'Twas The Night Before Christmas
by Rune
Twas the night before Christmas and all through Sunnydale, not a creature
was stirring...well, no, there were a few.
Cue one pissed off Xander, a pissed off and pissed vampire and a Watcher.
Who is pissed.
Well, it *is* Christmas...
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Xander Harris was depressed.
It was Christmas Eve, he had just lost his job, he was broke, Anya had left
him to retake her place as a Vengance Demon and oh, if *that* wasn't bad
enough...
Spike was back living with him.
The dark haired boy sighed heavily and surveyed his living quarters.
He lived in a basement, for Christ's sake...a dark, dingy basement...with a
vampire, a manically depressed vampire.
That just about said it all.
Life had not been kind to Xander Harris of late, in fact it pretty much
sucked.
The boy in question sat down heavily on a bean bag and flicked the remote
control, sparking a TV into life. The merry sounds of Christmas flooded the
dank basement and the flickering from the screen reflected on Xander's face
filling it with a warm and colourful glow that he certainly didn't feel in
his heart.
After a few minutes of fruitless searching for something less cheery to
watch, he threw the remote onto the floor, stood up and crossed the room to
where some of his clothes hung on hangers from two hooks on the wall.
Ah, the luxury of it all.
Here was the plan.
Find something clean to wear ( a lucky dip in itself!), get ready, hit the
Bronze and pray for a miracle.
Somehow, somewhere there had to be something better to do than spending
Christmas Eve alone in this basement.
'Please Jesus, don't leave me in this hell-hole over the holiday...not on
your birthday and all...and *please* not with Spike.' Xander muttered
Xander's hand brushed something fluffy, something that definitely wasn't his
shirt. Gripping the offending article, he hauled it from the hanger and
held it at arms length to look at.
It was a bunny suit.
Gulping hard at the lump that had just appeared in his throat, Xander
stroked the silky fur and a vivid memory of his ex-girlfriend flashed into
his mind. This had been Anya's Halloween outfit - quite why she had been
afraid of rabbits he had never discovered.
But here it was. The only thing of Anya's that was left.
Xander's eyes smarted with tears and he hugged the suit to himself.
Inhaling deeply he could smell her scent and he closed his eyes, feeling the
silkiness of the suit against his cheeks and Anya's scent wafting in his
nostrils.
What ever possessed him to put *on* the suit, he never knew.
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Spike was depressed.
It was Christmas Eve, the soddin' soldier boys had put a 'chip' in his head
and he couldn't feed, Drusilla had left him for a Chaos Demon and oh, if
*that* wasn't bad enough...
He was back living with 'droopy boy'.
The blonde vampire sighed heavily and tightly gripped the half-empty bottle
of 'Jack Daniels' that had been keeping him company for the past hour or so.
There wasn't even the faint hope of revenge to perk up his spirits - might
as well drink himself into oblivion.
He lived in a basement, for Christ's sake...a poxy basement...with Xander, a
manically depressed Xander.
That just about said it all.
Life had not been kind to William the Bloody of late, in fact it pretty much
sucked.
The vampire in question weaved unsteadily along the road in search of said
soddin' basement. The cheery, twinkling Christmas lights did nothing to
improve his mood - he certainly didn't feel any cheery twinkling in his
undead heart.
After a few minutes of drunken searching Spike spotted the entrance to the
basement and hovered there, swaying slightly.
Here was the plan.
Go inside, see if 'droopy boy' was home, borrow (or forceably take) some
money from him, hit the Bronze and pray to all the god's for a miracle.
Somehow, somewhere there had to be something better to do than spending
Christmas alone or, God forbid, with Xander in that damn basement.
'Listen here now pet, you...you bloody Jesus person. Don't you go leaving
me in this hell hole with that bloody Xander soddin' Harris all Christmas.'
Spike muttered.
Gently patting the other two bottles of whiskey in his pocket Spike started
unsteadily down the basement steps. 'Oh...and happy fuckin' birthday mate!'
he sniggered.
Without warning the blonde vampire lost his footing, and he bounced down the
remainder of the steps on his undead arse, the door at the bottom bursting
open as it cushioned his fall.
'Bloody, soddin' buggery!' Spike roared, trying to pick himself up with some
modicum of dignity. Bloody Master Vampire falling down the steps on his
ass - what would 'droopy boy' think of that?
William the Bloody hauled himself up and tried blearily to focus, his eyes
searching for Xander.
Xander's horrified eyes met his.
'Not a bleedin' word..' Spike growled, preparing himself for the inevitable
squeals of laughter from Xander.
The squeals didn't come, however Spike's eyesight returned and his mouth
fell open in amazement.
Why the bloody hell was Xander dressed as a rabbit?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Giles was depressed.
It was Christmas Eve, he had no job, he had no life and oh, if that wasn't
bad enough...
In three days time Spike would be back.
The unhappy ex-Watcher sighed and drained his fifth (sixth? seventh?)
whiskey of the evening, his thoughts becoming fuddled and muddled. He
staggered to his feet and crossed the room to his CD player.
He lived in a bachelor pad, for Christ's sake...usually with a vampire...a
manically depressed vampire.
That just about said it all.
Life had not been kind to Rupert Giles of late, in fact it pretty much
sucked.
It was Christmas Eve and he was here alone, as usual, and bloody well fed
up!
Giles stood unsteadily in thought.
Here was the plan.
Put some music on to cheer himself up and then, and then...continue to sit
alone on Christmas Eve and be bloody well fed up. Running his hands through
his hair, Giles prayed for a miracle.
Somehow, somewhere there had to be something better to do than spending
Christmas alone in this damn house.
'Oh Lord, what I wouldn't give for just a little excitement. Please God,
not another showing of 'The Sound of bloody Music' on the telly
tomorrow...how about 'Terminator 2' for a change...' Giles muttered.
The poor man was so desperate he'd even begun to wish Spike would drop in;
at least then he wouldn't have to get drunk alone.
The Watcher hunted somewhat unenthusiastically among his CDs. Sighing
deeply he plunged his hand into the midst of the rack and decided to take
pot luck. Grabbing one of the boxes he brought it up to eye level and
squinted, reading.
'Village People - Their Greatest Hits'.
Oh, bloody hell.
The green light on the CD player winked at Giles as he slid the disc into
the drawer and pressed play. Almost immediately, the room was filled with
the infectious and familiar sound of the Village People in all their glory.
Giles smiled in spite of himself as he remembered how this had been a
present from Spike.
'Just a little something for lettin' me kip here' the blonde vampire had
smirked, knowing full well that it was a CD that Giles would absolutely
hate.
However, for some reason, tonight it sounded ok, not bad...very catchy
actually.
Giles moved to the drinks cabinet and helped himself to another large
whiskey, humming to himself as he poured.
#'Macho, macho man...I've got to be...a macho man...'#
Crossing the room again, Giles caught sight of his reflection in the mirror.
He stopped, sniggering at the dishevelled hair and red cheeks he seemed to
have acquired. Smoothing his hair, he swayed slightly with the beat...
#'Body, don't you tease my body...'# Giles sang loudly, one hand above his
head, and then the other.
#'I've got to be...a macho man...'# Giles now pointed at himself in the
mirror, and his loud singing could be heard above the volume of the CD
player.
#'I've got to be a macho maaaaaaaaaan....'#
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After the initial shock had worn off and he was finally able to stop
laughing, Spike hauled a bottle of 'Jack Daniels' from his pocket and handed
it to a furious and embarassed Xander.
'Shit, Harris...you need this more than I do.' the blonde vampire smirked
'Anyhow, what's with the bunny suit? Never had you pegged as an animal
lover.'
Spike plonked heavily into a chair, grimacing at the ache in his backside.
He took a long swallow from his bottle and gestured at Xander.
'Get it down yer neck...it'll cure what ails ya'
After a brief battle of conscience in which conscience insisted the
foolishness of following Spike's example, Xander thought 'What the hell...'.
Conscience retreated to the back of his mind, soundly beaten, and
impulsiveness cheered and rejoiced.
Xander's eyes filled with tears and he gasped for breath after his first
mouthful, much to Spike's amusement. After reminding the blonde vampire
that he, Xander, was not the Master Vampire who had just fallen on his butt
and bounced down a flight of steps, the dark haired boy braved another large
mouthful of the burning mixture. It was with surprise that Xander noticed
that after his fifth mouthful, not only did it no longer burn and make him
gasp, but it actually tasted quite good...made him *feel* quite good too.
An hour later, and the dark haired boy and his vampire companion decided
that it was time to paint the town red. By mutual agreement there was to be
no more moping over women.
No, this was to be a New Beginning, and it was gonna begin at the Bronze,
where hopefully there would be beer...and more importantly, more Jack
Daniels.
The hapless duo helped one another to their feet and, bottles in hand,
headed out into the Christmas Eve night.
---------------------------------------------------------
It had been Spike's idea to call on the Watcher.
For a start, there was a blood bag or two in his fridge and secondly there
was a beer or two in his fridge.
And so it was that ten minutes into their 'New Beginning' Xander and Spike
stood, their mouths agape in amazement, watching a very drunk Giles dancing
and singing along very loudly to what sounded suspiciously like The Village
People.
It took a moment or two for Giles to notice the duo. By that time they were
desperately trying to hold one another up, their eyes streaming with tears,
laughter echoing around the little bachelor pad as the music ended.
It was approximately thirty seconds later that Giles noticed Xander was
wearing a bunny suit.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Buffy walked slowly through Sunnydale enjoying the still of the night. She
was feeling very alone and her thoughts this Christmas Eve were with Angel
in LA.
There was always something about Christmas Eve that was special, mused
Buffy. Her mind was filled with memories of Christmases gone by, of old
sepia photographs that her mother had shown her of her grandparents when
they were newly married and living in England, standing knee-deep in the
snow and resplendent in Santa Claus hats.
Buffy sighed.
Nope. No demons around tonight, everything was so quiet and serene and...
Buffy's eyebrows raised in surprise as the strains of very loud and tuneless
singing drifted on the night air.
Picking up her pace, Buffy moved further into town tracking the singing.
Her eyebrows crinkled in concentration as she tried to pinpoint it's source.
Closer now, she could make out two, no three voices singing loudly and
drunkenly.
They didn't sound like any demons she had ever heard.
'...and again boys... #'Kinky Tinky...Pipsqueak...Blah Blah...Ho.
Teletubbies, Teletubbies, Say Hello....Eh Ohhhhhh.....'#
Intrigued now, the Slayer hurried towards the source of the singing. It
seemed to be coming from the toy store on the corner.
Rounding the busted down door Buffy cautiously peeked inside.
Sitting in the middle of the floor was a rabbit...a huge rabbit with
Xander's face.
Barely able to contain her erupting laughter, Buffy walked slowly into the
toy shop.
The scene that met the Slayer's eyes was surreal.
Xander, dressed in a rabbit costume, sat cross legged and clearly drunk on
the floor surrounded by dozens of strange, colourful bears.
Next to him sat an equally drunk Spike - he too was surrounded by
these...what the hell were they?
A familiar voice woke her from her daze.
'Helloooooo Buffy! Care for a wittle drinky... Oh, or how about a
Teletubbie. They're ever sho mush fun' A pissed and inanely grinning Giles
threw Buffy a bear. It was green.
'This one's called Pipsqueak!' shouted Giles.
'Say hellooooo to Pipsqueak's little pal Blah Blah' Xander shouted holding
aloft two yellow bears.
'Hey, don choo dare forget about my mate Kinky Tinky' said Spike, throwing a
purple bear at Buffy, a purple bear that was carrying, of all things, a
handbag.
What was a Slayer to do?
With a chuckle and a shake of her blonde head, Buffy crossed the floor and
took a bottle of whiskey from Giles with one hand, and lifted a little red
Teletubbie from Spike's lap with the other. She drank a long draft from the
bottle.
'Well' the Slayer gasped 'And who's this little fella?' holding aloft the
little red bear.
'Ahhh Slayer...that's Ho.' chuckled Spike 'But *I* like to call
her...Drusilla'
The others erupted into drunken laughter, and suddenly Christmas Eve became
Christmas Day and none of the four was alone.
'Sun is setting in the sky,
Teletubbies say goodbye...
Goodbye Tinky Winky
Goodbye Dipsy
Goodbye La La
Goodbye Po.'
THE END
