Indiana Shana Finally Meets Xena

Disclaimer:

Shana decided to go to Season 4 where a lot of the characters on the show are still alive. She materializes with her time machine in Amphipolis,in the woods near Xena's mother's inn.

She stepped out of the phone-booth sized machine and went to the inn,getting strange looks from the villagers,because of her modern-day clothing. She entered the inn/tavern and looked for a place to sit. There was a table in the corner,so she sat down. Cyrene,Xena's mom,came over and asked her what she'd like to drink.

Shana: Do you have any soda?

Cyrene:Huh? What's that?

S:Something sweet and bubbly.

C: Speaking of which,here comes Xena.

S: God! The Warrior Princess! I have a lot to ask her for my website...she's the one I always wanted to interview.

C:Huh? You mean you just want to TALK and not KILL my little girl?

S: Well,yeah....Can you introduce me?

C:Okay.Hey,Xena,there is someone here to see you.

Xena walks over in a catlike way,trailed by Gabrielle,who was carrying both their packs.

X: What's up,Mom? Who's this?

S:I'm Indiana Shana and I'm here to ask you a few questions about your life,hopes,and dreams.

X:I asked my MOM...not you.Get outa here...I don't do interviews.

S:Please..you have a lot of fans who think you're great.

X:Where are you from?

S:Way west of here in another country.

X:What's that you're wearing? I never saw stuff like that.

S: Well,these are my blue-jeans,and this is my t-shirt.

X:What's that writing on the shirt?

S:Oh...it's where I work...Pizza Hut.

X:What's pizza?

S:An Italian food a lot of people love. I run a restaurant,er....I mean,an INN where people come in to eat and relax.

X:Italian! You mean ROMAN! Are you working for them?

S:No,I....

Xena jabs her in the neck and Shana goes down to the floor,clutching at her throat.

X:I just cut off the flow of blood...

S:GAACKKK! I know what you're going to say...TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!

X:(softly)Oh,now you went and spoiled it...I have to say it all over again.

S:AWKKK! Please!

Gabby: Okay,Xena,let her go...we don't know for sure she's a Roman spy.

X:Awww....okay...

She releases Shana,who gasps in lungsful of air,her nose bleeding a little.

S:Thanks...I didn't mean anything. Thank you too,Gabrielle.

G:How do you know my name?

S:From the show.I'm a big fan of you and Xena.

X:Who do you like better?

S:Uh...YOU,of course.

X:What's the matter with Gabby?

S:(shaking)...Nothing...shes FINE.

Xena makes to put the pinch on her,but Gabby stops her.

G:Xena..you have to take it easy..(to Shana)...she's a little antsy because she hasn't kicked warlord butt in a few days.

S:That's okay...I understand.

X:Sit down---Hey,Mom...drinks all around.

C:Yes,dear.

The drinks arrive and Shana is given some ale. She takes a sip and makes a face.

X:You don't like Mommmy's brew?..She poises her fingers at Shana's throat.

S:Yes! I DO!

G:Xena,take it easy. You've been like this for three days.

X:You know,Gabs,tonight I'm going to have to give you a really hard spanking for your insolence.

G:(blushing prettily)...Promise?

The door opens and in walks Joxer. As usual,he stumbles and knocks a table over,ticking off a few patrons.

Joxer:Oops...sorry...I had a few brews already...potent stuff.

G:Joxer! Over here!

J:Hi,Gabby...what the DEUCE are you doing here? How's about a great big KISS?

Without any hesitation,Xena does her patented back-kick and nails Joxer in the head. He goes down like a ton of bricks.

X:So,Shana,what do you want to know?

S:So many things...I know you don't have much time,but can I see you for more interviews? I mean,you've been everywhere and have done everything. We can't do this all in one sitting.

X:I suppose so...what Season do you want to see me in?

S:How about we mix them up,just for variety?

X:I won't know you before Season 4,remember,but okay.(Xena was feeling prety good drinking her ale).

S:Well,to start off,where do you and Gab eventually want to end up?

X:Huh? We just wander.

G:Yeah,don't you know we just kick butt and stop tyrants? We heve no particular PLAN.

S:Okay,then. What if I just ask you about Sacrifice 2 where Gabby dies?

X;She didn't die...she's right here!

S:Well,she took Hope with her when she jumped into the lave pit---quite a fall,too.Nobody could survive that.

X:Are you calling me a liar?

S:No,but Hope said nobody but herself could survive that.

X:You're just a little too picky...watch it.

G:I couldn't remember how I survived. I was at a hospice---TPTB made me say it...nobody in their right mind would think I could fall in lava,walk out to a hospice,and look as good as I do every week.

Xena jabs Shana again,who falls to the floor.

S:GASP!...GAACKK!...WHY?

X:You wre looking at my girlfriend like she was lying or somethin'.

G:Xena,she didn't look at me like that. Let her go.

S:Yes..please....

X:Rats!Oh,all RIGHT!

S:Thank you again.Gabby is your "girlfriend"?

X:Yeah...she's a girl,and she is my friend.

S:That's okay with me.

X:It BETTER be.

S:Maybe this isn't such a good time to ask you anything else...I mean,you seem a little tense.

X:Don't tell me what I am.

S:Oh...sorry.

J:Owww! Jeeze,Xena,why did you kick me?

X:You wanted to kiss Gabby.

J:I always want to do that.

Xena straight-arms him in the throat and he goes down,gasping.

S:Remember in Between the Lines,you made an "X" under the "O" making the "woman" symbol to identify you and Gab thru the ages?YOU didn't make that up---it was on the Amazons' sword hilts as far back as Hooves and Harlots.

X:(jabbing Shana again)...It's not nice to contradict The Warrior Princess.

S:Oh,GOD!..Awwwkkk!...GASP!

X:Which god? Ares? APHRODITE!

S:No...please stop...

G:Xena...let her GO!

X:Awww...okay.

C: Are you kids having fun?

X:Sure,Ma...just loads. We've got to be hitting the trail.

G:Can I finish my drink?

X:Yeah,but make it snappy.

S:(gasping) Thanks for your time. Are you sure it's okay to see you again for a real interview?

X:Oh,yeah;I'm just having an off-day.Sorry I almost killed you a couple of times.

S:Hey...no problem.Where I work,I'm used to it.

X:Hey,you're all right.We're going now.Stay and finish your drink...ALL of it...you don't want to make Mommy sad,do you?

S:Oh,NEVER.Should I help Joxer?

X:Naw...we usually just step over him in practically every episode.

S:Well,'bye for now.

Xena and Gabby wave goodbye.Shana,lucky to escape with her life after her first meeting with the Warrior Princess returns to her time machine to the present. Her nose has stopped bleeding and her throat feels a little better.She vows to be more careful the next time.

The End

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