The Road to Recovery
by TJ

Prologue Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine-Nineteen

25 July, 2004

With the tv flicked off, the grey haired man hefted himself out
of the cool leather armchair. He strode over to the little bar
area set up in one corner of the large guestroom. Pouring
himself another bourbon, Randall was pleased with the results of
the police invesigation into the Eternal. Apart from the
incriminating video tapes of Clark with Christopher and the
other glamoured whores, there was so far nothing that could be
pinned on him.

The annoying blonde detective had been thrown off his track by
finding a badly decomposed corpse that had been shot through the
head twice, making it look like a business deal gone bad.
Wolfram and Hart had arranged the whole thing, right down to the
corpse having the same dental records as Randall. As far as
anyone knew, Randall Hargraves had been murdered by a business
associate. The lawyer he dealt with most, Lindsay, had managed
to somehow make documents appear that made Eternal look like it
was going under due to bad investments and murky underworld
dealings. Mr McDonnell had persuaded one of Randall's old staff
members to turn himself in as the mystery bomber after wafting a
tempter of almost two million dollars to do so. The man had
pleaded guilty to the bomb and went to jail for a minimum of 6
years. Unfortunatly, Kirk had been bashed to death two weeks
into the sentence.

What a shame thought the former brothel owner, the man had been
such a good worker for the human side but like he always said,
in business you either sink or swim and swimming was what he
always did. Bourban finished, he turned his attention to the
rolled up floor plans that were lying ontop of the bar.
Unfurling the largest, he anchored the edges with the empty
glass and bourban bottle, making sure not to get the detailed
plans sticky with alcohol. A huge grin lined the older mans face
as he looked over the plans once more.

The blue and white detailed drawings showed Randalls new
project, Sanity. It was going to be a brothel/bar for demons in
which they could relax after a hard day or night with the
companion of their choice. It was still in the final stages of
planning but hopefully in a few months, building could start.
Wolfram and Hart had been so helpful with everything. The firm
had indicated that they had considered Eternal to be essential
in helping the lawyers deal with the more agitated clients.
Apparantly nearly all the demons who had taken up on the offer
of the Eternal had been easy to deal with the next day.
Henceforth their interest in setting up another brothel.

Randall was ecstatic to be nearly back in business again. He
wouldn't be the sole owner this time but as long as things ran
his way, he wasn't too fussed. Adam and Fletcher had been sent
down to Mexico to wait until things were ready to start up again
while the older man was staying with one of the top senior
partners of the law firm. So far everything was going according
to the plan.

He was thankful more than ever for the silver braclets and
necklaces that each boy wore, it had made tracking them down so
much easier. Tomas, the firms senior Warlock had taken only
minutes to locate each male, concentrating on the jewellery. It
had been decided to leave the whores where they were for the
moment. The older man had been disapointed when he had learnt
what had happened to Jonathan, it meant that he would have to
shell out more money to replace the boy. As soon as the new
place was ready to open, a few people would collect the boys and
make sure that they arrived safely at Sanity. After all, he had
paid fair and square for the four youths, he had every right to
reclaim what belonged to him. Christopher would also be
rejoining the four youths. The warlock had informed Randall
that although the man was stuck for the time being in a child
form, with the right spell, the brothel owner would be able to
change appearances again.

There was a small problem with the ones who had gone back to
Sunnydale. It turns out that they were in contact with the
Slayer, someone that Randall hadn't really believed in but after
seeing a video of the petite blonde staking a few vampires and
killing various demons, he had to admit that the girl was
impressive. The firm was working on a solution of how to get
Andrew and Mathew out from under her nose without drawing
attention to Sanity. The main problem was with Christopher and
Scott living with the very people who had masterminded the raid
on his place. Lindsay had been arctic when he had learned who
was behind the rescue mission but had assured the older man that
everything would be fixed before it was time to collect the five
males. Randall wasn't too sure but he doubted that anyone who
had been involved with the raid would be alive to see the grand
opening of Sanity.

With a sigh, he wondered how Scott's surgery had gone that
morning and hoped that there hadn't been any complications. The
last thing he needed was an unserviceable whore on his hands.
He already had to shell out a load of money to replace Jonathon
and he didn't want to make that two new boys to train. Rolling
up the plan carefully, he rested it by the wall ontop of the
wide bar top.

Things would be different this time, of that he was sure.

Two months after the rescue.

Rolling out of bed, the blond vampire quickly made his
way across the hall and into Xanders room. He swore
to himself as he saw what was causing the banging
sounds from the dimly lit room. The brunette was
huddled into one corner of his bed, smacking his head
into the wall repeatedly. 

Gently, Spike inserted himself between the youth and
the wall, Xander still trying to bang his head.
Shushing noises filled the room as the dark head
showed signs of slowing down the assault on the
vampires chest. The boy was still asleep but suffering
from a deep nightmare, the first of many that arose
each night without fail.

As Xander stopped his actions in total, drifting into
a dreamless sleep, Spike lay the male back under the
bed covers. He moved to the far end of the bed as the
youth curled himself into the fetal position. The
bleached blond sat with crossed legs, waiting to ride
out another nightmare. It had been a hard day, a
temper tantrum from Christopher that had left Cordelia
upset and Xander's physical from the doctor had
resulted in news that no body had wanted to hear.

The youth was going to have to have surgery to repair
the over used muscles. Being constantly used had
resulted in his not having total control over his
bowels, he knew when he needed to go but if he didn't
get to a bathroom within a few minutes of the first
sign, he had an accident. It had humiliated the boy
to learn that yet another invasive procedure would be
his only option, resulting in his retreating to his
room for the rest of the day.

With a sigh, Spike thought that since the moment the
six males had entered the Hyperion, everyones life had
taken a turn for the harder route. Everything had
been fine until Clark had woken up, he had agreed to
what he could to restore the boys to their original
images. Four of the youths, including Xander had been
restored without a problem. They were all looking the
same age as the day they were taken, Clark hadn't been
able to tell the four magic users why and had known
nothing about what the jewellery functioned as apart
from as a storage for the original images. The silver
necklaces and bracelets had so far been unable to be
taken off, no amount of sawing or spell casting had
made a difference. The African-American lad, Jonathan
or Theo as was his real name, had been stuck with
slightly darker skin than what his original was. A
small price to pay, he had said, for being free. 

Christopher had been a shock to everybody, he was
actually not a ten year old but a 33 year old that
still looked like he was 18. Unfortunately with all
the constant glamour placed on his body to be made
into a young boy, he had kept reverting from his
teenager body into a child, no matter how many times
Clark had tried to reverse the glamour. Finally,
Christopher had been stuck in a child's body, his mind
reverting back to fit his body. He had eventually
taken a shine to Cordelia and Doyle, shadowing the
couple like a puppy. As much as everyone was trying
to treat him like an adult, after two months of being
stuck in the child's body, the man was unable to think
beyond Sesame street and the Cartoon Channel.

Willow, Tara, Wesley and Giles had put it down to
misuse of powerful magic, a reminder for all to be
careful in the future when dealing in the art. The
first few days had been full of the former prostitutes
shrieking for Randall and an Adam to help them
whenever another person entered their rooms, Xander
included, eventually it had taken a couple of weeks
for the boys to calm down and accept that they had
been moved from Eternal and longer for them to accept
that they were now free. During those weeks, they had
re learnt what a female was, none of them had seen a
female from the day they had woken in the brothel. It
wasn't that they were afraid of them, they just
weren't used to them being anywhere but in a dream.

All the males, bar Christopher, had been sick almost
constantly with colds, coughs and various sniffles
since being rescued. None of them could remember being
sick while in Eternal. Clark had told the group of
rescuers that none of them had been allowed out and
since they had rarely serviced humans, their immune
system would be down for a long time. The doctor that
visited almost everyday, had confirmed the theory.
Each time the boys were visited by one of the Scooby
gang or L.A. team, they were exposed to a multitude of
infections and viruses and their weakened immune
systems were grabbing at all they could.

Angel had found all the families for the males except
for Christopher and had informed them that their sons
had been kidnapped by a cult. Robin (Andrew) had been
picked up by his younger sister, shocked at first that
she looked older than him. She was two years younger
than him and had been 14 when her older brother had
just disappeared from a party one night. She had
accepted Angels explanation of various experimental
drug use leading to the delayed age development, Robin
still looked 16 years old. After being in Eternal for
four and a half years, he should have been looking his
age of 20 years. It had been a horrifying moment for
the rescuers when they had realised that each one of
the former prostitutes had been born in Sunnydale,
living there for all of their lives. They were still
working on the question of why, Clark had been unable
to help them with that as well, even after the truth
spell had been performed on him.

Theo had been at Eternal since the day it had opened,
over six years ago. He looked older than the rest,
around 18, but he should actually have been 24 years.
Two weeks after he had been picked up by his widowed
mother, he had committed suicide. His mother had
phoned them three weeks later, telling Cordelia that
although her reunited time with her son had been
short, the L.A. team would forever be in her prayers
for finding him. 

It had taken an all day debate between the L.A. of
whether they should tell Xander. Eventually, Doyle
had quietly told the brunette what had happened to his
former work mate. So far, the youth hadn't said much
about it, shrugging when told of the news. Not
unusual, his therapist had said. The brunette wasn't
used to being able to show his feelings and it would
take a long time for him to do so.

Jason's (Patrick) family hadn't wanted anything to do
with him, stating that it was all his own fault.
Apparently he had been a terror as a teenager and the
family had washed their hands of him early on, the
cult story had made no difference to their feelings.
Dr Sawyer had been forced to arrange alternative
housing for the distressed youth, he had refused point
blank to stay in L.A or go back to Sunnydale. Jason
had been put in the care of a Christian Hostel, last
week he had phoned to say thank you to the L.A. team
and had told them that he was having daily therapy
with one of the priests who was in 'the know' about
certain things.

Todd (Mathew) had been taken back to Sunnydale around
the same time as Robin. They were both doing well so
far, living only a ten minute drive from each other. 
Both boys looked around the same age and since Angel
had spun the cult story to both their families, they
were able to lean on each other. The Scooby gang
checked on them every few days to make sure that they
were alright but mainly to keep track of them. Doctor
Sawyer had warned the rescuers that the boys would
probably continue to consider all male demons to be
potential clients until the conditioning was able to
be reversed. Giles had taken to seeing them once a
week each in an effort to get them afraid of demons
again, especially vampires. So far, the therapy was
going well but Giles' meetings with the boys was
proving to be tougher.

Xander had refused to go back to Sunnydale much to the
Scooby's regret. After being told about Anya and
Gunn, he had stated that there was nothing left for
him. He was afraid that he would be caught again if
returned to the Hellmouth. Giles had offered for him
to live at his house but the offer had been turned
down flat. Angel had told the brunette that he was
welcome to stay as long as he wanted. Christopher
looked like staying for a while longer as well, the
brunette vampire was having no luck in trying to get
the young lad to tell him where he used to live. He
had eventually taken a room near Cordelia and Doyle,
he was still having fits of crying and screaming
almost every night but they were starting to get
shorter much to everyones relief.

Spike was snapped out of his thoughts by a tossing and
turning youth. A hand reached out, the blond softly
stroked a restless leg. Xander claimed to know
nothing about his nightmares in the mornings and the
vampire knew it was true. The youth would have been
upset to know that he was being touched, even if it
was done in comfort. The brunette would smile at
whoever was doing it but his eyes would betray his
feelings. He wouldn't allow Cordelia to get near him
physically but they would chatter quietly together
when Xander was feeling sociable. The boy had gone
from being almost hyperactive to being so quiet that
one almost forgot that he was in the room. He had
developed a stutter that dotted itself throughout his
speech. Whenever someone he didn't know came into a
room he was in, he promptly left, refusing all
attempts to engage in conversation.

It had taken his therapist four visits to the hotel
before Xander had stuttered out a hello. Angel's
friend Kate had organised the visits in an apology for
not being able to track down Eternal's owner, Randall
Hargraves before he had disappeared. While she had
been trying to do that, the brothel had been blown up,
killing one detective and wounding two others before
it had been thoroughly picked through by the police. 
It was being investigated as an inside job, carried
out by one of the cops themselves. 

Xander saw Mrs Neal three times a week, for two hours
each session. She had had to stop the home visits when
it had become clear that the brunette was only too
happy to become a recluse and never step foot outside
the Hyperion again. The recovering youth would only
visit Mrs Neal, Dr Sawyer and ventured to the library
with Wesley. The friends thought that they were lucky
he was doing that much, Robin was housebound by
agoraphobia that had him collapsing at the front door
at times. Todd was alright about venturing outside
and liked to visit the other male but was prone to bed
wetting and bouts of nausea.


"Big day tomorrow pet, make you all better" whispered
Spike, continuing to stroke the settled down youth. 
Xander was being admitted to the hospital in the
morning for the operation to repair his anal muscles. 
The blonde was feeling a slight worry about how the
brunette was going to cope with being away from
everyone for a night. Surprisingly it was pretty
simple surgery, they cut out some of the looser excess
muscle and just shortened the remaining length. He
only had to be in hospital overnight.

Spike had no idea of why he was feeling protective
towards the brunette, he had a slight feeling that it
was due to the fact that Xander reminded him of Dru,
used and damaged goods. Being with the youth was as
close to her he was able to get these days. His Sire
had told him since he usually refused to help fighting
with any demons from Doyle's visions, the blond could
remain behind as long as he kept an eye on both Xander
and Christopher. At first he had whinged and thrown a
tantrum a two year old would be proud of, after it had
been expected of him for a few times, he was used to
it. As long as Christopher was watching tv or
colouring in his latest picture book, he never was a
problem. Xander just sat quietly and either watched
tv or read a book. Spike thought that he had the
better deal, he got blood, fags and booze for doing
basically nothing according to his Sire.

Angel knew about how Spike dealt with Xander's
nightmares but had refrained from telling the boy for
fear of upsetting him more. Instead the brunette
vampire had told Mrs Neal who had promised to bring
the subject up in a session soon.

Looking at the boys twitching face, he listened as the
small moans started. Moving closer, Spike got ready to
hold the dark head gently as Xander made a few violent
jerks. Each time was the same, first twitching and
moaning, violent jerking for a few minutes and then it
progressed to head banging. Spike wished he could
spend just one minute in a room alone with Clark and
Randall, should he be found. The greasy lobby jockey
was behind bars after being identified in a few of the
tapes as having sex with Christopher as a child. 
Thankfully the tapes had been enough to incriminate
the man. There had been a few other boys in the tapes
but they had been untraceable. Spike suspected that
Christopher wasn't the only one to have been glamoured
into a child.

With a sigh, he stroked at the soft dark hair and
wondered if Angel would let him stay at the hospital
for a few hours.

Part Two

Cordelia
==========

God, I can't believe that after all he has been
through, he has to have this done to him. To be
damaged and used so much, that he has to have surgery
to enable him to stop messing himself if he doesn't
find a bathroom on time. Xander is one of the bravest
people I know. So many others would have just given
up, curled themselves inwards forever. I don't know
how he gets up each day, where he finds the strength
to keep going. What he has been through has already
claimed one life, poor Theo.

He's so quiet. I would never have thought that one
day, I would be praying for him to babble non-stop
about absolute rubbish. No tears, no screaming since
the day he finally accepted that he was free from
slavery. Mrs Neal says that he will let it all out
one day, he will get angry and kick, scream and cry. 
Throw temper tantrums, smash things and get snappy and
moody. It's all inside of him just waiting to be
allowed out. His therapist has told us all to be
prepared for it and to try and be patient with his
mood swings.

She told us all this during her last house visit,
Spike asked her what if he just kept it all inside
until the day he died. I cried when Mrs Neal replied
that if he did, he wouldn't last very much longer.
Xander was too traumatised to keep on going without
something breaking. Having Xander get angry would be
the best possible thing for him. I don't think she is
right, there is no anger in him, just emptiness.

When I talk to him after dinner sometimes, I want to
hug him and whisper that everything is alright now and
that he is safe. But I can't do that to him, he won't
let me touch him. He won't let any woman touch him
anymore. When Anya tried to give him a hug a few
weeks back, he smiled while he was flinching away from
her. Always that damned smile. There used to be a
time where you didn't have to question whether it was
genuine or not, it used to just radiate happiness from
his very core. Now it lights up his face in a
sickening display of misery and self doubt.

Angel, Wesley, Doyle and even Spike are the only ones
that can get close to him. He just doesn't have any
fear of males and demons anymore. Doyle and I were
arguing over it one day and to prove a point, he
walked so close to Xander that they were touching and
spiked out right in front of him. Spike happened to
come into the kitchen at the same time and after
snapping and growling at us, he waited for Xander to
leave the room before he confirmed that Xander had
been fearless. I talked to Mrs Neal about it the next
day, I have seen her a few times myself. She told me
that it was because Xander was seeing himself as
diseased and dirty, not worthy of being able to be
touched by a loved one. It was common for male rape
victims to resist touching the opposite sex, going
from one extreme to the other. 

The fact that he was a prostitute for demons and
various few humans has conditioned him into never
resisting their touch even to go so far as to start a
sexual encounter if a demon was giving off the right
kind of signals that he was trained to recognise, the
fear of punishment was overriding any natural
instincts. I was in tears all day after that, it was
just too horrible to think that such a kind and gentle
soul had been forced to deal with so much horror. He
hasn't told us anything about his time in Eternal and
I don't think that he ever will. Mrs Neal is wrong,
he won't get angry and he won't have temper tantrums. 
Xander will just keep going until one day, he won't
wake up.

He is dying inside and I can't help him. I can't put
his broken pieces back together. I want so much for
him to give us a genuine smile for once, one that
reaches his eyes. I want Giles to never have aged 20
years overnight when he realised just how bad Xander
was, for Willow to go back to her computer business
and to not worry about setting up a shelter for other
victims like Theo, Robin and Xander. For Anya not to
make herself sick anymore with worrying that, if she
had just kissed him one minute more or less if that
would have made a difference that night, would he have
been not noticed while walking home. For Buffy to
stop blaming herself for not seeing him home, for her
to remember how many times over the years she let him
do just that with nothing happening to him.

I would give anything for Xander to have those years
wiped from his memory. You would think that if there
was a truth spell, there would be a memory loss spell
out there somewhere. I would love to be able to see a
chipless Spike take his frustrations out on Clark and
the still missing Randall, including whoever Adam and
Fletcher are as well.

But, that will never happen. Instead I am trying to
get a scared Xander out of the car and into the
hospital so that he can get better. They will be able
to repair him physically but mentally, I really doubt
it. 

Part Three

Xander watched as the last wisps of Cordelia's hair disappeared
through the doorway. With a noisy swallow, he realised that for
the first time since being rescued, he was completely separated
from his friends. He could deal with this. It was only
overnight and both Wesley and Angel had promised to come by that
night to visit. The brunette wished that the young woman had
been able to stay until he was ready to go into surgery but she
had to get Christopher to his therapy session. Mrs Neal was
going to try light hypnosis on the child/man in an attempt to
learn where he used to live.

Maybe she would be back soon and even bring the little blond
with her? A glance around the small one bed room and Xander
felt his heartbeat accelerate. It was white with trimmings of a
light pumpkin that did nothing to remove the cold sterility.
Pumpkin, orange, yellow, butternut, amber. He hated any colour
that could be linked to orange but here he was, in a room with
the fucking colour. Again.

Orange.

Pumpkin.

Stomach heaving, he lurched from the bed and headed towards the
open bathroom door. Without turning on the light, he tripped
while trying to kneel in front of the porcelain bowl. A loud
grunt echoed around the darkened room as his head connected with
the cool tiles. His stomach continued to roil wildly,
threatening to empty itself upon the white floor. The brunette
knew there was nothing to throw up as he had not eaten since
lunch the day before but obviously his stomach hadn't caught on
yet.

"C..c..cordelia?"

He lay on the smooth tiles, curled up onto his right side. Head
aching from the blow, he wanted to go back to the hotel. The
frightened brunette could feel tears welling, his throat grew
sore and heavy as he tried to stop them flowing.

"Ang..g.g.gel, please c..come and get m..m.me"

Xander knew Cordelia had to drive him to the hospital that
morning because the three men were off doing the good work for
the PTB and that left Spike with Christopher. He knew that but
he couldn't stop himself from asking everybody he knew to come
and get him. Buffy, Joyce, Giles, everyone from Sunnydale and
L.A.

The distressed youth rocked himself, not noticing the cold
seeping into his limbs as the minutes passes. All he knew as
that he was alone, in a dimly lit room and had a terrible
headache.

"Please, I..I don't want b..b..be here anymore. H..home,
please?"

Nobody was going to hear him. They didn't last time so why
would they now? Still, the whispered pleadings started to get
louder as the tears flowed full force. Throat hitching with
every breathe, he tried to ignore his rebellious stomach. Dry
retching, he continued to call for someone to come and get him.
He wanted to go home but he was unsure of where it was anymore.
Sunnydale had ceased to be his home the day he had been
kidnapped. The Hyperion was just a hotel, his room belonging to
Angel. An image of a soft orange room started to form in his
hurting mind, the word 'home' hanging over head of it.

The Eternal, his personal room all decorated in orange. That
was home. It was the only thing he could think of. Xander
started to gasp in long shuddering breathes as he realised that
he couldn't even go back to that horrible little room. There
was nothing left of the Eternal after the explosion. He truly
had nowhere to call home. Finally his stomach managed to hurl
its acrid contents onto the cool tiles, stinging his eyes.
Bitter strands of bile coated the weeping boy's chin as he
proceeded to curl himself up into a tight ball.

"S..s..s.spike, home?"

His tired mind dimly remembered hugging the blonde vampire a few
months ago because he had wanted to feel 'home' for a minute. It
seemed to fit though, Spike and the word home. Comfortable, he
had felt that way while being clasped in the smaller mans arms.
For the first time in years, he had been able to relax into an
embrace without expecting to have to do something in return.
Over and over, he recited his new mantra.

"Spikehomespikehomes..spikehomespikeh..h.homespikehome"

Xander didn't hear his door open nor did he hear the chirpy
voice of his assigned nurse.

"Hello? Hello Mr Harris, are you in the bathroom?"

A quick glance around the small room and the white clad woman
squeaked her way towards the dark room. Melanie was sure she
could hear something from the bathroom. It sounded like someone
chanting. She was just going to take a little peek, didn't want
to distract the patient if he was giving prayer to whatever
diety was being worshipped. Arms held tight to her chest, the
slim asian girl poked her head around the doorway and was
surprised to see her patient on the floor.

"Mr Harris, are you alright? Did you fall or something, are you
hurt?" inquired the trainee nurse. This was her second week in
the ward and all she was supposed to do was make sure the
patients wore the allocated paper gowns, didn't eat or drink
before surgery and had filled out the correct forms. She wasn't
sure what to do. Taking a step forward, she tried to make out
the fast chant coming from the shivering male. Spike something?
Sparkharm? She wasn't sure but she had never heard a chant like
that before. Knowing her luck, she had obviously been stuck
with a looney, a homo one at that as well. She had read the
chart hanging off the bed and had asked one of the older nurses
what the operation was before joining in the collective 'ick' at
the thought of two men doing *that*. This one would not be
going to Paradise when his time came that was for sure.

"Mr Harris, come on. Lets get you into the gown and into bed
before the doctor comes ok?"

Another step forward and she bent down next to the chanting
male. Melanie really didn't want to touch him but she needed to
in order to get him up. A hand reached out and she gently shook
the firm shoulder.

"Spikehomespikeh..h.homespikehome....Spike?"

"No Mr Harris, my name is Melanie and I need to get you into
your gown, so how about we get up?"

"D..d.d.don't touch me!"

Xander froze upon the cool tiles, heart beating rapidly as the
unfamiliar woman tried to hoist him to his feet. He tried again
to ask the nurse not to touch him but it was ignored as she
chattered on about getting ready for surgery. At the mere
mention, the brunette felt his stomach clench and he dry
retched. The dried tears threatened to flow again as he
requested once more for the nurse not to touch him.

"DON'T T..T..TOUCH M.ME!"

Melanie sighed as the bellow richoted off the tiled walls, her
mother had warned her that life would be difficult once out of
the small country town but she had been so sure that nursing
would be her life. Now, she was thinking that her mother had
been right all along. With one hand still clasped around the
upper arm, she gave an almighty tug.

"Aaaaaahhhhhh!"

The nurse winced as the high pitched scream almost pierced her
ears. She would have to go and get help, this one was being
just plain stupid. Dropping the shaking limb, she walked over
to the door and flicked on the light switch. With a glance at
the brunette male huddled on the floor, she was shocked to see
blood on his temple. The young man looked like a scared wounded
animal, all big eyed and cringing away from her.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry Mr Harris. I'll just go and get another
nurse"

The youth stared into space, not even registering that the young
girl had left. He had been touched. She had *touched* him.

"Spike, p..please come a..a.and get me"

He wanted home. Curling back up into a ball, he resumed his
mantra. He didn't take any notice when two figures appeared in
the doorway, only letting out a wild scream as his shoulder was
touched again. The brunette patient thrashed and kicked at the
hands that grabbed at him, all the time shrieking for them not
to touch him.

The blond made his way up the brightly lit emergency stair case,
heading to floor four. He was anxious to find out why he had
been called to the hospital. Spike knew that it was too soon
for the surgery to be over and hoped that nothing had gone wrong
during the procedure. The nurse who had phoned had only told
him to come straightaway. The vampire had a really bad feeling
that something was way off with the brunette.

Finally reaching the fourth floor exit door, he pushed the heavy
door open and entered a busy corridor. With a casual glance at
the action that surrounded him, he quickly strode forward
towards ward 7 and the nurses station. He banged hard on the
glass partition to catch the giggling nurses attention,
startling all four of them and causing them to blush. He
ignored the hastily stashed magazine that was slammed into a
drawer, growing impatient to know why his presence had been
required. Snapping out a request to see Damien, he was told to
wait for a moment.

"Look, what's wrong with Harris. He came in here for a simple
operation, now what's happened?"

At the snarled question, the dark skinned male nurse informed
the vampire that the brunette might not be able to have able to
have the operation that day due to him being unstable, his
allotted time having been moved to last on the list. Spike
demanded to know exactly what 'unstable' meant. He had to force
himself not to vamp out when the answer revealed that Xander had
assaulted two nurses, injuring them both. The blond was stunned
by the words, there was no way the timid youth would lash out at
someone. Not now, not the way he hated anybody to touch him.

"What the fuck do you want me to do? What the hell did you
arseholes do to him?"

Spike wanted a fag really bad, he was trying to imagine the
brunette hitting someone and nothing was coming to mind. He
demanded to see Xander and after arguing with the nurse, he was
told that the youth had to be taken home anyway if he didn't
calm down soon. Following the nurse, he walked down the
corridor while dodging the random shards of sunlight that
decorated the vinyl floor. Thank fuck for the muslims and
burqua's he thought. He had taken off the black head to toe
covering when he had reached the saftey of the emergency
staircase. The two vampires only wore the black shroud like
covering when it was absolutely necessary. The thick material
offered them a temporary cover from the sun and when combined
with the strongest sunscreen and long black gloves, the vampires
only experienced an intense heat when out in the sun. They
could only spend around twenty minutes in the sun before they
started to smoke and the heat became too painful to bear.

It was this simple covering that had enabled Spike to get to the
hospital so quickly, arriving by the sewer system would have
taken him just under an hour. As soon as he had hung up the
phone, he had smothered himself with a thick layer of Ultra Plus
sunscreen, making sure to cover every inch of his face, neck and
hands. Once done, he had quickly thrown on a long sleeved high
neck top and long black gloves. The finishing touch had been to
drape the large black sheet over his head and let the hem fall
to the floor, almost covering his Docs. Grabbing the petty cash
tin Angel thought he had hidden away, Spike gave it a few hard
smacks against the hotel foyer floor and relieved from the tin
all of its contents, $138.55.

Dashing out of the doors, he had run down the street as fast as
possible, ignoring the instant burn from the sun in order to get
a taxi. He had wanted to get as close to the main doors as
possible, taking his car meant that he would have had to park at
the far end of the carpark or have it towed away after parking
closer to the entrance. The taxi ride had only taken him 10
minutes, dropping him off to one side of the hospital after
getting stuck in a long line of cars that was attempting to get
a car park. The vampire had started to run towards the large
glass doors when he had spied the emergency exit and had taken
them instead.

Damien stopped just outside room 23, making a move to push past
the taller man, the blond was stopped from going in by a few
words.

"We had to restrain him, don't be alarmed by the cuffs. It's
just so he won't hurt himself...wha..oh shit!"

Spike sneered as the dark nurse ran down the hallway, game face
in full view. With a hard shove, he pushed the door open and
took in the sight that greeted him in the dim room.

"Jesus!"

Xander was crying, tears running down his face. He was laying
flat on his back with both wrists and ankles strapped to the
raised bed rail. His head was weakly thrashing from side to
side as he softly moaned with each breathe.

"Pet, pet I'm here now. It's alright"

The vampire shivered and took a step backwards as the brunette
opened his eyes and stared towards him, it was Dru looking
straight back at him. The large wounded seal eyes were full of
misery, the youths face was wearing the most horrible smile he
had ever seen and there was a cut on his temple.

"Ssspiiiike?"

With a snarl, the blond realised that Xander had been drugged,
probably in an effort to calm him down enough so that he could
be strapped down onto the bed. A few steps forward took him to
the bed's edge, seconds later all the straps were undone and the
vampire was sitting on the bed as the brunette curled into a
tight fetal position. Spike wanted to pet at the boy just like
he had with Drusilla when she had gotten distressed like this
but he refrained, knowing that it would only make things worse.
He shoved the black bundle he had been holding onto one of the
two visitors chairs, shuddering when he heard the boy start to
sob louder.

"H..hooome, pleeaaase"

Spike was furious, how this could happen when the brunette had
only come in for a single operation and an overnight stay, he
had no idea but was determined to find out. He couldn't call
the office bint as she was at therapy with Whelp Junior, he
would have to call Angel down to deal with the staff. Hopefully
the other three men were done dealing with the current demon
crisis. Pulling the rooms phone over closer, he dialed the
switchboard and got them to connect him through to his Sire's
mobile. Once connected, the bleached blond snarled at the older
vampire to get himself to the hospital straight away and to
bring the others with him. Phone slammed down, the vampire had
no intention of moving from the pleading boy's side. Xander was
weeping and begging to go home, his stutter more slurred and
slower due to the drugs he had been given.

'Bloody fuck Sire, get here soon. What the hell else can go
wrong for this brat?"

Head shaken, Spike prepared himself for the fireworks that were
sure to happen once Angel found out what had happened to the
timid lad. If there was still a chance that the youth could go
for surgery that day, then the vampire wasn't going to move the
boy. He needed the operation and it was best to get it over and
done with. Putting it off would only distress the boy when he
had to go back into hospital again. The vampire was unable to
enjoy the youths misery, had it been a few years earlier and in
Sunnydale, he would have laughed himself stupid at how miserable
the young man was. Ever since rescuing the boy and then taking
the time to stop the male hurting himself while he slept, Spike
had found that whenever he thought of Dru, Xander's image was
lurking in the background.

Sighing, the blond listened as the pleading got quieter. While
he waited for his Sire to turn up, he wondered how badly this
incident would scar the fragile mind.

Part Four

The Road to recovery 4/?

25 July, 2004

With the tv flicked off, the grey haired man hefted himself out of the cool leather armchair. He strode over to the little bar area set up in one corner of the large guestroom. Pouring himself another bourbon, Randall was pleased with the results of the police invesigation into the Eternal. Apart from the incriminating video tapes of Clark with Christopher and the other glamoured whores, there was so far nothing that could be pinned on him.

The annoying blonde detective had been thrown off his track by finding a badly decomposed corpse that had been shot through the head twice, making it look like a business deal gone bad. Wolfram and Hart had arranged the whole thing, right down to the corpse having the same dental records as Randall. As far as anyone knew, Randall Hargraves had been murdered by a business associate. The lawyer he dealt with most, Lindsay, had managed to somehow make documents appear that made Eternal look like it was going under due to bad investments and murky underworld dealings. Mr McDonnell had persuaded one of Randall's old staff members to turn himself in as the mystery bomber after wafting a tempter of almost two million dollars to do so. The man had pleaded guilty to the bomb and went to jail for a minimum of 6 years. Unfortunatly, Kirk had been bashed to death two weeks into the sentence.

What a shame thought the former brothel owner, the man had been such a good worker for the human side but like he always said, in business you either sink or swim and swimming was what he always did. Bourban finished, he turned his attention to the rolled up floor plans that were lying ontop of the bar. Unfurling the largest, he anchored the edges with the empty glass and bourban bottle, making sure not to get the detailed plans sticky with alcohol. A huge grin lined the older mans face as he looked over the plans once more.

The blue and white detailed drawings showed Randalls new project, Sanity. It was going to be a brothel/bar for demons in which they could relax after a hard day or night with the companion of their choice. It was still in the final stages of planning but hopefully in a few months, building could start. Wolfram and Hart had been so helpful with everything. The firm had indicated that they had considered Eternal to be essential in helping the lawyers deal with the more agitated clients. Apparantly nearly all the demons who had taken up on the offer of the Eternal had been easy to deal with the next day. Henceforth their interest in setting up another brothel.

Randall was ecstatic to be nearly back in business again. He wouldn't be the sole owner this time but as long as things ran his way, he wasn't too fussed. Adam and Fletcher had been sent down to Mexico to wait until things were ready to start up again while the older man was staying with one of the top senior partners of the law firm. So far everything was going according to the plan.

He was thankful more than ever for the silver braclets and necklaces that each boy wore, it had made tracking them down so much easier. Tomas, the firms senior Warlock had taken only minutes to locate each male, concentrating on the jewellery. It had been decided to leave the whores where they were for the moment. The older man had been disapointed when he had learnt what had happened to Jonathan, it meant that he would have to shell out more money to replace the boy. As soon as the new place was ready to open, a few people would collect the boys and make sure that they arrived safely at Sanity. After all, he had paid fair and square for the four youths, he had every right to reclaim what belonged to him. Christopher would also be rejoining the four youths. The warlock had informed Randall that although the man was stuck for the time being in a child form, with the right spell, the brothel owner would be able to change appearances again.

There was a small problem with the ones who had gone back to Sunnydale. It turns out that they were in contact with the Slayer, someone that Randall hadn't really believed in but after seeing a video of the petite blonde staking a few vampires and killing various demons, he had to admit that the girl was impressive. The firm was working on a solution of how to get Andrew and Mathew out from under her nose without drawing attention to Sanity. The main problem was with Christopher and Scott living with the very people who had masterminded the raid on his place. Lindsay had been arctic when he had learned who was behind the rescue mission but had assured the older man that everything would be fixed before it was time to collect the five males. Randall wasn't too sure but he doubted that anyone who had been involved with the raid would be alive to see the grand opening of Sanity.

With a sigh, he wondered how Scott's surgery had gone that morning and hoped that there hadn't been any complications. The last thing he needed was an unserviceable whore on his hands. He already had to shell out a load of money to replace Jonathon and he didn't want to make that two new boys to train. Rolling up the plan carefully, he rested it by the wall ontop of the wide bar top.

Things would be different this time, of that he was sure.

Part Five

July 23, 2004

Staring in to space, Angel knew that he had a tough descion to
make. One that would affect two lives. Xander and his Childe
Spike. Hands clasped behind his head as he sat in his office
chair, the dark vampire wondered just what the hell he was going
to do. After the hospital episode only three day's ago, so much
had happened, it was hard to think straight.

Eternal's owner, Randall Hargraves, had been found rotting in an
abandened warehouse. With that discovery, the chance to find
out more about the slave ring had been lost, none of the boys
could remember how they got taken or by whom. Christopher
remembered that he had lived in Sunnydale while a little child
but was still blocking out almost everything else before his
tenure as a prostitute at Eternal. It was still a big step for
the man but not enough to get excited about.

Kate had called him two day's ago to warn him that there were
numerous porn tapes featuring the enslaved boys out on the
market, they were apparantly aimed at fetish enthusiasts. Angel
had felt sick when the blonde detective had confirmed his fears
over Xander's involvement in them. Yesterday, she had dropped
off four large boxes of videos from the survellance system from
the brothel. She hadn't been able to drop them off before hand
as she had had to wait until the uproar had died down a little
before making them vanish from the evidence room. All tapes
featuring human clients had stayed, any tapes featuring demons
were now residing next to the vampires desk.

There was one she had specifically wanted him to see in the
hopes of identifing the featured youth. Kate had warned him
that she had only been able to watch the first 20 minutes before
she had been too sick to see the rest. The tape titled 'David'
was still sitting on top of his desk waiting to be watched.

Suprisingly enough, these were the least of his problems.
Xander and Spike were the foremost problem at the moment. The
brunette youth had finally come out of his drugged weepings as
the doctor had agreed to re schedule the surgery. It had taken
all of Wesley and Doyle's strength to hold Angel back from
killing every nurse on the ward after Xander had managed to
stutter out what had gone on after Cordelia had left him. After
almost two hours of talking, pleading and tears from Xander, all
four men had convinced him to stay for the surgery, Spike
promising to stay until an hour before sunrise. Doyle had then
promised to be there when Spike left.

Throughout all the bargining with Xander, his Childe had sat on
the bed as close to the youth as he was allowed. At first Angel
hadn't really taken any notice of it, after all Spike was the
one who soothed Xander's nightmares each night. It was when the
young man had grabbed at Spike's hand to stop him from leaving
for a smoke that had alerted Angel to the growing problem. He
had felt both Wesley's and Doyle's shock at not hearing the
blond vampire start whinging at not being able to leave for a
quick puff in a stairwell.

Spike had sat back down and let the brunette cling to his
smaller hand. The older vampire had cursed silently to himself
when he realised what was happening between the two males. He
knew that neither one had any idea of what this simple gesture
could turn into in the near future. It really was all Angels
fault, only he was to blame.

No one, apart from Darla, The Master, Spike, Drusilla and
himself, knew that he had originally created four Childer, not
the recorded three. He had only planned on three but Spike had
been turned out of sheer desperation not out of lust or from the
need to possess the beautiful male. Angel had allowed the
popular theory of him lusting for the younger vampire to
validate his turning of Spike to save himself some humiliation
over having an unwanted Childe.

Sighing, Angel caught up with reality. Firmly shoving his
memories behind their gilded cage, he once again wondered just
what to do. Either he encouraged Spike's protectivness of the
brunette and gave the boy someone to lean on until he was able
to look after himself better or he could send the vampire away,
cutting the cotton thin bonds that were beginning to form
between the two before it got out of hand on Spike's part.

If he encouraged the blond, he would be reassured that Xander
would never be left on his own again, Spike would always be
around to do everything for the youth. The only problem with
that, was Spike would isolate the boy in his drive to protect
him. The good side was that he would forever be defended from
any demon who made a pass at the brunette.

Sending the vampire away would force the youth to stand on his
own two feet a little more, making him latch onto another
support person who would be able to do all the normal human
things with him. He would have to learn how to socialise again
without someone backing him up all the time. Without the
vampire being around to scare off any potential friends for the
youth, Xander would eventually make one or two friends from
outside the Sunnydale and L.A. groups. The downside was that he
wouldn't have the smell of a Master Vampire lingering on him to
discourage any unwanted demon suitors, nor would the blond be
around to get him out of any sticky situations. Angel very much
doubted if the brunette would ever be able to defend himself
against any sort of attack in the future, even after the
hospital episode. After it had been painstakingly explained
about Xander's experiences over the last few years, the nurses
had agreed not to press charges on the youth.

Cordelia had been ropable when she had found out about what had
happened only calming down when Doyle had told her about his
promise to Xander. In the end, it had been both Doyle and
Cordelia who had relived Spike at the hospital, leaving Angel
and Wesley to pick Xander up just after sunset.

With a groan, Angel realized he was going to need a second
opinion to the dilemma. He didn't want to release his Childe
back down to Sunnydale but if it was going to be detrimental to
Xander's health in the future, it looked like he was going to
have no choice. Wesley was just about to get an insight into
the relationship between Angelus, his Sire and Grandsire and his
Childer that was written no where in a Watchers book.

It was all his own fault that he had a headache, he should have
taken better care of Clarice.

Part Six

"Wes, can I talk with you for moment?"

The uncertainy in Angel's voice alerted the ex-watcher that
there was something bothering the older vampire. A quick nod
and smile at his lover, he set down the book he was reading,
leaving his room to set off after the black clad vampire. A few
quick steps to catch up to Angels longer strides and Wesley was
curious to see that they were heading towards the boiler room.
He didn't ask why, just following the broad back down into the
warm room.

After being curtly told to sit, Wesley was amused to see Angel
methodically check every corner in the room before shutting the
door, locking it from the inside. Patting the box beside him,
the human waited for the taller man to sit beside him.

"What's wrong? What's got you so broody now?"

A brief scowl from Angel at the word "broody' and Wesley was
made to promise never to tell what he was about to hear. The
ex-watcher could feel his heartrate increase tenfold as he
nodded his agreement, the smile wiped from his face at the
serious tone. He could almost see the uneasiness radiating off
the older man. His boss was anxious, that much was clear.

"Please don't interupt me during this Wes. Only Spike,
Drusilla, The Master, Darla and myself know what I'm about to
tell you. Of all things that have been recorded by the
Watchers, this never has."

At the younger man's encouraging nod, the vampire stunned his
lover with his next words.

" As you know, I made Penn, Drusilla and Spike. What has never
been known, is that before Spike, I made a Childe named
Clarice."

Holding up his hand to stop the question forming on Wesley's
lips, Angel continued.

"Two years after I made Drusilla and a year after Penn left the
clan to explore on his own, it was decided by Darla that it was
time to introduce her to The Master. I don't need to explain
how her mind works to you, I'm sure that you have read the
Watcher Diaries."

Wesley wriggled around on top of his box, trying to get
comfortable. It looked like the brooding vampire was going to
take a while.

"The Master was pleased that a Grandchilde of his had managed to
turn such an unique Childe of their own. He had thrown a party
for Drusilla and all had gone well until I took my attention
from her for little more than a minute. The next thing I knew,
Drusilla was in the process of embarassing some of The Master's
oldest Childer, older than Darla herself. It was only the
saving grace of The Master himself that stopped Khan and The
Knight from dusting her right there and then."

The brunette shuddered when he remembered just how close he had
been to being dusted right along with his Childe that night.

"Needless to say the party went downhill from there on. Darla
sent me away in disgrace for failing to control Drusilla. The
Master had a 'talk' with me later that night, just before Dru
and I were due to go back to England. He indicated that he
wanted me back for his next feast, due in just over four years,
but without the charming Drusilla. I was specifically told not
to destroy her as her 'gift' was too precious to waste"

With a deep breathe, he rubbed his hand absently over Wesley's
warm one that had settled on his cool thigh and continued the
story.

"In fact, the only option I was given, was to train a minion to
look after her during my time in The Master's Court. Four years
was not enough time to train a minion properly to look after
such a demanding creature as Drusilla. So, I decided to create
another Childe just for the sole purpose of looking after Dru.
With all the extra Sire blood a Childe got during the early
months of rearing, even though Drusilla would be older, they
would be in more control than a mere minion."

"Keep going Angel, I'm understanding it all so far"

"Thanks Wes, it's just so hard. I've tried to actually forget
about Clarice. Anyway, back in England with only three years
and 10 months until I was to be back in the Court, I wandered
the streets of London for almost four months just looking for
the perfect candidate. After being 'scolded' by Darla and then
having The Master give me a personal talking to, there was no
way that I would accept anything but the best. Eventually I came
across a girl who was well known in an upper class neighbourhood
for her charitable work with the sick. I had struck gold with
Clarice. She was gentle, kind, intelligent and well bred. Best
of all, she was a born nuturer, just the type of Childe that I
wanted for Drusilla."

Angel gave Wesley a crooked grin as his larger hand was squeezed
gently.

"As you know, when someone is turned, all of those attributes
are thrown out by the demon that takes residence in their
bodies. There is a way however of creating an almost subliminal
set of instructions in a new born Childe that will stay with
them until they either get dusted or the one who planted them
gets dusted. I had no idea that it was even possible to do it
until The Master told me that you could. All you really do is
repeat a few very explicit sentences during the whole time they
are slumbering until they wake for the first time as a vampire.
So, with that in mind, I snatched Clarice one night and turned
her. I sat the whole night next to her just telling her that
Drusilla was always to come before her and that her whole
purpose of being was to look after Drusilla. Clarice was to
defend her to the death, bathe and dress her, do her hair if
neccessary. She was to be Drusillas maid until either one got
dusted."

Taking an uneeded breathe, Angel refused to look at the man
beside him as his guilt got bigger.

"Over and over that night, I imprinted on her fledgling mind
that she was to show compassion for the insane vampire. Clarice
was to be her shadow from that time on. It worked too, the
first word Clarice spoke when she woke was Drusilla. As her
Sire, she would defer to me naturally but she would really
belong to Drusilla. All was going along smoothly. Clarice was
smart, she took to Drusilla like I had hoped and after the first
year and a half, I really didn't need to check up on them. Nor
did I have to follow them out whenever they went hunting
together."

The brunette vampire could feel the heat being thrown of Wesley
as the younger man struggled to keep his mouth closed, barring
all the questions that he wanted to ask.

"One night, about six months before I was due to leave for
Venice and The Master's Court, I recieved a letter from Darla to
say that she had forgiven me about Drusillas debutante party.
In the mood for celebrating, Drusilla, Clarice and myself, went
out to see the Wicker Man Festival being held in a local town
not far from the large mansion we had taken over. It was really
just a bunch of drunken yokels dancing around a huge bonfire
that held a massive figure of a man made out of latticed
woodwork. Drusilla was enchanted by the sight, pulling both
Clarice and myself closer to the fire until we were almost
scorched by the heat. It was then that Drusilla decided to
start whining about how Clarice was about to leave her. I had
no idea what she was going on about and after seeing that the
younger vampire was having problems calming her down, I had
decided to take matters into my own hands, classic Angelus style
with a fist. What happened next will haunt me forever. As I
drew my fist back to smack at Drusilla, I bumped Clarice behind
me, in turn sending her backwards into a few drunk humans. The
drunken sods took insult at that and shoved her towards the
bonfire. She was still so new, that the intense heat made her
panick and instead of letting me grab at her so that I could
pull her away from it, she tried to dodge my hand and instead
ended up tripping over another drunk, ending up in the fire
itself."

Rubbing at his face, Angel chanced a look at the man sitting
beside him. He was reassured by the calm look on his lover's
face, pleased that he could smell no anger on him.

"She was dusted pretty much in an instant. If she had been even
a few years older, then she probably would have survived the
horrendus burning. I just grabbed at Drusilla and ran to the
carriage, urging the minion to take us straight to London and
not to worry about the minions back at the mansion. All through
the lenghty trip, Dru kept weeping and moaning about Clarice. I
tried to shut her up but I was too shocked by what had just
happened. I should have know better than to let Drusilla get so
close to the fire. Anyway, just as we hit the outskirts of
London, Dru stopped her weeping and told me that the blue eyed
boy was going to look after her until she met the grey eyed one.
Yet again I had no idea what she was babbling about, all I
could think of was that I now had less than six months to train
another Childe for Drusilla. Once we had reached Darla's London
home, I made sure that Drusilla was fed and in bed before
leaving a few minions to look after her. I was furious and
hated the idea of making another Childe but out onto the streets
I went with the sole purpose of picking someone up and turning
them that very night."

"Jesus Christ Angel, I'm sorry but shit!"

"Yeah, I know Wes. Blue eyes. That was what my lovely phsycic
had told me so blue eyes were what she was going to get, I just
ignored her reference to the grey eyes. I figured that The
Master would see her again as he was the only one that I knew at
that time that had grey eyes. I looked everywhere for a blue
eyed youth but at 3am in London in those days, the pickings were
slim to say the least. For hours I looked until just as I was
about to admit defeat and go back to the house, this slender
brown headed man came out of a doorway opposite me. It was
obvious from his dress that he was on his way to work as a
baker's apprentice. With a whistle in his direction, he turned
to look at me and I saw that his eyes were blue. That pretty
much sealed his fate. I didn't even notice how pretty he was
until I had him back at the house and on the floor of the spare
bedroom. This time, I couldn't take any chances at the
instructions not setting into his fledgling mind."

Another quick hand squeezed from Wes and he was set to resume
the story.

"Even as I was feeding off him, I had him turned so that his
last vision would be of the large portrait of Drusilla. I
mentally voiced the words 'protection' and 'Drusilla' to him
over and over as I drained the last of his blood and again I
repeated it to him as he feed from me. All throughout his
twighlight slumber, I yelled at him that he was to put Drusilla
first and to protect her to the death no matter what. He was to
defer to all her wishes unless he knew that it was going to put
her in danger. I shrieked at him that he didn't matter unless
he was looking after a brown eyed brunette. I shouted those
*exact* words at him a good few times. All during the time I
was with Clarice in her slumber, I had only whispered at her but
this time I had been yelling at the top of my voice at the
smaller male. Eventually he woke up and again it had worked as
he asked for Drusilla as soon as he had stopped feeding from me.
It was only a few day's later that I realised just what I had
Sired. A loud, rude, uncouth Fledgling. He was nasty, mean and
quick tempered to everyone except Drusilla. William barely even
tolerated me, his Sire coming into contact with Dru. The first
few minions that came within touching distance of Drusilla were
torn apart before I could stop it."

A bitter laugh echoed throughout the room as Angel hung his
head. He was ashamed that he had created such Childer as Spike
and Drusilla. People who would have had such normal happy lives
if he hadn't destroyed them.

"It took weeks of beatings, torture and rapes to make him submit
to me. In the end it took me constantly belittling him,
deriding his whole being that made him stop growling and
snarling every time I went near Drusilla. William wasn't just
protecting her, he was obsessed with her. I had gone too far
with the instructing while he was slumbering. Drusilla was
happy and actually took to him better than Clarice, that was one
of the very few things that stopped me from staking him during
the first week, that and the fact that I was running out of
time. I hated him, I loathed every fibre of his body. He was
everything that Clarice wasn't, he was lower class, illiterate,
had a shocking accent and had no respect for his Sire. I took
great delight in comparing him to the dusted Clarice and
pointing out how much better she would have done a task than he
did when I set one for him. I broke his fingers and ribs too
many times to count when he was taking too long with any task I
set for him, be it learning to read or even working the
intricate hairstyles that Dru so loved. I just didn't have the
time to train him properly, he was a total rush job. I had to
get three years worth of training into a handful of months. The
way I treated both Clarice and Drusilla was soft compared to the
way I bullied and beat my way with William."

"Fuck me!"

"Almost six months after I had turned William, I left for Venice
and The Master. Darla was happy about the new Childe even after
I had told her about the disaster with Clarice. She came back
over with me to meet her new Grandchilde only to be shocked at
how rude and arrogant he was and expressed her dislike in a very
painful way. From then on, I treated him as worse than a
minion, just like a savage dog that need to be kicked every time
it was passed. The only one who showed him any kindness was
Drusilla in her odd way. I gave him a dog's name, Spike and was
amused when it stuck. If ever he snapped at me too much, I
would either discipline him or humiliate him by giving him to
the minions to use as they pleased until either I had decided it
was enough or Drusilla wanted to go out hunting. That went on
for a good few years, only stopping when I go bored with it all.
He eventually settled down into the role of the youngest
Childer and after a few mishaps, asserted himself over the
minions."

"Uh...um, ok?"

"Although I never stopped disliking him, I did occasionally go
out hunting with Drusilla, Spike always by her side. I was
proud in a way that my youngest Childe was sticking so true to
his training. This went on for more years than I care to
remember until the fateful holiday with Darla in Romania and you
know what happened after that. Spike was never intended to
happen, he was unplanned and unwanted from day one."

"Right. Um, why did you tell me all that?"

"I have a problem. Spike is unknowingly following his set of
instructions by starting to fixate on Xander. You have to look
on it from his point of view. Xander is brunette, dark eyed and
extremley needy at the moment. That hand holding incident at
the hospital a few days ago wasn't the first time that Spike has
comforted Xander. Spike is helping the boy through nightmares
every night by holding him while he sleeps. Have you noticed
that Spike is just a few notches gentler with Xander than he is
with everybody else?"

"No, I haven't, what the hell are we going to do? I mean in one
way it might be good to know that Xander is being protected but
an obsessed vampire in the hotel is something that I don't want
to live close too"

Wesley was shocked by what Angel had revealed. He had never
heard of Clarice and had always bought into the theroy that
Angelus picked Spike for his beauty. The man had no idea of
what to do and knew that his lover was stuck with the very
dilemma himself.

Part Seven

"So, Xander. Tell me, how are you feeling today?" 

"A..a..alright I guess" 

"How did the operation go?" 

"D..Dr. Sawyer s..s.said everything was f..fine" 

"Ah. How do you feel about being back at home after the 
hospital?" 

"I..I don't kn..kn..know. It's a..a hotel" 

"Yes, yes it is. Home for the moment though isn't it?" 

"No!" 

The grey haired woman arched her eyebrow at the strong tone in 
the brunette´s voice. Barbara Neal sat in a hard armchair next 
to her patients bed. She hadn't wanted the quiet youth to miss 
out on a session due to him being confined to bed for a few 
day's. This was the first opportunity after the disaster at the 
hospital she had had to visit Xander and she was curious to find 
out what was the cause to him lashing out at the nurses. Mrs 
Neal knew that he had kicked and punched at them out of fear of 
being touched by them, but how he had ended up on the floor in 
the bathroom was another question. 

"No? Why do you say that, this is *your* room isn't it?" 

"I..i..i'ts Angel's room, n..n.n.not mine. C..can't go 
b..b.back to the ap..p.partment. That's Willow and T.Tara's. 
Can't g..go back to Sunnyd..d.d.dale" 

"I'm sure that Angel has told you that you can live here as long 
as you want, that makes this your room until you move out and 
your room anytime that you want to come back" 

Barbara knew that the youth was on the verge of opening up. He 
hadn't spoken one word during his first few sessions, just sat 
and listened to her prattle on about the weather and what was on 
tv. Bit by bit he had stuttered a few words, answering her 
questions in such a quiet voice, she had had to strain to hear 
him. As the sessions had gone by, his level of speaking had 
showed improvement and he was now offering more information 
whenever she asked questions. He was no longer concentrating 
his attention on the floor in front of him, although he still 
tended to answer to Scott rather than Xander. This wasn't going 
in the direction that she had hoped for but depending on where 
it would lead, she would entertain this train of questions. 

"Yes b..but is.isn't m.m..mine. Nothing is m..m..mine!" 

"You have your things in Sunnydale, your comics.." 

"NO!" 

Mrs Neal felt a flush of excitment flow through her as Xander 
raised his voice for the first time since entering into the 
session, almost at the breakthrough. The brunette was starting 
to fidget and had stopped looking at her, staring at the wall 
behind her. 

"Xander? Xander, look at me. I want you to tell me what is 
yours" 

"N..nothing" 

The short plump woman sat with legs crossed while she waited for 
the youth to continue. She could feel the waiting outburst 
straining against the brunette´s desire never to tell anyone 
what 
had happened at the brothel. Xander laid on his side, facing 
his 
therapist, eyes darting around the room. He wasn't feeling 
well, he wanted a glass of water but he didn't want to stagger 
around the room with someone watching him. After a few minutes 
the growing tension was too much for him to bear. 

"He..he took everything a..a..away and left m.m..me with 
nothing" 

"Who did that Xander?" 

Xander felt the tears well up behind his eyes, gulping back the 
dry heaves that started. He couldn't help it. Shaking his 
head, he tried to blink them away only to start getting 
frustrated when they trailed down his cheeks. Hand raised, he 
wiped furiously at his eyes. Stars bloomed into his vision as 
he rubbed at the tears. Chest heaving, he sobbed uncontrollably 
into his bedsheets, not caring that he was being watched. The 
therapist looked on as her patient finally broke down into the 
second phase of recovery. As horrible as it was, Xander had to 
go through a "why me?" state of mind before he could move on to 
some healthy anger. Being forced into service as prostitutes 
had made all the boys bar Christopher skip the first phase of 
recovery, denial that they were raped. If it had only happened 
that once to them, then they could have denied that it had ever 
occured but after the long years of service, the stark reality 
was all too clear. 

"Just let it out Xander, this is good for you" 

"H..he" 

"Ssshhh! Don't talk at the moment, cry all you like" 

With that, the sobbing got louder until it was bouncing off the 
walls. The brunette pressed the thick blanket covering him, 
almost the whole way into his mouth, muffling his screams as 
Barbara quickly got up. She knew that he needed physical 
comfort, just someone to hold him while he finally let out a 
small portion of agony from inside himself. Head popped around 
the doorway, she called down the stairs for someone to come up. 
Looking back at Xander, she saw that he had managed to curl 
himself into a tight ball. Barbara was sure that it didn't bode 
well for his stitches. 

Another glance back at the screaming brunette and the therapist 
ran down the stairs to find one of the youths friends. She 
could hear the screaming get louder, the blanket covering his 
mouth must have fallen away. Barbara turned abruptly on one 
heel and ran back up the stairs, towards the room as she heard 
loud thuds coming from Xander's room. She groaned inwardly as 
she saw her patient hysterically sobbing and thumping the back 
of his head into the wall beside the bed. 

"Xander? Come on Xander, stop. You'll hurt yourself. Crying 
is good, screaming too but hurting yourself isn't" 

The small woman knew that the youth was blocking out all sound 
except for his own wailing, his head thumping was an attempt to 
take his mind off the memories. He hadn't denied what had 
happened at the brothel but he had told no one about the details 
of his work, something he was going to have to do before much 
longer if he didn't want to get sick from the stress of keeping 
it in completely. Where the hell was everybody? 

Taking matters into her own hands, Barbara sat on the bed and 
grasped gently at the brunette head only to start deflecting the 
slaps that came her way. Xander wasn't even aiming for her, 
just trying to make who ever it was touching him to go away. 
Throughout it all, she kept up a steady stream of soft 
comforting words. Barbara could hear the screaming get more 
guttural and wilder, spittal forming at the corner of the youths 
mouth. This was getting bad, if he didn't start to calm down in 
the next few minutes, she would have to sedate him. The 
only good thing was, in order to slap at her, Xander had had to 
stop banging his head against the wall. 

Barbara sensed a presence next to her and whirling her head 
around, she saw Christopher staring at the scene before him. She 
took her attention off the frothing brunette for a moment and 
curtly told the young man to get her bag from the kitchen and to 
find someone else to come into Xanders room. With a quick nod, 
the little blond ran down the stairs as fast as he could. He 
had only come up to see what the noise was, Scott didn't like 
anyone in his room and Christpher was hoping that he wasn't 
going to get into trouble. 

"CORDELIA? DOYLE?" 

Racing into the large kitchen, the child/man grabbed at the 
large black bag sitting on the kitchen bench. He couldn't see 
anyone else around, maybe Spike would be somewhere. 
Christopher hefted the heavy bag into his arms, gripping it to 
his small chest tightly. Yelling for Angel or Wesley to help 
him, he dithered for a moment before shouting for Spike. 

He didn't like the blond man, he was creepy, so was Angel but 
Wesley liked Angel so Christopher figured that he must be 
alright. The small child liked Doyle and Cordelia the best, 
they looked after him. Doyle had funny stories and Cordelia 
took him shopping and to see Mrs Neal. With that, Christopher 
remembered that he still had to get the bag up to Scott´s room. 
Another shout for someone to help Scott, and the blond made his 
way back through the kitchen. Halfway up the stairs, he 
readjusted his grip on the shiny bag and continued towards 
Scott's room. Christopher was scared, he didn't know why the 
other man was crying so much and so loudly. 

Barbara took the offered bag, letting go of the flailing hands 
so she could prepare a mild sedative. With a curse, she dropped 
the bag as the brunette, his hands free, took the opportunity to 
start clawing at his face. The therapist grasped at the large 
hands again in a effort to stop the youth hurting himself. A 
few words for Christopher and she waited for someone to come up 
and help her. 

The little blond took off down the stairs again, crying as the 
screaming continued to echo through the upper floors of the 
hotel. With shaky quick breathes, he looked around the lobby 
for one of the adults. Not seeing anyone, he made his way back 
into the kitchen to see if Spike was back from going to get the 
red cordial that Christopher wasn't allowed to drink. Cordelia 
and Doyle were still nowhere to be seen, neither was Angel and 
Wesley. Just as he was leaving the cool room, he heard the back 
door to the kitchen open. Christopher yelled for the scowling 
bleached blond to help him upstairs, grabbing at Spikes black 
duster sleeve in effort to drag him up to the fourth floor. 

"Let go of me, you little shit. What's your problem now?" 

The vampire dumped the plastic bags onto the kitchen bench as 
Christopher tugged at his duster. Turning his attention to the 
crying child, he sighed at just what the latest drama could be. 
He was not going to be wiping arses if that was what was needed. 
Maybe he should rethink his objections to doing "the good work" 
and helping Angel with fighting demons, all he seemed to be 
doing these days was looking after brats and whelps. Turning to 
look at the snivelling child behind him, Spike tried not to 
snarl at the sight of the small chin wobbling. The others may 
have started to treat Christopher like a child but he sure as 
hell wasn't going to play along. 

"For fuck's sake mate, your bloody thirty! Start acting like 
it. Well come on, what's the problem?" 

Rolling his eyes as the former prostitute hiccuped a reply, 
Spike started putting away the blood bags, freezing when the 
child/man told him about the therapist needing help upstairs 
with Scott. The vampire shot out of the kitchen as fast as he 
could, not hearing anything until he reached the bottom of the 
stairs. With a flurry of cursing, he made his way towards the 
animal like moaning. Two more steps into the room and he 
stopped and stared as the therapist struggled with trying to 
hold onto the brunettes hands. 

"What the fuck is going on *now*?" 

Barbara thanked the higher beings that someone was now here to 
help her, even if it was the constantly unpleasant male standing 
in the doorway. Telling the man to open her doctors bag, she 
> told him to get out one syringe and a vial of clear liquid. 
The 
short woman told the other man that she was going to have to 
sedate him in order to calm him down. 

"No you´re not, piss off and let me in. You're just scaring 
him, 
you know he doesn't like being touched by women. Stupid bitch" 

With that, Spike stomped over to the bed and the moaning male, 
trying to nudge the woman out of the way as hard as possible 
without setting off the chip. Telling her to get out of the 
room, the human and the vampire glared at each other until the 
therapist finally nodded and released the brunettes wrists. The 
vampire snarled and growled at the woman until she was off the 
bed and sitting back in the chair. He wedged himself between 
the distressed youth and the wall, with one hand firmly around 
the boy's wrists, Spike started to wipe at the spittle covering 
the brunette´s chin with the bedsheet. 

"What the hell set him off this time?" 

Spike listened to the woman tell him that she couldn't release 
any information due to the client privlige, snorting when told 
that this was the second step to recovery. He mocked the 
woman´s 
knowledge only to start listening when she described the various 
steps of rape recovery. The demon was amazed that there were so 
many mental truamas that a victim could suffer from. As a 
vampire, he had just raped whenever he had wanted and had never 
thought of the consequences. He really didn't want to know 
about them but the grey haired bint was warning him of some of 
the steps that the youth was likely to follow now that the 
floodgates holding back his emotions had been opened. 

He felt a pride that he had caused his victims such trauma but 
when he looked down at the shaking male in his arms, he smelt 
the very air around them was tinged with terror, sweat and 
blood. Normally these things would get his fangs dropping and 
he would have a hard on the size of Texas but for the unlife of 
him, he couldn't figure out why the scent was making him feel 
uneasy. Spike glared at the plump woman as she prepared a 
syringe, filling it with clear fluid from a little vial taken 
from her bag. 

"If you jab him with that, I'm going to stick my fist ri..OW, 
FUCK IT!" 

Barbara watched as the blond male clutched at his head with his 
free hand, wondering if he suffered from multiple personality 
disorder. Was it even possible for vampires to have the 
disorder? One of the many signs was intense pain on one 
particular side of the head, this was the third time she had 
seen the blond do it. She would have to talk with Angel later 
about the possibility. Giving the full syringe a flick, she 
watched as the air bubbles floated to the top. Plunger pressed, 
she released some of the fluid into the air. 

"What did I just fucking tell you?" 

"Look here, are you willing to sit with him until he calms down? 
All night if it's needed?" 

The therapist looked at her patient as he continued to tug and 
pull at the strong hold on his wrists, eyes darting around the 
room. On each breathe, he let out a load gutteral moan while 
continuing to let his spittle dribble down his chin. Tears made 
their way down his cheeks in fast flowing rivers. Barbara 
thought it was going to be a long night for the blond if he 
agreed to sit with the brunette. She calmly explained to the 
snarling demon that the Ms Contin was really a muscle relaxant 
and that it would only relax him enough to stop struggling, it 
wouldn't knock him out completely. Barbara sighed as the 
vampire growled at her again. Trying to reassure the bleached 
blond, she told him that what Xander was currently going 
through, was him just being overwhelmed by being allowed to 
express his emotions and that if he continued to go on like 
this, he would probably become very dehydrated and ill. It was 
best that he was at least partially sedated. 

"He will still be in control, just feeling a little lightheaded 
and fuzzy" 

"Fine. Just don't fucking hurt him, alright" 

The vampire defered to the matronly woman who was waving a 
syringe around. He may hate the stupid bitch but he knew that 
she was actually helping the youth recover. He shifted Xander's 
head with his free hand so the brunette couldn't see the syringe 
coming towards him. Spike doubted that even if he could 
recognise the needle, Xander would be able to object to it. The 
youth wasn't even really trying to get his hands free now, just 
tugging from the feel of something around his wrists. Hell, the 
blond didn't even know why he was holding the brunettes wrists. 
He waited until the therapist was finished injecting the moaning 
boy before asking. Spike was disgusted when she described how 
the youth had started clawing at himself. Asking why, the 
vampire was told that it was in an unconcious effort to punish 
himself for crying, something that had obviously been 
discouraged in the brothel. 

"Fucking cunts!" 

Growling at the woman as the drugs relaxed the brunette´s body, 
he told Barbara about the nightmares and how he was helping by 
holding the youth each night. He could see the wheels turning 
behind the old womans eyes and Spike didn't like that one bit. 
The vampire started laughing when he was told that he had just 
become the one person Xander could come to for reassurance and 
comfort. The therapist ticked off on her fingers all the 
instances of the blond comforting the brunette. 

"I was actually hoping that he would pick either Wesley or 
Francis but it looks like there is no choice now. Robin has his 
sister, Jason has Father Scheider, Todd has his mother and 
Christopher is still to be decided although it looks like it's 
going to be both Cordelia and Francis" 

"Piss off! You cannot be serious, I'm a fucking demon. I don't 
do the 'comfort thing'" 

Spike completly ignored his years with Drusilla, prefering to 
give the smiling woman a piece of his mind, telling her just 
what she could do with that comfort and getting another inner 
brain slap in the process. As usual, the Mincing Poof would get 
off scott free, no emotional dramas for him. He was unsettled at 
the way Fat Barb was looking at him. 

"What? What are you looking at me like that for?" 

"Under all that moaning Xander is doing, it's very likely he can 
still hear a portion of what is being said. I would consider 
your answer to my next question very carefully if I were you" 

With that, Barbara reached back into her doctor's bag and got 
out a note pad and pen, quickly writing numerous lines. She 
leaned over Xander and handed the demon the torn off piece of 
paper. The therapist waited for the flood of swearing to begin 
and judging from the look on the vampires face, it was going to 
be vile. 

The blond was stunned at what the fat cow was suggesting. The 
woman wanted him to help Xander adjust back into society by 
getting him to do normal things like going to the movies, go 
grocery shopping, visit a mall here and there and eventually get 
the youth to make a visit to Sunnydale. Just because he had 
helped the whelp out a few times didn't mean that he wanted to 
become the brunette´s best friend. He scanned the words, 
scowling until he reached the last few sentences, there he got a 
suprise. Fat Barb was going to talk to Angel about him getting 
paid and if that didn't happen, she was going to try and wangle 
a carer's pension for him out of Social Security. He already 
got blood, booze and fags for looking after Xander and the other 
brat but the only money he ever got his hands on, was whatever 
he could steal from Wanker Mans team of do-gooders. Would be 
good to get his hands on some money of his own again. Actually 
working for it though was a horrible thought. Looking back over 
the words, he glared at the smiling woman. 

"Think about it" 

Barbara gave the vampire a quick nod, pleased that there was so 
far no arguments. As soon as the blond had climbed ontop of the 
bed to sit with Xander, she had seen how used to doing it he 
was. Angel had already told her about how the vampire was 
holding the brunette through the nightmares and when asked, 
Xander denied all knowledge of having them. Not wanting to push 
too hard so soon into the therapy sessions, she had let the 
subject fall by the wayside for the moment. Just looking at 
Xander, she was thankful that he wasn't as bad as Jason. That 
poor boy was severly depressed and on strong medication. With 
that thought, the therapist decided to prescribe some St. Johns 
Wort, a natural herb that helped nervous tension. She hoped 
that it would help Xander through the next few months. 

She decided to leave the two males together now that Xander had 
stopped shaking and struggling. He was still moaning quietly, 
tears dried up and leaving his face and eyes puffy and red. She 
talked to both Mr Giles and Father Scheider each week, in an 
effort to guage just how to help Xander the best. He wasn't the 
first victim she had seen that had been assaulted by a demon and 
unfortuneatly, he wouldn't be the last. Xander and the rest of 
the boys were however, the first ones she had ever known that 
had been tenured in a demon brothel. Barbara had talked to a 
few males and females that were the discarded companions of 
demons, ones that had been used until their beauty faded and 
then tossed out onto the sidewalk without even a few dollars. 
With the heavy demands of being a demon companion, their looks 
had faded rather quickly. Most however, ended hooking back up 
with other demons, too emotionally scarred to relate to normal 
life again. Barbara didn't want that to happen with the five 
men. 

With that, Barbara got up, asking if the vampire wanted anything 
from the kitchen. She recieved a snarled request for a beer 
before the blond turned his attention back to the man cradled in 
his arms. Puzzling over the vampires protectiveness, she made 
her way down the stairs. Spike was a vampire and by nature, 
they were not prone to showing sympathy or affection for 
anything especially not humans unless they were consorts. This 
one, however, was showing all signs of having done this type of 
thing before. If it helped Xander to have the vampire as his 
support person, then Barbara would just have to deal with her 
feelings of dislike for the rude male. Xander was a strong man, 
if he hadn't been, he would have been off in his own little land 
of reality before now. With the right type of care and 
persevarance on his part, he would one day be able to hold down 
a steady job, have his own place to live and even make a 
relationship work. 

Those sort of things were still a long time in the future but 
Barbara was hopeful that all the men would someday be able to do 
it. One of the main problems with Robin, Jason and Todd, were 
that they still looked so young. Barbara was considering 
getting Mr Giles to age them to their true ages, she was sure 
that it was the cause of some of their problems. To be a 21 
year old and still look 16 must be hard. At least Xander looked 
a little older than the rest. Yes, that was what she was going 
to do, get them aged to their true ages. She knew that with the 
type of 'don't ask, don't tell' mentality of the Sunnydale 
populace, whatever explanation was given for Robin and Todd's 
sudden advanced years would be accepted. Father Scheider was 
already fairly experienced with dealing with the demon world, 
having accepted a few of her more traumatised patients for the 
odd weekend here and there. 

Coming back to reality, she realised that she was standing in 
the kitchen and Christopher tugging at her sleeve. Firming 
herself mentally, she deliberately overrode all of the man´s 
child like questions about what was wrong with Scott. With a 
frown, she reminded Christopher that it was now Xander, not 
Scott. A question of where the others were got her a shrug and 
a request for a glass of water. With a nod, Barbara sat heavily 
in one of the kitchen chairs and decided to wait for someone to 
show up so that she could appraise them of the situation. She 
was sure that Angel would agree to paying the smaller vampire 
something for looking after Xander, if he didn't, she would have 
to see what Kate would be able to arrange through her contact at 
the Social Security head office. 

Barbara sat quietly at the kitchen table, hoping that one of the 
others would be back soon.