It had been two weeks since Spike started living with Angel. While it had not been an easy transition at first, Spike was beginning to feel like part of the AI family. He played poker with Doyle and Xander as they argued over the merits of kittens vs. M&M's as the stakes, he helped Cordy around the office as they discussed nail polish and the advantages and disadvantages of wearing leather clothing and Angel helped him learn some meditation exercises to help ease the returning memories from his time with the Initiative.

While Spike had fun with everyone, his times with Xander and Angel were his favorites. Xander was warming up to the vampire and would often seek out his company just so they could throw barbs at each other. Xander had the same kind of sarcastic wit that Spike did and many times they had found Angel, Cordy and Doyle listening in just to get a laugh at the two of them. Other times they would sit and talk about their lives in general, telling each other secrets they might never have told anyone else. Xander told Spike about his life on the Hellmouth, his high school days, how he felt like a loser because he couldn't hold down a job, and about his fear of the Scoobies leaving him behind as they made new lives for themselves. The only two things that Spike could never get Xander to talk about were his childhood and his love life. Spike didn't want to hear about Xander's new boyfriend. In fact he hated every minute that Xander spent at Lindsey's office or home. But he was determined to find out just how bad Xander's childhood had been.

Spike told Xander about being turned, how he had felt like a nobody when he was human, how he had hated Darla because of her hold on Angel, his life with Dru from being in love with her to her dumping him and mostly about his love and admiration for his sire, which he had made Xander promise not to tell by threatening to kill him when the chip came out. Spike also told Xander about some of his time at the Initiative leaving out the part about how afraid he was to venture out onto the streets because of his helplessness. Spike never wanted anyone to know just how vulnerable he felt, but Spike could tell that Xander knew without him having to tell the boy. Spike had thought he was in love with Xander before, but since they had gotten to know each other Spike's feelings for Xander had grown to full out love and adoration for the young man. Xander was not just a pretty face, he was an exceptional young man and Spike hated that Xander didn't see just how special a man he truly was. He was pleased to notice that Xander had been spending less time with his boyfriend and more time with the AI gang - namely Spike.

Spike had also come to know his sire again and while their relationship wasn't the same as before, Spike felt they were closer now than they had been back years ago. It wasn't just the sire/childe bond thing. It was two vampires who greatly admired one another. He thought the feelings were mutual. Angel told him how badly he felt that he had left him all those years ago, how he hated what the soldiers had done to him and went into many gory stories of how he would get revenge on these people when the time was right. They were just waiting on Buffy and the others to find out more about the soldiers before they planned their move. It made Spike feel proud to know that Angel cared enough to want to exact revenge on his behalf.

Doyle had finally admitted what Spike already knew - had known from the start. He was half demon. They had had many talks about how to handle the demon inside and Doyle had made Spike promise not to tell Cordelia about his demon side. He wanted to tell the girl in his own time and Spike respected that.

Cordy was another story. It took awhile for the girl to feel comfortable with Spike, especially when they were alone. But Spike had used the one thing that the Initiative could not take away from him - his charm. He soon had Cordelia talking about anything and everything from her days as "the biggest bitch in Sunnydale" to helping Angel and trying to become an actress. Spike had assured her that she would make it big some day and when he had told her that he had seen, known and dated many actresses during his long life, none any prettier than her, she had practically glowed.

Spike always enjoyed when Cordelia told him about high school, and had laughed at the stories she had told about the Scoobies, especially when she made fun of Buffy. His admiration for these young people had grown with each memory she had shared of the various demons they had helped Buffy fight. Spike's heart had swelled with pride when she talked about how Xander had protected each of them at various times, but especially when she had told him about how Xander had been the one to figure out how to kill the Judge, even going so far as to break into an Army base to get the rocket launcher that eventually killed the demon. Spike had laughed when he heard about Xander's many fucked up relationships and how embarrassed Xander had been when he was caught wearing only a pair of Speedos when he went undercover on the swim team, even though Cordy seemed to enjoy the memory. After he heard about these events, Spike was more determined than ever that he and Xander would have the relationship that Xander truly deserved - one filled with love and happiness - with Spike of course.

While the times Spike were awake passed relatively easy, his sleep was often full of dark nightmares that had Spike sometimes yelling out in terror. His dreams were full of repressed memories - the doctors poking and prodding him with anything from a small knife to an electronic device that sent shock waves so unbelievably painful through his body that Spike had wished they would just kill him and let it be over and done with - the doctors peeling away his skin to see how fast he could recover - the doctors operating on his brain while he was still awake. But the worst one of all was when he remembered the doctors poking his eyeballs to see if he would stay blind. It had taken quite a while for Spike to recover his eyesight and he had been terrified the whole time that he would be blind forever. Sometimes when he closed his eyes, Spike would be so afraid that when he woke up he would be blind that he couldn't sleep.

There were many nights of long talks with Angel, Xander and even Doyle as Spike shared his stories with them. Spike would wake from one of his nightmares to find one or more of the men holding him in their arms as they comforted him. Their eyes would be filled with rage and sorrow as they rocked him back to sleep, whispering words of comfort the whole time. It made Spike feel happy and safe to know that they all cared about him. But even though this helped, he still could not find enough courage to go outside and it was driving him crazy, making him feel like an animal trapped in a cage.

Angel's voice cut into his thoughts. They had been sitting together in Angel's office, drinking their nightly mugs of blood just enjoying being back together like this. "Spike, did you hear me?" Angel was asking.

"Sorry, no, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that you and Xander seem to be getting along pretty well these days. Well, that is in between your occasionalvbickering," Angel smiled at the younger vampire.

"Yeah, he's got quite a mouth on him," Spike smiled back.

"Reminds me of someone else I know. No wonder you two have hit it off," Angel said, knowing that Spike knew he was the someone else Angel was referring to.

"I was never that bad," Spike insisted.

"I have to disagree on that point."

Just as Spike was about to argue the point, they heard the front door open and saw Cordy, Doyle and Xander enter the office. All of them were dressed to kill. Cordelia was wearing a halter type style, red satin dress and had her hair pulled up off her neck. Doyle was wearing khaki's and a dark green pullover shirt that brought out the green in his eyes. They both looked good but it was Xander that made Spike take in a sharp breath as he saw the boy for the first time that night. Xander was wearing a light blue, long sleeved pullover that fit him perfectly, showing off his muscular shoulders. He had on a pair of dress black pants that showed off his ass quite nicely as he turned to shut the door. His hair was framing his tan face with soft waves and Spike noticed the one curl that lay on his forehead, just begging for someone to reach up and brush it back.

Spike heard someone clearing their throat rather loudly and looked over to see Angel watching him, a big grin on his face. Spike swore if he hadn't been a vampire he would have blushed at being caught staring at Xander. He was glad that the young people were so excited they didn't seem to notice the glance that passed between himself and Angel.

"It's Friday night. It's the most social night of the week and a gang of lookers like us should be out there enjoying the night life. Instead, you two are sitting here moping around in the dark like----" Doyle stopped as he thought what to compare the two of them to.

"Two vampires?" Angel asked, helping him out.

"Yeah, that would pretty much sum it up, Mr. States-the-Obvious," Xander told Angel.

"I was going to go with a couple of slackers," Doyle told Xander before he turned back to Angel and Spike. "Seriously, you guys need to come with us."

"Why?" Angel asked innocently. He knew what the three of them were up to. They had all been worried about Spike's nightmares and his refusal to go anywhere since the night he had arrived. Angel knew they were trying to coax Spike out of his shell and they probably felt that going as one big group the first time out would make it easier on the younger vampire.

"We feel we deserve a night of fun, on you of course," Cordy answered Angel.

"Of course," Angel agreed.

"Yeah, it breaks up those nights of death and mayhem," Xander added.

"Ah, the good old days," Spike looked at Angel, a smirk on his face. "I'm in if Angel is."

"I see I'm being ganged up on, so count me in. There's no use battling in a fight you can't win." Angel got up and started to exit the office, Spike rising and following behind him. "Give us a few minutes to clean up."

"What? I don't want to wrinkle my dress by sitting down and waiting on you two clowns. I want everyone to get a good look at it like it is," Cordelia pouted.

"How did you manage to get over here without you sitting down?"

"We walked silly."

"Somehow Cordy thinks that no creases in the dress is better than the not stinking after working up a sweat walking over here." Doyle added.

"Tell you what. Why don't we head on over to the club now and you guys can get cleaned up and meet us there. Preferably with Angel's car," Xander told them.

They all agreed to the plan and within an hour Spike and Angel were pulling into the lot of the club. Angel parked and turned to look at Spike. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Course. Got you lot watching my back, don't I?" Spike answered with a confidence he didn't feel. He felt like turning tail and running back to the safety of the office but he was determined to finally free himself from his self imposed prison. Spike hated feeling this way. Of all the tortures and experiments the doctors at the Initiative had done, none of them was as bad as making him feel helpless.

Angel looked like he was going to continue the conversation, but Spike was already out of the car and waiting for him. With a sigh, Angel pocketed the keys and joined Spike and they were soon inside the club. It was crowded and the two vampires couldn't pick out their friends heartbeats or scents so after a few minutes of trying, they made their way to the bar and ordered some beer, sure that their friends would find them eventually. Spike had just started to relax and enjoy himself when they heard Cordelia yelling at someone over the din of music in the club.

"What did you say to me?"

Angel and Spike got up and started walking towards their friends voices. It took them quite a few minutes to get through the throng of people and they listened to the argument as they went.

"Listen, I don't want any trouble, okay?" - Doyle

"Seriously, I wasn't hitting on you buddy. I'm just here to rescue my friends." - Xander.

"What's the trouble?" - an unfamiliar man's voice.

"No trouble. Did I not just get through saying we don't want any trouble. We are trouble-free." - Doyle.

"Turns out she's a hooker and he's a boytoy and their pimp here is giving us a hard time." - another unfamiliar male voice.

"That's it!" -- Cordy

"Down, Barbie," - Doyle

Angel and Spike had to laugh at Doyle's description of Cordelia. They had drawn close enough to be able to see what was happening. They saw three men facing off against Xander and Doyle while Cordy stood behind Doyle, her face a mask of anger at what the men were saying about her and Xander.

"Did you hear what he just said about us? And what the fuck is a boytoy anyway?" Xander asked, looking quite confused.

The man in front of him grabbed Xander, trying to pull him towards him. "It's what you're going to be for me in about five minutes," he explained as his friend tried to reach around Doyle to grab Cordelia.

Doyle knocked the man's hands away as Xander did the same to the man in front of him. "I am so not a boytoy. Not for you anyway. I'd have to be the five d's before that would ever happen."

"What's the five d's?" the man facing Xander asked him. Now he was looking confused.

Xander ticked the five d's off on his fingers which were shoved into the man's face. "Desperate, depressed, drunk, down on my luck and dumb, all of which I am not." By the time Xander had ticked the five d's off his hand was balled into a fist, which he promptly drew back and clocked the guy in the jaw with, sending him staggering backwards.

Before Xander could get in another punch, the guy in the middle had jumped on him, holding him back as the first fella got up off the floor. He walked over and grabbed Xander again saying, "Feisty aren't you? I like that in my men."

Spike was outraged now. How dare these man touch his Xander. He started to move forwards and felt an arm on his shoulder. Spike turned to growl at the person who dared to lay a hand on him, when he realized it was Angel who was looking just as pissed as Spike was. "Spike, you can't help them. I know how badly you want to smash their faces in. I feel the same way. But you can't. Let me handle this."

Spike watched in frustration as Angel shoved his way past the few remaining people between him and his three friends. Before he could reach them, Spike heard Doyle say, "Everyone just simmer down here okay? Violence is not going to solve a thing, alright?" Just before he head butted the startled man. "On the other hand, it's kind of fascinating."

The man recovered quickly and punched Doyle knocking him into the bar.

"Oh, my gosh," Cordelia said looking at the three men and her two friends exchanging punches. She started scanning the bar, hoping that Angel and Spike had arrived so that Angel could help.

Doyle elbowed the guy and threw him into the table. Xander did the same to the guy behind him and when the guy was doubled over he threw him into his friend. All three men went crashing to the floor at almost the same time. The man Doyle had been fighting got up and punched Doyle in the ribs. Meanwhile, Xander had picked up one of the men he had sent sprawling on the floor and punched him again. Xander was about to pick up a chair and hit the guy on the floor when he felt the chair being pulled away from him by the other guy.

All of a sudden Angel appeared and grabbed the chair from the man right before it was ready to crash into Xander's head. Angel took the chair and rammed it into the guy's face, knocking him down again.

"Ow," Cordelia gasped. As the other man raced towards Angel, the vampire again took the chair and knocked it into the mans ribcage sending him flying into the wall. Xander could tell Angel was thoroughly pissed now. "You, okay?" he stopped to ask Xander, as he threw the chair to the floor so hard that it splintered.

"I'm fine, but I don't think Doyle's doing very well," Xander said pointing at his friend who had just gotten a punch in the kidneys. Angel raced over to help Doyle. Angel grabbed the man that was on Doyle and twisted his arm around as he kicked the other guy that he had thrown into the wall moments before. Then he kicked the guy he was holding in the face and sent him sprawling to the floor in a heap. Angel looked around for any more signs of danger but he had pretty much wiped them all out.

In the meantime, Xander had been scanning the crowd looking for Spike. He knew this would set the vampire back ten steps at least in his recovery. Xander cursed himself for not thinking about that before he started the fight. He had just been so mad when the guy had called him a boytoy and he actually figured out what that meant, that he couldn't seem to help himself.

Xander found Spike leaning against the wall away from the fight but close enough to watch. Spike had to try to control the rage he felt at not being able to help Xander and the others because of his fear that someone would kick his ass and he could do nothing to stop them. Spike was taking many unneeded breaths and his chest was heaving as if he were hyperventilating.

Xander ran over to him and put his arms around him. "It's fine, Spike. It was just a little bar fight. Angel took care of the idiots. I'm so sorry I started that fight. I didn't mean for you to get upset, really I didn't," Xander apologized not understanding why Spike glowered at him and stepped away from Xander's arms.

"I'm fine you stupid git. I knew Angel could defend himself against three humans. It's me that can't. It wasn't him I was worried about."

Xander couldn't help but get upset with Spike for pulling away from him. All he had wanted to do was help him. Maybe he only wanted Angel to comfort him Xander thought with a pang of hurt as he slowly stepped away from Spike and made his way back over to the others.

Spike cursed himself as he saw the look of rejection on Xander's face. He hadn't meant to make the boy feel that way. He loved the thought of having Xander's arms around him, just not like this...not when he felt so damn weak. Spike's frustration was overwhelming and he didn't think he could exist this way much longer. He looked up to watch the goings on between his friends and the men who had started the fight. A bouncer had arrived by this time and Spike was sure they would be tossed out of the club on their respective asses.

"Those jerks started it," Cordelia pointed at the three men who had just gotten up off the floor. Angel pulled Cordelia, Doyle and Xander behind him as they listened to what the men were saying.

As one of the men got ready to protest what Cordelia had said, the bouncer turned on them angrily. "Hey not a word. Not a word. Every time with you guys. Out!" he yelled at them indicating the door with a jerk of his head as he started to push them towards the door. While Cordy was attending to Doyle's injuries, Xander walked over to Angel and placed an arm on his shoulder to get the vampire's attention.

Angel looked at Xander checking for any injuries and found himself feeling very relieved that the young man was alright. Then he saw the look on Xander's face and asked, "What's the matter,Xander?"

"I'm sorry, you know about starting the fight. Are we going to have to pay for the damages and stuff?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll cover it if asked. And you have no reason to be sorry for taking up for yourself. Those guys were pawing you and eyeing you like a piece of meat and the other guy was doing the same to Cordy. They deserved to get the shit kicked out of them," He growled, his eyes an amber gold.

"Thanks for saying that, but you might not agree when you see Spike cowering over there in the corner. I tried to help him but he just shrugged me off. I think he needs you." Xander said a little sadly. He still couldn't understand why Spike had been so curt with him. He was just trying to help.

Angel saw the sadness in Xander's face and knew that the boy's feelings were hurt at Spike's brush off. "I'll go help him. You, Cordy and Doyle go get in the car and wait for us there."

Satisfied that his friends would be alright, Angel turned his attention back to Spike. He found him leaning up against a booth in a far corner. As he walked towards his childe, Angel again cursed the soldier boys, vowing death on any of them that happened to come near him. Angel walked over and put an arm around Spike's shoulder, imitating Xander's motions from before. This time, however, instead of shaking off his rescuers arms, Spike found himself grabbing Angel and taking comfort in his arms.

"I couldn't help him, Angel. I was scared and I couldn't help him. I had to stand here and watch those men paw Xander like that when all I wanted to do was rip out their guts and feed them to them," Spike said, as he felt a pain jolt through his head. He would have fallen to the ground, but Angel caught him and held Spike up next to him.

"We're going to make this better, Spike. I promise you that. We'll find a way to undo whatever those doctors did if I have to tear up all of Sunnydale to find the answers," Angel assured him. "What caused you to have a pain this time, though? You didn't hurt anyone."

"It goes off sometimes if I'm really angry and just thinking about hurting someone," Spike admitted.

Angel leaned down and kissed Spike gently on the lips. "We will make you better Spike. I promise." Spike hugged Angel and after they were done, they headed out of the club and to the car. When they got there they found Cordy and Doyle sitting, waiting on them. Xander was nowhere to be found.

Angel looked around anxiously. "Where's Xander?" he asked the other two.

"He said he was a little upset after the fight and he was going to walk back to the office. Said he'd meet us there." Doyle told him.

"That fool boy is going to get himself killed," Angel muttered angrily as he helped Spike into the car. Images of Xander lying in an alleyway, bleeding to death spurred him on and he started up the car and quickly headed home.

Spike turned to look at Angel. "Don't be too hard on the boy, Angel. I know why he needed this time alone. I was frustrated and angry about not being able to help him and when he tried to comfort me, well I pushed him away. He probably saw us and it hurt his feelings that I would lean on you and not him."

"Shit," Angel said at those words. While he wasn't ashamed about his feelings for Spike, he didn't mean to hurt Xander. But then Xander had a boyfriend. He hadn't shown any inclination about caring about Spike or Angel. Well, not that way anyway. Yet, Angel's mind told him that even with his friends, Xander would be really upset that Angel could comfort Spike while Spike had turned him away.

As Cordy fussed over Doyle in the backseat, the two vampires sat quietly in the front. Both of them were thinking about the dark haired boy that they cared so much about. They only hoped that his hurt feelings wouldn't get him hurt or killed. Angel floor boarded the car as he made his way back to the offices.

Xander entered the office out of breath and sweating profusely. He had run the entire six blocks from the club to Doyle's apartment house where he had picked up his car and drove here to meet everyone else. He had not even paid any attention to the looks he was receiving from the other people who were wandering around. Xander's only thoughts was the replay visions that were running constantly through his mind. The fight, how scared Spike had looked, Xander wanting to comfort his friend and the vampire pushing him away. When he had gone to get Angel, he thought the older vampire might be able to get through to Spike being as he was his sire and they had a long history together. Oh, sure, Spike would push him away too before allowing Angel to help him. Then Spike would want the comfort Angel and everyone else would give him.

What had thrown Xander was the sight he had taken in as he was leaving the club. As soon as Angel had drawn near, Spike had practically leaped into Angel's arms. There was no coaxing or pleading, no pushing away and yelling - only love between the two vampires. Xander had continued to watch as Angel had kissed Spike and Spike hadn't stopped him. He didn't know why seeing the two of them like that had hurt so badly. All he knew was it had. Maybe it was the fact that when he had tried to help, Spike had pushed him away calling him a 'stupid git'.

Xander went downstairs to Angel's apartment and walked into the bathroom, trying to wash his face so the others wouldn't see that he had been crying. He hated when he cried. Xander could always hear his father telling him what a baby he was, or a sissy, even faggot for crying when he got hurt or when his dad was 'disciplining' him. Xander had cried very few times in his life and that was only when he was very hurt. He never cried in front of people, only when he was alone. That way no one could make fun of him. The weird thing about his thinking was while he tried to keep his emotions in check, he had a habit of encouraging his friends to let theirs out.

Xander walked back into Angel's living room, picking up all his belongings he had left while he and Doyle had stayed over and helped with Spike's nightmares. He was going to go back to Doyle's apartment. Spike had Angel to help him and he didn't need Xander, didn't want his friendship or his help. And why should he? a voice inside his head asked him. Xander had to agree with his little voice. He was the one that had started the fight and made Spike more terrified than he already was. Xander was a 'stupid git', whatever git meant, but Xander figured it wasn't good. Probably something like that 'ponce' word Giles always used. He decided then and there that he was going to get a book that translated what the British people were saying when they used these words. If he was going to be hanging around Giles and Spike, he certainly needed one.

Xander started stuffing his belongings into a canvas bag that he left at Angel's for his change of clothes he kept here after a training session. As he did this, he realized that Angel hadn't worked with him on his training since Spike came here, not even after Xander's ribs had healed or Spike had gotten better. Angel had spent most of his time helping Spike with his meditation practices. Xander felt bad at pouting about his missed training sessions with Angel when Spike was going through such a bad time, but he couldn't help himself. He missed those times.

Xander finished packing his bag and placed it beside the couch. He sat down to wait for the rest of the gang to get home. Xander had decided to forego going to Doyle's apartment. He had a much better plan. He would tell them that Lindsey had called and he was going to spend some time with him. While they thought he was there, Xander would head back to Sunnydale. Xander was tired of waiting. Spike wasn't getting any better and he needed to get to Sunnydale and see this Initiative place. Maybe he could find something that would help Spike. Xander wasn't going to tell them he was leaving because he knew that Spike and Angel would try to stop him, or Spike would want to go back with him. He didn't want to argue with them and he didn't want to see his friends get hurt. Xander was confident that he could handle snooping around the Initiative without their help. If he couldn't then Buffy, Willow and Giles would be there to help out. It was time to go back anyway. If he couldn't help Spike by just being his friend then he would find a way to get that fucking chip out of his head, no matter what.

Thinking of Spike brought back emotions rolling through him. He was upset the vampire couldn't defend himself but he was also pissed off that Spike wouldn't let Xander help him tonight. He had thought they were becoming good friends, but he guessed he was wrong. Seemed all Spike needed or wanted was Angel. With a heavy sigh, he flopped down on the couch and waited for his friends to get home.

Xander didn't have long to wait before he heard the door open and footsteps coming down the stairs. Angel and Spike walked in first, followed by Cordy and Doyle. Angel was looking pissed, Spike was upset, Cordy was still mad that some guy had thought she was a prostitute and Doyle was trying to calm her down.

"Xander, why in hell did you leave the club by yourself. I specifically told you to go to the car with Cordy and Doyle," Angel demanded."I'm not a kid. You can't tell me what to do. I made it home just fine. Not even a scratch." Xander assured him.

"You should've listened to me. You were acting foolishly. One day your recklessness is going to get you or someone else killed. If you don't care about yourself, at least stop and think about other people for a change. I'm worried enough about Spike. I don't need you getting into trouble, too." Angel yelled at the boy. He knew he was taking his worry for Spike and his rage at those damn soldiers and doctors out on Xander but he couldn't help himself. He had almost reached his limits these past few weeks. It had taken everything in him to keep himself from going to Sunnydale and releasing Angelus on them.

"Angel, take it easy. Xander's fine and everything's o.k. now, so let's just all go to bed, get some rest and we'll feel better in the morning," Doyle said, trying to keep the peace. He had seen the hurt look that had passed over Xander's face before it turned to anger. Doyle hadn't known Xander that long, but he had come to know that look when he saw it and if Angel kept this up much longer, there would be no stopping the fighting.

"Yeah, Angel. Lighten up. Tense-much, Cordy added.

"I don't need anyone defending me, thanks," Xander told Cordy and Doyle before turning back to Angel. "I thought you were different from them but I guess not."

"Who are you talking aobut? Angel asked, as he maneuvered Spike over to the chair and sat him down before turning to look at the boy once more.

"Giles and Buffy. You sound like a cross between the lot of them. I'd love to stand around and listen to the same old lecture but I have places to go and people to see. I'll see you all in two or three days." Xander reached down and picked up his bag

"Where are you going? Doyle asked and Spike suddenly snappped to attention at Xander's words.

"Lindsey called. I'm going over to his place and spend some time with him. He wants me to come spend the weekend with him." Xander lied.

"You're going to leave now?" Angel asked. "What about Spike?"

"You've got everything under control. Spike doesn't need me to help him with anything, not when he's got you." Xander answered.

Spike and Angel both looked at each other. They knew from the tone of Xander's voice that he had seen them together and that Spike had been right about Xander being upset. Angel was getting tired of Xander's attitude. He was sounding like a jilted lover or something. He had Lindsey after all.

"What's your problem, Xander?"

"My problem is what I saw tonight. You, Spike, the club, kissing. Ring any bells?"

"Spike and Angel were kissing at the club?" Cordelia practically screamed. "Angel what were you thinking? You know you can't do that sort of thing, cause we really don't want to have to stake you when you become Angelus."

"When did you start liking men?" Doyle asked.

"Cordy, it wasn't like that. I love Spike and I was just giving him a kiss to comfort him, that's all. We know about the curse and I'm not going to do anything that will turn me back to Angelus. Besides, what I do is my business." Angel told them, knowing that the kiss had meant more than just comfort and ignoring Doyle's question altogether.

"Not when you get all groiny with someone, cause I've been to that movie and I don't want to sit through a repeat showing of it," Xander said.

"Jealous, whelp? Wanted in on the action now did you?" Spike was angry now. All those weeks of being with Xander and wanting him, the Initiative and not being able to fight and his feelings when Angel had kissed him at the club and then dismissing it just now was beginning to take a toll on him. "That Lindsey chap not doing it for you anymore? When Xander didn't answer him, Spike continued, "Well, answer me you bloody poof."

Xander's eyes darkened with rage. He was tired of Spike calling him names and refusing his help. "All I wanted Spike was to be your friend. I tried to help you and what happened? You pushed me away and called me a stupid git. Now you're calling me a bloody poof. If you're going to insult me at least speak English, not whatever they speak over in England. Here, I'll help you. I'm an asshole and a prick. See? That wasn't hard now was it?"

"Never answered my question, asshole. There that better?" Spike said, rising from the chair and smirking at Xander, as he emphasized the word asshole.

"No, you stupid...bloody...poofy...git, I'm not jealous," Xander sputtered not even knowing what he was saying. "I've got Lindsey. He loves me and he's proud of me."

"Oh, proud of you is he? For what? Have you told him all the Scooby bedtime stories where you make yourself out to be some kind of big man that helps the slayer kill demons? You do know that Buffy would be fine without you, better I'd wager since she wouldn't have to go around saving your ass all the time. Cause we all know you're still the tenth grade loser you'll always be and Buffy's too much of a softie to cut you loose." Spike was the one that was jealous now and he was letting it get the best of him as he shot the boy he loved down in a way that he knew would hurt Xander the most - by making him feel like he was worthless.

"That's enough you two," Angel said, walking over and taking each of them by the shoulders. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you both acting like little children."

"Oh, you're mistaken Angel. I'm not just a child, I'm a 10th grade loser," Xander snapped at him before getting up in Spike's face. "I've got a few words for you too, Spike. You're nothing but a neutered vampire."

"It's better than being a loser and a pathetic one at that!" Spike yelled back.

"That's it! I am way past through with you. I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you're not the Big Bad anymore. You're not even the kind of naughty. You're nothing but a waste of space. And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum and as much as I know I can give you a little bum kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something. You're not even worth it." By the time Xander had gotten through with his tirade he found himself staring right into Spike's gorgeous blue eyes. *And where did that thought come from*.

Spike knew he should be saying something back in return but he couldn't find the words. When he saw Xander's face right in front of his and felt the heat coming off of the boy, he couldn't get his brain to function. All Spike could think about was how beautiful the boy was. When Xander had started yelling at him and getting in his face, Spike had cocked his head at him, wishing he could kiss those luscious lips and run his hands through that dark, thick hair and just fuck him until all these bad feelings would go away. *Talk about sexual tension*.

Angel stood beside the two men and was almost overcome with the need to just grab the two of them and drag them into the bedroom and pound them into the mattress, the sexual tension was that thick. He waited for what seemed like minutes for one of them to speak and finally Xander gave Spike a long hard look and muttered, "I'm out of here." With that he grabbed his bag and bounded up the stairs before anyone in the room could recover from the fight that had just taken place.

"What the fuck just happened here?" Doyle asked the room in general. Cordelia just shrugged and silence filled the room as they heard Xander slam the door behind him.

Xander had decided to spend the night in Los Angeles at a motel and then start his trip first thing in the morning. He was afraid that his thoughts would distract him from his driving and he would be no help to Spike if he crashed his car. Xander didn't have a lot of money, so he checked into a seedy motel. He had thought about going to Lindsey's but dismissed it when he realized how late it was. Xander was sure that his boyfriend would be getting up early to go to work and he didn't want to keep him up all night.

Xander was hungry too and having not brought anything along to eat he scraped around and found enough money to get a decent breakfast. He walked over to the diner and sat down, waiting for someone to come and take his order. Xander was so lost in thought that he didn't notice someone saying his name until he looked up and saw the man standing before him.

As bad a mood as Xander was in from his argument with Spike and Angel, he couldn't help but laugh as he saw Wesley standing in front of him dressed in all leather. "Wesley, that's a new look for you. Since when did watchers wear leather and ride motorcycles," he asked as he saw the helmet that was tucked under the other man's arm.

"I no longer work for the council. After the Faith debacle and Buffy refusing to take orders from the council, I decided to forge a path for myself," Wesley told him. "Do you mind if I sit down? It's been a long time since I've seen someone I know."

"Be my guest. What are you doing in Los Angeles? Are you here to see Angel?"

"Angel's here in Los Angeles? No, I"m not here for that. I just figured that with the population the size of Los Angeles there were bound to be some demons and vampires hanging around snacking on the populace. I'm a rogue demon hunter now," Wesley told him proudly.

They stopped talking for a minute as the waitress brought Xander his platter of eggs, bacon and toast he had ordered. Xander noticed that Wesley's mouth was practically watering from the sight of the food and figured it had been some time since Wesley had eaten. Feeling sorry for the man, he scooted his breakfast into the middle of the table.

"How about we share this breakfast? I didn't realize how much they would be giving me and I don't think I can eat that much," Xander asked him indicating the food on the plate.

Wesley eyed the plate, wanting so much to grab some of the delicious food but he didn't want to look like he was broke even though he was. He looked at Xander, expecting to see that look of aggravation and contempt that all the Scoobies had worn during his tenure in Sunnydale only to find the boy looking at him with concern. "Well, if you're sure." He grabbed a few pieces of bacon and munched on them, savoring the taste of food at last.

"It's been a hard transition from employed watcher to free lance demon rogue hunter, huh? And by the way, what's a rogue demon?" Xander asked as he started to eat too.

"There are no rogue demons, per se Xander. I meant that I track and chase down any demons and scourges that would eat the populace." Wesley answered him through a mouthful of biscuit that the waitress had brought over.

"So you help people that are in trouble then. Sort of like Angel and the others."

"I try. So Angel has relocated here since his time in Sunnydale then? And what others are you talking about?" Wesley was curious to find out what his acquaintances of the past were up to.

"Cordy, you remember her I know." Xander enjoyed the blush that crossed Wesley's face at the mention of Cordelia. "And there's this guy named Doyle. He's new but he's really nice. And now Spike has joined too."

"Spike? As in William the Bloody?" How did that happen? The last time I heard he and Drusilla were cutting quite a path through the world at large." Now Wesley was really interested.

"They were. Then he and Drusilla broke up. Spike was still being the Big Bad until something happened to him and now he can't fight or hurt humans in any way. He can't even fucking defend himself any longer because of some soldier thing going on in Sunnydale. Seems there's this thing called the Initiative and they capture demons, all demons - even peaceable ones and do experiments on them. Anyway, he came to Los Angeles looking for Angel and he's been here ever since." Xander told the man, not knowing why he felt it so easy to talk to Wesley. Maybe it was just the need to get everything off his chest. Or maybe he was just a big loud mouth that would get Spike and everyone else in trouble. He glanced up and met Wesley's eyes. Wesley must have realized that Xander felt he had said too much before he quickly began to reassure the boy.

"Xander, I'm not the same person I used to be. I'm not a stick up the ass British guy who follows every order the Council gives out without asking any questions. I'm through with them. I didn't agree with alot of their practices and they fired me".

"That's good. Not that you got fired or anything, but because you don't agree with what they do, because I got to tell you, Wes I don't trust those watcher guys any further than I could throw them. Not after what they did to Buffy on her 18th birthday."

"I understand what you're saying. Listen, I haven't got a case right now and I would like to help with this Initiative situation. I believe in killing demons that are bad but I don't condone using them or anyone else as lab rats. Besides, if what you are saying is true -they have no right to hurt demons that don't want to fight anyone just because they want to experiment. They sound almost like the watcher's council," Wesley told him.

Xander looked at the man in surprise. "I never thought I'd hear you talking like that. Course I never thought I'd see the day I would feel the same way, much less feel sorry for Spike, who has tried to kill me and my friends several times, but I do. It was kinda heartbreaking to see a vampire who was once a part of the 'Scourge of Europe' hiding in a corner because he couldn't even fight one lousy human."

"When are we leaving?" Wesley asked, finishing off the eggs that were left on the platter.

"As soon as I go back to the motel and get my stuff gathered up and check out. You going to follow me, or do you want to ride with me?" Xander asked, standing up and laying the money for the breakfast on the table.

"I suppose I'll follow you, if that's all right. I don't have any place to store my motorcycle and I don't want to see it get stolen while we're away." Wesley answered.

"Good idea. Let's go then Mr. Rogue Demon Hunter," Xander teased as they walked out of the restaurant.

Spike hadn't slept that night, not because of the nightmares like before, but because of the fight that he and Xander had before the young man had gone to be with his Nancy boy lover. Spike had never met Lindsey but he hated the man with a passion. He could tell that Angel shared his feelings, even though he too had never met the man.

Angel had sat on the bed next to Spike, never leaving. He had kept a watchful eye on the younger vampire as he pretended to read a book. Angel was truly worried about Spike. He knew how getting a soul had affected him and even though he couldn't have intimate relations with anyone, Angel could still fight, even feed if he wanted to. But Spike couldn't do either of those things.

Doyle and Cordy had been smart enough to leave the two vampires alone. They knew what affect Xander's leaving was having on Angel and Spike, not to mention the fact that Cordelia was mad at Spike for calling Xander a 10th grade loser. She knew how words like that would cut into Xander, because she had done that when she called him a Zeppo. So she and Doyle had stayed upstairs, piddling around in the office, doing nothing.

Angel was just flipping a page in the book, when he felt Spike shift in the bed so that he was turned facing him. "Angel?"

"Yeah, Spike."

"Are you really reading that book or are you just brooding behind it?"

Angel smiled at his childe's question. "What do you think?"

"I think you hide behind your books too much, peaches. I miss him already." Spike said with a sigh, knowing that Angel would know who the 'him' was.

"Me too." Angel knew that if he missed Xander this much because the boy was with his lover, he would be devastated when Xander returned to Sunnydale. Hell, he was upset enough at the thought of Xander sleeping with someone other than himself or Spike.

Spike's thoughts were going in the same direction. "Even thought I hate him being with this Lindsey fella, I can't imagine how I'm going to handle it when Xander goes back to Sunnydale. And he will, you know. Xander always feels he has to protect the Slayer and his other friends from the Hellmouth, when it should bloody well be the other way around."

Angel had to agree. "That's Xander. He's got the white night complex the size of California. Always wants to rescue anyone and everyone. Too bad I never realized that while I was living in Sunnydale. I was too busy pining over Buffy and being jealous of Xander being around her all the time that I never gave the boy a chance. Did you know that Xander, Willow and the others took over patrolling for vampires and demons the whole summer Buffy was gone after she sent me to hell? She just ran off and left those kids to do her job. And Giles let them, never bothering to train them or anything. They could all have been killed because of Buffy's and Giles' thoughtlessness."

"No, I didn't know that. Bloody stupid of the watcher and the slayer, though. No matter how hurt she was the slayer had a job to do and it definitely wasn't up to everyone else to do it for her. How did you find out?"

"Cordy. I was impressed with those kids, but I was disappointed in Buffy. Sometimes I think she lets her emotions overrule her head." Angel answered, anger in his voice. He had been upset with Buffy ever since Cordy had told him about that incident. Angel felt he could have lost four good friends because of her rash actions. Even though he wasn't around Willow or Oz that much, he had always liked them.

"Are you telling me you're not still swooning over the Slayer?" Spike couldn't believe that Angel would ever give up on Buffy, or be that upset with her for something that happened in the past. They had that once in a lifetime kind of love, or so they had told everyone that would listen. Angel had sounded very angry at the slayer over putting his friends lives in danger. Spike knew how Angel felt about defending his family, how Angel felt about his duty and responsibility to those he loved, though, and it made sense that he would be angry at Buffy over this.

"Less and less every day. When I first came to Los Angeles, I thought I wouldn't be able to go on. I had left Buffy and even though I hadn't done well at making friends with the rest of the group, they still felt like family to me. I didn't know where you and Dru were, Darla was dead and I was at loose ends. Then I met Doyle and I found Cordy here and soon I had a new family. But even though they make me happy, there was something still missing. I was brooding all the time and had a hard time interacting with anyone else. I hardly ever smiled or laughed and I thought I was going to go crazy from it all. Then Xander showed up with Oz and after he started to help us with our cases, I found myself laughing and actually enjoying my job. It wasn't just a mission anymore, it was almost exciting and fun when you looked at it the way Xander does. His enthusiasm for helping people is pretty contagious."

"Xander's like that. I never got to be too close to him but you could tell his friends didn't know what they had in him. You even said so yourself, when you were Angelus. How he was the heart of the group or something like that. That's why you went after him so much. I remember how mad you were that one night when Dru was under that love spell and stopped you from killing Xander. Do you remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I had him right in my grasp, and I was getting ready to kill him and leave him on Buffy's doorstep as a Valentine's present. I thought that would really tear the group up. Buffy would feel guilty as would Giles and Willow would be completely devastated. But then Dru came along and said something about his face being a poem and even though she was under the spell at the time, I always thought she wanted to turn him. She always called him her 'dark kitten'.” Spike and Angel shared a laugh at the memories of Dru and Xander.

"The boy is definitely a demon magnet. I guess it's because he's a cross between an innocent child and a brave man. He's got an air about him that radiates love and laughter, but also a dark side that smells of pain and hurt."

"You love him, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. At first it was just that he had those qualities I mentioned and he was so cute. Plus he was a gift from a man I admired and loved beyond all belief. It was the first present you had given me in years, even if it was to draw my attention away from Buffy. That's something I don't take lightly, you know."

"You admired and loved me?" Angel asked, turning towards Spike.

"Always have and always will. Nothing will ever change that, Angel. Not you having a soul, not you having a thing for a Slayer, not you trying to make me jealous over Dru, not even the fact that I think you love Xander yourself." Spike answered his sire honestly.

I don't...well, I care about him sure....but I don't...think of him like that. He's part of my family now." Angel protested, knowing he was lying. Angel knew that Buffy would always have a place in his heart, but she was a slayer and while she loved Angel she always tried to put him on a pedestal, refusing to see that Angelus still lived inside of him. He knew Xander well enough to know that while the boy had accepted Angel as a friend, Xander would never forget what would happen if Angelus was released and he had every confidence that the boy would do whatever it took to save his friends, no matter how much he cared about Angel. That was something Buffy could never deal with. And both Angelus and the souled part of Angel admired and respected the boy for having the courage to face his fears headlong and to protect the people he loved.

Angel looked at Spike and saw him smirking at him. Yes, Spike knew he was lying. Spike always knew him better than anyone, whether he was Angelus or Angel. Maybe that was why Angel loved both men. Angel wondered if either Xander or Spike realized how much alike they were. Both would die before letting anyone they loved get hurt, both men just wanted to be loved for themselves, and both of them hated to be rejected, which had happened a lot in both of their lives.

Angel was brought out of his thoughts at Spike's words. "Do you now? Because I don't see you getting all jealous over Cordelia or Doyle. I see the way you look when Xander mentions Lindsey. It's the same look I know I have on my face. Besides, last night after the fight, who was the first person you checked on? When did you get so pissed? At first you were amused at the fighting and next thing I know, you're mad as hell. When did that happen?"

"Okay, Spike. Yes, I hate the fact that I've never met Lindsey so I don't know if he's good enough for Xander. And yes, Xander was the first one I checked on after the fight. And I was having a good time watching Xander and his five 'd’s' right before that asshole started touching him, so alright I have feelings for the boy. Are you happy now?" Angel growled, hating to admitting feeling for anyone like he did for Xander and Spike.

Don't know. To be honest, I wanted Xander for myself and only myself. I've never had anyone that just loved me and me alone. But if I could share him with anyone it would be you, because I love you too, Angel." Spike reached out and put his hand on Angel's cheek.

Angel was taken aback by Spike's words. He knew how possessive Spike was. Angel also knew how much Spike loved Xander. To say he was shocked that Spike would be willing to share the boy with him was enough, but when Spike admitted to loving Angel that was mind blowing.

You mean that? You actually love me? This isn't because of the sire/childe bond is it?" Angel asked, reaching up to take Spike's hand in his.

A little. But mostly it's because of who you are. Angel you know how much I loved you when you were Angelus. That never stopped and it's only grown since I've come to know Angel. You took me in when you didn't have to and you helped me last night, hell you've helped me for the past two weeks. If it hadn't been for the lot of you, I probably would have staked myself." Spike shook his head at the thought as he felt Angel shudder in reaction to his words. "I never thought I would owe my un-life to my souled sire and his bloody human minions. Not to mention a boy that has no clue how special he is."

You're right about that. But that's just another thing you and Xander have in common. Spike, you've never seen how special you are, either." Angel pulled spike to him, kissing him gently on the lips. "I've always loved you too, you know. Even though I loved Buffy at the time, I couldn't let her stake you. Couldn't bring myself to do it either. Hell, I staked Darla over Buffy and even though that hurt, I continued on. I don't think I could have if I had killed you. So no more thoughts about killing yourself."

ke leaned in for another kiss. It started out gentle and was soon flying in the direction of pure out passion. Finally, after many minutes of kissing, touching and loving one another, Angel pulled back. "I can't do this, Spike. You know about the curse. As much as I love you, I can't take the risk of becoming Angelus and hurting Cordy and Doyle and even Xander when he gets back."

t the curse is for 'perfect happiness' and I think that both you and I know that it wouldn't be perfect unless Xander were in our bed with us." Spike argued. All he wanted was to feel Angel inside of him, taking the hurt of the past few weeks away, if only for a little while.

"No, Spike. As much as I want to, I can't take that risk. Being with you would be too close to perfection for my liking. If I became Angelus, you couldn't stop me. And while I wouldn't hurt you, I would the others. Maybe even Xander. Do you want to risk Xander's life, Spike?"

"You know I don't. But the curse didn't say anything about a little snogging now did it? I promise to stop if it becomes too much. I just want to feel your lips on mine and lay in your arms, that's all." Spike pleaded.

"Do you think we can stop?" Angel asked, honestly worried that he would not be able to stop, but needing his childe so much at that moment.

"I have a lot of self-control, more than people give me credit for. I've wanted Xander for months now and I haven't jumped him yet," Spike answered truthfully.

"Well, if you think so, then what's a little snogging between two vampires?" Angel grinned at him, before capturing Spike's mouth with his and soon the two of them were drowning in the feel of each other for the first time in years.