Grrr… Xander the Bloody?
By Scorpio
Xander sat tucked back in the corner of the couch and
tried not to *appear* as if he was sulking. He worked to
keep his face bland and absentmindedly nodded or
"Uh-hummm"ed when everyone else did. But he wasn't
really paying too much attention to what was being
discussed. Other, more personal things were swirling
through his mind. And it was not pleasant.
Anya had left him.
He hadn't told anyone yet. He was still in shock over it,
to be honest. And right now, things were too intense in
a "hellmouthy" sort of way to even attempt to get his
friends to help straighten out his head. Besides, he
wasn't sure if they *would* help him through this.
It *was* his own fault after all…
He had never encouraged Anya to seek out a
relationship with him. He hadn't even realized that she
even *liked* him in that way. But she had, and she had
pursued him and seduced him. At first, it had been
purely sexual. He could lose himself and his pain in her
soft curves and blatant lust without remorse or
commitment. And that was just fine.
He had a lot of issues to deal with that were very
painful. His questioning of his sexuality brought on by
erotic dreams of the male-male variety, his alcoholic
and abusive parents, his desire to go to college with
was thwarted due to financial reasons and his
seemingly directionless fumbling through life when
everyone around him was focused with a sense of
purpose. Then came Anya.
Suddenly, he was needed, wanted, desired and he
had something that no one else did. She made him feel
smart and brave and loveable. She *needed* him.
And so, he turned all of his energy towards her with
selfless devotion. She was so lost and lonely in her
confusion and helplessness. She was ancient and wise
and her knowledge of the supernatural was immense.
And she had absolutely *no* idea how to be a mortal
human. So Xander taught her.
Fashion. Music. Humor. Compassion. Bravery. Sports.
Food. Dancing. Sex. Pleasure.
He had so much to show her and teach her and help
her to understand. The world had seemed so different
when looking through her eyes. She would be cynical
and jaded one minute and then flushed with a childlike
wonder the next. And over time, Xander had come to
love her in his own way.
With Anya at his side, it had never mattered what his
parents did to him in their cruel anger, nor did his lack
of funds seem important. His world revolved around
making Anya happy and helping out Buffy with the
slayage whenever he could.
But now… Anya was gone.
She felt she was ready to tackle the mortal world away
from the Hellmouth and demons. She wanted to be
"normal" and be far from any reminders of what and
who she used to be. So, she had thanked Xander for his
time and trouble and packed her things and left.
Now all he had was the slaying.
And the more he sat and thought about it, he realized,
that wasn't a lot. Oh, he *wanted* to help… to make
the world a safer and better place. He *wanted* to be
needed, but as he looked around, Xander realized
something. He really wasn't *needed* here. His
presence was a force of habit, nothing more.
He didn't have any real skill or ability that make him
special, unless you counted the lack of survival instinct
that continuously sent him headlong into danger
against creatures *way* stronger than he was. He
wasn't a slayer, a witch, a vamp, a commando or even
an ex-watcher type of warlock. He was just some over
grown kid playing at hero. He was, in a word, pathetic.
Suppressing a sigh, Xander turned his attention back to
the room, trying to pull himself out of his depression. The
conversation of esoteric and obscure and he had no
clue what was going on. He cursed himself for being
stupid and let his mind wander again.
This time, however, he considered the subtle power
play going on in the room. With a mental start, he
realized that it centered around the bleached blonde
vamp. He had never noticed that before and a small
portion of his brain informed him that it was because
this was the first time in a long time that he was actively
focusing on someone besides Anya, but he pushed
that thought aside. Instead, he watched the others and
saw a pattern begin to immerge.
Spike was rude, obnoxious and honest to the point of
cruelty. He also dealt with each person differently. It
was as if he altered himself to fit each individual so that
he met them on their own playing field without making
himself unrecognizable as Spike. He wondered *why*
the vamp would go to that trouble when he
remembered Spike telling him that he like to "play with
his food", so Xander figured that this is what he had
been referring to. And he'd never seen it, *really seen*
it, until now. It was if a veil had been pulled from his
eyes.
Spike flirted with Willow and Tara, both obviously and
very very subtly. The obvious leer followed by a subtle
ego boast and then followed by a raunchy comment
kept both of the girls off center. They responded with
shy flirtations and willingness to defend his… cruder
personality traits as being "just Spike". It was…
interesting. He wondered if the witches knew they were
being played.
And Giles? Xander almost grinned. Spike toyed with
him just as subtly. The difference was the battleground.
Knowledge. Xander had a vision of them sitting across
from each other over a chessboard, except that the
pieces they used were demons and humans. Ancient
animosity tempered with grudging respect. Xander
wondered how Spike would hold out in this verbal
sparring if Giles let Ripper out to play and then though
that he wouldn't want that at all. They just might align
themselves together and that was just to frightening a
thought.
Spike and Riley's relationship was weird. Weirder than
most. Polar opposites in everyway, they often came
close to blows over the littlest things, yet they both had
a strange protectiveness for the other. It was as if they
didn't want anyone else to harm the other, as if only
*they* had the right to tear each other from limb to
limb. At first, Xander thought that it was the "we're both
warriors" thing… but then he realized something that no
one had ever actually talked about out loud. At least,
not around him. Spike and Riley had something in
common that no one else did. They had *both* been
implanted with behavior modification chips by the
Initiative against their will. No one else knew what they
had gone through, and in Spike's case, what he still
suffered, except the other.
And Buffy? Another strange situation. They hated each
other. Their words and actions made that abundantly
clear. Yet… Spike's eyes would soften at her when he
thought no one was watching. It was a combination of
confusion and wistful regret. Xander wondered if Spike
wished that Willow's spell that had caused them to fall
in love were still in place. After all, even if he did hate
her now, he must *remember* what it was like to love
her. And Xander knew that Buffy was not the sort of
woman that you could easily walk away from, no
matter *how* you felt about her.
Xander was just about to start contemplating his own
relationship with the blonde vamp when everyone
stood up and began gathering weapons. He stood up
too and looked around in confusion. He had totally
missed the whole conversation and was woefully lost.
His expression must have conveyed his inner thoughts,
because suddenly, Spike was standing in front of him
shoving his favorite axe into his numb hands.
"Here pet. Take this. If something mean and ugly jumps
out at you, swing the big sharp metal thingy at its head.
Think you can handle that?"
Xander glared at the smirking blonde.
"Fuck off Spike."
*
Xander was watching his most recent demonic victim
fall to the ground headless with a morbid sense of
fascination. Green ichor poured from the severed neck
and his shell-shocked brain was too stunned to note
anything except for the startling conclusion that Spike's
advice had worked. A mean ugly thing had popped
up in front of him and he had swung the big sharp
metal thingy at it and "poof" instant headless dead
thing on the ground.
He was so shocked at his success that he failed to note
the *other* mean ugly thing sneaking up behind him.
And it was *pissed* at the now headless state of being
it's mate was in. Weaponless, the demon raised it's
hand into a large fist and slammed it down on Xander
from behind.
Bright white agony flared inside Xander's head like a
nuclear warhead, stealing his breath and causing his
entire body to crumple under the onslaught of pain.
Vaguely, he wondered if this was what Spike felt when
he tried to bite humans and then a sickening wave of
acid like pain raced down his spine. With a shuttering
gasp, Xanders world spun dizzily for a brief moment
before everything was washed in sweet senseless black
oblivion.
*
"Wake up! *Please* wake up. Oh, you just gotta be
alright."
A soft warm hand brushed along his cheek gently and
he leaned into the touch. It felt very nice.
"Come one Xander. That's it. Wake up."
//Xander? What's wrong with the whelp?//
Frowning slightly, he opened his eyes only to see Willow
leaning down over him, a curious mix of worry and relief
etched onto her face. //Interesting.//
"Cheers Red."
He lifted his head and peered down the front of her top
where it draped down from the angle she was leaning
over at.
"Smashing view you've got there. Although I don't think
your blonde witch will much appreciate you showing it
off to me. Not that I don't appreciate the wonderful
welcome an' all."
Willow blushed a deep red and clutched her top
against her skin as she backed away quickly. He
smirked at her in amusement.
"Xander! What's wrong with you?"
He turned to face Buffy and was shocked to find her
looking at him with such a bizarre expression on her
face.
"What happened to the whelp *this* time?"
The slayer and the two witches just gaped at him
harder.
"What? I mean, come on slayer, you're not seriously
thinking of staking me just 'cause I peaked down the
hacker's top are you? After all, we had a deal, and no
one said I couldn't sneak peaks at the witches."
"That's true mate. No one ever said no voyeurism
allowed. Go ahead and peak all you want."
He spun around at the sound of the clipped British
accent and came face to face with… *himself*!
"Bloody Hell! You look just like me!"
Then he leered as he eyeballed the blonde wanna-be
in front of him.
"I'm down right delicious and irresistible, arn't I?"
The blonde raised up one dark eyebrow and grinned.
"And just who *are* you mate?"
He snorted and glanced over his shoulder at the slayer
as if he was sharing a private joke. Then he turned back
and gave the interloper a thoroughly superior look.
"I'm Spike you daft fool. Who're you?"
But instead of being intimidated, the blonde just started
laughing. Hard. Meanwhile Riley and the girls gasped in
shock. He glared and growled deep in his throat. What
was *wrong* with these wankers? If it weren't for that
bloody chip in his head, he'd eat them all.
Finally, it was Willow who stepped forward. She seemed
upset and nervous. He grinned at her.
"Um… Uh… Spike? I… I think we should, um, maybe go
see Giles now. Oh and… Uh… *William*… maybe you
should come along… too."
END
