Sick and Tired
by Shadith
Spike stared around the apartment then at Xander. "Are you sure about
this mate?"
Xander shrugged. "Like you said sometimes you just get sick and tired
of living alone."
*****
"Xander!"
He jerked awake, knocking over a stack of books. Eyes heavy with
sleep he glanced around blearily. //gods what time is it...//
Buffy stood hands at her hips, glaring. "How could you fall asleep,
again? Oz could have gotten out..."
Xander blinked, staring dumbly at the ranting slayer. He was to tired
to care if she was upset, let alone respond. //Fuck I just wanna
sleep...//
I break every day stressed out in every kind of way
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired
All I need and crave is a loud life with the power to fade
"Do calm down, Buffy. Oz is fine... let this be a warning and leave
it alone."
Before anyone could speak the bell rang, and as one they left.
Leaving Xander to trail slowly behind. "Xander." He froze, turning to
face Giles uneasy. "Yeah, Giles."
His eyebrow's rose at the emptiness in his voice. "Xander are you all
right? You don't look at all well. Is there something..."
Xander stared at him for a moment, to numb to even pretend. "Nothing
you can do about it, G-man. Nothing you can do..."
Frowning, Giles watched the dark-haired boy leave.
*****
He'd never meant to hurt her. There were so many things he'd never
meant to do.
Love won't work for me I want women who are out of my reach
I'm sick and tired of living all alone
All I need for sure is a big love with the power to make more
He'd thought it would be better if she'd dumped him. She deserved so
much more. Someone better than him. But he could never seem to just
let go. She'd ask him what was wrong. She'd asked so many times.
I am living because I keep it all, keep it all inside
Yeah, I keep it all, keep it all inside
Yeah, I keep it all, keep it all inside
Kissing Willow, not because he loved her... not because he wanted her
but to hide... turn away from the pain... avoid it all...
Angel never said anything. But his presence... his simple fucking
presence ate at him. So he hid behind his best bud... hid in the
decaying relationship with his Cordy... Still it all came crashing
down.
It was Spike's fault. No it wasn't... it was his. Hiding from his
family, desperate to escape himself and the voices in his head,
Xander wandered the streets of Sunnydale.
I blame my family, their damage is living in me
I am sick inside and tired of my life
All I need I swear is to go out with the power of a nightmare
//Maybe this time... yes this time...// He almost cheered when the
shadow moved towards him. A soft sigh escaped his lips as hands
gripped his shoulders. He closed his eyes to lose himself in the
pain. But it wasn't to be. Not this time. No this time it is his own
blue-eyed savior. Again.
I am living because I keep it all, keep it all inside
I keep it all, keep it all inside
I know I'm close to the fall
I know I'm dangerous
I know I'm not going down alone
"What the hell do you want? Haven't you fucked with my life enough,"
he screamed, voice straining.
"Can't you just let me die in peace..." he whimpered.
A blonde head shook, as icy blue eyes locked with his. "Cause it's
not what ya wanna do, pet."
"How the fuck would you know?" Xander snarled.
Dropping the glowing cigarette, Spike snubbed it out with his boot
before answering. "See the poufs back. Thought he'd be burning in
hell for a while."
Xander staggered back, eyes wide to keep the tears from forming. "You
knew." His voice is a shocked whisper.
"Well, pet. Told ya I wasn't having that bastard ruining me unlife or
yours any longer."
Suddenly all the anger seemed to drain away, nothing left but the
pain. "Why couldn't it just all go away..." he sobbed.
Spike moved closer, reaching out a hand to wipe away a tear. "Cause
then pet we'd never learn from our mistakes.
"We?" Xander looked up startled not only by the gentle touch, but by
the vampire's words.
Spike grinned, sadly. "Yeah. We, pet."
Abruptly the vampire turned and walked away. "See you later, pet."
I keep it all, keep it all inside
I know I'm close to the fall
I know I'm dangerous
I know I'm not going down alone
******
Xander stared at the blonde, lying beside him on the couch. Spike
turned curious eyes to his new roommate. "What, luv?"
Xander shook his head and grinned. "I'm not going down alone."
