Indiana Shana and The Temple of Aphrodite
Disclaimer:
Shana was putting the final touches on her Time Machine. She wanted to go back to the time of the Greek Gods and see one of her favorite goddesses and ask for an interview. She figured that a website would really work if you could actually talk to the gods personally.
The machine was a simple thing, really. Shana had made it in the huge amount of spare time she always had. It had a dial for forward and back, and a red button for return home and green one for going to the selected destination. Keep it simple, she thought.
When she pushed the green button, she felt a slight lurch, and then smoothness. The phone-booth sized machine then came to a stop, and Shana walked out.
Aphrodite: How did you get in my temple? Get out of here, and take that thing wth you.
Shana: Wait a minute...I came a long way through space and time to see you. This is a time machine, and I want to ask you a few questions for my website.
A: Your WHAT? You spin webs? Are you a spider in disguise?
S: No, I write things on my computer and people can read about you and the other characters of Xena: Warrior Princess.
A: What's a computer?
S: It's kinda like a scroll, but it sort of lights up.
A: Oh, all right...ask away, but don't be too long. I have a hair appointment and I don't want to miss it.
S: Your hair looks fine to me.
A: Yeah, as IF.
S: First, you gods and goddesses are in short supply this year, aren't you?
A: Yeah...that rotten Xena killed just about everybody in my family...talk about retro-active birth control...
S: You still have Ares, your brother. Weren't you a little ticked off when in The Quill is Mightier, ou said "when pigs fly" and he said, "You can..."?
A: Yes...he is such a pain in the ass. I suppose you like him because he flexes his muscles and shows his pecs to any woman who walks by.
S: Well, I couldn't help but ntoice...besides, it's not polite to ignore the God of War.
A: You didn't bring any fish for an offering, did you? I hate them, espeically with all those rude fish comments when I didn't exactly smell like a rose.
S: No fish...I forgot to bring anythibng, BUT I can tell everybody how beautiful you are.
A: They know that already...oh, go ahaed and ask me whatEVER.
S: What do you think of Xena and Gabrielle?
A: How am I supposed to think of Xena? She killed almost everybody, then gets a pat on the back from Ares...that idiot saved Eve...or is it Livia, or Callisto...anyway, why didn't he save Athena? She was the healer...now what are supposed to do?
S: And Gabby?
A: Well, she's CUTE, but I think of her as a little sister, I guess. She's Xena's gal pal. I HATE her outfits too. I mean, look at mine...no comparison.
S: You do show a lot of skin...is that for the guys or are you just an exhibitionist?
A; Watch it...I can make you real sorry for saying stuff like that.
S: Sorry...I mean, aren't you afraid of falling out of that dress?
A: So what? Look how many times in the last six years Xena is running around naked...Gab, too. I mean, look how she was rolled naked in a rug with Antony...with CHAINS yet. How about
when she was stripped naked IN THE STREET when she was rescuing Sarah...that broad has no shame...well, I guess if all women looked like her it would be different. I am a goddess, and I have to work at looking good. Xena, tho...even smeared with mud, she looks good, it's not fair.
ENTER ARES
Ares: Who are you?
S: I'm Shana from Indiana.
Ar: Where's that?
S: Way west of here.
Ar: Okay..look at these biceps. Neat, huh?
S: Yeah...do you work out?
Ar: Naw, jsut a god-thing.
S: I was asking Aphrodite about my two favorite characters, Xena and Gabrielle.
Ar: Yeah, both are babes, but I always had the hots for Xena.
S: I know...she can't stand you. Why keep making a fool of yourself?
Ar: It's a god-thing.
S: Wait...I want to know something critical. When you both lost your powers at Caligula's palace, love left the world, right? Then how come in The Quill is mightier, love stayed? Even Joxer still loved Gabby...he even wrote her into the scroll and made three naked Gabrielles.
Ar: Oh yeah...nice.
A: I don't know about the screw-ups RenPics keeps doing...I just work there part-time. Tapert isn't paying much attention.
S: Also, why didn't any of you write in the scroll to fix things? The spell was on the scroll, not on anybody who wrote on it. Joxer and the peddler both wrote on it. The peddlar wrote that it was raining dinars.
A: I missed that...besides, I was feeling GRODY! I was DIRTY and SMELLED. I can't think like that.
Ar: Hey, I was busy...there were three naked women to look at.
S: So, it again took Xena to save the day.
A; Yeah, I guess.
Ar: The leather...sigh...
S: Who's left in your family, besides Cupid, your son?
A: Well, you'd never believe it but I'm a GRANDMOTHER...Cupid's son is so cute, isn't he?
S: He's a full-god?
A: Yeah, you could say he's a Holy Terror.
S: Yes, I remember A Comedy of Eros...he was stirring things up.
Ares and Aphrodite: We gotta get going now. There's a party for the survivors of the latest Xena massacre...we don't want to be late.
S: I have to get into my time machine and write this up, too. Do you two have one?
A: Naw...we use a Chronos Stone...we lifted one from Hercules...we can really get around that way.
S: Well, thanks for the interview. One more thing...are Xena and Gabby more than "just friends"?
A and Ares: We'll have to get back to you on that.
Shana pressed the red button and returned to her room, where she pondered the next review for her site. How was she going to explain all this to her friend in Vermont?
THE END
Indiana Shana Meets Odin
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