A Few Confessions, Some Confusion & A Conniption Fit.
by Scorpio
~
When we last left our Intrepid Duo, Anya had cursed Spike with a sticky-gooey
love spell and she hit Xander with one designed to put a "bun in his oven",
so to speak... ::evil wicked grin:: That accomplished, she left them lying
unconscious on the bed, naked... Let us all pause a moment to envision the
Pale One and his human Sex-Toy all sticky and sweaty from wild circus-sex....
Ahhhh! That's better. Now... on with the show...
~
"...and after Spike fell over like a stiff board onto his face, Anya turned
to *me* and gave me this *nasty* grin and I *swear* my spine tried to leave
the apartment without me and so I asked her what she was going to do and
then..."
Xander sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a hysterical giggle, his
hands wringing themselves as he paced at a frantic rate of speed back and
forth across the floor of the Magic Box.
"...she said that Spike was now my *husband*! Can you believe that! No
wedding! No "I do's!" No diamond ring! Just one pissed off Vengeance Demon
with a grudge and *bam!* I'm married to the Bleached Wonder! I mean... I
don't know what I mean, but *anyway*, that's when she decided that I needed a
*family* to go with my brand new husband and I guess she figured that since
I'm a *bottom* that I'd make a great mommy or some shit like that and...
and... and..."
His eyes suspiciously bright, Xander collapsed into a chair, his expression a
mixture of the onset of depression and barely staved off panic.
"...I don't *want* to be pregnant!"
At the end of Xander's diatribe, sudden deafening silence filled the shop for
half a second and then the deathly quiet was broken by the sound of a
delicate teacup shattering against the hardwood floor. Xander looked up at
the noise to find all eyes on him.
Giles had dropped his tea. Shards of fine porcelain lay scattered about his
feet and his pant legs were wet and stained. A look of horrified shock was
etched onto his normally calm features.
Buffy looked angry. No... more than angry. She looked upset, hurt, betrayed.
She was also focusing her attention more towards Spike.
Willow was staring at him with a weird mixture of sorrow and wonderment. It
was if she didn't know whether to cry for him or smile and get all bouncy and
excited.
Tara just seemed slightly embarrassed and completely fascinated.
Spike... well, Spike was still staring at Xander with the same expression
that had graced his face since they had awoken in Xander's bed an hour and a
half ago. One of utter devotion and love. Deep blue eyes sparkled and a soft
smile lifted the corners of his lips making him seem so young and innocent.
"Um... guys? Someone please say something. Anything. You're, uh... freaking
me out here, and I can honestly say that I've reached my daily limit of
freaky shit already, so..."
Buffy was the first to recover.
"You *slept* with *Spike*?! I mean, you had *sex* with... with... with...
*him*?!"
Xander nodded sadly. Spike nodded happily... and tried to snuggle closer to
the depressed human. With a resigned sigh, Xander let him. Buffy stepped
around the large wooden table and gestured to the leather duster wearing
vampire that was practically sitting on Xander's lap.
"But... but... but... he's a *guy*! You don't *like* guys!"
Xander could feel his panic lessening as he sat in the relative safety of the
Magic Box and his "husband's" arms. Unfortunately, as his panic decreased,
his embarrassment over the situation grew proportionally.
"Um... yeah. About that... see, I actually *do* like guys. Sorta. Just, you
know... um, not all the time."
At that, Spike pulled back. His blue blue eyes swam with unshed tears and his
bottom lip quivered appealingly. At the moment, he looked all too human and
very very young and vulnerable. Xander's heart squeezed at the sight.
"Wha... don't you *love* me? Aren't I *enough*? I *love* you Xan! I *do*! I
can *prove* it to you, just... give me another chance!"
Part of Xander wanted to melt into a little ball of sugary goo at Spike's
display of clinging insecurity, especially since he knew it was genuine.
Anya's curse *made* him feel this way and Spike couldn't control himself.
Part of him also wanted to roll his eyes in annoyance and tell Spike to get
over it. However, Xander also realized that he suddenly had the power to hurt
Spike more than anyone else ever did, with the possible exception of Dru. And
he, Xander Harris, just couldn't bring himself to be *that* cold and
unfeeling.
With a sigh, Xander reassured the love-struck vampire that was valiantly
trying not to cry in his lap. Reaching his arm around Spike, he began to rub
little circles against his lover's back and pulled the blonde a little closer
so that he could whisper into his ear.
"Shhh... Spike. No. It's *not* like that. You don't understand. I've had a
few relationships with guys, but I've also always had a *girlfriend* at the
same time. I... I... I never did the whole monogamous relationship thing with
a guy before. This is just... different for me. And then there's the whole
'Anya cursed Xander with a pregnancy thing' to think about too."
"Oh."
Spike's voice was soft, barely even there. Xander could tell that he wasn't
convinced, but also that he wasn't going to argue the point. Buffy, however,
didn't feel that restraint.
"And *you*! Spike! I *thought* you were in love with *me*?"
Spike turned to face the Slayer and snarled. In a complete transformation
from the gentle way he was treating Xander, Spike growled at the blonde girl
and shot her a look of disdain.
"Had your chance to be with me, didn't you? Too late now Slayer. Got me a new
love. Better than you, isn't he? Sexier, too."
A look of surprise flashed across Buffy's face, swiftly followed by anger. On
reflex, she reached behind her and yanked her stake out of concealment under
her shirt. Spike flinched back at the sight of it and Xander gathered him
closer onto his lap, protectively wrapping his arms around his lover, one arm
strategically placed over his unbeating heart.
"Um, guys. *Not* the point here. We need to figure out just *what* Anya did
to me. I mean, I'm not exactly plumbed for what she suggested, ya know?"
At that point, Giles and Willow seemed to break out of their paralysis.
Giles, true to form, wandered over to his bookcase and began to rifle through
the dusty leather bound volumes, muttering under his breath. Willow, on the
other hand, tried to be helpful without showing *too* much excitement. It
didn't work. She was practically vibrating.
"Oh, oh! Um, this is cool, um... well, not cool cool, but you know, neat
cool. As in, something new and different and... well, cool. So..."
Xander felt a small grin tug at his lips and a little sliver of hope enter
his heart. At least Willow was on his side. She'd be there to support him and
help him and listen to him if he needed to talk. That was something that
Xander had been afraid he'd loose over this whole debacle.
"We should probably try and figure out *if* she could actually, you know,
um... make you pregnant. Once we know *that*, then we will know what steps we
can take. To, you know, make preparations. For the baby. Or not."
Xander felt a little tendril of fear again. He hadn't considered *that*
aspect of it. He had focused on the idea of being *pregnant*, but he hadn't
considered that fact that pregnancy resulted in *babies*! Panic was beginning
to sound good again.
"Um... Wills? Uh... not to sound stupid or anything, but *how* do we find out
if Anya's curse worked or not?"
Willow gave him a grinning version of her "duh" face. The familiarity of that
beloved expression, one he had been looking upon since he himself was a young
child, lulled him into a false sense of security.
"Why, we'll give you a *pregnancy test*, of course!"
Panic set in at full force at that little pronouncement. Xander could feel
himself begin to tremble violently and Spike shifted in his arms to look at
him with a concerned expression on his handsomely chiseled face.
Then, Giles walked over with a thin and battered looking book held open in
his hands.
"Of course, that won't tell us if the child is human."
Xander's panic welled up to insupportable levels until his brain simply
overloaded. Darkness rushed in to fill his vision and as if from a far off
distance, he heard his lover's voice speak scathingly at the Watcher.
"Bloody Hell! Look what you've gone and done. You made my Nummy pass out!"
