"Don't have to worry about that, mate. We ran into some Government bigwigs during our little outing and they promised that Xander wasn't going to be charged with anything. I don't trust them, but I think they want to cover up this mess to cover their own asses. Self-preservation before anything else and all that. By the way, Wesley, that was a good idea you had, sending those documents to the big men. I don't know how you found out who to send them to but whatever it worked and I'm grateful." Spike told Wesley, causing the other man to blush with pride.

"I may not be with the watcher's council anymore, but I still have my contacts," he bragged.

"Well, I for one am glad that you're a free agent because I'd like for you to come with us when we return to Los Angeles. Be a part of the team. I think you'd be a big asset to us, and no Cordelia you won't have to take a pay cut," Angel reassured her, before she could ask. Everyone laughed at Angel's words as Wesley smiled.

"I would be more than happy to join in your fight against evil," Wesley said, tears in his eyes. "Who would have ever thought that I would be teaming up with Angelus and William the Bloody?" Wesley shook his head at the thought. Angel looked at Oz.

"Oz, if you're not going to stay here or you don't have any plans, I think Xander would love to have you come along too. I can tell you're a calming influence on both he and Cordelia. Maybe you could work wonders and manage to calm Spike down some at the same time."

"What the hell, peaches. I don't need calming down. I like myself just the way I am, and so do you, whether you like to admit it or not. Still, I like the wolf. What about it Oz? Care to sign on with a bunch of misfits?" Spike asked as Cordelia added, "Yeah, Oz it would be great to have you there."

"Why not? I might even be able to meet up with the Dingoes again. Last time I heard from Devon, they were playing somewhere in L.A."

Spike looked over at Clem and saw the demon hanging his head in orrow. "We haven't forgotten about you, Clem. You saved our boy and that means more to us than anything in the world. Not to mention the fact that we've been mates for a long time now. I don't fancy leaving you here in Sunnydale with a pissed off slayer and her little soldier boy toy and neither does Angel or Xander."

"That's right," Angel interjected. "I'm sorry, I just assumed that you would be coming with us, but if you don't want to that's your choice. Just know that we'd be more than happy to have you come back with us."

Clem looked at the vampires, his face lighting up. "Nothing holding me here. I'd love to see the big city and get away from this Hellmouth once and for all. Besides, Spike has always been my idol and I think the world of Xander and the rest of you all, too."

"Good. That's settled then. We're all one big family. Xander's going to be so happy that you three are coming back with us. He may have lost one family but he's got this one left," Cordelia said. She had just finished her sentence when they heard a lot of noise coming from the bedroom before a loud bang resounded through the mansion.

Angel and Spike were up and running at the first noise, everyone else close on their heels. When they entered the room, they looked around but Xander was nowhere to be found. Angel ran into the bathroom, but Xander was not there either.

"Xander, where are you? I know you're in here somewhere. There's no place you could have gone." Angel was saying as he looked under the bed and behind the furniture. Spike put a finger to his lips, listening for Xander's heartbeat. He crossed the room and opened up the closet door and his eyes grew wide at the sight before him.

"Angel, he's over here. Everyone just stay back and don't crowd him," Spike told the others as Angel joined him. Xander was huddled in the corner of the closet, blankets and pillows from the bed surrounding him. Xander had his legs pulled in tight against his chest and his arms were wrapped around them. His head was lying on his knees as he rocked himself back and forth saying, "There is no such thing as monsters. There is no such thing as monsters."

"Xander, luv, what's the matter?" Spike said softly as he reached out to touch the boy cowering in the closet. Xander's head jerked up and he looked at Spike with big, brown eyes full of tears. Angel,Spike and Oz could smell the pain, fear, anger and self-loathing pouring off the boy.

Xander jerked away from Spike's touch, trying to get further into the corner of the closet. "No, you can't find me. Mommy said you would never find me in here. Go away! I can't come out until she comes and gets me. I promised her I wouldn't. Leave me alone, don't hurt me, don't hurt mommy," Xander was babbling as Spike stood back, looking as if he were going to cry.

Suddenly, Xander stopped rocking and he looked at Spike, fear turning to a burning rage. "What did you do to her? Did you finally kill her? Is that why she's not here? You're going to kill me too, aren't you?"

"No, pet I would never hurt you," Spike tried to soothe Xander, but it wasn't working. Between the pill and the events of the night, Xander was locked in his nightmare that he had been fighting for so long. Memories of his dad's return home for the first time after a three day drinking binge started flooding back.

*Flash*

"Where the fuck is everybody? Get your asses out here now," Tony had yelled as he came in, slamming the door shut behind him.

"We're in Xander's room, Tony," his mother had answered, handing Xander his bowl of chicken soup. She turned around and looked at Xander, fear written on her face. "Xander, remember don't make daddy angry. You know what happened last time and it's only going to be worse since he's been out for three days instead of all night. Just be a good boy and keep quiet. If anything....happens....go in the closet and shut the door, okay. Don't come out no matter what. Not until I come and get you. Understand me?"

Xander had looked up at her, eyes watery with tears, his voice quivering in fear as he asked, "Mommy, is he going to hurt us again?"

"Not you or Mommy either as long as you let me handle this and keep quiet," she had assured him, just as his dad came into his room.

"What the hell is the little bastard doing home? He's supposed to be at school. No wonder he's so fucking stupid. Can't learn anything if he's being lazy." Tony had growled as he walked over and grabbed at the soup, spilling some on Xander before the bowl went flying across the room, the rest of the chicken soup going everywhere as the bowl shattered against the wall.

"Ow, Daddy that hurts. It's hot," Xander had said before he thought. He looked at his mother's worried face and said, "I'm sorry," before he clapped his little hand over his mouth, his big, brown eyes filled with fear.

"It's alright, Xander," his mother had told him just as his father grabbed her by the arm and threw her from the bed. He leaned in and grabbed Xander by the collar and pulled him from the bed, swatting him on his butt before throwing him onto the floor.

"Get up and get dressed for school," Tony had growled. "And stop your fucking whining before I give you something to whine about."

"Tony, it's 12 o'clock in the afternoon. School is almost halfway over and besides Xander has a temperature of 101. That's why he stayed home from school," Jessica had tried to explain.

"So? I go to work sick, he can go to school sick. Besides, I don't want him underfoot and if you're in here baby coddling him you won't have time to give me what I need. Shit, the only reason I got married was so I could screw and not have to worry about getting the clap." Tony had walked over to Jessica and planted a drunken, wet kiss on her mouth. "Come on baby, send the kid to school and then you and me can have a go. Whatdya say?"

Jessica had flinched away, the smell of alcohol making her sick. "Tony, you know I want to. Just let me get Xander back into bed and then we'll go."

She had started walking over to Xander when Tony had grabbed her from behind and shoved her into the wall. "You'll do what I say when I tell you to, Jessica. Now get in our bedroom and make yourself presentable while I take care of the kid."

"No, Tony. You're drunk. You might hurt him. Besides, he always does what I tell him to do. Let me get Xander back in bed and you go get comfortable. I'll rub your shoulders for you too, if you like," his mother had pleaded, trying to soothe her husband.

"I'm the man in this house and my needs come first woman," Tony had said, slapping Jessica across the face, the blow sending her to the floor.

"Mommy!" Xander had screamed as he rushed over to his mother. "Mommy, are you okay? Mommy, please talk to me," Xander had begged as he wiped the blood from his mother's nose and mouth. Jessica, too stunned from the blow to answer him, continued to lay on the floor. Xander had turned towards his father, his brown eyes filled with anger and his little hands balled up into fists. He had ran towards his daddy, no longer afraid but enraged at the thought of his daddy hurting his mommy. "You killed her, you meany. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Xander had screamed as he hit his dad over and over again.

Tony had just laughed at him, before he grabbed the little boy up and threw him across the bed. He held the boy down with one hand as his other hand reached down and pulled Xander's pajama bottoms and underwear down. Tony undid the buckle of his belt and pulled it from the loops in his pants before doubling it over and swinging it, connecting with Xander's butt.

Xander screamed and cried, pleading with his daddy to stop, begging his mommy to help him as the blows kept raining down on him. Finally, he heard his mother's voice, as she hit her husband on the back with Xander's baseball bat.

"Xander, run. Go on now, run!" she had yelled at him, as Tony had turned and pushed her up against the wall. Xander had scrambled to pull his underwear and pajamas back up over his bloody butt before running downstairs and hiding in the hall closet behind his dad's bowling ball and bag and some old coats. This was the 'safe spot' his mother had made for him designated for these times.

Tears streamed down Xander's face as he put his hands over his ears trying to block out the sound of his mother as she screamed in pain from the blows that were now directed at her. After a few minutes it stopped and he heard his parent's bedroom door open, heard his mother pleading with his father not to do this, heard his dad's groans of pleasure and finally silence.

Xander stayed hidden in his safe spot, waiting for his mommy to come and get him. His legs had started cramping from where he had them pulled up around his chest, his stomach was nauseous and his butt hurt, but he stayed there. Xander looked down at his hands and saw his mother's blood on them. He leaned over and threw up all over himself and the coats laying around him, but still he stayed. Hours passed and he had to go to the bathroom, so he rocked back and forth trying to hold it in until his little bladder couldn't hold it any longer. Xander peed all over himself, feeling the urine stinging the cuts on his butt from where his pajama bottoms were soaked and still he stayed there. Cause that's what mommy said to do and so he did it.

Xander had finally fallen asleep in the corner of the closet because the darkness had engulfed him and he was scared. There was no light peaking in underneath the crack in between the floor and the door anymore and the flashlight his mother had given him to keep in the closet with him had gone out. Xander had closed his eyes, trying to forget about the darkness and the smell of vomit and urine, his small voice muttering over and over, "There's no such thing as monsters, there's no such thing as monsters, there's no such thing as monsters." cause that's what mommy had told him and he had to believe it.

Xander had stayed in the closet for a whole day before his mother had finally come and gotten him. When she had called out to him that it was safe, he had jumped into her arms, crying and telling her how sorry he was that he had peed his pants, but he was scared and he had to go and he couldn't come out because she had told him to stay there until she came to get him. Jessica had held him, telling Xander that it was alright, his daddy was at work and she understood. She had taken him into the bathroom and run a tub of warm water for him and he had washed the smell of the urine and vomit from himself as she got in the medicine cabinet and got out the tube of ointment to put on the cuts on his bottom.

After Xander had gotten cleaned up and his mom had put the ointment on him, he got dressed and followed her up to his room. Jessica had tucked him in and told him to be very quiet when his daddy came home, that if they were very lucky he wouldn't be drunk. Xander had looked at the bruises on her face and arms, saw her swollen nose and her cut lip. He had reached up and wiped the tears from his mother's face and had said, "Don't cry mommy. When I get to be a big boy, I'll protect you. I pinky swear he won't hurt you no more."

Jessica had looked at him and said, "All I ask you to do Alexander is to promise me that you won't make him mad anymore. I told you not to say anything didn't I?" When Xander had nodded, she had sighed. "You know you have to learn to keep quiet when I tell you to. Your back talk doesn't do anything but get us both hurt. Maybe your daddy wouldn't hurt us if you would just quit provoking him. Stop making him mad, do what he says and don't smart off, okay?"

"I promise mommy. Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. I'll be a good boy from now on, I swear."

His mother had just hugged him and walked out the door and Xander had laid there, crying, knowing that he was the reason his daddy had hurt his mommy.

*End Flash*

Xander looked at Spike with suspicion. He looked down at his hands and body before looking back at Spike. "You hurt her and I know it cause I got blood on me. And she...she always comes and gets me before now. Where's my mommy?" Xander's eyes darkened in anger as he realized what must have happened while he was sleeping. He had dreamed his mommy had come to get him but now here was his father. Xander knew his dad had killed his mom this time and he was furious with his father and with himself.

Before anyone knew what was happening, Xander launched himself out of the corner and into Spike, knocking both of them onto the floor. He started hitting Spike, all the while shouting, "You killed her! You big meany! I promised her that I'd never let you hurt her again. I pinky swore. Now she's dead and I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

It took Doyle, Wesley, Oz and Angel to pull Xander off of Spike and get him over to the bed, while Clem and Cordelia helped the vampire get off the floor. His mouth and nose were bleeding and there was a cut under his eye.

"Are you alright, Spike?" Clem asked, as Spike shrugged the demon off and went towards the bed to help Angel and the others. Doyle and Wesley were holding Xander's legs down as Angel pinned the boy's arms to the bed.

"Xander! Xander, snap out of it! You're having a nightmare! It's me, Angel!" the older vampire told him, shaking the boy as he tried to roust him from the nightmare he was having.

Xander fought them for a few more minutes until Spike reached out and gently but firmly grabbed his face, putting a hand on each cheek. "Xander, listen to me. It's Spike. You're here with Angel and our friends. You're safe and nothing's happening. Everything's fine, luv come back because you're scaring us. Remember me and Angel promising you that we'd chase each other's nightmares away? Well, close your eyes and imagine us chasing those nightmares away because we're here and that's what we're doing, pet."

Xander closed his eyes and listened as Spike and Angel kept talking to him, telling him they loved him, they were there, and that the nightmares were gone. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, this time seeing the faces of his worried lovers and their friends instead of his father. Xander stopped struggling and everyone released their grip on him, ready to grab Xander if he made a sudden move.

"It's alright. I know where I am now." Xander said, his voice barely above a whisper. He sat up in the bed and looked at his hands and saw Spike's blood on them. Xander's heart started to race as he put his hands up in front of his face. "If it was just a dream, why do I have blood on my hands? Guys, what have I done now? Did I hurt someone else?" he asked, looking around at the others to see if they were alright. Then his eyes landed on Spike and he saw the bloody nose and mouth, saw the cut under Spike's eye. "Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick." Xander's stomach started to turn and he jumped off the bed, making his way to the bathroom, Spike and Angel close behind. Angel turned at the door and faced the group.

"It'll be alright. Don't worry, we'll take care of Xander. Why don't you all try to get some rest because we'll be leaving for Los Angeles as soon as the sun sets." he assured them as he closed the door and went over to Xander, who was slumped in front of the toilet. The boy was trying to throw up, but since he hadn't eaten in such a long time, he only ended up dry heaving.

Spike put his hand on Xander's stomach and the other one on his head, trying to help the boy relax as Angel grabbed a washcloth and got it wet. After Xander had stopped heaving, he slumped backwards against Spike. The vampire slid the rest of the way down the wall and layed Xander back against his chest, his legs on either side of the boy. Xander leaned his head back and rested it on Spike's shoulder. Angel took the washcloth and washed Xander's face with the cool rag as Xander raised his hands up towards the older vampire.

"Please, Angel, get the blood off my hands." Angel tenderly washed Xander's hands as Spike turned to face Xander, their foreheads resting against each other as he teased, "I thought you liked the taste of my blood, luv. Said it was powerful."

"Not like this. Never like this. Not ever again. Spike, I am so, so sorry," Xander said, ghosting his hands over Spike's injuries, not wanting to get the blood on his hands. "Angel, please wipe his face off."

Angel moved over to Spike, gently washing the blood from the vampire's face as he inspected the injuries. Xander moved out of the way, so that Angel could get a close look at Spike's nose, checking to see if it was broken.

"It's okay, Xander. His nose isn't broken," Angel told him, as if reading the boy's thoughts. He leaned over and licked the cut on Spike's forehead before he bent down and licked Spike's cut lip. Finally, he placed a kiss on the younger vampire's mouth. Spike put his hand behind Angel's head and pulled him forward deepening the kiss. Xander watched for a moment before quietly slipping out of the bathroom. He practically ran into the living room, almost knocking Oz off his feet.

"God, I'm so sorry, Oz. Are you okay? I wasn't watching where I was going," Xander apologized.

"It's fine, Xander. Wesley and I were just cleaning up the mess we made earlier while we were eating. Speaking of which, your food is in the microwave. Come on and I'll heat it up for you." Oz said, motioning towards the kitchen with his head as he carried the cups to the kitchen.

"Sounds good, I could use some food goodness right now." Xander admitted as he followed his friend. Wesley took the cups from Oz and washed them as the boy heated up Xander's food.

"Where are Spike and Angel?" Wesley asked as Xander took a soda out of the fridge and Oz got his food. The three of them walked into the living room and Oz set Xander's food down in front of the boy before joining him on the couch.

"Oh, uh....Angel's cleaning Spike up...you know....from where I hit him," Xander answered, opening the soda and taking a drink before setting it down on the table. Xander picked up his burger and nibbled on it before setting it back down on the plate. "Where's the others?"

"Clem went home to get some rest and Cordelia and Doyle went to bed - I don't know what they're doing," Oz said grinning at Xander. "Speaking of not knowing what someone is doing in bed, where did you say Spike and Angel were? And why aren't you there with them?"

"We'd like to know the answer to that one ourselves," Spike told Oz as he and Angel entered the room. When Xander didn't answer, he went over and sat down on one side of the boy, Angel on the other side that Oz had vacated.

When the two vampires had finished kissing they had reached out for Xander, hoping to get the boy to join in. All they had found was an empty room. They had ran to the door of the bedroom and got to it just in time to hear Oz's question.

Xander took another nibble of his hamburger as he pondered the question. "That's my dad's scene not mine." he mumbled an answer.

"What are you talking about? You still upset about that nightmare you had because if that's the reason, come back to bed and we'll talk about it. That always seemed to help me when I had my nightmares," Spike assured him.

Xander threw his hamburger on the plate before rising and standing in front of Spike and Angel. "Talking won't help anything and it sure as hell won't fix your face now will it?"

Spike stood and tried to take Xander's hands in his, but Xander jerked them away from him and backed up. "Look at me, Xander. Face is already healing. That's the good thing about being a vampire. Fast healers and all."

Angel stood beside Spike as he added, "You were having a bad nightmare. You didn't know you were hitting Spike."

"Yeah, go ahead and make excuses for me guys. Just like my mom always has with my dad. Xander, if you'd just be quiet and quit running your mouth, your dad would ignore you. Xander, just stay out of his way and he'll leave you alone. Xander, why do you have to have such a bad temper. That's what gets you and me in trouble with your dad. Oh, Xander, we both know your father has a drinking problem. Well, you know what? I'm tired of hearing excuses. For me and for my dad. Let's face the facts. I tried to stay out of his way, I tried to control my temper and most of all I tried to quit running my mouth, which let me tell you was the hardest part of all. It didn't matter, though, nothing ever changed. He still hit me, still hit my mom. But the worst part for me was the verbal abuse. I learned to not scream or cry when he hit me, but somehow I never could get used to the names he called me, what he said about me. And the worst part of it is I'm going to be just like him."

"No, Xander, you're nothing like either one of your parents," Angel tried to reassure him, but Xander would have none of it.

"I'm not? How can you say that, Angel? Look at the past few days. I shot two men, oh but wait a minute Xander was just pissed off. I killed a woman, but wait again, Xander did it in self-defense, even though he could have shot her anywhere besides the heart. I attacked my friends, telling them I never wanted to see them again because they betrayed me, but wait, I betrayed them first with you, Angel. What about Spike? You saw his face. Oh, yeah, poor Xander had a nightmare. Well, boo-hoo get over it. Lots of people have nightmares without kicking the ass of someone they care about. Do you guys see a pattern growing here. Dad's violent - I'm violent. Dad's good with the hurting the people he loves - so am I. The only difference is my dad was usually drunk when he did those things. I was stone cold sober when I did what I did. Funny thing is when I get drunk I just get more stupid, not violent. Maybe I should stay drunk all the time, cause I hear I'm a laugh riot then."

"Xander, we saw that Adam thing. It didn't get torched in the fire. It took all four of us to get that uranium thing and it was tough. You were right, it could have killed alot of people. Now, granted I was pretty much out of it when the attack went down, but I know that you saved my life and you shot one of those soldiers doing that. From what Clem said, you saved his life by shooting Maggie Walsh. Wasn't she stabbing him? Wasn't she going to stab you? And from what I hear you gave her plenty of warnings to stop. Any one of us would have done the same thing you did. I know I would have. Do you think I'm like your dad?" Oz asked him.

Xander looked at his friend for a few moments before he smiled. "No way in hell, Oz. You're too calm to be anything like me or my dad. Do you realize that you just said more at one time than I've ever heard you say since being friends with you?

"Well, I usually like to be direct and to the point, but in this case I felt a speech was warranted," Oz said, smiling back at Xander. "As for those 'friends' of yours, they were mine, too you know. They turned their backs on both of us Xander. I don't know what went down in the hospital room, but I bet they were pretty harsh."

Xander sat down in the chair next to his friend and sighed. "No more than usual. It was the standard thing. Kept Xander out of the loop because he might get hurt, you know we did it for your own good and the ever present you're too dumb to know what's good for you."

"I know I'm furious with Buffy myself," Angel told the boy. "I asked her to do me one favor and she ignored me. The same goes for Willow, only I'm disappointed in her, too. I never thought she, of all people, would withhold information when she thought you might get hurt. She hurt the two people I love the most in the world and that's unforgivable."

"Don't say that, Angel. Sure, I'm mad as hell at them right now, but maybe they'll see what they did was wrong and ask for forgiveness. They forgave me, or at least Willow did, and I think we should return the favor." Xander said, as he saw Spike smirking at him as the vampire sat down next to Angel on the couch. "What's that smirk for?"

"Oh, just the fact that you go around spouting about how big and bad you are but you aren't. You roar like a lion, but inside you're just a little kitten. Hell, even Dru saw that. She used to refer to you as her dark kitten."

"Are you making fun of me, Spike?" Xander asked him. "And might I just add that I'm not Dru's anything, because she's just crazy - nothing against your taste in women or anything....because...well, I do kind of owe her for saving my life that one time."

"No, I'm pointing out the truth. No making fun here. Why would I do that when that's some of the reasons I love you so much? Well, aside from the obvious of course," Spike said, looking Xander up and down appreciatively as the boy blushed. "You can be aggressive when you have to be, like during the attack, but you have a soft spot when it comes to the people you love. You may have a temper, granted, but you also have a fierce loyalty and love for the people in your life. You were just standing up for yourself, but I know for a fact that if Willow or Buffy were to knock on that door and ask you to forgive them you would because you love them so much. And Dru may have been crazy, but she saw things others couldn't. She always had a soft spot for you, luv."

Angel laughed at that. When Xander looked at him, he shrugged. "It's the truth, Xander. Dru used to say that of all the slayer's friends, you were the heart of the group. I think that's why I went after you so much when I was Angelus. Take out the heart of the group and nothing is the same. I know that's how we felt when you left L.A. All of us. We kept on fighting the good fight, but it wasn't the same as seeing things through your eyes. You made it seem so much more exciting and fulfilling."

"I have to agree with Angel. I was beginning to feel like my life had no meaning or purpose anymore, since being fired from the Watchers Council. Then I found you in that diner, and now I feel like I'm doing something good once again." Wesley told him.

"Thanks, guys but let's not forget how entertaining I can be. I've been told I provide much comic relief, although as Willow pointed out sometimes my timing is off. You know the situation isn't joke- worthy." Xander still felt the sting of his friend's comments at the hospital. "Maybe Buffy is right. You know, that I'm just a scared, insecure little boy that tells stupid, pointless jokes."

"I didn't think so. I thought they were kind of comforting in an odd sort of way." Oz told him. "You always seemed to lighten the tension in the room."

Angel and Spike watched as their boy's face lit up at his friend's words. Yes, Oz was definitely a good influence on Xander.

"Really? So you don't think I used them to cover up being scared and insecure?"

"Scared, yes - insecure, no. I mean who in their right mind wouldn't be scared at some of the things we've faced." Oz answered.

"That's true," Xander agreed.

"Besides, if you're insecure it's only because they made you feel that way. Hell, they made me feel that way sometimes."

"No way! You've got that wolfy thing going on plus you were in a band. Big plus there on the side of coolness." Xander reassured him. "Everyone knows that playing an instrument turns girls on. That's why I had you teach me how to play the guitar. But it never seemed to work for me."

"Maybe that's because you're gay." Oz pointed out.

"Could be. Still, I always admired you in high school. Matter of fact, I was sorta jealous." Xander admitted.

"Never noticed." Oz said, as he and Xander smiled at each other, both remembering how jealous Xander had been of Oz when he and Willow had started their relationship.

"Sure you did."

"Well, maybe a little."

"Do you want to talk about what happened with Willow? I know you're still upset about it, and if you don't want to talk I understand. I don't like that Willow got hurt, mind you, but she wasn't the only friend of mine that was hurting."

"I'm glad someone else sees that."

"Why wouldn't they? I don't understand why you did what you did, but I know how much you love Willow. Or loved, whatever. The point is, I can't see you ever hurting her or anyone else on purpose."

"Veruca was a werewolf. It was sort of a wolf thing," Oz explained, knowing that Xander had been unconscious when this topic came up.

"I don't understand. You stay locked in a cage during that time. If you escaped for some reason how did Willow find out? Wouldn't you be running around somewhere? Did Willow find you missing and go looking for you, only to find you with this Veruca chick? Cause I know the you telling her thing is out. Not that I think you would lie to Willow, it's just that you've always said that you can't remember what you do when you go wolfy. Unless you're like me when I was a hyena. Too embarrassed to tell anyone what you remember so you lie and say that you don't remember so people won't ask you about it. But no, you wouldn't lie like me. You're more open and upfront about stuff. What the hell happened?" Xander asked after trying to sort it out for himself.

Angel, Spike and Wesley looked confused, especially the reference to a hyena, but Oz seemed to understand the boy's ramblings. He knew that Xander wasn't judging, he was just trying to figure out what had happened. Oz was grateful that at least one of the Scoobies was willing to listen to his account of what happened that day.

"I did escape from my cage the first night. When I woke up, I didn't remember having sex but I knew I had because I was all scratched up and besides I woke up next to her with both of us naked."

"Oh, that's not good. But it wasn't your fault."

"No, but I felt ashamed. I didn't want Willow to get hurt so I kept it a secret. I thought I could handle Veruca without anyone having to find out, but I guess that was my mistake."

"I can see why you didn't want to tell Will. What would she have said? "'oh you had sex with some girl while you were both werewolves? Well, that's okay, just don't let it happen when you're human again, or you're going to be sorry, buster'. Xander imitated Willow's voice, as everyone laughed.

"I'm thinking not." Oz told him.

"So how did she find out? Did Veruca tell her?"

"No. Veruca liked being the wolf. Liked the power it gave her over everyone. She got a rush off the killing and she couldn't understand why I wanted to be caged so I wouldn't hurt anyone. She came to me right before the changing time. Wanted me to hunt with her. I couldn't let her do that, so I did the only thing I knew to do. I pulled her into the cage with me and locked the door. I guess you can pretty well fill in the blanks after that."

"You two had sex again and Willow walked in on you both the next morning. Lots of hurt, along with crying and how could you do this to me? followed by not listening to your explanation and her running away. Knowing Willow she probably told Buffy. Buffy was pissed and wouldn't let you try to explain, hence the leaving town thing. How did I do?" Xander asked.

"Pretty good, actually. With the Willow and Buffy reactions, anyway. But that's not why I left town. You really know those two girls though."

"I should. I got the same treatment from Willow when she caught me and Cordy kissing in the stacks at the library and we weren't even boyfriend/girlfriend."

"Let me guess. Right before we went to steal those weapons from the army base right before the Judge thing."

"How did you know that?" Xander asked.

"We had a conversation while we were waiting for you and Cordelia. I liked her and I pretty much knew she returned the feelings but she was sorta urgent that night about us kissing. I figured you had done something to her and she wanted to get you back."

"So you turned her down, because you didn't want it to be about me instead of the two of you?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I get that. There were times I felt like Buffy was close to returning my feelings but it was only because Angel had turned into Angelus and I didn't want to be used either." Xander commiserated, trying not to look at Angel. "Anyway, back to Willow. She caught Cordy and I kissing. When I tried to explain to her she started yelling about how me and Cordy being together was unnatural and something about it going against all laws of God and man. I was upset that she found out that way, but I thought she was overreacting and I told her that, so she ran away."

"Well, at least she's consistent," Spike told them.

"It's just that when Willow loves someone, she gives her whole heart. She never does anything halfway. It hurts her really badly when she puts someone up on a pedestal and they come crashing down. Willow needs to realize that we're all people and we all make mistakes. God, she must have been heartbroken," Xander said, before he could stop himself. He looked over and saw the hurt in Oz's eyes and immediately felt bad about what he had done.

"Oz, man I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I know how I felt when I hurt Willow and we weren't even dating. I can't begin to imagine how you must have felt."

"That's okay. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I should have gone to Buffy about Veruca and let her handle the situation, but I thought I could get through to Veruca - you know one wolf to another."

"You did what you thought was best at the time. That's all anyone can do. It never helps to second guess yourself." Spike told him before looking at Angel. "I mean, if you do that all the time, you'll end up like brood boy over here."

"I don't brood - well not that much anymore," Angel said, smiling at Spike and Xander and letting them know that they were the reason why.

"So why didn't you stick around and try to make it work out with Willow? I know you still care about her or you wouldn't have come back. Was Buffy giving you a hard time about it?" Xander asked.

"I left because I wanted to learn to control the wolf. I didn't want something else like this to happen again, because Veruca tried to kill Willow. I killed her before she could hurt Willow, but it was too close for comfort. I didn't leave because I was running away, I left because I cared. Still, Buffy did give me a hard time. Still is. I've tried to explain, but she won't listen."

"My advice to you. Don't worry about Buffy. It's not her business or anyone else's. This is about you, Willow and Tara. I hate to say this but I think that Will and Tara are pretty tight. But at least you and Willow could still be friends, that is if she isn't influenced by Buffy. What am I saying? Of course she'll be influenced by Buffy, and of course Buffy will give one of her speeches about how bad you treated Willow, and isn't that just typical Buffy, for you? I guess that's why we butt heads so much. We're both really stubborn and opinionated and we don't listen well to others sometimes." Xander said.

"Whoa, there whelp," Spike said, raising his hand. "Not to get off topic here, but I don't agree with that. I admit, you're a lot like your mates. What you said about Willow earlier, about her giving her heart over completely, never doing anything halfway. That's like you. And the being stubborn and opinionated like Buffy may be right. I know the stubborn part is anyway. But you definitely aren't like the slayer when it comes to listening well to others. In case it's escaped your notice, you are the only one of the Scoobies that has actually listened to Oz's explanation of the story."

"He's right," Oz agreed. "Which is weird because I thought with you and Willow being best friends you'd probably want to punch me for hurting her."

"I probably would have if I had been here when it happened," Xander admitted. "When Willow called and told me in her words that you cheated on her, I thought about it. You know my Harris temper. But then I got to thinking about how much you loved her and I realized that there was something else going on that I didn't know about. I decided if I ever saw you again, I would listen to your side of the story. Then if I didn't like what you told me, I'd punch you. But it would be a half-hearted one, you know like the one you gave me when I had Amy do that love spell and all the girls fell in love with me?"

"Yeah, and I had to listen to Willow crying about you on the phone all night long. I was mad, but you were my friend so I felt bad after I punched you." Oz admitted.

"That's why you helped me up, you know after the knocking me down thing."

"That would be the reason."

"Man, everybody was so mad. Especially Willow and Giles. It took weeks of groveling to get Willow to talk to me again."

"Way too much groveling," Oz said.

"And Giles, well, I've never seen him so mad. I guess it was because Amy had turned Buffy into a rat, but I didn't mean for that to happen. She did that Hecate thing too quick. I couldn't stop her and the next thing I know, poof, Buffy rat. It was a stupid thing to do so I guess he had every right to be mad at me."

"No, he didn't have a right to be that mad. I saw the way it hurt you."

"So, everything's alright between us right? I mean, I don't want you to feel weird around me, even if you and Willow don't make up. Hell, she's mad at me too right now, so why am I even saying that? We'd just be in the same boat then wouldn't we?"

"Pretty much."

"So we're friends then, right? You're not mad about me saying I thought about punching you or anything cause that would have been wrong. You didn't punch me when I kissed Willow so I wouldn't have had the right to punch you about something that is totally none of my business. I feel like I've lost too much already. I don't want to lose your friendship, too. So we're friends, always, you know forgive and forget?

"Everything's in the past."

Angel and Spike were trying not to laugh at this whole scene. What had started out as Xander being upset about a nightmare and worrying about being like his father had ended up like this. Oz had hurt Xander's best friend, and while the two vampires agreed with Xander, most best friends would have Buffy's reaction, stand by their friend no matter what. But Xander had let Oz give his side of the story and now he he was practically begging Oz to forgive him for thinking about doing something that he hadn't even done. There was definitely no reason for Xander to worry about being like his father. They looked at Oz and saw him smiling back at them. Evidently, he agreed.

"Good. I'm glad because I always thought it would be great to be as cool as you, Oz. I thought if I learned to play an instrument that I would be like you, but I realize now that what made you so cool was the fact that you were you. I mean, how in the world do you manage to get so much across to people with so few words." Xander asked, shaking his head. "I've never figured out that trick."

"Never will. That's not you," Oz told him.

"See? You just made me understand that I like to talk...a lot actually and you just say what you have to say and are done with it. I could never be like you and vice versa because we are who we are. Right?"

"That pretty much sums it up." Oz nodded.

"God, that is so cool," Xander said, looking over at Spike and Angel. "See what I mean about him. People lose track of my thoughts sometimes because I babble so much but yet no one ever forgets what Oz says because when he does say something, it's meaningful. He's like E. F. Hutton - when Oz talks, everyone listens."

"Who?" Spike and Angel chorused.

"Insurance man on television," Wesley informed them. "Haven't you two ever watched television before?"

"Can think of better things to do with my time, mate," Spike told him, leering at Angel and Xander.

"Now there he goes. Angel and Spike have it too." Xander said, pointing at the two vampires in frustration. When everyone looked at him, he turned to Oz. "You know the coolness factor. That's the secret after all. I was right back in high school, Oz. It's all about using short, noncommittal phrases instead of babbling."

"I see you still have that exciting but no longer new obsession, which by the way, still makes you very special," Oz told him, remembering the conversation he and Xander had at the lunch table during their senior year.

"No, it doesn't," Xander shook his head. "It just means I have identity issues, just like you said. I've never found a thing, like you guys. Something that will make people remember me after I'm dead and gone, something that makes me special, you know."

Angel and Spike cringed at the thought of something happening to Xander. They had come too close this time and hoped it would be a long time before anything else ever happened to their boy. They exchanged glances before both of them got up and walked over to the chair where Xander was seated. They knelt down in front of the boy and Spike leaned in and captured Xander's mouth in a long, tender kiss filled with all his emotions, as Angel whispered in Xander's ear.

"You're already special, Xander. Let Spike and I show you just how much." He nibbled on Xander's earlobe before starting to lay gentle kisses along the boy's throat and chest.

"I think that's our cue to go get some rest," Wesley said, getting up from the couch. Oz nodded in agreement and they went to their rooms. The others never noticed their friends leave the room as Spike took up kissing the other side of Xander's neck as Angel got his turn with the boy's lips. After a few minutes, Angel reached out and picked Xander up, carrying the boy to their room. Yes, they were definitely going to show Xander just how special he was to them. *************************************************

Xander had watched as the two vampires made their way across the room before kneeling down in front of him. He had felt Spike's cool lips on his as Angel had whispered in his ear. "You're already special, Xander. Let Spike and I show you just how much." And he had let them, oh God how he had let them. Xander's mind had spiraled out of control as first Spike and then Angel had given him two of the most mind numbing, toe curling kisses he had ever had in his life.

Angel had picked him up and carried him into the room, the vampire's lips never leaving Xander's mouth or body. Xander felt the bed underneath him and then Angel's body was covering his. Xander's cock was throbbing as Angel continued kissing him, first on the mouth and then trailing the kisses down his jawbone before trailing down onto his chest.

Xander reached out and slid his hands under Angel's shirt, rubbing his fingers across the vampire's nipples until both were hard nubs. Angel slowly ground his erection into Xander's and soon they were rubbing against each other, lost in the feelings of Angel's kisses on Xander's body and the boy's hands running along the vampire's sides and back.

"More. Please, Angel I need you. Want to feel you naked against me," Xander said as he pulled Angel's shirt up over the vampire's head and threw it to the floor.

Angel leaned back down, gently brushing his tongue over Xander's left nipple before making his way over to the right one. *God, Xander tasted so good.* He felt the boy arch into his touch, but he put his hands on Xander's hips, pinning him to the bed.

"Not so fast, sweetheart," Angel told him before nibbling and sucking on Xander's chin. "I want this to be slow, sensual and something you'll remember every time you think you're not special." The vampire sat up and pulled Xander's pajama bottoms and boxers down his legs before throwing them on the floor.

Angel held onto Xander's right foot, massaging it with the pads of his fingers. He slowly made his way up Xander's leg, alternating between licking, kissing and massaging every inch of Xander's leg. When he got close to Xander's balls, he licked around the sac before gently nipping at it. Then Angel raised up and took Xander's left leg, repeating the actions from before. By the time he reached Xander's balls the boy was whimpering with need.

Angel glanced up from his position between the boy's legs and watched Xander's reaction as he continued to run his tongue across Xander's balls. The boy had his hands in Angel's hair, carding his fingers through it as he tried to direct Angel's mouth towards his shaft. Xander's head was tilted back, eyes shut as his breath quickened with desire.

Xander felt like his entire body was on fire and only Angel's cool tongue could quench the craving he desired. He closed his eyes as he felt every gentle touch to his burning flesh.

"Feels so good. God, Angel quite teasing me. I want you so badly. I feel like I'm on fire," Xander begged. He opened his eyes to see dark brown eyes staring up at him, and the visual along with the feel of Angel's tongue on his balls almost made Xander cum, but Angel withdrew and sat up.

Xander was just about to beg Angel to take him when he noticed Spike coming up behind the older vampire. He grinned as Spike reached around Angel, undoing the button on the other vampire's pants before he slowly slid the zipper down. Spike pulled Angel's pants down around his knees while the other hand was busy stroking the hard shaft. Xander watched as Spike flicked his thumb over the rim of Angel's cockhead, making the older vampire moan. Angel turned his head towards Spike and gave the other vampire a long, gentle kiss before Spike let go of him. Angel layed back down on Xander, smothering the boy with kisses as Spike pulled Angel's pants the rest of the way off and threw them over to the side to join the other clothes.

"Got to have you, Xander. Fuck, you taste so good," Angel moaned against Xander's lips as he ran his hands down the sides of Xander's body. He felt Xander's fingernails tracing lines along his back and he pushed back into the touch, craving the warmth.

"Take me, Angel. Need you to make love to me now. Please, Angel put out this fire inside of me," Xander begged as Angel sat up and turned him over, until he was lying flat on his stomach.

Xander felt his legs being spread wide apart and was just about to question the vampire when he felt Angel's hands on his ass, spreading his cheeks apart. Xander gasped as Angel's tongue started swirling around his hole before gently entering his ass and he twisted the pillow in his hands as Angel's tongue began to flicker in and out of his hole. Angel squeezed Xander's ass as his tongue continued to do wonderful things inside of Xander's channel. Xander saw stars when the vampire's cool tongue made contact with his prostate and he moaned as Angel ran his tongue over Xander's sweet spot again and again.

"Fuck, Angel what the hell---" Xander gasped. "Feels so incredible. God, I can't stand it. Need you in me, now."

Angel was lost in the taste of his boy. Sunshine, laughter, love all mixed with desire and need. He licked along the sides of the hot, silky channel before his tongue probed deeper and found the nub he had been searching for. Angel flicked his tongue across it as he heard Xander's pleas and he moaned, sending a vibration through Xander's body. He heard Xander scream his name as the boy's ass muscles clenched around his tongue.

Xander had been ready to cum just from the feel of Angel's cool tongue sliding along the inside of his hole, but the continued play of Angel's tongue along his prostate along with the vibration from the vampire's moan had sent Xander spiraling into orgasm. He dug his fingers into the pillow as he screamed Angel's name.

Before Xander could get over the mind numbing orgasm, he found himself lying flat on his back, his legs on Angel's shoulders. Angel lined his throbbing cock against Xander's hole and entered the boy in one long thrust. Both men groaned at the feeling of being filled and surrounded as Angel held there for a moment, before he started slowly stroking in and out of the boy's spasming channel.

"Angel, oh God, the things you do to me. I love you. Need you. Want you. Faster, please just pound me into the mattress. Give me everything you have, Angel," Xander was pleading as his head thrashed around on the pillow. His fingers were on Angel's shoulders as he dug into them so hard that he knew he was probably bruising the vampire but he couldn't help himself. He was lost in the feeling of being filled and loved.

Angel had decided that he was going to take Xander slow and gentle, making it last for as long as possible, but the sight of his gorgeous lover lying on the bed, lost in the sensation of their lovemaking was making it hard. When Angel heard Xander say 'I love you' that had been the end of it. He leaned in closer, just as Xander was telling him to give him everything. Angel kissed Xander, his fingers curling around the back of the boy's neck as his tongue entered Xander's parted mouth. After a few minutes, he stopped thrusting and stayed seated in Xander, as he pulled his lips away from the boy. Angel looked into Xander's eyes and whispered, "I promise I'll give you everything I have and more. I love you too, Xander."

Angel watched as Xander licked his lips before kissing the vampire back. Angel had never known anyone who could kiss like this boy. He poured every bit of emotion into every kiss, no matter how chaste or passionate. When they broke apart, Angel could stand it no longer. He raised up and started thrusting into Xander, changing his angle until he was hitting Xander's sweet spot with every push. Angel took Xander's cock into his hands and stroked it in time with his thrusts and after a few minutes he felt Xander tighten around him as the boy came, splattering semen along Angel's chest and Xander's stomach. Angel lasted for a few more minutes before he too, came, filling Xander's hole with his cold seed. He dropped down on the bed beside of the boy, gasping in unneeded breaths as he tried to calm himself from the orgasm that had ripped through him.

Xander's brain was foggy as he tried to come down from the high he had been on. He felt the bed move and looked over to see Angel rising from the bed. Spike had walked over to the older vampire and Xander watched as the blonde licked the boy's semen off Angel's chest before pulling him in for a long, passionate kiss. Angel's and Spike's hands were roaming over the other's body as they moaned in pleasure. Even though Xander had already had two very intense orgasms, he felt his dick harden at the sight before him.

"God, you two are so beautiful," he whispered. Both of them turned to smile at him before Spike took Angel's place on the bed.

"Think we're beautiful, huh?" Spike teased as he ran his hand across Xander's chest, playing with each nipple as he passed across them.

"Fuck, yes," Xander said, as he traced Spike's cheekbones with the back of his fingers. "Anybody would kill to have these."

"That all you like about me, pet? My cheekbones?" Spike continued to tease.

"Hell, no. You and Angel have bodies to die for, and I could stare at those beautiful blue eyes of yours for the rest of my life and never get tired of them. They're as blue as the ocean, Spike. I've always loved the water." Xander said, not really knowing what he was saying, just that he was lost in Spike's eyes.

Spike turned and looked at Angel, who was cleaning himself up. "I believe you've fucked the boy senseless."

"No, he's telling the truth, Spike. I know you can't see them, but you do have beautiful eyes." Angel told him.

Spike smiled at Angel before turning back to face Xander. He looked into the boy's brown eyes and became lost in them as well. "You have nothing to be ashamed of - not with eyes like yours. They're a mixture of chocolate and whiskey and they hide no emotion. I can tell exactly what you're feeling just by looking into them."

"What do you see in them now?" Xander asked, as he played with Spike's hair.

"Me." Spike answered. "How much you want me right now. Am I right?"

"No fair," Xander told him. "That was a give me. You're lying here next to me, naked and so fucking gorgeous. What would anyone be thinking but that?"

"Could say the same thing about you, luv," Spike said, running his hand down Xander's body, caressing his chest and abdomen before reaching up and running his fingers through the boy's hair.

"I'm nothing special," Xander told him. "Not compared to you and Angel. I can't even begin to understand why you two would want me. Not when you've got each other. I know you can't see yourself, but you can see Angel and me and there's no comparison. I see the looks you two get just walking down the street. Not just from the girls but the guys as well. You two could have just each other or anyone else you wanted. Darla, Dru, and Buffy. All three of them beautiful women. Both of you handsome as hell. All of you strong, smart and confident. What am I? Just a 19 year old kid with so-so looks, no talent and not very smart. I'm not complaining or anything mind you, I just want to enjoy every second I have with you two before you come to your senses, that's all."

Spike just stared at the boy, once again marveling at the fact that Xander could not see just how beautiful he was. Not only on the outside, but the inside as well. He heard Angel walk over to the bed and watched as the older vampire leaned down to look at them.

"I agree that Spike is a very special and sexy man. I wouldn't have chosen him if he weren't." Angel agreed before he kissed the blonde. After they were finished he looked at Xander. "But if coming to my senses as you call it means giving up what I see in front of me, what I just had with you then I guess I'll just be senseless for the rest of my unlife. I can't imagine my life without either one of you and I don't intend to find out what it would be like. You two are my everything," Angel told the boy before he kissed him.

When they had finished kissing, Angel stood up and walked away from the bed. Spike watched as Xander's eyes followed the older vampire. Then the boy turned and looked at Spike and his eyes filled with tears as he took in the almost healed injuries in the vampire's face. He touched each one of them gently, before saying, "I understand why you didn't want to be with me and Angel before. It was because of me. You didn't want to make love to me. Not after what I did to you."

"Is that what you think? That I didn't want to join in? I was over in the corner jacking off, because I couldn't wait for it to be my turn." When Xander looked at him in surprise, Spike took his hand and rubbed his thumb across the top of it. "Angel and I told you we were going to show you how special you are to us. While I enjoy being with both of you at the same time for the most part, every now and then it's nice to have a little one on one. Angel and I have had that already, but we've never had you all to ourselves. So this was our opportunity to have that, to show you how special you are to each of us. It had nothing to do with what happened earlier. You can believe what you want to, but I know that you would never try to hurt me on purpose. It was your nightmare that caused it, nothing else. Why would you even think that?"

Xander looked at him with such sadness in his eyes, that it was all Spike could do not to grab the boy up and show him just how much he loved him. But Spike knew that he had to know what was going on in his boy's mind and he figured that Angel felt the same way.

"Because I know my....mom didn't want my father, either after he hit her. Not that it mattered to him one way or the other. He just took what he wanted. But I'd never do that to you - to either of you," Xander said, looking at both of his lovers. Angel came over and sat down on the other side of Xander, his hand reaching out and rubbing the boy's shoulder as Spike leaned over and kissed Xander on the cheek.

"Is that what the bad nightmare was about, pet?"

"Some of it. My dad used to hit both of us on occasion, but it wasn't too bad until I was about six. He had been on a three day binge and I was home sick, had a temp of 101. My mom had just fixed me a bowl of chicken soup...God, I hate that shit....anyway my dad came in, got mad and threw the soup. Some of it spilled on me and I told him it hurt cause it was hot. He got mad, wanted me to go to school so him and mom could 'have a go'. My mom tried to tell him that she would as soon as she got me settled but he got mad and hit her. Fuck, I thought he had killed her. There was ....there was blood all over. I hit him, told him I hated him. Dad just laughed and started whipping me with his belt. My mom hit him with a bat and told me to run to my safe place and I did."

"Your safe place was the closet?" Angel asked.

Xander nodded. "My mom fixed a place up in the hall closet, way back in the corner behind my dad's bowling ball and coats and stuff. I even had a flashlight in there so I wouldn't be scared. She told me never to come out until she came to get me so I ran down there and hid. I heard....I heard him hitting her and then I heard.....she was asking him not to....but he did anyway. Shit, I know they were married, but she told him no. Isn't that rape?"

Spike and Angel looked at each other before Spike answered. "I know I may be a soul-less vampire, but I've never forced anyone to have sex with me so----"

"Look at you. Somebody would have to be crazy to turn you down," Xander smiled at him. He turned to look at Angel. "And before you say anything, the same thing goes for you. Nobody would ever turn either of you down. Not in their right minds anyway."

"You'd be surprised, luv. Anyway, as I was saying before you tried to lighten the mood," Spike said, knowing that Xander was reverting back to what he had always done, "I think it is. No one should force anyone to be with them, whether they're in a relationship or not."

"Xander, is that why you always say you're dirty or want to take a bath when you have memories of your childhood. Did your father ever touch you?" Angel asked, his voice calm, but Spike could hear the low growl and felt like doing that himself. If that fucker had touched Xander like that, he was dead.

"Oh, hell no. My dad's not quite that bad. Remember I told you I was home sick and my mom told me never to come out until she came and got me?" Xander asked as both vampires nodded. "Well, I think I must have stayed in there for at least a day that time. My flashlight went dead, and it was dark and I was scared and I was sick. I looked at my hands and my mom's blood was on them and I threw up all over everything and then I had to go to the bathroom but I couldn't come out because she told me not to and I'd already gotten her in trouble by talking when I wasn't supposed to so I ended up .....well you know."

"Who told you it was your fault?" Spike asked.

"My mom. After she came and got me and I got cleaned up and everything, she took me back to my room. Before she left she told me I shouldn't have said anything, that my mouth got us into trouble. I didn't mean to say anything. Really, I didn't. I know it's hard to believe because I talk all the time but I was trying to be good. It's just that the damn soup was so hot and I spoke before I thought. I remember I pinky swore to her that when I got older I would never let my dad hurt her again. I've tried to stop him, but she always gets mad at me for trying to protect her."

"She's wrong, Xander. You were a little boy. It wasn't your fault. It was that bastard of a father. He was the one with the problems, not you. Believe me, I know about father's like that. While my father never hit my mother, he was inclined to hit me. Thought I was worthless. Told me enough that I started to act that way, just to prove him right. That's why I am what I am today." Angel told him.

"I never knew that, peaches." Spike told him, knowing that Angel had put himself out on the line in order to comfort their boy.

"Don't like to talk about it much. Besides it was a long time ago."

"It doesn't matter how long ago something like that happens. It still hurts." Xander told him, patting his hand.

Angel smiled at the boy. "Not so much, anymore. See, when you find people that love you for who you are and not what they expect you to be, you can begin to heal. And with the healing comes the loss of those nightmares," Angel assured him. "Now, I think I'll just go get some blood, because I don't have the self control that Spike does. I see you two together and I'll be jumping in."

"I would tell you that you could but I'm a selfish bastard," Spike teased. "By the way I can't believe I have more self control than you, mate."

"Hey, you've been having sex all this time. I've been not having sex for almost a hundred years. Plenty of repressed sexual tendencies coming to the front." Angel told them as he walked towards the door. "Both of you better get used to lying flat on your backs and getting fucked all the time, because I plan on making up for those years."

Spike and Xander laughed as Angel closed the door behind him. The vampire pulled Xander into his arms and hugged him close. "Feel better, whelp?"

"Much, however I think we've spent too much time talking about bad things. I want to get back to the touchy feely good things," Xander told him, as he kissed Spike, once again overwhelming a master vampire with the emotions he put into it. Spike was soon thinking the same thing that Angel had earlier. Xander had the sweetest kiss of anyone he had ever known.

After the kiss was broken, Spike looked at Xander. He ran his fingers through the boy's hair and sighed. "I don't know how you can't see just how special you are. How beautiful you are. Not just your eyes. I'm addicted to running my hands through your hair. It's so soft and thick and fucking beautiful. I want you to keep it long."

"I can do that," Xander agreed as they kissed again.

"Then there's your mouth. I'm addicted to your kisses. In all my 126 years, I've never been kissed by someone the way you kiss me. Not even Angel. You make me feel every emotion you're feeling and it's a high I want to stay on for the rest of my life," he said, giving the boy another kiss.

"And then there's your body. Bloody beautiful. You have more people noticing you than you think, pet. Especially when you wear clothes that fit and don't blind everyone within two blocks of you."

"Hey, I liked my clothes. Besides, that's all they had at the Goodwill store," Xander muttered, before Spike kissed him again. All thoughts of talking were gone as they lay on the bed, hands roaming across each other's bodies and mouths doing wonderful things to each other.

"I need you, Spike. Will you make love to me?" Xander whispered. Spike smiled and eased himself between the boy's legs. "Don't have to ask me twice." he said as he raised Xander's legs and put them on his shoulders. He lined his cock up against Xander's still wet hole and entered him, both men groaning at the feeling of being with each other.

Spike felt Xander's warmth around him and it felt like heaven. He stayed like that for a few moments, just relishing the moment before he started to slowly thrust in and out of the boy's hole.

"God, Xander so fucking tight....so warm....so good....so gorgeous....never want to stop...not ever," Spike moaned. He smiled as a thought entered his mind. Spike continued his rhythm as he leaned down and took Xander's cock into his mouth, bobbing up and down in time with his thrusts.

Xander was in heaven as he felt Spike inside of him. He thought he could live like this forever. Just as he was about to tell Spike that, he felt the vampire's cool mouth around his cock while his ass was being filled with Spike's cock. It was too much for his senses and he felt himself cumming.

"Fuck, Spike....oh, yeah...God, what the hell....keep on doing that...shit, it feels so fucking good. I love you so much, Spike. Don't ever stop loving me, please don't ever stop doing this." Xander yelled as his orgasm crashed over him like a tidal wave.

Spike felt Xander's balls tighten and tasted the boy's cum as it entered his mouth. He continued to lick and suck on Xander's cock, making sure to get every drop. His boy tasted so friggin good. Xander's dick. Add that to his list of addictions, Spike noted as he continued to suck on Xander's softening cock. He reached under Xander and started to play with the boy's balls as he continued to suck and thrust. It wasn't long before Xander was hard once again.

"God, how do you do that? Fuck, I can't believe...I'm hard again....just want you so fucking much....can't stand it....feels so good...oh, yeah...right there...oh just like that....harder, Spike....harder," Xander babbled nonsensically as he felt another orgasm approaching. He thought that between Spike and Angel he was going to die from cumming so much, but what a way to go. Xander gave himself over to the feeling as another orgasm just as intense as the ones before them, hit him full force. He couldn't even form any words, not even Spike's name as he yelled in ecstasy.

Spike felt Xander's ass muscles clenching against his cock for the second time and it was enough to undo him. Just as Xander's cum filled his mouth, he filled Xander's hole with his own cool semen. When his orgasm had passed, Spike laid down on the boy, kissing his mouth, his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead. Anything that he could taste. Finally he rested his head on Xander's chest which was rising and falling rapidly as the boy tried to calm himself.

"I love you too, Xander," Spike told the boy, as he raised up to look into Xander's brown eyes.

"Where in the hell did you and Angel learn to do those things?"

"You live long enough, you learn," Spike smirked.

"I think I'll keep you two," Xander grinned as he saw Angel enter the room.

"That's good to know, because we don't plan on ever giving you up," Spike told him as Angel made his way to the bed. He took his pants off and laid down behind Spike, spooning up next to the vampire who was cuddling Xander.

"Is everyone still asleep?" Xander asked.

"Well, they were. After that little session though, you might have woke everyone on the block," Angel told them.

"Peaches, we're in a graveyard," Spike told him.

"I stand by my statement," Angel teased as Xander blushed. They lay there for a few minutes before each of them finally went to sleep. ****************************************************

A couple of hours later, Xander woke up to find Spike thrashing around on the bed. He looked over and saw Angel sitting over top of the younger vampire, looking concerned as he tried to waken him.

"Dreaming about the Initiative?" Xander asked as he tried to help Angel.

"I think so. He keeps muttering something about them not getting him again," Angel answered.

"Damn, I hate that Spike had to go through that," Xander said, as Angel nodded in agreement. "So how do we wake him up?"

"I don't know. I've tried talking to him and shaking him, but nothing seems to work," Angel told him.

"I think I know something that would work," Xander said, as he looked at Angel and smiled. "The cure all for everything, according to Spike. It certainly helped me a few hours ago."

"What the heck. We'll give it a shot," Angel smiled back as he lay down behind Spike. He grabbed the younger vampire around his chest and pulled him backwards into his already hard shaft. Angel waited as Xander lay in front of Spike and cupped the vampire's chin with his hand before leaning in for a kiss.

Spike continued to thrash around for a few seconds more, before he started to respond to Xander's kiss. He reached out and pulled Xander to him, deepening the kiss. Xander threaded his fingers through Spike's hair as he gently kissed and nibbled on the blonde's mouth. Finally, Spike's eyes opened and he looked at the boy in front of him.

"Why Riley Finn. What are you doing here? Don't you think the slayer will be right pissed to know that you were kissing me? I know Angel and Xander will kick your ass. And I see you brought a friend," Spike smiled as he pushed backwards to get closer to Angel's erection.

"Very funny, asshole," Xander grumbled as Angel started to laugh. He was glad to see that Spike had woken with a sense of humor. Maybe the nightmare hadn't been as bad as he first thought, although he suspected Spike was holding out on them so that Xander wouldn't be upset.

"You alright, Spike?" Angel asked, kissing the back of Spike's head.

"I am now," Spike grinned as he pulled Xander closer. The boy struggled to get away but the vampire held on tightly. "Come on, luv don't be mad. I was just having some fun with you."

"You called me Riley after I kissed you. You told me that I was a good kisser."

"Did not. I said you were a great kisser. Said I had never been kissed by anyone like you kiss me and that I'm addicted to them, cause they make me feel like I'm riding a good high." Spike corrected him.

"Yeah, like you know what being high feels like," Xander said, before he looked at Spike. "Do you know what it's like?"

"Of course I do. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move."

Xander looked at Angel. "What about you, Angel?"

"I wasn't at Woodstock, but I ate plenty of hippies in my time. It was a rush, but something I don't do anymore and neither does Spike. Right, Spike?" Angel asked the younger vampire, before adding, "It's definitely not something you'd want to try, Xander. You don't know what you're doing when you're high, so anything could happen."

Spike laughed at Angel's fatherly tone as Xander gave Angel a look. "Would you quit playing Father Knows Best with me, especially when we're in bed, naked together? It creeps me out. Besides, you're too late. I already tried it, so there," Xander said as his two lovers looked at him in surprise. "What? You all did it, but I wasn't supposed to?"

"When? You were 15 when I met you and I never took you for someone that would do any type of drug," Angel asked.

"Jesse and I tried it a few times. We stopped after we got beat up by the guy who was selling it to us. A word to the wise. Never have two geeks go buy pot from someone in a rough neighborhood. It never works out well. We bought it, he and some other guys beat us up and they took off with our money and the drugs. Can we get back to the kissing part of the conversation?"

"My pleasure," Spike said, as he kissed his young lover, his hands roaming the boy's body. When they were done, Angel turned Spike's head towards him and kissed the younger vampire. The kiss went on and on and Xander watched as his two drop dead gorgeous lovers got lost in each other. After quite a few minutes had passed they pulled apart, and Angel leaned over and kissed Xander until he had to breathe.

"That's no fair. You two can kiss like forever and I can't," Xander pouted.

"Perk of being a vampire. Don't need to breathe," Spike acknowledged.

"Yeah, along with living many years and learning all those little tricks like you showed me earlier. God, I swear, I know I'm new to this and everything but the things you did were amazing. You both have to promise to teach me so I can do it to you all." Xander said enthusiastically.

"I guess that task does fall on us, Spike," Angel said.

"Yeah, seeing as how we're the best at what we do," Spike agreed.

"It'll be a hard job, pun intended, but someone's gotta do it," Angel said.

"Hah-hah. You two are the next Abbott and Costello," Xander said, mocking slapping both of his lovers.

"Who?" they asked.

"Guess you're not comedy fans. Well, I'm not going to explain." Xander said as he looked at the younger vampire. "Spike, are you sure you're okay?" Xander caressed Spike's cheek as the blonde smiled at him reassuringly.

"Just a tiny nightmare. I guess it was where we went into the lab last night." Spike said.

"Wait a minute. You guys went back into the Initiative? Why?" Xander asked, sitting upright at the thought of the two vampires walking around in that building. He knew that they could handle themselves and the Oracles had said that the Initiative was over, but still the thought made him more than a little uneasy.

"You knew about Doyle's vision. We went there, killed a few soldiers and had a very good time," Spike told him, pulling him back down onto the bed.

"They weren't in the building though, Spike. Doyle said they were outside of the place."

"Clem and Oz found something and we had to go and take care of it," Angel explained. When Xander gave him a keep going gesture, Angel sighed. "They found that Adam thing. Can you believe it was still in one piece when we found it? The fire didn't damage it in the least. If that thing had become active, nothing could have stopped it."

"Shit. Did you all destroy it?" Xander asked.

"We did. But it took all four of us to penetrate it's chest to get that uranium core out of there." Spike told him. "Now, no more talk about that stupid place. I want to play. Angel and I have a lot of things to teach you."

"No can do, buster. I'm going to go get something to eat. I'm starving," Xander said, once again raising up. He smacked at Spike's hands as the vampire tried to get him to lay back down.

"Come on, pet. I promise a good time will be had by one and all," Spike said.

"I'm sure. However, two reasons why I'm not going to have a good time, well like that anyway. Number one is that I can hardly move as it is. I'm human, remember? No vampire constitution here. I'm sore, but it's a happy sore, so I'll survive."

"What's the other reason?" Angel asked.

"Spike struck out. He doesn't get a home run. Hell, he didn't even make it to second base." Xander said, getting up and pulling his boxers on. Spike and Angel drank in the sight of their lover before Spike remembered to ask the question he was going to.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Haven't you ever heard of that? People use baseball terms to talk about love making or sex. First base is a kiss, with every other base getting further along until you have a home run - or sex."

"I know that, but what do you mean I didn't even make it to second base?

"You struck out. Strike one - calling me Riley Finn. Strike two - you mentioned Buffy, who I'm still pissed with. Strike three - you said he brought a friend. Three strikes and you're out. Ballgame is over." Xander told him, ticking off each one of the strikes with his finger before doing a 'you're out of here' gesture.

"Oh, come on, pet. I didn't know there were any rules. I was just teasing you. I don't watch that much baseball. Got my eyes on other balls, so to speak," Spike leered as he reached for Xander.

Xander ducked away from him and smiled. He put his hand out, wagging a finger at Spike and singsonged, "Sorry, no nookie for the rookie."

"What about me? I didn't do anything," Angel asked.

"Seriously, guys. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really need to go and get something to eat. I'm feeling a little queasy." Xander told them as he pulled his pajama bottoms on and grabbed his shirt. He looked over and saw the worry mixed with hurt on their faces. "I'm sorry. Any other time I would be jumping for joy at the thought of you two gorgeous creatures lying naked in the bed....and I definitely have to get my mind off that track....it's just that I'm a growing boy and I need nutrition. Food. I haven't eaten much in the last few days and my stomach thinks my throats been cut."

"I'll make you some breakfast. I'm actually a pretty good cook even though I don't eat." Angel told him as he got ready to stand up. Xander walked over and put an arm on his shoulder.

"Don't. You're not my servant or my nursemaid. You're my lover. I can do this all by myself. I've been fixing my own meals since I was seven years old. Pretty good at it by now." Xander told him before leaning over and kissing Angel's forehead. Angel put his hand behind the boy's neck and pulled him down to kiss him on the mouth. Xander groaned and Angel slipped his tongue into the boy's mouth. Xander put his hand up and ran his fingers down Angel's face as the kiss continued. What had started as a chaste kiss on the forehead was now a full blown, passionate kiss. Xander finally broke the kiss and pulled back, giving Angel a mock glare.

"No fair, you sneaky vampire. You know what your kisses do to me." Xander mumbled as he rested his forehead against Angel's, trying to catch his breath.

"Do I? Come back to bed and show me," Angel said, as he started kissing Xander's neck. Xander pushed away and stood up. "No, no, see I had this plan and it was me getting up and eating, talking to my friends and enjoying the garden. I've been cooped up in that hospital and I just want some good food and nice sunshine."

Spike reached over and pulled Xander down on top of him. Before the boy could protest he was being kissed, another one of those mind numbing kisses. He looked down at the blonde and groaned as he felt his cock begin to harden. Spike grinned as he noticed the bulge in Xander's pants. He laid the boy in between him and Angel before sliding his hand inside the boys boxers and fondling Xander's cock. "Is this what you call getting to second base?" he asked innocently before kissing the boy once again. Angel pulled Xander's boxers and pants back off of him and slowly started kissing up the insides of Xander's calves and thighs alternating between legs. Before he knew it, the boy started to writhe underneath the vampire's touch.

"So not fair," Xander groaned as he felt Spike's cool mouth on his throat, his fingers rubbing his nipples and Angel placing soft, cool kisses up his legs. Xander ran his hands up and down Spike's body, enjoying the feel of the vampire's skin. "Fuck, I am such a slut," Xander moaned as he arched up off the bed at the feel of Angel's mouth engulfing his rock hard cock. "God, all it takes is one kiss from either of you and I'm gone. I am so easy."

Spike grinned at Xander. "Not easy, just in love. And it's fine with us if you want to be a slut, just as long as you are our slut." "Always, Spike. As long as you two can put up with me," Xander told him as he took Spike's cock in his hands.

"That'll be forever, pet," Spike assured him as he leaned into Xander's touch. He kissed Xander again as Angel continued to lick and suck on Xander's cock, turning his head clockwise on each and every stroke until Xander was lost in the sea of sensations the vampires were causing. As Spike broke the kiss, Xander looked at him. "I need to taste you, Spike. Let me have you, please?

"Sounds like a plan, luv," Spike said as he crawled across the bed. He straddled Xander's face as he watched Angel sucking Xander's cock. He felt the boy reach up and take his cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip of Spike's cock, before starting to imitate what Angel was doing to him.

"Fuck, whelp, you're a fast learner," Spike moaned as Angel raised up and grabbed Xander's legs, holding them out to the side as he lined his cock up to the boy's pink pucker. It was still wet from before and Angel groaned as his cock slid home. Angel stayed put for a moment, enjoying the feeling of the warmth surrounding his throbbing cock, before he started to thrust inside Xander. He opened his eyes and saw Spike smiling at him before the younger vampire dove in for a kiss. Angel groaned again, parting his lips slightly and allowing Spike's tongue to enter. He wrapped his hand around Spike's neck, his thumb playing along the nape of the other vampire's neck as they continued to kiss.

Xander continued licking and sucking Spike's cock, enjoying the taste of his lover as Angel's cock pistoned in and out of his ass. Even though he was still sore, the coolness of Angel's cock was driving him insane. When Angel sped up, Xander was lost in the feeling of being filled and fucked. He arched his back off the bed to get Angel to thrust deeper and soon felt his balls tighten as his orgasm swept over him. Xander moaned as he shot his semen on both his lover's stomachs.

Spike was thoroughly enjoying kissing Angel as Xander did wonders with his talented mouth. He was trying to hold out as long as he could, but when he felt Xander moan around his cock, it pushed him over the edge, and he came in the boy's mouth, as Xander eagerly swallowed every drop.

Angel was riding Xander hard when he felt the boy's ass muscles clench as he came. Angel continued thrusting in and out until he felt Spike clutch his shoulders, driving his fingernails into his back as he moaned Xander's name against the older vampire's lips and it sent Angel spiraling into ecstasy, shooting his cool seed into Xander's quivering hole.

Angel and Spike broke their kiss and Angel fell onto the bed beside Xander as Spike crawled around to the other side of the boy. Xander was still shivering and Spike spooned up behind him, caressing the boy's chest as he whispered in his ear.

"You okay, pet?"

"Yeah, I feel great, awesome, wonderful, loved and cherished, in love with two of the sexiest men on God's green earth, no make that THE two most sexiest men, who make me feel so good, so special and I am delirious with joy and I feel thoroughly fucked and ---"

Xander's babble was cut off by Angel's kiss. When they parted, Xander looked sheepishly at Angel. "Was that to get me to shut up or because you wanted to?"

"That was to get you to shut up, this is because I want to," Angel said, before capturing Xander's mouth in a much longer, more tender kiss than the previous one. When they finished, he looked at the boy. "Can you tell the difference?"

"Hell, yeah," Xander grinned before he felt Spike cup his chin and turn him towards the other vampire.

"My turn, luv," Spike said, as he nibbled on Xander's lips before he licked along them. Xander's mouth parted in anticipation and soon their tongues were playing together, as Spike threaded his fingers through Xander's hair while the boy ran his hands up and down the vampire's back. When they had finished, the two vampires got ready to cuddle and go to sleep, but Xander was having none of that. He jumped off the bed before either one of them realized what was happening.

"What the hell are you doing, Xander?" Angel asked sleepily.

"Going to take a shower, get dressed, go spend some time with my friends as I eat of course, because my stomach is growling and I'm hungry. Don't even think of coming in here with me. You two go to sleep, wake up, make love to each other like you did to me last night cause it's your time to be together. That's an order, vampires," he said as he ran into the bathroom and shut the door locking it behind him.

Spike and Angel looked at each other in confusion, before Spike smiled. "Vampire semen. Powerful and has a lot of zing to it for humans, just like blood." Angel nodded before Spike continued. "I think he had a good idea."

"I think that's one smart boy we're in love with," Angel answered, as he cuddled up to Spike.

"Yeah, but he got it arse backwards. Let's have a fine shag and then get some sleep," Spike said, as he pulled Angel into a kiss. They lost track of the time as they got lost in each other, not even noticing their young lover as he crept out of the bathroom. Xander slipped through the bedroom before pausing at the door to smile at his two lovers before exiting, shutting the door behind him.


Chapter Nineteen

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