Xander didn't wake up until late the next day. He made his way up to the office and found Cordy and Doyle sitting at the desk. Angel was out on a case of some kind and they were just hanging out together. Xander sat down in the chair next to the phone, staring at it with a heavy heart.

"I have to call Willow," he stated to no one in particular. He heard the door open and looked up to see Angel returning from fighting some kind of demon. They all watched as Angel placed the weapon against the wall. When the vampire noticed them all sitting in silence, he asked, "What's up?"

"Xander's getting ready to call Willow," Doyle told him.

"Oh. Do you want us to leave?"

Xander shook his head and got up slowly. "I'll use the phone downstairs. I just came up here to see some friendly faces before I called home," he said.

"Xander, it's going to be okay. I'm sure they've already forgiven you. I bet Willow has anyway. You know she can't stay mad at you for long," Cordy assured him.

"That's right. That wasn't Willow that wouldn't come anywhere near me by herself for like four months our senior year after we had that kissing fluke which ended up with Oz dumping her and you dumping me. That wasn't Willow that acted like I was just another person in her life instead of her best friend since like forever. That wasn't Willow that wouldn't look me in the eye when she talked to me, or couldn't touch me - not even to give me comfort after Faith tried to kill me that time. Nope, that wasn't Willow," Xander said sarcastically.

"Oh, I see your point. She did sort of give you the cold shoulder, didn't she? But in all fairness, she was trying to get Oz to trust her again. She loves him."

"So? I loved you too. I wanted you back as much as she did Oz but I wasn't willing to be someone I wasn't to do it. I couldn't just stop being her best friend after all those years. I knew what we did to you and Oz was wrong, and I would have given anything for it not to have happened but it did. I lost you. I groveled in front of my friends for months, wanting someone, anyone to tell me it wasn't all my fault. When no one did, it hurt like hell, but I got through it. No matter who I love from back then to the rest of my life, they will have to accept that Willow will always have a piece of my heart. I'm not so sure that she feels that way, though. If she thinks Buffy is mad or hurt over what I did, she may stay away from me to prove to Buffy that she's loyal to her, like she did with Oz," Xander explained sadly.

The others looked at each other in shock. They had never heard Xander doubt his and Willow's love for each other like that before. Cordelia's eyes shone with tears as she walked over to her ex-boyfriend and took his hand. "I'm sorry for not giving you the chance to explain."

Xander's head snapped up at Cordy's words. "Don't ever apologize to me for that, Cordy. Not now, not ever. I deserved everything you gave me and more. I hurt you. You were the one person who had every right to be angry with me. I'm just lucky that you still consider me your friend."

"Of course I do. We all do," Cordelia told him indicating herself, Angel and Doyle. The two men nodded in agreement and Xander let Cordelia lead him back to the chair where he sat down with a sigh. "Now tell me where all this anger is coming from, Xander."

"It's not anger so much as frustration. I shouldn't be dumping all of this on all of you, anyway. I should just go downstairs, call Willow and take my lumps like I always do, with a fake smile and some bad jokes - and do I sound as pathetic to you all as I do to myself? Sitting here feeling sorry for myself when it was me that brought this all on myself in the first place."

"Everyone feels sorry for themselves at one time or another in their lives, Xander. That doesn't mean you're pathetic. It just means you're human," Doyle told him.

"Besides, you didn't bring all these things on yourself. If I remember correctly, from what I heard the kiss between you and Willow was mutual and as for the Angelus incident, I was there doing some pretty bad things. You did what you felt you had to at that moment in time. You wanted to help your friends, and whether your decision was right or wrong it was a judgment call." Angel reassured the boy.

Xander put his head in his hands and started to cry softly, the frustration, anger, pain and guilt of the past few weeks having caught up with him. He had been going through the motions as usual, but even though he had been having a nice time in L.A., he felt like his life had been stripped of something very important to him. And he knew what that something was. It was his faith and trust in his relationships with his friends, especially Willow.

Everyone in the room heard the pain in Xander's quiet sobs, especially Angel. He felt the guilt, self-loathing, fear and anger that was pouring off the boy in waves. Angel knew it wasn't just about what Xander had done to Cordy, him or his friends. It felt more like a lifetime of pain and regrets, being made to feel useless by the people he loved most, and a need to be loved and accepted for himself by these same people. His heart went out to the boy and he reached over to pat Xander gently on the shoulder as Cordelia came around the desk and embraced the boy while Doyle looked on sadly. Xander was startled to see Cordy and Angel comforting him and he returned Cordy's hug with a death grip of his own. Cordy knelt in front of him and gently rocked him, running her hands through his hair as Xander let the emotions he had been holding in for so long spill out.

"I'm so sorry, Cordy. I never got to explain what happened that night. I didn't try hard enough to get through to you. I suck at relationships, I guess. I never wanted to hurt you. That kiss...it just happened. We were trapped, afraid we were going to die and it happened. To be truthful, I know it was mostly my fault. I was sorta jealous that Willow wasn't paying as much attention to me as she always had before she found Oz. Even though I had you that wasn't good enough. No, stupid Xander Harris had to explore his other options, you know see if he could still have Willow's attention with just a snap of his fingers. Damn, my stupid ego. It not only cost me the girlfriend I loved but my best friend too."

"It's of the past, Xander. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I didn't really deserve to be the girlfriend you loved. I made you feel like you were beneath me. I broke up with you on Valentine's Day because of what my friends thought of you. I watched as they made fun of you and I didn't stand up for our relationship until much later. I was always criticizing your clothes, your friends, your life in general. It wasn't all one sided you know. I never let you tell me what happened that night because I was too proud. All I could think of was how it affected me, my status as one of the 'in' crowd. I made you feel like you weren't good enough for me or that I wasn't proud of you for just being you, even though I was. I'm sorry for hurting you like that," Cordelia told him through tears of her own.

Xander cupped her face in his hands, softly kissing her forehead and brushing the tears from her face. "I guess we've both done a little growing up, huh?" When Cordelia nodded, he smiled at her through his own tears. "Let's learn from our mistakes, o.k.? I won't ever take relationships for granted anymore and neither will you. We won't let our pride or our egos get in the way of loving the people we care about. No more judging people by what other people think of them or what they are." Xander looked pointedly at the two men who were watching them with fond sadness and Cordy followed his lead, her eyes resting on Doyle, his on Angel. They both knew what Xander was talking about. It wasn't just about their own past relationship. It was about Cordy and Doyle's present one and Xander and Angel's past, too.

Finally, they rested their foreheads against each other as Xander quietly asked her, "Deal?"

"Deal," Cordy kissed him on the cheek. She walked over to Doyle and sat down next to him, giving him a smile. Doyle returned the smile and had to laugh outright as Cordy started to scold Xander. "Now look what you've made me do. My mascara is running, and it's all your fault." She reached into her purse and pulled out her mirror and some tissues before going to work on cleaning her face. "Now that we got that out of the way, you want to tell us what brought this on?"

"I don't know. It just hit me that I was sitting here afraid to call someone who has been my best friend my entire life to ask her if she and my other best friend and a person I think of as a father have decided to forgive me, while two people I have hurt so badly in the past and another who I've just met are giving me the support and caring that I've craved all my life. After all, if anyone should hate me it should be Angel. He's the one that got sent to hell. But yet, he's the one that forgave me first. And even though I know that what you and I had back in high school was a real relationship, my supposed best friends never saw that. Ironic, huh?"

"Sometimes the ones closest to us are the last to see," Angel told him, squeezing his shoulder in support.

"I guess you're right. I want to thank you guys for everything. Angel, you not only forgave me but you've helped me train, teaching me things that Buffy or Giles never took the time to do. Doyle, you let me stay at your apartment and became a friend even after you knew how I had treated Angel in the past. You didn't judge me. You gave me a fair chance. And all of you have made me feel more useful and needed in the short time I've been here than I ever felt my whole life. It means a lot to me." Xander stood up and quickly made his way to the door. "Now that I've done all this baring of the soul stuff and crying like a faggot as my father calls it, I suddenly feel the need to go for a long walk. I'll call Willow later, when I've had a chance to think. I won't be long."

The others watched as Xander walked out the door. When Angel made a move to follow, Cordy grabbed his arm, shaking her head. "He needs this time alone. Let's give him that."

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Angel asked, taking the seat that Xander had vacated.

"Knowing Xander, yeah. He's been through a lot of bad times in his life, and I have a feeling we don't know half of them. He's tough. Xander always lands on his feet." Cordelia assured him.

"One of these days he may not be able to," Angel sounded worried.

"If Xander doesn't land on his feet, then we'll be here to pick him back up. He won't be alone." Doyle said. They all knew his words were true. They wouldn't let Xander go through this or anything else alone ever again.

It was several hours later and darkness had fallen when Xander decided to make his way back to the office. He had been walking around the streets of L.A. just letting his mind wander, remembering good times and bad with his friends. Xander had finally come to the conclusion that even if his friends didn't take him back right away, they would eventually. They had all been through so much together that Xander felt they would always be bound to each other. It might not be the same as it was, but they would start their relationships anew. Xander was determined to make that happen, and was grateful for his new friends and their support.

Xander smiled as he thought of Doyle, Cordy and Angel. Who would have thought that he could become so close to them in the few weeks they had been together? He was glad that he had gotten closer to Cordy and Angel and had met Doyle. Not only did he have them in his life, but hopefully Lindsey as well. He decided that he would call Lindsey when he got home and see if the other man felt the same way as he did about their 'relationship'.

He was feeling much better about his life as he rounded the corner that would take him down the block to Angel's office. Xander had decided to see if everyone was at the office before heading to Doyle's apartment. If Cordy and Doyle had already left, he could at least let Angel know that he was alright. Xander was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost missed the sound of fighting that came from the alleyway he was just passing.

Xander slowly made his way into the dark alley, pulling a stake from his pocket as he went. He was scared but determined as he looked around, expecting to find a vampire or two munching on a human. However, this wasn't Sunnydale, it was Los Angeles. Instead of finding vampires, he found three men beating up on another man who was huddled defenselessly in the corner of the alley. Anger rose as he ran over to help the man. Xander remembered all the beatings his father had given him, remembered all the times bullies at school had ganged up on him or some other kid and decided right then and there that these guys were gonna get a few lumps and bruises of their own by the time he was through with them.

Fueled by his rage at the unfairness of the situation, Xander grabbed the biggest guy and threw him across the alley. Before the other two men could react, he hit one across the jaw with a right hook as he kicked the other man squarely in the chest, knocking them both backwards to join their friend. As the bigger man approached him, Xander grabbed a lid off one of the nearby trash cans and swung it at the guy's head as hard as he could. It connected, knocking the bigger man down once again.

The other men had both gotten up and were now drawing near. As Xander watched them come closer, he got a firmer grip on the trash can lid and held it up in front of him. "You assholes want a piece of this too?" he asked, trying to sound confident. While Angel had helped him out greatly with his fighting skills, Xander didn't know if he would be good enough to hold off three men at one time.

"Boy, you should have just kept on walking. This is none of your business," the blond haired man said as he and the darker haired one helped the big guy up.

"I make it my business when three punks are ganging up on one guy, who by the way looks thrashed," he responded, nodding in the direction of the guy he had noticed was still lying face down on the ground. The man was not moving and Xander hoped he wasn't dead or badly hurt.

"What are you, social services or something," the big man asked him, while the other two laughed.

"No, I'm with the sanitation department. I'm here to clean up the garbage in this alley," Xander shot back. "Looks like you guys fit that description."

"Think you're some kind of tough guy superhero or something?" the darker haired guy asked.

"Nope, just an average Joe doing my job," Xander answered as he nodded towards the trash can. "So make it easy on me and hop on into the trash there. I was nice enough to open it up for you. By the way, sorry about your face. Didn't know you were standing that close." Xander mock apologized, smirking while he looked at them unrepentantly.

"You must be new in town. Tell you what. We'll give you one more chance to be smart and walk away from this before we bash your skull in," the big guy said.

Xander stood as if in deep thought for a minute, before he shook his head. "Nope, sorry, can't do that. You see no one has ever accused me of doing the smart thing so why should I start now?"

"Have it your way," the other man retorted, before lunging at Xander, the other two following behind. Xander dodged the big guy who rammed into the brick wall behind him. The dark haired man was next and as he shoved Xander into the wall next to the big guy, Xander kneed him in the groin before punching him in the face. He turned towards the blond guy, intent on punching him, but his fist was blocked and Xander was knocked to the ground when the blonde's fist connected with his jaw.

Xander quickly rolled over and jumped to his feet as the three men descended on him once again. They fought for a few minutes, before Xander realized that he was going to lose. Even with all of Angel's training, trying to take on three men at one time with his still sore ribs might not have been such a good idea after all. Oh, who was he kidding? If he had to do it over again, he would have done the same thing. Except he might have been smart enough to run up the street and get Angel before this thing started, he thought with regret.

Xander looked up from where he was being held down on the ground by dark hair and Blondie as he had dubbed them. He saw the big guy raise the trash can lid above his head, intending to slam it into Xander's face. He closed his eyes and waited for the pain he knew was to come. But instead, Xander heard the big guy scream right before he felt the weight of the big guy being lifted off of him.

Xander opened his eyes to see who his rescuer was and was relieved to see that it was Doyle. His friend was standing over the dark haired man now, his face in it's demon form. As Doyle pulled the blonde haired man off of him, Xander rolled over and grabbed the dark headed man. With his remaining strength and ignoring the pain that was shooting through his ribcage, Xander threw him into the dumpster behind him. He turned to see Doyle land a few good punches to Blondie’s stomach, before throwing him into the wall, where the man slid down before landing unconscious in a heap on the ground.

"I think you'd better take your friend here and leave before I really get angry and start to hurt you badly," Doyle told the other two men as they rose from where they had landed.

"What are you?" the big guy asked, fear on his face as he and the other man helped Blondie up.

"Pissed," Doyle answered. "I don't take kindly to seeing my friend being beaten by three dickheads. I think the odds are a little more even now, so if you want to have another go, feel free to step right up. Otherwise, you better haul your asses out of here before I change my mind about letting you go."

If it hadn't hurt so much to laugh, Xander would have been rolling at the speed at which the three men exited the alley. As it was, he was doing good to stand upright. Xander was just about to slide down the wall, when he felt Doyle grab him and hold him upright. He looked into his friend's worried eyes and smiled. "Thanks for the assist. I definitely needed it."

"Xander, what the hell happened?" Doyle asked, and before Xander could answer Doyle started to lead him out of the alley. "Let's get you back to Angel's and see how bad you're hurt. You may need a doctor."

"No, wait. We've got to help that guy over there," Xander indicated the man who was still lying on the ground. "Those guys were pummeling him before I came up. I just hope I wasn't too late."

Doyle helped Xander over to the other man and they turned him over. Both gasped in shock and said in unison, "Spike?"