Sssh!
by Little Pinky

Xander tumbled down the stairs on shaky legs, one arm partially covering his
red face and his
puffed eyes.

Ignoring the blonde vampire sitting in his comfy chair, shooting him a
worried look, the brunette
boy immediately went straight over to the bed and curled up underneath the
covers, not bothering
to take any clothes off. Pulling the covers all the way up to his chin, he
turned his back towards
Spike and buried his head in the pillows.

The blonde vampire remained sitting in the chair for a few moments, looking
worriedly at the still
figure on the bed. Normally he'd say Xander was just tired - he had
experienced more than once
that the brunette stumbled down the stairs after a long day at work and went
straight to bed just
like this - but when he was tired, he didn't look like he'd been crying.

Standing, Spike walked over to the bed and sat down at the edge of it,
carefully placing a hand on
Xander's shoulder. "Xander? You alright, mate?"

His reply was a choked sob, and Spike immediately turned the boy over,
forcing him to face the
vampire.

"Jesus bleedin' Christ, what happened to you?!?"

Xander looked away as Spike stared at the dried blood streaming from his
nose and his bruised
cheekbone. "Answer me," Spike demanded.

"It's nothing," Xander replied in a choked voice, drying the tears from his
eyes. "I...met up with a
demon on my way back from work."

Spike frowned for a second as the boy turned his back on him again. Then he
shook his head.
"No, this isn't a demon. Demons don't upset you like this."

"Yeah?" Xander asked, turning his head a little. "And you'd know that how?
And why do you
even care, Fangface? Just leave me alone, okay? I wanna sleep!"

Xander's question made Spike stop for some moments. Why did he care? That
was a bloody good
question, Spike thought to himself. It wasn't as if he'd cared before, when
the boy came home
bruised and bloodied after battles with Hellmouth-creatures. He'd seen
Xander with worse injuries
than this, and he'd even had a good laugh at it. But this was different.

When he finally did realize why he cared, his eyes darkened to a deep,
steel-cold blue, and he
growled low in his throat at the memories. Feeling Xander shift on the bed
as he growled, Spike
sighed and let it go.

"Let's just say that I really do care and leave it at that, okay?"

"Yeah, right," Xander said around a small, sarcastic laugh. "As if."

"I do," Spike protested. "And I wanna help!"

"Yeah, as if you can!" Xander said again, this time sitting up to face him,
pushing the covers
down to his waist. "Just leave me alone, okay? Go away, take a walk in the
evening sun, play
Nintendo, go annoy the living hell out of Buffy! Just leave me alone!"

As Xander's voice rose to angry shouts, Spike could see the tears welling up
in his eyes, and his
own eyes darkened further in anger.

"Xander, I-"

"No, don't 'Xander' me, Blondie, just go away!"

Spike watched in silence as the boy desperately struggled to keep his tears
back, before he
reached out and squeezed Xander's side.

The boy immediately yelped and scooted backwards, away from Spike's hand,
just as the vampire
groaned and clutched his head in extreme pain.

"FUCK!" Spike cursed as he fell off the bed, rolling over on the floor and
growling. Slamming his
hand into the concrete of the basement floor, Spike remained silent for
several moments, before
he slowly got up and sat on the bed again. He hadn't exactly thought of the
implant when he
reached out for Xander's side, but it didn't really matter, now.

As the last traces of the pain in his head disappeared, Spike lifted his
eyes to meet Xander's. The
younger man was looking warily at Spike, his hands holding onto each other
tightly. The vampire
slowly reached out his hand again, giving Xander the time to stop him if he
wanted to. When he
didn't, Spike took a hold of the edge of his t-shirt and lifted it
carefully, exposing the angry welts
and bruises in his side.

When Spike raised his eyes to meet Xander's again, the brunette dropped his
gaze to his hands,
before he nervously wiped away some of the semi-dry blood under his nose,
his hand shaking.

When he finally raised his eyes to meet Spike's again, the blonde just
shrugged and looked at him
with understanding.

"I had asshole parents, too," he simply said.

That was all it took.

A split second later, Spike was gathering the now sobbing Xander up in his
arms, rocking him
slowly back on forth on the bed, as he whispered comforting words into his
hair.

"Sssh," he told the crying boy. "Sssh, it's okay, it's gonna be alright,
ssh..."

Xander didn't really want to trust Spike enough to allow him to comfort him
like this, but at the
same time, he just desperately needed someone to hold on to. Someone to
comfort him and hold
him and tell him everything would be alright. Like Spike was doing right
now.

When his tears and sobs were finally reduced to small hiccups, Xander and
Spike had ended up
laying next to each other on the bed, the human wrapped firmly in Spike's
arms. Spike's t-shirt
was soaked with Xander's tears, but he didn't seem to care. Instead, he was
just running a hand
comfortingly over Xander's back, while purring quietly.

Finally, Xander raised his head slightly to look into Spike's eyes.

"How'd you know?" he asked, his voice hoarse from crying.

Spike just shrugged, instinctively knowing what the brunette was asking. "My
dad used to kick
me in that very same place. As did Angel's dad. And Dru's." He sighed deeply
and looked off into
space for a moment. "I've seen my share of abused people through the years.
I think I bloody well
recognize one when I see one," he said quietly, before he met Xander's eyes
again.

"How is your ass?"

Xander blinked and just stared at Spike for a long while. Then, new tears
welled up in his eyes
and he frowned. Spike shrugged again, but his eyes revealed more emotion
than Xander had ever
thought the vampire could be in possession of.

"I could smell him on you," Spike explained.

Xander stared at him for a few more seconds before he, much to Spike's
surprise, snuggled closer
to the vampire and laid his head on his chest. Spike's arms didn't leave
him, though. They stayed
firmly wrapped around Xander's body, one hand stroking his back lightly.

"Does it happen often?" the vampire asked quietly.

"No," Xander replied, and for some reason, Spike knew he was telling the
truth.

They stayed in silence for a long while, each of them lost in their own
thoughts, until Xander
suddenly lifted his head. The move was so sudden it actually managed to
startle Spike a little.

"I'm bisexual," Xander blurted out.

"I know," Spike said calmly, knowing that the boy was afraid the older man
would think he was
disgusting or some kind of a freak. "It's normal."

Xander laid his head back on Spike's chest and took a deep, quivering
breath. "This is insane," he
mumbled as more tears started to run from his eyes. "This is...I..." He
trailed off and Spike could
feel him shaking his head lightly.

"There's nothing insane about being bisexual," Spike said. "What is insane
is thinking your old
man has got something to do with it because he bloody beat you to a pulp and
then did you over!"

Xander closed his eyes at Spike's words and hid his face in Spike's t-shirt
as the tears kept on
falling. "I...know, I think," he mumbled, sniffing loudly. Then he sighed
and turned his head again,
throwing one arm across Spike's waist.

Several more long moments of silence followed, and Spike's quiet purring,
which had stopped
when he had to speak, started again. The rolling sound was the only audible
thing in the room,
and in a strange way, it calmed Xander - just like it was supposed to.

"I'm scared," the human finally whispered.

"I know," Spike whispered back as he stopped his purring, once again
immediately realizing what
the boy meant. "But it won't always be like that," he added quietly, lifting
one of his hands
temporarily, to brush a sweaty lock of hair from Xander's forehead.
"Luckily, only very few
people are like that. People who don't treat you like some fucking punching
bag or a toy. And it
*is* really good. It's not supposed to be like you've experienced it."

"No?" Xander asked, his voice almost sounding hopeful, even though he really
knew Spike was
right. "It feels like it is."

Spike sighed again. "I know."

Then he placed two fingers under Xander's chin, raising his head up to face
him.

"But Xander, listen to me very carefully - it *is* better than that. And I
swear that if it wasn't for
this friggin' chip in my head, I'd walk straight up and rip your dad's
innards out for doing this."

"Why do you care?" Xander asked in a whisper, his eyes still wet with tears
as the brown orbs
seemed to melt together with Spike's icy blue ones.

Spike shrugged. "I don't know, actually. All of a sudden I'm acting like
this bloody poof...It's
crazy, isn't it?"

Then the vampire fell silent for a while, but his fingers didn't leave
Xander's chin. Instead they
moved up to his cheek, brushing lightly and caressing across the bruise on
his cheekbone. "I guess
I can relate a little too well," he finally said.

Then he kissed Xander.

He had expected the boy to back off in shock, but he didn't. Instead, the
younger man wrapped
his arms around the vampire who'd tried to kill him on numerous occasions
before, and kissed him
back. Effectively shutting down all thinking, Spike lost himself to the
kiss.

All his senses were spinning rapidly out of control. He felt like he could
see, feel, hear everything.
He could hear Xander's heavy breathing through his nose, and his body felt
as if it had been
electrocuted as bolts of pleasure ran through him. Colors and sparks danced
behind his closed
eyelids, as his lips moved slowly against Xander's.

The vampire couldn't stop the purr that came from his chest, even if he had
wanted to. Although
this time it was different. This time, it was a purr of pleasure, of arousal
and of contentment.
Slowly, he let his tongue dart into Xander's mouth, tracing his teeth before
meeting the human's
tongue. When the vampire's tongue retreated, Xander's followed, and they
started to move
together, teasing and tasting.

Spike's erection was rapidly building to the point where it was downright
painful, and the fact that
it was trapped within the confines of his jeans, didn't make things any
better.

He knew, however, that getting seriously intimate with a human boy who'd
just survived a rape
was *not* a good idea, so eventually he broke off the kiss, needing distance
to keep his erection
under control. He could feel Xander's own erection pressing against his
thigh, but still he knew
that the human wasn't ready for it.

Opening his eyes, Xander's gaze met Spike's. His entire body radiated
confusion, arousal and fear,
and Spike sighed, but his eyes did not leave Xander's.

"Was that a mistake?" he finally asked.

Xander stared at Spike for a long while, an unreadable expression both on
his face and in his eyes.
Spike could feel the battle in him, though, and waited patiently for the
answer, no matter what it
would be. After a few, long moments, Xander looked away, absently tracing
small patterns on
Spike's t-shirt covered chest.

Finally, the boy lifted his eyes to Spike's again and shook his head.

"No," he said quietly. "It wasn't."

Spike couldn't help the feeling of relief and happiness that washed over
him, and he scolded
himself for being an emotional sap.

Laying his head back on Spike's chest, Xander continued to trace patterns on
the t-shirt. Silence
settled over the basement, until Xander once again broke it.

"Will you show me?" he asked, his voice trembling and insecure. "Not now, I
mean...but...sometime?"

Spike smiled weakly and kissed Xander's hair in such a loving way that he
almost felt like staking
himself for being to tender.

"I will," he replied. "But not now."

After a few more minutes, Xander lifted his head. "Spike?"

Spike couldn't help the small chuckle that threatened to surface. "Sssh," he
told Xander. "It'll be
alright."

Xander looked at the vampire for a long while, before he finally nodded and
laid his head back on
the older man's chest.

Soon, they were both asleep.

************

The End