It was raining outside. The sky was dull black with rolling grey
clouds. Alexia watched silently as the water falling from above
pounded a staccato beat upon the glass windows. She could remember
some faceless Aunt from her childhood telling her that raindrops were
really tears, made by the Angels as they cried for all of the lost
and lonely people adrift in the world. Morbidly, she wondered if any
of the raindrops were being shed for her and her family of demons and
demon hunters.
It somehow seemed fitting that the sky would open up to try and drown
the world in heavenly sorrow. It just wouldn't be right to deal with
her churning thoughts and emotions if it were a warm breezy evening
with lots of glittering shinning stars twinkling up above. Sudden
blinding lightening sizzled with mindless fury across the sky,
turning everything a stark colorless white-blue. It faded away with a
booming roll of thunder to leave after-glow impressions of the naked
city seared to her eyes, even as her reflection in the window slowly
reformed.
Silently, she studied her pale and watery image in the old and warped
glass. Dark hair that blended into the cityscape surrounded a pale
pale face with overly large dark eyes. Eyes that had seen far too
much pain and held far too many secrets behind them. They were the
eyes of someone who knew guilt and torment and suffered from just a
touch of madness. Haunted.
Holding herself still as stone, Alexa could feel the voiceless call
of that soothing void of nothingness and a part of her longed to
loose herself to it's empty touch. It was so tempting to just fade
away and drift off into her own mind. She could empty herself of all
feelings and thoughts so easily and just... forget. Wipe her mind
clean of guilty thoughts about Buffy and Willow and Giles. Ease her
conscience by letting her awareness transform into scented smoke and
be carried away by the slightest breeze.
Yet... to go back there, to slip away to that non-place that had
cradled her torn mind after her transformation was to give up so many
things that she had gained since her... awakening. It would mean
loosing things she now treasured with every fiber of her being. She
was... happy with her life now, and she was *so* angry with Riley for
coming here and shattering that fragile glow of contentment.
She was a student again. Granted, Karate and cooking classes might
not seem too important to those studying pre-med or pre-law, but for
*her*, it was a delight to find *two* things she both enjoyed and was
actually *good* at. She also had a job. She was Wesley's research
assistant and she helped Cordy out with general office stuff. She had
friends. Real friends who honest-to-God cared about her. Wesley and
Gunn and Tim. And she had a new *best* friend, one who *didn't* try
to make her feel as if she needed to be spoken down to or coddled
like a little kid. Cordelia never pulled punches with *anyone*, not
even her and she loved her for it. Her relationship with Angel was
still tentative, but it was also a comforting one. They had each
managed to forgive the other for past wrongs and they shared a bond
of caring for the same people. Hell... she was practically his
daughter-in-law. Which brought her to the most important reason for
not fading off into her own mind.
Spike.
The bleached blonde vampire had gone from one of her greatest enemies
to an unwilling ally, to a sort-of-friend, to a fierce protector, and
now finally, he was her lover. And deep down inside, where she was
often too frightened to look, she thought she might be falling in
love with him. She *didn't* want to loose Spike, but...
Ever since Riley had shown up at the office and demanded that Angel
contact him about finding Spike and... herself, she had sunk further
and further into a spiraling depression that was spiced liberally
with fear. She didn't know what to do because she didn't know what
had sparked this visit.
In her mind's eye, she cast backwards in time, recalling memories of
those friends she had left behind, hurt and suffering. She could
recall many victories over enemies, but she had to go back *years* to
find ones that were actually *good* memories filled with happiness.
There were very few good memories associated around the time right
before Anya got her powers back. And of those few good ones from that
time period, most of them included Anya or even Spike... but not
Willow or Buffy.
And she felt guilty for that as well. It was almost as if her
memories of her friends should be shinning examples of goodness and
light in her mind's eye, but they weren't. She could look back from
the distance of time, space and the maturing effects of unspeakable
pain and anguish to see things from a new perspective. The
perspective of an outsider looking in, one with a clearer and more
precise view. And what she saw disturbed her greatly.
Giles didn't seem to be the vast font of wisdom and knowledge that
he'd been to her back then. He wasn't the gentle caring father figure
Xander had so desperately needed him to be. He was human and fallible
and his blind loyalty to his Slayer hid many truths from him. Alexa
could see that now. While she and Willow had been fascinating people
to watch and guide as they simultaneously complicated and entertained
him, they were, when stripped to the bare bones of it, nothing more
than tools to be used to further the goals for his Slayer as set
forth by the Council.
Willow was also seen differently now than she was back then. Alexa
could reach into her memory and pull forth a *huge* selection of
different and ever mutable images of Willow. Everything from a young
child in pig-tails to a sleek and sexy woman on the prowl. Yet, even
though she had easily cataloged and noticed the changes in her
physical appearance as they grew older, she'd had far more trouble
accepting the changes in her personality. And she knew that was a
problem they *both* had shared. Willow continued to see Xander as the
neglected and abused friend who always needed a soft touch and
comforting protection from his own life. And she had seen Willow as
the innocent young girl with lots of smarts who was shy and quiet and
afraid to step forward into the spotlight.
But that wasn't who either of them had been at *that* point in time.
She, as Xander, had been facing trials and suffering beyond anything
Willow had ever known about for *years* and she had survived. She had
faced the darkness in demons, humans and even herself countless times
without anyone to hold her hand and she resented anyone thinking that
she was too dumb or stupid to understand anything important. And she
had done the same to Willow. She had this idea in her head of
sweetness and light, of innocence and sensuality. And if Willow did
or said anything that didn't fit into that mold, then she, as Xander,
would feel disappointed or she would just willfully ignore it. Alexa
was as much to blame.
And Buffy? The Slayer had ceased to be the golden warrior of light
and goodness that Xander had needed her to be. She could see the
arrogance and self-absorbed pettiness for what it was now. For years,
Xander had brushed off a thousand insults and slights from her
because she was the Chosen One. She could remember thinking that it
wasn't fair to Buffy that she had all of that responsibility thrust
upon her and that if she seemed whiny and petulant, that was okay.
She had the right to bitch and moan.
But now?... That seemed so far away. All she saw was a spoilt girl
who had *always* been the center of attention, even *before* she'd
been called to duty by the Council. What was worse, was that she
coupled her insultingly superior attitude with a blind eye towards
the true reality of the day-to-day things that everyone else was left
to muddle through. If it didn't effect her personally, it didn't
matter to her one iota. How many times had she been told, "Go home
Xander, I don't need to be distracted because you are in danger." So
many times Alexa had wanted to say that sending her home was just
*asking* her to place herself in danger and that the only difference
if she got killed by her father was that she wouldn't rise from her
own grave. Yet, she never had.
And now Riley was in town and he wanted her and Spike. Why? Hell, it
had almost been six months since their departure from Sunnydale. What
did he want with them *now*?
Alexa was pulled from her depressing thoughts by the sounds of her
lover, his Sire and their hunting companion Gunn walking into the
building. They were in good spirits, Spike's deep lilting voice
echoing off the rafters as he teased the big black man mercilessly.
Gunn's sharp and cutting retort back at the blonde vampire earned him
an amused and raunchy laugh. Alexa stared into the darkened glass as
she watched Gunn's reflection. It was odd to see him interact with
people that weren't there. It was... surreal. But then, so was her
entire life.
Silently, she turned her head and looked over towards the three men,
one human and two vampires, and a soft sad ghost of a smile flitted
across her full lips. They were all soaked to the bone from the
pouring torrents of rain, but none of them seemed to mind that fact.
They had the air about them of victory and Alexa didn't even have to
ask if they had killed the demon they had been hunting tonight. She
could see the proof of it in Angel's satisfied relief, Gunn's hyped
up energy and Spike's sparkling and dangerous eyes.
She watched them as they joked and bonded with each other in the
moment, when suddenly her beloved protector came to a halt. His
stillness was sudden and absolute, the preternatural silence of those
who were undead. Slowly, his head swiveled on his neck until he had
turned to spy her sitting in the corner in the dark. Alexa watched as
a puzzled frown rippled across his face quickly only to be replaced
with deep concern underlined with a cold anger at whatever had hurt
her.
Moving swiftly, Spike stalked over to her and gathered her up in his
arms. A hitched gasp that was almost a sob tore lose from her throat
and she clutched at him tightly. Vaguely, she was aware of Angel and
Gunn coming up to them, but all that mattered to her in that instant
was Spike. With a soft shudder, she buried her face in his muscled
chest and savored the feel of his strong arms wrapping around her. It
was as if she could hide from all of the hurt and pain in her heart
buy clinging to him and huddling within the safety of his embrace.
"Pet?... What is it? I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's
wrong."
A cry of relief that he was here and that he would stand by her side
no matter what rolled through her and a single tear slid down her
cheek. She could only hope that the rest of her family would stand
with her and Spike on this... issue.
"Um... while you were out... ah, Riley came by. He... uh, he asked
for Angel. He didn't recognize me as *me*... but he said he wanted
Angel to help him find *us*. But I don't now why. I only know that he
was *so* angry."
Alexa felt Spike shift slightly to exchange a look with Angel, but
she didn't lift her face from his shoulder, so she wasn't sure what
passed between Sire and Childe. She only knew that she was upset and
she didn't ever want to leave the comforting arms of her lover.
Suddenly, Spike lifted one hand and ran it in soothing circular rubs
against her back and she melted into him.
"Shhh... Pet, shhh... Spike's here now. I'll take care of you.
Always. You know that."
*********
Alexa walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out the large
container of blood. She carried it back over to the counter and set
it down between Spike and Cordelia. Ever since she had started her
cooking classes she'd found herself working out her own fear and
nervous energy in the kitchen. And right now, she was very nervous.
In about an hour or so Riley Finn was scheduled to keep an
appointment with Angel. From what little Angel could gather from the
tense and terse conversation over the telephone, something had
happened to Riley. Something to do with the Initiative and he was
*pissed* and Buffy was "coddling" him because of it. He wanted to
prove that he could *still* fight at her side by doing something that
*she* wasn't willing to do. Confronting Spike and Xander. It was his
goal to drag them back to Sunnydale to be "punished" for their
crimes.
Angel had, of course, denied any knowledge of his Childe's location,
but Riley wanted to talk in person anyway. Alexa figured that Riley
knew Angel was lying since the souled vampire wasn't a very good
liar. His sense of guilt always got in the way. She could only assume
that the ex-commando thought he could intimidate the dark vampire if
they met face to face. What's more, he was coming *here* because he
had refused to let Angel into his motel room and he didn't know the
city well enough to meet elsewhere.
She and Spike had been *ordered* to hide themselves away. Alexa
didn't mind that thought, but Spike wasn't very keen on it. It was at
that point that Cordy suggested that they take 'the bleached menace'
into the kitchen and use him as a guinea-pig on recipes to 'spice-up'
Angel's pig and cow blood. Everyone knew Spike's often vocalized
opinion on the way the stuff tasted and even Angel had broken down
and admitted that it was a 'fill your stomach while torturing your
taste-buds' kind of meal. Cordelia had even gone so far as to mention
that she had once tried to spice up a glass of blood for Angel by
adding cinnamon. Spike had shuddered in horror and offered his Sire
up a truly sympathetic glance, so... here they were.
Taking out a few glasses, she poured a small amount of blood into
each one. Then, she looked around at all of the things she had
collected for her cooking assignments and began grabbing things to
spice up the blood with. Salt. Sugar. Vanilla. Chocolate milk powder.
Cooking sherry. And a knife.
"What's the knife for pet?"
Alexa blinked and started. She had been so lost in her own thoughts
that she had forgotten that she wasn't alone in her private little
world. At one time, the thought that she would be so comfortable in
the presence of an unsouled demon that she had tuned him out would
have been met with a scathing glare and a harsh snort, now it was
fact. Spike was almost an extension to her own body at times and she
never felt unsafe in letting all her guards drop near him. In fact,
she felt safer to do so *in* his presence, she knew he would watch
her back for her.
"Oh. That. I thought that maybe a drop or two of human blood might
help to mask the taste."
Spike nodded and frowned slightly.
"It might. It's much more robust than animal blood, but... I don't
like the idea of you bleeding yourself for Angel. I don't care if
that pouf *is* my Sire, you don't bleed for no one but *me*, got
that?"
Alexa looked over at him and saw his blue eyes blaze fiercely with
possessiveness and the expression on his handsome face was one of
total seriousness. She quickly nodded her head in agreement.
"Right. Um... no problem there. I wasn't really planning on letting
anyone else taste me anyhow. I was just gonna do it because *you*
volunteered to taste our concoctions. Someone else can do it if it
really *does* work."
Cordelia waved her hands in the air and shook her head no.
"Well, it's *not* going to be *me*. Hey, I like the boss-man as much
as the next person, but my job description *clearly* states that
Angel does *not* drink my blood. *Ever*. He gets staked if he even
tries."
Alexa frowned. She was sure that *that* would be the one thing to
help the most, but if no one was willing to donate... Then a really
wicked thought struck her and she let a smile full of mischief slide
across her lips, even as she turned to wink at Cordelia.
"Well... *I* can't do it or Spike will lose his mind over the whole
thing, and to be honest, I gotta agree with you. If Angel tried to
drink from me, I'd stake him too. But *who* do we know who *wouldn't*
mind it? Who do we know who *wants* to make Angel's life a bit...
easier?"
Cordy stared at her blankly for a moment and then grinned wickedly.
They both spoke at the same time.
"Wesley!"
Spike snorted in amusement and chuckled.
"That ponce! Figures. I swear the man puts out enough 'fuck-me now'
pheromones to give a dead elephant a stiffy whenever he gets near my
wanker of a Sire. I'm a bit surprised that Angel hasn't thrown him
down and shagged him stupid by now."
Alexa and Cordy giggled at the images that Spike brought to mind, but
as usual, it was Cordelia who brought everyone back to hard cold
reality.
"I think it's the soul. I mean... *no one* wants Angelus back.
*Especially* Angel."
That thought sobered everyone up quick. Spike sighed and shook his
head sadly.
"He wasn't always like that you know. Back *before* the soul ever
showed up he was a right fun-loving demon. But now? Angelus is
insane. 'Course, I don't know how well wrapped *I'd* be if I were
trapped inside the same skull as Angel sharing all his guilt and
nancy-boy soulishness."
Alexa felt Spike's confusion and sadness wash over her own heart. She
knew from their long middle of the night talks that Spike had been
torn up over the way his Sire had acted the last time Angelus had
gotten free. He had been abused, ridiculed and then tossed aside as
so much trash because of his injuries. Alexa knew how it felt to be
considered unworthy by her own father, but she at least, hadn't
fallen from grace as 'the favorite one' before that.
Falling back on old patterns, she tried to lift everyone's flagging
spirits. Popping one of the glasses into the microwave she set the
timer to warm it up and turned back to face her sullen friend and
gloomy lover.
"Okay guys... enough poor Angel, let's find ways to tease his taste-
buds instead. I say we let him try the best concoction we come up
with as well as the worst."
Spike glanced up at her, a wicked gleam coming back into his lovely
blue eyes.
"Pet? You'd knowingly and willingly offer up the great and
magnificent pouf the *worst* tasting cup o sludge to drink?"
A twinkle in her own dark eyes, Alexa grinned and nodded. Spike
stared at her for a long moment and then threw back his head and
laughed with delight.
"That's my girl! Wicked to the last."
Alexa stared down at her blood coated hands with stunned fascination
that bordered on hysterical horror. She wasn't sure *how* she had
done what she had. Hell, she wasn't even sure *what* had happened to
*make* her do what she did. Everything that led up to it seemed hazy
and unsure. Trembling violently in shock, she felt Spike's cool arms
wrap around her and drag her back from the perfectly healthy, yet
still unconscious form of Riley Finn.
"Shhh... Pet. I've got you. It's okay, it's okay. Shhh..."
And suddenly, she was safe, she was in his arms and she was safe
enough to let go and drift. Slowly, the world became hazy and
indistinct as she hid from everyone and everything within the
confines of her own mind. However, it was different from before. When
she had first been transformed, she had become lost inside of her own
head, seeking sanctuary in the velvet mists of nothingness. Now, she
was treated to a full version surround sound and technicolor replay
of everything that had just happened.
She had been in the kitchen with Spike and Cordelia. She and her
friend had been giggling over the expression the blonde vampire had
made over the combination of warm blood and hazelnut extract. Then,
Spike had held up one hand for silence, tilted his head and
hissed 'Slutty's fuck-toy is here and he'd mouthing off to Angel.'
Alexa had stood in frightened immobility as she'd watched Spike's
face shift from disgusted curiosity to indignant anger to out and out
*rage*.
With blinding speed from preternatural reflexes, the bleached blonde
vampire had howled in unfettered fury and ran from the cluttered
kitchen. There had only been a brief moment to pause while she and
Cordy had exchanged identical expressions of terror filled surprise
and then they had dashed out after him.
Alexa had skidded to a halt in front of a scene of absolute horror.
Spike had literally *impaled* Riley on his clawed fist, reaching into
the mortal's body cavity to *squeeze* his living flesh. At her own
high pitched scream of denial, Spike had flinched slightly, causing
Riley's body to slide off of his hand with a sickeningly wet plop.
Gore coated her lover's fist and blood gushed from the gaping hole in
the ex-commando's torso. Then, he crumbled like a broken doll onto
the once pristine tiled floor.
Alexa threw herself to her knees beside him and tried to press her
hands against his wound, desperate to keep his life from pouring out
from between her fingers. Shock and horror and fear filled her to the
brink, and yet, it was *not* Riley she feared for... but *Spike*.
"Oh! What have you *done*! He belongs to *Buffy*! The Slayer is gonna
*kill* you for this Spike! I *can't* loose you now! I just... he
*has* to live. He *HAS* to!"
And then a sizzling rain of electric tingles washed over her skin and
something deep inside her mind *flared* bright white and she felt the
whole universe *bend* out of shape as all of her fear and anger and
desperation slammed through her body and into her blood stained
hands. She *glowed* a deep burnt yellow with red shimmers and
sparkles and she felt the rush of energy in her hands *shift* and
*mutate* into something green and cool with washes of silky blue and
then it poured from her hands and into Riley Finn's quickly dying
body. Not truly understanding, but helplessly unable to stop, she
pressed against his chest and *willed* him to heal and thrive and to
*live*.
A ring of gasps echoing in her ears, Alexa watched as Riley's wound
began to heal. The torn flesh rewove itself even as the bruises faded
and his heartbeat and breathing steadied. And then Wesley's thready
voice whispering with stunned awe tilted her world on it's axis.
"My God! She's a *faith* healer!"
The shock and frighteningly harsh certainty of what her own mind kept
trying to tell her by showing her this scene over and over again
became too much. She wanted to forget, to disappear inside her own
head like before, but even *that* comfort was torn from her. She kept
seeing Spike murder the Slayer's boyfriend only for her to
resurrection him again with her bare hands.
It was far too much strain to carry alone. If she couldn't escape
what she had done... what she *was*, then she needed her friend, her
protector, her *lover* by her side. She needed Spike. With a shudder
of absolute regret and horror she flung her consciousness back out of
her head and into the real world. She found herself being cradled in
Spike's arms as everyone argued around her.
She threw back her head and screamed out her rage and denial.
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
Everyone shut up instantly. The silence was almost deafening as all
eyes snapped to her. But she didn't care, she didn't even notice. All
she saw was a future of pain and fear, of responsibility and endless
giving of herself to those that would shun her. Turning her large
haunted dark eyes to face Spike she shivered in fear and she *begged*
him for answers to things he could not possibly know.
"Why?! Spike *why* did she *do* this to me? Why! Wasn't turning me
into a woman *enough* pain for me to deal with? Why did she have to
make me this... this... *freak* as well? My God! What did I *do* that
made him come back to life? I don't *want* to raise zombies! The only
corpse I want in my life is *you*!"
She knew that she was being hysterical and that she was heading
straight for a full blown panic attack that would leave her a
shattered wreck, but she didn't care. She couldn't stop even if she
*did* care. Her heart rate soared to dangerous levels and her
breathing became quick and shallow. She felt as if she were drowning
and she had the horrible notion that she needed to escape, but from
what, she had no clue.
It was finally Cordelia who pulled her out of histrionics with a neat
slap to the face. She sobered up instantly and the only thing that
prevented Spike from gutting *her* as well was the fact that Alexa
was literally *wrapped* around him. But then, with throwing little
more than a dangerous growl and a frightening glare at her, he turned
his attention fully on Alexa.
"Shhh... Pet. The stupid git's *not* a bloody *zombie*, I *promise*
you. He's perfectly *alive* and *mortal*. You're not a freak at all.
You *healed* him pet, you didn't make him the evil undead or anything
like that. He's *fine* and so are *you*."
She shook her head, trying to deny it, but he wouldn't let her.
"No Pet. You're *perfect* and don't let anything make you think
differently. You did a *good* thing. You were right. The Slayer
*would* have been most brassed off if you had allowed the bloody
wanker to die. I shouldn't have tried to eviscerate him. And I won't
do it again as long as he doesn't attack me first. Promise."
Alexa felt as if her head was reeling. This was too much information
to process all at once. She wasn't sure *how* to deal with all of
this. She felt as if she wanted to sleep for a year because her body
and mind were so very tired and worn out. Yet she was angry and
frightened as well.
She was still hoping to wrap her mind around the fact that Riley was
going to be okay and that *she* had been the one to mentally stitch
up his wounds when Angel did the one thing that she had been *far* to
frightened to do. No matter *how* much she *needed* to know. Raising
his face to the ceiling, the dark vampire screamed out a one word
summons.
"ANYA!"
*********
It had been two weeks since Alexa had discovered her ability to heal
others and Angel's subsequent summoning of the Vengeance Demon. Even
now, huddled in the warmth of her bed with Spike spooned up behind
her, she felt chills as she recalled that reunion with her ex-
girlfriend. She *still* had a bit of trouble understanding everything
that had happened and she could only blame what she had done on the
shock and stress. Although, so far it was turning out to be a *good*
thing.
Anya had appeared to everyone in her full blown demon visage in a
flash of light and a puff of sulfuric smoke. Alexa had paused only a
brief moment before she had slid off of Spike's lap and hurled
herself at the demon. Throwing her arms around her ex-girlfriend,
Alexa had broken down into tears once again while babbling
incoherently about cooking classes, menstruation and healing sucking
chest wounds with her bare hands. Anya had merely stiffened in shock
for a brief moment and then hugged her tightly.
"Xan... Xan... calm down. It's no use to be all weepy about it.
What's done is done and I *know* you're strong enough to handle this.
It's just... weird for you right now. Believe me, I truly understand.
When I first became human I thought that I would *never* figure stuff
out, but you were there for me and you helped me through it all. Just
like Spike is here for you. And... once you get past this one last
thing, you'll be fine. Honest."
Alexa hadn't been aware of Spike getting up and following her over to
Anya, but he was suddenly there, one hand on her shoulder as he
leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on Anya's wrinkled gameface.
"Long time no see luv. How's the Vengeance Business?"
Anya had given a gleeful chuckle that rumbled against Alexa's check
where it was pressed against her ex-girlfriend's throat.
"Lot's of fun and very busy. Of course, being busy is why it's lot's
of fun. How's anti-chip hunting with you?"
"Smashing pet, absolutely smashing. Can't thank you enough for
removing the buggery thing. But... ah, I'm not quite sure what to do
to help Alexa here. She was doing just fine until this whole Riley
thing. Now, as you can see, she's a bit upset. Wasn't really my fault
though. I've been a good vamp, I have. Haven't even shagged the
virginity out of her, or nothing."
Anya had snorted and waved her hand in dismissal.
"What? Why not? I'm not worried about that, although her healing
abilities will make her... um, *fertile* so safe sex is a big thing,
but as for the rest... it'll just take time to get used to it."
That was when Angel cut in. He was in full-blown over-protective
mode, which seemed odd to Alexa. She had seen the dark vampire do
that with Spike, Cordy, Wes and even Gunn, but never *her*. She
thought that it was perhaps a big step in their relationship, but at
the time it had been such a small detail lost in a lot of
overwhelming issues. So, the next real clear memory she had of that
night was Anya offering to answer Angel's question of *why* Anya had
done what she did if they could just go sit down.
Once she was firmly ensconced on the couch between the two demons,
one Vengeance and one Vampire, Alexa had everything laid out before
her to *finally* understand. She could clearly remember the words
that Anya used to describe it.
"I'm a *demon*, so by my very nature I *can't* grant blessings, only
curses. A demon's gift is a double edged blade. One side will defend
and cut your enemies while the other side attacks and cuts you. So...
I cursed you. With *healing* abilities. The only way for *that* to be
possible was to turn you into a female. Females have the power of
life and creation within their very blood and DNA. They give life,
created out of blood and bone and pain and hurt. If I were an
Archangel, I could have blessed you and then the changes would have
come to you easily and without any torment. But I'm *not*. I'm an
Arch*demon* and my gifts carry a stern price. You will never age nor
grow sick. You'll be able to heal others with the power of your mind,
but you'll *always* struggle to accept that with any sort of ease and
you will have to swim at the edge of madness. It's undertow can...
and has dragged you out into it, but you found your way back to shore
and with Spike's help you'll *stay* there. I'm sorry for that, but...
it's *necessary*. As for Buffy and her little gang of I'm-so-good-and-
pure-so-do-as-I-say-or-else, well... I didn't mean for the curse on
them to be permanent. They can be *healed*... It's up to you Xan."
And then Anya had made as if to leave and Alexa's head had flown up
only to see Wesley sitting in a chair with Angel standing behind him
looking all broody and stoic. Alexa *still* didn't know where the
idea came from or why she even voiced it. She figured that she was
still feeling a tad on the crazy side and all she wanted to do was
thrust her own situation *out* of her head and so she had latched
onto someone else's problems as a diversion. She remembered Wesley's
little speech about Angel's curse and it's deadly loophole. She
recalled all of the time's she had watched her friend suffer in
silence because of his undeniable love for her lover's Sire. And so,
in her usual fashion, she leapt into the abyss on instinct without
stopping to consider the consequences.
"Anya? I... I would like to make a wish."
Stunned horrified silence descended upon the room. Alexa could see
that everyone had the strong urge to *run* even as they felt
compelled to stay and witness what could undo all of their lives in a
heartbeat. All, that is, except Anya herself.
"Yes Xan, what is it you wish for?"
Taking a deep breath for courage, Alexa had then taken one soul and
the entire world's lives and held them in her hands.
"I wish... I wish that Angel's curse would be modified so that he can
*never* lose his soul again. Angelus *hurt* me and countless others.
I *never* want him to have control of Angel's mind and body again."
Shocked gasps echoed in the high ceilinged room. Anya just smiled and
snapped her fingers. Angel was enveloped in a wash of bright green
energy that hummed with power. After a brief surge of brightness, the
green sank into his skin and he shuddered, gasped and collapsed to
the floor.
"It's done."
Then, with another flash of light and a puff of sulfuric smoke, Anya
was gone.
Now... now Alexa was left trying to sort it all out in her mind.
Everything still felt out of place slightly, as if she just needed
the whole planet to shift slightly to the left. But, from what she
understood of what Anya told her, she would *always* feel this way.
She was cursed and her soul would always feel that burden. No matter
how many acts of good that she did, or how many people she helped,
just like Angel, she was forever cursed. Darkness lived inside of
her, strengthening her, marking her apart from the rest of humanity.
And she had *so* many things to deal with. One, she was a woman. Two,
she was for all intents and purposes, immortal. Three, she was a
faith healer with the power of Hell behind her. She could heal
mortals and demons alike... as long as they had a touch of darkness
within them, she could heal them. And four, she was... fertile. She
could get pregnant. That still wasn't really an issue, since she was
still a virgin, but even then, her lover was technically dead, so...
But it was still an oogy thought.
That was another thing altogether. Anya had practically given Spike
permission to fuck her. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that
step. She had worked up the courage to give him oral sex and she had
to admit that it was *lots* of fun and she loved to do it. But, now
that the niggling little fear that Anya would come back and seek
vengeance on him if he *did* have sex with her was gone, Spike
*really* wanted to shag, as he put it. She could still hear his
attempts to convince her.
"Hell Pet. Even that mincing pouf of a souled up Sire of mine is
bumping uglies with that bloody wanker of an ex-Watcher. Let's shag
luv. It'll be *lots* of fun, promise."
Alexa couldn't help grin at the thought of Angel and Wesley though.
At first, when Angel didn't seem to be effected in anyway by Anya's
spell, the dark haired vampire had not wanted to test it out. He'd
been afraid that it hadn't worked and that Angelus would get free.
Wesley had finally gotten tired of the broody wistful sighs and long
lingering looks and simply tied the vampire to his own bed while he
was sleeping. Then, holding a stake firmly in one hand in case it
turned out to be needed, he climbed on top of a startled Angel and
rode him into the first real moment of happiness he'd had in far too
many years. They'd been sharing a bed ever since and Angel walked
around with this silly dazed smile on his face while Wesley
alternated blushing himself out of the room or smirking smugly.
And now that Angel didn't fear his soul would disappear like smoke on
the wind, he was opening up more and more. His true personality was
beginning to shine through and he routinely laughed, loudly and with
great joy. The other edge of the curse, the one Anya warned about,
was that Angel had less control over the parts of his mind that were
fueled by Angelus's passions and desires. The dark vampire may be
more friendly and happy, but his temper was now easy to invoke and
his violent tendencies were rising. Angel and Angelus seemed to be
more merged now than ever before. It made a weird sort of sense
though. Wesley was convinced that Anya anchored Angel's soul *to* the
demon Angelus... thus making it permanent. And Spike was *thrilled*
with the changes in his Sire.
But, to be honest, it was all overwhelming her, no matter how much
she might enjoy any one single aspect of it. Thrown together, she
felt just as mixed up and turned around as she did when she had first
been transformed. A part of her wanted to slip back into the hollow
depths of madness and *forget*, but she knew she couldn't take that
way out again. She had to face up to this, no matter how hard it was.
However, she still couldn't go anywhere or do anything without Spike
at her side. Just like before, she needed him to be there every
second. She would fly into a panic when ever he was gone from her
presence for too long. She stayed aware, mostly, but she *needed* his
strength and his fierce personality to act as a buffer between her
and the world. Even Cordelia wasn't enough, although if Spike *had*
to leave her, he *always* made sure that Alexa was with Cordy and
then he returned as soon as he could.
He was with her right now, snuggled up behind her, his body a
physical shield between her and the world as he held her tightly to
his chest while he slept the sleep of the undead. Somehow, she knew
that this wasn't the end of everything, but she hoped that whatever
it was she could feel hovering around the edges of her mind would go
easy on her.
Settling back against her lover, Alexa tried to drift off to sleep
once more... in the hopes that *this* time, her dreams would be
gentle ones...
Alexa stood at the kitchen counter slicing honeydew melon. She
watched silently as one pale long fingered hand reached out and
grabbed a slice of the juicy fresh fruit. This was followed by soft
chewing and slurping noises and a quietly hummed 'yum-yum'. Instead
of admonishing the blonde vampire for his insolent fruit thievery,
she merely scooped up the remaining slices and put them in their
designated spot on the tray. Then she reached for the oranges, but
before she started slicing up the first citrusy treat, she paused and
glanced up at her grinning lover.
"Spike?... What's it like to live forever?"
She watched those bright blue eyes she adored so much go wide and she
could almost see the wheels in his head turning. But thankfully, he
didn't laugh at her or make fun of her question. Scathing comments
and bitter sarcasm were all well and good when joking around, but
this was a subject that had been literally keeping her awake at
nights and he was taking her worry seriously.
"I don't rightly know Pet. I haven't lived forever yet, only a little
under two centuries. Even still, I think that you and I would
experience time differently. I mean... you got a soul and I got a
demon. Maybe you should sit down and talk to Peaches about how *his*
soul deals with the concept."
Alexa frowned in confusion. Laying the knife down on the counter, she
turned to fully face the bleached blonde vampire.
"Why? I mean, why would that make a difference in how we see time?
Time is time... it doesn't change."
Spike shrugged his shoulder's slightly and made a vague gesture that
could take in the kitchen, the city or the entire planet.
"I don't miss things when they're gone Pet. Sure, there *are* one or
two exceptions to that, but... I mean, in general. I don't get
homesick for any city or town or place, no matter *how* much time I
spent there before I leave again. Souled beings tend to get attached
to places. A quick look at history and all those lovely little wars
started over a patch of grass and rock could tell you that. Demons
can be territorial, but that's more about the prey they hunt than the
location. If their prey leaves to a new place, the demon will follow.
Like following a nomadic herd."
Alexa could feel her head shaking, but she wasn't sure what it was
she was disagreeing about. Finally, a thought occurred to her.
"But, but... you're English. You go on and on about England and how
the English are better than everyone else."
Spike grinned wickedly at her and nodded.
"Too true Pet, too true. Annoys the bloody hell out of people too,
don't it? If I was so fond of the place, I'd go home. Granted, there
*are* things about England that are far superior than anywhere else,
but that's true of *all* places. They all have at least *one* thing
to set them apart. I go on about being an English bred Demon all the
time for a simple reason really. It brasses off the two Watcher's and
my Mick of a Sire. All three of 'em got souls and they tend to be
rather attached to their homelands."
Spike offered her up a smirk and a nod of his head.
"Mark my words Pet, *one* of these days I'm going to trick that
mincing pounce Angel into admitting that he has a thing for English
blokes."
Alexa watched with a slight grin as his smirk turned thoughtful.
"I think it's the accent. After all, we English *invented* the
language, so of *course* we speak it best."
Alexa felt herself begin to cheer up slightly. Spike had this way of
making things that were out of control and out of hand seem
manageable in his own demented way. It was that freaky ability he had
to cut through the bullshit that Alexa seemed to lack. She had a
feeling that her troubles in the emotional agility department was an
aftereffect of the curse. Anya *had* said that she would *always*
feel a touch 'off' and Alexa figured that *this* was one of those
ways.
"So... I'll probably find myself growing attached to a specific town
or city or something. I'll either want to stay there for long periods
of time or keep coming back for visits? That's... not so bad. I mean,
there are worse things than thinking of L.A. as home, right?"
Spike nodded and his grin faded away. His eyes grew serious again,
the blue deepening in response to his mood shift.
"Well... you'll probably end up thinking of *Sunnydale* as home, with
L.A. as an acceptable adjunct. But... that's not what I think you
should talk to Peaches about. I can't really help you when the
mortals around us start getting old and dying off. I'll be honest and
tell you that even though I'm close to hitting my two hundredth year,
that's not something that I've had to face before. I never *had*
mortal friends before. I've never spent any real amounts of time with
them, just the usual 'Hi there. Tastes great. Oh look, you're dead.'
So, I'm sort of in the same boat as you with that."
Alexa tried real hard not to think about everyone she cared about
dying, even if a good percentage of them were already dead. Instead,
she latched onto what Spike had said about himself. Seeing things
from *his* position might give her a clue as to how to begin dealing
with this whole situation.
"I don't understand, Spike. You've seen *hundreds* of mortals die.
Why is now different?"
Spike sighed and shoved his hands into his jean's pockets as he
slummed against the edge of the kitchen counter. He looked past her
and his bright blue eyes unfocused as he considered the reasons that
things had changed for him.
"It started with the chip actually. At first I couldn't *stand* being
forced to spend *any* amounts of time around humans. I didn't have
any choice though, so... Anyway, after a while, I guess that I just,
I don't know,... got used to you all. Names and faces became...
*familiar*. But not like they had been before. I mean, up until then,
you were all just *the enemy* and you each had a little nick-name or
title in my head that I referred to you by, but that's it. Suddenly,
I learned much more than I *ever* wanted to learn."
Alexa grinned softly. They had never spoken about what it was like
for Spike to adjust to having the Scooby Gang in his face 24-7 all of
the sudden. Oh, she *knew* that the vampire hadn't liked it, but he'd
never opened up on his *real* thoughts about that time period.
"I'll be honest pet, it was frustrating to find out that all of my
excellently laid out plans had been foiled by you guys. I was not
exactly impressed by you lot. However, that was when I first
discovered that humans could amuse me in ways other than killin'
them. You and Anya were a walking talking soft porn show and the
Slayer was delightfully stupid and self-absorbed. It was a riot to
watch her bumble from one thing to the next while everyone scrambled
to keep her life from falling apart at the seams. Giles was stuffy
and easy to provoke and Willow... well she was the first one to try
and make nice."
Alexa watched as a slightly pained expression blurred across her
lovers eyes. It was there and gone in an instant and if she hadn't
been starring, she'd have missed it entirely. As it was, she figured
that only she or Angel would be able to recognize it for the sorrow
and disappointment that it really was. Silently, Alexa reached out
and gently slipped one of her hands into his.
"I'd never had anyone try and be nice to me before. Not while I had
been alive and certainly not since the great pouf turned me. But
Willow was real nice. It confused me and first, but then I just
accepted that she was so sweet and innocent that she could put aside
my past and like me for *me*. That changed my whole outlook on unlife
right then and there. Of course, that's when I overheard her and Tara
talking about me. Tara asked her *why* she was so nice to me. Know
what the witch said Pet?"
Silently, Alexa shook her head no and squeezed his hand in unspoken
support.
"She told the blonde witch that she was nice to me because she *knew*
that someday I'd get my chip out and she hoped that maybe I'd pass up
the opportunity to kill her because she'd been friendly and helpful
to me during my time of need. Or if I *did* kill her, I'd be merciful
and make it quick and painless."
Dark blue eyes turned and caught her own dark ones and her heart
*ached* for her lover.
"That hurt Pet. That hurt a *lot*. Needless to say, I wasn't too
quick to try and be friendly with the rest of you after that. I
didn't start to open up again until Anya and I started talking one
day. We were both missing our 'demon powers' so to speak and we sort
of bonded in our pain and misery."
A bitterly amused smile flickered across Spike's face only to fade
into a smirk.
"You know, she's an odd duck, that Anya is. Some things she just
doesn't get at all and I doubt that she ever will, yet other
things... she sees right to the heart of the matter. She started
making general observations about you and the rest of the
Slayerettes. Once she did, things just started to snap into place for
me. It was like an eye opener as I began to see for my own self what
she had said. I also started noticing things on my own."
Spike squeezed her hand gently and she smiled softly at him.
"That's around the time that you and I started to become friends. I
guess you could say that I began to see you through Anya's eyes.
Things that hadn't meant anything to me before except as random fact
suddenly took on meaning and significance. Once I started paying
attention, I'd found that we had a lot more in common than I'd ever
expected and I started to actually *like* you pet."
Now... Wes and Gunn aren't *too* bad as far as human's go I guess,
but I really *do* like Cordy. She treats me fair and she doesn't back
down from me and cringe even though I could kill her easily enough.
And she treats you like a *real* friend should, not like those idiots
back in Sunnydale. One day, she'll be gone and as much as I hate to
admit it, I'll miss her."
Spike looked at her with a deadly serious expression on his face.
"I've *never* known a human that I'd miss if they up and died before.
I'm not real sure how to handle that... And if some bloody dumb-fuck
is actually *stupid* enough to murder *her*, then I'll hold the fool
down myself while Angel rips his still beating heart out of his
chest."
Alexa pulled Spike to her in a fierce hug and glanced up only to see
Angel standing silently in the open doorway. She nodded slightly to
acknowledge his presence and then turned her full attention back on
her lover.
"I love her too Spike. She's my best friend. There are only two other
beings in the whole world that I love more and that's you and Anya."
Spike's arms tightened around her briefly and he buried his face in
her long midnight curls.
"You too my Pet, you too."
The sun hadn't even set when a slight knocking on their bedroom door
pulled her up out of sleep. She stiffened slightly against Spike's
chest until she heard his sleep roughened voice rasp out into the
silence.
"Bloody Hell. What do *you* want Peaches? We're *sleeping* here."
With a murmured protest over being woken up, Alexa relaxed again and
cuddled closer to the firmly muscled body laying half under her and
rested her head back on Spike's shoulder. Automatically, and probably
without thought, Spike's hand raised up and traced a light feathery
trail up and down her spine in a soothing and sleepy rhythm. She had
almost drifted back into a light slumber when Angel dropped his
bombshell, totally shattering any remnants of calm and contentment
she had been feeling.
"I, uh... I just got off of the phone with Giles."
*********
Twenty minutes later, the entire gang, with the exception of Gunn who
had been paged, was gathered in one of the more down scaled and cozy
sitting rooms in the hotel. Alexa still felt the bizarre mixture of
stunned shock and imminent panic. After Angel had made his startling
announcement, she had gone into immediate hysterics. Spike had chased
him from their rooms and then had spent the next fifteen minutes
calming her to this point. Then they had dressed and headed down to
meet with the others.
Now, here they were and everyone was tense and upset. Cordelia and
Spike expected the worse, she knew, but Wesley just seemed...
depressed. She figured that it was because he didn't like anything
that brought Buffy into Angel's mind, but she was too carried away
with her own inner demons to truly figure out his.
Alexa was pulled from her morose and dejected thoughts by Angel
clearing his throat. He slowly gazed around the room, meeting every
eye before resting his intense stare on her. His visage softened
slightly in sympathy for the pain this was giving her, and he finally
spoke with a low voice tempered with sadness and worry.
"Um... I've only had limited contact with the gang in Sunnydale since
this whole episode with Anya began, so I was left out of the loop on
several important things. But, something major happened, and Giles
felt that I should be made aware of it."
Angel shifted uncomfortably for a swift moment and then looked off
into the distance before continuing.
"Um... When Anya took Willow's ability to speak, apparently she got
together with her girlfriend and they worked a spell that gave Willow
telepathy. She's been using it ever since then and according to
Giles's, she has gotten *very* good at it. Too good perhaps. See...
when Riley got back to Sunnydale, he never said anything about what
happened during his visit here, but he was obviously upset. According
to Giles, he began to avoid them all and he would literally *cringe*
whenever anyone mentioned Spike's name in his presence."
Angel, Wes and Cordy spared a quick moment to glare accusingly at
Spike, but the blonde was painfully unrepentant. He was *glad* he had
traumatized the ex-commando that had caused him so much grief in the
past.
"So... Buffy talked Willow into stealing the memories out of his
head. When she did, Willow found out about Spike nearly killing him
and Alexa healing him up as good as new. Then she found out about
Anya's visit. We all thought Riley was still unconscious while she
was here, but he woke up half-way through the whole confrontation.
He... didn't want Buffy to know about the change to my curse *or*
face Spike for fear he'd kill her like he almost did to *him*."
It was at this point that Cordelia interrupted. Her voice was angry,
her body language was defensive and her eyes held fear. An angry and
vengeful Slayer was nothing to be taken lightly.
"So... Buffy and Willow are on their way here? Do we need to fight
them? What did Giles say they were planning?"
Angel finally held up one hand to stop the flow of her panicked
babbling and winced slightly.
"No... Um, Buffy and Willow aren't on their way here. At least... not
yet that I know of. As of right now, Buffy doesn't know anything.
When Willow finally was able to get inside of Riley's head, Buffy was
at a special class the college offer's for the hearing impaired.
So... Willow went straight to Giles and simply... transferred all of
the knowledge she'd gained from Riley directly into Giles head. Giles
said it was almost like *living* the events from Riley's point of
view. Well... he convinced Willow *not* to tell Buffy until he'd had
a chance to confront *me* about what transpired."
Angel grew silent and took a deep unneeded breath. A pensive and
apologetic look crossed his face and it seemed he was going to bite
back the words on the tip of his tongue. However, after squirming a
moment, he sighed and then turned back to face Alexa. He looked her
right in the eye, holding her sad and frightened gaze with his own
regretful and pain filled one.
"Alexa. Giles wants you to try and... heal them of the injuries that
Anya laid on them. He's not sure if it will work since it's really a
curse and not actual physical injuries, but he wants you to try. He
said that, while they would *still* be angry at Anya and Spike, they
would forgive *you*. Even if it didn't work."
Everyone gasped in shock and Alexa felt her heart skip a beat as a
huge wave of emotional anguish threatened to drown her soul. She felt
like a fruit left to wither on the vine, dry and rotting through her
core. Spike however, was beyond anger and headed straight into
unthinking fury. He's shifted into full blown gameface almost
instantly and leapt to his feet with a roar.
"What the BLOODY FUCK!!! She didn't *do* anything wrong to be
forgiven *for*!!! My Pet was *ten times* the victim in this mess as
any one of those self-centered idiots!"
Spike began to pace the room in overwhelmed agitation. His booted
feet stomped on the tiled floor and he waved his arms with dramatic
gestures through the air while everyone just watched in amazed fear-
laced shock as the vampire known and feared the world over as William
the Bloody threw a first class temper tantrum.
"Of all the *arrogant* *vicious* *mean* and down right *inane* things
to suggest! How *dare* they even *consider* waving such a thing in
her face?"
Spike stopped his pacing long enough to kick a wooden chair into
splinters. Cordelia made a gesture as if to make Angel intervene, but
the dark haired vampire shushed her quickly. Spike was *way* too
dangerous right now and he *wasn't* thinking clearly at all. His
anger was far too raw just yet.
"I should bloody well *kill* them all. *Rip* out their innards and
dangle their slippery slimy parts from the brightest light pole I can
bloody well find."
The raging blonde vampire snatched a ceramic vase with light blue
flowers painted on it's glazed surface off of an end table. With a
heave, he launched the hapless thing at the wall. It shattered into a
hundred clay fragments and fine powdered dust.
"They *deserve* to suffer. All of them. They didn't even *care* that
my Pet was suffering. Not *once* did they bother to find out if she
was okay. They just *whined* and *whimpered* about their own
miserable lives... like *always* and it's all so *stupid*!"
Spike stormed over to the fire-place and grabbed up the wrought-iron
fire poker and hefted it's weight in his hands quickly. Then he swung
it back over his head in preparation to swing it with blunt force at
a glass framed picture hanging on the wall. That's when Alexa opened
her mouth and spoke up in a soft and sorrowful voice.
"I'll do it."
Her words startled everyone, including Spike, and as such, his aim
was horribly off. The metal fire poker went flying threw the air
towards the door just as Gunn stepped into the room. Only his battle
honed reflexes allowed him to duck in time to prevent being brained
by the tool turned projectile weapon. However, Spike didn't even
spare the glaring and sputtering Demon Hunter a glance. Instead he
dashed across the room to drop to his knees in front of her and he
gently cupped her face in his hands.
"Luv... Alexa. You *don't* have to do this. You don't *need* to be
forgiven. You've done *nothing* wrong!"
Alexa gave him a watery tear filled smile that wavered just a bit.
"I know. I don't even *want* their forgiveness. But I don't want them
to suffer either. The work they do is too important and the world
*needs* them. So... I'll try. If not for them, then for the innocent
people that they can save."
********
Two nights later found her, her lover and her lover's Sire pulling
into Sunnydale. Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn and been wary about letting
them head off to visit an angry Slayer, but neither Spike nor Angel
wanted Alexa to face them alone.
As they drove slowly through town, Alexa found herself gazing about,
amazed at how different everything seemed to her now. Part of it was
because she was female now and had started to look for certain things
that she'd been oblivious to until Cordy had pointed them out to her.
She noticed shops and restaurants and social activities that had
never been important to the old Xander.
She also noticed other things. Things that had never felt odd before
since she had been born and raised on the Hellmouth, so she'd had
nothing to compare it to. For one, Sunnydale was *small*. L.A. was
*so* much larger and dirtier and... complex. Secondly, the population
here was... disproportionate. Yes, she *knew* the college kept the
number of younger people high, but still, it was out of balance.
What's more... she wasn't afraid of the demonic population. At all.
Yes, she'd spent *years* as a Slayerette and had faced more mean and
ugly then most townies ever did, but it was still... different. Maybe
it was because she was sitting in a car with the two strongest demons
on the entire Hellmouth. Or maybe it was because Anya's curse made it
so she couldn't die. Not even Buffy could kill her. The Slayer still
had the power to destroy her emotionally, yes... but physically, she
would simply... heal.
In fact, her only *real* fear was that Buffy would either attack
Spike on sight, or that she'd manage to piss him off enough that he'd
attack *her*. While she didn't want to see Buffy dead, there was *no
way in hell* that she'd let the Slayer dust Spike. If Buffy died,
another Slayer would be called to take her place... there was *no
one* who could *ever* replace her lover.
But there was something else as well. Something that wasn't explained
in the physical, or even the emotional. It was all of these things
and yet *so* much more all at once. It was... *spiritual*. It had
started as a faint hum in the back of her skull when they first
crossed the borders of town, and it had grown steadily the further
into the heart of Sunnydale they traveled. It was something
intangible and yet achingly familiar to her.
Letting her eyes drift shut and her mind spiral open to catch hold of
the euphoric wisps and threads, she felt the faint hum crest into a
pulse, like an extra heartbeat. One that vibrated through her, not
physically, but spiritually. With mild curiosity and childlike
wonderment, she searched her mind for what this sensation could be.
It was something she *knew*, yet she was sensing it in a whole new
way. Then, in a flash of illumination, she understood *what* it was
she could sense so clearly.
The Hellmouth.
She had spend countless hours literally sitting on top of it. Her
whole life had revolved around it in one way or another and in it's
own mindless way, it knew and recognized her as well. And now, with
her curse and hell-spawned abilities, she could *feel* the power it
radiated. She was becoming more intimately attuned to it with each
passing second.
She smiled softly. She had come home... not to the Scooby Gang, but
to the Hellmouth.
*********
Alexa found her mind bathed in an eery calm as Angel pulled his car
up in front of Giles's home. She stayed silent as the trio got out of
the car and walked up to the front door. At one time, before Anya's
curse, she would have been welcome to just walk in. Now, however, she
knocked on the door and waited.
After a brief wait, the door swung open to reveal Willow. The petite
red-headed witch looked up at her, a puzzled expression on her face.
Then, her bright green eyes swept past her to take in the sight of
Spike and Angel standing behind her and recognition flickered in her
eyes. Alexa watched, acutely uncomfortable, as Willow's eyes snapped
back to her. Her once best friend, stared at her with an intensity
and curiosity that was unnerving even as her open face revealed the
extreme level of shock she was feeling. Alexa shifted slightly under
that gaze and then took a deep steadying breath.
"Invite us *all* in, or have everyone meet us somewhere neutral. I
*won't* come in alone."
The word 'unguarded' hung between them unspoken although everyone
knew that was what Alexa meant. A slight frown appeared on Willow's
face and then her eyes unfocused slightly. She could hear movement
coming from deeper inside Giles's apartment and then suddenly, Buffy
appeared leading her blinded Watcher gently by the arm. It was
obvious that the blonde girl was furious by the heated glare she
leveled at the three standing outside the door and her voice was a
hissed snarl.
"So Xander... ran straight to your demon friends, I see. Well... we
don't want them here, so tell them to leave before I decide to dust
them."
Alexa tried so very hard to keep her face a blank and uncaring mask,
but she was sure that her eyes flashed with anger at Buffy's words.
As calm and unaffected as she tried to appear, her words still came
out clipped, almost as if she had bitten them off.
"Fine. Goodbye."
With that, she turned around and started to head back down the
stairs, the two master vampires following her. Buffy's shrill
demanding tones halted her in her tracks however.
"Wait a minute. You can't leave. You have to *fix* us! It's only
*them* I want out of here."
Alexa turned around to face the people who had once meant everything
to her and ground her teeth in angry frustration. She balled her
hands into fists and trembled for a minute until she could let the
tension drain out of her enough to speak.
"I was asked to try and remove Anya's curse and I'm willing to
attempt it. However, I will *not* be separated from Spike and Angel.
If you don't want to invite us in, then we can go somewhere *else*.
And if either of them gets dusted, I will devote the remainder of my
life to inflicting *unspeakable* torture and agony upon all three of
you as well as all of your blood decedents until the very end of
time."
Alexa made sure to catch both Buffy and Willow's eyes. She wanted
them to know that she was *very* serious about her threat.
"Choose."
Willow's eyes went unfocused again and Alexa was sure that the witch
had all three of them in some bizarre telepathic communication. For
long moments, everyone was still and the night of eerily quiet. It
was finally Giles's soft melodious voice that broke the silence.
"Do all three of you *swear* not to become violent if I let you in?"
Immediately, Buffy began to argue, both out loud, and Alexa was
sure... telepathically. Her Watcher would have none of that, however,
and he gestured her to silence.
"Well?"
"Yes."
Alexa had known that Angel would agree. Everyone's head turned to
Spike. The blonde vampire was glaring distrustfully at the Slayer.
"I won't *start* anything, but if Buffy, or anyone else for that
matter, come's at *any* of us then all bets are off and I start
eating people."
Buffy opened her mouth, most likely to object, but once again, Giles
cut her off.
"Deal! Please, do come in."
Buffy snorted in anger and stomped off into the living room. Giles
sighed softly and Willow took his arm and carefully led him back to
where the Slayer was waiting. After a heartbeat of hesitation, Alexa
and her vampire escorts followed.
It didn't take them long to all get seated in Giles's comfortably
overstuffed living room. The three from L.A. ended up sitting close
together and the three from Sunnydale also huddled in a group. An
empty space filled with animosity and distrust lay between them.
Riley Finn was conspicuous by his absence.
Feeling uncomfortable and distinctly unwanted there, Alexa had a
growing urge to complete her task and return to L.A. She wasn't sure
when Angel Investigations had become a necessary part of her life,
but she found that she missed it... and the humans they'd left behind
there. Especially Cordelia. Alexa suddenly longed for the brash and
blunt, yet completely supportive woman who had become the second most
important being in her life. She wanted this whole confrontation to
just be *over* with so she could head back to her friends, her *real*
friends. With that thought in mind, Alexa was about to ask who wanted
to attempt it first when Angel suddenly whipped his head around to
stare at Willow and grimaced.
"Willow... you should *really* get out of my head. There are things
in my mind that you *don't* want to find."
Alexa felt a bolt of shock and dismay that her one time best friend
would attempt to leach into Angel's head and try to steal his
memories and thoughts. She found the whole idea to be disturbing
and... evil. She knew that the witch had... changed, but she didn't
realize *how much* until just now. At least Willow had the grace to
look chastised, but Buffy leapt on this as another excuse to offer up
threats and taunts.
"Why? What are you hiding inside your head that Willow shouldn't see?
Are you planning on secretly attacking us? Maybe we *shouldn't* have
trusted your word after all."
Angel blanched and that was a difficult thing for a vampire to do.
Buffy's words had cut deeply and Alexa found herself clenching her
hands into fists again. But as obviously upset as he was, Angel still
managed to answer her accusations with a measure of calm.
"Actually, I was *trying* to *protect* her. She would *not* like it
if she delved into Angelus's memories. God knows *I* don't."
Willow paled at that thought and even Buffy drew back slightly, but
Spike smirked. Evilly. Making a broad sweeping gesture with one hand,
he invited the red-head to try it on him.
"I don't know. Sounds like a bloody *lovely* idea to *me*. Go ahead
Red, sink your mental claws into *my* mind. From what I understand,
it's as if you actually *experience* what the memories are about,
right? Well... what would you like me to concentrate on, huh? What it
*feels* like to be turned? First the painful death from severe blood
loss followed by the blood-demon being born inside your body while
your soul is torn away. Or perhaps you'd like to delve into my
memories of torturing and slaughtering humans... I could even dredge
up the memory of how their hot living blood *tasted* as it slid down
my throat. Or *maybe* you would rather me remember the time I was
presented to the Master's Court as a young fledge and they passed me
around like a bitable screaming clawing fuck-toy? Your call ducks,
tell me what part of being a bloodthirsty demon you want to
experience and then dive right into me brain."
Alexa watched as Willow sank back further and further into the couch
cushions, her horror clearly etched onto her face. She could
almost... *almost* feel pity for the witch, but not quite. She just
hoped that Willow got the point. She wouldn't *like* or *enjoy* what
she found in *any* of their minds. And if she dipped in without
asking and got caught, she'd find herself treated to the worst memory
they could dredge up as punishment.
Still, Alexa didn't want to draw this out any further. She knew she
had to act quickly, or someone else was going to say something or do
something and things would continue to deteriorate around her. In the
hopes that it would work, she cleared her throat loudly. All eyes
tracked to her.
"Um... okay. Before we go for round two, could we just get started
here? I'm nervous enough about this as it is, and this snipping and
snarling at one another is not helping. I'm not sure how long this
will take or if it will even *work*. I'm willing to try, but I won't
be able to concentrate if you all are arguing. Now. Who's first?"
*********
Alexa was exhausted. Wearily, she leaned up against Spike in the back
seat of Angel's car as they headed towards LA. All she wanted to do
was sleep. Or possibly eat. Maybe both? In either case, she didn't
think she would manage to stay awake long enough to get somewhere
that offered food. Between her mental, emotional and physical energy
being drained to extremely low levels and the smooth lulling motion
of the big car and Spike's warm and tender embrace, she knew that she
would soon be fast asleep.
The task she had set herself of healing the Slayer, the Watcher and
the Witch had been both stunningly simply and horrifyingly difficult
all at once. In each case, she only had to make minor changes and
adjustments wherein with Riley, she had literally yanked him out of
the maw of death.
Buffy's ear canals had merely grown a fleshy plug that blocked all
sound from reaching the eardrum. The fact that she could hear her
heartbeat was because the plugs each had an artery running through
them. *That* was the only sound that made it's way into her innermost
ear. All that Alexa had done was coax the growth to shrink back to
it's normal size and shape. Instant perfect ears and hearing.
Giles's eyes were much the same. Anya's spell had forced milky white
cataracts to cover his still perfectly functioning eyes. Once Alexa
healed the cataracts, his vision was the same as it had been before.
Feeling generous, she'd gone one step further and corrected the
stigmatism that forced him to even wear glasses. The Watcher could
now see better than he ever had before.
Willow was a bit more difficult. Her larynx had been altered to the
point where her vocal cords were immobile. It had taken more effort
to remove the obstruction and to cause those long tendon like cords
to become elastic once again. After several trials and errors,
however, she had hit upon the correct sequence of necessary steps,
and now Willow was able to babble once more.
Admittedly, it didn't *sound* like a lot when compared to the
extensive and life threatening injuries that Riley has sustained. But
there was one major difference that Alexa hadn't really considered
until now. Riley had been an emergency and she had acted on instinct
to use abilities she hadn't even been aware existed. Fear and
adrenaline had fueled her actions and she didn't even think about it.
She just... *did* it.
*This* time, she had to stop and *actively* will her abilities into
play and she used her *mind* and not her instincts to guide her. On
top of that, overwhelming emotion hadn't been the power source that
gave her the energy and strength to *use* her power. All of the
energy had come directly from inside of her own body, even as she
pulled in more power and strength from the Hellmouth itself. She had
fed her healing gifts with her own lifeforce and her lifeforce was
sustained by demonic energy. It was akin to straining weak spiritual
muscles that had only barely been flexed before and now she was
experiencing a sort of psychic backlash.
She couldn't even drum up the energy to be mad at Buffy for her
unthinking callousness and arrogant self-indulgence. After she'd
finally finished with Willow, she'd lurched to her feet and staggered
towards Spike. Her lover had leapt forward and caught her before she
crumbled to her knees from the exertion. He had pulled her into his
arms and carefully carried her over to his Sire. In a breathy and
shaky voice she had pleaded with the two vampires to just take her
home so she could fall into bed and sleep. Neither had argued.
Instead, they had helped her put her coat back on and then began to
lead her back to the front door. That's when Buffy called out to her
in confusion and disapproval.
"Xander... er... Alexa or whatever you want to be called. Look. You
don't *have* to leave with... *them*. We forgive you now. You can
stay. I mean, this *is* your home and we *forgive* you."
All three of them stiffened up in anger at her words. Alexa felt as
if she had taken a punch to the stomach and all of the air whooshed
out of her lungs. From the corner of her eye, she could see Spike's
eyes flash deep gold as he tried to control himself. Angel's tortured
whisper asking himself *how* he could have loved her once was spoken
so softly that Alexa knew only she and Spike could have heard it. In
the end, it was she who answered the Slayer, and all without turning
around to look at her. With her back still turned and only a step
from the door, she spoke in a tired and sorrowful voice.
"Yes... but *I* have not forgiven *you*. And the Scooby Gang was
*never* my home... The Hellmouth itself is *my* home. You merely
*tolerated* me, but I was not *wanted*. Goodbye Slayer."
And with her tattered dignity wrapped around her like a cloak, she
and her lover and her lover's Sire walked out and into the night.
END
