Sparkle
by Shadith
"Xanpet..."
Spike waited until *his* mortal looked away from the telly. "Why..."
For a moment I'm afraid. We don't avoid the subject of me bleedin'
sire, but we don't openly pursue it neither. But I 'ave to
know... 'is parents, 'is friends... they fucked 'im over...
makin' 'im think 'es worthless... but still why *him*.
When 'e turns those lovely dark eyes on me I want to take it back...
anything to erase that darkness in 'is eyes... but its too late...
*****
I remember when you seemed real shiny with the sweat of your voice
Shaky hands super load and teenage mouth
We were all charmed and taken by your talk
"Fuck why couldn't you three get a meal at the Bronze like any decent
vampires?"
Xander shifted nervously, watching as the three vamps surrounded him.
Shrugging he pulled out his stake, and prayed Buffy would come by. He
almost got one on his first swing, but the third slipped behind him
knocking him off balance.
Stumbling, he caught himself on one knee watching amazed as the vamp
in front of him fled. He grinned, as he saw the dust floating around
him.
"Thanks, Buff." he said turning, then froze.
"Harris, thought you'd learned by now."
"You know me. Too brave for my own good," he said, looking for away
out, but knowing there wasn't one.
Xander stared up into the smirking face. He'd always know the
Hellmouth would get him, he'd just never expected it to be someone
he'd tentatively called friend. When Angelus moved closer, he closed
his eyes waiting for death.
Silently he whispered his good-byes to Willow, Buffy, and Giles. He
prayed they wouldn't have to stake him.
His eyes flew open, when instead of sharp fangs he felt a wet mouth
catch his. Struggling uselessly as the vampire tasted him, then
slowly he fell into the kiss. He panted heavily, when Angelus finally
pulled back.
"Sweet... later, Harris."
Stunned, Xander watched the vampire walk away. It was only the first
of many times, it was to happen.
*****
"I didn't know what to do... I was ashamed because I hadn't fought
back and... and... I enjoyed it... What was I going to say to them?
Hey, Buffy. Sorry your boyfriend's gone psycho... but damn can he
kiss."
Spike snickered loudly, before quieting at the glare Xander shot him
over the video game. "Anyway aside from the occasional..."
"Tongue hockey," Spike said innocently.
Xander reached over shoving the vampire off the couch. "I decided it
was nothing they needed to worry about. So I didn't tell them. Not
even when it began to happen more and more often."
Now I shudder when I hear the rhythm of your walk
Now I've got no place to go, I've got no place to go
I've got no one, nowhere, no one.
"Things seemed to just take on a life of their own. It all seemed to
fall down on me. He was always just there. Everywhere I turned. I was
weak..."
Xander stopped at the low growl from the vampire sprawled on the
floor. He shook his head sadly.
"No, I was. He was so sweet at first, I don't know when it changed."
*****
I have given up on the sparkle that I saw in your eyes
I have sinned the sin of wanting more
The belly fire pulls the spirit from the corporate whore
I'm embarrassed by the plaid you wear
He could hear Angelus moving around in the bedroom. "Coming, lover?"
The words are less of a question, more an order. Xander stood slowly,
taking one last look in the mirror. The scars were vivid if
scattered. They never seemed to fall the same place twice. A fist to
the kidneys, a punch to the gut, a backhand when he got smart.
Gods why did I talk back. Angelus hates it when I do that. Maybe it
was cause of what Spike said. But Spike doesn't understand. He wasn't
always like that. I just upset him. He doesn't mean to hit me, at
least not so hard.
I have given up on the sparkle that I saw in you
Yeah, that simple minded sparkle that I thought I saw.
When did I stop believing he hadn't meant to hit me at all? Probably
around the same time, I realized that it was my fault he hit me.
Somewhere around the seventh or eighth beating. Maybe it was the
bruised ribs... the sprained wrist...
There are any number of lovely indigo-hued bruises to chose from. No
one ever questioned them. Not Willow, not Giles, not Buffy. No there
was no one who seemed to care. Except... the bleached one.
"I don't need you to understand Spike. Just leave me alone, and if I
were you I'd hide behind that stupid bleach blonde hair."
If I were you I'd hide behind that stupid bleach blonde hair
Now I've got no place to go, I've got no place to go
I've got no one, nowhere, no one
*****
Spike stared at *his* mortal. His heart's mate, watching the emotions
play across his face. He sat silent, waiting for whatever it was that
Xander was deciding.
Staring at the blonde watching him as if he were made of glass,
Xander slid to the floor. Leaning forward, slowly he pressed
trembling lips to the vampire's. Spike groaned at the tentative kiss,
wanting to bury himself in his mate. Xander whimpered softly, as he
pressed closer. Worried about pushing him, Spike pulled away.
Yes, I have wondered why you changed
I like it when you were super loud
I have wondered why you changed
I wonder if you're giving in, tell me why you're giving in
Tell me why you're giving in
Xander whined, hands tightening on Spike's shoulders. Still the
vampire pulled away. "Xander are you sure?"
Xander nodded eagerly. "I'm sure Spike... do you remember 'If I were
you I'd hide behind that stupid bleach blonde hair'."
Spike's eyes widened, as he gaped at the boy.
"I knew then.. I knew even then you cared. I was just to afraid...
but not now. Not anymore."
Spike grinned, leaning forward to capture the sweetly smiling
mouth. "Well then, pet. Lets see where this takes us."
Spike's lips brushed Xanders, just as the phone rang, startling them
both.
"Damn."
