AmendsChapterSixteen Amends Chapter Sixteen


Xander stood next to the front of his car, watching as Jack approached, a menacing look on his face.

"Oh, gosh, Jack, man, are, are you okay?" he pointed at the bumpers. "I am really sorry about that. But your car came out of nowhere." Jack looked down at the damage and then back up at Xander. Nope, he's not gonna let this go.

"I was parked."

"Exactly. Look, I can cover the damages. I don't have insurance in the strictest sense of the word, but I have a little money. The important thing is that we're all right and we can work this out like two reasonable..." Xander's voice trailed off as Jack pulled out a large knife and held it up in front of him. "frontiersmen."

"Where do you want it?"

"What?" Xander couldn't believe his ears and he silently cursed Buffy. Yeah, having a knife pointed at you in a dark alley was sooo safe. Didn't Buffy know that he always managed to get himself into trouble?

"Where do you want it?"

"I'm fairly certain I don't want it at all, but, uh, thank you." Maybe if he were polite he could avoid a fight.

"Wow. Cool knife." Michelle sounded bored and a little impatient. Xander gave her a warning look and she rolled her eyes at him before walking back to the car.

"Yeah. Great knife. Although I think, uh, it may technically be a, a sword."

"She's called 'Katie'."

"You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you." Xander turned to Michelle. "Listen, I think we should be going."

Jack reached around Xander with the knife and hooked it behind his ear, forcing Xander to look at him. Xander crossed his arms and stared at the boy.

"Remember how you called me a dickhead at school today? Well, guess what? Snyder isn't here and neither is your ex-girlfriend so they can't help you. Are you scared?" He traced the tip of the blade around Xander's neck and cheek waiting for an answer.

"Would that make you happy? Me being scared?"

"It would be a start."

"Oooh, I'm so scared of Jack the Tool and his girlfriend, Katie the Knife." Xander waved his hand as he mocked being scared.

"Joke all you want, Harris, but I know you're scared. Your woman looking on, you can't stand up to me? Don't you feel pathetic?" He traced the knife past Xander's mouth, back to his ear and around and down under his chin.

"That's not my girl, that's my cousin, Michelle. And I can and will stand up to you." Xander pushed the knife down and the boy backwards. "And mostly, I just felt Katie.

"You know what the difference between you and me is?

"I'm sane and you're not?"

"Fear. Who has the least fear. Let's see who can take who."

"And I suppose you think it's fair that you have the big, sharp knife and I..." Jack slapped the knife into his hand and stepped back, taunting him and trying to get Xander to fight.

"Come on."

"Whatever you want but I'm not using this." Xander threw Katie onto the ground and Jack gasped in horror, bending to get it. "Oh, come on. It's a thing, not a human." Jack picked the knife up, lovingly stroking it as he stood.

"You better be glad this isn't scratched." He gave the knife a kiss.

"That's just...weird. Do you have sex with it too cause that would be a neat trick."

"Xander, I wanna go for a drive. I'm bored." Xander sighed and faced the girl, lowering his guard. He realized it too late as Jack grabbed him and shoved him back onto the hood of the car.

"Oh, gee, I'm really sorry my life-and-death situation isn't exciting enough for you." Xander sarcastically answered his cousin as he struggled with Jack. Jack had the knife pointing at his neck, bearing down on him as Xander pushed it away, and Xander hoped he would get out of this alive so he could kill Michelle. Suddenly, a flashlight shone on both of them, causing them to turn and see the policeman that was heading their way.

"Hey!" Jack released Xander and quickly palmed the knife as the officer neared. He turned off his flashlight and stared at the two of them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just rasslin'."

"O'Toole." The officer chuckled, recognizing Jack. "What a surprise." He flashed the light in Xander's face. "He attack you?" Xander looked at Jack, who was staring at the officer. Oh, yeah, he could get Jack put in jail but how wimpish would that seem...not to mention school yard tattling bad.

"No. Just blowing off steam." He grinned. "Two guys rasslin'. But not in a gay way, cause I would never be hooked up with---"

"Do it somewhere else, huh?" The officer turned and left as Xander shook his head.

"Did you not hear me? I would never be caught dead with him...I have a gorgeous blonde at home!" Remembering that Jack was standing behind him with a knife, Xander turned around ready to fight. Instead, Jack was smiling and Xander was suddenly very confused.

"What?"

"That was all right. Could've narc'd on me. Didn't do it. That's decent of you. I like you."

"Yay?"

"You two wanna have some fun?" He gestured towards Michelle who smiled and waved.

"Like, with driving?"

"Like, you're driving me crazy!" Xander yelled at her as Jack told her yeah. Xander saw the broad grin appear on her face and shook his head, giving in.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I was on my way to get the boys. Gonna cruise around." He checked out Xander's Chevy. "We'll take your wheels."

"What about your car?"

"It ain't mine." Jack walked over to Xander's car, opening the door and letting Michelle in the middle before getting in. Xander sat down, closing the door. Maybe after picking up a few guys, Michelle could at least get a date with one of them.

"Great. Where to?"

"Gonna get the boys!"

"Yeah. So, where're the boys?

"Go down the road, take the first left." Xander nodded and pulled into traffic, hoping he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his life in agreeing to hang out with Jack O'Toole.

*******************************************************

Spike and Angel entered the library finding Willow and Buffy reading books while Giles moved around in his office.

"Hey, Angel what are you..."

"Buffy, have you guys figured out how bad this thing is going to be?"

"Another apocalypse. Yeah, we're researching it now." Buffy tried to snuggle but Angel was intent on keeping on top of the situation.

"I don't think you understand how bad this is going to get."

"Believe me, Giles made sure I understood. Angel, we'll get through it, just like we always do." Before Angel could reply, Oz began to growl from his cage.

"He's cranky." Willow told the two vampires as Buffy returned to her seat, a pout on her face. Spike rolled his eyes at her. Even though he had come to like the girl, for Angel and Xander's sake of course, he couldn't help but feel that if she didn't have Angel and her friends watching her back she would have died a long time ago. Had died in fact, but his boy had saved her. The same boy that she felt was unworthy to help her in this fight. Anger began to build inside him. He didn't like leaving Xander out of the loop. Not only had it hurt Xander's feelings and caused trouble between the two of them, but Spike felt Xander deserved better treatment from his friends. If the boy was strong enough to stand up to Angelus and willing to fight the Master and had enough heart to not give up on Buffy when everyone else had, then they shouldn't be giving up on him.

"It's a good night for it." Buffy told Willow, bringing Spike out of his thoughts.

"Can't dogs sense when there's an earthquake and they bark? Or cows lie down or something?" Willow was nervous.

Yes, and vampires can feel things, too and I'm telling you this is gonna get bad."

"Sisterhood of Jhe," Buffy read, ignoring Angel's comment. "Race of female demons, fierce warriors-eww-celebrate victory in battle by eating their foes. What? They couldn't just pour Gatorade on each other?"

"Buffy this isn't the time to be glib." Angel told her as Giles came out of his office, muttering to himself.

"Wouldn't even take my calls, the idiots."

"Must be talking about the Council." Spike scoffed.

"Yes, they seem to feel this apocolypse is overrated." Giles turned to the girls. "Anything useful in the books?"

"Not wildly." Buffy closed hers as Willow reached for another.

"We still have the books of Pherion to go through."

"I'm getting itchy feet, Giles. We don't turn up something soon I'm gonna hit the streets. Maybe check out Willy's."

"I say we do that now. We'll find out more from the nasties in this town than from any book." Spike told them.

"Where are you going?" Willow asked Giles, who was gathering up his briefcase.

"Um, to try and contact the spirit guides. They exist out of time, but have no knowledge of the future. I have no idea if they will respond to my efforts, but I have to try. All we know is that the fate of the entire world rests on it." Giles stopped at the table, glancing down at the box of doughnuts. "I think I'll take...did you eat all the jellies?"

"Did you want a jelly?" Buffy asked, both she and Willow trying to appear innocent.

"I always have a jelly. I'm always the one who says 'Let's have jelly in the mix'."

"We're sorry. Buffy had 3." Willow pointed at her friend.

"I don't remember Giles saying that. Do you remember him saying that thing about the jellies, Willow?" Buffy asked.

"No matter. If Xander makes another run-"

"No. Xander's out of this. He nearly got himself killed last time we fought. I don't want him anywhere near this and I think it will be easier for us to fight if we know he's safe and out of the way." Buffy's tone was firm.

"Has anyone bothered to ask Xander how he feels about being left out?"

"Spike, I love Xander and I'm not going to let him get hurt just to spare his feelings."

"Right, as opposed to all the other times he's risked his life to help you."

"This is different."

"How? Cause it's some big, bad evil thing? And the Master was what? A mewling kitten?"

"Spike," Angel warned but the younger vampire wasn't finished yet.

"And Angelus, Drusilla and myself - we weren't called the 'Scourge of Europe' for nothing, you know. Hell, I had already killed two slayers and yet no one minded Angel offering the boy to me on a platter. Even if it was a lame arsed attempt to trick me, Xander was right in the heart of the battle. And none of you seemed to mind letting Xander watch over the slayer when she was in hospital, knowing that Angelus would probably show up, which he did. Xander had to face him down alone. Where was your concern then?" Buffy stood up, her chair clattering to the floor.

"Do you really want Xander taking a risk with his life? Wasn't it you who jumped my ass over him getting hurt the first time we fought these things?"

"It was, but I wasn't there at his side. I would be in this battle and that's the difference. Also, I think he's perfectly capable of handling himself and so does Angel. We think it's a mistake to leave him out of this."

"Oh, we do, do we?" Buffy asked, looking at her boyfriend. "Well, this is my fight and I say who fights and Xander's out of this."

"Please, you two, let's just put this issue aside and deal with the matter at hand. Since Xander is already out of this there's no reason to drag him into it now. Angel, Spike, while I'm doing the ritual why don't you two talk to the other demons - see if they've heard anything. Buffy can go to Willy's and Willow you continue to research and watch over Oz."

"Good idea," Angel grabbed Spike's arm, pulling the vampire out the door before he could put up a fight. Once outside, Angel sighed and turned to Spike. "You really like to argue don't you?"

"Just taking up for my boy."

"Did you have to drag me into it?"

"Slayer whipped, ponce."

"You are so annoying, you peroxide menace."

"That's why I'm your favorite childe." Spike retorted, both of them beginning to smile as they made their way out into the night.

"I have to agree with Buffy on one thing. I'm surprised you want Xander fighting in this battle. I know you can feel how bad it's going to get so I would think you would be happy that he's not going to be anywhere near it."

"I'm afraid he'll end up getting himself into more trouble out there than he would with me. At least when he's with me I can watch out for him."

"Or get distracted and get yourself killed. How do you think Xander would feel if that happened?"

"Maybe you're right. Still, I hate to see Xander so upset - so down on himself. He needs confidence."

"I get that, Spike but he has to be alive in order to get it and to show it to everyone else."

"That's the problem. His friends don't appreciate the courage he has shown already and I don't think they'll ever really appreciate Xander until it's too late."

"I've got a feeling with you around, Xander will live long enough for them to come around."

"Got that right."

*******************************************************

Xander walked through Restfield Cemetary, following the other boys. Ever since Xander had agreed to take Jack to meet 'his boys' they had been raising the dead. Melissa had run off screaming after the first one and Xander was sure he would have a lot of explaining to do to Uncle Rory, if he was sober. He was just passing a crypt when he heard something. He followed the noise, a cool wind whipping around him as he came upon Giles.

"Hey Giles, what's going on?" Xander put the stake back into his pocket. "You doing a spell?"

"Oh, uh, I was just trying to gain access to the Spirit Guides."

"How's that working out for you?"

"Not going as well as I'd hoped, I'm afraid. What are you doing wandering around out here by yourself?" Xander gestured towards the car where Jack and his friends stood.

"Oh, we were just raising, ummm...some heck." Xander really didn't want to get a lecture from Giles on hanging out with the living dead who were not Angel or Spike.

"Xander! Let's go!" Jack yelled.

"Is that Jack O'Toole?" Giles seemed worried. "Xander, judging from what I've heard about that boy, I don't think he and his friends are the most suitable people to be hanging around with."

"Look, Giles, you can keep me out of whatever you guys are doing tonight but don't start telling me who I can hang out with especially when the friends I usually hang out with are the ones who pushed me out here in the first place." When Giles gave him a confused look, Xander amended, "Just save the lectures for now. Put them on audio tape and I'll listen to them later."

"Yes, of course." Giles was busy now and Xander knew he hadn't even heard what he was saying.

"Over and over again until I memorize every word..."

"Xander! Motor!" Jack was getting impatient now.

"Sounds good," Giles said absentmindedly.

"And I'll recite them back to you, while hopping on my left foot and staking ten vampires at once."

"Good plan." Giles was staring at the crypt and Xander grabbed him by the arms and turned him so they were standing face to face.

"Stop and listen to me for one second, Giles. Do. You. Need. My. Help?"

"Oh, no. Thank you. Probably best if you stay clear of this - even if it is with O'Toole." Giles had his attention on the crypt again. "There's something different about this menace. Something in the air - the stench of death."

"Yeah, I think it's Bob."

"We may all be called upon to fight when it happens."

"When what happens exactly?" Maybe since Giles wasn't paying attention, he might slip up and tell Xander something about what was going on.

"I've got to go. Hopefully, we shall have time to prepare. All we need is a few weeks." Giles started to walk away but turned with a warning. "Xander -" he glanced at the boys, "do try to be careful."

"You, too." Xander watched Giles leave before he went to the car. If no one was going to fill him in or even pay attention to what he was saying, he'd have his own fun. He headed down the road, the boys talking.

"Let's go pick up some girls, man. We'll hang out at Taco Bell, get some girls, go cruise around," Dave said.

"I want to bake a cake." Dickie protested.

"Hey, we need to get some beers, though." Bob stated.

"I can't believe you got shot, man. Was it them Jackals?" Dave asked.

"Are you kidding?" Jack turned to stare at his friends in the back seat. "We wiped them out after they threw you off the bridge."

"Oh, man. You guys are the best man. The best. I mean that."

"There's a liquor store." Bob pointed out. "Little Armenian guy runs the place? He had a gun behind the counter. Hey, we should go kick his ass. Yeah!" Bob yelled and Xander sped up, passing the liquor store as the other protested.

"I'm not killing anyone or letting you do that. But hey, if you guys want me to drop you off somewhere else, that's...." Jack patted Xander's leg.

"Nah. You're with us now. I like your spunk."

"Yeah, you on the team now, baby. Whoo-hoo!" Dave put his hands on each side of Xander's face and disgusted, Xander pushed them away while Bob began to whine.

"What're we gonna do then?"

"Well, I've heard some interesting suggestions, but I'm gonna have to go with Dickie's. Let's bake a cake." Everybody began to yell and Xander seemed surprised.

"I never took you guys for the 'Betty Crocker' types." Everybody but Xander laughed.

"Good one, Xander. You're a real comedian." Jack told him as Xander drove down the road, wondering exactly what he had gotten himself into.

*******************************************************

Buffy ran into the mansion, yelling for Angel. She had been terrified ever since she had left Willy's. When she had gotten there, she had found the bar a wreck and Willy not looking much better. He had told her these demons were after her, Angel and Spike and she was horrified at the thought of losing Angel again.

"Buffy- what's wrong?" Angel was hit with an armful of slayer and he held the trembling girl while Spike looked on.

"I was - I was at Willy's and he told me these demons were going to open the Hellmouth tonight."

"Buffy, we knew they were going to open..."

"But not this soon...not before we knew what we were facing. And that's not all, Angel. They're looking for you guys...and me. They told Willy nothing was going to stop them from opening the Hellmouth, not even us.

"We will. Spike has already called Willow-she and Giles are going to do a binding spell from the Hebron's Almanac. It should help us long enough to...."

"What if it doesn't? What if something happens to you?" Buffy was clinging to Angel as if he were the last life raft on a sinking ship.

"I'm going into the other room. Grab some weapons and get them ready while you calm the slayer down."

"Thanks, Spike." Angel gave him a grateful look over Buffy's shoulder and Spike left, not wanting to hear the girl's dramatics. He wandered through the room, picking out the sharpest objects and the ones that would do the most damage while wondering where Xander was. He had hoped the boy would be home when they returned, but no such luck. Spike had a bad feeling about this and for the 50th time he cursed the fact that he had gone along with the Slayer's plans instead of staying with Xander. He would much rather be with Xander or have Xander at his side in this battle than have him off on his own doing hell knew what.

*******************************************************

"Stop here, Xander." Jack pointed at the hardware store. Xander pulled over, wondering what the other boys were up to. They all got out, Jack turning back for a moment.

"You stay here and keep the motor running."

"This time of night, I'm pretty sure nothing's open." Xander was saying just as Bob threw a trash can through the plate glass window. "But they're always open for crime." Xander watched them climb into the store, starting to freak out. "Okay, now I'm involved in crime. I can handle psychos with knives, boring cousins, even zombies but I cannot handle being a part of the criminal element. Having a car sure is cool." Xander made fun of himself. "That's it. I'm walking from now on. Nothing good ever comes from...." Xander stopped, hearing Willow's voice.

"Thank you. Sorry to wake you." Willow was at the magic store across the street. Xander got out of the car, not wanting Willow to know he was aiding and abetting in crime but wanting to talk to her. He didn't like the idea of Willow wandering the streets alone after dark.

"Will!" Willow approached, a surprised expression on her face.

"Xander, what are you doing here?"

"Nothing. Certainly not crime." Xander laughed nervously. Wh-What about you? Why are you out here all by yourself?"

"It's not that far from school and Giles was busy. We needed supplies for a protection spell. Spike called from Angel's. It's happening tonight." A knot of fear began to twist in Xander's stomach.

"And that thing that's happening would be?"

"I-I can't stay. Giles needs this." Willow scampered away, running back to embrace him. "I love you, Xander. Remember that." She ran off, leaving him in shock. If Willow was acting this way - something really, really bad was going down. This wasn't the usual mayhem, this was much worse. A fierce look of determination crossed Xander's face. He had played along with Buffy's plans long enough. If Willow, Spike's or anyone else's life was going to be at risk - then he was damn well going to help.

"Okay, that's it. I'm gonna-" Xander turned, running smack dab into Jack.

"Where are you going?"

"Where I'm needed. Something's just come up and-"

You're gonna bail on me, is that it?" Before Xander could answer the others came out, throwing bags of stuff into Xander's car.

"We got cake mix. Where you wanna bake it?" Dickie asked.

"Xander's looking to leave." Jack told them.

"Not looking - I am, so if you want your stuff-"

"No way." Bob yelled, the others rushing over. "We need a wheel man."

"Call a taxi." Xander tried to push past but they stopped him.

"I know what this is about. Xander doesn't feel like he's a part of the group."

"No, my friends need my help."

"He doesn't feel like part of the group because he hasn't been initiated. Do you think he's ready?"

"I think he's earned his stripes." Dickie voted, putting his arm around Xander's shoulders. "I say we let him in, boys."

"Look, no hard feelings but I really don't have time for this."

"Is that the real reason or is it because you're afraid of the initiation?"

"Stealing stuff - no big whoop."

"Not stealing, Xander. Dying." Jack pulled out Katie, holding it in front of Xander.

"Not Katie again." Xander sighed. "All right guys, let's just talk about this." Xander was trying to figure out how to get away from three zombies and a psycho redneck with a knife.

"You want to be part of the gang now, don't you?" Jack asked.

"Did I say that? And even if I did, I'm not dying to be in the gang if you get the, um, the pun there."

"What, are you-are you too good to be dead?" Bob grabbed his collar, pulling Xander towards him. "You got a problem with dead people?"

"No. I happen to live with two vampires one of which I'm dating."

"Cool." Dickie nodded approvingly.

"Besides, what about Jack? Jack's not dead." Jack raised his shirt and Xander saw the bullet holes in his stomach and chest.

"Drive by three weeks ago."

"Oh, boy." Xander sighed, wondering how the hell he always managed to get him into situations like this.

"Grandpappy found my body. I wasn't gone but 10 minutes before he raised me."

"Guess that's why your name wasn't on the obit list at school."

"It's a rush, man."

"Let's kill Xander. It'll be fun." Dickie cheered and Dave nodded.

"Yeah, man. You could be a full-fledged member."

"Come on, Xander." Jack approached Xander, knife waving in front of him while Bob and Dave held him. "Take it like a man." Xander was becoming pissed now.

"All right! Enough!" Jack backed up, seemingly surprised by Xander's outburst. "You guys have had your fun but you forgot about one thing."

"What's that?" Bob asked, letting go of Xander."

"Hello? Dating a vampire. If I wanted to be dead I'd let him kill me!"

"Him?" Now Dickie was backing up too. "You're gay? That's disgusting."

"This coming from a zombie who has bad breath and smells anything but April fresh?" Xander elbowed him before punching Bob in the stomach. He tried to make a run for the car but it was blocked so he ran the other way, jumping the chain gate at the outdoor cafe. Finding himself surrounded, Xander leapt over a table onto a wall, making a dash for his car. He hopped into it, put it in gear and sped off, leaving the four zombies yelling obscenities at him.

After a few minutes, Xander looked behind him, making sure he had lost them. He sighed in relief. "I'd say that's pretty much enough excitement for one evening. Time to go home." Xander rounded a corner and saw Faith getting her ass kicked by one of the demons from earlier. "Or not." Xander saw Faith get shoved into a fence. The slayer kicked out, knocking the demon backwards. Xander sped up, intent on taking out the demon with the car.

"Faith, watch out!" The girl watched as Xander plowed into the demon, knocking it to the ground. He quickly backed up. "Get in!" Faith hopped into the back seat and Xander took off, the demon following on foot. "Glad this thing's a convertible."

"Thanks for the assist, Xan." Faith moved into the front. "Those demons are wicked."

What were you doing fighting alone? Where's everybody else?"

"Who knows? They just told me to meet them at the library in an hour or so-so I thought I'd do some recon until then."

"I'll take you to the libarary if-"

"Nah, turn here." Xander did as instructed. "My motel's a coupla blocks away. I need to fix my arm-the bitch dislocated my shoulder." Faith gave directions to Xander and they sped into the parking lot. "Better get inside in case we were followed."

"But-"

"Xan, I need help with my arm." Xander nodded and ran inside with Faith. Once inside, he busied himself looking out the windows, trying hard not to see the bed where-no, he wasn't going to go there.

"So, you think demon mama really followed us?"

"No, we're cool. I just need you to help me put my shoulder back in place. Hold me." Xander walked over, not certain where to put his hands. Faith grabbed his arm, placing his hand on her left shoulder. She grabbed Xander's collar with her right arm and pushed her shoulder into his hand. Xander flinched, hearing Faith's gasp of pain and the bones popping back into place.

"You okay?" Faith moved her shoulder, testing it out.

"That's better. She got me really wound up. A fight like that and no kill," Faith started to rub Xander's chest where his shirt had come unbuttoned. "I'm about ready to pop."

"Whoa, slow down." Xander put his hand on Faith's, stopping her motions.

"I was thinking more fast and furious." Faith slid her hand down to cup Xander through his jeans. Xander stepped back with a glare.

"How about come to a screeching halt. Look, Faith, I didn't come in here for this. I came to help you with your shoulder and that's it. I'm with Spike." Xander turned to leave but Faith grabbed him, pushing him into the wall before kissing him.

"You wanted to help a friend out so fuck me before I pop."

"Faith, I told you--"

"Spike's had me...I'm sure he won't mind you having a turn. Come on Xander, share, share, that's fair."

"No, no sharing." Xander tried to push her away but he was no match for slayer strength.

"Just relax, Xander." Faith pulled his shirt and jacket off, then held his face so she could give him another kiss. When she was done, she threw him onto the bed. Before Xander could move, she hopped onto him, straddling him.

"Faith, stop this. I'm not gonna do this, especially here." Xander hated being on the bed - the same one. "I'm not turned on in the least cause I love-"

"Spike, yeah, right. Bet I can make you hard in no time." Faith ground her hips against Xander, holding him down and biting him on the chest, giving him a hickey. "I'll steer you around - son of a bitch!" Faith had been taking off her shirt and Xander, finding his arms free, had picked up a nearby lamp and smashed it across her head, before pushing her off the bed. Faith fell onto the floor, the shirt she had been taking off wrapped around her head. As Faith sat up, struggling with her shirt, Xander grabbed his clothes, hurrying towards the door. He managed to get it halfway open when Faith slammed it shut, elbowing him in the mouth. Xander fell to the ground, blood pouring from his lip. "That wasn't very nice of you, Xan."

"Yeah, well neither is attempted rape." Xander glared and Faith shrugged, backing away. Xander waited until there was enough space between her and the door before he went over and opened it.

"Don't worry, Xan, it's cool. I won't try and force you when there are plenty of guys out there that's eager to take your place."

"That's exactly what you were trying to do...force me."

"No, you got it all wrong. It was just a game."

"Well, I don't play games with anyone but Spike."

"Can't blame you. Spike is great in bed." Faith stretched dreamily, showing off her breasts. "Hey, you see him send him on over. He's probably dying for a real fuck by now."

"I take care of him. Besides, I don't think you'll want to be near Spike for a while. He finds out about this, he'll be fucking you over in the not pleasant way."

"You're gonna go running back to your little boyfriend and tell him about big, bad Faith? God, Xander I thought you had more balls than that. Just remember, he comes after me and I stake him don't blame me."

"Don't threaten Spike, Faith. You touch him and I'll--"

"Do what? Kill me? You can't take care of yourself much less Spike. The best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut about the whole thing." Faith turned and headed into the bathroom as Xander shut the door behind him. Once outside, he donned his clothes before going to his car. He stared up at the sky, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. Xander knew that Spike had already killed two slayers but there was nothing personal involved when he did it. It was just vampire killing slayer...bragging rights. This was totally different. What if Spike went after Faith and she tricked him...took his mind off his fighting by taunting Spike about what she had done to him? And if Spike killed Faith wouldn't Buffy feel obligated to kill Spike? Xander couldn't stand the thought of lying to Spike but the idea of Spike and Buffy in a fight to the death terrified Xander. No matter what the outcome, someone he loved would be dead.

"Best to keep quiet. It's over - done. Nothing really happened. No harm, no foul." Xander said aloud, trying to convince himself and not realizing he had a hickey on his chest. It was during this time he noticed the bags in the back of the car and curious, he pulled one up front to open it. Kerosine, batteries, wires. "Hey! They're not baking any cake. They're building a bomb. And why didn't pseudo soldier catch that one?" Xander started up the car and sped back to the hardware store hoping the zombies would still be there. He pulled up out front and glanced inside. They were gone.

"Long gone. Probably loaded with supplies. Got to think. Okay, bombs. Already-dead guys with bombs. Where would they go?" Xander tried to figure it out, but became frustrated. "Oh, man, I'm out of my league. Spike and Angel will know what to do." Xander headed towards the mansion, hoping they were there.

*******************************************************

"I don't know what to do." Buffy repeated, causing Spike to pace the floor. The slayer was a basket case and Angel wasn't much better. He walked across the room, smoking a cigarette out of sight in the darkened kitchen, watching the drama unfold.

"Then let me decide for you. I can face this thing-"

"You can't, Angel."

"Look, I can at least buy you enough time for Willow and Giles' spell to bind it."

"You mean us mate." Spike said, but neither one was paying attention to him. Is this how Xander felt?

"Buffy, this is worse than anything we've ever faced. Honey, it's the only way."

"I can't watch you die again." Angel reached out and touched Buffy's cheek, tears in his eyes as he wiped hers away.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Angel."

"Nothing can change that. Not even death." Buffy gasped, stepping back and knocking Angel's hand away.

"Don't talk to me like that! You may be ready to go but I am not ready to lose you. Okay, this is my fight and if you won't do it my way, then you're-" Buffy's words were cut off by a loud clearing of the throat. All three of them turned to see Xander standing in the doorway.

"Hey. I've got this um...There's this, uh," Xander laughed nervously. "It's probably a bad time to uh...where's Spike?"

"Right here, luv." Spike stepped out of the shadows and headed for his boy. As he got closer, he saw the bloody lip and the torn clothes. "What the bloody hell have you been up to?"

"Let's talk outside." Xander started towards the stairs and stopped, turning to look at Buffy and Angel. "Can I help?" They both shook their heads. "Okay." Xander took Spike's hand and led him outside. Once outside, Spike spun Xander around to look at him.

"You never answered my question."

"Spike, what's going down and don't tell me nothing. Giles was talking to some kind of spirits earlier, Willow was hugging me and acting like she'd never see me again and now Buffy and Angel are in there fighting, talking about dying and crying. If this thing is that bad-"

"It's bad but they're acting nuttier than Dru on a bad day. Angel's always been a drama queen and I guess the slayer is too. Fuck, they're acting like one or the other has to face whatever comes out of the Hellmouth alone. We have two vampires, two slayers, a witch and a watcher - we'll manage. Now tell me what happened to you."

"Kinda long story."

"Xander, tell me before I get testy."

"Okay. After you guys left the Bronze, I was going to take Michelle home and I had a fender bender."

"What?! That's it! No more bloody cars...no more driving for-"

"No need to worry about that, Spike. I'm turning in my keys after tonight. It wasn't a big deal, since I was only pulling out of the parking space but then Jack O'Toole was there, shoving Katie into my face and wanting to kill me-"

"Hold up. Who is Katie and this Jack bloke?"

"Jack's a bully from school and Katie's his big, old knife. Can you believe he named it? How psychotic is that?"

"Xander, just tell me the story." Spike listened intently as Xander filled him in on his night, omitting Faith.

"So now I'm trying to figure out where they'd go and what they'd be likely to bomb."

"Uh-huh. And why is that?" Xander seemed surprised by Spike's question.

"So I can stop them, duh."

"And how are you planning on stopping four zombies with a bomb all by yourself?"

"I don't know. I'll figure that out once I find them. Kinda play it by ear I guess." Spike pulled Xander close.

"You are not going after them."

"Spike, I have to. If they blow up something and somebody gets hurt, it'll be my fault."

"How does your brain come up with that kind of logic?"

"Because I was the one who gave Jack a ride to raise his dead friends, drove them to the hardware store so they could break in and get the stuff - God, how stupid am I? Thinking they were actually going to bake a cake." Spike tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help it. "You're thinking very aren't you?"

"Xander, you're not stupid. You're young, naive and sometimes you have a tendencey to wear blinders where people's motives are concerned but you're not stupid."

"I still have to stop them."

"Don't suppose I can talk you out of this?" Xander shook his head. "Then I'm coming with you."

"No. Spike you have to help our friends. I can do this."

"You can also get yourself killed. No fucking way am I going to let that happen." Spike saw that Xander was about to protest and he put his finger to the boy's mouth, careful not to hurt him. "Do you honestly think I could be of any use to the others when I'd be worrying about you?"

"Like I haven't been worried about you all night."

"When did you find the time?" Spike teased, making Xander smile.

"I always worry about you. You're always up here," Xander tapped his head, "and in here." Xander pointed at his chest.

"Same here, luv." Spike gave Xander a gentle peck on the lips, something niggling at the back of his mind. "Xander how did you get this busted lip?"

"Gotta expect injuries when you're fighting four zombies who want to kill you." Xander answered, skirting the question. Spike seemed suspicious and Xander decided to change the subject. "So what are we going to do?" Spike thought for a moment.

"Need a lift to the school. We can take the long way, cruise around, see if we spot your zombie friends."

"Good idea...and they're not my friends."

"Whatever you say, luv." Spike swatted Xander on the ass before sticking his head into the doorway of the mansion. "Whelp's gonna drive me to the school. We have something to do before I get there."

"Be there in half an hour, Spike. We need you."

"Said I'd be there...I'll be there." Spike took Xander's hand and led him to the car, ignoring Buffy's warnings to keep Xander out of what was happening.

*******************************************************
Chapter Seventeen

"I guess we have to give up," Xander sighed, glancing at his watch. "We need to get to the high school."

"I need to get there, Xander." Spike saw the hurt expression on Xander's face. "Not my call."

"I know but-"

"And it wouldn't be my fault if you just happened to follow me without my knowing it." They exchanged smiles.

"Spike, you diabolical fiend."

"That's why you love me."

"One of the many reasons."

"What's the others?" Spike placed a hand on Xander's leg.

"Well, there's the obvious sexy as hell, followed by how much fun we have together...in and out of bed...how you believe..." Xander's voice trailed off as he turned the corner.

"Believe what?"

"Huh? Oh, I believe we found our guys." Xander gestured with his head, Spike turning to see four boys walking down the road a few feet in front of them. When he looked at Xander again, the boy's mouth was turned up in a grin.

"Okay, I have a plan."

"Xander, what are you thinking?"

"Just hold on Spike and I'll show you."

"Rather you tell me, Xan. Not one for surprises."

"You so are and you'll enjoy this one." Xander moved towards the boys who had turned around when the lights approached them.

"Hey, our wheels," one of them laughed as the group parted. Xander's grin was now devious and calculating and Spike grew hard. Xander drew closer to the zombies, slowing down and grabbing the nearest one by the arm before speeding off.

"Check this out, Spike. Zombie roadkill."

"No, please...let me go. This hurts and..."

"And I think your shoes are not the flame retardant kind...is that burning zombie feet I smell?" Xander whiffed, the zombie trying to see but unable to because Xander was holding him by the neck. "Or it could be the smell of...hey, Spike do zombies crap?"

"Not that I know of." Spike laughed, watching the zombie trying to keep up by running backwards as Xander weaved down the road. Weaved down the road? Flashes of Xander, in the hospital, bloody and bruised after the last wreck had Spike nervous.

"Xander, pet, let me steer."

"I got it, Spike." Xander barely missed a mailbox. "No more playing around. Where's the bomb!?"

"Stop. Come on, man. Stop." The zombie was pleading as the other three ran after the car, trying to help their friend.

"Where's the fucking bomb!"

"It's in the high school." Spike sighed. This was unbelievable. Did it always have to be the school?

"In the school where?"

"Oh, God. This really, really hurts. Stop!"

"It's supposed to hurt you moron! This is what we call torture and I'm not going to let you go until you tell me where the bomb is in the school!" Xander turned another corner, throwing Spike into the door. "Sorry, babe." Xander's voice was gentle until he turned back to the zombie. "I can do this all night. It's not my feet coating the pavement."

"Tell him what he wants to know, mate. Xander's one stubborn bloke." The zombie managed to give Spike a desperate glance but still said nothing. "Getting a little tired of this game, arsewipe. Tell him." Spike ordered, morphing into vamp face.

"Fine, fine! It's in the boiler room."

"All right. Now, I'm going to ask you this once and you better pray you get the answer right."

"He better pray he stays alive long enough to tell you anything cause you're about to-" Spike's warning was cut off by Xander's yelling.

"Do you hear me?"

"Okay, okay!"

"Xan, luv watch out for the--"

"How do I diffuse-" both stopped talking when the zombie's head hit a mailbox knocking it off his body and sending it rolling down the street.

"Damn it!" Xander

"Mailbox." Spike finished. Xander dropped the headless form and sighed. "Tried to warn you."

"Yeah. I probably should've left out that whole middle part, huh?"

"Might've been a good idea. It's always easier to get answers out of a zombie when their heads are still attached to their bodies. Remember that for future references."

"Yeah, cause I'm going to be doing a lot of that in the future."

"Never know. Besides, same rule applies to any species, except maybe Grunthol demons who can still function without their heads being on their bodies."

"Oh, okay."

"And might I add you looked delicious - all confident and very forceful."

"Really? You thought I was forceful?"

"Absolutely. Got me all hard and horny."

"Nyah!" Xander yelped, pulling his hand away from Spike's erection where the vampire had placed it. "Spike, I need to concentrate now."

"What's the big deal? You've had your fun, now let me have mine."

"Spike, I don't think sex will help anything right now."

"Not talking about sex, although it's a better plan than what I had in mind." Xander gave him a puzzled look. "Pull over, I'll kill the stupid buggers, we'll go to the school and-" Xander started shaking his head.

"We so don't have time. You're late already and I have work to do."

"You can't possibly be suggesting what I think you're suggesting."

"Yes, I am." Xander gave Spike a determined look. "You just said I was confident and forceful. I can handle those three if I have to."

"What about the bomb?"

"I still remember being a soldier last Halloween. I should be able to diffuse it."

"This the same soldier memories that didn't know baking a cake meant building a bomb?"

"You'll never let me live that down, will you?" Xander screeched to a halt, jumping out of the car and running for the building. Spike caught him as they entered.

"Not about poking fun at you, luv. It's about keeping you alive and that's what I intend to do."

"So have you ever diffused a bomb?"

"Can't say as I have."

"Then how are you going to help?"

"Two heads are better than one and all that shit. Don't fancy myself having a nice long shag with bits and pieces."

"Right back at you." Xander gave him a peck on the cheek. They heard fighting coming from the library. Angel and Buffy were yelling and there were several roars from the monster or monsters inside. "If you don't help them stop whatever's happening in there we're all dead. If I don't get to that bomb and diffuse it somehow, we're all dead. It's a lose-lose proposition."

"Not gonna lose, luv." Spike gave him a quick kiss, knowing they were wasting time. Xander had to do this...had to prove that he was worthy...and Spike had to be the considerate partner and let him do it. Whatever happened to the good old days when he barked an order and the minions scattered in fear as Drusilla watched? Oh, that's right...when he fell in love with the human boy in front of him. Well, too late to change it now...not that he would. Not for all the minions or respect in the world. "Be careful."

"You too. And Spike, do me a favor. Don't tell anyone I'm here, or anything about the bomb. They've got enough on their plates without worrying about the bomb." Xander started down the hall, calling back, "And as soon as the fight is over, get them out of them building. I don't want any of you in there if it blows." Spike ran towards the library, hoping they all made it out in one piece.


*******************************************************
Xander ran through the swinging double doors, knowing he didn't have much time before Jack and the others found him. He tried the basement door. Locked. Just then, Jack and his friends came through the doors.

"There he is!"

"Damn it, this can't be good." Xander muttered to himself, running down the hall. He decided to hide, hoping they would split up so he could take them out one at a time. As he hid in the common area, he heard glass breaking. He turned in that direction, finding himself face to face with Bob who was holding an axe. "Great. First Katie, now an axe. Can't zombies fight without using weapons?"

"I like this. It's good for chopping." Bob swung at Xander who backed up, falling over a table. As he got up, Bob punched him in the face, knocking him back onto another table. "Now this is what I call fun."

"You would, since it's not your face getting punched." Bob swung again and Xander rolled off the table, the axe embedding in it. Xander punched Bob and then bashed his face into the table. As he lay there, stunned, Xander grabbed the axe up off the floor and used it to pry the soda machine away from the wall. It fell over, right on top of Bob's head, crushing him.

"Still having fun? One down." Xander heard someone coming and quickly stepped into the shadows, watching as Dickie approached. While the zombie took in the sight of his dead friend, Xander stepped out, hefting the axe.

"Should've learned by now. If you're gonna play with fire you gotta expect sooner or later--" Dickie turned and ran down the corridor. "I wasn't finished!" Xander yelled at Dickie who was going through the doors. "Note to self-less talk." Xander ran after the zombie, following him down two corridors before he saw three of the Sister of Jhe demons. "Oh, shit. Let's apply the brakes and go the other way." Xander turned, running in the other direction. He stepped into a dark corner, while Dickie was followed into a classroom by the demons. Dickie began to scream as the demons ripped him apart.

"Two down. Okay, boiler room." Xander turned to the left just as the Hellmouth beast stuck one of it's heads out of the wall. Xander could hear his friends yelling directions to each other and decided to help. He gave the monster three quick chops with the axe, slicing deep into its neck as it roared in pain. As the head fell to the ground, Xander saw the demons coming out of the classroom. "Time to go...this way." Xander slipped down the hallway, coming to the locked door. He used the axe to break in and made his way down the steps. He opened the door and saw the bomb sitting on a crate in the middle of the room.

"Hello, nasty." Xander approached the bomb. "Less than two minutes." He set the axe down and leaned over to get a good look at the bomb. "Dumb guy. Little bomb. How hard can it be?" The words had just come out when he felt someone grab him from behind. Great. Jack. Now what? Xander flew through the air, landing against a table. Could this night get any worse?

"And it just got harder." Jack answered his unspoken question as they faced off.


*******************************************************
Spike entered the library and saw Angel and the others fighting a four headed demon. He immediately attacked the head that was fighting Angel.

"Glad you could make it." Angel punched the head as Spike held on. "This damn thing's grown." Spike saw one of the zombies peeking into the library window and he moved over, kicking the door with his foot. The zombie yelped and fell backwards before getting up and running off.

"Spike, some help here please!" Angel yelled, getting knocked across the room. Spike helped him up and the older vampire stared at him.

"What's so interesting out there?"

"Nothing."

"Keep your focus on this demon because it's--" Once again, Angel was knocked to the ground, this time by one of the Sister of Jhe demons.

"I'm not the one having a hard time standing." Spike attacked the demon while Angel grabbed another one.

"Help me keep the demons away from Buffy and the others." Spike nodded, landing a hard right to the stomach of the demon. They heard a noise and saw Buffy go flying through the air and out into the hallway.

"Damn it!" Angel cursed, worried about his girlfriend. Spike snapped the demons neck and glanced into the hallway.

"She's up and moving, mate. Think she's okay."

"Faith, go for the heart!" Buffy yelled, re-entering the fight. The fight continued and at one point it seemed as if the monster had the upper hand. It was just about to kill Giles, who was performing the spell, when one of it's heads that was portruding through the wall suddenly roared in pain before falling dead to the ground.

"What happened?" Buffy yelled, helping Giles up.

"A bit of luck for our side," Giles told her, returning to his spell. Spike had been checking on Angel who was unconscious but despite his worry he had to smile, knowing exactly what had happened.

"Xander."

"No, Angel. Did you get hit in the head as well, Spike?" Angel asked, starting to come around.

"No. I've been keeping my focus...unlike you. You okay, mate?" Spike helped Angel to his feet, noticing Buffy's grateful glance before she squared off with the monster.

"I think so." Spike and Angel took out the last of the demons and helped Giles as he swung his axe, reciting the incantion.

"Omnia. Vasa veritatis! Now, Buffy!" Buffy started embedding the axe into the neck of the demon. Between Willow and Giles' magic and the four very powerful people, the demon was soon vanquished, crawling back into the Hellmouth which sealed itself over due to the spell. Buffy ran to Angel, the vampire taking her into his arms.

"Are you okay? You were out for like 10 minutes and I thought-"

"I'm fine." Angel saw Buffy flinch. "Your arm?"

"I think it's dislocated but I'll be okay." She turned to the others. "Is everyone else more or less all right?" Giles' hand was hurt and he had lots of scratches on his face but he seemed okay. Faith and Willow were bruised and bloody, Spike had blood running down his face and his leg was hurt but they all nodded.

"We did it. We actually did it." Willow said.

"Thanks for taking care of Angel, Spike. If you hadn't--"

"It's okay, slayer. Just owe me one." Spike answered above the screaming coming from the Hellmouth. "Is that ever gonna stop."

"Eventually." Giles was getting the first aid kit with Willow's help.

"Yeah, we kicked it's ass." Faith walked over to Spike, giving him a flirtatious grin. "And now I'm feeling...hey, Spike want to walk me home?" She caressed his arm and he pulled back, something again tickling at his senses while Buffy and the gang glared at her.

"Had that already - not planning on doing it again, ever."

"Keep your hands off Spike, Faith. You know he's taken."

"Why, B are you starting your own vampire fan club?"

"You know I was talking about Xander." Faith shook her head as she headed for the door.

"I'm thinking that won't last long."

"Why is that?" Spike asked, Faith stopping for a moment at the door to give him a smile.

"Just saying, Xan's cute and all but...Spike, when you want to move into the big leagues you know where to find me."

"Don't hold your breath waiting, slayer." Spike answered as Faith shrugged and walked away.

"God, I hate her." Willow muttered as Spike turned to Angel.

"If this is over I need to go. Something I have to take care of." Spike headed for the door and Angel stopped him.

"Don't let Faith do this to you."

"I'm not going after that bitch, you wanker."

"Then why-" Angel's memory kicked in and he pulled Spike to the side. "It's Xander, isn't it?" Spike nodded. "Can I help?"

"Appreciate that mate but you need to take care of your girl. She seems a bit shaken up."

"Yeah, but-"

"And get everyone out of here. Take them to the mansion and fix them up there."

"Spike what's going on?"

"Just do it- they're in danger as long as they stay here." Angel saw the concern in Spike's eyes. "Angel, for once, would you just trust me. Get everyone out now-I'll explain when I get home." Spike walked out, leaving Angel to round up the crew. He hurried them out, making excuses and wondering what the hell Xander and Spike were up to.


*******************************************************
Spike made his way through the school, smiling when he saw Bob's crushed body and Dickie's tattered remains. Xander had certainly managed to not only take out two zombies but one of the demon's heads as well. And they thought his boy was useless. Wankers. Still, Spike was nervous as he approached the boiler room. There was still the other zombie, a bomb and possibly more Sisterhood of Jhe demons around for the boy to contend with. He heard fighting and rushed towards the noise. He knew Xander wanted to do this on his own, had to prove to himself that he was capable but Spike was going to make bloody damn sure nothing happened to him. He heard Xander's voice.

"I'm not leaving till that thing's disarmed."

"I guess you're not leaving." Spike heard more fighting and Jack threatening Xander as he neared.

"I'm gonna carve you up and serve you with gravy. You piss me off, boy. Now you pay the price. First the eyes, then the tongue. I'm gonna break every one of your fingers."

"You gonna do all that in 49 seconds?" Jack turned to look at the bomb and Xander made his move. He threw Jack head first into the furnace, the knife clattering to the floor. Xander caught the boy with a right and charged at him as Spike slid into the shadows to watch.

"No, no luv, never charge. He'll-" Jack flipped him onto a wooden crate, breaking it. "use your momentum against you." Xander rolled off and stood up, the two of them facing each other. Jack began to glance nervously around the room, looking for a way out since Xander was blocking his escape.

"I know what you're thinking. Can I get by him? Get up the stairs, out of the building? Seconds ticking away." Xander shook his head. "I don't love your chances."

"Then you'll die too."

"Yeah, looks like. So I guess the question really is who has less fear?"

"I'm not afraid to die. I'm already dead."

"Yeah, but this is different." Xander raised his eyebrows. "Being blowed up isn't walking around and drinking with your buddies dead. It's little bits being swept up by a janitor dead and I don't think you're ready for that." Xander shook his head, a small smile on his face and Spike sighed. He had to fall in love with another crazy person. Jack made a move for the exit but Xander jumped in front of him.

"Are you ready to die, Harris?" Jack asked and Spike watched Xander's grin grow as he stared at the other boy.

"I like the quiet." Xander's expression scared Spike more than the situation. How could he be so calm and amused when he was facing death? Did his life mean nothing to him? Didn't he know how Spike and his friends would suffer if something were to happen to him? Did he care? While Jack was sweating bullets, Xander made a who-gives-a-damn face and smiled as the seconds ticked away. Spike felt helpless, knowing there was not enough time to get the boy out of the building and not knowing how to disarm the bomb. Finally, with two seconds remaining, Jack grabbed the red wire, pulling it loose and stopping the clock. Spike saw a flash of relief on Xander's face before the boy's non chalant expression was back.

"Good boy." Xander walked over to Jack, looking down at the bomb before giving Jack a hard look. "I don't think I wanna be seeing you on campus anymore, Jack." His threat was clear - Jack knew if he showed up, Xander would kill him. Spike watched Xander walk past, not noticing him in the shadows. As the door closed behind Xander, Spike turned towards Jack, ready to make him pay for what the zombie had done to Xander.

"I'm not going anywhere, Harris." Jack's voice was full of fake bravado. "The first time you turn your back -"

"There won't be another time." Spike stepped up behind Jack, snapping his neck and throwing him to the floor. As he walked away, Spike heard the door Jack had been opening swing and turned to see a werewolf - Oz, more than likely, attack the body - eating him up. Spike slipped up the stairs and headed for the car, knowing Xander would be worried about him. As he made his way down the hallway, he heard Xander's voice coming from the library.

"Oh, God. Oh, God-don't panic-I'm not panicking. Lots of blood-nobody here-bad, that's bad. But Hellmouth is closed so that's of the good right?" Spike leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms, listening to Xander who had his back to him. "Oh, yeah, Xander, that's great. What if that monster with lots of heads and big, pointy teeth ate Spike and my friends?" The screaming was still going on but it was faint. Xander dropped down onto the floor, putting his ear against the floor. "No, if they were eaten they couldn't be screaming. Oh, shit what if Willow and Gile's spell went crazy and the Hellmouth sucked everyone down there and that's them screaming? No, no---too deep a voice for Will or Buffy and it doesn't sound British - what am I saying? It's only screams. It's not like there's a voice saying...hello, welcome to the Hellmouth ride. May I have your ticket please and also be sure to buckle up? God, I am stupid...no I'm worried...or scared...stop it Xander. Stay calm, Xander. That's the man I love and my friends down there you idiot! Don't tell me to stay calm...and now I'm arguing with myself. Oh, fuck it! Spike! Spike are you down there?"

"No, I'm over here. I missed the ride. Forgot to buy a ticket." Spike grinned when Xander jumped up and spun around, relief turning to exasperation.

"Very funny. How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that you are very cute when your flustered."

"Don't try to be charming, Spike! I was worried! Damn it, you almost made me have a heart attack!" Spike started towards him but Xander backed up, angry now. "Don't come near me-I'm pissed!"

"I can see that." Spike continued walking towards Xander until he had him pinned against the railing near the steps.

"I thought you were-how could you scare me like that?! Do you enjoy watching me-"

"Could say the say thing about you, luv." Spike put his arms around the boy. "Don't particularly like watching you act as if your life means nothing."

"What are you talking about?"

"Does 'I like the quiet' bring back memories?"

"Oh, that. That was just an act. I thought if I could scare Jack he'd back down and I was right."

"Good for you but that's not all there was to it and we both know it. I was there, Xander. I saw the expression on your face. I didn't smell any fear coming off of you even though that bomb went down to two seconds. Nervous, yes. Afraid, no. Maybe you don't give a toss about whether you live or die but I do."

"I want to live, Spike. It's not like I have a death wish or anything...really. It's just...well, I know that living on a Hellmouth, helping Buffy fight demons and vamps and all that stuff, is probably going to shorten my life, that's all. I've come to terms with it."

"Well, I bloody well haven't. And I never will. If this place makes you feel that way then we should pack up and shove off-"

"Not going anywhere, Spike. You know that. Besides, I have you to keep me safe, right?"

"Like you let me try, luv. You argue with me at every turn, you never listen to me. We were supposed to meet at the car."

"The library - it was on the way so-" Spike raised his hand to stop him.

"Done enough fighting for one night but we are going to have a talk, Xander."

"Okay. So I take it everything went well up here?"

"Hellmouth's been closed for the past ten minutes. And before you ask-everyone's alive. Angel was knocked out for a few minutes, Buffy hurt her arm, lots of bruises all around but we're fine."

"What about you?" Spike shrugged.

"Dead and still kicking. Just a few gashes that's - ow! Bloody fucking hell, what did you do that for?" Spike was holding his hurt leg, the one Xander had just squeezed.

"Liar! You're more hurt than you're letting on." Xander helped Spike sit down on the steps before looking at his leg. You talk about me not listening to you. You never let me help you. Always trying to pretend you're okay..."

"How did you suss this out?" Spike gestured at his leg.

"Didn't have your usual swagger going on."

"My what?"

"You have this really sexy, confident swagger-it wasn't there when you walked across the room."

"So you're telling me I've lost my sex appeal?" Spike pretended to pout and Xander grinned, running his hands up Spike's legs until his hands were close to Spike's growing erection.

"Always sexy-even when you've got a limp," Xander leaned down, licking along Spike's bloody cheek as he ground his erection into Spike. "And you're bleeding." Xander sat up, licking the blood from his lips. "Hate when you're hurt." Xander licked up the other side and Spike's arms tightened around the boy's waist. When Xander began to lick his lips, Spike pulled him in for a kiss, taking some of the blood. Xander moaned and Spike slid his tongue into the warm mouth of his boy, savoring the taste. They were well into the kiss when Spike recognized the taste that was neither Xander nor himself. He flipped Xander over, growling as his demon face appeared.

"Okay, we do this here and I'm gonna get hard every time Giles sends me up there for a book." Xander teased while Spike nuzzled down his body, scenting him. Spike finally opened Xander's shirt, seeing the hickey. Xander looked down and noticed the mark for the first time. He jumped up, buttoning his shirt as he stared into amber eyes that were full of anger - not lust. "Spike-I know what you're thinking but just listen to me-"

"You were with Faith tonight! You lied to me!"

"Spike, just hear me out-" Spike got up, angrily pacing back and forth. He was desperately trying to gain some control of his emotions before he hurt the boy. "Just tell me...were you with Faith tonight?"

"Yes, but I'm innocent. Nothing happened, I swear."

"If that's the truth why didn't you tell me earlier? And how do you get an innocent hickey? And don't even bother to tell me that you haven't kissed her because I can bloody well taste..."

"I...we did but it wasn't...it's complicated. Can we just talk about it?"

"So now you want to talk about it. Okay, let's bloody well talk about it. I'll start. Were you angry with me because I went along with Buffy's plan? Did you think you could get back at me by sleeping with the bitch! Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak?"

"I wouldn't punish you for something Buffy did, Spike. Just let me explain and-"

"I thought my little tryst with the slayer was forgiven. But here you are jumping into bed with her the first chance you get." Spike whirled around and Xander saw the hurt, the tears that were welling up in Spike's eyes, despite the anger.

"Spike, it wasn't like that."

"Wasn't it? I knew I shouldn't let myself fall in love with you. Love means nothing but pain for me. Angelus, Dru...always pain no matter how hard I try. Don't know why I thought it would be different with you."

"It is-"

"You're no better than either of them! Can't keep your pants on or your legs closed when something better comes along. No, Spike's never good enough...always beneath everyone," Spike roughly wiped a tear away.

"Spike, that's not true. Just shut up and let me explain."

"Don't feel like having the knife twisted by listening to a play by play. Got enough of that watching Angel and Dru."

"Enough with the Angel and Drusilla comparisons. I'm not them. I'm Xander!"

"And that makes the wound even deeper, Xander. I never thought you would do what they did."

"I didn't..."

"Didn't what? Fuck her in front of me!? How considerate. You seem to get off on sneaking behind someone's back. No wonder the cheerleader left you! No wonder you fuck up every relationship you have, including ours!" Spike started for the door but Xander got in front of him.

"Don't say that, Spike! Please don't. You know we love each other."

"You think I could love someone like you? Someone who cares nothing about anything but his own pleasures? Who tries to get himself killed at every turn, who throws away love and then whines because he doesn't have it? You are your own worst enemy! I loved you, Xander - we could have been - fuck it! It's over!"

"Spike, don't say that!" Xander reached out but Spike growled.

"Touch me and lose your bloody arm!"

"Just listen, okay? I was wrong not to tell you about Faith. I rescued her from one of those demons, took her home, her shoulder was dislocated and I was helping her and then next thing I know she was going on and on about fights with no kills getting her wound up, how she was gonna pop, then there was kissing, then I was on the bed and-"

"Shut your bloody gob!"

"The same fucking bed that you two - do you know how that made me feel?"

"Horny, evidently. Use all the excuses you want - won't make a bit of difference to me! I'm tired of being made a right cuckold!" Spike walked to the door, turning back for a moment. "You know, Faith came onto me after the fight, but I turned her down. Maybe I'll change my mind. After all, she was a decent shag and she's honest about it being purely sex and nothing more. Doesn't pretend that it's love." Now Xander was pissed and before he could stop himself, the words came tumbling out.

"Yeah, why don't you do that, Spike? Faith told me to send you over because she was sure you were dying for a real fuck."

"She was right."

"Spike! If you go to Faith, it's over between us, I swear!"

"It was over the minute I caught you in a lie. Be gone when I get home." Spike stormed out, leaving Xander standing in the middle of the library, wondering what had just happened. Why had he thought it was a good idea to keep the truth from Spike, knowing the vampire's keen senses would probably pick up on something? Knowing how breakable Spike was, no matter how tough he tried to act?

"I'm so stupid." Xander smacked his forehead, heading for the door. "Spike's right. I am my own worst enemy."


******************************************************* Chapter 18



Angel and Buffy were laying on the couch when Xander came home. They watched as he walked past, not even acknowledging their greeting before slamming the bedroom door behind him.

“Well, that can’t be good.” Angel sat up, pulling Buffy along with him.

“I know what’s wrong with him. Being left out of the loop….he hates that.”

“Can’t say as I blame him.”

“Come on, Angel, haven’t I explained why I made the decisions I did enough times tonight?”

“Yes, but I still don’t agree with you.” Buffy gave Angel a surprised look. “Have you really opened your eyes and watched Xander fight since he’s been training with me and Spike? He is a very fast learner and I believe he is totally capable of handling himself against almost anything that could come his way.”

“Almost being the key word. And sure if it was just vamps or the regular demon….but I saw what those Sister of Jhe demons did to him the other night. And you know yourself, what was going on in that library was above the top.”

“Giles and Willow were….”

“There for the spell and that’s the only reason. Listen, Giles has to help because he’s my watcher but Willow and Xander….they volunteered for this craziness and while I love them for that, I can’t stand the thought of something happening to them because they care about me. Willow understands where I’m coming from and backs off when I tell her to but Xander…..Xander jumps into things without thinking because he cares too much.“

“And that’s a bad thing?“

“You know it is.“

“Wasn’t bad when Xander came to my apartment and insisted we fight the Master. That move ended with you being alive and here for which I’m grateful.“

“Oh, I am too, but he’s scared the crap out of me like a million times. I’m afraid….” Buffy’s voice broke for a second, “I’m afraid one of these times he’s going to get in over his head and I won’t be there to help him…or you, or Spike….and then we’ll lose him. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, but you just said it yourself. You can’t be with him 24-7. Neither can we. That’s why Spike insisted on teaching him how to fight. And while you’re trying to keep Xander safe, he’s still getting hurt emotionally. Buffy, as much as you want to protect him….that’s how much he wants to protect you.”

“But I’m the Slayer. I‘m supposed to be the protect-y one.”

“Being the Slayer doesn’t give you a monopoly on being protect-y. It doesn’t stop any of us, especially me, from worrying about you. Xander may know in his head that you can pretty much handle yourself but his heart tells him that he needs to be there for you just in case. He doesn’t want to lose you any more than I do.“

“Hello Mr. Insightful Guy. Where have you put my Angel?“ Buffy smacked him playfully. “Guess I better talk to Xand.”

“I can be insightful.” Angel muttered, ready to follow Buffy when the bedroom door swung open. Xander came out, sticking stakes in various pockets. He headed for the door but Buffy and Angel stepped in front of him..

“Going somewhere?”

“Good guess, Nancy Drew. Did those detective skills come with the slayer package or did you develop them all on your own?”

“Xander, we need to talk.”

“Oh, okay---nowyou need to talk to me? I seem to recall trying to do that talky thing with you earlier tonight but you were too busy to listen . Well guess what? Now I’m the one that’s got things to do. Tell you what. Have your people call my people and we’ll set up an appointment.” Xander tried to pass but Buffy stepped in front of him again.

“You’re not leaving here until we have a chance to settle this. “

“In other words, when it’s you wanting to talk to me about something, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and listen but when I need to talk I get ignored? That doesn’t sound quite fair does it?” Xander crossed his arms, glaring at his friend. He knew he shouldn’t be taking his anger and hurt at Spike out on Buffy, but somehow he felt justified. After all, if Buffy hadn’t been so adamant about keeping him out of danger then he would’ve been with Spike instead of….

“Look, I’m sorry about tonight.”

“Me, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have things I need to do.“

“Which is?” Xander stared at Angel, who shrugged. “Just kinda late to be out….”

“It’s personal.”

“Okay, we get you’re pissed at us but why not wait until Spike gets here so he can go with you.” Buffy suggested, Angel nodding.

“Yeah, he should have been here already.” Angel felt Xander’s anger rise at Spike’s name and his own concern rose. “You two are having problems, aren’t you? That’s why he’s not here.”

“Spike’s not here because I was supposed to meet him at the Bronze after we were both done…doing what we were doing.“

“Then why are you here and so angry. Every time Spike’s name is said I can feel the anger and pain coming from you….like right now.” Xander jumped as Angel pointed his finger at him.

“Damn it, Angel. Stop with the vampire thing.”

“So it’s true. You’re mad at Spike….”

“Or another guess would be you because I don’t like someone invading my feelings.”

“Okay, you’re upset with me now but earlier….”

“Spike was supposed to be at the Bronze and he wasn’t. I walked all the way there to here and now I have to go all the way back…..“

“Well, if you want, I can walk with you.“ Buffy offered. “Or you can wait with Angel and I to see if he shows here.“

“Nah, you stay here with Angel and enjoy being together. It’s quiet out there after you guys took out that Hellmouth beastie. I don’t expect any trouble tonight. And I’m sure Spike and I just got mixed signals and will find each other somewhere.” Xander tried to dodge the issue of Spike but Angel wasn‘t buying it, especially when he saw the stakes Xander had in his pockets.

“Where are you expecting to find Spike, Xander?” Angel pulled out a stake. “Last time I heard the Bronze was pretty tame and you did say it was quiet out there tonight.“

“They’re just for in case, on the way. Hellmouth and all. Every time you say something like ‘it’s quiet tonight’ all hell breaks loose. And if Spike’s not there I might try a few bars….see if he’s toasting himself…you know how he gets after a good fight.“

“Yeah, I do and even though Spike used to love to drink after a fight, since you came along he’d rather skip the drinking and go straight to….well, we both know.“ Xander gave him a wan smile. “And last time I saw him, he was pretty intent on finding you. Knowing Spike the way I do, he would have already hunted you down unless you two had had an argument.” Another wave of hurt and anger hit Angel.

“Gotta go.” Angel grabbed Xander’s arm, turning him around.

“Uh, no.“

“Why?“

“Xander, something’s wrong between you and Spike. If I let you go out there and something happened to you before Spike managed to clear up whatever it is that needs clearing up, he would try to kick my ass. Why don‘t you stay here, wait for him and….”

“Because I have to find him and explain….it’s really none of your business. Just let me handle this.“

“It was that bad, huh?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah.”

“It’s you and Spike. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“Guess so. Either way, I don’t want to talk about it so see ya.” Xander headed for the door but Angel stopped him.

“Xander, it’s late. You’re capable of handling yourself, I get that, but not in the emotional state you’re in now.”

“Oh, I’m thinking I can kill twice as many vamps and demons with the anger I’ve got going….”

“Angel’s right. You’re distracted and that will only end up getting you hurt or killed.”

“You’re my friend Buffy not my keeper. You may call the shots on apocolypses, apocalypies, whatever, but when it comes to my own personal time I come and go as I please and right now I please to leave.” Xander tried to leave but Angel held on to his arm.

“Let’s try this then. We’ll come with you…“

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Everyone thinks I’m so helpless, I need protection. I thought you were different than Buffy, but you’re not. You pretend to believe in me but….”

“Xander that’s not true.” Buffy defended Angel. “He was just saying that you could have handled what happened tonight.”

“Bet I know how you responded. After all, you made it clear to me that I don’t have the super hero creds to be allowed to help you anymore. “

“Just this once because it was so bad…”

“That’s just a nice way of saying you only want me around for the small fights.” Xander pulled away from Angel and turned his back on them. Buffy stared at Xander’s hunched shoulders, not liking herself all that much right now. She was beginning to remember all the times Giles, Willow or herself had told Xander he shouldn’t be helping, teasing him about his fighting style, but she hadn’t realized how badly it had hurt him until now. Buffy turned Xander to face her and her heart broke at the expression on his face. She had never seen Xander so upset, not even after she had turned him down when he had asked her to Spring Fling. Or at Giles’ apartment after Ms. Calendar was killed. Liking that memory less than Xander’s expression, Buffy concentrated on her friend.

“I’m sorry we’ve made you feel that way.”

“I feel like a dick.”

“You didn’t act that badly, Xander so….”

“I wasn’t talking about the way I was acting, Buff.”

“Then what….”

“I’m one big dick, and everybody wants to be my condom. You, Angel, Spike……must protect Xander, dick boy.”

“Xander, that was a very gross and totally insane thing to say, not to mention the bad imagery.” Buffy tried to tease him and managed to get a small smile for her efforts. “Why don’t we throw away that bad, bad analogy, sit down and you can tell us what’s got you so very beyond upset.” Xander started to open his mouth, but Buffy stopped him. “I know it’s not all about the fight with the demon. Okay Spike is a demon so technically….oh, hell, just sit down and vent about the bleached menace.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because Spike should be here pretty soon….or maybe not…in either case I have to be gone before he gets back. Or I need to find him…..I’m not sure which way I’m leaning right now.”

“So you two had a disagreement and Spike ran his mouth…pissed you off and hurt your feelings. Xander, you know he says things he doesn’t mean when he’s angry just like you do. I’m sure you’re leaning towards the making up just like he is….“

“No, Spike said he doesn’t want me anymore!” Xander interrupted Angel. “And if he doesn’t want me then I don’t want him. It’s over...probably...okay?”

“Do you know how 2 year old that sounds?”

“Yes, I do but I’m hurt so I plead temporary immaturity.”

“Tell us what Spike did to get you so twisted up.” Angel encouraged.

“Too long a story to tell, I started it not him, and like Spike, you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“Try me.”

“Uhm…no. Here’s a nifty idea. I’m gonna leave for real this time and if you’re still curious, when Spike gets home you can ask him.” Xander tried to leave but Angel reached for him again. Tired of being manhandled and saying just that, Xander started to strike out at Angel. He landed a few good punches but when Angel swept his feet out from under him, Xander found himself on the floor staring up at Angel, who was sitting across his chest, holding Xander’s arms over his head.

“What the hell is going on?” Buffy finally snapped out of the daze she had been in since Xander had started hitting Angel. Xander ignored her, mock glaring at the vampire on his chest.

“There’s no chance you’re gonna let me up and drop this whole discussion, is there?” Xander asked, Angel shaking his head.

“A snowball in hell has a better chance of survival than you do of walking out that door. And that‘s a very minute chance. I should know since I was there.”

“Spike thinks Faith and I had sex tonight.” Xander blurted out and Buffy and Angel’s mouths dropped open at those words. They definitely hadn’t been expecting this. “Can I get up now?” Angel stood, acting on autopilot as he helped Xander to his feet.

“That’s ridiculous. Faith was with us tonight. Why would Spike think…” Buffy watched Xander hang his head in shame, opening his shirt to reveal the hickey. “Xand, please tell me you weren’t stupid enough to….you know…with Faith.” Xander’s head jerked up, anger flashing in his eyes.

“No, I didn’t and I’m not that stupid! Why won’t anyone believe me?

“Well, the hickey for one.” Angel pointed.

“Not to mention you having the reputation of getting illicit smoochies.”

“God, Buffy, just because a guy makes one mistake does that mean he’s condemned for the rest of his life? Is a man not innocent until proven guilty?”

“Yeah, but even as one of your best friends the evidence isn‘t stacking up in favor of the defense.”

“Hey, my lips weren’t the only ones involved in either case, you know. As a matter of fact, Willow’s headed for mine in the first place just like Faith!”

“Faith kissed you?” Angel tried to intervene but Xander was on a roll as he continued his rant.

“But who gets blamed? Me, that’s who! And does anyone ever throw that kiss up in Willow’s face or suspect her of cheating on Oz with Faith? Huh?” Before Angel or Buffy could point out that Willow wasn’t gay, Xander answered his own question. “No! No one ever thinks she’ll mess up again because she’s a good girl while I’m the village idiot! Damn it!” Xander began to pace, running his hands through his hair. “I am so sick of people jumping to conclusions. It’s like everyone’s waiting for me to fuck up again!”

“No we’re…..”

“And you know what else bothers me? Nobody ever thought Cordy and I were as affected by that kiss as Willow and Oz even though it was Cordy that ended up in the hospital after being impaled by a rebar and then …..”

“Hold up, Xander, I was just as worried about you as I was about Willow when all that went down. I was support-o gal, remember? I even tried to help Cordy even though I never liked her that much and Oz….”

“Ahah!” Xander pointed an accusatory finger at Buffy. “I always knew you hated her….especially after the vapid whore comment!”

“You called Cordelia a vapid whore and got away with it?” Angel asked before thinking.

“I was defending myself. She called me a freak and I responded. It’s not like she’s scary or anything.”

“Yes she is.” Xander and Angel chorused. Buffy rolled her eyes at them before continuing.

“Whatever. Xander, I just always thought that Cordy wasn’t good enough for you.”

“When in reality, I wasn’t good enough for her. I was the one who messed up…just like I have with Spike.”

“Okay, .I think I can be a pretty good listener, given the opportunity. I know Angel is. And I‘ve always heard that getting a different perspective from someone else sometimes helps.“ Buffy stood on her tiptoes, resting her chin on Xander’s shoulder and giving him a small smile. After a few seconds, Xander returned it.

“Dear Buffy, I’m a big screw up who probably can’t even finish writing this letter without…..”

“Quit joking around and tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” Buffy gave him a playful shove towards the couch, her and Angel following.

“I’m wondering where Spike is, cause I’m worried about him.”

“Spike’s a big vampire. He can take care of himself. I’m sure he’s just off somewhere blowing off steam, nothing to worry about. It’s not like he’d do anything crazy.” Off Angel and Xander’s looks Buffy amended, “Okay, so maybe he would, but I’m sure he’ll be coming through that door any minute looking for you Xander.”

“Spike can take care of himself when it comes to a fight, Buffy. But when it comes to someone betraying him or his thinking they betrayed him, in my case, he’s like a little kid. He’s been hurt so many times in the relationships in his past that it’s hard to get close to him. He’s so afraid of being hurt… and I promised I would never…..” Xander put his head in his hands, Angel putting an arm on his shoulder, knowing exactly what Xander was talking about and also knowing that one of the biggest problems of Spike not trusting anyone was himself.

“Xander, I know you didn’t have sex with Faith.” Buffy and Xander looked at him. “Vampire senses. Although, I can vaguely smell her on you it’s not, you know, that type….”

“Then why couldn’t Spike see, or rather smell that? Why did he leave me?” Xander looked at Angel and Angel noticed how much pain were in those brown eyes. Pain that reflected years of being pushed to the side, whether intentionally or not and in that moment Angel really saw the similarity in Xander and Spike.

“I think you answered your own question earlier. Trust issues. Something I think you might be familiar with, huh?”

“Well, when the one girlfriend you have shoves you into closets so her friends won’t find out you two are together and when she finally does come out to them, she decides to remake me to try to fit in with her gang and continually reminds me what it means to be dating the loser of the school, it doesn’t bolster confidence.” Xander babbled.

“Yeah, Cordy was really good for you.”

“She was, Buff. In her own Cordyesque way. When we were by ourselves and she actually let her bitch guard down and showed what was in her heart, we connected. Not like Spike and I do but still….”

“Cordy actually has a heart?” Before Xander could reply Angel spoke up.

“What I can’t figure out is what you were doing with Faith in the first place.”

“I, uh, I was driving around after I took my cousin home, you remember her from the Bronze….”

“Michelle.”

“Yeah, Anyway, I turned a corner and saw one of those Sister of Jhe demons beating up on Faith. She kicked it away from her, I ran into it with my car and she hopped in, then I took her home. I went inside to help her with her arm….it was dislocated and then…..well, uh….”

“Xander, Faith’s been asking me a lot of questions about why you and I haven’t, uhm, had sex. I told her it was because I loved you, just not that way, and I didn’t want to hurt our relationship. She kept going on and on about the fighting and sweating side by side nightly stuff and how she could use the action and…..“

“Oh, she wanted action all right, Buffy.“

“But you told her no because you love Spike, right?”

“Yes.”

“So how did you two end up kissing and what’s with the hickey?”

“It just happened.”

“Nothing having to do with Faith ever just happens. “Buffy air quoted. “Xander fill me in right this minute because I’m getting some very bad mental images of her forcing herself on you and I‘d really like you to make them go away by saying…...” Xander tried to turn away but Buffy held him. “That’s what happened, isn’t it?“ Xander wouldn’t answer. “If you don’t tell me what went down between the two of you, then I’ll just have to get the answers from her and that may lead to some serious face punching, but hey, no pressure.”

“What happened tonight between me and Faith is over and done with so why can’t we leave it alone?”

“Because you’re one of my best friends. And if she’s trying to come between you and Spike or more importantly, if she hurt you…..”

“Stop! Just stop!” Xander held up his hands in defeat. “Fine. I’ll tell you, but then you have to promise me that you two will let me leave so I can find Spike.“

“Okay, okay, I promise. Just spill because I’m officially wigged now.” Buffy and Angel sat on the couch, watching Xander pace back and forth as he related his night. When he was finished he tried to rein in his emotions as he gauged theirs. He was hoping they would keep their word but it wasn’t looking promising.

“I’m sorry, Xander but I can’t just sit here and act like nothing happened.” Buffy stood up, her hazel eyes full of anger. “I have a certain slayer’s ass to kick.”

“You’re not going without me. I need to talk to Spike.” Angel rose, worried about what would happen to his favorite family member.

“Wait….you guys promised not to…”

“Buffy did. I didn’t.”

“But you nodded….”

“Nodding doesn’t count.”

“Fine. We’re playing dirty, I see. Then here’s one for you guys. You go out that door and I’m gone for good. I swear it.” Both of them stopped, turning to face an angry Xander. “Besides, Spike isn’t there anyway.“

“Xander, you went back after….“

“I had to know whether Spike was there or not, Buffy. I paid the manager ten bucks to knock on the door and see if….anyway, she was alone. And as far as Faith and I are concerned, we had a misunderstanding, I handled it, it’s over and I just want to get on with my life.”

“Without Spike?”

“Look, Angel., if Spike can’t trust me then what kind of relationship do we have?”

“You talk about him not trusting you, yet you paid someone to check Faith’s place out….”

“That is totally different. Spike said he was going there and I was just checking to make sure that he didn’t.”

“Why are you being so stubborn? Why do you want Spike to suffer when you can just explain everything so he knows you weren’t unfaithful to him?! Hasn’t he had enough betrayal in his life to fill 20 people’s lives?“

“Spike’s the one being stubborn. I tried to explain and I didn’t betray him.” Xander spat back. “That’s more up your alley isn’t it? Weren’t you the leader of the pack in that department ….uhm, when you and Darla skipped out on him and Dru?” Xander amended off Buffy‘s confused glance.

“Don’t try to turn this around on me! You’re a human and I’m a vampire…..“

“Spike was a vampire, too but he never quit loving his family, did he? Never up and left them without a backwards glance like someone else I know…oh, hey, that was you.“ Angel glared and Xander crossed his arms stubbornly. “Guess he’s always been the better vampire, even without a soul, huh?”

“Probably so. Even though Spike is a vampire he gives his love totally and unconditionally. Always putting the one he loves before himself. Why can’t you do the same and come clean with him?” Angel stepped into Xander’s personal space, knowing that part of the anger he was aiming at Xander now was due to anger at himself for how he had treated Spike in the past, but not caring.

“Why can’t he stick around long enough to listen and forgive me! You and Dru were his family for 120 years, both of you left and yet he’s forgiven you and he never walked away from Dru. And I’d bet my life that he’d forgive Dru if she came back but the same rules don‘t apply for me I guess. Hell, I’d probably be out on my ass as soon as she showed up at the door!”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? Dru leaves him, is unfaithful to him with anything and anyone that came along and he stayed with her for like forever, but me…..while I know I handled the situation badly, Spike gave me all of two minutes to explain myself and then he walked away. Guess I’ll always be second to Dru! And since when do you care if Spike gets hurt or not? It’s your fault Spike can’t trust anyone in a relationship. Yours and Drusilla's. She was his Black Goddess and you were his yoda, both professing to love him in your own ways and then poof....both of you leave. And now that I’m the one dealing with the fall out you want to give me advice on how to handle him!"

"I'm just trying to tell you why Spike didn't listen."

"I know why. Because he was too busy comparing me to you and Dru and I’m tired of it! I’m not you, I’m not Dru, I’m me. Spike walked away from me. He was the one who told me to get lost! He was the one that told me not to be here when he got back, not the other way around! I’m not the one giving up on love, he is!”

“Spike reacted the way anyone would have when he saw that.” Angel pointed at Xander’s chest. “Not to mention our heightened senses. Come on, Xander, you’re not innocent in all this. You had to have known Spike might scent Faith on you. And if that wasn’t a big enough clue, the hickey is….damn it, Xander, you may as well have flaunted it in Spike’s face!”

“Well, if Spike had taken the time to use those senses then he’d know that despite all this evidence, we never had sex. I mean you have them and you could tell, so why couldn‘t Spike?”

“He was upset. Xander , you shouldn’t have tried to keep all of this hidden from him. You knew with his temper that he wasn’t going to be logic guy before reacting. There was no way on earth that Spike was going to miss seeing that hickey you’re sporting.”

“Maybe Xander was going to hide it until it went away….ever think of that?” Buffy defended her friend, still wondering what Spike and Angel actually meant to each other and determined to find out later once this crisis was over.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Those two are naked 90% of the time….”

“Now that’s an exaggeration. “ Xander interrupted. “I do go to school and sleep and eat and….”

“I get the point but still….”

“Patrolling and stuff so I’d say more like 60% of the time.”

“So exactly how were you planning on covering that up? You know how protective Spike is…

“Yeah, he makes me feel…..“ Xander’s smile at the memory of Spike’s reaction to a simple bruise from playing basketball in gym faded as he remembered he’d never feel that cherished again. “Back to the here and now. I don’t think I owe you an explanation but I’ll tell you anyway. That thing with Faith happened so quickly, I didn’t even know she’d….I didn’t know I had it until Spike saw it.”

“How could you not know….”

“Because I was too busy trying to fight my way off that damn bed….you know, the one Spike and Faith slept in….to feel anything but sick! I may be stupid but even I would have come clean earlier if I’d known it was there.”

“Okay. But if you don’t want to lose Spike then why don’t you put him and yourself out of misery by finding him and telling him the whole story?”

“Weren’t you listening, Angel?” Buffy spoke up before Xander could. “Spike didn’t give him a chance. He just naturally assumed that because Faith throws herself at guys and Xander has a history of not thinking with the right head , that those two would do that.” Buffy waved her hands in the air.

“Isn’t that what you did earlier? Wasn’t that you asking Xander if he’d slept with her?”

“That was before….” Buffy took a deep breath, trying to calm her emotions. “You pick now to be the voice of reason?” Angel shrugged. “Okay, okay, I see what you’re trying to say but as one of Xander’s best friends it’s my duty to hate the boyfriend or girlfriend if they hurt him, no matter who’s at fault. It’s in the “Best Friends Guidebook”.”

“Well, we vampires don’t have a guidebook,” Angel air quoted, “but as family we do the same thing….only instead of hating the person we usually just torture, dismember and kill them.” Buffy raised an eyebrow and Angel backed up a litte, hands in the air. “Just saying.”

“So you’re just gonna what? Go back to hating Xander for something he had no control over?”

“I’m as angry about what Faith did to Xander as you are….”

“I doubt that.”

“But Xander did have control over how he handled the situation with Spike. He was stupid to….”

“He is standing right here.” Xander interrupted, glaring at the two of them. “And this is just a taste of why I didn’t want to tell you guys about tonight. I mean, look at the two of you! Arguing over who’s side to take, who should have done what, blah, blah, blah. This is really none of your business. So forget about Faith and let whatever happens between me and Spike happen.” Xander headed to the door, Angel’s voice stopping him.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“No. I’ve got my stakes for protection and I think I’ve said all there is to say so…..”

“Your clothes? If you and Spike are really over, you need your things, don’t‘ you?” Xander shook his head, now knowing that Angel didn’t want him here any longer. Spike was his childe and Angel was protecting him, which meant he was back to hating Xander. And while Xander could understand it, it didn’t make the words hurt any less.

“There’s nothing I want anymore. Throw them away, give them to Goodwill….I really don’t give a fuck.” Xander lowered his head, watching his sneaker scuff the floor as he tried to leave a remembrance that he had once been welcome here and happy. I thought those things had been given out of friendship and love….not out of pity or because the police would have arrested me for going to school naked. Now that I know where I stand with you and Spike, those things don’t mean anything to me. And the reason I don’t know if I should tell Spike or not…think gym class about a week ago.” Angel gave him a confused look. “If you can get off your high horse long enough to wrap your lobes around what I’m trying to tell you, you just might be able to figure it out on your own. I don‘t feel like I need to explain anything to you and I‘m really tired of trying.”

“You’re right, Xander. This clearly was Faith and Spike’s fault.“ Buffy told him.

“Where are you getting that any of this is Spike’s fault? He was helping us…..” Buffy turned to glare at her boyfriend.

“I can’t believe you, Angel. Kicking Xander out of the mansion when you’re supposed to be friends. That‘s way harsh.“

“It’s not my decision. I was just saying if Spike didn’t want him here anymore….dammit, Buffy, Spike is family.“

“And Xander’s my family. And why are you putting all the blame on Xander?"

“Because he lied to Spike instead of being honest about….”

“He didn’t lie.” Angel raised an eyebrow. “Xander just tried to omit.”

“One just as bad as the other.”

“Spike could have tried listening at the library instead of being a big, bleached blond jerk of a -vampire!”

“Tell me something, Buffy. If their positions were reversed, do you think Xander would have listened to Spike?”

“Probably not. But I‘m fairly certain Xander wouldn’t have kicked Spike out of his life or threatened to go to Faith’s to get revenge.”

“You don’t know that for sure. Xander has as much of a temper as Spike does and….”

“Well, if Spike’s going to run off and have sex with someone every time he and Xander have a glitch in their relationship then maybe it’s better if they went their separate ways before it really got serious.“ Buffy was getting pissed now.

“For Spike, it already has.”

“Same with Xander. He’s hurting just as much or more than Spike is.”

“And what the hell do you mean by basketball game anyway?” Angel turned to ask Xander only to find the boy gone. “Damn it, he’s gone.”

“Why wouldn’t he be gone? You or Spike didn’t give him much of a choice did you?” Buffy was waiting for an answer but Angel was standing quietly, still staring at the empty space where Xander had been. Basketball game a week…..oh, fuck. Angel remembered Spike checking Xander over as he always did when the boy came home only to find a bruise on his thigh. When he had questioned Xander and found out some big jock had kneed Xander while going for a rebound, he had threatened to go to the school, find the boy who did it and rip him to pieces. Xander had made a joke about how the boy had suffered enough by letting a geek get the best of him and ….oh, shit Angel came back out of his thoughts as Buffy gave his arm a tug. “Earth to Angel. Did you hear what I said?” Angel nodded, ashamed. “What’s the shame face for? Well, I know what it’s for but I’d like to hear you say it out loud.”

“I’ve really stuck my foot in my mouth this time and made a total ass out of myself.” Angel started to run after Xander but Buffy stopped him.

“Well, yeah, there’s that but what changed your mind?”

“Basketball game. Xander was talking about Spike’s over protectiveness of him. Xander’s afraid that if Spike finds out what happened in that hotel room he would attack Faith. If he killed her then you’d have to go after Spike and I’m sure that’s the last thing Xander wants. I know it is for me.”

“Not too keen on the idea myself. Before this crap happened I was actually beginning to like Spike.”

“Then you need to help me find Spike.” Angel grabbed Buffy’s hand and led her out the door.

“And why should I do that after what he’s put Xander through. Matter of fact I was just planning on trying to find Xander and calm him down before he gets hurt.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“Good, then, huh?”

“Xander knows Spike isn’t at Faith’s so I’m guessing he’s going to go looking for him and we all know where Spike will probably be hanging out.”

“Willy’s?”

“No, last resort. Spike hates Willy. But there’s other demon bars that Spike likes so we can check them out.”

“Why didn’t I know about them?”

“Because you’re the Slayer.”

“I get why we don’t want Xander hanging around in demon bars but why are we searching for Spike again?”

“If Xander finds Spike and tells him about what Faith did and Spike actually listens then I don’t think Xander will be able to stop him from confronting Faith.”

“Which leads to Showdown at the Hovel Hotel.”

“Exactly. Which leads us right back to you doing your job if Spike killed again.”

“As much as I hate what Faith did she’s human…..well, at least she has a beating heart…..amend that to pulse. I have to admit that if I didn’t have a soul, I would kill Faith myself for what she tried to do tonight. I mean, I totally understand where Spike would be coming from but still I don‘t want to have to get all slay-ey on him.”

“Glad to hear that. And is slay-ey even a word?”

“I don’t know. But just because I’m not gung ho about slaying Spike that doesn‘t mean I don’t feel like giving him a good ass kicking for hurting Xander.”

“You do that and I’ll have to kick Xander’s for being so stubborn.”

“And I’ll kick yours for being mean to Xander, too.”

“Can we just agree to help them both and not take sides?”

“I guess so.”

“Good, because I care about both of them.”

“I kinda do too.”


******************************************************
Spike wandered into Willy’s, the third bar he had hit since he had left Xander. Along the way he had managed to kill four vampires, a Sloth demon and one of the ugly and unknown origin types. He sat down at the end of the bar and Willy rushed over, a worried expression on his face. He had seen that look on Spike’s face before and it always led to his bar being trashed.

“Spike, old buddy, old pal. What’ll it be? O positive to go or…..”

“A bottle of JD and a glass for here, mate.”

“Spike, you look like you’ve had enough. Might want to get a glass of good warm blood or maybe a coffee?”

“I said JD and a glass. Are you deaf?” Spike asked with a snarl.

“No. It’s just….well, you look a little worse for wear there. Not that you don’t look good, ‘cause you always do…but…damn it, I’ve had enough damage done to myself and this place because of those Sister of Jhe demons without having you…..”

“I’m fine and if there’s any damage to this place because of me, I’ll pay for it.” Spike took the bottle and glass from Willy and began to pour his first drink. “Now back the bloody hell off and leave me be.” Spike downed his first drink before muttering to himself. “I should be at the Slayer’s house right now fucking her brains out.” Several demons turned, their expressions confused, disgusted and curious.

“The Slayer’s Angel’s girl. Everyone knows that.” Willy whispered.

“Not Buffy, you stupid git. The other one.”

“The dark haired slayer. Yeah, I know about her.” A Kronas demon, one of the shape shifting family, sat down next to Spike. “Matter of fact I fucked her once. Shifted into human form and tadow, I banged her good.” He bragged. “That girl was amazing in the sack. She never knew what hit her. Or should I say, I never knew what hit me.” The demon fell to the floor unconscious from the punch Spike had landed on his face.

“My fist you stupid git.”

“You following in Angel’s footsteps?” Another demon asked.

“What?”

“Liking Slayers. You got a thing for her? Jealous?”

“Of the Slayer? Hardly. I’ve had it before and it wasn’t anything to brag about. Besides, she can fuck anyone she likes as long as it’s not….bloody hell!” Spike threw the glass against the wall, shattering it and making everyone jump. A few demons and vampires slipped out the door, not wanting to end up like the Kronas demon.

“Spike, man, get a grip. You’re chasing off my customers.” Willy set another glass in front of Spike, who filled it.

“Like I give a bloody, buggering fuck.” Spike began to drink as everyone shifted away from him, not wanting to get into it with William the Bloody. They all knew his reputation and were afraid. Spike normally would have reveled in the fear he inspired but he was too busy trying to drown out thoughts of Faith and Xander together in bed. Trying to numb the pain, which felt like a stake through the heart, Spike’s brain kept trying to tell him that something was wrong with that picture, well, more than the obvious. That Xander would never betray him like that while his heart was asking why not? It wasn’t like he had never been betrayed before and Spike was beginning to lose all logic due to the alcohol. All Spike knew for sure was that love hurt. Cecily had turned her back on him without giving him a chance, telling William that he was beneath her. When Spike had been turned, he had vowed that no one would ever hurt him like that again. He was a strong, powerful immortal. One without a soul. What could ever possibly touch him again? With that thought in mind, he had given Angelus everything he had, learning his lessons, being the good childe in and out of bed, only to have Angelus leave him when Darla crooked her little finger. As if that didn’t drive it into his head that he could still be hurt, he poured all his love into Drusilla, taking care of her every need and even threatening the life of the man he had once loved with his entire being just to make her well again. And once that had been accomplished and Angel had reverted to Angelus due to the curse being broken, the two of them had tortured him by having sex and laughing about it as he languished away in that damn wheelchair. After Angelus had supposedly been sent to hell and he and Dru had made their getaway from Sunnydale, a health Dru left him for a Chaos demon . Then Spike had come back to this damned city not once but twice….to force Willow to do the spell to get Dru back, which he never used, and again to help Angel. And both times there had been Xander.

Spike sighed and took another drink as he thought of his boy. Brave, beautiful Xander and how he had fought for his girls….first Willow and then Buffy. Spike glanced over at the table he had been sitting at that first night Xander had come here with Buffy and fought the vampires. Remembering how he had been fascinated by how quickly Xander’s attitude had changed once Buffy had left, how he had been stupid yet brave to take on all those vampires and how he had managed to get Spike to work with the Scoobies and the Slayer of all people to help Angel. Spike had to admit to himself that Xander was definitely loyal to his friends. That had been one of the first things that Spike had respected about the boy. Which made him wonder once again if he had been rash. Xander had been trying to explain something but Spike’s drunk, addled mind couldn’t remember what it was. Maybe….no, there was no excuse for having a hickey…..another glass hit the wall.

“Slow down, honey. You keep throwing glasses around like that, we’re not gonna have anything to drink out of.” A pretty, dark haired vampire sat down next to him. “I’m Samantha, by the way. I noticed you looking my way earlier and I was hoping this was my lucky day.” Spike looked up and followed her gaze over to the table he had been looking at earlier, remembering. Instead of trying to explain what was going on, Spike simply sighed and grunted, taking another glass from behind the bar since Willy didn’t seem to be in any hurry to replace the second one. “Feel like sharing what’s wrong?” Spike grabbed another glass and set it in front of her, pouring them both a drink.

“Why not? Everyone seems in share mode these days.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Cheers.” Spike tapped his glass against Samantha’s, giving her the once over. Not bad, but she wasn’t the one. “Changed my mind. Now get lost.”

“Bad mood much?”

“Oh, Samantha, I cannot remember the last time I was in this foul a mood.”

“Try two hours, 37 minutes ago.” Spike spun around on his bar stool to see Xander standing, arms crossed. Their eyes met, clashing in a war of wills, neither one willing to be the first to give in and speak.



Chapters Nineteen and Twenty

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