Showing Him
by Little Pinky

Spike watched Xander as he slept, a small, sad smile on the vampire's face.
The brunette was laying on the bed next to Spike, his back firmly pressed up
against the vampire's chest. The previous evening, Xander had come back from
a big family dinner, and the blonde hadn't exactly require a microscope to
see the new, flaming red handprint on the boy's cheek.

He swore once again that if he ever got his implant out of his head,
Xander's parents would pay dearly.

It had been several months since Spike had first discovered what happened to
Xander, and after that, the blonde could always tell when Xander had been
beat up again. Luckily, he hadn't smelled Xander's father on the boy since
that evening, but that didn't make him any happier.

The two men had started a relationship of sorts, behind the backs of both
Anya and the rest of The Scooby Gang. Spike knew that Xander had though
about breaking up with Anya ever since the two men first kissed, and now
they were both just waiting for Xander to gather enough courage. Until then,
however, their relationship had to stay secret.

Spike was distracted from his thoughts when Xander stirred and moved next to
him on the bed, and his sad smile turned into a grin. The arm he had tucked
around Xander, slowly moved up to caress his chest as he leaned his head
down to kiss Xander's neck.

"Xander, pet...? You awake?"

Xander groaned once before one of his hands came up to cover Spike's and he
smiled. "No, not yet," he mumbled sleepy, before bringing Spike's hand up to
kiss it. "But just gimme a few seconds..." Spike chuckled as Xander opened
his eyes and turned his head to face him. Kissing him tenderly, Xander
smiled happily, the angry red mark on his cheek already fading.

"Hi. What time is it?"

"Twelve-ish," Spike replied. "Red's called once. Wanted to take you
mini-golfing or something, but I figured you'd want to sleep. It got kinda
late last night."

Xander's smile faltered a little, and he averted Spike's eyes. "Yeah, it
did," he replied quietly, not wanting to think about the hours spent in
Spike's arms, crying.

"I don't really understand how the Slayer and her chums can be so blind?"
Spike said with a frustrated sigh. "They hang out with you practically every
day, and they never notice!"

Xander shrugged and blinked away the tears even before they filled his eyes.
"Well, you know...This is Sunnydale. People here normally see only what they
want to see."

Spike nodded silently, before he gave Xander another kiss.

This one wasn't like the sweet ones they shared when they greeted each other
good morning, or like the desperate ones after Xander had been beat up by
his father again. It wasn't passion-filled or filled with lust, like on the
nights they both had to restrain themselves because they both knew that
Xander wasn't ready to take their relationship one step further.

This was magical.

Electricity filled the air as their lips moved together, and light flashes
seemed to go off everywhere when their tongues met and started to duel.
Rolling over so that Spike was on top of Xander, they both saw fireworks and
rainbows and fairies behind their closed eyelids, and their growing
erections pressed against each other through their boxers.

Finally, the kiss was broken when the human had to breathe. Taking in large
gulps of air in deep breaths, he met the vampire's eyes with a strength that
convinced Spike he was going to be okay. No matter what his father had done
or would do to him.

"Show me."

Those two words made Spike freeze completely. For several, long moments he
couldn't move a muscle. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak and he couldn't
take his eyes off the young man beneath him.

After months of living together, the two had developed a close connection,
not entirely unlike the bond a Sire shared with his Childe, and that was
what enabled Spike to immediately understand what Xander meant. That didn't
shock him any less, though.

"Are you sure?" he finally managed to get out.

'Are you sure.' Great.

Because that was *never* an over-used cliché???

"Yeah," Xander said, nodding, and Spike looked at the boy, amazed. The human
wasn't making any half-witty pun to go with his answer, and his face wasn't
scrunched up in a goofy grin. Instead, there was a look of hopefulness and
endless trust in his eyes. And that amazed Spike to no end.

Leaning down, he pressed his lips against Xander's again, calming him with a
tender kiss. He knew that even though Xander might want this, he could feel
the boy's nervousness radiating from him, and he could feel how tense his
sweaty body was underneath his own cold one.

As Spike's lips continued to move over Xander's, the boy slowly relaxed more
and more, and the vampire also brought his hands up, keeping his weight on
his elbows, and used his hands to cup the younger man's face. Slowly letting
his tongue trace the roof of Xander's mouth, Spike felt the younger man
finally relax completely underneath him.

Xander was floating.

He was definitely floating on some kind of cloud - he wasn't sure if it was
could nine or not, but it was a cloud. Everything he could see, everything
he could hear, everything he could feel, everything he could smell...

It was all Spike.

Spike, and only Spike.

The vampire currently on top of him, kissing him with a tenderness and love
he wouldn't even have imagined that he could possess a few months back.
Holding Spike tighter to his chest, Xander let out a sigh as those cool lips
moved from his own, to nibble their way down his neck to his bare chest.

Then, a cool tongue flicked out over his right nipple, and Xander was no
longer sighing in want and need. He was moaning and writhing, not really
believing how much that one, simple action could turn him on, and for a few
seconds he actually wondered if he was going to die from blue balls before
Spike got the time to show him anything at all.

As the lips and tongue continued to caress his chest, Xander kept his eyes
closed, allowing himself to only feel and love.

His father's abuse hadn't made him think that there was no such thing as
love. No, he had plenty of loved ones, and he knew they loved him as well.
But his father's abuse *had* made him doubt there was such a thing as true
lovemaking.

Somewhere, deep inside of himself, Xander was pretty sure that he knew Spike
was right when the blonde had told him it was really different; that was his
father had shown him wasn't how it was supposed to be like. Still, he had
his doubts. And even now, as Spike was making him float, doing all those
wonderful things with his tongue and mouth on his chest, slowly working
lower, a small spark of doubt still resided somewhere in the boy.

He was nervous. He had no problems in admitting that - he was so nervous he
was ready to piss himself, but the pleasure was also strong, so he did his
best to lose himself completely to the vampire.

When his father had done it, it had always hurt like hell, and that was one
of the reasons why he was nervous. One of the other reasons was that his
father's abuse had broken something inside of him, which made it difficult
for him to trust the vampire completely when he said it would be different,
that it would be good. Because what if it wasn't?

The brunette was brought out of his thoughts as his boxers were tugged off
him, allowing his erection to spring free. Five long fingers wrapped around
it, pumping slowly a few times, and Xander groaned loudly, squirming more on
the bed underneath Spike.

"Are you sure you want this?" Spike asked, his voice holding a slightly
worried tone.

"Yes," Xander replied immediately as all thoughts about nervousness and
doubt were pushed aside by the brain numbing pleasure that washed over him.
"Yes, Spike, please!"

A smile of relief spread across Spike's face for a few, short seconds. Then,
his tender smile turned wicked, and he bowed his head, briefly flicking his
tongue out over the stiff member in his hand, wiping away the tiny bead of
pre-cum that had appeared over the slit.

Xander groaned again, clutching the sheets tightly in both hands, as he
arched his neck, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. The sensations caused by
the cold tongue teasingly caressing his member were incredible, and it put
every nerve in his body on edge. It made the hairs in his neck stand out,
and it made his flesh tingle, and he just *knew* that nothing could feel
better.

Then, it got better. Much better.

Grinning madly, Spike glanced up at Xander's face, scrunched up in an
expression that spoke of extreme pleasure, and it made him ridiculously
happy. Then, he lowered his head again, this tame taking Xander's cock fully
into his mouth, letting his lips slide down it until his nose touched
Xander's pubic hair.

Over 200 years of sexual experience was a *really* good thing sometimes,
Spike thought to himself, and it caused him to chuckle around the velvet
steel in his mouth. As his throat muscles contracted around the soft head of
Xander's cock, the human groaned loudly again, and Spike could feel the
brunette trying to keep himself from thrusting wildly into the vampire's
mouth.

Knowing how to deepthroat wasn't such a bad thing, either, Spike thought,
and slowly started bobbing his head over Xander's lap, using his tongue to
stroke the sensitive underside of Xander's shaft. When another groan escaped
Xander, Spike glanced up at him and saw that the boy's head was now
thrashing on the pillow, the knuckles on his hand almost white from holding
the sheets so tightly.

Relieved that Xander was enjoying it, Spike continued to suck and stroke and
tease Xander, using his hands to caress his sack, before slowly sliding his
fingers down to press lightly against the tight ring of muscles he found
there.

Xander immediately tensed, and Spike felt the human's nervousness fight its
way towards the surface again.

The blonde vampire was just about to let Xander's cock slip from his lips
and move away from the boy, when something happened that surprised him.

He saw Xander grip the sheets even tighter, if possible, and he felt the boy
fight his own fear. Then, he saw Xander lift a hand and place it on the
vampire's shoulder, looking down at him.

"Don't stop," he whispered. "It's all good...Don't stop."

Spike let Xander's cock slip from his mouth and just stared at the boy for a
long while, before he crawled up the bed and placed his lips against
Xander's, giving him a passionate kiss. Without breaking the kiss, Spike
reached out over the side of the bed, immediately finding his duster on the
floor where he'd placed it the day before. Fumbling a little, he managed to
get out the small tube with lubricant, before he pushed the duster away
again.

When Xander finally needed to breathe, they broke the kiss, and Spike looked
into Xander's eyes for several long moments. The human was still battling
his own fear, but at the same time, the vampire could see that enormous
amount of trust shining brightly at him in those brown eyes, and he was once
again amazed.

Moving down Xander's body again, Spike opened the tube and squeezed a
generous amount of the slick substance onto his fingers. When Xander started
to turn over, Spike dropped the tube and immediately stopped him.

"No," he said, and Xander looked confused. "I want to face you," Spike
explained. Xander's confused expression didn't disappear, though.

"You...um, you can...do it that way?"

"Absolutely," Spike replied, and Xander rolled over onto his back again.
Lifting Xander's left leg, Spike rolled the boy's hips to give him better
access, before he brought the hand with the lube on, down to the puckered
opening.

Carefully letting his fingers drift over the tight muscle, Spike allowed
Xander to take the time he needed to adjust, and after a short while, he
could feel the boy relaxing. Now knowing that the human was doing good so
far, Spike slowly pushed one of his slippery fingers inside Xander's
opening, but not too far. When Xander didn't make any protesting sounds,
Spike paused for a moment, sharpening his senses and searching for any
traces of fear in Xander's body.

Sure, there were fear there, but there was also this burning desire to
overcome it. Xander's eyes were locked on Spike's face, and in the
golden-brown orbs, Spike could read both pleasure, fear and determination.

Slowly pushing the slick digit further into Xander's tight rosebud, Spike
finally found his prostate and he started to nudge it and massage it gently
by curling and twisting his finger. The brunette moaned loudly and arched
his back.

"Oh, shit," he moaned. "What the fuck...?!"

Spike grinned and pulled his finger slightly out. "No, shit, Spike, don't
stop," Xander panted, one of his hands reaching out to cover the one Spike
was using to hold Xander's leg up.

Spike lost his smile and turned his attention back to his fingers and
Xander's opening. Slowly, he entered him with a second finger, and Xander
moaned again as they both pushed inwards, nudging his prostate.

"That's your prostate," Spike stated in a matter-of-factly voice. Xander
could only nod in reply.

"Hey, you okay?" Spike asked, worried, when the human didn't say anything.

Xander was panting hard and nodded once again. "Yeah," he finally said.
"Just...oh, shit, don't stop...!"

Spike nodded and slowly let his fingers pump in and out of Xander, teasing
in long, careful strokes. Sometimes, Xander's muscles would clamp down hard
on his digits, and occasionally the boy would let out a moan that clearly
showed Spike that he was enjoying himself. His fear and nervousness was
slowly being pushed aside again.

The blonde registered that Xander was still very tight, confirming his
earlier statement that his father didn't rape him often, and that made Spike
happier than he really liked to admit. Although he knew that the truth was
that he'd come to really care for the boy. And truth be told, he didn't
think there was anything bad about that at all.

Slowly easing in a third finger, Spike felt Xander's ass muscles relax
further, accepting the invasion with only a few jerks. The boy was now
squirming slightly on the bed, occasionally thrusting himself onto Spike's
fingers, and the blonde vampire decided that it was time.

After thrusting his fingers in and out of Xander a little longer, Spike
removed his fingers completely from Xander's body, smiling slightly when the
boy let out something that could resemble a whimper in protest.

Spreading Xander's legs, Spike crawled up his body once again and claimed
his mouth in a searing kiss. Then he placed one of Xander's legs over his
shoulder and hooked the other in his inner elbow. Using his still very slick
hand to grasp his member, he coated his erection with the lube, before he
positioned the velvet steel at Xander's entrance.

Xander's eyes met his and their gaze locked as Spike slowly pushed the tip
of his cock into the boy's tight passage. Xander winced a little, but after
a few seconds, he nodded and breathed out an 'Okay' through his deep
breaths.

Slowly easing himself in, bit by bit, Spike watched Xander's face carefully,
pausing every time he winced, but finally he was completely inside the
younger man, his sack touching the warm ass cheeks.

Xander's eyes were still locked with Spike, and the blonde vampire let go of
the mortal's knee in order to lift his hand and run a finger down the
human's cheekbone.

"You hurtin'?" he asked quietly.

"A little," Xander replied, closing his eyes and concentrating on simply
adjusting to having the vampire inside of him.

Spike stayed unmoving for a long while, feeling Xander's muscles clench and
unclench around him as the boy grew accustomed to his size. Finally, the boy
opened his eyes again, his liquid gaze meeting Spike's.

The world stopped.

Everything froze, and Spike felt as if something just clicked in place. Like
the entire universe had been wrong, somehow, all along, and that it was
*now* he really saw what things were supposed to be like. Things just felt
clearer to him.

Suddenly, he felt as if he could understand everything and solve any
problem. All the worlds issues, all the things people had to deal with every
day, the evil, the hatred, the darkness, the suffering, the tears, the pain
and the despair - it wasn't any problem at all, anymore, because *things*
*were* *just* *right*!

It felt as if someone had given him a human body back, and he could feel his
own heart beating, and his own blood pumping in his veins, when it really
was Xander's blood, pumping so close to him.

"I love you."

Spike blinked when he heard Xander's quiet words. As they slowly seeped into
his brain, and he realized what the boy just had told him, he suddenly
realized that it was true, not only on Xander's behalf, but on his own as
well.

"I love you too," he whispered, feeling wonderful to be able to say those
words again and mean it.

Then he started moving.

Moving his hips back, Spike slowly pulled out of Xander until only his head
was still inside the ring of muscles, before he pushed back in again, a
little faster. He continued pumping in and out, picking up the pace a little
more with every stroke, but still keeping it moderately slow.

He watched the emotions play across Xander's face, and a smile so tender it
made him wonder when the hell he'd turned into Angel, settled upon Spike's
own face. As Xander's free leg wrapped around Spike's waist, the blonde
bowed his head and gave Xander a tender kiss, thrusting faster as Xander's
muscles relaxed completely.

As his thrusts became faster and the pressure built in Spike's sex, the
blonde reached down between them and took a hold of Xander's still hard
cock, wanting them to go over the edge together. Pumping it in time with his
thrusts, Spike continued to kiss the boy, letting his tongue nudge and
stroke Xander's, just like his cock nudged and stroked the younger man's
prostate.

The blonde had to smile into Xander's mouth as he thought about yet another
upside about having the sexual experience that he had; he knew how to touch
his lovers just right, so their release would be more or less at the same
time.

Finally, Xander tore his mouth away from Spike's, panting wildly and
moaning. "Oooh, God, Spike...gonna come...any...any second...!"

Spike smiled and bent down, placing his mouth close to Xander's ear. "Let
go," he simply whispered. Then he followed his own command, letting himself
go, just as Xander soared over the edge, arching his neck and calling out
Spike's name.

Collapsing on top of Xander, Spike placed his arms on either side of
Xander's head, slowly pushing himself slightly up so he wouldn't crush the
younger man under his weight. The human let both his arms drift over Spike's
back, slowly, as they stayed like that, looking deeply into each other's
eyes, letting their breathing calm.

Finally, Spike pulled out of Xander and rolled over, but he immediately
pulled the mortal boy into his arms, not wanting to let him go. The boy
rested his head on Spike's chest, placed one arm across Spike's waist, then
closed his eyes.

"Was that okay?" Spike asked after a few minutes in silence.

"It was," Xander confirmed. "Very."

"Did you mean it?" Spike asked.

Xander fell silent for a few seconds. He knew what Spike asked. He just
didn't know if he was ready to admit the truth. And he suddenly realized
that something had been left out during his earlier musings over his father.
It was true that his father hadn't made him lose his faith in love, but he
realized, shocked, that his father had made him afraid to love so completely
as he loved Spike.

He didn't like it, but at the same time, just the will to love didn't
automatically remove the fear in his heart, no matter how much he wanted it
to.

Spike could feel the emotional battle in Xander and he knew that the boy was
confused over something at the point, he just didn't know what. However, he
was convinced that the mortal would figure it out eventually and face his
fears once again, so he waited patiently.

When Spike said he loved Xander back, it hadn't been a lie. He did love
Xander, and he would be crushed if Xander didn't love him - if it was
something the boy had said just because he'd felt that he needed to at the
time. But he wouldn't press Xander. Not now, and not ever. So he waited.

Finally, Xander raised his head and looked straight into Spike's eyes. "Yes,
I meant it," he replied honestly. "Did you?"

"Yes," Spike replied immediately, just as honestly.

The vampire watched as a small, happy smile spread across the Xander's face,
before he placed his head back on Spike's chest.

"Thanks," he whispered.

Spike smiled and kissed the top of his head, hugging the boy closer to him.
"You're welcome," he said quietly. A few minutes later, they were both
asleep.

=end=