Guest starring:
Written by: David Chase, Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess, Terrence Winter
Directed by: Daniel Attias
FIRST AIRED: November 3, 2002
Furio is returning to Italy because his father is dying from cancer. Carmela comforts him, but Tony is rather rude, seems death is something he doesn't want to think about right now. At the funeral he confides in his uncle that he missed Naples, but now he misses the United States, or more specifically a certain woman there. He admits he's not sure if she is aware of his feelings for her and that she's the Don's wife. His uncle advises him to stay away, because the only way he could ever have her is to kill her husband.
Pie-O-My continues to be the source of happiness for Tony, until he sets eyes on Valentina, Ralphie's new girlfriend. She's Cuban-Italian and has a juvenile sense of humor, just like the boys. She works at an art gallery and slips Tony her card, in case he wants to get a portrait of the horse painted... or perhaps go for a roll in the hay in the country. He opts for both, of course. Since she's with Ralph, he sends her a diamond horseshoe pin and a card reading "It was fun while it lasted", but she doesn't want his consolation prize, she wants him. After telling Tony that Ralph is a freak when it comes to having sex, she eventually dumps him so they can be together. Tony's still having problems with this though. He asks Dr. Melfi what factors would make a person so messed up, and she replies that it may have been a controlling and punishing mother. Silvo agrees Ralph is weird because he beat a girl to death for no reason, and finally Tony turns to the person who has experienced it first-hand, Janice. At first she acts insulted, but not too insulted to put a $3,000 price tag on her information. She reveals that Ralph has to be in control but pretends he isn't, and describes the scenarios they used to play out together.
At the church charity drive Carmela tells Rosalie that she's come to terms with the goomars, but after she finds Valentina's fingernail you know that ain't true. They also discuss how much money is enough. Ro seems a lot better off than poor Angie Bonpensiero, but she says Jackie left sort of enough but not really, and since she's the previous boss' wife that's the situation Carm is trying so hard to avoid. Angered by Tony's latest infidelity, Carmela swipes his keys and takes about $40,000 from the stash in the backyard storage bin. She doesn't spend it frivoliously, like Tony did on his new media room complete with popcorn machine, she invests it $9,900 at a time so the Feds don't get wind of it. When Tony decides Valentina is the girl his wishes to "lavish care" upon, he discovers the missing cash. He also discovers the fingernail with his keys and change on his dresser. I think Carmela has won this battle.
Paulie gets the job of driving Tony and is so irritating you know Tony'd rather do it himself from then on. We finally meet Paulie's beloved mother, Nucci Gaultieri, and find out they are two peas in a pod with the tattling and complaining. After all the money he spent to get her into Green Grove, she is snubbed by the mean spirited Cookie and doesn't want to be there. It's like high school with wheel chairs, says the director, and Ma needs to try harder to fit in with the other ladies. After his in-person visit to Cookie's son, complete with subtle threats, fails to improve the situation, Paulie sends some goons to break his arm as a warning.
Chris is getting used to taking Tony's orders, but isn't very prepared. You'd think he could scrounge up a notepad to keep by the phone. Tony gives him and Silvio room to make decisions, but when they do they don't seem to be the "right" ones. With all the extra time on his hands Tony is spending a lot of it like the ladies do, at the mall.