Wesley entered the bedroom, grinning when he saw a bare chested Gunn going through the closets looking for a clean shirt. Gunn cursed as he pulled one of Angel's shirts off the hanger.

"Have an accident?" Wesley asked innocently and Gunn pulled the shirt over his head with another curse.

"That's the last damn time I take Xander out for a night on the town...unless he promises not to drink first."

"Where is he?"

"Propped up against the sink staring in the mirror. He finally managed to get his shower taken and some clothes on but before I could help him to the bed he threw up all over my shirt." Gunn pointed at the water in Wesley's hand. "Glad you brought that. Xander's been yelling about his throat feeling like the Sahara or some such shit." Both men stared at each for a few moments before Gunn indicated the door. "You first."

"Why me? You're closer."

"Cause you ain't been thrown up on yet. If Mount St. Xander starts spewing again I want it to land on you not me."

"Nancy boy."

"Wimp."

"Fine, I'll go first." Wesley took a deep breath before entering the bathroom. Xander was standing in front of the mirror, his body shaking as he tried to hold himself up. "Xander, you doing okay? I brought you some water." Xander grabbed the glass and started to down the water as if he hadn't had anything to drink in years. "You shouldn't drink it so fast," Wesley admonished, trying to take the glass from Xander. The boy turned his head and the glass fell from his hands, shattering against the sink. Xander stared into the mirror once again, this time beginning to laugh hysterically. Now Gunn and Wesley were both worried. This wasn't the usual hangover from hell.

"Xander, what's up with the mirror?" Gunn asked, going around to the boy's other side so that he and Wesley flanked him. He didn't want Xander taking a header into the sink.

"There's three of me." Gunn sighed in relief....maybe this was a typical hangover after all. The relief vanished when Xander's laughter stopped and the boy started cursing at the mirror.

"Stop fucking laughing at me. It's not my fashion sense that sucks...it's my parents. This is the best Goodwill had to offer."

"Xander, what are you..." Gunn's words were stopped when Xander slammed his fist into the mirror, causing it to shatter.

"Broke your nose! Come on, laugh about that asshole!" Before either Gunn or Wesley could react, Xander hit the mirror again, this time falling towards it. Gunn put his arm around Xander's waist to steady him and saw the blood dripping from the boy's hand and arm.

"What the fuck are you doin' man?" Xander didn't answer and Gunn looked at Wesley.

"Take Xander and put him on the bed while I get some bandages." Gunn led Xander out as he was told and placed the boy on the bed. Xander put his fist to his mouth, licking at the blood.

"I'm a vampire, you know. God, I love the taste of blood." Gunn turned to yell at Wesley but found the man hurrying towards them.

"Did you hear...."

"Yes, I did." Wesley set the bandages down and leaned over Xander. "Xander, why do you think you're a vampire?" Xander took one look at Wesley and his eyes filled with fear as he backed away, finally falling off the bed and landing on the other side with a thud. Gunn and Wesley hurried to help him but Xander quickly crawled towards the corner, huddling into it. In Xander's mind, Wesley and Gunn's faces were mangled, they had no eyes and holes in their head.

"Stay away from me!" Xander screamed against his legs, not wanting to see the images again. He felt something on his arm and looked up to see a large scorpion sitting next to him, it's claw on his shoulder. There were dozens of them, crawling on the walls and across the room. Xander let out a yelp and tried to get away but the floor was moving. It was like being stuck in one of those funhouses where the floor tilted and bucked. He fell at Wesley and Gunn's feet and once again saw his friend's faces, this time back to normal with concerned expressions. "Kill them!"

"Kill what?" Gunn asked, searching the room as Xander pointed at the walls.

"Don't you see them? Scorpions...big, big...." All of the sudden the scorpions were gone. "Where'd they go?" Wesley knelt down beside his friend, trying not to scare the boy.

"Xander, let's get you to bed." Wesley and Gunn helped the boy up and practically carried him back to the bed. Xander was numb, he couldn't seem to move his arms or legs.

"I can't move. Wesley, Gunn I can't move!"

"It's going to be alright...." Wesley tried to calm the boy, himself scared to death. As they neared the bed, Xander's eyes grew wide with fear.

"No! Not there!" There were huge snakes crawling all over the bed. "Snakes...snakes everywhere."

"Xander, there's no snakes...just like there wasn't any scorpions." Gunn tried to explain but Xander wasn't listening. Instead he was watching as the snakes combined to form the snake the mayor had become at graduation. Xander was back at graduation and the mayor was eating Principal Synder. Xander flinched as he heard the crunching noises. He looked over and met Buffy's eyes, heard her screaming at him to take them down.

"Everyone! Hand to hand.!" Xander pushed who he thought was Cordy towards the exit. "Cordy, Go! Go! Everyone get out of here!"

"What the hell!" Gunn asked, having been pushed by Xander as the boy screamed at Cordy to run. Wesley shook his head and glanced up to see the girls and Doyle standing in the doorway. They had heard the commotion and now Willow, Cordy, Doyle and Tara were rushing to help. "Does anyone know what the fuck is going on?"

"Xander, stop it! Graduation's over. The mayor is dead." Cordy tried to calm her friend. Xander turned to stare at her for a moment before a sad smile crossed his face.

"It looks good on you." Cordelia looked at Wesley, totally confused.

"What's going on? One minute he's yelling about stuff that happened at graduation and now he's acting like we're at the prom." Wesley shrugged his shoulders, not understanding himself. Suddenly, Xander's attention was on Willow as well. The room morphed into the library...vampires trying to kill them....Willow screaming and Cordy backing up against the wall. Xander threw Wesley into Gunn and Doyle, knocking all three men to the ground before turning his attention on Cordy. "Go! Run! Get out of here! I'll take care of the vampires!" Wesley, Doyle and Gunn picked themselves up off the floor and was once again set upon by Xander. His fist connected with Wesley's jaw as Gunn and Doyle grabbed him around the waist.

"Xander, cut it out! We're not vampires, we're your friends." Wesley got up, prepared to help Gunn and Doyle but Xander got away from them, making a break for the door. Everyone ran after him, passing Dawn who stood frozen in the doorway. Wesley stopped, turning back to look at her.

"Get Spike and Angel." Dawn was still frozen, her eyes on Xander. "Do it NOW!" Wesley yelled, causing Dawn to snap out of it. She turned and ran for the bathroom as if the hounds of hell were at her feet. *********************************************

Spike and Angel ran out of the bathroom clad only in their jeans, almost colliding with a distraught Dawn who had been pounding on the door and screaming.

"You've got to help Xander. He's out of his mind." She pointed towards the boy who was being backed into the corner by their friends. Doyle was gesturing for the others to stay back as he slowly approached Xander, who was wildly searching the room looking for a weapon. He spotted a stake on the nearby table and grabbed it, pointing it at Doyle.

"Jesse, man, don't make me do it." Doyle stood still while Cordy gasped in fear. Spike and Angel made their way towards the trio, scared for both their lover and their friend.

"Not going to hurt you, Xander."

"I know there's a part of you in there somewhere." Xander's voice was desperate as he stared at his friend and Doyle's heart broke for the kid. Whatever Xander was remembering, it must have been very traumatic. He wasn't crying but his _expression was a cross between desperation and loss. Angel and Spike slowly moved forward, seperating as they flanked the two men. Doyle continued to talk to Xander, trying to buy Spike and Angel time to get the jump on Xander.

"Xander, I don't know what's going on but we'll figure it out, yeah? Just hand me the stake before you do something you'll regret." Doyle reached out and Xander was about to place the stake in his hand when he spotted Angel. His eyes narrowed, desperation and loss being replaced with pure anger and hatred as he turned towards the vampire.

"I told you I'd be there when you died." A sad _expression crossed Angel's face as a flood of memories came back, all of them bad. So caught up in the memories that he didn't notice the stake plunging towards him or the shouts of warnings from his friends. Spike pushed Doyle out of the way and grabbed Xander's hand, stopping the stake inches from Angel's heart. Xander turned, seeing Spike and he started to shake his head.

"There'll be no sharing of me for old time's sake. I didn't agree to this stupid plan." Xander started to fight and even though he was stronger than usual he still couldn't fight off the two vampires. Angel had come out of his stupor to help and together the two of them herded Xander back towards the bedroom. Xander continued to struggle until Spike finally punched him, knocking him out. Angel caught the boy before he hit the floor and carried him to the bed where Spike sat down next to him, gently running his fingers through Xander's hair.

"So sorry, luv. Had to do it before you hurt yourself or someone else." Spike looked over at Angel who was sitting on the other side of Xander. "And what the hell where you thinking? Just standing there like a large, broody lump while Xander tried to stake you. Are you daft? Do you realize what could've happened? Did you think about what it would do to me seeing you...or how Xander would feel when he woke up to find you were turned into a pile of dust by his own hand?"

"I wasn't...I didn't think. Xander was looking at me like he used to...when he hated me. The memories..."

"Bugger that! What's past is past. Focus on the here and now and put your sodding brooding away. We need to know what the bloody hell is going on!" Spike tried to shake off the fear he was feeling, not only for Xander but the thought of what could have happened to Angel and Doyle. Something was very wrong with Xander. He turned to face their friends who had followed them into the room and were now gathered around the bed. "Thought you said Xander was only drunk."

"That's what we thought until he started freaking out on us." Gunn told him.

"What set him off?"

"Don't know. One minute he's fighting with the mirror, then he thinks he's a vampire, that there's scorpions and snakes in the room. All of a sudden, Xander hits us...says we're vampires. This is some totally fucked up shit."

"Xander feels warm." Wesley's hand moved from Xander's forehead to his eyes. He gently opened Xander's eyelids, nodding to himself. "Just as I suspected. His pupils are dilated as well."

"His pulse and heart rate are up, too." Angel added, finally concentrating on the matters at hand.

"Yes, this isn't a hangover. Xander's having a bad reaction from some type of drug."

"Wesley, Xander wouldn't...he's never taken drugs, not even when he was younger and things were bad at home." Willow defended her friend.

"I wasn't saying...."

"Someone must have slipped something in his drink while he was at the bar." Angel's agitated voice interrupted. By now Xander was waking up, mumbling as if he were talking to someone.

"We need to get Xander to a hospital." Gunn was already reaching for his coat before Wesley stopped him.

"If we take him to the hospital the doctors will want to put him in a straight jacket or call the authorities. The police, not knowing Xander as well as we do, will assume he has been taking drugs. They will more than likely arrest him and given Xander's hatred of hospitals and being forcibly restrained or held some place against his will, I believe it will only make things worse."

"Wes is right. Not having the boy tied down to some hospital bed or caged up somewhere I can't get to him. I'll tear the fucking police station apart myself...hell, I'll kill the police if they try to take him away from me." Spike ran his fingers through Xander's hair, trying to soothe his lover.

"It won't come to that, Spike. Xander's not going anywhere." Angel reassured the younger vampire.

"But he's really sick." Cordelia protested. "And he attacked the guys, not to mention almost killing Doyle and you, Angel."

"It won't happen again. We'll keep our guards up and the rest of you away."

"Give me a chance to ascertain what kind of drug Xander has in his system. If I can't figure it out, then we'll take him to the hospital." Wesley tried to calm everyone down by compromising.

"Don't just stand there...figure out what's happening." Spike snapped. He saw the flash of pain in Wesley's eyes and knew the man was worried, too. Feeling bad for taking Xander's illness out on Wesley, Spike added, "If anyone can do it, it's you."

Wesley's eyes misted over. It meant a great deal that Spike would have such faith in him. The moment of pride was lost when Wesley remembered how many times his father had predicted he would fail, how many times he actually had. *I can't do this...can't take a risk like this, not with Xander's life.* He opened his mouth to tell them he had changed his mind but Spike stopped him as if reading his mind.

"I need you to focus, Wesley. You know how much Angel and I love the boy. Do you think we'd put his life in your hands if we didn't believe in you? I trust you more than some unknown doctor at any hospital so quit second guessing yourself...we don't have time for it."

"We're counting on you...so is Xander." Angel added and now Wesley's face was set with determination.

"I won't let you down." Wesley grabbed a white t-shirt that lay discarded by the bed and soaked up some of the blood from Xander's arm, getting a sample. "I'll put this under the microscope and see what's going on." With that he turned and made his way up the stairs, Willow following and offering her help. Angel glanced at Gunn and Doyle.

"Are you two feeling alright?" Both of them nodded. "Wesley appears to be okay as well...so Xander must be the only one who was drugged. You were playing poker with those men...do you think they could've done this?"

"No. I got Xander's beer for him and we never left the table. Besides, they were too busy trying to con us out of our money. After that, we stayed together...wait a minute. Xander bumped into this guy on his way to the bathroom and spilled beer on him. Xander had me buy him another drink, we talked for a few minutes and then I started watching Wes play poker. Xander's beer was on the bar so he would've had access to it. Didn't like him much either."

"Why?"

"The way he looked at Xander...talked to him like he was planning something. Damn, I shouldn't have turned my back on him. I warned him off but still..."

"Yeah, I felt the tension." Gunn interrupted. "But I get where you were coming from. He was being nice but there was something about his attitude I didn't like."

"What did he look like?"

"About my build, also black and bald with a goatee."

"Did he say what his name was?"

"Xander introduced him as Robin. Didn't give a last name." Doyle answered.

"I know the bartender...Roger. I'll call him and see if he knows this guy...whether he's a regular or not." Gunn went into the living room to make the call while Angel continued questioning Doyle.

"Did this Robin say anything else...anything about himself?"

"Nope, he was too busy trying to find out..." Doyle stopped talking as Xander started moaning. Tara had just finished bandaging his arm when Xander struck out at something, accidentally knocking her to the ground. Doyle helped Angel and Spike hold Xander down while Cordelia and Dawn rushed over to help Tara.

"Are you okay?" Dawn asked.

"You're bleeding. Here...sit down and let me take care of that." Cordelia pointed at a gash on Tara's head where she had hit the nightstand. Angel turned towards them, an anxious look on his face.

"You girls need to stay back. Xander doesn't know what he's doing and whatever this is, it's made him stronger...like a wild animal. I don't want anyone else getting hurt."

"Are you all right, Glinda?" Spike asked and Tara nodded.

"Just a scratch. Guys, I hate to add to your worry but Xander's aura is off. Usually, it's peach...I remember because that's rarely found in a person. It shows compassion and loyalty. But now I'm seeing a black color which means Xander's having feelings of giving up, of hopelessness and it can also be a sign of ..a life threatening condition."

"I'm afraid you're right about that, Tara." Wesley said, he and Willow re-entering the room. "Xander's definitely under the influence of a drug...a very poisonous herb that's usually drank with tea." Wesley was examining Xander again.

"How do you know that?"

"His blood showed traces of a herb so Willow and I did some research on line. There are very few herbs that can cause the symptoms Xander's been displaying...the rapid heartbeat and pulse, stomach pains, delirium, loss of sensations, fever with no sweating...I'm afraid it points to belladonna."

"The Devil's Plant." Willow murmured, checking her girlfriend over. "Are you..."

"I'm fine. Beladonna was used as a...a torture by certain witches. It's as close to hell as someone can be without actually being there. It makes the person relive past moments of their lives...most of the time it's the bad ones. It makes someone see people that aren't there or even have dreams that aren't true. The bad thing is...Xander won't be able to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. To Xander...everything he sees or feels will be as real as you or me."

"Like seeing scorpions on the wall or snakes on the bed." Wesley added, remembering Xander's hallucinations.

"How long does this last?" Angel asked.

"It depends on the dosage. Anywhere from 24 to 72 hours."

"No. No soddin' way is Xander going to have to...not for...do a fucking spell. Make it stop." Spike was practically begging now. Tara gently laid her hand on his shoulder.

"There's no spell for something like this, Spike. That's why the witches used it as torture. There's no way out of it until Xander wakes up or..."

"Spike and I can drink from Xander. Take just enough blood to get some of this drug out of his system." Angel spoke up, hating the fact that he would drink from Xander like this instead of during the claiming ritual, but willing to do it if it meant making him better.

"No. Xander's going to need all his strength to get through this...taking his blood will only weaken him. Not only that, there's the matter of having not only Xander but two vampires experiencing hallucinations as well. Belladonna is strong enough to affect both of you, Angel and I think I speak for everyone in this room when I say I would much rather keep you two sane."

"Past that point already, Wes." Spike could feel himself losing it. "Okay, maybe we can't drink from him, but we can give Xander some of our blood...it's got healing power and it might make the dreams go away."

"If you give Xander blood the power behind it could possibly make the visions even more difficult...more strong, more real. It may even have him hallucinating from your past as well. I don't think you want that."

"Well, we have to do something. I'm not just gonna stand around and watch Xander suffer."

"I'm afraid that's exactly what you'll have to do, Spike. The only thing we can do is try to keep him as grounded as possible, make sure he doesn't hurt himself or someone else and try to get some more fluids in him. This herb dehydrates the person it's poisoned. That's why Xander was so thirsty earlier. This drug shuts down all secretions of fluids. Xander has a fever but he's not sweating, he won't be able to use the bathroom or cry."

"So it's that bad?" Cordy asked.

"It's that bad."

"Could Xander...has anyone ever..."

"Yes, I'm afraid many people have died from experimenting with this drug. And the ones who have made it through sometimes experience long term effects."

"Such as?"

"Xander may see things or people that aren't there. He may feel someone touch him when there isn't anyone around. Most likely his eyesight will be bad for at least a few days afterwards....possibly years. While I hate to tell you this, I think we should all be prepared in case things don't work out the way we want them to."

"Fuck." Angel put his head in his hands, wishing he could take Xander's place.

"If we can't get some water into him we might have to take him to the hospital." Spike shook his head.

"I'll make sure Xander drinks...no hospitals. Boy hates them and like you said earlier they'd tie him down."

"Dawn, it's going to get very bad. Perhaps it would be best if you went to stay with Oz and Lorne or David and Anya until Xander is well." Dawn shook her head.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying so I can help Xander. If you send me away, I'll just walk back."

"Fine. Then I suggest we take turns watching over him."

"That won't be necessary. Spike and I can stay up with Xander...no matter how long it takes. The rest of you should get some rest." The others protested, saying they wouldn't be able to get any sleep until Xander was better. As the discussion continued, Gunn entered the room, a worried _expression on his face.

"You guys figure out what's causing this?" He pointed at Xander. Wesley filled him in before Spike looked up at him.

"Did you find out anything about this man?"

"News ain't good. Roger said he didn't know Robin's last name or where he worked or lived. We're flying blind, guys."

"Not necessarily. Think about it...who's been giving us a hard time?" Spike asked, everyone immediately knowing who he was talking about.

"You think Wolfram and Hart had something to do with this?" Doyle asked.

"Of course it's Wolfram and Hart. Who bloody else would it be? Fucking Lindsey!" Spike headed for the doorway, intent on doing some serious violence. "I'm gonna kill him this time..." Angel stopped his lover before he could make it out the door.

"I know you're upset and you want to take this out on someone but we don't know for sure it was Lindsey or Wolfram and Hart. We have no proof...."

"Don't need any. Lindsey probably hired this guy...thought if he couldn't have Xander then neither could we. He's been warned time and time again to stay away from the boy. I'm through with the warning, gotten too soft...and this is the result." Spike gestured towards Xander. "I should have killed Lindsey the first time he touched Xander."

"I agree...if he did this. But there are others to consider...such as Lilah or the higher ups at Wolfram and Hart. They can't be happy about the fact that Lindsey's mooning over one of the good guys. Or it could have been a random thing or another enemy..."

"You're having too many ors. Pick one!" Cordelia commanded.

"This wasn't random. This man didn't just happen to run into Xander, act all friendly and then put something in his beer. Enemies? Not bloody likely. Xander doesn't have any..."

"We do." Angel murmured. Spike shook his head, knowing what Angel said was true but refusing to believe either one of them was the cause of Xander's pain.

"No...it's got to be...I say we start with Lindsey and work our way through the whole company until we find this guy. Come on Angel, we've slaughtered whole villages...a few bloody lawyers and their lackeys won't be hard to take care of especially when I'm feeling this brassed off." Spike held on to the notion that Wolfram and Hart...or rather Lindsey, was to blame for Xander's condition.

"And what's going to happen to Xander and our family while we're gone? You've already seen what he's capable of doing," Angel pointed at Tara. "Xander doesn't know what's going on and he needs us here. We'll get him through this and when he's better we'll find out what happened and make every son of a bitch who had a hand in this pay. We all on the same page?" Before anyone could answer, Xander leapt from the bed, screaming.

"I'm not leaving until you disarm that thing." Xander swung at Doyle who quickly ducked. The men surrounded Xander, struggling to push the boy back onto the bed. After he had calmed down Spike turned to Angel.

"You're right. We have to stay here and keep watch. But when Xander's better, it's slaughtering time."

"Come on, Dawn." Tara took the girl's hand. "Let's go make some coffee." Both of them left the room while the others began to collect pillows and blankets, bringing some into the room and laying them around on the floor for the men while they fixed beds in the living room for themselves. Spike and Angel were adamant that none of the girls stay in the same room with Xander even though Willow and Dawn were practically pleading with them. Spike and Angel never moved from Xander's bedside, Angel trying to soothe the boy by rubbing his arm and Spike carding his fingers through Xander's hair. He leaned down and kissed the boy on the cheek and Angel heard him murmur, "We'll get you through this, luv. When we do, that man, Lindsey or anyone else who had anything to do with this will pay." Angel nodded his head in agreement. They would pay with their life. ************************************

Xander was lost in a world of pain and despair. Scenes were switching and it seemed every time he moved he would go from one place to the next. He couldn't differentiate between reality and fantasy and time seemed as if it had stopped. He had been reliving most of his childhood and as he suffered his friends suffered with him, trying to understand what Xander was going through so they could comfort him. Xander was desperately trying to free himself from the hell he was living. The dreams had started out slowly and begun to build as time passed. Flashes of memories....his dad beating him over and over again for the simplest things, hearing his mother begging his father to stop being so rough as he took her. More flashes of memories....Buffy lying dead in the Master's lair, Ms. French trying to eat his head, Ampata holding Willow ready to suck the very life out of his best friend, Angel grabbing Xander by the neck and offering him to Spike. On and on they went, seeming to never stop.

During all the memories, Xander thought he could hear Angel, Spike, Willow and his other friends trying to calm him but he wasn't sure. Xander was beyond scared, he was terrified. He had faced monsters, demons...everything the Hellmouth had spit out and yes he had been afraid, but he had never felt this bad before. He had felt alone in his life but never this alone. What was wrong with him? Was he going crazy? Was he sick? Xander tried to sleep, but the dreams...were they dreams?...were almost as bad and even more confusing.

Spike, Angel and Xander were lying on the bed, not touching, just lying close and enjoying each other's company. Xander sighed in relief. This was much better.

"I feel so safe when I'm here with you."

"Glad to hear that, luv. But you do realize that they will find out about you, Xander. What you really are."

"I don't have time to think about that. I have to go to work." Xander got up and walked towards the door, the room suddenly changing into a stage. He stopped and looked around, confusion on his face. Suddenly, Dawn was standing in front of him.

"Isn't this exciting? Our first production. I can't wait until our scene together." She gave him an excited hug. "I love you. Oh, and by the way Xander, don't step on my cues."

"What are you talking about? Cordy's the only one in the play." Before Dawn could answer, Cordy ran over.

"Oh, my God! The place is packed. Everybody's here. Your whole family is in the front row...even your rich cousin, Rigby...the one that loaned you his tux for Homecoming. They look really angry, though."

"What's new? My dad always looks angry. Which brings up the point...why is my family out there and what am I doing on stage with you?"

"Oh, poor baby. Somebody's got stage fright." Dawn patted him on the shoulder.

"I didn't know I was supposed to be in this play." Xander tried to tell them just as Doyle appeared dressed as a cowboy, his hat two sizes too big. Even amidst all the confusion, Xander had to smile.

"An Irish cowboy with a hat that doesn't fit. What kind of play is this? Lucky Charms meets Matt Dillon? Is this some kind of western serial...pun intended" Doyle grinned back at him.

"You're just jealous. If you had shown up earlier you'd have a better part like me....cowboy guy."

"Don't worry, Xander. Your costume's perfect." Cordelia reassured him. Xander glanced down and saw that he was wearing a dark brown shirt, black leather pants and a black leather jacket. "Nobody's going to know the truth."

"What are you talking about?" Xander asked as Cordelia began to pout.

"Oh, you're already in character. I should've done that."

"What character...the bad guy? Cause the bad guys always wear black. Besides, I didn't know I was supposed to be in this stupid play and I haven't even rehearsed."

"Well some of us haven't." Dawn told Doyle who was still beaming with pride.

"I showed up on time so I got to be cowboy guy." Xander heard clapping and turned to see Wesley standing in the center of a large group of people...all dressed in various costumes.

"Alright, everyone. Pay attention. In just a few moments that curtain is going to open on our very first production. Now everyone that Xander has ever met is out in that audience, including all of us. That means they won't be expecting much but we do want to make an impression on them. Stay in character remember your lines and energy, energy, energy...especially during the musical numbers." Xander stood back, listening to Wesley's speech. What the hell was going on and what was that thing that just passed by...?

"Did you see that?" Xander asked Cordelia but she never answered, her attention focused on Wesley.

"The audience wants to find you and strip you naked and eat you alive," Wesley warned them as Harmony vamped out and tried to bite his neck. She was too short to reach him but she kept on trying. "Stop that!" Wesley told her, before continuing, "Now costumes, sets, uhm the things that you uh..you hold them, touch them, use them..."

"Props?" Harmony asked in between attempts at trying to bite his neck.

"No."

"Props?" Doyle asked.

"Yes. It's all about subterfuge." Wesley told him before turning towards Harmony. "That's very annoying." Once again he addressed the group. "Now go out there, lie like dogs and have a wonderful time. If we can stay in focus, keep our heads and if Xander can stop stepping on everyone's cues I know this will be the best production of "Star Wars" we've ever done. Good luck everyone...break a leg and Harmony stop it!" Wesley walked off as everyone chattered happily.

Xander walked around the room, confused and scared. There were people dressed in all sorts of costumes ranging from fairy princesses to men from the olden days. He scratched his head and started to walk towards the curtains...something drawing him towards them. He bumped into Clem on the way. The demon smiled at him and pointed at a tray laden with cheese.

"There's no space for the cheese slices." Xander patted his friend on the back.

"That's okay, Clem. Go ahead and eat the cheese...I know how much you like it." Clem started eating the cheese and Xander passed him by, walking between the rows of curtains until he saw Angel peeking out from behind one of them. He smiled in relief...at least one of his lovers was here. Maybe Angel could explain what the hell was going on. He ran over to the vampire, trying to put his arms around him but Angel pulled away.

"Angel, I'm glad to see you but what's wrong?"

"Everything. It's not going very well, is it?"

"No. They've got me in Cordy's play, my whole family is out front, Wesley's a director, Doyle's cowboy guy which by the way...when did they start making musical stage productions of "Star Wars" and why is there a cowboy in it? They're totally ruining one of my favorite movies."

"You don't understand, do you?"

"No." Xander glanced over his shoulder. "I was sorta hoping you could explain it to me. Is there something following me?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Angel. Quit with the cryptic. What should I do? The play's about to start, I don't know my lines, something's following me and I don't want to fuck up Cordy's chance at stardom...even if it is something stupid like this play."

"The play's already started...that's not the point. Everyone's starting to wonder about you. If they find out they'll punish you. I can't help you with that."

"Why can't you help me? You always help me. Wait a minute. Punish me? Why? Is that my dad that's after me cause Cordy said he looked angry. Am I in trouble because I was supposed to do something or not do something cause it's always...."

"Shhh." Angel interrupted as he started to look around. Xander followed his gaze trying to see what Angel was looking at. When he turned around Angel was gone.

"Angel?" Xander whispered frantically. "Angel, where did you go? I need you. And where's Spike? If you can't help me, can Spike...cause I'm really, really scared here and I'm not too manly to admit that to...." Xander's babbling was cut off when a large claw came from behind one of the curtains, barely missing him. He turned to run the other way but was stopped by another claw. He screamed, falling to the ground and curling into a ball. One of the claws shot out and grabbed him and he started to fight until he saw it was Buffy.

"Buffy?"

"Come on." Buffy pulled him through the curtains and Xander got to his feet. Now he was in one of his old classrooms and..

"Buffy? What are you doing here? I thought you were mad at me. And why are we back in high school?"

"Stay low and follow me." Buffy told him, completely ignoring his question. Maybe this was real after all. "What attacked you? What did it look like?" Buffy was in complete slayer mode and Xander decided to go with the flow, grateful that she didn't appear mad at him any longer and that there was someone there to help him.

"I don't know. It just came after me and Angel left and I can't find Spike anywhere."

"You must've pissed them off by doing something wrong."

"No, I didn't do...well, I did play poker and lose all my money but they wouldn't leave me over that. And what's with us being back in high school? And then there's this play...."

"The play's long over." Now Buffy straightened up, seemingly annoyed. "Why are you still in costume?"

"Why do I have to keep explaining that this is just an outfit?"

"Xander, everybody already knows. Take it off."

"Knows what? And I am not taking my clothes off in front of you. It was embarrassing enough when you, Willow and Cordy saw me in those Speedos. Besides, I need them."

"Oh, for God's sake just take it off." Buffy spun him around and he heard a ripping sound.

"Buffy, cut it out!" Xander covered his body.

"There that's better. It's much more realistic." She sat down in the empty desk, the classroom now filled with his friends who were staring at him. Xander started pinching himself, trying to wake up...not this again.

"See? Is everyone very clear on this now?" Cordy asked as Anya laughed.

"Oh, my God...it's like a Greek tragedy."

"Yeah, he's a bigger nerd than I am." David replied while Buffy smiled smugly. Xander looked down and noticed that he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and baggy pants. The whole room started to laugh and Xander heard Buffy whisper to Angel and Spike.

"I tried to warn you two but you wouldn't listen." Angel and Spike were staring at Xander, expressions of disgust on their faces.

"You were right, slayer. He's not good enough for us to date...let alone claim."

"Yeah, we'd be the laughing stocks of the vampire community. I think we'll stick with each other." Angel kissed Spike while Anya continued talking.

"It's exactly like a Greek tragedy...without the grapes."

"Alright, that's enough!" Now Xander was not only hurt and confused but angry as well. "Why are all of you acting like this? I thought we were friends even though Buffy was mad at me. And you two," Xander pointed at the two vampries who stopped kissing to look at him. "You said you loved me...that you wanted to claim me. If you're so ashamed of me then why did you make the offer...why did you lie to me?" Xander wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come as a feeling of betrayal washed over him.

"Oh, who cares?" Oz asked, leaning back and rolling his eyes.

"I do! And I thought you guys cared too. So much for all your talk of...." Xander stopped ranting when Ampata knocked him to the ground. "Not you again. You missed your chance at killing me when we kissed at the dance." Xander started fighting and screaming for someone to help him but everyone just sat at their desks, smiling at him.

"Please...help me. Please, please..." Xander gasped and choked as Ampata started sucking the life out of him and then everything went black.

Angel, Spike and the others had been listening to Xander's ramblings as he lay twitching on the bed. Now Xander was into full convulsions and Wesley, Doyle and Gunn rushed over to help Angel and Spike hold Xander down as the tremors ripped through Xander's body.

"I think we need to be rethinking this hospital thing." Gunn sounded worried, but Spike shook his head.

"We'll get Xander through this, Charlie-boy."

"Is there anything we can do to stop these?" Angel asked, hating what was happening to Xander.

"Not a bloody thing...not one fucking bloody thing." Wesley replied, as frustrated as Angel and the others. Xander's body went limp and he opened his eyes, staring out into space as if seeing someone.

"Wesley, is that you? I think I'm sick. I don't feel right." Everyone breathed a sigh of relief at Xander's words, hoping he had finally recognized someone. Wesley leaned down to talk to his friend.

"We know what it is, Xander. You've been given a very strong drug and it's distorting your thinking. I know this is hard but you need to try and focus on me. The only thing we can do is wait for the drug to work it's way through your system and keep you hydrated." Wesley motioned to the two vampires who held Xander's head up so that Wesley could pour the fluid down his throat. Xander took a few drinks, his eyes never meeting Wesley's...he was too busy listening to the dream Wesley.

"It's understandable what with the drinking and all. But your sickness is quite fortuitous. It's given the group a chance to sit and discuss what's happened and it's given you time to deal with the situation."

"Situation? There's a situation?"

"Yes. I'm glad that you've finally come to grips with the truth. That you are more trouble than you are worth. That you're a liability to the group as a whole....you're irrelevant."

"God, Wesley you sound like my dad. How can you say that?"

"It's difficult to face, I know. But things could have been much worse. Spike and Angel might have already claimed you and then I wouldn't be able to do this without hurting them." Wesley reached into his back pocket and pulled out a large knife. "It will make this a lot easier."

"Wesley...what are you doing with that knife?" Xander's eyes were full of fear and shock. "Wesley...please...what...don't..." Xander screamed and doubled over in pain as Wesley buried the knife in his stomach.

Angel and Spike held Xander for a moment before lying him back on the bed. "Xander...shhh....baby, it's not real. What you saw...the knife...it wasn't there." Angel tried to calm Xander while Wesley stepped back, a sad _expression on his face.

"No, it wasn't...but the pain is very real. Xander truly thinks I stabbed him."

"It's the drug, Wes. It's the fucking drug." Angel growled, watching the effects the drug was having not only on his lover but their friends as well. Xander had stopped screaming and was lying on the bed, his body shaking as if cold while his head thrashed on the pillow. Suddenly he stopped as if hearing something.

"Xander?" Xander glanced up to see Willow coming towards him, a worried _expression on her face. "You look terrible."

"I feel terrible, Willow. I think something's wrong."

"Okay, don't worry. I know what to do." Willow turned around and when she was once again facing him she was wearing latex gloves and a white lab coat.

"Willow, what are you going to do?" Xander was getting nervous as Willow pulled a tray of instruments next to her.

"Let's take a look under the hood...experiment and see what's inside."

"No...no experimenting." Xander shook his head emphatically.

"Xander, it's okay." Willow reassured him as he struggled to get away. She brought a scalpel up to his chest and began to cut him open.

"Please no...ahhh!" Xander screamed as she cut him from nipple to navel.

"There, that wasn't so bad was it?" Willow replaced the scalpel and Xander looked down to see his chest spread open. This was weird...his chest was layed open and yet there wasn't that much pain and he was still alive. How could that be? Still, Xander couldn't help but be angry at his best friend.

"Are you fucking kidding? Willow...you just opened my chest and you didn't think that would hurt? What are you going to do and why are you experimenting on me?" Willow didn't answer his questions, instead reaching inside of Xander and pulling out what appeared to be a big steak.

"Let's get your internal organs out of the way. Here's your liver...your kidneys...don't worry. You can live without them until I put them back in." She dug around some more. "Hold on a second....geez, I'm gonna need both hands for this."

"Willow, stop!" Xander was begging now, but Willow paid no heed as she pulled out a very large, throbbing organ.

"Wow! You really do have a big heart don't you? Just like I always said you did." She threw it to the side and dug some more, pulling out a long string of pearls. "Ooooh, pretty." Willow draped them around her neck before continuing her search. "Yum. Raisins." Willow plucked something out of Xander's chest and popped them into her mouth.

"Well, that was just gross. Find any twinkies in there yet?"

"Nope, but look at this." She pulled out a fish bowl with lots of goldfish swimming around inside. "Alexander Lavelle Harris. Shame on you. You let me blame Angel for killing my fish when it was you...you ate them bowl and all." She scolded before handing them to a laughing hyena. "These will need to be flushed now...and thank you, Mr. Hyena."

"I didn't eat your fish, Will. Honest."

"You've lied to me before."

"I know I have...but not about this. Angel really did kill them. I don't know where those came from. And what's up with the hyena?" Willow didn't answer. Instead, she stared at his chest in frustration.

"What's wrong?" Xander was nervous again.

"Nothing. I can't seem to find anything wrong with you. I mean, except that you're empty. There's nothing left. You're just a shell. Not useful for anything."

"Well, duh you took everything out. Put it back in....now."

"Hyena come here." Xander watched as the hyena approached. "Get back inside." Xander shuddered as the hyena climbed into him. "There, that's something at least."

"Will, what are you talking about? I didn't have a hyena in me. That's long gone." Willow started to walk away. "Will, please...don't leave me like this. At least put my heart back for me." He watched her leave before turning his head in the direction a noise was coming from. Angel and Spike were having sex but not with each other.

"Spike? Angel?" Spike turned his head long enough to look at Xander, neither vampire stopping what they were doing.

"Keep it down, mate." Xander raised up to see Drusilla and Darla beneath his lovers, both thoroughly enjoying the attention.

"You two...with them? How could you? Especially you, Angel. If you were gonna cheat on me with somebody it could've at least been Buffy instead of that bitch...and isn't she supposed to be dead? And Spike...I thought you said Drusilla was of the past."

"What can we say? We need this animalistic kind of love and since you won't let yours out or let us turn you we need..." Angel trailed off, groaning as Darla raked his back with her fingernails until it bled.

"I'm not an animal...and...and you both said you would claim me...I want you to."

"You say that but do you really mean it? Besides, how are we supposed to be marathon men with all your yammering. Don't you ever shut up?" Spike asked.

"You'll never be as good as we are. They'll never love you like they loved us." Drusilla and Darla taunted together. "They still love us, don't you boys?"

"Yes...God, yes." Spike and Angel answered.

"You lied to me! You said you loved me! I hate you! I hate you both!"

Xander jerked away from Spike and Angel who were trying to figure out what Xander was talking about. He tried to walk across the floor but it was moving and he fell. Angel managed to catch him before he hit the floor and picked him up, carrying him back to the bed. Xander hit at him, trying to get away.

"Put me down! I don't want you fucking touching me after you've been with that dead bitch. You know how much I hate her! She killed Jesse!"

"Xander, Darla's not here...she's dead."

"She may be dead but she's not dead cause you were screwing her! You and Spike want her and Dru so bad then get the hell away from me! You're nothing but a liar, both of you! I hate you for hurting me like this! I hate you for making me love you so much I want to die now! If you two don't want me just let me die! Just...just..."

"No! You're not going to die, Xander. We won't let you go. We love you." Angel tried to reassure Xander as he laid the boy back down between him and Spike.

"Tell that to the hyena...you know, the one you want to let out. Maybe he'll believe you."

"What hyena? Xander, what are you talking about." Xander never answered Angel's question, falling back into his dreams.

Xander looked around the room, trying to place where he was now. Buffy's living room. Buffy was on the couch eating popcorn while Giles sat in the chair opposite her. What was he doing here? He heard the television going and turned to see "Apocolypse Now" playing on the television..

"Am I awake. I thought I was awake. What have I missed here?"

"Nothing much at all really." Giles grabbed a handful of popcorn and began eating it.

"Lots of massacring." Buffy filled him in through a mouthful of popcorn. Xander turned his attention on the movie, watching as the soldier trudged through the jungle talking about taking the hill and damning the war.

"I really have to say I think "Apocolypse Now" is overrated." Giles said.

"No, no. It gets better. I remember that it gets better." The soldier on the t.v. was screaming for his men wondering what had happened to them.

"Want some corn?" Buffy asked, passing the bowl to him.

"Butter flavored?"

"New car smell."

"Cool. I'll try anything once." Xander snatched up some of the popcorn and began eating it.

"Oh, I'm beginning to understand this now. It's all about the journey, isn't it?" Giles asked.

"Well, thanks for making me have to pee." Xander stood up and made his way towards the stairs.

"You don't need any help with that do you?" Buffy asked.

"Got a system." He climbed the stairs passing Joyce's room on the way. She came out and stood at the door.

"Hey."

"Hey, Joyce...Mrs. Summers. We're not making too much noise down there are we?"

"Oh, no. Anyway, they all left a little while ago." Buffy and Giles had already left...they were just down there.

"Oh, I probably should go catch up."

"Do you really think you can?"

"I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after...."

"Conquest?"

"I'm a conquistador."

"You sure it isn't comfort you're searching for?"

"I'm a comfortador also."

"I do know the difference. I've learned about boys."

"Yeah, that's cool about you."

"It's very late. Would you like to rest for a while?" Joyce asked and Xander noticed the turned down bed. "I can tuck you in and make you some cocoa or something."

"Uh, yeah sure. I'd like you to tuck me in...maybe I'll feel better afterwards. I'm just going to go to the bathroom first."

"Don't get lost." Xander walked to the bathroom and got ready to pee. He felt someone staring at him and turned to see some of the Initiative doctors and soldiers watching him.

"Don't tell me you guys experiment on bodily fluids too? I think I'll just find another bathroom." Xander left the room and entered another, only to find himself in his basement. The door to the top of the stairs was shaking as if someone were trying to get in.

"It's not rent day. I don't want you down here." Xander called out before leaving. Now he was standing in the park. He saw Buffy playing in a sandbox while Giles and Riley were swinging, both of them dressed exactly alike. He walked over to Buffy.

"Hey, there you are."

"Are you sure it was us you were looking for?" Buffy asked, glancing at Riley and Giles as she pouted.

"Giles is going to teach me to be a watcher. Says I've got the stuff." Riley told him.

"Riley's like a son to me." Those words hurt Xander's heart. He had always wanted Giles to think of him as a son but he tried to play it off.

"That's good. I was into that for a while but I got other stuff going on." He looked across the park and saw himself sitting with Angel, Spike and their friends. "You gotta have something. Gotta always be moving forward."

"Like a shark." Buffy agreed.

"Like a shark with feet and much less fins."

"And on land." Riley piped up.

"Very good." Giles complimented him. Xander was overcome with a wave of fear and turned to look at Buffy with concern. "Buffy, are you sure you want to play there? It's a pretty big sandbox."

"It's okay. It's not coming for me yet."

"I just mean...you can't protect yourself from some stuff."

"I'm way ahead of you big brother."

"Brother? You think of me as a brother?" Xander and Buffy stared at each other for a long moment before Giles' voice broke the silence as he spoke to Riley.

"Come on, put your back into it. A watcher scoffs at gravity." Xander noticed how child like Buffy seemed. Not just because she was sitting in a sandbox but because she appeared so vulnerable and alone. He was just about to say something to her when he found himself in the car with Spike.

"Do you know where you're going?" Spike asked.

"Not really." Spike sighed.

"I've been thinking about feeding from humans again."

"The bad ones right?"

"No...everyone."

"But isn't that wrong? Kind of mass murdery in a bloodlust kind of way?"

"What? You don't want me to have a hobby...to be myself?"

"I want you to be you, Spike but I don't want you to have a killing hobby. It's wrong...most of the time, anyway. I understand killing bad people but I couldn't just stand by and watch you suck down the innocents. How do you think Angel and I would feel..." Xander stopped talking when the car ended up in his basement with no sign of Spike. He glanced around the room, annoyed that he kept ending up there. Again the doorknob started to shake and then there was a pounding on the door. Xander's eyes filled with fear.

"I know what's up there." He yelled before jumping out of the car and running into Clem. The demon was holding a plate of cheese.

"These will not protect you."

"Duh, Clem. What's up with you and the creepy cheese comments?" Xander heard a loud growl and ran out of the room ending up in the college. He searched the hallways, looking for someone to help him. He found Wesley standing in the corridor, calmly eating an apple. He ran over to his friend, fear thrumming through him.

"Wesley what's after me?"

"It's because of what we did I know that."

"What we did?"

"Yes, now listen very carefully. Your very life may depend on it. You need to...." All of the sudden Wesley was speaking in French and Xander couldn't understand a word of it.

"What? Go where? I don't understand." Wesley answered him, once again speaking French. Xander turned to see Spike walking towards him, also speaking in French. He and Wesley carried on a conversation, Wesley pointing at Xander. Xander turned pleading eyes on Spike.

"Spike, honey....I can't hear you." Spike and Wesley took his hands while Doyle and Gunn approached. They pulled him towards the middle of the hallway.

"Where are we going?" All of the sudden, his friends and Spike were gone replaced by Initiative soldiers. They picked Xander up and turned him upside down as he protested. Then he found himself handcuffed and being marched through a jungle. They led him into a room and made him get on his knees.

"Where are you from Harris?" A voice asked from the darkness and Xander recognized the voice immediately. It was Principal Synder.

"From the basement mostly." Xander gave the man a flip answer. God, how he hated that man.

"Were you born there?"

"Possibly."

"I walked past your guidance counselor's office one time. A bunch of you were sitting around, waiting to be shepherded. I remember it smelled like dead flowers and decay. And then it hit me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch." There he went with the insults and Xander wasn't about to let this pass, even handcuffed and helpless.

"You know I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you got eaten by a snake." Xander knew that wasn't true, but he wanted to hurt the man. Principal Snyder sat up from the bed he had been lying on and stared at him.

"Where are you heading?"

"To tell you the truth I don't know where the hell I am much less where I'm heading." Principal Snyder dipped his hands into a bowl of water, pouring the fluid onto his head.

"Your time is running out."

"No, I'm just trying to get away. There's something I can't fight."

"Are you a soldier?"

"I'm a comfortador."

"You're neither. You're a whipping boy. Raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone."

"Yeah, well you're a dead guy who was probably hatched so who are you to talk. Listen, it's been very bad catching up with you but my leg is getting a cramp and I'm going to leave." Xander stood up and found himself outside of the office. He heard the growls again and ran inside yelling, "Everybody it's here." No one paid attention to him so he continued to run...through the school, into Buffy's bedroom, through a long corridor and ending back up in....yes, the basement. The pounding was still going on and he slowly approached the stairway, looking up at the door in fear. "That's not the way out." Xander whispered as the door flew open and his father glared down at him. Xander ducked his head in fear.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You won't come upstairs...what are you ashamed of us? Your mother's crying her guts out."

"You don't understand." Xander tried to look up at his father but he was too scared and he once again ducked his head as his father made his way down the stairs.

"No. You don't understand. The line ends here with us. And you're not going to change that." Xander's heart pounded harder the closer his father came. "You haven't got the heart." And with those words his father plunged his hand into Xander's chest.

"God, Dad....don't...it hurts." Xander pleaded, watching as his father ripped out his heart. "Why? Why did you kill me? All I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. Why couldn't you love me?" Xander asked before he started to gasp and blackness took over.

Angel and Spike had noticed Xander's heart accelerating and were ready when the convulsions started once again. This time they were cursing as they held their lover down.

"Fucking father. Should've known he'd be in Xander's nightmares. I've got every mind to go back to Sunnydale and rip his bloody heart out."

"Was Xander's father really that bad?" Gunn asked, helping to hold his friend down.

"Doesn't even deserve to live. Bastard terrorized his family for years." Angel told him, smoothing Xander's hair away from his forehead. Xander had stopped moving and was now into another dream.

The gang was at Caritas, minus Lorne and Oz. Buffy and Giles were there too and Willow was explaining that something was very wrong with Xander.

"Giles, I know you're mad at me right now but you and Wes have got to put those brains of yours together and figure out what the hell is happening to me." Xander pleaded. Giles thought for a moment before standing up and walking towards the microphone where he began to sing.

"Strange it's not like anything we've faced before. It seems familiar somehow. Of course. The murder you committed must have released some primal evil that's dirtying your soul...I'm not sure why...Willow look through the diaries for some reference to the hyena spell. I've got to warn Buffy, Xander may kill her next and Cordy watch Xander and try not to bleed on my couch I just had it steam cleaned." Xander looked down and realized he and Cordelia were sitting on Giles' couch. What was it doing in Caritas and why was he still bleeding from the wound his father had made. He glanced around to see everyone holding lighters in the air, swaying back and forth to Giles' song. God, this was getting too creepy. He would never kill Buffy....and why was Giles thinking about the hyena possession? And why was Giles singing? This didn't feel like a possession and just because he had killed Professor Walsh didn't make him a killer. Well, actually it did but it was self defense wasn't it? "No wait..." Giles was finishing but the microphone started to go out. He walked off the stage and Lorne was now sitting up on it, dressed like a bartender from old...mustache and all. He was playing saloon music as Oz stood next to him, grinning with pride.

"Lorne?"

"Oh, around these parts people call me Honkytonk." He leaned over and spit into a spittoon. Now he was playing...what was that Clementine? He stopped and turned to Xander, giving him a smile. "Why so down in the dumpster partner? You look like you just had to put down your last puppy."

"I don't understand what's happening to me, Lorne. Didn't you hear Giles? He thinks I'm a killer and now I'm here and Giles is gone and you're playing music and calling yourself Honkeytonk? I'm having really strange dreams and I just want to go home...Lorne, I think I'm lost."

"Order a drink."

"Everything hurts."

"Now you're getting it. Everything hurts and then we die...well, except for Spike and Angel who go on..and on...and on."

"I don't know what to do."

"Why don't you give me an earful of those pretty pipes of yours...let me suss it out." Xander flinched as the spotlight was put on him and he heard Lorne playing Clementine again. Okay, he knew the words to that song, although that wouldn't be his first choice. He opened his mouth to sing, but his throat was dry and nothing would come out. Lorne stopped playing.

"Well, sing out Louise." Xander tried but all that would come out was a few squeaks.

"I told you he was empty and useless." Xander heard Willow say and turned to see his friends watching him from a nearby table.

"Yes, but this is ridiculous. He really ain't good for anything." Gunn told her.

"Yeah, and to think we paid good money for this." Doyle complained.

"We paid blood for this." Angel and Spike added together.

"The crowd's turning on you sport." Lorne warned him. Xander saw the man from before approach his friends.

"Oh, you poor thing. You're really suffering aren't you?" He asked with mock concern. He walked up behind Spike, a stake in his hand. "Thanks for helping me find him." He plunged the stake into Spike, turning him to dust as Xander screamed Spike's name over and over again.

"I'm right here, luv. I'm right here." Spike held Xander close as the boy continued to scream his name.

"He killed you. That man..he killed you." Xander was repeating. Angel and Spike exchanged a glance before Spike went back to comforting Xander.

"No one killed me, pet. I'm right here, holding you. Still in one piece." Xander started to relax and Spike turned to Wesley,not sure how much more of this he could take. "How long has it been?" Wesley glanced at his watch.

"Give or take 30 hours." Angel, Spike, Wesley, Doyle and Gunn had spent the entire time with Xander while the girls had come and gone, trying to get some sleep and a reprieve from the insanity. All of the men had managed to catnap from time to time while Angel and Spike had stayed awake the whole time. Oz, Lorne, David, Anya and Alana had also arrived...the girls and David fixing food and taking care of everyone while Oz and Lorne had taken their places with the others holding vigil at Xander's bedside.

"Shouldn't he be coming out of it by now?"

"I think he is...he seemed to respond to both of you when you talked to him. It was as if he heard you...knew that you were here. I think that's a good sign."

"If nobody thinks it's too ridiculous, I'm going to pray." Lorne told them. The emotions coming from Xander was overwhelming and Lorne couldn't stand the thought of his friend going through this. Although the feelings had been hurting him, he had refused to leave, insisting on staying close to Xander. The young man had instantly won his friendship and Lorne was very, very fond of Xander.

"It's not ridiculous...it's appreciated." Wesley told him. "Spike, I know Xander is having delusions but do you think...I mean..."

"Do you think that the Powers may be sending you a warning through Xander's dreams?" Doyle finished. "That maybe Robin is after you for some reason?"

"You sayin' that's why he did this to Xander? Because of me?" Spike asked, his eyes flashing amber.

"No, not because of you. Because of some twisted logic that may be pointing at you." Gunn explained. "Doyle and I both got bad vibes from Robin, Xander's been poisoned by some drug and now this. I don't think it's a coincidence."

"Gunn's right. Maybe the Powers that Be are trying to warn you that Robin is coming after you. Maybe they want him to pay for what's happening to Xander."

"Don't have to worry about that, mate. This Robin bloke is going to pay in ways he won't live to regret."

Xander was back in the office, no one there but him and Doyle. "Where is everybody?"

"You lost them. Me too. I'm only here because the Powers that Be wanted me to be able to guide you."

"No, I couldn't have lost them all. I think they need me to find them. If the Powers that Be sent you to guide me then lead on. I need to find them."

"I can only point you in the right direction." Doyle pointed towards a door and Xander walked through it, ending up in the hallway of the school yet again. He saw his mother standing behind the crumbled wall and poked his head in.

"Mom, why are you living in the walls? Did Cousin Carol throw you out?"

"Oh, sweetie no, I'm fine here. I just wanted to get out on my own. Don't worry about me."

"But there's blood on the wall and mayor meat, extra crunchy on the floor. Besides, it looks dirty."

"Well, it seems that way to you. I made some fruit punch and I'm learning how to play mahjong. You go find your friends."

"I think they might be in danger....especially Spike." His mom started to giggle.

"I'm sorry dear. A mouse is playing with my knees."

"I really don't think you should be living in there." Xander glanced up to see Spike heading for the remains of the library. He took off as his mother started talking.

"Maybe you could break through the wall..." Xander walked into the room and saw Professor Walsh and Lindsey sitting together.

"Hey there killer."

"Lindsey, I should have known you'd be hanging out with someone evil like Professor Walsh...who by the way is dead."

"That doesn't bother me. Besides you're in love with two dead people. And they made me Surgeon General."

"But she and her little groupies hurt Spike...not that you'd care."

"She's promised to stop experimenting on vampires...at least for the time being. We've been hanging out, drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element...coffee makers that think."

"World domination...with coffee makers?"

"Xander, we're powerful. We can do anything we want to and get away with it."

"He's uncomfortable with certain concepts. It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency." Professor Walsh pointed out.

"I'm not a killer."

"Is that a fact?" Professor Walsh pointed toward the hole in her chest. "I think you are."

"Xander, we've got important work here. A lot of filing. Giving things names." Just then an announcement came over a speaker.

"The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives." Lindsey and Professor Walsh stood up.

"This could be trouble." Professor Walsh told Lindsey.

"We'd better make a fort."

"I'll get some pillows." Professor Walsh hurried off to find some.

"Wait...don't hurt all of them. Don't hurt Angel, Spike, Oz, or any of the other good demons. I can help you with the evil ones though. I have weapons." Neither one of them listened as Xander reached down and began to pull weapons from a bag on the floor.

"Thought you were looking for your friends. Okay, killer if that's the way you want it...I guess you're on your own." Lindsey told him from the doorway before taking off. Xander started walking, searching for Angel and Spike. He had to get them away from the Inititative and Lindsey. Somehow he ended up standing in a desert, lost once again.

"I'm never going to find them here. I have to find them. Damn it, where are my friends?"

"You'll never find them, Xander. I've taken them all from you." Lindsey told him, appearing in front of him.

"No, you didn't! I want them back. Give me back my friends. Give me back my lovers."

"I don't think so." Xander punched Lindsey and knocked him to the ground.

"It's over. We don't do this anymore. You leave us alone, do you hear me? You and all your little sidekicks at Wolfram and Hart...and the Initiative too. I'll kill anyone that comes near them do you hear me?"

"Do you hear yourself, Xander? You really are a killer now aren't you?"

Xander jumped up off the bed, surprising everyone. Angel and Spike tried to approach him but he backed up, shaking his head.

"I might be a killer but at least I'm not the Zeppo anymore! I am not some stupid kid who needs to be protected from everything. I've lived on a Hellmouth with Satan disguised as my father all my fucking life! I've watched my friends...hell, half my class get killed off like frigging cattle. I am not going to be cut down by whatever the hell is happening to me! I am better than that...stronger than that!" Xander calmed down for a moment before an _expression of despair crossed his face. "Can I make it home? And if I get there will they know how scared I am?"

"We know, Xander. Spike and I can feel it. I swear on my life you're going to get through this, Xander. But you have to get back in bed. That's where we need you to fight." Angel told him. Xander turned to stare at him.

"Like I'm six years old?" Before Angel could answer, Xander collapsed. Angel held him close before picking the boy up and lying him back on the bed. Spike sat down next to him, taking the boy's hand.

"Xander answered you Angel. He's coming back to us...right?"

"I hope so. God, I hope so." Angel answered as he watched Xander. The boy was shaking now and Spike and Angel drew him closer, tucking the covers around him as he fell back into a restless sleep. The phone rang and Cordelia rose to answer it.

"Must be someone wanting us to take a case. They'll have to find someone else...I'm not leaving Xander's side." Cordelia nodded before answering, turning pale as she listened to the voice on the other end. Everyone jumped back when Spike leapt from the bed, growling. Angel grabbed his arm, a look passing between them that only the two of them understood. Angel wanted Spike to try and stay calm...

"Some guy saying he's Robin and he asked for you...." Cordelia began.

"I know who it is..." Spike snatched the phone from Cordelia's hand.

"Yeah, kinda thought you did. Was just telling everyone else...."

"What the hell are you playing at? Signed your own death warrant, boy! I'll tear you apart...." Angel shook his head in frustration....Spike wasn't going to be easy to contain.

"Still making threats aren't you, Spike?"

"Do we know each other?" Spike wasn't liking the feeling that he was getting. Had everyone been right? Was this man hurting Xander to get at him for some reason?

"Oh, you don't know me...but you made quite an impression on me several years ago...changed my life. Changed it in a way I've never forgotten...like you'll never forget what's happening to Xander. How does it feel watching someone you love more than life itself being attacked by something you can't stop. To see them slipping away? Makes you feel helpless, doesn't it?"

Spike's hand tightened on the receiver, almost breaking it. He watched as Xander moaned and writhed on the bed, Angel trying to comfort him while giving Spike another warning look. He knew Angel could hear the conversation and was wondering the same thing...which one of his victims was this man trying to get revenge for? The same thing kept running through Spike's mind over and over again. It was his fault...all his fault.

"What's the matter, Spike. Cat got your tongue? Or is it true what I've heard about you?" Spike pushed back the pain of his guilt and rage began to overtake him again.

"So, who's been telling tales out of school? And exactly what did they say about me?" Spike's voice was calm, but his gut was filled with a fire he knew would be quenched when he found this man and tortured him for hours before ripping his still beating heart of his chest. Angel nodded his head, knowing that Spike was trying to get the man to reveal any information they could use to help find him.

"Come on, Spike. You must know there's a lot of people out there that are interested in you. Powerfully interested, one might say. They said you were really taken with Xander. Word has it that you've stopped killing to impress him although I find that hard to believe."

"Believe it. I only kill people who deserve to be killed...like you."

"Oh, I believe that you want to kill me. But stopping the killing because you're in love with this kid? And that you actually care for him? That's more difficult to swallow."

"I'll show you how much I care about Xander when I rip your bloody lungs out. You made the biggest mistake of your life using Xander to get to me." Spike had to stop so he could get his emotions in check. *This man was going to bleed*.

"I didn't enjoy hurting the kid...he seemed nice. Still, he has to know how dangerous it is to be associated with you. But enough about him...I want to hear about you. What kind of a man are you, Spike?"

"Not much for self reflection."

"Yeah, makes sense. See you strike me as the kind of guy who just careens through life, completely oblivious to the damage he's doing to everyone around him."

"I would never hurt..." Spike choked and he looked at Angel, wanting and needing to get support from his lover, his sire. Angel read his mind and motioned at Cordy and Doyle who took his place by Xander's side. Angel quickly made his way to Spike, standing behind him and wrapping his arms around the younger vampire.

"Remember what I've taught you, childe. Patience will earn you the kill." Angel whispered so that only Spike could hear him before giving him a comforting kiss on the ear. Spike tried to relax against Angel, letting the older vampire take some of his rage...enough so that he could get through this. He took a calming breath before continuing.

"So you think you know me do you?" Angel gave him a hug, reassuring him that he was doing the right thing.

"Oh, I know more about you than you think, Spike."

"If you know so much about me you must know I get REALLY violent when I'm being played...especially when it involves one of mine getting caught in the cross fire. But hey, you want to play hide and seek? I can do that."

"Playtime's over. I've had my eyes on you for some time."

"Is that right? Well, I'm not one for watching...I'm more of a hands on type of guy. Hey, here's a notion. How about a little face to face? Assuming you can show yours."

"Don't worry. We'll meet when you're ready."

"I'm ready. What's the stall for? You hurt Xander to get to me. Don't you want to kick the tires?"

"So vain. I have interesting plans for you."

"Yeah, here's the thing. As far as plans go, I make my own and even when I do I'm not one to stick to them. So bugger off!"

"You're going to dare to hang up on me?

"Who? The big scary voice? Whoa! I got one of those too. You want to hear it? I'm tired of your fucking games! I'll find you myself and then we'll have a nice game of torture the ponce! Until then you can kiss my vampire ass! That do anything for you?" Spike was trying to provoke Robin and it worked.

"Fine. I wanted you to have to find me anyway. See, I've spent a lot of time trying to track you down and I don't really want the dance to end so soon, do you, Spike? The music's just starting, isn't it?" Why did those words sound so familiar?

"I'm gonna make you bleed. You can count on it, you bastard!" Spike was saying as Xander curled into a ball on the bed, begging Angel and Spike to help him. Spike snarled, clicking the phone off before throwing it against the wall, breaking it into several pieces. He followed Angel to the bed, trying his best to comfort Xander as the guilt returned in full force. After a few moments, Xander calmed again and Angel turned to Spike.

"It's not your fault, Spike." Spike was staring at Xander who was lying with his head in Angel's lap, Spike gently running his fingers through the boy's hair. Angel put his arm around Spike's shoulders, causing the younger vampire to come out of his brooding. Spike stalked towards the corner of the room, smashing his fist through it before leaning against the wall, trying to get control of his emotions and wanting nothing more than to inflict pain.

"What Xander's going through is because of me. Seems everyone was right. This bloke did it to cause me pain and I'm going to be the one to return that pain." Angel went to Spike, putting his arms around Spike's slender waist, trying to give him some kind of comfort. "What I want to know is, if the bloody Powers that Be were so damned interested in helping Xander why didn't they give Doyle a vision before this whole thing started? Bloody useless, they are." Spike drove his fist into the wall again, taking a long breath before continuing, "It doesn't matter who I killed to piss this guy off. I'm a fucking vampire that's what we do."

"I know."

"Never thought about how my killing affected other people. Never cared. They were just happy meals on legs. Now my past sins are coming back to haunt Xander...a boy who's risked his life over and over again to save people from vampires like me, from demons and what does it earn him? Hours of torture. Because Xander fell in love with a monster like me, he's going through hell. It should be me lying there, not Xander...he's too good for hell. It isn't fair, Angel...it isn't right. This asshole should've come after ME! He should have staked me instead of..." Spike's voice broke and Angel's hold tightened on him. "If Xander...it's because of me. Me and my past." Spike's shoulders began to tremble as he lost control of his emotions. All the hours of worry, watching the men he loved going through hell, finding out he was the reason and not being able to lay his hands on the man that did this...all of it had taken it's toll on him. Their friends watched, tears in their eyes at the sight of the powerful Master vampire being broken like this. Spike...their friend...strong and brave reduced to crying.

"Spike, I know what you must be feeling. I've tried to distance myself from people because I was afraid that something like this would happen, that it still could. I've made quite a few enemies over the years as well." Spike pulled away from Angel, whirling around and facing the older vampire and their friends, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

"You. Don't. Know." Spike yelled. "How could you? You're a fucking champion. Fighting for justice and all that rot. Redeeming yourself for over 100 sodding years. No one left around to tell the tale of Angelus except you, me and Dru. No, it's not your enemies Xander and our family has to watch out for it's mine."

"Listen, I don't want to piss you off but..." Cordelia began but then anger overcame her fear. "Oh, hell. Like I've ever cared about pissing someone off or being tactful. Spike, you're being a dope."

"What?"

"You heard me. In case you've forgotten there are six people in this room who lived through Angelus' return in Sunnydale. We were on the front lines of the clean up crew." She pointed at herself, Dawn, Xander, Oz and Willow. "Angel could have made an enemy or two back then...it could just as easily have been one of them. And just because he's a Champion doesn't mean that he won't make an enemy or two working here. I love Angel but let's face it...he's not real good with people skills outside of our inner circle."

"Yeah. And all that talk about you being a monster and how it should be you instead of Xander lying there is nothing but a bunch of...bunch of horse-hooey." Willow stepped up next to Cordelia as Spike listened to her ranting. "That's right, buster. A big, stinky load of horse-hooey. You're making it sound like this was all your fault and it's not. This Robin guy's the one that deserves to be going through hell, not you or Xander."

"They're right and you know it, Spike. Just like you were right when you said it was your nature to kill humans...vampire, remember? We didn't ask to be what we are...we were innocents once upon a time, too. We were as much a victim as Xander or any of our victims. In my opinion, Robin's worse than you or I ever were. He used deception and drugs to hurt Xander. We gave our victims a chance to fight back...this man gave Xander no chance at all."

"So enough of the 'blame game' crap." Gunn added, making Spike smile despite how badly he felt. How many times had Xander told him that?

"When Xander's better I'm going to track that mother fucker down and dish out some torture of my own. What Xander has been going through is a cake walk compared to the revenge I'm going to extract." Spike walked back to the bed, lying down next to Xander and pulling him close. "So, sorry love. So very, very sorry." As Angel took his place on the bed beside his lovers, he vowed to himself that all the tortures he had devised during the past day for this man would be doubled.

"Spike...I hate to do this to you man, but was there anything during your conversation that could point us in the right direction..." Doyle asked.

"Something he said sounded familiar." Spike murmured, trying to remember the words through the haze of rage and sorrow that filled him. "But how the hell am I supposed to pull one single memory from over a century of killing?"

"Maybe I can help with that, Spikester." Lorne approached the bed. "Xander's emotions are calm right now...enough so that I can quit swimming in the sea of despair I've been in for the past few hours. How about you try and let me read you?" Spike glanced at Angel who nodded.

"Could help."

"Fine...but if you're planning on pulling out my memories from days gone by prepare yourself for a hell of a ride."

"Like I said...been there doing that." Lorne gestured towards Xander as he sat down next to Spike on the bed. "You know how your stomach does those flips and your heart's in your throat when you're on a rollercoaster? Well, that's nothing compared to what's been radiating from Xander." Lorne saw the hurt _expression that crossed Spike's face and immediately regretted what he had said. "Sorry...bad timing on my part. I need you to close your mind off from everything but your past."

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to do that?"

"Whoa, watch it there. Just got splashed with a heap of the guilties. Gotta tell you, Spike, that extra weight is not looking good on you." Spike looked down and Lorne grinned. "I'm talking about the psychic pounds, pumpkin. Why don't you consider me the Jenny Craig for the soul, huh? Calm down and close your eyes." Spike did as he was told and Lorne placed his fingertips on each side of the vampire's forehead. "Think about days gone by and sing me a little tune."

Spike sat back, taking an unneeded breath as his mind ran through thousands of songs. Ramones, Sex Pistols...even that awful country shit but he finally settled on a tune he knew would take him back to the past...something his mum used to sing to him when he was at home.

Early one morning just as the sun was shining I heard a maid sing in the valley below Oh, don't deceive me, oh never leave me How could you use a poor maiden so.

Lorne's eyes grew wide and he tried to pull back but before he could he was tossed across the floor, landing with a thud in the corner. Oz rushed to help Lorne to his feet, a concerned _expression on his face.

"What the hell happened?"

"Lorne, are you alright?" Angel asked, his eyes darting to Spike, to Lorne and back to Spike again. "Spike, what....?"

"I don't know. I was just singing an old folk ditty that was my mum's favorite. She used to sing it to me...when I was a baby."

"You big fibber. You must've been at least 20 from what I'm guessing." Lorne rubbed the back of his head. "And the next time you're gonna give me such a mega chunk of information in such a short time warn me first okay?"

"What did you see?"

"You sitting at your mother's feet, listening to her sing, turning her into a vampire, staking her..." Lorne realized too late what he had said as he glanced around the room, seeing the expressions on everyone's face. Disbelief, horror and from Spike self- loathing. "Come on, Spike. No need to go down that road. Your mother loved you as much as you loved her. I felt it."

"You vamped your own mother?" Gunn asked in surprise.

"She was ill. Getting worse by the day. After Angelus turned me the first thing I did was return home so I could kill her. I wanted her to live with me forever...wanted her by my side, healthy and whole. But it didn't work that way. The demon took over and she said some pretty nasty bits to me."

"Wasn't her talking, muffin."

"Guess I always knew that...just some of the things she said...."

"Were very painful. Yeah, I got that." Lorne rubbed his head again.

"What does that have to do with Xander?"

"Absolutely nothing. That memory must have come out because of the song you were singing."

"Did you see anything that could help us find out..." Spike began and Lorne nodded. "What? What did you see?"

"You and a woman fighting in the rain. A slayer, judging from the way she threw that stake at you. Catching it in your hand, nifty trick. You called her Nikki and told her you loved her coat. The coat you're so fond of if I'm guessing right."

"The slayer you killed in New York...1977...Bernard Crowley was her watcher...resigned shortly after his slayer was killed. I remember my father talking about him. They were old friends. She had a very young son who he took in and raised. Her name was Nikki...Nikki Wood." Wesley told them. Angel looked at him in surprise.

"I never heard of a slayer having a child."

"She was the only one that I know of who ever did. Crowley told father that the boy had no one but his mother....that's why Crowley raised him. Loved him like his own...trained the boy as he would have his mother until he died a few years back. Yes, of course. I remember my father telling some of the other watchers that he had met the young man at the funeral and his name was...Robin. Oh, bloody hell. Robin. Wood."

"I want everyone on this. See if you can get an address on this guy and any further background. I don't want Spike going in blind." Angel growled. "You might want to check...see if this Robin Wood has any ties to Wolfram and Hart."

"I may still be able to access the Watcher's Council's records via computer if they haven't revoked my password."

"If they have, I can probably hack into their files. I'm good at that." Willow offered, standing up. "And that's probably nothing I should brag about in front of a lot of people."

"Wolfram and Hart's security may be harder to crack. Doyle and I have both tried..."

"We'll just have to try again." Willow had her resolve face on as she led the others out of the room. Some of them went to work on the case while the others went to get something to eat or drink...it had been a long, long day and night. Angel rubbed Spike's arm.

"Hold on, Spike. We can do this." Spike nodded, never taking his eyes off Xander. He was determined that he would find this Robin Wood and kill him before the sun set on another day.


Chapter Forty-Nine

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