Pastry Weirdness 
by Mihreia

Xander closed the front door softly behind him and moved towards the 
kitchen trying to attract the least amount of attention he could. It 
was always a guess as to what mood his dad was in, and if possible he 
tried not to run into the man. He'd much rather have skipped entering 
the main house altogether, but a guy had to eat sometimes.

So he'd sneak into the kitchen, grab some eatables and try to not see 
his dad. Lately he hadn't seen much of him anyway, what with Xander 
living in the basement and all. It's not like his father actively 
sought him out. More like he just happened to notice he had a 
worthless son walking around that would serve as a nice distraction 
from his own worthless life. 

Reason enough for the young man to avoid him at all costs, which had 
become infinitely easier now that he was living in the basement and 
had his own door to the outside. Now if he could just find a way to 
magically have his dinners appear downstairs, everything would be 
perfect. 

{Yep. Get the food and sneak back to my basement and my vampires.} 
Xander stopped dead in the hallway to the kitchen. 

{Wait a minute. My vampires? What's with the owning of the undead 
creatures all of a sudden?} 

Xander sighed in consternation. Okay, he knew that he tended to be a 
bit possessive about his friends. At least he had been ever since he 
found out realised somewhere in that first year that he could lose 
them so easily here on the Hellmouth. So he always tried to protect 
them from harm. 

Usually he just jumped into the fray at the first sign of danger to 
another one of the Scoobies. Granted, he usually got royally ass-
kicked in the process, but that was not important in the grand scheme 
of things. 

It made Xander uneasy to think he actually counted the blonde 
annoyance as one of his circle of protectees. Not to mention his new 
vampy look alike that he really only met last night. Still lost in 
thought, Xander entered the kitchen.

"Alexander!" The boy in question jumped back in surprise. 

{Jeez! Give a guy a heart attack, will you?}

"Hi, are you hungry? I've got some fruit roll-ups and I made waffles 
and..." Xander watched in horrid fascination as his mother started
to 
pile various munchies into his arms, all the while keeping up the 
happy cheerful tone.

{Yipes! The invasion of Pod-mom!} The slayerette moved unobtrusively 
to a place where he could check his mother's back for baby-bezoars. 
{Hey, you never know!} Nope, no octopus-kids attached. 

"...and really, your father still isn't feeling very well. But you 
expected that, right?" Fake-happy mom, with fake-happy grin plastered 
on her face. Xander didn't know what to think about this weird 
development. "Alex?" She asked with a slight quiver in her voice.

"Um, yeah mom. I hope he feels better soon." Actually, he really 
didn't. But, just stay calm in the face of the obviously slightly 
wacked in the head mother. You never know when she would start 
growing scales and attack. Any minute now. Waiting.

Mrs. Harris grinned a bit more widely. "Good. That's good, Alex. Now 
you take those pastries to your place, and you eat them all, dear. 
Young boy needs to grow and all that. You can put the dishes on top 
of the stairs. I'll clean them." 

Xander blinked. Blinked again. {Mom doing the dishes? Okay, this is a 
bit much.} He grinned his 'Nice vampire. Please stay back until the 
nice slayer gets here.' grin, and retreated, keeping his face to the 
strange woman in the pink dress with the flowers and the blue vest. 

"I'll do that. Thanks, mom."

Once out of the sight he turned around and hurried as fast as he 
could towards the basement door.

{Okay. I am so not going into this. This is way too weird! The last 
ten minutes just... didn't happen.} Xander took a deep breath to
centre 
himself, and then banished the disturbing thoughts. He was good at 
that. {I'll just avoid the house the next few days. Maybe some 
warlock put the mojo on the water.} And why not? They did it with 
beer.

"Donuts, waffles and fruit loops for the food inclined people amongst 
us!" Xander yelled into the basement as he descended the stairs. Two 
pairs of eyes tracked his movements. It was a somewhat disconcerting 
feeling.

"You 'ave jelly donuts?" Spike stood up from the couch where the two 
vampires had obviously been watching television. Xander curiously 
took a peek at the program. 

{Passions. Of course.} 

"Corrupting young and impressionable vampires now with your atrocious 
taste in television shows, Spike?" He asked, pretty amused at the 
idea.

The blonde winked at him with a big grin on his face.

"Got to teach the new generation of vamps at least something useful, 
you know. And Bella's horrible vengeance kick on Rico is quite 
educational, really, if you know how to look at it." 

"Right. Standing on your head, with one eye closed and the other 
squinting through pink glasses, of course." Xander remarked 
sarcastically. He saw that his double obviously enjoyed their by-play 
a lot more than whatever was on television. 

Spike's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Oy! I didn't know you knew 
already." 

"Ha ha! Here!" He threw the blonde a jelly donut. VampXander was 
watching in fascination at Spike as the older vampire bit into his 
treat. 

{Huh. Guess not all vampires like to munch on the mortal food. Come 
to think of it, I've never seen Deadboy eat anything solid, really.}

"You want one?" Xander asked his double. The other Xander lifted his 
eyebrows in a familiar way, and finally shrugged.

"I guess it can't kill me. I really haven't tried any mortal food 
after I was turned." 

Xander frowned in response. No HoHo's? No chocolate chip cookies? 
Well, that sucks. Of course, he was pretty sure blood would make up 
for that. It had to, right? Or why else would vampires like it that 
much? Unless it was more of a power thing than that it tasted good.

{Nope. Pretty sure blood doesn't taste all that bad.} He recalled 
from just that night.

And then there were the other... things. Xander man had read enough
in 
Giles' books to know blood was pretty much the begin all - end all 
for vampires. There had been some pretty kinky stuff in those dusty 
pages. And Xander being Xander had been pretty interested in anything 
related to naked girls and sex. As long as they were remotely human. 

The young man had pretty much skipped over the gay parts at the time, 
but it couldn't be all that different, right? A vampire is a vampire. 
What would it be like to find teeth in... not his neck, cause he so 
didn't want to die, but some other part of his body? It could get 
pretty intense.

Xander switched gazes between the two vampires, trying to imagine 
vampy sex. He'd seen how Spike had treated the younger vampire. Not 
holding any strength back, primal thrusts fast and slow, and all on 
Xander's command. It had been a heady experience to share a bit of 
that.

The mortal also wondered if Spike would ever be as forceful with him. 
Not that Xander had abandoned his stand of getting to Spike first. He 
was not about to undo last night's hard work, but that left a lot of 
interesting ideas for after.

Everything in good time though. 

Xander smiled at his double and plopped down next to him on the 
couch, handing him a donut. "Here you go, have some." He relaxed into 
his seat, as the young vampire next to him tentatively tried some 
donut with an icky look on his face. Apparently it didn't taste that 
bad, because he didn't stop eating. "So, Bleachboy, what exactly is a 
vampire's take on Passions?" Xander taunted the older vampire. 

Spike sat back down and proceeded to tell his audience the finer 
points of television. 
Xander didn't hear half of it, but that didn't matter. He was sitting 
cosily on a two-person couch between his two vampires, and that was 
enough fun in its own way.