Guest starring:
Written by: David Chase, Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess, Terrence Winter
Directed by: John Patterson
FIRST AIRED: October 27, 2002
Carmela's cousin Brian claimed that nice suits were his only vice... I guess that's if you don't count strippers and the desire to have Tony's cash flow. He fits right in with the wise guys at Paulie's "welcome home" party, even waking up missing his pants. Over breakfast he tells Tony and Raphie to invest in land and gives them the details about a new real estate scam, which they immediately put into play. With Assemblyman Zellman on their team, they recruit a doctor to buy four houses on dismal Garside Street in Newark. Then Zelman's friend, Maurice from the non-profit Urban Housing League, secures HUD financing and purchases the places at an inflated price. Eventually he will default on the loan and everyone makes a nice chunk of change, an $800,000 profit, to be exact. Brian's "advice" is rewarded with a Patek Philippe watch, and damn if he isn't becoming almost as good a liar as Tony himself.
Feeling the need to share some family history with AJ, Tony drives to the church is great-grandfather helped build. Unfortunately his son is more excited by the sighting of an actual "crack ho" than anything else. Tony is upset by the squatters in one of the houses, so things trickle down until Maurice is forced to get some black kids to go shoot the place up. Zellman seems to have some guilt about these business practices (but had no problem accepting his $60,000), but it seems that Maurice, who used to think he could make a difference, has resigned himself to it.
Adriana is watching Murder One on TV and gets the idea that if she and Christopher get married then she can't be forced to testify. Too bad she's not entirely correct in her assumption. Then when she confesses to Chris that she might not be able to have kids he flips out and calls her "damaged goods." Seeking his elders advice on the situation, Tony and Silvio both encourage him to get married, so he doesn't end up like Uncle Junior, or Paulie, who highly recommends he stay single. The happy couple decides they'll get hitched in Vegas, but when Carmela gets wind of that plan and she offers to have the wedding at Casa Soprano. While unwrapping platters and small applicances at her wedding shower Ade suddenly seems disturbed. Is it because she realizes how close she is to becoming like the other mafia wives, or is it fear about the FBI?
Even though Paulie got an envelope of cash from Tony upon his release, he's still bitching about money, and when he has lunch with Johnny Sack he continues to complain about Tony, and mentions the new real estate scam. Johnny's so smooth he even manages to look hurt when Paulie reminds him that their talks aren't supposed to leave the table. Yeah, tell that to Carmine, who'll be looking for his cut of Tony's action.
After looking through the photos from his housewarming party Furio calls Carmela, with the flimsy excuse that he left his sunglasses somewhere, but later when he shows up for Tony he opts to wait for him in the car. Does he realize he's getting close to a dangerous situation?
In therapy Tony and Dr. Melfi have a heated exchange. She's upset that he "loomed" and intimidated her about Gloria and he's still holding a grude about the woman that Meadow went to see. Zellman also admits to Tony that he's been seeing Irina, and things are kind of serious. Tony claims she's "ancient history" but disproves that theory visiting Zellman's home, knowing she'll be there. When Zellman admited to Maurice that he "feels like he should be punished" I don't think the beating Tony gives him over Irina is what he had in mind.