This is the beginning of a long streak of episodes that some people didn't like at all. Wanna hear a secret? I loved fifth season, INCLUDING the pregnancy arc.
Amarice and Joxer fight like they're brother and sister. Joxer says, "What do you know about guys? You're an Amazon. All you know about is hopping for bows and arrows and emasculation." Ouch! Joxer tries SO hard to be Mr. Casual around Gabrielle. Xena's sleeping in the saddle…now that is VERY wrong. She even admits she dozed off, which strikes me as odd. Xena: Guess I just need a bit more sack time, huh?
Let’s get Gary’s thoughts on this one…
Here we go again with another lightweight episode. We see Amarice, Joxer,
and Gabby walking in a snowy area, while Xena is riding Argo. The girls are
finally dressed for cold weather but they leave their coats open.
Amarice and Joxer argue about the relative merits of men and women---the
age-old battle of the sexes. Amarice does not need a man and does not have
to live with pigs to know how bad it is.
Joxer keeps looking back with puppy-dog eyes at Gabby. He had told Gabby he
loved her in Chakram, so his desire for her is apparent. Gabby , irritated, tells Xena that she hates Joxer staring at her, and Xena, riding the horse, was asleep. Lucy Lawless surely does look pregnant…she gained a lot of weight in her face already. She says she needs more sack-time.
Now Argo senses something is wrong. We can hear only the whinny of another
horse, but Xena thinks it is some kind of catastrophe and rides off towards
the noise, while the others run behind her. Xena stops as she sees a brown
horse with its foot caught in a leg hold trap, which was right in the middle
of the road. You have to wonder who was trapping what. Xena tosses a rope
around the animal and we hear the music from Family Affair when Gabby was
walking thru the woods, as she is doing now.
Gabby is the only one who can calm the horse, and Xena releases the animal.
It is bleeding a little ,and Xena wants to let it go after she treats the
wound, but Gabby wants to keep it.
They all go to a western-type town circa 1880 in the U.S. It is called
Spamona, and is famous for its hot-spring baths. The people there look like
they are from a Western Movie, except for firearms, they have swords and crossbows. Even the music throughout is old-west type.
In the bar, an old guy (about my age) tells Xena that weapons are not
allowed in town. Xena asks who said so, and a woman says SHE said so…she is
the sheriff, named Talia. She and Xena swordfight for a while, and the
pregnant Xena wins, of course, but she does not hurt the woman. It is her
old friend. She says that she and Talia used to ride together. I have to
wonder why a sheriff used to ride with the Destroyer of Nations, and when
and how she became a sheriff. Note: The sheriff is played by the beautiful woman who was Queen Melosa in Hooves and Harlots. She has long dark hair and a really pretty face, even tho she is not young….I know….I can’t help it.
Anyway, at the bar, Talia is handed a dagger by her deputy, who resigns at
that moment. He is scared because the dagger came from Darkan, an outlaw,
and this deputy wants out…just like in High Noon, with Gary Cooper as the
lawman. Xena offers her help but Talia says no…she wants to do it herself
and gets Xena to give her word she will not interfere.
At the spa, we see a lot of young people, in a co-ed way, walking around in
towels. Amarice arrives and accidentally knocks a guy into the tub, almost
drowning him. It is Arman from The Convert. She revives him with
mouth-to-mouth, and he looks at her lovingly. There is some guitar music
that happens whenever they meet, and by the end of the show, it was played
seven times, and was bordering on fingers on the chalkboard for me. It was
WAY overdone.
Joxer arrives, and his role in this show is that of the “old man” who looks
indulgently at” the kids.” Amarice is a bit flustered at Arman looking at
her, so as she leaves, she slips on the wet floor, but is not hurt. Arman
and Joxer laugh at her and she leaves in a huff. Amarice, just before she leaves, sweetly calls them “motherf---“ as the scene switches. Ahhhh, such writing…this Season 5 has even more potty-mouth stuff to go.
Arman and Amarice grouse to others about each other. Xena and Gabby are in
steam cabinets, and Xena still feels sick She craved raw fish and berries
beforehand... Gabby tells her to go to a healer. Xena goes there and she is
told by the guy (the same one, to me, who was the healer in Destiny) that
she is pregnant. She reacts way too badly towards him, and is choking him,
saying it has been a very long time since she had sex, and that she is “a
love-free zone.” I can’t make out what the guy gurgled as he tried to speak,
but he was right.
Outside, Joxer, dressed in western duds, is making a pain of himself trying
to “help” Gabby carry a bag of apples meant for the horse. Gabby says she can “handle my own apples”…I’ll bet, heh-heh. Plus, she says, “get your hands off of my apples.” Okay, it was funny only the first time.
Xena notices she is fatter. Gabby, in the barn, is trying to get the horse
to eat an apple. Arman sees Xena in the barn later, and she punches him and
tells him not to hurt Amarice or she will have his hide, no doubt for a new
coat. He had hurt Amarice’s pride, Gabby says, and Gabby tells him to make
it up to her with flowers.
Outside, we see Xena smelling the flowers, which just happen to be blooming
in the snow in the winter. She also picks up a Teddy Bear, invented in the
1900s. She acts like a mommy with a cutesy voice. We hear that music again,
now getting on my nerves.
Gabby bandages her own foot in an attempt o make the horse, still unnamed,
to think she is like him. Xena again tries to get Talia to let her help her…again Talia says no. What happened to Xena’s word? Talia says Darkan is her husband, she doesn’t love
him, but has to bring him to justice. She tells Xena that she knows Xena is
pregnant…she says “wake up and smell the diapers.” That was the best line of
the show.
In the bar, Xena goes in and orders milk, and when the bartender laughs,
Xena snarls and demands to know, “am I over age?” Amarice asks Xena’s advice
because her Amazon instincts about men are skewed. Xena says you can kiss
them or kill them…there is no difference….A-hem.
Amarice is surprised in the bar when Arman brings her flowers and candy. He
is just about making it up to her when he says she needs to be protected.
She is a great fighter and resents the condescending remark, tho he didn’t
really mean it that way. They argue, and then kiss passionately. Joxer interrupts, and the couple fights again, arguing about who kissed whom first. These people ought to get married. They leave and Old Man Joxer says, “kids.” Yawn.
In the barn, Gabby finally is liked by the horse. She calls it “handsome.’
Talia leaves town, but we never are told where she went. One thing….her long hair looks great…I know…..
In the barn, Xena talks of her pregnancy, but we see it is to Argo she
speaks, until the rest come in all arguing. Xena said to Argo, “Gabrielle’s
gonna freak.” Now Xena has to yell she is pregnant, and everyone shuts up.
Gabby looks stunned. Gabby asks who, how, when? Xena says there is life within her and it is good….it is to become Livia, not a good girl at all.
Xena had told Arman that caring for someone was something bad, in her old
days, and she is sorry she barked at him.
In the bar again, that infernal music starts and Arman tries to apologize to
Amarice, who at first looked in a forgiving mood. Xena heaves in a barrel outside.
Arman says there are no hard feelings, but Amarice says she should be the
one who was attacked. They fight again, and Arman hates her smile and
sarcastic ways….she is called a phony. Joxer enters as the “kids” take off,
and he says “kids” yet again…..yawn
.Joxer says Darkan and his gang are coming to town, and that Talia is
gone…Xena says it is up to them to stop the bad guys…again, what about her
promise? The bad guys ride to town as Arman sees Amarice in a room keeping
watch at Xena’s orders. He says he is there for the same reason. Amarice is
scared of her feelings for him…there is the now hideous music again.
In a western-movie moment, Gabby and Xena check their weapons in close-ups.
There is some new weird music by an electric guitar, which was a welcome
thing from the other stuff.. Gabby asks how Xena could get pregnant and not
know it or who did it. She suggests Ares and Hercules. There is the thunder of horses ‘ hooves and the whole building shakes…really fake.
Now we see Talia back to face Darkan. Where was she all this time? His six
or seven thugs spread out to burn the town as he says “Hi, honey…I’m home.”
This is the same guy who was Theodorus in CALLISTO.
Xena and Gabby will stop the other thugs as Talia fights Darkan.
There is one good scene where we hear neat guitar music as the two face each
other in a fast-draw stance. The close-ups of the determined Talia are
great…she is beautiful in a mature way…They fast-draw daggers which miss. We hear a bullet ricochet whine sound as this happens. They then go into a long swordfight, which lasted as Xena and Gabby stopped the thugs one by one .Xena uses her sword to knock a guy down, but does not kill him…she just sticks the sword thru his coat and leaves. I
guess he must be incredibly stupid not to be able to get loose.
Gabby disarms two guys with her sais. Now it is hand-to-hand combat for Talia and Darkan. Amarice and Arman help Gabby, who was knocked down (as opposed to Xena, who was knocked UP).
Gabby stops a guy from burning the barn. The horse comes out, kicks him, and
you’d never guess---he lands in the water trough, putting out the torch.
What an original idea.
Talia and her hubby still fight with swords again…Xena will use her Chakram
if it looks bad for Talia. Of course, Talia wins, and will not kill him as
he asks. She wants to give him to the courts. She put on a great fight that
looked real to me.
At the end, Arman and Amarice say goodbye. He is amazed at her kiss, and she
says he ought to see her hellos. This is like what Cleopatra said to
Autolycus in King of Assassins.
Xena says they are a two-horse family. Gabby mounts no-name and looked as if
she was going to fall off. Gabby says to Xena, ‘Race you to Greece.” Exactly where ARE they at this point? Xena says if Gabby rode that long, “you won’t be able to walk for a month.” For more in-depth (sorry) coverage of that remark, read Shana’s Scroll,
Manipulations.
So ends the episode, thank the gods.