human didn't protest in any way, Spike
let his fingers weave through Xander's.

"He told me to tell you they miss you," the blonde said quietly. "They miss
you and they worry about you. They just want to know how you're doing and
know you're still..." Hiccuping once, Spike swallowed. "...still alive."

Finally looking at the peroxide-blonde vampire, Xander shook his head sadly
again, tears starting to fall from his own eyes.

"How can I face them now?" he said quietly.

Sniffling, Spike clutched the warm hand in his a little bit harder and shook
his head.

"I love you," he mumbled. "I didn't really want to, and I don't know how the
fuck it happened, but I do. And I just want you to give me a chance. You can
infect me, and I promise I won't leave you! You won't have to shut me out,
like the others! Please let me in, Xander!"

Bowing his head for a second, Xander shook his head and sniffed himself.
"I... I'm sorry, Spike, but I can't."

"But there really *was* something there," the peroxide-blonde insisted,
sobbing. "I know it, I felt it!"

Nodding and looking up, deep brown eyes meeting ice blue, Xander took a deep
breath.

"I know," he said in a half-choked whisper. "I felt it."

Gasping out another sob, Spike leaned forward and captured the human's lips
in a tender kiss, salty tears from both their eyes running down their cheeks
and disappearing in between their lips. When he finally pulled back, Xander
was looking at him with an odd expression on his face. The dark-haired man's
sobs had stilled, and now he was just looking at Spike.

"Spike," he finally said, sad amazement in his voice. "You're crying blood."

Looking down, the peroxide-blonde vampire could see a few blood drops drip
down onto the white sheet of Xander's bed, making crimson circles on the
white cotton. Bringing a finger up to his face, Spike touched the skin just
below his eye, then looked at the finger and saw that he was indeed crying
blood.

Looking back at Xander, the peroxide-blonde wasn't quite sure what to do.
His own sobs had stilled as well, and now the tears that still continued to
come was just rolling silently down their cheeks.

"Please let me in," Spike whispered brokenly, and one, lone sob escaped
Xander.

Then the dying human leaned forward and kissed the peroxide-blonde again,
his answer being given in that one kiss.

Fresh blood tears streaming down his cheeks in both joy and sorrow, Spike
wrapped his arms carefully around the mortal, hugging him, then breaking the
kiss and cradling him like you would cradle a newborn baby.

Kissing Xander's forehead, leaving a tiny smear of blood on the pale, sweaty
skin, Spike lowered the younger man back onto the bed and silently told him
to get some rest.

And as Xander closed his eyes and drifted off into an exhausted sleep, the
blonde vampire remained sitting by his bed the rest of the night, watching
over him.

Part Eight


Spike carefully sat down on the bed, putting down the glass of water on the
night stand and gently nudged the sleeping form under the covers. "Xander?"
he asked quietly. "Xander?"

Brown eyes opening into thin slits to gaze sleepily at the vampire, Xander
moved a little and let out a long yawn.

Chuckling a little, Spike picked up the glass of water. "Time for you to
take your pills," he told the human, and Xander sat up, slowly, rubbing the
sleep out of his eyes.

It had been three days since Xander had been released from the hospital, and
the blonde vampire hadn't left his side for one second. Spike had even
stayed with the human during the daylight hours in the hospital.

Since the two had returned to Xander's apartment, Spike had been running all
over the place, taking care of Xander and worrying like a hysterical mother
over her little kid. He was making sure the dark-haired mortal took his
medicines when he was supposed to, he made sure Xander didn't stress too
much, he cooked, he ran errands and did pretty much everything there was to
do in the small apartment.

After some discussing and some more crying, the two had decided Xander
should quit his job as a bartender at The Silver Spikes Bar, and Spike had
already spoken to Nick, helping the blonde mortal to find another bartender.
It wasn't like Spike didn't have enough money to keep them both with food,
clothes and in Spike's case, blood, anyway.

The issue of Xander actually dying had only been discussed once, and it was
not something either of the two men wanted to do again. It had ended in
yelling and a lot of tears, and it hadn't given them any answers. So from
now on, they'd agreed that they would take things one step at the time, one
day at the time. They'd deal with the problems as they came along.

Once he was fully awake, Xander took the glass from Spike's hand, then
reached out and easily picked up two of the small pills in the little box on
his night stand. Once he'd swallowed the pills with a small slurp of water,
Xander sighed and leaned back against the wall, setting down the glass.

"What time is it?" he asked the vampire.

"Almost ten in the evening," was the reply. "Nick called earlier. He told me
to say hello, and tell you that he misses you."

Chuckling a little, Xander took Spike's hand and squeezed it carefully. "I'm
sure he'll manage without me. And besides, that new guy? Seth or whatever
his name was? He seemed like a nice guy and a great bartender."

Smiling, Spike nodded. "How are you feeling?" he asked after a small moment
of silence.

"Fine," Xander replied, his lips curling into a smile. He was no longer pale
and didn't look sick anymore - he just looked tired. The pills he was taking
was making him pretty tired, so he slept a lot. "I'm not so tired anymore,
either, but since I just took two more pills, I guess I will be soon."

Chuckling, Spike squeezed Xander's hand, enjoying the warmth. "I guess," he
said.

The two remained sitting in silence for several moments, before Spike
finally leaned forward and gently kissed Xander, his tongue sneaking out to
teasingly stroke along the younger man's. A hand trailed lightly down
Xander's bare chest until it reached the point where the human's body
disappeared under the soft covers.

When long, pale fingers started to move the cover carefully, Xander broke
the kiss, uncertainty in his eyes. "Spike..." he whispered, something that
almost sounded like fright in his voice.

"Sssh," Spike told him, kissing him lightly again. "It's okay."

As the cool lips moving against his own became more demanding, Xander
groaned weakly and surrendered himself to the kiss and the emotions that
rolled through him. Electric bolts shot through his body and settled in his
groin, causing his flaccid member to harden.

Wrapping his arms around his lover, Xander lay back on the bed, pulling the
vampire on top of him and rubbing carefully up against the hard body
covering his own. Cool hands wandered along his body to trail over his
stomach, before they finally reached the covers, pulling them down, taking
the dark-haired man's boxers along at the same time.

"Spike," Xander moaned when the blonde pulled away. The immortal soon joined
the human on the bed again, though, as soon as he had stripped out of his
clothes, his erection standing proudly out from his body.

Capturing Xander's lips again, Spike straddled the dark-haired man's waist
and began rocking slightly back and forth, their hard cocks rubbing
sensually together, sending bolts of pleasure through both of them.

Xander wasn't quite sure where the peroxide-blonde got the lubricant, but
when a cool hand grasped his member, slick fingers sliding over the
sensitive shaft, he didn't care. Closing his eyes and unconsciously
thrusting up, Xander just wanted more of that pleasure, more of that
incredible touch.

But when the hand was removed and his cock was pressed against Spike's
puckered opening, a small trickle of fear entered Xander's mind and his eyes
flew open.

"S-Spike..." he stammered. What if he was able to give the vampire AIDS
after all?

"Sssh," Spike repeated, interrupting his fear. "This is how much I trust
you. This is how much I want you and need you and love you," the blonde
whispered.

Then he sank down on Xander's hard cock, his inner walls molding perfectly
around the younger man.

They both groaned at the sensations that went through them, and Spike
remained still and unmoving for a few moments, before he finally raised
himself up and down, slowly, Xander's slick penis sliding easily out and in
of his tight channel.

Spike rode Xander carefully at first, scared that he might hurt the human,
but then their coupling intensified, and the vampire bounced on the
dark-haired mortal, pleasure washing over them both, again and again, every
push of Xander's hips, every slap of sweaty flesh, every look exchanged
between eyes filled with tears of joy sending them closer to the edge.

It was Xander who went over first, his warm seed spilling deep within Spike,
and mere second later the vampire followed, coating Xander's chest.

Afterwards they lay together in the same positions as the first night they'd
made love, Xander's chest pressed against Spike's back. And then three
little words reached the vampire's ears, barely audible, even for his
vampiric hearing.

"I love you," Xander whispered, his arms unconsciously tightening around
Spike's chest, just a little.

And the blonde vampire dropped off to sleep with a happy smile on his face,
knowing that he was loved by Xander.

Epilogue


"Spike, can you hand me the cheese?"

The blonde vampire glanced briefly at the man in the wheelchair next to him,
then did as
requested, handing the dark-haired mortal the cheese.

"I don't see why you want pizza *now*?" the peroxide-blonde asked. "You
could have waited."

The pale form in the wheelchair that was Xander Harris laughed and shrugged,
his cheerful voice not at all fitting the shabby image he made up, pale skin
contrasting strongly to his dark hair. "I don't know," he said. "I just
wanted pizza. Besides, we're night persons. Pizza at five in the morning
shouldn't seem weird to you."

Spike didn't reply, but instead watched the human was a slight smile playing
on his lips.

Four years had they spent together. Four years. Four years of making love,
of loving, of walks on the beach in the moonlight, of trips to concerts,
four Fourth Of July celebrations, four Christmas Eves together. Four years
of avoiding the problems and doing exactly as they'd promised each other
they'd do; take things one day at the time.

Now, however, problems were finally catching up with them.

Spike had watched as his Xander became more and more tired, became quickly
exhausted whenever they went places, how the 31-year old, dark-haired man
became thinner and thinner, his skin becoming pale and his eyes hollow.

He'd toyed with the idea of turning Xander, but he knew the human wouldn't
want to become something he'd spent an important part of his life fighting,
even if he was in love with one.

A little over a year ago, Xander had called Giles. He'd let the former
Watcher know he was doing fine, and he'd made his peace with his friends in
Sunnydale. They didn't know about the AIDS - they didn't need to know - and
Spike had promised he'd let them know about Xander's death once he was gone.

It was only a matter of time before the AIDS would take Xander from him -
Spike knew that - but he also knew that somehow, he'd find a way to live on
when the mortal was gone. Four years weren't enough time spent with the
younger man. No matter how many years they would get, it wouldn't be enough.

But four years was a little piece of eternity, and Spike was damn grateful
for the time he did get.

Smiling and chuckling when Xander cursed out loud as he dropped a tomato on
the floor and accidentally ran over it with his wheelchair, Spike got up to
help Xander clean up. And as he started to swipe up the crushed tomato from
the floor, the immortal vampire sent a silent thanks to The Powers That Be,
for giving him the greatest gift anyone could ever give him; the love of
Xander Harris.
******

THE END