Indiana Shana Does a Triple Take
Disclaimer:
Shana was at work at Pizza Hut.It had been a rough week,and she had just put
out the second grease fire of the night. It was Saturday,and as usual,she
had to be there,cutting into her social life. "What social life?",Shana
said to herself. The town had just won its latest basketball game,and a mob of half-drunk spectators were at The Hut for a post-game celebration. It was loud and
rowdy(a typical Saturday night) and you could barely hear yourself think.
Shana,putting away the fire extinguisher,(the pile of empties was growing)
noticed that she'd better get them refilled soon.
"Gawd",Shana thought,"I singed another inch of my hair off." She'd have to
start wearing a helmet.
As She looked around the dining area,her heart almost stopped. She couldn't
believe it-it was Xena and Gabrielle coming in the front door,dressed in
their usual tv show gear.
Shana thought: Wait a minute-what if it were the actual stars,or even the
descendants of Princess Diana,Meg,or Priestess Leah? Leah could have gottenn
married somewhere along the line.
Shana hurried to the two women,a bit flustered.
Shana: Hello---you two look awfully familiar.
Xena: We ought to...we promised to use Hercules' Chronos-Stone and visit you
sometime.
Gabby: Yeah...it was easy. Herc showed us how to home in on your place and
time,so here we are.
X: Looks kinda strange here. Lights without fire? How does that work?
S:It's complicated,but sort of the power of Zeus going thru wires.
G:Okay...makes sense to me.
X:We're hungry. What about some chow?
S;Sure...will pizza be okay? It's pretty much what this place is all about.
X:Well,I'm not afraid to try it. What's that smell? Did you have a fire in
here?
S:Yeah...another. It gets hectic out back and things happen. I even slipped
and fell on the grease last week...got a nice bruise,too.
I was painting the windows recently,too,and it's pretty sore doing that.
X: Do you have a lot of windows to paint?
S:Yes,I have many sills.
G:I notice your hair's a bit shorter,too. Burned?
S:Un-huh. I should get hazardous pay.
X:Well,let's sit down and catch up.
S:I can take my supper break now,so that won't be a problem.
The girls sat down as Shana placed the order. Xena and Gabby wanted beers
with theirs,but Shana had to settle for a soda.After all,she was on duty.
As Shana was bringing the drinks to the table,she almost dropped them. In
came Xena and Gabby,followed by another Xena and Gabby. Thinking she was
hallucinating, Shana remembered various shows where there were three Xena
lookalikes. Maybe there was a costume party somewhere that night.
The two pairs came up to Shana,who was frozen in place.
Xena Clone:Hi...I'm Xena,and this is Gabrielle. Can you get us a table?
S:Uh,okay. How did you get here? Are you from the show?
XC:Naw...we're the Clones---we're the real thing,genetically.
Gabby Clone:Yep,we're not just lookalikes,like Diana,Meg,and Leah.
The second pair of women came up to Shana.
Xena-Descendant:We're all together.
Gabby-Descendant:Yeah..we met after the series was over and moved here to
Indiana.
S:How did you meet?
XC:I mean,how hard would it be to find babes that look like us,especially
with the internet?
XD:It was easy. We live only a mile apart.
GD:We get together every so often.
GC: Xena,who was Harry,and Gabby,who was Mattie,are going by their own names
now.
XC: We Xenas are related by blood,even diluted,and so are the Gabbys.
XD:Did you know we're married?
XC:So are my Gabby and I. After all,didn't you see us sitting in each
others' laps in the cab at the end of the show?
S:(her head spinning)..Can I get you a table now?
X:Hey,Shana...how about those beers?
G:Yeah...we're getting quite a thirst here.
X:Bring those others with you. I think we know them.
S:(this is going to be confusing)...Okay,please come with me.
Oddly enough,the regular crowd didn't notice anything.Most were so
drunk,they were sitting around with their heads on the tables.
X&G:(standing up)-Well,Shana,make the introductions.
S:Um...Xena and Gabby,meet Xena and Gabby and Xena and Gabby.
X:You girls sure dress funny. Where's your battle skirt and armor?
G:Yeah...and you Gabbys,where's your staff,AND,why did you chop your hair?
It looks icky.
GC&GD:Hey,we like it that way.It looks like you at the end of Season 4.
G:Hey..we're in Season 4 now----don't spoil anything.
The Gabbys:Sorry.
X:All right,let's sit down. This should be interesting.
G:So,you two couples are REALLY couples,huh?
XC:Sure. Once Alti revived us via the cloning deal,we decided that in this
century,we could go thru with it.
XD:We were once Harry and Mattie. There was no way I was going to be called
by a guy's name. After all,look at me...check THESE out. She puffed out her
chest.
X and XC:We ALL have those. Same-old,same-old.
XD:Well,yeah,I guess. Are you married yet? Oh wait...that doesn't happen
until Season 6.
GD: Stop spoiling it for them.
XD:I'm going to spank the hell out of you tonight if you don't stop telling
me what to do.
GD:(dreamily)...Promise?
X and G: Sounds familiar.
S:Drinks for you ladies,too?
ALL: Beers all around.It's a tradition from the show.
Shana left to get them and order more pizzas per the other couples' orders.
X:So,ladies,what do you do? I guess there's not much to do like killing
warlords or monsters,right?
XC:I'm into computers. Gabby and I have our own repair shop.
XD:My Gabby and I are into mutual funds. We sell them door-to-door. You'd
never believe how many guys will buy anything we have to sell.
X:I'll bet.
G:Now,Xena...be nice.
X:You're getting a spanking,too.
G:Oh...okay.
XD:I'm related to you---distant cousins.
X:So I see. But the other Xena is of my real DNA,undiluted.
XD:I know...it's confusing enough.Why don't we just forget the details and
just have some fun.Are you in town long?
X:Naw...we're here to see Shana,but can't stay too long. We have a lot of
butt-kicking to do.
ALL:We've done a little in our time,but not like you two originals.
X&G:It's what we do.
X:Hey! I had Solon,and he's dead. How do I get a descendant?
XD:Oh,we can't tell you now---it would spoil your show.
X:I'll put the pinch on you.
ALL:We ALL know the pinch.You'd just be wasting your time.
X:Well....
G:Just be nice,Xena,and enjoy the evening.
X:That's two...you're going to get a good one tonight.
G:Uh..okay.
Shana arrived,still blinking as if she had triple vision.
S:Here are the food and drinks.
The seven women sat together in the side room where there weren't too many
customers.
Shana could see the first telltale signs of smoke from the kitchen. She
hoped it wouldn't end up like Meg's Diner.
S:So,I have to ask: How is it you three couples share the same souls?
ALL: We don't know...RenPics never bothers about the details. We just DO.
ALL:We know each other in our time,but the Originals aren't quite like we
expected.
X:What is THAT supposed to mean?(she purred dangerously).
XC:Well,we dress really nice,but all you and Gabby the First wear is mostly
the same old stuff.I mean,when do you wash your clothes? They must get a bit
ripe,having only one set each.
G:We do it once in a while,but we work up quite a sweat fighting all the
time. We DO bathe daily,tho.
GD:Yeah..we've seen the tub scenes. Heck,each couple here bathes
together,heh-heh. Right,Pookie?
XD:Oh,you bet(winks).
S:So,Xena the First,how's Hercules?
X:He was okay when he lent us the Chronos-Stone.I told him about you. He
wants to meet you next time you're in our era.
S:(blushing)...Really?
G:Yeah. He was looking for somebody who can cook,is good with time
travel,and has long hair. You're IT.
S:Ah,I'm looking forward to it. How's Autolycus?(Shana still had a thing for
him).
X;We're supposed to see him again by the end of Season 4. He mentioned he's
going to cut his hair. He said to say "hi" to you. He still remembers that
kiss.
S:(blushing again)..He IS quite the guy.
ALL:You girls and your GUYS! Jeeze!
G:So,Shana,who is it that you have been seeing?
S:What?
G:That's my line.
S:What?
G:Exactly.
S:Huh?
G:What.
S:I'm lost here.What?
G:I thought you noticed things like that.I say "what" in almost every
episode.It doesn't mean I didn't hear or understand,it is just my way of
expressing surprise. So,my question is "who?."
S:Who's on first.
G:What?
S:What's on second?
G:Huh?
Never mind...it's just an old Abbot and Costello skit?
G:Who? I don't get it.
At that moment,six unruly slobs stagger up to the table,leering at all the
women.
Lead Drunk: Hey,girls...looking for the men of your dreams?
X:Back off,idiot,or you're gonna regret it.
LD:Come on,boys...let's show these girls some manners.
Shana couldn't believe it. The three Xenas and three Gabbys all got up and
pounded one guy each.In seconds,it was over,and Xena sat back down with one
leg on the table,sipping her beer.Thank the gods she didn't use her Chakram.
The place wouldn't stand up to that.
X:Not bad beer. Do you brew it here?
S:Uh,no. We buy it.
The crowd that was still conscious stayed away from the girls and the heap
of bodies snoring on the floor.
GC:So,Gabby,what happened to the other three Gabbys that Joxer wrote into
the enchanted scroll?
G:I guess they just went back.
GD:To where? They were our cousins,right?
G:Aphrodite's scroll sent them somewhere.
GC:Didn't they have souls? Couldn't they be reincarnated here today?
GD:Yeah,or were they DEAD?
G:Honestly,I don't know. RenPics never explained it.
XC&XD: We have to go to the ladies'.
They leave while the others talk.
Soon they return and sit down.
GC&GD:Now WE have to go...this BEER.
They leave and return a few minutes later.
All the heriones talked about killing,stomping,and clothes.Shana was
actually having a good time,but kept her eye on the counter and kitchen
area. The smoke had stopped.Good.
X&G:Well,Shana,it's been fun,but we promised Hercules we'd be back early,so
we have to leave. When are you coming to see us again?
S:Soon,I hope. Work and the website are keeping me pretty busy,but I'll get
away.
X&G:Okay.(They hug Shana and the Chronos-Stone swirled and took Xena and
Gabby away).
ALL:So,Shana...that's how it's done...pretty neat.
S:Yeah---I'm going to miss them.
ALL:Well,WE'RE in the area. We'll see you again.
XC:Shana,can I see you for a minute?
S;Sure.(They get up and stand near the wall).
XC:Xena D. and I switched outfits,heh-heh,and are going to get in a little
"wife-swapping". The Gabbys will never know.
They sit down again.
GC: Shana,can I see you a minute?
S;Sure. (Again,Shana is surprised.)
GC:When Gabby D. and I went into the ladies' room,we switched
clothes,heh-heh. We want to do a little "wife-swapping". Don't breathe a
word to anybody.
S:I won't.
About ten minutes later,the girls finish their meal and prepare to leave.
The Clones: Thank you,Shana. Nice to meet you. See you later. You too,Xena
and Gabby.
The Descendants: Okay...'Bye for now. "Bye,Shana...thanks.
S:See you all later.
Each couple leaves with the same partners they came in with,but thinking
they are with someone else.
S:This should be interesting...a double-double-cross. The mind boggles.
Shana cleaned up,and as she glanced towards the door,she froze.It couldn't
be,but there she was---it was HOPE!
She still had long hair,but there was no mistaking her voice when she went
up to the counter to order. Oh well,Shana thought,what would life be without
Hope?
The end.
Adventures of Indiana Shana
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