Willow, Oz and Tara had reached the patio in time to see the vampires push Xander away from them. Angel and Spike had stared at Xander, disgust plainly written on their faces as they growled, and Willow had seen her friend's look of despair while the two vampires hugged,turning their backs on him. Before she or any of the others could stop him, Xander ran inside the house, tears falling down his cheeks. Now Willow was thoroughly pissed, her eyes turning black as she faced the vampires.

"Seperate!"

Spike and Angel were torn apart from each other at the word, Spike landing next to the fountain and Angel landing inside the house. Luckily, neither vampire had been thrown into the sun, but right now Willow didn't seem to care about that fact.

"What the bloody hell did you do that for?" Spike asked, getting up and walking towards Willow as Angel did the same. "And what's with the black eyes?"

Tara heard Spike's words and touched her girlfriend's arm, rubbing gently across it as she whispered, "Calm down, sweetie. Don't do something that Xander would hate you for."

Willow tried to calm down, but the expression on Xander's face as he had run away was still fresh in her mind. She had known him for sixteen years and he had never looked that hurt, not even when Jesse had died or when she had seen him at the hospital. Willow stood quietly, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides as she followed the vampire's movements. When Spike and Angel were in front of her, she glared at them.

"How could you? I thought you loved Xander, but I guess that was a big, fat lie. Here I was, all ready with the 'sorries' and the 'I believes' about you three and now all I want to do is set you two on fire." Willow had talked to Oz while they were searching for Xander and the two of them had made up. They had discussed Xander's relationship with Angel and Spike and after what Willow had witnessed earlier, she wanted nothing more than to take Xander in her arms and ask his forgiveness for not believing in his judgement. That was - until now.

"We do love Xander," Angel protested.

"You love him so much you push him away when he clearly was afraid of something and needed the two of you. You love him so much that you look at him like he's something you need to scrape off the bottom of your shoe? I've given my enemies friendlier looks than the one you gave Xander, you assholes."

"Yeah, what was this all about?" Cordy asked, gesturing wildly. "And you better have a good explanation for hurting Xander or I'm going to help Willow set you on fire."

"Hey, stop with the fire shit for a moment," Spike protested. "We're vampires. We smelled something we didn't like and we reacted to it."

"You don't like Xander anymore? Can I have him?" Clarence asked them without thinking. Clem slapped his friend as two pairs of amber eyes were turned his way.

"NO!" Both of them yelled in unison before facing Willow and Cordy.

"It wasn't Xander we were reacting to," Angel told them.

"It was Lindsey," Oz said, sniffing the air. He could smell the lawyer's scent even now, so he could only imagine what the two vampires had gone through when the smell hit them full force. "I understand how you two must feel, but I've got to say - you handled the situation badly."

"It's not like we had time to prepare for it," Spike growled. "What the hell was Lindsey's scent doing all over him?"

"Maybe they talked. Maybe Lindsey gave Xander a good-bye hug or something," Cordy offered an explanation while Harmony shook her head.

"There was more there than just a friendly handshake or a good-bye hug. It was more like a sex thing, you know."

"What are you saying? That he was raped! Because there's no way Xander would have sex with Lindsey willingly when he so obviously loves Angel and Spike." Willow was furious now. "I'll do a locator spell, find Lindsey and kill him horribly."

"I like the way you think, Red," Spike said. "What kind of ingredients do you need for your little spell?"

"We need to go talk to Xander and find out what happened." Angel started to go inside, but Doyle grabbed his arm.

"Not wanting to make two very upset vampires mad, but I don't think that's such a good idea. If something bad happened - well, after what just occurred I don't think Xander needs to see you two right now."

"Doyle's right. I'll go talk to him." Cordy started to walk inside, and Doyle grabbed her and shook his head. "Not you or Willow either. Both of you are too angry and Oz is out because he can smell things like Angel and Spike."

Willow and Cordelia were about to protest when Tara softly said, "I'll go." When everyone turned to face her, she shrugged. "I know I've only seen Xander a few times and I've only gotten to talk to him once, but I feel as if I know him. Willow talks about their past alot. Besides, sometimes it's more helpful if you can talk to a stranger rather than the people you love. You can be more open and honest about things without being afraid you'll upset them or hurt their feelings. I know I felt better talking to a counselor after my mother died than I did to my own father or brother."

"Tara's right. Let her have a few moments with Xander before we all start interrogating the poor boy," Wesley added. "I'll go with her so that Xander won't feel weird at first and then if he wants me to leave I will."

"Why do you get to go in and see him and we can't?" Cordy asked.

"Because if it is what we think it is, I've had experience in that area." Wesley's eyes averted his friend's questioning stares as he took Tara's hand. "Let's go see Xander." Everyone walked inside and sat down, waiting to see what would happen as Tara and Wesley walked towards the bedroom. They heard Wesley's voice as he knocked on the door.

"Xander? Xander, it's Wesley and Tara. May we come in?" They heard Xander's muffled agreement before Wesley and Tara went inside, closing the door behind them.

Wesley opened the door and allowed Tara to enter before he followed. Tara stifled her gasp at the sight in front of her. Xander was lying face down on the bed. His hair was wet from the shower he had taken and he had changed into a pair of navy blue sweatpants. Xander's skin was a bright pink where the boy had obviously scrubbed himself until he was almost raw. The gray pair of sweatpants were ripped apart, pieces scattered all over the room.

Xander sat up as the two of them entered the room and shut the door. His eyes were red from crying and there was a bandage on his neck that was covered in blood. As Wesley neared him, he saw some finger shaped bruises on Xander's arms and down his sides and his inner being raged, while he maintained his calm facade. Tara looked as if she wanted to cry, but she held it back as they sat down on either side of the boy.

"What happened to your neck, Xander?" Wesley pointed at the bandage. "It's a little bloody. Do you mind if I change the dressing?" Xander shook his head and Wesley gently pulled the bandage away, he and Tara both letting out a gasp at the sight of the gouged skin underneath.

"I tried to get it off. I used a razor blade. Did I get it off?" Xander asked, reaching up to scratch at the wound. Tara gently took his hand and sat down beside him as Wesley reapplied another bandage after putting some antibiotic cream on it. Xander never spoke, only scrunching his face up when the ointment burned into the wound.

"What were you trying to get off, Xander? I guess it's gone, because I don't see anything but a very bad open cut." Tara squeezed his hand and Xander turned teary eyes on her.

"He bit me. A...a...love mark. I don't want to be marked by him. I only want to be marked by Angel and Spike. But they don't want me anymore. I should have known they wouldn't want me after what happened. I should have stayed away, but all I wanted was to see them again, to have Angel and Spike hold me so I'd feel safe again. But I don't feel safe. I don't know if I'm ever going to feel safe again. That's okay, though. I'm used to it, living with my par---living on the Hellmouth," Xander corrected.

"Yeah, the Hellmouth doesn't scream safety," Tara agreed. "I thought living with my family was scary but it's nothing like what I've seen here."

"You must have a family like mine," Xander smiled at Tara who returned the smile as she nodded her head. "No wonder I felt like I had met a kindred spirit when I met you that first time. I'm not just saying that either. It's not like a line or anything, cause you're gay like I am only you like girls and I like guys, but we both love Willow so that's one thing we have in common and now we have two because both our families are scary."

"I think you're a very sensitive, loving and gentle person who is fiercely protective of the ones he loves. I'm the same way, so that's more we have in common. I mean, if you are like I think you are. You feel things deeply don't you, Xander?"

"Yeah, I guess I do. Always have. I try not to let things affect me too much, but I can't seem to help it."

"I'm the same way, so I guess that makes us all kindred spirits," Wesley stated, trying to sound cheerful. He and Tara waited a few minutes for Xander to speak, but unlike his usual self, Xander was very quiet.

"Xander, do you want to tell us what happened to make you so frightened? I know you think that Spike and Angel don't want you anymore but that's not true. We practically had to tie them up to keep them from coming in here with us."

"Willow was tempted to teleport them somewhere else for a little while but then she realized she hadn't figured out how to gauge where she teleports things to, so no that was a bad idea." Tara told him and was happy to see Xander laugh.

"Willow and her spells. I'm proud of her for being so strong, but sometimes I wish she was still that young girl that got excited because she could float pencils through the air." Xander smiled at the memories of his friend.

"Willow has become a very powerful witch. She's already surpassed me and I've been practicing for years," Tara said, her voice filled with pride before she sighed. "Xander, if you tell me what happened tonight so that I can help you with Spike and Angel, maybe you can return the favor by helping me with Willow."

Xander's head snapped up at Tara's words. "Is Will in trouble?"

"Not yet, but I've got to tell you something and I want it to stay between the three of us." Tara waited for the two men to agree and when they did, she continued. "I'm proud of Willow, just as you are, but she's beginning to scare me. She keeps wanting to try more complex spells and some of them tend to lean towards the black arts. I'm afraid that if she doesn't watch herself she may cross a line she can't come back from and I don't want to lose her."

"You really think that could happen?" Xander asked.

"I do. It's not that I want to discourage Willow from practicing magic, I just want her to be more careful. Maybe if you could talk to her, she'd listen to you."

"I will. And don't worry, I won't tell her you said anything. All I have to do is ask her how she's been doing and she'll go on for hours about her magic tricks." Tara laughed, knowing that Xander knew her girlfriend very well.

"Thank you, Xander. Now - you want to tell us what happened?" Tara hoped that opening up to Xander about Willow would make him feel more comfortable with her.

"If you'd like me to leave the room so that you and Tara can talk privately, I will step outside," Wesley stood to leave. Xander grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the bed next to him.

"You don't have to leave, Wesley. I've come to trust you almost as much as I do Willow, Spike and Angel and that's a compliment by the way. I know that Will and I haven't gotten along this time around, but through my life she's been the one constant that I could always count on. Do you think she'll talk to me now, Tara?"

Tara smiled at Xander's hopeful look, it was almost like she was seeing a male version of her girlfriend. "I know she will. That's why we came with Buffy and Lindsey in the first place. We wanted to make sure things didn't get out of hand, because Willow wanted to apologize to you for everything and she knows that you are going back to Los Angeles. She didn't want you leaving mad at her."

"I can never stay mad at Willow for very long. I hope she stays here until I work up the courage to leave this room."

"Xander, what are you so frightened of?" Wesley asked after hearing Xander's words and seeing the way Xander's body had tensed at the mention of Lindsey's name.

"Lindsey. He...he found me outside the front window. I was watching what was going on and all of the sudden he was right behind me. We exchanged a few unpleasant words and he tried to hit on me, so I punched him. I thought that was the end of it or I never would have walked out towards the cemetary. I was standing against a crypt and I wasn't paying attention. He grabbed me and pulled me inside and before I knew what was happening he tried to...tried.." Xander couldn't say the words.

"Tried to rape you?" Wesley asked with concern. Xander nodded his head and remained silent. "Xander, I hate to ask you this but did he succeed?" Xander shook his head and Lindsey and Tara let out sighs of relief. They noticed his reluctance to tell them what exactly had happened, so Wesley decided to make a confession.

"Xander, I want you to know that you can talk to me about what happened between you and Lindsey without feeling ashamed. Let me assure you that anything he did was not your fault. You have to remember that."

"I know you're only trying to help, Wesley but how would you know that?"

"Because I was raped when I was sixteen by a good friend of the family. He was so close to me that I called him uncle - I trusted him that much. Unfortunately, he was not to be trusted."

"Oh, God Wesley, I'm so sorry."

"Nothing for you to be sorry about, Xander. You couldn't possibly have known. Not many people do. It's not something I feel comfortable talking about, but I thought it might help you understand that while I don't know exactly how you are feeling, I do know what it's like to be attacked by someone you think you can trust."

"What happened? I mean, if you don't mind telling me."

"Like I said, he was a close family friend. Uncle John used to take me fishing every other weekend. My father was and is a very cold man. He never showed any love towards me or pride for anything I might accomplish. In fact, he was very quick to point out all my shortcomings. He never seemed to be happy unless he was making me feel miserable."

"I know how that feels," Xander told him.

"I know you do. Anyway, I turned to my 'Uncle' John for the support and love I craved from my father, much the same as I witnessed between you and Giles. The only difference was that John was nothing like Giles. He took advantage of my love and admiration. One day while we were out on the boat I managed to catch a rather large fish. John came over and put his arms around me and I thought he was going to help me reel it in. Instead, he turned me around and started kissing me, putting his hands in very inappopriate places and before I knew what was happening I was naked, he was naked and the rape occurred. He kept telling me that he knew how much I wanted him, how I had come on to him, etc. I had never done any such thing but he tried to convince me that I had so that I would be too embarrassed to tell my mother and father. After that - I started telling my parents that I was sick, or that I had other plans and couldn't make my fishing trips with John. Finally, they cornered me and demanded to know why I was hurting the bastard's feelings. I was so angry for being in trouble for hurting my rapist's feelings that I blurted out the truth."

"What happened?" Xander asked.

"My father hit me for spreading such lies about one of his oldest friends. Soon after that, I joined the school for the Watcher's Council and moved into the dorms there. It took me a long time and several years of counseling to realize that what happened was not my fault but rather the fault of a very twisted and perverted man. Still, I think that's what made me so stand-offish with everyone I met - why I always acted like such a ponce. I didn't want anyone to get close to me and when they did I was very uncomfortable. That was until I met you for the second time."

"Wesley, I am so sorry for the way I used to treat you."

"We've already discussed that, Xander. You've more than made up for it by accepting me into your life so quickly this time around. Now I have a family of sorts. It's not like having parents that have always loved and cared for you, but it is a very close second."

"I'm glad you feel that way, because you're sorta like the brother I always wanted and never had. You, Oz and Doyle. I've spent most of my life hanging out with the girls and it hasn't always been easy. I'm glad there are other men in the mix now. And thank you for telling me what you did. I promise what you said will never leave this room."

"You can count on me to keep quiet too," Tara assured Wesley. "And while I don't know what it's like to be raped, I have been abused. My brother Donnie liked to hit on me whenever I didn't do what he told me to. My father wasn't much better. He didn't hit me but his verbal abuse was just as bad. After my mother died, it got worse and I was so glad to move away and come here to Sunnydale. Unfortunately, I picked the demon capital of the world." Everyone laughed at that statement and the tension seemed to ease a little as they all connected at that moment.

"Does Willow know about your family?" Xander asked.

"No. It's not that I want to keep secrets from her or anything, but I don't think she could handle knowing that, you know."

"Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Willow knows my parents and while I think she knows exactly how abusive my father can get, she won't allow herself to believe that I could be hurt like that." Xander sat for a few minutes before he took in a deep breath. "Okay, I guess it's my turn. Lindsey didn't manage to...to... penetrate me...but he was all over me - lips, mouth, hands they were everywhere and I couldn't stop him because my right arm was hurt and he was holding my left one down. He..uh..he got himself free and rubbed against me and I thought he was going to...so I had to do what I did."

"What did you do? I mean, how did you manage to get away from him?" Tara asked.

"I told him I wanted him. I didn't want him, but I lied. I touched him...and kissed him...and made him think I was going to do something and then I kneed him in the groin. I know it was a slutty thing to do and I feel so dirty for doing it, but it was the only thing I could think of to catch him off guard."

"No, Xander you did what you had to do. Thank God, it worked. No one can fault you for that." Wesley told him, patting his hand.

"Angel and Spike can. I know why they growled and pushed me away. They were disgusted because they smelled Lindsey ...from where he rubbed against me. Lindsey said they wouldn't want me when they smelled me - I just forgot about that when I threw myself into their arms like a big, scared baby. The whole time I was running away from the crypt all I could think about was getting back to them - being safe with them. I'm so stupid."

"No, no, don't say that. You reacted just like anyone else would have. You were scared and you wanted to be with the two people you love most in this world. There's nothing stupid about that. I know after a night of scary patrol, all I want to do is cuddle with Willow. It's a natural thing to seek comfort from the one you love."

"Tara's right. And Angel and Spike want to come in here and comfort you, Xander. They feel badly about their initial reaction, but you have to know that vampire senses are very acute. Please don't let Lindsey make you feel that Angel and Spike don't love you because that's the furthest thing from the truth. I've studied vampires all my life and I've never heard of any human inspiring such devotion and love from two master vampires. If the Watcher's Council knew about you, well, you'd make council history."

"Thanks, but I think I can do without any more scary people in my life. No offense, but I've seen what they've done to Buffy and I don't want to be an experiment or an anything for them to watch. I've got enough to worry about with Buffy being pissed at me, not to mention my ex-boyfriend and his crazy but powerful law firm breathing down my neck."

"My lips are sealed," Wesley told him. "Do you want us to tell Angel and Spike to come in or would you prefer to go outside with us?"

"I want to come outside with you two if that's alright. I'll talk to Angel and Spike, I promise but right now I feel very hungry and I want to enjoy being with Willow and Tara before we leave."

"Sounds like a plan." Wesley stood and took Xander's hand. Xander turned and held out his other hand to Tara who gladly accepted it. The three of them walked out of the room, hands clasped, ready to face their friends and knowing that they had forged a close bond with each other.

Angel, Spike and Willow jumped off the couch at the sight of their lovers and Wesley exiting the bedroom. Willow smiled when she noticed Xander and Tara were holding hands. She was glad to see that her instincts had been right - Tara and Xander would love each other.

Willow ran over and hugged her girlfriend, giving her a gentle kiss before turning to face her childhood companion, her lifelong friend. Her eyes were wet with tears as they begged him for forgiveness. She knew that Xander could read her like an open book, that words between the two of them were unnecessary so she stood and waited. She didn't have long to wait before Xander scooped her up in his one good arm and pulled her close.

"I'll forgive you anything, Willow Rosenberg. You know that. I could never imagine my life without you in it. Not the past, not now, not the future. Promise me you'll always love me, no matter what stupid thing I do or how thoughtless I may be. Come to think of it, just promise me that you'll continue to do what you've been doing since we were three."

"That's a given, Alexander LaVelle Harris." Willow whispered into Xander's ear as she hugged him back. She stepped back and pushed the curl off his forehead. "I've missed you so much and I wish I had done things differently. You were right when you said I've been listening to Buffy way too much. If you three are as happy as Tara and I, then that's all that matters. That's all I ever wanted for you, Xander. To be happy."

The two friends stood wrapped in each other's embrace, their eyes never leaving one another's gaze. Xander pushed a stray lock of hair from Willow's face before softly kissing her on the cheek.

"So we're good then?"

"Of course we are. You know I love you even when we're having a disagreement. I even loved you when you stole my Barbie."

"Never going to let me live that one down are you, Willow?" Willow shook her head as they walked towards the others. "Nothing comes between true friends. And there's no doubt in my mind that we are friends for life. We've been through too much to give up on each other now."

"Absolutely."

"So that being said, how about you and Tara staying for Thanksgiving dinner. I know you two have probably already eaten once but if Buffy cooked I'm sure you're still hungry. Besides, I want to catch up with you, get to know Tara better because I like her already, and spend as much time with you as I can before we leave."

Willow glanced at Tara and when her girlfriend nodded, she broke out into a big smile. "Wouldn't miss if for the world. Is this the usual Harris feast? T.V. dinners and pot pies, because if it is I'm calling dibbs on a pot pie."

"You got it. You girls come help me finish getting everything together while the men talk," Cordy told Willow, grabbing her by the arm as she led her towards the kitchen. "While we're doing that you have to tell me what everyone is wearing here in Sunnydale."

"Oh, that reminds me. Do you remember Pam Hedges? Tara and I saw her at the grocery the other day and she's out to here with her second child. Can you believe that? Her and Tommy Sparks got married after the first one but I heard----" Willow's voice trailed off as they entered the kitchen.

"God, girls and their gossiping," Xander shook his head. "Women sure do like to talk alot."

"Like someone else I know," Spike said, turning Xander to face him and Angel. He wrapped his arms around the boy and kissed him on the tip of his nose. "Until tonight, that is. You want to tell us what happened out there?"

"Not really. But you guys deserve an explanation and Wesley tells me that talking about this helps, so I guess we should. Can we go out on the patio?" Xander asked. Angel and Spike agreed and they walked towards the door. Xander stopped, his eyes finding Wesley's. "You can tell the others, Wes and thank you for helping me."

"Anytime, Xander. Anytime." Wesley reassured him. Angel and Spike smiled at the man before leading Xander out the door. Wesley hoped that everything would be alright between the three - he truly did.

As soon as they were out on the patio, Spike pulled Xander into his arms, giving him a long, gentle kiss filled with love. He was surprised when Xander pulled away at first, before relaxing into the kiss. When they were done, Angel leaned in and gave Xander a kiss of his own.

"We're sorry about what happened earlier, Xander. You needed us and we pushed you away." Spike led Xander to a chair and sat him in it, before pulling up another and sitting down beside of the boy. Angel took his place on the other side and watched as Xander's hand went to his neck, clawing at the bandage and the skin underneath. Angel took Xander's hand, tucking it into his own before pulling the bloody bandage back to examine the damage.

"My God, Xander. What have you done to yourself?" Angel couldn't believe what he was seeing. Xander's neck looked like a vicious vampire had torn it open. He bent to lick at the wound, hoping his saliva would help keep it from scarring, but Xander stopped him.

"Don't." Spike and Angel stared at the boy, smelling the pain, anger, shame and self-loathing that was coming from Xander in waves.

"This doesn't have to be about sex, Xander. I want to heal it so it won't scar." Angel explained. Xander's head jerked up at that and panic was clear in his brown eyes.

"No, no this can't scar. I want this to heal. I can't stand the thought of this being on my neck the rest of my life. Please don't let it scar."

"Shhhh, luv," Spike placed his arms around the shaking boy and cradled Xander's head against his chest, running his hand soothingly over the back of Xander's head, his fingers threading through Xander's hair. When Xander had calmed down a little Spike put his fingers under the boy's chin and lifted his face to meet his gaze. "Why don't you want Angel to fix it for you? That's your best hope of this not scarring and what the hell did that to you?"

"I did it." Xander's voice was soft as he avoided Spike's eyes.

"Why? How?" Spike asked.

"With a razor. I had to, Spike. I had to get rid of it, get it off of me. I couldn't stand the thought of you two seeing it on me, smelling...growling...pushing me away again." Xander's words were broken as he searched for the right thing to say. "No one should be able to mark me except the two men I love."

Spike and Angel's eyes widened as understanding dawned on them. Lindsey had marked their boy. Both vampires fought the urge to vamp out and growl, not wanting to upset Xander any more than he already was.

"Lindsey gave you a hickey?" Angel asked, rubbing Xander's hand with his thumb.

"Yes. I tried to stop him but I couldn't. He had me pinned down and my right arm hurts so bad that I couldn't use it that well. I fought Lindsey as hard as I could, I swear it. But he kept touching me....k- k-kissing me...I bit his tongue but that didn't stop him. I didn't want him to touch me like that...to rub up against me...he tried to, but he didn't. I finally managed to get away but I didn't want Angel to lick the wound because I was afraid he would taste Lindsey or something. I'm so sorry. I know how disappointed both of you must be with me. I'm such a fuck up."

"Xander, none of this is your fault. Let me try to heal this wound, please baby. I promise you I can handle this." Angel waited for Xander's answer and when the boy nodded, he leaned over and licked gently across the wound. Xander tensed as he heard Angel's low growl and was about to pull away when Spike stopped him. Finally, Angel sat up and placed the bandage back over the torn skin. "I'm sorry for growling, Xander. I'm not mad at you, but I swear when we get back to Los Angeles I will track that bastard down and make him regret laying his hands on my boy."

"You and me both, peaches," Spike agreed.

"No, please don't. Promise me you won't go near Lindsey. Please, both of you have to promise me. I don't want anything happening to either of you because of this. Just let it be over. God, I just want it to be over."

"Xander, did Lindsey---" Angel couldn't force himself to ask the question he wanted the answer to, but Xander seemed to understand.

"No. No, he didn't get that far. I-I-I tricked him. I told Lindsey that I wanted him...which I so didn't mean... I caught him off guard by kissing him...which I also didn't want to do...and then I kneed him in the groin...actually that would have been really fun if I weren't so scared... and ran away. Don't hate me for what I did, it was the only thing I could think of."

"While I hate the very idea of you telling anyone besides me and Angel that you want them and I definitely loathe the thought of you kissing someone else, we don't hate you, pet. It was right smart of you. I definitely would have liked to have seen the look on old Lindsey's face when you got him," Spike smiled at the thought of the lawyer writhing on the floor in pain.

"Yeah, he was pretty mad." Xander recalled Lindsey's threats and his body trembled.

"You cold, luv?" Spike asked.

"No, more like tired, very hungry and emotionally drained. Can we forget about all of this and go eat? I want to talk to Willow and Tara before we leave and then I want to spend the rest of the night wrapped up in my boyfriend's arms while we sleep. Think we can do that?" Xander didn't want to tell Spike and Angel about Lindsey's threats. He knew if he did they would never let him out of the office and he didn't want that. Xander didn't want to feel like a caged animal, never getting out to see the light of day. He wanted things to go back to normal.

"I think that could be arranged, but I can't guarantee you'll get alot of sleep," Angel leaned in and nibbled at Xander's lower lip before taking his mouth in a passionate kiss that seemed to go on forever. They heard someone clearing their throat and they reluctantly pulled away from each other.

"Dinner's ready and by golly, you're going to eat some of this crap, Xander Harris. After all, it was your suggestion and I can't believe you've got me eating this stuff." Cordy shook her head and walked back inside followed by three laughing men.

The dinner was in full swing and everyone was enjoying themselves -remembering old times, getting reaquainted and just talking. Xander sat between Spike and Willow, a huge smile on his face despite the earlier disruption and trauma of the day. This was what he had always wanted - a big family dinner with lots of laughter. Xander didn't care that there wasn't any fancy food on the table as long as everyone was happy. He tried to get some peas on his fork, finding it impossible while trying to eat with his left hand. His right arm was still aching, hanging uselessly at his side. Xander sighed in frustration as the peas fell off halfway to his mouth.

"Having problems, whelp?" Spike noticed his lover's problem. "Those peas are giving you a run for your money."

"I swear, Willow I always told you that vegetables were evil. Whoever invented peas must have been some sort of demon spawned from hell. You spend half your time trying to get them onto your fork and the other half getting them to your mouth." When the second attempt failed, Xander threw his fork down and scowled at his plate. "Damn pea demon."

"Pea demon, luv?" Spike laughed as he picked up the fork and proceeded to snag a few peas before bringing it up to Xander's mouth. "Open up like a good little boy."

Xander did as he was told and Spike fed him, watching him chew and then swallow before gathering up some more with as much grace as he had before. "And just what does a pea demon look like?"

"It's green, of course and it's round and ugly. It doesn't walk, it just rolls around annoying people," Xander pouted. "How come I couldn't do that?"

"Because you're having to eat with the wrong hand." Spike pointed out, feeding Xander the rest of the peas before placing the fork back on the table. "Never knew you to eat anything healthy."

"Xander thinks eating green peppers on his pizza once a week is enough health food for him," Willow told Spike.

"Well, he's going to have to change his eating habits. Angel and I don't want him getting nasty colds and sneezing human germs all over us."

"Vampires don't get sick, remember?" Xander sat back to watch his friends eat.

"Whatever - you still have to start eating more healthy foods. After all, you do need to keep your strength up." Spike wiggled his eyebrows at Xander, making the boy laugh.

"You're not eating much, Xander. Not hungry?" Angel looked concerned.

"No, I'm starving. I just want to freeze this moment. You, Spike, all of us. Safe and happy and together." Xander looked around the table at his friend's smiling faces. This is the best Thanksgiving meal I've ever had and I want to thank all of you for being here with me."

Willow patted his leg. "I wouldn't be anyplace else, Xander." She knew how much this meant to Xander. He hadn't had many happy holidays in his life.

"To family," Wesley raised his glass for a toast.

"To family," Angel agreed as everyone followed suit.

"As long as it's not mine," Xander added.

"Everything is the way it should be and nothing is ever going to come between any of us," Spike told the boy. "And if anything tries, I'm going to have to go all vamp face and personally kick it's ass." He leaned over and gently kissed Xander on the lips.

"I like it when you go all vamp," Xander assured him, kissing him back.

"Play your cards right, pet," Spike's lips found Xander's again and they got lost in the moment before they heard Doyle's voice.

"Do we have to keep watching this? Cause I don't know if I'm going to make it through my dinner if we do." He kissed Cordy before Angel tousled his hair.

"Come on, Angel, stop it. It'll stick up like yours."

"You should be so lucky. Let's finish eating, shall we?" Everyone resumed talking and eating and Xander felt a sudden rush of fear at the thought that they may never be this happy again. What if Lindsey carried out his threat and hurt Angel or Spike? What if the old Harris luck kicked in and he was left alone once again. Xander tried to shake the feeling off, but it grew stronger and stronger until he couldn't breathe.

Xander reached for his glass, trying to get something to wet his suddenly dry throat. "Spike," he managed to croak out as his hand hit the glass, knocking it to the ground and shattering it. He jumped out of his chair and stared at the sight in front of him. All around the table his friends were turning into skeletons and there were two piles of dust where Spike and Angel had been sitting. Xander scanned the table, seeing only Lindsey's face staring at him.

"Freeze the moment, Xander...savor it, because it's the last happy memory you'll ever have of being with any of them."

"No! What have you done?"

"Pet?" Xander came out of the nightmare he was having at the sound of Spike's voice. *Can it be called a nightmare when you're awake*. The skeletons were replaced with his friend's concerned faces and Angel and Spike were back. "What's wrong?"

"Look what I've done," Xander amended his statement, pointing at the broken glass. "I'm such a klutz. Sorry, keep on talking about whatever you were talking about while I clean this up." He bent down to pick up the shards of glass but was stopped by Spike grabbing his hands.

"Don't think so, luv." Spike held the trembling hands of his lover and his concern grew deeper. Something was definitely off with the boy. "You'll cut your hands to ribbons trying to pick it up like that. Come sit with me and we'll clean it up later." Spike scooted his chair away from the table and pulled Xander onto his lap. The boy tensed but after a few moments he relaxed, placing his head on Spike's shoulder and nuzzling against his neck.

"Mmmm. Feels nice." Spike carded his fingers through Xander's hair, cradling the boy as he looked at Angel. The older vampire was watching the two of them, concern etched on his face. *Angel must have noticed Xander's fear, too*. After a few moments, Spike noticed Xander had fallen asleep.

Willow turned to ask her friend a question and saw him asleep in Spike's lap. If she had had any doubts about their relationship before, it was now erased as she studied Xander's face. He was smiling, his fingers wrapped tightly in Spike's shirt and she couldn't remember the last time Xander had looked so happy. Spike was looking at her friend with adoration and Willow glanced over at Angel who was looking at the pair with pure love in his eyes. While Willow felt badly for Buffy she realized these three men were definitely in love.

"Better watch out, Spike," Willow cautioned the vampire, picking up a napkin and dabbing Xander's mouth with it. "He's a drooler. Always has been - even when he fell asleep in class."

"Doesn't bother me, Red. Especially when he's drooling over me or Angel."

"At least he's a cute drooler," Willow pointed out. She put the napkin back on the table and faced Spike and Angel. "I meant what I told Xander earlier. I've been letting Buffy make too many of my decisions for me lately and I truly regret that. Not just with Xander, but Oz as well." She looked over at her former boyfriend and they shared a smile before she turned back to the two vampires. "I love Xander more than I love anyone else in this world - well besides Tara that is. I know I haven't been showing it lately, but I assure you that if Xander calls and tells me that either one of you have hurt him I'll come to Los Angeles and beat you both to death with a shovel."

Angel and Spike had been smiling at the tiny red-head, glad that she approved of their relationship with Xander and knowing that it would make their boy happy. When she threatened them, their mouths fell open in surprise.

"What? A fake disclaimer is nobody's friend." Willow smiled at them, but her eyes clearly conveyed she was serious.

"I would never do anything to hurt Xander on purpose, Willow," Angel assured her.

"Same goes for me, Red," Spike added as Willow nodded.

"Good, because I like both of you and I would hate to get violent. Promise me that you'll keep him safe because I don't want to lose the part of my heart that only Xander can fill."

"You have our word." Spike assured her as she patted his hand.

"I feel the same way about you." Xander sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "You're my Willow."

"Alexander Harris were you eavesdropping on our conversation?" Willow accused him.

"I woke up during your famous shovel talk," Xander admitted. "I have to admit I was surprised you had the nerve to give it to Angel and Spike."

"You don't know Willow as well as you thought, Xander. She's scary when she gets angry. We can feel the power radiating off of her." Angel told him. Xander was fully alert now, taking his Willow's hands in his.

"I'm glad you're powerful, Will, because it will help keep you and Tara safe - Buffy and Giles, too," he added, a sad look crossing his face at the mention of the last two people. "I'm proud of you, Will. You've come a long way but you have to promise me to be careful with how you use your magics. I don't want you crossing a line you can't come back from. Promise me that you will let Giles and Tara help you control your power. Tara's love will guide you and if anyone knows how magics can control you - it's Giles."

"Xan, I'm not going to create a demon or something like he did," Willow protested. Xander held her gaze for a long time and she realized he meant business. "That's your version of my resolve face isn't it?"

"Yep. Is it working?"

"Okay, I promise, but you would have gotten me to agree alot faster if you had used your puppy dog eyes instead."

"Bloody hell, do you use that look with everyone?" Spike asked. Everyone at the table nodded their heads and then began to laugh as Xander blushed.

"Sweetie, I hate to break this up but we'd better be going," Tara patted Willow on the shoulder, standing up and kissing her girlfriend on the top of the head.

"Yeah, and it's almost time for us to be heading back to L.A.," Cordelia said. She walked around the table and hugged Willow. "Make sure you and Tara come and see us soon. I'll show you around town and we'll have a girl's day out."

"Sounds like fun." Willow agreed, before making the rounds, hugging everyone good-bye. When she got to Oz she placed a kiss on his cheek. "Are we friends again?"

"Never stopped," Oz replied, kissing her back. Willow nodded tearfully before walking over to Xander, Angel and Spike.

"Take care of each other." She pulled Angel and Spike into a hug. "Protect my heart," she whispered before letting go. They smiled and nodded, understanding what she was asking. The tears that had been forming in her emerald green eyes started to slide down her cheeks as she hugged Xander. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to let you go."

"You are, Willow. Besides, neither one of us is letting go of each other. We're with each other all the time, no matter where we are. I feel you in here," Xander pointed at his heart, "And I know you feel me in yours, too. I'm only a phone call away if you need me." They looked at each other for a long time, knowing this wasn't a forever good-bye but dreading to say it anyway. The others looked on, amazed when Willow and Xander both started singing at the same time.

Aint' it good to know that you've got a friend When people can be so cold, They'll hurt you and desert you, Well they'll take your soul if you let them But don't you let them

"Friends forever, through thick or thin, Where one of us ends the other begins, We're like a circle with no broken part, friends forever in mind, spirit and heart." Xander and Willow said in unison, touching their fingers to their lips, before placing them over each other's hearts.

"That's new," Oz said while Cordelia nodded in agreement. They had known these two for a very long time and had never seen them do this ritual before.

"Not really. It's just that we haven't done it for a long time and never in front of anyone else before - except for Jesse," Xander explained, his eyes watering at the thought of their missing friend, their lost Muskateer.

"But it felt right to do it now, here in front of you guys. It's been a long year and we kinda lost our connection with each other. I got too obsessed with college and everything - but Xander was right. He always said that no matter what, we would always manage to find our way back to each other and we have. I feel whole again."

"Me too," Xander agreed, giving Willow one last, long hug. He turned towards Tara and opened his arms. She walked over to him and he embraced her. "Thank you for being my friend and for loving my Willow," he whispered. "You're a very special woman."

"And you're a sweetie, Xander Harris," Tara answered back.

Xander watched as his best friend and his newest friend walked hand in hand towards the door. "Are you sure you don't want a ride? We can drop you two off on our way out of town."

Willow gave him a watery smile. "No, thanks. There's still a little daylight left, enough for us to get back to the dorms and I don't think I could go through this again. Besides, I need to stop and check on Buffy, make sure she's alright and everything."

"Tell her...no, don't tell her anything right now. Not until she's ready to hear it, if ever. But when you think Buffy and Giles can handle it...tell them I love them. Nothing will ever change that, not for me anyway. And make sure you tell Joyce I love her, too. And Willow...if something bad comes along...something that I can help with, promise to call me. I don't care if Buffy or Giles wants me here, or whether they think I'm useless. I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to either one of them while we're not speaking. It would kill me."

"I know it would. I'll make sure they stay safe until they get over this - and I truly think they will. They love you too much to stay mad at you forever. And I promise that if Buffy needs you, I'll call. And Xander - you're not useless. Buffy and Giles may not have noticed that you're the heart of our group, but I have." Willow blew him a kiss and the girls walked out the door. Xander walked to the door and watched the two of them until they were out of sight.

Xander was still trying to get control of his emotions when he felt a pair of strong arms embrace him. He leaned back into the comfort of his lover and smiled when he heard Spike's voice.

"Let's go home, luv."

Yes, home definitely sounded good to him.