Spike, Angel and the others hid behind the bushes as they watched the goings on in the camp. Soldiers were sitting around listening to Forrest as he talked.

"We came here to do a job and that's what we're going to do. Even though we've lost our leader, a new one has stepped up to lead the way. I know I can never fill Professor Walsh's shoes, but it's in her memory that I'm leading you. Our fellow soldiers, our brothers in this war have decided to give up the fight, but not us.

"All of you know that Riley has been dating the slayer. He's let his feelings for the bitch get in the way of reasoning. Buffy was only using Riley for her own gain, and that was to help her little asshole friend get enough information to infiltrate our squad."

But I heard her tell Riley that she didn't know anything about what her friend was up to. She told him that she would have stopped that Xander guy if she had known," a blonde haired soldier said.

"Yeah," a red head agreed. "I heard her tell Riley that even though Xander was her friend, she couldn't condone him killing Professor Walsh. Buffy said that even though she hated Walsh, nothing could justify killing her and that whatever punishment the Government had in store for Xander, she would go along with it, whether she liked it or not. Said she wouldn't interfere on her friend's behalf."

Spike and Angel exchanged a look at these words. They couldn't believe that after everything Buffy had learned about Professor Walsh that she would turn her back on Xander, not after promising to stand beside her friend. As their anger rose, they heard low growls coming from beside them. Oz and Clem were as angry as they were at the slayer.

"Those are just words. Besides, the Government has decided not to take any action against Xander. They don't want anyone knowing about what went down here because of Project 314. Their minds have been tainted by those documents that watcher guy sent to them. I think those documents were doctored to make Professor Walsh look bad and to get their little friend off the hook. Well, they may have fooled the Government but they haven't fooled me. I say we do something about this. I say we make them pay for what they did. They not only killed Walsh, they destroyed our base. I say payback's a bitch and it's time we gave it to them." Forrest said, as the other men yelled their agreement.

"So what do you suggest we do?" a dark haired guy asked.

"I say we take something away from the kid. The very something that the boy was fighting for in the first place. I say we finish what we started with Hostile 17. The torture he had before is nothing compared to what I want to do to him. He'll beg us to kill him. When we're through we'll send his ashes to the kid as a souvenir. Xander Harris wanted to fuck with us? Well, I say it's time we make him feel the pain we feel now. I say we make it worse. After he's had time to wallow in grief and living with the fact that he was the reason Hostile 17 was killed, then we take him out too. Only we won't be as quick as he was. No bullet through the chest for that kid. We'll make him think he's in hell, before we send him there." Forrest threatened as everyone cheered.

Angel and Spike had heard enough. Angel had vamped out as Forrest had mentioned torturing and killing Spike and Spike had joined him when he heard what they planned for Xander. They walked out into the clearing, Oz and Clem on each side of them as they faced Forrest and the other men.

"The only ones that are going to be sent to hell are you and your little gang here," Angel told them as the men started to get up, looking around for their weapons. Angel and the others had already managed to sneak up and grab the weapons earlier while the soldiers ate. They had thrown them into the nearby lake.

"Looking for something, mates?" Spike sneered. "I don't think your little toys will help you now. See, this is going to be a fair fight. No sneaking up on someone with your little weapons and playing the big, bad soldier while you knock your prey unconscious so they can't defend themselves."

The soldiers started to panic, realizing they were defenseless. One of them turned to run and as he did, Angel reached out and grabbed him, snapping his neck and throwing him to the ground in disgust.

"One down. Who's next?" he asked as he advanced on the others. "I see you all are looking for a way out of this, but there is none. See, the nice thing about being a vampire is that you have all this speed. You, over there in the corner," he yelled, pointing at a short, blonde haired guy. "You probably have the best chance of getting away, but you still won't make it. Spike or I will take you out in a heartbeat. Your last one."

"How can you call this a fair fight? Vampires are stronger and faster than normal humans. There's nothing fair about that," the red haired guy said, almost shaking with fear.

"Maybe so. But there are twenty of - oh, sorry about that," Angel mock apologized as he looked down at the dead man, "Nineteen of you against four of us so that kind of evens out the playing field a little, don't you agree?"

"That's still not fair," the man protested as Spike snorted at him in disgust.

"You soldiers are pitiful excuses for humans. I mean, look at you all, shaking in fear at the sight of the big, bad vampires and their friends. Oogie-boogies of the night. My friends might be afraid, but they would never let their opponent know that. They would fight and if they died it would be an honorable death. You gits are just pathetic."

"Your friends? Vampires have friends? That's a laugh. Who would be friends with you?" Forrest asked, before he realized who Spike was talking about. "Oh, you mean that weeny watcher and the brat? Yeah, they are so tough."

"Tough enough to take you on and win. You may have forgotten but I haven't. Xander had you all on your knees within seconds buddy. He's got more brains than all of you put together and so does Wesley," Clem told them, angry at the soldier for making fun of his friends. Angel and Oz laughed as Spike gave Clem the two thumbs up sign.

"Good one Clem," Spike praised his friend. "Remind them of their humiliation. I would have loved to have been there for that. Did you feel as violated as I did? Were you afraid? I would have loved to see my pet standing there all manly while these girly girls were on their knees. I bet those beautiful brown eyes of his were just dancing with fire weren't they?"

"Oh, yeah. Xander was very intimidating," Clem assured him. "I would have been afraid of him."

"We weren't afraid of that pansy ass. He snuck up on us while we were asleep in our bed. If he had tried to take on any of us one on one he would have gotten the shit kicked out of him. Besides, Xander is stupid if he thinks this is over with. I'll kick his ass myself, that is after I'm through with you Hostile 17 because you can't hurt me," Forrest taunted.

"Okay, let's talk about this fight between you and Xander before we get to Spike, shall we?" Angel spoke calmly, although Spike knew he was burning inside with rage. This was true Angelus coming out now. Playing with these soldiers as a cat plays with a mouse. Spike stepped back and admired the view as he listened to Angel defend his lover's honor.

"Yes, its true that Xander snuck up on you all while you were in your little beds. But that was a brilliant strategic maneuver on his part and guess what? He thought of that all by himself. Xander wasn't acting like a mindless soldier boy doing what mommy told him to do. As for you being able to kick his ass - highly doubtful. See, Xander has been helping the slayer fight demons and vampires since he was 15 years old. He's seen much worse than any of you and he's still alive."

"Yeah, cause he hides behind Buffy's skirts," Forrest scoffed. "What kind of man hides behind a girl?"

Before Angel could respond, Oz stepped forward. "Xander never hid behind anyone. Even though he was with the slayer, he was BESIDE her not BEHIND her. There have been plenty of times that Xander and the rest of us have patrolled without Buffy. We've even patrolled by ourselves. We might not be as good at it as she is but we got the job done. Sometimes we patrolled together and sometimes we were alone. How many times have you gone on patrol by yourself with only a stake as a weapon?" Oz asked as he began to change into the wolf. He had gotten better at handling his emotions but he was just too full of anger right now.

"Uh, oh, looks like you made him mad," Angel leaned over and whispered at Forrest. "Better answer his question before he turns you into wolf-nip."

"Never," Forrest mumbled, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Couldn't hear you, mate. Could you speak a little louder please? Sorta like you were doing a few minutes ago when you were prancing around and spouting out all your little plans for me and Xander?" Spike said.

"I said never. Are you happy now?" Forrest stated loudly.

"Much better, thank you." Spike quipped.

"Takes a brave man to do what he did. I think you underestimated not only Xander but the slayer's other friends as well. They had no special training, just the hope of making Sunnydale a safe place to live. You might consider them to be a foolhardy lot but I'd say they're very brave kids, wouldn't you?"

"Seems to me it would be stupid to fight without any training. They're lucky they aren't dead already," Forrest said.

"Not lucky, you asshole. Brave. Listen when I talk. I'm going to tell you all a campfire story being as we have one here. It's about Xander - you know the boy you think is not capable of coming up against you all and who hides behind the slayer's skirts. He saved Buffy's life when he was only 16 years old. Not because he was fighting for his own life, not because he was lucky or stupid or any of the above. It was because of love." Angel said, as he stepped right in front of Forrest. He looked at him with amber eyes, teeth flashing. Forrest quickly stepped back, falling down in his haste to get away. Angel and the others laughed at him before Angel walked over and jerked him up.

"You ran from me. We were up close and personal and you ran like a big baby. Xander never ran from me."

"That's because he's your friend," Forrest pointed out.

"Wasn't always. See at the time this story is set I was in love with Buffy and so was Xander. I didn't like him much at the time, and he hated me. Yet, when he knew that her life was on the line, he came to me and ordered me to help him find the Master. Xander was prepared to fight the oldest, most powerful vampire around to protect his friend. Would you do that for anyone here?" Angel asked, as Spike listened intently to the story about his boy, having never heard it before.

When Forrest just looked at the ground, Angel looked at him in disgust. "That's what I thought. You'd be glad it wasn't your ass on the line wouldn't you? Let me tell you this story so maybe you can learn something from Xander." Angel said, as he told the story, letting the memories wash over him.

*Flash*

Angel had been in his apartment worrying about Buffy and wondering what he could do, if anything when he had heard a knock on his door. He went to answer it and was surprised to find Xander there.

*End Flash*

Angel was smiling as the others in his group started laughing at his memory of Xander accusing the vampire of looking at his neck. Amusement left his face as he turned back towards Forrest and the soldiers.

"See Xander never gave up. He faced down a master vampire with only a cross and the hope that my love for Buffy would make me help him, but I think from his attitude that night, he would have tried to stake me if I hadn't helped him. Xander made an enemy an ally that night through our love for the same girl. He saved her life."

"How did Xander save Buffy?" Clem asked, acting like he was loving the story and the only thing that was missing was the marshmallows to roast on the fire.

Angel smiled at the demon's enthusiasm. "We saw a bright flash of light in the tunnel ahead and I knew it was too late. I told him the Master had gotten loose and ran inside the tunnel. We found Buffy lying face down in a puddle of water. When I pulled her out, I realized she was dead. I told Xander that but he wouldn't believe me. Said that maybe she had drowned and we could revive her with CPR. I don't have any breath so I couldn't do it. Xander kept giving her mouth to mouth while I sat there, knowing that it was useless. But Xander never gave up. He just kept giving her CPR and talking to her, telling her to wake up. Finally, her eyes opened and she coughed out the water. We were both so happy, we managed a smile for each other."

"Anyway, we followed her to the school and Xander and I fought the vampires back while Buffy killed the Master. I remember Xander threw me a cross to hold and even apologized when it burned me. We met up with the rest of the group and ended up going to a dance at the Bronze. You know I don't think that Buffy or Giles or anyone ever thanked him for saving Buffy.”

"Sounds about right to me, peaches," Spike said.

"Sounds like the kid was or is a moron," Forrest smirked.

"My boy is not a moron," Spike said, stepping up next to Angel. "Angel, can we get to the other fight. You know me against any one of these fine men."

"Go right ahead, Spike. Which one would you like to take out first?" Angel asked.

"Well, he's pissed me off the worse," Spike said, pointing at Forrest. "However, I remember this wanker here as being one of them who watched me get tortured and thought it was a right funny sight. So I think I want to have the last laugh on him."

"Go ahead, Jeffrey. He can't do anything to you. Not with that chip in his head." Forrest encouraged the soldier.

"Fine. Let's have a go at it. I'll take you out in one minute or less," the soldier said laughing. He barely managed to reach for a stake that was lodged in his pocket before Spike reached over and snapped the soldier's neck, letting him drop to the ground with a thud. "And I can take you out in five seconds," Spike grinned happily.

Forrest and the others looked at him in surprise. "Yes, I can kill again. The chip is gone, thanks to the boy you seem to think is such a moron. But I think you're the moron." Spike walked closer to Forrest who was watching him in fear. Spike could smell it pouring off the man. "Now, I think it's your turn to die, you pathetic git."

"Spike, if you don't mind I think I'd like to kill this one. He's got a big mouth on him with nothing to back it up. He made a lot of threats against you and I'm just not feeling that happy with him right now. As a matter of fact, I loathe him."

"Be my guest, Angel. Have at it," Spike nodded toward Forrest.

Angel walked slowly around the man, regarding him with outright disgust. "You think it's real fun to torture demons don't you? To hear them scream in pain. Think you're a big man because you sneak up and taser them? That's a coward's way, boy and coward's disgust me. That's one strike against you." Angel said, as he grabbed Forrest's left hand and broke one of his fingers. The man yelled in pain as Angel smiled at him. "Then you had the nerve to touch my childe and make further threats against him. That was strike two." Everyone heard the sound of another finger breaking as Forrest screamed again. "Stuck that chip in his head," snap..."peeled his skin," snap...."blinded him by gouging him in the eyes," snap...Forrest had fallen on his knees, crying from the pain, as Angel looked at Spike.

"Seems he's run out of fingers, Spike," Angel said as he held up the man's hand.

"Well, he does have two hands you poof. Has it been that long since you tortured someone that you need lessons?" Spike teased, enjoying the pain and humiliation Angel was inflicting. Angel saw the look in Spike's eyes and smiled at the younger vampire before going on with the task at hand.

"What was I thinking?" Angel asked, as he grabbed Forrest's right hand. By now, the man was begging for him to stop.

"Please, I didn't do all that. It was the doctors and Professor Walsh. We were just following orders."

"Maybe so. Still Walsh is dead and if I heard correctly you were taking her place, therefore you must suffer the consequences of her actions. What was it you were saying. Carrying on the honor of her memory? How does it feel to carry on the memory of a psycho?"

When Forrest didn't answer, Angel jerked his arm out of it's socket. "I asked you a question, boy."

"I hate it," Forrest screamed.

"Good. Now where was I? Oh, yes. You were going to torture him so he begged for his death"...snap..."going to send his remains to Xander in an ashtray...snap, snap...."That deserved two fingers. One for the actual threatening to kill my lover and one for the use of an ashtray. You could at least be a little more creative than that. Let's see, you were going to torture Xander,"...snap..."And you were going to make Xander think he's in hell,"...snap..."Looks, like I've run out of fingers and you have run out of time. Seems you'll be going to hell before anyone else does. By the way, you may be human but you have no heart," Angel concluded, right before he ripped the man's heart from his chest. He threw the dead man on the ground before he faced Spike.

This is for you, Spike," Angel said, as he brushed his lips against Spike's, before handing Forrest's heart to the younger vampire Then he turned to the other soldiers, who had been cringing at every snap and scream. When Angel had ripped Forrest's heart out, panic had set in. "Okay, who's next?" the older vampire asked, as Spike threw the heart at them.

The short, blonde haired man in the back tried to run but Spike grabbed him and practically ripped the soldier's head off his shoulders as he broke his neck and threw him to the ground. The other soldiers decided it was time to make a break for it and as Oz and Clem joined Angel and Spike, the fighting commenced.

Angel decked a soldier who was trying to make a break for it with a hard right knocking the man to the ground. "Say your good-byes to this world." he told him right before he snapped his neck. He leapt into the fray determined to kill every last one of them. He looked over at Spike and saw a soldier sneaking up behind Spike with a stake, ready to thrust it into Spike's heart as the vampire was killing another soldier.

"Spike, look out behind you!" Angel yelled, as he ran towards them. Spike turned quickly and the stake entered the left side of his chest.

"No!" Angel was furious now. He grabbed the soldier up and tore into him, practically tearing him limb from limb before he dropped him on the ground and went running to Spike. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Close but no cigar," Spike quipped as he fell to his knees. Blood was pouring out over his hand as he held it over the wound. Angel couldn't remember how long the fight had lasted, just that he was lost in the fog of hatred he felt for these men. How dare they hurt Spike yet again. Within minutes all of the soldiers were dead. "Check out the woods and the inside of the Initiative. Make sure there are no survivors and Oz needs some clothes," Angel told Clem before Oz reminded him that he had brought some extras and left them in the car just in case. Oz ran for the car as Clem headed for the burned door leading down to the tunnels. Angel ran over to Spike who was laying on the ground, rolling around in pain.

Angel grabbed the younger vampire up and held him to his chest as he took Spike's hand away from the wound to look at it. It was a bad wound and the blood kept pouring out of it. Angel bent down and licked along the wound, trying to seal it so that Spike wouldn't lose any more blood. After a few minutes, the blood stopped flowing and Angel looked at his lover. Spike was practically unconscious from the loss of blood. Angel tilted his head and brought Spike's mouth up to his neck. "Drink, Spike. Sire's blood, it will help you heal."

Spike needed no further coaxing as he bit into Angels throat, taking three large gulps before closing the wound with his tongue. He felt the power from Angel's blood start the healing process. That mixed with the intensity of the fight and Angel licking his wound soon had him hard. Spike reached up and pulled Angel into a very hot, sultry kiss. They both got caught up in the moment and had forgotten about the fight or anything else around them. All there was in the world right now were just the two of them.

"Take me, Angel. Need you so badly. Make me feel, so that I know this isn't a dream. That this nightmare is actually behind me." Spike begged as he unzipped Angel's pants and pulled them down.

"Are you sure?" Angel asked, his lips still against Spike's. When Spike nodded in assent, Angel reached down and undid the younger vampire's pants, sliding them off and throwing them to the ground.

Angel ran his hand over Spike's wound and gathered up the remaining blood. He slicked his cock with it and was about to prepare Spike when the blonde grabbed his hand.

"Just do it, Angel. I don't need that. I want it hard and fast, vampire style." Spike told him.

Angel needed no further reassurances and entered Spike with one thrust. He waited a minute before he started pounding his cock into Spike's ass. Soon both vampires were moaning and biting as their hands trailed over each other's body, scratch marks leaving trails of blood. This wasn't the gentle lovemaking from before. Instead it was more of an animalistic need to touch, taste and sate the burning ball of fire that was leaving their stomachs and reaching their cocks. It only took a few minutes for both vampires to climax. They came almost as one, both of them shouting out each other's name before Angel collapsed to the ground, pulling Spike towards him in a gentle hug.

After a few moments Angel sat up and looked at Spike's wound. It was already starting to heal, despite their intense play of before. The older vampire's face was full of sorrow as he met his lover's gaze.

"Spike, I am so sorry. I let you down. I promised you that no one would ever hurt you again."

"Enough with the brooding, Angel," Spike told him as he tenderly touched Angel's face, letting his fingers glide down the brunette's jaw line. "Can't be everywhere at one time now can you? Besides, it's a stupid promise anyway. No matter how much we try, our loved ones get hurt from time to time. We just have to make sure that none of them die."

"I guess you're right," Angel admitted. "Everyone has to experience some pain in their lives. I just want to make sure that you and Xander don't get hurt anymore. You've both had your share of that."

"Xander. What were we thinking? We need to get back to the hospital and make sure he's alright." Spike said, as he fumbled around for his pants. As he and Angel got dressed he looked around the grounds. Even with his vampire senses he was unable to locate Clem and Oz.

"Do you think they're still in those underground tunnels?" he asked, panic in his voice at the thought of having to ever revisit this place.

"I don't know. Are you going to be okay going back in there Spike? Cause if you're not you can check the woods while I check the lab out. We'll find Oz and Clem and get the hell out of here." Angel told him as he helped Spike put his shirt on.

As if they heard Angel mention their names, Clem and Oz came out of the burnt out base. They stopped when they saw the two vampires come running over.

"Spike, Angel you have to come with us," Oz said, as they turned to go back in the destroyed underground lab. "We have to show you something."

"It'll have to wait. I want to call the hospital and make sure Xander's alright before we stop off at Willie's and get us some blood," Spike said. He was hungry but he would be damned before he would eat any of these soldiers.

"It's important, Spike. I wouldn't take up your time if it wasn't," Oz said, giving the vampire a look that said he couldn't turn away from this. Spike sighed and nodded his head before the others led him and Angel underground.

Back at the hospital Willow had made her way to Xander's side. She was feeling very nervous as she felt all eyes on her. She reached out and took Xander's hand, holding it tight.

"So Buffy hates Spike, I get that. But she's always done whatever Angel has told her to do. So why not this time?" Xander asked.

"She thought it would be better if Spike stayed chipped. That way he couldn't harm any of you all. Buffy was just looking out for you, Xander. You have to know that."

"Willow, tell me something. Did you know about the chip when Wesley and I came to see you at the college? Tell me the truth, please because I'll know if you're lying to me." Xander asked her, trying to keep his voice calm, while his stomach was churning.

The room was quiet for several minutes as Willow looked at Xander, tears filling her green eyes. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, "Yes, I knew."

"One more question," Xander said, trying to keep control of his emotions. "Did you call Angel when you thought I was in danger?"

"No. I called Buffy," Willow admitted. When Xander just stared at her she continued, "I called Buffy instead of Angel because she's right here in Sunnydale and I thought you needed help as soon as possible. I was afraid that Angel would be too late to help you."

"If I recall that conversation Xander specifically asked you to call Angel because he felt that he could trust Angel, not Buffy. Seems he was right to worry as Buffy withheld evidence from everyone for weeks now," Wesley commented as Xander snatched his hand away from Willow's as if he had been burned.

"Xander, please, you have to listen to me," Willow was practically begging as Xander stood up and crossed the room to look out the window. "Buffy had your best interests at heart just like I did. I knew that she would watch out for you and I was going to call Angel as soon as we knew you were alright."

Everyone waited to see what Xander would say but the boy just continued to stare out the window. Willow walked towards him, her voice soft as if trying to soothe Xander's hurt feelings. "Xan, you know I love you, right? Xander, please talk to me."

"You pinky swore," Xander finally said, his voice barely audible in the quiet room. "You pinky swore and you still broke your promise to me. We've known each other for sixteen years and you still broke a pinky swear." Xander sounded like a hurt little boy instead of the young man he was.

Cordelia walked over to Xander and put her arms around his chest, careful not to hurt him any further than he already was. "Are you okay?" Xander didn't answer her for a few minutes before he finally shook his head no.

"I think you should leave Willow," Cordelia said, still holding onto Xander.

"No. I'm not leaving this room until Xander talks to me. I don't want him running off again without discussing this, cause Xander's good at running away from his problems," Willow told her.

Xander took Cordy's arms from around him and gave her a hug before he turned to face Willow. "When exactly have I run away from my problems?"

"You...you ran away after telling Buffy and all of us about what you did to Angel and we haven't seen you for weeks and the only reason you came back to Sunnydale was because of Spike and now you've been hurt and everything all because of a vampire that tried to kill me and threatened to turn you. Xander, what's happened to you?" Willow was babbling.

"I didn't run away. Cordelia called and asked me to come to Los Angeles. I wanted to visit with her and I also wanted to give you all time to think about what we talked about. I told you that. Well about the giving you time to think part anyway. But I left a note at my apartment for you all. Didn't you ever go to my place and find it?" Xander asked.

Willow looked a little perturbed at that question. "Of course we did, Xander. After a week of not seeing you anywhere, Buffy and I went over to your place and found it. But you didn't write down where you were going and we didn't know how to get hold of you."

"I guess that was my fault. I should have told you where I was going," Xander admitted.

"Back up just a minute, Willow," Cordelia said. "You waited a week at least before you looked for him? Hello, you live on a Hellmouth. What were you thinking? He could have been dead for all you knew."

"We knew he was upset about everything and we were upset too. Anyway, Xander can handle himself just fine." Willow defended herself.

"I wish you would remember that stuff when we're fighting demons and vampires cause you aren't that confident then," Xander told her.

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. But you're getting off topic here. That was the one and only time I have ever left you guys here by yourselves without telling you where I was going. And don't try to make this about me. You lied to me, Willow. Why didn't you tell Wesley and I about the chip when we talked to you about going to the Initiative in the first place? You knew that we were going inside to get information to help Spike find out what they had done to him. If you had only told us what you knew, maybe we could have handled all this differently. Angel's been sitting in L.A. for weeks now waiting for information and you all let him down, too."

"We didn't tell you guys because we felt like Spike would kill again if he had that chip removed. Giles thought that Angel's judgment had been clouded by the fact that Spike is his childe and we all know how naive you can be, Xander. Buffy didn't want you and Angel to help Spike start killing again."

"But you told me how worried you were about me going into the Initiative. Yet you kept quiet about what you knew even then. Why?"

"I promised Buffy I wouldn't tell you."

"What about your promises to me? Don't they matter anymore? Doesn't our friendship mean anything to you?"

"Of course it does. You know that it does, Xander. But I was stuck between you and Buffy. My two best friends. What was I supposed to do?" Willow asked.

"I know why Buffy would want to keep this a secret. I understand, I do. But you," Xander said, looking as if he were going to cry, "All those times I told everyone what good friends we were, how close we were and how I could trust you above anyone else in my life. Was I just lying to myself?"

"No, of course not. You don't know how hard this has been for me, Xander."

"What? Lying to me?"

"You don't know how hard it's been for me being stuck in the middle all this time. I didn't want to take sides or hurt anyone. What could I have done?"

"You could have told me." Xander stated simply. "You could have called Angel like I asked you to, or did Buffy tell you not to do that too?"

"No, like I said I was worried about you and I knew I had to do something fast," Willow tried to explain.

"So you went to Buffy instead."

"Xander, what I decided to do with this whole problem was up to me. Everything that's been happening since you've been gone - Riley and Buffy, the Initiative, well you didn't seem to care. You were with your new friends in L.A. remember? You never told us what was going on up there so what happened in Sunnydale was none of your business."

"Willow, I called you several times and filled you in on everything. And just because I have friends in Los Angeles doesn't mean I still don't care about you all. And what exactly did you mean when you said that anything that happened here with my friends is none of my business?" Xander asked, looking as if he had just been slapped. "It used to be."

Willow looked unhappily at her friend. "My decisions to not tell you about the chip, not to help with Spike and not to call Angel - they just happened."

Xander laughed even as tears started to fall. "Oh, like 'I think I'll side with Buffy over my lifelong friend once again, because she's so much smarter than Xander'?" he asked sarcasm in his voice. "Well, I guess I should have expected that much because after all, she is the slayer and I'm just the moron."

"No, it's not like that. God, Xander how could you trust Spike? It's like you're choosing him over us. You're forgetting what he really is. He's a vampire. God, what are you thinking?"

"You're asking me that? After I told you everything about how scared Spike was because he couldn't fight humans in that bar? After I told you how I wanted to help him? Didn't I make myself clear or were you just not listening to me as usual. Spike's different now. He cares about us, all of us." Xander said, pointing at the AI group. "You're acting like your decision making here lately has really sparkled. Siding with Buffy and a bunch of soldiers who didn't know what they were dealing with. Yeah, that's real smart."

"I think what Willow is trying to say is that even though we may have made mistakes, the last time I checked slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them," Buffy said as she entered the room. Xander looked from Buffy to Willow and back again.

"Oh, now it's tag team time on Xander, right? Make me come to my senses about the big, bad vampire. Tell me how stupid I am to trust him. Or how naive I am? Well, let me just tell you something. In case you've forgotten Angel was helping Spike as he slaughtered half of Europe. He's changed, so why can't Spike? You two have banded together against me in this, even to the point of letting me and Wesley walk into the Initiative to find out information you already had."

"Angel has a soul, Spike doesn't. Besides, if Willow had told you about the chip, can you honestly say that you still wouldn't have gone in there to find out how to help Spike?" Buffy asked.

"Probably not. But at least I wouldn't be standing here feeling so betrayed. I'm sick of everyone pointing out who has a soul and whatnot to decide who is evil and who is good. Spike may not have a soul but he cares more about me than my own father who by the way supposedly has a soul."

"Xander, he doesn't have a soul, which means he can't feel or care for anyone. The only reason he's been so nice to all of you is because the Initiative jammed a leash in his head. Do you think he'd be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working? Would you still trust him then?" Buffy asked angrily.

"Yes, I would. With my life. But it doesn't matter what I think, does it? Has it ever mattered to any of you what I thought? Or was I just the handy lapdog that came running when you called? Someone that you could laugh at when you felt down? Someone who would reassure you that you were his hero?" Xander asked, as Cordy reached over and rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

"Xander, calm down," she whispered before turning to Willow and Buffy. "Maybe you two should just leave. He's getting upset and that's not good for him."

"Stay out of this Cordy." Buffy snapped at the girl.

"Hold on. You don't talk to Cordy like that. And she's right. Xander's been through a lot these last couple of days and all this arguing isn't good for him." Doyle shot back.

"I agree. Why don't you all discuss this later after everyone's had a chance to calm down," Wesley said, seeing how hurt Xander was.

"Look, this is Scooby and slayer stuff so can we just have a little less from the civilians from Los Angeles, please?"

"Okay, that's just about enough," Doyle put up his hands as if to ward off any more argument. "Angel and Spike told us to watch out for Xander while they went to get some blood and that's what we're going to do."

"We're not the enemy here. We happen to be his friends and we're just trying to talk some sense into him. Besides, we don't let Angel and certainly not Spike tell us what to do. Especially not in my town."

"I want you two to leave now, or I will," Xander told them. "I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to say something I don't mean and right now I feel so hurt, so betrayed....just go."

"Xander, listen---" Buffy started to say before Xander interrupted her.

"Don't you have a sick boyfriend to go see? I'm sure he's waiting on you."

"As a matter of fact I do. He wanted me to come up here and thank you. While they were checking him out they found a chip in his shoulder. Probably Maggie's doing. Something to do with 314. They took it out of him and he's doing okay now." Buffy told him.

"So Xander was right about how bad the Initiative was. His instincts were right about them, but yet you all can't believe him when he tells you Spike would never hurt any of us?" Doyle asked.

"I don't know why you keep butting into this because you don't know Xander like we do," Buffy told him. "I'm grateful to Xander for helping Riley, I truly am. But Xander, you have to admit that you are usually not the percepto guy most of the time."

"I see more than you all think I do. Nobody pays attention to me, so I have plenty of time to be the observer. I've observed that it's time for me to leave here. I can't be who I want to be in this town. When I was in Oxnard and especially when I was in Los Angeles, I felt like I was someone instead of a nobody. People respected my opinions and listened to me. They didn't see a clown, a lameass, or a numb brain. They saw me and they gave me confidence. But every time I come back here I feel like I'm a loser and once again I find myself getting sucked into believing I'm a nobody. Well it's not going to happen anymore. I'm leaving here and going back to Los Angeles with my friends."

"Xander, we're your friends too," Willow assured him.

"Sometimes, yeah, you are. But it's the other times I can't handle anymore." Xander told her. "I knew when we left high school and you two went off to college things would change, I just never knew how much. I think it's best if I get away from here, find myself and make something happen with my life."

"That's going to be kind of hard to do if the Government decides to charge you with the murder of Professor Walsh," Buffy told him before she thought.

"What! They're going to send me to jail for killing a woman who was trying to kill me?" Xander said, panic in his voice. He turned to the other group, his eyes wide with fear. "Guys, I can't go to jail. I couldn't stand that. I hate being locked up, afraid and not being able to get away. Locked away in a dark place waiting for someone to come and get me." Xander's old nightmare was coming back with a vengeance and he headed for the bathroom.

"Xander, where are you going?" Doyle asked, grabbing the young man's arm.

"I have to get clean. I'm dirty, so filthy." Xander said as he looked down at himself.

"You're fine, Xander. You've already had a bath. You're fine," Cordelia kept saying as Wesley glared at Willow and Buffy. "I think you two have done quite enough for one day. Xander asked you to leave, now I'm insisting."

"You forget that you're not my watcher anymore, Wesley. I never paid any attention to you anyway. You don't really think you're intimidating me, do you? I'm the slayer and you're an unemployed watcher who couldn't handle Faith." Buffy reminded him.

"That was me back then. You haven't met the man I've become Buffy and I don't think you want to." Wesley told her, not backing down a bit.

"Well, step right up and let me meet this new man," Buffy taunted him, as they faced off. Buffy had never liked the man. He had come into Sunnydale and tried to take Giles' place and in Buffy's mind no one could do that.

"Stop it! This is Xander's room and I want you all to leave. I think everyone's said everything they need to and Xander needs to get some rest. You make a big noise about being his friends and yet you continue to upset him. Don't make me have to call security, because slayer or no slayer they will toss you from this hospital and you won't be able to see your little boyfriend," Doyle told her, getting in between Buffy and Wesley.

"Come on, Willow. It's clear we're not wanted here," Buffy said, grabbing the other girl and leading her towards the door. Willow turned to look at Xander. "Why are you doing this, Xander?"

Xander looked at Willow, her words driving the memory back some. Hurt came rushing back as he remembered what she had done. "Can you make me understand why you betrayed me, Willow? Cause if you can't, then I want you to leave." Xander said, his voice shaking with emotion.

"Like you didn't betray Buffy and me? Geez, Xander where do you get off judging me?" Willow asked angrily.

"When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you so you throw it back in my face after you get me back by lying to me. Very mature," Xander said, losing control.

"No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy," Buffy yelled at him.

"Thanks for pointing that out, Buffy. You're right. I am a scared, insecure little boy. Gee, I wonder how that happened? What possible reasons could I have for being scared and insecure. I mean you and Willow make me feel so sure of myself I have no reason to be insecure, right? Besides, I thought that's what you expected from me - my stupid, pointless jokes in a time of crises. God, I guess those weren't even wanted."

"That's not all we expected from you," Willow protested. "But you turn everything into a joke and sometimes the situation isn't joke-worthy."

Xander just looked at her for a long time before he answered her. "I'm not joking now. You let me down when I needed you the most. When I counted on you to put me first for a change. All I wanted was for you to trust my judgment like you used to. But you couldn't do that, either one of you. You two want to know how I'm feeling right now? I'll be honest with you. I look at you two and I feel sick. Sick and tired of not getting any respect, any attention or any support from the two people that have meant the most to me. Especially you, Willow. We used to love and support each other through everything. I don't know what's happened to you, but you're not the same person I grew up with and until you are I don't want to see you. In fact, I don't want to see either one of you until we can resolve this without arguing."

"Then I guess I won't be seeing you anymore," Buffy said, as she turned to leave. "I'll never understand how you could choose Spike over us. Come on, Willow. Let's go."

Willow watched Buffy walk down the corridor before turning back to Xander. "I know you don't really mean this, Xander. You're just upset right now. When you calm down you'll see that Buffy, Giles and I are right about this Spike thing. And when you're ready to admit that I'll be waiting for you. I'll forgive you."

Xander looked at Willow as he quickly brushed the tears away . His voice was shaky with emotion as he answered her. "I've loved you all my life, Willow. I never thought I would see the day when I could even imagine my life without you in it. But if you think I'm going to change my mind about Spike you're wrong. And if you can't accept that, then I guess I'll just have to learn to live without you in my life. Besides, it's not all about Spike. It's about my best friends not supporting me in anything I do. Not in my relationships, my jobs, nothing. I remember when I would call you every night just to talk about what we did that day or talk to you about a problem or just to hear your voice so it would ground me when I felt like my world was going crazy. But I haven't been able to do that for a long time now. God, just go with Buffy. Please, just leave me alone."

Willow looked at her longtime friend for a few seconds, tears running down her face. Finally, she took Tara's hand and pulled her out the door. The last thing Xander heard her say was, "Good-bye, Xander. I'll miss you." It sounded so final, so formal and the words tore his heart in two.

Cordelia ran over to him and gathered him into her arms, giving him a hug. Xander held onto her like she was a lifeline in the middle of a dark, choppy ocean. He felt Doyle and Wesley also join in the hug and he choked back the sobs. After a few minutes, he pulled back.

"Guys, I love you and I appreciate you being here for me, but I really don't want to talk about it right now. It hurts too much. The pain is just too fresh right now. Why don't you all go in the waiting room and grab a cup of coffee. I promise I'll be good. Just give me a few minutes to lay here and wallow in the patheticness that is me and then I'll be fine."

They looked at one another before they finally nodded and started to leave the room. Doyle turned and looked at the boy before saying, "We'll just be down the hall. When and if you want to talk just come get us."

"Thanks. I will," Xander told him as he watched the group file out the door. As soon as the door shut behind them, Xander fell onto the bed, not caring about the pain it caused him. It was nothing compared to the emotional pain he was going through. He didn't cry often, but hard as he tried he couldn't stop the feeling that he really needed to now. Finally alone, he let the tears start to flow more freely and his sobs were the only noise in the quiet room.