Indiana Shana Nails a Viking
Disclaimer:
Shana couldn't stand Hrothgar---the guy was a real pig. The way he treated
Walthea,a.k.a. Xena,was disgusting. He even wanted to kill his old friend
Beowulf,who was innocent of trying to seduce Walthea on her wedding day.
Shana,with her own Prime Directive,like on Star Trek,didn't want to
interfere,but wanted to see Hrothgar and Walthea the night before the
wedding.
She knew that she was not allowed to stop it,even if she could,but wanted
some answers.
Donning a homemade travelling bard outfit,she put a few small necesseties
in a knapsack and entered her time machine. Since Walthea was entwined
with the Rhinegold and the Rhine Maidens,Shana had to stop there first.
Setting her controls to the Rhine River after Xena lost her mind,Shana
pushed the button. Instantly,the machine shimmered and disappeared from her
living room. She rematerialized on the bank of the Rhine. She stepped out
and walked a short distance downstream. Shana could hear squeals and
giggles,with a lot of splashing..Spotting the three Rhine Maidens at
once,she wondered where Xena was. Sure enough,Xena appeared from
underwater,holding a fish in each hand.
First Rhine Maiden:Hey! Get those smelly things away from me! You know I
hate fish!
Xena: Aw,come on...they taste great!
Second R.M.:We have a lot of take-out from Valhalla---better stuff,too.
Third R.M.;Yeah,and we can eat like hogs and not get fat,not to mention
being immortal.
X:You guys are no fun.
Shana: Hello....can I speak with you?
X:Who are you?
S;I'm Indiana Shana and I am a bard collecting stories.
F.R.M.:Can you tell us some now?
S.R.M.:Yeah...please?
T.R.M.We'll let you see our treasures we have hidden in an underwater cave.
F.R.M:Gods! Will you shut up about that? Our friend stole the
Rhinegold,remember? Now she can't even remember her own name.
S.R.M:And,she never even told US what it was the first time we saw her.
T.R.M:I still love her anyway.
F.R.M:You love everybody.
Shana:Please...can I talk to the dark-haired one?
X:What do you want? Come on in and play with us!
S:It's too cold---there's a skim coating of ice along the edge of the river.
X:So what? We're not cold.
F.R.M:We're enchanted...even our friend...we don't get cold.
S:No thanks....really. So,what do I call you?
X;The girls call me Mavis. It seems I can't remember anything about my past
life.
S:Too bad. Do you feel the loss of anybody you used to know?
X:No,but come a little closer...there is SOMETHING.
Stepping closer to the water's edge,Shana gets hit in the face with a
double-handful of icy water,soaking the front of her outfit.
S:Jeeze! Cut it out! It's freezing!
X:Come on in...NOW!
S:I can't.
X:You're really starting to tick me off.
Shana could see that some aspect of Xena's personality survived.
S:I have to leave now...I have an appointment.
Maidens:Don't go! We want to play!
S:Sorry.
X;You're gonna be.
Shana ran to the machine and set the time and location controls to the night
before the Hrothgar-Walthea wedding. She materialized in the woods near the
castle and locked the machine and walked towards the main gate.
Viking guard:Hold it! Where do you think you're going?
S:I'd like to see Lord Hrothgar...I am a bard and want to tell him a story.
After all,this is his last night as a bachelor.
V.G:I think he'd want a lot more than a story,heh-heh...couldn't you wear
something more revealing? The babes around here are just about falling out
of their tops,even in the snow.
S:I could later,I suppose,but it's cold out. Can't I come in?
V.G:Well,what have you got for me?
S:How about this? Try it.
She handed him a pack of Juicy Fruit gum. He took it,opened it up,and put a
piece in his mouth.He chewed and swallowed it at once.
S:You're just supposed to chew it,not eat it.
V.G:Then what good is it? Oh,well...go on in. We could use a tall
dark-haired girl.
S: Thanks.
Shana got inside and headed to the Great Hall. There was a lot of noise and
smashing dishes. Some hunting dogs were barking and there was a lot of
armed,drunken Vikings almost out of control.She had entered Hrothgar's Stag
Party!
DRUNK:Hey...there's another wench! C'mere,honey!
S:Uh....I'm a bard,not a serving wench. Can I see Hrothgar?
DRUNK: Hey,Hrothgar! There's another babe here to see you,heh-heh.
Hrothgar:Let's see her!All right! Tall,and strong,too.Look at that dark
hair... I'm sick to death of blondes.
He staggers towards Shana and grabs her arm and ushers her into a side room
amid winks and nudges from his men.
H:(to guards)...Leave us alone for a few minutes...that's all it will
take....he burped and wiped his face on his sleeve.
Shana,now feeling nauseous,allowed herself to be led into the room.
H:Now,wench,take it off!
S:I'm here to ask you some questions---you know---The Great Hrothgar's
Exploits...then I can spread the word about you thru Denmark.
H:(his ego kicking in):Well,sure. We can wait a few minutes(hiccups).
S;Beowulf says you told him you rescued Walthea from the Rhine.
H:Sure...she was drowning---couldn't swim at all.
S:(knowing that Xena was a great swimmer,figured he just found her wandering
around wet from falling in,but was able to save herself.Besides,a Valkyrie
mentioned Xena was "with the fishes".)
S:So,you saved her life,huh?
H:Yeah...she was grateful,to,heh-heh.Know what I mean? (He winks at Shana).
S:(knowing Xena wouldn't let him touch her until their wedding night,pressed
on)
S:Sure...I know what you mean....Did she tell you her name?
H:Naw...she was out of it...couldn't remember a thing.I just called her
Walthea,not a Norse name really,but I couldn't go around calling her "Hey
You".Her mind's gone,but what a babe.
S:You mean no woman in her right mind would want to marry you?
H:Hey,watch it,missy.
S:(Knowing him to be a liar)..Can I see her?
H: She's busy.(He makes a grab for Shana's arm to pull her close).
Shana sidesteps the drunken lord and straight-arms him in the shoulder.
As big as he was,he spun around and banged his head against the door
frame,knocking himself out. He crumpled in a heap on the floor,and strangely
enough,didn't spill a drop of his drink.
S:Now I'm in for it!
GUARDS(outside):Hey! The boss knocked! I guess he's finished,heh-heh.
S:(hides behind a tapestry).
GUARDS;Look!He's passed out...AGAIN.We'd better get him upstairs to sleep it
off.After all,tomorrow's his Big Day.
(They carry him out).
S:(breathing a sigh of relief)...I've got a little time before he tells them
the truth...I must see Xena.
Shana walked down the hallway and met a serving wench.
WENCH: You're not supposed to be here....why aren't you in the kitchen?
S:I'm assigned to Walthea's room for a clean-up. I'm kinda new here...can
you show me where her room is?
W:What have you got for me?
S;(reaching into her pack,pulls out a roll of Life Savers). Here:it's all I
have left. They're sweet...try them.
W:(eats one)...strange taste,but good. Okay...go down the hall,second door
on the left.(She leaves).
Shana stood outside the door and knocked.
XENA: Yeah? What is it NOW?
S:Maid service.
X:Come on in...this place is a sty. I had my bachelorette party earlier
today.
S:I'm really here to ask you...
X:Wait a minute!You're the one who wouldn't go swimming with us!(She jabs
Shana in the neck---it was the dreaded Pinch)
S:GAACK!Please!...take it off!(Her nose started bleeding...she had been thru
this before and it hurt like hell. She could feel her life ebbing away).
X:(Releases the pinch)...Oh,sorry...just a reflex. I don't know how I know
how to do that.But,you DID take off in a hurry. That was months ago,and my
memory from then to now is fine.
S:Sorry I left.(She wipes her blood from her face)...I really had to run
then.
X:Oh,okay. Do you know any jokes? I'd love to play in the waterlike my Rhine
Maiden friends do.(It was snowing outside now,and there was no way Shana was
going out in icy water with a dangerous and mind-altered Warrior Princess.)
S;I have a cold(coughs to prove it).
X:What's in the bag?
S:Oh,stuff for headaches,cramps,and tummy aches.
X:Are you a healer?
S:No,but I have many pills.
X:That sounds so familiar.ANYway,why are you here? I remember your name is
Indiana Shana...see,I DO remember things!
S:You're right.I'm writing a bard-story for back home.How did you come to be
here and why are you marrying Hrothgar?
X;Easy...he said he rescued me from drowning,but I was on dry land then.I
slipped and fell in,but I got out okay.I just went along with what he said.I
was wearing a warrior-outfit,but had no weapons,so I just acted like he was
a hero. He went for it,the idiot.
S:If you don't like him,why marry him?
Hey! He's the only game in town in this godsforsaken place.Besides,where
else can I order people around?
S:(realizes Xena's need to dominate is still there,pressed on).
Did he try any funny stuff on you?
X:Oh,you mean SEX? He tried,but I'm a virgin,like the Rhine Maidens and I
told him he'd have to waut until our wedding night.It's been a year now and
he's a bit horny,and I'm not talking about his helmet,either.
S:What happened?
X:Oh,he tried to grab my boobs,and I did that pinch thing on him. He went
down like a a ton of bricks. He was actually choking...I took it off in
time---don't ask me how---but he hasn't tried it since.I know he's got
girlfriends for THAT,so I guess I'll have to "do it" tomorrow night.My first
time,too!
S:(oh,if you only knew)...Too bad you will marry a guy you don't love.
X:What else can a woman hope to do up here?Have you ever heard of a woman
warrior besides the Valkyries?You can be sure I'd never be one of them.
S:(oh,brother...she's really lost it)...I understand. Do you feel any
different now then when Hrothgar found you?
X:Rothie?
S;You call him that?
X:Well,he calls me Wally.
S:No memories ever surfaced?
X:Not a one,except for an irritating blonde...but here,there are a LOT of
TALL irritating blondes.
Noise erupts from outside the room. The guards are looking for Shana.
S:I have to get out of here fast.
X:You don't want to play?
S:No...I'm running for my life.
X:Well,let me help you.(She shows Shana a secret exit from her room. Xena
gives her directions which lead thru a tunnel to the woods. Shana thanked
her and went thru the tunnel,emerging near some shrubs,right near her
machine.)
She hurried to it and opened the combination lock and shut the door behind
her. She hit the "home" button and materialized in her living room in
seconds. Shana stepped out of the machine.
She knew tomorrow's (their time) wedding would end up with Walthea/Xena
marrying Hrothgar,but there would be no honeymoon. Xena's memory would
return and she would be reunited with Gabrielle.
One thing for sure,she was glad she was home where it was warm.And,at least
Shana slammed "Rothie" into the door frame after he tried to grab her.She
got to see a more playful,if not a more dangerous Xena.
Shana wondered...since Xena "married" Ares before the Fates,and then married
Hrothgar,did that make her a bigamist?
Another dilemma....which Xena/Gabby combination was the real one? The Clones
version or the reincarnated one,Soul Possession, where they finally look
like themselves? It was possible that Janice and Mel from The Xena Scrolls
were still alive,too....Who to visit next?Shana had her work cut out for
her.
The end.
Adventures of Indiana Shana
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